1 00:00:18,841 --> 00:00:21,841 Voice of god: Az/raphale, angel of the eastern gate. 2 00:00:21,961 --> 00:00:23,041 Aziraphale: Yes, lord? 3 00:00:23,161 --> 00:00:26,401 Voice of god: Where is the flaming sword [ Ga ve you, az/rapnale, 4 00:00:26,521 --> 00:00:28,321 to guard the gate of Eden? 5 00:00:29,961 --> 00:00:31,561 S-Sword? Right. 6 00:00:34,761 --> 00:00:36,961 Big sharp cutty thing. Yes. 7 00:00:40,521 --> 00:00:42,281 Oh, must have, er... 8 00:00:42,401 --> 00:00:45,161 Must have put it down here somewhere. 9 00:00:48,521 --> 00:00:50,201 Forget my own head next! 10 00:00:52,201 --> 00:00:53,921 Oh, dear. 11 00:01:03,321 --> 00:01:05,001 Hello, aziraphale. 12 00:01:05,121 --> 00:01:06,721 Crawly. 13 00:01:06,841 --> 00:01:11,401 So... giving the mortals a flaming sword - how did that work out for you? 14 00:01:12,561 --> 00:01:14,641 The almighty has never actually mentioned it again. 15 00:01:15,921 --> 00:01:17,681 Probably a good thing. 16 00:01:17,801 --> 00:01:19,201 What's all this about? 17 00:01:19,321 --> 00:01:22,801 Build a big boat and fill it with a travelling zoo? 18 00:01:22,921 --> 00:01:26,081 From what I hear, god's a bit tetchy. 19 00:01:27,281 --> 00:01:28,801 Wiping out the human race. 20 00:01:28,921 --> 00:01:29,961 Big storm. 21 00:01:31,641 --> 00:01:34,001 All of them? 22 00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:36,001 Just the locals. 23 00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:39,681 I don't believe the almighty's upset with the Chinese. 24 00:01:39,801 --> 00:01:41,281 Or the native Americans. 25 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:43,001 Or the Australians. 26 00:01:43,121 --> 00:01:44,721 - Yet. - And god's not actually 27 00:01:44,841 --> 00:01:47,121 going to wipe out allthe locals. 28 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,601 I mean, Noah up there, 29 00:01:49,721 --> 00:01:53,961 his family, his sons, their wives - they're all going to be fine. 30 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,761 But they're drowning everybody else? 31 00:02:01,281 --> 00:02:03,401 Not the kids? You can't kill kids. 32 00:02:03,521 --> 00:02:04,921 Mm-hm. 33 00:02:06,601 --> 00:02:08,617 That's more the kind of thing you'd expect my lot to do. 34 00:02:08,641 --> 00:02:11,081 Yes, but... when it's done, 35 00:02:11,201 --> 00:02:15,721 the almighty's going to put up a new thing called a "rain bow" 36 00:02:15,841 --> 00:02:18,641 as a promise not to... Drown everyone again. 37 00:02:18,761 --> 00:02:20,281 How kind. 38 00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:22,881 You can'tjudge the almighty, crawly. 39 00:02:23,001 --> 00:02:26,441 - God's plans are... - Are you going to say "ineffable"? 40 00:02:28,961 --> 00:02:30,161 Possibly. 41 00:02:30,281 --> 00:02:32,481 Oi! Shem! 42 00:02:32,601 --> 00:02:35,441 That unicorn's going to make a run for it. 43 00:02:35,561 --> 00:02:36,561 Oh, it's too late. 44 00:02:36,681 --> 00:02:38,121 It's too late! 45 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,601 Well, you've still got one of them. 46 00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:51,481 Father, please. 47 00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:55,041 You have to forgive them. 48 00:02:55,161 --> 00:02:56,361 Aah! 49 00:02:56,481 --> 00:02:57,961 They don't know what they are doing! 50 00:02:58,081 --> 00:02:59,361 Aah! 51 00:03:00,961 --> 00:03:02,977 Crowley: Come to smirk at the poor bugger, have you? 52 00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:05,321 Aziraphale: Smirk? Me? 53 00:03:05,441 --> 00:03:07,601 Well, your lot put him on there. 54 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:10,161 I'm not consulted on policy decisions, crawly. 55 00:03:10,281 --> 00:03:11,681 Oh, I've changed it. 56 00:03:11,801 --> 00:03:13,921 - Changed what? - My name. 57 00:03:14,041 --> 00:03:17,281 "Crawly" wasn't really doing it for me. It's a bit too... 58 00:03:17,401 --> 00:03:19,201 Squirming-at-your-feet-ish. 59 00:03:19,321 --> 00:03:21,241 Well, you werea snake. 60 00:03:21,361 --> 00:03:22,761 So what is it now? 61 00:03:22,881 --> 00:03:24,761 Mephistopheles? Asmodeus? 62 00:03:24,881 --> 00:03:26,081 Crowley. 63 00:03:26,201 --> 00:03:28,281 Hmm. 64 00:03:33,601 --> 00:03:35,161 Did you, uh... 65 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:36,841 Ever meet him? 66 00:03:36,961 --> 00:03:38,041 Yes. 67 00:03:38,161 --> 00:03:39,641 Seemed a very bright young man. 68 00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:43,361 I showed him all the kingdoms of the world. 69 00:03:43,481 --> 00:03:45,121 Why? 70 00:03:45,241 --> 00:03:48,601 He's a carpenter from galilee. His travel opportunities are limited. 71 00:03:50,281 --> 00:03:52,561 That's got to hurt. 72 00:03:54,561 --> 00:03:57,161 What was it he said that got everyone so upset? 73 00:03:57,281 --> 00:03:58,841 "Be kind to each other." 74 00:03:59,841 --> 00:04:01,321 Oh, yeah. That'll do it. 75 00:04:39,081 --> 00:04:41,041 Crowley: What have you got? 76 00:04:41,161 --> 00:04:43,241 Give me a jug of whatever you think's drinkable. 77 00:04:43,361 --> 00:04:45,481 Jug of house brown. 78 00:04:45,601 --> 00:04:48,001 Two sesterces. 79 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,521 Crawly... crowley? 80 00:04:50,641 --> 00:04:52,321 Well...! 81 00:04:52,441 --> 00:04:56,561 Fancy running into you in here. 82 00:04:56,681 --> 00:04:58,681 Still a demon, then? 83 00:04:58,801 --> 00:05:00,657 What kind of stupid question is that, "still a demon"? 84 00:05:00,681 --> 00:05:02,241 What else am I going to be, an aardvark? 85 00:05:03,561 --> 00:05:05,201 Saluta Ria. 86 00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:11,961 In Rome long? 87 00:05:12,081 --> 00:05:14,401 Just nipped in for a quick temptation. 88 00:05:14,521 --> 00:05:16,081 - You? - I thought I'd try 89 00:05:16,201 --> 00:05:17,641 petronius's new restaurant. 90 00:05:17,761 --> 00:05:20,881 I hear he does remarkable things to oysters. 91 00:05:21,961 --> 00:05:23,401 I've never eaten an oyster. 92 00:05:26,321 --> 00:05:27,761 Oh, well, let me tempt you to... 93 00:05:29,321 --> 00:05:31,401 No, that's your job, isn't it? 94 00:05:57,801 --> 00:05:59,201 Calls: Hello? 95 00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:05,841 I, sir aziraphale of the table round, 96 00:06:05,961 --> 00:06:10,121 am here to speak to the black knight. 97 00:06:13,281 --> 00:06:15,721 Oh! Right. 98 00:06:15,841 --> 00:06:17,801 Um... hello. 99 00:06:17,921 --> 00:06:19,881 - Yeah, come. - I... I... 100 00:06:20,001 --> 00:06:22,601 I was hoping to meet with the black knight? 101 00:06:26,361 --> 00:06:28,921 You have sought the black knight, foolish one. 102 00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:32,401 But you have found your death. 103 00:06:33,641 --> 00:06:35,201 Is that you under there, crawly? 104 00:06:35,321 --> 00:06:36,721 Crowley. 105 00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:40,401 What the hell are you playing at? 106 00:06:40,521 --> 00:06:43,441 It's all right, lads. I know him. He's all right. 107 00:06:44,641 --> 00:06:45,721 I'm here spreading foment. 108 00:06:45,841 --> 00:06:48,161 - What is that, some kind of porridge? - No! I'm, you know, 109 00:06:48,201 --> 00:06:51,201 fomenting... dissent and discord. King Arthur's been spreading 110 00:06:51,321 --> 00:06:54,561 too much peace and tranquillity in the land, so I'm here, 111 00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:56,601 you know, fomenting. 112 00:06:56,721 --> 00:06:59,721 Well, I'm meant to be... fomenting peace. 113 00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:02,801 So we're both working very hard in damp places 114 00:07:02,921 --> 00:07:04,297 and just cancelling each other out? 115 00:07:04,321 --> 00:07:05,801 Well, you could put it like that. 116 00:07:05,921 --> 00:07:07,161 It isa bit damp. 117 00:07:07,281 --> 00:07:09,161 Be easier if we both stayed home, 118 00:07:09,281 --> 00:07:11,441 if we just sent messages back to our head offices 119 00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:13,617 saying we'd done everything they'd asked for, wouldn't it? 120 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,121 But that would be lying. 121 00:07:17,441 --> 00:07:19,961 Er, possibly, but the end result would be the same. 122 00:07:20,081 --> 00:07:21,601 Cancel each other out. 123 00:07:21,721 --> 00:07:23,681 But, my dear fellow... 124 00:07:23,801 --> 00:07:25,721 Well, they'd check. 125 00:07:25,841 --> 00:07:28,321 Michael's a... bit of a stickler. 