1 00:06:05,810 --> 00:06:07,558 Hello? 2 00:06:12,977 --> 00:06:15,016 You've had an accident. 3 00:06:16,851 --> 00:06:18,476 You need an ambulance. 4 00:06:18,476 --> 00:06:21,601 I'll call for one. I'll be right back. 5 00:06:21,601 --> 00:06:24,935 - Lie still here. - No. 6 00:06:24,935 --> 00:06:26,601 No. 7 00:06:26,601 --> 00:06:28,893 No what? 8 00:06:28,893 --> 00:06:31,269 I don't need an ambulance. 9 00:06:31,269 --> 00:06:33,352 I can clearly see you do. 10 00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:36,434 I'll call for one. 11 00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:38,143 In that case, I'll be up and gone 12 00:06:38,143 --> 00:06:40,599 before you have time to come back. 13 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:44,726 That will hurt. 14 00:06:44,726 --> 00:06:48,641 That's possible. But it doesn't matter to me. 15 00:06:53,018 --> 00:06:55,766 I assume you don't want me to call the police either. 16 00:06:57,060 --> 00:06:59,933 Yes, that's exactly right. 17 00:07:05,351 --> 00:07:07,641 Is there anything you want? 18 00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:20,016 I'd like a cup of tea with some milk. 19 00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,058 Well... 20 00:07:26,185 --> 00:07:30,060 You have to come with me. 21 00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:32,641 I don't serve tea in the street. 22 00:07:35,685 --> 00:07:37,558 Can you walk? 23 00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:39,641 Yeah. 24 00:07:42,268 --> 00:07:44,558 I've even bought a cake. 25 00:07:50,476 --> 00:07:52,266 Here's a pajama. 26 00:07:53,893 --> 00:07:55,018 Thank you. 27 00:07:55,018 --> 00:07:57,309 I've made up the bed for you. 28 00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:59,349 With clean sheets. 29 00:08:17,309 --> 00:08:19,766 - Sorry. - That's okay. 30 00:08:22,142 --> 00:08:24,016 There. 31 00:08:32,518 --> 00:08:36,182 - I'll wash your clothes. - Not my coat. 32 00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,726 It smells rather badly. 33 00:08:39,726 --> 00:08:41,516 It's my coat. 34 00:08:42,268 --> 00:08:44,266 The smell won't come off anyway. 35 00:08:45,518 --> 00:08:47,140 It's your coat. 36 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,641 - Do you take sugar? - No, thank you. 37 00:08:56,351 --> 00:08:58,140 There you go. 38 00:08:59,893 --> 00:09:01,683 Thank you. 39 00:09:07,726 --> 00:09:09,307 So what happened? 40 00:09:10,309 --> 00:09:12,057 Were you robbed? 41 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:18,307 It's my own fault. 42 00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,974 I'm just a bad human being. 43 00:09:23,351 --> 00:09:25,685 I've never met a bad human being. 44 00:09:25,685 --> 00:09:27,182 Well, you have now. 45 00:09:29,643 --> 00:09:32,351 Do you want to talk about it? 46 00:09:32,351 --> 00:09:34,266 You wouldn't understand. 47 00:09:37,101 --> 00:09:38,516 Well, try me. 48 00:09:41,142 --> 00:09:43,307 But I wouldn't know where to start. 49 00:09:53,142 --> 00:09:56,934 Why is that ridiculous fishhook hanging there? 50 00:09:56,934 --> 00:09:59,184 That's a fly. 51 00:09:59,184 --> 00:10:02,685 I caught a fish with it once, a rather big one. 52 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,558 Strangely enough. 53 00:10:07,892 --> 00:10:10,309 Fly fishing is about tying feathers 54 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,182 and other things to a hook 55 00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:16,393 so it resembles something the fish likes to eat. 56 00:10:16,393 --> 00:10:19,518 And then because the fly is very light, 57 00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:22,057 you have to have a line that is heavy. 58 00:10:22,976 --> 00:10:25,349 It creates the velocity when you cast. 59 00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:40,349 - You fish a lot? - Well, some. 60 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:43,641 But I don't catch much. 61 00:10:44,976 --> 00:10:47,848 The locals catch a lot more. 62 00:10:48,892 --> 00:10:51,976 When I was young, I... I had a book I... 63 00:10:51,976 --> 00:10:53,474 I worshipped. 64 00:10:59,767 --> 00:11:02,142 It was an old book by Izaak Walton 65 00:11:02,142 --> 00:11:03,641 called "The Complete Angler." 66 00:11:07,393 --> 00:11:10,391 It was like a romantic nature bible to me. 67 00:11:21,476 --> 00:11:24,474 Maybe I know where to start. 68 00:11:28,017 --> 00:11:31,184 But if you're to understand, I'll... 69 00:11:31,184 --> 00:11:34,184 I'll have to tell you the whole story. 70 00:11:34,184 --> 00:11:36,057 And it'll be long. 71 00:11:37,684 --> 00:11:40,099 Long is good. 72 00:11:41,142 --> 00:11:44,015 And moral, I'm afraid. 73 00:11:55,184 --> 00:11:57,226 To begin with the bait, 74 00:11:57,226 --> 00:12:00,182 I discovered my cunt as a two-year-old. 75 00:12:00,809 --> 00:12:03,723 "Cunt" is a very strong word. 76 00:12:04,309 --> 00:12:07,268 Let's call it "Pandora's Box" then. 77 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:11,351 Um... No, no, no. "Cunt" is better. 78 00:12:11,351 --> 00:12:14,850 So, I was a nymphomaniac. 79 00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:17,476 Wait a moment, no. Nobody can be a nymphomaniac 80 00:12:17,476 --> 00:12:19,101 when they're only two years old. 81 00:12:19,101 --> 00:12:20,725 I don't think even the strictest God 82 00:12:20,725 --> 00:12:24,349 would see anything else than a child's normal behavior. 83 00:12:25,059 --> 00:12:27,517 What about fetuses? It's common knowledge 84 00:12:27,517 --> 00:12:30,557 that fetuses often touch their genital organs. 85 00:12:31,475 --> 00:12:34,057 Can a fetus somehow be sinful? 86 00:12:35,268 --> 00:12:37,142 Why not? 87 00:12:37,142 --> 00:12:39,475 Not according to any religion I know, 88 00:12:39,475 --> 00:12:42,101 unless it's an original sin. 89 00:12:42,101 --> 00:12:43,473 Ancestral. 90 00:12:46,184 --> 00:12:49,848 Or perhaps according to a religion that doesn't exist yet. 91 00:12:50,475 --> 00:12:54,101 According to a god that hasn't yet manifested himself. 92 00:12:54,101 --> 00:12:56,473 But then you can imagine anything. 93 00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:04,892 At an early age, I was mechanically inclined. 94 00:13:04,892 --> 00:13:09,682 Kinetic energy, for example, has always fascinated me. 95 00:13:10,392 --> 00:13:13,892 And my friend, let's call her "B," 96 00:13:13,892 --> 00:13:16,057 always came up with the ideas. 97 00:13:17,725 --> 00:13:21,140 Playing frogs was one of B's classics. 98 00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:47,308 Joe, are you all right? 99 00:13:47,308 --> 00:13:49,182 Just a moment. 100 00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:52,765 Are you done? 101 00:14:03,475 --> 00:14:06,057 For Christ's sakes, leave them alone. 102 00:14:07,184 --> 00:14:09,475 I loved my father very much. 103 00:14:09,475 --> 00:14:10,848 He was a doctor. 104 00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:14,350 My mother's name was Katherine. 105 00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:16,390 My father called her Kay. 106 00:14:18,142 --> 00:14:21,723 I suppose she was what you'd call "a cold bitch." 107 00:14:22,559 --> 00:14:26,433 She always had her back turned when she played solitaire. 108 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,223 I hated solitaire. 109 00:14:34,809 --> 00:14:37,767 When we had P.E., I'd climb up into the ropes 110 00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:42,139 and hang there for ages with the rope between my legs. 111 00:14:42,976 --> 00:14:45,809 "The Sensation" we called it. 112 00:14:45,809 --> 00:14:50,015 I remember very distinctly this word, "sensation." 113 00:14:56,308 --> 00:15:00,308 Perhaps the only difference between me and other people 114 00:15:00,308 --> 00:15:04,098 was that I've always demanded more from the sunset. 115 00:15:04,934 --> 00:15:09,765 More spectacular colors when the sun hit the horizon. 116 00:15:12,225 --> 00:15:14,181 That's perhaps my only sin. 117 00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:20,223 Why are you insisting that children are sinful? 118 00:15:21,183 --> 00:15:22,892 Not children. 119 00:15:22,892 --> 00:15:23,807 Me. 120 00:15:25,559 --> 00:15:27,181 I don't see sin anywhere. 121 00:15:27,684 --> 00:15:29,809 But then I'm not religious. 122 00:15:29,809 --> 00:15:32,892 Well, that's because you don't know the rest of the story. 123 00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:35,014 And by the way, I'm not religious either. 124 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:38,475 Why would you take the most unsympathetic aspect 125 00:15:38,475 --> 00:15:41,890 of religion such as the concept of sin... 126 00:15:42,850 --> 00:15:45,515 and let it survive beyond religion? 127 00:15:49,267 --> 00:15:51,807 I don't understand this self-hatred. 128 00:15:52,517 --> 00:15:54,267 Well, that's what I said. 129 00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:56,723 - You wouldn't understand. - No, I'm... 130 00:15:58,016 --> 00:15:59,682 I'm sorry, I'll shut up. 131 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,098 Please continue. 132 00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:21,014 Nervus... pudendus. 133 00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:30,098 Nervus dorsalis clitoridis. 134 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,600 When the ash tree was created, 135 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,306 it made all the other trees in the forest jealous. 136 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,764 It was the most beautiful tree. 137 00:17:28,891 --> 00:17:31,014 You couldn't say anything bad about it. 138 00:17:32,308 --> 00:17:36,058 It was the World Tree in Norse mythology. 139 00:17:36,058 --> 00:17:38,808 Remember, Odin... 140 00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:42,267 He hung from the ash tree, Yggdrasil, for nine days 141 00:17:42,267 --> 00:17:43,973 in order to gain insight. 142 00:17:46,475 --> 00:17:48,639 The ash tree had the strongest wood. 143 00:17:54,016 --> 00:17:55,931 Then in the winter... 144 00:17:58,058 --> 00:18:00,473 when the ash tree lost all of its leaves... 145 00:18:03,641 --> 00:18:06,308 all the trees noticed its black buds, 146 00:18:06,308 --> 00:18:08,141 and started laughing. 147 00:18:08,141 --> 00:18:10,225 "Oh, look. 148 00:18:10,225 --> 00:18:14,014 The ash tree has had its fingers in the ashes." 149 00:18:16,766 --> 00:18:17,889 See? 150 00:18:18,933 --> 00:18:21,933 You can always tell the ash tree in winter 151 00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:23,014 by the black buds. 152 00:18:34,141 --> 00:18:35,514 Now... 153 00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:40,183 Now this is a lime tree leaf. 154 00:18:40,183 --> 00:18:43,475 - Remember? - I forgot about the lime tree. 155 00:18:43,475 --> 00:18:45,597 I've told you 100 times. 156 00:18:46,141 --> 00:18:49,100 My dad loved telling me about the trees, 157 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,599 and their leaves, and considered it 158 00:18:51,599 --> 00:18:53,514 part of a good education. 159 00:18:54,516 --> 00:18:58,683 He especially loved the childish educational stories he told 160 00:18:58,683 --> 00:19:01,472 to help me remember what I had learned. 161 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,183 I knew how much he loved telling those stories. 162 00:19:05,183 --> 00:19:08,472 Sometimes I pretended I'd forgotten them. 163 00:19:10,558 --> 00:19:14,223 Originally, the lime tree's leaves were round. 164 00:19:15,891 --> 00:19:17,933 A fox had her den beneath its roots 165 00:19:17,933 --> 00:19:19,597 where she had four cubs. 166 00:19:20,849 --> 00:19:23,223 One day, she went out looking for food for them. 167 00:19:23,808 --> 00:19:26,306 There was a hunt in the forest. She was shot. 168 00:19:26,891 --> 00:19:30,348 Wounded, she crawled back to the den 169 00:19:31,350 --> 00:19:33,639 where she and the four cubs died. 170 00:19:36,432 --> 00:19:38,597 This made the lime tree so sad. 171 00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:40,597 And from then on, 172 00:19:41,141 --> 00:19:43,847 the lime tree decided to have... 173 00:19:45,349 --> 00:19:47,265 heart-shaped leaves. 174 00:19:49,058 --> 00:19:52,514 Oh, yes, that's right. Heart-shaped. 175 00:19:58,307 --> 00:20:00,100 Am I boring you? 176 00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:02,599 No, no. I'm just looking forward 177 00:20:02,599 --> 00:20:05,225 to how you'll get fishing weaved into your tale. 178 00:20:05,225 --> 00:20:09,307 You could start with the fly on the wall there. 179 00:20:09,307 --> 00:20:11,014 It's called a nymph. 180 00:20:11,766 --> 00:20:13,766 It will tie in elegantly with your discussion 181 00:20:13,766 --> 00:20:18,891 about nymphomania. A nymph is an early stage 182 00:20:18,891 --> 00:20:20,722 in the life of an insect. 183 00:20:22,849 --> 00:20:25,181 As a quite young nymph, 184 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:29,181 it was imperative for me to get rid of my virginity. 185 00:20:30,058 --> 00:20:31,222 Hopla. 186 00:20:32,016 --> 00:20:34,558 I kind of knew this boy, J, 187 00:20:34,558 --> 00:20:36,639 who had a moped. 188 00:20:37,349 --> 00:20:39,556 So in my eyes he was rather sophisticated. 189 00:20:40,975 --> 00:20:42,641 I was 15, 190 00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:45,349 and perhaps my girlish, romantic expectations 191 00:20:45,349 --> 00:20:46,847 were a bit high. 192 00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,681 But he had good, strong hands. 193 00:20:55,182 --> 00:20:56,764 I liked his hands. 194 00:21:03,683 --> 00:21:05,014 Hello? 