1 00:00:15,734 --> 00:00:18,734 ♪ 2 00:00:23,834 --> 00:00:26,600 (woman) ♪ WHAT IS THIS THING ♪ 3 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,266 ♪ CALLED LOVE? ♪ 4 00:00:30,266 --> 00:00:32,800 ♪ THIS FUNNY THING ♪ 5 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,400 ♪ CALLED LOVE ♪ 6 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,700 ♪ JUST WHO CAN SOLVE ♪ 7 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:42,533 ♪ ITS MYSTERY? ♪ 8 00:00:42,533 --> 00:00:45,567 ♪ WHY SHOULD IT MAKE ♪ 9 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:49,533 ♪ A FOOL OF ME? ♪ 10 00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:51,600 ♪ I SAW YOU THERE ♪ 11 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,567 ♪ THAT WONDERFUL DAY ♪ 12 00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:57,633 ♪ YOU TOOK MY LOVE ♪ 13 00:00:57,633 --> 00:01:01,333 ♪ AND THREW IT AWAY ♪ 14 00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:04,300 ♪ AND SO I ASK THE LORD ♪ 15 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:07,700 ♪ IN HEAVEN ABOVE ♪ 16 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:10,700 ♪ WHAT IS THIS THING ♪ 17 00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:15,867 ♪ CALLED LOVE? ♪ 18 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:22,433 ♪ CALLED LOVE ♪ 19 00:01:22,433 --> 00:01:25,400 Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc. 20 00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:37,700 I ONLY WISH ALL OF OUR CLIENTS WERE SUCH A DELIGHT, ALANA. 21 00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,333 LOVELY EVENING. 22 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,333 YEAH, CONSIDERING WE SPENT DINNER PLOTTING OUT 23 00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:43,500 HOW TO SPILL THE BLOOD OF THAT PREDATORY PRICK. 24 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:46,300 OH, TWO "P" WORDS IN A ROW. I'M APPROACHING THRESHOLD. 25 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:50,233 ALANA, YOU DO $300 MILLION A YEAR. YOU'RE A TARGET. 26 00:01:50,233 --> 00:01:51,734 YOUR NAUGHTY DREAMS BRA IS A RUNAWAY HIT. 27 00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:54,400 IT WAS INEVITABLE SOMEBODY WAS GONNA RIP IT OFF. 28 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,600 WELL-SAID, MICHAEL. 29 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,500 WIN THE LAWSUIT FOR ME, GUYS. 30 00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,533 I WANT THAT BASTARD'S BALLS 31 00:01:59,533 --> 00:02:02,867 SHRIVELING IN A SMALL JAR IN A HOT ROOM. 32 00:02:02,867 --> 00:02:06,166 WE'LL MAKE THIS GO AWAY, ALANA. 33 00:02:06,166 --> 00:02:07,734 ARE YOU STARING AT MY BREASTS, LUTHER? 34 00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:11,500 NO, NO, JUST MARVELING AT THE ENGINEERING BRILLIANCE 35 00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:13,567 OF YOUR NAUGHTY DREAMS. 36 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,233 I'M NOT WEARING A BRA. 37 00:02:15,233 --> 00:02:17,266 OH. BRILLIANT. 38 00:02:19,367 --> 00:02:20,633 BYE, NOW. 39 00:02:20,633 --> 00:02:24,166 (sighs) WHAT A GOOD PERSON SHE IS. 40 00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:26,200 (car door closes) YEAH. OTHER THAN BEING 41 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,900 A POWER-CRAZED, OVERSEXED, CASTRATING BITCH. (vehicle departs) 42 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,400 OVERSEXED? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 43 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,834 SINCE SHE'S ONE OF OUR BIGGEST CLIENTS, 44 00:02:33,834 --> 00:02:38,300 I... SUPPOSE I SHOULDN'T SLEEP WITH HER, RIGHT? 45 00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:39,834 YOU SHOULDN'T SLEEP WITH HER BECAUSE SHE'D SNAP YOUR DICK OFF 46 00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:41,667 AND USE IT AS A CAT TOY. 47 00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,800 DID YOU SEE HOW HER NIPPLES WERE POINTED RIGHT AT ME 48 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,433 WHEN THE VICHYSSOISE ARRIVED? 49 00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:48,900 I'M NOT JUST IMAGINING THINGS HERE, MICHAEL. 50 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:50,834 THEY WERE MAKING DIRECT 51 00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:52,500 EYE CONTACT WITH ME AND SAYING... 52 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,266 (high-pitched voice) "LUTHER, WE'RE IN HERE, 53 00:02:54,266 --> 00:02:56,300 "AND WE'RE ALL ALONE. 54 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,567 "YES, WE WANT TO COME OUT AND HAVE SOME FUN. 55 00:02:58,567 --> 00:02:59,900 WE NEED A FRIEND." 56 00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:02,700 OH, MY GOD. LUTHER! IT'S ME, NIKKI! 57 00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,767 LENA, LOOK WHO'S HERE. 58 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:06,333 LUTHER? 