1 00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:06,105 - Gua gua! Ha ha! 2 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,640 - You've probably heard him on bryan lacroix's 3 00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,009 Ottawanna go to bed remix... 4 00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:11,710 - ♪ ottawanna go to bed ♪ 5 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:14,146 - Stay up all night! Ha ha! 6 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,248 - But we've got the exclusive interview 7 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:18,083 With pop sensation, señor feeture. 8 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:21,020 - You know, for me, it's all about the hustle, you know? 9 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,489 I come from florida, you know, fort lauderdale, 10 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:27,326 But because I like to [bleep] feet, I call it foot lauderdale. 11 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,360 [laughs] 12 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,029 - And if you haven't guessed it already, 13 00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:32,431 Señor feeture loves to [bleep] feet. 14 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,466 - Love it. Love to [bleep] feet. 15 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,267 Love to smell feet. 16 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:38,037 I'm the king of my own digital kingdom. 17 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,905 I'm in a green screen prison. 18 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,340 Ha ha! Señor feeture. 19 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,576 - In an effort to maximize his guest star appearances, 20 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:45,411 Feeture lives, works, 21 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,580 And sleeps on a green screen set that he designed. 22 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,250 - And then, when I collaborate with bryan lacroix, 23 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,818 Ottawanna go to bed, you know, 24 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,654 He in canada, I'm in this green screen prison. 25 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,057 I can be on that show, no problem. 26 00:00:58,059 --> 00:00:59,358 [laughs] 27 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,259 People ask me all the time, 28 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:04,263 "señor feeture, how do you get from fort lauderdale all the way 29 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,297 To a green screen prison?" 30 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,733 And I always say the same thing, man. 31 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:08,567 "hard work." 32 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,502 Ha ha! Señor feeture! 33 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,672 [dubstep music] 34 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:21,914 ♪ ♪ 35 00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:28,520 - When pitbull and kesha came together to make timber, 36 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:31,723 And I was like, "oh, the two worst [bleep] humans 37 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:32,491 "on the planet. 38 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,359 "this is gonna be a nightmare. 39 00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:35,227 This is terrible." 40 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,796 And then by week two, I was like, "it's kind of catchy." 41 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,566 - It's heritage week. Take a few extra seconds 42 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,800 To enjoy classmates' projects, 43 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:45,037 But be safe, and don't be late. - Turnips? Rutabaga? 44 00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:46,138 Canadian beets? 45 00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,207 Boy, the root vegetable's so versatile. 46 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,442 - Good morning, mikey. - Far out. 47 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,210 Oh, hey, tunes. 48 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,212 - Oh, don't let me crowd you. 49 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:56,715 I'll look at the poster when you're done. 50 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,118 - Hey, what's all the excitement about? 51 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,286 - We're hosting the national model parliament 52 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,387 Right here at school. 53 00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,122 - That's right, tunes. 54 00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,958 Delegates from all provinces and territories are arriving now. 55 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,360 - Are those fishermen from prince edward island? 56 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,429 - Yep, and they've all got big muscles. 57 00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,163 - Oh, look at that. 58 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,698 The population from saskatchewan. 59 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,732 - Interesting creatures, there. 60 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:17,202 - Our model parliament is so varied in population, 61 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,470 Just like the root vegetable. 62 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,973 - My wife sure makes a heck of a rutabaga stew. 63 00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,407 - How is your wife, coach teacher? 64 00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,409 - Oh, I don't want to talk about that. 65 00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:25,711 [ticking] 66 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,046 [electronic beeps] - hmm. 67 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,048 Whoa! 68 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,185 [dramatic music] 69 00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:36,188 ♪ ♪ 70 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:42,794 [bell rings] 71 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,663 - Locker blow-up. What a fandango. 72 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,932 - Who would do such a thing? 73 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,834 - We'll get to the bottom of this. 74 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,370 - Whoa, real-life mounties. 75 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:54,006 - Lieutenant royale peter mcminniman. 76 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:54,640 - Mountie graham. 77 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:55,807 - How did you arrive so very quickly? 78 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,042 - Well, you know our motto. 79 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:59,077 "justice is never more than a horse-length away." 80 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,813 - Unless you're in the states, then you're hooped. 