195 00:21:05,891 --> 00:21:07,597 - Hi. - Hi. 196 00:21:21,724 --> 00:21:24,847 If I asked you to take my virginity would that be a problem? 197 00:21:27,099 --> 00:21:28,722 No, I don't see a problem. 198 00:21:33,266 --> 00:21:34,556 So, um... 199 00:21:37,057 --> 00:21:38,681 Where shall I go? 200 00:22:07,683 --> 00:22:09,556 It's the fucking carburetor. 201 00:22:11,724 --> 00:22:13,681 I just can't work it out, you imagine that? 202 00:22:16,266 --> 00:22:18,724 - That's not very good. - Hmm? 203 00:22:18,724 --> 00:22:20,808 - It's not very good. - No, it bloody isn't. 204 00:22:20,808 --> 00:22:22,847 Ruins the whole idea of having a moped. 205 00:22:26,349 --> 00:22:28,806 You should probably take off your knickers, yeah? 206 00:23:13,932 --> 00:23:17,430 He shoved his cock inside me and humped me three times. 207 00:23:26,015 --> 00:23:29,264 Then he turned me over like a sack of potatoes. 208 00:23:37,015 --> 00:23:39,930 Then he humped me five times in the ass. 209 00:24:47,099 --> 00:24:49,680 I never forgot those two humiliating numbers. 210 00:24:52,015 --> 00:24:53,557 Three and five? 211 00:24:53,557 --> 00:24:55,138 Those are Fibonacci numbers. 212 00:24:59,391 --> 00:25:00,723 That may be. 213 00:25:00,723 --> 00:25:02,805 In any case, it hurt like hell. 214 00:25:03,432 --> 00:25:06,723 I swore I'd never sleep with anyone again. 215 00:25:06,723 --> 00:25:10,055 But of course that only lasted a short while. 216 00:25:10,557 --> 00:25:13,515 And now to get back to your fishing. 217 00:25:13,515 --> 00:25:16,515 A couple of years later, 218 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:18,765 I was at my friend B's, 219 00:25:18,765 --> 00:25:21,432 and as always, she had a new idea, 220 00:25:21,432 --> 00:25:24,932 financed by her younger brother's piggy banks 221 00:25:24,932 --> 00:25:26,972 which she regularly emptied. 222 00:25:32,057 --> 00:25:34,389 We put on clothes later known as 223 00:25:35,099 --> 00:25:37,389 the "fuck me now" clothes. 224 00:25:38,431 --> 00:25:41,349 The idea was a competition. 225 00:25:41,349 --> 00:25:44,015 We were to go on a train trip. 226 00:25:44,015 --> 00:25:46,888 B said there was no need for tickets. 227 00:25:47,848 --> 00:25:50,099 The one who would fuck the most men 228 00:25:50,099 --> 00:25:52,431 when we reached the destination 229 00:25:52,431 --> 00:25:54,471 would win the chocolate sweets. 230 00:26:18,057 --> 00:26:19,513 May I interrupt here? 231 00:26:20,932 --> 00:26:23,680 What you were doing when you walked down that corridor. 232 00:26:24,182 --> 00:26:25,763 You were reading the river. 233 00:26:39,224 --> 00:26:42,848 Most of the large fish stay sheltered from the current 234 00:26:42,848 --> 00:26:45,222 to save energy, and to hide from the prey. 235 00:26:46,265 --> 00:26:47,890 Where the fish hides in the stream 236 00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:50,013 entails a very complicated hierarchy. 237 00:26:51,974 --> 00:26:55,515 The topography decides where the most attractive places are, 238 00:26:55,515 --> 00:26:57,805 and the biggest fish choose the best positions. 239 00:27:06,265 --> 00:27:08,057 What do I do? 240 00:27:08,057 --> 00:27:10,431 Smile and make eye contact. 241 00:27:10,431 --> 00:27:12,471 But what if it doesn't work? 242 00:27:12,974 --> 00:27:15,974 If you have to talk, remember to ask lots of "wh" questions 243 00:27:15,974 --> 00:27:17,723 if you want more than a yes or no answer. 244 00:27:17,723 --> 00:27:19,181 Then it'll just happen on its own. 245 00:27:19,181 --> 00:27:22,640 You just take them to the lavatory and you have sex with them. 246 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,974 Oh. What if it's nasty? 247 00:27:25,974 --> 00:27:28,513 Then you just think of the bag of chocolate sweeties. 248 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,846 What... What time is it? 249 00:28:06,181 --> 00:28:07,179 Ten. 250 00:28:22,223 --> 00:28:24,513 Where do you come from? 251 00:28:25,932 --> 00:28:27,304 From home. 252 00:28:34,807 --> 00:28:37,346 Who knows where the lavatory is? 253 00:28:38,306 --> 00:28:40,890 Well, if you take a right, you will arrive at a lavatory 254 00:28:40,890 --> 00:28:42,515 at the end of the car. 255 00:28:42,515 --> 00:28:45,640 At the same time it is so cleverly arranged 256 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:50,348 that if you take a left turn you will also arrive at a lavatory 257 00:28:50,348 --> 00:28:53,096 since at the end of the next car there is also one. 258 00:29:12,390 --> 00:29:13,929 Let me show you where the lavatory is. 259 00:29:45,806 --> 00:29:48,221 It turned out to be shockingly easy. 260 00:29:49,014 --> 00:29:52,723 In no time, B was ahead five to three. 261 00:29:52,723 --> 00:29:54,431 And it was exactly right. 262 00:29:54,431 --> 00:29:56,887 Look them in the eye and smile. 263 00:29:58,056 --> 00:30:00,473 But then suddenly, it stopped. 264 00:30:00,473 --> 00:30:03,762 That's a very clear parallel to fishing in the stream. 265 00:30:04,598 --> 00:30:08,431 As it happens, either none of the fish are feeding, 266 00:30:08,431 --> 00:30:10,139 or they all feed at the same time. 267 00:30:10,139 --> 00:30:13,847 They go into feeding frenzy. All bite. 268 00:30:13,847 --> 00:30:16,596 And then just as suddenly as it started, it stops. 269 00:30:17,764 --> 00:30:21,931 It's observable, but it's highly unpredictable. 270 00:30:21,931 --> 00:30:24,515 And it has to do with, I don't know, 271 00:30:24,515 --> 00:30:27,390 weather, barometric pressure, 272 00:30:27,390 --> 00:30:32,931 maybe some fish psychology. If that's possible. 273 00:30:32,931 --> 00:30:36,973 Anyway, the fish most readily bite at the beginning of a light rain, 274 00:30:36,973 --> 00:30:39,515 and I think that's because they feel safe 275 00:30:39,515 --> 00:30:41,722 when they swim in the stream. 276 00:30:41,722 --> 00:30:43,764 Because they can't be seen from above. 277 00:30:43,764 --> 00:30:46,054 The water's surface is disturbed. 278 00:30:48,431 --> 00:30:50,557 But then it started again. 279 00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:53,181 Although, a bit more slowly. 280 00:30:53,181 --> 00:30:55,931 Yeah. I think I know how. 281 00:30:55,931 --> 00:30:59,265 Because fly fishing can be done in several phases. 282 00:30:59,265 --> 00:31:03,639 And if the fish stop biting, you move on to phase two. 283 00:31:03,639 --> 00:31:07,098 And in phase two, you not only imitate an insect, 284 00:31:07,098 --> 00:31:09,554 but an insect in trouble. 285 00:31:10,390 --> 00:31:12,556 You pull... You pull the line. 286 00:31:12,556 --> 00:31:16,722 You tug it irregularly, so the fish gets the impression 287 00:31:16,722 --> 00:31:19,762 that it's dealing with an injured and easy prey. 288 00:31:20,597 --> 00:31:25,014 And then helplessly, let the fly float down the river again. 289 00:31:25,014 --> 00:31:28,762 Then half-heartedly, make a few jumps forward again. 290 00:31:31,306 --> 00:31:34,512 It can be done... It can be done very elegantly. 291 00:31:48,306 --> 00:31:49,388 Hey. 292 00:31:50,348 --> 00:31:51,554 Sorry. 293 00:31:52,472 --> 00:31:54,595 Nothing to feel sorry about. 294 00:31:56,014 --> 00:31:58,470 I'm just not feeling very well today. 295 00:31:59,223 --> 00:32:01,054 What could be so bad? 296 00:32:02,139 --> 00:32:04,137 Oh, thank you. 297 00:32:05,973 --> 00:32:09,389 I can't talk about it right now. 298 00:32:09,389 --> 00:32:11,887 Can I just sit here for awhile? 299 00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:14,971 Yeah. Sure. 300 00:32:20,597 --> 00:32:22,347 Is it better now? 301 00:32:22,347 --> 00:32:24,012 No. 302 00:32:35,681 --> 00:32:39,263 - Are you all right? - It's Betty. 303 00:32:41,389 --> 00:32:43,472 I was just told that she's very ill. 304 00:32:43,472 --> 00:32:46,387 Is Betty a close family member? 305 00:32:49,098 --> 00:32:51,514 You could say that. 306 00:32:51,514 --> 00:32:53,847 She's my dwarf hamster. 307 00:32:53,847 --> 00:32:57,639 Dwarf hamster? You can't be serious. 308 00:32:57,639 --> 00:32:59,847 Well, what was I to do? 309 00:32:59,847 --> 00:33:03,639 And then, I did have a dwarf hamster when I was young. 310 00:33:03,639 --> 00:33:05,806 That you were very close to? 311 00:33:05,806 --> 00:33:08,514 Not at all. A bloody nuisance. 312 00:33:08,514 --> 00:33:11,428 Dwarf hamster? That's not so bad. 313 00:33:13,181 --> 00:33:15,389 Would have been worse if it were a person. 314 00:33:15,389 --> 00:33:17,514 Don't say that. 315 00:33:17,514 --> 00:33:20,764 I'm extremely fond of my hamster. 316 00:33:20,764 --> 00:33:25,181 Yes, I think that's a rather cynical thing to say about Betty. 317 00:33:25,181 --> 00:33:29,305 Yes, I made the cage nice and cozy for her when... 318 00:33:29,305 --> 00:33:31,679 - When I got her. - I bet she liked that. 319 00:33:33,222 --> 00:33:34,512 Betty was excited. 320 00:33:36,389 --> 00:33:39,428 One of nature's most meaningless creatures. 321 00:33:40,264 --> 00:33:42,764 You're aware that the choice of a dwarf hamster 322 00:33:42,764 --> 00:33:46,264 possibly suggests certain sexual connotations. 323 00:33:46,264 --> 00:33:47,681 I can see that now 324 00:33:47,681 --> 00:33:50,595 but it was really not a conscious choice. 325 00:33:51,764 --> 00:33:55,180 How long does a dwarf hamster actually live? 326 00:33:55,180 --> 00:33:57,262 Months, years? 327 00:33:58,138 --> 00:34:00,136 Its life is much too short. 328 00:34:08,056 --> 00:34:11,012 Would you show me where the lavatory is? 329 00:34:12,180 --> 00:34:15,136 I... have to blow my nose. 330 00:34:34,347 --> 00:34:36,764 Just the same, we were running out of subjects, 331 00:34:36,764 --> 00:34:39,472 and B was ahead on points, 332 00:34:39,472 --> 00:34:43,095 which led us to S's first-class compartment. 333 00:34:47,556 --> 00:34:49,011 Tickets, please. 334 00:34:55,013 --> 00:34:57,345 Thank you. Ladies? 335 00:34:59,013 --> 00:35:00,011 Tickets. 336 00:35:10,597 --> 00:35:12,512 Well... 337 00:35:14,264 --> 00:35:16,305 I think I might have lost it. 338 00:35:16,305 --> 00:35:17,970 Perhaps. 339 00:35:19,389 --> 00:35:21,387 Drop yours as well, did you? 340 00:35:22,013 --> 00:35:25,345 I haven't bought a ticket for your shitty train. 341 00:35:25,972 --> 00:35:28,097 It's so bloody slow, we should have been 342 00:35:28,097 --> 00:35:29,972 at the end of the track half an hour ago. 343 00:35:29,972 --> 00:35:32,845 Regardless of delays, you still need a ticket, sweetheart. 344 00:35:33,639 --> 00:35:35,262 Eight pounds each, please. 345 00:35:37,389 --> 00:35:39,556 Ooh! 346 00:35:39,556 --> 00:35:42,681 I accidentally tore it up. 347 00:35:42,681 --> 00:35:45,178 Can't expect me to pay for scraps of paper. 348 00:35:45,722 --> 00:35:48,055 - Have another one. - Oh, great idea. 349 00:35:48,055 --> 00:35:50,764 Oh, that one's disappeared too. 350 00:35:50,764 --> 00:35:52,264 I can always just get the police 351 00:35:52,264 --> 00:35:54,430 to collect your payment at the next station... 352 00:35:54,430 --> 00:35:56,972 Let's just take it easy here, shall we? 353 00:35:56,972 --> 00:35:59,846 Apparently, the young ladies have left without any money. 354 00:35:59,846 --> 00:36:01,805 If it's okay with you, I'd like to pay for their tickets. 355 00:36:01,805 --> 00:36:04,764 No, sir, it's not. Leave your money where it is. 356 00:36:04,764 --> 00:36:06,556 We'll let the police deal with these two. 357 00:36:06,556 --> 00:36:08,264 We did have sort of an agreement 358 00:36:08,264 --> 00:36:10,262 that I was to pay. I just forgot about it. 359 00:36:13,930 --> 00:36:17,805 I see. Two first-class tickets... 360 00:36:17,805 --> 00:36:20,262 for two first-class ladies. 361 00:36:21,930 --> 00:36:23,803 Enjoy the rest of your journey. 362 00:36:26,055 --> 00:36:27,719 Tickets, please. 363 00:36:36,222 --> 00:36:39,303 Now that you've been so nice to us... 364 00:36:41,347 --> 00:36:43,930 we'd like to be nice to you, too. 365 00:36:43,930 --> 00:36:46,387 Oh, that's very kind of you, but there's no need. 366 00:36:51,305 --> 00:36:52,595 I mean that. 367 00:36:56,888 --> 00:36:59,097 You have to split them up into whether they have 368 00:36:59,097 --> 00:37:01,220 a goal and a mission or not. 369 00:37:02,347 --> 00:37:03,636 That one doesn't. 370 00:37:04,264 --> 00:37:06,262 Well, I've already lost anyway. 371 00:37:08,264 --> 00:37:11,886 I'm willing to give you five extra points... 372 00:37:14,472 --> 00:37:16,719 if you can get that one in there. 373 00:37:19,138 --> 00:37:21,972 I decided, perhaps a bit desperately, 374 00:37:21,972 --> 00:37:24,222 that the only thing standing between me 375 00:37:24,222 --> 00:37:26,138 and the bag of chocolate sweets, 376 00:37:26,138 --> 00:37:30,596 was an unequivocal provocation of this man. 377 00:37:30,596 --> 00:37:34,013 Excellent. An induced take. 378 00:37:34,013 --> 00:37:37,222 When all other attempts fail, a dramatic provocation 379 00:37:37,222 --> 00:37:40,930 can get an otherwise completely passive fish to bite. 380 00:37:40,930 --> 00:37:42,805 A salmon or a trout, for example, 381 00:37:42,805 --> 00:37:45,389 eats itself fat while in salt water, 382 00:37:45,389 --> 00:37:47,472 and then basically has no need to eat 383 00:37:47,472 --> 00:37:51,347 as it makes its way upstream to the spawning grounds. 384 00:37:51,347 --> 00:37:53,721 They're not hungry but they will react instinctively 385 00:37:53,721 --> 00:37:55,470 to the right provocation. 386 00:37:56,347 --> 00:37:58,347 Which would not be a fly, but for instance, 387 00:37:58,347 --> 00:38:02,055 a brightly colored wobbler, preferably red, 388 00:38:02,055 --> 00:38:04,972 served immediately in front of the fish. 389 00:38:04,972 --> 00:38:08,471 The very best is one we call the Finnish Weapon. 390 00:38:08,471 --> 00:38:10,345 The so-called "Rappala." 