1
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,840
[suspenseful music playing]
2
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,800
[demons growling]
3
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,920
Jim, I'll need
eight battery-operated candles.
4
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,160
They're in my desk drawer.
5
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,320
[magical whooshing]
6
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,120
- Will you just answer a simple question?
- If I hear one, of course.
7
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,200
- Uh, this way, please, Jim.
- What is happening?
8
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:29,800
Why is everything so weird?
9
00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,440
This all started last week
when the power went out, didn't it?
10
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,000
Three questions, none of them simple.
11
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,120
But to answer
your last one, no. [chuckles]
12
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,440
This all started a very long time ago.
13
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,560
But... also, yes.
14
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,200
So, why were we all dancing?
15
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,681
I thought it might make you realize
that Maggie loved you,
16
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,040
and then you'd fall in love with her.
17
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,680
It all looks so simple in Jane Austen.
18
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:53,560
Jane Austen?
19
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:57,160
Oh, yes, the brains behind
the 1810 Clerkenwell diamond robbery.
20
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,960
[tense music playing]
21
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,080
You're going to let us in,
whether you like it or not.
22
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,240
Not.
23
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,520
You are not welcome here.
24
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,920
[automated voice] Heaven. Doors opening.
25
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,160
- Right. Where do you keep your records?
- Records?
26
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,000
You're a scrivener, 37th class.
Records, where?
27
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,560
- My office, but...
- Lead on.
28
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,960
But... No, I can't!
29
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,040
You're a demon! I can't just...
30
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,360
Do you know how much trouble
I'll get into for this?
31
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:31,720
It's fine.
32
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,120
You're forgetting about the bees.
33
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,560
- Bees?
- Angels are like bees.
34
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,200
Fiercely protective of their hive
if you're trying to get inside.
35
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,360
Once you're in... well, I mean...
36
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:45,360
is it even faintly possible that
an unauthorized demon might be just
37
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,160
wandering around in Heaven unescorted?
38
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,480
Mm, bees.
39
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,200
But you don't look like a bee.
40
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,360
You look like a murder hornet
41
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,960
or a snake or a...
42
00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,200
Bees. Right.
43
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,400
Your office. I'll follow you.
44
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,720
[demons grunting]
45
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,120
Go, go. Hide.
46
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,880
You lot are ridiculous.
47
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,600
We are the legions of the damned.
We are invincible.
48
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:25,760
You might be invincible, but you're still
stuck out there, and we're in here.
49
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:26,960
You don't frighten me.
50
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,880
[demons grunting]
51
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,520
I had brothers.
You don't scare me by making faces.
52
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,280
- Just leave 'em alone, Maggie.
- No.
53
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,440
I'm not scared of them.
54
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,560
I've spent my life being scared of things.
55
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,520
And I'm done with being scared.
56
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,040
Please, Maggie.
57
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,840
Yes, please, Maggie.
58
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:55,040
Please don't embarrass yourself in front
of the woman you pathetically love.
59
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:59,440
She's not embarrassing herself.
She's... braver than anyone I know.
60
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,240
Two cowards.
61
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,160
You posture bravely because
you are in there and we are out here.
62
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,640
Leave us alone. Leave this shop alone.
63
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,480
Leave Mr. Fell alone.
64
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,520
You are nothing, Maggie.
65
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,320
Look at you. You run a shop nobody visits,
66
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,000
unable to pay the rent. Dull.
67
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,480
You're unloved and unlovable.
68
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,240
You're a nobody,
69
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,800
and you'll live,
and then you'll die, a nobody.
70
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:36,200
My God, you lot are pathetic.
71
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,440
You wanna come in here
and say that to my face?
72
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,080
[bell tolls in distance]
73
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,600
[shushing]
74
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,000
Come on, quickly. Go!
75
00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,560
Maggie,
76
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,280
what just happened?
77
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,920
I... I think I might have just told them
they could come in.
78
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,000
Get back... Get back here now,
fast, please.
79
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,080
It's for your own good.
80
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,520
I am perfectly prepared
to take defensive action,
81
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:14,960
should it become necessary.
82
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,680
Stay back.
83
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,000
Hello?
84
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,600
Is there anybody there?
85
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,560
[magical whooshing]
86
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:31,600
I have to tell you,
87
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,480
you can all leave now,
88
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,040
and nobody will be hurt.
89
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,240
[scoffs]
90
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,520
[demon screams]
91
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,520
You'll be hurt.
92
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,000
[intro theme music playing]
93
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,440
- Mm, nice office.
- [Muriel] It's a bit lonely.
94
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,280
That was why I was so pleased when
they said I finally had a job on Earth.
95
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,280
Don't you ever see anyone here?
96
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,760
Well, every few hundred years
someone comes and asks me for something.
97
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,680
- You're not really under arrest, are you?
- Not really, no.
98
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,240
I'm helping you, aren't I?
99
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:57,880
Yeah.
100
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,720
- I'm going to get into so much trouble.
- You think so?
101
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,480
Well then, let's make it worthwhile.
[laughs]
102
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,720
What have you got on Gabriel?
103
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,800
It's all confidential.
I can't show it to you.
104
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,080
I mean, I couldn't open it if I wanted to.
105
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,680
I don't have clearance.
106
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,200
You'd have to be a throne
or a dominion, or above.
107
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,680
- How did you do that?
- I haven't always been a demon,
108
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,440
and they never change their passwords.
109
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,240
Go on, you idiots. Get them!
