1 00:00:13,161 --> 00:00:15,401 - ♪ 00/7, you make me live... ♪ 2 00:00:17,201 --> 00:00:19,241 - ♪ Whenever this world is cruel to me... ♪ 3 00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:23,761 ♪ .I' got you to help me forgive... ♪ 4 00:00:23,881 --> 00:00:26,681 Operator: Please hang up and try your call again. 5 00:00:26,801 --> 00:00:30,001 ♪ You make me live now, honey 6 00:00:30,121 --> 00:00:33,161 ♪ ooh, you make me live 7 00:00:33,281 --> 00:00:35,001 ♪ oh, you're the... ♪ 8 00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:37,361 Are you the owner of this establishment? 9 00:00:37,481 --> 00:00:39,481 Do I look like I run a bookshop?! 10 00:00:39,601 --> 00:00:41,481 Hey! You can't go in there! 11 00:00:41,601 --> 00:00:44,521 ♪ ...['11 never be lonely you're my only one 12 00:00:44,641 --> 00:00:45,937 shop radio: ♪ana'_l'love the things... ♪ 13 00:00:45,961 --> 00:00:47,761 Aziraphale! 14 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,201 - ♪ [Really love things that you do... ♪ - Aziraphale, 15 00:00:50,321 --> 00:00:52,801 where the heaven are you, you idiot? I can't find you! 16 00:00:52,921 --> 00:00:55,681 Aziraphale, for god's... 17 00:00:55,801 --> 00:00:57,761 For Satan's... argh! 18 00:00:57,881 --> 00:01:00,121 For somebody's sake, where are you?! 19 00:01:09,761 --> 00:01:11,041 You've gone. 20 00:01:11,161 --> 00:01:13,161 Somebody killed my best friend! 21 00:01:14,521 --> 00:01:16,281 Shrieks: Bastards! 22 00:01:17,561 --> 00:01:19,641 All of you! 23 00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,121 Adam: It's a bad world, but we can fix it. 24 00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:38,641 And it doesn't matter that you three aren't my friends any more. 25 00:01:38,761 --> 00:01:40,921 I've got better friends than you'll everbe. 26 00:01:43,721 --> 00:01:45,321 My new friends will be together soon. 27 00:01:45,441 --> 00:01:49,321 They're coming here, and then we make everything better. 28 00:03:19,681 --> 00:03:24,201 Voice of god: Crowley had lostaziraphale, and the world was ending in a few hours. 29 00:03:24,321 --> 00:03:26,561 He was in hell's bad books... 30 00:03:26,681 --> 00:03:28,401 Not that hell has any other kind. 31 00:03:28,521 --> 00:03:29,841 ♪ Queen: Somebody to love 32 00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:32,961 ♪ find me somebody 33 00:03:33,081 --> 00:03:36,161 ♪ to love... ♪ 34 00:03:36,281 --> 00:03:39,841 ♪ Find me somebody 35 00:03:39,961 --> 00:03:43,441 - ♪ to love - ♪ find me somebody... ♪ 36 00:03:43,561 --> 00:03:45,921 I shouldn't litter, should I? 37 00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:48,601 I mean, I probably should litter. I'm a demon, after all. 38 00:03:48,721 --> 00:03:51,281 But nobody's really keeping score any more. 39 00:03:51,401 --> 00:03:54,681 ♪ Somebody to... ♪ 40 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,721 - ♪ Love, find me - ♪ somebody to love 41 00:03:57,841 --> 00:04:00,681 ♪ somebody to... ♪ 42 00:04:00,801 --> 00:04:06,281 ♪ ...Love, find me somebody 43 00:04:06,401 --> 00:04:09,161 ♪ find me somebody to love 44 00:04:09,281 --> 00:04:10,841 - ♪anybody, anywhere - ♪ find me 45 00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:14,321 - ♪ anybody find me somebody to love - ♪ somebody to 46 00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:19,081 ♪ find me, find, find... ♪ 47 00:04:38,921 --> 00:04:40,281 Mr shadwell? 48 00:04:41,441 --> 00:04:43,121 Oh, what on earth happened? 49 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,961 What would you say if I told you 50 00:04:45,081 --> 00:04:47,361 that this hand had just exorcised a demon 51 00:04:47,481 --> 00:04:49,721 clean off the surface of the earth? 52 00:04:50,881 --> 00:04:56,121 I'd say somebody needs to come inside and have a nice cup of tea. 53 00:04:56,241 --> 00:04:58,401 But young newt, he's still out there. 54 00:04:58,521 --> 00:04:59,521 Aww. 55 00:04:59,561 --> 00:05:02,121 In thrall to heathen ways 56 00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:04,961 and lubricious occult wiles. 57 00:05:05,081 --> 00:05:06,881 There could be women there! 58 00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:09,841 Oh, well... 59 00:05:09,881 --> 00:05:13,041 Now, you can't be in here, because mrs ormerod 60 00:05:13,161 --> 00:05:15,121 and such will be arriving any minute. 61 00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:19,121 Why don't you come in here and have a nice lie-down? 62 00:05:19,241 --> 00:05:22,921 You're no use to young newt 63 00:05:23,041 --> 00:05:24,241 in this state. 64 00:05:27,041 --> 00:05:28,641 A bit of a lie-down. 65 00:05:45,441 --> 00:05:47,081 Nobody's ever done what I've done. 66 00:05:48,241 --> 00:05:50,281 Not Hopkins, not siftings... 67 00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:52,241 Not dalrymple. 68 00:05:53,761 --> 00:05:55,081 I'm the ultimate weapon. 69 00:05:56,561 --> 00:05:58,681 I'm the doomsday option. 70 00:06:10,361 --> 00:06:13,121 What kind of a place is this? 71 00:06:23,481 --> 00:06:26,081 - You! You're late. - Yes! 72 00:06:30,921 --> 00:06:32,601 Actually, I... ooh. 73 00:06:32,721 --> 00:06:34,881 I-I didn't mean... 74 00:06:35,001 --> 00:06:37,761 To be here, um, yet. 75 00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:41,281 Still... sorting things out... 76 00:06:42,641 --> 00:06:44,641 - On earth. - Aziraphale, isn't it? 77 00:06:44,761 --> 00:06:47,161 Principality, angel of the eastern gate. 78 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,401 Your whole platoon is waiting for you. 79 00:06:49,521 --> 00:06:51,281 Aziraphale... 80 00:06:51,401 --> 00:06:54,481 Aziraphale... why's that name so familiar? 81 00:06:56,321 --> 00:06:57,521 Hang on. 82 00:06:57,641 --> 00:07:01,081 - Aziraphale. You were issued with... - A flaming sword, I know. 83 00:07:01,201 --> 00:07:02,441 It's not my fault. 84 00:07:02,561 --> 00:07:05,121 She was having a verybad day. 85 00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:07,641 You were issued with a body! Where is it? 86 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:16,841 I-i-I'm afraid I hadn't actually prepared 87 00:07:16,961 --> 00:07:19,201 to step into the transportation portal, you see. 88 00:07:19,321 --> 00:07:22,721 And the body... discorporated. 89 00:07:22,841 --> 00:07:24,281 Discorporated? 90 00:07:24,401 --> 00:07:26,201 It was 6,000 years old. 91 00:07:27,721 --> 00:07:31,001 I count them all out, and I count them all in again. 92 00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:35,121 And then you turn up, late for armageddon, 93 00:07:35,241 --> 00:07:36,641 no flaming sword, 94 00:07:36,761 --> 00:07:40,361 not even a body, you pathetic excuse for an angel! 95 00:07:41,881 --> 00:07:43,721 Well, I suppose I am, really. 96 00:07:44,761 --> 00:07:45,961 I mean... 97 00:07:46,081 --> 00:07:49,721 I have no intention of fighting in any war. 98 00:07:49,841 --> 00:07:52,281 Don't be a coward! 99 00:07:53,521 --> 00:07:55,521 You get into position right now, 100 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,881 and I won't say anything more about the body you discorporated. 