1 00:00:22,925 --> 00:00:24,285 Ahh! 2 00:00:29,845 --> 00:00:31,125 [phone beeps] 3 00:00:31,685 --> 00:00:33,485 Take my advice, you won't look at it. 4 00:00:35,085 --> 00:00:36,005 I've told you. 5 00:00:36,085 --> 00:00:39,085 You make better coffee when you're happier. The girls notice. 6 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,005 -I'm perfectly happy. -[phone beeps] 7 00:00:41,085 --> 00:00:42,485 That'll be your Lindsay texting again. 8 00:00:42,565 --> 00:00:45,125 I don't believe my relationship is any concern of yours. 9 00:00:45,205 --> 00:00:46,125 Obviously not. 10 00:00:46,685 --> 00:00:50,645 Save where it intrudes on my girls' welfare and quality of life and coffee. 11 00:00:51,405 --> 00:00:52,845 [car honks, man whistles] 12 00:00:53,925 --> 00:00:54,925 Oh, that's nice. 13 00:00:55,485 --> 00:00:58,405 Somebody's got a sense of humor, or an interesting kink. 14 00:00:58,485 --> 00:01:00,205 Either way, puts a smile on your face. 15 00:01:01,965 --> 00:01:05,205 [Nina] Last one, double Americano with oat milk and hazelnut syrup. 16 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:08,645 Well. Not on your face, Nina love. 17 00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:10,485 Obviously. 18 00:01:14,805 --> 00:01:16,565 [radio playing music, knocking on door] 19 00:01:16,645 --> 00:01:18,525 [Muriel] Open up! Police! 20 00:01:34,005 --> 00:01:35,645 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! 21 00:01:35,725 --> 00:01:37,085 What's all this then? 22 00:01:39,085 --> 00:01:40,525 Good morning, officer. 23 00:01:40,605 --> 00:01:42,445 Yes! Exactly! 24 00:01:42,805 --> 00:01:44,685 I'm a human police officer. 25 00:01:44,764 --> 00:01:46,845 Hmm. I thought you probably were. 26 00:01:47,484 --> 00:01:48,805 Did you? Really? 27 00:01:49,285 --> 00:01:50,845 Oh, wonderful. 28 00:01:50,925 --> 00:01:52,445 Well, you're right. I am one. 29 00:01:52,845 --> 00:01:56,645 Jolly good. And err, how can I help you? 30 00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:58,525 Well, sir. [clears throat] 31 00:01:58,605 --> 00:02:01,325 As you may know, as a human police officer, 32 00:02:01,405 --> 00:02:05,125 I can unobtrusively monitor you without raising suspicion. 33 00:02:05,605 --> 00:02:07,565 -Indeed you can. -Great! 34 00:02:07,645 --> 00:02:10,165 Well, could I come in and do it inside please? 35 00:02:10,285 --> 00:02:13,485 Only cause it's really noisy out here and I can't hear anything. 36 00:02:14,685 --> 00:02:15,525 By all means. 37 00:02:32,885 --> 00:02:34,045 Cup of tea, officer? 38 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,445 Umm... Yes? 39 00:02:37,845 --> 00:02:40,405 A human police officer would generally accept a cup of tea. 40 00:02:40,445 --> 00:02:42,885 Ah! Then so shall I. 41 00:02:50,685 --> 00:02:51,605 To drink. 42 00:03:00,405 --> 00:03:01,365 Ah! 43 00:03:08,245 --> 00:03:11,885 You know, I think I'll just look at mine for a while. 44 00:03:12,365 --> 00:03:14,005 -As you please. -Great! 45 00:03:15,045 --> 00:03:20,325 I always say the best part of a "cupperty" is looking at it. 46 00:03:22,765 --> 00:03:23,925 This is ridiculous! 47 00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:28,005 Why don't you just go by train? You love trains. 48 00:03:29,365 --> 00:03:30,685 Who's this now? 49 00:03:30,765 --> 00:03:32,685 This is a human police officer 50 00:03:32,765 --> 00:03:36,125 who's just popped in to have a quick look at a cup of tea. 51 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,045 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. 52 00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:41,325 -Tell me, Constable-- -Inspector. 53 00:03:42,045 --> 00:03:45,365 Oh... You know, you are dressed as a constable. 54 00:03:46,084 --> 00:03:47,565 Inspector Constable! 55 00:03:48,084 --> 00:03:50,165 -That's my name. -Of course it is. 56 00:03:54,325 --> 00:03:56,045 First visit to Earth, is it, by any chance? 57 00:03:56,125 --> 00:03:59,245 Yes! It's amazing, isn't it? Just the-- 58 00:04:05,925 --> 00:04:07,285 Or rather, no. 59 00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:12,445 Obviously I've been here for, like... 200 years. 60 00:04:12,525 --> 00:04:14,685 Oh! But when I said yes just then, 61 00:04:14,765 --> 00:04:18,005 that was an error, which proves that I'm human. 62 00:04:18,084 --> 00:04:19,605 Of course. 63 00:04:19,685 --> 00:04:22,805 Perhaps you meant this is your first visit to London? 64 00:04:22,885 --> 00:04:24,805 Yes! That's right. 65 00:04:25,245 --> 00:04:28,365 I was recently transferred to London from another... 66 00:04:29,365 --> 00:04:30,725 human settlement. 67 00:04:30,805 --> 00:04:32,365 Oh yeah? Which one? 68 00:04:36,085 --> 00:04:37,605 Word with you, Angel, in private. 69 00:04:40,485 --> 00:04:43,365 But, no! But err... I'm supposed to observe you. 70 00:04:43,485 --> 00:04:44,245 Oh, don't worry. 71 00:04:44,805 --> 00:04:47,245 We can always tell you everything we talked about afterwards. 72 00:04:47,365 --> 00:04:49,205 Ah, great! 73 00:04:50,205 --> 00:04:51,005 Thanks! 74 00:05:06,085 --> 00:05:09,165 I don't know how you lot have managed to stay in charge all this time. 75 00:05:09,565 --> 00:05:11,165 I'm not sure we have, have we? 76 00:05:11,725 --> 00:05:14,045 Where's Gabriel? What is that angel doing here? 77 00:05:14,125 --> 00:05:16,245 Jim is in his bedroom upstairs. 78 00:05:16,365 --> 00:05:18,485 I told him bookshops are always closed on a Wednesday. 79 00:05:18,565 --> 00:05:20,445 As for Inspector Constable, 80 00:05:20,525 --> 00:05:24,245 at a guess, they were sent to verify the 25 Lazarii miracle 81 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:27,205 you and I seem to have accidentally performed together the other night. 82 00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:28,845 That's how you lot measure miracles? 83 00:05:28,925 --> 00:05:31,405 How many times it could have brought someone back from the dead? 84 00:05:31,485 --> 00:05:32,805 And I'm very much afraid that... 85 00:05:33,445 --> 00:05:35,965 that angel out there will establish very quickly 86 00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:38,845 that I lied to Heaven about the miracle in question. 