110
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,880
[suspenseful music playing]
111
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,560
[demon screams]
112
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:07,880
[demon screams]
113
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,360
[demon screams]
114
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,080
They aren't gonna
keep walking into the circle forever.
115
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,760
Even demons aren't that stupid.
116
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,000
So, what's your plan?
117
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,360
Well, that was it.
I didn't have another bit.
118
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,520
[demon screams]
119
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,280
[laughing]
120
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,720
Uh... this way, quickly.
121
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,720
[demon screams]
122
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:30,880
Why do they keep blowing up?
123
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,800
Well, it's all a bit complicated.
The circle, it's a gateway,
124
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,120
but if you step into it
and you aren't prepared,
125
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,440
it can discorporate you completely.
126
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,480
Does what you say make sense in your head?
127
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,120
[demon screams]
128
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,120
[yells] Stop where you are!
129
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,200
And so...
130
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,080
it ends.
131
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,160
Everything ends.
132
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,760
Time and the world
133
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,480
is over,
134
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,720
and we begin eternity...
135
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,880
forever and ever.
136
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,160
Amen.
137
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,760
- Amen.
- Amen.
138
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,000
Nah.
139
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:10,880
Nah?
140
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:12,760
Yep.
141
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,640
Nah.
142
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:19,040
Nah to the final victory
of Heaven on Earth?
143
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,120
Sorry, just not seeing it this time.
144
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,240
Pass.
145
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:27,640
And may I ask
why you're not seeing it?
146
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,480
Surely.
147
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,320
- Why?
- I told you you could ask.
148
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:36,120
However, I am the only
first-order archangel in the room,
149
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,200
or, you know, the universe,
150
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,880
so I'm not gonna answer so much.
151
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,600
But you feel free to knock yourself out
with all the asking.
152
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,000
Anyway, Armageddon the sequel,
153
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,520
that's a nah.
154
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,040
What's next on the agenda?
155
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,520
- The cleaning roster.
- Okay!
156
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:55,720
What have you got?
157
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,600
I think we've struck gold.
158
00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,640
Push!
159
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,960
[demon screams]
160
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,200
[demon screams]
161
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,040
- It's working!
- Well, yeah!
162
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,080
[demon screams]
163
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,520
[demon screams]
164
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,880
There's even more
fire extinguishers up here.
165
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,720
[demon grunts]
166
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,040
Why all the fire extinguishers?
167
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,080
Uh, well, there was
a fire here once, you see.
168
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,880
And, um... well, books can go up like...
169
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,240
- Well, anyway...
- Brilliant
170
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,760
Got any of that spray foam?
171
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:48,200
So, Gabriel refused point blank
to entertain another Armageddon?
172
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,840
Doesn't sound like him at all.
173
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:51,880
Any idea why not?
174
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,880
Not yet. They had a sort of trial.
175
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,040
[Saraqael] It was a real trial.
It didn't take long, though.
176
00:10:58,800 --> 00:10:59,800
Hello, Crowley.
177
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,240
I didn't expect to ever see you again.
178
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:04,280
Do we know each other?
179
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,800
When you were an angel.
180
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,960
We worked together
on the Horsehead Nebula.
181
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,120
I meet a lot of people. [chuckles]
182
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:16,640
Muriel, you're the last person I'd expect
to see collaborating with the enemy.
183
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:17,760
- Oh.
- [Muriel] Um...
184
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,320
I suppose, from some points of view,
this could look bad,
185
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,600
- but I did arrest him.
- [Saraqael] No, you didn't.
186
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,040
Well, don't let me interrupt you. Go on.
187
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,280
Show him the trial.
188
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:33,080
Shax, I charge you to leave this place,
189
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,440
with all your people,
190
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,360
and to jolly well hurry up about it,
191
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,920
or I'm going to have to take
192
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,320
severe measures.
193
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,280
[Shax] Aziraphale, what are you?
194
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,880
Crowley's emotional support angel?
195
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,600
The softest touch.
The one who went native.
196
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,520
Do you need more
big human meals, Aziraphale?
197
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,640
Shall we send up the sushi?
198
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,920
- [demons laughing]
- Give us Gabriel.
199
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,880
Give him to us now.
200
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,200
- Sometimes people call me Gabriel.
- Shh.
201
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,320
[Shax] And tell that moron
202
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,120
to stop interrupting.
203
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,096
Jim, go... go to your room.
You'll be safer there.
204
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,120
Okay. Good night.
Does anybody want any hot chocolate?
205
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,240
- [both] No.
- [Aziraphale] Go.
206
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,760
[suspenseful music playing]
207
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,320
[demons screaming and grunting]
208
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,520
[Michael] Gabriel, Supreme Archangel,
209
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,800
you have refused to exercise
your celestial authority
210
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:56,680
and you are henceforth
removed from office.
211
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,200
I see. You're casting me down to Hell.
212
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,200
Well, I accept my fate.
213
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,440
Sometimes an angel just has to say,
214
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,720
"Guys, enough."
215
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,120
- Even though...
- No speeches, Gabriel.
216
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,440
You are not going to Hell.
217
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,680
For one prince of Heaven
to be cast into the outer darkness
218
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,240
makes a good story.
219
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:18,920
For it to happen twice,
220
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:23,600
makes it look like there is
some kind of institutional problem.
221
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:24,800
Which there isn't.
222
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,440
Which, needless to say, there isn't.
223
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,160
You will, I am sure
you'll be glad to learn,
224
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,040
remain an angel.
