1
00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:04,503
- Hey, there.
2
00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:07,873
Oh, hello, I'm nash rickey
from the hit band sloppysecondz.
3
00:00:07,907 --> 00:00:11,443
- ♪ l.A. Deli
4
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There are a few things
that I truly love:
5
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Being sober,
my lord and savior jesus christ,
6
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Performing cunnilingus,
and of course,
7
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Selling smoked meats
to the greater los angeles area.
8
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:23,956
♪ l.A. Deli
9
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So experience the vibe
of party hit l.A. Deli
10
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,628
Right here
at the del rey deli,
11
00:00:29,662 --> 00:00:32,364
The l.A. Deli
in marina del ray.
12
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Technically,
it's mar vista.
13
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With the southland's biggest
virgin daiquiri bar,
14
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You can always has fun
at del rey deli
15
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Without losing control.
16
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Bottom's up.
17
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You sure there's no booze
in this?
18
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No, no, no, I want to--
re-pour these again.
19
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I didn't see the process.
20
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[clears throat]
where's my purell?
21
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All of our waitstaff
is in recovery,
22
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And we're taking it
one day at a time,
23
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Isn't that right,
sweetie?
24
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I want you to know,
your tits look amazing.
25
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'kay.
26
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We're making our way
through this crazy world,
27
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Controlling it,
taking meetings,
28
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And making delicious sandwiches
and coffee.
29
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48, 49.
30
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Okay, there's supposed to be
50 here.
31
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With bathrooms cleaned
every 10 minutes,
32
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Tables cleaned
every 15 minutes,
33
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,370
And the kitchen cleaned
in the quarter hour,
34
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Nothing is more important than
hygiene here at del rey deli.
35
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Let me just clear out
some of this, um--
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- Oh! Sorry.
- Okay.
37
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You know what, meal's on me.
Get up, just--
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- Can we get a to-go box?
39
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- No, there's no
to-go boxes here.
40
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The styrofoam
doesn't stack right.
41
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Please get up.
- Come on, varla.
42
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- Could I get
a waitstaff here?
43
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No more food today.
It's been corrupted.
44
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Shut down the kitchen!
We're done for the day.
45
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[dubstep music]
46
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♪
47
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John, you got
a million-dollar idea?
48
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- I do have
a million-dollar idea.
49
00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:49,441
Okay, here it is.
50
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You go into a car, right?
- Mm-hmm.
51
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- You've got the umbrella,
but you can't close it really
52
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And get into the car easily,
53
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So the umbrella
should close out.
54
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- [whooshing]
and it goes out that way...
55
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- Yeah.
- And then I can slip it
56
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,388
Right in, 'cause otherwise,
I get it stuck in the door.
57
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- Yeah, there you go.
- Oh--[laughs]
58
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That's it?
59
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Male narrator:
After making millions
60
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,495
As professional athletes,
these stars are seeing
61
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Just how fast
they can spend it,
62
00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:13,665
Fielding business proposals
from amateur entrepreneurs.
63
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- You want to invest in this?
64
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- I've had
just about enough of it!
65
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- Tell me what
the freakin' pitch is.
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Narrator: Who will be the first
to spend his signing bonus?
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Let's meet the jocks.
68
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Cal culvers
is a harvard-educated pitcher
69
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:26,845
With a serious
gambling addiction.
70
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:30,883
After dumping gatorade
on his coach,
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00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:32,684
Offensive lineman
dante levante
72
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:35,387
Dumps $100 bills
on nightclub crowds.
73
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,458
Argentinean soccer phenom
matteus soto
74
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,393
Moved to seattle
for a higher salary,
75
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:44,730
But is unable to say no
to anyone asking him for money.
76
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Entrepreneur tony bell
is seeking $1 million
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For his new invention.
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- It's good, y'all.
Like, greetings and salutations.
79
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,042
Yo, yo, but let me, like,
ask you this, though.
80
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Like, what keeps you
from getting wet in the rain
81
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When it's, like, wet?
82
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:02,781
- Umbrella.
- An umbrella.
83
00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:03,949
- Right, I [bleep] with that,
but, like,
84
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:08,120
What keeps the umbrella
from getting wet?
85
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:10,622
Boom, you see that?