391 00:38:13,264 --> 00:38:15,138 I don't know if it's comparable, 392 00:38:15,138 --> 00:38:18,180 but I decided in any case to find out 393 00:38:18,180 --> 00:38:20,264 why he hadn't taken the bait, 394 00:38:20,264 --> 00:38:22,805 and to use my psychological abilities, 395 00:38:22,805 --> 00:38:26,719 which B, in my opinion, didn't possess to the same degree. 396 00:38:27,972 --> 00:38:30,095 You've bought a gift. 397 00:38:31,721 --> 00:38:32,636 Yes. 398 00:38:34,305 --> 00:38:35,844 It's for my wife. 399 00:38:37,347 --> 00:38:41,345 - No gifts for the children? - No. 400 00:38:42,555 --> 00:38:44,636 We don't have any, actually. 401 00:38:45,513 --> 00:38:48,594 Well, you seem rather well-to-do. 402 00:38:50,346 --> 00:38:55,222 You travel first-class, and you bought us our tickets. 403 00:38:55,222 --> 00:38:59,264 Why then not buy a decent gift for your wife? 404 00:38:59,264 --> 00:39:02,011 I can see it comes from the station. 405 00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:10,097 Of course I should have... 406 00:39:10,097 --> 00:39:12,304 bought her something... 407 00:39:12,304 --> 00:39:14,011 something better, but... 408 00:39:15,180 --> 00:39:18,220 Let's just say I was suddenly in a hurry to get home. 409 00:39:19,222 --> 00:39:22,097 Why would a man like you 410 00:39:22,097 --> 00:39:25,220 with such an orderly life suddenly have to hurry? 411 00:39:28,972 --> 00:39:30,886 It has to do with family. 412 00:39:33,513 --> 00:39:36,011 My wife and I have decided that we... 413 00:39:38,972 --> 00:39:41,302 we miss having children, after all. 414 00:39:41,972 --> 00:39:44,761 And that if we are to have children, it has to be now. 415 00:39:47,555 --> 00:39:49,844 So my wife called yesterday to say that she... 416 00:39:51,221 --> 00:39:52,678 She started ovulating. 417 00:39:54,763 --> 00:39:58,886 And all signs point to maximum fertility precisely tonight. 418 00:39:59,972 --> 00:40:01,053 You see? 419 00:40:02,013 --> 00:40:04,721 That's why I bought her a gift at the station. 420 00:40:04,721 --> 00:40:07,427 I had to get a ticket home as quickly as possible. 421 00:40:09,221 --> 00:40:14,263 - Well, I understand now. - What is it you understand? 422 00:40:14,263 --> 00:40:16,678 Why you didn't have sex with us. 423 00:40:20,263 --> 00:40:23,055 It wasn't because I didn't want to. 424 00:40:23,055 --> 00:40:27,055 So you've been saving your sperm. 425 00:40:27,055 --> 00:40:31,930 For weeks. I mean, you and your wife are... 426 00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:35,221 seem to be at an age where every attempt 427 00:40:35,221 --> 00:40:39,469 to become pregnant has to be taken very seriously. 428 00:40:41,429 --> 00:40:43,427 Right now, my... 429 00:40:45,513 --> 00:40:49,553 My sperm quality is at its peak, I'm told. 430 00:41:04,012 --> 00:41:05,594 Please... 431 00:41:09,388 --> 00:41:11,886 I'm begging you, please don't. 432 00:41:12,763 --> 00:41:13,678 It's okay. 433 00:41:15,012 --> 00:41:16,261 Please don't. 434 00:41:18,763 --> 00:41:21,135 You've been as horny as hell. 435 00:41:22,179 --> 00:41:24,135 But you wouldn't give up your load. 436 00:41:24,888 --> 00:41:26,135 Please don't. 437 00:41:36,012 --> 00:41:37,927 Oh, fuck. 438 00:42:17,971 --> 00:42:19,052 Wow. 439 00:42:31,596 --> 00:42:35,471 In your case, it wasn't the taste of a Madeleine cake, 440 00:42:35,471 --> 00:42:37,346 moistened with lime blossom tea, 441 00:42:37,346 --> 00:42:40,344 but the combination of chocolate and sperm. 442 00:42:41,388 --> 00:42:42,469 What? 443 00:42:43,054 --> 00:42:48,094 That was a piece of culturally blasphemic digression. 444 00:42:50,054 --> 00:42:51,971 It's a story about memory. 445 00:42:51,971 --> 00:42:54,012 How the combination of two flavors 446 00:42:54,012 --> 00:42:56,094 set off a chain of memories. 447 00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:02,929 So oral sex became, in the eye of the angler, 448 00:43:02,929 --> 00:43:07,720 your... your Finnish weapon. 449 00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:09,718 Is that your only comment? 450 00:43:11,679 --> 00:43:13,760 What else... What else do you want me to say? 451 00:43:15,720 --> 00:43:17,718 That I behaved reprehensibly. 452 00:43:19,054 --> 00:43:21,263 That already my actions exemplify 453 00:43:21,263 --> 00:43:24,261 that I'm a... I'm a terrible human being. 454 00:43:25,304 --> 00:43:27,804 That's not the way I see it. 455 00:43:27,804 --> 00:43:30,388 On the contrary, I saw it as a... 456 00:43:30,388 --> 00:43:32,927 A very pleasurable and humorous story. 457 00:43:33,762 --> 00:43:37,469 Not at all sad, or... or weighed down by sin. 458 00:43:38,096 --> 00:43:39,637 Like all that talk about Pandora's Box. 459 00:43:39,637 --> 00:43:43,679 I've consciously used and hurt others... 460 00:43:43,679 --> 00:43:46,511 for the sake of my own satisfaction. 461 00:43:47,346 --> 00:43:50,137 And what I've told you so far only begins to suggest that. 462 00:43:50,137 --> 00:43:52,929 But when you told the story, you were cheerful. 463 00:43:52,929 --> 00:43:54,177 Full of humor. 464 00:43:54,762 --> 00:43:58,554 It wasn't as if you embarked on some tragic tale. 465 00:43:58,554 --> 00:44:00,635 Well, that's the way I am. 466 00:44:02,762 --> 00:44:06,304 I've always loved the chills at the start of a fever, 467 00:44:06,304 --> 00:44:09,593 knowing only too well that sickness will soon follow. 468 00:44:16,346 --> 00:44:18,429 The only thing you've done, 469 00:44:18,429 --> 00:44:21,471 except giving a few people an experience to remember, 470 00:44:21,471 --> 00:44:22,971 is that you... 471 00:44:22,971 --> 00:44:25,427 You relieved S from his load 472 00:44:26,096 --> 00:44:28,510 in some... some youthful hubris. 473 00:44:30,804 --> 00:44:33,762 I read somewhere that if you keep the load too long 474 00:44:33,762 --> 00:44:35,263 the sperm will die. 475 00:44:35,263 --> 00:44:37,510 Or worse, degenerate. 476 00:44:38,845 --> 00:44:41,263 Maybe thanks to you, Mr. S and his wife 477 00:44:41,263 --> 00:44:43,718 now have a healthy and well-functioning child. 478 00:44:45,595 --> 00:44:48,346 I discovered my power as a woman 479 00:44:48,346 --> 00:44:50,802 and used it without any concern for others. 480 00:44:51,804 --> 00:44:53,428 That's completely unacceptable. 481 00:44:53,428 --> 00:44:55,720 Oh, little darling... 482 00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:57,344 Don't you "little darling" me. 483 00:45:00,346 --> 00:45:01,094 No. 484 00:45:04,096 --> 00:45:06,010 What I wanted to say was that 485 00:45:06,929 --> 00:45:08,760 if you have wings, why not fly? 486 00:45:10,346 --> 00:45:11,552 Allow me to digress. 487 00:45:12,179 --> 00:45:14,971 I read a book about Sikorski and helicopters 488 00:45:14,971 --> 00:45:16,887 where the author stressed the fact that 489 00:45:16,887 --> 00:45:20,345 in order to take off, you tilt the helicopter forward. 490 00:45:20,345 --> 00:45:22,428 It looks like you're trying to force the helicopter 491 00:45:22,428 --> 00:45:26,679 down into the ground, but the effect is the contrary. 492 00:45:26,679 --> 00:45:28,720 That the velocity takes the helicopter 493 00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:32,554 and sweeps it up in the air. 494 00:45:32,554 --> 00:45:35,385 The pilots say the helicopter wants to fly. 495 00:45:37,221 --> 00:45:39,387 It's like when you're in a glider plane, 496 00:45:39,387 --> 00:45:42,387 and suddenly you're lifted, 497 00:45:42,387 --> 00:45:46,221 because of the spontaneous emission of thermals. 498 00:45:46,221 --> 00:45:51,512 Thermals is when the sun is warming up the field, 499 00:45:51,512 --> 00:45:55,635 and it emits a thermal bubble of warm air that rises. 500 00:45:56,512 --> 00:45:58,929 These aircraft, they want to fly. 501 00:45:58,929 --> 00:46:01,177 It's just a little unpredictable when. 502 00:46:03,387 --> 00:46:05,969 You flew on that... on that train. 503 00:46:07,345 --> 00:46:09,593 And that surprised you. 504 00:46:44,554 --> 00:46:46,176 No more stories. 505 00:46:48,512 --> 00:46:50,052 You need to sleep. 506 00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:52,093 No, no. 507 00:46:52,762 --> 00:46:54,927 This is beginning to amuse me. 508 00:47:01,637 --> 00:47:03,510 I don't even know your name. 509 00:47:05,220 --> 00:47:06,510 My name is Joe. 510 00:47:07,929 --> 00:47:09,468 I'm Seligman. 511 00:47:11,136 --> 00:47:13,176 What a fucking ridiculous name. 512 00:47:15,637 --> 00:47:17,093 It's Jewish. 513 00:47:18,220 --> 00:47:19,887 You said you weren't religious. 514 00:47:19,887 --> 00:47:22,345 No, but my great-grandfather was. 515 00:47:22,345 --> 00:47:25,426 And my parents gave me the name as a sort of... 516 00:47:26,470 --> 00:47:28,885 sentimental association to Judaism. 517 00:47:32,804 --> 00:47:37,845 Why let the sentimental part of religion, as you said, 518 00:47:37,845 --> 00:47:40,885 outlive religion itself? 519 00:47:44,262 --> 00:47:45,677 You have a point. 520 00:47:48,554 --> 00:47:51,593 But we've always been anti-Zionists, 521 00:47:53,220 --> 00:47:55,468 which is not the same as being anti-Semitic, 522 00:47:56,762 --> 00:47:59,385 as certain political powers try to convince us. 523 00:48:00,387 --> 00:48:01,802 Seligman... 524 00:48:02,845 --> 00:48:05,385 means "the happy one." 525 00:48:08,679 --> 00:48:10,343 So, are you happy then? 526 00:48:13,303 --> 00:48:15,051 Well, I suppose I am. 527 00:48:17,011 --> 00:48:18,635 In my own way. 528 00:48:19,303 --> 00:48:20,720 Even if I'm the kind of person 529 00:48:20,720 --> 00:48:23,053 who cut the nails of the right hand first. 530 00:48:23,053 --> 00:48:24,468 What does that mean? 531 00:48:25,387 --> 00:48:27,679 Well, I divide humanity into two groups: 532 00:48:27,679 --> 00:48:30,637 the people who cut the nails on the left hand first, 533 00:48:30,637 --> 00:48:33,593 and the people who cut the nails of the right hand first. 534 00:48:34,554 --> 00:48:36,554 My theory is that the people who cut the nails 535 00:48:36,554 --> 00:48:39,886 of the left hand first, they're more light-hearted. 536 00:48:39,886 --> 00:48:42,301 They have a tendency to enjoy life more, 537 00:48:42,803 --> 00:48:45,801 because they go straight for the easiest task, and... 538 00:48:46,512 --> 00:48:49,301 save the difficulties for later. 539 00:48:55,095 --> 00:48:59,387 - So what do you do? - Always the left hand first. 540 00:48:59,387 --> 00:49:01,218 I don't think there's a choice. 541 00:49:01,970 --> 00:49:05,345 Go for the pleasure first, always. 542 00:49:05,345 --> 00:49:08,595 And then when you've done the left hand, 543 00:49:08,595 --> 00:49:10,301 only the right hand remains. 544 00:49:11,011 --> 00:49:13,593 That's the easiest one left. 545 00:49:20,803 --> 00:49:23,009 I never thought of it like that. 546 00:49:25,844 --> 00:49:27,759 Well, you're never too old. 547 00:49:28,595 --> 00:49:29,884 Never too old to learn. 548 00:49:38,345 --> 00:49:40,678 That's rugelach. 549 00:49:40,678 --> 00:49:43,178 Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a Jewish cake. 550 00:49:43,178 --> 00:49:46,761 - There's that sentimentality again. - Oh, but it's more than rugelach. 551 00:49:46,761 --> 00:49:49,426 It's rugelach served with a cake fork. 552 00:49:50,970 --> 00:49:54,136 A rugelach, in my opinion, is pastry, 553 00:49:54,136 --> 00:49:57,303 which there is no excuse for eating with a cake fork. 554 00:49:57,303 --> 00:50:01,262 To serve it with a cake fork is irritatingly unmanly, 555 00:50:01,262 --> 00:50:04,093 not to say downright feminine. 556 00:50:06,262 --> 00:50:10,009 However, it can bring us further with the story. 557 00:50:11,470 --> 00:50:16,512 I also knew someone who consumed rugelach every day, 558 00:50:16,512 --> 00:50:19,260 almost ritually, with a cake fork. 559 00:50:20,053 --> 00:50:22,759 And although we'll be jumping a bit in time, 560 00:50:24,636 --> 00:50:26,801 I have to tell you about Jerome. 561 00:50:27,512 --> 00:50:29,303 As far as I can see, the next chapter 562 00:50:29,303 --> 00:50:31,970 doesn't contain as direct an accusation 563 00:50:31,970 --> 00:50:35,594 against my person as the rest of the story. 564 00:50:35,594 --> 00:50:38,553 But as you've read a great deal, apparently, 565 00:50:38,553 --> 00:50:41,178 you know that in a story things have to be good 566 00:50:41,178 --> 00:50:42,968 before they can be bad. 567 00:50:47,136 --> 00:50:51,095 The chapter will also make a sentimental soul like you happy 568 00:50:51,095 --> 00:50:55,676 as it contains observations on the subject of love. 569 00:52:13,803 --> 00:52:15,717 Can I tell you something? 570 00:52:17,803 --> 00:52:19,884 Sure. 571 00:52:20,678 --> 00:52:23,011 - Yeah. - Yeah, sure. 572 00:52:23,011 --> 00:52:24,886 It might not be important to you... 573 00:52:24,886 --> 00:52:27,551 But it is to me. 574 00:52:29,178 --> 00:52:31,259 I've never had an orgasm before. 575 00:52:34,844 --> 00:52:36,592 Really? 576 00:52:41,053 --> 00:52:42,592 You're my first one. 577 00:52:45,386 --> 00:52:47,134 You don't know how happy that makes me. 578 00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:52,926 I love you. 579 00:52:58,219 --> 00:53:00,093 You're my first. 580 00:53:04,511 --> 00:53:06,051 Well, I have to admit, 581 00:53:06,761 --> 00:53:08,509 quite a lot of girls say that. 582 00:53:11,511 --> 00:53:14,594 The train trip had increased my appetite, 583 00:53:14,594 --> 00:53:17,135 and soon B and I started a club 584 00:53:17,135 --> 00:53:19,842 that we called "The Little Flock." 585 00:53:21,302 --> 00:53:24,803 Mea vulva, mea maxima vulva. 586 00:53:24,803 --> 00:53:26,177 B, of course, took the lead 587 00:53:26,177 --> 00:53:27,968 as she was the most daring of us. 588 00:53:28,928 --> 00:53:31,719 She was raised Catholic. I'm sure you're familiar 589 00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:34,636 with the practices of the Catholic Church. 590 00:53:34,636 --> 00:53:38,928 ...mea maxima vulva. Mea vulva, mea... 591 00:53:38,928 --> 00:53:40,553 That's interesting. 