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Subs created by: David Coleman.
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Look, Chubbs, I drew a
mustache on Goldilocks.
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I know how the bear
community feels about her.
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Zuri, get out! I told you
my friends are coming over.
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Ugh! You're ruining my life!
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(Imitating siren)
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Puberty Police! Check that
teenage attitude, please.
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Sweetie, Emma wants to do big girl
things with her big girl friends.
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Me, too! Why can't I hang with you?
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Because on movie night we talk
about grown-up stuff like boys...
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And boy bands... and boys.
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Yuck! That reminds me, Chubbs and
I need to get our cootie shots.
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(Elevator dings)
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- Hey, Emma!
- Emma: Hey, Rosie. Ladies.
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(Kissing noises)
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Huh?
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Emma, this is Bryn. She's
new. We have math together.
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Oh, hi. So nice to meet you.
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Hi. What an adorable little apartment.
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Reminds me of my family's Alpine chalet.
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Bryn has lived everywhere. She's 13th
in line for the throne of Denmark.
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Oh, so you're Danish?
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I love your pastries, and your
really big dogs. They're great.
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Don't mind my nanny.
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The closest she's been to royalty is
accidentally taking the subway to Queens.
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♪Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh.
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♪Hey Jessie, hey Jessie.
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♪It feels like a party every day.
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♪Hey Jessie, hey Jessie.
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♪But they keep on
pulling me every which way.
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♪Hey Jessie, hey Jessie.
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♪My whole world is
changing. Turning around.
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♪They got me going crazy.
Yeah, they're shaking the ground.
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♪But they took a chance
on the new girl in town.
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♪And I don't want to
let them down, down, down.
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♪Hey Jessie.
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♪Hey Jessie.
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♪It feels like a party every day.
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♪Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie.
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So my dad got us an advanced copy of The
Sisterhood of Teen Paranormal Activity.
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Or, I brought the DVD of Ingmar
Knudsen's Cries of Ice and Pain.
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Knudsen is Denmark's
greatest living auteur.
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You are so deep and European.
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Oh!
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It's in black and white and
there's hardly any dialogue.
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Watching it is like walking through
a long, dark tunnel of sadness.
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Wow, as fun as that sounds...
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If I wanted to see
Cries of Ice and Pain,
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I'd just watch Ravi try
to figure skate again.
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Ladies, here are your "Night at
the Movies Strawberry Smoothies".
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Uh, did you use organic
strawberries and soy milk?
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No. I wanted them to taste good.
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(Laughs)
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Sorry. I'm just not cool
with drinking poison.
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Uh...
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Jessie, uh, maybe the
girls would like some...
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Strawberries from a small
organic farm upstate.
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Seriously? Go upstate
for strawberries? Now?
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Hello! Why do we have a helicopter?
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Hello! I'm pretty sure not
for airlifting in berries.
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Jessie, please, my
hostess rep is at stake.
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How do you think it
feels not having the right
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strawberries for the
royal guest at my party?
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I think you just defined
"rich people problems".
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(Yelling) Luke, what are you working on?
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(Yelling) Homework!
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(At normal volume) I must have
blown an eardrum in the helicopter.
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It sounded like you said
you were working on homework.
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I am. I finally get to do a report
on something I know a lot about.
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Your school's letting you write a
paper on under-the-bed pizza box fungus?
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I wish. My social studies
class has a Multicultural Night
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where we have to do a report and
presentation on a foreign land.
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Listen.
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"The planet Krypton's chief exports,
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include multicolored,
poisonous rocks and Superman".
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You can't do your report on Krypton.
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- Because it blew up?
- Because it's imaginary.
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Luke, if you need help
researching other cultures,
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Zuri was born in Uganda
and Ravi's from India.
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Do you see what I'm getting at?
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Yep. Once again, Emma's
completely useless.
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(School bell rings)
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Hey, Emma! Over here!
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Hey, guys. Why aren't
we at our regular table?
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I just think this one
has better Feng Shui.
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And Bryn should know. She
lived in Hong Kong for a year.