101 00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:01,841 We can take the sword out of your celestial wages. 102 00:08:01,961 --> 00:08:03,881 I was in the middle of something important. 103 00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:06,161 I demand to be returned. 104 00:08:06,281 --> 00:08:08,881 Without a body? That's ridiculous. 105 00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,921 - It is? - Obviously. 106 00:08:14,041 --> 00:08:15,817 What are you going to do? You can't possess them. 107 00:08:15,841 --> 00:08:17,401 Demons can. 108 00:08:17,521 --> 00:08:20,481 You're not a demon. You're an angel. 109 00:08:23,401 --> 00:08:26,241 What are you...? Where are you going? 110 00:08:29,401 --> 00:08:31,361 How does one navigate? 111 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,241 - Oh, well. - Quartermaster: Get away from that thing! 112 00:08:36,361 --> 00:08:37,761 I'll figure it out... 113 00:08:39,241 --> 00:08:40,361 As I go. 114 00:08:47,641 --> 00:08:49,041 What are you lot looking at?! 115 00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:52,161 Don't you know there's a war on?! 116 00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:55,241 My friends are on their way, and then there'll be a world just for us. 117 00:08:55,361 --> 00:08:58,001 We'll get rid of everything stupid and start all over again. 118 00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,521 Won't that be awesome? 119 00:08:59,641 --> 00:09:02,441 Say something. 120 00:09:02,561 --> 00:09:04,041 You have to say something. 121 00:09:04,161 --> 00:09:06,561 I'm telling you to say something! 122 00:09:06,681 --> 00:09:09,361 Stop it. Stop crying. This is fun. 123 00:09:09,481 --> 00:09:12,201 We're having fun. This is the best day of all. 124 00:09:13,881 --> 00:09:15,121 You have to smile! 125 00:09:15,241 --> 00:09:16,721 I can make it happen. 126 00:09:16,841 --> 00:09:19,681 Echoing: Smile! Smile! 127 00:09:29,041 --> 00:09:30,401 That was... 128 00:09:31,761 --> 00:09:33,201 I mean... 129 00:09:33,321 --> 00:09:34,801 That was... 130 00:09:34,921 --> 00:09:37,121 You know I've never actually, er... 131 00:09:38,641 --> 00:09:40,201 That was my first time. 132 00:09:41,841 --> 00:09:43,241 I'd never have known. 133 00:09:44,961 --> 00:09:47,841 Well... seeing as the world's ending, 134 00:09:47,961 --> 00:09:50,721 - can we do it again? - We don't have time. 135 00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,521 And Agnes only said we did it once. 136 00:09:53,641 --> 00:09:56,241 She never. She bloody... 137 00:09:56,361 --> 00:09:58,201 She can't have predicted that 138 00:10:04,161 --> 00:10:06,441 "You go, boy. May fortune be with you." 139 00:10:07,721 --> 00:10:09,961 "Anathema, my descendant, 140 00:10:10,081 --> 00:10:12,201 "I trust he will be fine of feature and mighty of..." 141 00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:14,241 Oh, my dear lord. 142 00:10:14,361 --> 00:10:15,441 Get dressed. 143 00:10:18,721 --> 00:10:21,041 So, we find this Adam and then we... 144 00:10:22,841 --> 00:10:24,441 - Stop him? - Mmm... 145 00:10:24,561 --> 00:10:26,161 I'm not sure any more. 146 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:30,241 Agnes doesn't tell us to. 147 00:10:31,601 --> 00:10:34,161 Because if there's a card with instructions, I don't know 148 00:10:34,281 --> 00:10:35,761 - which one it is. - What do you mean, 149 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,281 "Agnes doesn't tell us to"? 150 00:10:37,401 --> 00:10:39,241 Don't you everjust... Do things for yourself? 151 00:10:39,361 --> 00:10:40,761 See how they turn out? 152 00:10:41,921 --> 00:10:43,761 No, not important things. 153 00:10:43,881 --> 00:10:47,161 And we have maybe an hour or so to go until there's nothing anybody can do. 154 00:10:47,281 --> 00:10:48,961 I'm not going to waste a second of it, 155 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:51,441 - so come on. - You can't let a 400-year-old witch 156 00:10:51,561 --> 00:10:53,121 tell you what to do. 157 00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:56,761 I've spent my whole life trying to figure out 158 00:10:56,881 --> 00:10:58,641 what Agnes wanted me to do. 159 00:10:58,761 --> 00:11:00,161 And she's never failed me. 160 00:11:00,281 --> 00:11:02,481 Sometimes I fail her. 161 00:11:03,681 --> 00:11:05,201 Same again. 162 00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:16,241 Slurring: I never asked to be a demon. 163 00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:20,921 I was just minding my own business one day and then... 164 00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:24,641 "Oh, looky here, it's Lucifer and the guys." 165 00:11:24,761 --> 00:11:28,241 Ok, the food hadn't been that good lately. 166 00:11:28,361 --> 00:11:30,377 I didn't have anything on for rest of that afternoon. 167 00:11:30,401 --> 00:11:35,481 Next thing, I'm doing a million-light-year freestyle dive 168 00:11:35,601 --> 00:11:38,281 into a pool of boiling sulphur. 169 00:11:42,361 --> 00:11:44,921 Aziraphale? 170 00:11:45,041 --> 00:11:47,481 - Are you here? - Good question. Not certain. 171 00:11:47,601 --> 00:11:49,121 Never done this before. 172 00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:53,081 - Can you hear me? - Of course I can hear you. 173 00:11:53,201 --> 00:11:54,921 Afraid I've rather made a mess of things. 174 00:11:56,201 --> 00:11:57,641 Did you go to Alpha centauri? 175 00:11:57,761 --> 00:11:59,561 Nah, changed my mind. 176 00:11:59,681 --> 00:12:01,001 Stuff happened. 177 00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:03,841 I lost my best friend. 178 00:12:06,521 --> 00:12:08,321 I'm so sorry to hear it. 179 00:12:08,441 --> 00:12:11,681 Listen, er, back in my bookshop there's a book I need you to get. 180 00:12:11,801 --> 00:12:16,201 Oh... your bookshop isn't there any more. 181 00:12:16,321 --> 00:12:18,321 - Oh? - I'm really sorry. 182 00:12:18,441 --> 00:12:19,521 It burned down. 183 00:12:23,561 --> 00:12:25,121 All of it? 184 00:12:25,241 --> 00:12:29,241 Stammers: Yeah. What... what was the book? 185 00:12:29,361 --> 00:12:32,801 The one the young lady with the bicycle left behind. 186 00:12:32,921 --> 00:12:35,761 - The nice and accurate prophecies of .. - Agnes nutter! 187 00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:37,441 - Yes, I took it! - You have it? 188 00:12:37,561 --> 00:12:40,201 - Look, souvenir! - Look inside. I made notes. 189 00:12:40,321 --> 00:12:44,601 It's all in there - the boy's name, address. Everything else. 190 00:12:44,721 --> 00:12:47,081 - I worked it all out. - Look, wherever you are, 191 00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:48,257 I'll come to you. Where are you? 192 00:12:48,281 --> 00:12:51,681 I-i-I'm not really anywhere, yet. I've been discorporated. 193 00:12:51,801 --> 00:12:55,241 - Oh. - You need to get to tadfield air base. 194 00:12:55,361 --> 00:12:56,601 Crowley: Why? 195 00:12:56,721 --> 00:12:59,441 World ending. That's where it's all going to happen. 