592 00:53:40,553 --> 00:53:43,634 Blasphemic, satanic. 593 00:53:45,135 --> 00:53:49,052 The music. The interval between "B" and "F." 594 00:53:49,052 --> 00:53:51,801 It's a tritone. The devil’s interval. 595 00:53:52,970 --> 00:53:55,342 It was banned from music in the Middle Ages. 596 00:53:56,803 --> 00:53:59,511 Well, the Vacuum Cleaner invented it. 597 00:53:59,511 --> 00:54:01,384 She took piano lessons. 598 00:54:02,219 --> 00:54:03,678 Vacuum Cleaner? 599 00:54:03,678 --> 00:54:07,509 The Vacuum Cleaner possessed a special talent for floppy cocks. 600 00:54:08,844 --> 00:54:11,634 She had some kind of vacuum in her cunt. 601 00:54:12,177 --> 00:54:14,511 I was imagining something like that. 602 00:54:14,511 --> 00:54:17,427 Fourteenth of the eighth. 603 00:54:17,427 --> 00:54:20,135 I was at a place called The Donkey. 604 00:54:20,135 --> 00:54:23,344 The boys were staring, University hangout. 605 00:54:23,344 --> 00:54:25,427 I approached the stupidest one of the lot 606 00:54:25,427 --> 00:54:28,010 and asked for directions to the underground. 607 00:54:28,010 --> 00:54:29,801 He studied literature. 608 00:54:30,344 --> 00:54:34,010 I told him I read a lot, and that I really admired people 609 00:54:34,010 --> 00:54:36,259 that chose to study subjects in depth. 610 00:54:37,344 --> 00:54:39,636 As I said, he was very stupid. 611 00:54:39,636 --> 00:54:41,427 Told me all about Kierkegaard. 612 00:54:41,427 --> 00:54:43,261 I nodded, smiled. 613 00:54:43,261 --> 00:54:44,885 Then he asked if we could go elsewhere. 614 00:54:44,885 --> 00:54:48,467 The idiot thought he'd pulled me after five minutes of his bullshit. 615 00:54:49,052 --> 00:54:51,092 I told him I was on my period, 616 00:54:52,469 --> 00:54:55,133 and I took out his cock and gave him a hand job. 617 00:54:57,302 --> 00:55:00,217 Ugly, little shriveled cock, with a tight foreskin. 618 00:55:01,803 --> 00:55:03,761 When I pulled it back, it sort of collapsed 619 00:55:03,761 --> 00:55:07,885 but it worked in the end. University boys are disgusting. 620 00:55:07,885 --> 00:55:10,219 And then I jacked him off until he shook 621 00:55:10,219 --> 00:55:13,259 in that way they do, you know. Just before they come. 622 00:55:14,052 --> 00:55:16,219 Then I let go of his cock and got up. 623 00:55:16,219 --> 00:55:19,969 I left him standing up against the wall 624 00:55:19,969 --> 00:55:23,384 with his pants round his ankles looking stunned. 625 00:55:25,344 --> 00:55:29,261 Now, B's message wasn't exactly representational. 626 00:55:29,261 --> 00:55:31,551 She just had to be the tough one. 627 00:55:33,469 --> 00:55:35,133 It was directed at the men. 628 00:55:36,344 --> 00:55:40,092 It was about fucking, and about having the right to be horny. 629 00:55:41,427 --> 00:55:44,509 We masturbated together, that kind of thing. 630 00:55:46,094 --> 00:55:47,634 But it was rebellious. 631 00:55:50,177 --> 00:55:51,718 We weren't allowed to have boyfriends. 632 00:55:51,718 --> 00:55:54,175 No fucking the same guy more than once. 633 00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:59,467 You said you were rebellious. What did you rebel against? 634 00:55:59,969 --> 00:56:00,800 Love. 635 00:56:02,843 --> 00:56:03,716 Love? 636 00:56:04,386 --> 00:56:08,133 We were committed to combat the love-fixated society. 637 00:56:27,553 --> 00:56:30,261 I really believed in our Little Flock. 638 00:56:30,261 --> 00:56:32,758 But of course, that was naive of me. 639 00:56:33,386 --> 00:56:36,344 Over time, even the strongest 640 00:56:36,344 --> 00:56:38,885 couldn't stay true to our manifest. 641 00:56:38,885 --> 00:56:42,969 Third of the fifth. My third intercourse this week, 642 00:56:42,969 --> 00:56:44,758 - again with Alex. - Third? 643 00:56:47,469 --> 00:56:50,677 Haven't we stated that we fuck each guy once? 644 00:56:50,677 --> 00:56:53,259 Yes, but he was rather sweet. 645 00:56:54,219 --> 00:56:55,259 Sweet? 646 00:56:56,094 --> 00:56:59,300 - Well, you know, sexy. - Well, then, say sexy. 647 00:57:01,427 --> 00:57:02,969 He squeezed my earlobes. 648 00:57:02,969 --> 00:57:06,175 Earlobes? Great. What else did he squeeze? 649 00:57:09,302 --> 00:57:12,633 I don't think you can understand Alex. 650 00:57:13,261 --> 00:57:14,802 I don't want to. 651 00:57:14,802 --> 00:57:17,302 - Our relationship-- - Relationship. 652 00:57:17,302 --> 00:57:18,466 There you are. 653 00:57:19,635 --> 00:57:23,344 The way you're describing it, which should be full of lust, 654 00:57:23,344 --> 00:57:26,427 is just a nauseating analysis of his future abilities 655 00:57:26,427 --> 00:57:28,510 as a father to your child. 656 00:57:28,510 --> 00:57:32,342 You think you know everything about sex. 657 00:57:36,261 --> 00:57:40,217 The secret ingredient to sex is love. 658 00:57:46,219 --> 00:57:50,841 For me, love was just lust with jealousy added. 659 00:57:51,635 --> 00:57:53,841 Everything else was total nonsense. 660 00:57:54,552 --> 00:57:58,802 For every 100 crimes committed in the name of love, 661 00:57:58,802 --> 00:58:01,424 only one is committed in the name of sex. 662 00:58:03,052 --> 00:58:04,593 That's quite a statement. 663 00:58:04,593 --> 00:58:08,758 Well, it all strengthened my wish for a serious education. 664 00:58:33,843 --> 00:58:35,800 Glasgow. 665 00:58:39,426 --> 00:58:40,508 Aberdeen. 666 00:58:42,468 --> 00:58:43,967 Why are you smiling? 667 00:58:44,718 --> 00:58:47,052 Well, I just pictured 668 00:58:47,052 --> 00:58:50,050 how an education would be conveyed in your storytelling. 669 00:58:51,260 --> 00:58:53,133 Well, that's nothing to smile about. 670 00:58:54,177 --> 00:58:55,633 Oh, I understand that. 671 00:58:57,260 --> 00:58:59,383 So what kind of education did you get? 672 00:59:00,260 --> 00:59:03,635 I began studying medicine, like my father. 673 00:59:03,635 --> 00:59:07,760 Today we are going to perform the procedure that's called an abortion. 674 00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:12,094 We open up our cervical channel to enter the uterus, 675 00:59:12,094 --> 00:59:14,426 and to get access to the fetus, 676 00:59:14,426 --> 00:59:17,718 for which we use the so-called Hegal sticks. 677 00:59:17,718 --> 00:59:21,841 We enter the vagina tract, and go into the cervical channel. 678 00:59:22,885 --> 00:59:24,843 We start with a small sized stick 679 00:59:24,843 --> 00:59:28,134 to cause a minimum of damage to the tissue. 680 00:59:28,134 --> 00:59:31,593 And then we increase the size of the stick. 681 00:59:31,593 --> 00:59:34,718 But it was harder and harder for me to concentrate, 682 00:59:34,718 --> 00:59:38,967 so I studied less and less, till finally I dropped out. 683 00:59:41,176 --> 00:59:45,050 My dad was very disappointed when I stopped. 684 00:59:45,969 --> 00:59:48,593 But it was the only time I saw my mother really smile 685 00:59:48,593 --> 00:59:51,591 when she said, "What did I tell you?" 686 00:59:54,843 --> 00:59:57,383 So instead, I began to look for a job. 687 00:59:59,051 --> 01:00:01,843 It turned out it was hard to get a job 688 01:00:01,843 --> 01:00:04,466 that paid even halfway decently. 689 01:00:05,552 --> 01:00:08,885 I didn't really know how to do anything. 690 01:00:08,885 --> 01:00:12,051 So I didn't have high hopes when I applied for a position 691 01:00:12,051 --> 01:00:14,716 as an assistant at a printing house. 692 01:00:15,843 --> 01:00:18,301 So, could you tell me a little bit more 693 01:00:18,301 --> 01:00:21,468 about your background? 694 01:00:21,468 --> 01:00:23,301 Um... 695 01:00:23,301 --> 01:00:26,760 - Education-wise. - Oh. 696 01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:32,091 Well, I finished high school, and decided to study medicine. 697 01:00:32,927 --> 01:00:35,093 But I didn't finish. 698 01:00:35,093 --> 01:00:37,760 I know it sounds a bit pointless coming here. 699 01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:40,343 - Right. - I just really need a job. 700 01:00:40,343 --> 01:00:42,385 And I've tried everywhere. 701 01:00:42,385 --> 01:00:46,007 I don't usually give jobs to people just because they need one. 702 01:00:47,426 --> 01:00:52,051 What about secretarial skills? Do you have any of those? 703 01:00:52,051 --> 01:00:54,633 No, I didn't think you needed skills. 704 01:00:56,426 --> 01:00:59,260 You didn't think you needed skills for this position 705 01:00:59,260 --> 01:01:01,633 - as a secretary? - No. 706 01:01:02,134 --> 01:01:03,966 Can you open an envelope? 707 01:01:04,593 --> 01:01:07,802 Yes, I... Yes, I think I can open an envelope. 708 01:01:07,802 --> 01:01:09,800 Well, I'm glad to hear that. 709 01:01:11,051 --> 01:01:15,591 I shall discuss this conversation with Mr. Jerome, my boss. 710 01:01:18,260 --> 01:01:21,341 Do you think there's a chance? 711 01:01:22,343 --> 01:01:25,299 - I doubt it. - Oh. 712 01:01:45,051 --> 01:01:49,508 Well, apparently, having absolutely no experience 713 01:01:50,301 --> 01:01:52,468 is absolutely fine for this job. 714 01:01:52,468 --> 01:01:53,633 You've got it. 715 01:01:56,468 --> 01:01:58,550 Does that mean I should start tomorrow? 716 01:01:59,426 --> 01:02:01,007 Yeah, I suppose it does. 717 01:02:03,301 --> 01:02:05,258 - Good morning. - Right. 718 01:02:12,552 --> 01:02:14,799 Yes? 719 01:02:18,093 --> 01:02:20,051 - Good morning, sir. - Good morning. 720 01:02:20,051 --> 01:02:22,676 I just wanted to introduce you to our new junior secretary. 721 01:02:22,676 --> 01:02:25,552 Joe? I believe you wanted to explain her work duties. 722 01:02:25,552 --> 01:02:27,218 - Hi. - This is the new junior secretary. 723 01:02:27,218 --> 01:02:28,842 Liz, can I have another coffee? 724 01:02:28,842 --> 01:02:30,132 - Yes, of course, sir. - Thank you. 725 01:02:33,510 --> 01:02:34,341 Hi. 726 01:02:38,468 --> 01:02:41,466 - Jerome. - Your first love. 727 01:02:47,468 --> 01:02:50,134 I bet you didn't think I'd make something of myself, right? 728 01:02:50,134 --> 01:02:51,759 And now, here I sit. 729 01:02:51,759 --> 01:02:53,966 The director's chair of M & J Morris, Ltd. 730 01:02:58,301 --> 01:03:00,383 - Yeah, it's quite surprising. - Surprising? 731 01:03:01,176 --> 01:03:02,715 It's a sign from God. 732 01:03:07,634 --> 01:03:09,466 You know, I've thought about you often since then. 733 01:03:11,260 --> 01:03:12,924 Have you thought of me? 734 01:03:15,842 --> 01:03:18,091 - Well... - What? 735 01:03:19,009 --> 01:03:21,634 Usually, you know, my uncle sits here. 736 01:03:21,634 --> 01:03:23,260 But he's developed a bit of a tummy problem, 737 01:03:23,260 --> 01:03:24,968 so he's at the spa, taking long baths, 738 01:03:24,968 --> 01:03:28,385 drinking lots of water, poor guy. And no one knows for how long. 739 01:03:28,385 --> 01:03:31,842 So now I'm the "J" in M & J Morris, Ltd. 740 01:03:31,842 --> 01:03:33,634 How about that? 741 01:03:33,634 --> 01:03:36,466 We print cards and envelopes, nonsense like that. 742 01:03:37,301 --> 01:03:39,176 It's a bloody complicated business, you know. 743 01:03:39,176 --> 01:03:40,590 I don't understand a word of it. 744 01:03:41,842 --> 01:03:44,634 Come, I'll show you around. Yes? 745 01:03:44,634 --> 01:03:46,301 - Ladies? - Yes, sir. 746 01:03:46,301 --> 01:03:48,509 Oh, look, there you are. Good job. 747 01:03:48,509 --> 01:03:50,884 Every time you do a good job, I say, "Good job, Liz." 748 01:03:50,884 --> 01:03:52,717 - Thank you, sir. - What's her name? 749 01:03:52,717 --> 01:03:54,551 - Liz. - Good job, Liz. 750 01:03:54,551 --> 01:03:56,590 - Good job, Liz. - Good job, Liz. 751 01:04:15,425 --> 01:04:17,134 It stopped. 752 01:04:17,134 --> 01:04:18,549 Fuck. 753 01:04:22,093 --> 01:04:23,132 Yes. 754 01:04:25,093 --> 01:04:27,549 - Well, isn't there an alarm? - Which? 755 01:04:28,218 --> 01:04:30,634 - Isn't there... - Alarm, right, yes. 756 01:04:30,634 --> 01:04:33,382 Good thinking. 757 01:04:36,842 --> 01:04:37,924 Imagine... 758 01:04:38,842 --> 01:04:41,258 you look just as great all these years later. 759 01:04:41,801 --> 01:04:42,924 Oh, no. 760 01:04:47,134 --> 01:04:49,590 - No. - No? 761 01:04:51,759 --> 01:04:53,384 No, Jerome, this won't work. 762 01:04:53,384 --> 01:04:55,966 - Which won't work? - This. 763 01:04:58,676 --> 01:04:59,715 Why not? 764 01:05:00,884 --> 01:05:02,257 You're not really my type. 765 01:05:04,926 --> 01:05:06,091 That's how it's gonna be? 766 01:05:06,884 --> 01:05:08,840 - Yes. - All right. 767 01:05:15,467 --> 01:05:16,715 Fuck's sake. 768 01:05:26,551 --> 01:05:27,507 Okay. 769 01:05:37,467 --> 01:05:39,134 Um... 770 01:05:39,134 --> 01:05:40,382 Give me your hand. 771 01:05:41,467 --> 01:05:43,507 We'll do fireman's grip. 772 01:05:45,551 --> 01:05:47,049 - You okay? - Yeah. 773 01:05:50,384 --> 01:05:51,840 Why didn't you have sex with him? 774 01:05:54,009 --> 01:05:56,298 You must have had sex in a lift before. 775 01:05:58,509 --> 01:06:02,467 I'm not quite sure. I've shagged lots of idiots. 776 01:06:02,467 --> 01:06:05,090 Including worse idiots than him. 777 01:06:07,259 --> 01:06:08,842 Of course, I... 778 01:06:08,842 --> 01:06:11,840 I regretted that it had been him back then. 779 01:06:12,884 --> 01:06:15,509 But that's just sentimental drivel. 780 01:06:15,509 --> 01:06:16,799 And I'm not sentimental. 781 01:06:18,092 --> 01:06:20,050 I suppose he fired you then. 782 01:06:20,050 --> 01:06:23,465 No. If he had fired me, then he would have lost. 783 01:06:26,801 --> 01:06:28,551 As I didn't recall anyone 784 01:06:28,551 --> 01:06:30,425 having defined my work duties, 785 01:06:30,425 --> 01:06:34,173 I decided to clean up in order to smooth the waters. 