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Oh, cool. I'll just pull up a chair.
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Oh, we were just leaving anyway.
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But you stay and enjoy your
charred animal flesh sandwich.
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You mean my hamburger?
Rosie, here's your half.
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Oh, sorry, I can't. I gave up meat.
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- Bryn says it's a healthier lifestyle.
- Mmm-hmm.
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It's cafeteria food. I'm pretty
sure there's no real meat in it.
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Come on, girls. We need to
gather bark for our twig tea.
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Sorry, Emma, I've got to go.
But maybe we can hang out later?
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You can help sort my bark.
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Sounds super fun.
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- Ow!
- Ow!
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We go to the right first now.
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Bryn says that's how
they do it in Europe.
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(Mocking) "Bryn says that's
how they do it in Europe".
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Hey, Ravi, good news. I've
decided to do my report on India.
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Mostly because it's easier
to spell than Uganda.
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Excellent choice, brother. India is a
fascinating land of beauty and mystery.
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The jewel of the Near East.
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That's a great opening for my paper.
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If only I had five to
10 more pages of that.
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Well, India gained its
independence in 1947.
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The population is
approximately 1.2 billion.
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Heh, I think I talked to all of
them when my computer crashed.
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(Laughing)
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Doubtful.
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Another fun fact, the
capital city is New Delhi.
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Can I ask a stupid question?
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There are no stupid questions.
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Is New Delhi where
lunch meat comes from?
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I stand corrected.
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Uh... perhaps it would
be faster if I typed.
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I am so happy you are excited
to learn about my Native culture.
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Uh, yeah.
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Me, too.
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More fun facts. Did you know that...
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Shh!
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Less talk-y, more type-y.
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Hey, Ravi.
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Hey.
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Ah! Finally finished.
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Luke's report is a
love-letter to my homeland.
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All he has to do is hit "print".
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How convenient for him.
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Hey, Ravi, thanks again for writing...
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Er, researching my report for me.
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You are most welcome, brother.
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(Yawns)
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I am so tired I could
sleep on a bed of nails.
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You can learn all about
that reference on page 3.
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Oh, but guess what?
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I also have to make a visual
aid presentation for my project.
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And... oh darn! I have
sprained all of my fingers.
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Really?
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Well... I suppose I could
aid you with your visual aid.
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(Laughs)
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Oh, great! Thanks, bro.
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(Video game beeping)
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What?
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I didn't sprain my thumbs.
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Mmm-hmm.
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Emma: Jessie! How do you
stop in roller skates?
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Why?
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That's why.
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- Okay... come...
- Whoa...
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- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey!
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Okay, I know my first question should be,
"are you hurt?" But I can't help asking...
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Why?
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Bryn says at her Swiss finishing
school, they used to have Disco Days.
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She convinced everyone it would be
a fun tradition to start at Walden.
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Why does Bryn get to call all the shots?
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I don't know.
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Everybody really seems to like her so I'm
just trying to go along with the group.
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Give me a push.
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Ready...
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(Screaming)
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(Crashing) (Cat yowls)
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Bertram, Emma made a
mess in the living room!
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Look out!
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Sorry!
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My bad!
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Hey, why aren't you guys
dressed for disco day?
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Oh, we canceled it.
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What? Why didn't you guys tell me?
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I sent out an email. Didn't you get it?
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Does it look like I got it?
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You got my address wrong. It's
sunshinehappyrainbowkitty dot Ross!
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Oh, I forgot the dot. I'm supes sorry!
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Frowny-face.
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That was a totes phony frowny-face.
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Emma, it was an honest mistake.
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I'm not so sure about that.
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And it kind of seems like you're
starting to like Bryn better than me.
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That's ridiculous! You're my best
friend. I'm always here for you.
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- Bryn: Rosie?
- Coming!
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Whoa!
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(All laughing)
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(Sighs)
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Wow, I've never seen you so down
while looking at pictures of clothes.
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I know. I guess I'm learning
life isn't like a perfume ad.
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No one rides a horse
in a bikini, Gisele!
