1 00:00:09,805 --> 00:00:11,925 [car engine revving] 2 00:00:16,885 --> 00:00:19,805 Lesi, could you play something that's got a bit of swing? 3 00:00:20,805 --> 00:00:24,405 I'm in the mood for something modern, but not Bebop. 4 00:00:24,765 --> 00:00:26,125 [soft music playing] 5 00:00:26,205 --> 00:00:27,205 Ah. 6 00:00:27,605 --> 00:00:28,605 Perfect. 7 00:00:30,205 --> 00:00:33,725 Oh, I wish I could stop and give you a lift, but I'm so late. 8 00:00:33,765 --> 00:00:35,485 I'm sure someone will stop for you. 9 00:00:35,845 --> 00:00:36,845 [clears throat] 10 00:00:39,525 --> 00:00:40,565 How odd. 11 00:00:42,725 --> 00:00:44,365 I'm so, so sorry. 12 00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:47,445 I really do have to get to-- Oh! 13 00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:48,445 [car brakes] 14 00:00:48,525 --> 00:00:49,565 [Aziraphale grunts] 15 00:00:52,365 --> 00:00:55,125 I'm so sorry, can you be an angel and give me a lift? 16 00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:58,325 My car's broken down and my phone's dead. 17 00:00:59,005 --> 00:01:00,885 Just to the next town, there's a garage there. 18 00:01:00,965 --> 00:01:03,445 Oh... yes, well... 19 00:01:03,765 --> 00:01:05,565 I suppose you better climb in, then. 20 00:01:09,645 --> 00:01:11,765 You are the nicest person. 21 00:01:11,845 --> 00:01:13,645 -I'd given up, thank you. -Yeah. 22 00:01:15,845 --> 00:01:17,565 [suspenseful music playing] 23 00:01:19,565 --> 00:01:21,965 I knew you couldn't resist somebody under stress. 24 00:01:24,245 --> 00:01:26,005 What a heap of junk this car is. 25 00:01:26,525 --> 00:01:30,445 You'd think you would've upgraded sometime in the last 90 years, but no. 26 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,325 Who are you? 27 00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:34,165 It's Aziraphale, isn't it? 28 00:01:35,405 --> 00:01:37,285 Former Angel of the Eastern Gate. 29 00:01:38,405 --> 00:01:39,845 You have the advantage on me. 30 00:01:40,645 --> 00:01:42,805 I do, yes. 31 00:01:44,005 --> 00:01:45,205 Shax. 32 00:01:48,365 --> 00:01:51,205 Former Admissions demon, senior grade. 33 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:55,805 [Shax] Now a Hell's ambassador planner, potentially to this corner of the planet. 34 00:01:56,764 --> 00:01:59,285 Replacing the demon Crowley. 35 00:02:00,845 --> 00:02:01,885 Oh. 36 00:02:03,565 --> 00:02:06,725 -Crowley's got Gabriel, hasn't he? -[car breaks] 37 00:02:08,605 --> 00:02:10,484 I really have no idea what you're talking about. 38 00:02:10,605 --> 00:02:12,005 [Shax] It's the only thing that makes sense. 39 00:02:12,485 --> 00:02:14,965 Crowley is hiding the Angel Gabriel. 40 00:02:15,045 --> 00:02:17,125 I think you must have me confused for someone else. 41 00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:22,445 I'm a little bemused as to why Crowley should risk destruction for you. 42 00:02:23,285 --> 00:02:24,765 [Shax] You don't seem his type at all. 43 00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:28,365 I can tell how Crowley's got him. 44 00:02:28,605 --> 00:02:31,285 Crowley doesn't have Gabriel. Where would he put him? 45 00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:35,165 Gabriel would never go to Crowley, he hates Crowley. 46 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:36,285 He hates you. 47 00:02:37,765 --> 00:02:39,885 I don't know where he is, but he isn't with Crowley. 48 00:02:40,165 --> 00:02:41,805 -No? -No. 49 00:02:45,325 --> 00:02:47,205 You know what? 50 00:02:48,445 --> 00:02:50,245 Sometime in the last 18, 19 years, 51 00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:52,485 I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item. 52 00:02:53,325 --> 00:02:54,685 [Shax] I didn't believe it then. 53 00:02:55,565 --> 00:02:56,645 Not really. 54 00:02:58,965 --> 00:03:00,685 Poor old Furfur. 55 00:03:01,805 --> 00:03:03,885 He thought you were his ticket to the big time. 56 00:03:04,845 --> 00:03:06,845 Now he's on requisitions. 57 00:03:07,365 --> 00:03:09,525 I'm afraid I have no idea what you are talking about. 58 00:03:10,085 --> 00:03:15,125 Nor where this Angel Gabriel, who I've never heard of, might be. 59 00:03:16,565 --> 00:03:17,725 You can let me out here. 60 00:03:18,845 --> 00:03:21,285 -This is in the middle of nowhere. -Sounds about right. 61 00:03:22,565 --> 00:03:23,565 It's okay. 62 00:03:24,485 --> 00:03:26,125 You've already told me where he is. 63 00:03:27,405 --> 00:03:31,045 No! How, how did I tell you where Gabriel is? 64 00:03:31,365 --> 00:03:32,405 You didn't. 65 00:03:32,885 --> 00:03:35,245 -You have now. -[door shuts] 66 00:03:35,325 --> 00:03:36,605 [suspenseful music playing] 67 00:03:36,685 --> 00:03:37,685 [sighs] 68 00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,445 [car engine revving] 69 00:03:43,084 --> 00:03:44,565 [intro theme music playing] 70 00:05:11,765 --> 00:05:13,365 [bombs and weapons noises] 71 00:05:20,645 --> 00:05:22,525 If the bomb does land here, 72 00:05:22,605 --> 00:05:24,205 it would take a real miracle 73 00:05:24,445 --> 00:05:27,005 for my friend and I to survive it. 74 00:05:28,365 --> 00:05:30,565 [explosion and sirens] 75 00:05:45,965 --> 00:05:47,405 That was very kind of you. 76 00:05:48,405 --> 00:05:50,245 -[Crowley] Shut up. -Well... 77 00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,365 It was. No paperwork for us to have. 78 00:05:54,885 --> 00:05:55,885 Oh, the books. 79 00:05:56,285 --> 00:05:57,285 Oh. 80 00:05:57,965 --> 00:06:00,205 I forgot all the books. 81 00:06:01,165 --> 00:06:04,765 -Oh, they'll all be blown to-- -[Crowley grunts] 82 00:06:05,725 --> 00:06:09,525 Little demonic miracle of man. Lift home? 83 00:06:11,005 --> 00:06:13,045 [soft music playing] 84 00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:20,725 [man through interphone] Hello. 85 00:06:21,045 --> 00:06:23,325 Have a miserable eternity. 86 00:06:23,765 --> 00:06:27,885 We'd like to apologize for the wait and the conditions, but we won't. 87 00:06:28,885 --> 00:06:33,085 Cheer up. Things could be worse, and they will be. 88 00:06:34,845 --> 00:06:36,605 Shoot number four, all the way down. 89 00:06:36,845 --> 00:06:38,285 Have a miserable eternity. 90 00:06:38,525 --> 00:06:39,645 [Shax] Next. 91 00:06:39,725 --> 00:06:41,365 [through interphone] ...for the rest of eternity, 92 00:06:41,445 --> 00:06:44,405 worse and worse and worse. 93 00:06:44,685 --> 00:06:45,685 [Shax] Next. 94 00:06:46,525 --> 00:06:49,725 I've had enough of this, I need a cuppa. You'll have to wait. 95 00:06:50,685 --> 00:06:52,605 -[all complaining] -[man] Excuse me. Excuse me! 96 00:06:54,285 --> 00:06:57,885 [through interphone] Hello. Have a miserable eternity. 