81 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:05,317 [laughter] 82 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,218 - That's a good one. 83 00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,086 - I'm kidding, of course. I'm the funny one. 84 00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,621 - Well, who should we round up first, 85 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,889 The muslims or the americans? 86 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,392 - Well, that's not very canadian of you there, tunes. 87 00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,195 As we know, anyone is capable of unspeakable evil. 88 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,197 - That's fair. [bell rings] 89 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,231 - Okay, 90 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:23,035 I hence-by call to session our national model parliament 91 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,037 In the queen's great land of ontario. 92 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,939 I see once again our friends from quebec 93 00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,273 Have declined to participate, 94 00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:31,810 In another smack in the face to our royal democracy. 95 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,346 Inuit andy, you have the floor. 96 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,849 - I'd like to make a motion that we move to the big table. 97 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,451 - Motion denied. [bangs gavel] 98 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:40,319 Have a seat, eskimo! 99 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,753 We had a locker blow-up this morning, 100 00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,355 And you're talking about tables, all right? 101 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,756 [door opens] - excuse us. 102 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,058 Pardon us. Excuse me. 103 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,326 Sorry for the interruption. 104 00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,493 Please pardon. - All right. 105 00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,529 Take a quick recess, talk to these mounties. 106 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:52,431 - We would like to speak to the student 107 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,132 Michael gerald mckenzie st. George. 108 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,034 - I'd be happy to answer any and all questions. 109 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:59,504 I have total faith in the canadian legal process. 110 00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:03,976 - Mikey, clearly guilty, is hereby dismissed. 111 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:07,813 - You know what I just discovered? 112 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,314 We were talking about it the other day. 113 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:11,516 There is no canadian cuisine. 114 00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,452 What we have is borrowed cuisines 115 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,621 From all other... - Yes. 116 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:16,788 - Areas of the world. 117 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:17,623 I think if there's 118 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:18,991 Anything that's particular to canadians, 119 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:20,092 It's probably poutine. 120 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:20,892 - Poutine. - Yeah. 121 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,362 - Yeah. Sorry, I got an itch. 122 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,430 - He loves you. - Oh, god, how you doing, buddy? 123 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,499 Hey, keno. Yeah, bro. 124 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,533 I like you too, bro. 125 00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:29,901 I like you too, man. 126 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,069 - You have a way with animals. 127 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,472 - You ever [bleep] a horse? 128 00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:39,344 - Ruth diamond-phillips. 129 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,346 - Ah! Oh! 130 00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,149 - Oh, goodness. It's even sadder with the lights on. 131 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,284 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 132 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,319 I want to cut my eyes out with my gel tips. 133 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,688 - How'd you get in my apart-- my apartment? 134 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,923 - Ruth, I'm here to help you. 135 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:54,092 - Do what? 136 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,395 - To look like dis! 137 00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,702 [laughs] look like dis! 138 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,571 Everyone wants to be me, farley. 139 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:07,973 [giggles] 140 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,109 [screaming] - oh, my god! 141 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:14,579 Oh! Damn it! I'm gonna be on look like dis? 142 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:17,282 - Yes. - I'm ruth diamond-phillips. 143 00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,317 I'm an attorney. 144 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,486 - Ruth was a perfect candidate to come get a makeover, 145 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,589 Because she lookeded disgusting. 146 00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,458 Let's peruse those outfits 147 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:29,528 I have not already destroyed with fire. 148 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,029 Oopsie. - Oh, no, no, no, no! 149 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,064 I'm very afraid of fire. 150 00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:34,466 - ♪ my fire is flame, my-my-my fire is flame ♪ 151 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,634 - No, no, no, no, no, 152 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:36,868 No, no, no! - [stammers] 153 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,204 - We here at the show give to a lot of charities 154 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,373 And work with a lot of unfortunate people, 155 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:44,309 But this is really something that belongs with them. 156 00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:45,644 - That one, I do think we should toss. 157 00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:48,113 - Ruth diamond-phillips, you need help. 158 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:48,880 - All right. Okay. 159 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,984 - But before I invest my time, talent, and treasure 160 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:56,655 Trying to make you look like dis... 161 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,457 - [stammers] 162 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:01,693 - I need to know something, ruth. 163 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,063 Do you trust me? - Yes. 164 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,532 - Do you-- oh, you already said yes. 165 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,667 - I said that I do. Yeah, I do, so... 166 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,669 - Okay, cool. Let's hit it. 167 00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,904 - I can't wait to look like dis. 168 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:16,208 First of all, thank you for being with me in public. 