786 01:06:42,050 --> 01:06:43,425 Good morning, sir. 787 01:06:43,425 --> 01:06:45,423 - Any calls? - No, sir. 788 01:06:51,842 --> 01:06:55,715 - What have you done? - Oh. I cleaned up. 789 01:06:56,259 --> 01:06:57,965 You cleaned up. 790 01:06:59,050 --> 01:07:00,634 - It was quite messy, and-- - Liz? 791 01:07:00,634 --> 01:07:03,465 - Yes, sir? - She cleaned up. 792 01:07:04,092 --> 01:07:06,384 I know, I... I didn't know, sir. 793 01:07:06,384 --> 01:07:08,507 - I was away from my desk. - Are you completely mad? 794 01:07:15,384 --> 01:07:17,423 What is the tea and pastry doing here? 795 01:07:18,092 --> 01:07:19,384 I thought that's what you wanted for-- 796 01:07:19,384 --> 01:07:22,676 You thought? You're not supposed to think. 797 01:07:22,676 --> 01:07:25,092 I don't pay you to think, do I? This is a do-over. 798 01:07:25,092 --> 01:07:26,634 - A do-over... - Right. 799 01:07:26,634 --> 01:07:29,382 Pick it up. Take it outside. And do it again. 800 01:07:41,759 --> 01:07:44,006 One moment. 801 01:07:52,384 --> 01:07:53,674 Come in. 802 01:07:56,883 --> 01:07:59,175 Would now be a good time for some tea and cake? 803 01:07:59,175 --> 01:08:00,465 Sure, why not? 804 01:08:03,384 --> 01:08:05,133 Where the fuck's my cake fork? 805 01:08:05,133 --> 01:08:07,050 - Cake fork? - Right. 806 01:08:07,050 --> 01:08:11,590 Well, I would have got you one, but it just... feels inappropriate. 807 01:08:29,175 --> 01:08:31,133 Unmanly. 808 01:08:31,133 --> 01:08:32,592 Feminine. 809 01:08:32,592 --> 01:08:34,551 Well, on the other hand, 810 01:08:34,551 --> 01:08:38,632 you must say that a cake fork is a rather practical tool. 811 01:08:40,551 --> 01:08:43,839 It's like a cross between a knife and a fork. 812 01:08:44,467 --> 01:08:46,634 The point is that you're supposed to be able 813 01:08:46,634 --> 01:08:48,634 to hold the cake dish with one hand 814 01:08:48,634 --> 01:08:50,298 and then cut it with the other. 815 01:08:51,008 --> 01:08:54,509 And then eat it with the fork. 816 01:08:54,509 --> 01:08:57,382 It's not feminine, it's at least bourgeois. 817 01:08:58,300 --> 01:09:00,758 It's said that the Bolsheviks, 818 01:09:00,758 --> 01:09:02,925 during their rampage through Russia, 819 01:09:02,925 --> 01:09:04,633 to separate the men from the boys, 820 01:09:04,633 --> 01:09:07,551 or rather the bourgeoisie from the proletariat, 821 01:09:07,551 --> 01:09:10,716 they brought a boy, and before burning down a house 822 01:09:10,716 --> 01:09:14,257 they sent him in to make sure they had cake forks. 823 01:09:19,008 --> 01:09:21,923 That's not true. 824 01:09:24,259 --> 01:09:26,467 I don't have the story first-hand. 825 01:09:26,467 --> 01:09:27,756 Hello. 826 01:09:28,675 --> 01:09:30,550 - Hi. - Hi. 827 01:09:30,550 --> 01:09:33,050 I was wondering if you could help me. 828 01:09:33,050 --> 01:09:36,675 It's suddenly gone very dirty. See, yes? 829 01:09:36,675 --> 01:09:40,217 See, you've got your dirty fingers on there. 830 01:09:40,217 --> 01:09:42,300 Maybe we should wash your hands. 831 01:09:42,300 --> 01:09:43,756 Yeah, better. 832 01:09:46,259 --> 01:09:47,967 Mm-hmm. 833 01:09:47,967 --> 01:09:50,716 - You must be very talented. - Yeah, sure. 834 01:09:50,716 --> 01:09:51,465 Hmm. 835 01:09:52,217 --> 01:09:55,090 You see, here's got a stain. 836 01:10:07,175 --> 01:10:08,967 If you'd asked Jerome, he would have said 837 01:10:08,967 --> 01:10:11,090 that I was the one who'd declared war. 838 01:10:13,633 --> 01:10:17,839 Many times he'd take me into town just so I could hold his coat. 839 01:10:18,716 --> 01:10:20,883 - There. - Where? 840 01:10:20,883 --> 01:10:22,839 There, behind the green car. 841 01:10:25,384 --> 01:10:27,756 - It's not big enough. - It is, there's plenty of space. 842 01:10:31,092 --> 01:10:33,175 I saw it, it's not enough space. 843 01:10:33,175 --> 01:10:35,422 I'm telling you, there's plenty of space. 844 01:10:48,175 --> 01:10:51,548 No. It's too small a space for such a long car. 845 01:10:54,424 --> 01:10:56,006 Can I try? 846 01:10:57,633 --> 01:11:01,050 - Can you try? - I'm a wizard at this. 847 01:11:01,050 --> 01:11:02,591 I just tried, it's not enough space, Joe. 848 01:11:02,591 --> 01:11:05,298 You just saw me do it. It's not enough space, okay? 849 01:11:06,175 --> 01:11:09,090 - Can I try? - Fuck. You want to try? 850 01:11:11,675 --> 01:11:12,798 Why not? 851 01:11:27,716 --> 01:11:29,090 Stupid. 852 01:12:08,050 --> 01:12:11,341 It was about this time that a dramatic change 853 01:12:11,341 --> 01:12:13,256 happened inside of me. 854 01:12:14,675 --> 01:12:19,214 I could suddenly see a kind of order in the mess. 855 01:12:30,633 --> 01:12:32,839 Are you just standing here looking? 856 01:12:35,633 --> 01:12:38,339 Yeah. I've begun to like his mess. 857 01:12:39,132 --> 01:12:40,756 How do you mean? 858 01:12:42,174 --> 01:12:45,130 Well, these are all things placed by Jerome. 859 01:12:45,800 --> 01:12:47,673 I mean, by Jerome's hands. 860 01:12:48,550 --> 01:12:52,130 Sounds to me like you would like to be handled by Mr. Jerome. 861 01:12:54,008 --> 01:12:56,256 Darling, you're in love with him. 862 01:13:01,216 --> 01:13:03,589 It was all very, very wrong. 863 01:13:05,007 --> 01:13:07,589 I wanted to be one of Jerome's things. 864 01:13:08,424 --> 01:13:13,047 I wanted to be picked up and put down, again and again. 865 01:13:14,424 --> 01:13:17,007 I wanted to be treated by his hands 866 01:13:17,007 --> 01:13:20,132 according to some sophisticated principle 867 01:13:20,132 --> 01:13:22,214 that I didn't understand. 868 01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:24,591 His strong hands? 869 01:13:24,591 --> 01:13:28,550 Yes, but now it was no longer just about his hands. 870 01:13:28,550 --> 01:13:31,798 It's as if everything about him was different, 871 01:13:32,633 --> 01:13:35,841 which, of course, it wasn't and I knew that in my head. 872 01:13:35,841 --> 01:13:39,548 And I scolded myself for seeing him in this new light. 873 01:13:40,508 --> 01:13:44,548 - Love is blind. - No, no, no, it's worse. 874 01:13:45,591 --> 01:13:47,381 Love distorts things. 875 01:13:48,341 --> 01:13:51,258 Or even worse... love is something 876 01:13:51,258 --> 01:13:52,922 you've never asked for. 877 01:13:54,383 --> 01:13:58,716 The erotic was something I asked for, or even demanded of men. 878 01:13:58,716 --> 01:14:01,464 But this idiotic love... 879 01:14:03,299 --> 01:14:05,339 I felt humiliated by it, 880 01:14:06,007 --> 01:14:08,714 and all the dishonesty that follows. 881 01:14:11,258 --> 01:14:13,548 The erotic is about saying yes. 882 01:14:15,299 --> 01:14:18,466 Love appeals to the lowest instincts, 883 01:14:18,466 --> 01:14:20,381 wrapped up in lies. 884 01:14:21,132 --> 01:14:24,964 How do you say "yes" when you mean "no," and vice versa. 885 01:14:28,758 --> 01:14:31,089 I'm ashamed of what I became. 886 01:14:32,383 --> 01:14:34,089 But it was beyond my control. 887 01:14:36,216 --> 01:14:40,464 - You know what you're doing now? - No, what am I doing? 888 01:14:41,007 --> 01:14:43,256 You're defending your personality. 889 01:14:44,049 --> 01:14:46,381 I thought the point was to reveal it. 890 01:14:58,508 --> 01:15:02,673 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 891 01:15:04,924 --> 01:15:06,548 Thank you meaning, "That's all." 892 01:15:10,299 --> 01:15:13,797 You can go now. Goodbye, Joe. 893 01:15:27,924 --> 01:15:31,508 At this time, I took up walking again. 894 01:15:31,508 --> 01:15:33,091 You walked in the forest? 895 01:15:33,091 --> 01:15:35,548 Yes, I walked in the forest. 896 01:15:40,924 --> 01:15:43,506 The forest of my childhood. 897 01:15:44,715 --> 01:15:47,755 I took the same walk again and again. 898 01:15:48,341 --> 01:15:51,383 Right turn after the gatehouse, 899 01:15:51,383 --> 01:15:54,258 and right again by the ash tree, 900 01:15:54,258 --> 01:15:56,964 which has the most beautiful leaves in the forest, 901 01:15:58,632 --> 01:16:02,341 and further on, past a lady with her poodle, 902 01:16:02,341 --> 01:16:05,089 and the old man on the bench. 903 01:16:12,424 --> 01:16:15,674 I couldn't free myself of the image of Jerome 904 01:16:15,674 --> 01:16:17,630 and his careless elegance. 905 01:16:23,049 --> 01:16:27,547 And during this time, when I was with other men, 906 01:16:28,341 --> 01:16:31,713 I forbade them to touch my body with their hands. 907 01:16:35,341 --> 01:16:39,005 And soon, I stopped having sex altogether. 908 01:16:41,091 --> 01:16:43,421 I tried to meet him all the time. 909 01:16:43,966 --> 01:16:46,172 I found out where he lived, 910 01:16:46,840 --> 01:16:49,547 but of course, never dared ring his doorbell. 911 01:16:53,174 --> 01:16:56,507 I even started humiliating myself on purpose 912 01:16:56,507 --> 01:16:58,630 in order for him to notice me. 913 01:17:18,882 --> 01:17:20,755 You broke a taillight. 914 01:17:22,340 --> 01:17:23,421 I did. 915 01:17:24,799 --> 01:17:27,005 I thought you were such a wizard at parking. 916 01:17:28,091 --> 01:17:29,256 So did I. 917 01:17:30,258 --> 01:17:32,214 It'll be deducted from your salary. 918 01:17:35,674 --> 01:17:37,172 It's a long car. 919 01:17:40,840 --> 01:17:43,715 I worked for a long time on a letter 920 01:17:43,715 --> 01:17:46,674 in which I told him about my feelings for him, 921 01:17:46,674 --> 01:17:49,463 but couldn't bring myself to hand it over. 922 01:17:52,216 --> 01:17:53,964 - Bye. - Bye. Bye. 923 01:17:54,632 --> 01:17:56,216 A month would pass 924 01:17:56,216 --> 01:18:00,089 before I had built up enough courage to deliver it. 925 01:18:25,173 --> 01:18:27,421 Well, I've written him a letter after all. 926 01:18:29,340 --> 01:18:32,630 Do you think that the letter is a bad idea? 927 01:18:35,382 --> 01:18:38,173 No, I think it's the right thing to do. 928 01:18:38,173 --> 01:18:43,549 I'm just... I think maybe you should wait until Friday. 929 01:18:43,549 --> 01:18:44,630 Why? 930 01:18:45,590 --> 01:18:47,672 He's always in a good mood on Fridays. 931 01:18:49,049 --> 01:18:50,213 Okay. 932 01:19:09,799 --> 01:19:13,924 I'm sorry, isn't this... Jerome's office? 933 01:19:13,924 --> 01:19:17,757 I'm happy to say that this never has been 934 01:19:17,757 --> 01:19:20,046 and never will be Jerome's office. 935 01:19:20,549 --> 01:19:24,630 My nephew has been standing in for me while I've been unwell. 936 01:19:25,131 --> 01:19:28,088 What's that? A letter for him? 937 01:19:29,298 --> 01:19:30,257 Yes. 938 01:19:30,257 --> 01:19:33,380 Give it to me and I'll make sure he gets it. 939 01:19:38,006 --> 01:19:41,922 Can't promise when that might be because he's long gone. 940 01:19:43,173 --> 01:19:46,674 How the young finance their irrepressible desire 941 01:19:46,674 --> 01:19:48,421 for travel is a mystery to me. 942 01:19:49,465 --> 01:19:52,505 - So he's gone? - Deserted us, yes. 943 01:19:53,965 --> 01:19:56,340 Raving about a trip around the world, 944 01:19:56,340 --> 01:19:58,713 - and married, and all. - Married? 945 01:19:59,340 --> 01:20:00,547 Marriage, yes. 946 01:20:01,632 --> 01:20:04,004 Flown the coop with my secretary. 947 01:20:04,965 --> 01:20:05,838 Liz. 948 01:20:14,006 --> 01:20:15,588 And your job? 949 01:20:16,090 --> 01:20:18,423 Well, it turned out that Jerome's uncle 950 01:20:18,423 --> 01:20:22,090 demanded a bit more knowledge about the business, so... 951 01:20:22,090 --> 01:20:22,921 I see. 952 01:20:24,257 --> 01:20:26,799 Well, as for evidence of you being a bad human being, 953 01:20:26,799 --> 01:20:28,965 there wasn't much to go on in this chapter. 954 01:20:28,965 --> 01:20:33,088 Yes, as I said. At least superficially. 955 01:20:34,507 --> 01:20:37,632 - I suppose you were jealous. - No, I wasn't jealous. 956 01:20:37,632 --> 01:20:38,963 I didn't know that feeling. 957 01:20:40,465 --> 01:20:43,129 It's almost superhuman not to feel jealousy. 958 01:20:44,590 --> 01:20:46,505 Well, that was the end of love, then? 959 01:20:48,507 --> 01:20:51,255 Well, maybe not quite as simple. 960 01:20:52,839 --> 01:20:58,006 But more about that later, as they say in the novels. 961 01:20:58,006 --> 01:21:00,672 And Jerome just disappeared? 962 01:21:01,965 --> 01:21:07,048 Yes. Though I'd tried to keep him in my own way, mentally, 963 01:21:07,048 --> 01:21:10,713 as I masturbated on the train amongst other people. 964 01:21:13,048 --> 01:21:15,298 You masturbated on the train, on the seat? 965 01:21:15,298 --> 01:21:18,382 - Yes, of course. - And that's possible? 966 01:21:18,382 --> 01:21:22,465 Easily. You just put your coat in your lap. 967 01:21:22,465 --> 01:21:26,839 It can be done silently without expression. 968 01:21:26,839 --> 01:21:28,881 The only thing that could give me away 969 01:21:28,881 --> 01:21:32,796 and mostly to women, was my open mouth when I came. 970 01:21:47,131 --> 01:21:49,839 I did a jigsaw puzzle. 971 01:21:49,839 --> 01:21:51,879 Ajigsaw puzzle? 972 01:21:56,006 --> 01:21:59,173 I found details in the other passengers 973 01:21:59,173 --> 01:22:01,338 that reminded me of Jerome. 974 01:22:56,048 --> 01:22:57,839 But in the long run, 975 01:22:57,839 --> 01:23:00,173 I couldn't hold onto the details of him, 976 01:23:00,173 --> 01:23:02,587 no matter how hard I tried. 977 01:23:03,464 --> 01:23:05,257 So, you could say that in a way, 978 01:23:05,257 --> 01:23:08,923 Jerome followed you as a kind of silhouette. 979 01:23:08,923 --> 01:23:12,631 Yes, but gradually disappearing as a sexual being. 980 01:23:12,631 --> 01:23:17,839 Maybe that's how it is with memory. You remember silhouettes. 981 01:23:17,839 --> 01:23:19,714 The essentials. 982 01:23:19,714 --> 01:23:22,629 But that's not necessarily a bad thing. 983 01:23:26,798 --> 01:23:29,048 Of course there's silhouettes in the winter. 984 01:23:29,048 --> 01:23:31,340 The trees are difficult to tell apart. 985 01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:32,923 These buds... 986 01:23:32,923 --> 01:23:34,839 My father wrestled courageously 987 01:23:34,839 --> 01:23:37,837 with his flora and tree type guides. 988 01:23:39,548 --> 01:23:40,921 It's actually... 989 01:23:43,131 --> 01:23:46,796 the souls of the trees we see in the winter. 