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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hello.
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Hello, everyone. Thank you.
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CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH
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Thank you for coming.
Thank you for joining us at home.
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Good evening, everyone.
Welcome to The Jonathan Ross Show.
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And we have got a great programme
lined up for you tonight.
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Let's have a look
at who's in my green room.
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00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:36,021
First up, a two-time
World Heavyweight champion boxer,
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who's won a whopping 28
out of his 31 bouts.
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I'm delighted to have him here
as my guest this evening.
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It is, of course,
the fabulous Anthony Joshua.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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That's a good-looking man
right there.
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Alongside him, a genuine superstar,
who's conquered the world of film,
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television, and has been
in the pop charts for six decades.
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It's the absolute icon that is Lulu.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Thank you to Lulu.
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Also on the show tonight,
we have a true national treasure.
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He's filmed on every continent
on the planet,
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it is, of course, Sir Michael Palin.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!
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Thank you!
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And that's not all. We've got more.
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Joining them,
we have a fabulous comedian.
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He's a writer
and a presenter as well.
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He makes everything he stars in
a joy to watch.
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You know him, you love him.
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It's Tom Allen.
Very kind, very kind.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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I hope that was
flattering enough, Tom.
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Plus... And I'm very excited
about my next guest,
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and I think you're gonna love her.
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She's a comedian who, after only
seven months working as a stand-up,
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won a prestigious major
comedy award.
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She's now touring
with her smash-hit debut show.
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It's the very, very funny
Laura Smyth, ladies and gentlemen.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Great to have you here.
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Thank you for joining us.
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And as if that weren't enough,
we've got some great music tonight
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from the band that recently won
Best British Group at the Brits.
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It's Jungle.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Hello, Jungle.
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OK, so, before I get
those fabulous guests out here,
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one of my favourite stories
of the week... And I don't know
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if you saw this, but this is
a very heart-warming, lovely story.
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A good Samaritan was out walking
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and found a hedgehog on the side
of the road in Cheshire.
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LAUGHTER
Some of you've heard it.
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It's a lovely story.
She took it home,
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she put it in a little warm box,
gave it some cat food.
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A little baby hedgehog,
she's trying to look after it.
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She put a bit of milk in there,
spent the night nursing it.
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Couldn't work out why the poor thing
wasn't eating, wasn't moving,
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was panicking about it.
So, here it is.
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Here's the picture
of the hedgehog in the box, OK.
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She took it to her local
wildlife hospital
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to see what they could do,
and it turned out
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what they could do was tell her
that it was actually
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a bobble from a hat...
LAUGHTER
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..and not a hedgehog after all.
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But I mean, to be fair,
you can see why she thought that.
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I mean, she was probably
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embarrassed, but just imagine
the poor person walking around
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with a baby hedgehog on their head,
thinking that...
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Shall we get on with the show?
AUDIENCE: Yes!
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OK.
Let's get my first guests out here.
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It's the fabulous Anthony Joshua
and the equally fabulous Tom Allen.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Bring it in.
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I'm on tiptoe!
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Do I get a hug?
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Much easier. Easier to get
my arms around. Come and sit down.
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Come on.
Do you want me to sit down?
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Sit down, sit down, Anthony.
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I just wanted to know
what it was like to be tall.
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Oh, what it's like to be tall?
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Tom, I love the fact that you were
basking in that, but let's face it,
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90% of that was for Anthony.
I know.
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Well, look, congratulations,
first of all, to Anthony.
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Congratulations on winning your
last fight against Francis Ngannou.
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Yes. Thank you so much, thank you.
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And it seemed like it was over
quite quickly.
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Yeah.
Was it the second round?
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Yeah. Did you expect it
to be over that quickly?
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You know, I was preparing
for a ten-round, tough fight,
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because the guy's a big, strong guy
from a different field,
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cos he's an MMA fighter, really.
If anyone doesn't know what that is,
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they use their elbows, knees
and submissions.
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And they're in a cage, aren't they?
They're in a cage,
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but it's a similar discipline.
But he's a tough guy,
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so I thought it would go
the ten rounds,
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but I thought
I would still be victorious.
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And it happened a lot sooner
than I expected.
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Cos you knocked him down
in the first round.
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Yeah.
And he got back up, obviously.
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And then, the second round,
the punch you delivered,
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that was a big blow.
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Yes, it was. Thank God.
Yeah, I love it.
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When we talk about it,
you're smiling.
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Yeah, you love the thought
you beat that man into the ground.
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There's no extra time in boxing.
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And believe me, he would do
exactly the same thing to me.
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He would if he could,
but he couldn't.
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That's right.
Let's have a look.
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Would you like to see this again?
Go on, then.
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LAUGHTER
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Tom, would you like...?
Did you see the fight?
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I'd quite like to be taken out
by Anthony Joshua.
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LAUGHTER
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LAUGHTER CONTINUES
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APPLAUSE
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This is Anthony,
doing what he does best,
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00:05:02,941 --> 00:05:04,461
in his last fight. Look at this.
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It's so long, isn't it,
from Ngannou, and heavy?
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Yeah, that's why that right hand...
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Oh, he's caught him again!
And Ngannou walked right into it,
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and you can't do that
against Anthony Joshua.
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Let's see if Anthony Joshua can...
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Oh! Oh!
And we have a champion!
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And it's lights out.
Whoa!
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Anthony Joshua!
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This right-hander's the biggest shot
I have seen live.
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What a right-hand that was!
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Incredible! And you can see
the leg completely buckled.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Anthony Joshua in action.
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So, I guess, when you see someone
go like that, you must think,
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"OK, this is kind of over.
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"Even if he gets back up,
this is kind of over."
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You can definitely gauge.
The instinct...
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Over the years,
I've built that instinct to know
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when someone is hurt
but can come back,
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and when they're completely
finished.
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00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:05,021
Sometimes there is,
what I believe is called
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00:06:05,021 --> 00:06:06,541
in boxing circles, trash talk.
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Yes.
Oh, I wouldn't like that.
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You'll be a good trash talker.
Do you think?
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I think you'll be a very good...
Sassy talk.
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You look awful! Oh, what have
you done to your hair?!
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LAUGHTER
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But does it get to you
when you hear...?
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Cos I know you know
it's part of the game,
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it's part of the showbiz element
of the sport. Mm.
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But does it ever get
under your skin?
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100%. When I go back to that gym,
if I see someone
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talking about my haircut
and all that...
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You've got lovely hair.
You like my hair?
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I couldn't talk, could I?
Shout out to my barber.
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Shout out to mine!
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But, yeah, you take it personal
and you meditate on it,
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and you wanna punish them
for what they said about you.
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So, when Tyson Fury called you
a silly sausage...
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LAUGHTER
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What do you think I felt?
I wanted...
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But I'm sure
you've been called worse.
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We've all been called worse
than a silly sausage.
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Of course,
but this is one of my rivals.
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Yeah.
This is someone
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I wanna compete with one day,
so everything he says is, like,
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I've got it all stored
in the back of my memory,
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and when the fight happens,
I'm gonna use it as a little fuel.
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Take that, you silly...
Who's a silly sausage now?
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Who's a silly sausage?
Call me a bloody sausage, will you?
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More like a banger!
LAUGHTER
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Oh, that's good!
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Bangers and mash.
Yeah!
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Here's what will surprise you,
I think... Yes?
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And it may surprise you,
it might not.
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..is that we don't just have
one boxer on the couch right now,
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we have two.
Where?
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Well, there's only two people
on the couch!
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Oh!
LAUGHTER
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Trash talking, I see.
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I can do that, don't worry.
It's started!
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Because, Tom, you have been doing
boxing training for how long now?
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I've been training
for five years, actually.
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Serious?
And... Don't...
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LAUGHTER
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Oh, round of applause
Anthony Joshua got for that.
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LAUGHTER
Yeah. I mean, it's a good start.
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Yes, my friend Luke.
And I say I do boxing training.
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I basically pay a man
to punch his hands.
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OK.
But it's very good exercise
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and I really like it,
so I've been enjoying it. Good.
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And apparently, I've got
quite a strong left hook.
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Yeah?
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00:08:04,661 --> 00:08:06,261
But I'm not very good
with an uppercut.
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OK, but we can improve that.
We can improve that. Easy.
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It's ever so good because it's
an all-over body exercise, isn't it?
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Yes.
Mind as well.
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00:08:13,381 --> 00:08:15,021
Mind.
You've got to be good in your mind.
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Everything is mental.
Everything.
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Everything is mental.
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But I mean, it's amazing, actually,
how all-encompassing it is.
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I love the fact that you're telling
Anthony how good boxing is,
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like he doesn't know.
What I think you'll like about it
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00:08:28,301 --> 00:08:30,581
is...
"You should stick with it,
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"because it's worked for me."
That's right. Well, look at me.
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Five foot, seven and a half.
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Let me ask you about something
which may surprise people
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about Anthony, is that you're
kind of interested in,
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00:08:39,661 --> 00:08:41,981
and it seems to be like you're open
to investigating
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00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:45,861
alternative kind of culture,
alternative medicinal practices.
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00:08:45,861 --> 00:08:48,061
Tell me about the retreat
you went to.
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00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:51,061
I think it was in Canada, was it?
This was in, um...
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00:08:51,061 --> 00:08:53,701
Oh, it was in Oregon.
Oregon, that's right. Oregon, yeah.
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I had five days off
and I knew it was coming up,
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and I was tired already.
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And I wanted to go away,
and it was a darkness retreat.
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00:09:03,341 --> 00:09:05,781
But anyone can say, "Oh, you could
just turn off the lights
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00:09:05,781 --> 00:09:07,701
"in your bedroom and have
a darkness retreat."
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00:09:07,701 --> 00:09:10,421
But is not quite the same, yeah?
So, I went out to Oregon.
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00:09:10,421 --> 00:09:12,741
So, a darkness retreat...
You go into...
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They put you in a dark room?
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Bedroom, but it has
its own bathroom in it,
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00:09:17,261 --> 00:09:20,501
and then, it has a door
where they can put food in,
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but it doesn't let...
Hold on. Were you in jail in Oregon?
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LAUGHTER
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I went and served five days
in Oregon Jail.
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Five days for a parking fine.
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But it was completely pitch-black.
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No sound,
no communication with anyone.
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So, basically,
all your senses get shut down.
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00:09:38,821 --> 00:09:41,341
And so, you're there
with your own thoughts?
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00:09:41,341 --> 00:09:44,701
Yeah. How many people do you think
could do that in here? Not me!
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00:09:44,701 --> 00:09:45,941
No?
No.
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00:09:45,941 --> 00:09:47,301
Well, we're gonna find out,
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00:09:47,301 --> 00:09:49,861
cos all of you are going
straight from the studio...
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LAUGHTER
..to Oregon for a month of darkness.
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No, you know what? Many people
couldn't, many people couldn't.
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And I'm sure you learnt quite a lot
about yourself in that time?
234
00:09:59,661 --> 00:10:01,861
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
It was phenomenal.
235
00:10:01,861 --> 00:10:04,621
Good experience, and it was
much needed. Would I do it again?
236
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:07,821
Cos I've experienced it once...
It's harder than I thought,
237
00:10:07,821 --> 00:10:11,461
but I'm stronger than I thought.
Could you do that, do you think?
238
00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:14,301
Could you spend five days
in your own company like that?
239
00:10:14,301 --> 00:10:17,941
No way!