169 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,076 - I might try these on for you. 170 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:18,810 Okay? - Okay. 171 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,413 Well, farley says to me she's gonna try on the clothes. 172 00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:22,748 Well, fine, you know, I don't know the rules. 173 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,884 I don't go shopping with the girls very much. 174 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:29,921 - When it's you, if you look like dis... 175 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,590 Flounce. Flounce. 176 00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:32,958 Flounce. Flounce. - But, for court-- 177 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,494 - Hold up, your honor. [bleep] that. 178 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,561 - What if they all just laughed at me 179 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,397 If I came in there with that sort of-- 180 00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,532 - Slap they faces! 181 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,867 If someone laughs at you 182 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,235 For what you wear, 183 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,269 Look within yourself 184 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,370 And beat their ass. 185 00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:49,441 When this judge sees ruth in her new makeover, 186 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,810 He's gonna want to be very dishonorable. 187 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,712 - I shouldn't have intercourse with the judge. 188 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,647 That's actually really over the line. 189 00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:59,217 - Coming up, on look like dis... 190 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,253 Bobby! 191 00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:07,159 What the hell are you doing here during my makeover show? 192 00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:10,295 [dramatic music] 193 00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:15,801 ♪ ♪ 194 00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,503 I [bleep] love you, I guess. 195 00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,973 - What do you guys think of a goatee? 196 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,041 - No. - Awful. 197 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,610 A nightmare. And it's disgusting. 198 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,978 There's always [bleep] in it. 199 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:27,946 - It's so bad. 200 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,014 It's so [bleep] dumb. 201 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:32,184 - No disrespect to both camera guys, 202 00:07:32,186 --> 00:07:35,520 But I feel in my heart of hearts, 203 00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,055 I like a clean-shaven, just-- 204 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,791 - The idea of a face with a goatee on it 205 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,326 Getting anywhere near my [bleep] 206 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:44,029 Makes me want to kill myself and that person. 207 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:47,065 I would literally become a murderer. 208 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,504 [cheers and applause] 209 00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,239 - Afternoon, everybody. 210 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,541 All: Bill walton. 211 00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,976 - What do you say, bill? 212 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,377 - Not a whole hell of a lot, 213 00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:02,581 Thanks to this dry mouth. 214 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,582 [piano music] 215 00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:08,220 - ♪ I wanna go where nobody knows my face ♪ 216 00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:14,493 ♪ where people are people and nobody crowds your space ♪ 217 00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:17,362 ♪ I wanna go where people don't care ♪ 218 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:20,031 ♪ whether or not I'm there ♪ 219 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:25,237 ♪ all I need is a drink and a chair ♪ 220 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:28,006 - Everybody, stay out of the pool room. 221 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,508 My water just broke. 222 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,543 - You need a ride to the hospital? 223 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,278 - Ah, it's fine, larry. I can handle it. 224 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,047 I've done this five times. Or is it six? 225 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,049 - You gonna ask the doctor for some painkillers? 226 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:41,353 - Of course I am. I'm not a [bleep] idiot. 227 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,587 - Could you get some for me? 228 00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:43,889 - What do you need 'em for, bill? 229 00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:46,091 - My feet are in constant pain, larry. 230 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,527 - Oh, my back's aching me something good. 231 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,694 - Well, my feet hurt worse. 232 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,829 I need my feet to walk. 233 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,864 - Yeah, but I got to carry my whole team on my back. 234 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,566 - Well, there's more bones in the human foot 235 00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:55,967 Than in the human back. 236 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,502 - Well, as a fellow tall white man, 237 00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:58,904 We both have extra bones in our body, 238 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,039 And we should be blessed because it's given us extra height 239 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,475 And we can play basketball and-- - yeah, well, I'm about to push 240 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,043 An entire baby out of my vagina, 241 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:05,877 So why don't you both shut up? 242 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,079 - All right, hold on a second, here, hold on a second. 