87 00:05:38,925 --> 00:05:42,285 Right. Well, we just need to get Nina to do the love thing with Maggie. 88 00:05:42,365 --> 00:05:44,485 One fabulous kiss and we're good. I have a plan. 89 00:05:44,565 --> 00:05:46,045 Excellent. Can I have the car keys? 90 00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:49,164 Don't you want to hear my plan? Or, you know, go by train. 91 00:05:49,565 --> 00:05:50,365 Car keys, please. 92 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,045 -[door opens] -All done? 93 00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:55,645 Yes! Nothing you need to worry about. 94 00:05:55,725 --> 00:05:59,485 Listen, you wouldn't be interested in humans falling in love, would you? 95 00:05:59,925 --> 00:06:02,965 I... I know for some members of the police force it's a bit of a hobby! 96 00:06:03,045 --> 00:06:05,525 Yes! Yes, I am! Oh, especially-- 97 00:06:05,605 --> 00:06:07,725 Maggie and Nina over the road. Ah, yes. 98 00:06:07,805 --> 00:06:10,885 Well, we, humans of Earth have a saying: 99 00:06:11,285 --> 00:06:14,885 you can only tell if people are in love by waiting a few days 100 00:06:14,965 --> 00:06:17,405 because humans are weird and that's how it works. 101 00:06:18,085 --> 00:06:20,765 Oh... yes! I knew that. 102 00:06:21,285 --> 00:06:23,125 Well, don't hesitate to ask me 103 00:06:23,205 --> 00:06:26,885 if you have any other questions about love, Inspector... Constable. 104 00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:29,045 I'll just be here helping to run this bookshop 105 00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:31,685 while my friend drives my car to Edinburgh. 106 00:06:37,445 --> 00:06:39,525 -Excuse me... -What? I'm a bit busy. 107 00:06:39,605 --> 00:06:41,285 Yes, I can see that. 108 00:06:41,365 --> 00:06:44,805 But I just needed to ask you about your love life. 109 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,565 Get out. Now. 110 00:06:47,965 --> 00:06:50,925 Now... We're going to Edinburgh. 111 00:06:55,045 --> 00:06:56,325 [car honks] 112 00:06:59,725 --> 00:07:01,085 [sighs] 113 00:07:02,285 --> 00:07:04,485 [cars honking] 114 00:07:07,285 --> 00:07:11,525 [theme music plays] 115 00:08:37,044 --> 00:08:40,325 [Aziraphale] From the confidential journals of A.Z. Fell, 116 00:08:40,405 --> 00:08:42,845 Volume 603. 117 00:08:43,445 --> 00:08:44,605 Dear Diary, 118 00:08:44,645 --> 00:08:49,285 last month Crowley and I both happened to be in Edinburgh. 119 00:08:51,165 --> 00:08:55,885 And he insisted I visit a local graveyard at midnight. 120 00:08:56,485 --> 00:08:59,885 He had come upon something he said that might amuse me. 121 00:09:00,605 --> 00:09:04,645 A statue of the supreme archangel himself! 122 00:09:10,885 --> 00:09:12,525 [Crowley] It's depressingly accurate. 123 00:09:12,605 --> 00:09:15,405 It's definitely Gabriel. It's uncanny. 124 00:09:15,845 --> 00:09:17,125 Do you think he knows? 125 00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:18,765 Probably comes here to stare at it. 126 00:09:19,365 --> 00:09:21,125 Marveling at his own beauty. 127 00:09:21,765 --> 00:09:23,485 [girl groaning] 128 00:09:23,525 --> 00:09:24,965 I think there's someone here. 129 00:09:26,245 --> 00:09:27,885 This one's mine, ya bastards! 130 00:09:30,085 --> 00:09:32,525 Rather strange time to be burying someone. 131 00:09:32,645 --> 00:09:33,645 [Elspeth] I've got a spade. 132 00:09:34,045 --> 00:09:36,645 If the two of you are still here in ten seconds, I'll use it on you. 133 00:09:36,765 --> 00:09:38,885 [Crowley laughs] I like you! 134 00:09:39,005 --> 00:09:40,725 Dinnae let us stop you. 135 00:09:40,765 --> 00:09:42,125 [she groans] 136 00:09:42,205 --> 00:09:44,005 Oh, this isn't good. 137 00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:46,125 Well, depending on the point of view. 138 00:09:46,645 --> 00:09:49,165 You say potato, I say excellent. 139 00:09:49,245 --> 00:09:52,245 My side are gonna love a spot of bodysnatchin'. 140 00:09:53,645 --> 00:09:56,045 Allow me to introduce myself. I'm-- 141 00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:59,245 -[Elspeth] English? -Mr... McFell. 142 00:10:00,765 --> 00:10:04,645 I just thought I should warn you that digging up bodies... 143 00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:07,245 Well, it's wrong. 144 00:10:07,765 --> 00:10:09,125 He's not using it anymore. 145 00:10:09,205 --> 00:10:11,525 Just something for his family to cry over. 146 00:10:11,605 --> 00:10:14,365 Now, would you like a wee hand with your corpse? 147 00:10:19,605 --> 00:10:21,645 [Aziraphael] I resolved to show this young person 148 00:10:21,765 --> 00:10:23,445 the error of her ways. 149 00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:25,125 [Elspeth] It's not an easy job. 150 00:10:25,205 --> 00:10:27,285 If the watch catch you, you'll swing for it. 151 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,285 It's not the danger of what you're doing. 152 00:10:29,965 --> 00:10:31,485 Don't you know that it's wrong? 153 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:34,205 All I know is there's a surgeon in Newington 154 00:10:34,285 --> 00:10:37,125 who'll give me a great big wodge of cash for a fresh body like that one. 155 00:10:37,485 --> 00:10:39,125 But you don't have to do this! 156 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,885 -You could be a bookseller. -I can't read very well. 157 00:10:41,965 --> 00:10:42,965 I don't own a shop. 158 00:10:43,045 --> 00:10:45,085 Well... a weaver then. 159 00:10:45,165 --> 00:10:47,765 -Weaving! Brilliant idea. -Aye. 160 00:10:47,845 --> 00:10:50,645 Though I can't quite remember exactly where I left my loom. 161 00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:51,525 Farming. 162 00:10:51,605 --> 00:10:53,325 Bet you left your loom on your farm, didn't you? 163 00:10:54,765 --> 00:10:57,965 This piss-drenched patch is where me and my pal sleep. 