97 00:06:58,405 --> 00:07:02,365 We'd like to apologize for the wait and the conditions, but we won't. 98 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,645 Cheer up. Things could be worse and they will be. 99 00:07:08,685 --> 00:07:09,685 Aargh. 100 00:07:13,925 --> 00:07:14,925 Ouch. 101 00:07:15,325 --> 00:07:17,245 [suspenseful music playing] 102 00:07:21,685 --> 00:07:22,685 Unbelievable. 103 00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:23,925 Having a rough one? 104 00:07:24,605 --> 00:07:26,125 No, no, it's perfect. 105 00:07:26,605 --> 00:07:29,365 I've spent all morning processing 52 men called Otto. 106 00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:31,125 You know, 107 00:07:31,725 --> 00:07:33,245 if you really want to get out of here, 108 00:07:34,285 --> 00:07:37,765 I believe they are looking to move some people from Admissions to Temptations. 109 00:07:37,845 --> 00:07:40,765 Well, it's never come easy to me. Climbing the greasy pole. 110 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,085 I get all double tongue tied. 111 00:07:43,925 --> 00:07:44,925 The thing is... 112 00:07:45,485 --> 00:07:47,645 I do have the ear of the higher demons. 113 00:07:49,205 --> 00:07:50,685 I could always put in a word for you. 114 00:07:52,845 --> 00:07:53,845 Really? 115 00:07:54,285 --> 00:07:56,725 If you were to hear something on the Hell burn, 116 00:07:57,445 --> 00:08:00,005 some demon somewhere up to some good, 117 00:08:00,805 --> 00:08:01,925 just let me know. 118 00:08:03,125 --> 00:08:04,805 I could get you in front of the Dark Council. 119 00:08:06,045 --> 00:08:07,285 You'd do that for me? 120 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,445 Then some day, 121 00:08:10,405 --> 00:08:11,885 and that day may never come, 122 00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:13,805 I could call on you 123 00:08:14,805 --> 00:08:16,005 to do a service for me. 124 00:08:17,525 --> 00:08:18,925 Yeah, yeah I will. 125 00:08:24,485 --> 00:08:26,645 [tense music playing] 126 00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,005 You know... 127 00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:32,924 that was a very nice thing 128 00:08:33,645 --> 00:08:35,485 -you did for me. -Shut up. 129 00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:37,924 There must be something I can do for you 130 00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:40,765 -in return. -Forget it, will you? 131 00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:42,605 Right. 132 00:08:42,885 --> 00:08:44,125 Spot of business to do. 133 00:08:44,205 --> 00:08:45,845 Spreading the old demon drink. 134 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,645 [shouting] 135 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,525 [car engine revving] 136 00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,405 Ah. 137 00:08:57,765 --> 00:08:58,965 The theater. 138 00:08:59,325 --> 00:09:02,245 Bravo! Sophocles, Shakespeare. 139 00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:04,485 -[Crowley] Something like that. -So improving. 140 00:09:04,525 --> 00:09:06,765 Talking of improving. [thud] 141 00:09:07,045 --> 00:09:10,725 Time for delivery of some black market joy. 142 00:09:10,765 --> 00:09:13,645 Lovely bottles of joy. Thank you for sending proof. 143 00:09:16,205 --> 00:09:17,845 We should not be here. 144 00:09:18,445 --> 00:09:21,165 I'm telling you now, my planning is always exemplary. 145 00:09:21,765 --> 00:09:23,445 I had the Luftwaffe bombing plans 146 00:09:23,525 --> 00:09:26,125 and everything was going to the East end of London. 147 00:09:26,205 --> 00:09:27,405 Absolutely. 148 00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:30,525 It has something to do with that swine Crowley. 149 00:09:32,245 --> 00:09:33,245 What did you just say? 150 00:09:34,205 --> 00:09:38,325 It was Mr. Crowley's meddling that caused this. 151 00:09:38,525 --> 00:09:39,525 Crowley? 152 00:09:40,245 --> 00:09:42,005 Yes, they did say something about... 153 00:09:42,285 --> 00:09:45,485 demonic interventions just before the bomb hit the church. 154 00:09:45,525 --> 00:09:46,645 They? Who is they? 155 00:09:46,765 --> 00:09:49,405 Crowley and his bookseller friend, Mr. Fell. 156 00:09:49,845 --> 00:09:52,605 Real sissy type, a proper fear girl. 157 00:09:52,645 --> 00:09:55,525 Schtum for a minute. So this all happened in a church? 158 00:09:56,405 --> 00:09:57,645 And this Crowley was there? 159 00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,165 In a church, on hallowed ground? 160 00:10:04,085 --> 00:10:05,085 Tell me... 161 00:10:08,445 --> 00:10:09,445 everything. 162 00:10:12,765 --> 00:10:14,885 Broken? All of them? 163 00:10:15,645 --> 00:10:18,245 Didn't you have air in your bloody tires? 164 00:10:18,725 --> 00:10:20,725 What's the matter with you, you great lump? 165 00:10:20,765 --> 00:10:24,965 Right, yeah, I did, I parked right next to a place where a bomb went off, Mrs. H. 166 00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:27,485 Don't you Mrs. H me, you cheeky sod. 167 00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:30,445 I paid you for 40 bottles and I bloody well want them. 168 00:10:31,085 --> 00:10:32,125 What a day. 169 00:10:33,005 --> 00:10:34,605 You smashed my Whiskey, 170 00:10:35,165 --> 00:10:36,645 the heating is knackered, 171 00:10:36,965 --> 00:10:41,005 and the girls won't go on stage because it's so bleeding cold. 172 00:10:41,525 --> 00:10:43,005 And to top it all off, 173 00:10:43,285 --> 00:10:47,485 tonight's magician has just been arrested as a deserter. 174 00:10:48,285 --> 00:10:49,365 -I'm f-- -[piano interrupts] 175 00:10:50,485 --> 00:10:55,485 Erm, I wonder if I might be able to help you out on behalf of my... 176 00:10:56,245 --> 00:10:57,485 erm, good friend here. 177 00:10:57,565 --> 00:11:03,125 I am no stranger to the art of prestidigitation. 178 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,685 Right, here is the deal. 179 00:11:10,085 --> 00:11:11,805 I can grant you temporary license 180 00:11:11,885 --> 00:11:14,805 to go back up to Earth as zombies for 24 hours. 181 00:11:15,085 --> 00:11:18,445 -As zombies? -Zombies, yes, the living dead. 182 00:11:18,525 --> 00:11:21,245 Then if you are able to find me hard proof 183 00:11:21,325 --> 00:11:24,245 that the demon Crowley and this Mr. Fell, 184 00:11:24,325 --> 00:11:26,765 who from your description appears to be an Angel, 185 00:11:26,845 --> 00:11:30,325 are not just associating but actively working together, 186 00:11:30,405 --> 00:11:33,565 I will be authorized to grant you freedom from Hell and Damnation. 