1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,812 Subs created by: David Coleman. 2 00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:07,518 Dear diary, got my first starring role on Broadway today! 3 00:00:07,519 --> 00:00:10,061 Okay, even I don't believe that. 4 00:00:10,062 --> 00:00:12,789 Just wanted to see how it looked. 5 00:00:12,790 --> 00:00:15,659 Jessie, I can't sleep. 6 00:00:15,660 --> 00:00:19,188 Oh, want me to tell you one of my Army sleepy-time stories? 7 00:00:19,189 --> 00:00:22,799 How about Good Night, Platoon? 8 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:27,467 I just want to fall asleep, not die of boredom. 9 00:00:27,468 --> 00:00:28,707 Milk it is. 10 00:00:28,708 --> 00:00:34,608 And tomorrow night, we're gonna read from the Big Book of Manners. 11 00:00:36,051 --> 00:00:38,782 Jessie's diary... 12 00:00:38,783 --> 00:00:42,383 No, I shouldn't read this... 13 00:00:44,689 --> 00:00:46,039 [Reading] "Got a smoothie today, 14 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,417 and they gave me what was left in the blender for free!" 15 00:00:49,418 --> 00:00:53,318 Wow, even her secrets are boring. 16 00:00:53,588 --> 00:00:56,391 "Found the perfect thank you gift for Bertram"... 17 00:00:56,392 --> 00:00:58,792 [Door opens] 18 00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:04,532 Here you go. Sure you don't want to hear Are You My Major? 19 00:01:04,533 --> 00:01:07,104 No, thanks. I'm good. 20 00:01:07,105 --> 00:01:09,637 How about Cloudy With a Chance of Paratroopers? 21 00:01:09,638 --> 00:01:12,578 I'm already asleep! 22 00:01:12,741 --> 00:01:17,994 Well, F-Y-I, I drank out of the carton. Enjoy my backwash! 23 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:21,275 ♪Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh. 24 00:01:21,276 --> 00:01:24,636 ♪Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. 25 00:01:24,936 --> 00:01:28,534 ♪It feels like a party every day. 26 00:01:28,535 --> 00:01:31,895 ♪Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. 27 00:01:31,976 --> 00:01:35,779 ♪But they keep on pulling me every which way. 28 00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:39,038 ♪Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. 29 00:01:39,039 --> 00:01:42,633 ♪My whole world is changing. Turning around. 30 00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:46,297 ♪They got me going crazy. Yeah, they're shaking the ground. 31 00:01:46,298 --> 00:01:50,005 ♪But they took a chance on the new girl in town. 32 00:01:50,006 --> 00:01:53,589 ♪And I don't want to let them down, down, down. 33 00:01:53,590 --> 00:01:56,110 ♪Hey Jessie. 34 00:01:57,013 --> 00:01:59,533 ♪Hey Jessie. 35 00:02:00,784 --> 00:02:04,335 ♪It feels like a party every day. 36 00:02:04,336 --> 00:02:08,356 ♪Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie. 37 00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:16,167 Okay, everyone, I know we're all excited about our new morning Webcast, 38 00:02:16,168 --> 00:02:18,868 What Up, Walden? 39 00:02:20,345 --> 00:02:25,014 By everyone, do you mean me? Because we are the only people here. 40 00:02:25,015 --> 00:02:26,897 And I wouldn't be, if I hadn't lost 41 00:02:26,898 --> 00:02:30,486 rock, paper, scissors to the conversational Spanish teacher. 42 00:02:30,487 --> 00:02:33,907 Curse you, Senora Feinberg! 43 00:02:34,825 --> 00:02:39,547 Hey, guys. I'm here to audition for the sportscaster. 44 00:02:39,548 --> 00:02:41,482 Talk to the producer, Ravi. 45 00:02:41,483 --> 00:02:43,518 [Excited] I am the producer? 46 00:02:43,519 --> 00:02:47,355 It was either you or that chair. 47 00:02:47,356 --> 00:02:48,949 So I got the job? 48 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:51,600 That depends. What qualifications do you have? 49 00:02:51,601 --> 00:02:54,061 Well, this... 50 00:02:54,998 --> 00:02:58,970 A really cool sportscaster name, Diesel Touchdown. 