164 00:10:58,045 --> 00:10:59,805 -[coughing] -You alright, wee Morag? 165 00:11:00,205 --> 00:11:02,285 Never better, hen. Never better. 166 00:11:02,365 --> 00:11:04,285 Just trying to keep wee Morag and me alive. 167 00:11:04,365 --> 00:11:06,285 And it doesn't hurt anyone who isn't already dead. 168 00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:09,525 So you can shove your morals up your arse, Mr. McFell. 169 00:11:09,605 --> 00:11:11,685 -[more coughing] -[Elspeth] I've brought you something. 170 00:11:13,765 --> 00:11:15,325 Oh, come on. I've already eaten. 171 00:11:15,405 --> 00:11:17,525 Roasted chicken, butter potatoes, 172 00:11:17,605 --> 00:11:19,605 two helpings of marmalade pudding for afters. 173 00:11:19,685 --> 00:11:21,805 You're a filthy liar, Elspeth McInnes. 174 00:11:22,605 --> 00:11:23,805 And a wee angel. 175 00:11:24,565 --> 00:11:25,365 Aye. 176 00:11:27,485 --> 00:11:28,765 What's in the barrel, hen? 177 00:11:31,005 --> 00:11:33,325 You didn't. Please tell me you didn't. 178 00:11:33,405 --> 00:11:35,525 Oh, she absolutely did. 179 00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:37,765 Nice, fresh, body. 180 00:11:37,845 --> 00:11:39,285 It was just this once! 181 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,285 I promise we can get seven, even eight pounds for a good one! 182 00:11:42,365 --> 00:11:44,525 We can get a room in a proper boarding house, 183 00:11:44,605 --> 00:11:45,925 not like the last one. 184 00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:47,605 And you'll never go to bed hungry. 185 00:11:51,685 --> 00:11:53,005 You're going to hell, hen. 186 00:11:53,885 --> 00:11:54,685 Quite right. 187 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:01,405 It was wonderful to meet you, wee Morag. 188 00:12:03,805 --> 00:12:06,285 There is a stolen body in that barrel! 189 00:12:06,365 --> 00:12:09,205 -This is wicked! -Oh, I'm down with wicked! 190 00:12:10,485 --> 00:12:12,645 Anyway, is it wicked? She needed the money. 191 00:12:12,725 --> 00:12:13,605 That is irrelevant. 192 00:12:13,685 --> 00:12:17,725 Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. 193 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,845 But people get a choice. 194 00:12:19,925 --> 00:12:22,005 You know, they cannot be truly holy 195 00:12:22,085 --> 00:12:25,485 unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked. 196 00:12:26,165 --> 00:12:27,645 She is wicked. 197 00:12:28,365 --> 00:12:31,965 Yeah, that only works if you start everyone off equal. 198 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,805 You can't start someone off like that 199 00:12:33,885 --> 00:12:35,805 and expect her to do as well as someone born in a castle. 200 00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:38,245 Ah, but no, no. That's the good bit. 201 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,605 The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. 202 00:12:42,405 --> 00:12:46,605 So Elspeth here has all the opportunities because she's so poor. 203 00:12:47,925 --> 00:12:50,525 -That's lunacy. -No, that's ineffable. 204 00:12:57,325 --> 00:13:01,005 [classical music on radio] 205 00:13:02,525 --> 00:13:03,525 Now you're getting it. 206 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,125 Oh, that's much better. 207 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:07,485 What do we do? 208 00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:12,845 We play classical music that stays classical music. 209 00:13:13,525 --> 00:13:15,765 [radio interference] 210 00:13:15,845 --> 00:13:18,805 [Crowley on radio] Angel? What are you doing? 211 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:20,725 Nothing. 212 00:13:21,165 --> 00:13:23,805 We're getting along terribly well together. 213 00:13:23,885 --> 00:13:25,885 [Crowley] You realise I could feel when you drive 214 00:13:25,965 --> 00:13:27,565 the Bentley under the speed limit. 215 00:13:31,205 --> 00:13:33,125 -Well I'm sure you can't. -I can. 216 00:13:33,485 --> 00:13:36,005 -So put your foot down! -Alright, alright. 217 00:13:40,205 --> 00:13:41,125 I'm awfully sorry. 218 00:13:41,525 --> 00:13:43,005 It doesn't seem to want to. 219 00:13:47,365 --> 00:13:50,125 [Crowley] Was that a travel sweet? 220 00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:52,565 No. 221 00:13:54,605 --> 00:13:56,485 -Hmmm. -[honks] 222 00:13:56,565 --> 00:13:58,405 [Crowley] My car does not make that noise. 223 00:13:58,485 --> 00:14:00,045 -What are you doing to it? -Nothing. 224 00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:02,925 You've done something to the car, haven't you? I can feel it. 225 00:14:03,005 --> 00:14:04,685 I really don't know what you mean. 226 00:14:04,765 --> 00:14:07,485 [Crowley] My car is not yellow. It has never been yellow. 227 00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:09,565 It is not going to start being yellow now! 228 00:14:10,845 --> 00:14:13,245 -Change it back! -But it's pretty. 229 00:14:13,325 --> 00:14:17,045 If you don't change it back right now, I'm gonna start selling people books! 230 00:14:17,445 --> 00:14:19,045 In fact, I might even give some away. 231 00:14:50,325 --> 00:14:52,605 [bell rings, man screams] 232 00:15:02,325 --> 00:15:04,085 Is there any news about Gabriel yet? 233 00:15:04,525 --> 00:15:05,565 Err, no. 234 00:15:05,645 --> 00:15:08,885 No news of our accursed enemy, my lord. 235 00:15:08,965 --> 00:15:09,765 No? 236 00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:15,365 -Tell me the moment we learn anything. -Of course, Lord Beelzebub. 237 00:15:23,445 --> 00:15:24,325 Do you ever think, 238 00:15:24,845 --> 00:15:27,805 wouldn't it just be nice if someone told you what a good job you're doing? 