Come in
if you dare.
The living
the dead. Can they co-exist?
That's what we're here to find out.
My name is Lydia Deetz,
and welcome to Ghost House.
Joining us in the attic tonight are Emmett and Jodi Welch
from Cleghorn, Wisconsin, along with their dog,
Taco.
And we're going to hear about how their dream home
became a
ghost house.
I've been a psychic mediator
for over 15 years, but
nothing could have prepared me for what
I encountered when I visited the Welch farm.
Here's a preview.
Be warned.
It's intense.
I don't know what I'm going to find behind this door, but
it doesn't want me here.
I feel a dark prescence.
We need to leave now.
Emmett, are you ready to hear about your paranormal visitors?
Bring it on.
How about you, Jody?
We haven't slept a week since we moved
into that darn house.
Taco is so freaked out.
He goes to the bathroom in his doggy bed
every night.
It's been a living nightmare.
Confronting the unknown,
conquering your fears,
there's nothing harder.
But don't worry.
I'll be right here.
What the...
No.
No. No.
What's going on?
I don't know.
No. No.
We're doing great.
You need a drink?
Let’s take a drink.
Lydia Deets, ladies and gentlemen.
Bravo.
I need five, make it happen.
Okay everybody, that's lunch!
I told him he needed to wear contacts.
But no.
Mr. Big Shot Magician wouldn't listen.
Can you give it a rest, Nadia?
I'm having a really shitty day.
What happened out there?
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
These double taping days, it can get to me.
It kills me to see you feeling like this.
Because when you're feeling like this,
it just makes me feel like you're feeling so in a weird way.
It's like when you're hurting, it's hurting me.
I don't know.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you feel like that.
It's okay.
I think it just shows how connected we are.
It's like we got the same stupid little heart.
No. You don't need these.
Oh, okay.
I have one job, and that is
make sure that you do not drown your talents
at the bottom of a bottle of pills, Lydia.
Please. Just to get through today.
Okay.
But, this is the last time that I ever dig pills out of a trash can for you,
Do you understand?
Out of a toilet or a sink.
You got this. All right.
Is that mine?
Who's texting me?
Stupid stepmother.
She's got texting diarrhea.
I have to go.
Lydia, we still have a segment to finish.
Tell us about the inspiration for the human canvas.
I am my own canvas.
I am my art.
As we know, art imitates the living.
It feeds me.
And I was not getting enough nourishment from the sculpture alone.
So I decided to broaden my tastes, and it turns out I am.
Delia, where have you been?
I think I've cried all the water out of my body.
What happened to Dad?
I just laid a table.
He is the Picasso graffiti artist.
He was tagging me like the walls of the Paris Metro.
But now he's having a petite tantrum.
Because I had to cancel the performance.
What happened?
What? Oh.
Your father's left me.
He's divorcing you?
What a horrible thought.
No, he's dead.
What?
Daddy's passed away.
How?
He was returning from his bird-watching expedition to the Funafuti Atoll.
When his plane went down in the South Pacific.
A plane crash?
This is the worst nightmare.
Actually, he survived the crash.
He drowned?
Almost,
but not quite.
No, according to survivors.
Daddy clung onto a wheel.
Come over here!
Come on!
Swim over!
Hey!
So how did he die?
A shark jumped out of the water and got him.
Just like that.
I just spoke to him on Saturday.
He was so excited.
He thanked me for the binoculars.
He said he had observed the mating rituals.
It was too much to stand by for.
Yes, he flew halfway around the world to watch birds do it on a beach.
And it killed him.
We need to tell Astrid.
Oh, must we?
She's already such a morbid little thing.
As if I can even reach her.
We're barely on speaking terms.
Oh, what killed Charles?
To know I had to cancel my show.
Bonjour, nie, ajame!
What did he say?
Nie sommes!
Bonjour, seu.
Down the hall, second door on the right.
Take a number.
Someone will help you.
Eventually.
God damn foreigners.
Hey, Toots, you're not supposed to be back here.
Don't make me tell you twice.
Where is Beetlejuice?
When you're all in your third kid in second divorce,
we'll see who gets the last laugh.
Perfect.
Leave me alone.
So it's settled, we'll bring Charles home to Winter River.
I've never hosted a funeral.
I've never hosted anything without Charles standing there,
watching me in awe.
It's Astrid, please don't leave a message.
She wont pick up.
Maybe I should tell Astrid about Charles.
Might be easier coming from a non-feminine masculine archetype.
Well, there aren't any men left in the family.
No offense taken, Delia.
I'll be a member of the family soon enough.
In fact, I might be the perfect person to tell her,
having just lost my own grandfather.
You did? When?
40 years ago.
But in my child body, that's yesterday.
I'm gonna tell Astrid, okay?
Just give me a few minutes before you come up.
And now, I'll handle this.
Astrid!
Stop torturing your mother.
I know I usually find it funny and only fair
after the way she treated me when she was your age.
But not today.
Your mommy's lost her daddy.
You've lost your grandpa.
And I've lost my horny handyman.
Charles.
Charles!
Oh, Charles!
I can't believe grandpa's dead.
He was like the only semi-normal person in this family.