I think things like meditation...
240
00:10:17,941 --> 00:10:20,541
I mean, I don't really know
what it is, apart from breathing
241
00:10:20,541 --> 00:10:24,261
and thinking about your legs.
But do you know what?
242
00:10:24,261 --> 00:10:26,981
I did download
one of those mindfulness apps,
243
00:10:26,981 --> 00:10:29,021
cos I wanted to zone out a bit
and calm down.
244
00:10:29,021 --> 00:10:31,341
I downloaded one of those
mindfulness apps to teach me
245
00:10:31,341 --> 00:10:35,581
how to meditate, and then,
I forgot to cancel the free trial.
246
00:10:35,581 --> 00:10:38,141
Absolutely furious!
Never been more angry.
247
00:10:38,141 --> 00:10:40,021
You've gotta pay the money
every month.
248
00:10:40,021 --> 00:10:43,181
So, now, I've got to pay
for the bastard thing every month.
249
00:10:43,181 --> 00:10:45,381
You're more stressed
as a result of the meditation.
250
00:10:45,381 --> 00:10:46,981
It's made me more stressed.
251
00:10:46,981 --> 00:10:49,941
Tom is back with a brand-new tour,
ladies and gentlemen.
252
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,621
That is reason to celebrate,
isn't it?
253
00:10:51,621 --> 00:10:53,861
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
254
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:56,181
That's nice of you to say.
255
00:10:57,381 --> 00:10:59,741
I think, last time you were
on the show,
256
00:10:59,741 --> 00:11:02,221
I think you were still living
with your parents.
257
00:11:02,221 --> 00:11:04,901
Oh, yes, Jonathan. Well, that's
what this show is about.
258
00:11:04,901 --> 00:11:06,261
And now you have moved out.
259
00:11:06,261 --> 00:11:09,061
I've moved out
at the tender age of 38 and a half.
260
00:11:09,061 --> 00:11:10,661
Wow!
I'm still at home with my parents.
261
00:11:10,661 --> 00:11:12,901
Are you, AJ?
Yeah, I'm still at home with my mum.
262
00:11:12,901 --> 00:11:15,421
Wow! See? Don't take the piss
out of him, do you?
263
00:11:15,421 --> 00:11:18,461
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
264
00:11:18,461 --> 00:11:21,461
Don't worry, don't worry.
See?
265
00:11:22,621 --> 00:11:24,541
OK, so, you moved out
from your parents.
266
00:11:24,541 --> 00:11:26,501
Where did you move to?
Somewhere glamorous?
267
00:11:26,501 --> 00:11:27,981
Just down the road, in Bromley.
Oh.
268
00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:30,021
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
Way!
269
00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:31,381
Where did you grow up?
270
00:11:31,381 --> 00:11:32,741
Bromley.
Oh.
271
00:11:32,741 --> 00:11:35,541
So, very boring. But I like it
cos it's boring, suburban.
272
00:11:35,541 --> 00:11:37,861
Nice, though.
But I like that. Leafy suburbia.
273
00:11:37,861 --> 00:11:40,261
That must be near where you went
to school as well. Yes.
274
00:11:40,261 --> 00:11:43,421
Actually, I live on the same road
that my old school was on.
275
00:11:43,421 --> 00:11:44,981
Wow!
So, I used to walk past this place
276
00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:47,181
on the way to the bus stop,
which I thought was nice.
277
00:11:47,181 --> 00:11:48,381
Yeah.
278
00:11:48,381 --> 00:11:51,261
And, you know, it's a nice
connection to the past.
279
00:11:51,261 --> 00:11:54,181
But then, I remembered what my old
school was actually like. Yeah.
280
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,981
It was a comprehensive school
in Bromley.
281
00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:58,981
And I'll be there, taking the bins
out, and I'll say to the kids,
282
00:11:58,981 --> 00:12:01,381
"Would you mind not throwing
your Monster Munch packets
283
00:12:01,381 --> 00:12:05,141
"into my front garden?" And they'll
say, "Oh, piss off, Judge Rinder!"
284
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,781
LAUGHTER
285
00:12:07,781 --> 00:12:10,261
AJ, I wanna ask you,
what do you think of this trend
286
00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:13,581
at the moment of YouTubers entering
the world of boxing?
287
00:12:13,581 --> 00:12:15,541
Because Jake Paul is about to fight
Mike Tyson.
288
00:12:15,541 --> 00:12:17,221
Yes.
What do you think about this trend?
289
00:12:17,221 --> 00:12:20,501
Well, I personally think
it's really good.
290
00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:24,141
I think that the boxing hardcores,
the boxing fanatics,
291
00:12:24,141 --> 00:12:25,861
they don't like it
because it's, like,
292
00:12:25,861 --> 00:12:27,621
"Why are they disrespecting
our sport?"
293
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:30,821
There's an Olympic system
that you have to go through,
294
00:12:30,821 --> 00:12:33,021
and once you've qualified there,
you to go through
295
00:12:33,021 --> 00:12:35,661
to the professional ranks.
Whereas someone with a profile can
296
00:12:35,661 --> 00:12:38,461
just come out of nowhere
and fight one of the best guys.
297
00:12:38,461 --> 00:12:41,621
But I think... Let's say we divided
this crowd in half,
298
00:12:41,621 --> 00:12:44,181
and you've got half of the people
that are hardcore boxing fans
299
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:48,261
and half of the people that love a
certain person that's into YouTube.
300
00:12:48,261 --> 00:12:50,181
Like a YouTuber, yeah.
301
00:12:50,181 --> 00:12:52,821
But that person brings
all of these people into boxing,
302
00:12:52,821 --> 00:12:55,861
which benefits everyone else
that's involved in the industry.
303
00:12:55,861 --> 00:12:58,061
Cos some of them might stay,
not just for that match.
304
00:12:58,061 --> 00:12:59,501
Yeah.
They might get into the sport.
305
00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:02,781
And it's a tough game, so everyone
viewing helps, so I think
306
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:05,981
it's really good for people
that need, like, some exposure.
307
00:13:05,981 --> 00:13:08,861
And of that match
between Mr Paul and Mr Tyson,
308
00:13:08,861 --> 00:13:10,861
which one do you think is gonna win?
309
00:13:10,861 --> 00:13:12,901
The only thing I'm worried about
is Father Time.
310
00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:16,381
That's one thing that's never been
beat. And Tyson is older now.
311
00:13:16,381 --> 00:13:19,261
But I pray that he comes out
healthy, but I think...
312
00:13:19,261 --> 00:13:21,421
I think Jake Paul, cos of the youth.
313
00:13:21,421 --> 00:13:23,461
That's the only thing,
cos of the youth.
314
00:13:23,461 --> 00:13:27,781
When is your next fight?
Has that date been set yet?
315
00:13:27,781 --> 00:13:30,981
Around September is when
I've been told. I was hoping June.
316
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:33,461
Yeah, you wanted an early one,
didn't you?
317
00:13:33,461 --> 00:13:36,021
I wanted an early one, but it's
all right. I've got some time
318
00:13:36,021 --> 00:13:37,781
to go on dates now and mingle
for a bit.
319
00:13:37,781 --> 00:13:39,221
WHOOPING
320
00:13:39,221 --> 00:13:41,261
So, September.
So, I'm training at the minute,
321
00:13:41,261 --> 00:13:43,501
so I've got two months
before I get into the place
322
00:13:43,501 --> 00:13:45,021
where I go into a training camp
323
00:13:45,021 --> 00:13:46,941
and you distance yourself
from society for...
324
00:13:46,941 --> 00:13:48,461
And do you know
who it's against yet?
325
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,781
No. I think what they're saying is,
be patient, because you've got
326
00:13:51,781 --> 00:13:53,981
Tyson Fury versus Oleksandr Usyk,
327
00:13:53,981 --> 00:13:56,541
all the belts, and then,
once that's done, hopefully,
328
00:13:56,541 --> 00:13:59,461
I can kick down the door and get
my opportunity to fight one of them.
329
00:13:59,461 --> 00:14:02,021
So, whoever gets all the belts,
if you fight them and you win,
330
00:14:02,021 --> 00:14:03,541
which, let's face it, you will...
331
00:14:03,541 --> 00:14:05,741
And I know Tyson's been
on the show...
332
00:14:05,741 --> 00:14:08,101
He said... When I watched you
and Tyson last time,
333
00:14:08,101 --> 00:14:11,901
you said the same thing as well.
I watched you.
334
00:14:11,901 --> 00:14:14,621
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
335
00:14:17,261 --> 00:14:20,301
But I was watching you then, and I
see you weren't in the right place.
336
00:14:20,301 --> 00:14:22,821
Now, you are,
so I'm now changing my mind...
337
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,821
OK, let's go.
..based on what I've seen tonight.
338
00:14:24,821 --> 00:14:26,381
Yes.
So, don't go away
339
00:14:26,381 --> 00:14:28,581
because up next,
we'll be joined by Lulu.
340
00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:31,661
We'll see you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
341
00:14:37,331 --> 00:14:38,651
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
342
00:14:40,651 --> 00:14:45,011
Welcome back to the show.
Let's get my next guest out.
343
00:14:45,011 --> 00:14:46,971
I am beyond excited she's here,
344
00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:49,211
because she is, quite simply,
a musical legend.
345
00:14:49,211 --> 00:14:51,251
She's met everyone,
she's worked with everyone,
346
00:14:51,251 --> 00:14:53,091
she's succeeded
in everything she's done.
347
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:55,771
It is the phenomenal Lulu.
348
00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:58,211
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
349
00:14:59,651 --> 00:15:01,251
Thank you.
350
00:15:03,211 --> 00:15:05,011
Come on down, Lulu.
351
00:15:06,651 --> 00:15:09,571
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
352
00:15:12,731 --> 00:15:15,651
Lulu, as you're about to find out,
but many of you know already,
353
00:15:15,651 --> 00:15:17,371
has had
the most extraordinary career,
354
00:15:17,371 --> 00:15:18,691
and is just a phenomenal talent.
355
00:15:18,691 --> 00:15:21,691
But one thing you kind of do have
in common with Anthony here is...
356
00:15:21,691 --> 00:15:24,651
Anthony, who do you consider to be
the greatest boxer of all time?
357
00:15:24,651 --> 00:15:26,811
For me, Muhammad Ali.
358
00:15:26,811 --> 00:15:29,371
And guess which one of us has
not only met Muhammad Ali,
359
00:15:29,371 --> 00:15:31,811
but been to Muhammad Ali's house.
You?
360
00:15:31,811 --> 00:15:34,011
No!
LAUGHTER
361
00:15:34,011 --> 00:15:35,371
I wish!
362
00:15:35,371 --> 00:15:37,331
That's amazing.
No, Lulu. You spent some time
363
00:15:37,331 --> 00:15:40,851
with Ali, back in the day.
Yeah, there was a show that I did...
364
00:15:40,851 --> 00:15:43,531
Wow! Wow!
He told me...
365
00:15:43,531 --> 00:15:47,611
He said I looked like I would have
a good right hook.
366
00:15:47,611 --> 00:15:50,131
There you go.
But you can see I don't hit very...
367
00:15:50,131 --> 00:15:54,371
What is it he told me to start with?
Like that.
368
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,571
Guard up.
Boof! Boof! Boof!
369
00:15:56,571 --> 00:15:59,171
Yeah, there we go. Steady now.
Don't bring that my way.