51 00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:01,892 And charisma for days. 52 00:03:01,893 --> 00:03:07,160 The only thing you have for days is gas after you eat Sauerkraut. 53 00:03:07,161 --> 00:03:11,361 Seriously, what is going on in there? 54 00:03:11,870 --> 00:03:15,099 Hi, news team! This just in. 55 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:16,900 Me! 56 00:03:17,382 --> 00:03:19,810 Emma, are you trying out for What Up, Walden? 57 00:03:19,811 --> 00:03:23,151 I don't have to try. I've got this. 58 00:03:23,152 --> 00:03:27,172 So you both have faces. Mazel Tov. 59 00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:32,347 Being on What Up, Walden? Could launch my brilliant career in infotainment! 60 00:03:32,348 --> 00:03:34,576 Infotainment is not even a word. 61 00:03:34,577 --> 00:03:39,497 Try telling petite media giant Kelly Ripa that! 62 00:03:39,998 --> 00:03:42,533 Whoa, babe alert! 63 00:03:42,534 --> 00:03:43,615 Emma! 64 00:03:43,616 --> 00:03:46,433 Bryn "Back-stabbing" Breitbart! 65 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:51,187 If you're here, who's taking care of your flying monkeys? 66 00:03:51,188 --> 00:03:54,271 Emma, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? 67 00:03:54,272 --> 00:03:56,914 Diesel Touchdown, sports. 68 00:03:56,915 --> 00:03:58,715 Ow! 69 00:03:59,013 --> 00:04:02,953 She's not my friend! She's the one who tried to steal all my friends! 70 00:04:02,954 --> 00:04:06,957 Look, Emma, I am so sorry. I was horrible to you. 71 00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:10,628 But I promise I've learned my lesson, and I really want to start over. 72 00:04:10,629 --> 00:04:11,962 Well, I don't. 73 00:04:11,963 --> 00:04:16,834 I'm not asking to be BFF's, but can we at least be F's? 74 00:04:16,835 --> 00:04:18,200 - Well... - Please! 75 00:04:18,201 --> 00:04:19,737 Please, please, please, please? 76 00:04:19,738 --> 00:04:23,396 Oh, okay! I hate holding grudges. 77 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:26,371 The stress gives me pimples. 78 00:04:26,372 --> 00:04:30,981 Good decision. As the producer, I cannot put on people with pimples. 79 00:04:30,982 --> 00:04:33,884 Emma, Bryn, you two will be co-anchors. 80 00:04:33,885 --> 00:04:35,986 What do you think, Ms. Devlin? 81 00:04:35,987 --> 00:04:41,507 I think I should get in my car and just keep driving. 82 00:04:43,862 --> 00:04:45,729 [Snoring] 83 00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:46,659 Bertram! 84 00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,219 [Screaming] 85 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:50,450 Bertram, are you okay? 86 00:04:50,451 --> 00:04:54,605 I will be as soon as I get my heart started. [Grunting] 87 00:04:54,606 --> 00:04:56,540 And there we go. 88 00:04:56,541 --> 00:04:57,708 [Sighs] 89 00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:59,977 I read something in Jessie's diary! 90 00:04:59,978 --> 00:05:01,634 [Gasps] Stop right there. 91 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,881 That's invading her privacy. I don't want to hear it. 92 00:05:03,882 --> 00:05:08,085 - She got you a present! - Ooh, ooh, tell me! 93 00:05:08,086 --> 00:05:13,858 It's a CD, Pavarotti and the Backstreet Boys Live at the Acropolis! 94 00:05:13,859 --> 00:05:16,927 Really? I've been looking for one of those CDs for years! 95 00:05:16,928 --> 00:05:20,467 They're harder to find than a good Yoko Ono song! 96 00:05:20,468 --> 00:05:21,799 Jessie: Bertram! 97 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,772 Act surprised. 98 00:05:23,773 --> 00:05:26,837 I have a special thank you gift for helping me watch the kids the other day. 99 00:05:26,838 --> 00:05:28,645 I wonder what it is? 100 00:05:28,646 --> 00:05:33,649 It's a rare, limited edition Cheeses of China tie! 101 00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:36,187 They only have three kinds. 