990 01:23:47,422 --> 01:23:49,215 In summer, everything's green and idyllic, 991 01:23:49,215 --> 01:23:54,048 but in the winter, the branches and the trunks, they all stand out. 992 01:23:54,048 --> 01:23:56,295 Look at how crooked they all are. 993 01:23:58,215 --> 01:24:01,295 The branches have to carry all of the leaves into the sunlight. 994 01:24:02,798 --> 01:24:05,754 It's one long struggle for survival. 995 01:24:08,965 --> 01:24:12,006 My father surprised me by calling the naked trunks 996 01:24:12,006 --> 01:24:14,213 the souls of the trees. 997 01:24:14,965 --> 01:24:17,756 A poetic thought that was rare for him, 998 01:24:17,756 --> 01:24:21,420 as by his own account, he preferred the empirical sciences. 999 01:24:25,173 --> 01:24:26,712 And after Jerome? 1000 01:24:28,048 --> 01:24:30,756 I reacted, um... 1001 01:24:30,756 --> 01:24:34,129 Well, let's just say... aggressively. 1002 01:24:35,173 --> 01:24:39,712 - How? - By intensifying my hunt for men. 1003 01:24:42,506 --> 01:24:44,631 You know these supermarket doors 1004 01:24:44,631 --> 01:24:47,546 that open and close by way of some kind of sensor? 1005 01:24:48,381 --> 01:24:51,214 Now compare these doors to my cunt, 1006 01:24:51,214 --> 01:24:54,504 and add an extraordinarily sensitive sensor. 1007 01:24:56,631 --> 01:25:00,422 My sensitive door opening gave me an opportunity 1008 01:25:00,422 --> 01:25:05,212 to develop my morphological studies from knees to genitals. 1009 01:25:10,256 --> 01:25:15,256 I embarked on a trip through, what, in the lingo of children's books, 1010 01:25:15,256 --> 01:25:19,087 one might call, "The Country of the Big, Bad Cocks." 1011 01:25:21,673 --> 01:25:25,629 "The Country of the Small Yellow Cocks," and so on. 1012 01:25:26,339 --> 01:25:28,589 And most of all, I battled my way 1013 01:25:28,589 --> 01:25:31,420 through an untold number of circumcised cocks. 1014 01:25:33,256 --> 01:25:36,172 By the way, did you know that if you combine 1015 01:25:36,172 --> 01:25:38,923 all the foreskin cut off through history, 1016 01:25:38,923 --> 01:25:41,879 it would reach to Mars and back again? 1017 01:26:01,047 --> 01:26:02,504 "Mrs. H." 1018 01:26:18,047 --> 01:26:21,130 By now, I had built up a sizable circle of men, 1019 01:26:21,130 --> 01:26:24,922 and was starting to have trouble remembering who was who. 1020 01:26:24,922 --> 01:26:26,964 Hello, sweetheart. Want to meet? 1021 01:26:26,964 --> 01:26:28,673 It's Fisher. 1022 01:26:28,673 --> 01:26:31,631 I'm lying here thinking of you and what you said. 1023 01:26:31,631 --> 01:26:33,798 I'm not angry at all if that's what you're thinking. 1024 01:26:33,798 --> 01:26:36,339 Hi, Joe. It's Rob again. 1025 01:26:36,339 --> 01:26:38,047 I had a really good time seeing you. 1026 01:26:38,047 --> 01:26:39,589 Give me a... Give me a call. 1027 01:26:39,589 --> 01:26:41,673 Hi, Joe. 1028 01:26:41,673 --> 01:26:44,089 I left a couple of messages. Is everything all right? 1029 01:26:44,089 --> 01:26:46,798 I quickly gave up trying to remember 1030 01:26:46,798 --> 01:26:51,506 the individual relationships. It was impossible. 1031 01:26:51,506 --> 01:26:54,920 And impossible to predict what they wanted to hear. 1032 01:26:56,214 --> 01:26:58,128 So I invented a method. 1033 01:27:01,631 --> 01:27:04,003 It was all based on chance. 1034 01:27:07,464 --> 01:27:10,462 A one meant an overly loving answer. 1035 01:27:13,880 --> 01:27:17,087 A two, not quite as passionate, but still positive. 1036 01:27:17,838 --> 01:27:21,130 And so on, up to five, which was a complete rejection. 1037 01:27:21,130 --> 01:27:23,962 And six, no answer at all. 1038 01:27:26,589 --> 01:27:30,631 The trick with this method was that I didn't have to worry about 1039 01:27:30,631 --> 01:27:32,714 the individual relationships, 1040 01:27:32,714 --> 01:27:35,922 but instead became completely unpredictable, 1041 01:27:35,922 --> 01:27:39,087 which, of course, drove the men even wilder. 1042 01:27:41,172 --> 01:27:42,922 Hey, Eddie, it's me. 1043 01:27:42,922 --> 01:27:44,797 Listen, I've given this a lot of thought, 1044 01:27:44,797 --> 01:27:47,878 and I've come to the conclusion that we're done. Bye. 1045 01:27:49,172 --> 01:27:52,256 I was just wondering if you wanted to come back, 1046 01:27:52,256 --> 01:27:54,464 and maybe we can do something nice. 1047 01:27:54,464 --> 01:27:57,214 Hi, Patrick, it's Joe. 1048 01:27:57,214 --> 01:28:00,838 I had a really lovely time with you, and I'd love for you to come back. 1049 01:28:00,838 --> 01:28:04,172 If you're interested, let me know. Bye. 1050 01:28:04,172 --> 01:28:08,087 I really don't think we match, and you're quite annoying, 1051 01:28:08,964 --> 01:28:12,504 so I don't want to see you anymore. Please don't call back. 1052 01:28:13,506 --> 01:28:15,589 That sounds rather stressful. 1053 01:28:15,589 --> 01:28:17,589 Yes, actually, it was. 1054 01:28:17,589 --> 01:28:21,504 But fortunately, I had my little book of comfort. 1055 01:28:23,172 --> 01:28:28,797 When I needed comfort or peace, I took out my herbarium 1056 01:28:28,797 --> 01:28:30,838 and looked at my favorite leaves. 1057 01:28:30,838 --> 01:28:35,254 Ash, trembling aspen and lime. 1058 01:28:43,297 --> 01:28:45,713 When you're dealing with a larger group of lovers 1059 01:28:45,713 --> 01:28:50,588 as I was, there will typically be a difference in their qualities. 1060 01:28:50,588 --> 01:28:52,922 H was a sticky bastard. 1061 01:28:52,922 --> 01:28:57,089 I had invited A for dinner, as he was my favorite, 1062 01:28:57,089 --> 01:29:01,422 while H, who was present, had become quite irritating. 1063 01:29:01,422 --> 01:29:03,755 You have to leave. I've got guests for dinner. 1064 01:29:03,755 --> 01:29:05,462 But he's not coming until seven. 1065 01:29:06,630 --> 01:29:09,836 No. But seven isn't that far away. 1066 01:29:18,297 --> 01:29:19,962 Do you love me? 1067 01:29:22,505 --> 01:29:25,297 A was to arrive at seven, 1068 01:29:25,297 --> 01:29:28,003 and I needed to get H out of there. 1069 01:29:30,797 --> 01:29:32,254 I love you too much. 1070 01:29:33,964 --> 01:29:37,172 You keep promising, but I understand now 1071 01:29:37,172 --> 01:29:40,711 that you'll never leave your family for my sake. 1072 01:29:42,755 --> 01:29:44,545 It's sad, but... 1073 01:29:46,588 --> 01:29:47,753 it's your choice. 1074 01:29:49,588 --> 01:29:52,753 It's not satisfying for me that I can't have you completely. 1075 01:29:56,380 --> 01:29:59,003 Which is why we can't see each other any longer. 1076 01:30:03,713 --> 01:30:04,753 Goodbye. 1077 01:30:09,297 --> 01:30:10,295 Look... 1078 01:30:15,463 --> 01:30:17,461 Have a nice life. 1079 01:30:43,421 --> 01:30:46,461 My darling, I'm yours. 1080 01:30:47,172 --> 01:30:48,419 I've left her. 1081 01:30:56,672 --> 01:30:59,586 - Has he gone inside? - Yes. 1082 01:31:00,964 --> 01:31:02,711 Is the door closed? 1083 01:31:14,713 --> 01:31:17,213 - Uh, hello. - Hello. 1084 01:31:17,213 --> 01:31:20,255 Apologize. We, uh... 1085 01:31:20,255 --> 01:31:22,922 had promised not to come up. 1086 01:31:22,922 --> 01:31:25,838 We just wanted to... 1087 01:31:25,838 --> 01:31:29,338 make sure he got here safely, now that he's... 1088 01:31:29,338 --> 01:31:30,878 made the big decision. 1089 01:31:32,338 --> 01:31:36,255 May the children see him inside? 1090 01:31:36,255 --> 01:31:39,047 They say that the experience of saying goodbye 1091 01:31:39,047 --> 01:31:42,003 can be very useful later when dealing with trauma. 1092 01:31:58,922 --> 01:32:00,211 What a nice place. 1093 01:32:01,713 --> 01:32:04,628 It's, uh... so bohemian. 1094 01:32:06,171 --> 01:32:08,505 We used to have a place like this before we were... 1095 01:32:08,505 --> 01:32:10,380 we were married. 1096 01:32:10,380 --> 01:32:13,836 Before the children, me and my husband. 1097 01:32:15,213 --> 01:32:19,378 Oh, I'm sorry. He isn't anymore, is he? 1098 01:32:20,171 --> 01:32:22,711 It's all so new and confusing. 1099 01:32:27,338 --> 01:32:30,419 He wanted to give us everything, but, uh... 1100 01:32:31,588 --> 01:32:33,628 Of course we couldn't accept that. 1101 01:32:35,880 --> 01:32:37,336 Oh, that's right. 1102 01:32:38,171 --> 01:32:41,171 - You need the car key. - No, I don't need the car. 1103 01:32:41,171 --> 01:32:43,213 Oh, yes, you do. 1104 01:32:43,213 --> 01:32:44,711 He likes the car. 1105 01:32:46,213 --> 01:32:47,880 Here. 1106 01:32:47,880 --> 01:32:49,921 - Please, just take it. - I don't want it. 1107 01:32:49,921 --> 01:32:52,628 - Just take it. - I don't want the fucking car! 1108 01:32:56,505 --> 01:33:00,253 It's all right. We'll get the bus home. 1109 01:33:00,921 --> 01:33:03,919 Children might as well get used to public transport now, right? 1110 01:33:05,088 --> 01:33:08,836 Of course, their standard of living won't be the same anymore, but... 1111 01:33:13,255 --> 01:33:15,503 I'm not saying that to bother anyone. 1112 01:33:16,505 --> 01:33:18,086 One has to be realistic. 1113 01:33:22,296 --> 01:33:23,545 Hey. 1114 01:33:25,713 --> 01:33:27,046 What's this? 1115 01:33:27,046 --> 01:33:28,961 It's a present. 1116 01:33:29,879 --> 01:33:33,044 A pillow he has embroidered himself. 1117 01:33:34,630 --> 01:33:36,461 - And who's it for? - Daddy. 1118 01:33:38,505 --> 01:33:40,755 I do hope it's all right if the children 1119 01:33:40,755 --> 01:33:42,255 call their father "Daddy" here. 1120 01:33:42,255 --> 01:33:45,963 If you prefer, they can call him... 1121 01:33:45,963 --> 01:33:50,129 "him," or simply, "the man." 1122 01:33:50,129 --> 01:33:52,670 Whatever. 1123 01:33:56,588 --> 01:33:58,253 "Whatever." 1124 01:33:59,463 --> 01:34:01,835 Must be hard when you've got everything, 1125 01:34:02,713 --> 01:34:04,253 to know what to say. 1126 01:34:05,380 --> 01:34:07,380 To be honest, my first thought was never, 1127 01:34:07,380 --> 01:34:09,547 ever to let either of you see the children, 1128 01:34:09,547 --> 01:34:11,963 but then I changed my mind. 1129 01:34:11,963 --> 01:34:14,505 I thought it only right that their father be confronted 1130 01:34:14,505 --> 01:34:17,002 by the little people whose lives he's destroyed. 1131 01:34:19,088 --> 01:34:20,877 Give Daddy your present. 1132 01:34:24,547 --> 01:34:27,710 It's a car the little dear has embroidered. 1133 01:34:29,630 --> 01:34:32,505 I'm aware that not everyone can see it, but... 1134 01:34:32,505 --> 01:34:35,338 with the heart one can see much, 1135 01:34:35,338 --> 01:34:38,669 however unimportant that information may be to you. 1136 01:34:40,547 --> 01:34:45,213 Would it be all right if I show the children the whoring bed? 1137 01:34:45,213 --> 01:34:49,669 After all, they also had a stake in this event. 1138 01:34:53,380 --> 01:34:55,461 You need to see it. Right? 1139 01:34:56,463 --> 01:34:58,336 Let's go see Daddy's favorite place. 1140 01:34:59,421 --> 01:35:01,585 Come on, boys. 1141 01:35:02,963 --> 01:35:04,877 Oh! 1142 01:35:07,171 --> 01:35:11,253 So this is where it all happened. 1143 01:35:17,754 --> 01:35:20,710 You should try to memorize this room. 1144 01:35:21,338 --> 01:35:23,378 Especially the bed. 1145 01:35:23,963 --> 01:35:26,837 It'll stand you in good stead later in therapy. 1146 01:35:26,837 --> 01:35:28,338 Oh. 1147 01:35:28,338 --> 01:35:30,921 Here I sit rambling on about therapy 1148 01:35:30,921 --> 01:35:33,129 without a thought of what it might cost. 1149 01:35:33,129 --> 01:35:36,169 I do hope you don't think we're here to beg. 1150 01:35:40,004 --> 01:35:41,587 I'm sorry. 1151 01:35:41,587 --> 01:35:43,921 I'm sorry. 1152 01:35:43,921 --> 01:35:46,544 Being silly. Mommy's being silly. 1153 01:35:47,171 --> 01:35:49,627 Let's have a cup of tea. 1154 01:36:08,255 --> 01:36:10,587 Hope it's not too weak. 1155 01:36:10,587 --> 01:36:13,294 Afraid I'm rather nervous. 1156 01:36:19,504 --> 01:36:23,253 The children's father likes two lumps of sugar in his tea. 1157 01:36:41,587 --> 01:36:43,420 Mm-mm. I'll get it. 1158 01:36:43,420 --> 01:36:45,627 Mm-mm. - No, no, please, please. 1159 01:36:47,712 --> 01:36:50,255 - Hello. - Hello. 1160 01:36:50,255 --> 01:36:52,255 - Yes? - Uh... 1161 01:36:52,255 --> 01:36:54,796 How nice. Lovely. 1162 01:36:54,796 --> 01:36:58,337 - Boys, come here. - Is Joe here? 1163 01:36:58,337 --> 01:36:59,502 This might be interesting. 1164 01:37:01,754 --> 01:37:03,046 - This is my son. - Yes. 1165 01:37:03,046 --> 01:37:04,796 - Yes. - Hello, hello. 1166 01:37:04,796 --> 01:37:07,462 - Look him in the eyes. - I'm Andy. Hello. 1167 01:37:07,462 --> 01:37:09,504 - Friend of Joe's then? - Yeah. 1168 01:37:09,504 --> 01:37:13,129 - You known each other long? - Uh... Not that long, no. 1169 01:37:13,129 --> 01:37:14,921 - Not very long? - No. 1170 01:37:14,921 --> 01:37:15,794 Oh. 1171 01:37:23,671 --> 01:37:25,961 A menage-a-trois. 1172 01:37:28,046 --> 01:37:30,254 It's all so exotic. 1173 01:37:30,254 --> 01:37:33,044 So broad-minded. 1174 01:37:34,754 --> 01:37:38,460 On that point... I failed. 1175 01:37:39,462 --> 01:37:40,794 No doubt about it. 1176 01:37:43,337 --> 01:37:47,254 Boys, now is the time to be alert, 1177 01:37:47,254 --> 01:37:50,752 and ask all the questions your heart's desire. 1178 01:37:52,254 --> 01:37:54,796 Because... 1179 01:37:54,796 --> 01:37:58,088 I hope that you shall never have to encounter 1180 01:37:58,088 --> 01:38:01,335 such people or be in such a situation ever again. 1181 01:38:03,337 --> 01:38:06,877 Well, hmm? You don't have any questions? 1182 01:38:07,796 --> 01:38:09,126 No? 1183 01:38:11,629 --> 01:38:14,420 Well, I'll start, shall I? 1184 01:38:14,420 --> 01:38:17,087 Approximately, how many lives... 1185 01:38:17,087 --> 01:38:20,504 do you think she has time to destroy in one day? 1186 01:38:20,504 --> 01:38:23,585 Five? 50? 1187 01:38:24,712 --> 01:38:26,710 Or several hundreds? 1188 01:38:27,837 --> 01:38:30,879 I admit the latter sounds improbable, 1189 01:38:30,879 --> 01:38:34,710 but where there's a will there's a way. 1190 01:38:42,963 --> 01:38:46,585 Look, this is just a big misunderstanding. 