187 00:11:34,365 --> 00:11:38,845 What if this Angel, Mr. Fell, uses his heavenly powers against us? 188 00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:42,565 No worry about that, I recently qualified as an authorized miracle blocker. 189 00:11:42,845 --> 00:11:44,845 I can stop all that very easily, but... 190 00:11:44,925 --> 00:11:46,365 if you don't want to do it, no problem, 191 00:11:46,645 --> 00:11:48,525 the alternative is this. 192 00:11:48,605 --> 00:11:50,165 [all] Oh! 193 00:11:50,245 --> 00:11:52,525 Not him, that's Asterik, he just brought me the clicker. 194 00:11:52,605 --> 00:11:53,605 Thank you. 195 00:11:58,485 --> 00:11:59,845 [mechanical noises] 196 00:12:00,325 --> 00:12:03,685 -A spider's web? -Give me a minute, it's fiddly. 197 00:12:05,445 --> 00:12:07,645 [man shouting] 198 00:12:08,565 --> 00:12:10,165 -[grumping] -[man shouting] 199 00:12:10,965 --> 00:12:12,165 Comandant Klupps. 200 00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:13,885 [man shouting] 201 00:12:14,325 --> 00:12:16,805 You'd be passed through this spider's digestive system, 202 00:12:16,885 --> 00:12:18,405 expelled as faecal matter, 203 00:12:18,485 --> 00:12:20,365 reconstituted as a Nazi headed fly 204 00:12:20,445 --> 00:12:22,085 and the whole sorry business is repeated. 205 00:12:22,525 --> 00:12:23,525 For how long? 206 00:12:24,685 --> 00:12:25,685 Let me check for you. 207 00:12:30,205 --> 00:12:32,005 Eternity. So, if you'd rather take 208 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,005 the initial 24 hours as a living dead on Earth, 209 00:12:34,085 --> 00:12:37,205 just sign here, otherwise it's straight through there for spinne time. 210 00:12:38,605 --> 00:12:39,605 So... 211 00:12:40,645 --> 00:12:42,485 what do we do when we find the proof? 212 00:12:43,205 --> 00:12:45,005 Just twist the jewel on this, 213 00:12:45,885 --> 00:12:47,845 that summons me, I'll be right there. 214 00:12:49,765 --> 00:12:50,765 And then what? 215 00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,405 Well, I should be the one to collect the proof 216 00:12:52,485 --> 00:12:54,045 with this state of the art device. 217 00:12:54,885 --> 00:12:55,885 All done. 218 00:12:56,205 --> 00:12:58,005 As newly inculcated members of the undead, 219 00:12:58,085 --> 00:13:01,005 you will experience periods of blood lust which you will have to satisfy. 220 00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:04,325 These cravings can only be quenched by the consumption of living human brains, 221 00:13:04,405 --> 00:13:06,805 just to keep you going. Any questions? 222 00:13:08,605 --> 00:13:09,605 Good. 223 00:13:10,845 --> 00:13:12,365 [suspenseful music playing] 224 00:13:13,205 --> 00:13:14,525 [drunkenly singing] ♪ I'll... ♪ 225 00:13:14,885 --> 00:13:17,085 ♪ Tell you a story ♪ 226 00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:20,245 ♪ That is sure to please ♪ 227 00:13:20,845 --> 00:13:24,965 ♪ Of a great farting contest ♪ 228 00:13:25,245 --> 00:13:29,085 ♪ At Burton-on-Tease ♪ 229 00:13:29,525 --> 00:13:30,765 I bet that's worth a packet. 230 00:13:31,525 --> 00:13:32,685 Here, let me try. 231 00:13:34,805 --> 00:13:37,205 -[suspenseful music playing] -[girls screaming] 232 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,285 [man grunting] 233 00:13:51,845 --> 00:13:54,245 [stomach rumbling] 234 00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:56,605 -I am so sorry. -Oh, woops. 235 00:13:56,925 --> 00:13:58,765 All right, I'll say it. 236 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,365 I'm starving. 237 00:14:00,645 --> 00:14:03,405 [drunk man singing] ♪ I'll tell you a story ♪ 238 00:14:03,725 --> 00:14:06,045 ♪ That is sure to please ♪ 239 00:14:06,605 --> 00:14:09,125 ♪ Of a great farting... ♪ 240 00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:10,325 Well... 241 00:14:11,445 --> 00:14:14,325 -At least he has oxygen, eh? -[sighs] 242 00:14:17,245 --> 00:14:19,165 ♪ And this year's event ♪ 243 00:14:19,685 --> 00:14:23,005 ♪ Had drawn quite a large crowd ♪ 244 00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:26,245 ♪ And the betting was even ♪ 245 00:14:26,885 --> 00:14:28,245 ♪ On Mrs... ♪ 246 00:14:28,685 --> 00:14:30,805 [man shouting] 247 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,245 I'll be honest, that wasn't... 248 00:14:41,205 --> 00:14:42,405 unpleasant. 249 00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:44,285 I agree. 250 00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:46,005 Almost... 251 00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:47,525 chickeny. 252 00:14:48,285 --> 00:14:50,245 -Or chopped liver. -Mm... 253 00:14:50,685 --> 00:14:54,165 Who knew living brains could be quite so... [stomach rumbling] 254 00:14:55,045 --> 00:14:58,565 ♪ But with muscles well-tensed and legs full apart ♪ 255 00:14:58,925 --> 00:15:02,645 ♪ She started a final and glorious fart ♪ 256 00:15:02,925 --> 00:15:06,645 ♪ Beginning with Chopin, and ending with Wing ♪ 257 00:15:06,885 --> 00:15:11,325 ♪ And went right up the scales to God Save the King ♪ 258 00:15:11,405 --> 00:15:12,525 [stomach rumbling] 259 00:15:12,605 --> 00:15:14,325 He's repeating on me, sorry. 260 00:15:17,805 --> 00:15:20,445 [suspenseful music playing] 261 00:15:44,005 --> 00:15:45,365 This way, this way. 262 00:15:46,005 --> 00:15:47,685 [woman zombie] He'll be in his bookshop. 263 00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,485 Cheers for getting me off the hook. 264 00:16:00,565 --> 00:16:02,845 Oh, there's no need to thank me, that's what... 265 00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,045 friends 266 00:16:05,485 --> 00:16:06,525 are for. 267 00:16:08,405 --> 00:16:12,765 You're aware that you're going to be performing on the West End Stage tonight? 268 00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:16,605 ♪ The West End, the West End... ♪ [giggles] 269 00:16:16,885 --> 00:16:18,765 It's just that those stages take some filling. 270 00:16:19,565 --> 00:16:21,805 You're talking to the Angel 271 00:16:22,045 --> 00:16:23,805 who fooled Nefertiti 272 00:16:23,885 --> 00:16:26,725 with a lone caraway seed on three cowry shells. 273 00:16:26,805 --> 00:16:30,245 Aha! Professor Hoffmann's modern magic. 274 00:16:30,525 --> 00:16:31,685 Ah, there you are. 275 00:16:36,685 --> 00:16:38,805 "To Mr. Fell," that's me, 276 00:16:38,885 --> 00:16:40,765 "a wonderful student." 277 00:16:42,405 --> 00:16:45,245 [woman zombie] We must know what they are saying. 