We're gonna be in Winter River for a few weeks.
What do you mean for a few weeks?
I thought we were just going to the funeral.
We need to clear out the house.
Grandpa loved that place.
Yes, and we are going to honor him with a grief collective.
A grief collective?
I am seeing a semi-multimedia visual manifesto of our loss.
What does loss look like? Is it just tears? A headstone?
Wilting gladioli?
No, we need to unpack the art of sorrow!
Yeah, that sounds really dramatic.
I can't go.
I'm our school rep for our student environmental conference next week.
Presenting our demands on climate change action.
I spoke with the principal and they cleared it.
She actually thinks it's a really good idea.
Well, I guess when you donate an entire art center,
the principal becomes your little puppet on a string.
Well, you're free to reject your inheritance
when you're living high off a tree hugger's salary.
What?
No, no.
Jesus, people already know that Lydia Deetz is my mom.
Okay, can you stop being a freak for like one second?
Go back.
Why?
All right, people already know you'd rather spend more time with ghosts
than your own daughter.
Jesus, Bob.
Can't you see I'm concentrating here?
You know Bob, long distance relationships can be difficult,
especially when one of you is dead and the other's ignoring you for 30 years.
But Lydia and I, we have a definite psychic connection.
Please hold.
Afterlife call center?
Please hold.
And I'll tell you something.
She definitely saw me that last time.
I feel a little tingle.
I'm putting your call through now.
I just died and she's already remarried.
It's all in the honeymoon package.
I'll kill the new husband and I'll possess the ex-wife.
I'll make her do some unseemly things and then I'll post the pics.
I'm needed upstairs.
Bob, hold down the fort.
Where am I?
Take a number.
Take a seat.
I'm more of a dog person.
You! Room 5-15, now.
Come on.
Yeah, easy with the suit.
You know the protester?
Wolf Jackson, afterlife, crime units.
Let me take a wild stab.
Actor.
Not just any actor.
I've done it all for six movies and a reboot.
I became Frank Hardballer.
Doing my own stunts was non-negotiable.
You know why?
Authenticity.
Correct.
A vice cop doesn't get to a perp store
and then call for some ham-boned stuntman to break it down.
Neither did I.
You got to keep it real.
Looks like you got a little too real there, bud.
Who knew it was a live grenade?
Your name came up on this case I'm investigating.
Recognize this, puss.
Never seen that chick before in my life.
Or afterlife.
Any idea why my suspect wrote your name in this schmaltz-goo?
Well, it’s hard to say, Wolf.
Could be a super fan.
You know, guys like you and me.
We drive the gals crazy.
She collected all her body parts, my hunches.
She's out for revenge.
And you seem to be numero uno on her hit list.
Yeah, wouldn’t be the first woman who wanted to kill me.
And kinda hard to kill a dead guy.
This gal can.
She's a soul sucker.
Oh, yeah, you can say that again.
My advice? Lay low.
She gets her hands on you and you're dead dead.
There's no coming back from that, Mr. Juice.
Roger that.
I just don't believe I won't see Charles again.
Stay comforted in the knowledge that he’s in a far better place.
Angels are guiding him towards everlasting light.
And may his soul fly through the heavenly gates like the birds
that he so adored and swore over the fields of Elysian to the glory that is thine.
What?
Haven’t been to a funeral since Dad’s.
Death is hard.
Yeah, sometimes I think life is harder.
I know.
Listen, if you want to talk to that therapist again...
There you go again.
You just sidestep every possible conversation about him.
Astrid, I loved your father, but our
relationship was over a long time before the accident.
I still don't understand why you can't see him.
Why not?
I wish I knew.
But this ability didn't exactly come with instructions.
It all started when I was your age.
It's ironic, isn't it?
You can apparently see any random ghost for your shitty TV show,
but the one ghost that actually matters to me you can't see at all?
We are closed!
I'm sorry to bother you. My name's Charles Deetz.
I feel like a little light-headed.
Where am I?
Damn newbies.
You wait! In waiting room!
Ah, alright.
Unbelievable.
Hey. Who's there?
My ex-wife is is back.
Well I know what you're thinking,
When was the Juice ever tied down?
What kind of woman could ever keep him satisfied? Well... (speaking in foreign language)
Oh, she's back.
She's pissed.
Hey.
It must be pretty noisy up here, in here too.
Listen, if you ever need to process any of your emotions,
I'm here for you.
Emotions processed, thanks.
I saw you standing at your grandfather's grave.
Must have been a pretty dope dude.
Death is so like,
that's like tragic, you know?
If you ever wanna cry or just rage
against some of these feelings
that you have going on in there,
I want you to know that I could be that
kind of dope dad dude for you, you know?
I'm good.
You know, times like this can bring a family
weirdly closer together.
On the way over here
I wrote a poem for your grandpa.
Oh, did you?
How does it go?
It's, it's, it starts,
it kind of like opens on grief, obviously,
and then acceptance.
It's long, I didn't memorize it or anything like that.
It's quite beautiful.
Cut the crap, Rory.
All right, I'm not falling for your new age,
overly emotional, trauma bonding,
yoga retreat bullshit.