225
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,040
Although, as a kindness,
226
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:38,080
your memory of your time as Gabriel
will be erased.
227
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,880
You will be demoted
228
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,200
to junior recording angel,
229
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,760
38th class.
230
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,240
Oh, that's pretty good,
actually. I'm 37th class.
231
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,360
I didn't know that there was one down.
232
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,120
[Gabriel] I see. Well, all good things.
233
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,240
Uh, just one thing.
These clothes are tailored.
234
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,600
Can I keep wearing them?
235
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:02,000
Appropriate raiment
will be provided for you, Gabriel.
236
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,840
- These clothes?
- Are not appropriate.
237
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:09,000
Got it. Well, I'll just need to take off
my clothes and clean out my desk, then.
238
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,360
- You have a desk?
- Yes, I do.
239
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,640
I'll just need a...
240
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,000
I'll be right back.
241
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,480
- [tense music playing]
- [demons screaming]
242
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,320
- Can we throw books at them?
- I'd rather you didn't.
243
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,120
Obviously no fiction, but encyclopedias?
244
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,000
- It's all online these days anyway.
- Oh, if you must.
245
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,320
Ah!
246
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,040
[both grunting]
247
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,160
Ah!
248
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,400
[soft music playing]
249
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,880
{\an8}[Crowley] What? What's he...
250
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,080
[automated voice] Doors opening.
251
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,200
- [Muriel] He dropped it!
- [automated voice] Doors closing.
252
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:19,840
Going down.
253
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:28,560
What's keeping him?
254
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,160
I believe he's taking off his clothes
and cleaning out his desk.
255
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:34,600
Uriel, he doesn't have a desk.
256
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,920
I don't trust him.
Can we begin the memory wipe now?
257
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,320
[Michael] What, without him here?
258
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,800
- Good idea.
- Right.
259
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,520
I can't... I can't
find his memory anywhere.
260
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,640
In fact, I can't find him in the building.
261
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,120
He's left Heaven.
262
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,400
- Should I sound an alert?
- Oh, don't be so wet.
263
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:02,080
No, you're all just
going to have to find him. That's all.
264
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:07,320
Stop lollygagging, you cowards.
Get back up those stairs.
265
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,016
Fire extinguishers have all been emptied,
and we're out of encyclopedias.
266
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,600
We can't... We can't stop them.
267
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:14,520
What do we do?
268
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,960
Desperate measures must be taken.
269
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,000
[Aziraphale grunts]
270
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:24,880
[grunts]
271
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:28,560
[grunts]
272
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,920
I haven't done this since the Great War.
273
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:38,160
It's something we're only
meant to do when we're actually
274
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,760
on a wartime... footing.
275
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,600
[grunts]
276
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,840
[magical music playing]
277
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,800
[demons screaming]
278
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,400
[Nina] What did you just do?
279
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,200
I think...
280
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,560
I may have just started a war.
281
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,280
- [electrical zapping]
- What just happened?
282
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,560
I think your friend
just declared war on Hell.
283
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,320
This could get very messy.
284
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,480
Ugh, right, come on!
Let's get back there.
285
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,760
You too.
286
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,400
[lively music playing]
287
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,000
Funny old world, isn't it?
288
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,200
[laughs]
289
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,440
Hello?
290
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,080
Anybody here?
291
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,240
You came back.
292
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:10,320
[door shuts]
293
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,480
What did you do to them all?
294
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,080
I did the thing with the halo.
295
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,080
- You what?
- I did the thing with the halo.
296
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,000
You... [chuckles] You blew up your halo?
297
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,800
[laughs] Ooh, Hell won't like that.
298
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,880
[suspenseful music playing]
299
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,680
We are at war! Finally! [laughs]
300
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,680
Nobody's at war.
301
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:45,920
You idiots sent an idiot to lead
a gang of idiots to attack a bookshop.
302
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,400
Those idiots there want
their archangel back so they can fire him.
303
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:51,480
[growls softly]
304
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,800
[electrical zapping]
305
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,080
[Beelzebub] Nice job, Shax.
306
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,400
Beautifully done.
307
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,320
Remind me to put in for your commendation.
308
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,760
- Sarcasm, yes?
- Yep.
309
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,400
I'm afraid so.
310
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,160
[Michael clears throat]
311
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,320
- If it is to be war...
- No, no, no, no, no war.
312
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,760
Aziraphale, let's sort this out.
Where's the cardboard box?
313
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,080
- What box?
- The one Gabriel arrived with.
314
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,560
Gabriel? He's here?
315
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:32,200
- Sometimes people call me Gabriel.
- Yeah, we did a thing... hiding miracle.
316
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,080
Apparently, if we do a miracle together,
it all works a bit too well.
317
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,560
- Careful. Could be a trap.
- [Saraqael] It's a cardboard box.
318
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,800
It's not going to bite you.
319
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,680
Oh, there we go. I thought
that's what you were doing.
320
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,800
- What was I doing?
- You were writing a message.
321
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,240
Oh, probably to yourself,
on the bottom of the box.
322
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,720
[Aziraphale] "I am in the fly."
323
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,080
What fly?
324
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:04,720
Lord Beelzebub,
325
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,840
I believe flies are your department.
326
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:08,520
Mm.
327
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,880
There's only one fly here,
and it's familiar.
328
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,640
[whistles] Come here. Come on.
329
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,400
- Good boy. [scoffs]
- [fly buzzing]
330
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,440
[Beelzebub] No wonder
nobody could find you.