243 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,115 If maureen's gonna go to the hospital, 244 00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,517 Who's gonna serve us beer? - Don't sweat it. 245 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,253 My stuck-up sister imogene is gonna fill in for me. 246 00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,988 - Imogene? Sounds nice. 247 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,023 - Oh, she's not nice. 248 00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,257 Believe me, she's a real drag. 249 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,425 - Oh, so she's a feller? 250 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,661 - Huh. Well, either way, don't worry about it. 251 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,262 I'll pop out this little squirrel. 252 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,131 I'll be back in no time. 253 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,832 - Larry, I'm sure you could take a nap 254 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,801 In the back office if you so desire. 255 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:30,802 - No, I don't need to take a nap. 256 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,038 Just that between playing professional basketball 257 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,273 And tending bar, my back's a real mess. 258 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,475 I'm sorry for bragging about having two jobs. 259 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,110 I've got to brag about something. 260 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,679 [applause] 261 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,547 - Ah, excuse me. 262 00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,749 I'm looking for sam. - I don't know who sam is. 263 00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:45,584 I'm larry bird. 264 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,686 - Why is maureen talking weird? 265 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,588 - This is her twin sister. 266 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:50,622 - Sam? Are you sam? 267 00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:51,923 You must be sam. Sam? 268 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,459 - I like your new voice, maureen. 269 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:57,963 - He plays mikey on wheels ontario, 270 00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,832 But you know him better as the actor and entertainer 271 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,000 Bryan lacroix. 272 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,201 This is our weekly cheque-in 273 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,903 With our in-house bryantologists, 274 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:05,904 The hoffman twins! 275 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,806 - This week on wheels ontario, 276 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,874 A locker exploded. 277 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:10,909 - Will things ever be the same? 278 00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:13,612 Wheels has gotten very dark this year. 279 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,680 - I noticed that. 280 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:22,020 - Now, before we begin the questions, 281 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,755 You, of course, have the right to refuse to answer 282 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,091 So as not to incriminate yourself or your loved ones. 283 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:26,958 - I have nothing to hide. 284 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,994 - You also have the right to free health care, 285 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,762 Salaried higher education, 286 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,864 Comfortable housing, organic produce... 287 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,332 - Heh. Like root vegetables. 288 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,867 - Eight years paid vacation, a free truck, 289 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:40,005 And leather boots delivered annually at taxpayers' expense. 290 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,106 - Cool. - Excellent. 291 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:44,509 Now, I'd like to ask you about your friend, tunes. 292 00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:45,343 - Who, tunes? 293 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,513 She's a fantastic poet, a fabulous teen mum, 294 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,715 And her hat game is off the charts. 295 00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:54,085 - Would you say that she has a history 296 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,354 Of extremism or violence? 297 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,556 - Tunes? Heck no. 298 00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,991 Although she did gun-shoot me 299 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,894 Because of her affiliation with a hard-core gang. 300 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,396 - Take a hit. [rock music] 301 00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:07,999 - [in slow motion] ow! - ♪ it's a complex story ♪ 302 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,601 - Wait a moment. 303 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:11,803 You don't think that tunes is responsible 304 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,338 For that locker blow-up? 305 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,539 Oh, mashed potatoes. 306 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,108 Is it too late for me to invoke my right to silence? 307 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,076 - Oh, no, of course not. 308 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,979 Of course, we've already heard everything we need to hear. 309 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,914 - Nice jail cell here, tunes. 310 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,250 Reminds me of the long, barefoot summers 311 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:28,787 I used to spend with my grandfather up in dwight. 312 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,388 - Mm, food's not bad, either. 313 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,022 - So tunes, 314 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,192 You're not responsible for the locker blow-up, are you? 315 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,126 - I don't think so. 316 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,629 But lieutenant royale said they found my dna 317 00:11:37,631 --> 00:11:38,730 All over it. - Dna? 318 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:39,898 - It's a science term from the states. 