102 00:05:36,188 --> 00:05:37,703 Wow! 103 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,245 Thanks! 104 00:05:39,246 --> 00:05:42,366 What a total surprise. 105 00:05:46,958 --> 00:05:48,993 There, our set is complete. 106 00:05:48,994 --> 00:05:51,929 But lose those paintings. They are an eyesore. 107 00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:54,313 I painted them! 108 00:05:54,314 --> 00:05:57,254 I mean, I sor-t... 109 00:05:57,663 --> 00:06:00,183 Of love them! 110 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:05,399 Especially the one of the adorable monkey. 111 00:06:05,877 --> 00:06:09,117 That's a self-portrait. 112 00:06:09,332 --> 00:06:11,252 Okay. 113 00:06:12,817 --> 00:06:17,041 Ah, my intrepid news team! So, what stories do you have for me? 114 00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:19,823 Hand dryers in the girls' bathroom are dangerously hot! 115 00:06:19,824 --> 00:06:21,892 We want our hands dried, not fried! 116 00:06:21,893 --> 00:06:25,099 I like it! Emma, what is your hard-hitting story? 117 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:27,490 I think we should ban goggles in chemistry. 118 00:06:27,491 --> 00:06:30,263 Even I can't make those work. 119 00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:32,836 Eh. I like Bryn's better. You can do weather. 120 00:06:32,837 --> 00:06:35,773 - But... - Hold your "but". 121 00:06:35,774 --> 00:06:38,976 We are on in one minute! 122 00:06:38,977 --> 00:06:42,880 So, Ms. Devlin, any last words of advice for us? 123 00:06:42,881 --> 00:06:45,580 Yes, scooch down, you're blocking my paintings. 124 00:06:45,581 --> 00:06:49,542 Oh, and mention they're for sale on my website! 125 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,230 Okay, Luke, in three, two... 126 00:06:52,231 --> 00:06:55,893 Hey, this is Diesel Touchdown, with your Walden sports report! 127 00:06:55,894 --> 00:06:58,929 Last night the basketball team lost again. 128 00:06:58,930 --> 00:07:01,311 The only dribbling they were doing was from their mouths! 129 00:07:01,312 --> 00:07:02,216 [Laughs] 130 00:07:02,217 --> 00:07:04,737 [Horn blaring] 131 00:07:05,572 --> 00:07:08,632 And now here's Bryn. 132 00:07:09,159 --> 00:07:15,059 You guys can't tell this on television, but she smells like happiness. 133 00:07:16,681 --> 00:07:17,915 Thanks, Diesel. 134 00:07:17,916 --> 00:07:19,421 This is Bryn Breitbart here. 135 00:07:19,422 --> 00:07:22,920 Reporting on the hot hand dryer horror in the girls' bathroom. 136 00:07:22,921 --> 00:07:25,849 This is the worst thing to happen to the ladies' restroom 137 00:07:25,850 --> 00:07:29,536 since the great seat-cover shortage of 2010. 138 00:07:29,537 --> 00:07:33,347 And now, here's Emma Ross with the weather. 139 00:07:33,348 --> 00:07:37,308 Well, it's room temperature, because we're in a room. 140 00:07:37,309 --> 00:07:40,247 Cut! And we are out! 141 00:07:40,248 --> 00:07:43,414 - What about my paintings? - Great show, everyone! 142 00:07:43,415 --> 00:07:46,474 Not for me! I don't want to do the weather. 143 00:07:46,475 --> 00:07:48,879 It's not info, or tainment! 144 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:54,254 If you wish to get more air time, bring me a real news story, like Bryn's. 145 00:07:54,255 --> 00:07:56,445 I'm sure you'll come up with something great, Emma. 146 00:07:56,446 --> 00:07:58,366 Help! 147 00:08:00,825 --> 00:08:04,895 I assume that was just good-natured rough housing? 148 00:08:04,896 --> 00:08:10,796 That's what I'm going with, otherwise I have to do a lot of paperwork. 149 00:08:13,297 --> 00:08:16,774 Hey, Bertram. Why aren't you wearing the new tie I bought you? 150 00:08:16,775 --> 00:08:19,356 Oh, because... I... 151 00:08:19,357 --> 00:08:21,490 Wait, why am I trying to spare your feelings? 152 00:08:21,491 --> 00:08:24,548 I hate it. It's hideous. 