1 00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:03,465 - My ultimate chicken sandwich? 2 00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,771 - Super spicy. - Bam! In my mouth! 3 00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:07,213 - Dripping with flavor. 4 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,478 - I'm a guy. - I deserve to be satiated. 5 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,637 - None of this vegan chick food. 6 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:13,705 - I want to eat where I [bleep]. 7 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:14,714 - You got a problem with that? 8 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:15,905 - I want my food made by someone 9 00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:17,116 Who's not afraid to offend people. 10 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,848 - Including me. - Well, who else is gonna make 11 00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,623 A chicken sandwich this delicious? 12 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:21,551 - People that aren't racist? 13 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,085 - I don't agree with their politics, 14 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,390 But that hot sauce is off the charts. 15 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,563 - I want a toothless, backwater dude cooking my sandwich. 16 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:29,932 - Look, I don't think you understand, they put pickles 17 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,160 On the chicken, is that racist? 18 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,155 - I don't even know what race I am, 19 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:36,096 But I do know that this chicken sandwich is delicious. 20 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:37,843 - Look, my brother's gay, so I don't eat 21 00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:38,738 Chikk klub in front of him, 22 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,039 Just like I ask him not to kiss 23 00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:41,841 His boyfriend in front of my chicken sandwich. 24 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,112 - I'll text my buddies, be like, "we gonna get chikk klub?" 25 00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:47,611 They're like, "absolutely not," and I'm like, "solo mission." 26 00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:49,975 - I love who I am, where I'm from... 27 00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:53,054 I just love chikk klub sandwiches just a little more. 28 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:53,924 - Chikk klub. 29 00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:54,821 - Marriage between a man 30 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,762 And a chicken sandwich. [chicken clucks] 31 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,057 - We're good. 32 00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:01,229 [dubstep music] 33 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:09,538 ♪ 34 00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:14,644 - I used to smoke cigarettes. I was so good at it. 35 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:15,772 Like, I could blow rings, 36 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,536 Like, I could do everything cool about smoking, 37 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:23,176 Like, I could blow rings, uh... 38 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,754 And, um, I had to quit. 39 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,722 And it's a bummer, but I feel like there's only gonna be 40 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,791 A few groups of people who smoke in the end. 41 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,690 For example, like, the very rich and the very poor. 42 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,793 'cause they're the only two groups that are like, 43 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,125 "who gives a [bleep]?" 44 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,660 But they actually have a lot in common, the rich and poor. 45 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:42,726 Like, they both wear a lot of robes and boating caps 46 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:47,136 And, uh, are difficult in supermarkets. 47 00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:54,176 - [sings in spanish] 48 00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:57,881 I made your favorite: French toast and bacon-- 49 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,045 - Gracias, consuela. 50 00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:01,623 Did you cut the crusties off? - Si, mijo. 51 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,892 - But what did you do? 52 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,960 We wanted monte cristos. 53 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:05,859 - Don't even worry "abart" it. 54 00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:08,990 We're pretty, uh, oxy-content, right now. 55 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:11,696 - Yeah, we already ate a big vico-din-din. 56 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,829 [both giggle] - no good! 57 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,274 - That's the la-- no! 58 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:19,769 No, you don't d-- 59 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:20,873 - Wendy, what are we supposed to do? 60 00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:22,005 That was the last of our stash. 61 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,939 - We just have to hunter s. Thompson 62 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,314 Down to tijuana right now. 63 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,953 - 'suela, we're going down to mexico. 64 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,378 Do you want us to send anything to your family? 65 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,354 - [snores] 66 00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:33,153 - ♪ money 67 00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,054 ♪ big money, big dough 68 00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:35,654 ♪ get the paper, get the cheddar ♪ 69 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,216 ♪ get the scrilla, money ♪ 70 00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:39,694 ♪ man, I sack every day, bend the block right away ♪ 71 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,293 ♪ 'cause I'm all about the-- ♪ 72 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,695 [explosion] 73 00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:47,872 - [groans] 74 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,028 Que pasa, babies? 