370
00:15:59,171 --> 00:16:01,011
Don't bring that my way.
371
00:16:01,011 --> 00:16:02,491
Showing off, sorry.
372
00:16:02,491 --> 00:16:05,971
When you get really good, you don't
say "boof" any more, you just do it.
373
00:16:05,971 --> 00:16:10,011
Hey, here's exciting news.
You can, if you're quick,
374
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:12,171
get the chance to see Lulu on tour.
375
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:13,851
It's called Champagne For Lulu,
376
00:16:13,851 --> 00:16:16,571
and it's going on now until April
17th. Wouldn't that be amazing?
377
00:16:16,571 --> 00:16:18,811
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
378
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,971
Thank you.
379
00:16:20,971 --> 00:16:23,891
Thank you. Thank you.
As it says on the poster,
380
00:16:23,891 --> 00:16:26,411
it's celebrating 60 years
at the top of your game.
381
00:16:26,411 --> 00:16:28,611
And this will be
the last tour you do?
382
00:16:28,611 --> 00:16:31,691
Well, I've decided...
I mean, people have said to me,
383
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:36,331
"Oh, you're retiring?" And I went,
"Christ, no! I'm not retiring."
384
00:16:36,331 --> 00:16:40,891
Actually, I used a worse word
than that. But I don't...
385
00:16:40,891 --> 00:16:43,731
I don't wanna give up, but I don't
wanna do it that way any more.
386
00:16:43,731 --> 00:16:46,811
You know, I don't wanna tour,
do my own tours.
387
00:16:46,811 --> 00:16:50,011
Because 60 years in this business...
388
00:16:50,011 --> 00:16:52,611
I was 75 in November,
and everyone was saying...
389
00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:55,291
CHEERING
390
00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:59,331
That's amazing.
No-one would think that.
391
00:16:59,331 --> 00:17:01,171
Everyone was sort of saying,
392
00:17:01,171 --> 00:17:03,931
"Well, are you gonna have a party?
Are you gonna...?"
393
00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:06,131
I mean, I have parties, believe me.
394
00:17:06,131 --> 00:17:09,251
I have partied!
395
00:17:09,251 --> 00:17:11,451
You know,
in the '60s, '70s, '80s, '90s.
396
00:17:11,451 --> 00:17:14,011
I don't really need to party
any more. This is how I party.
397
00:17:14,011 --> 00:17:15,531
So, Champagne For Lulu, I thought
398
00:17:15,531 --> 00:17:17,771
was a great title.
It is a great title.
399
00:17:17,771 --> 00:17:20,611
And presumably, with a career
of 60 years to pick from,
400
00:17:20,611 --> 00:17:22,331
there'll be hits from every decade.
401
00:17:22,331 --> 00:17:24,171
Do you mind singing
the old songs again,
402
00:17:24,171 --> 00:17:26,611
when people want the really
early ones? Like, for example,
403
00:17:26,611 --> 00:17:29,491
your first big hit
when you were just 15, was 'Shout'.
404
00:17:29,491 --> 00:17:31,411
Yeah.
And then, you won the Eurovision...
405
00:17:31,411 --> 00:17:34,251
CHEERING
Lulu won Eurovision Song Contest
406
00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,971
with 'Boom Bang-a-bang'.
I hope we're gonna win this year.
407
00:17:36,971 --> 00:17:39,811
Yeah, that would be great, if you
think we've got a chance. Oh, yeah.
408
00:17:39,811 --> 00:17:42,691
But will you play those?
Yes, of course.
409
00:17:42,691 --> 00:17:45,091
I think...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
410
00:17:45,091 --> 00:17:49,331
I think it's important to do
the songs that people know.
411
00:17:49,331 --> 00:17:52,331
I'm gonna have a few surprises,
a few surprise guests.
412
00:17:52,331 --> 00:17:54,091
Ah.
But I haven't said who yet.
413
00:17:54,091 --> 00:17:56,971
But if you just think of a couple
of people that I've worked with
414
00:17:56,971 --> 00:18:00,011
or that I know in this business...
COUGHS: Gary Barlow.
415
00:18:00,011 --> 00:18:02,771
SHE COUGHS
416
00:18:02,771 --> 00:18:04,531
Will Gary be turning up?
417
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:07,091
You know, I think the thing is
to say, no comment.
418
00:18:08,691 --> 00:18:10,371
Robbie Williams?
419
00:18:10,371 --> 00:18:13,971
No comment. I'm just sticking
with my "no comment",
420
00:18:13,971 --> 00:18:19,131
because I think it's more exciting
and it's fun, and I've never done...
421
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:21,611
If anyone's seen me work before
onstage,
422
00:18:21,611 --> 00:18:24,331
we pulled out all the stops.
This is gonna be different, but...
423
00:18:24,331 --> 00:18:26,571
I don't think anyone thinks,
when they're starting out
424
00:18:26,571 --> 00:18:29,091
in whatever line they're in,
that they'll still be successful
425
00:18:29,091 --> 00:18:30,491
and able to do it in 60 years' time.
426
00:18:30,491 --> 00:18:33,251
Obviously, in your line of work,
you can't do boxing for that long.
427
00:18:33,251 --> 00:18:35,051
No.
But, AJ, how long do you reckon
428
00:18:35,051 --> 00:18:37,251
you want to carry on boxing?
Cos obviously, there is
429
00:18:37,251 --> 00:18:40,051
a cut-off point in every
professional sportsperson's life.
430
00:18:40,051 --> 00:18:42,011
Yeah. I always said, like, 35.
431
00:18:42,011 --> 00:18:45,971
I'm 35 in October, so I'm thinking
about another two years or so,
432
00:18:45,971 --> 00:18:49,891
if my body holds up. Cos obviously,
the job, ground and pound, is tough.
433
00:18:49,891 --> 00:18:52,091
But if I hold up...
What's it called?
434
00:18:52,091 --> 00:18:53,851
LAUGHTER
435
00:18:53,851 --> 00:18:56,811
That was a club we went to,
wasn't it, Tom?
436
00:18:56,811 --> 00:18:58,811
A place I went to in Berlin.
437
00:18:58,811 --> 00:19:01,731
Ground and pound.
LAUGHTER
438
00:19:01,731 --> 00:19:04,091
There are very few people...
Yeah.
439
00:19:04,091 --> 00:19:06,731
..who've been famous in show
business or in the world of sport
440
00:19:06,731 --> 00:19:09,371
and associated worlds
in the last sort of six decades
441
00:19:09,371 --> 00:19:11,091
who you haven't met,
who you don't know.
442
00:19:11,091 --> 00:19:13,331
I mean, tell us about working
with David Bowie.
443
00:19:13,331 --> 00:19:17,571
Cos Bowie wanted to work with you,
didn't he? He sought you out.
444
00:19:17,571 --> 00:19:19,811
He liked your voice,
he respected your talent,
445
00:19:19,811 --> 00:19:22,651
and he wanted to give you the chance
to sort of do the most you could.
446
00:19:22,651 --> 00:19:25,651
One of the very first beginnings
of that was
447
00:19:25,651 --> 00:19:31,091
when I was just a teenager, and I
would be negotiating with, you know,
448
00:19:31,091 --> 00:19:33,811
men in suits running record labels,
449
00:19:33,811 --> 00:19:36,891
and they would want me to sing
little pop songs.
450
00:19:36,891 --> 00:19:39,131
And I thought I was Mama Thorton.
451
00:19:39,131 --> 00:19:41,091
RASPILY: Yeah, get on, you know.
452
00:19:41,091 --> 00:19:43,531
I didn't wanna sing
those little pop songs.
453
00:19:43,531 --> 00:19:46,331
And so, I would have a lot of tears
and a lot of struggles.
454
00:19:46,331 --> 00:19:50,731
When I met David, David said,
"The labels..."
455
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:53,691
Meaning the record labels.
"..they don't get you.
456
00:19:53,691 --> 00:19:55,731
"They don't get your voice, either.
457
00:19:55,731 --> 00:19:57,971
"I'm gonna make a fucking hit record
with you."
458
00:19:57,971 --> 00:20:00,011
Wow.
I thought, "Well, we'll see."
459
00:20:00,011 --> 00:20:03,011
But also, when he said that to me,
460
00:20:03,011 --> 00:20:05,611
I kind of felt like I'd been heard
and like I'd been seen.
461
00:20:05,611 --> 00:20:08,731
Yeah.
Because it's hard, you know,
462
00:20:08,731 --> 00:20:11,971
to negotiate with people who've been
in the business a long time,
463
00:20:11,971 --> 00:20:15,091
and you felt instinctively...
Shout was, like...
464
00:20:15,091 --> 00:20:17,291
RASPILY: # You know
You make me wanna... #
465
00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:21,091
And I didn't wanna sing little songs
that sort of went...
466
00:20:21,091 --> 00:20:24,211
# La-da-di-da-da... #
And they wanted me to sing...
467
00:20:24,211 --> 00:20:26,771
Because you have that grittier
voice, that raspy, that R&B,
468
00:20:26,771 --> 00:20:29,211
that kind of, like, bluesy voice.
Would you mind if I showed
469
00:20:29,211 --> 00:20:31,891
everyone here
a clip of you performing Shout
470
00:20:31,891 --> 00:20:35,571
when it first came out? I think you
were either 15 or 16 in this clip.
471
00:20:35,571 --> 00:20:39,451
Oh, please. Can we, please, yeah?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
472
00:20:39,451 --> 00:20:42,171
This is amazing.
This is Lulu when she was 15,
473
00:20:42,171 --> 00:20:43,651
with her first big hit.
Look at this.
474
00:20:43,651 --> 00:20:50,091
# We-e-e-e-e-e-ll
475
00:20:50,091 --> 00:20:52,291
# You know you make me wanna shout
Shout!
476
00:20:52,291 --> 00:20:53,611
# Look, my hand's jumping
Shout!
477
00:20:53,611 --> 00:20:55,171
# Look, my heart's thumping
Shout!
478
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:56,811
# Throw my head back
Shout!
479
00:20:56,811 --> 00:20:58,211
# Come on now
Shout!
480
00:20:58,211 --> 00:21:00,491
# Don't forget to say you will
Shout!
481
00:21:00,491 --> 00:21:02,491
# Yeah, don't forget to shout
Shout!
482
00:21:02,491 --> 00:21:04,691
# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Shout!
483
00:21:04,691 --> 00:21:08,131
# Say you will
Throw your head back, baby
484
00:21:08,131 --> 00:21:11,091
# Say you will
Oh, come on, oh, come on
485
00:21:11,091 --> 00:21:16,371
# Say you will
Throw your head back, woo... #
486
00:21:16,371 --> 00:21:18,571
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
487
00:21:19,691 --> 00:21:21,331
Unbelievable!
Amazing!
488
00:21:21,331 --> 00:21:22,971
Amazing!
489
00:21:24,331 --> 00:21:25,891
So, um...
490
00:21:25,891 --> 00:21:29,491
But in a way, that was helped
to become a hit, I believe...
491
00:21:29,491 --> 00:21:31,811
Obviously, it's a great song
and a great performance,
492
00:21:31,811 --> 00:21:33,251
but the Beatles helped that
493
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,291
to become a hit, didn't they?
I think...
494
00:21:35,291 --> 00:21:39,611
I now realise that I had to thank
John Lennon and Paul McCartney,
495
00:21:39,611 --> 00:21:42,211
because you remember
Ready Steady Go?