278 00:16:47,245 --> 00:16:49,645 [man zombie] Let me look, I'm an expert lip reader. 279 00:16:50,045 --> 00:16:51,245 Hand me those. 280 00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:57,725 Go on, then. 281 00:16:58,005 --> 00:17:01,965 I'm a lonely GI anxiously awaiting the arrival 282 00:17:02,045 --> 00:17:04,805 of the Ladies of Camelot. Amaze me. 283 00:17:04,885 --> 00:17:06,324 Yeah, erm... [clears throat] 284 00:17:06,405 --> 00:17:08,525 [in old man voice] Go on, Mr. British man, 285 00:17:08,844 --> 00:17:11,005 wow me with your miracles. 286 00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:13,765 [clears throat] Can I just say that I do 287 00:17:14,245 --> 00:17:17,725 only allow myself one tiny weeny miracle? 288 00:17:17,965 --> 00:17:20,645 Just to warm the audience and myself. 289 00:17:21,205 --> 00:17:22,205 Erm... 290 00:17:22,965 --> 00:17:23,965 For instance, 291 00:17:24,685 --> 00:17:26,565 turning a common turnip 292 00:17:27,245 --> 00:17:28,805 into an inkwell. 293 00:17:29,805 --> 00:17:31,325 [clears throat] But before... 294 00:17:31,685 --> 00:17:33,085 that, everything... 295 00:17:33,325 --> 00:17:35,685 I do is accomplished by... 296 00:17:36,685 --> 00:17:38,085 skillful conjuring alone. 297 00:17:38,165 --> 00:17:40,165 Now... [clears throat] I have here 298 00:17:41,045 --> 00:17:42,565 a sixpence 299 00:17:45,285 --> 00:17:47,325 and a farthing. 300 00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:50,565 But... 301 00:17:50,685 --> 00:17:54,085 if I close my hand thusly, 302 00:17:55,085 --> 00:17:57,525 for but a blink of an eye... 303 00:17:58,925 --> 00:18:00,045 [zombie] Well? 304 00:18:00,085 --> 00:18:02,165 -What is he saying? -He says... 305 00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:04,805 -Banana. -Banana. 306 00:18:04,885 --> 00:18:06,325 -Fish. -Fish. 307 00:18:06,405 --> 00:18:09,085 -Gorilla. -[woman zombie] Gorilla. 308 00:18:09,205 --> 00:18:11,805 -Shoe lace. -[woman zombie] Shoe lace. 309 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,325 A dash of nutmeg. 310 00:18:14,445 --> 00:18:18,645 [woman zombie] Banana, fish, gorilla, shoe lace with a dash of nutmeg. 311 00:18:19,325 --> 00:18:20,765 [speaking German] 312 00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:22,725 And... 313 00:18:22,805 --> 00:18:23,805 [blows] 314 00:18:23,925 --> 00:18:25,245 The farthing... 315 00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:27,965 has vanished. [wheezes] 316 00:18:29,805 --> 00:18:30,805 Right. 317 00:18:32,165 --> 00:18:34,565 [in old man voice] What you just did is remarkable, 318 00:18:34,645 --> 00:18:39,005 I don't have the foggiest notion how it's done. [laughs] 319 00:18:40,645 --> 00:18:43,325 [in normal voice] But that's a trick for close quarters, eh? 320 00:18:43,765 --> 00:18:45,685 What you do tonight has to be bigger. 321 00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:49,285 I see, yeah, you're right, of course. 322 00:18:49,325 --> 00:18:52,245 We need something new, something dramatic. 323 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,445 You know if there's somewhere we can... 324 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,325 I don't know, buy tricks. 325 00:18:56,685 --> 00:18:59,285 Well, there is ah... Will Goldstone's magic shop. 326 00:18:59,325 --> 00:19:02,685 But that's for professional conjurers only. 327 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:07,405 You, my Nefertiti fooling fellow, 328 00:19:07,485 --> 00:19:11,485 are about to perform on the West End Stage. 329 00:19:12,965 --> 00:19:16,525 If that doesn't make you a professional conjurer, 330 00:19:17,405 --> 00:19:18,645 I don't know what does. 331 00:19:19,085 --> 00:19:20,965 [soft music playing] 332 00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,965 [music intensifies] 333 00:19:33,085 --> 00:19:34,685 [zombies growling] 334 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:43,285 [magical music playing] 335 00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:45,245 [door shuts] 336 00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:52,965 [tense music playing] 337 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:00,085 [shopkeeper] Oh, that's marvelous, sir. 338 00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:02,005 -Are you familiar with it? -No. 339 00:20:02,085 --> 00:20:05,085 Well, please hand me the contents and I will gladly show you. 340 00:20:06,285 --> 00:20:07,645 [both shout] 341 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,085 [laughing] A lot of fun that, a lot of fun. 342 00:20:10,325 --> 00:20:12,885 -And it's only two and six. -Oh, well, that's... 343 00:20:13,285 --> 00:20:15,285 not the sort of thing we're looking for. 344 00:20:15,325 --> 00:20:17,765 I need a showstopper. 345 00:20:18,165 --> 00:20:20,045 Erm, oh. 346 00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:23,165 Like these beauties. 347 00:20:23,885 --> 00:20:25,805 Oh, yes. 348 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,205 -You see, I do have a gift for prop-- -[object clatters] 349 00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:29,645 Erm. 350 00:20:30,285 --> 00:20:34,965 [clears throat] Well, a sort of natural dexterity. 351 00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:38,085 [things clattering] 352 00:20:44,445 --> 00:20:45,565 What about this? 353 00:20:45,925 --> 00:20:48,885 We call this one the professor's nightmare. 354 00:20:48,965 --> 00:20:51,085 Now, I've got a big piece of rope, 355 00:20:51,165 --> 00:20:52,325 a medium size piece... 356 00:20:52,645 --> 00:20:54,805 -Ah, with you in a few moments, sir. -[grunts] 357 00:20:55,165 --> 00:20:56,565 [shopkeeper] And a wee baby piece. 358 00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,925 Now, if I gather up the ends here, 359 00:20:59,285 --> 00:21:02,285 and collect all of the unequal ends here, 360 00:21:02,685 --> 00:21:03,805 a little tug, 361 00:21:04,525 --> 00:21:07,405 and they all stretch to become exactly the same length. 362 00:21:07,485 --> 00:21:11,005 You see the big piece is the same length as the medium size piece 363 00:21:11,085 --> 00:21:13,325 and the short piece is the same length as the other two. 364 00:21:13,445 --> 00:21:15,285 [shopkeeper] See, this one here, this one is the long piece. 365 00:21:15,765 --> 00:21:17,325 You can tell it apart from the others, right? 366 00:21:17,765 --> 00:21:20,285 Perhaps is the light. You see, there's the long piece, 367 00:21:20,325 --> 00:21:23,045 there's the medium piece, and there's the short piece. 368 00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:26,765 Now this is perfect for a talented amateur such as yourself. 