59 00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:07,633 YOU REMEMBER US? 60 00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:10,600 DEER VALLEY? YOUR SKI CONDO? 61 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,533 YOU OWN A SKI CONDO? I DID THAT WEEKEND. 62 00:03:12,533 --> 00:03:15,300 OH, THAT'S THE SQUIRTER, THE ONE I TOLD YOU ABOUT. 63 00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:17,600 LOADS OF FUN. LOADS OF LAUNDRY. 64 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,367 (singsongy) LUTHER, 65 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:22,500 WE'VE GOT A BAR IN HERE AND SOME NASTY DVDs FROM ICELAND. 66 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:24,200 COME SAY HI! 67 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,367 ICELAND? (mutters) 68 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,567 (siren whoops) 69 00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:37,133 (police radio chatter) 70 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,533 SIR, ARE YOU MICHAEL STRATHMORE? 71 00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:41,500 YES. WHAT'S GOING ON? SIR, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. 72 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,700 FOR WHAT? 73 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,734 (handcuffs clicking) AAH. 74 00:03:44,734 --> 00:03:47,300 I HAVE A BENCH WARRANT. DO YOU HAVE AN ATTORNEY? I AM AN ATTORNEY. 75 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,900 NOW SEE HERE, OFFICER! I CAN VOUCH FOR MR. STRATHMORE. 76 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,600 WHAT'S THE CHARGE? 77 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,200 SIR, YOU'RE INTERFERING WITH AN ARRESTING OFFICER. 78 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,500 ARE THOSE GIRLS UNDERAGE? 79 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:59,800 ABSOLUTELY NOT. THEY'RE PART OF A CHURCH GROUP. 80 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,767 WHAT'S YOUR BADGE NUMBER, OFFICER? 81 00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:04,500 IT'S OKAY. I'LL HANDLE THIS, LUTHER. 82 00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:08,867 OH. HE'LL HANDLE IT. 83 00:04:08,867 --> 00:04:11,667 "ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT" IS GOING TO LOVE THIS. 84 00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:12,867 (laughs) 85 00:04:12,867 --> 00:04:14,867 (police radio chatter) 86 00:04:14,867 --> 00:04:18,367 DOWN WE GO. DOWN THE HATCH. (clears throat) 87 00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:21,433 (police radio chatter) 88 00:04:21,433 --> 00:04:23,300 AND THEY'RE REALLY GONNA LOVE THIS. 89 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:26,567 OH, NIPPLE, CAN YOU SEE ME? NIPPLE, CAN YOU HEAR ME? 90 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,734 (both laugh) (clink) 91 00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:31,433 MY SECOND WIFE NEVER CARED FOR GAMBLING, 92 00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:34,800 PROBABLY 'CAUSE SHE'S TOO YOUNG TO GET INTO THE CASINOS. 93 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,700 ANYWAY, NOT TO GET TOO DEEP HERE 'CAUSE I HATE THAT SHIT-- 94 00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:40,133 IT'S ALL A BIG GAMBLE ANYWAY, ISN'T IT? 95 00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:41,600 I MEAN, WHAT ARE THE ODDS 96 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,834 I'M GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH A CAR SHOW MODEL 97 00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:47,266 AND WANT TO TO GET MARRIED FOR THE EIGHTH TIME? (chuckles) 98 00:04:47,266 --> 00:04:50,834 FATE IS ONE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER. IT'S LIKE I TELL MICHAEL-- 99 00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:54,200 YOU SPIN THE WHEEL, A BALL FALLS WHERE IT MAY. 100 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,533 FATE COULD GIVE A FAT FUCK WHAT YOU THINK. 101 00:04:56,533 --> 00:04:58,300 BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, 102 00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,700 WE'RE ALL WEARING HEAVY MAKEUP IN A BOX ANYWAY, 103 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,233 SO LET GO OF THE HANDLEBARS. 104 00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:06,166 WHY DID YOU BLINDFOLD ME? WHAT IS THIS? 105 00:05:06,166 --> 00:05:08,934 WHAT, AM I BEING ESCORTED TO MY OWN MURDER? 106 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,266 HEY, SHUT UP! 107 00:05:11,266 --> 00:05:12,567 YOU'RE IN TROUBLE. 108 00:05:12,567 --> 00:05:14,433 A LOT OF TROUBLE. 109 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:24,367 HEY, OFFICER, YOU EVER HEARD OF POLICE BRUTALITY? 110 00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:25,633 (animals roaring in distance) 111 00:05:25,633 --> 00:05:28,400 THIS BRUTAL ENOUGH FOR YOU? 112 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,767 I HEAR LIONS. 113 00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:32,333 (giggles) IT'S JUST YOUR IMAGINATION. 