239 00:15:29,005 --> 00:15:30,565 -In hell? -Yeah. 240 00:15:30,645 --> 00:15:32,605 I mean, I'm just happy when you don't sentence me 241 00:15:32,685 --> 00:15:34,965 to the Dung Pits for pissing you off. 242 00:15:35,045 --> 00:15:37,885 I mean, a day I don't get sent to the Dung Pits is a good day. 243 00:15:38,245 --> 00:15:40,405 I mean, as long as there's a day that nobody rips out my tongue 244 00:15:40,485 --> 00:15:41,285 for talking too much. 245 00:15:41,805 --> 00:15:44,405 A day when nobody sends you to the Dung Pits 246 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,445 or rips out your tongue for talking too-- 247 00:15:47,885 --> 00:15:48,885 Am I talking too much? 248 00:15:50,205 --> 00:15:52,685 Are you gonna rip out my tongue again? 249 00:15:53,445 --> 00:15:55,245 I don't care. Just be quiet. 250 00:15:56,405 --> 00:15:57,205 Right. 251 00:16:03,965 --> 00:16:06,805 -You feeling alright? -Do you want to go to the Dung Pits? 252 00:16:34,245 --> 00:16:35,085 Gravity. 253 00:16:35,165 --> 00:16:38,645 It's, um... a thing that happens when objects are pulled together. 254 00:16:38,725 --> 00:16:40,045 In this case, they're all pulled downwards 255 00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:42,365 because the earth is the largest thing around. 256 00:16:43,325 --> 00:16:44,125 Why? 257 00:16:46,165 --> 00:16:47,085 Ah... 258 00:16:48,445 --> 00:16:50,205 Honestly, um, I don't remember. 259 00:16:51,125 --> 00:16:53,205 Seemed like a good idea when we were all talking about it. 260 00:16:55,845 --> 00:16:59,885 So things would stay where you put them, not just drift off. 261 00:16:59,965 --> 00:17:01,685 But it doesn't stay where I put them. 262 00:17:02,725 --> 00:17:03,605 It goes down. 263 00:17:05,364 --> 00:17:07,084 Except for flies, they go up. 264 00:17:12,885 --> 00:17:13,805 Well observed. 265 00:17:14,525 --> 00:17:18,485 Right, so, the plan: Operation Lovebirds. 266 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:22,565 I'm gonna wait until they both happen to be near the awning, 267 00:17:22,685 --> 00:17:24,685 then, sudden downpour, 268 00:17:25,324 --> 00:17:28,005 they're back out of the rain, bump into each other, 269 00:17:28,084 --> 00:17:30,685 look into each other's eyes and vavoom. 270 00:17:32,325 --> 00:17:34,565 -Vavoom? -That's the plan, yeah. 271 00:17:36,405 --> 00:17:37,805 I haven't done weather in ages. 272 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:42,005 [Aziraphale] It was with heavy heart we arrived at Elspeth's destination. 273 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:46,245 I was determined to thwart her monstrous plan. 274 00:17:49,645 --> 00:17:50,765 Doctor Dalrymple? 275 00:17:51,885 --> 00:17:54,565 Mr. Dalrymple, FRCSE. 276 00:17:55,005 --> 00:17:56,485 I'm a surgeon, not a doctor. 277 00:17:56,565 --> 00:18:00,885 I'm sorry to inform you that this is not pickled herring. 278 00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:04,005 -And I'm afraid I must insist... -What do you want? 279 00:18:04,085 --> 00:18:08,085 Oh, come on, Mr. Dalrymple, it's not brain surgery! 280 00:18:23,165 --> 00:18:25,085 You might want to think about washing your hands. 281 00:18:25,525 --> 00:18:27,725 It's gonna be all the rage in a few years, I'm telling you. 282 00:18:28,085 --> 00:18:31,325 -You're a funny one, Mister-- -Oh, doctor. I'm not a surgeon. 283 00:18:31,405 --> 00:18:32,805 Of course. Doctor. 284 00:18:33,525 --> 00:18:35,045 [Aziraphale] It would've taken a miracle 285 00:18:35,085 --> 00:18:38,245 to render that freshly buried body unsellable. 286 00:18:41,805 --> 00:18:45,765 Oh dear. Something smalls rather... ripe. 287 00:18:48,645 --> 00:18:49,725 Is this a joke? 288 00:18:49,805 --> 00:18:52,165 I'm awfully sorry Mr. Dalrymple. 289 00:18:52,485 --> 00:18:55,245 Oh what a shame. Such a warm night I suppose. 290 00:18:55,325 --> 00:18:56,485 I can't use this! 291 00:18:56,565 --> 00:18:59,325 [Elspeth] It was fine when I-- How did that even-- 292 00:19:00,165 --> 00:19:02,085 I tell you what, this one's half price. 293 00:19:02,165 --> 00:19:06,485 [chuckles] I'm not paying a penny for this... this soup! 294 00:19:06,565 --> 00:19:08,165 [Crowley] You could try fishing out the teeth? 295 00:19:08,885 --> 00:19:10,965 People pay good money for a nice set of gnashers. 296 00:19:11,045 --> 00:19:13,965 Get this disgusting mess out of here. 297 00:19:15,325 --> 00:19:17,405 You did this, didn't you? 298 00:19:17,485 --> 00:19:19,525 Just an unexpected blessing. 299 00:19:28,525 --> 00:19:29,725 [slams door] 300 00:19:33,565 --> 00:19:35,445 [clears throat] Would you mind? 301 00:19:38,565 --> 00:19:39,645 Ooh. Yeah. 302 00:19:44,085 --> 00:19:45,405 I did a very good thing then. 303 00:19:45,805 --> 00:19:48,805 Now, I don't want Elspeth coming back here with another body. 304 00:19:48,885 --> 00:19:51,805 Gotta cut off the demand side of things as well as the supply. 305 00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:56,805 The um, doctor here and I would be ever so grateful 306 00:19:56,885 --> 00:19:59,765 if we could stay and discuss your work. 307 00:20:01,085 --> 00:20:02,525 Over a good whisky, perhaps. 308 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:06,805 Doctors! 309 00:20:07,725 --> 00:20:11,565 Perhaps I can interest you in a wee tipple while we discuss my work? 310 00:20:14,245 --> 00:20:16,245 [Dalrymple] It's terrible, buying the bodies. 311 00:20:16,325 --> 00:20:19,325 But I'm trying to teach students anatomy and basic physiology. 312 00:20:20,005 --> 00:20:22,565 I don't like it any more than you do, Dr. McFell. 313 00:20:24,285 --> 00:20:26,285 The trouble is there are never enough murderers. 314 00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:30,245 -I'm sorry? -Murderers get hanged. 315 00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:32,445 No one cares if we cut up murderers. 316 00:20:32,525 --> 00:20:35,485 Excellent idea! More murders! I'll drink to that. 317 00:20:35,805 --> 00:20:39,805 But if you're in such dire need of bodies, why not dig them up yourself 318 00:20:39,885 --> 00:20:43,005 instead of making the poor and the desperate do it? 319 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,285 Seriously, though? 