153 00:08:24,549 --> 00:08:28,952 Okay, here's a tip. Don't start drowning if I'm the only one around. 154 00:08:28,953 --> 00:08:30,218 I'm sorry, Jessie. 155 00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,085 It's just that Zuri said you were getting me, 156 00:08:32,086 --> 00:08:35,378 Pavarotti and the Backstreet Boys Live at the Acropolis! 157 00:08:35,379 --> 00:08:37,828 Oh, I wanted to, but I couldn't afford it. 158 00:08:37,829 --> 00:08:41,712 Oh, I didn't know you could put a price on my happiness... 159 00:08:41,713 --> 00:08:43,047 I can. 160 00:08:43,048 --> 00:08:46,348 It's anything under $20. 161 00:08:46,387 --> 00:08:48,200 Wait a minute, how would Zuri even know that? 162 00:08:48,201 --> 00:08:51,179 - She read your diary. - [Gasps] She did! 163 00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:55,201 Well, thank goodness I have no life! 164 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,473 Of course you do! 165 00:08:56,474 --> 00:09:00,884 In fact, you should think of turning that smoothie adventure into a movie. 166 00:09:00,885 --> 00:09:05,925 It was awesome. I got like a glass and a half! 167 00:09:06,099 --> 00:09:09,072 I still can't believe Zuri would invade my privacy like that! 168 00:09:09,073 --> 00:09:11,470 Hmm, welcome to my world. 169 00:09:11,471 --> 00:09:14,345 At least she didn't go through your Hope Chest. 170 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:18,902 - You still have hope? - Not much. It's a very small chest. 171 00:09:18,903 --> 00:09:21,551 Okay, we gotta teach Zuri a lesson. 172 00:09:21,552 --> 00:09:23,874 I just wish I could do what my dad did when I was bad. 173 00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:25,061 Well, why can't you? 174 00:09:25,062 --> 00:09:30,962 I don't think you're allowed to dig latrines in Central Park. 175 00:09:33,299 --> 00:09:35,759 Dear diary... 176 00:09:37,436 --> 00:09:42,896 It's getting harder and harder to keep my big secret. 177 00:09:44,477 --> 00:09:46,816 Boy, am I thirsty. 178 00:09:46,817 --> 00:09:49,759 I think I'll go make myself some tea, which should take... 179 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:54,440 At least five minutes and all my attention. 180 00:09:56,789 --> 00:09:59,189 What secret? 181 00:10:02,361 --> 00:10:04,379 [Gasping] 182 00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:06,480 No way! 183 00:10:08,288 --> 00:10:11,402 So all of those lame entries were just a cover! 184 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:14,991 I knew no one could be that boring! 185 00:10:14,992 --> 00:10:16,769 I'll show her who's boring. 186 00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:21,270 Ooh, it's 8:30, my knitting show is on! 187 00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,236 Okay, I'm here. What do you need? 188 00:10:24,237 --> 00:10:28,977 - For you to get in that trash can! - Okay. 189 00:10:31,390 --> 00:10:34,026 By the way, why am I in here? 190 00:10:34,027 --> 00:10:36,848 Because someone texted me that evidence of a big, 191 00:10:36,849 --> 00:10:39,564 breaking news story would be left in this garbage can. 192 00:10:39,565 --> 00:10:41,667 Do you see anything evidence-y? 193 00:10:41,668 --> 00:10:45,376 Nah. Just orange peels, half a retainer... 194 00:10:45,377 --> 00:10:48,123 What I'm hoping is not vomit. 195 00:10:48,124 --> 00:10:49,975 And this envelope marked "evidence". 196 00:10:49,976 --> 00:10:50,837 [Gasps] 197 00:10:50,838 --> 00:10:53,898 Give me that! Nimrod. 198 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,193 O-M-G! 199 00:10:58,194 --> 00:11:01,931 When I bring Ravi this story, I'll never have to do the weather again! 200 00:11:01,932 --> 00:11:03,865 Glad I could help! 201 00:11:03,866 --> 00:11:05,334 [Crunching] 202 00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:08,190 And I think something just bit me. 203 00:11:08,191 --> 00:11:11,491 Oh, hey! [Muffled scream] 204 00:11:11,908 --> 00:11:15,811 Ravi, I've got a scoop! I live for scoops! 