369 00:21:26,805 --> 00:21:28,245 A talented amateur? 370 00:21:28,685 --> 00:21:31,085 Well, I'll have you know I'm booked to appear in the West End. 371 00:21:31,325 --> 00:21:34,805 Erm, the Windmill theater at 8:30 p.m. tonight. 372 00:21:34,885 --> 00:21:36,325 Thank you very much. 373 00:21:37,725 --> 00:21:39,965 [Aziraphale] I'm looking for something with a bit more scale. 374 00:21:40,045 --> 00:21:42,485 Something climactic. 375 00:21:44,205 --> 00:21:45,645 [Aziraphale] Like that. 376 00:21:47,645 --> 00:21:49,005 [Crowley] A Bullet Catch, lovely. 377 00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:52,205 No, no, no. I'm afraid that's not for you, sir. 378 00:21:52,965 --> 00:21:56,525 -What about this? -No, no, I've found my showstopper. 379 00:21:56,605 --> 00:21:59,165 -How much is it? -You do not understand. 380 00:21:59,245 --> 00:22:01,685 Twelve people have died presenting this effect. 381 00:22:01,765 --> 00:22:05,725 Years ago, I sold one to a lovely Chinese fella and he ended up six foot under. 382 00:22:06,085 --> 00:22:07,725 I'd hate to see the same thing happen to you. 383 00:22:07,805 --> 00:22:09,565 -How much? -Are you sure? 384 00:22:10,365 --> 00:22:12,685 -Are you sure you are sure? -Quite sure. How much? 385 00:22:13,645 --> 00:22:14,645 Two pound ten. 386 00:22:14,965 --> 00:22:17,205 And another four pound 15 shillings for the rifle. 387 00:22:17,285 --> 00:22:19,525 But you'll need a firearms license. 388 00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:20,965 Oh, I have one of those already. 389 00:22:21,885 --> 00:22:24,765 -You what? -Oh, yes, I keep a Derringer 390 00:22:24,845 --> 00:22:28,085 in the bookshop, inside a hollowed out book. 391 00:22:28,165 --> 00:22:30,125 [Aziraphale] In case I get into a scrape. 392 00:22:30,205 --> 00:22:31,685 You read too many books. 393 00:22:31,765 --> 00:22:34,165 And seven pounds, and... 394 00:22:36,405 --> 00:22:37,885 five shillings. 395 00:22:38,285 --> 00:22:41,205 Your life is worth a lot more than seven pounds five shillings. 396 00:22:41,285 --> 00:22:44,445 Well, is a life worth more than... 397 00:22:44,925 --> 00:22:47,045 27 pounds and five shillings? 398 00:22:50,525 --> 00:22:51,605 On your head be it. 399 00:22:52,365 --> 00:22:53,805 I mean, I have warned you. 400 00:22:53,885 --> 00:22:56,365 It'll take a miracle for you to be able to perform this safely tonight. 401 00:22:56,445 --> 00:22:57,765 That's why you just sell us the trick. 402 00:22:58,405 --> 00:23:00,485 Leave the miracles to us. 403 00:23:00,565 --> 00:23:02,565 You don't understand, look. 404 00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:04,925 [shopkeeper] Where are we? 405 00:23:07,565 --> 00:23:09,925 Here, you need nerves of steel. 406 00:23:10,445 --> 00:23:12,805 And a hand as steady as the rock of Gibraltar. 407 00:23:13,485 --> 00:23:14,805 Well, I have those. 408 00:23:15,405 --> 00:23:18,605 Sir, go and take a look at the pocket tricks over there, go on. 409 00:23:18,685 --> 00:23:19,885 I'll be with you in a minute. 410 00:23:21,605 --> 00:23:24,965 You're going to need a 100% reliable marksman. 411 00:23:25,445 --> 00:23:27,045 Someone you can really trust. 412 00:23:27,125 --> 00:23:29,245 Otherwise, it's lethal. 413 00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:31,405 Oh, I've got the perfect man for the job. 414 00:23:32,365 --> 00:23:33,365 At least, 415 00:23:34,205 --> 00:23:36,645 I think I have... excuse me, for one minute. 416 00:23:40,885 --> 00:23:42,965 You'll do the shooting, I'll catch the bullet. 417 00:23:43,045 --> 00:23:44,845 I'll do all the hard bits. 418 00:23:45,445 --> 00:23:49,885 As a demon, you must have fired off a lot of guns, yeah? 419 00:23:55,565 --> 00:23:56,805 -I'll do it. -Yay. 420 00:23:57,165 --> 00:24:00,285 But if anything goes wrong, can we agree that we break your... 421 00:24:00,365 --> 00:24:02,005 one miracle limit? 422 00:24:02,605 --> 00:24:05,125 Neither of us wants the paperwork, do we? 423 00:24:08,965 --> 00:24:10,485 [laughs] 424 00:24:11,045 --> 00:24:12,845 [suspenseful music playing] 425 00:24:21,205 --> 00:24:22,205 [door opens] 426 00:24:24,925 --> 00:24:25,925 [door shuts] 427 00:24:29,445 --> 00:24:32,765 Excuse me, sir. Fake ears are two shillings, thank you very much. 428 00:24:34,605 --> 00:24:35,965 It's not fake. 429 00:24:36,245 --> 00:24:37,725 It's my own. 430 00:24:38,085 --> 00:24:39,125 I didn't mean it, sir. 431 00:24:39,965 --> 00:24:41,045 I mean, 432 00:24:41,125 --> 00:24:42,125 take everything you want. 433 00:24:42,805 --> 00:24:43,805 It's my treat. 434 00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:45,525 [shopkeeper] Sir? 435 00:24:47,045 --> 00:24:48,125 Sir? 436 00:24:48,205 --> 00:24:49,765 Please. Sir! 437 00:24:51,445 --> 00:24:53,565 [shopkeeper screaming] 438 00:24:59,245 --> 00:25:01,205 [Cabaret music playing] 439 00:25:12,885 --> 00:25:14,525 [applause and cheering] 440 00:25:19,925 --> 00:25:22,685 [announcer] And now, a master of misdirection, 441 00:25:22,925 --> 00:25:24,925 marvelous in his mysteriosity, 442 00:25:25,205 --> 00:25:26,805 with miracles at his fingertips. 443 00:25:27,045 --> 00:25:30,725 Let us welcome the death defying prestidigitation 444 00:25:30,805 --> 00:25:33,885 of the amazing Mr. Fell. 445 00:25:33,965 --> 00:25:36,525 You're on. Get on with it. 446 00:25:49,765 --> 00:25:51,405 Those were the Ladies of Camelot, 447 00:25:52,325 --> 00:25:53,885 they're the bees knees. 448 00:25:55,485 --> 00:25:56,685 I bet you're all thinking, 449 00:25:57,365 --> 00:25:59,645 "What's that man doing up there, 450 00:26:00,885 --> 00:26:01,885 on the stage? 451 00:26:02,685 --> 00:26:05,565 Is he here to amaze and befuddle us all 452 00:26:05,645 --> 00:26:07,525 with his prestidigitation 453 00:26:08,445 --> 00:26:09,965 and jiggery-pokery?" 454 00:26:10,045 --> 00:26:11,885 -[man in public] Get on with it! -Oh. 455 00:26:11,965 --> 00:26:12,965 Erm... 456 00:26:13,485 --> 00:26:16,125 Well, the answer is, yes, I am. 457 00:26:16,205 --> 00:26:17,205 Erm... 458 00:26:17,845 --> 00:26:18,885 To amaze you, 459 00:26:19,605 --> 00:26:21,325 first, I shall require 460 00:26:21,925 --> 00:26:24,085 the assistance of a gentleman 461 00:26:24,405 --> 00:26:25,925 from the audience. Now, 462 00:26:26,325 --> 00:26:30,125 is anyone here familiar with using firearms? 463 00:26:34,325 --> 00:26:35,325 Oh. 464 00:26:35,725 --> 00:26:36,725 Erm... 465 00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:41,885 [curious music playing] 466 00:26:41,965 --> 00:26:43,565 Erm... you, sir! 467 00:26:44,285 --> 00:26:46,445 [Aziraphale] You look like you might have a steady hand. 468 00:26:46,525 --> 00:26:48,125 -Yep. -[Aziraphale] Ah. 469 00:26:48,205 --> 00:26:51,605 Erm, yep, we'll escort you up onto the stage. 