CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello.
Hello, everyone.
Thank you very much.
Thank you so much. Good evening, everyone,
good evening at home, and welcome to the Jonathan Ross Christmas Show.
CHEERING
Merry Christmas!
We've got a great festive show lined up tonight.
Let's have a look at who's in my greenroom.
We have a BAFTA-winning chef,
who is also a brilliant rapper. It's Big Zuu.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yeah, yeah!
Alongside Zuu, another BAFTA-winning chef,
who's a terrible rapper. It's Gordon Ramsay.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hopefully, he'll be spitting some bars for us later on.
I'm thrilled she's on the show.
She's one of my favourite actors of all time.
The fabulous Minnie Driver is here, ladies and gentlemen.
Amazing to have you on the show.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
A special treat for you. We've got the singing superstar
who'll be chatting and performing at the end of the show.
The one and only Adam Lambert is with us, everybody.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Looking amazing, as always.
And I'm super excited.
One of the nation's most successful and best loved comedians,
the fabulous Michael McIntyre.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE There he is.
Who doesn't love that face?
I love that face.
OK, so, before we get to that, I love Christmas.
I love the excuse to dress a bit festive.
But no-one wants to go out on Christmas Eve to be greeted by this.
LAUGHTER
And you know, the awful thing is, if he turns around,
you'll find another carrot round the back.
LAUGHTER
Gordon, is that the correct way to use a root vegetable?
LAUGHTER
No, definitely not, no.
Please.
Obviously, they know they're wearing novelty jumpers.
That's the point. They're wearing the jumper
and trying to cheer people up.
But I've got a feeling someone gave this lady a jumper
and she didn't check it properly.
Cos I don't think she knows...
LAUGHTER
I don't think she's aware.
That explains why Rudolph has a shiny nose, of course.
LAUGHTER
But my all-time favourite is this guy,
who chose a jumper to show off his six-pack. Look at this.
AUDIENCE GROAN
Yeah, that's put you off your sprouts, hasn't it?
And if you could see further down,
you'd see he's wrapped his presents under the tree too.
Completes the look. Shall we get on the show, ladies and gentlemen?
AUDIENCE: Yes! Why don't we?
Let's get my first guests out.
It's the fabulous Minnie Driver and Michael McIntyre.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
Hello, Jonathan. How lovely to see you.
Hello. So pleased to see you both.
You've been in America for how long now?
26 years.
26 years! Yeah, a long time.
So, you're used to an American Christmas then.
I'm used to an Am... But we'd always come back here for Christmas.
That was our big holiday.
Ancl now, I'm actually gonna be in California for Christmas.
So, a California Christmas...
It wouldn't be turkey and all the trimmings?
100% turkey.
Really, even over there? Yes, my brother cooks the turkey
and I'll be cooking all the other bits.
So, you'll have a version of an English Christmas
but in the sunshine?
Yes. 26 years is
a big chunk of your life. Yeah, it is.
It's your whole adult life. Yes, so it must be kind of weird.
Is it a nostalgia thing
when you come back here, or do you still feel like this is home?
No, 100% it's home. I love being
in both places. I think it's been a proper identity thing
for so many years, is that I'm fundamentally British,
but the career that I was sort of really lucky to have
was offered there.
Movies and the big TV shows are over there. Of course they are.
Yeah, I mean...
But now, you know, there's amazing films
and television here.
It was just, at that particular moment,
the things that I was encouraged to do were there.
But also, speaking of TV, there could not be
a bigger TV star in this country... Well, maybe.
We've got two on the show tonight.
But certainly, Michael McIntyre.
What an enormous talent. Oh, you're introducing me again.
Seriously. Because... APPLAUSE
The Big Show is amazing.
I'm doing the pointing thing, like a politician.
I'm just pointing. It works.
It really is amazing.
LAUGHTER
Hello.
Would you ever go into politics?
Politics? Yeah.
Oh, my goodness. Um... I don't know.
Well, let's be honest. The people that are in politics,
it doesn't seem like it's the most difficult job.
I mean, they don't give it their all.
No. We've had to follow politics, haven't we, this year?
Yes.
I get very confused with the reshuffling.
We've had them all year. They'll go,
"The money guy..." Ancl he's, like, "I was getting
"into the money, working it out." "You're not money any more.
"Now, you're on defence." Ancl he's, like, "What?
"I don't know anything about defence."
Ancl then, the guy on defence, "What am I doing?"
"You're in hospitals." "I'm going to hospital?"
"You're in charge of it." "But I've just been learning about defence."
You can't keep just switching the jobs.
I can't call my accountant and say,
"You're no longer my accountant. You're my gardener.
"I'm having a reshuffle." LAUGHTER
"No, you're not my doctor any more.
"You're my dog groomer."
Yeah. It's reshuffle time.
See, it already sounds to me like
you would know more than they do. You're very good in charge.
This is what happens.
And Matt Hancock, he was in charge of the health.
I know, and now look where he is.
He's eating camel cocks. I don't understand.
Were you voting for him? Who was voting for this man?
People wanted to see him suffer, that's why.
Did you see I'm A Celebrity?
They all started doing impressions of me.
Did you see it?
AUDIENCE: Yes. I couldn't believe it.
I turned the TV on and Seann Walsh was teaching everybody,
and he was going, "Would you like a cup of tea?
"Would you like a cup of tea?"
Ancl then, Matt Hancock was going, "Would you like a cup of tea?
"Would you like a cup of tea?" He sounds like that anyway.
I was watching with my son, going,
"Dad, you do it." And then, I did it.