That's the top umbrella,
86
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:14,059
And it--it keep
the bottom umbrella nice and dry
87
00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:16,528
So you're, like, not wet
with the--you know what I mean?
88
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:19,131
- The second umbrella
is gonna be wet.
89
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,365
- Right.
90
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,635
- Why do you need to keep
the under umbrella dry?
91
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,338
- Honestly, like, imagine
you're with a bitch, right?
92
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,273
She got the mother[bleep] clap
and all that.
93
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:29,675
My [bleep] steve caught that,
94
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,244
But like, had he had
two condoms,
95
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:33,412
The first one woulda broke,
96
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,113
Second one,
he woulda been all good.
97
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,716
- Okay, so this is
a cumbersome physical metaphor
98
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:38,917
For sexual misfortune?
99
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,619
- Like, honestly, like,
that's how I feel.
100
00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:44,089
- I am prepared to invest
the full 5 million.
101
00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:45,190
- That's what's up, man.
102
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:52,731
Narrator: Next up is jeff,
a disgraced nba referee.
103
00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:54,366
- Okay.
104
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,536
You guys having fun today?
105
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,004
- Yeah.
- Lot of good pitches.
106
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:00,439
- Yes, yes.
- Yeah.
107
00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:03,342
- You guys lock in plans
for afterwards, or...
108
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:04,409
Oof.
109
00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:06,345
- Uh, I'm sorry?
110
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:07,946
- Did you guys
lock in plans for--
111
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,381
You know, when you're done
shooting, or--
112
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:10,849
- I'm probably
just gonna go home.
113
00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:12,251
- This is not nerves.
114
00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:15,821
I'm completely comfortable
in this situation.
115
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:17,956
- It appears
exactly like nerves.
116
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,425
- Yeah.
117
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,661
A lot of pro athletes
get out there,
118
00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:24,663
They're big brothers,
big sisters,
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00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:27,332
Stuff like that, okay,
120
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:30,836
But there's no money in that,
right?
121
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:32,971
So here's the pitch.
122
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,540
It's like a--
so here's the pitch.
123
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:38,176
It's called "hang time,"
okay?
124
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:41,913
You guys, professional athletes
go and hang out,
125
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:46,785
Not with kids,
but with cool adults.
126
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:48,420
- Uh, I'm a hard "no."
127
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,988
- Dante?
128
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:53,425
- No way in hell, or hell no.
Take it either way you want it.
129
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,561
- All right, I'll choose
that one on my--on my own time.
130
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:57,996
- All right, all right.
- Matteus?
131
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:02,601
- You seem terrible
and your body confuses me.
132
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,169
- All right.
133
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:07,906
No.
134
00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:13,879
- Life is all about
making choices,
135
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:16,648
And I had chosen to attend
upper peninsula state,
136
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,618
But I was starting to wonder,
would anybody choose me?
137
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,454
- Hey, madison.
- Oh, hey, elliot.
138
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,589
- What's going on?
- You really like fruit, huh?
139
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:26,925
- Oh, yeah, I guess I just
take 'em back to my room
140
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,093
For in-between meal snacks.
141
00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:29,728
That way, I never
have to pay for food.
142
00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,229
- Wow, that's really smart.
143
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,632
- Yeah, I'm on the flex-450
semester meal plan,
144
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,634
So as long as I don't go
over 17 meals a week,
145
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:36,802
I am golden.
146
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,804
- What up?
Mind if I cut?
147
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,340
I'm just getting chips
using all points.
148
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:42,841
The meal plan's
kind of for suckers.
149
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,509
Did you know
the peninsula pit's
150
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,278
Taking points
at all those restaurants now?
151
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,679
- Really?
- I don't know,
152
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:49,514
Would you maybe want to go
check it out some Friday night?
153
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:51,016
- What--what time?
154
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:54,386
- That's the beauty of points,
whenever we want.
155
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:55,854
- Okay.
156
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,890
- Well,
I'll see you then, red.
157
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,827
- You were saying something.
158
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,829
- I'll see you later,
madison.
159
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:08,333
- ♪ today I am thankful
160
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:13,872
♪ I pray to be thankful
'cause of you ♪
161
00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:15,907
- ♪ thankful for each day
162
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:18,577
- ♪ god, 'cause of you
163
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,714
- And so I started
spending points,
164
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:24,950
Hoping to run into the guy
who told me about them
165
00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:26,051
In the first place.