196 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:00,681 Quite soon now. 197 00:13:00,801 --> 00:13:02,921 I'll head there, too. 198 00:13:03,041 --> 00:13:04,961 I just need to find a receptive body. 199 00:13:05,081 --> 00:13:07,481 - Harder than you'd think. - I'm not going to go there. 200 00:13:07,601 --> 00:13:08,921 I do need a body. 201 00:13:09,041 --> 00:13:11,041 Pity I can't inhabit yours. 202 00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:12,921 - Mmm... - Angel, demon... 203 00:13:13,041 --> 00:13:14,401 - Probably explode. - Bleh! 204 00:13:14,521 --> 00:13:15,721 So, I'll meet you at tadfield, 205 00:13:15,841 --> 00:13:17,657 but we're both going to have to get a bit of a wiggle on. 206 00:13:17,681 --> 00:13:20,441 - What? - Tadfield. Air base! 207 00:13:20,561 --> 00:13:22,361 I heard that. It was the "wiggle on". 208 00:13:28,801 --> 00:13:31,321 Enter all seekers after wisdom 209 00:13:31,441 --> 00:13:35,161 only if you are prepared to part the veil 210 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,841 and receive wisdom from those who have gone before. 211 00:13:37,961 --> 00:13:42,681 We are here to receive your wisdom, madame Tracy. 212 00:13:42,801 --> 00:13:44,481 Oh! 213 00:13:44,601 --> 00:13:45,921 Very good weather for a séance. 214 00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:49,921 Did you have them do it special, the weather, with your psychicness? 215 00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:51,361 No, clear. 216 00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,361 They're waiting for us. 217 00:13:57,481 --> 00:13:59,041 Our Ron and the spirits, 218 00:13:59,161 --> 00:14:01,681 - they're waiting. - And we are looking forward 219 00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:03,521 to hearing what they are going to 220 00:14:03,641 --> 00:14:06,681 say to us... after we've made our donations. 221 00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:12,721 Voice of god: Aziraphale had to find a host to inhabit 222 00:14:12,841 --> 00:14:16,441 and the four horsemen needed to come together for their final ride. 223 00:14:21,481 --> 00:14:23,281 Purpose of your visit to the UK? 224 00:14:23,401 --> 00:14:25,361 I ride to where the end of the world begins. 225 00:14:25,481 --> 00:14:27,601 Sounds like fun. 226 00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:40,401 Four cups of tea, please. One of them black. 227 00:14:40,521 --> 00:14:43,201 And a cheese sandwich. 228 00:14:43,321 --> 00:14:45,241 You take a seat and I'll bring it over for you. 229 00:14:45,361 --> 00:14:46,721 Four of you, are there? 230 00:14:46,841 --> 00:14:48,201 There will be. 231 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,801 I'm waiting for friends. 232 00:14:49,921 --> 00:14:52,057 You're better off waiting in here. It's hell out there. 233 00:14:52,081 --> 00:14:54,641 No. 234 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,601 Not yet. 235 00:15:09,481 --> 00:15:11,161 War. 236 00:15:11,281 --> 00:15:14,281 - It's been a long time. - Famine. 237 00:15:14,401 --> 00:15:17,841 Feels funny, all of us getting together like this. 238 00:15:17,961 --> 00:15:19,681 Funny? 239 00:15:19,801 --> 00:15:23,561 Mmm. We've spent all these thousands of years waiting for the big day, 240 00:15:23,681 --> 00:15:24,841 and finally it comes. 241 00:15:26,081 --> 00:15:27,457 Famine: We'll have a thunderstorm to ride in. 242 00:15:27,481 --> 00:15:29,441 Any idea how far we've got to ride? 243 00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:30,641 100 miles. 244 00:15:30,761 --> 00:15:33,481 I would have thought it'd be farther, somehow. 245 00:15:33,601 --> 00:15:36,281 It's not the travelling - it's the arriving that matters. 246 00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:38,041 Any sign of him yet? 247 00:15:56,641 --> 00:15:58,321 When did you get here? 248 00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:02,241 I never went away. 249 00:16:04,361 --> 00:16:06,321 Your tea is getting cold, lord. 250 00:16:06,441 --> 00:16:07,841 It's been a long time. 251 00:16:07,961 --> 00:16:09,841 - But now we ride. - Yes. 252 00:16:09,961 --> 00:16:11,441 Now we ride. 253 00:16:15,801 --> 00:16:17,001 - Ooh. 254 00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:21,001 Mrs ormerod: She's going under. Nothing to be alarmed about. 255 00:16:21,121 --> 00:16:24,721 She's just making herself a bridge to the other side. 256 00:16:24,841 --> 00:16:26,281 Her spirit guide will be along soon. 257 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:29,281 Are you there, my spirit guide? 258 00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:33,361 With Irish accent: Ah, begorrah... 259 00:16:33,481 --> 00:16:34,881 'Tis me. 260 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,081 Little Colleen O'Leary. 261 00:16:38,201 --> 00:16:41,801 Colleen died in Dublin in 1746... 262 00:16:41,921 --> 00:16:44,281 When she was nine years old. 263 00:16:44,401 --> 00:16:45,761 But she was very psychic. 264 00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:47,721 Colleen! Hello, dear. 265 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:51,481 Is my Ron with you? I've got so much to tell him. 266 00:16:51,601 --> 00:16:54,161 As Tracy: Ah, Colleen wants to know 267 00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:58,361 if there's anyone named mr scroggie here? 268 00:16:58,481 --> 00:17:01,721 - Actually, that's my name. - Madame Tracy: Yes. 269 00:17:01,841 --> 00:17:06,521 Well, Colleen wants to know if you've ever known anyone named... 270 00:17:07,841 --> 00:17:08,841 "John. 271 00:17:12,321 --> 00:17:13,481 Or it could be Jim. 272 00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:14,881 - Tom? 273 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,521 - Steve? 274 00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:18,921 - N... no. - Dave? 275 00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:20,841 I knew a Dave from hemel hempstead. 276 00:17:20,961 --> 00:17:22,761 Yes! So, you see, that's what he's saying. 277 00:17:22,881 --> 00:17:24,337 He's saying hemel hempstead. He wants you to know 278 00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:27,241 that he's doing very well beyond the veil. 279 00:17:27,361 --> 00:17:30,641 I saw him walking his dog the other day and he looked perfectly healthy. 280 00:17:30,761 --> 00:17:33,841 People go very suddenly. Like my mum. 281 00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:35,521 Your mum can bloody well 282 00:17:35,641 --> 00:17:38,121 wait her turn, Julia petley. 283 00:17:38,241 --> 00:17:40,561 I've been coming here for seven years. I do have seniority. 284 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,881 Now, you tell my Ron... 285 00:17:43,001 --> 00:17:45,001 Ooh! 286 00:17:46,361 --> 00:17:48,761 - Is it our Ron? - No, it's something real! 287 00:18:03,561 --> 00:18:05,481 Aziraphale's voice: Sprechen sie deutsch? 