I was, like, "Would you like a cup of tea?"
LAUGHTER
Ancl then, he went, "Oh, that's amazing!"
I was, like, "I know it's amazing. I am him!"
He said, "Mum, Mum, Dad does this so well. Do it again."
Would you like a cup of tea?
It was one of the most surreal 20 minutes of my life.
Ancl Ant and Dec wouldn't let it go.
Yeah. They kept going,
"Back to camp now with more Michael McIntyre impressions."
They were all at it again. Jill Scott.
"Would you like a cup of tea?"
Well, it was very funny.
It must have been nice, though. You must have been
quite pleased. I did like it.
Yes. No, I liked it.
Yeah. Now, Minnie has a book out
just in time for Christmas, and it's called... And you talk about
your love of swimming, your love of the sea, your love of surfing.
It is called Managing Expectations.
It's beautifully written as well. I mean, it really is. So, why...?
And it's sort of an autobiography, but not purely that, is it?
No, it's a collection of...
It's a collection of stories that are sort of like a memoir.
Ancl there was time during Covid to write it,
so... I don't know. What did you do in Covid?
Well, I ate a lot.
Yes, I did that too. I had that situation with,
um... with some chocolate...
LAUGHTER
...that went on for a while. Whenever my family weren't in the kitchen,
I would go to the treat area
and I would...
It was chocolate that was not intended for one person.
It was sort of family size.
A sharing bag.
Yes. Well, no, it was a long block, like a rectangle.
So, I would take a row
and I would go. I would go with my row.
Ancl I would feel good about the fact that I was having one row.
Ancl then, I would eat it
and then, soon as it was over,
I would get deeply sad. Yeah.
And then, I would look at my body, if any shards had fallen.
Ancl I would eat from myself.
Ancl then, I would return,
and then, I would take another row.
Ancl this process would continue until I'd gone beyond halfway,
where I realised I had a decision to make.
Cos I knew I'm now in trouble.
My wife is gonna see that I've had 60% of it.
And I would conclude the best thing to do is to finish
the whole thing... Ancl then it's gone.
...and then hide the evidence so it becomes
a domestic mystery. Smart.
So, I would bury wrappers deep in the bin.
You can't put it on the top because she will see it.
So, I spent a lot of lockdown burying...
Chocolate wrappers.
Ancl sometimes, I'd pass previous wrappers and go, "Oh, I remember.
"Yummy!" Sometimes, there'd be nothing in the bin
and I would create rubbish from fruit
and pile it on top.
Anyway, this went on for a while and I was - let's be honest -
I was spreading. And then, one clay, I went to get some chocolate
and there was, like, this petty cash box.
I don't even know... My wife must've ordered it or something.
Ancl it had a lock on it. It was locked.
Ancl she'd put all the chocolate into the thing.
I'm, like, "Darling, where's the chocolate?"
She'd put me into chocdown. I was in chocdown.
I was in chocdown in lockdown.
That's humiliating. I know. I said,
"What have you clone?" She said, "We had to slow the spread."
I'm, like, "Of the virus?"
"No, of your stomach."
LAUGHTER
That's the real tragedy of Covid right there.
You know what I love about the book?
There's so many... It's so revealing about you.
There's so much about your life,
but I was surprised because you talk about
some of your early film roles.
Yes. And I never thought of you...
When I saw you on screen, I always thought
you're so good
and you're so confident. I didn't realise
there were nerves. You had the same sort of things
that anyone starting out goes through.
Tell me about the first time you worked with Robert De Niro.
So, there's this movie, Sleepers, which had, um, you know,
Brad Pitt, Dustin Hoffman,
Robert De Niro...
Amazing cast. ..Bruno Kirby,
Jason Patric...
Really amazing people.
Ancl I was in a scene with Robert De Niro,
and I didn't actually have a line,
and he gave me one of his lines,
which was a bit like receiving communion,
or an actor's version of communion. And this was him saying,
"I want you to be in the scene,"
essentially. Exactly. Ancl everyone calls him Bob,
which felt completely impossible to call Robert De Niro "Bob".
Ancl I couldn't call him Mr De Niro
cos I'd heard him say to someone that that was his clad. And then...
So, I just used to cough before I'd speak to him cos I so nervous.
I'd just be, like... COUGHS
Are we gonna rehearse the scene before lunch, do you think?
Ancl when we wrapped, he gave me a really big box
of cough drops and he was, like...
AMERICAN ACCENT: "I sure hope you get that cough sorted out
"because it's bad for you."
Have you worked with him since?
No. But he's so...
He is exactly what you...
Very few of those icons, I think, are that way,
but he is exactly what you would imagine.
He is very Robert De Niro-ish.
He is sort of stern and clever and kind and quite terrifying.
But to work with him, especially early in your career,
what an amazing experience. Yeah, it was incredible.
It was really amazing. I wrote about that quite a lot,
and it was fun to write about it in the book.
But there's also an amazing story in the book about how you met,
or how you first got close with your partner.
Yes.
So, the Woolsey Fires, which were in 2018,
and they wiped out, um, hundreds of thousands of acres,
and thousands and thousands of people lost their homes
in California.
Ancl they wound up on my street, where I live in Malibu.
Ancl there were two retired firemen,
and they refused to evacuate. They stayed. When you leave
the fire department in California,
you get given a fire hose, not a gold watch.
So, they flagged down a passing engine, opened the hydrants,
and they fought the fire,
and they basically saved our little tiny community.
Wow, with their retirement hoses. Yeah.