166
00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:28,854
Logan, it's so funny
seeing you here.
167
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:32,057
So this hamburger
is 300 points.
168
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:33,692
How much is that in dollars?
169
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,193
- $3.
170
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,628
- Well, how much
do these fries cost?
171
00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:38,730
- 175 points, red.
172
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,133
- How much is that
in dollars?
173
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,834
-$1.75.
174
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:45,237
- How do you keep it all
straight?
175
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:48,140
- Maybe it'd be easier
if I showed you.
176
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:53,845
Let's say these fries
were 111 points.
177
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,549
You just have to move
the decimal point.
178
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,418
You get it now?
179
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,686
- ♪ I could never
walk on water ♪
180
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:03,822
♪ the way you did
as the bible says ♪
181
00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:05,424
- This is great, huh?
182
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,360
- You know what you should do
is throw a party.
183
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:11,463
We could go to the deer deli,
maybe pick up some nacho chips,
184
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:13,832
Cola, couple magazines.
185
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:15,600
You can buy all that
with points.
186
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:17,869
♪ mm-hmm
187
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:20,639
♪
188
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:26,611
[upbeat synthesizer music]
189
00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:28,346
- Pardon.
190
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,681
Do you have seasonal
depression there?
191
00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:31,349
Oh, don't change the channel.
192
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,785
You get out.
193
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:37,055
Hey there, canadian youngsters.
I'm gene creemers,
194
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:39,090
And I'm here to gently prod
canada's youth to...
195
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,959
All: Get out!
196
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:42,394
- [whispering] get out.
- Pardon?
197
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:43,628
- Get "oot"!
198
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,069
- Great wagonwheels, ladies.
199
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:52,871
- What "aboot" safety?
200
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:54,673
- [blows whistle]
safety first, eh?
201
00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:56,475
All: Safety rules!
202
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:58,076
- Remember,
tie those trainers.
203
00:07:58,110 --> 00:07:59,077
- Double knot.
204
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,279
- Is this exercise?
205
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,280
- Yeah.
206
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,949
- What if I need energy?
207
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,951
- Well, try some g.O.R.P.
- What's g.O.R.P.?
208
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,986
It's a cereal that you eat
with your hands.
209
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:10,722
Remember, kids, just
1/4 of an hour a day, that's it.
210
00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:12,491
Don't quit,
and remember...
211
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,893
All: Get out!
- Okay.
212
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,733
[dramatic music]
213
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:24,135
- Ciao.
How's it going?
214
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,204
I'm a european.
215
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:29,241
So cool, very cool.
This is a very cool scene here.
216
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:33,645
So this is, for example,
a bracelet that is a magnet.
217
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,814
- Oh.
- Okay, is that your pitch?
218
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:38,583
- Hey, hold your horses,
roy rogers.
219
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,218
[both chuckles]
220
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:44,089
The pitch is that I like
to smoke marlboro cigarettes.
221
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:46,424
You know, the coolest car
to have is a tiny car.
222
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:49,594
- Is that connected
to your product?
223
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:53,365
- In europe, the product is
not as important as the process.
224
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:54,533
- Yes.
- So where
225
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:55,867
Is your process taking you?
226
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,570
- The process is taking us
throughout the globe,
227
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:01,139
Wherever they be,
in the americas, or in africa,
228
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:03,475
Or--uh, ching--
[mumbles]
229
00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:05,744
- Ching who?
- I'm sorry, did you just do--
230
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,979
- Oh, I'm sorry,
we can't make these jokes?
231
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:11,550
In the states they can't--
they will get angry?
232
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:13,351
I can't be funny
like "zeinfeld" here?
233
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,086
- What is your pitch?
234
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:19,491
- It's dinner at 11:45,
it's toddlers who drink wine,
235
00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:22,761
It's 7 to 12 sausages per meal.
- Okay.
236
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:26,298
- So let--let's start
with 15,000 euro?
237
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:27,732
- This is a steal.
238
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,935
I don't know why you guys
are sitting on your hands,
239
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:33,305
But I will bid 15,000 euros,
without problem.
240
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:39,044
Narrator: Next up is men's
rights activist, bob ducca.