205 00:11:15,812 --> 00:11:18,402 Ms. Devlin, can I do a special report? 206 00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:21,410 Who cares? Someone wants to buy my art! 207 00:11:21,411 --> 00:11:25,921 And not just for the picture frame this time! 208 00:11:25,922 --> 00:11:27,856 Okay people, we are going live! 209 00:11:27,857 --> 00:11:31,577 Emma, get to the desk. Luke, stop staring at Bryn. 210 00:11:31,578 --> 00:11:34,964 I wasn't! Okay, I totally was. 211 00:11:34,965 --> 00:11:38,251 Good luck with your story, Emma. I'm so proud of you. 212 00:11:38,252 --> 00:11:40,438 Thanks, Bryn. That is so sweet... 213 00:11:40,439 --> 00:11:46,339 Ladies, can the chit-chat! You can braid each other's hair later! 214 00:11:46,809 --> 00:11:50,409 Okay, people in three, two... 215 00:11:52,582 --> 00:11:55,622 This is Emma Ross with "Crisis in the Cafeteria". 216 00:11:55,623 --> 00:11:59,353 I've uncovered shocking proof that Walden's hamburgers are actually... 217 00:11:59,354 --> 00:12:01,208 Horseburgers! 218 00:12:01,209 --> 00:12:06,895 This is a signed receipt for 200 pounds of certified, grade [Neighs] horse meat. 219 00:12:06,896 --> 00:12:08,864 Delivered here yesterday. 220 00:12:08,865 --> 00:12:11,313 Remember that pony you wanted for Christmas? 221 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,903 Chances are, it's stuck between your teeth. 222 00:12:14,904 --> 00:12:17,772 More on this breaking story as it develops. 223 00:12:17,773 --> 00:12:19,269 And we are out! 224 00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:22,150 That was brilliant! 225 00:12:23,026 --> 00:12:24,679 What? 226 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:28,683 Don't tell me, you're all vegetarians? 227 00:12:28,684 --> 00:12:31,084 We are now. 228 00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,926 Bertram, Jessie is an alien! 229 00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:42,898 Now, Zuri, Texas may be strange, but it is part of this country. 230 00:12:42,899 --> 00:12:46,968 She's not from Texas, she's from the planet Tsuris! 231 00:12:46,969 --> 00:12:50,465 She's here to gather information so they can invade Earth! 232 00:12:50,466 --> 00:12:53,978 Really? Well, that would explain who she's texting all the time. 233 00:12:53,979 --> 00:12:57,032 We know she doesn't have any friends. 234 00:12:57,033 --> 00:13:01,553 It also explains those tennis rackets she calls feet! 235 00:13:01,554 --> 00:13:04,314 [Lift door beeps] 236 00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:12,966 [Slurping] 237 00:13:19,897 --> 00:13:22,057 [Belches] 238 00:13:23,988 --> 00:13:27,991 Did you see that? She drinks through her finger! 239 00:13:27,992 --> 00:13:32,192 I'd hate to see where it comes out. 240 00:13:34,198 --> 00:13:36,099 [Applauding] 241 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:39,150 Emma, look, they're applauding for you! 242 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:42,859 I haven't seen this many smiling faces since that health class video mix-up. 243 00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:44,397 [Laughs] 244 00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:47,125 Emma Ross! You are in big trouble, young lady! 245 00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:50,189 You have ruined the reputation of What Up, Walden? 246 00:13:50,190 --> 00:13:55,789 - What are you talking about? - It turns out your big scoop was poop! 247 00:13:55,790 --> 00:14:01,680 The meat in the cafeteria, while oddly grey and repellent, is in fact cow, not horse! 248 00:14:01,681 --> 00:14:04,650 But I found a receipt in the garbage! What else do you want? 249 00:14:04,651 --> 00:14:10,551 Uh, lab reports, witnesses, you know, anything that resembles actual journalism. 