114 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:33,767 (both grunting) 115 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,633 I DON'T HAVE AN IMAGINATION. (grunts) 116 00:05:35,633 --> 00:05:37,633 I'M A LAWYER, REMEMBER? 117 00:05:37,633 --> 00:05:39,633 (trumpeting) 118 00:05:39,633 --> 00:05:41,133 QUIET, AND I'LL DO IT JUST... 119 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:44,400 (squeals, grunting) 120 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,800 (chatters) 121 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:51,467 (both grunting) 122 00:05:51,467 --> 00:05:52,800 (growls) 123 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,734 GOD, I MISSED YOUR COCK. 124 00:05:54,734 --> 00:05:56,533 YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN ASKING ABOUT YOU. 125 00:05:56,533 --> 00:05:58,133 (grunting) 126 00:05:58,133 --> 00:05:59,500 WE'RE AT THE FUCKING ZOO. 127 00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:02,533 (both laughing) 128 00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:04,133 YOU LIKE IT? 129 00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:05,734 OHH! GREAT IDEA, JANE. 130 00:06:05,734 --> 00:06:09,500 (both moaning) 131 00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:13,867 (gasps) 132 00:06:13,867 --> 00:06:15,400 (squawking) 133 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,467 (gasps) JUST PROTECTING AND SERVING. 134 00:06:18,467 --> 00:06:21,300 WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE? 135 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,834 I CAN'T STAY AWAY FROM YOU. 136 00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:24,266 (calling) 137 00:06:24,266 --> 00:06:25,800 (chattering) 138 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:29,100 (both grunting) 139 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:31,133 (chattering) 140 00:06:31,133 --> 00:06:33,233 (continues grunting) 141 00:06:33,233 --> 00:06:35,200 (calling, roaring) 142 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:39,834 (gasping) 143 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,667 (growling) (gasping) 144 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:45,200 (shouting) 145 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,467 (screams) 146 00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:49,834 (gasping) 147 00:06:49,834 --> 00:06:53,300 (laughs) THAT WAS KILLER. 148 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,600 (sighs) 149 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,266 (chuckles and moans) 150 00:06:57,266 --> 00:07:00,567 (animals roaring in distance) 151 00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:02,467 (sighs) 152 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:05,133 YOU FOUGHT BACK GOOD. 153 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,433 GOT ME WET. 154 00:07:11,266 --> 00:07:13,166 ARE YOU OKAY? 155 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,433 YEAH. 156 00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:15,567 WHAT IS IT? 157 00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:18,200 I'M GOOD. 158 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,633 YOU WERE BETTER A MINUTE AGO. 159 00:07:19,633 --> 00:07:22,233 (laughs) YOU WORRY TOO MUCH. 160 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,266 TELL ME I'M WRONG. I'LL STOP ASKING. 161 00:07:24,266 --> 00:07:30,200 HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU GOT YOUR FIRST KISS? 162 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,567 YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE WAY I KISS? 163 00:07:32,567 --> 00:07:34,700 YOU CAN-- YOU COULD USE SOME WORK. 164 00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:38,567 LISTEN, I GOTTA GET BACK ON SHIFT, SO, UM, 165 00:07:38,567 --> 00:07:42,233 LET'S GET OUTTA HERE. JUST GO. 166 00:07:43,533 --> 00:07:45,100 YEAH. 167 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,433 YEAH. 168 00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,900 LET ME OUT UP THERE. 169 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,600 WHY? I'LL RUN YOU BACK TO THE RESTAURANT 170 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,133 TO GET YOUR CAR. 171 00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:53,467 I'LL WALK. I FEEL LIKE GETTING SOME AIR. 172 00:07:53,467 --> 00:07:54,900 (chuckles) YOU'RE PISSED. 173 00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:56,533 I CAN TELL BECAUSE 174 00:07:56,533 --> 00:07:59,200 YOUR SENTENCES GET CLIPPED AND IMPERSONAL. 175 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,300 YOU NEVER TOLD ME I KISS LIKE A FUCKING AMATEUR. 176 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,467 I NEVER COMPARED YOU TO AN AMATEUR. 177 00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:06,600 YOUR LIPS... KIND OF-- KIND OF WEIRD, THAT'S ALL. 178 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,300 EVERYBODY'S ISOMETRICAL. 