I see you, because like you,
my mom is a very broken person.
Okay, she's a delusional fantasist.
You just exploit her and if she wants to allow that to happen,
that's on her.
Thank you.
Oh, if it isn't little Jane Butterfield.
Littler Jane?
Oh, it's Jane Butterfield Lee now, we hyphenated.
Is that Becky Dean?
No.
No one's here yet.
Sample from my hubby's microbrewery.
Micro, is that for people with tiny houses?
Why is your house covered in black fabric?
It's a mourning shroud.
Now that Charles is dead, so also dies this house.
And I'm protecting it in its transition.
To a new life with a new family.
I can't wait to show it.
Buyers are already lining up.
Thanks to you, Lydia.
Everyone wants a piece of the original ghost house.
Ghosts aren't real.
Only gullible people believe that kind of crap.
Unless you’re trying to pay the bills, right, Mom?
Okay, honey, here we go.
Can I have everyone's attention, please?
What?
We're gathered here today to celebrate the life
of an extraordinary man.
Now, I only had the pleasure of meeting Charles
a few times.
Then I can tell you he didn't want any speeches.
Charles hated public displays of emotion.
Yeah, but he also chose to live his life to the fullest.
I am going to tear a page out of Charles Deetz's book.
Lydia, now I know we had always agreed
to take our relationship slowly,
but I can't wait any longer.
Let's get married on your favorite holiday.
Will you marry me on Halloween?
That's in two days.
Yes, I've already spoken to Father Damien.
The church is available.
The Lord's sanctuary welcomes all who seek salvation
in everlasting glory, just not before noon
and between three and four.
You're seriously doing this at Charles’ Wake?
Yes, yes.
Yes, because as we stand here, surrounded by death,
let us all make a commitment to choose life,
because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Lydia.
And you, Delia.
You, too.
And you, again.
What do you say?
I can't commit to this right now.
Oh, all right.
Just too much loss.
What do you mean?
Well, there's the death of Charles,
of course the death of my grandfather,
which you know about, and now the death of us.
Oh, don't, come on, I didn't mean that.
You wanted to take life's great big bungee jump
right beside me.
No safety nets, right?
I guess the only thing bungee jumping today is love.
And that cord just snapped.
Oh, come on, Rory, I love you.
I love you.
What are we waiting for?
Okay, I guess.
Oh my God.
She said yes.
Astrid!
Oh, sorry.
(horn honking)
Sorry.
Watch out.
Are you okay?
What happened?
I’ll live.
What are you reading?
Crime and punishment.
One of those.
What was it, was that?
Nothing.
I've read it three times.
Did you really?
Yeah.
Pain and suffering are always inevitable.
Yes.
Yeah, go ahead.
I can't believe you're quoting Dostoevsky.
That's where he had been all my life.
So how long have you been in Wanchu River?
My whole life.
I've never seen you around before.
Yeah, this is just a temporary layover
for my grandpa's funeral.
And so my mom's janky fiancee
turned it into a de facto engagement party.
Yeah, he announced their wedding date.
Wow.
That's different.
Oh yeah, if you knew my mom,
that's actually pretty on brand for her.
Is your dad in the picture?
Yeah, he was a free spirit.
Defender of hopeless causes.
When they split, he went to Brazil.
He was trying to save the rainforest.
But my mom grew up here, that old house on the hill.
Wait, the ghost house?
Is your mom Lydia Deetz?
Unfortunately.
She's a legend.
Well yeah, if you believe in supernatural bullshit.
You don't?
No.
I only believe in things that I could see.
You know science, facts.
Yeah, it's gonna keep going.
Back to the insanity.
I'm sorry about your fence, by the way.
You can tell your parents my mom will pay for that.
That's okay, they won't even notice.
Uh, well listen, I'll be here tomorrow
if you want a break from the insanity.
Witness confirmed our suspect
as the Soul Sucker from lost and found.
Wanna hear the weird part, Chief?
Hit me.
After she turned the owner into a human pancake,
she stole her wedding dress from the conveyor.
Of course, this stapled sicko has her twisted heart
set on a romantic reunion with Mr. Juice.
She won't stop killing until she walks him back
down the aisle.
Cases like this make me wonder why I even became a cop.
You're not a cop, you're an actor.
Thank you, Janet.
You keep me real.
Should we take this Beetlejuice into protective custody?
If you can find him.
He's probably lying low.
Scared out of his mind.
Little higher, boys.
Can't let Dolores get through that door.
Bob, like looking in a mirror.
You see, Bob, in service of my decoy,
you'd walk in front of me at all times.
That way she'd suck your soul while I make mine getaway.
Comprende?
Now's my chance.
What?
Why?
No, no, no!
What's wrong?
I'm trying to capture the perfect primal scream.
I'm going to blow it up, mount it on the wall,
and I invite all of you to do the same.
Why?
For the COLLECTiVE ;)
We cannot sincerely celebrate all that was good
about our dearly departed.
Not until we released the horror that they inflicted upon us.
What awful thing did Grandpa ever do to you?
He bought this house without telling me.
Oh my God.
I was helpfully getting some boxes in town
and I heard you screaming.
Are you all right?
It was Delia.