288 00:18:06,681 --> 00:18:08,041 Is that you, Ron? 289 00:18:08,161 --> 00:18:09,841 Ron? 290 00:18:09,961 --> 00:18:12,801 Not Ron. Definitely not. 291 00:18:12,921 --> 00:18:15,121 Well, I want to speak to Ron ormerod. 292 00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:17,481 He's rather short, balding on top. 293 00:18:17,601 --> 00:18:19,601 Can you put me through, please? 294 00:18:19,721 --> 00:18:23,281 Mix of aziraphale and Tracy's voices: Ah, well, there does appear to be a spirit 295 00:18:23,401 --> 00:18:26,281 matching that description trying to attract our attention. 296 00:18:26,401 --> 00:18:30,241 Very well. I will hand you over, but you must be very quick. 297 00:18:30,361 --> 00:18:33,281 I am attempting to avert the apocalypse! 298 00:18:33,401 --> 00:18:35,121 Right. 299 00:18:36,121 --> 00:18:38,401 Man's voice: ♪ moonlight becomes you... ♪ 300 00:18:45,801 --> 00:18:47,721 Ron's voice: Hello, Brenda. 301 00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:50,281 Ron? 302 00:18:52,081 --> 00:18:53,401 What... 303 00:18:53,521 --> 00:18:55,201 You sound like... 304 00:18:55,321 --> 00:18:56,561 You. 305 00:18:56,681 --> 00:18:58,801 I am me, Brenda. 306 00:18:58,921 --> 00:19:02,281 It's c-c-c-c-cold here. 307 00:19:02,401 --> 00:19:05,841 Right, so, I went to our Krystal's wedding last weekend - 308 00:19:05,961 --> 00:19:07,681 that's our Tracy's eldest - 309 00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:09,841 and they start serving Korean food! 310 00:19:09,961 --> 00:19:11,201 Well, I can take a joke 311 00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:13,681 - as well as the next woman. - Brenda! 312 00:19:13,801 --> 00:19:14,937 I'm just getting to the good bit. 313 00:19:14,961 --> 00:19:17,721 So, I hold up the kimchi 314 00:19:17,841 --> 00:19:20,361 and I say, "what you expect me to do with this, then?" 315 00:19:20,481 --> 00:19:22,857 Whereupon, without even the grace 316 00:19:22,881 --> 00:19:25,841 - to look ashamed... - Yells: Brenda! 317 00:19:25,961 --> 00:19:27,201 Yes, Ron? 318 00:19:27,321 --> 00:19:31,401 Y-Y-You never g-gave me a chance 319 00:19:31,521 --> 00:19:34,881 to get a word in edgeways when we were married. 320 00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:36,601 And now I'm dead... 321 00:19:36,721 --> 00:19:41,441 Oh! ...There's only one thing I want to tell you. 322 00:19:41,561 --> 00:19:43,441 You've never spoken to me like this before. 323 00:19:43,561 --> 00:19:46,041 Ron, remember your heart condition! 324 00:19:46,161 --> 00:19:48,921 I don't have a heart any more! 325 00:19:51,681 --> 00:19:53,881 - And, Brenda? - Yes, Ron? 326 00:19:55,641 --> 00:20:00,761 Shut up! 327 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,961 Aziraphale's voice: Wasn't that touching? 328 00:20:26,161 --> 00:20:28,161 Right, well, er, lovely to meet you all. 329 00:20:29,481 --> 00:20:31,441 Tracy's voice: Out. 330 00:20:31,561 --> 00:20:33,041 Show's over. 331 00:20:33,161 --> 00:20:36,001 Aziraphale's voice: World to save. Can't lollygag. 332 00:20:36,121 --> 00:20:38,041 Well, that's very good value. Very entertaining. 333 00:20:38,161 --> 00:20:39,561 Tracy's voice: Glad you enjoyed it. 334 00:21:06,841 --> 00:21:08,297 Voice of god: Crowley is currently stuck 335 00:21:08,321 --> 00:21:11,761 in a traffic jam as he tries to get out of London to find Adam. 336 00:21:11,881 --> 00:21:15,241 Radio: And it's official. This is the biggest traffic jam in england's history. 337 00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:16,881 Why?! 338 00:21:17,001 --> 00:21:20,681 Satan: What you did to the m25 was a stroke of demonic genius, darling. 339 00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:23,401 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no... 340 00:21:23,521 --> 00:21:27,241 Voice of god: The traffic jam is being caused by problems on the m25, 341 00:21:27,361 --> 00:21:29,281 the freeway that circles London. 342 00:21:29,401 --> 00:21:32,601 Crowley had a lot to do with the design of the m25 343 00:21:32,721 --> 00:21:33,921 back in the 79705. 344 00:21:34,041 --> 00:21:38,441 Crowley: So, thanks to three computer hacks, 345 00:21:38,561 --> 00:21:39,921 selected bribery, 346 00:21:40,041 --> 00:21:42,681 and me moving some markers across a field one night, 347 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:45,441 the m25 London orbital motorway, 348 00:21:45,561 --> 00:21:47,681 which was supposed to look like this... 349 00:21:47,801 --> 00:21:51,521 Will, when it opens in 1986, 350 00:21:51,641 --> 00:21:54,401 actually look like this, 351 00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:56,961 and represent the dread sigil odegra 352 00:21:57,081 --> 00:21:59,761 in the language of the dark priesthood of ancient mu. 353 00:21:59,881 --> 00:22:03,401 "Odegra" means, "hail the great beast, devourer of worlds." 354 00:22:03,521 --> 00:22:05,801 Can I hear a "wahoo"? 355 00:22:09,921 --> 00:22:12,561 Once it's built, the millions of motorists 356 00:22:12,681 --> 00:22:14,521 who grumble their way around it 357 00:22:14,641 --> 00:22:16,961 are going to be like water on a prayer wheel, 358 00:22:17,081 --> 00:22:21,401 grinding out an endless fog of low-grade evil 359 00:22:21,521 --> 00:22:24,241 that will encircle the whole of London. 360 00:22:24,361 --> 00:22:26,241 Yes, Duke hastur? 361 00:22:26,361 --> 00:22:28,201 What's a computer? 362 00:22:28,321 --> 00:22:29,801 ♪ Another one bites the dust... ♪ 363 00:22:53,001 --> 00:22:56,641 Madame Tracy: So what exactly do you propose we do about this? 364 00:22:56,761 --> 00:22:58,521 Aziraphale: Given the circumstances, 365 00:22:58,641 --> 00:23:02,161 we're both going to have to be extremelyflexible. 366 00:23:02,281 --> 00:23:04,601 Get your hands off her, you...! 367 00:23:05,721 --> 00:23:06,921 Where is he? 368 00:23:07,041 --> 00:23:09,361 - Who? - Some southern pansy. 369 00:23:09,481 --> 00:23:11,561 I heard him, making lewd suggestions! 370 00:23:11,681 --> 00:23:15,921 Aziraphale's voice: Not just a southern pansy, sergeant. 371 00:23:16,041 --> 00:23:18,521 The southern pansy. 372 00:23:18,641 --> 00:23:20,561 Demon! 373 00:23:21,721 --> 00:23:23,121 You know what this is? 374 00:23:23,241 --> 00:23:24,961 Four fingers, one thumb. 375 00:23:25,081 --> 00:23:28,321 Now, you get out of this good woman's head 376 00:23:28,441 --> 00:23:30,961 before I blast you to kingdom come. 377 00:23:31,081 --> 00:23:34,201 Tracy's voice: That's the trouble, mr shadwell. Kingdom come. 378 00:23:34,321 --> 00:23:36,121 It's going to. 379 00:23:36,241 --> 00:23:38,801 Mr aziraphale has just been explaining it. 380 00:23:40,081 --> 00:23:42,561 You come and have a nice cup of tea, 381 00:23:42,681 --> 00:23:44,881 and listen to him. 382 00:23:46,321 --> 00:23:48,721 Voice of god: As Adam came into his power, 383 00:23:48,841 --> 00:23:51,881 the world welcomed him in ways not even crowley had expected. 384 00:23:54,841 --> 00:23:56,361 Ican't hold it in. 385 00:23:56,481 --> 00:23:59,281 Well, what if the traffic starts moving again? 