75 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,096 - Que pasa? - Perdoname. 76 00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:52,295 - We just need some drugs. 77 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,566 Do you guys have any ghb or pure mdma? 78 00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:57,235 Mas dinero. 79 00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:59,244 - Hey, can I help you with something? 80 00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,246 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 81 00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:03,817 We're just looking for some scrips, vics, oxy. 82 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,317 - Well you've come to the right place, brother. 83 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:08,119 I've got the best stuff right here. 84 00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,662 - Let me see this, chico. 85 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,087 Dude, give me a "brark." 86 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,062 This is grass clippings. 87 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:16,300 Give us the real deal, or we're out of here. 88 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:17,797 - Oh, you're smart, huh? 89 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,458 - I did half a semester at bard, so... 90 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:20,726 - Yeah. - Don't [bleep] with me. 91 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,274 - Oh, you guys are real gangsters. 92 00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:25,039 - Yeah, man, we let dmx pee on us one time. 93 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,409 - Smelled like vitamins. 94 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,937 - He drinks a lot of water, that's why. 95 00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:28,612 - Yeah, man. 96 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:29,709 - You know what I'm gonna do for you guys? 97 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,980 I'm gonna hook you up to the best stuff, okay? 98 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,179 But you gotta jump into my van. 99 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:35,050 - Dolphin-itely. - For sharks. 100 00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,949 - Come on. 101 00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:39,351 - Cool, so is this, like, a courtesy shuttle? 102 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:42,293 - Yeah, can we get, like, tiny waters or something? 103 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:46,089 [tires screech] 104 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:49,733 - [burps] 105 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,030 - And the timberdevils are gonna try 106 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,031 One last hail mary down the field-- 107 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,703 It is incomplete! 108 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:55,332 State has won. 109 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:59,136 Coach kowalski has now three chikk klub bowl victories, 110 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:00,769 And he's getting doused for it. 111 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,574 - Dante lavonte, always the guy ge-- 112 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,476 Oh, and dante lavonte gets doused after breaking... 113 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,249 - What the [bleep]? 114 00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,777 - The record for most dousings in a single season. 115 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,152 Another wet winger. 116 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,381 Soaked in success. 117 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:15,616 - At my job as california's premier plastic surgeon 118 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:16,993 For pets, I'm in total control. 119 00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:19,161 - Dr. Armond should have his own show. 120 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,929 - But at home, all bets are off. 121 00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:25,603 That was the third time this month. 122 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,669 - This is not what I signed up for. 123 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:32,469 - Dad, bring me a chocolate milk. Idiot. 124 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:33,313 Go [bleep] yourself. 125 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:37,077 - This is armond of the house. 126 00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:46,993 - ♪ standing on a dock, looking at some water ♪ 127 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,054 - Oh. 128 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,586 Look what the cat dragged in. 129 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,432 [video game beeps] 130 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,257 Good morning, roman. - Shh! 131 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:59,162 - Take off your headphones when I'm talking to you. 132 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,496 What, did you just see the movie anger management? 133 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,132 - Go [bleep] yourself. 134 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:05,366 - You ready for your big day today, hmm? 135 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:06,812 [basketball bouncing] 136 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,107 [hoop swoosh] [crowd cheers] 137 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,938 - I don't wanna play basketball. 138 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,243 - Roman, we made an agreement. 139 00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:14,275 You will spend more time outside and then you-- 140 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,081 - [spits] 141 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,422 - I think that basketball's gonna be a great way 142 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:18,918 For me and my son roman to bond. 143 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,889 - The producer said I have to play basketball today. 144 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:22,649 [bleep] you, dad. 145 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,156 - You're trying to get a reaction out of me, 146 00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:28,088 But you won't. - Buck, buck, buck, buck! 147 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:28,885 Make me eggs. 148 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:29,726 - You want eggs? - Yeah. 149 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,430 - With toast? - No, on a waffle sandwich. 