179 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,500 WHAT ARE YOU, HEAD OF THE GENOME PROJECT? 180 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:13,500 I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY MORE. IF I KISSED LIKE YOU, I WOULD WANT DETAILS. 181 00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,200 YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT YOU, FOR WHICH I AM GRATEFUL FOR. 182 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:18,734 NOW PULL OVER. AND WHERE'S MY PANTS? 183 00:08:18,734 --> 00:08:22,266 NO! YOU JUST THREW MY PANTS OUT THE GODDAMN WINDOW! 184 00:08:22,266 --> 00:08:25,800 NO, NO, THAT'S NOT FUNNY. WHAT ARE YOU, 12? 185 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,467 (giggles) STOP THE GODDAMN CAR! 186 00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:30,233 (brakes squeal) 187 00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:31,467 JESUS. 188 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:38,200 WHAT, YOU THINK I'M TOO SELF-CONSCIOUS 189 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,467 TO WALK AROUND WITHOUT MY PANTS ON? 190 00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:43,200 YOU THINK YOU CAN CONTROL ME THROUGH MY PANTS? 191 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,533 WHAT PANTS? OH, GO TO HELL! 192 00:08:45,533 --> 00:08:47,767 OH, I'M ALREADY THERE. DON'T EXPECT TO SEE ME. 193 00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:49,800 YEAH, I'LL BE LAYING LOW SO ME AND MY DEFORMED LIPS 194 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,600 AREN'T OUT IN PUBLIC SCARING CHILDREN. 195 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,333 (tires peal) 196 00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:02,567 (dog barking in distance) 197 00:09:02,567 --> 00:09:04,166 FUCK. 198 00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:10,400 I ONCE GOT INTO A 4-HOUR ARGUMENT WITH A ANAIS NIN 199 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,900 ABOUT FELLATIO AND COMMUNISM. 200 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,433 SHE SWORE SHE DIDN'T SWALLOW 201 00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:16,800 UNLESS THE MAN GAVE TO SOVIET CHARITIES. 202 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,467 I TOLD HER SHE WAS AN EXTORTIONIST 203 00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,800 AND THAT I LOVED SUCKING COCK. 204 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,266 (inhales deeply) 205 00:09:24,266 --> 00:09:26,367 THAT'S GOOD FUCKING WEED. 206 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:28,500 THEY SAY THE MEASURE OF A FIRST-CLASS MIND 207 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:31,100 IS THE ABILITY TO ENTERTAIN TWO OPPOSING THOUGHTS 208 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,767 AT THE SAME TIME. 209 00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:34,467 I THINK THE MEASURE OF A FIRST-CLASS MIND 210 00:09:34,467 --> 00:09:37,600 IS KNOWING WHEN TO TELL SOMEONE TO KISS YOUR ASS. 211 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,567 PEOPLE NEVER ARGUE ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE ARGUING ABOUT. 212 00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:42,400 IT'S ALL JUST SYMBOLIC. 213 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,867 I SAY CUT TO THE CHASE, SWALLOW, AND GET ON WITH IT. 214 00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:52,700 GOD, I'M GONNA BE LATE. 215 00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:53,867 MM, YOU DIDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT. 216 00:09:53,867 --> 00:09:55,667 I COULD HEAR YOU TOSSING AND TURNING. 217 00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:57,500 YOU SMELL LIKE THE VELD. 218 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,800 WE FUCKED AT A ZOO. I'VE GOTTA GO. 219 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,700 A ZOO? OKAY, GIVE ME SOME MORE DETAILS HERE 220 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,166 SO I CAN BURN OFF MY ANTIDEPRESSANTS. 221 00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:06,533 IT'S A KISSING PROBLEM. OKAY? YOU HAPPIER NOW? 222 00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:08,633 HE ACCUSED YOU OF THAT? 223 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,433 I MEAN, THAT'S TOTALLY INSENSITIVE. NO, I ACCUSED HIM. 224 00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:11,700 YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY HE KISSES? 225 00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:13,166 (sighs) 226 00:10:13,166 --> 00:10:14,533 YOU HAVE NO FUTURE. 227 00:10:14,533 --> 00:10:17,533 IS IT LIKE HE'S LICKING STAMPS? 228 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:20,900 (chuckles) NO. HE'S GOT SOME TECHNIQUE, SOME SUBTLETY. 229 00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,433 I TOLD HIM IT'S THE LIP ALIGNMENT PROBLEM. 230 00:10:23,433 --> 00:10:26,300 WHICH WAS BULLSHIT. TOTAL. 