386 00:23:59,401 --> 00:24:02,601 It's the m25. You can't just get out and have a widdle in the middle of the road. 387 00:24:02,641 --> 00:24:04,361 I can! And I will. 388 00:24:05,601 --> 00:24:07,561 Hail the great beast. 389 00:24:07,681 --> 00:24:09,121 What'd you say, Horace? 390 00:24:10,641 --> 00:24:13,641 Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds. 391 00:24:13,761 --> 00:24:17,481 Both: Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds. 392 00:24:19,121 --> 00:24:23,121 All: Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds. 393 00:24:23,241 --> 00:24:27,321 Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds... 394 00:24:27,441 --> 00:24:30,441 Voice of god: The m25 had become, unexpectedly, 395 00:24:30,561 --> 00:24:34,041 a burning magical ring of fire that surrounded London. 396 00:24:34,161 --> 00:24:35,841 Nobody was getting in or out. 397 00:24:35,961 --> 00:24:40,361 Crowley had made it - now crowley was trapped inside it. 398 00:24:43,801 --> 00:24:47,641 Right. The m25 is now an impassable burning ring of infernal fire, 399 00:24:47,761 --> 00:24:49,281 and that's myfault. 400 00:24:49,401 --> 00:24:52,241 Come on, tadfield, tadfield, tadfield... 401 00:24:57,321 --> 00:25:01,841 N ewsreader: Motorists are being advised to avoid the m25 London orbital motorway 402 00:25:01,961 --> 00:25:05,121 because, in the words of a transportation department spokesman, 403 00:25:05,241 --> 00:25:06,841 "it's on fire or something." 404 00:25:06,961 --> 00:25:09,361 What does that even mean? 405 00:25:12,161 --> 00:25:14,681 Aziraphale on answerphone: [ Know where the antichrist is... 406 00:25:14,801 --> 00:25:17,601 .I' know where the antichrist is... .I' know where the antichrist is... 407 00:25:21,041 --> 00:25:22,521 - Mr Biggs? - Yeah? 408 00:25:22,641 --> 00:25:24,321 I'm calling about a car accident 409 00:25:24,441 --> 00:25:27,041 that was not your fault that you were involved in. 410 00:25:29,641 --> 00:25:30,641 Buggen 411 00:25:34,961 --> 00:25:36,401 - Hello. - Mrs blore? 412 00:25:36,521 --> 00:25:38,681 - What is it? - I'm calling about a car accident 413 00:25:38,801 --> 00:25:40,201 that you were recently involved in. 414 00:25:40,321 --> 00:25:42,881 You are eligible for compensation. 415 00:25:44,681 --> 00:25:46,761 Oh, for heaven's sake. 416 00:25:59,201 --> 00:26:00,841 Hastur: Yes? 417 00:26:00,961 --> 00:26:03,401 Hello, mr cowwley. 418 00:26:03,521 --> 00:26:05,721 We're calling about an accident you had. 419 00:26:05,841 --> 00:26:08,041 Hastu r: [T er, wasn't an accident Lisa. 420 00:26:08,161 --> 00:26:12,281 - And this isn't crowley. - Um... h-how do you know my name? 421 00:26:12,401 --> 00:26:14,361 Hastu r: .I' know lots of things, Lisa. 422 00:26:14,481 --> 00:26:17,601 .I' should be grateful to you for setting me free, shouldn't .i'? 423 00:26:17,721 --> 00:26:20,961 .I' mean, .i' should thank you personally and meet your friends. 424 00:26:21,081 --> 00:26:23,961 Er... I'm hanging up the phone now. 425 00:26:24,081 --> 00:26:26,081 Too late. 426 00:26:44,921 --> 00:26:46,481 I needed that. 427 00:26:48,121 --> 00:26:49,401 Right. 428 00:26:50,561 --> 00:26:52,241 So, there really is an antichrist? 429 00:26:52,361 --> 00:26:54,417 Aziraphale's voice: The antichrist is alive and on the earth 430 00:26:54,441 --> 00:26:55,601 at this moment, sergeant. 431 00:26:55,721 --> 00:26:58,001 He is bringing about armageddon. 432 00:26:58,121 --> 00:27:00,001 I'm sure you can see 433 00:27:00,121 --> 00:27:02,241 that the imminent destruction of the world 434 00:27:02,361 --> 00:27:04,721 is not something that any reasonable person would permit. 435 00:27:04,841 --> 00:27:06,321 - No. - Am I correct? 436 00:27:06,441 --> 00:27:08,001 - Aye. - The antichrist... 437 00:27:08,121 --> 00:27:10,001 Must be killed, sergeant shadwell. 438 00:27:10,121 --> 00:27:12,601 And you... 439 00:27:12,721 --> 00:27:14,761 Are the man to do it. 440 00:27:17,081 --> 00:27:18,681 Well, I don't know about that. 441 00:27:18,801 --> 00:27:20,561 Er, the witchfinder army, 442 00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:23,161 - we just kill witches. - I'm sure you've killed lots of those. 443 00:27:23,201 --> 00:27:25,641 Well, early days. 444 00:27:25,761 --> 00:27:29,241 This antichrist of yours, how many nipples does he have? 445 00:27:31,281 --> 00:27:33,121 Er... oodles of them! 446 00:27:33,241 --> 00:27:35,881 Pots of nipples. 447 00:27:36,001 --> 00:27:37,681 Nipples everywhere. 448 00:27:37,801 --> 00:27:40,161 Then I'm your man. 449 00:27:40,281 --> 00:27:43,441 Now, sergeant, what weapons do you have? 450 00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:45,441 - Yes. 451 00:27:45,561 --> 00:27:46,961 Anything more substantial? 452 00:27:47,081 --> 00:27:49,201 Er, I've got pins... 453 00:27:49,321 --> 00:27:51,361 And the thundergun 454 00:27:51,481 --> 00:27:54,441 of witchfinder colonel dalrymple. It'll fire anything. 455 00:27:54,561 --> 00:27:57,161 - Silver bullets. - That's werewolves. 456 00:27:57,281 --> 00:27:58,641 - Er, garlic? - Vampires. 457 00:27:58,761 --> 00:28:00,041 Mmm. Bricks? 458 00:28:00,161 --> 00:28:02,801 That should do nicely. Ha! 459 00:28:36,721 --> 00:28:38,921 Come on. There must be a way across it. 460 00:28:39,041 --> 00:28:41,481 Burning roads. You predict this, Agnes? 461 00:28:44,321 --> 00:28:45,721 Why isn't there an index? 462 00:28:53,961 --> 00:28:56,521 You'll never escape London. 463 00:28:56,641 --> 00:28:57,881 Nothing can. 464 00:28:58,001 --> 00:29:00,321 Hastur! How was your time in voicemail? 465 00:29:00,441 --> 00:29:04,001 Funny, ha-ha. Joke all you like, crowley - there's nowhere to run. 466 00:29:04,121 --> 00:29:05,297 Aren't you meant to be lining up 467 00:29:05,321 --> 00:29:07,561 - ready for battle around now? - Hell will not forget. 468 00:29:07,681 --> 00:29:09,321 Hell will not forgive. 469 00:29:09,441 --> 00:29:12,121 You know where the real antichrist is, don't you? 470 00:29:12,241 --> 00:29:14,521 You'll never reach him. 471 00:29:14,641 --> 00:29:16,081 You're done, crowley. 472 00:29:16,201 --> 00:29:18,121 Think you're going to get across that? 473 00:29:18,241 --> 00:29:20,401 There's nowhere to go. 474 00:29:20,521 --> 00:29:21,521 Hah. 475 00:29:21,561 --> 00:29:22,881 Let's find out. 476 00:29:25,721 --> 00:29:27,961 What...? What...? Why are you driving? 477 00:29:28,081 --> 00:29:30,481 That's...! What's...? Stop this thing! 478 00:29:30,601 --> 00:29:32,801 You know the thing I like best about time? 479 00:29:32,921 --> 00:29:37,161 Is that every day it takes us further away from the 14th century. 480 00:29:37,281 --> 00:29:40,801 I really didn't like the 14th century. You'd have loved it then. 481 00:29:40,921 --> 00:29:42,321 Yeah. 482 00:29:42,441 --> 00:29:44,961 They didn't have any cars back in the 14th century. 483 00:29:45,081 --> 00:29:48,361 Lovely, clever human people inventing cars, 484 00:29:48,481 --> 00:29:52,681 and motorways, and... windscreen wipers. 485 00:29:52,801 --> 00:29:54,457 - You got to hand it to them, haven't you? - Yeah. Aah! 486 00:29:54,481 --> 00:29:57,801 Stop this! It's over! You're doomed! 487 00:29:57,921 --> 00:30:00,121 You hear me, crowley? 