250 00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:14,660 Principal Rodriguez is furious! 251 00:14:14,661 --> 00:14:18,081 He took away my bus pass! 252 00:14:18,698 --> 00:14:23,054 Emma, I am afraid I must fire you from What Up, Walden? 253 00:14:23,055 --> 00:14:27,773 But you can't! I'm a rising star in the infotainment universe! 254 00:14:27,774 --> 00:14:30,843 If Emma is kicked off the show, then I'm quitting, too! 255 00:14:30,844 --> 00:14:34,680 Thanks, Bryn, but there's no reason for both of us to be punished. 256 00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:36,961 Okie-doke. 257 00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:41,101 I just want to thank you, Ms. Devlin, 258 00:14:41,102 --> 00:14:44,307 for not bringing your wrath down on me for Emma's gross negligence. 259 00:14:44,308 --> 00:14:47,819 By the way, we are not that close. 260 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,727 Luke, I just wanted to say how impressed I am that you're here. 261 00:14:50,728 --> 00:14:53,456 It's no biggie, I just remember to turn left at the water fountain. 262 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:54,723 [Giggling] 263 00:14:54,724 --> 00:14:57,049 Funny and cute! 264 00:14:57,050 --> 00:15:00,950 In fact, I think you're awesome. 265 00:15:01,152 --> 00:15:03,252 You do? 266 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,260 Okay, people, in three, two... 267 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:12,653 [Whispering] Luke! Talk! 268 00:15:14,611 --> 00:15:16,279 Thank you, Diesel. 269 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,821 Bryn Breitbart here with your Walden news! 270 00:15:18,822 --> 00:15:20,797 Luke, are you okay? 271 00:15:20,798 --> 00:15:23,198 Smells nice. 272 00:15:27,458 --> 00:15:29,127 Ewe! 273 00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:30,988 Ewe! 274 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,424 Ewe! 275 00:15:34,223 --> 00:15:37,333 I can't believe I have to work as a janitor for my punishment. 276 00:15:37,334 --> 00:15:40,934 Murderers get cuter jumpsuits! 277 00:15:42,439 --> 00:15:45,161 Huh, somebody lost a phone. 278 00:15:45,162 --> 00:15:47,117 [Beeping] 279 00:15:47,118 --> 00:15:49,512 Hey, Emma, whoever had this texted you. 280 00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:52,273 Let me see that. 281 00:15:52,469 --> 00:15:58,224 Hey, someone used this phone to text me that bogus story tip about the horse meat! 282 00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,041 This could lead me to the person who destroyed 283 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:04,242 my reputation as a serious infotainer! 284 00:16:04,561 --> 00:16:09,841 You can keep on saying it, it's still not a word! 285 00:16:12,569 --> 00:16:15,404 - Hi, guys. What's up? - The jig! 286 00:16:15,405 --> 00:16:18,043 Yes, Jessie. We know the truth! 287 00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:23,412 Okay. So my hair needs a little help getting this red. It's not a crime. 288 00:16:23,413 --> 00:16:28,588 I'll tell you what's a crime, being an alien spy from outer space! 289 00:16:28,589 --> 00:16:34,054 Well, actually, I'm not sure if that's a crime, but it's still not good! 290 00:16:34,055 --> 00:16:35,909 Admit it, or else! 291 00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:39,913 Zuri, I am not an alien. I put my pants on one tentacle at a time... 292 00:16:39,914 --> 00:16:41,244 - [Gasps] - Just like everyone... 293 00:16:41,245 --> 00:16:43,057 [Gasps] 294 00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:46,536 Did I say that out loud? Gleep glork! 295 00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,036 I knew it! 296 00:16:48,037 --> 00:16:51,837 So now you know. What do you plan on doing about it, Earth scum? 297 00:16:51,838 --> 00:16:55,357 Well, there's no need for name calling. 