126 00:07:28,441 --> 00:07:30,137 You don't want to get Gabriel upset with you. 127 00:07:30,161 --> 00:07:31,681 Oh, our lot have better things to do 128 00:07:31,801 --> 00:07:33,841 than verifying compliance reports from earth. 129 00:07:33,961 --> 00:07:35,481 As long as they get the paperwork, 130 00:07:35,601 --> 00:07:37,497 they seem happy enough. As long as you're being seen 131 00:07:37,521 --> 00:07:40,321 to be doing something, every now and again. 132 00:07:40,441 --> 00:07:43,241 No! Absolutely not! 133 00:07:43,361 --> 00:07:45,961 I am shocked that you would even imply such a thing. 134 00:07:46,081 --> 00:07:47,481 We're not having this conversation. 135 00:07:47,521 --> 00:07:48,921 Not another word. 136 00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:50,921 - Right. - Right! 137 00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:15,281 Woman: Oysters! 138 00:08:15,401 --> 00:08:17,281 - Oranges! - Some grapes, please. 139 00:08:17,401 --> 00:08:18,841 Man: To be or not to be, 140 00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:21,561 - that is the question... - They look scrummy. 141 00:08:21,681 --> 00:08:25,161 Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows... 142 00:08:25,281 --> 00:08:28,281 I thought you said we'd be inconspicuous here, 143 00:08:28,401 --> 00:08:30,401 blend in among the crowds. 144 00:08:30,521 --> 00:08:33,041 Aziraphale: Well, that was the idea. 145 00:08:33,161 --> 00:08:35,801 - Hang on. - Oysters! Oranges! 146 00:08:35,921 --> 00:08:37,961 This isn't one of Shakespeare's gloomy ones, is it? 147 00:08:38,081 --> 00:08:39,841 - No wonder nobody's here. - Shh. It's him. 148 00:08:39,961 --> 00:08:41,481 - It's him. - Prithee, gentles. 149 00:08:41,601 --> 00:08:45,241 Mightl request a small favour? 150 00:08:45,361 --> 00:08:48,401 Could you, in your role as "the audience", 151 00:08:48,521 --> 00:08:50,561 give us more to work with? 152 00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:53,521 You mean like when the ghost of his father came on, 153 00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:55,481 and I said, "he's behind you!"? 154 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:57,441 Just so. That was jolly helpful. 155 00:08:57,561 --> 00:09:00,841 Made everyone on stage feel... appreciated. 156 00:09:00,961 --> 00:09:02,201 A bit more of that. 157 00:09:02,321 --> 00:09:05,521 Good master burbage, please, speak the lines trippingly. 158 00:09:05,641 --> 00:09:08,521 I am wasting my time up here. 159 00:09:08,641 --> 00:09:10,601 No, no, you're ve/ygood. 160 00:09:10,721 --> 00:09:12,321 I love all the... 161 00:09:12,441 --> 00:09:14,321 Talking. 162 00:09:14,441 --> 00:09:15,721 And what does your friend think? 163 00:09:15,761 --> 00:09:17,761 Oh, he's not my friend. 164 00:09:17,881 --> 00:09:19,801 We've never met before. We don't know each other. 165 00:09:19,881 --> 00:09:22,041 I think you should get on with the play. 166 00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:24,321 Yes, burbage. Please. 167 00:09:24,441 --> 00:09:25,881 From the top. 168 00:09:27,921 --> 00:09:31,201 Burbage: To be or not to be, 169 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,441 - that is the question. - Aziraphale: To be! 170 00:09:33,561 --> 00:09:35,281 I mean, not to be! 171 00:09:35,401 --> 00:09:38,161 Come on, Hamlet! Buck up! 172 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:42,761 Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer 173 00:09:42,881 --> 00:09:45,001 - the slings and arrows... - He's very good, isn't he? 174 00:09:45,081 --> 00:09:46,601 Age does not wither, 175 00:09:46,721 --> 00:09:49,761 nor custom stale his infinite variety. 176 00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,001 - Oh! - A sea of troubles, 177 00:09:51,121 --> 00:09:54,321 - and by opposing, end them. - Yeah, I like that. 178 00:09:54,441 --> 00:09:56,321 Burbage: To die. To sleep. 179 00:09:56,441 --> 00:09:58,761 - No more... - What do you want? 180 00:09:58,881 --> 00:10:01,721 Why ever would you insinuate that I might possibly want something? 181 00:10:01,841 --> 00:10:03,601 You are up to no good. 182 00:10:03,721 --> 00:10:06,921 Obviously. You're up to good, I take it? 183 00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:08,201 Lots of good deeds? 184 00:10:08,321 --> 00:10:09,801 No rest for the... 185 00:10:09,921 --> 00:10:11,641 Well, good. 186 00:10:12,761 --> 00:10:15,001 I have to be in Edinburgh at the end of the week. 187 00:10:15,121 --> 00:10:16,681 - Oh! - Couple of blessings to do, 188 00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:18,441 a minor miracle to perform. 189 00:10:18,561 --> 00:10:21,001 Apparently, I have to ride a horse. 190 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,041 Hard on the buttocks, horses. 191 00:10:24,161 --> 00:10:26,481 Major design flaw, if you ask me. 192 00:10:26,601 --> 00:10:29,681 I'm meant to be heading to Edinburgh too this week. 193 00:10:31,121 --> 00:10:33,241 Tempting a clan leader to steal some cattle. 194 00:10:33,361 --> 00:10:35,321 Doesn't sound like hard work. 195 00:10:35,441 --> 00:10:37,321 The pangs of despised love 196 00:10:37,441 --> 00:10:39,081 and the insolence of office... 197 00:10:39,161 --> 00:10:40,761 And the spurns that... 198 00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:43,001 That's why I thought we should... 199 00:10:44,281 --> 00:10:46,401 Well, bit of a waste of effort, 200 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:47,977 both of us going all the way to Scotland. 201 00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,721 You cannot actually be suggesting... 202 00:10:52,121 --> 00:10:53,681 What I infer... 203 00:10:53,801 --> 00:10:55,161 You're implying. 204 00:10:55,281 --> 00:10:56,681 Which is? 205 00:10:56,801 --> 00:11:01,241 Thatjust one of us goes to Edinburgh, and does both. 206 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,561 The blessing and the tempting. 207 00:11:02,681 --> 00:11:05,961 We've done it before. Dozens of times now. 208 00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:08,601 - The arrangement... - Don't say that. 209 00:11:08,721 --> 00:11:09,921 Our respective head offices 210 00:11:10,041 --> 00:11:12,401 don't actually care how things get done. 211 00:11:12,521 --> 00:11:14,537 They just want to know they can cross it off the list. 212 00:11:14,561 --> 00:11:17,161 But if hell finds out, they won'tjust be angry - 213 00:11:17,281 --> 00:11:19,041 they'll destroy you. 214 00:11:19,161 --> 00:11:21,081 Nobody ever has to know. 215 00:11:21,201 --> 00:11:22,841 Toss you for Edinburgh. 216 00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:28,561 Fine. Heads. 217 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:33,961 Tails, I'm afraid. You're going to Scotland. 218 00:11:34,081 --> 00:11:36,721 It's been like this every performance, Juliet. 219 00:11:36,841 --> 00:11:38,641 Complete dud. 220 00:11:39,721 --> 00:11:42,161 It'd take a miracle to get anyone to come and see Hamlet 221 00:11:45,281 --> 00:11:46,401 yes, all right. 222 00:11:46,521 --> 00:11:48,281 I'll do that one. My treat. 223 00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:50,641 - Oh, really? - I still prefer the funny ones. 224 00:12:33,121 --> 00:12:34,401 Mistake. 225 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,121 Uh, erreur. 226 00:12:36,241 --> 00:12:38,041 Bit out of practice at the French. 227 00:12:38,161 --> 00:12:41,001 Um... 228 00:12:41,121 --> 00:12:43,201 I speak English. 229 00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:45,081 Listen to that. 230 00:12:45,201 --> 00:12:48,801 The fall of the guillotine blade. Is it not terrible? 231 00:12:48,921 --> 00:12:52,721 Yes. Yes, cutting off that poor woman's head. Terrible. 232 00:12:52,841 --> 00:12:55,121 It is Pierre. An amateur. 233 00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:58,241 Always he let go of the rope too soon. 234 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:01,001 You are lucky that it is I, Jean-Claude, 235 00:13:01,121 --> 00:13:03,881 who will remove your traitorous head from your shoulders. 236 00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:06,521 Look, this is all a terrible mistake. 237 00:13:06,641 --> 00:13:08,857 - I don't think you understand... - I have good news for you. 238 00:13:08,881 --> 00:13:12,681 You are the 999th aristo 239 00:13:12,801 --> 00:13:15,601 to die at the guillotine by my hand. 240 00:13:15,721 --> 00:13:17,961 But the first English. 