150 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,202 - Like a monte cristo. 151 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,669 Roman, I can't deny you wanting the finer things in life. 152 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,438 You have seen your mother, after all. 153 00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:38,937 - Eww. 154 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:42,069 - Room service at the hotel armond. 155 00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:43,876 - Ugh, not on the mouth. 156 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:47,507 - How are you feeling today? - I'm feeling terrible. 157 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,884 - Oh, my dear sweet. 158 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,452 You must take it easy then. 159 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,651 What can I do to make it up to you? 160 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:54,452 - My friend dina wants to show me a new jewelry line. 161 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,815 - Dina? Was she that one who sent 162 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,564 The mass email about her miscarriage? 163 00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,559 How about this? - ♪ hallelujah 164 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,730 - You get yourself a little piece of jewelry from dina, 165 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,960 And then when roman is playing... 166 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,825 [hoop swoosh] [crowd cheers] 167 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,234 Then you and I could-- 168 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,266 - What does that mean? 169 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,040 - I'm making a sexual innuendo to you. 170 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,609 - It's not working. - I know. 171 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,409 - I hate you! I hate my life! 172 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,041 - We're not going to chikk klub, stop it! 173 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,046 [car horn beeps] [tires screech] 174 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,047 - Turn around! - Roman, stop it! 175 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,248 [cars honking, tires screeching] 176 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:25,779 [funeral music] [police radio chatter] 177 00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:36,432 [typing noises, message alerts] 178 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:45,774 - What's your story? Talk to me. 179 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:49,273 - Well, you know, it's like, I wanna expand my singing career 180 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:52,676 To be, like, a michael-jackson level entertainer. 181 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,909 - Obviously, like, a collaboration with me, 182 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,645 Like, that kind of stuff is possible, no doubt, okay? 183 00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,191 - Yeah, you seem like you probably would do, like, 184 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,717 Good business in terms of so many shady people out there 185 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:06,894 And crooked and, like, you know, shysters. 186 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:10,204 But you seem like a real, real, down to earth dude. 187 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,627 - "implish-itly." you could absolutely, 188 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,903 Implish-itly trust me. 189 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,201 - I'm gonna bring 110% 190 00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,843 To the table on a daily basis. 191 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:21,969 So one thing I would do is, like, this. 192 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:22,865 - Okay, that's great. 193 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,676 Yeah, 'cause it's, like, I could see myself shooting 194 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,879 On your face or something that would be respectful. 195 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:30,022 - [giggles] 196 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,777 Lot of people say I have a real cute laugh. 197 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,086 It's like... [annoying laugh] 198 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:39,188 - Oh, that's a great laugh. - [continues laughing] 199 00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:39,993 - [laughs] 200 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,293 I think of myself as, like, 201 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:44,395 A very cool, very white jay-z. 202 00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:45,298 - Yeah. Yeah. 203 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,299 - I'm straight-up looking for beyonce. 204 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,301 - Wow. That's great! 205 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:52,703 - Like first and first mostly, for me, it's about family. 206 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,066 - Yeah. - So whether it's, like-- 207 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,514 Whether it's, like, real family, 208 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,639 [tearing up] like my family, like my mother-- 209 00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:00,914 I mean, like, are you very serious about singing? Like-- 210 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,454 - I feel like I could learn from you 211 00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:04,549 In terms of, I have so many mentors, 212 00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,491 But you would be, like, the real deal. 213 00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:10,257 - You just say you have many mentors and that, like-- 214 00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,387 - But that's, like, in the past. 215 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,762 - 'cause I feel like I been hurt before 216 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,890 As far as, like, collaborating with women. 