496
00:21:42,211 --> 00:21:44,251
You won't have done.
You wouldn't be born then.
497
00:21:44,251 --> 00:21:47,771
But Ready Steady Go, there was
nobody on the streets, nobody.
498
00:21:47,771 --> 00:21:50,131
Everybody was at home.
It was a huge event.
499
00:21:50,131 --> 00:21:52,891
TV, back then, there were really
only two channels people watched.
500
00:21:52,891 --> 00:21:55,091
That's right!
So, when there was a pop show on,
501
00:21:55,091 --> 00:21:56,691
everyone watched it.
That's right.
502
00:21:56,691 --> 00:21:58,651
And Ready Steady Go was the pop show
of its day.
503
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:03,611
I mean, everybody was at home
watching, and John and Paul were on,
504
00:22:03,611 --> 00:22:06,171
talking to Cathy McGowan,
and she just said to them,
505
00:22:06,171 --> 00:22:08,531
"So, do you have a favourite release
this week?"
506
00:22:08,531 --> 00:22:10,931
And they both said,
"Oh, yeah, Lulu's 'Shout'."
507
00:22:10,931 --> 00:22:12,731
Wow! Yeah.
Wow!
508
00:22:12,731 --> 00:22:15,491
You don't know what that meant.
When everyone was at home watching.
509
00:22:15,491 --> 00:22:18,051
That meant that they gave me
the red light, you know.
510
00:22:18,051 --> 00:22:20,451
"This kid is good,"
or whatever they said.
511
00:22:20,451 --> 00:22:22,851
But you know, the funny thing was,
512
00:22:22,851 --> 00:22:25,291
I was getting fish and chips
at the time.
513
00:22:25,291 --> 00:22:26,971
What was you doing out your house?
514
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,411
I was the only one on the street,
you know.
515
00:22:29,411 --> 00:22:31,651
LAUGHTER
My brother was hanging out
516
00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:35,971
the window, "Marie, Marie, hurry up!
You're on the telly!"
517
00:22:35,971 --> 00:22:37,531
LAUGHTER
518
00:22:37,531 --> 00:22:39,291
It was an amazing thing
519
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,851
for John and Paul...
Unbelievable.
520
00:22:40,851 --> 00:22:44,051
So, I think, when they gave me
the thumbs-up...
521
00:22:44,051 --> 00:22:45,691
Yeah.
..I think that kick-started
522
00:22:45,691 --> 00:22:49,251
my whole career, really.
So, it was a huge hit immediately.
523
00:22:49,251 --> 00:22:51,291
If we go back to some of the people
you worked with.
524
00:22:51,291 --> 00:22:53,651
Cos Bowie, obviously, gave you
a future,
525
00:22:53,651 --> 00:22:55,371
and you were in a relationship
with him
526
00:22:55,371 --> 00:22:57,571
for a while as well, weren't you?
No comment.
527
00:22:57,571 --> 00:22:59,131
LAUGHTER
528
00:22:59,131 --> 00:23:03,091
Hold on, you spoke about this
in your book.
529
00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:06,251
Oh, that book was a load of drivel.
Well, you wrote it!
530
00:23:06,251 --> 00:23:10,011
The next one will be...
will be the one.
531
00:23:10,011 --> 00:23:12,611
But that was then.
532
00:23:12,611 --> 00:23:16,491
But now, I feel
that I can say things,
533
00:23:16,491 --> 00:23:22,011
be a bit more insightful about
who I am, what happened, who I was.
534
00:23:22,011 --> 00:23:24,931
And the real story,
be more vulnerable.
535
00:23:24,931 --> 00:23:27,731
Things they say to me...
Because of my...
536
00:23:27,731 --> 00:23:29,971
"Have you got a man?
Are you married?
537
00:23:29,971 --> 00:23:32,331
"Are you dating?" They say.
At my age.
538
00:23:32,331 --> 00:23:34,531
But would you want
to be with someone?
539
00:23:34,531 --> 00:23:36,131
No, not really, I'm very happy.
540
00:23:36,131 --> 00:23:39,091
I have found that I'm really happy
on my own.
541
00:23:39,091 --> 00:23:40,931
But, to be honest with you,
542
00:23:40,931 --> 00:23:44,371
now, after having two marriages,
543
00:23:44,371 --> 00:23:46,091
and I picked two good guys,
544
00:23:46,091 --> 00:23:49,211
Maurice Gibb and John Frieda,
two really great guys.
545
00:23:49,211 --> 00:23:52,091
But, you know, I needed to get
to know myself a bit more.
546
00:23:52,091 --> 00:23:54,051
But you know,
you've had highs and lows,
547
00:23:54,051 --> 00:23:56,531
and there must be highs and lows
in your world as well.
548
00:23:56,531 --> 00:23:58,731
Presumably, the defeats
will be the lows. Yeah.
549
00:23:58,731 --> 00:24:00,611
But on a personal level,
there must be times
550
00:24:00,611 --> 00:24:02,491
when you feel that way as well.
551
00:24:02,491 --> 00:24:04,131
Yeah, definitely,
and that's where...
552
00:24:04,131 --> 00:24:07,411
We spoke backstage, and I was, like,
I've learnt to control my mental.
553
00:24:07,411 --> 00:24:09,691
And I was saying it earlier,
554
00:24:09,691 --> 00:24:11,651
but I've never let success get
to my head...
555
00:24:11,651 --> 00:24:13,251
Oh, it's so important.
..and I never let
556
00:24:13,251 --> 00:24:16,851
the failures get to my heart.
So, I just learned to keep balanced.
557
00:24:16,851 --> 00:24:19,451
And in the morning,
I have an intention.
558
00:24:19,451 --> 00:24:21,811
So, I say, "I'm gonna have
a great day, regardless.
559
00:24:21,811 --> 00:24:24,851
"Bad sleep, bad mood,
I'm gonna have a great day."
560
00:24:24,851 --> 00:24:26,731
That's all you've got is
that moment.
561
00:24:26,731 --> 00:24:28,651
So important.
That's all I've got.
562
00:24:28,651 --> 00:24:30,531
APPLAUSE
563
00:24:30,531 --> 00:24:32,731
It's a great philosophy.
We're gonna have
564
00:24:32,731 --> 00:24:35,571
another break now, but please
don't go anywhere, because up next,
565
00:24:35,571 --> 00:24:37,891
we'll be joined
by Sir Michael Palin.
566
00:24:37,891 --> 00:24:40,411
See you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
567
00:24:48,901 --> 00:24:51,301
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
568
00:24:51,301 --> 00:24:53,101
Welcome back to the show.
569
00:24:53,101 --> 00:24:56,021
All of these fabulous people
are still here,
570
00:24:56,021 --> 00:25:00,021
but let's get my next guest out.
He is a British comedy icon.
571
00:25:00,021 --> 00:25:03,061
The always brilliant
Sir Michael Palin.
572
00:25:03,061 --> 00:25:05,261
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
573
00:25:10,501 --> 00:25:12,821
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
574
00:25:14,021 --> 00:25:16,301
Whoa! I had that last week.
575
00:25:16,301 --> 00:25:18,021
So lovely to see you again.
576
00:25:18,021 --> 00:25:19,661
Come and sit down.
Well, hello!
577
00:25:19,661 --> 00:25:21,861
Hello.
How are you? Nice to meet you.
578
00:25:21,861 --> 00:25:23,341
Very nice to meet you.
579
00:25:24,421 --> 00:25:26,781
This is your seat, sir.
580
00:25:26,781 --> 00:25:28,461
Oh, how nice!
581
00:25:28,461 --> 00:25:30,301
Mwah!
Mwah!
582
00:25:30,301 --> 00:25:31,421
Oh!
583
00:25:31,421 --> 00:25:33,461
So lovely to have you back
on the show.
584
00:25:33,461 --> 00:25:35,181
Thank you for being here.
585
00:25:35,181 --> 00:25:36,501
You two go way back.
We do.
586
00:25:36,501 --> 00:25:38,701
You appeared briefly
in Monty Python, didn't you?
587
00:25:38,701 --> 00:25:39,901
I did, with Ringo, I think.
588
00:25:39,901 --> 00:25:41,541
Can you remember that?
Was it Ringo?
589
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:44,821
Yeah. Well, I used to have
this character called the It's Man,
590
00:25:44,821 --> 00:25:48,341
who used to come out of the sea
or somewhere really uncomfortable
591
00:25:48,341 --> 00:25:50,701
at the beginning of the show,
in tattered clothes
592
00:25:50,701 --> 00:25:53,061
and a terrible beard, staring eyes.
593
00:25:53,061 --> 00:25:56,861
And he'd crawl towards the camera,
and he'd say, "It's..."
594
00:25:56,861 --> 00:25:59,861
And John Cleese would then say,
"Monty Python's Flying Circus,"
595
00:25:59,861 --> 00:26:02,781
from the comfort of a desk
in a nice suit.
596
00:26:02,781 --> 00:26:07,541
And so, one day, we decided to give
the It's Man his own show,
597
00:26:07,541 --> 00:26:10,061
and we said,
"What celebrities can we get on?"
598
00:26:10,061 --> 00:26:12,261
But Python wasn't well-known
at the time.
599
00:26:12,261 --> 00:26:15,941
And thankfully, Lulu was
one of them, and Ringo Starr.
600
00:26:15,941 --> 00:26:18,181
Remember him? He was the other.
Wow!
601
00:26:18,181 --> 00:26:22,141
So, I staggered on, with the beard
and the torn clothes,
602
00:26:22,141 --> 00:26:24,781
and asked a few stupid questions.
Well, you know what it's like.
603
00:26:24,781 --> 00:26:26,981
I do. Well...
LAUGHTER
604
00:26:26,981 --> 00:26:30,661
You say you're 75, which is hard
to believe, and everyone cheered.
605
00:26:30,661 --> 00:26:32,661
But you've just turned 80,
haven't you?
606
00:26:32,661 --> 00:26:35,381
I've just turned 80.
Woo, woo, woo!
607
00:26:35,381 --> 00:26:37,861
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Oh, that's wonderful!
608
00:26:37,861 --> 00:26:40,101
That's unbelievable.
ANTHONY: Unbelievable, yeah.
609
00:26:40,101 --> 00:26:41,981
And still working
and still travelling.
610
00:26:41,981 --> 00:26:43,821
I don't get that
at the medical centre.
611
00:26:43,821 --> 00:26:45,021
LAUGHTER
612
00:26:45,021 --> 00:26:46,941
You're 80? Get out!
613
00:26:46,941 --> 00:26:49,181
Um...
Yeah, I'm still travelling.
614
00:26:49,181 --> 00:26:51,821
Before we talk
about your new travel experience,
615
00:26:51,821 --> 00:26:53,861
let me just ask you about boxing.
Cos you strike me
616
00:26:53,861 --> 00:26:56,461
as being more of a lover than
a fighter. But are you a boxing fan?
617
00:26:56,461 --> 00:26:58,461
Have you ever boxed yourself?
618
00:26:58,461 --> 00:27:01,341
Um... Yeah, I have boxed,
619
00:27:01,341 --> 00:27:04,101
and it happened at school,
when I was at boarding school.
620
00:27:04,101 --> 00:27:07,021
And they come round and sort of
force you to do various sports.
621
00:27:07,021 --> 00:27:09,301
Mm, yeah.
And boxing was on, and they said,
622
00:27:09,301 --> 00:27:13,341
"Palin, have you boxed before?"