231 00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:28,600 HMM. SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU'RE KISSING HIM 232 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,500 BETTER THAN HE'S KISSING YOU. 233 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,500 YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. 234 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:37,300 SOMETIMES THE PERSON WHO FEELS MOST HOLDS BACK MOST. 235 00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:41,166 HE'S A LAWYER. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE FEELS. 236 00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,266 HIS LIPS DO. 237 00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:48,900 (sighs) 238 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,400 IT'S TRUE. (door squeaks) 239 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,166 (horn blares) 240 00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:57,200 IT IS MY ABSOLUTE CONVICTION THAT IF WE ARE GOING TO... 241 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,467 (inhales sharply) MOUNT... 242 00:10:58,467 --> 00:10:59,800 DON'T SAY "MOUNT." 243 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,467 A PROPER DEFENSE FOR ALANA-- 244 00:11:01,467 --> 00:11:04,533 WHO IS THE FUTURE OF REALLY SUGGESTIVE UNDERWEAR 245 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,500 IN AMERICA-- HEREINAFTER REFERRED TO 246 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,834 AS "SILKY WHACKOFFIA" 247 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,834 AND ASSURE HER A COURTROOM VICTORY-- 248 00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:12,667 AT WHICH TIME SHE WILL BECOME A BILLIONAIRE 249 00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:14,667 AND MY THIRD WIFE-- 250 00:11:14,667 --> 00:11:16,166 YOU NEED TO HAVE A MORE INTIMATE UNDERSTANDING 251 00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:17,567 OF HER PRODUCT LINE. 252 00:11:17,567 --> 00:11:20,133 BLAH, BLAH. YOU JUST LIKE TOUCHING THAT STUFF. 253 00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:23,233 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? YOU'RE SO PISSY THIS MORNING. 254 00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:24,633 HMM, TROUBLE IN COPLAND? 255 00:11:24,633 --> 00:11:26,500 SHE IS SEXY, BY THE WAY. 256 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:29,633 SHE INTO THREESOMES-- HER, ME, THE SQUIRTER? 257 00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:31,433 I'LL BRING MY OWN TOP. 258 00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:35,367 YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S INTO? HURTING MY FEELINGS. 259 00:11:35,367 --> 00:11:36,667 SHE TOLD ME I KISSED BAD. 260 00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,133 REALLY? 261 00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:39,433 NO ONE EVER SAID THAT TO ME BEFORE. 262 00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:40,767 HMM. 263 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,266 IT'S OVER BETWEEN US. 264 00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,200 BAD KISSING IS THE KISS OF DEATH. 265 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,734 (clears throat) WHAT'S YOUR, UM... STYLE? 266 00:11:47,734 --> 00:11:49,600 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 267 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,333 YOUR KISSING STYLE. SHOW ME. 268 00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:53,834 I'VE KISSED A FEW WOMEN. I'M OBJECTIVE. 269 00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:56,333 (laughs) 270 00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:57,834 I'M NOT GONNA KISS YOU. 271 00:11:57,834 --> 00:12:00,834 OH, COME ON, MICHAEL. THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. 272 00:12:00,834 --> 00:12:03,734 I-I DON'T DERIVE ANY EROTIC PLEASURE FROM IT. 273 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,266 ALL RIGHT, TAKE CHARGE. 274 00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:14,166 (clears throat) 275 00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,166 (sighs) 276 00:12:16,166 --> 00:12:18,300 DO YOU, UH, TILT LEFT OR RIGHT? 277 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,600 RIGHT. 278 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,567 LOVELY. OH, VERY NICE COLOGNE, BY THE WAY. 279 00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:22,900 THANK YOU. TONGUE? 280 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:25,633 NOT RIGHT NOW. UNDERSTOOD. MY LIPS ARE YOURS. 281 00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:31,333 HMM. ONE MORE GO. NEED MORE DATA. 282 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,767 (clears throat) 283 00:12:34,166 --> 00:12:35,533 MM-HMM. 284 00:12:35,533 --> 00:12:38,600 MM-HMM. MM, MM, MM. 285 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,700 (clears throat) IT WAS GOOD. 286 00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:43,266 BUT NOT GREAT. 