Oh, Delia.
I'm good.
Ignore her.
I was very thoughtful of you.
Ask her, can you give him a hand with the boxes?
I told the movers to come a week from today, all right?
I think that'll give us all time to get over our grief
and our trauma, and then after the wedding,
I think we should go back and we gotta finish those shows.
Maybe Mom can get the ghosts in the attic to give use a hand.
Adam and Barbara Maitland.
They're not here anymore.
Why, they found a better house to haunt?
No, we found a loophole and they moved on.
How convenient.
I thought I lost those.
That was taken at an all-night Mario Bava horror fest.
I was nine months pregnant with you.
My water broke during Kill Baby Kill.
Dad's favorite movie.
Yeah.
Can I keep this?
Yeah.
I really like that model of Winter River, too.
Did Grandpa make that?
No, that belonged to the Matelands.
You know, the non-existent ghost couple.
Oh, I found that on the floor.
Yeah, who's Beetlejuice?
Don't ever say that name.
Not ever.
Beetlejuice.
No, Astrid!
I am serious.
If you say that name three times, really bad stuff is gonna happen.
In fact, this attic is off limits.
Do you understand me?
Yeah, I understand that you're crazy.
Oh, my God, it's you.
I thought a moose was about to attack me.
It's breathing exercises.
Try seeing ghosts every day.
Astrid!
Let her be.
She hates me.
[ Laughs ]
Somehow, Richard's death is still my fault.
You blame me for your mother's.
She's not dead.
And I didn't blame you.
I resented you.
There's a difference.
You weren't very nice.
No, you barely acknowledge my existence.
But we've done all right, haven't we?
Yeah.
Ever since I sold out and got famous, we have gotten closer.
No, I started liking you before that.
Whoo!
Again with the creepy breathing!
It works.
I learned it at the survivor's retreat where I met Rory.
Of course you did.
I was in shock after Richard died,
and I was working on my unresolved feelings,
and Rory had just lost his fiancé in a skiing accident.
We were in the same sorrow circle, and we connected.
Yeah.
He was turned on by you at the lowest point in your life.
But this isn't about him.
Astrid found this in the attic.
Ew.
So?
So.
Every now and then, I feel his presence.
Like he's lurking somewhere, just out of reach.
But neatly, I'm seeing him again.
And I was really hoping this was all in my head, but now this?
Lydia, you need to take back your life.
From the hangar honors, from this thing.
Where is the obnoxious little goth girl who tormented me all those years ago?
It's time to find her.
[dog barking]
Hey.
[dog barking]
Jeremy, is that you?
Yeah.
Mom, I'm just going to be upstairs with a point of--
Okay, have fun.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, Dad.
[indistinct chatter]
He just lives in that room.
You got to let a 90 is vinyl.
Are we finding this eBay?
No, I troll old record stores.
I don't trust what I can't touch.
[singing]
Handbook for the recently deceased.
Yeah, I got that at a yard sale in town.
Illustrations are pretty gnarly.
Yeah, it looks like the kind of crappy book my mom would write.
What's the deal with your parents?
Well, my mom spends every waking hour in the kitchen stress baking,
and my dad used to work at the paper mill, but then he had an accident,
so now he's a full-time couch potato.
Can't wait to get out of this shitty town.
You must have been to a lot of places traveling with a famous mom.
Not really.
My dad's more of the traveler anyway.
We used to have this big plan,
but we were going to visit the top 10 creepiest places on Earth,
so Tower of London and Dracula's Castle,
and then we never got the chance to do it.
What happened?
A boat accident.
Yeah, they searched the Amazon for a week, and they never found his boat.
You're really missing.
Yeah.
You know, I at least would have liked to have gotten the chance to say goodbye.
But can your mom, I don't know, like contact him or...?
She claims she can't even see him.
Why not?
Because she's a fraud.
Well, I think that's... it's a little harsh.
Uh, well, tomorrow's Halloween.
I know.
Used to be my favorite holiday.
Because my dad, he would go all out and make the most age-inappropriate costumes.
Yeah, I think I was in second grade when I went as Monks the Scream.
Wow.
Yeah.
It was a choice.
But now my mom's getting married that day, so I don't know.
I'll probably be my least favorite now.
What time is the wedding?
The night.
The witching hour.
Future stepdad's lame idea.
Well, why don't you come over earlier?
Uh, we could... I don't know.
We could order pizza and give out candy.
Only if you want to.
I mean, that's... that's no... no pressure.
What's up with these creepy birds?
Birdwatching was my dad's passion.
Oh, I contacted that vintage shop you love in Soho.
They've sent a few potential wedding dresses.
Should be here later today.
Great. Thanks.
One day, uh, little bird may have chipped our big news to a few news outlets.
Oh.
Oh, we could sell the photos exclusively.
Could be great press for the show.
Look, I'm really excited about tying the knot.
But can we just keep it small and private?
Yeah.
Oh, sure.
It's your big day.
Night, whatever.
Uh-oh.
Yo, I got lemons for an old... old ruby flower.
Lydia?
I want you out of my life.
Did you hear me?
Lydia?
Who are you yelling at?
Do you remember that couple's stare?