"Er, no, never."
623
00:27:13,341 --> 00:27:15,381
"Right, you're in
the school championship."
624
00:27:15,381 --> 00:27:17,901
That's how it goes.
So, that was how it goes.
625
00:27:17,901 --> 00:27:19,501
So, I was written in.
626
00:27:19,501 --> 00:27:24,181
And the first round,
I really took it out of somebody,
627
00:27:24,181 --> 00:27:27,581
and I realised I quite enjoyed it,
which is worrying.
628
00:27:27,581 --> 00:27:29,901
But anyway, knocked him flat,
and they said,
629
00:27:29,901 --> 00:27:32,461
"Very, very good.
You're in the final now."
630
00:27:32,461 --> 00:27:35,061
What's going on?
There's no-one else in your weight.
631
00:27:35,061 --> 00:27:36,581
So, you won?
632
00:27:36,581 --> 00:27:39,061
No, the school boxer,
I met in the final.
633
00:27:39,061 --> 00:27:41,301
OK.
Very nice man called Peter Bennett.
634
00:27:41,301 --> 00:27:43,301
Yeah.
He said, "Look, what we'll do..."
635
00:27:43,301 --> 00:27:45,061
And he was a very good boxer.
636
00:27:45,061 --> 00:27:47,261
He said, "We'll do the first round,
just like this,
637
00:27:47,261 --> 00:27:50,141
"and at the end, I'll give you
a punch, quite a light punch,
638
00:27:50,141 --> 00:27:53,701
"and you fall over and it'll be
fine. That'll be the end of it."
639
00:27:53,701 --> 00:27:56,181
But once I was actually fighting,
I thought...
640
00:27:56,181 --> 00:27:58,101
Hang on a minute.
.."I quite enjoy this.
641
00:27:58,101 --> 00:27:59,661
"You've got to do something."
642
00:27:59,661 --> 00:28:02,221
So, when he hit me,
I hit him back,
643
00:28:02,221 --> 00:28:07,141
and so, I got into the second round
of this fight
644
00:28:07,141 --> 00:28:10,941
and he... Well, he hit me very hard
645
00:28:10,941 --> 00:28:14,261
very early on and I staggered about.
646
00:28:14,261 --> 00:28:17,661
And I've not returned to the ring
since then.
647
00:28:17,661 --> 00:28:22,621
Here's the thing, Michael has been
travelling the world for our benefit
648
00:28:22,621 --> 00:28:24,661
for 35 years now.
Wow.
649
00:28:24,661 --> 00:28:26,381
And mine.
And yours.
650
00:28:26,381 --> 00:28:28,981
First show was back
in 1989, wasn't it?
651
00:28:28,981 --> 00:28:31,181
Around The World In 80 Days.
Yeah.
652
00:28:31,181 --> 00:28:33,181
And interestingly,
when you think about it now,
653
00:28:33,181 --> 00:28:36,421
you can't imagine a better host,
can you, for that kind of show,
654
00:28:36,421 --> 00:28:37,901
than being in Michael's company?
655
00:28:37,901 --> 00:28:42,621
But I discovered you weren't
the BBC's first choice.
656
00:28:42,621 --> 00:28:45,901
I wasn't the second choice, either.
Or the third choice.
657
00:28:45,901 --> 00:28:47,941
Or the third choice or...
Or the fourth choice.
658
00:28:47,941 --> 00:28:50,301
I was the fifth choice.
He was the fifth choice.
659
00:28:50,301 --> 00:28:52,301
Yeah.
AUDIENCE: Aw.
660
00:28:52,301 --> 00:28:54,501
Noel Edmonds...
It's OK, he's over it now.
661
00:28:54,501 --> 00:28:55,861
LAUGHTER
662
00:28:55,861 --> 00:28:58,221
So, you've just come back
on the new show,
663
00:28:58,221 --> 00:29:00,381
which you can watch on Channel 5,
664
00:29:00,381 --> 00:29:03,501
it's a three-part series
of Michael Palin In Nigeria.
665
00:29:03,501 --> 00:29:05,221
Wow!
Which I believe...
666
00:29:05,221 --> 00:29:06,781
I thought it was...
Wow!
667
00:29:06,781 --> 00:29:08,381
Yeah.
668
00:29:08,381 --> 00:29:10,821
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
669
00:29:10,821 --> 00:29:13,701
And I didn't realise
670
00:29:13,701 --> 00:29:15,981
how dense a population...
I thought it was 200 million,
671
00:29:15,981 --> 00:29:18,341
but you were telling me earlier
it's 220 million.
672
00:29:18,341 --> 00:29:21,141
It's 220 million in Nigeria.
673
00:29:21,141 --> 00:29:24,221
You know, you look on the map,
and it's tucked away in Africa,
674
00:29:24,221 --> 00:29:25,381
it's quite a small country,
675
00:29:25,381 --> 00:29:28,421
but its population is
100 million more than Russia.
676
00:29:28,421 --> 00:29:30,621
That's extraordinary.
So, there are a lot of people.
677
00:29:30,621 --> 00:29:33,141
And a very young population as well,
isn't there?
678
00:29:33,141 --> 00:29:35,621
Very young. Average age is 18.
Wow!
679
00:29:35,621 --> 00:29:38,061
But I thought, "Well, a country
this big is gonna be
680
00:29:38,061 --> 00:29:40,261
"so important for the future..."
Yeah, yeah.
681
00:29:40,261 --> 00:29:42,261
"..not just to Africa,
but the world.
682
00:29:42,261 --> 00:29:44,541
"You've gotta go and see it,
see what it's like."
683
00:29:44,541 --> 00:29:46,901
And when I got there,
Lagos airport...
684
00:29:46,901 --> 00:29:48,501
How was that?
Shambolic.
685
00:29:48,501 --> 00:29:50,701
It's unbelievable, isn't it?
Utterly shambolic.
686
00:29:50,701 --> 00:29:53,101
It's unbelievable.
He's talking to Anthony here,
687
00:29:53,101 --> 00:29:55,341
cos you know that Anthony has family
from Nigeria.
688
00:29:55,341 --> 00:29:57,301
Yes, yes.
Your ancestry is...
689
00:29:57,301 --> 00:29:58,501
My heritage, yeah.
Wow.
690
00:29:58,501 --> 00:30:00,021
It's great, yeah.
691
00:30:00,021 --> 00:30:04,261
We went by car into Lagos
for the first time
692
00:30:04,261 --> 00:30:07,261
and, whenever you stop
in the traffic,
693
00:30:07,261 --> 00:30:10,021
the people come up and knock on
the window and sell you something.
694
00:30:10,021 --> 00:30:12,981
Yeah, yeah.
And I was amazed cos, at one point,
695
00:30:12,981 --> 00:30:16,941
there's toothbrushes and matches
and cigarettes and things like that,
696
00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:21,181
and one bloke comes up and he's got
a pile of boxes of Scrabble
697
00:30:21,181 --> 00:30:23,621
that he's selling.
And he must've thought,
698
00:30:23,621 --> 00:30:26,341
"Hello, white guy. White guy in car.
699
00:30:26,341 --> 00:30:28,941
"He'll buy this.
Get the Scrabble out."
700
00:30:28,941 --> 00:30:30,941
He looks like a Wordle fan, yeah.
701
00:30:30,941 --> 00:30:32,381
Did you buy it?
No.
702
00:30:32,381 --> 00:30:35,021
Why didn't you buy it?
I couldn't get the window open.
703
00:30:35,021 --> 00:30:36,381
LAUGHTER
704
00:30:36,381 --> 00:30:39,621
Anthony, I imagine you must be
something of a hero
705
00:30:39,621 --> 00:30:42,621
in Nigeria, aren't you?
It's fun when I go back.
706
00:30:42,621 --> 00:30:44,821
If you said
the airport is a shambles,
707
00:30:44,821 --> 00:30:47,301
for me, when I get back
and they see me, it's love.
708
00:30:47,301 --> 00:30:48,701
It's good energy.
709
00:30:48,701 --> 00:30:49,741
Mm.
710
00:30:49,741 --> 00:30:51,941
But, yeah. See, that's me
with the people, yeah.
711
00:30:51,941 --> 00:30:54,701
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yeah, fantastic.
712
00:30:54,701 --> 00:30:56,261
Yeah.
713
00:30:56,261 --> 00:30:58,261
Really good energy.
Yeah.
714
00:30:58,261 --> 00:31:02,061
They've named a street or a road
after you, I believe?
715
00:31:02,061 --> 00:31:05,701
Yeah. So, in my dad's community,
they've named a street after me,
716
00:31:05,701 --> 00:31:10,541
and it's the only street in Nigeria
that has a congestion charge.
717
00:31:10,541 --> 00:31:12,341
LAUGHTER
718
00:31:13,941 --> 00:31:16,221
I'm joking, I'm joking.
719
00:31:16,221 --> 00:31:19,141
Let's go back to the show.
As I said,
720
00:31:19,141 --> 00:31:22,861
it is Michael Palin In Nigeria.
721
00:31:22,861 --> 00:31:27,741
It's on Channel 5 on Tuesday
from 16th April at 9pm.
722
00:31:27,741 --> 00:31:30,141
And as you would expect
from Michael, it's just a joy,
723
00:31:30,141 --> 00:31:31,541
as well as being...
724
00:31:31,541 --> 00:31:33,101
It's quite moving at times...
Yeah.
725
00:31:33,101 --> 00:31:35,861
..and also, very educational.
Have a look at this. Yeah.
726
00:31:35,861 --> 00:31:39,181
'Nigeria, an extraordinary country
727
00:31:39,181 --> 00:31:40,781
'and a complex puzzle.'
728
00:31:40,781 --> 00:31:42,101
This is exciting.
729
00:31:42,101 --> 00:31:44,021
My first time in Nigeria.
730
00:31:44,021 --> 00:31:46,381
'Known as the Giant of Africa,
731
00:31:46,381 --> 00:31:50,821
'it's a place full of wonder
and contradictions.
732
00:31:50,821 --> 00:31:54,341
'I'm embarking
on a 1,300-mile journey...
733
00:31:55,981 --> 00:31:58,821
'..from the people
in vibrant, hectic Lagos...'
734
00:31:58,821 --> 00:32:00,181
This is the hotspot.
735
00:32:00,181 --> 00:32:02,901
'..to the heat and rituals
of the Islamic north.'
736
00:32:04,421 --> 00:32:06,221
In this chaos,
there's also harmonies.
737
00:32:06,221 --> 00:32:09,541
'I'll discover the astonishing
natural wonders...'
738
00:32:09,541 --> 00:32:12,101
I didn't know what to expect,
really, but I didn't expect this.
739
00:32:12,101 --> 00:32:15,261
'..and experience what faith
and devotion really means here.'
740
00:32:15,261 --> 00:32:16,621
Whoa!
741
00:32:16,621 --> 00:32:19,941
This is the kind of moment when
you forget which country you're in.
742
00:32:19,941 --> 00:32:24,181
'The extraordinary people
of Nigeria are full of surprises.'
743
00:32:24,181 --> 00:32:26,421
There's a kind of raucous
celebration to the place.
744
00:32:26,421 --> 00:32:27,821
This is Nigeria.
745
00:32:27,821 --> 00:32:30,021
Wow.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
746
00:32:31,221 --> 00:32:33,421
It does look, um...