331
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,480
This is where you were
keeping all your memories.
332
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,240
All your... you.
333
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:35,800
Look at you.
334
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,400
You're perfect.
335
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:41,880
Here.
336
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:43,920
Take it.
337
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,800
- [chuckles softly]
- Gently.
338
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:49,640
[fly buzzing]
339
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,200
Now...
340
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,080
open it.
341
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,160
[tense music playing]
342
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,880
[whooshing]
343
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:15,000
How I am supposed to get
ten million angels to stand down
344
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,200
from their war footing is...
345
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,000
It doesn't bear thinking about.
346
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,720
You should try to get ten million demons
347
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,200
to put down their weapons
and go back to work.
348
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,520
Well, at least we know whose fault it is!
349
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,400
[whooshing]
350
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,440
You can't sit there,
I'm waiting for someone.
351
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,080
- You're waiting for me.
- I don't think so.
352
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,320
New face.
353
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,560
I had the old one for 6,000 years.
I just thought it was time for a change.
354
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,920
- I don't know who you are.
- Come on, it's me.
355
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,320
Beelzebub. Lord of the Flies.
356
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:53,680
Watch.
357
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,800
[fly buzzing]
358
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,920
- There you go.
- Why did you wanna meet me here?
359
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,680
Well, if we're gonna have
background talks,
360
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,000
they can't be in either
of our home territories.
361
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,200
And what do we need to discuss?
362
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:09,960
Arma-bloody-geddon.
363
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,720
That was a complete
and utter pain in the ass.
364
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,920
- I know, but we are ready for round two.
- As are we.
365
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,600
Utterly ready. Armageddon, here we come.
366
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,960
Arma-bloody-geddon. Arma-bloody-geddon.
367
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,480
Ah. [laughs]
368
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,440
- Well, you lost.
- So did you.
369
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,240
- No, we didn't.
- Well, you didn't win.
370
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:29,960
Tell me about it.
371
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,136
Everyone in Heaven is all like,
"Well, you're the commander-in-chief,
372
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,296
can't you just make the war
happen anyway?" Like, I make the rules.
373
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,240
[scoffs] That's exactly what my lot said.
374
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,320
Well,
375
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,800
it's good to know there's someone
who understands. Thank you.
376
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,560
It's a pity we'll never speak again.
377
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,160
[whooshing]
378
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,360
I have a proposal to make.
379
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,520
["Everyday" by Buddy Holly playing]
380
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,960
Instead of Armageddon, what about...
381
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,040
no Armageddon?
382
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,040
An interesting proposal.
383
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:08,920
No Armageddon.
384
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:11,920
They won't like that, though.
385
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,120
Most of my demons live for Armageddon,
if you can call that living.
386
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,040
Well, my angels too.
But you can't always get what you...
387
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:20,240
live for.
388
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,600
Advantages to no Armageddon?
389
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:26,920
We keep the status quo,
static and, um, quo-ey.
390
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,240
- No one can ever know, of course.
- Of course.
391
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:34,840
A deal?
392
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,200
Mm.
393
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,120
[song continues playing]
394
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:44,280
I like this song.
395
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,000
Song?
396
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,560
- The music that's playing now.
- What music?
397
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,080
The noise.
398
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:52,640
- That's music?
- [chuckles]
399
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:55,080
I like it.
400
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,960
Contains information in a tuneful way.
401
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,120
Every day something is getting closer.
402
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,400
Then, um... Then I also like it.
403
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,800
♪ Love like yours
Will surely come my way ♪
404
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,160
♪ A-hey, a-hey, hey ♪
405
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:20,480
♪ Love like yours
Will surely come my way ♪
406
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:22,760
[song ends]
407
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:25,320
So...
408
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,480
agreement concluded.
409
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,200
No need to ever meet again, is there?
410
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,240
None whatsoever.
411
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,240
[whooshing]
412
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:46,960
[Gabriel] Let there be light.
413
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,480
I think the sculptor
really caught something.
414
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,080
The shape of the head.
415
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,120
Beautiful. Really moving.
416
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:56,720
[Beelzebub] It's a very good likeness.
417
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,360
Sometimes I come here
for hours and just...
418
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:02,440
look at it.
419
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,800
[Beelzebub] Right. Shall we go to the pub?
420
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:20,080
Two goblets of your intoxicating liquor,
please. And, uh...
421
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:21,920
- Packet of crisps.
- [man] Very good, sir.
422
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,320
Which liquor would that be?
423
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,600
Whichever one it is you humans
usually orally consume.
424
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,760
Two pints of regular, then.
425
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,040
[music playing]
426
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:38,360
What's that?
427
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,080
A classic 1960s jukebox.
428
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:43,760
You don't see many of them these days.
429
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,080
You just put your money in
and tell it what you want to hear.
430
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:48,160
Oh...
431
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:49,920
You people.
432
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:51,760
Amazing.
433
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:54,520
[whooshing]
434
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:57,560
[Gabriel] Ha!
435
00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,416
["Everyday" by Buddy Holly playing]
436
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,720
♪ Everyday it's a-gettin' closer ♪
437
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,240
♪ Goin' faster than a roller coaster ♪
438
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:09,600
♪ Love like yours
will surely come my way... ♪
439
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:11,520
[Gabriel] Here you go.
440
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,240
- You don't actually have to consume.
- Oh.
441
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,560
- And the...
- Oh, packet of crisps? Good.
442
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,480
♪ ...yours will surely come my way ♪
443
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,160
Is that... Did you...