470 00:26:55,085 --> 00:26:56,845 [Aziraphale] Erm... 471 00:26:57,285 --> 00:26:58,645 Before we-- thank you. 472 00:27:02,565 --> 00:27:03,725 Before we begin, 473 00:27:05,085 --> 00:27:07,165 [Aziraphale] we just need a little something 474 00:27:07,885 --> 00:27:08,885 to check 475 00:27:09,285 --> 00:27:10,365 that the magic 476 00:27:10,765 --> 00:27:11,765 is working 477 00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:13,005 [whispers] today. 478 00:27:15,325 --> 00:27:17,285 Miracles blocked. 479 00:27:20,325 --> 00:27:21,845 What have we here? 480 00:27:22,325 --> 00:27:23,565 A common or garden turnip. 481 00:27:25,205 --> 00:27:26,525 [Aziraphale] But in a blink, 482 00:27:27,205 --> 00:27:30,205 and before your very eyes, 483 00:27:30,645 --> 00:27:32,165 I transform it 484 00:27:32,725 --> 00:27:35,565 into an inkwell. 485 00:27:38,125 --> 00:27:40,765 What on earth is he playing at? 486 00:27:41,245 --> 00:27:44,085 -I thought you said he was a magician. -He is. 487 00:27:45,005 --> 00:27:46,525 I say again. 488 00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:48,445 From turnip 489 00:27:49,245 --> 00:27:51,125 to inkwell. 490 00:27:52,845 --> 00:27:55,485 -[booing] -[crowd booing] 491 00:28:02,885 --> 00:28:03,885 Oh, well. 492 00:28:04,765 --> 00:28:05,765 Sometimes... 493 00:28:06,885 --> 00:28:07,885 you meet a... 494 00:28:08,205 --> 00:28:09,205 stubborn turnip. 495 00:28:09,525 --> 00:28:10,525 [Aziraphale clears throat] So... 496 00:28:11,005 --> 00:28:12,605 best get on to the main event. 497 00:28:13,045 --> 00:28:14,045 Tonight... 498 00:28:15,165 --> 00:28:17,445 I will take my life in my hands, 499 00:28:18,045 --> 00:28:20,165 as I dare to perform... 500 00:28:21,125 --> 00:28:22,525 the bullet catch! 501 00:28:22,605 --> 00:28:24,805 [tense music playing] 502 00:28:26,365 --> 00:28:28,085 A round of applause for 503 00:28:28,765 --> 00:28:30,565 this total stranger. 504 00:28:32,845 --> 00:28:34,765 [applause] 505 00:28:37,645 --> 00:28:38,645 Yeah. 506 00:28:40,685 --> 00:28:42,645 -My miracles aren't working. -Neither are mine. 507 00:28:42,725 --> 00:28:45,405 Now, would you be so good 508 00:28:45,925 --> 00:28:47,125 as to... 509 00:28:48,045 --> 00:28:49,685 take this rifle... 510 00:28:50,645 --> 00:28:52,005 -[camera flash] -Ah! 511 00:28:52,445 --> 00:28:57,285 The gentlemen of the press are intrigued already, I see. 512 00:29:00,365 --> 00:29:02,365 -[Aziraphale] Now, sir... -Got you. 513 00:29:02,605 --> 00:29:06,005 ...I would ask that you take this bullet 514 00:29:06,525 --> 00:29:08,645 and load it into the rifle. 515 00:29:10,125 --> 00:29:12,045 Very carefully. 516 00:29:16,005 --> 00:29:18,485 It's perfectly simple. Aim for my mouth, 517 00:29:19,245 --> 00:29:20,685 but shoot past my ear. 518 00:29:21,325 --> 00:29:22,925 I just squeeze that there, do I not? 519 00:29:24,685 --> 00:29:26,285 Haven't you fired a gun before? 520 00:29:28,005 --> 00:29:29,685 Not as such. 521 00:29:33,165 --> 00:29:34,165 If you would... 522 00:29:35,805 --> 00:29:39,085 load the bullet into the gun. 523 00:29:40,725 --> 00:29:41,725 That's right. 524 00:29:42,325 --> 00:29:44,565 Bullet loaded! 525 00:29:44,925 --> 00:29:45,925 Yes, thank you. 526 00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:47,725 Ladies and gentleman, 527 00:29:49,285 --> 00:29:50,485 my volunteer 528 00:29:51,165 --> 00:29:52,605 here, will on... 529 00:29:53,685 --> 00:29:54,885 on my signal, 530 00:29:56,245 --> 00:29:58,925 fire the rifle at my head, 531 00:29:59,285 --> 00:30:01,245 and in that explosive moment, 532 00:30:01,925 --> 00:30:05,005 I will attempt to catch that bullet 533 00:30:05,085 --> 00:30:08,725 in my teeth! 534 00:30:11,765 --> 00:30:13,925 [suspenseful music playing] 535 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,045 Are you ready, sir? 536 00:30:18,885 --> 00:30:21,405 When you hear my signal, sir, 537 00:30:22,365 --> 00:30:23,405 shoot. 538 00:30:23,485 --> 00:30:25,045 [drum rumbling] 539 00:30:30,605 --> 00:30:31,645 Ready? 540 00:30:34,645 --> 00:30:35,725 Of course, we are hooked. 541 00:30:39,125 --> 00:30:40,165 Aim. 542 00:30:41,485 --> 00:30:43,885 If that gun goes off in his face, now it'll be a right old mess. 543 00:30:44,125 --> 00:30:45,645 Never mind the paperwork, they probably won't be able 544 00:30:45,725 --> 00:30:47,205 to put him back together again. 545 00:30:48,485 --> 00:30:49,765 [drum rumbling] 546 00:30:51,005 --> 00:30:53,285 Get on with it, for God's sake. 547 00:30:57,605 --> 00:30:59,485 [suspenseful music intensifies] 548 00:31:13,325 --> 00:31:14,325 Fire! 549 00:31:14,605 --> 00:31:16,165 [gun fires] 550 00:31:18,845 --> 00:31:20,325 -[bullet impacts] -[Crowley grunts] 551 00:31:20,805 --> 00:31:21,805 What the f... 552 00:31:25,805 --> 00:31:27,925 [applause and cheering] 553 00:31:31,325 --> 00:31:32,325 [Aziraphale] Thank you! 554 00:31:33,645 --> 00:31:35,205 No paperwork. 555 00:31:35,645 --> 00:31:37,005 Oh, thank you. 556 00:31:37,565 --> 00:31:38,925 Thank you! 557 00:31:39,845 --> 00:31:41,525 [Aziraphale] Oh, thank you! 558 00:31:44,325 --> 00:31:46,765 Get on, girls, for God's sake. 559 00:31:48,805 --> 00:31:50,405 But do you really think it went well? 560 00:31:50,485 --> 00:31:51,925 Absolutely. 561 00:31:52,005 --> 00:31:54,005 Chalk up a win for the side of the Angels. 562 00:31:54,085 --> 00:31:55,405 Ah! [laughs] 563 00:31:55,485 --> 00:31:57,325 -[knocking on door] -Enter. 564 00:31:59,965 --> 00:32:01,005 [door shuts] 565 00:32:02,645 --> 00:32:04,965 Hmm, well, well, well... 566 00:32:05,325 --> 00:32:06,725 What have we here? 567 00:32:07,525 --> 00:32:08,565 Sorry, have we met? 568 00:32:08,645 --> 00:32:10,765 Oh, no, you never had the pleasure, but... 569 00:32:10,845 --> 00:32:13,005 we have, haven't we? 570 00:32:13,085 --> 00:32:14,085 Have we? 571 00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:15,845 What do you mean "have we?" You know we have. 572 00:32:16,285 --> 00:32:17,405 We were in the same legion. 573 00:32:18,245 --> 00:32:19,445 Just before the fall. 574 00:32:20,885 --> 00:32:22,645 Doing dubious battle on the plains of Heaven. 575 00:32:24,605 --> 00:32:25,605 Remember? 576 00:32:26,325 --> 00:32:29,805 I remember going into battle, I don't remember being there with you. 577 00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:31,365 [Crowley] Sorry. 578 00:32:31,645 --> 00:32:33,005 I was right next to you. 579 00:32:34,125 --> 00:32:35,845 We did loads together. 