747
00:32:33,421 --> 00:32:35,701
It looks very enticing.
748
00:32:35,701 --> 00:32:38,581
It looks like a very exciting place
to be.
749
00:32:38,581 --> 00:32:40,101
Well, it is exciting,
750
00:32:40,101 --> 00:32:42,901
and I just wasn't expecting that.
751
00:32:42,901 --> 00:32:45,261
Lulu, you've travelled the world,
you've toured all over.
752
00:32:45,261 --> 00:32:47,541
Most interesting, most memorable
places you've been?
753
00:32:47,541 --> 00:32:49,981
Oh, I know that
when I was very, very young,
754
00:32:49,981 --> 00:32:53,101
I went to Poland.
And I went with The Hollies,
755
00:32:53,101 --> 00:32:56,021
and we were the first Westerners,
you know...
756
00:32:56,021 --> 00:32:57,861
So, was the Soviet Union
still in place?
757
00:32:57,861 --> 00:33:00,941
Influenced, definitely,
because when we got there,
758
00:33:00,941 --> 00:33:04,901
when we did the gig,
there were guards everywhere.
759
00:33:04,901 --> 00:33:09,461
Guards at the dressing room,
guards around the stage,
760
00:33:09,461 --> 00:33:12,221
and guards down the aisle.
761
00:33:12,221 --> 00:33:14,901
And the crazy thing was
that the guys would say every...
762
00:33:14,901 --> 00:33:20,181
before we went on,
"Do not excite the audience."
763
00:33:20,181 --> 00:33:22,501
I mean, you've come to do
a rock-and-roll show, you know.
764
00:33:22,501 --> 00:33:24,501
It must be difficult
with a song called 'Shout'.
765
00:33:24,501 --> 00:33:26,101
Exactly.
What did you change it to?
766
00:33:26,101 --> 00:33:29,301
Murmur?
LAUGHTER
767
00:33:29,301 --> 00:33:32,101
But, Tom, you've been travelling
quite a lot, I guess,
768
00:33:32,101 --> 00:33:34,901
and you've been all over the world.
Do you enjoy foreign travel?
769
00:33:34,901 --> 00:33:36,781
Yeah, I love going abroad.
770
00:33:36,781 --> 00:33:39,461
And I travel around this country
a lot, which is nice,
771
00:33:39,461 --> 00:33:42,621
and I get to go to places that
we might not naturally travel to.
772
00:33:42,621 --> 00:33:44,581
Barrow-in-Furness, for example.
773
00:33:44,581 --> 00:33:46,901
Lovely place, actually.
One of my favourite shows.
774
00:33:46,901 --> 00:33:48,501
LAUGHTER
775
00:33:48,501 --> 00:33:51,581
And I do really enjoy
travelling abroad.
776
00:33:51,581 --> 00:33:55,221
I had a lovely time in Japan a few
years ago. Loved going to Japan.
777
00:33:55,221 --> 00:33:58,181
I remember being in Kyoto,
which is such a beautiful old city
778
00:33:58,181 --> 00:34:00,661
and everything is so pretty,
and I was walking round,
779
00:34:00,661 --> 00:34:02,661
trying to find a traditional
Japanese theatre,
780
00:34:02,661 --> 00:34:05,621
and couldn't find it. Eventually,
I stumbled upon this building
781
00:34:05,621 --> 00:34:07,821
and it was all lit up,
and I thought, "This must be it."
782
00:34:07,821 --> 00:34:10,341
So, I slipped back the screen
to go in, I was walking around.
783
00:34:10,341 --> 00:34:13,301
Couldn't see anybody, though,
and, eventually, this woman came out
784
00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:15,941
in this beautiful, immaculate,
traditional Japanese clothing
785
00:34:15,941 --> 00:34:18,221
and make-up,
and she looked very formal.
786
00:34:18,221 --> 00:34:21,021
And she looked me up and down
and she went, "This is my house!"
787
00:34:21,021 --> 00:34:24,861
LAUGHTER
Listen, I hope you'll stick around
788
00:34:24,861 --> 00:34:26,221
cos I've got one more part to go,
789
00:34:26,221 --> 00:34:28,661
and it's been so much fun
spending time in your company.
790
00:34:28,661 --> 00:34:30,221
Don't you go anywhere, cos up next,
791
00:34:30,221 --> 00:34:32,941
we'll be joined by comedian
Laura Smyth, and Jungle performing
792
00:34:32,941 --> 00:34:35,181
at the end of the show.
See you after the break.
793
00:34:35,181 --> 00:34:37,181
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
794
00:34:44,928 --> 00:34:47,648
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
795
00:34:47,648 --> 00:34:50,768
Welcome back to the show.
Let's get my next guest out.
796
00:34:50,768 --> 00:34:53,728
She has just embarked
on her first headline tour.
797
00:34:53,728 --> 00:34:55,368
I'm telling you,
you're gonna love her.
798
00:34:55,368 --> 00:34:58,488
She's a brilliant comedian.
The hilarious Laura Smyth.
799
00:34:58,488 --> 00:35:00,528
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
800
00:35:02,888 --> 00:35:05,568
Stop! Stop!
801
00:35:05,568 --> 00:35:07,328
Thank you!
802
00:35:07,328 --> 00:35:10,528
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
803
00:35:10,528 --> 00:35:12,448
Come on, girl!
804
00:35:12,448 --> 00:35:14,888
I feel like Nan on a cruise! Hi!
805
00:35:14,888 --> 00:35:17,328
AJ. Oh, AJ!
806
00:35:17,328 --> 00:35:19,808
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
Come and sit down, Laura.
807
00:35:19,808 --> 00:35:22,008
Hello.
Thank you.
808
00:35:22,008 --> 00:35:23,888
Fabulous to have you here.
How are we doing?
809
00:35:23,888 --> 00:35:25,768
You look amazing. I love the glam!
810
00:35:25,768 --> 00:35:29,088
I love a bit of glam.
OK. We met before, because I did
811
00:35:29,088 --> 00:35:30,728
a thing for ITV called
the Comedy Club,
812
00:35:30,728 --> 00:35:32,608
and I was lucky enough
to have Laura on it.
813
00:35:32,608 --> 00:35:34,488
And you did some material...
You were working
814
00:35:34,488 --> 00:35:36,128
as a teacher, then, weren't you?
I was.
815
00:35:36,128 --> 00:35:37,808
You still had your day job.
Yeah.
816
00:35:37,808 --> 00:35:40,448
And you got in trouble, didn't you?
Shush, I did.
817
00:35:40,448 --> 00:35:43,408
Yeah. It was lockdown, wasn't it?
So, it was weird.
818
00:35:43,408 --> 00:35:45,368
Thank you
for my first telly experience.
819
00:35:45,368 --> 00:35:47,568
My pleasure.
Oh, I'm out of breath,
820
00:35:47,568 --> 00:35:49,448
cos I was scared
about walking in my heels.
821
00:35:49,448 --> 00:35:52,448
LAUGHTER
So, yeah.
822
00:35:52,448 --> 00:35:54,928
What happened was...
Cos we were all teaching from home.
823
00:35:54,928 --> 00:35:57,288
But I went back and I got in
a bit of a disciplinary over it,
824
00:35:57,288 --> 00:36:00,408
because I did a bit of material,
and I got pulled
825
00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:03,328
into the headmaster's office,
which is not as sexy as it sounds,
826
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:04,848
let me tell you,
827
00:36:04,848 --> 00:36:07,768
especially when you're the only one
that's taken their knickers off.
828
00:36:07,768 --> 00:36:09,168
LAUGHTER
829
00:36:09,168 --> 00:36:11,488
I read the situation wrong
and I thought there was a vibe.
830
00:36:11,488 --> 00:36:13,248
There weren't. It's all right.
831
00:36:13,248 --> 00:36:15,928
No, no...
LAUGHTER
832
00:36:15,928 --> 00:36:18,168
What happened was,
he played me the material.
833
00:36:18,168 --> 00:36:22,168
This is true. I felt like
a year 10 kid that had got caught
834
00:36:22,168 --> 00:36:24,608
calling someone a slag on Snapchat,
do you know I mean?
835
00:36:24,608 --> 00:36:27,928
Anyway, so, he played me the
material, and then, he paused it,
836
00:36:27,928 --> 00:36:30,528
looked at me and he says,
"Would you agree
837
00:36:30,528 --> 00:36:33,688
"that this constitutes bringing
the school into disrepute?"
838
00:36:33,688 --> 00:36:36,488
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
839
00:36:36,488 --> 00:36:38,128
I said, "No."
840
00:36:39,328 --> 00:36:42,568
And then, he goes, "Well, what if I
told you 52 parents had complained?"
841
00:36:42,568 --> 00:36:44,488
I said, "Did they?" He said, "No."
842
00:36:44,488 --> 00:36:46,688
I thought, "What the fuck
are we doing here then?"
843
00:36:46,688 --> 00:36:47,928
LAUGHTER
844
00:36:47,928 --> 00:36:50,128
I weren't cocky.
I was crying and snivelling.
845
00:36:50,128 --> 00:36:52,568
And pulling my knickers up,
if I'm honest.
846
00:36:52,568 --> 00:36:54,888
No, but I did.
Cos the joke that I had...
847
00:36:54,888 --> 00:36:57,808
And it was a cute joke, cos it was
about working from home.
848
00:36:57,808 --> 00:37:00,648
The joke was, working from home
is tough because you miss
849
00:37:00,648 --> 00:37:03,488
all the fun and fulfilling things
about work, like...
850
00:37:06,648 --> 00:37:08,808
LAUGHTER
851
00:37:08,808 --> 00:37:10,448
And then, I said, "Oh, I know.
852
00:37:10,448 --> 00:37:12,448
"Slagging colleagues off
to other colleagues.
853
00:37:12,448 --> 00:37:15,808
"If you ain't got anything nice to
say, meet you at lunchtime, babes."
854
00:37:15,808 --> 00:37:18,288
It was a nice, neat joke.
855
00:37:18,288 --> 00:37:21,128
A very neat joke and it IS a joke.
Yes, I know.
856
00:37:21,128 --> 00:37:22,928
With some truth at the heart of it,
perhaps.
857
00:37:22,928 --> 00:37:25,088
Of course, of course.
858
00:37:25,088 --> 00:37:27,008
Michael, did you have
real-world jobs
859
00:37:27,008 --> 00:37:28,808
before you went comedy full-time?
860
00:37:28,808 --> 00:37:33,608
No, I... When I was at Oxford,
I got a job in the long vacation
861
00:37:33,608 --> 00:37:35,928
selling encyclopaedias
862
00:37:35,928 --> 00:37:38,128
to American troops in Germany.
Wow!
863
00:37:38,128 --> 00:37:41,408
We were told this is
an absolute guaranteed way to make
864
00:37:41,408 --> 00:37:43,808
a fortune during the summer,
cos you go there
865
00:37:43,808 --> 00:37:47,128
and there were these big American
bases. This was the 1960s.
866
00:37:47,128 --> 00:37:49,688
And they were all worried about
the education of their children
867
00:37:49,688 --> 00:37:52,128
as opposed to the Russian children,
so you knock on the door,
868
00:37:52,128 --> 00:37:54,768
and you say, "Hello, I'm Michael
Palin from Oxford University.
869
00:37:54,768 --> 00:37:57,488
"I'm doing..." You didn't say,
"I'm selling encyclopaedias."