I thought we saw Dr. Glickman.
He said that I was holding something back,
and I faced it, you and I wouldn't evolve.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, he was right.
And I'm going to tell you now,
in fair warning, it's gonna sound batshit crazy.
Are you okay with that?
Of course. I'd love to.
Let's break through this barrier together.
Oh, just give me a sec.
When I was a teenager,
a trickster demon terrorized my entire family
and tried to force me to marry him
in order to come back to the real world for good.
I believed he was gone forever,
and then lately I have been seeing him again,
and now he is actually back,
and I don't know why or how or what to do.
Okay.
So you're saying that someone called Beatle is--
Don't say his name.
If you say his name three times, he will appear.
Okay.
So this demon has clearly a construct of your unpacked trauma.
It's trauma that you're gonna need to face.
Otherwise, it's just gonna get worse.
He's not a construct. He is literally a demon.
I know this is a big step for you,
but in the words of Dr. Glickman,
I'm gonna give you the push you need.
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
What just happened?
We're in the model.
That's not possible.
What the hell?
I told you not to say his name.
Any of these, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't ever say that name. Not ever.
He needs to be his now.
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
Is that--
Beetlejuice.
First of all, I want you two kids to know,
this is a safe space, okay?
Feel free to express yourself. Don't be afraid.
I sense there's an enabler here, but we'll get to that.
Look, dig deep and spill your guts, okay?
Who wants to go first?
All right, I will.
There you go.
See? I'm willing to do the work.
You two kids need to get in touch with your inner child.
That'll be along just a jiffy.
Everybody says he's got my eyes.
Personally, I don't see it.
Scram kid.
You're just my humpback trauma. You're just my humpback trauma.
You're a figment of my imagination.
Really? Is this a figment of your imagination?
Wait, man. Just wait until it's over, man.
[gasping]
That was you stalking me.
Hey, if stalking means trying to remarry the love of my life,
well, I'm guilty as charged. Come here.
Home, home, home.
Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you.
What happened? I just had the wildest dream.
I think we should lay off the pills.
Snakes.
Actually, it asks, "Weren't they beautiful?"
Wedding gift for Rory?
Too late. They've been defanged.
Guaranteed harmless. And they're for me.
In ancient Egypt, a queen would perform a ceremony at the tomb of her pharaoh
using snakes, a symbol of undying love.
And you sure about that?
We read that they were a constant threat to raw in the underworld
and represented total chaos.
Okay, see, that's why schools need more art and less reading.
You got your wish. We're leaving. School, pack up your things.
I'm driving you back to school.
Wait, what happened?
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
I will pay for a fleet of movers to take everything back to Manhattan
except that model. We need to chop it up and burn it.
Oh, you're calling off the wedding?
What did that cheese ball do now?
It's not Rory.
He's here in the model. I saw him.
Rory saw him too, but he thinks it's a dream.
Wait, we can't leave yet.
I have plans tomorrow with this boy that I met.
How did you have time to meet a boy?
You had time to get married.
She doesn't mean it. It's just karma.
Whatever. I was biking, and then I kind of crashed into his fence
and we started talking, and then he invited me over to his place for Halloween.
Can I go, Mom?
Please?
I will not allow that menace to humanity to up-heme our family again.
No one goes in there. No one calls his name.
We're going to be fine, right?
Mom, come on. We're going to be late.
Mom, I can't believe I'm in here.
Are you sure this is the right address?
Yeah. 125 Jefferson Lake.
Don't judge.
All right, his dad just got into an accident at work,
and they're going through a rough patch.
He's cute.
What are you doing?
I was going to go say hi to his parents.
Seriously?
This isn't a play date.
We're not six years old. Nothing's going to happen.
All right. Okay. You're right.
Have fun, and I'll pick you up at 10 o'clock.
I'm not a second waiter.
JSONVHS]
Hi, I raided the basement.
I remember that we even had half this stuff.
Yeah. You really went all out?
Yeah.
I like the James Dean costume, by the way.
Thank you.
Yeah. My parents think I like more like Richie from Happy Days.
Your costume looks great.
Who were you supposed to be?
Marie Curie.
Two-time Nobel Prize-winning French physicist
and feminist icon.
Oh, she was, uh, she discovered radiation. Right?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, work was killing her. She didn't even realize it.
Well, for someone who is dying of radiation poisoning,
you look beautiful.
I brought some candy, or a lot.
It's probably too much, actually, but we can, I don't know,
maybe binge on whatever's left over, if you want,
or we could start handing it out now, if that's what you want to do.
Yeah, I have a confession, actually.
I'd rather stay up here with you.
Okay. Yeah. That works, too.
Please don't freak out.
What are you?
Don't you know?
Astrid, really, you don't have to be scared.
You're a ghost.
My mom is telling the truth. Shit.
When my mom and dad used to fight, I used to steal one of my
dad's six packs and go hide out in the tree fort and one day...
I slipped and fell.
How long ago did that happen?
Twenty-three years, five months and fourteen days. But who's counting? I've been
stuck in this house for twenty-three years. I can't go any further than that tree.
I've just spent my time watching the world go
by, but then you came along and you could see me.