444
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,960
- A small miracle.
- Oh.
445
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,200
That song will always be there
on that jukebox,
446
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,600
- to comfort the afflicted.
- Mmm.
447
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,840
I should give you something.
448
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,880
Here. It's for you.
449
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,120
You never know when you'll need it.
450
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,320
It's a container, so...
451
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,760
it's bigger on the inside.
You can put things in it.
452
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,600
- Bye-bye. [chuckles]
- [fly buzzing]
453
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,520
I don't actually know what to say.
454
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:16,520
Why not?
455
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,360
No one's ever given me anything before.
456
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,720
[sighs]
457
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,320
♪ ...seems a little longer ♪
458
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,800
♪ Every way, love's a little... ♪
459
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:30,880
[whooshing]
460
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,080
[gasps]
461
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,320
[soft music playing]
462
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,600
Aziraphale.
463
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:47,720
[Gabriel laughs]
464
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:51,520
Michael, Uriel.
465
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,360
- Don't tell me.
- I won't.
466
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,160
- It's Saraqael!
- Saraqael!
467
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,320
Yes, I knew that. Of course it is
468
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:02,840
[laughs]
469
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:04,960
Oh, eesh.
470
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:06,840
You guys.
471
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:10,760
You.
472
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,560
[sighs] Thank you.
473
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,280
Silly, silly angel.
474
00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:19,360
Why?
475
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,760
I was coming to you, but...
476
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,040
I...
477
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:27,440
- forgot.
- [chuckles]
478
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,320
Well, I think Aziraphale probably
took much better care of you
479
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:33,720
than I could've done.
480
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:34,840
Beelzebub!
481
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,360
You traitor!
482
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,160
Collaborating with Heaven?
483
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,440
I didn't collaborate with Heaven
484
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,600
any more than
Gabriel collaborated with Hell.
485
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,960
I just found something that
mattered more to me than choosing sides.
486
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,160
[chuckles] That's really sweet.
487
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:58,520
[gagging]
488
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,560
- Enough to make you believe in true love.
- [Michael] Mortals?
489
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,040
What are mortals doing here?
Someone turn them into pillars of salt.
490
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:06,720
- Saraqael.
- I'm on it.
491
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,120
That... That won't be necessary.
I'll see to this.
492
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:10,960
Maggie, Nina, you come with me.
493
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:13,720
You got this?
494
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,040
Oh, um, absolutely, yes.
495
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:17,800
- [soft music playing]
- [door opens]
496
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:20,480
[door shuts]
497
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,520
Just don't, uh,
tell anybody about any of this.
498
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,640
Not that anyone would
ever believe a word of it.
499
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,600
Oh, God, I should've been open
half an hour ago.
500
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,560
How can you think about that
after all this?
501
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:31,800
People need coffee, I sell coffee,
it's my coffee shop.
502
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,056
- I should be open by now.
- Right, nice knowing you both.
503
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:35,080
Let's say goodbye forever
504
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:36,920
and pretend none of this
ever happened, yeah?
505
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,680
Oh. Some of us
have been working all night, you know.
506
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:49,640
Where did you come from?
507
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:54,640
I don't remember.
508
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,560
Good call.
Never tell them how it's done,
509
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:00,320
unless they pay you for it first.
Here, pick a card.
510
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,240
I'm going to my shop,
to sleep behind the counter.
511
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,000
Unless you'd like some help?
512
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:13,496
Could you nip down the mini mart
and pick me up some cream,
513
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,360
oat milk, soy milk, and almond milk?
514
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:16,800
Mm. I'm on it.
515
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,640
[overlapping argument]
516
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:23,840
I can't hear you.
517
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,680
[argument continues]
518
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,920
Can we have... Please, can we have a...
519
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,720
[bell ringing]
520
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:35,480
I've had quite enough of this.
521
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,760
You will speak one at a time.
522
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:46,080
I demand that you handover
both Gabriel and Beelzebub
523
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:49,440
as gifts for Satan, our master.
524
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:51,120
He won't want them.
525
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,440
Maybe as hors d'oeuvres.
526
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,000
And I demand you hand them over to us,
527
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,960
to face celestial punishment.
528
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,120
[Saraqael] Obviously we would be
reserving the option
529
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,280
to send them both to Hell
as our punishment.
530
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,280
But we'd be the ones doing it.
531
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:06,040
Why don't we ask them
532
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:08,040
where they'd like to go?
533
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:09,600
Oh, this is ridiculous.
534
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:11,480
[Furfur] No, there are precedents.
535
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,280
Hell doing Heaven's punishing for you.
536
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,040
Job, that was one.
Lovely man, never met him.
537
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,120
Um, Gabriel,
538
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,000
Beelzebub,
539
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:21,480
what do you want?
540
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,600
I would like...
541
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:28,000
better clothes,
542
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,320
and I would like to be with Beelzebub.
543
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,200
Wherever Beelzebub is...
is my Heaven.
544
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:35,320
[Michael] Mm-hmm.
545
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,320
And where you are,
my sweet, is forever my Hell.
546
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,920
- [Shax groans softly]
- You know, Alpha Centauri's nice.
547
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,160
Always wanted to go there.
548
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,640
Couple of decent planets.
No nightlife to speak of.
549
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,000
[Uriel] If you leave,
550
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:48,480
you can never come back.
551
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:51,400
- That would be the point.
- If you flee,
552
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:52,800
traitor,
553
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,360
Hell will send all its legions
to hunt you down.