217 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,056 And I'm trying to sleep with them, find out that they're 218 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,965 Using other men in a similar fashion 219 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,227 That I'm trying to use them. 220 00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:22,465 Do you understand what I'm saying? 221 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:26,539 - I'm trying to, it's like, certain words I don't know. 222 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:27,470 - This feels crazy, right? 223 00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:28,644 - This is crazy, it's like, 224 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,512 I've been hurt too, and it's, like, you know, 225 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,011 It's really good to feel, like, extra safe 226 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,213 With somebody right now, even though it's like, 227 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,715 We don't know, do we go from a business zone 228 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,778 Into many other zones as well? 229 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,716 - That's what I'm saying, straight-up. 230 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,762 - Like, in the bed, just like talking 231 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,957 And telling secrets and stuff? - Telling secrets. 232 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,589 Can I tell you a secret? - Yeah. 233 00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:51,096 - I will beat-- - bobby? 234 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:51,958 - What's-- - bobby. 235 00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,925 Uh... - Is that your secretary? 236 00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:56,774 - Yeah, that's, like, basically, like, my secretary. 237 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,640 - Okay. Okay. - Excuse me. 238 00:08:58,639 --> 00:08:59,669 - That's cool, you-- 239 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:02,943 Hi, I'm farley. Hello. Nice to meet you. 240 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,113 - Very nice to meet you too, 241 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,651 But I'm not his secretary, I'm his mother. 242 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,177 - Excuse me. No disrespect. One second. 243 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,352 - Bobby? Excuse us. 244 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,980 I just wanted to tell you... - Yeah? 245 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,615 - That I love you. - I love you so much, mom. 246 00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,221 - I love you, baby. 247 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,723 - Farley? - Good. She's gone. 248 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,064 - Farley, where'd you go? [door slams] 249 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,490 - Now! - Okay, ma. 250 00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:23,555 - Dinner. - I'm coming down, sweetheart. 251 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,634 I love you, ma. - I love you, baby. 252 00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:28,732 - I love you too, ma. - It's almost cold. 253 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:29,465 [crying] - I'll come down! 254 00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:33,609 I would never let a meal go cold on you! 255 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:38,037 - The race, not very close, as many experts had predicted. 256 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,405 Jones with a strong showing of support 257 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:42,714 Across both urban and rural districts. 258 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,546 Uh, he's joined by his wife, two daughters... 259 00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,382 [crowd shrieks] 260 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,246 And he's just been doused. 261 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:52,124 Huh, uh, literally soaked in success. 262 00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,056 [whistle blows] 263 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,532 - This afternoon, I took roman 264 00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:59,100 Shopping for basketball supplies. 265 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,629 And, boy, were we having a lot of fun. 266 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:03,996 Ro? 267 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,614 Roman? 268 00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:07,837 Roman? - What? 269 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,841 - How's the dvd video? - It's not a dvd video. 270 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,684 What do you think the "v" stands for? 271 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,909 Your vagina? 272 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:14,784 - Roman, please. 273 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,221 Like I haven't heard that one before. 274 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,577 Really, I haven't heard that insult before. 275 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:20,846 It stung quite a bit. 276 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:24,464 - No, stop it! I don't want my window down! 277 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,718 - Well I don't have a vagina. 278 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,686 - I'm gonna tell my teacher you molested me. 279 00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:30,934 - Roman, nobody likes a tattletale. 280 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:31,961 - Cece, you lazy bitch. 281 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,525 Don't tell me this is another one of your bad days. 282 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,004 - Shut up, you slut. 283 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,443 My husband and I have an agreement. 284 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,138 On the rare occasion that we have sex, 285 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,240 He must first commemorate it by giving me a piece of jewelry. 286 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,983 - All right, move over, you fat cow. 287 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:45,738 - Show me what you got. 288 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,246 - First you have to tell me what you're gonna do 289 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:50,277 In return, if you know what I mean. 290 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,383 - You bitch. 