320 00:20:50,045 --> 00:20:53,045 You cannot possibly think it is the best use of my time 321 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,725 to be sneaking around in graveyards in the wee small hours, 322 00:20:55,805 --> 00:20:57,525 risking grave-guns and the noose 323 00:20:57,565 --> 00:21:00,045 instead of teaching and studying and saving lives. 324 00:21:00,085 --> 00:21:01,285 He's got a point. 325 00:21:02,445 --> 00:21:03,965 -You're both medical men. -Well... 326 00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:07,325 What is your professional opinion on that, Doctor? 327 00:21:09,445 --> 00:21:12,285 Well, in my professional opinion, 328 00:21:12,325 --> 00:21:14,205 that seems to be... 329 00:21:16,565 --> 00:21:18,725 I say that seems to me a... 330 00:21:20,165 --> 00:21:22,325 um... well, what do you think? 331 00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:27,485 Well, that's a foot. So it's definitely not a foot. [laughs] 332 00:21:27,565 --> 00:21:28,645 [Dalrymple] That's my point. 333 00:21:28,725 --> 00:21:30,765 If you two smart gentlemen can't identify it, 334 00:21:30,805 --> 00:21:32,325 then what are my students to make of it? 335 00:21:32,885 --> 00:21:35,965 I removed this tumor from a seven-year-old boy. 336 00:21:36,325 --> 00:21:38,165 Oh. Oh dear. 337 00:21:40,045 --> 00:21:41,325 And... Is he...? 338 00:21:43,085 --> 00:21:46,685 [Dalrymple] And that is why we need a steady supply of cadavers. 339 00:21:47,445 --> 00:21:48,445 We need to cut. 340 00:21:49,085 --> 00:21:50,565 If we can't cut, we can't learn. 341 00:21:50,645 --> 00:21:52,685 If we can't learn more, a lot more, 342 00:21:52,765 --> 00:21:54,445 then how on earth are we going to win the battle 343 00:21:54,525 --> 00:21:56,085 against monstrosities like this one? 344 00:21:57,445 --> 00:22:00,045 I'm just trying to save lives and teach students. 345 00:22:00,645 --> 00:22:02,205 I either end up with a knighthood 346 00:22:03,485 --> 00:22:06,325 or condemned as a resurrectionist and hanging from a rope. 347 00:22:52,965 --> 00:22:53,925 Aha! 348 00:22:55,405 --> 00:22:56,525 Hello there. 349 00:22:56,845 --> 00:22:58,885 Allow me to introduce myself. 350 00:22:58,965 --> 00:23:01,925 I'm what's known as a newspaperman. 351 00:23:02,005 --> 00:23:02,885 Tell me, 352 00:23:04,805 --> 00:23:07,485 is this the Resurrectionist public house? 353 00:23:09,165 --> 00:23:11,845 You'll be one of those investigative reporters, no doubt? 354 00:23:12,405 --> 00:23:13,405 I am! 355 00:23:13,485 --> 00:23:16,605 Well what can I do for you, and err, what would you like to drink? 356 00:23:16,685 --> 00:23:18,405 Oh, nothing for me. 357 00:23:18,485 --> 00:23:20,685 I'm just here to get the skinny lowdown 358 00:23:20,765 --> 00:23:25,805 on that mysterious song that played itself on your establishment's jukebox. 359 00:23:25,885 --> 00:23:27,245 [Aziraphale] That started last year. 360 00:23:28,285 --> 00:23:29,285 Give me the facts. 361 00:23:29,365 --> 00:23:32,485 -Well, it was a Friday evening. -Fantastic. 362 00:23:32,565 --> 00:23:35,925 Just for what we ink slingers call "atmosphere", 363 00:23:36,445 --> 00:23:40,725 was this chap by any chance among those present? 364 00:23:40,805 --> 00:23:42,605 Listen, I serve hundreds of people a week. 365 00:23:42,685 --> 00:23:44,165 I'm not gonna remember some-- 366 00:23:46,565 --> 00:23:47,525 Well, yeah. 367 00:23:49,165 --> 00:23:50,805 Aye, okay. I remember him. 368 00:23:50,885 --> 00:23:52,885 -Was he alone? -Oh no. 369 00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:55,245 -Who was he with? -Oh, I don't know. 370 00:23:55,325 --> 00:23:57,285 Just... just another Mason. 371 00:23:58,125 --> 00:23:58,925 A Mason? 372 00:23:59,005 --> 00:24:01,245 Ah, well, he's a Mason himself, isn't he? 373 00:24:01,325 --> 00:24:02,965 He was sitting with another one of them. 374 00:24:03,045 --> 00:24:05,365 We often get them in here. There's a Lodge next door. 375 00:24:06,525 --> 00:24:10,005 It's the first time I've seen one in a fancy grey suit though. 376 00:24:10,925 --> 00:24:12,245 Was he a big high-up or something? 377 00:24:14,205 --> 00:24:15,485 He certainly used to be. 378 00:24:28,445 --> 00:24:29,765 I don't want your help. 379 00:24:29,845 --> 00:24:30,725 But you were right! 380 00:24:31,205 --> 00:24:33,805 Body snatching alleviates human suffering. 381 00:24:34,165 --> 00:24:35,405 That is a good thing. 382 00:24:35,485 --> 00:24:38,125 -So I can help this time. -I don't trust you! 383 00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:40,885 I don't know what you did, but you made that happen. 384 00:24:40,965 --> 00:24:43,765 Aye. Tell that to the poor souls who will not get into heaven 385 00:24:43,845 --> 00:24:46,005 'cause their bodies are all chopped into wee pieces. 386 00:24:46,925 --> 00:24:49,245 Well, that isn't how it actually... 387 00:24:49,805 --> 00:24:52,205 Heaven isn't all it's cracked up to be, you know. 388 00:24:52,285 --> 00:24:54,285 It's no right. I'm telling you. 389 00:24:55,405 --> 00:24:57,645 -Yeah. -You said you'd help Morag! 390 00:24:57,725 --> 00:24:59,525 Just one body can get us off the streets... 391 00:24:59,605 --> 00:25:02,205 Aye, I will help, cause that's what pals do, 392 00:25:02,525 --> 00:25:04,045 but it still doesn't make it right. 393 00:25:04,125 --> 00:25:05,525 That's the spirit! 394 00:25:06,045 --> 00:25:09,685 So, um, as I was saying, big thumbs up from me. 395 00:25:09,765 --> 00:25:11,565 Dig up as many bodies as you like. 396 00:25:12,125 --> 00:25:14,405 [Aziraphale] Having realized the error of my ways, 397 00:25:14,485 --> 00:25:17,165 I resolved to assist Elspeth and wee Morag 398 00:25:17,245 --> 00:25:20,725 in their noble quest to decrease human suffering. 399 00:25:20,805 --> 00:25:25,445 I took time to inspect various lethal security devices in that graveyard. 400 00:25:25,805 --> 00:25:27,125 Most ingenious. 401 00:25:28,325 --> 00:25:30,805 You trip this wire, and then... 402 00:25:32,325 --> 00:25:33,125 Boom! 403 00:25:34,365 --> 00:25:37,445 So the rich can afford all this gubbins 404 00:25:37,525 --> 00:25:39,245 to protect their rellies from being dug up, 405 00:25:39,325 --> 00:25:41,285 and the poor just have to lump it? 406 00:25:42,645 --> 00:25:43,725 You're okay with that, yeah? 407 00:25:45,805 --> 00:25:48,445 -You alright down there, hen? -Yeah. Almost there, Morag. 