287 00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:45,266 NO, I FEEL FULFILLED. 288 00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:46,700 YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING THAT? 289 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,333 NOW THAT WE'VE KISSED, MAYBE YOU'RE... 290 00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:49,734 AFRAID TO HURT MY FEELINGS? 291 00:12:49,734 --> 00:12:52,266 NO, I THINK YOU'RE A VERY GOOD KISSER, MICHAEL. 292 00:12:52,266 --> 00:12:57,200 HOWEVER, I DO HAVE ONE TIP. IF I MAY. 293 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,800 (clears throat) YEAH. 294 00:13:08,934 --> 00:13:10,533 (sighs) 295 00:13:10,533 --> 00:13:12,266 AHH. 296 00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:14,667 (sniffs, clears throat) 297 00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,400 THAT WAS... THAT WAS NICE. 298 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,834 MM. WHAT WAS THAT--WHAT WAS THAT THING YOU WERE DOING? 299 00:13:17,834 --> 00:13:19,266 SUCTION. 300 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:20,467 SUCTION? 301 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,233 SUCTION. 302 00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:23,633 (pats arm) 303 00:13:23,633 --> 00:13:25,900 IT'S YOUR FRIEND. 304 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:29,200 (cell phone rings) 305 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,867 (ring) 306 00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:34,734 (ring) 307 00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:38,400 (dog barking in distance) 308 00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:46,633 (chuckles) RELAX. I'M UNARMED. 309 00:13:51,867 --> 00:13:55,500 NICE PLACE. 310 00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:58,333 WHATEVER LOOKS GOOD IS MY SISTER'S IDEA. 311 00:13:58,333 --> 00:14:00,400 SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE TASTE. 312 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,834 YOU SAYING YOU DON'T HAVE TASTE? 313 00:14:02,834 --> 00:14:05,934 MM. I'M THE GIRL WITH A GUN. 314 00:14:05,934 --> 00:14:08,600 TASTE ISN'T MY... STRENGTH. 315 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,300 WHAT IS? 316 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:11,934 GOING TOO FAR. 317 00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,367 LOOK... 318 00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:21,467 I INVITED YOU HERE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU... 319 00:14:21,467 --> 00:14:22,800 AND YOUR LIPS... 320 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,500 AND MAYBE LATER, YOUR COCK. 321 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,734 WHAT IS IT? DO I SCARE YOU? 322 00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:32,567 A LITTLE. 323 00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:37,367 I FEEL LIKE YOU SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME. 324 00:14:37,367 --> 00:14:39,600 I JUST HAVE INTENSE EYE CONTACT. 325 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,834 YOU HAVE INTENSE... EVERYTHING. 326 00:14:41,834 --> 00:14:45,767 I'M TRYING TO WORK ON THAT. 327 00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:47,467 UM... 328 00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,467 I... (chuckles) 329 00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:52,600 I LIED TO YOU THE OTHER NIGHT... 330 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,834 WHAT I SAID ABOUT YOUR LIPS. 331 00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:56,500 WHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, I... 332 00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,367 REALIZED MAYBE IT WAS ME. 333 00:14:58,367 --> 00:14:59,734 (knock on door) 334 00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:02,567 COME IN, RITA. 335 00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:05,667 I'M NOT TOO EARLY, AM I? 336 00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:06,867 YOU MUST BE MICHAEL. 337 00:15:06,867 --> 00:15:08,333 (door closes) 338 00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:11,700 I'M RITA. 339 00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,233 WHAT'S GOING ON? 340 00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:16,467 RITA'S AN OLD FRIEND. 341 00:15:16,467 --> 00:15:19,433 I INVITED HERE TO GIVE US SOME PERSPECTIVE. 342 00:15:19,433 --> 00:15:21,266 YOU KNOW, LIKE I SAID, 343 00:15:21,266 --> 00:15:23,300 MAYBE IT WAS ME. 344 00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:23,734 (all grunting) 345 00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:36,867 OHH! 346 00:16:36,867 --> 00:16:39,834 (moaning) 347 00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:47,767 (all grunting) 348 00:17:20,467 --> 00:17:23,266 I STILL REMEMBER THE EXACT MOMENT THAT I MET VIC 349 00:17:23,266 --> 00:17:24,700 AT THE AUTO SHOW. 350 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:27,433 I WAS GESTURING AT THE NEW LEXUS. 