291 00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:54,045 - If you want the ring, it's first base. 292 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,454 Necklace, second base. [woman moans] 293 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,686 Earrings, third base. [woman moans] 294 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,132 Bracelet, fourth base. [woman moans] 295 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:04,698 - What about a tiara? 296 00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:09,101 - Tiara is fifth base, aka the dugout. 297 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:12,572 Aka, your pucker. 298 00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:16,835 You want the crown, you gotta go brown. 299 00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:22,308 I don't have a-- a machine for this, actually. 300 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,745 [phone rings] - this is dr. Armond, 301 00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,591 California's premier animal plastic surgeon. 302 00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:28,387 - Dr. Armond, it's pamela. 303 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,658 You need to get here right now. - Hey, pamela, what's going on? 304 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,387 - The office is on fire. - A fire? Oh, my. 305 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:35,332 I can't believe that my office was on fire again. 306 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,658 - I do, should I-- [phone clicks off] 307 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,803 - Roman? Roman, how dare you? 308 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:39,799 - No, where are you going? 309 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,830 I gotta stop and get a snack before basketball! 310 00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,236 - No, roman. - Turn around! 311 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:47,167 - No, roman, I-- - I hate you! I hate my life! 312 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,614 - Roman, please. - Get off me. 313 00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:50,008 - We're not going to chikk klub. - [beeps horn] 314 00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,310 - Stop it! - Turn around! 315 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,581 - Roman, stop it! - Stop it! 316 00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:55,349 - No, roman, no! [tires screech, horns beep] 317 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:59,478 Roman made me lose control of the car and my emotions. 318 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,646 I won't let it happen again. 319 00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:04,515 - Yo, you know any of those girls from those rap videos? 320 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:05,394 Pow, pow... 321 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:09,032 [slow-mo] pow, pow, pow. 322 00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:13,603 - Roman! [screaming, gunshots] 323 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,200 - ♪ all heads ready 324 00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:23,911 - This is, like, the blackout shades 325 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,950 That I was telling consuela that I wanted in our room. 326 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:29,407 - This is blacker than seal. 327 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,876 [both laugh] 328 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,824 - It's so funny when racism is casual. 329 00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:36,719 - Ooh, we should go to chikk klub on the way back. 330 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:40,433 Oh. 331 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,157 - Thank you. 332 00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:46,531 Ustedes, um, tienen, like, pills or can we, like, 333 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,903 Ride the "shneef shnake" as well? 334 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,342 - Pow-pow. Powder. Shneefarooni? 335 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,938 - Okay, carlos menshneefa. - Alvin and the shneefmunks. 336 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:58,910 - We wanna go to home depot and buy a shneef blower. 337 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,052 [both laugh] 338 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:05,377 - [chuckles] shut the [bleep] up. 339 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:06,215 - Okay. 340 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:09,289 - Or I will cut off your head. 341 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,289 And I will swallow your blood. 342 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,590 - You don't wanna do that to me, I'm...Living with aids. 343 00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,733 - Yeah, wendy is full-blown, so-- 344 00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:18,659 - Yeah. You know what, I need some, like, some fat 345 00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,295 In my stomach to digest my azt. 346 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,540 Do you have any, like, taco trucks or, like, a fat woman 347 00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:26,137 To just make us some quesadillas or something? 348 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,069 - Yeah, but, like, a oaxacan mole? 349 00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:28,674 - Shut up! 350 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,135 - Oh, my god, like a spicy-- - and you shut the [bleep] up! 351 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:34,714 - Do it again. - You bitches just don't get it. 352 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,454 - Oh, this is a kidnapping. 353 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,519 - Oh, my god. - Why didn't you say that? Okay. 354 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,148 No, my dad's got a kidnapping guy. 355 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,553 You just call him, they'll wire the money. 356 00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:43,286 We'll take care of it. 357 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,320 - Oh, my cousin bjorn and I have a house in the hamptons. 358 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,185 We could give you, like, October? 359 00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,334 - Wendy, you can't just use your timeshare for everything. 360 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,059 You don't ever have cash. - Well what's it for then 361 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,104 If I'm not gonna spread it around? 