408 00:25:49,045 --> 00:25:51,365 It's nice, fresh earth. Easy to dig. 409 00:26:00,445 --> 00:26:01,965 -[screams] -Morag! 410 00:26:04,645 --> 00:26:06,365 [Aziraphale] Obviously the firing of the grave-gun 411 00:26:06,445 --> 00:26:08,445 had alerted the local watchman. 412 00:26:08,845 --> 00:26:10,205 [Morag groans] 413 00:26:17,605 --> 00:26:18,685 It's the watch! 414 00:26:24,805 --> 00:26:25,805 [groaning] 415 00:26:27,765 --> 00:26:28,645 [murmor] 416 00:26:29,325 --> 00:26:34,805 [scream] 417 00:26:35,725 --> 00:26:37,645 Might've slightly overdone it on the hole. 418 00:26:40,765 --> 00:26:43,405 [groaning] 419 00:26:52,605 --> 00:26:53,485 I am going to save her. 420 00:26:53,565 --> 00:26:55,645 I know it's not technically allowed, but... 421 00:26:56,325 --> 00:26:58,365 This... this is all my fault. 422 00:26:59,165 --> 00:27:01,525 And I really can't bear it. If that young woman... 423 00:27:02,485 --> 00:27:03,285 I could heal her. 424 00:27:03,365 --> 00:27:05,205 No, no, no. It's the right thing to do. 425 00:27:05,645 --> 00:27:08,045 I will brook no argu-- What are you...? 426 00:27:33,645 --> 00:27:34,525 Too late. 427 00:27:43,605 --> 00:27:45,205 Will one of you fetch the cart? 428 00:27:48,125 --> 00:27:49,085 Whatever for? 429 00:27:50,045 --> 00:27:51,285 Well, I could be wrong, 430 00:27:51,365 --> 00:27:55,805 but I think Elspeth's taking wee Morag to Mr. Dalrymple. 431 00:27:57,245 --> 00:27:58,445 -But-- -[Elspeth] But what? 432 00:27:59,485 --> 00:28:01,725 I should let her rot in the ground while I starve? 433 00:28:02,245 --> 00:28:03,445 Is that what you'd have me do, Mr. McFell? 434 00:28:03,525 --> 00:28:06,245 Because it is certainly not what wee Morag would want. 435 00:28:06,325 --> 00:28:08,525 Well no. No, of course not. 436 00:28:09,285 --> 00:28:11,125 I just... I... 437 00:28:11,205 --> 00:28:14,205 It's a bit different when it's someone you know, isn't it? 438 00:28:22,005 --> 00:28:23,685 Well, it's not soup, I'll give you that. 439 00:28:24,445 --> 00:28:27,045 She didn't even want to be in that graveyard. 440 00:28:29,405 --> 00:28:31,245 She only wanted to look after me. 441 00:28:34,645 --> 00:28:36,085 Well, she's done that, hasn't she? 442 00:28:36,445 --> 00:28:37,685 Nice and fresh. 443 00:28:38,525 --> 00:28:40,085 Shall we say five pounds? 444 00:28:40,165 --> 00:28:41,525 Five pounds? 445 00:28:41,925 --> 00:28:44,605 The going rate for a fresh one's seven, even eight. 446 00:28:44,685 --> 00:28:46,125 You can go and knock on other doors 447 00:28:46,205 --> 00:28:48,245 and see if anyone out there will give you more for her. 448 00:28:48,765 --> 00:28:50,125 But I'll give you five. 449 00:29:02,765 --> 00:29:04,485 Five. There you go. 450 00:29:05,445 --> 00:29:06,325 Blood money. 451 00:29:07,005 --> 00:29:09,525 And what are you going to spend it on? Gin? 452 00:29:10,205 --> 00:29:12,485 Wine. For a toast. 453 00:29:24,965 --> 00:29:25,805 [Aziraphale] Here we are. 454 00:29:36,485 --> 00:29:38,725 Um... Hello, Elspeth. 455 00:29:40,405 --> 00:29:43,005 I'm so sorry about your friend. 456 00:29:43,365 --> 00:29:46,045 It happens. People die. 457 00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:47,805 They do, don't they? 458 00:29:47,885 --> 00:29:50,125 I bought a bottle of good wine with the proceeds. 459 00:29:50,205 --> 00:29:52,085 Gin's faster. Wine's fancier. 460 00:29:52,725 --> 00:29:54,485 So we can all toast wee Morag. 461 00:29:54,565 --> 00:29:56,845 We'll toast her, then I'm going. 462 00:29:57,725 --> 00:29:59,125 And you can use this money to bury me 463 00:29:59,205 --> 00:30:01,925 Somewhere where no ghouls will ever dig me back up again. 464 00:30:02,005 --> 00:30:02,965 Going? 465 00:30:03,445 --> 00:30:06,125 -Where are you going? -To join wee Morag. 466 00:30:06,605 --> 00:30:08,565 So, can we toast her now, please? 467 00:30:12,325 --> 00:30:13,725 No! No, no, no, no! 468 00:30:13,805 --> 00:30:16,285 What did you do that for? You'll kill yourself! 469 00:30:17,845 --> 00:30:19,805 Constitution of an ox. 470 00:30:19,885 --> 00:30:21,405 Well, I don't need laudanum to kill myself. 471 00:30:21,485 --> 00:30:24,285 Aw, no dying! Enough dying. 472 00:30:24,365 --> 00:30:27,885 No more dying! No more dying! 473 00:30:27,965 --> 00:30:30,645 Dying is just... it's just... 474 00:30:30,725 --> 00:30:34,285 it's just... wrong! 475 00:30:34,365 --> 00:30:37,085 -Crowley. -Nah! Nah! 476 00:30:37,485 --> 00:30:40,405 Do I sound like a goat? Neigh! 477 00:30:40,485 --> 00:30:45,005 [singing] ♪ O Flower of Scotland ♪ 478 00:30:45,325 --> 00:30:49,765 ♪ When will we see your likes again ♪ 479 00:30:49,845 --> 00:30:51,245 Right come on, let's get cracking. 480 00:30:51,325 --> 00:30:52,445 Angel! Angel. 481 00:30:52,525 --> 00:30:55,485 Say something that... convinces her 482 00:30:55,565 --> 00:30:58,645 that poverty is ineffably wonderful and that life is worth living. 483 00:30:58,725 --> 00:30:59,845 Go on! 484 00:31:00,685 --> 00:31:02,045 Life isn't worth anything. 485 00:31:02,125 --> 00:31:04,125 And then monsters like me come and dig you back up and-- 486 00:31:04,205 --> 00:31:06,285 I have to stop you there. Crowley, I-- 487 00:31:09,405 --> 00:31:10,205 Where are you? 488 00:31:11,125 --> 00:31:14,725 [Crowley] Don't you dare step on me! 489 00:31:14,805 --> 00:31:16,165 I see you! 490 00:31:16,245 --> 00:31:20,165 And you, you great... Hmm. Hmm. 491 00:31:20,245 --> 00:31:22,285 [roars] 492 00:31:22,365 --> 00:31:23,765 I'm small, aren't I? 493 00:31:23,845 --> 00:31:25,325 OK, I can do this. 494 00:31:26,605 --> 00:31:27,485 [grunting] 495 00:31:53,245 --> 00:31:54,485 Stunning view. 496 00:31:55,565 --> 00:31:57,245 [growls] 497 00:31:57,645 --> 00:31:59,765 Crowley, there really is no need for any of this-- 498 00:31:59,845 --> 00:32:02,485 There is! There you are! 499 00:32:03,085 --> 00:32:05,885 You have sinned very bigly! 