Amazing. With their retirement hoses.
You'd have thought they would just be for show,
but they were actually fully functioning hoses.
Yeah, they had old nozzles as well that they'd collected.
You don't hear... That feels like a movie.
Yeah. It could be a movie.
The old firemen come out of retirement to save the community.
So, my boyfriend isn't an old fireman...
LAUGHTER ..but I was, um...
You couldn't get into where we lived.
People had been looting houses,
so the coastguard had issued a no ship-to-shore,
so you couldn't get in by boat,
even with proof that you lived there.
Ancl these guys were living on one FEMA meal a clay,
which is like an emergency meal.
So, I had hatched this plan to get a boat,
and the boat was gonna be full of...
well, WAS full of gasoline
and chocolate, booze and cigarettes and things.
Why are you taking gasoline to a fire?
LAUGHTER Because the generators,
there was no power.
So, anyway, I had to launch a sea-based incursion.
So, you were like a rescue operation?
Well, yeah, except kind of on pain of arrest
and no-one would go with me.
So, I called up all the people that I knew who weren't my mates,
and there was this one guy who... I knew he made documentaries
in places of conflict,
and I'd met him one time a few years before.
Ancl I called him up
and was, like, "Will you do this weird thing with me?"
Ancl there was a big silence and he was, like, "Um...
"OK." And Addison showed up
with a satellite phone and a bag of snacks,
which I thought was... I thought that was quite hard.
That's an amazing kind of first date story.
Yeah, it was really good.
Michael, how did you meet Kitty? What was your first date like?
Basically, I was at university-ish,
in the sense that I'd got into university
but wasn't really going to much of the lessons.
I was sort of working the bar.
Ancl I wanted to get into comedy in some way,
so I wrote a film, a romantic comedy, which was basically...
The plot was basically me
writing what I wish would happen in my life, cos I was single
and I had very little action of any sort with ladies.
I wasn't very good with girls. So, I sat
and wrote how I wished my life would go,
and I had this main character, who was called Marty
instead of Michael,
and he basically gets the girl at the end.
It was a sweet story. It was based in Edinburgh, where I was.
I was watching a lot of Woody Allen at the time.
It was inspired by that. I was, like, 20 years old.
Anyway, in parallel to this, my wife was doing a similar thing,
where she was getting into acting.
Her family are actors, but she hadn't really clone anything,
things weren't going very well.
So, I was sort of pretending to be a screenwriter,
she was pretending to be an actress.
My sister met her through a friend, and the next time she saw me,
she said, "Oh, my God..."
Cos my sister had been helping with the script.
She said, "I met the girl from your movie.
"I've met the girl. She's exactly the same." I'd created this girl.
So, as you'd described her. Yes.
"And guess what, she's an actress."
So, we had this hilarious meeting,
where I was pretending to be a really cool writer
and she was pretending to be an actress,
and now, we've been married
for 20 years. That's so sweet. That's so lovely.
That is the sweetest... I created her.
OK, the exciting news is, if you're a fan of Michael McIntyre -
and I'm sure you all are -
the Big Show is back, ladies and gentlemen.
The Big Show, baby! The Big Show is back.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
It's been off for longer than I thought.
Cos you stopped doing it during lockdown, didn't you?
Yeah, it's three years.
We couldn't make the show for three years because of, obviously,
all these variants popping up
and people not being in the theatre together.
So, we finally brought it back and we've finished it.
You are on it.
I had a great time. I took your phone.
Yeah.
It was hilarious. He does this thing,
where he takes the phone and sends a text to everyone.
But of course, I didn't realise, you panic
that no-one's gonna respond,
that no-one will get back to you. Yeah.
Fortunately, we got some good replies.
You got some amazing replies. But I'm slightly annoyed.
You got even better replies after the show had finished,
from really big celebrities.
I'm still getting people asking me about that rash.
Yeah, it's a funny one.
It's a great show, yeah. Have a look at this.
Now, what's going on here, Alison?
Oh, it really brings me a lot of sadness, to be honest with you.
Oh.
Because I loved this scarf. Yeah, beautiful scarf.
And I went on holiday, and you know when you're on the flight
and you use the facilities... Yeah.
And then, I flushed the toilet
and the toilet's sucked up my scarf.
LAUGHTER
And that's the last picture I've got of that scarf.
And I cannot find it anywhere.
This is the last picture? The last picture.
Surely you can buy another one, Alison.
No, you can't find it anywhere. I've tried.
You've actually looked for the scarf?
Yeah, I couldn't find it. I was devastated.
Is this you looking? Yes.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
It's been such a...
We should just say, the Big Show is back
in January on Saturday nights on BBC One.
January on Saturday nights. It's been so, so fun
making it after all this time.
The theatre, the atmosphere's been incredible.
It's a great show. We're gonna take a break,
but don't go anywhere because Gordon Ramsay
and Big Zuu will be joining Minnie and Michael
in just a couple of minutes. See you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show.
Let's get my next guests out.
I'm thrilled they're here. It's Gordon Ramsay and Big Zuu.
Come on out, guys.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
How are you doing? Good to see you again. Sit down, sit down.
Thank you very much.
Great to have you here. Likewise. Good to be back.
Ramsay, you must be a nightmare at Christmas.
Can you imagine trying to buy Gordon Ramsay a present?
Oh. Do you give people a steer
on what they're gonna get you? Cos how many kids have you got?
You've got about 13
or something like that? Five.
How many have you got? Five? It's like this sofa
at Christmas time, just a long, big, stretched-out sofa.