580 00:32:35,925 --> 00:32:38,045 You said jump on me back like a monkey in a waist coat. 581 00:32:38,405 --> 00:32:41,645 Anyway, whether you do or whether you don't, it doesn't matter. 582 00:32:43,725 --> 00:32:45,085 I'm here to inform you, 583 00:32:46,045 --> 00:32:48,045 as a representative of the high powers of Hell, 584 00:32:48,125 --> 00:32:49,565 that you, Crowley, 585 00:32:50,125 --> 00:32:52,805 are in breach of the infernal code. 586 00:32:54,085 --> 00:32:57,285 Consulting and collaborating with an Angel, 587 00:32:58,485 --> 00:33:00,885 Fell the Marvelous, aka... 588 00:33:05,005 --> 00:33:06,165 Azirapalala. 589 00:33:07,205 --> 00:33:08,325 Azirapapap. 590 00:33:09,005 --> 00:33:10,365 Aziphapalala. 591 00:33:10,805 --> 00:33:12,005 Aziraphale. 592 00:33:12,565 --> 00:33:14,805 Pure coincidence. I happen to be here, 593 00:33:15,165 --> 00:33:16,725 he asked for a volunteer. 594 00:33:19,845 --> 00:33:21,925 The miraculous Bullet Catch 595 00:33:22,005 --> 00:33:25,205 requires the use of a trusted stooge and confidant. 596 00:33:25,285 --> 00:33:26,845 Where did you get that booklet? 597 00:33:27,485 --> 00:33:30,365 It's only available to working professional magicians, 598 00:33:30,605 --> 00:33:31,925 such as myself. 599 00:33:34,885 --> 00:33:36,565 [speaking German] 600 00:33:37,325 --> 00:33:39,525 -[suspenseful music playing] -[zombies grunting] 601 00:33:44,045 --> 00:33:45,045 Be it be. 602 00:33:45,685 --> 00:33:49,085 Got it from the man in the magic shop just after you left. 603 00:33:49,365 --> 00:33:53,685 It was... [laughs] his last wish that we should have it. 604 00:33:55,245 --> 00:33:56,325 But you're dead. 605 00:33:57,285 --> 00:33:58,285 Living dead. 606 00:33:58,925 --> 00:33:59,925 Now, 607 00:34:00,165 --> 00:34:01,245 agents of Hell. 608 00:34:01,565 --> 00:34:03,005 [zombies screaming] 609 00:34:19,365 --> 00:34:21,164 Don't bother trying any funny business, 610 00:34:21,204 --> 00:34:23,885 I think you'll find someone who has great authority 611 00:34:24,365 --> 00:34:27,644 has put a half hour miracle block on this entire theater. 612 00:34:28,204 --> 00:34:30,164 -Who? -Me! Who do you think? 613 00:34:31,365 --> 00:34:32,365 Come on, come on. 614 00:34:33,684 --> 00:34:34,684 Erm... 615 00:34:38,565 --> 00:34:39,845 All right, Crowley. 616 00:34:40,684 --> 00:34:43,445 -Shall we? -Oh, we shan't, this is ridiculous. 617 00:34:43,845 --> 00:34:46,485 No, what's ridiculous is demons like you doing what they please. 618 00:34:46,565 --> 00:34:49,085 And somehow still getting on, while demons like me graft 619 00:34:49,164 --> 00:34:50,644 for hundreds and hundreds of millennia 620 00:34:50,684 --> 00:34:52,405 and never get a sniff of a promotion. 621 00:34:53,285 --> 00:34:54,445 Well, not this time. 622 00:34:56,485 --> 00:34:58,885 Expect a legion to come for you first thing tomorrow. 623 00:35:01,365 --> 00:35:02,805 Enjoy your last night on Earth. 624 00:35:05,525 --> 00:35:07,205 But first, what about our deal? 625 00:35:08,285 --> 00:35:10,885 -Freedom from Damnation. -Absolutely. 626 00:35:12,765 --> 00:35:14,125 You're free to go. Ta-da. 627 00:35:16,285 --> 00:35:17,965 But you can't leave us like this. 628 00:35:18,045 --> 00:35:20,765 You need to make us into living humans. 629 00:35:20,845 --> 00:35:23,165 Oh, no... clause 17. 630 00:35:23,645 --> 00:35:25,525 Un-revocable eternal life on Earth 631 00:35:26,645 --> 00:35:27,765 as zombies. 632 00:35:28,525 --> 00:35:29,525 Granted. 633 00:35:29,765 --> 00:35:32,005 [suspenseful music playing] 634 00:35:34,485 --> 00:35:35,965 Might be all right. 635 00:35:36,565 --> 00:35:37,565 [thud] 636 00:35:38,845 --> 00:35:39,885 [sighs] 637 00:35:44,165 --> 00:35:45,485 [zombies grunting] 638 00:35:47,885 --> 00:35:50,125 Thank you for seeing me, your maleficences. 639 00:35:50,165 --> 00:35:53,885 I took this photograph of Crowley and Aziraphale together. 640 00:35:54,445 --> 00:35:57,045 So you have your audience for the dark council then? 641 00:35:57,125 --> 00:35:59,005 There are vacancies in... 642 00:35:59,405 --> 00:36:00,405 Temptations? 643 00:36:04,485 --> 00:36:05,645 Indeed there are. 644 00:36:08,885 --> 00:36:12,565 But I'm afraid it looks like you'll be staying right here. 645 00:36:12,925 --> 00:36:13,925 Eh? 646 00:36:16,365 --> 00:36:17,805 Oh, hang on, that's not... 647 00:36:20,645 --> 00:36:21,685 [sighs] But... 648 00:36:24,525 --> 00:36:26,165 [funny music playing] 649 00:36:29,685 --> 00:36:30,685 [Crowley] How? 650 00:36:32,005 --> 00:36:34,845 There was a miracle blocker in the room, I saw you put it back in the envelope. 651 00:36:34,925 --> 00:36:37,045 Who needs a miracle when you've had private lessons 652 00:36:37,125 --> 00:36:39,165 from the great Prof. Hoffmann himself. 653 00:36:39,685 --> 00:36:41,485 I simply say the magic words. 654 00:36:42,165 --> 00:36:44,085 Banana, fish, gorilla, shoe lace, 655 00:36:44,445 --> 00:36:47,165 with a dash of nutmeg, and... 656 00:36:51,565 --> 00:36:54,205 Well, I got it right the time that mattered. 657 00:36:57,085 --> 00:36:58,325 You really are... 658 00:36:59,125 --> 00:37:00,525 terrible at magic. 659 00:37:01,525 --> 00:37:03,165 Shall we retire the act? 660 00:37:04,765 --> 00:37:05,805 Perhaps. 661 00:37:06,365 --> 00:37:07,885 -Might be for the best. -Hmm. 662 00:37:10,445 --> 00:37:11,485 I... 663 00:37:12,605 --> 00:37:14,165 I knew you would come through for me. 664 00:37:15,205 --> 00:37:16,205 You always do. 665 00:37:16,605 --> 00:37:18,645 Well, you said "trust me." 666 00:37:19,765 --> 00:37:20,765 And you did. 667 00:37:23,485 --> 00:37:24,925 You could've walked away. 668 00:37:25,445 --> 00:37:27,005 If you were truly 669 00:37:27,325 --> 00:37:30,285 as evil as you like to paint yourself, you would've done that. 670 00:37:30,365 --> 00:37:31,365 Nah. 671 00:37:32,165 --> 00:37:33,165 That's the trouble with you lot. 672 00:37:33,445 --> 00:37:34,925 You don't just see things in black and white. 673 00:37:35,325 --> 00:37:36,365 Sometimes, 674 00:37:36,645 --> 00:37:38,165 you've just gotta blur the edges. 675 00:37:40,045 --> 00:37:42,125 Well, maybe there is something to be said for. 676 00:37:44,085 --> 00:37:45,685 Shades of grey. 677 00:37:46,165 --> 00:37:47,205 [glasses clink] 678 00:37:49,205 --> 00:37:50,605 Well, shades of... 679 00:37:51,085 --> 00:37:52,165 dark grey. 680 00:37:52,685 --> 00:37:54,525 Shades of a very light grey, 681 00:37:54,765 --> 00:37:56,005 I'd rather fancy. 682 00:37:59,885 --> 00:38:01,885 [suspenseful music playing] 683 00:38:19,645 --> 00:38:20,885 State your business. 684 00:38:21,405 --> 00:38:23,325 Oh, for Satan's sake, you know who I am. 685 00:38:25,685 --> 00:38:27,605 I have an appointment with Lord Beelzebub. 