500 00:32:06,645 --> 00:32:10,845 Trying to kill yourself is... I mean... 501 00:32:10,925 --> 00:32:12,725 it's... it's not on! 502 00:32:13,605 --> 00:32:18,605 If you dare try to snuff yourself again, 503 00:32:18,685 --> 00:32:21,285 you are damned forever! 504 00:32:21,365 --> 00:32:23,845 -Unless... -Unless? 505 00:32:23,925 --> 00:32:27,205 Unless... How much have you got in your wallet? 506 00:32:29,525 --> 00:32:32,885 -Err, me? -How much, Doctor McFell? 507 00:32:34,005 --> 00:32:35,445 About 90 guineas. 508 00:32:35,965 --> 00:32:37,565 Yeah, that should be enough. Giver her that. 509 00:32:37,645 --> 00:32:40,645 -Ah... -But the virtues of poverty... 510 00:32:40,725 --> 00:32:46,005 Ah... She is going to be shot by a grave gun 511 00:32:46,085 --> 00:32:49,125 or hanged, if she doesn't top herself first. 512 00:32:49,205 --> 00:32:52,685 Hey! Hmm? Gi'e her the money, angel! 513 00:32:52,765 --> 00:32:55,245 But what am I gonna do with 90 guineas? 514 00:32:55,325 --> 00:32:58,765 Buy a farm, and be good. 515 00:32:58,845 --> 00:33:03,365 Not just pretend good. But properly good. 516 00:33:03,965 --> 00:33:06,365 I promise I will. I promise. 517 00:33:06,965 --> 00:33:08,725 -Do you though? -Mm. 518 00:33:08,805 --> 00:33:10,165 Nah, that's good enough for me. 519 00:33:10,245 --> 00:33:11,885 Right you are then, hen, off you pop. 520 00:33:16,685 --> 00:33:19,205 Laudenum, whoo-wee! 521 00:33:19,285 --> 00:33:20,805 Last time I do that! 522 00:33:21,405 --> 00:33:24,365 -Where are you? -I'm here. I'm here. 523 00:33:26,085 --> 00:33:27,885 That was very kind of you, Crowley. 524 00:33:28,685 --> 00:33:30,925 -You saved that young woman. -Not kind! 525 00:33:31,525 --> 00:33:35,485 Off my head on laudanum. Not responsible for my actions. 526 00:33:35,565 --> 00:33:36,885 Will you get into trouble? 527 00:33:37,925 --> 00:33:40,205 Well, they'll surely have noticed downstairs. 528 00:33:41,005 --> 00:33:43,485 You just did a very good deed indeed. 529 00:33:43,565 --> 00:33:47,005 Trust me, if hell noticed that little display, I'd already be... 530 00:33:47,965 --> 00:33:49,765 Ah... I'd already... 531 00:33:51,845 --> 00:33:53,485 [screams] 532 00:33:53,805 --> 00:33:56,725 [Aziraphale] And that was the last I was to see of Crowley 533 00:33:57,045 --> 00:33:58,605 for quite some time. 534 00:34:10,005 --> 00:34:12,285 Ah! Excuse me! 535 00:34:12,405 --> 00:34:14,525 I hate to be a bother, but do either of you gentlemen 536 00:34:14,605 --> 00:34:18,164 happen to possess a mobile phone that I could use? 537 00:34:21,085 --> 00:34:23,684 Are you entirely out of your wee mind? 538 00:34:24,845 --> 00:34:27,644 Err, telephone please. I don't have all day. 539 00:34:27,684 --> 00:34:29,164 And I did ask nicely. 540 00:34:29,204 --> 00:34:30,965 Oh, I'm so scared. 541 00:34:32,125 --> 00:34:35,085 What will you do if we say no? 542 00:34:35,485 --> 00:34:38,765 I'm out of minutes. Mostly I just use it for Twitter. 543 00:34:38,845 --> 00:34:40,005 And Grindr. 544 00:34:40,085 --> 00:34:41,925 Ah, that's very kind of you. 545 00:34:42,005 --> 00:34:44,765 Now, I'm afraid I do need a little privacy. 546 00:34:47,885 --> 00:34:49,805 [clears throat] Um... 547 00:34:50,965 --> 00:34:52,485 Hello. Um... 548 00:34:52,885 --> 00:34:56,925 I'd like you to call the telephone in my bookshop please, phone. 549 00:34:58,005 --> 00:34:59,165 It's on my desk. 550 00:34:59,205 --> 00:35:00,805 [phone rings] 551 00:35:13,765 --> 00:35:14,885 Fell's Bookshop. 552 00:35:14,965 --> 00:35:16,365 We probably don't have what you're looking for 553 00:35:16,445 --> 00:35:18,005 and we wouldn't sell it to you if we did. 554 00:35:18,085 --> 00:35:20,645 [Aziraphale over phone] I think I've found some clues. 555 00:35:20,765 --> 00:35:25,285 And do you remember the statue of Gabriel in the graveyard in Edinburgh? 556 00:35:26,165 --> 00:35:28,165 I'm looking at it now. 557 00:35:28,605 --> 00:35:29,925 Mmm, good job. 558 00:35:30,005 --> 00:35:32,285 Oh, do you really think so? 559 00:35:32,645 --> 00:35:37,325 Um, Crowley... Do you remember Dr. Dalrymple, 560 00:35:37,765 --> 00:35:40,285 -The one who bought, err... -[Crowley] Wee Morag's body. 561 00:35:40,805 --> 00:35:43,005 Not a doctor... A mister, yes! 562 00:35:43,085 --> 00:35:47,165 -Yes, whatever happened to him? -He left Edinburgh in disgrace. 563 00:35:48,045 --> 00:35:49,925 -And then he killed himself. -Mmm. 564 00:35:50,005 --> 00:35:52,325 -And they named a pub after him. - Pffft. Humans. 565 00:35:52,405 --> 00:35:54,645 -You don't let yourself get too attached. -No. 566 00:35:54,765 --> 00:35:56,165 No, I suppose not. Um... 567 00:35:57,405 --> 00:36:00,045 You haven't actually been selling any of the books, have you? 568 00:36:00,765 --> 00:36:02,005 Not a one. 569 00:36:02,085 --> 00:36:03,685 Oh, good. 570 00:36:04,365 --> 00:36:06,645 -Clue? -Right! [clears throat] 571 00:36:06,685 --> 00:36:10,885 So... I have unearthed some vital information. 572 00:36:11,365 --> 00:36:14,645 Gabriel has indeed visited the, um... 573 00:36:15,645 --> 00:36:17,645 establishment in question, 574 00:36:18,205 --> 00:36:21,165 -in company with... -With? 575 00:36:21,965 --> 00:36:22,845 I don't know. Someone. 576 00:36:22,925 --> 00:36:26,845 But he wasn't alone! Anyway, that's a proper clue, isn't it? 577 00:36:27,445 --> 00:36:28,965 Ooh, listen. I think it's about to happen. 578 00:36:29,045 --> 00:36:31,165 The awning of a new age. I'll see you when you get back. 579 00:36:31,285 --> 00:36:32,085 Right. 580 00:36:37,325 --> 00:36:38,805 Blessings be upon you. 581 00:36:39,765 --> 00:36:40,685 And your phone. 582 00:36:41,885 --> 00:36:44,565 And Twitter and Grindr, whatever they happen to be. 583 00:36:45,485 --> 00:36:46,445 My phone! 584 00:36:47,365 --> 00:36:50,165 Oh! Did you like it better the other way? 585 00:36:50,285 --> 00:36:52,965 No! Whatever you did... thank you! 586 00:36:53,285 --> 00:36:55,045 Ah! [chuckles] 587 00:36:58,205 --> 00:37:00,925 Okay. Okay, rain. I can do rain. 588 00:37:02,565 --> 00:37:03,565 I just wanted to say that... 589 00:37:04,565 --> 00:37:06,605 I'm not sure what happened the other night. 