Will all be with you for Christmas? Fingers crossed.
Jack's super busy, Oscar's getting excited for Father Christmas.
We can play tricks on him now, where we can get
these phone messages, literally from Father Christmas,
to get him to bed early, otherwise, "You're in trouble."
What? ls there an app that pretends...?
It's exactly that.
Oh, that's nice. Get to fucking sleep.
That sounds just like Father Christmas!
LAUGHTER
Zuu, do you celebrate Christmas? Yeah. I know, obviously, Muslim,
with the beard, you're probably surprised.
Yeah. But I do.
Christmas day for you, what do you do?
What will you be doing this year?
Um, well, I'll probably be in Africa this year.
Wow! I'll be giving a lot of people rice.
I don't know why they like rice.
Basmati rice. You can't get basmati rice
like that in Sierra Leone.
So, when I get there, I'm, like, the Santa Claus of rice.
Yeah, so, you take a lot back with you?
Yeah, in my baggage allowance, at least half is for kilos of rice.
WOW! Wow!
It sounds very random, but if you're African, you'll understand.
So, basmati rice in particular, is sought-after?
Listen, over there, it's like gold.
WOW!
Ancl cos the stew is so important,
having good rice with it...
Cos a lot of them, they have, like, Chinese rice.
It's not very good rice. Yeah.
But that basmati...
They know English boy is coming, yeah.
"Hey, tell that boy, bring rice."
LAUGHTER "Don't want clothes,
"I don't want money, just bas... Tilda."
LAUGHTER
Love Tilda. Two minutes.
Two minutes. Two minutes.
A very different Christmas
to Gordon's will be, no doubt.
Do you get out the Tilda rice at Christmas, Gordon?
Course not. I love rice, but traditionally, yeah,
we stick to a very classic beef or roast turkey.
And I don't like eating three times a day on Christmas Day,
so we don't start brunch till, like, 10.30, 11.
So, you don't have breakfast,
lunch, dinner? Exactly.
Just late breakfast, 11.30, 12. Yeah.
And then Christmas lunch around 5.30, 6.00.
That way, you eat twice.
The pressure to get everything ready for two o'clock is insane.
I bet you add a flourish. You're Gordon Ramsay. There must be
something special about your Christmas.
My turkey. And what you do with your turkey
that makes it special? I baste it.
Do you brine it? I do brine it, yes.
In a bin bag?
No, no, no. In a huge tub. ZUU: Why in a bin bag?
That's the only way I could fit it in.
I didn't have a pot big enough. I always use a bin bag.
We've got these big plastic tubs that, when you come off the beach,
you step inside and you fill it with water, and we brine it in that.
I never thought of that. 24 hours in there.
And then, we line it with this truffle butter.
Ooh! And we take it out, turn it upside down.
We've gone up a notch. ZUU: Right there.
Do you inject it? No.
No, no, no.
You get under the skin, rub it in. Definitely under the skin.
The secret of a great turkey is in the resting.
You've got to let it rest
for at least two hours before you start serving.
After you've cooked it? Yeah, but properly rest it.
Wait, how long?
Two hours. Christ! Really?
And turning the bird over every half an hour.
Whoa! Two hours?!
I knew that cos I'm a chef, you know what I'm saying?
Obviously, you have to rest it for kind of as long as you cooked it,
cos all the moisture comes out of the bones.
Yeah. You know what I'm saying.
Don't doubt my ting!
Yeah? Thank you.
Yes. Thank you.
Yeah, but I know...
But who actually does that? What, rest it?
Yeah. These two!
But why would you cook it and then sit and look at it for two hours?
You don't even want your turkey to be hot.
You want it to be lukewarm
and use all the sides to heat it up.
There's no fat in a turkey.
But there's a time in your life when you think,
"You know what? Life's too short." No! Shit, no!
My life is too short to sit and look at a cooked turkey...
LAUGHTER
...on Christmas Day when I'm hungry. You can do what Michael does
and pick a little wing and just nibble it off in the back.
LAUGHTER
You start and just take the wing and disappear in the back.
Yeah, I grab a little bit on the way by.
I'm very good at eat-bys.
There's things I can't pass. I was actually thinking
the other clay that my wife, for 20 years,
she leaves a little bit of crust
every morning from her toast, which I eat.
It's the first thing I eat in the clay,
and I don't even think before I eat it.
On the way to say good morning,
I pick it up and it's in.
20 years of that.
That should be on her.
She is very slim.
I'm carrying around 20 years... This is her crust here.
LAUGHTER
I'm walking around with her crust on me.
This was not intended.
She toasted that for her.
Why am I walking around with it?
Michael, that isn't just crust. LAUGHTER
You can tell yourself that if you want.
There's a few roast potatoes she leaves.
But I do struggle with waste,
which goes straight onto my waist.
Here's the thing, though.
Despite his advanced years, Gordon Ramsay is fit as a fiddle.
He is. You're still
in the gym all the time. Amazing.
Every other day, four times a week.
Swimming, cycling. Yeah, swimming.
We swim a lot in Cornwall, we surf a lot in Cornwall.
But you won't do something like that on Christmas Day, would you?
Oh, Christmas morning.
You go out for a swim?
There's a gathering down in Rock
and everyone jumps in, literally...
In the cold sea?
In the cold sea.
Some of them even have little Speedos on,
or a wetsuit, whatever you wish.
But, yeah, in... out.
Why are you doing that like it's a recipe? In, out.
We know how to swim.
There's something quite unique about swimming in freezing cold water.
But do the whole family do it?
Yeah. You force your children to do it?