554
00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:00,840
You know as well as I do
how badly understaffed Hell is right now.
555
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,200
Anyway, with me not there, Shax,
556
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,800
you could be the next Grand Duke of Hell.
557
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,600
Grand Duke of Hell.
558
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,880
Angels and Demons, they can't just...
559
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:16,000
[singing]
♪ Everyday, it's a-getting closer ♪
560
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:20,560
♪ Going faster than a rollercoaster ♪
561
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,880
♪ Love like yours will ♪
562
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,760
♪ Surely come my way ♪
563
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,680
♪ A-hey, a-hey-hey ♪
564
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,440
Ah, if you're going back to Hell,
can I get my flat back?
565
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,800
- Who the hell cares?
- I care!
566
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:36,520
I'm bored of living in my car.
567
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,240
[mumbles] And I don't think
my car's much of a fan of it either.
568
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,160
I believe the Dark Council
569
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,720
will have something to say
about all this nonsense.
570
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,960
Well, I'm sure they'll be thrilled
that the mighty Shax
571
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,000
has uncovered a traitor in our midst.
572
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:53,600
[Shax growls]
573
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:00,840
Let's find out, shall we?
574
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,840
Order accurately and fast.
I haven't slept in 30 hours
575
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,400
and I will not hesitate to mock you
if I don't like your order.
576
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:14,800
Yes, I quite understand.
577
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:16,080
I'd like a...
578
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,400
large oat milk latte
579
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,680
with a dash of almond syrup, please.
580
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:24,680
Coming up.
581
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,760
Do people ever ask for death?
582
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:28,920
What?
583
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:33,640
Well, the name of your establishment,
"Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death."
584
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,760
I assume they always ask for coffee.
585
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:37,920
They don't ever ask for death, no.
586
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,880
No, I don't suppose they do.
587
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:42,480
So predictable.
588
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,960
I am authorized to remove
the name of anyone
589
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,400
who helped Gabriel from the Book of Life.
590
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,360
You will never have existed, Aziraphale.
591
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:52,440
[door opens]
592
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:53,896
[Michael] In the absence of Gabriel,
593
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,320
- I am the Supreme Archangel.
- Duty officer.
594
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:58,120
- [Michael] And I...
- Excuse me, I'm sorry,
595
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,160
I must interrupt you there.
596
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:01,880
Um...
597
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:04,520
Oh, and I've brought over a coffee.
598
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:06,960
I don't believe I asked
for any interruptions.
599
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:10,560
I couldn't help it.
You're talking utter balderdash.
600
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,160
I mean, complete piffle!
601
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,800
You don't have the authority
to do anything like that.
602
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:17,840
Um, and who are you?
603
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,160
For Heaven's sake.
604
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:24,080
And I mean that most literally.
You don't know me?
605
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:28,640
Well, uh, what about you, Demon?
Do you know me?
606
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,280
- Get him out of here!
- [Metatron] Really?
607
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:32,760
[Crowley] Oh, I know you.
608
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,160
Last time I saw you,
you were a big, floating giant head, man.
609
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:37,960
Oh!
610
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:39,880
The Metatron.
611
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:41,136
- [all gasp]
- [Metatron] Correct!
612
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,600
This calls much less attention, though.
613
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:48,040
Right, you, you, you, back to Heaven,
spit, spot, not another word.
614
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,920
Ah-ah-ah! Not you.
615
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:55,160
Um... Your... Your Reverence, your...
616
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:58,080
- You Grace, your...
- Oh, come on, spit it out.
617
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,040
Have we done anything wrong?
618
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:04,880
Well, that remains
to be seen, does it not?
619
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,480
Well, go on, off you go, the lot of you!
620
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,440
Except the dim one.
621
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,440
I may need you.
622
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:19,680
Right.
623
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,680
It's just you and me, Aziraphale, eh?
624
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,640
I think we need to have
a bit of a chinwag,
625
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:29,800
don't you?
626
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,120
I don't believe there's
anything left to be said.
627
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:33,960
I've made my position quite clear.
628
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,120
Yeah, well, I brought you
a coffee from the shop.
629
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,960
It's an oat milk latte
630
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,880
with a hefty jigger of almond syrup.
631
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,880
- You brought me a coffee?
- Are you going to take it?
632
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,480
- Shall I?
- Drink it?
633
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:53,320
Of course.
634
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,040
I've ingested things in my time, you know.
635
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,760
It's... It's very nice.
636
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:02,840
Yes, I should jolly well hope so.
637
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,920
Well, we have things to talk about.
638
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,120
Shall we take a little stroll?
639
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:09,160
Um...
640
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,080
Mm. Go on. They can't get any weirder.
641
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,680
[tense music playing]
642
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,000
[sighs]
643
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,120
[door opens]
644
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:32,040
Oh.
645
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:34,640
You should leave now too.
646
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,040
The Metatron told me to wait.
647
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,800
He said he might need me.
648
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,160
Me! [chuckles] He might need me.
649
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,640
Marvelous. Have a gold star.
650
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:48,600
- They'll be back soon.
- Yes.
651
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:52,160
When Aziraphale does come back,
I think we need a little us time.
652
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,480
After all this, I think we are going for
653
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:01,840
an extremely alcoholic breakfast
at the Ritz.
654
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,040
Brilliant idea! [laughs]
655
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,160
Breakfast. Us time.
656
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,160
Just us. Not you.
657
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:12,320
Oh. [laughs] Oh, right, yes.