590 00:37:07,125 --> 00:37:08,285 But can we talk? 591 00:37:12,085 --> 00:37:14,525 -We don't have anything to talk about. -I think we do. 592 00:37:15,285 --> 00:37:17,525 You're upset and you're acting as if it's my fault. 593 00:37:17,605 --> 00:37:19,085 I don't really know what's going on in your life, 594 00:37:19,165 --> 00:37:22,045 but I know that whatever happened the other night, I didn't lock us in. 595 00:37:22,125 --> 00:37:23,685 Lovely rainy rain. 596 00:37:35,285 --> 00:37:36,685 I don't know why you're angry with me. 597 00:37:36,805 --> 00:37:38,485 I'm not angry with you. It's just-- 598 00:37:39,125 --> 00:37:40,405 It's not about you. 599 00:37:40,485 --> 00:37:42,525 Lindsay decided I must have been having an affair, 600 00:37:42,605 --> 00:37:44,645 'cause I wasn't texting back, and I just... I couldn't deal. 601 00:37:44,765 --> 00:37:45,885 That's not fair! 602 00:37:46,165 --> 00:37:49,085 I mean, I'd never... and we didn't! It was the power going out. 603 00:37:49,165 --> 00:37:50,565 Oh come on, under the awning! 604 00:37:51,005 --> 00:37:52,685 Proper hard rain! 605 00:38:00,205 --> 00:38:03,405 I mean we're not having a... What your partner said. 606 00:38:03,485 --> 00:38:04,525 I know we're not! 607 00:38:06,045 --> 00:38:08,325 -I suppose I owe you an apology. -No, you don't. 608 00:38:08,405 --> 00:38:11,005 It's just... I'd never... 609 00:38:12,285 --> 00:38:13,525 I'm not that kind of person. 610 00:38:14,205 --> 00:38:16,325 I know. I'm not your type. 611 00:38:20,485 --> 00:38:21,525 You have no idea. 612 00:38:26,845 --> 00:38:29,445 Oh, yes. It's working. 613 00:38:33,525 --> 00:38:35,525 Oh! Ooh... 614 00:38:35,605 --> 00:38:36,565 Oh, bugger! 615 00:38:37,005 --> 00:38:38,445 Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger! 616 00:38:40,205 --> 00:38:42,045 Hmm, that could've gone better. 617 00:38:42,125 --> 00:38:43,165 Did they vavoom? 618 00:38:43,285 --> 00:38:44,965 I think it's fair to say, Jim, 619 00:38:45,045 --> 00:38:49,165 that vavooming was not the end result of that particular tempest. 620 00:38:54,365 --> 00:38:55,565 There will come a tempest, 621 00:38:56,085 --> 00:38:58,845 and darkness, and great storms. 622 00:38:59,165 --> 00:39:02,445 And the dead will leave their graves and walk the earth once more. 623 00:39:03,285 --> 00:39:04,885 And there will be great lamentations. 624 00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:06,645 Go on. 625 00:39:07,405 --> 00:39:08,925 Every day it's getting closer. 626 00:39:11,085 --> 00:39:12,525 What are we talking about now? 627 00:39:22,605 --> 00:39:24,485 Who am I? What's happened to me? 628 00:39:28,285 --> 00:39:29,285 Stay here. 629 00:39:29,965 --> 00:39:31,965 Don't open the door to anyone. 630 00:39:40,645 --> 00:39:43,525 Shax? Where are you? 631 00:39:48,325 --> 00:39:49,925 [tourist] Excuse me, do you know where... 632 00:39:51,045 --> 00:39:54,085 You've got Gabriel hiding in the bookshop, haven't you, Crowley? 633 00:39:54,165 --> 00:39:55,645 Sorry mate, I'm a stranger here myself! 634 00:39:55,765 --> 00:39:56,645 [rider] Oi! Pillock! 635 00:39:56,685 --> 00:40:00,005 -Beelzebub's not happy with you. -Oh really? Beelzebub? 636 00:40:00,085 --> 00:40:01,165 Not happy? 637 00:40:01,285 --> 00:40:03,645 But they're always such a little ray of sunshine! 638 00:40:04,605 --> 00:40:06,605 [Shax] They're seriously not happy. 639 00:40:07,045 --> 00:40:09,485 Beelzebub knows the angel's hiding him in there. 640 00:40:09,565 --> 00:40:11,845 -No, they don't. -What makes you so sure? 641 00:40:13,085 --> 00:40:14,285 Because they can't? 642 00:40:14,365 --> 00:40:16,925 -Why not? -Because he isn't! 643 00:40:17,005 --> 00:40:18,205 I'm not playing these games. 644 00:40:22,405 --> 00:40:23,885 I'm not stupid, Crowley. 645 00:40:23,965 --> 00:40:25,845 -Come on, let me in. -Yeah. Not gonna happen, 646 00:40:25,925 --> 00:40:27,565 so just... excuse me. 647 00:40:32,365 --> 00:40:33,325 [sniffs] 648 00:40:33,405 --> 00:40:34,845 Ah, he's in there. 649 00:40:35,805 --> 00:40:36,685 You think so? 650 00:40:37,365 --> 00:40:39,485 I'm surprised you haven't popped in for a quick poke around. 651 00:40:40,805 --> 00:40:42,645 You know I can't step over the threshold. 652 00:40:42,685 --> 00:40:45,125 Oh. Shame I can't invite you in. 653 00:40:45,165 --> 00:40:47,285 You're welcome to look all you want from there. 654 00:40:47,805 --> 00:40:49,805 Maybe you'll spot an archangel. 655 00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:51,285 Hello, customer! 656 00:40:54,645 --> 00:40:57,605 Listen, when there's no hot water 657 00:40:57,645 --> 00:41:00,285 and two yellow lights on the boiler, what is that? 658 00:41:00,365 --> 00:41:02,645 Oh, yeah, yeah. That happens. 659 00:41:02,765 --> 00:41:05,405 There's a little black tap on a silver loop you have to turn. 660 00:41:05,485 --> 00:41:07,565 -It's sort of under-- -Yeah, I can find it. 661 00:41:08,205 --> 00:41:11,325 -And if you won't let me in... -Not technically something I can do. 662 00:41:11,405 --> 00:41:14,765 Beelzebub and the Dark Council and all the forces of Hell 663 00:41:14,845 --> 00:41:17,325 will declare war. 664 00:41:18,205 --> 00:41:20,805 -On me? -On your friend. 665 00:41:21,685 --> 00:41:23,845 -Where is he by the way? -Stocktaking. 666 00:41:24,845 --> 00:41:25,765 In the basement. 667 00:41:37,005 --> 00:41:39,285 You have no idea the trouble you're causing, do you? 668 00:41:39,685 --> 00:41:42,645 No. Or yes. Or... no. 669 00:41:42,765 --> 00:41:44,525 Yeah. I'll tell you something Jim, 670 00:41:45,165 --> 00:41:47,125 or Gabriel, if you're in there somewhere. 671 00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:50,645 If any harm comes to Aziraphale because of this, I will... 672 00:41:51,525 --> 00:41:52,325 Yes? 673 00:41:54,925 --> 00:41:57,325 Oh, it doesn't matter. It's too late for that now, isn't it? 674 00:42:00,085 --> 00:42:01,525 It's always too late. 675 00:42:05,885 --> 00:42:10,125 [theme music plays]