I don't force them.
They wanna do it. jack starts off.
Once jack's in, we've all got to follow suit.
Otherwise, you get a hard time across the dinner table.
Zuu, do you like going outside for a swim?
No. You know when you're fat, it's not really a thing that you do.
What, swim? I'm thinking
about the fat community. We've always got an excuse
for why we can't swim. I ain't got Speedos.
Ow, my foot hurts. LAUGHTER
You know what I mean?
I have learned how to swim, though, just not very well.
The freezing cold thing...
In the morning of Christmas? Are you mad?
I need to have my smoked salmon with some cream cheese
and a bagel. How many restaurants have you got
now, Gordon?
Er... 44. 44?
Can I ask you a question? Yes. Please.
It's the way you say it, I'm confused about.
Cos you don't really say, "Restaurant." You go, "Restrant."
I just speak very quickly.
Restrant.
I would have thought that was a word you'd got down,
“ restaurant“ . Rest: ant.
Restrant.
MINNIE: Restrant. Every time...
We love your shows, the whole family, we always watch you,
but we spend the whole time going, "Restrant. Restrant."
LAUGHTER Is it because you talk too fast,
your brain is operating too fast for you to say "restaurant"?
I think you're right. But also
cos you speak French and Italian?
No, Gino's taught me a little bit of Italian, but bilingual with French.
Maybe it's the French, "restaurant". FRENCH ACCENT: Restaurant.
Restaurant. Tres bien. Oui.
Can we just go back to the fact that you have 45 restaurants?
That's around the globe, yes. Wow!
And how many are good? LAUGHTER
Let's talk about your TV career
cos I love watching you on TV. Gordon Ramsay has
a brand-new show, I'm excited to say.
It is called Next Level Chef.
Yeah. This has already been out in America,
but you're doing one over here now. Yeah, just finished with ITV.
Tell us the idea. It's quite a high concept.
Yeah, it's launching next month.
It's three amazing kitchens stacked on top of one another -
basement kitchen, middle kitchen, and then, this top-flight kitchen
that's incredible. So, there are
three buildings, or three spaces,
three working rooms on top of one another.
Yeah, we had the pleasure of Big Zuu as an honorary guest judge.
And in the middle of these kitchens is this incredible platform,
and it starts from the top, works its way down to the basement.
The idea is to grab ingredients and cook your way up to the top floor.
So, the bottom floor is where the ingredients come to last,
so you have less to choose from. That's right.
And the equipment isn't as good, I guess. That's right,
all sort of broken down and no electric mixers...
So, almost like a comment on society,
starting at the bottom and working your way up.
Where we all were, exactly.
I spent many years in the basement kitchen.
Ancl do you shout on it?
Do you do shouting? Of course he does.
He doesn't do anything else. No, you've got to do shouting.
You've got to do shouting. Coach, Michael.
Don't get nice Gordon.
I like it when you're screaming in people's faces.
But unlike any other cooking show, it's sort of...
It's this platform that descends across all three kitchens,
and by the time you get to the basement,
it's depleted and not much left.
It's a sign of a great chef when you get creative with nothing.
But you need to be aggressive, Gordon.
You need to kick them off the top level
into the bottom level and they die. LAUGHTER
And then, you need to get thew corpse and go,
"You fucking idiot! You can't fucking cook!
"You fucking idiot! We'll be back after the break."
Ancl at the end of the credits,
I want you to pop back and scream at all the viewers.
"You can fuck off as well!"
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "See you next week."
This is coming soon to ITV and ITVX.
You know what you're gonna get with Gordon.
You own it. That's what I love about you.
You own the F-word. Here you go.
This is Next Level Chef. Look at this.
You'll only have
just 30 seconds to grab the ingredients you'll be working with.
Here it is, here it is.
Go, go, go, go!
Go! Go!
Keep grabbing!
Grab what you want, but remember, if you grab it, you have to use it.
Go, go, go!
Grab ingredients.
Grab a protein. Oh, what a grab!
Let's go, guys. OK, let's go. There's bacon there.
Just grab the bacon.
Put something in there. Sauce.
Seconds to go, seconds to go.
Grab, grab, grab, grab. Yes!
Nyesha, what is this place? It's a kitchen, Chef.
They have to cook in minutes,
and then, that nail-biting finish when they have to get
their dishes onto the platform.
Platform is here. Come on, guys. Get over to the platform.
Teddy, go, go, 90!
Go, go, go!
Get it on there.
Go, go, go, go!
Selwyn! Selwyn!
Jesus Christ!
APPLAUSE
That looks amazing. MINNIE: Amazing.
That looks amazing.
It's a shame that you couldn't call it The Hunger Games
cos it does have an element of that.
You know, getting a format that's successful is very difficult.
The Wheel, which you've come up with, is amazing.
Yeah. What a great show.
And then, you had that show called Bank Balance that was terrible,
but now you've got this. LAUGHTER
What was that about? What was that pile of sh...?
You shouting at people, "Balance the brick."
And they were going, "What am I doing?
That was in lockdown! That was terrible.
Come on, Jesus Christ! It was shocking, wasn't it?
LAUGHTER
It's coming back. Oh, you're kidding!
Is it? Yes!
What? Yes!
And you are doing another road trip with Gino and Fred. Yes.
Where are you going to this time? Urn...
Spain.
Why are you laughing? What's wrong with Spain?
No, because everyone thinks it's about Benidorm.
But the beautiful north-west coast, Galicia...
Do you still do a cheap holiday?
LAUGHTER
We go camping in Cornwall.