241
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,279
Let's see if he can
wow the judges.
242
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:42,814
- Thank you,
honorable judges.
243
00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:47,619
My first product that I have
is a grabber grabber.
244
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:49,921
Now, this is a grabber
245
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,257
For when somebody drops
their other grabber,
246
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:55,026
And they have a bad back,
and you can just reach down
247
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:57,062
And grab it.
248
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,565
Moving on.
249
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,100
You know what,
I have a list of things.
250
00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:03,535
You just tell me
which catches your fancy.
251
00:10:03,569 --> 00:10:05,937
- Okay, are you just gonna
keep pitching stuff
252
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:08,039
Until we go for something?
- Mm-hmm.
253
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:09,341
- All right, uh--
254
00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,276
- A planned parenthoodie.
255
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:13,912
If you want to cover your face
when you're getting an abortion.
256
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,480
- Bob, what's that
on your hand?
257
00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:17,282
- Uh, mega carpal tunnel
wrist guard.
258
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:18,783
- Okay,
and what about your neck?
259
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,352
- That's a neck brace.
260
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:21,886
- From--
what happened to you?
261
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,655
- Hmm?
- What happened to you
262
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,190
Besides a life of tragedy?
- I was thrashed.
263
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:26,625
- What?
- I was thrashed.
264
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:28,727
- You were thrashed?
- Mm-hmm.
265
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,395
I don't know what it was.
There was a creature.
266
00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:32,897
I was sleeping in a cul de sac,
and I woke up.
267
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,233
Some creature had me
by the scruff of my neck
268
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:39,104
And was thrashing me around
like a rag doll.
269
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:42,574
- Was it just a man, or--
- I don't know.
270
00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:45,076
I woke up in a veterinary
emergency room.
271
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:48,780
- They brought you to a vet
to be treated?
272
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:49,981
- My hair was longer then.
273
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,816
- Okay, you know,
274
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,485
I feel like this is
just gonna continue...
275
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:55,186
- Oh, sure.
- Until somebody
276
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:56,788
Jumps on one of these ideas.
- I have nowhere to go.
277
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,824
- Okay, I'll give you
$100 for the scooper.
278
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:03,595
- Oh, wow.
Okay, excellent.
279
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:05,997
- Terrific.
- Do I get paid now?
280
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:09,768
- You need the $100 right now?
- I don't know how it works.
281
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:13,405
- Uh, the production's gonna
send you money down the road.
282
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:14,406
I mean, if you need--
283
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,442
- Oh, are we on television?
284
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:22,580
- Tell us about your
million-dollar idea.
285
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:25,550
- My million-dollar idea
is this:
286
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:27,152
Everyday heroes.
287
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,220
- I love it.
288
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:32,157
- The paramedic,
saving the life.
289
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,592
The janitor,
making it clean.
290
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,828
The cop on the corner
helping a kid,
291
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:40,031
Giving him a football card for--
with trivia on it.
292
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:41,700
- [laughs]
- good luck.
293
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:44,335
- If you're not wearing shoes
and you're not wearing socks,
294
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:45,704
You're barefoot.
295
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:48,339
I didn't know fred flintstone
was flying today.
296
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,408
How are you?
Nice to see you.
297
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,610
You know what movie
actually scares me?
298
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,646
I'm gonna git you sucka.
299
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,048
I gotta go through here,
let 'em use the x-ray machine,
300
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,750
See what's slopping around
inside.
301
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,919
- It'll just be a minute folks,
then he's taking a break.
302
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:02,420
He promised me himself.
Didn't you, jeff?
303
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,489
- I think I swallowed a whistle
about 12 years ago
304
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:05,857
During a basketball.
305
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:09,394
- One, two, three.
- I'm locked in, hold on.
306
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:11,296
All right, okay.
307
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,430
- [grunts]
- give uncle jeff
308
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:13,865
A push in the tush.
309
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,834
If they'd let me,
I'd take twice as many.
310
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:19,604
- [laughs]
you're so strong.
311
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:21,606
- Uh, hold on.
Uh, hold on.
312
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,641
[beeping]
313
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,077
[beeping]
314
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,412
- Okay, I'm gonna reach
on your stomach.
315
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:28,580
You okay with that?