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I take it disco day wasn't
as funkadelic as you'd hoped?
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I'm sure it's all in my head,
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but sometimes I feel like Bryn is
trying to turn all my friends against me.
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00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,895
Isn't that stupid?
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No. I've met her. She is trying to
turn all your friends against you.
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00:10:35,309 --> 00:10:38,211
What? You're supposed to
tell me I'm being paranoid.
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You're not. The same thing happened
to me when I was in high school.
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You mean my high school
experience is turning into yours?
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In that case...
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(Screaming)
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00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:54,327
Sounds like another
successful Jessie pep talk.
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Hey, I know what I'm talking about.
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I had my own Bryn in high school.
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Jenna Glowinkie tried to turn
all my friends against me.
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You had friends? Ugh,
I owe Zuri 10 bucks.
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Just for that, I'm not going to tell
you what went down in the cafeteria.
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October 19th, 2009.
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A Meatloaf Monday that
will live in infamy.
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00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:20,594
Here we go...
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00:11:21,155 --> 00:11:23,638
Jenna tricked me into
wearing desert camouflage
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when everyone else was
wearing jungle camo.
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Who cares?
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My point is,
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teenage girls will turn on you faster than
a tuna fish sandwich on a hot Texas day.
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00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:37,041
Ooh... aren't you still a teenager?
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00:11:37,042 --> 00:11:40,402
Yeah. So watch your back.
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00:11:40,877 --> 00:11:45,317
I have to stop coming into this kitchen.
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00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:53,870
Ravi, I just earned
10 bucks from Bertram.
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00:11:54,355 --> 00:11:55,563
What are you doing?
217
00:11:55,564 --> 00:11:59,977
Trying to finish up this traditional Indian
kurta for Luke's presentation tonight.
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00:11:59,978 --> 00:12:01,979
Why isn't he making it himself?
219
00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:07,084
Do you not know about Luke's
horrible allergy to Indian fabric?
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00:12:07,085 --> 00:12:09,882
You mean the fabric
he's gonna wear tonight?
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00:12:09,883 --> 00:12:14,057
The only thing Luke's
allergic to is homework.
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You been played, son.
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Zuri! I am sure that is not true.
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It is not Luke's fault that he has
not done a single bit of work...
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00:12:25,356 --> 00:12:29,593
And now that I say it out loud,
I realize I have been played.
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Like Carrie Underwood
on Country Countdown.
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00:12:33,598 --> 00:12:37,986
I cannot believe Luke has
tricked me into doing his project!
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Curse my endearing naivete!
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Ooh, ooh! Let me tell Jessie!
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I'll go put my tattling dress on.
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00:12:45,101 --> 00:12:48,341
No, do not tell Jessie.
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I will take care of Luke.
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Okay. But if you need any
revenge ideas, I've got a binder.
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00:12:58,490 --> 00:13:00,358
Emma, aren't you going out?
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00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:04,947
Well, I texted Rosie, but she's
busy exfoliating her grandma's back.
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00:13:04,948 --> 00:13:08,199
Makes me feel better about my life.
237
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,585
What about your other friends?
238
00:13:09,586 --> 00:13:14,783
Daisy's organizing her socks
and Lisa's BeDazzling her turtle.
239
00:13:14,784 --> 00:13:18,521
And you guys are the popular girls?
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00:13:18,522 --> 00:13:22,759
Well hey, why don't you and I have
a girls' night out? It'll be fun.
241
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,862
Okay. I guess it beats sitting
at home and doing nothing.
242
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That's exactly what my prom date said.
243
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:38,659
Ravi, are you sure this
is what men wear in India?
244
00:13:38,660 --> 00:13:41,098
Only on alternate Thursdays.
245
00:13:41,099 --> 00:13:44,870
Now, remember, our national
pastime is ostrich polo,
246
00:13:44,871 --> 00:13:48,919
and our primary export is bagel chips.
247
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:53,430
Wow. There's some wacky
stuff going on in India.
248
00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:58,936
At least we are not responsible
for reality TV and bacon donuts.