You go camping? It's in the back garden, but we still camp.
Michael, there's a Wheel Christmas special,
and I believe Gordon's friend Gino D'Acampo is in it.
How was Gino? How was his general knowledge?
Er... Well, I can't give away how he did, but he did very well.
I mean, the game is...
You are assisted,
and he needed assistance.
LAUGHTER
Which is the format, which is good.
Big Zuu's been on The Wheel.
I did good. Don't say it like that. You did great.
I came second. You came second.
After the Speaker. What's my man called?
John something. Yes.
Bercow. Bercow.
That guy. You were amazing.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, he was a contestant with Alesha Dixon and Bear Grylls.
They played for charity.
Gino was completely hilarious.
He always is. He was really funny.
We love Gino, don't we? AUDIENCE: Yes!
Everyone loves Gino D'Acampo.
Here he is on the Christmas special of The Wheel.
It's on BBC One on Christmas Day. Have a look at this.
So, Gino, tell me about Christmas in the D'Acampo household.
What do you tend to do?
We are always on the island of Sardinia.
Beautiful. It's beautiful,
all the family together. Lovely.
We don't eat all the stuff that, you know,
you guys eat. You have your own vers|on.
Yeah, no, because I don't like the idea of having a plate
with everything on it. I understand.
You know what I mean? I never understood that,
you guys... Things falling off it
and rolling off it.
You have turkey and the vegetables
and the potatoes, then the sprouts,
and then you cover everything with this gravy.
Fantastic!
Yummy, yummy, YUMMY!
What's gravy ever done to you?
Nothing!
But the problem is everything tastes like gravy.
I don't know what I'm eating.
Sprouts, they taste like gravy.
The turkey tastes like the broccoli.
It's a mess.
It's textured gravy, that's what it is.
APPLAUSE
Is he actually Italian? Is he actually Italian?
Yeah, cos, literally, his accent sounds made up.
It does sound a bit... Do you think he's Italian?
Do you reckon he's really from Leeds?
LAUGHTER
I think you're keeping a secret for him.
We have to take a break. Don't go away because Adam Lambert
will be joining us in just a moment. See you in a couple of minutes.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show. Let's get my next guest out,
ladies and gentlemen.
He's an incredible singer and just a wonderful performer.
The one and only Adam Lambert.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Looking spectacular, as always!
Good to see you. Wow, you look amazing.
Thank you. Come and sit down.
H I, everybody.
Adam, how are you? You're looking great.
You look amazing. Doesn't he look amazing, ladies and gentlemen?
CHEERING We were talking about Christmas.
Cos you're Jewish, I believe.
I am, yes. So, does Hanukkah start...?
Is it tomorrow it starts? Yeah, I think so, yeah.
L'chaim. L'chaim.
My daughter... Well, my wife's Jewish. Oh, there you go.
So, we do some of the singing on the Friday night.
Do you do the menorah? We will be doing the menorah.
I'm not heavily involved in that
cos I'm notjewish and I don't know if I'm allowed to touch it.
LAUGHTER
There is, like, a prayer with the menorah
and it's... I used to like singing it,
because singing, you know, is the thing I do.
You can do that, yes.
So, I would... # Baruch atah Adonai
# Eloheinu melech ha-olam
# Asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav
# V'tsivanu I'hadlik ner
# Ner shel Hanukkah. #
CHEERNG AND APPLAUSE Maze flow. Maze flow.!
Yeah. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MINNIE: Beautiful. Beautiful.
What a voice you have.
You really can sing. Oh, thank you. Thanks.
It's going from strength to strength.
You've got a new album out now
of cover songs... Mm-hm.
...which I assume you've chosen because they mean something to you
or they're songs that you love.
They're just songs I like that I thought were great songs.
Ancl the goal was to take songs and...
The name of the album is High Drama. OK.
So, how do I take these and kind of make them me?
I'm not known for being subtle.
No.
So, how do I take them and make them theatrical
or change them dramatically?
And that was the challenge. So, you've added drama to songs
that were perhaps dramatic already.
It's out in February.
Any favourites on there? What are the tracks
you really wanted to get going with?
Well, I'm gonna be singing something for you later. Yeah.
A version of Duran Duran's 'Ordinary World'.
Which is an amazing song. Beautiful song.
I actually met Simon Le Bon at the NME Awards last year
and he was so kind and so down-to-earth backstage.
I just couldn't believe it. He came up to me and he was, like,
"Hey, nice to meet you, Adam. I love what you do."
Ancl I'm, like, "You know who I am?"
It's still crazy.
But you know what?
Because your look, this was very Duran.
Back then, they were leading the way.
They always looked immaculately coiffed.
Coiffed. They always had the full make-up.
Yeah. The eyes were always popping.
They had the clothes. They didn't have quite the...
I'm not wearing make-up.
Yeah. just lip balm.
LAUGHTER
By the way, have you ever been asked to do Strictly?
I've sung on Strictly.
I know you've sung, but have you ever been asked to do it?
Don't ask me to ballroom dance.
I think that's a bad idea. You would be amazing.
Which part, the dancing? Yeah.
I don't know. You can't dance?
Well, I can dance, but I don't know if, like, ballroom is my thing.
You know who would be great at Strictly?
Who? Gordon Ramsay.
LAUGHTER
OK.
I would love to dance.
I've got a huge problem. What's that?
I've got size 15 feet.
They are some big plates of meat.
Look at the size of that. AUDIENCE MEMBER WOLF WHISTLES
LAUGHTER
Zuu, what about you? You can dance, can't you?