241 00:13:19,601 --> 00:13:21,441 Now... 242 00:13:21,561 --> 00:13:23,721 Please! No. 243 00:13:23,841 --> 00:13:26,561 Dreadful mistake, discorporating me. 244 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:29,081 Oh, it'll be a complete nightmare. 245 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:33,721 Animals. 246 00:13:33,841 --> 00:13:37,041 Crowley: Animals don't kill each other with clever machines, angel. 247 00:13:37,161 --> 00:13:39,641 - Only humans do that. - Crowley. 248 00:13:40,881 --> 00:13:43,881 Oh, good lord. 249 00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:46,801 Crowley: What the deuce are you doing locked up in the bastille? 250 00:13:46,921 --> 00:13:48,761 I thought you were opening a bookshop. 251 00:13:48,881 --> 00:13:50,041 Well, I was. 252 00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:52,001 I got peckish. 253 00:13:52,121 --> 00:13:53,521 "Peckish"? 254 00:13:53,641 --> 00:13:56,601 Well, if you must know, it was the crépes. 255 00:13:56,721 --> 00:13:59,721 You can't get decent ones anywhere but Paris. 256 00:13:59,841 --> 00:14:01,401 And the brioche. 257 00:14:01,521 --> 00:14:04,161 So you just popped across the channel during a revolution 258 00:14:04,281 --> 00:14:06,001 because you wanted something to nibble? 259 00:14:06,121 --> 00:14:08,401 - Dressed like that? - I have standards. 260 00:14:08,521 --> 00:14:11,041 I'd heard they were getting a bit carried away over here, but... 261 00:14:11,161 --> 00:14:12,841 Yeah, this is not getting carried away. 262 00:14:12,961 --> 00:14:15,601 This is cutting off lots of people's heads very efficiently 263 00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:17,241 with a big head-cutting machine. 264 00:14:17,361 --> 00:14:19,761 Why didn't you just perform another miracle and go home? 265 00:14:19,881 --> 00:14:21,721 I was reprimanded last month. 266 00:14:21,841 --> 00:14:25,921 They said I'd performed too many frivolous miracles. 267 00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:29,161 Got a strongly worded note from Gabriel. 268 00:14:29,281 --> 00:14:31,161 Well, you're lucky I was in the area. 269 00:14:31,281 --> 00:14:32,801 I suppose I am. 270 00:14:32,921 --> 00:14:34,441 Why are you here? 271 00:14:34,561 --> 00:14:37,721 My lot sent me a commendation for outstanding job performance. 272 00:14:38,801 --> 00:14:41,361 So all this is yourdemonic work? 273 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,641 No! The humans thought it up themselves. 274 00:14:43,761 --> 00:14:45,601 Nothing to do with me. 275 00:14:50,561 --> 00:14:52,161 Well, I suppose I should say thank you 276 00:14:52,281 --> 00:14:54,401 for the, er, rescue. 277 00:14:54,521 --> 00:14:56,081 Don't say that. 278 00:14:56,201 --> 00:14:59,081 If my people hearl rescued an angel, I'll be the one in trouble, 279 00:14:59,201 --> 00:15:00,641 and my lot do not send rude notes. 280 00:15:00,761 --> 00:15:03,201 Well, anyway, I'm very grateful. 281 00:15:03,321 --> 00:15:05,161 What about if I buy you lunch? 282 00:15:05,281 --> 00:15:06,601 Looking like that? 283 00:15:12,881 --> 00:15:15,281 Well, barely counts as a miracle, really. 284 00:15:24,721 --> 00:15:27,241 Dressed like that, he's asking for trouble. 285 00:15:28,641 --> 00:15:30,601 What's for lunch? 286 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,801 What would you say to some crépes? 287 00:15:56,721 --> 00:15:59,681 Look, I've been thinking. What if it all goes wrong? 288 00:15:59,801 --> 00:16:01,481 We have a lot in common, you and me. 289 00:16:01,601 --> 00:16:04,361 I don't know. We may have both started off as angels, 290 00:16:04,481 --> 00:16:06,561 but you are fallen. 291 00:16:06,681 --> 00:16:08,161 I didn't really fall. 292 00:16:08,281 --> 00:16:09,721 I just, you know... 293 00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:12,761 Sauntered vaguely downwards. 294 00:16:12,881 --> 00:16:14,161 I need a favour. 295 00:16:14,281 --> 00:16:16,561 We already have the agreement, crowley. 296 00:16:16,681 --> 00:16:20,121 Stay out of each other's way. Lend a hand when needed. 297 00:16:20,241 --> 00:16:22,001 This is something else, 298 00:16:22,121 --> 00:16:23,681 for if it all goes pear-shaped. 299 00:16:25,121 --> 00:16:28,721 - I like pears. - If it all goes wrong... 300 00:16:28,841 --> 00:16:30,321 I want insurance. 301 00:16:30,441 --> 00:16:32,521 What? 302 00:16:32,641 --> 00:16:34,561 I wrote it down. Walls have ears. 303 00:16:34,681 --> 00:16:36,321 Well, not walls. Trees have ears. 304 00:16:36,441 --> 00:16:38,081 Ducks have ea rs. 305 00:16:38,201 --> 00:16:39,561 Do ducks have ears? 306 00:16:39,681 --> 00:16:42,641 Must do. That's how they hear other ducks. 307 00:16:43,761 --> 00:16:44,961 Out of the question. 308 00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:46,241 Why not? 309 00:16:46,361 --> 00:16:48,321 It would destroy you. 310 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,921 I'm not bringing you a suicide pill, crowley. 311 00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:54,281 That's not what I want it for. Just insurance. 312 00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,321 I'm not an idiot, crowley. 313 00:16:59,441 --> 00:17:02,161 Do you know what trouble I'd be in if... 314 00:17:02,281 --> 00:17:04,761 If they knew I'd been... fraternising? 315 00:17:04,881 --> 00:17:07,561 It's completely out of the question. 316 00:17:07,681 --> 00:17:08,881 "Fraternising"? 317 00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:10,881 Well, whatever you wish to call it. 318 00:17:11,001 --> 00:17:12,481 I do not think there is any point 319 00:17:12,601 --> 00:17:14,777 - in discussing it further. - I have lots of other people 320 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,681 to "fraternise" with, angel. 321 00:17:16,801 --> 00:17:18,561 - Of course you do. - I don't need you. 322 00:17:18,681 --> 00:17:21,721 Well, and the feeling is mutual. Obviously. 323 00:17:26,081 --> 00:17:28,241 Obviously. 324 00:18:04,681 --> 00:18:06,921 Mr glozier. Mr Harmony. 325 00:18:07,041 --> 00:18:09,281 Mr fell. You are late. 326 00:18:09,401 --> 00:18:10,961 But not to worry. 327 00:18:11,081 --> 00:18:13,481 German accent: You have the books for the f'lihrer? 328 00:18:13,601 --> 00:18:14,801 Aziraphale: Yes, I do. 329 00:18:20,001 --> 00:18:21,401 Books of prophecy. 330 00:18:21,521 --> 00:18:24,841 Otwell binns, Robert Nixon, mother shipton. 331 00:18:24,961 --> 00:18:27,201 First editions, as requested. 332 00:18:27,321 --> 00:18:29,961 What about the other book we told you to bring us? 333 00:18:30,081 --> 00:18:32,521 The f'lihrer was most definite that he needs it. 334 00:18:32,641 --> 00:18:34,521 It has the prophecies that are true. 335 00:18:34,641 --> 00:18:37,201 With the true prophecy book, the war... 336 00:18:37,321 --> 00:18:39,761 Is as good as won. 337 00:18:39,881 --> 00:18:43,361 The nice ano' accurate prophecies of Agnes nutter, witch. 338 00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:49,041 No luck. I'm afraid that is the holy grail of prophetic books. 339 00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:51,001 The f'lihrer also wants the holy grail... 340 00:18:51,121 --> 00:18:53,361 And the spear of destiny, should you run across them. 341 00:18:53,481 --> 00:18:56,481 Harmony: Why are there no copies of Agnes nutter's book? 342 00:18:56,601 --> 00:18:59,241 We have made it clear that money is no object. 343 00:18:59,361 --> 00:19:01,761 You will be a very rich man. 344 00:19:01,881 --> 00:19:04,041 The unsold copies of the nice ano' accurate prophecies 345 00:19:04,161 --> 00:19:05,881 were destroyed by the publisher, 346 00:19:06,001 --> 00:19:08,641 which is, well, all of them. 347 00:19:08,761 --> 00:19:10,721 It never sold a single copy. 348 00:19:10,841 --> 00:19:15,361 But I found the publisher's catalogue for 1655, 349 00:19:15,481 --> 00:19:18,841 and it does list one of Agnes nutter's prophecies. 350 00:19:18,961 --> 00:19:20,441 What was it? 351 00:19:20,561 --> 00:19:23,441 Her prophecy for 1972. 352 00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:26,761 "Do notte buye betamacks." 353 00:19:26,881 --> 00:19:29,121 Who is Peter Max? 354 00:19:29,241 --> 00:19:31,201 I have no idea. 355 00:19:32,361 --> 00:19:34,401 I will pass it on to the f'lihrer. 356 00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:35,937 These volumes of prophecy will be in Berlin 357 00:19:35,961 --> 00:19:39,081 by the end of the week. The f'lihrer will be most grateful. 358 00:19:39,201 --> 00:19:41,441 Harmony: You have been exceedingly helpful, mr fell. 359 00:19:42,961 --> 00:19:44,521 Such a pity you must be eliminated. 