1
00:00:52,198 --> 00:00:54,508
You scored yourself
a nice corner. Good job.
2
00:00:54,601 --> 00:00:56,672
Hi. I'm Maura Ellis.
3
00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:58,807
I'm not part of a religious
group or anything.
4
00:00:58,872 --> 00:01:01,944
I'm just a nurse who likes to
give back on her days off.
5
00:01:02,275 --> 00:01:04,346
You know, when you're
living outdoors,
6
00:01:04,444 --> 00:01:05,980
skin cancer is a real concern.
7
00:01:06,046 --> 00:01:07,525
So I got you some sunscreen,
8
00:01:07,614 --> 00:01:10,356
and you, my friend,
have some irregular moles.
9
00:01:10,450 --> 00:01:12,487
You're a very friendly person.
10
00:01:12,552 --> 00:01:14,793
Wanna come to my house
and take a shower?
11
00:01:14,854 --> 00:01:16,231
Maybe make a list of goals?
12
00:01:16,322 --> 00:01:17,665
Oh, I have a girlfriend.
13
00:01:17,724 --> 00:01:19,863
Great. It's important to have a
lady out there in the street.
14
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:22,530
What do you call it,
a road bitch or something?
15
00:01:22,629 --> 00:01:23,699
Her name's Karen.
16
00:01:23,797 --> 00:01:25,743
Your little mama?
Your street wife?
17
00:01:25,832 --> 00:01:26,902
(SIGHS) Anyway,
18
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,343
I'm pretty good with sayings,
19
00:01:28,401 --> 00:01:32,577
so I make these cards for my sister,
but I think maybe you could use one.
20
00:01:32,806 --> 00:01:35,753
Without the dark night, we would
never see the bright stars.
21
00:01:36,209 --> 00:01:37,415
Is this from Twilight?
22
00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:38,511
No, I made it up.
23
00:01:38,578 --> 00:01:39,886
Mmm, no, you didn't.
24
00:01:39,979 --> 00:01:41,185
Yeah, I did.
25
00:01:41,247 --> 00:01:42,351
See you later.
26
00:01:43,149 --> 00:01:44,150
Wait.
27
00:01:44,217 --> 00:01:45,491
Wait a minute.
28
00:01:45,585 --> 00:01:46,723
Hey!
29
00:01:46,820 --> 00:01:48,026
You're not homeless?
30
00:01:48,488 --> 00:01:49,592
You were on a roll.
31
00:01:49,689 --> 00:01:51,032
Well, give me back the sunscreen
32
00:01:51,091 --> 00:01:53,230
so I can give it
to an actual homeless person!
33
00:01:53,326 --> 00:01:54,327
Like this lady.
34
00:01:54,494 --> 00:01:57,202
Fuck off! I'm the manager here.
35
00:01:58,164 --> 00:01:59,336
0 for 2.
36
00:02:01,901 --> 00:02:04,780
MAURA: Polenta!
Come get your dinner.
37
00:02:04,904 --> 00:02:06,508
(LAPTOP RINGING)
38
00:02:08,007 --> 00:02:09,350
Mom?
39
00:02:09,409 --> 00:02:10,547
Hi. Can you hear me'? (MEOWING)
40
00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:12,749
BUCKY: Hiya, kid.
What are you up to today?
41
00:02:12,846 --> 00:02:15,417
Dad, come in front of the
camera so I can see you.
42
00:02:15,515 --> 00:02:17,358
DEANNA: How are things
at the hospital, honey?
43
00:02:17,417 --> 00:02:19,590
We heard that Atlanta
had a terrible storm.
44
00:02:19,686 --> 00:02:20,960
Garage sale. Okay.
45
00:02:21,054 --> 00:02:24,365
Can you guys both sit in front
of the camera when you talk
46
00:02:24,424 --> 00:02:26,563
so that I can see you and
hear you at the same time?
47
00:02:26,626 --> 00:02:29,072
We don? Get this Skype crap.
There's nothing to get.