- Mm-hmm.
316
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:31,349
- Okay, okay.
Oh, jeez louise.
317
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:32,817
I don't even need
to get online tonight.
318
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:33,885
- You like this?
This is hot, right?
319
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,720
[both laughing]
320
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,156
- Is--I-I feel like
she wouldn't be interested
321
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,325
In a guy like me, right?
She's probably got
322
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:42,994
Some big, black boyfriend,
or something like that.
323
00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:44,929
What would I say
to a girl like that?
324
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:46,464
- [laughs]
- I don't know.
325
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,166
Try not to say
"lock down plans," though.
326
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,534
Maybe something more casual.
327
00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:51,636
- "you want to lock down sex?"
something like that?
328
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:54,305
"you want to lock down...
My--"
329
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,007
Really?
You don't have a boyfriend?
330
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:57,742
- Mm-mmm.
- I can't imagine that.
331
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,345
You're always--
you're always "d-d-d-d-d."
332
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,647
- Oh, I'm just making plans
with my girls, you know?
333
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,716
- Ah.
- Trying to find a man.
334
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,584
- Trying to find a man?
- Trying to lock it down.
335
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,619
- Right?
Trying to lock it down?
336
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:10,655
- [laughs]
337
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,458
- 'kay.
338
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,532
- Hello, european person.
339
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:21,833
Are you going to the states
for a holiday?
340
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,601
Well, there's a lot
of rubbish there.
341
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,471
Let me tell you the coolest
things and places to be.
342
00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:28,006
[techno music]
343
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,442
District of columbia is cool
for a class trip,
344
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:34,512
To buy a baseball hat,
a baseball pant.
345
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,014
They only have two days
for the weekend,
346
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,883
Which is cool, 'cause
you pack in lots of fun stuff
347
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:41,820
Like beach volleyball
and hamburgers.
348
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:44,422
U.S. Has, like,
totally defined sexualities,
349
00:13:44,456 --> 00:13:47,258
And you can tell
which is man and which is woman.
350
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,761
Little wayne is a little man
with a big voice.
351
00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:51,129
He is the king of new orleans.
352
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,898
Royalty in the u.S. Is people
like hulk hogan,
353
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:57,035
His daughter brook hogan,
ben affleck,
354
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,770
A cat who can play piano.
355
00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:02,473
By law, the only rental car
you can get is a pt cruiser.
356
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,276
Jesus is, like,
the coolest person in the u.S.
357
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:08,279
Like, how frankenstein
is the coolest person in europe.
358
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:11,716
The coolest museums are
the m&m store in times square.
359
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,685
[techno music]
360
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:16,688
[party music and chatter]
361
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:21,626
♪
362
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,328
- Can't believe we've been
roommates this long
363
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,896
And we've never
thrown a party.
364
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:26,898
Where'd you get
all this stuff?
365
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:30,435
- Let's just say
I made a life change.
366
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:32,337
- I use points,
I fill up at the beginning
367
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,539
Of the semester,
do about 5,000.
368
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:37,075
I actually told this girl here
who's room it is,
369
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:38,509
Madison over there.
370
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,247
She bought all this chips
and stuff and soda, but like,
371
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,549
She seems, like,
a little green, you know?
372
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:46,251
[sad music]
373
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:48,820
- Do you guys just
want to get outta here?
374
00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:52,690
Say good-bye to madison.
Bye, madison.
375
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,194
- To say the least, last night
did not go like I planned.
376
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,364
I was so confused.
Did logan like me, or not?
377
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,865
Was I just another swipe
on his deer dollars card?
378
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:01,866
[alert beep]
379
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,569
- Sorry,
you have a zero balance.
380
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:05,770
- What?
381
00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:07,238
- Looks like somebody
had a pretzel party.
382
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,807
- What am I gonna do?
383
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:12,477
- Well, I can get you breakfast.
I'll use one of my guest passes.
384
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:14,379
- Elliot, are you sure?
[beep]
385
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,813
I mean, you only get
five per semester,
386
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,081
And people usually like
to save them
387
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,083
For off-campus guests.
- Yeah, I don't mind.
388
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,753
- That's really nice.
389
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:23,454
- Well, it's not
that big of a deal.