360 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:48,201 But take heart - just another death in the blitz. 361 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,361 That's not very sporting. 362 00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:53,241 You do not appear worried, my friend. 363 00:19:57,281 --> 00:19:58,881 He's not worried. 364 00:19:59,001 --> 00:20:00,521 - Who is she? - She, 365 00:20:00,641 --> 00:20:02,881 my double-dealing Nazi acquaintance, 366 00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:06,801 is the reason why none of those books are going back to Berlin, 367 00:20:06,921 --> 00:20:09,521 and why your nasty little spy ring 368 00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:13,521 will be spending the rest of the war behind bars. 369 00:20:13,641 --> 00:20:17,561 Let me introduce you to captain Rose Montgomery 370 00:20:17,681 --> 00:20:20,001 of British military intelligence. 371 00:20:20,121 --> 00:20:22,121 Thank you for the introduction. 372 00:20:22,241 --> 00:20:24,401 Our side know all about you two. 373 00:20:24,521 --> 00:20:27,481 She recruited me to work for you. 374 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:30,281 And now she's going to tell you that this building 375 00:20:30,401 --> 00:20:33,001 is surrounded by British agents, 376 00:20:33,121 --> 00:20:35,441 and that you two have been... 377 00:20:35,561 --> 00:20:37,681 What is that lovely American expression? 378 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,041 Played for suckers. 379 00:20:40,161 --> 00:20:42,801 - Yes, about that... - Right. Everyone! 380 00:20:42,921 --> 00:20:45,041 Come on! 381 00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,561 Round them up! 382 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:51,121 Rose? Where exactly are your people? 383 00:20:53,161 --> 00:20:55,441 We are all here. 384 00:20:55,561 --> 00:20:59,161 Allow me to introduce fraulein Greta kleinschmidt. 385 00:21:00,201 --> 00:21:02,441 She works with us. 386 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:12,097 Harmony: "Played for a sucker." 387 00:21:12,121 --> 00:21:13,761 I must remember that. 388 00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:17,041 I am played for a sucker, you are played for a sucker, 389 00:21:17,161 --> 00:21:21,001 he, she, it... Will be played for a sucker. 390 00:21:21,121 --> 00:21:23,321 Now, where were we? Oh, yes. 391 00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:25,121 Killing you. 392 00:21:25,241 --> 00:21:27,121 You can't kill me. 393 00:21:27,241 --> 00:21:29,481 There'll be paperwork. 394 00:21:39,641 --> 00:21:41,241 Sorry, consecrated ground. 395 00:21:41,361 --> 00:21:43,121 Oh! It's like... 396 00:21:43,241 --> 00:21:44,921 Being at a beach in bare feet. 397 00:21:45,041 --> 00:21:46,641 What are you doing here? 398 00:21:46,761 --> 00:21:48,481 Stopping you getting into trouble. 399 00:21:48,601 --> 00:21:51,121 I should have known. Of course. 400 00:21:51,241 --> 00:21:52,601 These people are working for you. 401 00:21:52,721 --> 00:21:56,441 No! They're a bunch of half-witted Nazi spies 402 00:21:56,561 --> 00:21:59,441 running around London blackmailing and murdering people. 403 00:21:59,561 --> 00:22:01,361 I just didn't want to see you embarrassed. 404 00:22:02,561 --> 00:22:06,001 Mr anthonyj crowley. Your fame precedes you. 405 00:22:06,121 --> 00:22:07,001 Anthony? 406 00:22:07,121 --> 00:22:08,721 - You don't like it? - No, no, 407 00:22:08,841 --> 00:22:10,641 I didn't say that. I'll get used to it. 408 00:22:10,761 --> 00:22:12,721 The famous mr crowley. 409 00:22:12,841 --> 00:22:14,961 Such a pity you must both die. 410 00:22:16,241 --> 00:22:17,281 What does thej stand for? 411 00:22:17,401 --> 00:22:20,601 Er... it's just a j, really. 412 00:22:20,721 --> 00:22:24,241 Look at that! A whole fontful of holy water. 413 00:22:24,361 --> 00:22:25,561 It doesn't even have guards. 414 00:22:25,681 --> 00:22:27,841 Enough babbling. Kill them both. 415 00:22:27,961 --> 00:22:31,961 In about a minute, a German bomber will release a bomb 416 00:22:32,081 --> 00:22:33,681 that will land right here. 417 00:22:33,801 --> 00:22:37,561 If you all run away very, very fast, you might not die. 418 00:22:37,681 --> 00:22:40,201 You won't enjoy dying, definitely won't enjoy what comes after. 419 00:22:40,321 --> 00:22:42,521 You expect us to believe that? 420 00:22:42,641 --> 00:22:45,521 The bombs tonight will fall on the east end. 421 00:22:45,641 --> 00:22:48,681 Yes. It would take a last-minute demonic intervention 422 00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:50,641 to throw them off course, yes. 423 00:22:50,761 --> 00:22:53,721 You're all wasting your valuable running-away time. 424 00:22:53,841 --> 00:22:56,841 And if, in 30 seconds, a bomb does land here, 425 00:22:56,961 --> 00:23:01,721 it would take a real miracle for my friend and I to survive it. 426 00:23:01,841 --> 00:23:03,521 A real miracle? 427 00:23:03,641 --> 00:23:06,121 Kill them. They are very irritating. 428 00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:36,721 That was very kind of you. 429 00:23:36,841 --> 00:23:38,841 Shut up. 430 00:23:38,961 --> 00:23:40,761 Well, it was. 431 00:23:40,881 --> 00:23:43,321 No paperwork, for a start. 432 00:23:43,441 --> 00:23:45,161 Oh, the books! 433 00:23:45,281 --> 00:23:49,361 Oh, I forgot all the books! 434 00:23:49,481 --> 00:23:53,161 Oh, they'll all be blown to... 435 00:23:54,641 --> 00:23:57,121 Little demonic miracle of my own. 436 00:23:57,241 --> 00:23:58,601 Lift home? 437 00:24:15,321 --> 00:24:18,401 So, spike, you're the muscles, 438 00:24:18,521 --> 00:24:19,881 you'll be hauling on the ropes. 439 00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:22,041 And she'll be going down on the ropes, then? 440 00:24:22,161 --> 00:24:23,601 Hold on. 441 00:24:24,881 --> 00:24:26,241 Who are you? 442 00:24:26,361 --> 00:24:28,681 I understand you need a locksman. 443 00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:31,241 Crowley: I was expecting mr narker. 444 00:24:32,601 --> 00:24:36,801 Well, mr narker's passed on to his reward. I've taken over the business. 445 00:24:36,921 --> 00:24:39,561 He was my cellmate. He taught me everything he knew. 446 00:24:39,681 --> 00:24:40,881 My name's shadwell. 447 00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:44,521 Please, sit down, mr shadwell. 448 00:24:44,641 --> 00:24:47,601 Lance corporal shadwell. 449 00:24:47,721 --> 00:24:49,441 If you don't mind. 450 00:24:49,561 --> 00:24:53,721 So what's so valuable that they're going to leave it in a church at night? 451 00:24:53,841 --> 00:24:57,681 We'll go over the details of what you're obtaining for me when we get there. 452 00:24:59,641 --> 00:25:02,241 You will all be very well compensated. 453 00:25:06,801 --> 00:25:09,321 You have a question, Lance corporal shadwell? 454 00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:12,281 Stealing from a church? 455 00:25:12,401 --> 00:25:15,801 There's nae... witchcraft involved here... 456 00:25:15,921 --> 00:25:18,081 Is there? 457 00:25:19,921 --> 00:25:21,801 Completely witch-free robbery. 458 00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:23,481 Mm. Pity. 459 00:25:23,601 --> 00:25:24,841 Any other questions? 460 00:25:24,961 --> 00:25:26,721 You are not yourself a witch, 461 00:25:26,841 --> 00:25:29,801 warlock, or someone that calls your cat funny names? 462 00:25:31,401 --> 00:25:33,321 Not a witch. No pets. Anyone else? 463 00:25:33,441 --> 00:25:35,481 What are we getting paid? 464 00:25:35,601 --> 00:25:37,481 A hundred now, 465 00:25:37,601 --> 00:25:39,961 another hundred when the job's done. 466 00:25:40,081 --> 00:25:42,081 A hundred more to keep schtum. 467 00:25:46,281 --> 00:25:47,801 Shadwell: Mr crowley! 468 00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:50,281 May I have a moment of your time? 469 00:25:50,401 --> 00:25:54,721 Yes... Lance corporal shadwell. 470 00:25:54,841 --> 00:25:56,801 What are you a Lance corporal in? 471 00:25:56,921 --> 00:25:59,681 You don't look like an army man. 472 00:25:59,801 --> 00:26:03,041 Well, that is precisely the matter upon which I planned to talk to you. 473 00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:04,921 You might remember earlier this evening 474 00:26:05,041 --> 00:26:08,761 I asked a rather pointed question about witchcraft. 475 00:26:08,881 --> 00:26:09,961 Yes. 476 00:26:10,081 --> 00:26:13,441 Well, I am a proud member of an enormous organisation. 