249
00:13:58,937 --> 00:14:01,731
Anyway, thanks for
this sari you made me.
250
00:14:01,732 --> 00:14:05,936
Oh, you have no idea how
"sorry" I can make you.
251
00:14:05,937 --> 00:14:08,228
Why do I have to be here?
252
00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:11,610
Trust me, you're going
to want to see this.
253
00:14:11,611 --> 00:14:15,993
The Butler on Downton Abbey doesn't
have to suffer through this stuff.
254
00:14:15,994 --> 00:14:17,750
Ladies and gentlemen.
255
00:14:17,751 --> 00:14:22,967
Or as they say in India,
"boinkas" and "shurdy-gurdies".
256
00:14:22,968 --> 00:14:28,499
I'd like to tell you about a
country across the Vindaloo Sea.
257
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:31,758
A country named for its
founder, Indiana Jones.
258
00:14:31,759 --> 00:14:33,210
(All laughing)
259
00:14:33,211 --> 00:14:36,451
"Indiana Jones". (Laughs)
260
00:14:36,982 --> 00:14:40,117
I will now perform a
traditional Indian dance...
261
00:14:40,118 --> 00:14:42,122
The Mumbai Mambo.
262
00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:45,183
(Indian music playing)
263
00:15:00,105 --> 00:15:04,274
He deserves it. Do not feel guilty...
264
00:15:04,275 --> 00:15:07,155
(Plays upbeat song)
265
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:09,981
Ravi, what are you doing?
266
00:15:09,982 --> 00:15:13,250
Being the bigger, though
physically smaller, brother.
267
00:15:13,251 --> 00:15:15,891
Just follow me!
268
00:15:46,251 --> 00:15:48,891
(All applauding)
269
00:15:50,088 --> 00:15:54,339
That was the weirdest
thing I've ever seen.
270
00:15:54,340 --> 00:15:58,492
And I once walked in on you
giving a doll an appendectomy.
271
00:15:58,493 --> 00:16:00,285
That was ketchup, right?
272
00:16:00,286 --> 00:16:02,326
Sure...
273
00:16:03,035 --> 00:16:06,070
I'm wearing a girl dress, aren't I?
274
00:16:06,071 --> 00:16:11,291
Yes. The lack of pants
should have tipped you off.
275
00:16:12,911 --> 00:16:15,046
See, Emma. Don't you feel
better now that we're out?
276
00:16:15,047 --> 00:16:16,670
We're gonna have a great night, and...
277
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,942
- Uh-oh.
- Emma: What?
278
00:16:18,943 --> 00:16:21,614
Nothing! (Laughs nervously) Nothing.
279
00:16:21,615 --> 00:16:23,655
What...
280
00:16:24,837 --> 00:16:25,755
(Gasps)
281
00:16:25,756 --> 00:16:27,749
Are those all my friends?
282
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:30,464
Not all of them. I'm here.
283
00:16:30,465 --> 00:16:32,997
That probably doesn't help.
284
00:16:32,998 --> 00:16:36,166
I can't believe they'd
leave me out and lie to me!
285
00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:40,799
Emma, I'm so sorry. High school can
be tough, but trust me, it gets better.
286
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,910
It didn't for you!
287
00:16:42,911 --> 00:16:47,771
I choose to believe
that's your pain talking.
288
00:16:50,983 --> 00:16:53,885
I'm so humiliated, let's go.
289
00:16:53,886 --> 00:16:55,465
No way.
290
00:16:55,466 --> 00:17:01,366
I ran away from my own mean girls in
high school, and I've always regretted it.
291
00:17:02,828 --> 00:17:05,830
- What's she doing here?
- Just ignore them.
292
00:17:05,831 --> 00:17:08,966
I thought we agreed we
weren't inviting Bossy Ross-y.
293
00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:10,935
Let it roll off your back.
294
00:17:10,936 --> 00:17:14,398
And why did she come with that old lady?
295
00:17:14,399 --> 00:17:17,470
- Is she doing community service?
- Say what?