319 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,634 It's like a architectural of your human details. 320 00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:44,002 - Oh. - For example, 321 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,771 The baby that tunes and I have shares our dna. 322 00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:47,839 - Cool science example. 323 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,709 - Ah, sure, happy to teach anytime I can coach or teach. 324 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:53,545 - But tunes, they found your dna all over the site. 325 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,879 How is that possible? 326 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:55,880 - I don't know. 327 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,048 I'm just a single mother 328 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,951 In high school, not a scientist from the states. 329 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,720 [chuckles] 330 00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,622 - Well, we don't want to interrupt your afternoon tea 331 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,892 And stogie, but we'll clear your name, tunes. 332 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,360 - Thanks, mikey. 333 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:10,995 I'd appreciate it. 334 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,497 [bell rings] 335 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,834 - Hmm, so the locker blow-up went off 336 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:18,403 At 41 a.M. Past the 8. 337 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:22,440 Tunes and I were discussing root vegetables. 338 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,110 I wonder how she's doing? [gasps] 339 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:27,946 Tunes? At school? 340 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,848 [rock music] 341 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:33,084 And she's out of her chair? 342 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,053 Pardon. 343 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,088 Pardon. 344 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,090 Pardon. 345 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,893 Pardon, pardon, pardon. 346 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:45,797 ♪ ♪ 347 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,132 Tunes! 348 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,300 How are you running around, tunes? 349 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,401 I don't understand. 350 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,804 - [speaking french] 351 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,106 - You wet the concrete. 352 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,641 - Tunes has a twin sister? 353 00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,243 - Omg, we're twins. 354 00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,844 - But tunes' sister's evil. 355 00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:01,746 - Is one of us evil? 356 00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:05,150 - Good-bye. - Bye! 357 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,451 - You're wack, but I can change that. 358 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:10,054 Do you even know what silk is, you dumb bitch? 359 00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:18,296 Bobby! 360 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,633 What the hell are you doing here during my makeover show? 361 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:24,035 - Who's bobby? - Stop it, ruth. 362 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,703 - I never know what's in store for us, 363 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:29,240 And yet here we are, us, in a store. 364 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:29,874 - Oh, I'm sorry. 365 00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:32,744 Are my eyes playing [bleep] tricks on me? 366 00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:35,013 What's that little dickhead doing here? 367 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,681 - We were in the middle of a makeover. 368 00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,817 - Yeah, well, I'm in the middle of a makeover too. 369 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,251 Maybe we got a new top-secret look 370 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,787 That we can't yet very much identify out loud, 371 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,289 But maybe it has to do with cowboy boots-- 372 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:47,258 - And maybe it's about shiny shirts with snap buttons. 373 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,726 - And maybe it's about going country, 374 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,395 But that's yet to be very much revealed. 375 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,765 - Every time bobby comes in with his manipulations 376 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:56,734 And calculations, I fall prey to it. 377 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,504 But I need him to get out of my [bleep] show. 378 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,540 What's that smell? What is that? 379 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,076 - That's my cologne gum, ck gum. 380 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,179 - I love gum. So I was like, "okay." 381 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,615 - Yeah, I have to be at court in an hour. 382 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,483 - [inhales deeply] oh. 383 00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:14,252 - And it's going for a swim in the pool 384 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,654 Right in the middle of this shrubbery. 385 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,489 - Ahh. 386 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:19,591 - I've never been in the middle 387 00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,426 Of a "will they or won't they" situation, 388 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:25,129 But I am wondering will they dress me for court, 389 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,464 Because I really am running late. 390 00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,533 I have to be in court in an hour! 391 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:29,133 God darn it! 392 00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,569 - Oh, our little psycho bitch just woke up. 393 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,806 Give me ten minutes, and I'll get you all slutted up 394 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:38,076 And turned into a whore for the courthouse. 395 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,677 - Are we on tv here? 396 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:40,912 - Yo, check us out later. 397 00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:43,047 Peter and bobby going country later. 