477 00:26:13,561 --> 00:26:14,801 Vast. 478 00:26:16,521 --> 00:26:20,201 A secret army that battles the forces of witchery. 479 00:26:20,321 --> 00:26:21,801 How nice for you. 480 00:26:21,921 --> 00:26:24,521 The witchfinder army. Perhaps you've heard of it. 481 00:26:25,561 --> 00:26:27,241 I thought you said it was secret. 482 00:26:27,361 --> 00:26:29,481 Well, you never know when a gentleman such as yourself 483 00:26:29,521 --> 00:26:32,961 might have need of such an organisation. 484 00:26:33,081 --> 00:26:36,241 A man with hundreds of pounds to throw around. 485 00:26:37,401 --> 00:26:38,921 If you need us, 486 00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:41,201 the witchfinder army are here for you. 487 00:26:41,321 --> 00:26:45,081 - A whole army? - Think it over. 488 00:26:45,201 --> 00:26:46,681 You know where to find me. 489 00:27:04,041 --> 00:27:06,321 - What are you doing here? - I needed a word with you. 490 00:27:06,441 --> 00:27:07,841 What? 491 00:27:07,961 --> 00:27:10,361 Iwork in soho. I hear things. 492 00:27:10,481 --> 00:27:15,441 I hear that you're setting up a... caper 493 00:27:15,561 --> 00:27:17,641 to Rob a church. 494 00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:19,441 Crowley, it's too dangerous. 495 00:27:19,561 --> 00:27:21,281 Holy water won'tjust kill your body - 496 00:27:21,401 --> 00:27:23,481 it will destroy you completely. 497 00:27:23,601 --> 00:27:26,601 You told me what you think 105 years ago. 498 00:27:26,721 --> 00:27:29,361 And I haven't changed my mind. 499 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:31,401 But I can't have you risking your life. 500 00:27:32,481 --> 00:27:34,841 Not even for something dangerous. 501 00:27:39,681 --> 00:27:41,361 You can call off the robbery. 502 00:27:42,841 --> 00:27:44,521 Don't go unscrewing the cap. 503 00:27:51,001 --> 00:27:53,321 - It's the real thing? - The holiest. 504 00:27:55,081 --> 00:27:57,321 After everything you said. 505 00:28:03,401 --> 00:28:05,241 Should I say thank you? 506 00:28:06,361 --> 00:28:07,961 Better not. 507 00:28:09,441 --> 00:28:11,761 Well, can I drop you anywhere? 508 00:28:11,881 --> 00:28:13,081 No, thank you. 509 00:28:14,321 --> 00:28:16,041 Oh, don't look so disappointed. 510 00:28:16,161 --> 00:28:17,681 Perhaps one day we could... 511 00:28:17,801 --> 00:28:21,281 I don't know. Go for a picnic. 512 00:28:21,401 --> 00:28:23,201 Dine at the ritz. 513 00:28:23,321 --> 00:28:26,001 I'll give you a lift. Anywhere you want to go. 514 00:28:27,881 --> 00:28:29,721 You go too fast for me, crowley. 515 00:30:15,681 --> 00:30:18,521 Sorry! Right number. 516 00:30:20,321 --> 00:30:23,561 I'll just go to head office and explain it all. 517 00:30:23,681 --> 00:30:26,121 Yes. "So, Gabriel, um..." 518 00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:27,441 "Listen, Gabriel..." 519 00:30:27,561 --> 00:30:29,641 "Most holy archangel gabr..." 520 00:30:29,761 --> 00:30:31,321 No, that's too formal. 521 00:30:31,441 --> 00:30:33,481 "Hello, Gabriel, me old mate. 522 00:30:33,601 --> 00:30:36,841 "There is a-a-a child we have to deal with 523 00:30:36,961 --> 00:30:39,521 "and... and make everything ok again." 524 00:30:39,641 --> 00:30:41,881 Oh, god. 525 00:30:45,281 --> 00:30:46,441 "Hello, Gabriel. 526 00:30:46,561 --> 00:30:48,161 "Just thought you ought to know 527 00:30:48,281 --> 00:30:51,081 "that due to an unfortunate mix-up in a hospital, 528 00:30:51,201 --> 00:30:53,241 "the antichrist has been mislaid. 529 00:30:53,361 --> 00:30:55,881 "But it's all right, because I've found him. 530 00:30:56,001 --> 00:30:59,881 "He's living in the English village of tadfield, 531 00:31:00,001 --> 00:31:02,601 "and his 11th birthday was the start of... 532 00:31:02,721 --> 00:31:04,561 "Er, the end of things. 533 00:31:04,681 --> 00:31:08,281 "I have his address, and so we just have to eliminate him now, 534 00:31:08,401 --> 00:31:12,281 "then everything could still be ok." Yeah. 535 00:31:12,401 --> 00:31:14,681 "He'll have an enormous hell-hound with him. 536 00:31:14,801 --> 00:31:16,321 "He won't be hard to spot." 537 00:31:18,081 --> 00:31:23,761 Voice of god: This wasn't, insofaras the hell-hound had had any expectations, 538 00:31:23,881 --> 00:31:27,521 what he had imagined life would be like in the last days before armageddon. 539 00:31:29,281 --> 00:31:30,481 Form shapes nature. 540 00:31:30,601 --> 00:31:33,201 There are certain ways of beha viour appropriate to small dogs 541 00:31:33,321 --> 00:31:35,561 which are in fact welded into the genes. 542 00:31:35,681 --> 00:31:39,761 He 'd surprised the huge ginger cat from next door, and had attempted 543 00:31:39,881 --> 00:31:44,081 to reduce it to cowering jelly by means of the usual glowing stare. 544 00:31:45,641 --> 00:31:47,601 It had always worked in the past. 545 00:31:47,721 --> 00:31:50,481 Dog was looking forward to a further cat experiment 546 00:31:50,601 --> 00:31:54,321 which would consist of jumping around and yapping excitedly at it. 547 00:31:54,441 --> 00:31:55,977 Anathema: I can't believe it! I can't believe it! 548 00:31:56,001 --> 00:31:59,001 350 years my family kept it safe. 549 00:31:59,121 --> 00:32:03,361 350 years! 550 00:32:03,481 --> 00:32:06,041 So stupid! 551 00:32:06,161 --> 00:32:08,121 Come on, dog. 552 00:32:11,521 --> 00:32:13,081 Hello. 553 00:32:13,201 --> 00:32:15,041 Are you ok? Can I help? 554 00:32:15,161 --> 00:32:16,481 I'm fine. 555 00:32:16,601 --> 00:32:18,361 But you were crying. 556 00:32:18,481 --> 00:32:20,361 I know! 557 00:32:28,601 --> 00:32:29,881 Hello. 558 00:32:34,481 --> 00:32:36,121 This is going to sound so stupid, 559 00:32:36,241 --> 00:32:40,521 but I lost my book and it all just got a bit... much. 560 00:32:40,641 --> 00:32:42,281 I can help you look for it. 561 00:32:42,401 --> 00:32:45,321 Oh, that's sweet of you. It's been in my family for a long time. 562 00:32:45,441 --> 00:32:46,881 I wrote a book once. 563 00:32:47,001 --> 00:32:49,401 It was about this pirate who was a famous detective. 564 00:32:49,521 --> 00:32:51,841 I bet it was a lot more exciting than any book you've lost. 565 00:32:51,961 --> 00:32:53,297 Especially the bit in the spaceship 566 00:32:53,321 --> 00:32:55,601 where the dinosaur comes out and fights with the cowboys. 567 00:32:55,721 --> 00:32:58,041 I bet it'd cheer you up, my book. I'm Adam. 568 00:32:58,161 --> 00:33:00,961 - I live in hogback Lane. - Thanks, Adam. 569 00:33:02,761 --> 00:33:04,681 Oh, I'm anathema. 570 00:33:06,241 --> 00:33:07,721 Are you from around here? 571 00:33:07,841 --> 00:33:11,121 This is my world. From hogback wood to the dip, 572 00:33:11,241 --> 00:33:13,201 and from the old quarry up to the pond. 573 00:33:13,321 --> 00:33:15,657 You haven't seen two men in a big black vintage car, have you? 574 00:33:15,681 --> 00:33:16,921 Did they steal it? 575 00:33:17,041 --> 00:33:19,297 Professional book thieves! Probably go around in their car 576 00:33:19,321 --> 00:33:22,241 - stealing books. - No, no, they didn't mean to steal it. 577 00:33:22,361 --> 00:33:24,361 Do you want some lemonade? 578 00:33:24,481 --> 00:33:27,561 Are we going to have to break into the cottage and battle the witch for it? 579 00:33:27,681 --> 00:33:29,001 That's my cottage. 580 00:33:29,121 --> 00:33:30,201 I'm renting it. 581 00:33:30,321 --> 00:33:32,281 Look, excuse me for asking, 582 00:33:32,401 --> 00:33:35,241 if it's not a personal question, but are you a witch? 583 00:33:37,081 --> 00:33:39,561 I'm an occultist. 584 00:33:39,681 --> 00:33:41,681 Oh, well, that's all right, then. 585 00:33:48,441 --> 00:33:49,721 Come on, you silly dog. 586 00:33:49,841 --> 00:33:51,817 Voice of god: There had been a horseshoe over the door 587 00:33:51,841 --> 00:33:53,961 of Jasmine cottage for hundreds of years. 588 00:33:54,081 --> 00:33:57,441 [T protected the inhabitants from evil, or so they believed 589 00:33:57,561 --> 00:33:59,041 you can just leave him in the garden. 590 00:33:59,081 --> 00:34:01,401 Adam: No, he has to do everything he's told. My father says 591 00:34:01,441 --> 00:34:03,361 I can only keep him if he's properly trained. 592 00:34:03,481 --> 00:34:06,121 Now, dog, go inside. 593 00:34:08,841 --> 00:34:10,841 Good boy. It wasn't that hard, was it? 594 00:34:10,961 --> 00:34:12,881 Voice of god: The hell-hound entered the cottage 595 00:34:13,001 --> 00:34:15,721 and a little bit more of hell burned away. 596 00:34:58,201 --> 00:34:59,921 Voice of god: Strictly speaking, 597 00:35:00,041 --> 00:35:02,321 5hadwell doesn't run the witchfinder arm y. 598 00:35:02,441 --> 00:35:04,681 According to 5hadwell's pay ledgers, 599 00:35:04,801 --> 00:35:07,521 it is run by witchfinder general Smith. 