296
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:18,943
(All shushing)
297
00:17:18,944 --> 00:17:21,712
Oh, it's just a trailer
for a stupid murder mystery!
298
00:17:21,713 --> 00:17:23,748
I read the book, and the
poodle groomer did it.
299
00:17:23,749 --> 00:17:25,983
There, saved you all
20 bucks! (All groaning)
300
00:17:25,984 --> 00:17:28,924
Jessie, cut it out!
301
00:17:29,343 --> 00:17:32,614
Look, ladies, I'm sure this
is just some misunderstanding.
302
00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:37,366
Bryn, I'm sure you would
never be mean on purpose.
303
00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:42,557
Jessie, can we please just go? It's
no big deal, you can home school me.
304
00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:44,768
Jessie: No way!
305
00:17:44,769 --> 00:17:47,769
Eat corn, mean girl!
306
00:17:48,698 --> 00:17:51,566
This blow out cost $200!
307
00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:53,768
So did this popcorn.
308
00:17:53,769 --> 00:17:56,473
(People clamoring)
309
00:17:56,474 --> 00:17:59,114
(Bryn shrieking)
310
00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:06,681
Girls, don't just sit there! Help me!
311
00:18:06,682 --> 00:18:11,084
- Can't I just be a conscientious objector?
- No! This is my group now, not Emma's!
312
00:18:11,085 --> 00:18:14,723
And you guys have to do what I say, or
I'm cutting you out, just like I did her!
313
00:18:14,724 --> 00:18:16,558
(All gasp)
314
00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:18,779
I mean...
315
00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:21,211
Have I mentioned I'm royalty adjacent?
316
00:18:21,212 --> 00:18:23,183
Yes. Several times.
317
00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:25,185
No one was talking to you!
318
00:18:25,186 --> 00:18:27,054
Don't talk to Jessie that way!
319
00:18:27,055 --> 00:18:29,583
I don't want to speak to either of you!
320
00:18:29,584 --> 00:18:32,835
And you'll never be invited
to my Scottish chalet.
321
00:18:32,836 --> 00:18:35,228
I thought you said it
was an Alpine chalet.
322
00:18:35,229 --> 00:18:36,997
Uh...
323
00:18:36,998 --> 00:18:40,478
We're a two chalet family?
324
00:18:40,544 --> 00:18:44,138
I just searched online for
"Bryn Breitbart plus royalty".
325
00:18:44,139 --> 00:18:49,176
The only thing that came up was Al
Breitbart, "Happy Tush" Toilet Paper King!
326
00:18:49,177 --> 00:18:51,856
That's ridiculous!
327
00:18:51,857 --> 00:18:56,189
All right, all right! So I'm a
T.P. heiress from Yonkers. Big deal!
328
00:18:56,190 --> 00:18:58,745
Happy Tush? That stuff
is like sandpaper!
329
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:02,663
Your family's product is as
hurtful and abrasive as you!
330
00:19:02,664 --> 00:19:06,226
Well, not all of us can be popular
because our parents are famous.
331
00:19:06,227 --> 00:19:09,963
Bryn, people don't like me
because of who my parents are.
332
00:19:09,964 --> 00:19:13,133
They like me because I'm nice to people.
333
00:19:13,134 --> 00:19:15,795
And if you agree to be nice
back, then we can all be friends.
334
00:19:15,796 --> 00:19:19,276
Oh, Emma, that's so sweet.
335
00:19:25,046 --> 00:19:28,046
(In slow motion) No!
336
00:19:28,071 --> 00:19:29,871
No!
337
00:19:36,224 --> 00:19:40,094
Rosie, you took a cheese glob for me!
338
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:45,015
(Weakly) I know how much
you like that blouse.
339
00:19:45,066 --> 00:19:47,510
I'm so cold...
340
00:19:47,511 --> 00:19:51,291
Yeah, you're under an AC vent.
341
00:19:51,616 --> 00:19:56,243
Emma, I'm sorry I went
with Bryn instead of you.
342
00:19:56,244 --> 00:20:00,924
I was just dazzled by
her... European-ness.