Yeah, I can do a little dutty wine and dem ting there.
LAUGHTER
I would do Strictly for the scandal.
Know what I'm saying? Them dancers are kind of buff.
Yeah. I could make it work,
have a little Strictly baby.
Yeah. Minnie, have you been asked?
In America, it's called Dancing With The Stars.
Yeah. They must have asked you, I'm sure.
Yeah. Yeah, but no.
OK. And why not? Oh, God, no.
No, no.
No, no, no, a thousand times no.
I love to watch it, but no.
Would it not be a fun experience?
It doesn't look that fun.
It looks absolutely terrifying.
And getting yelled at by...
Who's that guy who yells at everybody?
Gordon Ramsay.
LAUGHTER
The other one.
Michael. Hello.
We would love to see you...
I love to see you do some salsa. Yeah, can't you go on?
I would be amazing.
LAUGHTER
I have hypermobility.
Do you really?
The music releases me.
I wouldn't need the coach.
I wouldn't need the other... the partner.
I would just... Solo it. He'd solo it.
Every week, I would just go. I would just feel the music.
I wouldn't even need any prep.
I'd just... "Play what you want, let me go."
LAUGHTER
Let's get back to Big Zuu,
because, Zuu, I'm a big fan of you, you know that,
even though I've got a bone to pick with you.
You came on this show about two years ago.
Yeah. And I said,
"I love Zuu's Big Eats." Yeah.
"You go round and ask celebrities
"whether you can cook for them..." Yeah.
...| said, "but you never ask me."
Oh, don't do that. And you said,
"Yeah, I'll ask you next series."
Two series ago.
Don't do that, don't do that. Hopefully,
if we do season four, we can get you on there.
Never mind "hopefully"!
LAUGHTER
No, we can make it work. Don't do that.
You're making me feel bad.
I'm not the booker, you know what I'm saying? I'm just the talent.
LAUGHTER
That is just hiding in plain sight.
Anyway, it's a great show.
It's currently on UKTV Play,
and it's coming soon to BBC Three and iPlayer.
One big change this time.
You've actually changed the van.
Yeah, we've got a new van. We ain't got the shitty fish and chips van
that we had before that we used to rent.
We've actually got some budget from the channel. Look at it there.
So, you bought a trailer.
We bought the full thing. It's still a bit mad.
That was in Lord's Cricket Ground,
if you can tell from the background.
And Tubsey and Hyder.
Cooking in that van isn't easy.
Sometimes I, like, envy the studio shows when I see you lot
in the studio in the warmth, you know.
Just nice, no rain, no wind.
We were filming in Leeds for Mel B.
I don't know if you remember, the beginning of this year,
it was very windy in the UK. Yeah.
And under the oil fryer... AUDIENCE MEMBER SNEEZES
...you have... Bless you. Under the...
LAUGHTER
Under the oil fryer, obviously...
MICHAEL: We don't say "bless you" in pandemics.
Fuck you.
LAUGHTER
Oh, God.
APPLAUSE
But, yeah, you've got the flames that keep the oil hot.
Yeah. Ancl there's, like, wires connected.
Ancl what happened was, Hyder opened it
to check what was going on and the wires were on fire.
Wow. So, essentially,
if the flame hit the oil,
we would have cited. Wow.
Ancl it was at that moment, production said,
"We'll stop filming now."
And this is somehow Mel B's fault?
Yeah, I blame Mel B, cos Mel B didn't turn up.
We would have just died for no reason.
At least if Mel was there,
then it would have been for a good cause.
You know, a Spice Girl, you know what I'm saying?
So, Big Eats won a BAFTA.
Quite rightly so. You won two, in fact.
Double, that's what I said.
That's a weird old night, I guess. How was it,
the experience of going there and winning those awards?
I definitely didn't expect to win. When I won the first BAFTA,
you get on stage...
That was me looking excited.
You get on stage and there's an autocue and there's a camera.
But I wasn't reading the autocue
cos I was freestyling the speech,
and then, I didn't wanna look in the camera,
so I had to find a focal point to direct my speech.
Ancl I saw a shiny head
and it was Ross Kemp.
I was doing what I was doing, I was looking at Ross Kemp, thinking,
"Yo, that's Ross Kemp. Oh, my clays, EastEnders."
Ancl I was thinking about that while I had to say this amazing speech.
So, all I did was focus on Ross Kemp's head,
said the speech of my life, and then, yeah, man, two BAFTAs.
Big up Ross Kemp. Thank you. Yeah.
APPLAUSE
So, it's a strange experience,
because I know you've won awards, haven't you?
And award ceremonies, you go there, you hope you win,
but at the same time, I suppose
you can never really relax and enjoy the night until you find out.
Yeah, it always feels out of body, all those things.
Even performing on TV,
out of body. Yeah.
It's kind of fun. Yeah.
It's a good high. Yeah.
But it must be stressful.
You were nominated for an Oscar, of course.
Yeah. When I found out I got nominated,
me and my sister started screaming so loudly
that my neighbour called the cops
cos she thought something bad was really happening.
The cops came, and cos they're California, Hollywood cops,
they're, like... AMERICAN ACCENT: "Er...
"so, you know, you're not gonna win.
"It's the... It's the hot, the hot woman off LA Confidential
"and the old woman from Titanic. They're gonna win."
And I was, like, "Really? I'm not even in for a..."
Anyway, they called it.
Gordon, have you won an award?
GORDON LAUGHS
You're such a knob, honestly.
I don't know if you have. I'm just trying
to include you in the conversation.