600 00:35:07,641 --> 00:35:11,201 Under him are witchfinder colonels green and Jones, 601 00:35:11,321 --> 00:35:14,201 and witchfinder majors Jackson, Robinson and Smith. 602 00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:17,481 Then there are witchfinder majors saucepan, 603 00:35:17,601 --> 00:35:19,201 tin, 604 00:35:19,321 --> 00:35:21,001 milkbottle 605 00:35:21,121 --> 00:35:22,881 And cupboard 606 00:35:23,001 --> 00:35:25,321 because shadwell's limited imagination 607 00:35:25,441 --> 00:35:27,961 had been beginning to struggle at this point. 608 00:35:41,041 --> 00:35:42,201 Sergeant shadwell. 609 00:35:42,321 --> 00:35:45,321 Mr crowley. You're looking well. 610 00:35:45,441 --> 00:35:46,961 Clean living. 611 00:35:47,081 --> 00:35:49,801 And your father, how is he? 612 00:35:49,921 --> 00:35:51,921 You resemble him very much, you know. 613 00:35:52,041 --> 00:35:54,681 So they tell me. Yeah, he's well. 614 00:35:54,801 --> 00:35:57,401 I've, er, prepared the ledger. 615 00:35:57,521 --> 00:36:00,121 The men need paying, your honour. 616 00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:04,841 It's hard times for witchfinders in today's degenerate age. 617 00:36:04,961 --> 00:36:06,841 That won't be necessary. 618 00:36:06,961 --> 00:36:10,841 £250. I'll drop the money off for you on Saturday. 619 00:36:10,961 --> 00:36:13,921 In cash, in an envelope. 620 00:36:14,041 --> 00:36:16,921 - Don't take plastic. - You astonish me. 621 00:36:19,801 --> 00:36:22,881 There's a village called tadfield, in oxfordshire. 622 00:36:23,001 --> 00:36:24,321 Send your best people down there. 623 00:36:24,401 --> 00:36:26,841 I'm looking for a boy. He's about 11. 624 00:36:26,961 --> 00:36:28,441 I don't have anything more than that. 625 00:36:28,561 --> 00:36:30,481 But look for anything... 626 00:36:30,601 --> 00:36:32,281 Strange. 627 00:36:33,561 --> 00:36:36,481 This, er, boy... 628 00:36:36,601 --> 00:36:37,841 He's a witch? 629 00:36:37,961 --> 00:36:39,401 Possibly. 630 00:36:39,521 --> 00:36:41,521 We'll have to find him first, won't we? 631 00:36:43,161 --> 00:36:44,601 Well, my best operatives, 632 00:36:44,721 --> 00:36:48,161 that would be witchfinder lieutenant... table. 633 00:36:48,281 --> 00:36:51,801 - Call me if you find anything. - Witchfinder sergeant pepper. 634 00:36:51,921 --> 00:36:54,961 All my family have had occult powers, going all the way back. 635 00:36:55,081 --> 00:36:57,121 We can find ley lines. 636 00:36:57,241 --> 00:36:59,121 Right. What's ley lines? 637 00:36:59,241 --> 00:37:03,001 Invisible lines of force linking places of power. 638 00:37:03,121 --> 00:37:05,561 Amazing, there being all these invisible lines of force around 639 00:37:05,641 --> 00:37:08,081 - and me not seeing them. - We can see auras. 640 00:37:08,201 --> 00:37:09,841 And they are? 641 00:37:09,961 --> 00:37:12,801 This coloured forcefield surrounding someone. 642 00:37:12,921 --> 00:37:14,161 Everyone's got one. 643 00:37:14,281 --> 00:37:16,441 And I can look at its strengths and colour 644 00:37:16,561 --> 00:37:18,601 and tell you how you're feeling. 645 00:37:18,721 --> 00:37:21,201 That's brilliant. Why don't they teach us about them at school? 646 00:37:21,321 --> 00:37:23,601 Because school is a repressive tool of the state. 647 00:37:23,721 --> 00:37:25,641 So what colour's my aura, then? 648 00:37:30,601 --> 00:37:34,001 Adam... I can't see your aura. 649 00:37:34,121 --> 00:37:35,441 You said everybody's got one. 650 00:37:35,561 --> 00:37:36,681 I don't know, hon. 651 00:37:36,801 --> 00:37:39,081 It's an art, not a science. 652 00:37:39,201 --> 00:37:41,121 So what else don't they teach us at school? 653 00:37:41,241 --> 00:37:42,257 They're clubbing baby seals. 654 00:37:42,281 --> 00:37:44,577 They're cutting down the rainforest so you can get a cheap hamburger. 655 00:37:44,601 --> 00:37:46,177 Watch out for genetically modified food. 656 00:37:46,201 --> 00:37:47,881 Don't get me started on global warming. 657 00:37:48,001 --> 00:37:50,441 And that's because whales have huge brains, 658 00:37:50,561 --> 00:37:52,121 and they're hunting them for no reason. 659 00:37:52,161 --> 00:37:54,801 - Nuclear power stations. - Nuclear power stations are rubbish. 660 00:37:54,921 --> 00:37:56,681 Yes! Yes, they are. 661 00:37:56,801 --> 00:37:58,857 We went to one on a school trip, and there was nothing bubbling, 662 00:37:58,881 --> 00:38:00,281 and there wasn't any green smoke, 663 00:38:00,401 --> 00:38:03,441 and there weren't anyone in those space suits, and it was so dull. 664 00:38:03,561 --> 00:38:06,881 Well, yes. But we need to get rid of them. 665 00:38:07,001 --> 00:38:08,921 Serves them right for not bubbling. 666 00:38:09,041 --> 00:38:12,481 Adam, I have to get back to work. 667 00:38:12,601 --> 00:38:17,041 But if you're interested in any of this stuff, 668 00:38:17,161 --> 00:38:18,601 I have some old magazines here. 669 00:38:18,721 --> 00:38:20,961 You don't have to read them if you don't want. 670 00:38:22,721 --> 00:38:24,201 Wicked. 671 00:38:32,841 --> 00:38:35,697 Voice of god: It might have helped anathema to understand what was going on 672 00:38:35,721 --> 00:38:39,401 if she understood the very simple reason why she couldn't see Adam's aura. 673 00:38:39,521 --> 00:38:42,321 It's for the same reason that people in Times Square 674 00:38:42,441 --> 00:38:43,601 can't see america. 675 00:38:50,841 --> 00:38:52,841 Gabriel: So, aziraphale... 676 00:38:53,841 --> 00:38:54,961 I got your message. 677 00:38:55,081 --> 00:38:56,441 You got something big? 678 00:38:57,681 --> 00:38:58,921 Lay it on us. 679 00:38:59,041 --> 00:39:00,641 I'm sorry? 680 00:39:00,761 --> 00:39:02,881 What's happening? 681 00:39:04,441 --> 00:39:06,921 Ok... So... 682 00:39:07,041 --> 00:39:08,401 Well... 683 00:39:10,241 --> 00:39:11,921 It's... it's about the antichrist. 684 00:39:12,041 --> 00:39:13,241 Uriel: Yes? 685 00:39:13,361 --> 00:39:15,561 Aziraphale: I think that, er... 686 00:39:16,801 --> 00:39:19,481 Well, it's not impossible, 687 00:39:19,601 --> 00:39:21,241 uh, considering all... 688 00:39:21,361 --> 00:39:24,081 All the alternatives, that the-the... 689 00:39:25,161 --> 00:39:28,721 Other side might have lost track of him. 690 00:39:31,321 --> 00:39:33,121 The "other side"? 691 00:39:35,841 --> 00:39:37,161 Gabriel: Lost track of him? 692 00:39:37,281 --> 00:39:38,641 He's the son of the us ambassador. 693 00:39:38,761 --> 00:39:40,681 He's under constant surveillance. 694 00:39:40,801 --> 00:39:43,761 The other side are currently transporting him to the plains of megiddo. 695 00:39:43,881 --> 00:39:46,841 Apparently that's the traditional starting point. 696 00:39:46,961 --> 00:39:49,481 Middle eastern unrest. Everything else just follows. 697 00:39:49,601 --> 00:39:51,641 The four horsemen ride out. 698 00:39:51,761 --> 00:39:52,921 Last great battle 699 00:39:53,041 --> 00:39:56,481 - between heaven and hell. - Yes. Well, er... 700 00:39:56,601 --> 00:40:00,361 It's possible that the demon crowley, 701 00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:04,041 a-a-a wily adversary... 702 00:40:04,161 --> 00:40:06,601 Keeps me on my toes, I can tell you. 703 00:40:08,241 --> 00:40:12,601 But the, urn, ambassador's, er, son... 704 00:40:14,281 --> 00:40:15,881 Well, it may have been a ruse. 705 00:40:16,001 --> 00:40:17,761 A ruse? 706 00:40:17,881 --> 00:40:21,801 And the actual antichrist might be, er... 707 00:40:23,641 --> 00:40:25,081 Somewhere else. 708 00:40:29,321 --> 00:40:30,601 Where? 709 00:40:33,201 --> 00:40:34,881 Not sure. 710 00:40:35,001 --> 00:40:36,721 I mean, I-I-I couldfind out. 711 00:40:38,201 --> 00:40:41,761 I-I have a team of... agents. 712 00:40:41,881 --> 00:40:43,841 A dedicated team who... 713 00:40:43,961 --> 00:40:46,641 Who would investigate the possibility. 714 00:40:48,321 --> 00:40:51,721 Hypothetically speaking, if that were the case... 715 00:40:51,841 --> 00:40:54,001 It wouldn't change anything, aziraphale. 716 00:40:54,121 --> 00:40:57,921 There was war in heaven long before the earth was created. 717 00:40:59,041 --> 00:41:00,441 Crowley and the rest were cast out, 718 00:41:00,481 --> 00:41:02,761 but nothing was ever really settled. 719 00:41:02,881 --> 00:41:04,521 I suppose it wasn't. 720 00:41:06,281 --> 00:41:08,801 But there doesn't have to be another war... 721 00:41:08,921 --> 00:41:10,161 Does there? 722 00:41:10,281 --> 00:41:13,281 As much as we appreciate your hypotheticals, aziraphale, 723 00:41:13,401 --> 00:41:16,081 I'm afraid we have other things to do. 724 00:41:18,721 --> 00:41:21,721 The earth isn't going to just end itself, you know. 725 00:41:22,801 --> 00:41:25,161 No. Yes. Right. 