343
00:20:01,182 --> 00:20:04,284
You've always been my best friend.
344
00:20:04,285 --> 00:20:06,385
(Coughs)
345
00:20:07,222 --> 00:20:09,802
Popcorn kernel.
346
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:14,962
Oh, Rosie, you're my best friend, too.
347
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:16,794
All: Aw...
348
00:20:16,795 --> 00:20:21,895
I guess this story has
a happy ending after all.
349
00:20:22,714 --> 00:20:25,640
Hey, have a little respect, guys.
People are trying to watch a movie here.
350
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,658
Oh! Okay, okay...
351
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:29,826
Um... can I still get
a refill on my popcorn?
352
00:20:29,827 --> 00:20:34,927
I promise I'll keep it
in the bucket this time.
353
00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:38,869
And then the manager made us clean
up our mess, banned us for life,
354
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:40,618
and escorted us from the premises.
355
00:20:40,619 --> 00:20:45,776
So now I can cross "being escorted from
a premises" off my bucket list. (Chuckles)
356
00:20:45,777 --> 00:20:48,210
Jessie, thanks again
for standing up for me.
357
00:20:48,211 --> 00:20:52,071
You're just an above average
nanny, but a really great friend.
358
00:20:52,072 --> 00:20:54,712
(Elevator dings)
359
00:20:55,483 --> 00:20:58,655
- Hey, Emma.
- Hey, girls!
360
00:20:58,656 --> 00:21:01,296
(Kissing noises)
361
00:21:01,759 --> 00:21:03,013
Guess what?
362
00:21:03,014 --> 00:21:06,565
My dad just sent me an advanced
copy of The Thirsty Games!
363
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,665
(All shriek excitedly)
364
00:21:08,666 --> 00:21:11,835
I cannot wait to see all
those hot guys in 3-D!
365
00:21:11,836 --> 00:21:14,638
I know! It shouldn't be
called The Thirsty Games
366
00:21:14,639 --> 00:21:17,708
when it has so many six-packs
in it. Am I right, ladies?
367
00:21:17,709 --> 00:21:19,937
(All laugh excitedly)
368
00:21:19,938 --> 00:21:22,398
(Zuri grunts)
369
00:21:22,814 --> 00:21:26,982
Hey, wait a minute. So, the girls that
turned on you have now turned back?
370
00:21:26,983 --> 00:21:32,023
Jessie let it go, that
was so five minutes ago.
371
00:21:39,168 --> 00:21:42,048
That is just cold!
372
00:21:44,588 --> 00:21:46,379
Aw, sweetie...
373
00:21:46,380 --> 00:21:50,189
- Wanna go prank call Jenna Glowinkie?
- Who's Jenna?
374
00:21:50,190 --> 00:21:52,451
She was my frienemy in high school.
375
00:21:52,452 --> 00:21:55,142
October 19th, 2009.
376
00:21:55,143 --> 00:21:57,164
Meatloaf Monday...
377
00:21:57,165 --> 00:21:59,837
I would love to hear this but...
378
00:21:59,838 --> 00:22:03,738
I have to go BeDazzle my turtle.
379
00:22:03,831 --> 00:22:06,711
That is just cold.
380
00:22:07,982 --> 00:22:09,446
Hey Ravi, guess what?
381
00:22:09,447 --> 00:22:12,646
I'm doing a science report, and this
time I wont be asking you for any help.
382
00:22:12,647 --> 00:22:16,632
That is great brother, I'm
glad you learned your lesson.
383
00:22:16,633 --> 00:22:19,413
Oh, and what is your topic?
384
00:22:19,414 --> 00:22:21,131
Asian water monitor lizards.
385
00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:25,152
Aw, Mrs. Kipling will be so proud.
386
00:22:28,016 --> 00:22:31,479
And Mrs. Kipling is writing it.
387
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:35,550
Ha! The joke is on Luke,
you are typing it in Hindi.
388
00:22:35,551 --> 00:22:37,587
Up top girlfriend.
389
00:22:37,588 --> 00:22:43,488
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