488 00:30:00,241 --> 00:30:02,881 You're doomed! Whatever happens, doomed! 489 00:30:03,001 --> 00:30:05,001 See? This day's already got better. 490 00:30:07,561 --> 00:30:10,801 ♪ When I'm holding your wheel... ♪ 491 00:30:10,921 --> 00:30:13,281 Stop this! You'll discorporate us both! 492 00:30:15,601 --> 00:30:18,121 - This is not funny! - Come on! 493 00:30:18,241 --> 00:30:21,121 If you've got to go, then go with style! 494 00:30:23,401 --> 00:30:25,321 I hate you! 495 00:30:29,481 --> 00:30:31,481 You are my car. 496 00:30:31,601 --> 00:30:33,361 I've had you from new. 497 00:30:33,481 --> 00:30:36,401 You are not going to burn! 498 00:30:36,521 --> 00:30:38,321 Don't even think of it. 499 00:30:46,481 --> 00:30:49,761 Voice of god: Crowley has something no other demons have, 500 00:30:49,881 --> 00:30:52,161 especially not hastur - an imagination. 501 00:30:52,281 --> 00:30:55,041 Right now, he is imagining that he is just fine, 502 00:30:55,161 --> 00:30:57,561 and that a tonne of burning metal, rubber and leather 503 00:30:57,681 --> 00:30:59,441 is a fully functioning car. 504 00:30:59,561 --> 00:31:01,561 He had started the journey in his Bentley, 505 00:31:01,681 --> 00:31:05,161 and he was damned if he wasn't going to finish it in the Bentley, as well. 506 00:31:19,441 --> 00:31:20,681 The boffins are on their way. 507 00:31:20,801 --> 00:31:23,201 In the meantime, nothing is getting out of London. 508 00:31:23,321 --> 00:31:24,881 You sure about that? 509 00:31:32,881 --> 00:31:34,321 What was...? 510 00:31:34,441 --> 00:31:36,081 Right now, that's someone else's problem. 511 00:31:37,321 --> 00:31:38,601 He was waving. 512 00:31:40,561 --> 00:31:44,641 ♪ The machine of a dream... ♪ 513 00:31:49,361 --> 00:31:52,081 Listen, I'm sorry I made you all shut up, but I'm going to 514 00:31:52,201 --> 00:31:54,801 make it so you can talk again, and we'll all play a game. 515 00:31:54,921 --> 00:31:56,561 We're all going to meet my new friends. 516 00:31:56,681 --> 00:31:58,961 You'll like them so much! 517 00:32:05,241 --> 00:32:07,081 Adam, echoing: Come to me! 518 00:32:10,761 --> 00:32:13,321 Come to me! 519 00:32:16,641 --> 00:32:18,681 Come on. We can still be friends. 520 00:32:18,801 --> 00:32:21,441 After all the people have gone, you can rule the world that's left. 521 00:32:22,281 --> 00:32:24,961 Wensley, you can have... america. 522 00:32:25,081 --> 00:32:28,481 And pepper, you get Asia and Russia. 523 00:32:28,601 --> 00:32:30,681 And Brian, you can have Europe and Africa. 524 00:32:30,801 --> 00:32:33,201 And dog, you can have Australia. 525 00:32:33,321 --> 00:32:34,641 So we'd rule the world. 526 00:32:34,761 --> 00:32:36,961 But what about you, Adam? 527 00:32:39,041 --> 00:32:40,041 What? 528 00:32:40,081 --> 00:32:42,001 What bit are you going to have? 529 00:32:43,081 --> 00:32:45,761 I'll be here, same as always. 530 00:32:45,881 --> 00:32:47,441 On your own? 531 00:32:47,561 --> 00:32:50,057 - I don't want to go anywhere else. - And this is our hogback wood, too. 532 00:32:50,081 --> 00:32:52,841 We don't want to go to america or Asia. 533 00:32:52,961 --> 00:32:54,441 You will do as I say. 534 00:32:54,561 --> 00:32:57,761 Or what? You've already taken our mouths and frozen us here. 535 00:32:57,881 --> 00:32:59,441 We can't get away. 536 00:32:59,561 --> 00:33:00,761 Actually, he could kill us. 537 00:33:00,881 --> 00:33:02,561 Pepper: Yes, you could do that. 538 00:33:04,081 --> 00:33:06,001 You aren't frozen any more. 539 00:33:06,121 --> 00:33:07,801 You can go anywhere you want. See? 540 00:33:07,921 --> 00:33:09,321 I don't care where you go. 541 00:33:15,641 --> 00:33:16,801 Goodbye, Adam. 542 00:33:16,921 --> 00:33:17,921 Brian: Goodbye, Adam. 543 00:33:18,041 --> 00:33:19,921 Actually, yes. Goodbye, Adam. 544 00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:22,561 - What do you mean "goodbye"? - Stop following us! 545 00:33:22,681 --> 00:33:23,841 I'm not following you. 546 00:33:23,961 --> 00:33:26,841 We aren't your friends any more. We don't like you. 547 00:33:27,921 --> 00:33:29,201 I don't care. 548 00:33:30,761 --> 00:33:34,041 Dog, come back! 549 00:33:36,481 --> 00:33:39,281 Voices whisper: Let them go. You have the world. 550 00:33:39,401 --> 00:33:42,161 You have the power. 551 00:33:42,281 --> 00:33:44,881 You have the glory. 552 00:33:45,001 --> 00:33:46,961 Let them go. 553 00:33:55,721 --> 00:33:57,201 Give me back my dog! 554 00:33:58,881 --> 00:34:01,161 He's not your dog. He's his own dog. 555 00:34:01,281 --> 00:34:02,961 And I don't think he likes you any more. 556 00:34:03,081 --> 00:34:04,561 You're really scary, 557 00:34:04,681 --> 00:34:06,377 - and you aren't our friend. - You aren't anybody's friend. 558 00:34:06,401 --> 00:34:10,401 You're going to burn all this away. Why? Because some adults mucked things up? 559 00:34:10,521 --> 00:34:13,121 That's a reason to fix it, not destroy it. 560 00:34:21,841 --> 00:34:23,801 Come back! Please? 561 00:34:47,641 --> 00:34:51,041 Deirdre: Come on, little one. Hello, Adam. 562 00:35:15,441 --> 00:35:16,521 I'm sorry. 563 00:35:19,561 --> 00:35:21,961 I... I wasn't... 564 00:35:22,081 --> 00:35:24,561 I don't think I was thinking straight. 565 00:35:24,681 --> 00:35:25,801 I am now. 566 00:35:37,321 --> 00:35:39,641 Pepper: Adam, what have you done? 567 00:35:39,761 --> 00:35:41,721 I... don't know. 568 00:35:41,841 --> 00:35:44,081 But whatever I've started, we've got to stop it. 569 00:35:44,201 --> 00:35:47,481 We need our bicycles. Meet back here in five minutes. 570 00:35:47,601 --> 00:35:49,041 Where are we going? 571 00:35:49,161 --> 00:35:50,641 Adam! 572 00:35:50,761 --> 00:35:53,721 Adam, after we get our bikes, where are we going? 573 00:35:53,841 --> 00:35:55,841 The end of the world. It's not far. 574 00:35:59,241 --> 00:36:00,441 - I've got it. - Oh, yeah? 575 00:36:00,561 --> 00:36:04,241 If Agnes tells you what to do, and we need to do this right, 576 00:36:04,361 --> 00:36:06,121 then you just need to pick a card - 577 00:36:06,241 --> 00:36:08,281 any card. 578 00:36:16,041 --> 00:36:18,881 "When the skies are crimson seen..." 579 00:36:19,001 --> 00:36:21,281 Well, she got that bit right. 580 00:36:21,401 --> 00:36:23,681 "Then ye both must stand between the world of life 581 00:36:23,801 --> 00:36:27,401 "and the world of war, where the iron bird lands no more." 582 00:36:29,081 --> 00:36:30,401 See? 583 00:36:30,521 --> 00:36:32,361 It could be talking about us. 584 00:36:32,481 --> 00:36:35,321 "Where the iron bird lands no more." 585 00:36:35,441 --> 00:36:37,281 - Iron bird. That could be a plane. - Mm-hm. 586 00:36:37,401 --> 00:36:38,641 Where don'tthey land? 587 00:36:38,761 --> 00:36:40,617 There's an American air force base outside of town. 588 00:36:40,641 --> 00:36:42,161 They don't land planes there any more. 589 00:36:43,121 --> 00:36:45,017 I met some of the guys who work there at the village pub. 590 00:36:45,041 --> 00:36:46,721 But why would we go there? 591 00:36:46,841 --> 00:36:49,401 I mean, all they have left in there is communication technology. 592 00:36:49,521 --> 00:36:50,801 Computers and stuff. 