390
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:25,723
I have a friend of mine
who hacked into the deer net
391
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,692
And put a bunch of points
on his girlfriend's account.
392
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,761
- Could you do that for me?
393
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:31,963
- Um, yeah. Sure.
394
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:35,767
- Oh, my god,
I'd love you forever.
395
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:39,470
- Cool. [chuckles]
I could do that.
396
00:15:43,909 --> 00:15:46,444
- I mean, you've been on it
since the beginning.
397
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:48,947
I wanted to call it
"the nick show kroll."
398
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:50,315
You were never onboard.
- No, I wanted.
399
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:51,649
"krolling around
with nick clown."
400
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,217
- Yes, that was--
that was the name
401
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:54,686
That you were supporting.
- Yeah.
402
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,554
- And you did not like
"the krollsby show,"
403
00:15:56,588 --> 00:15:58,456
Another pitch of mine.
- [sighs]
404
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:01,793
I liked that as, like, one
of 100 interchangeable titles
405
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:04,228
More as--
more than the only title.
406
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:07,065
- Versus "krolling around
with nick clown."
407
00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:09,367
- That would have worked
as the only title for the show.
408
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:11,302
[both laughing]
409
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:13,438
Yes, and we'd be a hit--
we'd be a hit by now
410
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,672
If you'd let me.
- [laughs]
411
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:18,242
[dubstep music]
412
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,178
All: Get out!
- [whispering] get out.
413
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:21,612
- Pardon?
- Get "oot"!
414
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,715
- What happened
to the kids of get out!?
415
00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:24,782
- This is...
- Get out!...
416
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,818
- 20 years later.
417
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,689
- I'm angela mackenzie.
I played sharon in get out!
418
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:35,460
After get out! Came out,
it was explosive, you know.
419
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:39,130
After things settled down,
I started to feel pretty alone.
420
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,666
Yeah, next thing you know,
I'm strung out on heroin
421
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,602
In vancouver, british columbia,
on hastings and main there.
422
00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:46,938
- After get out!,
I mean, things spiraled,
423
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:50,241
And, you know,
a lot of girls back then.
424
00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:53,277
Yeah. We called them
"the get out! Girls."
425
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:55,046
That's what we'd say
when we were done,
426
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,414
"get out," you know?
427
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,116
Hi, I'm quentin brian,
and I played
428
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:00,918
One of the dancing kids
in the get out! Psa.
429
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:04,355
But I did end up
turning my back on my parents.
430
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:05,757
- Hey, there, pal.
431
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,625
You auditioning
for cirque du soleil?
432
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:09,027
- Look, you know,
gene creemer said to me,
433
00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:10,461
"you could be
in cirque du soleil,"
434
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:13,564
And I took him at his word,
and, well, I never made it.
435
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:14,899
I never even came close
to making it.
436
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:16,934
I can barely touch my toes.
437
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,303
Sorry for disappointing you.
438
00:17:19,338 --> 00:17:21,239
- I'm a bit bigger now.
439
00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:25,343
- It's tough when I see me
saying my famous line up here,
440
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,980
"is this exercise?"
the director was asking me
441
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:32,517
To say "is--"
put the emphasis on "this,"
442
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,052
And as a kid,
I didn't really understand.
443
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:35,386
I said,
"is this exercise?"
444
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,588
Is this exercise?
445
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:41,959
But now I know I should've been,
like, "is this exercise?"
446
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,094
- Yeah.
447
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:44,896
Since get out!, well,
448
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:46,964
I've been on some version
of wheels ontario
449
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,700
For my entire adult life.
450
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,637
You know, get out! Actually
inspired me to come out.
451
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:55,973
I'm a gay man and I live
with my husband in banff.
452
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,109
Got a little cottage there,
we got dogs and cats,
453
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:01,145
And we got a black child,
so...
454
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,586
- [sighs]
455
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,589
[sad pop music]
456
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:13,491
♪
457
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:16,794
- ♪ kid, where you been?
458
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:19,397
♪ who are you hiding from?
459
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,499
♪ if you need someone
to talk to ♪
460
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:22,600
[alert chimes]
461
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:23,868
- [computer voice]
access granted.
462
00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:25,369
- Yes, I'm in.
463
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,806
- You going home for break?
- Nah, not this time.
464
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,441
- Yeah, me neither.