686 00:38:29,405 --> 00:38:31,405 State your business. 687 00:38:32,205 --> 00:38:33,205 [sighs] 688 00:38:33,765 --> 00:38:35,805 I am Shax, demon of the fifth house, 689 00:38:36,045 --> 00:38:38,445 earthly representative of plenipotentiary 690 00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:40,285 of the vastness of Hell. 691 00:38:40,365 --> 00:38:42,365 Here to see Lord Beelzebub. 692 00:38:43,645 --> 00:38:44,645 Well, 693 00:38:45,205 --> 00:38:46,445 you're not on the list. 694 00:38:48,485 --> 00:38:49,485 What's up, babe? 695 00:38:52,645 --> 00:38:55,125 Let me in to see Lord Beelzebub 696 00:38:55,485 --> 00:38:59,165 or I will rearrange your vital organs and hang them on the wall. 697 00:39:00,805 --> 00:39:02,125 In a frame. 698 00:39:04,645 --> 00:39:06,005 Ah, fair enough. 699 00:39:06,205 --> 00:39:07,605 [door opens] 700 00:39:07,645 --> 00:39:10,285 Shax, demon of the fifth house. 701 00:39:11,405 --> 00:39:13,045 [suspenseful music playing] 702 00:39:16,885 --> 00:39:17,885 Well? 703 00:39:18,285 --> 00:39:19,405 What news? 704 00:39:19,685 --> 00:39:22,205 -The Angel went to Edinburgh. -Which Angel? 705 00:39:22,325 --> 00:39:23,365 You know which one. 706 00:39:24,005 --> 00:39:25,045 [Shax] Crowley's pet. 707 00:39:25,565 --> 00:39:27,525 -Why Edinburgh? -Not sure. 708 00:39:28,285 --> 00:39:30,685 Maybe they want us to think Gabriel is in Edinburgh. 709 00:39:31,005 --> 00:39:34,205 Maybe Crowley wants the Angel to make us think Gabriel is in Edinburgh. 710 00:39:34,765 --> 00:39:36,965 -Maybe-- -Maybe he actually is in Edinburgh. 711 00:39:37,045 --> 00:39:38,805 -Oh, he's not in Edinburgh. -Why not? 712 00:39:39,485 --> 00:39:40,645 Because he's in the bookshop. 713 00:39:42,645 --> 00:39:44,125 Gabriel's in the bookshop? 714 00:39:45,365 --> 00:39:46,525 You're certain of it? 715 00:39:46,605 --> 00:39:47,645 Yes. 716 00:39:48,645 --> 00:39:49,645 Thank you, Shax. 717 00:39:50,565 --> 00:39:51,605 Good work. 718 00:39:55,405 --> 00:39:56,405 Yes? 719 00:39:57,045 --> 00:39:58,565 Now that we've located Gabriel, 720 00:39:59,365 --> 00:40:00,365 what do we do? 721 00:40:01,005 --> 00:40:04,085 -Well, we formulate a plan. -I formulated a plan. 722 00:40:04,365 --> 00:40:07,125 I take a legion of demons and we storm the bookshop, 723 00:40:07,165 --> 00:40:09,685 killing anyone and anything that stands in our way. 724 00:40:10,005 --> 00:40:12,005 We capture Gabriel and we drag him as tribute 725 00:40:12,085 --> 00:40:14,005 before the throne of Satan, our master. 726 00:40:15,845 --> 00:40:17,165 Can you enter the bookshop, 727 00:40:17,565 --> 00:40:18,605 without permission? 728 00:40:19,045 --> 00:40:20,565 Not technically, no. 729 00:40:21,485 --> 00:40:24,285 But give me a legion of Hell's finest troops 730 00:40:24,365 --> 00:40:26,325 and see what I can do. 731 00:40:27,605 --> 00:40:30,645 It's a chance I've been waiting for, Lord Beelzebub. 732 00:40:32,325 --> 00:40:33,445 To be clear, 733 00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:35,565 you are hereby authorizing me 734 00:40:35,645 --> 00:40:37,205 to storm the Angel's bookshop, 735 00:40:37,325 --> 00:40:39,765 sending wave after wave of demons 736 00:40:39,845 --> 00:40:42,525 to besiege it until it falls and capture the Archangel, 737 00:40:43,045 --> 00:40:45,525 destroying anything and everything that stands in our way? 738 00:40:46,125 --> 00:40:47,125 No. 739 00:40:48,085 --> 00:40:50,645 I am not authorizing you to do that. 740 00:40:50,685 --> 00:40:51,765 [Shax] Oh. 741 00:40:52,205 --> 00:40:53,965 I am commanding you to do it. 742 00:40:55,485 --> 00:40:57,205 I want you there, Shax. 743 00:40:57,805 --> 00:40:58,965 On the ground. 744 00:41:00,205 --> 00:41:02,845 Bravely leading the attack into the bookshop, 745 00:41:02,925 --> 00:41:05,525 leading the army of the damned. 746 00:41:06,565 --> 00:41:07,605 I can do that. 747 00:41:08,165 --> 00:41:10,165 [car engine revving] 748 00:41:15,365 --> 00:41:16,365 [door shuts] 749 00:41:18,845 --> 00:41:19,885 [sighs] 750 00:41:20,565 --> 00:41:23,445 [happy music playing] 751 00:41:28,485 --> 00:41:29,525 Oh. 752 00:41:32,925 --> 00:41:34,365 Oi, you need to put your brakes on. 753 00:41:41,125 --> 00:41:43,125 Now go back to where I parked you. 754 00:41:46,645 --> 00:41:47,685 [door shuts] 755 00:41:47,805 --> 00:41:48,885 [phone beeps] 756 00:41:57,925 --> 00:41:59,845 [sad music playing] 757 00:42:01,645 --> 00:42:02,645 [door shuts] 758 00:42:02,765 --> 00:42:03,925 There you are! 759 00:42:04,365 --> 00:42:05,885 I was worried something might've happened to you. 760 00:42:05,965 --> 00:42:07,405 Erm, no, nothing happened to me. 761 00:42:07,485 --> 00:42:10,285 Very uneventful journey indeed, no strange things at all. 762 00:42:10,605 --> 00:42:12,165 Good, that's what we want to hear. 763 00:42:12,445 --> 00:42:14,685 Erm, everything okay with...? 764 00:42:15,285 --> 00:42:16,285 Oh, yeah, fine. 765 00:42:16,685 --> 00:42:17,765 He's singing to himself. 766 00:42:18,045 --> 00:42:19,405 I think he must've been asleep, 767 00:42:19,485 --> 00:42:21,165 I heard snoring coming from his bedroom. 768 00:42:21,285 --> 00:42:22,525 Did you miss me? 769 00:42:23,285 --> 00:42:24,525 I bet you did. 770 00:42:25,045 --> 00:42:27,165 -I'm sure it did. -[Crowley] So... 771 00:42:27,765 --> 00:42:31,285 Any more clues from the mystery of the missing Archangel? 772 00:42:31,605 --> 00:42:32,645 Not exactly. 773 00:42:32,965 --> 00:42:36,405 Or, if there are, I haven't yet cracked the case. 774 00:42:37,045 --> 00:42:39,645 But I'm certainly hot on the trail of something. 775 00:42:39,685 --> 00:42:41,165 I'm sure you are. 776 00:42:42,205 --> 00:42:43,525 Oh, by the way, 777 00:42:44,085 --> 00:42:47,285 the whole sudden rain and awning thing was a complete washout. 778 00:42:47,645 --> 00:42:48,645 Sorry? 779 00:42:48,765 --> 00:42:50,405 You know, project 780 00:42:50,485 --> 00:42:52,165 making Nina fall in love with Maggie. 781 00:42:52,645 --> 00:42:53,845 I failed, it's your go. 782 00:42:53,925 --> 00:42:54,965 Oh, I see. 783 00:42:55,405 --> 00:42:56,405 Well, then. 784 00:42:56,645 --> 00:42:58,805 Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association 785 00:42:58,885 --> 00:43:00,605 monthly meeting, here we come. 786 00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:02,565 You're really hosting the meeting? 787 00:43:02,845 --> 00:43:03,885 Absolutely. 788 00:43:04,285 --> 00:43:05,565 And I can guarantee you 789 00:43:05,645 --> 00:43:06,765 it will be a night 790 00:43:06,845 --> 00:43:08,045 to remember. 791 00:43:09,445 --> 00:43:11,445 [outro theme music playing]