593 00:36:50,921 --> 00:36:52,801 Nothing explosive at all. 594 00:36:59,561 --> 00:37:00,961 Oh, my god. 595 00:37:01,081 --> 00:37:03,841 Aziraphale's voice: Dear lady, it seems to me 596 00:37:03,961 --> 00:37:06,041 we could make better time walking. 597 00:37:06,161 --> 00:37:09,161 Tracy's voice: It'd be a miracle to get past ten miles an hour. 598 00:37:10,681 --> 00:37:13,001 Aziraphale's voice: Miracles! Yes. Right. 599 00:37:13,121 --> 00:37:18,001 Um, hold on extremely tightly, sergeant shadwell, 600 00:37:18,121 --> 00:37:19,601 if you'd be so kind. 601 00:37:22,561 --> 00:37:24,361 Whoa! 602 00:37:24,481 --> 00:37:26,457 Aziraphale's voice: Don't look down, sergeant shadwell! 603 00:37:26,481 --> 00:37:29,201 And off we go the-e-en! 604 00:37:51,921 --> 00:37:52,961 I'm afraid we're lost. 605 00:37:53,081 --> 00:37:55,321 The signpost must have blown down. 606 00:37:55,441 --> 00:37:59,321 - We're looking for the air base. - Well, it's second on the right. 607 00:37:59,441 --> 00:38:02,121 Well, it's not exactly on the right. You go to the left, 608 00:38:02,241 --> 00:38:05,641 but you'll find that it winds its way around to the right eventually. 609 00:38:05,761 --> 00:38:08,561 It's signposted "porrit's Lane". You come into the village, 610 00:38:08,681 --> 00:38:12,001 you go up past the bull and fiddle and you can't miss it. 611 00:38:12,121 --> 00:38:14,601 Not sure I got that. 612 00:38:14,721 --> 00:38:17,401 I did. Let us go. 613 00:38:24,681 --> 00:38:27,601 Anathema: "Behind the eagle's nest, a grate ash hath fallen." 614 00:38:27,721 --> 00:38:29,041 Thafsit 615 00:38:30,761 --> 00:38:33,177 you know, most of my family thought it was something to do with 616 00:38:33,201 --> 00:38:35,057 - the Russian revolution. - You know, these places 617 00:38:35,081 --> 00:38:38,641 have some pretty serious people with some extremely big guns guarding them. 618 00:38:38,761 --> 00:38:40,217 And if we don't get shot trying to break in, 619 00:38:40,241 --> 00:38:42,657 then we're going to spend the last few minutes before the world ends 620 00:38:42,681 --> 00:38:44,601 in a little cell without any windows in it... 621 00:38:44,721 --> 00:38:47,081 Ok, I think you're getting yourself a little overexcited. 622 00:38:47,201 --> 00:38:50,201 I'm not. I'm getting myself quite calmly worried 623 00:38:50,321 --> 00:38:53,521 about being shot, and then put in a cell, 624 00:38:53,641 --> 00:38:55,961 and then waterboarded, and then... shot again. 625 00:38:56,081 --> 00:38:57,321 Don't worry. 626 00:38:57,441 --> 00:39:00,202 Agnes would have definitely told me if someone was going to shoot you. 627 00:39:39,521 --> 00:39:40,881 This is the place. 628 00:39:42,801 --> 00:39:45,401 Is this all there is? I thought it'd be more impressive somehow. 629 00:39:45,521 --> 00:39:47,881 All these thousands of years waiting, 630 00:39:48,001 --> 00:39:49,721 just for a ride of a hundred miles? 631 00:39:49,841 --> 00:39:51,921 If armageddon is anywhere... 632 00:39:52,041 --> 00:39:53,921 Then it is everywhere. 633 00:39:54,041 --> 00:39:56,801 - Let's crash through the barriers. - Death: No. 634 00:39:56,921 --> 00:39:59,281 We go in, we do the job, we go out. 635 00:39:59,401 --> 00:40:02,561 The geography is immaterial. 636 00:40:21,081 --> 00:40:23,681 Surprise inspection, officer. 637 00:40:26,641 --> 00:40:30,201 I was not informated on any surprise inspection, sir. 638 00:40:30,321 --> 00:40:32,801 Well, if you had, it wouldn't be a surprise, now, would it? 639 00:40:32,921 --> 00:40:34,481 Can I...? 640 00:40:34,601 --> 00:40:36,961 Can I see some kind of identification, sir? 641 00:40:39,241 --> 00:40:40,601 Very good, sir. 642 00:40:40,721 --> 00:40:42,361 Don't tell them we're coming, officer. 643 00:40:42,481 --> 00:40:44,601 We want it to be a surprise. 644 00:40:58,881 --> 00:41:01,641 "Behind the eagle's nest, a grate ash hath fallen." 645 00:41:01,761 --> 00:41:03,601 Well, she's on the money there. 646 00:41:03,721 --> 00:41:05,881 Nice going, dick turpin. 647 00:41:07,081 --> 00:41:08,681 You really do call your car dick turpin. 648 00:41:08,761 --> 00:41:10,041 Yes? 649 00:41:11,521 --> 00:41:14,041 I bet you're hoping one day someone's going to ask you why. 650 00:41:14,161 --> 00:41:15,401 Maybe. 651 00:41:17,041 --> 00:41:18,281 Right. 652 00:41:19,401 --> 00:41:21,721 It can't be this easy. It really can't. 653 00:41:21,841 --> 00:41:23,961 There's going to be guards and security cameras. 654 00:41:27,041 --> 00:41:28,401 Where are we going? 655 00:41:31,561 --> 00:41:33,001 How do you know? 656 00:41:34,081 --> 00:41:35,281 Because everything in my life, 657 00:41:35,401 --> 00:41:37,841 everything Agnes wrote down on that book 400 years ago, 658 00:41:37,961 --> 00:41:39,761 everything is all leading me here. 659 00:41:39,881 --> 00:41:42,561 Now. With you. 660 00:41:44,721 --> 00:41:46,521 I know. 661 00:41:47,881 --> 00:41:49,441 How are we going to stop them, exactly? 662 00:41:49,521 --> 00:41:51,161 Come on! 663 00:41:57,761 --> 00:42:00,041 Pepper: It's stupid calling it a military base. 664 00:42:00,161 --> 00:42:03,401 I went up there on that open day, and they didn't even have guns and things. 665 00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:06,161 Just lots of radios, satellite dishes 666 00:42:06,281 --> 00:42:09,241 - and stuff. - Yeah, it was all knobs and dials. 667 00:42:09,361 --> 00:42:12,241 Stupid. What are your new friends going to do here? 668 00:42:12,361 --> 00:42:14,881 Well, I suppose they could patch into the worldwide military net 669 00:42:14,921 --> 00:42:16,217 and issue orders to all computers 670 00:42:16,241 --> 00:42:18,321 to activate all automated systems and start fighting. 671 00:42:18,361 --> 00:42:22,121 - Actually, that would be quite difficult. - Not really. 672 00:42:22,241 --> 00:42:23,601 Not if you're them. 673 00:43:11,561 --> 00:43:14,841 Oi, you! Stop! 674 00:43:14,961 --> 00:43:18,081 I said stop! 675 00:43:19,201 --> 00:43:22,361 Adam young, I thought it was you. 676 00:43:22,481 --> 00:43:25,881 And the rest of you. Do your parents know you're out? 677 00:43:26,001 --> 00:43:27,937 Actually, it's not like there's a law against being out. 678 00:43:27,961 --> 00:43:31,881 I mean, you can't get sent to prison for "being out". 679 00:43:32,001 --> 00:43:34,961 And where are you four troublemakers going this evening? 680 00:43:35,081 --> 00:43:37,521 And don't stick your tongue out at me, young lady, 681 00:43:37,641 --> 00:43:39,321 or I'll have words with your mother. 682 00:43:39,441 --> 00:43:41,577 - We're going to the air base. - If that's all right with you. 683 00:43:41,601 --> 00:43:44,481 I mean, we wouldn't want to go there if it wasn't all right with you. 684 00:43:45,561 --> 00:43:50,641 Adam young, don't think I won't talk to your father! 685 00:43:52,401 --> 00:43:54,281 Can someone pass me the screwdriver? 686 00:43:58,561 --> 00:44:00,241 Who the hell are you? 687 00:44:00,361 --> 00:44:03,801 I am neither of hell nor heaven. 688 00:44:03,921 --> 00:44:06,721 Pollution: What's so special about this place, anyway? 