465
00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:33,211
Ain't got nobody
waiting there for me.
466
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:35,813
Both my parents passed.
467
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,882
- Really?
- Yeah, freshman year.
468
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,417
But forget about that.
469
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:41,452
Let's go see the "d"
beat the gophers tonight.
470
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:43,421
- [laughs]
- you know you can use points
471
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,455
To get concessions.
472
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:45,656
[alert chimes]
473
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,091
- [computer voice]
you have added 500 points
474
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,460
To madison's account.
- Cool.
475
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:51,062
- Hey, what are you doing
in here?
476
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:52,263
- I--
- you're in a lot of trouble,
477
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:53,264
Mister.
478
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,566
- Can I use my meal plan
to make a call?
479
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:56,734
[walkie beeps]
480
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:59,203
- Caught a trespasser
in the cafeteria.
481
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,606
- Hey, I got caught.
482
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,007
- I'll be right there.
483
00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:05,977
You gonna call our parents?
- Well, we can call your parents
484
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:08,079
And deal with this
within the u.P.S. System,
485
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:09,614
Or I can turn you over
to the police
486
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,415
Where you'll be charged
as adults.
487
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,451
It's your choice.
488
00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:17,221
Narrator: On the next...
489
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:18,890
- Madison, do you want to spend
spring break with me
490
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:20,158
Doing habitat for humanity?
491
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:24,061
- Or you could come see u2
with me in san diego.
492
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,498
[horn blast]
- if you guys wanted to lock in
493
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:28,900
Plans for after the game,
I would--
494
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,668
You know,
nothing alcohol.
495
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,370
What's the story
with the on-campus restaurant?
496
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:35,006
Is it a list situation?
They take money?
497
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,074
Is there points?
Can you use points?
498
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:40,678
I got--I got...$2.
499
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:44,215
Narrator:
Catch all the highs...
500
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:46,184
- My product is called
"acc-you-puncture."
501
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:47,618
It's not supposed to hurt.
502
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:48,686
- God.
- Oh, what the hell?
503
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,354
Narrator: And the lows.
- Oh, god.
504
00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:52,390
- One side,
you got your liquids,
505
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:54,358
Flip is over, the other side,
you got your dry foods.
506
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,494
- Um, no.
[chuckles]
507
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:58,496
- Oh! You've ruined it!
508
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:00,665
- You can pelt me
with all the questions you want,
509
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,467
But the one thing
you don't have the answer to
510
00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:07,405
Is what I'm about to say next.
511
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:10,908
When I befriended a group
of aliens just three years ago,
512
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,710
I was lost.
- Okay, there it is.
513
00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:14,011
- There's the answer.
514
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,247
- Well, I had a feeling
something like that was coming.
515
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,216
- Do you believe in yourself,
cal?
516
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,184
- Yeah.
517
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,721
- Do you believe in a cool group
of down-to-earth aliens
518
00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:26,257
Who love to hang out, have fun,
and have great ideas
519
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,825
About what kind of food
you can eat?
520
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:29,293
- No, that's crazy.
521
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,761
- [whispering]
that's what I thought.
522
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:33,464
Narrator: With a special visit
from rock legend, nash rickey.
523
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:37,068
- ♪ l.A. Deli
524
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:38,703
[rock fanfare]
525
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:40,371
- I'm here to pitch you
an idea today
526
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:41,939
For the del rey deli,
527
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:45,042
The l.A. Deli
near marina del rey.
528
00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:48,746
- That already exists.
- Yeah.
529
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:49,914
- I've--I've eaten there.
530
00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:52,216
- You're ineligible.
531
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,752
- Fair enough.
Love you guys.
532
00:20:54,786 --> 00:21:01,359
- ♪ I'm gonna ride
that winged beauty on home ♪
533
00:21:01,393 --> 00:21:02,994
- Ha ha.
Good at bizness.
534
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,099
- Some of them aren't doing
too good, you know.
535
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,467
They got out
a little bit too far,
536
00:21:09,501 --> 00:21:12,169
They didn't reel it back in,
you know.
537
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:17,141
I guess brian eggers is dead.
He's in a lake somewhere.
538
00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:18,843
Got himself involved
in the mafia
539
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:20,278
And couldn't get out.