1191 01:38:51,504 --> 01:38:53,001 Boys? 1192 01:38:55,254 --> 01:38:57,377 I don't... I don't love your father. 1193 01:38:58,796 --> 01:39:01,379 She's just saying that to make us feel better. 1194 01:39:01,379 --> 01:39:03,210 I'm sure you understand that. 1195 01:39:04,003 --> 01:39:06,293 Because if it were a joke, I mean... 1196 01:39:07,420 --> 01:39:12,210 If... this were really a joke, then it would be a joke so cruel. 1197 01:39:17,671 --> 01:39:21,126 No one can be that cruel. 1198 01:39:24,587 --> 01:39:27,671 They say that even the Huns on their rampage 1199 01:39:27,671 --> 01:39:31,460 were rather unreserved, but to split up a family... 1200 01:39:34,796 --> 01:39:38,878 To destroy a mesh of feelings woven over 20 years 1201 01:39:38,878 --> 01:39:41,918 is no joke, I can assure you. 1202 01:39:51,920 --> 01:39:53,168 Well... 1203 01:39:54,796 --> 01:39:57,629 If three's a crowd, then seven must be 1204 01:39:57,629 --> 01:40:00,293 a bit of a challenge for the pretty miss. 1205 01:40:02,420 --> 01:40:07,001 I must say I have a hard time picturing her enjoying loneliness. 1206 01:40:09,420 --> 01:40:12,920 I think we better grab the chance to get away 1207 01:40:12,920 --> 01:40:15,335 before things become grotesque. 1208 01:40:18,379 --> 01:40:21,418 No, no, no! 1209 01:40:24,003 --> 01:40:27,168 You wouldn't want to give your father a guilty conscience now, would you? 1210 01:41:05,170 --> 01:41:07,335 So how did this episode affect your life? 1211 01:41:08,711 --> 01:41:10,043 Not at all. 1212 01:41:12,254 --> 01:41:15,001 - Not at all? - No. 1213 01:41:15,962 --> 01:41:19,001 You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. 1214 01:41:23,628 --> 01:41:25,460 Well, that's true. 1215 01:41:28,462 --> 01:41:32,045 Some people... blame the addict. 1216 01:41:32,045 --> 01:41:36,212 Other people feel sorry for the addict. 1217 01:41:36,212 --> 01:41:40,834 But I was an addict out of lust, not out of need. 1218 01:41:41,586 --> 01:41:43,377 You would say that, wouldn't you? 1219 01:41:44,254 --> 01:41:47,836 And lust that led to destruction around me, 1220 01:41:47,836 --> 01:41:49,293 everywhere I went. 1221 01:41:51,003 --> 01:41:55,711 Well, addiction sometimes leads to an... 1222 01:41:55,711 --> 01:41:57,543 absence of empathy. 1223 01:41:59,337 --> 01:42:00,711 You can't fight a lion 1224 01:42:00,711 --> 01:42:03,335 and blow the noses of your children at the same time. 1225 01:42:05,920 --> 01:42:09,001 For me, nymphomania was callousness. 1226 01:42:12,254 --> 01:42:13,960 You're very stubborn. 1227 01:42:14,920 --> 01:42:17,085 But what about yourself? 1228 01:42:18,003 --> 01:42:20,501 How did you feel during all this? 1229 01:42:30,461 --> 01:42:33,501 Did you feel good, or did you feel bad? 1230 01:42:41,545 --> 01:42:44,212 It's funny because when I think about my life 1231 01:42:44,212 --> 01:42:49,045 as a whole, I can only say that I felt good. 1232 01:42:49,045 --> 01:42:53,753 But when I try and remember a specific episode, 1233 01:42:53,753 --> 01:42:57,170 I'd say that just then I felt rather bad. 1234 01:42:57,170 --> 01:42:58,751 In what way? 1235 01:43:04,378 --> 01:43:07,459 Mrs. H was right about the loneliness. 1236 01:43:08,254 --> 01:43:12,543 I'd be lying if I said it hadn't been my constant companion. 1237 01:43:15,378 --> 01:43:19,501 So you were with all these men, and you still felt alone? 1238 01:43:26,628 --> 01:43:28,960 I didn't want to tell you about it. 1239 01:43:30,586 --> 01:43:33,085 But you've led me into a trap. 1240 01:43:36,336 --> 01:43:38,876 It was a certain feeling. 1241 01:43:43,711 --> 01:43:48,251 Oh, how awful that everything has to be so trivial. 1242 01:43:57,753 --> 01:44:00,670 When I was seven I had to have an operation. 1243 01:44:00,670 --> 01:44:03,960 Nothing serious, but it did require anesthesia. 1244 01:44:06,169 --> 01:44:10,626 I had already been pre-medicated, and was feeling all right. 1245 01:44:11,795 --> 01:44:14,795 But when I looked into the room where the doctors and nurses 1246 01:44:14,795 --> 01:44:18,045 were preparing for the operation, 1247 01:44:18,045 --> 01:44:20,545 it was as if had to pass through 1248 01:44:20,545 --> 01:44:24,501 an impenetrable gate all by myself. 1249 01:44:26,920 --> 01:44:29,628 It wasn't just that I missed my mom. 1250 01:44:29,628 --> 01:44:32,169 I don't think I missed my dad, 1251 01:44:32,169 --> 01:44:33,960 even though he was the nice one. 1252 01:44:34,795 --> 01:44:39,209 It was as if I was completely alone in the universe. 1253 01:44:41,294 --> 01:44:46,084 As if my whole body was filled with loneliness and tears. 1254 01:45:09,294 --> 01:45:13,084 And I'm still not allowed to feel sorry for you? 1255 01:45:14,920 --> 01:45:16,668 Shall we go on? 1256 01:45:42,419 --> 01:45:44,419 What are you reading? 1257 01:45:44,419 --> 01:45:47,378 I'm not reading it really, I'm just... 1258 01:45:47,378 --> 01:45:50,042 reacquainting myself with Edgar Allan Poe. 1259 01:45:51,253 --> 01:45:52,417 I don't know him. 1260 01:45:53,836 --> 01:45:55,751 Well, he was a... 1261 01:45:57,753 --> 01:45:59,875 very anxiety-ridden man. 1262 01:46:05,961 --> 01:46:10,086 He died in the most fearful way you can imagine, 1263 01:46:10,086 --> 01:46:12,084 in something called delirium tremens. 1264 01:46:15,169 --> 01:46:19,919 It occurs when the long-time abuse of alcohol is followed by... 1265 01:46:19,919 --> 01:46:22,167 by a sudden abstinence. 1266 01:46:24,169 --> 01:46:27,751 Your body goes into some kind of hyper-sensitive shock. 1267 01:46:28,753 --> 01:46:31,919 You can see the most horrifying hallucinations 1268 01:46:31,919 --> 01:46:37,378 or rats and snakes, and cockroaches coming out of the floor, 1269 01:46:37,378 --> 01:46:40,626 and worms slithering the walls. 1270 01:46:43,503 --> 01:46:47,253 One's entire nervous system is on high alert, 1271 01:46:47,253 --> 01:46:49,875 and you have a constant panic and paranoia. 1272 01:46:51,711 --> 01:46:54,251 And then the circulatory system fails. 1273 01:46:55,086 --> 01:46:57,628 But the panic and horror... 1274 01:46:57,628 --> 01:47:00,626 remains until the moment of death. 1275 01:47:17,127 --> 01:47:19,084 I know what delirium is. 1276 01:47:23,419 --> 01:47:24,752 "During the whole 1277 01:47:24,752 --> 01:47:26,503 of a dull, dark and soundless day 1278 01:47:26,503 --> 01:47:29,710 in the autumn of the year, when the clouds hung 1279 01:47:29,710 --> 01:47:32,461 oppressively low in the heavens, 1280 01:47:32,461 --> 01:47:35,710 I had been passing alone on horseback 1281 01:47:35,710 --> 01:47:39,419 through a singularly dreary tract of country; 1282 01:47:39,419 --> 01:47:41,294 and at length found myself 1283 01:47:41,294 --> 01:47:44,211 as the shades of the evening drew on, 1284 01:47:44,211 --> 01:47:48,334 within view of the melancholy House of Usher." 1285 01:48:18,086 --> 01:48:19,959 Hey, Dad. 1286 01:48:31,627 --> 01:48:32,625 Hi, love. 1287 01:48:35,253 --> 01:48:36,583 How are you? 1288 01:48:38,502 --> 01:48:40,000 I fought with Mom. 1289 01:48:41,794 --> 01:48:44,292 She's... She's not coming. 1290 01:48:48,877 --> 01:48:51,336 You ought not to fight with her. 1291 01:48:51,336 --> 01:48:53,708 You know Kay's fear of hospitals. 1292 01:48:57,378 --> 01:48:59,585 I know she's not coming. 1293 01:48:59,585 --> 01:49:02,292 We already said everything we needed to say. 1294 01:49:05,253 --> 01:49:07,084 Kay and I said goodbye at home. 1295 01:49:08,585 --> 01:49:10,542 I don't want her here at all. 1296 01:49:14,002 --> 01:49:18,000 - I can't accept that. - You'll have to. 1297 01:49:18,961 --> 01:49:21,750 She's a cowardly, stupid bitch. 1298 01:49:23,460 --> 01:49:24,917 No, she's not. 1299 01:49:26,169 --> 01:49:28,127 - Yeah. - No, she's not. 1300 01:49:28,127 --> 01:49:29,669 - Yes. - No, she's not. 1301 01:49:29,669 --> 01:49:32,251 Yes, she is. You've never understood that. 1302 01:49:47,418 --> 01:49:49,084 Doesn't it scare you? 1303 01:49:51,086 --> 01:49:56,792 No. 1304 01:49:59,794 --> 01:50:01,959 How can you not be afraid? 1305 01:50:06,877 --> 01:50:08,875 I've seen so many die. 1306 01:50:11,252 --> 01:50:14,585 And there's that Epicurus quote 1307 01:50:14,585 --> 01:50:16,333 about not fearing death. 1308 01:50:17,752 --> 01:50:21,418 "When we are, death has not come. 1309 01:50:21,418 --> 01:50:25,875 When death has come... we are not." 1310 01:50:30,293 --> 01:50:32,500 You know it's going to happen. 1311 01:50:33,127 --> 01:50:36,585 I also know all the drugs the doctors have to offer. 1312 01:50:36,585 --> 01:50:38,124 So, no. 1313 01:50:39,086 --> 01:50:41,002 I am not... 1314 01:50:41,002 --> 01:50:43,124 I am not afraid. 1315 01:50:45,044 --> 01:50:47,833 Hmm. My beautiful girl. 1316 01:50:49,794 --> 01:50:51,708 Beautiful dad. 1317 01:50:58,961 --> 01:51:00,752 Hello, Doctor. 1318 01:51:00,752 --> 01:51:03,794 Hello, Doctor. This is my daughter Joe. 1319 01:51:03,794 --> 01:51:05,416 - Hey, Joe. - Hi. 1320 01:51:08,168 --> 01:51:10,085 Do you need anything? 1321 01:51:10,085 --> 01:51:13,502 As I've said, I've decided to be 1322 01:51:13,502 --> 01:51:16,085 an exemplary patient, completely subjecting myself 1323 01:51:16,085 --> 01:51:18,750 - to doctor's orders. - Are you in pain? 1324 01:51:20,544 --> 01:51:22,002 I don't think so, no. 1325 01:51:22,002 --> 01:51:24,083 We're going to give you a splash all the same. 1326 01:51:45,544 --> 01:51:47,083 Your hair is longer. 1327 01:51:49,669 --> 01:51:51,333 No, it's not. 1328 01:51:54,418 --> 01:51:56,500 They're giving you too much medication. 1329 01:52:07,126 --> 01:52:07,833 No. 1330 01:52:09,335 --> 01:52:10,875 Dad. 1331 01:52:11,669 --> 01:52:15,252 It's okay, Dad. You're just dreaming. 1332 01:52:15,252 --> 01:52:19,833 You're having a nightmare. 1333 01:52:21,335 --> 01:52:24,708 It's okay. 1334 01:52:42,335 --> 01:52:44,832 It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. 1335 01:52:47,544 --> 01:52:50,667 Okay. Don't worry, I'm going to get the doctor. Don't worry. 1336 01:53:07,377 --> 01:53:09,375 You must be exhausted. 1337 01:53:11,043 --> 01:53:12,333 I'm fine. 1338 01:53:13,168 --> 01:53:15,583 I think you should go home, get some rest. 1339 01:53:17,377 --> 01:53:20,458 No. Someone needs to be here. 1340 01:53:22,335 --> 01:53:25,208 Perhaps you could share with some other family members. 1341 01:53:28,627 --> 01:53:30,416 There aren't any others. 1342 01:54:04,709 --> 01:54:06,418 Kay! 1343 01:54:06,418 --> 01:54:09,584 Daddy, it's okay. 1344 01:54:09,584 --> 01:54:12,500 Kay? 1345 01:54:16,377 --> 01:54:17,876 Kay. 1346 01:54:17,876 --> 01:54:20,666 Kay. Kay. 1347 01:54:26,335 --> 01:54:29,876 Kay. 1348 01:54:29,876 --> 01:54:32,543 Kay! Kay. 1349 01:54:32,543 --> 01:54:35,709 - Kay! - I'm going to get the doctor. 1350 01:54:35,709 --> 01:54:37,252 Kay! 1351 01:54:37,252 --> 01:54:38,874 I'm going to get the doctor, Daddy. 1352 01:54:42,293 --> 01:54:46,418 Excuse me. My dad is really unwell. 1353 01:54:46,418 --> 01:54:48,666 Sit. I'll go have a look. 1354 01:54:50,418 --> 01:54:52,460 Maybe you could give him some more morphine. 1355 01:54:52,460 --> 01:54:55,124 There's something I'd like to explain. 1356 01:54:56,709 --> 01:54:58,501 I can certainly give him more morphine, 1357 01:54:58,501 --> 01:55:01,707 but most likely it won't make much difference. 1358 01:55:02,709 --> 01:55:07,210 Most deaths, fortunately, are uneventful, 1359 01:55:07,210 --> 01:55:12,751 as long as you medicate the patients to keep them free of fear and pain. 1360 01:55:12,751 --> 01:55:15,751 In a few cases, the process of dying 1361 01:55:15,751 --> 01:55:17,541 causes brain damage, 1362 01:55:18,751 --> 01:55:20,999 which triggers what we call delirium. 1363 01:55:21,751 --> 01:55:26,582 That's not something we can soften with morphine, unfortunately. 1364 01:55:45,210 --> 01:55:46,666 Daddy. 1365 01:55:56,876 --> 01:55:58,582 It's gonna be okay. 1366 01:56:10,417 --> 01:56:13,290 I don't know what's happening to me. 1367 01:56:30,209 --> 01:56:32,459 Don't you want to take a little walk? 1368 01:56:32,459 --> 01:56:34,791 I'll stay with your father in the meantime. 1369 01:56:35,334 --> 01:56:38,209 You'll stay? You'll stay here? 1370 01:56:38,209 --> 01:56:39,207 Yes. 1371 01:57:36,584 --> 01:57:38,499 Ash tree leaves. 1372 01:57:40,960 --> 01:57:42,749 Where did you find them? 1373 01:57:43,251 --> 01:57:45,123 They were in the park. 1374 01:57:53,251 --> 01:57:56,207 It truly is the most beautiful tree in the forest. 1375 01:58:00,501 --> 01:58:02,793 But Dad... 1376 01:58:02,793 --> 01:58:05,749 How do you recognize it in winter? 1377 01:58:06,751 --> 01:58:08,666 Told you 100 times. 1378 01:58:10,709 --> 01:58:12,415 I can't remember. 1379 01:58:17,167 --> 01:58:20,207 When the ash tree was created... 1380 01:58:22,834 --> 01:58:25,791 it made all the other trees in the forest jealous, 1381 01:58:26,876 --> 01:58:28,666 because it was... 1382 01:58:30,959 --> 01:58:33,582 It was the most beautiful tree in the forest. 1383 01:58:37,084 --> 01:58:38,915 It had the strongest wood. 1384 01:58:40,084 --> 01:58:41,873 It could be used for anything. 1385 01:58:44,543 --> 01:58:48,415 It was the World Tree in Norse mythology. 1386 01:58:49,917 --> 01:58:52,873 You couldn't say anything bad about it. 1387 01:58:57,084 --> 01:59:00,875 And then when all the other trees saw the ash tree 1388 01:59:00,875 --> 01:59:03,957 with its black buds... 1389 01:59:05,042 --> 01:59:07,123 they all started laughing. 1390 01:59:08,042 --> 01:59:09,541 "Oh, look. 1391 01:59:10,792 --> 01:59:14,374 The ash tree's had its fingers in the ashes." 1392 01:59:31,501 --> 01:59:34,792 Dad. Daddy! 1393 01:59:34,792 --> 01:59:36,833 Daddy. Daddy, what's wrong? 1394 01:59:36,833 --> 01:59:38,123 Daddy, what's wrong? 1395 01:59:41,709 --> 01:59:44,334 Daddy, it's me! It's me, then. It's me! 1396 01:59:44,334 --> 01:59:47,207 Help! Help! 1397 01:59:49,917 --> 01:59:51,125 Okay. 1398 01:59:51,125 --> 01:59:53,290 Okay. 1399 01:59:56,334 --> 01:59:58,790 Okay. It's okay, it's okay. It's all right. 