351 00:17:27,433 --> 00:17:29,266 NO. 352 00:17:29,266 --> 00:17:30,800 THAT WAS IT. 353 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,800 AND HE WALKS PAST IN HIS SEXY FLIGHT JACKET, 354 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,400 AND HE LOOKS JUST LIKE VAL KILMER OUT OF "TOP GUN," 355 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:41,400 AND HE SEES ME AND HE SAYS, "I THINK I LOVE YOU." 356 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,200 AND THEN HE KISSES ME. 357 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,233 AND I KISS HIM BACK. 358 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:51,133 AND THEN I THINK, OH, GOD, CHANTAL, WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? 359 00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:57,433 AND THEN I THOUGHT, DON'T STOP, BECAUSE THIS IS THE REAL THING. 360 00:17:57,433 --> 00:17:59,533 YOU KNOW WHY? 361 00:17:59,533 --> 00:18:00,834 YOU CAN TELL IF IT'S THE REAL THING 362 00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:03,567 BY THE WAY A MAN KISSES YOU, 363 00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:05,867 AND I WAS SO RIGHT. 364 00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:09,133 THAT'S REAL LOVE... 365 00:18:09,133 --> 00:18:14,266 AND VACATIONS AND EATING OUT AT FABULOUS RESTAURANTS AND... 366 00:18:14,266 --> 00:18:17,500 JEWELRY... AND... (giggles) 367 00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:20,300 IT DOESN'T HURT THAT VIC'S HUNG LIKE KING KONG. 368 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,633 (giggles) 369 00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:25,166 WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE BETTER, 370 00:18:25,166 --> 00:18:27,767 COUNTRY CLUB "A" OR COUNTRY CLUB "B"? 371 00:18:27,767 --> 00:18:29,533 WHICHEVER ONE ADMITS JEWS. 372 00:18:29,533 --> 00:18:33,100 I'M SERIOUS. STOP BEING SO CAVALIER AND SNARKY. 373 00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:35,500 I WAS BEING UNCARING AND IRONIC. 374 00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:38,166 COME ON. I NEED A LOCATION FOR PEMMIE'S SURPRISE PARTY. 375 00:18:38,166 --> 00:18:41,367 PEMMIE. WHO NAMES A KID PEMBURG? 376 00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:43,467 PEMBURG IS A FAMILY NAME. 377 00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:45,100 WE WERE ON THE "MAYFLOWER." 378 00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:46,633 DID YOU HAVE SLAVES? 379 00:18:46,633 --> 00:18:48,867 ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME OR NOT? 380 00:18:48,867 --> 00:18:50,767 THAT ONE. REALLY? 381 00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:52,600 THE OTHER ONE. WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? 382 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,567 IT'S A GODDAMN COUNTRY CLUB-- LOT OF WHITE-HAIRED GUYS 383 00:18:55,567 --> 00:19:00,400 WALKING AROUND IN PLAID PANTS AND BOW TIES. 384 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,633 WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU, MICHAEL? 385 00:19:02,633 --> 00:19:06,400 YOU ARE LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON SINCE THAT ACCIDENT. 386 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:10,133 I'M THAT CLOSE TO DEATH, ALL BETS ARE OFF. 387 00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:12,867 IS THAT WHAT WE ARE-- A BET? 388 00:19:12,867 --> 00:19:17,300 (chuckles) BECAUSE IF THAT'S WHAT WE ARE... 389 00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:19,266 ♪ 390 00:19:19,266 --> 00:19:21,200 WE'RE WINNING. 391 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,166 JUST REMEMBER, THERE'S NOTHING THAT YOU CAN'T TELL ME. 392 00:19:25,166 --> 00:19:26,800 WE'RE ENGAGED. 393 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,300 (man) ♪ SHE TURNED AROUND ♪ 394 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:35,467 ♪ AND I WAS HYPNOTIZED ♪ 395 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,166 MICHAEL, THEY'RE PLAYING OUR SONG. 396 00:19:37,166 --> 00:19:38,500 OH, YEAH. 397 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,333 ♪ I WAS LOST... ♪ 398 00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:41,867 DANCE WITH ME. 399 00:19:41,867 --> 00:19:44,834 COME ON. RIGHT HERE IN THE STREET. LET'S DO IT. 400 00:19:44,834 --> 00:19:46,400 (laughs) 401 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,133 (giggles) 402 00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:49,734 OH, WE ARE INSANE. 403 00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:53,467 ♪ TO ME ♪ 404 00:19:53,467 --> 00:19:57,266 (both grunting, animals roaring and screeching) 405 00:19:57,266 --> 00:20:00,600 ♪ ...ETERNITY ♪ 406 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,834 PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS. 407 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,133 YEAH, LOOKS LIKE OUR MAN. LET'S GRAB HIM. 408 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,567 THAT'S NO FUN. LET'S JUST CHASE HIM A LITTLE. 