MICHAEL: Here he goes.
One Emmy and three BAH As. Wow'.!
MINNIE: Hey! Wow!
APPLAUSE
Amazing, amazing.
Michael, you've never acted, have you, really?
I've won three Oscars, two Golden Globes,
four Emmys,
I've got four Michelin stars...
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
I got my Duke of Edinburgh Award, Bronze.
We're gonna take a break but don't go away
cos afterwards, Adam Lambert will be performing
at the end of the show, and we'll be playing
our traditional Christmas game of Pie Face.
See you in a couple of minutes.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show. Everyone's still here.
Adam, you look spectacular, of course.
Thank you. The shoes,
that's like a platform boot. Yeah.
I've got these in seven or eight colours.
I'm obsessed. Wow.
Because, you know, men's heels are not easy to find,
until recently, it's become more of a trend.
But they're very hard to walk in.
You know, these are pretty flat. They're not that hard.
They're pretty comfortable. The incline is only...
Look at me. I'm, like... It's only about that much of a...
Yeah, cos that's where the foot is.
Yeah, that's where the foot is.
How do you get your foot up like that? You're super bendy.
LAUGHTER
I would have pulled something. You learn a lot in LA, you know.
LAUGHTER
You know what they say, Zuu. Practice makes perfect.
Right, but...
Ah! Fucking hell!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I can't even get past my knee.
I'm telling you.
Every year, on Christmas,
we do something which has become quite special to us.
We play a game called Pie Face.
So, to put you in the mood, this will show you
Pie Faces of years gone by.
This is like the ghost of Pie Face. Have a look at this.
An exciting, fun-filled game of suspense.
Wait for the tension to build.
Warning. Choking hazard.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Everyone has been kind enough to join me here in the Pie Face arena.
You know how to play? Do you know the rules, guys?
Rules are very simple. We do one at a time.
You turn it, click it once.
At random, some of these will shoot into our face and give us
a lovely creamy complexion.
The last person to get creamed - they don't have to go all the way -
the last person who hasn't been creamed, they're the winner.
Let's start with Michael. Glasses off.
I've taken the glasses off.
So, everyone, squat, and faces through.
I'm sure you've all been asked to do that before.
I can't get my head in there.
Michael, when you're ready.
I turn it clockwise? Away from you.
All right. GORDON: Shit.
CLICK Ooh!
BIG ZUU: Ooh, ooh! Minnie, your go.
CLICK
My go.
Oh!
CHEERING
Pie face.
AUDIENCE CHANT: Pie face! Pie face!
Pie face! Pie face!
CHEERING
AUDIENCE CHANT: Pie face!
Pie face! Pie face!
Zuu, you're up. Go on, Zuu!
Go on, big man ting.
I don't want cream on my face,
you know what I'm saying? I'm a serious rapper.
CLICK
CHEERING Adam.
I've clone this before.
LAUGHTER
CLICK
OK. Round two, Michael, when you're ready.
It's very exciting.
Argh... CLICK
Minnie is dreading this. Come on, Minnie.
GORDON: Get in there. Fucking hell.
Get in there.
LAUGHTER ZUU: Oh, my clays!
AUDIENCE CHANT: Pie face! Pie face!
You've got a towel. OK, Zuu.
CLICK
I started moving, and that.
CLICK
It's definitely you. I think it's me.
It has to be. It's the law of... I think this is it.
I'm actually ready for it.
CLICK Ah!
Here we go.
CLICK
It's gonna be me. I was so worried.
It's gonna be me.
CLICK
Back to you.
Michael. How long is this gonna last?
MINNIE: Forever. Happy New Year, by the way!
LAUGHTER
CLICK
What's happening?
Now I tasted it, now I want it.
CLICK
ZUU: All right, let's all do it at the same time.
OK. Three, two, one.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
We have a winner.
AUDIENCE CHANT: Pie face! Pie face!
Pie Face champion 2022, Adam Lambert, ladies and gentlemen.
CHEERING
And that couldn't be more appropriate
because, Adam, it means I can ask you to head over to perform,
if you'd like to go and get ready. Adam Lambert, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
If you wanna head over.
And while Adam gets ready to sing,
I'm gonna say thank you to all my guests tonight.
Join me again on New Year's Eve for a comedy special.
All that's left for me to do is wish you a very happy Christmas
and leave you with some great music.
With 'Ordinary World', it's Adam Lambert.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MUSIC: Intro to 'Ordinary World'
# Came in from a rainy Thursday
# On the avenue
# Thought I heard you talking softly
# I turned on the lights, the TV
# Ancl the radio
# Still I can't escape The ghost of you
# What has happened to it all?
# Crazy, some will say
# Where is the life That I recognise?
# Gone away
# But I won't cry for yesterday
# There's an ordinary world
# Somehow I have to find
# Ancl as I try to make my way
# To the ordinary world
# I will learn to survive
# Passion or coincidence
# Once prompted you to say
# Pride will tear us both apart
#Oh
# Pride's gone out the window
# Cross the rooftops, run away
# Left me in the vacuum of my heart
# What has happened to me?
# Crazy, some will say
# Where is my friend When I need you most?
# Gone away
# But I won't cry for yesterday
# There's an ordinary world
# Somehow I have to find
# Ancl as I try to make my way
# To the ordinary world
# I will learn to survive
# La, la, la
# Oh, la, la, la, la, la
# La, la, la
# Ooh, la, la, la, la
# La, la, la, la
#Ah
# La, la, la
# Ooh-ooh
. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com