689 00:44:06,841 --> 00:44:09,001 This is a classified communications hub. 690 00:44:09,121 --> 00:44:10,921 Everything comes through here. 691 00:44:11,041 --> 00:44:13,097 See, they've made it so they don't even have to fight any more. 692 00:44:13,121 --> 00:44:15,402 - Machines will do it for them. - Death: Except the dying. 693 00:44:15,481 --> 00:44:17,881 When it comes to some things, 694 00:44:18,001 --> 00:44:20,481 machines will never replace people. 695 00:44:20,601 --> 00:44:22,041 War: I can feel it. 696 00:44:22,161 --> 00:44:23,321 Another five minutes, 697 00:44:23,441 --> 00:44:25,321 and the whole world will be at war. 698 00:44:25,441 --> 00:44:26,721 Famine: And once the war begins, 699 00:44:26,761 --> 00:44:28,081 the famine comes... 700 00:44:28,201 --> 00:44:29,641 Then the pollution. 701 00:44:33,441 --> 00:44:36,361 We're in business. 702 00:44:48,321 --> 00:44:51,761 Voice of god: They are taking charge of the electricity - all of it. 703 00:44:51,881 --> 00:44:54,761 And under their rule, it is coming to life. 704 00:44:54,881 --> 00:44:56,041 They're fusing relays. 705 00:44:56,161 --> 00:44:57,601 T he y're closing switches. 706 00:44:57,721 --> 00:44:59,361 They're turning off the lights. 707 00:44:59,481 --> 00:45:01,201 They are in control. 708 00:45:01,321 --> 00:45:04,601 Let's get this show off the road. 709 00:45:18,921 --> 00:45:21,321 - Computer: All warheads armed. - What the heck? 710 00:45:21,441 --> 00:45:22,657 Did you really just say, "what the heck"? 711 00:45:22,681 --> 00:45:25,361 Get me stratcom cyber command. Something's happening. 712 00:45:29,161 --> 00:45:30,281 It has begun. 713 00:45:30,401 --> 00:45:32,001 Nuclear codes delivered. 714 00:45:32,121 --> 00:45:34,601 Everything is set in motion for the final countdown. 715 00:45:34,721 --> 00:45:37,761 The sword is raised, ready to strike. 716 00:46:03,001 --> 00:46:06,201 It's not just nuclear destruction, it's chemical, too. 717 00:46:06,321 --> 00:46:08,881 And my favourite standbys are allchemical. 718 00:46:09,001 --> 00:46:13,001 Say what you like - plutonium may give you grief for thousands of years, 719 00:46:13,121 --> 00:46:15,361 but arsenic is forever. 720 00:46:15,481 --> 00:46:18,681 The war, the pollution, and then the winter. 721 00:46:18,801 --> 00:46:22,241 I like the winter. So cold. 722 00:46:22,361 --> 00:46:24,161 So clean. So hungry. 723 00:46:24,281 --> 00:46:25,801 ♪ We will, we will 724 00:46:26,281 --> 00:46:27,841 ♪ rock you 725 00:46:30,081 --> 00:46:33,481 ♪ we will, we will rock you 726 00:46:35,921 --> 00:46:38,457 ♪ buddy, you're a young man, hard man shouting in the street... ♪ 727 00:46:38,481 --> 00:46:43,801 Ah, excuse me. Sorry to bother you. I seem to have got slightly lost. 728 00:46:43,921 --> 00:46:45,361 Tadfield air base? 729 00:46:45,481 --> 00:46:48,001 Voice of god: There are some things it is very difficult to say. 730 00:46:48,041 --> 00:46:50,361 What rp Tyler truly wants to say is... 731 00:46:51,761 --> 00:46:54,801 Your car is on fire! 732 00:46:54,921 --> 00:46:58,041 But he can't. .I' mean, the man must know, mustn't he? 733 00:46:58,161 --> 00:47:00,801 Perhaps it's some kind of practical joke? 734 00:47:00,921 --> 00:47:02,521 So he says... 735 00:47:02,641 --> 00:47:04,281 Might have taken the wrong turn. 736 00:47:04,401 --> 00:47:06,121 Signpost blown down. 737 00:47:06,241 --> 00:47:07,481 Easy mistake to make. 738 00:47:07,601 --> 00:47:11,481 - So, second on the right... - When what he wants to say is... 739 00:47:11,601 --> 00:47:13,961 Young man, your car is on fire, 740 00:47:14,081 --> 00:47:15,601 and you're still sitting in it, 741 00:47:15,721 --> 00:47:19,081 and frankly, it's in no fit condition to drive! 742 00:47:19,201 --> 00:47:21,441 Right. Got it. T'rrific. 743 00:47:21,561 --> 00:47:23,241 - Young man? - Yes? 744 00:47:23,361 --> 00:47:25,161 Very unusual weather for the time of year. 745 00:47:25,281 --> 00:47:26,921 I'm afraid I hadn't noticed. 746 00:47:27,041 --> 00:47:30,641 That's probably because your stupid car is on fire! 747 00:47:30,761 --> 00:47:33,641 ♪ We will, we will rock you... ♪ 748 00:47:33,761 --> 00:47:35,361 All right! 749 00:48:16,161 --> 00:48:17,681 You see this finger, laddie? 750 00:48:17,801 --> 00:48:20,201 This finger could send you to your maker. 751 00:48:20,321 --> 00:48:22,521 Aziraphale's voice: It really is vitally important 752 00:48:22,641 --> 00:48:25,081 that we speak to whoever is in charge. 753 00:48:25,201 --> 00:48:27,601 Tracy's voice: He's telling the truth. I'd know if he wasn't. 754 00:48:27,681 --> 00:48:30,401 Aziraphale's voice: Will you please stop interrupting? I am trying... 755 00:48:30,441 --> 00:48:32,097 Tracy's voice: I just thought I'd put in a good word for... 756 00:48:32,121 --> 00:48:33,417 Aziraphale's voice: Yeah, I understand, 757 00:48:33,441 --> 00:48:35,297 - but you must really... - Will you please be quiet? 758 00:48:35,321 --> 00:48:36,601 Both of you? 759 00:48:36,721 --> 00:48:40,761 I mean, ma'am, I must respectfully ask you to... 760 00:48:47,561 --> 00:48:52,401 ♪ So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye... ♪ 761 00:48:54,041 --> 00:48:56,257 You wouldn't get that sort of performance from a modern car. 762 00:48:56,281 --> 00:48:58,201 Aziraphale's voice: Crowley! 763 00:48:58,321 --> 00:49:00,281 Hey, aziraphale! I see you found a ride. 764 00:49:00,401 --> 00:49:03,041 - Nice dress. Suits you. - Aziraphale's voice: Ahh! 765 00:49:03,161 --> 00:49:06,161 This young man won't let us in. 766 00:49:07,601 --> 00:49:09,041 Leave it to me. 767 00:49:10,321 --> 00:49:12,321 Army human, my friend and I 768 00:49:12,441 --> 00:49:14,441 have come a long way, and... 769 00:49:16,121 --> 00:49:17,321 Which one of you did that? 770 00:49:19,081 --> 00:49:21,561 Ok, those kids are in big trouble. 771 00:49:21,681 --> 00:49:24,001 And so are you people. Don't move! 772 00:49:28,121 --> 00:49:30,361 All the chickens are coming home to roost. 773 00:49:30,481 --> 00:49:33,281 No more chickens. 774 00:49:33,401 --> 00:49:35,441 Computer: Countdown to activation initiated. 775 00:49:35,561 --> 00:49:38,321 Pollution: Our lord, our master, our friend. 776 00:49:38,441 --> 00:49:41,201 He's all we've been waiting for. 777 00:49:41,321 --> 00:49:43,361 When he joins us... 778 00:49:43,481 --> 00:49:45,561 We will be complete. 779 00:49:51,841 --> 00:49:54,841 Voice of god: Adam didn't know what was going to happen next but he did know 780 00:49:54,961 --> 00:49:56,001 what he had to do. 781 00:49:56,121 --> 00:49:59,401 - So what are these people like? - Don't know. 782 00:50:00,921 --> 00:50:02,041 Are they grown-ups? 783 00:50:10,001 --> 00:50:11,497 What the hell are you kids doing here? 784 00:50:11,521 --> 00:50:14,041 - It's all right. - Listen, kid, 785 00:50:14,161 --> 00:50:15,681 you're on military property. 786 00:50:15,801 --> 00:50:18,761 I think you all need to go to sleep now. All you soldiers. 787 00:50:25,921 --> 00:50:27,321 I'm here! 788 00:50:30,721 --> 00:50:32,761 He is here. 789 00:50:32,881 --> 00:50:34,761 Everything ends now. 790 00:50:34,881 --> 00:50:37,201 Time is over.