48
00:02:29,129 --> 00:02:30,802
You're doing it. DEANNA: Maura,
49
00:02:30,897 --> 00:02:32,604
we have some news.
50
00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:34,440
Maura, we have some news.
51
00:02:36,069 --> 00:02:38,379
Oh, my God. Who's sick?
BUCKY: Oh, for cry-eye, Maura.
52
00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:40,042
Relax!
53
00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:42,577
We decided
54
00:02:45,612 --> 00:02:47,717
to sell the house.
55
00:02:47,781 --> 00:02:49,954
Yeah, okay. Funny joke.
What's the news?
56
00:02:50,049 --> 00:02:51,619
We are. We're selling it.
57
00:02:51,718 --> 00:02:53,129
The one we grew up in?
58
00:02:53,219 --> 00:02:54,425
Are you selling it
to each other?
59
00:02:54,487 --> 00:02:55,761
No, honey.
60
00:02:55,889 --> 00:02:58,089
Why would you do that? DEANNA: We don't want it anymore.
61
00:02:58,124 --> 00:02:59,228
It's too big. Look,
if this is some kind
62
00:02:59,292 --> 00:03:01,795
of financial thing, I can
help you out with money.
63
00:03:01,895 --> 00:03:02,839
DEANNA: No, honey.
64
00:03:02,929 --> 00:03:06,308
All we need you to do is to
come and clean out your bedroom
65
00:03:06,399 --> 00:03:07,969
because it's a bottomless pit.
66
00:03:08,067 --> 00:03:10,980
Okay. I can come. Just don't
make a move until I get there.
67
00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:12,811
Does Kate know about this?
68
00:03:12,906 --> 00:03:14,408
BUCKY: We haven'! Told her yet.
69
00:03:14,474 --> 00:03:16,920
You two take news
so differently.
70
00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:19,115
We wondered if maybe
71
00:03:19,846 --> 00:03:21,086
you should tell hen.
72
00:03:22,148 --> 00:03:23,684
Because we don? Want to.
73
00:03:23,783 --> 00:03:25,319
Why do I always
have to be the one?
74
00:03:26,853 --> 00:03:27,957
Oh, shit.
75
00:03:28,021 --> 00:03:30,331
I think you guys froze.
Hold on. Can you hear me?
76
00:03:30,423 --> 00:03:31,766
Hello?
77
00:03:32,592 --> 00:03:35,004
You're blinking.
You're fake freezing.
78
00:03:35,094 --> 00:03:38,439
Unbelievable. Just call her.
You're her parents.
79
00:03:38,865 --> 00:03:39,935
(SNEEZES)
80
00:03:41,434 --> 00:03:44,005
Dad! Let it go.
81
00:03:51,778 --> 00:03:55,351
KATE: See, where most stylists
blow it is they color your hair
82
00:03:55,448 --> 00:03:57,951
but they leave your Santa eyebrows.
Hmm.
83
00:03:58,017 --> 00:04:00,190
They half-ass it,
but I'm a perfectionist.
84
00:04:00,286 --> 00:04:01,321
Thank you.
85
00:04:01,387 --> 00:04:04,027
So why are we covering
this gray today, Phil?
86
00:04:04,123 --> 00:04:08,629
Well, I have a date with an engaging
new gal, somewhat younger than me.
87
00:04:08,695 --> 00:04:11,141
Good for you, because ladies
your age are gross, right?
88
00:04:11,197 --> 00:04:14,235
Well, I just hope it looks natural.
It smells very strong.
89
00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:16,871
No. It's super gentle.
They use it on pageant babies.
90
00:04:16,970 --> 00:04:18,506
Mom! I'm home!
91
00:04:18,571 --> 00:04:19,675
(SHRIEKS)
92
00:04:19,739 --> 00:04:22,345
My daughter's home! She has
been gone half the summer.
93
00:04:22,408 --> 00:04:24,979
I'll be right back. If it feels
like it's burning, it's working.