726 00:41:48,601 --> 00:41:49,921 Hello. 727 00:42:01,561 --> 00:42:02,641 Woman: Hello. 728 00:42:19,321 --> 00:42:21,161 Rp Tyler. 729 00:42:21,281 --> 00:42:22,681 Neighbourhood watch. 730 00:42:22,801 --> 00:42:26,881 I couldn't help but notice, young person, that you have a map. 731 00:42:27,001 --> 00:42:28,561 Casing the joint, are we? 732 00:42:28,681 --> 00:42:30,481 I'm... I'm renting Jasmine cottage. 733 00:42:30,601 --> 00:42:33,481 Oh, good lord, you're an American tourist. 734 00:42:33,601 --> 00:42:35,241 Sorry. Thought you were 735 00:42:35,361 --> 00:42:38,441 - a person of interest. - Oh, I-I am. 736 00:42:38,561 --> 00:42:40,201 Listen, 11 years ago, 737 00:42:40,321 --> 00:42:44,281 something came to this village, some sort of beast or creature. 738 00:42:44,401 --> 00:42:46,561 And if you're neighbourhood watch, 739 00:42:46,681 --> 00:42:49,121 maybe you noticed. 740 00:42:49,241 --> 00:42:51,601 Tadfield is a perfectly respectable village. 741 00:42:51,721 --> 00:42:54,601 If you're coming here to smoke your fatty spliffers 742 00:42:54,721 --> 00:42:59,721 and bimble off to woo-woo land, then I suggest that you go elsewhere. 743 00:42:59,841 --> 00:43:01,361 Like back to america! 744 00:43:06,041 --> 00:43:08,721 Fatty spliffers? 745 00:43:15,961 --> 00:43:17,681 What did you think of that, then? 746 00:43:17,801 --> 00:43:19,921 That's an angel who's been down there too long. 747 00:43:20,041 --> 00:43:22,681 I don't trust him. 748 00:43:22,801 --> 00:43:25,121 Hypotheticals, indeed. 749 00:43:43,201 --> 00:43:45,281 Hello. 750 00:43:45,401 --> 00:43:47,441 Aziraphale: Witchfinder sergeant shadwell, please. 751 00:43:47,561 --> 00:43:50,961 Or, um, one of his officers. 752 00:43:51,081 --> 00:43:53,801 [Shall endeavour to see if he is available. 753 00:43:53,921 --> 00:43:55,201 Hold on. 754 00:44:00,881 --> 00:44:02,641 Coo-ee, mr shadwell. 755 00:44:03,761 --> 00:44:04,841 Oh, hello, dear. 756 00:44:04,961 --> 00:44:06,401 Hello, madame Tracy. 757 00:44:06,521 --> 00:44:09,961 Away with you, harlot! 758 00:44:10,081 --> 00:44:13,001 There's a gentleman on the telephone for you. 759 00:44:13,121 --> 00:44:15,121 Sounds ever so refined. 760 00:44:15,241 --> 00:44:17,881 And I'll be getting a nice bit of liver for us for Sunday. 761 00:44:18,001 --> 00:44:19,361 I'd sooner sup with the devil. 762 00:44:24,801 --> 00:44:26,657 So if you could just give me the plates back from last week. 763 00:44:26,681 --> 00:44:29,081 There's a love. 764 00:44:30,321 --> 00:44:31,481 Aye? 765 00:44:31,601 --> 00:44:33,281 Aziraphale: Sergeant shadwell. 766 00:44:33,401 --> 00:44:35,241 - .I't's you-know-who. - Who? 767 00:44:35,361 --> 00:44:38,841 Me. Your, um, sponsor. 768 00:44:38,961 --> 00:44:44,481 Listen, do you have any men free? I need them to poke about a bit. 769 00:44:44,601 --> 00:44:45,761 Poke? 770 00:44:45,881 --> 00:44:47,681 Where exactly do you want them poking? 771 00:44:47,801 --> 00:44:48,881 Tadfield. 772 00:44:49,001 --> 00:44:50,601 It's a small town in oxfordshire. 773 00:44:50,721 --> 00:44:52,601 There's a boyl need placed under observation. 774 00:44:52,721 --> 00:44:55,041 I-I need to know where he is at all times. 775 00:44:55,161 --> 00:44:57,041 I can give you his address. 776 00:44:57,161 --> 00:44:59,081 I'll put a squad of my best men onto it. 777 00:44:59,201 --> 00:45:01,361 Oh, good. Thank you so much. 778 00:45:01,481 --> 00:45:04,057 Aziraphale: Oh, and I should have asked about witchfinder major milkbottle. 779 00:45:04,081 --> 00:45:06,481 I was so sorry to hear of his untimely end. 780 00:45:06,601 --> 00:45:08,281 I sent flowers. 781 00:45:08,401 --> 00:45:10,561 Aye, the flowers were appreciated. 782 00:45:10,681 --> 00:45:13,521 And so was the extra £20 for the family. 783 00:45:13,641 --> 00:45:15,681 He was a brave man. 784 00:45:15,801 --> 00:45:19,041 Oh, I was flabbergasted when you told me how he died. 785 00:45:19,161 --> 00:45:20,601 Aye. A brave man. 786 00:45:20,721 --> 00:45:24,201 I'll be by the bookstore next week 787 00:45:24,321 --> 00:45:26,081 to pick up your annual dues. 788 00:45:26,201 --> 00:45:27,657 Squad of best men to tadfield, dear fellow. 789 00:45:27,681 --> 00:45:30,561 And keep them there until I give you more orders. 790 00:45:30,681 --> 00:45:32,481 Now, the boy is called... 791 00:45:32,601 --> 00:45:34,441 A dam young. 792 00:45:34,561 --> 00:45:39,441 And his address is number four hogback Lane, tadfield 793 00:45:39,561 --> 00:45:40,841 have you got it? 794 00:45:40,961 --> 00:45:42,281 Absolutely, your honour. 795 00:45:42,401 --> 00:45:44,801 - Tadfield it is. - Right. Pip-pip. 796 00:45:44,921 --> 00:45:47,241 And let me know when your men are in position. 797 00:45:49,161 --> 00:45:50,321 Pip-pip. 798 00:45:50,441 --> 00:45:51,921 Great southern pansy. 799 00:45:55,561 --> 00:45:59,561 Find any witches yet, witchfinder private pulsifer? 800 00:45:59,681 --> 00:46:01,161 Even better than that. 801 00:46:01,281 --> 00:46:03,201 I found something really interesting. 802 00:46:03,321 --> 00:46:04,721 Hmm. 803 00:46:04,841 --> 00:46:06,617 I've discovered some unusual weather patterns. 804 00:46:06,641 --> 00:46:08,481 There's a town in oxfordshire 805 00:46:08,601 --> 00:46:10,017 with some very strange weather events. 806 00:46:10,041 --> 00:46:11,561 Oh? Raining blood? 807 00:46:11,681 --> 00:46:13,121 Or raining fish? 808 00:46:13,241 --> 00:46:16,001 Satanic frost in summer withering the crops 809 00:46:16,121 --> 00:46:18,841 after some hag got into an argument with a farmer? 810 00:46:18,961 --> 00:46:21,801 No. It's just... 811 00:46:21,921 --> 00:46:26,241 It always has perfect weather for the time of year. 812 00:46:26,361 --> 00:46:29,041 You call that a phenomenon? 813 00:46:29,161 --> 00:46:31,161 Normal weather for the time of year isn't normal. 814 00:46:31,281 --> 00:46:33,921 Crisp autumns, long, hot augusts. 815 00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:36,081 The kind of weather you used to dream of as a kid. 816 00:46:36,201 --> 00:46:39,081 It's snowed there every Christmas Eve for the last 11 years. 817 00:46:39,201 --> 00:46:40,801 Not interested. 818 00:46:40,921 --> 00:46:44,161 Just look for witches and witch-caused phenomenon-enoms. 819 00:46:45,401 --> 00:46:49,401 Voice of god: He called himself dr raven sable, 820 00:46:49,521 --> 00:46:51,721 but you know him by another name. 821 00:46:51,841 --> 00:46:54,881 He loves hunger. 822 00:46:55,001 --> 00:46:57,881 He loves people not eating enough in fancy restaurants. 823 00:46:58,001 --> 00:46:59,681 Your main course, madam. 824 00:46:59,801 --> 00:47:02,681 Chicken froth on a reduction of broccoli gel 825 00:47:02,801 --> 00:47:04,121 with a mushroom foam. 826 00:47:04,241 --> 00:47:06,361 And the chef recommends that you have this first - 827 00:47:06,481 --> 00:47:09,081 a balloon filled with lavender-scented air. 828 00:47:09,201 --> 00:47:10,481 It is the first course. 829 00:47:12,561 --> 00:47:14,561 - Mm, mm, mm. - Sable: It just occurred to me. 830 00:47:14,681 --> 00:47:17,801 I've never seen a room full of rich people so hungry before. 831 00:47:17,921 --> 00:47:20,641 Voice of god: He's a businessman with a chain of restaurants, 832 00:47:20,761 --> 00:47:22,841 and he's about to launch something new. 833 00:47:22,961 --> 00:47:25,441 Chow - food-free food. 834 00:47:27,961 --> 00:47:30,881 Artificial bun. Artificial burger. 835 00:47:31,001 --> 00:47:33,241 Fries that have never seen a potato. 836 00:47:33,361 --> 00:47:34,721 Foodless sauces. 837 00:47:34,841 --> 00:47:37,561 And - we're rather proud of this - 838 00:47:37,681 --> 00:47:41,241 a completely artificial dill pickle. 839 00:47:41,361 --> 00:47:43,881 The shake doesn't contain any actual food content either. 840 00:47:44,001 --> 00:47:46,121 Well, nobody's shakes contain any actual food content. 841 00:47:46,241 --> 00:47:49,081 Ok, let's try it out. 842 00:47:54,201 --> 00:47:56,241 Press this button when you hand over the chow. 843 00:47:56,361 --> 00:47:59,561 And don't call it food. It's chow. 844 00:48:01,241 --> 00:48:03,601 Electronic voice: Chow-brand unfood contains spun, plaited 845 00:48:03,721 --> 00:48:04,737 and woven protein molecules 846 00:48:04,761 --> 00:48:06,257 designed to be ignored by your digestive enzymes, 847 00:48:06,281 --> 00:48:08,257 no-Cal sweeteners, oil replacements, fibrous materials, 848 00:48:08,281 --> 00:48:09,817 colourings and fla vourings. Chow is an edible substance 849 00:48:09,841 --> 00:48:11,017 and must not be confused with food. 850 00:48:11,041 --> 00:48:13,017 Eating chow can help you to lose weight, hair and kidney functions. 