658
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,800
I can, um, explore the bookshop.
659
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,480
[sighs]
660
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,120
[Crowley] Um... you need to go.
661
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,080
Can I... Can I take a book with me?
662
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,320
I was looking at one earlier.
663
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,480
They're like people, only portable.
664
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,640
Go for it. Here, you'll like this one.
665
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,760
- No, it won't do any good.
- It doesn't matter.
666
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:37,680
- We have to tell them.
- [scoffs]
667
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,040
Fine.
668
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,560
Anyone wants anything,
tell 'em we'll be back in five minutes.
669
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,280
Okay.
670
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:47,680
[soft music playing]
671
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:49,680
[snaps fingers]
672
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:09,640
[sighs]
673
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:19,160
Tidied up.
674
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:21,800
Where's the other one?
We need to talk to you.
675
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,040
- He's out. Not a good time.
- [Nina] I wasn't asking.
676
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:26,480
There are things you need to hear.
677
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,600
You and your... partner have been
messing about in our lives.
678
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,400
We're not a game. We're real people.
679
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,160
You can't just
pair us up for your amusement.
680
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:39,400
[mumbles] You were crying
and Nina needed rescuing and...
681
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,000
My relationship just ended.
682
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,000
I am not ready to start another one yet.
683
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:45,320
I'd just be a rebound mess.
684
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:46,960
I can't start seeing Maggie.
685
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,680
When I'm ready, I hope she'll be there,
but there isn't any guarantee.
686
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,760
- There is.
- You're not helping, angel.
687
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:55,840
Look at you two.
688
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,480
You're the hard bitten one,
the can't trust anyone ever again,
689
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,640
and Mr. Wherever He Is is the soft one
who still believes in magic
690
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:04,600
and people being
basically good and all that.
691
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,400
Why are you telling me all this?
I don't understand.
692
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:09,160
That's why she's telling you.
693
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:10,960
Because you don't understand.
694
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:15,360
Because you and Mr. Fell
don't ever talk to each other.
695
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,000
We talk all the time!
696
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,640
We've been talking for millions of years.
697
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,600
Bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla.
698
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:24,560
I say something brilliant,
he says something
699
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,400
unintentionally funny back. It's great.
700
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,960
You never say what you're really thinking.
701
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:31,280
That was all we needed.
702
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,840
It's what you two need as well.
703
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,160
Well, you don't have to
answer immediately.
704
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,640
Take all the time you need.
705
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:43,640
I... I don't know what to say.
706
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,640
Well then, go and tell
your friend the good news.
707
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,360
[soft music playing]
708
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,480
- We're just going.
- I'm sure you two have a lot to say.
709
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,160
What's that you're holding, Muriel?
710
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:29,520
A book.
711
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,280
It's called a book.
712
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,880
I'm "reading" a book.
713
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:35,360
Excellent!
714
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,480
What a perfectly splendid thing to do!
715
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,120
Is it?
716
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,440
Oh. [laughs] Yes. Jolly good.
717
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,880
Look, I suppose, um...
718
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:52,120
I've got something to say.
719
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,160
I know we ought to be talking about...
720
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:56,016
It's probably best
if I start off doing all the talking,
721
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,096
you do all the listening,
'cause if I don't start talking now,
722
00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:59,800
I won't ever start talking, right?
723
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:01,816
- Yes, so...
- What's that lovely human expression?
724
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,320
Oh, yes! Hold that thought. [chuckles]
725
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:05,680
You see, I...
726
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,560
I have some incredibly
good news to give you.
727
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,920
- Really?
- I... um...
728
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,640
So, um...
729
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,600
the Metatron, you know,
I don't think he's as bad a fellow...
730
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,960
Well, I think I might've misjudged him.
731
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:24,920
You see, I... Well, he said, um,
732
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,800
that Gabriel
733
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,080
obviously hadn't worked out... [laughs]
734
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:32,640
as Supreme Archangel
and Commander of the Heavenly Host,
735
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,280
and he asked who I thought
should take over in Heaven
736
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,840
now that Gabriel was gone.
737
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:37,920
And I said...
738
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:42,200
- Michael?
- Oh, don't be silly! No, no, no, no, no.
739
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:46,200
There's only one candidate
who makes even the slightest bit of sense.
740
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:49,280
And that's you.
741
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,840
And I said, "Me?"
742
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:53,440
And he said...
743
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,360
Well, yes. You're a leader,
744
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,600
you're honest, you don't just tell people
what they want to hear.
745
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:02,960
It's why Gabriel came to you
in the first place, I imagine.
746
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:07,400
There are huge plans afoot,
enormous projects,
747
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:10,320
and I will need you to run them.
748
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:13,160
You are just the angel for the job.
749
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,600
I... I don't want to go back to Heaven.
750
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,080
Where would I get my coffee?
751
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:24,040
You know, as Supreme Archangel,
752
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:27,480
you would be able to decide
who to work with.
753
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:31,160
Yeah, I've been looking back
over a number of your...
754
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:34,400
previous exploits,
and I see that in quite a few of them
755
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:37,400
you formed a de facto partnership
756
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:39,760
with the demon Crowley.
757
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,960
Now, if you wanted to
work with him again, that...
758
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,680
might be considered irregular,
759
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,880
but it would certainly be
within your jurisdiction
760
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,800
to restore your friend, Crowley,
761
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,600
to full angelic status.
762
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:57,760
He said what?
763
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,000
He said I could appoint you
764
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:02,000
to be an angel.