94
00:04:25,712 --> 00:04:26,918
(BOTH SHRIEKING)
95
00:04:27,313 --> 00:04:29,315
Wow! (LAUGHS AND SHRIEKS)
96
00:04:29,382 --> 00:04:32,989
(GRUNTS) You have been gone for so long!
Did you get taller?
97
00:04:33,052 --> 00:04:35,692
I've only been gone a month, and I
stopped growing a long time ago.
98
00:04:35,722 --> 00:04:37,599
Um, is this supposed
to be getting warm?
99
00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:38,691
Let it cook, Phil.
100
00:04:39,325 --> 00:04:40,565
HALEY: Um...
101
00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:41,866
Mom?
102
00:04:41,995 --> 00:04:44,168
Why are you doing some guy's
hair in the bathroom?
103
00:04:44,230 --> 00:04:46,710
P.S. this does not
feel right. Hello.
104
00:04:46,766 --> 00:04:47,836
(HISSING)
105
00:04:48,067 --> 00:04:50,069
Why aren't you
doing it in a salon?
106
00:04:50,169 --> 00:04:51,512
Please don't tell me
you quit your job again.
107
00:04:51,604 --> 00:04:53,106
I didn't quit! All right.
108
00:04:53,206 --> 00:04:55,083
You know that dipshit lady
on Channel Eleven
109
00:04:55,174 --> 00:04:57,051
who does the segments
where she tries new things?
110
00:04:57,110 --> 00:04:59,351
Yeah. Go on.
Well, she wanted bangs,
111
00:04:59,412 --> 00:05:01,949
but then afterwards she decided
that she didn't want bangs.
112
00:05:02,048 --> 00:05:03,618
And my manager
started bitching me out,
113
00:05:03,716 --> 00:05:06,526
so I shoved him and his American
Girl Doll glasses broke.
114
00:05:06,619 --> 00:05:07,791
Okay. So you got fired.
115
00:05:07,887 --> 00:05:10,527
Why do you keep doing this, Mom?
116
00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:11,694
You wanna have a cereal party?
117
00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:16,036
No, I don't. I want you to be
responsible so that I don't have to be.
118
00:05:16,095 --> 00:05:17,267
It is too stressful
119
00:05:17,363 --> 00:05:20,742
sleeping with you on a pull-out
couch in your friend's dining room.
120
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,643
She is not my friend.
She was our bug man.
121
00:05:22,735 --> 00:05:25,272
I need to learn
to be more irresponsible
122
00:05:25,371 --> 00:05:28,545
otherwise I'm going to be
hazed so bad in college.
123
00:05:28,608 --> 00:05:29,985
It's bubbling like Pop Rocks.
124
00:05:30,043 --> 00:05:31,386
I'm gonna stay at Annie's house again.
All right.
125
00:05:31,444 --> 00:05:34,789
Okay, that's a lie because Annie
is in Italy with her family.
126
00:05:34,881 --> 00:05:35,985
I know how to use Facebook.
127
00:05:36,082 --> 00:05:38,824
I will keep sending you pictures
so that you know that I'm safe.
128
00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:41,125
No. You cannot just leave again
and not tell me where you are.
129
00:05:41,220 --> 00:05:43,222
You know why I don't tell
you where I'm going?
130
00:05:43,289 --> 00:05:46,395
Because you'll show up there and you'll
make a big scene like a hothead!
131
00:05:46,459 --> 00:05:49,133
I am not a hothead! I am brassy.
132
00:05:49,228 --> 00:05:52,471
I love you, Mom, but your life
is just too chaotic right now.
133
00:05:52,565 --> 00:05:54,169
It is not chaotic. DANA: Kate!
134
00:05:56,336 --> 00:05:57,815
Is this your waxing strip?
135
00:05:57,904 --> 00:06:00,009
I don't know, Dana.
It must be a client's.
136
00:06:00,106 --> 00:06:02,518
My dog had this in his feces.