362 00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:53,398 - Why don't you use some cash-- 363 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,200 - [fires gun] - ow! 364 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,271 - You're gonna try a lot harder to get that money. 365 00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,070 - Can we just go? - Can we just get the drugs? 366 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,013 - Drugs? 367 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,767 There ain't gonna be no drugs. 368 00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:05,506 - Do you not have any drugs in this drug warehouse? 369 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,852 - Why are we driving down the 405 370 00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,848 During rush hour if there's not any drugs? 371 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:14,221 - If you bitches are crying right now, 372 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:18,091 Wait till you meet the devil himself. 373 00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:24,803 - Does-- does he have drugs? 374 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,684 - God! Aah! 375 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:42,607 [shrieking] [baby cries] 376 00:14:42,616 --> 00:14:45,516 - Oh, beautiful. Beautiful. 377 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:46,778 You did it, baby. 378 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,546 [whistle blows] 379 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:52,385 - [whimpers] 380 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,432 - Look at how beautiful-- [whistle blows] 381 00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,333 - Because of the fire at the office, 382 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:00,702 I had to bring home a patient, 383 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,500 Which made spending quality time with my son outside 384 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:04,703 And physical time with my wife 385 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,744 Upstairs that much more difficult. 386 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,010 [dog barks] 387 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,438 The dog is taken care of. 388 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,942 We'll do this and then we'll--oh, good. 389 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,705 Roman, uh, this is your basketball tutor 390 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,853 That I found on craigslist. - What up? 391 00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:17,519 - You boys work on your dream shots, 392 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,787 And I'm gonna run upstairs to take care of your mother. 393 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:23,757 - Whatever. 394 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,517 [glass shatters] yo, you got any weed? 395 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,686 - [sighs] 396 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:29,625 I'm ready. 397 00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,259 - Just took an ambien, you got 20 minutes 398 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,334 Before it's nonconsensual. 399 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,302 - That seems a bit passive-aggressive. 400 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:38,601 I've been thinking about this all day. 401 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,195 [dog whines] 402 00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:42,866 - Hold that thought. 403 00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,451 [sniffs] 404 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,747 [dog bark music] 405 00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:52,179 Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 406 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,685 Roman, aren't you supposed to be playing basketball? 407 00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:55,818 - Aren't you supposed to be waving 408 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,922 Your limp dils in front of mom's face? 409 00:15:57,924 --> 00:15:59,624 - Oh, you paint quite a picture, matisse. 410 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,886 You put that grass away, and you clean up 411 00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:04,125 This dog's number twos. Do you hear me? 412 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,760 - I want a helicopter by tomorrow, or I'm moving out! 413 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:07,796 - You're quite a negotiator. 414 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,101 You're gonna be some tycoon some day. 415 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,973 I'm coming, sweetheart! 416 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:14,412 Roman was finally occupied with the black boy. 417 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,837 The dog's stomach seemed to have finally settled. 418 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:19,843 Cece, feel free to self-lubricate! 419 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:20,546 Crisis averted. 420 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,747 But I think I've got one minute left. 421 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:26,449 Now where was I? - [snores] 422 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:42,665 - [grunts and groans] 423 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,469 I can't say it was the easiest day, 424 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,271 But I think we all came out ahead. 425 00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:47,612 [continues grunting and groaning] 426 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,737 And I got a kiss from one of the most beautiful 427 00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:51,443 Women I've ever met. 428 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,254 All in a day's work for dr. Armond. 429 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:56,177 [dog whines and barks] 430 00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,682 [dog pants] 431 00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:02,786 [papers being shuffled] 432 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,019 - After careful review of your application, 433 00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,724 The consultation with vice president of student affairs... 