1400 02:00:02,667 --> 02:00:04,457 It's all right. 1401 02:00:14,750 --> 02:00:17,042 We have to fixate him. 1402 02:00:17,042 --> 02:00:20,582 What are you doing? What are you doing to me? 1403 02:00:25,667 --> 02:00:28,915 Joe! What are you doing to me? 1404 02:00:43,125 --> 02:00:44,082 Joe! 1405 02:00:44,625 --> 02:00:47,501 Joe! 1406 02:00:47,501 --> 02:00:49,998 I'm sorry. 1407 02:00:55,167 --> 02:00:56,581 You should take a break. 1408 02:02:30,291 --> 02:02:32,040 Excuse me. 1409 02:02:39,333 --> 02:02:41,167 Okay, don't worry. 1410 02:02:41,167 --> 02:02:43,831 Just clean that up. 1411 02:03:30,833 --> 02:03:32,248 Ready? 1412 02:04:35,500 --> 02:04:39,790 When he died, I had no feelings left. 1413 02:04:40,750 --> 02:04:43,081 Well, that's certainly understandable. 1414 02:04:43,875 --> 02:04:46,956 No. I don't know what happened to me. 1415 02:04:48,208 --> 02:04:49,748 It was very shameful. 1416 02:04:50,875 --> 02:04:54,623 Shameful? I don't understand. 1417 02:05:20,458 --> 02:05:22,665 I lubricated. 1418 02:05:40,375 --> 02:05:42,708 I know you like to present yourself in a negative way, 1419 02:05:42,708 --> 02:05:45,291 and that you have this, kind of dark bias 1420 02:05:45,291 --> 02:05:47,373 that you're worse than everyone else. 1421 02:05:48,041 --> 02:05:49,956 But this story doesn't add to that belief. 1422 02:05:52,333 --> 02:05:55,706 It's extremely common to react sexually in a crisis. 1423 02:05:56,500 --> 02:05:59,083 It may be shameful to you, but... 1424 02:05:59,083 --> 02:06:02,581 in literature, there is many worse examples. 1425 02:06:06,333 --> 02:06:08,665 But I did inherit my father's caliper. 1426 02:06:11,166 --> 02:06:15,830 I found it so beautiful and worn by its use. 1427 02:06:17,041 --> 02:06:19,289 What else did you receive? 1428 02:06:22,041 --> 02:06:23,331 Nothing. 1429 02:06:25,124 --> 02:06:27,583 I didn't have the strength to argue with my mother, 1430 02:06:27,583 --> 02:06:30,958 so I wrote off any further part of my inheritance. 1431 02:06:30,958 --> 02:06:35,997 Really? Well, that's a dramatic gesture. 1432 02:06:39,291 --> 02:06:42,749 - You listen to music, I see? - Yes. 1433 02:06:42,749 --> 02:06:46,916 I like it a lot. Shall I find a tape? 1434 02:06:46,916 --> 02:06:51,747 No, if there's a tape already in the machine? I'd like to hear that. 1435 02:06:52,291 --> 02:06:54,333 It's something I've been listening to a lot lately, 1436 02:06:54,333 --> 02:06:57,622 though it's not an entirely complete recording, unfortunately. 1437 02:06:58,250 --> 02:07:00,916 - What is it? - It's Bach. 1438 02:07:00,916 --> 02:07:03,664 From his little organ book. 1439 02:07:10,666 --> 02:07:12,956 The theme is originally a hymn, 1440 02:07:13,832 --> 02:07:17,206 Bach rearranged it and embellished it a little. 1441 02:07:18,208 --> 02:07:21,416 He was the master at polyphony, if you know what that is. 1442 02:07:21,416 --> 02:07:24,083 No, yet another thing I don't know. 1443 02:07:24,083 --> 02:07:27,291 Polyphony is from the Middle Ages. 1444 02:07:27,291 --> 02:07:29,789 It's an entirely European phenomenon. 1445 02:07:30,624 --> 02:07:33,624 It's distinguished by the idea that, 1446 02:07:33,624 --> 02:07:36,747 every voice is its own melody, 1447 02:07:38,208 --> 02:07:40,164 but together in harmony. 1448 02:07:42,041 --> 02:07:46,250 Bach's forerunner, Palestrina, he wrote many words 1449 02:07:46,250 --> 02:07:48,916 for several choirs at the same time, 1450 02:07:48,916 --> 02:07:51,331 wallowing in polyphony. 1451 02:08:01,291 --> 02:08:03,541 But in my eyes, Bach perfected 1452 02:08:03,541 --> 02:08:05,872 the melodic expression and the harmony. 1453 02:08:06,916 --> 02:08:11,333 And also mixed up with some rather incomprehensible 1454 02:08:11,333 --> 02:08:13,707 mystique regarding numbers, 1455 02:08:13,707 --> 02:08:17,455 most likely based on the Fibonacci Sequence. 1456 02:08:19,041 --> 02:08:21,374 You know the one that starts with the zero, 1457 02:08:21,374 --> 02:08:22,580 and then comes the one. 1458 02:08:23,291 --> 02:08:27,541 The sequence is created by adding the two previous numbers 1459 02:08:27,541 --> 02:08:30,832 to create the new one, so it's zero plus one makes one. 1460 02:08:30,832 --> 02:08:33,707 and one plus one makes two, and two plus one makes three 1461 02:08:33,707 --> 02:08:37,124 and three plus two makes five, and five plus three makes eight, 1462 02:08:37,124 --> 02:08:39,291 and eight plus five makes 13. 1463 02:08:39,291 --> 02:08:41,041 The sequence has an interesting connection 1464 02:08:41,041 --> 02:08:43,789 to Pythagoras' theorem of the Golden Section. 1465 02:08:45,541 --> 02:08:48,999 It was all about finding out a divine methodology 1466 02:08:48,999 --> 02:08:50,916 in art and architecture. 1467 02:08:50,916 --> 02:08:52,874 A bit like the way a tri-tone, 1468 02:08:52,874 --> 02:08:54,999 which was played on the piano in your little club 1469 02:08:54,999 --> 02:08:56,956 was supposed to be a satanic interval. 1470 02:08:58,624 --> 02:09:02,789 The sum of the numeric values represented in Bach's name is 14, 1471 02:09:03,791 --> 02:09:06,041 a number he often used in his compositions. 1472 02:09:06,041 --> 02:09:07,874 The clever thing about Bach's name 1473 02:09:07,874 --> 02:09:11,457 is that the numeric value of the individual letters 1474 02:09:11,457 --> 02:09:13,206 are all Fibonacci numbers. 1475 02:09:16,290 --> 02:09:18,874 This piece has three voices: 1476 02:09:18,874 --> 02:09:20,039 the bass voice... 1477 02:09:25,874 --> 02:09:27,747 The second voice played with the left hand. 1478 02:09:32,499 --> 02:09:34,415 The first voice played with the right hand. 1479 02:09:34,415 --> 02:09:38,332 That is called Cantus Firmus, or Cantu firmus. 1480 02:09:38,332 --> 02:09:42,497 And together, these three voices create the polyphony. 1481 02:11:13,249 --> 02:11:16,541 Well, if I should compare this with my story, 1482 02:11:16,541 --> 02:11:19,915 it's reminiscent of a quality of nymphomania, 1483 02:11:19,915 --> 02:11:23,457 which is normally ignored, but nonetheless essential, 1484 02:11:23,457 --> 02:11:27,121 and namely the relationship between the various intercourses. 1485 02:11:29,749 --> 02:11:31,998 That's interesting. 1486 02:11:31,998 --> 02:11:34,705 They create a... a completeness? 1487 02:11:36,082 --> 02:11:38,415 As, for example, the handshake, 1488 02:11:38,415 --> 02:11:41,666 which for all people is the sum of 1489 02:11:41,666 --> 02:11:44,582 all the different handshakes that together 1490 02:11:44,582 --> 02:11:47,957 form our view of what a handshake is. 1491 02:11:47,957 --> 02:11:50,873 The good, the bad handshake, 1492 02:11:50,873 --> 02:11:52,539 the firm, the limp. 1493 02:11:54,582 --> 02:11:57,288 Normally, a nymphomaniac is seen as... 1494 02:11:58,582 --> 02:12:00,622 someone who can't get enough, 1495 02:12:01,541 --> 02:12:03,915 and therefore, has sex with many different people. 1496 02:12:03,915 --> 02:12:05,624 Well, that, of course, is true, 1497 02:12:05,624 --> 02:12:10,374 but if I'm to be honest, I see it precisely as 1498 02:12:10,374 --> 02:12:14,996 the sum of all these different sexual experiences. 1499 02:12:16,831 --> 02:12:20,955 So in that way, I have only one lover. 1500 02:12:25,707 --> 02:12:28,541 Since the music has three voices, 1501 02:12:28,541 --> 02:12:32,415 I will limit myself to talking about three lovers. 1502 02:12:32,415 --> 02:12:36,247 The bass is easy. That's F. 1503 02:12:36,831 --> 02:12:40,205 F had a red car that he'd bought used. 1504 02:12:43,123 --> 02:12:44,415 As I was having sex 1505 02:12:44,415 --> 02:12:48,582 with seven or eight men every night at the time, 1506 02:12:48,582 --> 02:12:50,873 scheduling was tricky. 1507 02:12:50,873 --> 02:12:53,873 And they all had to have precise appointments. 1508 02:12:53,873 --> 02:12:56,915 F was a good man. 1509 02:12:56,915 --> 02:12:59,624 If he was scheduled for ten o'clock, 1510 02:12:59,624 --> 02:13:03,915 he always showed up around nine and parked down in the street. 1511 02:13:03,915 --> 02:13:06,205 I always smiled when I saw him. 1512 02:13:08,040 --> 02:13:11,706 Often I took pity on him, and gave him a cup of coffee, 1513 02:13:11,706 --> 02:13:13,913 although I was finishing with the one before. 1514 02:13:16,541 --> 02:13:20,040 It's hard to say why I'm choosing to talk about F, 1515 02:13:20,040 --> 02:13:21,704 but he was reassuring, 1516 02:13:22,249 --> 02:13:25,539 and he knew exactly what I wanted when we had sex. 1517 02:13:26,457 --> 02:13:30,082 No, I'd go even further, and say that there was 1518 02:13:30,082 --> 02:13:33,288 a kind of telepathy going on when we had sex. 1519 02:13:34,374 --> 02:13:38,790 Without words, he knew exactly what I wanted, 1520 02:13:38,790 --> 02:13:41,871 where he should touch me and what he should do. 1521 02:13:43,540 --> 02:13:47,871 The most sacred goal for F was my orgasm. 1522 02:13:48,748 --> 02:13:51,665 Why? And then... 1523 02:13:51,665 --> 02:13:55,790 the swans answered in the same voice. 1524 02:13:55,790 --> 02:13:57,915 And granted him privileges 1525 02:13:57,915 --> 02:14:00,080 none of the others received. 1526 02:14:06,665 --> 02:14:08,873 F was the bass voice. 1527 02:14:08,873 --> 02:14:12,790 Monotone, predictable and ritualistic. 1528 02:14:12,790 --> 02:14:14,748 No doubt about it. 1529 02:14:14,748 --> 02:14:18,415 But also the foundation that is so important, 1530 02:14:18,415 --> 02:14:21,538 even if on its own it doesn't mean much. 1531 02:14:54,581 --> 02:14:56,496 G was quite different. 1532 02:14:57,581 --> 02:15:01,329 The only one I had to, and wanted to wait for. 1533 02:15:02,331 --> 02:15:05,915 When he finally turned up and I opened the door, 1534 02:15:05,915 --> 02:15:08,290 he didn't immediately enter, 1535 02:15:08,290 --> 02:15:11,249 the way a cat doesn't when you let it in. 1536 02:15:11,249 --> 02:15:13,748 As if, once the door is open, 1537 02:15:13,748 --> 02:15:15,871 it has all the time in the world. 1538 02:15:22,748 --> 02:15:25,123 But he was more than a cat. 1539 02:15:25,123 --> 02:15:28,246 He was like some kind of jaguar, or leopard. 1540 02:15:29,623 --> 02:15:31,998 He moved like them, 1541 02:15:31,998 --> 02:15:34,621 which turned me on no end. 1542 02:15:45,373 --> 02:15:47,831 When he laid down on my bed, 1543 02:15:47,831 --> 02:15:50,456 it was clear to me that I should approach him, 1544 02:15:50,456 --> 02:15:52,329 and not the other way round. 1545 02:15:52,915 --> 02:15:58,331 And when I did touch him, it was with some hesitation, 1546 02:15:58,331 --> 02:16:01,748 as his reactions were unpredictable. 1547 02:16:01,748 --> 02:16:04,746 He was in charge. That's the way it was. 1548 02:16:55,206 --> 02:16:57,540 Despite my success in managing 1549 02:16:57,540 --> 02:17:00,790 the complicated logistics involved with arranging 1550 02:17:00,790 --> 02:17:04,289 up to ten daily sexual satisfactions, 1551 02:17:04,289 --> 02:17:07,122 while also having a full-time job, 1552 02:17:07,122 --> 02:17:10,498 I was still prone to a certain sadness. 1553 02:17:10,498 --> 02:17:13,456 So when my busy life allowed a few breaks, 1554 02:17:13,456 --> 02:17:15,746 I used them to take my walks. 1555 02:17:16,748 --> 02:17:20,206 These repeated walks became a kind of metaphor 1556 02:17:20,206 --> 02:17:23,287 for my life. Monotonous and pointless. 1557 02:17:25,997 --> 02:17:29,704 Yes, precisely like the movements of a caged animal. 1558 02:17:31,289 --> 02:17:34,079 Basically, we're all waiting for permission to die. 1559 02:19:01,665 --> 02:19:03,162 No. 1560 02:19:04,039 --> 02:19:07,039 No, no, no. No, there... 1561 02:19:07,039 --> 02:19:09,789 There are some completely unrealistic coincidences 1562 02:19:09,789 --> 02:19:11,454 in your story about Jerome. 1563 02:19:13,664 --> 02:19:17,498 First, by chance, he hires you as... As an assistant. 1564 02:19:17,498 --> 02:19:19,081 And then you take a walk in a forest, 1565 02:19:19,081 --> 02:19:20,914 and it's littered with photographs of him. 1566 02:19:20,914 --> 02:19:23,870 And not only that... he's present. 1567 02:19:24,914 --> 02:19:29,622 And then like a god, pulls you up to him through the clouds. 1568 02:19:29,622 --> 02:19:33,329 So what? That's the way this story goes. 1569 02:19:34,122 --> 02:19:37,162 And I'm the one telling it, and I know what happened. 1570 02:19:38,414 --> 02:19:40,329 Do you want to hear it or not? 1571 02:19:43,872 --> 02:19:45,620 Goodness gracious. 1572 02:19:57,747 --> 02:19:59,620 What a strange way to meet. 1573 02:20:01,456 --> 02:20:02,454 Yes. 1574 02:20:04,414 --> 02:20:06,456 It's a very strange way. 1575 02:20:06,456 --> 02:20:09,039 Jerome was there because he'd just had a fight 1576 02:20:09,039 --> 02:20:12,081 with his wife, who in anger tore up the photographs 1577 02:20:12,081 --> 02:20:14,331 they just had developed from their travels. 1578 02:20:14,331 --> 02:20:17,081 I don't know if I can believe this. 1579 02:20:17,081 --> 02:20:18,830 Which way do you think you'd get the most 1580 02:20:18,830 --> 02:20:20,373 out of my story? 1581 02:20:20,373 --> 02:20:22,745 By believing in it or not believing in it? 1582 02:20:23,914 --> 02:20:25,456 Yeah, you're right. 1583 02:20:25,456 --> 02:20:27,120 You might have a point with all this. 1584 02:20:31,248 --> 02:20:35,204 The secret ingredient to sex is love. 1585 02:20:39,331 --> 02:20:42,204 The third voice, the secret ingredient. 1586 02:20:43,122 --> 02:20:44,703 Cantus Firmus. 1587 02:22:19,664 --> 02:22:22,954 Fill all my holes. 1588 02:23:22,163 --> 02:23:23,413 What's wrong? 1589 02:23:23,413 --> 02:23:26,121 Hmm? 1590 02:23:26,121 --> 02:23:29,288 - I can't feel anything. - Huh? 1591 02:23:29,288 --> 02:23:30,787 I can't feel anything. 1592 02:23:33,622 --> 02:23:35,620 I can't feel anything. 1593 02:23:37,872 --> 02:23:40,370 I can't... anything.