765
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,320
You could come back to Heaven and...
766
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:08,480
and everything,
767
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:10,600
like the old times.
768
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,600
Only, even nicer.
769
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:15,840
Right.
770
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,520
And you told him
just where he could stick it, then?
771
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:23,680
Not at all.
772
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:27,040
Oh, we're better than that,
you're better than that, Angel!
773
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,160
You don't need them.
I certainly don't need them!
774
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,600
Look, they asked me
back to Hell, I said no.
775
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,920
I'm not gonna be joining their team.
Neither should you.
776
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,800
But... Well, obviously
you said no to Hell,
777
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:36,920
you're the bad guys.
778
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:39,000
But Heaven...
779
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:43,560
Well, it's the side of truth, of light,
780
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:45,800
of good.
781
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,360
When Heaven ends life here on Earth,
782
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,800
it'll be just as dead as if Hell ended it.
783
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,200
Tell me you said no.
784
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:05,520
Tell me you said no.
785
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:07,880
If I'm in charge...
786
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:10,840
I can make a difference.
787
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:13,400
Oh.
788
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:15,960
Oh, God. Right, okay.
789
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:17,816
Right. I didn't get a chance to say
what I was going to say,
790
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:19,000
I think I'd better say it now
791
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,400
Right, okay, yes, so...
792
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:23,720
[sighs]
793
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:27,360
We've known each other a long time.
794
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,680
We've been on this planet for a long time.
I mean, you and me.
795
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,240
I could always rely on you.
796
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,680
You could always rely on me.
We're a team, a group.
797
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:39,560
Group of the two of us.
798
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:43,800
And we've spent our existence
pretending that we aren't.
799
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,960
I mean, the last few years, not really.
800
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:57,320
And I would like to spend... [grunts]
801
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,520
I mean, if Gabriel and Beelzebub
802
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,040
can do it, go off together, then we can.
803
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,320
Just the two of us. We don't need Heaven,
804
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,560
we don't need Hell, they're toxic.
805
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,640
We need to get away
from them, just be an us.
806
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,800
- You and me, what do you say?
- Come with me...
807
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:21,360
to Heaven. I'll run it,
you can be my second in command.
808
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:23,880
We can make a difference.
809
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:26,920
You can't leave this bookshop.
810
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,120
Oh, Crowley.
811
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,680
Nothing lasts forever.
812
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,040
No.
813
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,520
No, I don't suppose it does.
814
00:45:46,240 --> 00:45:47,240
Good luck.
815
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:50,400
Good luck? Crowley!
816
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:51,840
Crowley, come back,
817
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:53,640
to Heaven!
818
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:56,400
Work with me!
819
00:45:58,360 --> 00:45:59,560
We can be together!
820
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,160
Angels...
821
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:03,680
doing good!
822
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,200
[somber music playing]
823
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:08,200
I... I need you!
824
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:15,360
I don't think you understand
what I'm offering you.
825
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:16,680
I understand.
826
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,080
I think I understand
a whole lot better than you do.
827
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:24,080
Well...
828
00:46:25,720 --> 00:46:27,040
then there's nothing more to say.
829
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:31,040
Listen.
830
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:32,960
Do you hear that?
831
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:36,360
I don't hear anything.
832
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:38,840
That's the point.
833
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:41,440
No nightingales.
834
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:44,000
[melancholy music playing]
835
00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:46,440
You idiot.
836
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:49,200
We could have been... us.
837
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:55,480
[music intensifies]
838
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:14,680
I...
839
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:20,360
I forgive you.
840
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:22,880
[sighs]
841
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:26,520
[Crowley] Don't bother.
842
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:31,800
[melancholy music]
843
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:33,600
[door shuts]
844
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:48,200
How did he take it?
845
00:47:50,240 --> 00:47:52,320
Um, not well. [giggles]
846
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,360
Ah, well, always did want
to go his own way.
847
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:59,080
Always asking damn
fool questions, too.
848
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:01,240
Right, ready to start?
849
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:04,240
I...
850
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:06,840
But, um...
851
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:09,600
my bookshop.
852
00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:12,480
Yes, well, for now
853
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,960
I've entrusted it to Muriel,
854
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:16,960
so it should be in good hands.
855
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:19,760
But...
856
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:22,840
Anything you need to take with you?
857
00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:27,720
No.
858
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:29,800
Nothing I can think of.
859
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:31,960
[Metatron] Ah.
860
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:37,320
I think I...
861
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:48,400
- Nothing at all. [giggles]
- [door opens]
862
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,000
[Metatron] Well,
I can't think of a better angel
863
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:58,800
to wrap things up,
864
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:00,800
and to set into motion
865
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,600
the next step in the great plan.
866
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:05,840
Um, yes, you mentioned that.
867
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:07,440
Can I know what it is?
868
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:11,000
Well, it's something we need
an angel of your talents to direct.
869
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:14,960
An angel who is familiar with
how they do things on Earth.
870
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,720
- Ah.
- We call it the Second Coming.
871
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,520
[dramatic music]
872
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:42,360
[sighs]
873
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,880
[automated voice] Doors closing. Going up.
874
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:58,080
[melancholy music playing]
875
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:15,200
[car engine starts]
876
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:16,896
["A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square"
by Michael Bublé playing]
877
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:21,080
♪ A nightingale sang ♪
878
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:25,720
♪ In Berkeley Square ♪
879
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:29,880
[music stops]
880
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,800
[melancholy music playing]
881
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:50,760
[music continues]