398 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,816 [both laugh] - oh! Ahh! 399 00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:49,954 - I have no idea what will happen. 400 00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,361 Whoo! [clears throat] 401 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,229 I'm sorry that I'm late. - Miss diamond-phillips, 402 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:02,700 That outfit is completely inappropriate for court. 403 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:03,868 - I brought a briefcase. 404 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:08,606 - But it's not inappropriate for dinner with me tonight. 405 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,477 - I'll allow it. 406 00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:14,913 - Case dismissed. [bangs gavel] 407 00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:17,015 - How do you feel about twins? 408 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,751 - Fraternal or identical? - Fraternal. 409 00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,552 - They're [bleep]. [laughter] 410 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,922 - Identical. - They're great. 411 00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:26,891 - I'm here to do demeaning restaurant work 412 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,927 In place of my boorish twin, maureen. 413 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,695 - Oh, you must be imogene. 414 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,130 - Pleasure to make your acquaintance. 415 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,232 - Nice to meet you. I'm larry bird. 416 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,533 I'll get down, be gentle. 417 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,403 Ow, ow, ow, my back. 418 00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,071 Ow, ow, my back. 419 00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:44,876 - Oh, doctor kelsey grammer. Enchanté. 420 00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:46,544 - Boy, you sure do move gracefully. 421 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,013 - A lady's elbow should never go below her bosom. 422 00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:52,583 - Ha! Finally, a chairs employee with some real class. 423 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,953 - Smells like fake flowers in here. 424 00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,254 - How dare you! 425 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,423 If you think for one second 426 00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:01,225 That I would be interested in a brute like you, 427 00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:04,128 Oh, well, I'm... I'm simply not. 428 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,764 - Well, I don't-- I'm not trying to hit on you. 429 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:07,999 I prefer to be on my own. 430 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,467 - Yeah, I bet you'd just love to throw me 431 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,936 Over your shoulder, wouldn't you? 432 00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:14,172 - It'd be heck on my back. 433 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:18,810 - Larry, I think she's horny. 434 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,212 - You take your best shot at me, 435 00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,547 And you will not make it. 436 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,450 - I can hit a half-court shot with my eyes closed, 437 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,820 And if you want to challenge me to basketball, or love, 438 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,722 Or anything else, I'm a competitor, 439 00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,690 And I will straight up kill you. 440 00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,092 - Kill me, then. Kill me. 441 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:37,362 - I'd like to kiss you, but I don't have any lips. 442 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,731 Ow, my cheek. - Sorry. 443 00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,767 - Eyes up, skid marks. I'm back. 444 00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,002 - How was childbirth, maureen? 445 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,070 - Well, the good news-- it was short and painful. 446 00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:49,640 The bad news-- I did have a little squirrel. 447 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,712 Hold the phone. Where's my sister imogene? 448 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,914 - She left. She said she gonna be in movies. 449 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,883 - You know what? She's inspired me. 450 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,284 I'm gonna leave the show too. 451 00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:03,988 - That's a terrible idea, bill walton. 452 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,490 - Have we met? 453 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,891 - I'm ted williams' head. 454 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,659 - Holy [bleep], that's crazy. 455 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:09,660 What are you gonna do, kelsey? 456 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:12,397 - I'll be going to do the show frasier with my friend, 457 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,565 David hyde pierce and john mahoney. 458 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,267 Five emmys, three golden globes. 459 00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,802 - I don't think anyone wants to watch a show 460 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:21,739 About a pompous fake british piece of [bleep] like you. 461 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,207 - I'll take it. 462 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,777 - ♪ and a chair ♪ 463 00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:28,913 - What do you think is the main stereotype about canadians 464 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,682 That you would challenge? 465 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,585 - The main--you go, graham. - Um... 466 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,587 - That was a perfectly canadian thing to do, right there. 467 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,455 - No, it's very nice of you. 468 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,490 - Well, after you, though. - Yeah. 469 00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,363 [bell rings] - okay, children, 470 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:45,997 Quiet down there. 471 00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:49,033 Model parliament is now model chamber of justice. 472 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,134 - The perpetrator of this morning's 473 00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:52,103 Locker blow-up stands before you. 474 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,438 - [speaking french] 475 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,374 - I can't believe tunes has a twin sister from quebec. 