And I've been on my own for so long, it was like a
grenade had gone off in my head. It was amazing. You're amazing.
I should go.
I know, I know, it's insane. But I really like you and I want us to be together.
How? You're dead. I'm alive. That doesn't make any sense.
Well, what if I told you that I'd found a way to come back to be human again?
It's all in this book. Everyone gets one of these when they die. It's kind of
complicated, but I can only do it with the help of a living person.
And you could literally give me my life back.
I don't know. Maybe we could ask my mom,
because she's supposed to be the undead expert, right?
I'm sure she'll give you a million reasons to
stay away, but I'll give you one reason to help me.
You get to see your dad again.
I have the first official open house a week from
Sunday, and then we will let the bidding war begin.
Where's Rory?
Supermarket, swapping out the candy I bought for carrot
sticks. Because Rory loves to fun suck everything. Even Halloween.
You gotta run. See you at the church? Oh, unless you're calling off the wedding.
No, Delia. Where are you going?
Cemetery.
To commune with my dear husband's spirit.
I need a skitaddle, too. I'm co-chaperoning Lillar James Girl Scout Troop.
We spent weeks coming up with a group costume scene. We agreed nothing Disney.
The closest we ever got to Disney was when Astrid dressed a Cinderella's dead mom.
You'll never guess what the girls came up with.
Fruit salad. Isn't that genius? It's healthy and non-triggering.
I'm going as...
reverse mortgage. Which is mortgage spelled backwards.
Where is Astrid?
On a date. Her first. I'm more nervous
than she is. The boy lives over on Jefferson.
Don't mention that street. I have a listing
that's kept me from a perfect sales record.
Oh, it's my own fault. The place had been on the market for years.
But I thought if I could sell a murder house, it would be a feather in my cap.
A murder house? Which house?
125.
That's where I dropped Astrid off. She was seeing a boy named Jeremy.
Jeremy Fraser. I didn't get his last name.
Oh, no, it can't be him. But Jeremy Fraser was bad news.
Twenty-three years ago, he murdered his
parents. The cops found him hiding in his tree house.
When they tried to get him out, he fell, broke his neck, died instantly.
That's all you have to do to get into the afterlife?
Draw a door with some chalk. Oh, a knock three times?
I'm just doing what it says in there.
So lame.
Maybe it's not so lame. What do we do? We just walk through?
I can, but since you're still alive, you have to read that incantation first.
Dymundo, Viborium Audio and Intertem...
Astrid! Jeremy, is that you?
Utslibur Interum Ambulid Alias.
Okay. I think that worked.
Astrid!
Let's go see your dad.
Astrid!
Okay. You just wait here. I'm going to go find out where we're supposed to go.
Make sure to ask where my dad is.
Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry, good.
Merry Christmas.
Thanks. Okay. We need to go to immigration.
Excuse me. Can I please speak to your brother?
My wife is in a flamethrower. I'll get home soon.
That's sweet. Take a number and a seat.
Oh, dude.
Oh, powers of the hereafter. Accept my Charles as I have accepted his passing.
No, I haven't. And I won't ever.
There is no expiry date on sorrow.
Oh, well, that's good.
Though there is no expiry date on sorrow,
Kings of commerce, Knights of Nazdak,
deem him worthy to enter the gates of your realm.
You are no more my king,
but with the blessing of the angels of undying love,
I, your surviving queen,
proudly take up the mantle of your...
Okay. There you go. Thank you.
You all right, honey? You look a little manic.
Just pray wedding generous. Just going to go up and try on my dress,
but don't come up because it's about to let you see me before the ceremony.
Sure.
Well, hello. Who's clowning around?
Trick or treat. Trick or treat.
Here we are. Apples, carrot sticks, and some bran raisins,
because no one likes a big fat clown.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
The juice is loose.
I need you to tell me what this means.
Oh, man. Let's have a look, shall we.
Long story short, your daughter's screwed.
She decided to trade lives with a boy.
He gets to come back while She's stuck on the other side permanently.
One way ticket on the soul train.
Soul train.
That's right. Last stop. The great beyond.
She can't get on that train. You've got to get me in there so I can get her out.
Well, I can get you in, but I'd say you could pro quo.
Of course there is. What do you want?
Well, I've got this ex-wife, you know, and she's kind of whack-job,
first of all, or through. She's kind of clingy.
So I could just get away from her permanently.
You want me to marry you?
Thought you’d never ask.
How do I know that you're going to keep your word?
I swear on my dead mother's...
Yeah.
Nice.
Okay, fine. I'll marry you if you help me save my daughter.
I'm going to need that in writing.
Give her that.
Yeah.
Here we go.
I'm going to make you so happy.
Jesus, what's the plan on getting in?
Yeah.
I can't exactly go through the front door.
Okay. you never saw us.
Comprende?
Bob, you and the boys stand guard.
Nobody gets through.
Let's go, honey.
Treat.
Hello.
One each.
Honor system.
Asshole.
Okay, everyone.
Strawberries get first pick this time.
No crowding.
Hands on your head, ass-wipe, or I'll spray-paint the wall with your brains.
Oh, no, dude.
That was way too forced.
Remember, throw it away.