298 00:16:55,358 --> 00:17:00,583 We are going to stop you, you evil alien-type space thing! 299 00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:04,520 Ha! Now you've been caught in my freeze ray, you nurling floog! 300 00:17:04,521 --> 00:17:07,456 You pathetic humans can't stop me. 301 00:17:07,457 --> 00:17:09,559 Who you calling human? 302 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,470 News-flash! I am also an alien! 303 00:17:12,471 --> 00:17:14,693 Sent to Earth as a baby from the planet... 304 00:17:14,694 --> 00:17:17,214 Mmm-Hmm 1138. 305 00:17:18,848 --> 00:17:21,748 Okay. Nice try, Zuri. Now let's stop playing games, 306 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:25,085 and have a little chat about respecting people's privacy. 307 00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:29,545 We can chat on the mother ship, after I destroy this planet. 308 00:17:29,546 --> 00:17:33,506 Zuri, that toy does not scare me. 309 00:17:35,452 --> 00:17:39,052 Okay, it scares me a little. 310 00:17:45,662 --> 00:17:48,882 Bertram, do something! You don't have to pretend to be frozen anymore. 311 00:17:48,883 --> 00:17:52,903 I'm not pretending, I'm petrified! 312 00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:56,007 Have a seat, Jessie. 313 00:17:57,946 --> 00:18:02,266 Jumpin' J.J. Abrams! What is going on? 314 00:18:05,382 --> 00:18:07,516 How is this happening? 315 00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:10,018 I'm making it happen. 316 00:18:10,019 --> 00:18:13,015 I always knew there was something weird about her! 317 00:18:13,016 --> 00:18:16,100 No offense, alien overlord. 318 00:18:16,101 --> 00:18:19,733 On my planet, you'll be my slaves! 319 00:18:19,734 --> 00:18:23,366 Oh, so not much is gonna change? 320 00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:27,370 Okay, this is ridiculous! There is no way Zuri is an alien! 321 00:18:27,371 --> 00:18:29,591 Oh, yeah? 322 00:18:31,003 --> 00:18:34,677 Don't probe me! You were always my favorite! 323 00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,345 Suckers! 324 00:18:36,346 --> 00:18:37,546 She's got suckers? 325 00:18:37,547 --> 00:18:41,384 She's gonna suck our faces off! 326 00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:46,485 I meant you guys are suckers! I'm not an alien. 327 00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:49,794 You're not? 328 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:55,695 But then how do you explain the zap, and the boom, and the whoosh and the... 329 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,989 Well, after I saw your lame finger-slurping trick, 330 00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:02,505 I realized you and Bertram were punking me. 331 00:19:02,506 --> 00:19:08,406 So I paid dad's special effects guy to rig this place with invisible wires. 332 00:19:09,221 --> 00:19:11,081 See? 333 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:17,250 Okay, her allowance is way too big. 334 00:19:17,251 --> 00:19:20,565 So you can manage to set up this whole elaborate scam, 335 00:19:20,566 --> 00:19:22,822 but you can't manage to hang up your coat? 336 00:19:22,823 --> 00:19:25,163 Weird, huh? 337 00:19:25,302 --> 00:19:27,523 So much for teaching you a lesson. 338 00:19:27,524 --> 00:19:31,467 I know. I never should've read your diary. 339 00:19:31,468 --> 00:19:33,250 I'm really sorry, Jessie. 340 00:19:33,251 --> 00:19:36,180 I accept your apology, but promise you'll never do it again. 341 00:19:36,181 --> 00:19:38,048 I promise. 342 00:19:38,049 --> 00:19:41,151 And I promise no more special effects. 343 00:19:41,152 --> 00:19:44,032 Oh, thank goodness. 344 00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:46,190 [Screaming] 345 00:19:46,191 --> 00:19:48,526 [Crashing] [Bertram screams] 346 00:19:48,527 --> 00:19:50,987 Starting now. 347 00:19:53,164 --> 00:19:55,332 I got your text to meet. 348 00:19:55,333 --> 00:19:59,703 Aw, Emma, you look so cute in your garbage girl outfit. 