476 00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:58,543 A separatist, no less. [scoffs] 477 00:17:58,545 --> 00:17:59,377 - [speaking french] 478 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:03,214 - Pardon, but I think I've heard just about enough of this. 479 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,315 Look before you. 480 00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:07,652 From the forced labor camps of saskatchewan, 481 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:10,888 To the bustling methadone clinics of vancouver, 482 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:14,625 To the overtly vaginal oysters of prince edward island, 483 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:18,796 From the all-nude strip clubs of windsor, to the round, brown, 484 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:22,166 And ready to pound women of the northwest territories, 485 00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:25,336 From the fiery tar sands of alberta, 486 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:28,973 To the fiery tar sands of the yukon, 487 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,441 Canada...Canada... 488 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,211 Canada stands united. 489 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:36,147 And when you finish paying your debt to society 490 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,882 In a safe and comfortable prison 491 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,885 Built exclusively for french-speaking women 492 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:41,786 Of asian ancestry, 493 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:45,523 There will still be a seat at the big table for you, quebec. 494 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,226 - There may be a seat. [mic feedback] 495 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,594 There definitely won't be for you there, 496 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:52,130 Inuit andy and northwest territories. 497 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,133 That table will remain small. 498 00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,001 Enjoy your small table. 499 00:18:57,003 --> 00:19:01,372 - [speaking french] 500 00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,440 - In one ear, out the other. 501 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,108 - An evil twin sister-- 502 00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,310 It's like a horrors movie from the states. 503 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:09,780 - You mean every movie from the states? 504 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,816 [laughter] 505 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:15,019 - What a cut-up mountie graham turned out to be. 506 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,929 [cell phone vibrating] 507 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:27,865 - What's up, peter paparazzo? 508 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,001 - Bobby bottleservice, I've been thinking. 509 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,370 We've been gigolos and ghost bouncers. 510 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:33,671 What's next for us? 511 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,007 [country rap music] 512 00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:39,810 - We should go country as business decision, bro. 513 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:40,311 ♪ ♪ 514 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:43,447 - But we can never lose touch with our cheesy club roots. 515 00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:45,516 - [laughs] deal. 516 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:49,253 ♪ I'm bobby b, ha! I'm going country ♪ 517 00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:52,723 - ♪ I'm peter p, I wear a hat now ♪ 518 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:56,561 - ♪ I drive a truck, for girlz and bizness ♪ 519 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:57,728 - ♪ I have a gun ♪ - cool! 520 00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,764 - ♪ and I don't wear condoms ♪ 521 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:00,464 - Very cool! 522 00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,200 ♪ twerk your partner, round and round ♪ 523 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,001 - ♪ do-si-do and drop it down ♪ 524 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,937 - ♪ grind back up and bow to your bro ♪ 525 00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:08,172 - Yee haw! - ♪ we country, yo ♪ 526 00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:10,942 Both: ♪ bro-oh-ing country bros ♪ 527 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:15,446 ♪ redneck and spray tan, the worst of both worlds ♪ 528 00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,182 ♪ bro-oh-ing country bros ♪ 529 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:22,687 ♪ whiskey and vodka, the worst of both worlds ♪ 530 00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:23,721 - Damas y caballeros! 531 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,823 But mainly, los ladies! Ha ha! 532 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,291 Yo soy señor feeture. Toe-lé! 533 00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:28,659 I want to [bleep] your feet. Venga! 534 00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:31,629 ♪ las chicas in miami, high heels and bikinis ♪ 535 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:35,366 ♪ san francisco hippie dippie dirty feet I will clean-y ♪ 536 00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:39,203 ♪ a mi tejana girls, step on my face with your spurs ♪ 537 00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:41,639 ♪ todas las country mujeres en el mundo ♪ 538 00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:42,773 ♪ I wanna [bleep] your feet ♪ 539 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:46,811 - ♪ I'm bobby b, ha! I'm going country ♪ 540 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,079 ♪ I'm peter p ♪ 541 00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,614 ♪ we're making money ♪ - yee-haw! 542 00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:53,184 Both: ♪ america, respect your country ♪ 543 00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:55,953 ♪ support the troops, have sex in groups ♪ 544 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:59,423 - Tengo mucho hombre, I want to eat your uñas de pies! 545 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:02,560 Ha ha! Señor feeture! 546 00:21:03,328 --> 00:21:07,465 - Ow. 547 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,499 - Long after humanity is gone, 548 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,968 And los cucarachas rule the world, you know, 549 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:11,969 It's like, señor feeture's 550 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,904 Still here as a digital property. 551 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:16,574 You know what I'm saying? That's amazing. 552 00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:20,278 Señor feeture, ha ha ha! Live forever! 553 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:20,311 Heh-hoo! Ha ha!