I'm the player.
You gotta keep it real.
Olga, what the hell is going on?
We got a cold 699 violation.
You mean to tell me a live one illegally broke into the afterlife?
Time to call the Gruul Squad.
I need a hard-target search for two suspects.
Scumbag goes by the name of Beetlejuice and a female fleshbag.
One Lydia Deets.
Click down every door, leave no gravestone unturned.
Help, sift through the sands of Titan if you have to.
Then this is what you've been training your entire deaths for.
And remember,
Gotta keep it real.
Yes.
What the hell?
Where am I?
What?
No.
Oh, no.
Excuse me.
What if a mistake's been made?
Because I'm not supposed to be here.
Seriously?
I have global entry.
Is there a line for that?
Next.
Stand on the marks and look directly into the camera.
Say, "Chee."
Hello.
Are you okay?
Oh.
I feel strange.
I feel amazing.
Go figure.
What just happened?
Well, it's real simple.
You remember the chant that I got you to recite?
You agreed to swap your life for mine.
What?
I needed your life so that I could walk free again.
She's got a seat on the soul train, one way to the great beyond.
You hustle.
You can make the 835.
Thank you very much.
Wait.
I never agreed to this.
How do I cross back over?
Get this stamped first, window 11.
The transfer isn't permanent till then.
There's nothing coming.
Dad?
A pastry.
Dad?
Dad!
Help me!
Dad?
A Chloe.
Oh again?
Ou.
oulaibang he croche meditation.
Teach them to PCR us then, listen to my laptop. Go.
Wait.
Oh.
The song tracking where are you going? We've got little boys are a purse
oh
This isarsh
All aboard this soul
[BLANK_AUDIO]
[MUSIC]
[NOISE]
[MUSIC]
[NOISE] By the way, I saw dad's.
[NOISE]
Hey, where are we?
I don't know.
[NOISE]
Hey, that's sadder.
All right, so we must be on one of its rooms.
I swear that's their life is so random.
[NOISE]
Sandward, run!
[NOISE]
Take my hand!
[NOISE]
Mary Curie, after the radiation poisoning, right?
I'm from the best.
[LAUGH]
We made a great kid.
Yeah, we did.
I know you can't see me, but I chicken on you both all the time.
And I don't want to be the reason that drove you to a party.
You need each other.
You make each other better.
Always have.
[NOISE]
We got to get back to Winter River.
You can't leave them till Esther gets your life back.
Let's go.
The gold patrol found the bridge and sealed it.
Any sign of Mr. Beetlejuice or the flesh bag?
Still looking, but we did find something that might help.
[NOISE]
Bob.
Let me tell you how this is going to go.
Your strip of lips will start flapping,
or I'll crack your itty bitty skull like a goddamn walnut.
Where's Beetlejuice?
[MUSIC]
Rory?
I've seen these shrunken head people everywhere.
I'll be not afraid, for then eyes will see strange things.
Are you filled with fear and trembling?
Yes.
I'm shedding my pants.
What are you doing here?
I'm searching for the last names to bring back into the light.
Why don't I give it right to the church?
[NOISE]
Sorry.
I'll come right back.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
I'm just late for a wedding.
Yes.
One question.
How do I get out of here?
Because someone made a terrible mistake.
I'm on a break.
Take a number.
Take a seat.
No, you see those asks.
They were defanged.
I paid extra for that.
Honey, you're dead okay.
Now take a number and sit down.
Is there perhaps anyone here who has the power to help me?
Did that line used to work for you?
I'm not dead.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, you know what?
My husband's here.
Charles Deets.
Yes, he can fix us.
You call him, he can fix us, he can fix anything.
Not anymore, he can't.
Wait, wait, I know people.
Oh, I know people.
I have people.
What?
No.
Beetlejuice.
Oh, no.
Beetlejuice.
Right here.
I get it.
Now that you're dead, you want to hang out with me.
Would you help me find Charles, please?
And then the VIP lounge?
Sure.
Just after you helped me find my runaway bride.
[DOGS BARKING]
Where is he?
Tell me.
[SOBBING]
Don't stop that passport.
You're too late, man.
I think it was Dostoevsky who said, later, fucker.
This way, follow me.
Next.
This way.
[SOBBING]
OK, this is as far as I go.
I love you.
I love you too, sweetheart.
Have an amazing life.
You take care of each other.
I'll see you later.
Thank you for saving my life.
I'm so sorry I never believed that you saw ghosts and--
No, I'm just sorry for all of it.
Astrid, I--
Video, come on, will you?
Oh, my God, my wedding.
We're about to start.
Wait, with everything that's happened tonight,
you know you don't have to do this, right? No, I don't have to. I don't have to. I don't have to. I don't have to. But are you sure about this?
Worry loves me, and that's gotta be enough.
[DISTORTED VOICES]
[SOBBING]
You lost lambs, welcome to the lighthouse with the open arms.
Oh, my God.
I thought you got cold feet.
Oh, no, blame me.
You should just save me from my deed from hell.
Who are all these people?
It's just a couple of influencers.
I'm not a real person. I'm a real person. I'm a real person. I'm a real person. It's just a couple of influencers.