851 00:48:13,041 --> 00:48:14,217 May cause anal leakage. Enjoy your meal. 852 00:48:14,241 --> 00:48:16,521 Party, name of sable? 853 00:48:16,641 --> 00:48:18,081 I thought it was you. 854 00:48:18,201 --> 00:48:21,641 I looked around, I thought, "tall gent with a beard, nice suit." 855 00:48:21,761 --> 00:48:24,201 There's a package for you, sir. You have to sign for it. 856 00:48:25,761 --> 00:48:27,841 Man: ♪ you ain't no friend of mine oh, yeah 857 00:48:27,961 --> 00:48:31,801 ♪ you ain't nothin' but a hound dog... ♪ 858 00:48:37,921 --> 00:48:39,761 - Frannie: Oh. - Sable: The measuring scales. 859 00:48:39,881 --> 00:48:41,521 Finally. 860 00:48:41,641 --> 00:48:43,121 I'm flying to england. 861 00:48:43,241 --> 00:48:45,201 I'll let the jet know. When are you returning? 862 00:48:45,321 --> 00:48:46,481 Who knows? 863 00:48:46,601 --> 00:48:48,641 Cancel all my appointments. 864 00:48:48,761 --> 00:48:49,961 For how long? 865 00:48:50,081 --> 00:48:51,841 The foreseeable future. 866 00:49:06,881 --> 00:49:08,521 Sergeant shadwell, 867 00:49:08,641 --> 00:49:10,337 you know the village I was telling you about 868 00:49:10,361 --> 00:49:11,961 with the perfect weather? 869 00:49:13,161 --> 00:49:15,081 Well, according to the manual, 870 00:49:15,201 --> 00:49:17,721 witches can influence the weather. 871 00:49:17,841 --> 00:49:19,697 What if I was to sort of nip over there tomorrow, 872 00:49:19,721 --> 00:49:21,961 have a little look round? 873 00:49:22,081 --> 00:49:23,641 I could pay for my own petrol. 874 00:49:23,761 --> 00:49:27,441 This village, it wouldn't be called tadfield, would it? 875 00:49:27,561 --> 00:49:29,401 How did you know that? 876 00:49:31,801 --> 00:49:33,401 Well, I suppose it can't do any harm. 877 00:49:33,521 --> 00:49:37,161 Be here at nine of the clock in the morning, afore you leave. 878 00:49:37,281 --> 00:49:38,961 What for? 879 00:49:40,041 --> 00:49:41,561 Your armour of righteousness. 880 00:49:45,601 --> 00:49:48,921 Crowley: It's me. Meet me at the third alternative rendezvous. 881 00:49:49,041 --> 00:49:51,521 Is that the old bandstand, the number 19 bus, 882 00:49:51,641 --> 00:49:52,921 or the British museum cafe? 883 00:49:53,041 --> 00:49:55,601 The bandstand. I'll be there in 15 minutes. 884 00:49:57,561 --> 00:50:00,761 Dad, did you know that there are ley lines everywhere? 885 00:50:00,881 --> 00:50:03,401 No, Adam. Ley lines are rubbish. 886 00:50:03,521 --> 00:50:05,481 Oh, you'll like this bit, Deirdre. 887 00:50:05,601 --> 00:50:08,481 They've taped the gun under the chair. 888 00:50:08,601 --> 00:50:10,161 It's not rubbish. 889 00:50:10,281 --> 00:50:11,737 They wouldn't write about it in magazines 890 00:50:11,761 --> 00:50:13,201 if it was rubbish. 891 00:50:13,321 --> 00:50:16,401 You can't protect her, you're tied to a chair. 892 00:50:16,521 --> 00:50:18,881 There's people from Tibet watching everything we do 893 00:50:19,001 --> 00:50:20,081 through hidden tunnels. 894 00:50:20,201 --> 00:50:22,921 You made one huge mistake... 895 00:50:24,481 --> 00:50:26,521 I think I might go to bed early, actually. 896 00:50:32,481 --> 00:50:34,377 Where did you learn to fight like that, your majesty? 897 00:50:34,401 --> 00:50:35,961 Do you think he's all right? 898 00:50:36,041 --> 00:50:37,521 He's fine. 899 00:50:51,921 --> 00:50:53,321 Crowley: Well? 900 00:50:56,041 --> 00:50:58,081 - Any news? - Um... 901 00:50:58,201 --> 00:51:00,041 What-what kind of news would that be? 902 00:51:00,161 --> 00:51:02,161 Well, have you found the missing antichrist's name, 903 00:51:02,241 --> 00:51:04,001 address and shoe size yet? 904 00:51:04,121 --> 00:51:06,641 His shoe size? Why-why would I have his shoe size? 905 00:51:06,761 --> 00:51:09,521 It's a joke. I've got nothing either. 906 00:51:09,641 --> 00:51:11,921 It's the great plan, crowley. 907 00:51:12,041 --> 00:51:13,361 Yeah. For the record, 908 00:51:13,481 --> 00:51:17,041 great pustulant mangled bollocks 909 00:51:17,161 --> 00:51:20,161 to the great blasted plan! 910 00:51:20,281 --> 00:51:21,601 May you be forgiven. 911 00:51:21,721 --> 00:51:23,921 I won't be forgiven. 912 00:51:24,041 --> 00:51:25,881 Not Eve r. 913 00:51:26,001 --> 00:51:27,801 That's part of a demon's job description. 914 00:51:27,921 --> 00:51:30,161 Unforgiveable. That's what I am. 915 00:51:30,281 --> 00:51:31,841 You were an angel once. 916 00:51:31,961 --> 00:51:33,441 That was a long time ago. 917 00:51:36,121 --> 00:51:38,201 We find the boy. My agents can do it. 918 00:51:38,321 --> 00:51:39,481 And then what? 919 00:51:39,601 --> 00:51:41,001 We eliminate him? 920 00:51:42,201 --> 00:51:44,481 Someone does. I'm not personally up for killing kids. 921 00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:45,857 You're the demon. I'm the nice one. 922 00:51:45,881 --> 00:51:47,081 I don't have to kill children. 923 00:51:47,121 --> 00:51:48,401 - Uh-uh... - If you kill him, 924 00:51:48,521 --> 00:51:49,761 then the world gets a reprieve 925 00:51:49,881 --> 00:51:52,041 and heaven does not have blood on its hands. 926 00:51:52,161 --> 00:51:53,441 Oh, no blood on your hands? 927 00:51:53,561 --> 00:51:55,161 That's a bit holier-than-thou, isn't it? 928 00:51:55,241 --> 00:51:57,561 I am a great deal holier than thou. That's the whole point. 929 00:51:57,641 --> 00:51:59,321 You should kill the boy yourself. 930 00:51:59,441 --> 00:52:00,601 Holi-ly. 931 00:52:00,721 --> 00:52:04,361 I am not... killing anybody. 932 00:52:06,441 --> 00:52:08,121 This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous. 933 00:52:08,241 --> 00:52:10,057 I don't even know why I'm still talking to you. 934 00:52:10,081 --> 00:52:11,777 - Well, frankly, neither do I. - Enough, I'm leaving. 935 00:52:11,801 --> 00:52:13,081 You can't leave, crowley. 936 00:52:13,201 --> 00:52:14,281 There isn't anywhere to go. 937 00:52:14,401 --> 00:52:16,041 It's a big universe. 938 00:52:17,361 --> 00:52:19,481 Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, 939 00:52:19,601 --> 00:52:20,881 we can go off together. 940 00:52:22,961 --> 00:52:24,121 Go off together? 941 00:52:26,001 --> 00:52:27,681 Listen to yourself. 942 00:52:27,801 --> 00:52:29,681 How long have we been friends? 943 00:52:29,801 --> 00:52:31,201 6,000 yea rs! 944 00:52:31,321 --> 00:52:33,281 Friends? We're not friends. 945 00:52:33,401 --> 00:52:36,601 We are an angel and a demon. 946 00:52:36,721 --> 00:52:38,361 We have nothing whatsoever in common. 947 00:52:38,481 --> 00:52:40,881 - I don't even like you. - You do. 948 00:52:41,001 --> 00:52:42,841 Even if I did know where the antichrist was, 949 00:52:42,961 --> 00:52:44,881 I wouldn't tell you. We're on opposite sides. 950 00:52:45,001 --> 00:52:49,001 - We're on our side. - There is no ourside, crowley. 951 00:52:49,121 --> 00:52:50,721 Not any more. 952 00:52:50,841 --> 00:52:52,121 It's over. 953 00:52:54,961 --> 00:52:56,521 Right. 954 00:52:59,441 --> 00:53:00,881 Well, then... 955 00:53:06,401 --> 00:53:07,961 Have a nice doomsday. 956 00:53:33,321 --> 00:53:34,961 Brilliant. 957 00:53:54,721 --> 00:53:56,281 Voices whisper: You can do it. 958 00:53:59,961 --> 00:54:02,601 You can change it. You can fix it. 959 00:54:02,721 --> 00:54:04,921 It's getting closer. 960 00:54:05,041 --> 00:54:07,041 It's getting stronger. 961 00:54:23,961 --> 00:54:24,961 That's a bit... 962 00:54:25,081 --> 00:54:26,641 Man: Impossible. 963 00:54:28,481 --> 00:54:30,401 Is this a joke? 964 00:54:30,521 --> 00:54:32,241 Woman: 240 megawatts of power 965 00:54:32,361 --> 00:54:34,641 are currently being produced by this power station, Eric. 966 00:54:34,761 --> 00:54:37,161 It's just, according to our indicators, 967 00:54:37,281 --> 00:54:39,441 nothing's producing them. 968 00:54:39,561 --> 00:54:41,481 What do you mean, I have to authorise it? 969 00:54:41,601 --> 00:54:43,921 Is there anyone else? 970 00:54:44,041 --> 00:54:45,681 I know I'm the minister. 971 00:54:47,321 --> 00:54:49,481 Well, then, yes. 972 00:54:49,601 --> 00:54:52,041 I authorise you to open the bloody thing up. 973 00:55:06,241 --> 00:55:07,681 Woman: Oh. 974 00:55:07,801 --> 00:55:09,417 There's something you don't see every day. 975 00:55:09,441 --> 00:55:13,201 An enormous room without a nuclear reactor in it. 976 00:55:13,321 --> 00:55:16,601 Man: But... there's nothing there. 977 00:55:16,721 --> 00:55:18,561 Man 2: Not nothing, chief. 978 00:55:20,721 --> 00:55:22,881 Woman: It looks like a sherbet lemon. 979 00:55:29,441 --> 00:55:33,761 Mend it all. End it all. 980 00:55:33,881 --> 00:55:39,601 End it all.