434 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:07,386 [mumbles] 435 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:10,094 Has decided not to approve your application 436 00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:13,296 For our university at this time. 437 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,569 - What? What does that mean? 438 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,497 - I didn't get in, dad. 439 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,573 - Keep reading, maybe you're on the wait list? 440 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:19,901 - No, I'm not-- no. 441 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,206 I--dad, I didn't get in. I didn't get in. 442 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,978 - You can reapply in the spring. This doesn't matter, this-- 443 00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:27,248 - No, you can't--we can't r-- we have to wait a full year-- 444 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,647 - We'll do something, kevin. It'll be all right. 445 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,279 This is one school. There are other schools. 446 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,515 - This was the last one I applied to. 447 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,491 This is it. 448 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,888 Summer's gonna suck. 449 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:39,622 - You know what? 450 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:43,556 None of this matters, kevin. You know why? 451 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,063 You are a winner in my book. 452 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:49,526 [whistle blows] 453 00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:56,974 - What just happened? 454 00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,476 - Well, a man came in dressed as a football player, 455 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:01,648 Carrying a bucket of gatorade, and he dumped it on your head. 456 00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:04,148 Right after I said, "you are still a winner." 457 00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:07,720 [whistle blows] 458 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,890 [upbeat music] 459 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,359 Are you on the wait list? 460 00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:17,931 - So cold. 461 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,131 - I think he comes when I say the word "winner." 462 00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:23,803 - Don't-- [whistle blows] 463 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,614 - I meant what I said, kevin. 464 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,240 You really are w-- - don't say it! 465 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,746 - Winner in my book. - Dad! 466 00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:38,417 - Okay, I think he's gone. - He'd better be. God. 467 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:39,948 No! - Here he comes. 468 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,423 [whistle blows] 469 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:59,444 [both speaking spanish] 470 00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:07,153 - Oh, please don't kill me, I'm from manhattan. 471 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:08,147 - Wendy? 472 00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:10,408 - Diego? 473 00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:11,246 - Aspy? 474 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,221 - Didi? - Si! 475 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:14,289 - O-m-jesus! 476 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,487 - Que pasa, baby? 477 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,919 - Oh, besos. 478 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:22,264 Besos. [exaggerated kissing noises] 479 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,132 You still have aids? - Oh, yeah, yeah. 480 00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,200 Esta bien though. 481 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:27,898 - [speaks spanish] 482 00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:30,541 - [speaks spanish] - [speaks spanish] 483 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:31,167 - You look great. 484 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,071 You look great. - Yeah, I lost 50 pounds. 485 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:34,012 - Did you get that stomach stapling? 486 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,767 - The lap-band. - You got the lap-band? 487 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,105 - We haven't seen you since stadt 488 00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:38,580 At my grandfather's chalet, right? 489 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:41,448 - I brought snow to the snow. - That was so fun. 490 00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,377 - Welcome to my candy shop. 491 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,853 [snaps fingers] 492 00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,118 - Wait. 493 00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:50,191 Jesus said you didn't have any blow. 494 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,060 - Oh, don't talk to him, he's a piece of [bleep]. 495 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,758 [all laugh] - so fun. 496 00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:57,361 - Do you want to bang shneeva longoria? 497 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,103 [both laugh] 498 00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,698 Both: Dolphin-itely. 499 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,800 [club music] 500 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:12,113 ♪ 501 00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:32,901 [indistinct chatter] 502 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:43,171 ♪ 503 00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:45,436 [gunshot] 504 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,775 [latin music] 505 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:50,210 - Whoa. 506 00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,216 - Wow. 507 00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:53,518 - Wa-wa-we-wa. 508 00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:56,589 - Ha. Borat. 509 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,219 - Totes. 510 00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:00,694 [tires screech] 511 00:21:06,898 --> 00:21:08,298 - Pow. Pow, pow, pow. 512 00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,301 Pow. 513 00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,602 P-pow, pow, pow, pow. 514 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,803 Make dat ass work for you like a banker. 515 00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:18,706 [grunts] 516 00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:20,951 [laughter]