409 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,166 COME ON. 410 00:20:22,166 --> 00:20:24,433 NO. NO. I KNOW THAT LOOK. OH, YOU'RE ON EDGE. 411 00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:26,767 PROMISE ME YOU'RE NOT GONNA GO ALL CHARLIE SHEEN AGAIN. 412 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,667 LAST THING YOU NEED IS ANOTHER SUSPENSION. 413 00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:30,467 I'M JUST MESSING WITH YA. 414 00:20:30,467 --> 00:20:31,834 COME ON. GIVE ME A LITTLE CREDIT. 415 00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,500 I CAN'T, ESPECIALLY WHEN 416 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,266 YOUR BOYFRIEND HASN'T CALLED YOU IN THREE DAYS. 417 00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:37,200 I HAVEN'T CALLED HIM EITHER, 418 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,567 AND HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND. HE'S JUST A RANDOM CITIZEN. 419 00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,867 REALLY? I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE HOT AND HEAVY. 420 00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,400 NO BIG DEAL. 421 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,934 MM-HMM, FLASH HIM. 422 00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:49,400 (siren wails) 423 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,333 (brakes squeal) 424 00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:53,533 BE RIGHT BACK. 425 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,300 AAH! AAH! 426 00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:03,633 AFTERNOON, MOTHERFUCKER, 427 00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:05,400 AND WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF LAW-ABIDING CITIZENS. 428 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,867 WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, OFFICER? (handcuffs clicking) 429 00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:08,300 LITTLE THING WE LIKE TO CALL BREAKING AND ENTERING. 430 00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,500 WHAT?! YEAH. 431 00:21:15,533 --> 00:21:16,767 COMFY BACK THERE? 432 00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:18,433 VERY NICE, THANK YOU. 433 00:21:18,433 --> 00:21:21,567 LOOK, MAYBE YOU GUYS ARE JUST TOO MUCH ALIKE. 434 00:21:21,567 --> 00:21:23,266 I MEAN, THE LAST PERSON YOU WANNA GET IN THE RING WITH 435 00:21:23,266 --> 00:21:24,734 IS YOURSELF, RIGHT? 436 00:21:24,734 --> 00:21:27,200 REALLY? IS THAT YOUR PSYCHOLOGY DEGREE 437 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,600 HANGING OVER THE REARVIEW, PRESTON? 438 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,300 (laughs) 439 00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:32,533 MADAME, I AM AN ACUTE OBSERVER OF THE HUMAN CONDITION, 440 00:21:32,533 --> 00:21:34,367 ESPECIALLY YOURS. 441 00:21:34,367 --> 00:21:37,867 ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT YOU, LIZ--NOTHING YOU CAN'T SOLVE. 442 00:21:37,867 --> 00:21:41,400 UP UNTIL NOW. 443 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,900 THIS GUY REALLY GOT TO YOU. 444 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:45,166 AS MUCH AS I GOT TO HIM. 445 00:21:45,166 --> 00:21:48,367 ANYWAY, THERE'S OTHER FISH IN THE SEA. 446 00:21:48,367 --> 00:21:50,867 OH, I BEG TO DIFFER. SHUT UP BACK THERE. 447 00:21:50,867 --> 00:21:52,767 HEY, PELON, I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 448 00:21:52,767 --> 00:21:54,934 LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU SHOULD WRITE THIS DOWN, SWEETHEART. 449 00:21:54,934 --> 00:21:56,433 YOU'RE FAR TOO PRETTY. 450 00:21:56,433 --> 00:22:00,166 LISTEN TO ME. I DON'T GIVE A MAD FUCK 451 00:22:00,166 --> 00:22:02,500 WHAT KIND OF POLE OR BAIT YOU USE, 452 00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:04,667 IF YOU'RE POOR OR IF YOU'RE RICH. 453 00:22:04,667 --> 00:22:07,300 YOU'RE GONNA CATCH THE FISH YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CATCH. 454 00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:11,400 ¿ME ENTIENDES? 455 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,700 OH, LOAD NUMBER FIVE. 456 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:19,433 OH, WHY MUST I ALWAYS GO FOR THE FREAKY CHICKS? 457 00:22:19,433 --> 00:22:23,567 (woman) LUTHER! THE STRAPS ARE TOO TIGHT. 458 00:22:23,567 --> 00:22:27,567 LOAD NUMBER SIX. 459 00:22:27,567 --> 00:22:30,800 (dog barking in distance) 460 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,367 MICHAEL? 461 00:24:13,467 --> 00:24:14,800 KISS ME. 462 00:24:16,734 --> 00:24:18,734 I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY I KISS. 463 00:24:18,734 --> 00:24:23,233 IT'S NOT THAT. IT'S JUST, I WASN'T SURE YOU MEANT IT. 464 00:24:23,233 --> 00:24:25,166 I DIDN'T REALIZE IT MATTERED TO YOU. 465 00:24:25,166 --> 00:24:26,567 I DIDN'T EITHER. 466 00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:38,400 MMM. 467 00:24:57,867 --> 00:25:18,600 ♪