Nobody under five million followers,
and I think we have a Netflix executive in there.
We doing this?
Yeah.
Where's your dress?
All that matters is that I'm here now,
so let's just skip straight to the vows.
Where's Delia?
Yep.
Right here.
Help me calm down before the wedding.
I see a little jittery.
All right, beat it.
[GASPING]
You.
You hear that thing?
From my dream?
I'm really more nightmare material, but thanks.
Your Beatles is loaded.
Ha-ha.
Part of the deal is you can never, ever say my name.
Ever.
What deal?
The deal she made to save you.
By the way, you can call me dad.
Lydia, you agreed to marry him?
I was desperate, and it was my only option.
Lydia, what's going on here?
Wow.
Awkward.
You haven't made much progress since our last session,
so I'm going to suggest some drug therapy.
Don't be afraid to share.
When you're ready.
[GROANING]
[PANTING]
I always thought your whole act was bullshit.
I never believed in ghosts, spirits, or any of it.
What? All this time?
Why the hell do you want to get married?
Money!
I knew I could make more as your husband than I could as your manager.
And I never had a dead fiancé.
I just went to that survivor's retreat so
that I could meet weak women and exploit them.
And I hit the codependent lottery when I met you.
I'm on a little physical therapy.
We'd like to thank you all for coming to this very special occasion,
but right now with like a little privacy.
[GROANING]
Where you going, Padre?
[GROANING]
Honey, I've got one more surprise.
Listen to my heart.
[GROANING]
Spring was never waiting for us, girl.
It ran one step ahead as we followed in the dance.
[GROANING]
Between the parted pages and we're pressed in rough subsea,
but I'm like a striped pair of pants.
[GROANING]
The heart, the spark is melting in the dark.
All the sweet green icing's slowing down.
Someone left the cake out in the rain.
I don't think that I can take it,
because it took so long to bake it,
and I'll never have that recipe again.
Oh, no.
I recall the yellow cotton dress,
foaming like a wave on the ground around your knees.
The birds like tender babies in your hands
and the old man playing checkers by the trees.
[GROANING]
The heart, the spark is melting in the dark.
All the sweet green icing's slowing down.
Someone left the cake out in the rain.
I don't think that I can take it, because it took so long to bake it,
and I'll never have that recipe again.
Oh, no.
I love a good dream sequence.
There would be another song for me,
for I will sing it.
I will drink the wine while it is warm,
and never let you catch me looking at the sun.
And after all the loves of my life,
after all the loves of my life,
you'll still be the one.
[GROANING]
I will take my life into my hands,
that I will use it.
[GROANING]
I will win the worship in their eyes,
that I will use it.
[GROANING]
Mr. Juice, you violated code 699.
Hey.
Welcome, Danno.
Mr. Juice!
What the f--
I'm back.
Sweetheart, you look fantastic.
You look so put together.
It's mine.
It's me, not you.
You know what?
I've been going through a lot of changes lately,
kind of a mid-afterlife crisis, I guess.
Your soul belongs to me, my love, for eternity.
You don't want to spend your eternity with me.
I'm a lone wolf.
You need a soul mate.
Somebody really sees you, for instance.
I need something to draw with.
[PANTING]
[GROANING]
The sun of the arena.
[GROANING]
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[SPEAKING SPANISH] [PANTING]
Let's go.
Hey.
We had a deal.
She didn't have to marry you.
What?
You violated code 699.
Yet you illegally brought my mom into the afterlife.
According to that book, that contract is null and void.
Look, I'm sorry things didn't work out between us,
but the 600-year age gap was a little bit much for me.
Beetlejuice.
[GROANING]
Beetlejuice.
[GROANING]
Beetlejuice.
[GROANING]
[GASP]
[GROANING]
Should have got married in Vegas.
Looks like we're a little late, boys.
Tape off the crime scene, call in forensics,
and keep the goddamn media away.
Little lady, you just popped his Beetlejuice.
Say your goodbyes.
You can take your selfie now if you like, but make it quick.
[COUGHING]
Sister, you're coming with me.
What? What?
Delia, what did you do?
I fell for a scam, and I'm counting on you to claim a refund.
Those snakes were actually poisonous, weren't they?
Yeah.
So I died of embarrassment.
Your work's gonna go up in value.
Oh, oh, well then.
Mm-hmm.
Delia, I'll miss you.
No, you won't.
I'll find Charles and we'll hunt you both
until you beg us to move on.
Nice work for a couple of flesh bags.
Don't come knocking until it's your time.
And in the meantime, remember, you gotta keep it real.
Come on, beautiful.
We gotta date with the commission.
Oh.
[SIGHS]
We all can stay
Charles!
Delia!
I can't believe you're here!
Oh, Charles.
I'm so happy to see you.
Oh, Charles.
Look what happened to me!
This is the 10-13
to the great beyond.
All aboard!
The Soul Train.
I want to thank all you ghosties out there
for all your support over the years.
But this is my last show.
I have spent so much time talking to the dead.
It's time I started living.
I want to make memories with the people I love
rather than be haunted by them later.
Oh, my God, what is that?
Mommy!
I just had the weirdest dream.