349 00:19:59,704 --> 00:20:01,746 You're the one who's garbage, girl! 350 00:20:01,747 --> 00:20:04,103 Ooh, things just got real! 351 00:20:04,104 --> 00:20:08,424 Emma, let me hold your hoops! Come on. 352 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,582 Bryn, I know you set me up. 353 00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:13,051 Why would you think that? 354 00:20:13,052 --> 00:20:16,115 Because this phone has your make-up shade all over it. 355 00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:18,990 Who else wears Vampire White? 356 00:20:18,991 --> 00:20:23,797 How dare you! It happens to be Apparition Eggshell. 357 00:20:23,798 --> 00:20:26,206 I can't believe I actually thought you had changed. 358 00:20:26,207 --> 00:20:29,732 Please! Like I would ever share the spotlight with you. 359 00:20:29,733 --> 00:20:32,415 Face it, Emma, I always get what I want. 360 00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:35,816 And what I want is to have the show all to myself. 361 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:40,261 That's it! You are officially off my fantasy girlfriend list. 362 00:20:40,262 --> 00:20:43,581 That's right, I have a list! 363 00:20:43,582 --> 00:20:45,416 You Rosses are finished. 364 00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:50,488 All I have to do is get your wimpy little brother fired, and the show is all mine. 365 00:20:50,489 --> 00:20:54,658 Ravi: That will not happen, you she-devil! 366 00:20:54,659 --> 00:21:00,431 You have been caught like a sleepy turtle in a coracle's net! 367 00:21:00,432 --> 00:21:06,332 That is a type of Indian boat! Stop texting, and start traveling, people! 368 00:21:06,405 --> 00:21:08,114 Ba-boosh! 369 00:21:08,115 --> 00:21:11,375 Too bad for you our brother fits comfortably inside a locker. 370 00:21:11,376 --> 00:21:15,579 My knees are in my arm-pits. Do I look comfortable? 371 00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:18,900 So, here's what's going to happen next, Bryn. 372 00:21:18,901 --> 00:21:21,896 Either you confess to Ms. Devlin so I get back on What Up, Walden?, 373 00:21:21,897 --> 00:21:24,987 or I play this video to the whole school. 374 00:21:24,988 --> 00:21:26,465 You would actually do that? 375 00:21:26,466 --> 00:21:29,283 Duh, that's why we crammed our little brother in a locker. 376 00:21:29,284 --> 00:21:30,661 We wouldn't do that for no reason. 377 00:21:30,662 --> 00:21:32,396 But Luke gave no reason last week... 378 00:21:32,397 --> 00:21:36,667 Ravi, we're busy blackmailing Bryn right now. Focus. 379 00:21:36,668 --> 00:21:38,359 Fine, you win. 380 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:39,870 I'll go tell Ms. Devlin the truth. 381 00:21:39,871 --> 00:21:44,708 And speaking as the producer, we will not miss you at What Up, Walden? 382 00:21:44,709 --> 00:21:46,964 Fine. I'll just take over the yearbook! 383 00:21:46,965 --> 00:21:50,448 And I don't care how many clubs you join, none of you are making it in. 384 00:21:50,449 --> 00:21:51,582 Peace! 385 00:21:51,583 --> 00:21:53,651 [Screaming] 386 00:21:53,652 --> 00:21:55,453 Are you all right, Ravi? 387 00:21:55,454 --> 00:21:59,289 Not really. I am sitting on an umbrella. 388 00:21:59,290 --> 00:22:02,110 Which just opened. 389 00:22:05,597 --> 00:22:10,434 So, I am now the sole anchor of What Up, Walden?, and Bryn is on garbage detail. 390 00:22:10,435 --> 00:22:12,402 I'm just glad everything worked out for you guys. 391 00:22:12,403 --> 00:22:15,539 Me too. Hey, would you guys like a snack? 392 00:22:15,540 --> 00:22:17,820 All: Sure! 393 00:22:23,290 --> 00:22:25,870 [All screaming] 394 00:22:27,352 --> 00:22:29,789 This is fun. 395 00:22:29,790 --> 00:22:35,690 Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend. Www.Addic7ed.Com.