870
00:37:57,488 --> 00:38:01,048
"I'm doing an educational
research job."
871
00:38:01,048 --> 00:38:04,408
And then, you would sell
the encyclopaedias,
872
00:38:04,408 --> 00:38:06,728
and I was just completely hopeless
at it.
873
00:38:06,728 --> 00:38:08,128
How many did you sell?
874
00:38:08,128 --> 00:38:10,648
Er, three.
LAUGHTER
875
00:38:10,648 --> 00:38:13,648
But that was over a period
of about eight weeks.
876
00:38:13,648 --> 00:38:16,928
One of them,
a man called Epivanko...
877
00:38:16,928 --> 00:38:18,808
I remember his name to this day.
878
00:38:18,808 --> 00:38:21,048
He defected to the Soviet Union...
Wow!
879
00:38:21,048 --> 00:38:23,208
..halfway through his payment.
880
00:38:23,208 --> 00:38:25,168
He'd do anything
to get out of that payment!
881
00:38:25,168 --> 00:38:27,648
So, I didn't get the commission
on that.
882
00:38:27,648 --> 00:38:30,808
Laura, you're a parent
of three children.
883
00:38:30,808 --> 00:38:32,088
I am.
You've got three kids.
884
00:38:32,088 --> 00:38:34,288
One's 21, and eight and five.
Yes.
885
00:38:34,288 --> 00:38:35,808
The 21-year-old, sure,
886
00:38:35,808 --> 00:38:38,088
but the younger ones,
are they allowed to see you work?
887
00:38:38,088 --> 00:38:40,368
Can they see your act?
Aw! They have.
888
00:38:40,368 --> 00:38:42,768
I always play Latitude Festival
because they like it,
889
00:38:42,768 --> 00:38:45,208
and I spend the whole fee
on the helter-skelter for them.
890
00:38:45,208 --> 00:38:47,408
But when they first saw me...
891
00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:49,968
So, my Bonnie, my little one...
middle one was
892
00:38:49,968 --> 00:38:51,648
about six years old,
and she saw me,
893
00:38:51,648 --> 00:38:54,648
and she came running backstage
afterwards and she went, "Seven."
894
00:38:54,648 --> 00:38:57,008
I thought she was giving me,
like, a Len Goodman score.
895
00:38:57,008 --> 00:39:00,768
I went, "Seven?" She went,
"You did the F-word seven times."
896
00:39:00,768 --> 00:39:04,608
AJ, what about your little boy?
Do you think sport is for him?
897
00:39:04,608 --> 00:39:07,448
I think football, probably.
He's how old now? Seven or eight?
898
00:39:07,448 --> 00:39:08,808
He's eight now.
Eight.
899
00:39:08,808 --> 00:39:11,528
Yeah, crazy how fast time goes,
honestly, honestly.
900
00:39:11,528 --> 00:39:13,528
Yeah, so, he's massively
into football.
901
00:39:13,528 --> 00:39:15,288
LULU: Aw! That's a good picture.
902
00:39:15,288 --> 00:39:19,528
Yeah, I'm still a big kid myself.
I buy them for myself.
903
00:39:19,528 --> 00:39:22,368
And he's been
at some of your fights, hasn't he?
904
00:39:22,368 --> 00:39:24,648
Yeah, definitely.
I feel like the experience is...
905
00:39:24,648 --> 00:39:27,488
I'm not doing it forever,
so come down, have a good time
906
00:39:27,488 --> 00:39:29,768
and experience it.
Even the bad times, he's been there.
907
00:39:29,768 --> 00:39:33,088
And what do you say to him
when he's seen you box?
908
00:39:33,088 --> 00:39:35,008
How do you explain to him
what Daddy does?
909
00:39:35,008 --> 00:39:38,048
I don't. You know what I do?
I keep boxing...
910
00:39:38,048 --> 00:39:40,208
It stops at the front door for me,
911
00:39:40,208 --> 00:39:43,048
so I don't bring it into my house
amongst my family and stuff.
912
00:39:43,048 --> 00:39:47,288
Obviously, I do it, but I don't make
them feel like that's what I do.
913
00:39:47,288 --> 00:39:49,808
I'm just Dad, or I'm son
914
00:39:49,808 --> 00:39:52,448
or brother, you know.
That's what Tom's like with comedy.
915
00:39:52,448 --> 00:39:54,368
When he goes home,
he never makes anyone laugh.
916
00:39:54,368 --> 00:39:57,608
Leave the house? I like
how you leave it at the front door.
917
00:39:57,608 --> 00:40:00,048
Your driveway must be a nightmare!
918
00:40:00,048 --> 00:40:02,728
LAUGHTER
919
00:40:03,848 --> 00:40:06,248
Bit of slapstick.
920
00:40:06,248 --> 00:40:08,248
I'm excited that Laura's on tour.
921
00:40:08,248 --> 00:40:09,968
This is your first big tour,
isn't it?
922
00:40:09,968 --> 00:40:11,888
First tour.
You've supported people,
923
00:40:11,888 --> 00:40:13,768
but your first big tour.
LULU: Woo, woo, woo!
924
00:40:13,768 --> 00:40:15,408
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
925
00:40:15,408 --> 00:40:17,848
Until October 27th.
There's the poster for it.
926
00:40:17,848 --> 00:40:19,248
Yeah.
Get yourself some tickets.
927
00:40:19,248 --> 00:40:21,528
It'll be a great night out.
What can we expect on tour?
928
00:40:21,528 --> 00:40:23,728
What kind of material
are you doing at the moment?
929
00:40:23,728 --> 00:40:25,288
Oh, this is it.
I've had a real life.
930
00:40:25,288 --> 00:40:28,128
I'm a mum, I used to be a teacher.
You know, I'm from a big family.
931
00:40:28,128 --> 00:40:31,008
It just all... It all happens, do
you know what I mean? Life happens.
932
00:40:31,008 --> 00:40:34,488
So, it's just, you know, everything.
People feel seen by my comedy.
933
00:40:34,488 --> 00:40:37,328
That it. That's what I like.
You've got a very distinctive voice,
934
00:40:37,328 --> 00:40:40,168
a very authentic voice.
I am authentic, Jonathan, thank you.
935
00:40:41,248 --> 00:40:43,488
Have you had any disasters on stage,
though?
936
00:40:43,488 --> 00:40:45,848
It's obviously going great now,
but when you started off,
937
00:40:45,848 --> 00:40:48,208
most comedians have either
a few gigs or a few audiences
938
00:40:48,208 --> 00:40:50,928
that it doesn't pan out
the way they'd like it to.
939
00:40:50,928 --> 00:40:53,168
No.
LAUGHTER
940
00:40:54,288 --> 00:40:56,168
No, of course. Shut up.
941
00:40:56,168 --> 00:40:58,368
LULU: I love that!
942
00:40:58,368 --> 00:41:01,288
But, no, no.
I think I had a head start
943
00:41:01,288 --> 00:41:04,088
cos I talk for so long, and that's
learning about tough crowds.
944
00:41:04,088 --> 00:41:07,528
I did... I was unwell.
I had breast cancer, right?
945
00:41:07,528 --> 00:41:09,928
No, I don't wanna talk about it.
But, um...
946
00:41:09,928 --> 00:41:11,208
LAUGHTER
947
00:41:11,208 --> 00:41:17,208
But through chemo, I did a lot
of CBD, and it made me a bit slow.
948
00:41:17,208 --> 00:41:18,728
It's so good.
I was on the good stuff.
949
00:41:18,728 --> 00:41:21,768
This is the cannabis oil?
Yeah, so it's all legal,
950
00:41:21,768 --> 00:41:23,928
but I had quite a high potency.
951
00:41:23,928 --> 00:41:26,408
And I thought
that I was sort of slowing down.
952
00:41:26,408 --> 00:41:28,048
People talk about chemo
affecting them.
953
00:41:28,048 --> 00:41:29,768
So, I thought,
"Oh, I'm slowing down."
954
00:41:29,768 --> 00:41:31,448
But my mum tried the CBD and went,
955
00:41:31,448 --> 00:41:34,448
"The chemo is not slowing you down.
It's that CBD."
956
00:41:34,448 --> 00:41:37,088
So, I stopped that
and I was all right again.
957
00:41:37,088 --> 00:41:39,888
So, I thought it sort of affected
my superpowers on stage,
958
00:41:39,888 --> 00:41:42,208
but I just had to slow down
the old CBD.
959
00:41:42,208 --> 00:41:45,208
And so, the tour's gonna go now
until October,
960
00:41:45,208 --> 00:41:47,088
and then, do you have any TV shows
lined up?
961
00:41:47,088 --> 00:41:48,928
Cos I'd love to see you having
your own show.
962
00:41:48,928 --> 00:41:51,568
Yeah, that's what I would like,
Jonathan.
963
00:41:51,568 --> 00:41:55,648
LAUGHTER
Thank you. Tell 'em. Tell 'em.
964
00:41:55,648 --> 00:41:57,888
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
965
00:41:59,688 --> 00:42:02,408
You've just got to make the most
of every opportunity, ain't you?
966
00:42:02,408 --> 00:42:06,368
But, yeah, I've just filmed QI.
I've filmed 8 Out Of Cat...
967
00:42:06,368 --> 00:42:08,688
8 Out Of 10 Cat... 8... No...
968
00:42:08,688 --> 00:42:12,048
8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown.
How much CBD are you on there?
969
00:42:12,048 --> 00:42:14,248
I know, I know.
LAUGHTER
970
00:42:14,248 --> 00:42:16,248
It's Anthony Joshua
being on the same sofa.
971
00:42:16,248 --> 00:42:18,448
I can't cope.
I know.
972
00:42:18,448 --> 00:42:20,688
And he's flirted with me
before we started.
973
00:42:20,688 --> 00:42:23,128
I wasn't gonna say nothing...
LAUGHTER
974
00:42:23,128 --> 00:42:25,608
I was gonna hold it down,
cos my husband's in the audience,
975
00:42:25,608 --> 00:42:27,128
but, you know...
976
00:42:27,128 --> 00:42:30,248
You know what? You'll get a pass.
LAUGHTER
977
00:42:30,248 --> 00:42:33,048
Before we wrap up the show... And
we've got some great music to come,
978
00:42:33,048 --> 00:42:35,608
an amazing band, and this is gonna
be an amazing end to the show.
979
00:42:35,608 --> 00:42:38,608
But we mentioned, earlier on,
Tom is hoping
980
00:42:38,608 --> 00:42:40,888
to break out
into professional boxing. Yes.
981
00:42:40,888 --> 00:42:43,448
He has, apparently,
a very solid left hook,
982
00:42:43,448 --> 00:42:45,168
needs to work on the right uppercut.
983
00:42:45,168 --> 00:42:47,168
Both uppercuts, actually,
if you can.
984
00:42:47,168 --> 00:42:50,448
Both? And Anthony's said...
Maybe you'd give him a few tips.
985
00:42:50,448 --> 00:42:52,648
OK.
So, I got some boxing gear in.
986
00:42:52,648 --> 00:42:55,608
If you'd like to go
to what I'm calling the arena.
987
00:42:55,608 --> 00:42:57,768
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
988
00:42:57,768 --> 00:42:59,688
Let's go, champ.
989
00:42:59,688 --> 00:43:01,608
What's this? A children's party?
990
00:43:01,608 --> 00:43:03,888
OK, you start as a trainer.
You need some gloves.
991
00:43:03,888 --> 00:43:05,728
Yes.
Can I suggest, though...?
992
00:43:05,728 --> 00:43:08,248
Yeah, you gotta put these on.
Oh, my... Don't be ridiculous!
993
00:43:08,248 --> 00:43:10,448
You've gotta put them on.
You've gotta put them on.
994
00:43:11,568 --> 00:43:14,248
This is a very expensive suit,
actually.
995
00:43:14,248 --> 00:43:15,928
LAUGHTER
996
00:43:15,928 --> 00:43:19,128
He should have this on
more than I should.
997
00:43:19,128 --> 00:43:21,448
No, no, no, no, no, no.
998
00:43:21,448 --> 00:43:24,848
No, no, no, no, no.
This is how it is.
999
00:43:24,848 --> 00:43:26,648
No, no, no, no.
1000
00:43:26,648 --> 00:43:28,848
But, Anthony,
what if he fights dirty?
1001
00:43:28,848 --> 00:43:31,728
No, let me see, let me see...
That's my arm part.
1002
00:43:31,728 --> 00:43:33,728
LAUGHTER
1003
00:43:33,728 --> 00:43:36,888
OK, here. You want your gloves?
Do you want red or black?
1004
00:43:36,888 --> 00:43:40,008
Um, red, I think, will go better
with my outfit.
1005
00:43:40,008 --> 00:43:43,328
Lulu, you wanna get involved
in this boxing action?
1006
00:43:43,328 --> 00:43:44,848
No way, Jose!
1007
00:43:44,848 --> 00:43:46,728
All right, OK.
So, give him a few tips.
1008
00:43:46,728 --> 00:43:49,408
What stance are you?
Um, fourpaw?
1009
00:43:49,408 --> 00:43:51,648
Fourpaw?
What's it called?
1010
00:43:51,648 --> 00:43:52,888
Southpaw.
1011
00:43:52,888 --> 00:43:55,088
Southpaw.
Yes!
1012
00:43:55,088 --> 00:43:58,248
So, southpaw.
Southpaw is like a bear, isn't it?
1013
00:43:58,248 --> 00:44:00,048
LAUGHTER
1014
00:44:00,048 --> 00:44:03,528
Orthodox means that you're that way.
Orthodox is that way.
1015
00:44:03,528 --> 00:44:06,648
Yeah, southpaw is the other way.
No, I'm orthodox.
1016
00:44:06,648 --> 00:44:08,408
You're orthodox?
Orthodox.
1017
00:44:08,408 --> 00:44:09,688
OK, lovely.
Don't do that!
1018
00:44:09,688 --> 00:44:12,088
Sorry!
LAUGHTER
1019
00:44:12,088 --> 00:44:13,728
I haven't even hit him yet.
1020
00:44:13,728 --> 00:44:16,208
What do you mean hit? Anyway.
1021
00:44:16,208 --> 00:44:18,408
So, you wanna work
on your uppercut, right?
1022
00:44:18,408 --> 00:44:19,888
Yeah.
So, first, let's give me a jab.
1023
00:44:20,928 --> 00:44:23,768
Ooh, that was nice.
CHEERING
1024
00:44:25,928 --> 00:44:27,648
Now, let's put
a combination together.
1025
00:44:27,648 --> 00:44:30,568
So, you've got jab, right,
left hook,
1026
00:44:30,568 --> 00:44:32,328
and then, the uppercut, yeah?
1027
00:44:32,328 --> 00:44:35,008
So, put them together, all right?
Put it together.
1028
00:44:37,128 --> 00:44:39,288
Yeah, you're doing pretty well.
1029
00:44:39,288 --> 00:44:42,328
He's doing pretty well.
Last one. Last one.
1030
00:44:42,328 --> 00:44:44,648
Let's put it together.
Last one? Hang on a second!
1031
00:44:44,648 --> 00:44:47,608
I normally get 45 minutes!
LAUGHTER
1032
00:44:48,768 --> 00:44:50,568
I need your best, yeah?
OK.
1033
00:44:50,568 --> 00:44:52,008
Are you ready?
Yeah.
1034
00:44:52,008 --> 00:44:55,768
Jab. Right. Left hook. Uppercut.
1035
00:44:55,768 --> 00:44:57,448
Oh!
1036
00:44:57,448 --> 00:45:00,448
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1037
00:45:01,888 --> 00:45:03,408
OK.
Well done, well done.
1038
00:45:03,408 --> 00:45:06,408
What's my best hook?
I tell you what...
1039
00:45:06,408 --> 00:45:08,608
You know what?
I want you to do something for me.
1040
00:45:08,608 --> 00:45:11,808
Give him one of the pads.
Would you give Tom one of the pads?
1041
00:45:11,808 --> 00:45:13,448
I'll give you a left hook, yeah?
1042
00:45:13,448 --> 00:45:16,488
So, this is just to give you an idea
of what you'd be up against
1043
00:45:16,488 --> 00:45:18,128
if you ever did go in the ring.
1044
00:45:18,128 --> 00:45:21,008
I've been in the ring
a lot of times.
1045
00:45:21,008 --> 00:45:23,328
LAUGHTER
So, get ready.
1046
00:45:23,328 --> 00:45:26,008
There you go, champ.
Remember what I taught you.
1047
00:45:26,008 --> 00:45:27,488
LAUGHTER
1048
00:45:27,488 --> 00:45:31,128
Tom, hold them quite a long way
from your face, I would advise.
1049
00:45:31,128 --> 00:45:32,928
I know what to do.
1050
00:45:32,928 --> 00:45:34,808
Just tell us how this feels.
1051
00:45:34,808 --> 00:45:36,688
That's the jab.
OK, I know what...
1052
00:45:36,688 --> 00:45:38,208
That's the right.
1053
00:45:38,208 --> 00:45:40,208
LAUGHTER
So, if you put them together,
1054
00:45:40,208 --> 00:45:41,728
it's like bang, bang.
1055
00:45:42,768 --> 00:45:47,528
Jab, right, left, uppercut.
1056
00:45:47,528 --> 00:45:49,928
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1057
00:45:51,928 --> 00:45:54,608
Come and sit down. Wasn't that
amazing, ladies and gentlemen?
1058
00:45:54,608 --> 00:45:56,128
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1059
00:45:58,248 --> 00:45:59,528
OK.
1060
00:46:00,568 --> 00:46:02,088
But will you join me in saying
1061
00:46:02,088 --> 00:46:04,288
thank you
to my fabulous guests this evening?
1062
00:46:04,288 --> 00:46:06,488
Thank you, Tom, Anthony,
Lulu and Michael,
1063
00:46:06,488 --> 00:46:09,408
and, of course, Laura.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1064
00:46:09,408 --> 00:46:13,008
Join me next week, when we've got
Frank Skinner, Johannes Radebe,
1065
00:46:13,008 --> 00:46:16,528
Little Mix star Perrie Edwards,
and we've got music from Kasabian.
1066
00:46:16,528 --> 00:46:19,128
But now, with 'Back On 74',
it's Jungle.
1067
00:46:19,128 --> 00:46:20,768
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1068
00:46:27,968 --> 00:46:30,408
# You keep me walking
On the same line
1069
00:46:30,408 --> 00:46:33,848
# When we get high on my break time
1070
00:46:33,848 --> 00:46:37,128
# And we're just watching
From the same town
1071
00:46:37,128 --> 00:46:40,208
# But that don't change
When it break down
1072
00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:44,008
# See, we were talking
'Bout the same crime
1073
00:46:44,008 --> 00:46:46,688
# No, it don't hurt
When it rains now
1074
00:46:46,688 --> 00:46:50,288
# I learnt my lesson
At the same time
1075
00:46:50,288 --> 00:46:54,568
# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Where did it go?
1076
00:46:54,568 --> 00:46:57,888
# Back on 74
When I noticed you
1077
00:46:57,888 --> 00:47:01,448
# Call this place my home
Ooh, ooh
1078
00:47:01,448 --> 00:47:04,448
# Never gonna cry any more
1079
00:47:04,448 --> 00:47:06,688
# Where did it all
1080
00:47:06,688 --> 00:47:13,528
# Ooh
Ba, ba, ba
1081
00:47:13,528 --> 00:47:16,648
# You keep me walking
On the same line
1082
00:47:16,648 --> 00:47:19,968
# When we get high on my break time
1083
00:47:19,968 --> 00:47:23,368
# And we're just watching
From the same town
1084
00:47:23,368 --> 00:47:26,368
# But that don't change
When it break down
1085
00:47:26,368 --> 00:47:29,728
# See, we were talking
'Bout the same crime
1086
00:47:29,728 --> 00:47:33,048
# No, it don't hurt
When it rains now
1087
00:47:33,048 --> 00:47:36,608
# I learnt my lesson
At the same time
1088
00:47:36,608 --> 00:47:40,448
# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Where did it go?
1089
00:47:40,448 --> 00:47:43,928
# Back on 74
When I noticed you
1090
00:47:43,928 --> 00:47:47,208
# Call this place my home
Ooh, ooh
1091
00:47:47,208 --> 00:47:50,568
# Never gonna cry any more
1092
00:47:50,568 --> 00:47:52,368
# Where did it all
1093
00:47:52,368 --> 00:47:54,568
# Yeah, let it go
Ooh
1094
00:47:54,568 --> 00:47:57,288
# Let it go
Ooh
1095
00:47:57,288 --> 00:47:59,928
# Ooh, let it go
Ooh
1096
00:47:59,928 --> 00:48:03,688
# Let it go
Ooh
1097
00:48:03,688 --> 00:48:06,808
# Where did it all go?
1098
00:48:06,808 --> 00:48:10,288
# Back on 74
1099
00:48:10,288 --> 00:48:13,448
# Call this place my home
1100
00:48:13,448 --> 00:48:16,968
# Never gonna cry any more
1101
00:48:16,968 --> 00:48:19,768
# Where did it all go?
1102
00:48:19,768 --> 00:48:21,968
# Let it go
Ooh
1103
00:48:21,968 --> 00:48:24,768
# Let it go, ooh
Ooh
1104
00:48:24,768 --> 00:48:27,568
# Let it go, let it go
Ooh
1105
00:48:27,568 --> 00:48:29,888
# Let it go
Ooh
1106
00:48:29,888 --> 00:48:33,128
# Where did it all go?
1107
00:48:33,128 --> 00:48:36,728
# Back on 74
When I noticed you
1108
00:48:36,728 --> 00:48:40,008
# Call this place my home
Ooh, ooh
1109
00:48:40,008 --> 00:48:43,128
# Never gonna cry any more
1110
00:48:43,128 --> 00:48:46,288
# Where did it all go?
1111
00:48:46,288 --> 00:48:49,568
# Back on 74
When I noticed you
1112
00:48:49,568 --> 00:48:53,568
# Call this place my home
Ooh, ooh
1113
00:48:53,568 --> 00:48:56,408
# Never gonna cry any more
1114
00:48:56,408 --> 00:48:59,448
# Where did it all go?
1115
00:48:59,448 --> 00:49:02,568
# Back on 74
1116
00:49:02,568 --> 00:49:06,168
# Call this place my home
1117
00:49:06,168 --> 00:49:09,248
# Never gonna cry any more
1118
00:49:09,248 --> 00:49:11,888
# Where did it all? #
1119
00:49:11,888 --> 00:49:14,568
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1120
00:49:17,488 --> 00:49:19,808
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