137
00:06:02,642 --> 00:06:04,019
(WHIMPERS) And before
I could stop him
138
00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:07,489
he ate the poop with the
waxing strip in it again.
139
00:06:08,014 --> 00:06:09,960
Okay. And then he threw that up.
140
00:06:10,016 --> 00:06:12,929
You know how many times a day
I kiss that dog on the mouth?
141
00:06:13,019 --> 00:06:14,430
An unsettling amount.
142
00:06:14,487 --> 00:06:16,467
Now when I kiss him,
143
00:06:16,522 --> 00:06:18,832
I'm gonna picture that he ate
144
00:06:19,425 --> 00:06:21,268
some stranger's pubes.
145
00:06:21,928 --> 00:06:24,272
And it's gonna affect
my relationship with him.
146
00:06:24,330 --> 00:06:25,604
KATE: Oh, boy.
147
00:06:25,698 --> 00:06:27,109
All right. Let's bring this
in for a landing, Dana.
148
00:06:27,166 --> 00:06:28,941
You get out of here by tomorrow.
149
00:06:29,002 --> 00:06:30,345
(STAMMERS) You're done!
150
00:06:30,436 --> 00:06:32,643
Where the hell am I gonna go?
(BARKING)
151
00:06:32,705 --> 00:06:34,776
You wanna explain that
to my daughter?
152
00:06:35,108 --> 00:06:36,644
Haley? (CELL PHONE RINGING)
153
00:06:36,709 --> 00:06:37,847
Shit.
154
00:06:39,612 --> 00:06:40,784
(SHOUTS) Haley?
155
00:06:40,847 --> 00:06:42,155
Haley!
156
00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:46,826
Okay, Haley, just come back up,
and we will talk about this.
157
00:06:46,886 --> 00:06:47,956
Hey, it's me.
158
00:06:48,021 --> 00:06:50,729
Hello? This is very
unprofessional.
159
00:06:50,823 --> 00:06:52,359
Hey. I can't talk right now.
160
00:06:52,458 --> 00:06:53,835
Real quick. Mom and Dad called.
161
00:06:53,893 --> 00:06:55,167
Ugh, what now?
162
00:06:55,228 --> 00:06:56,798
What's up? Everything all right?
163
00:06:56,896 --> 00:07:00,036
No, I don't need lotion in there.
(SHUSHES)
164
00:07:00,299 --> 00:07:01,869
Yeah, you do need lotion
in there.
165
00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,811
Hey, here's something fun.
166
00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:05,850
Mom and Dad
want us to come down.
167
00:07:05,905 --> 00:07:08,545
They need us to clear out
some of our old bedroom stuff.
168
00:07:08,641 --> 00:07:10,484
Why? They have other rooms.
169
00:07:10,543 --> 00:07:12,989
MAURA: I don't know. Maybe
they wanna get a treadmill.
170
00:07:13,046 --> 00:07:16,653
(SCOFFS) A treadmill? Morn can't
even sit right on a couch.
171
00:07:20,086 --> 00:07:22,396
I'm just gonna shape them real quick.
All right.
172
00:07:22,488 --> 00:07:25,401
Yeah, no. I can't afford to
come to Orlando right now.
173
00:07:25,491 --> 00:07:27,368
Well, I'll send you money
for the flight.
174
00:07:27,427 --> 00:07:31,000
Come to Orlando.
Ellis sisters reunion.
175
00:07:31,064 --> 00:07:33,840
Corning home always makes
things better.
176
00:07:34,567 --> 00:07:36,672
That's actually
a really good idea.
177
00:07:37,837 --> 00:07:39,544
Tell me the truth.
178
00:07:41,340 --> 00:07:44,514
Next stop, Orlando Airport.
Thank you for riding Greyhound.
179
00:07:50,049 --> 00:07:52,188
AIRPORT ANNOUNCER ON PA: Please
maintain contact with your baggage.
180
00:07:52,251 --> 00:07:54,197
All unattended baggage
will be confiscated.
181
00:07:55,455 --> 00:07:58,959
Hey. Could I get
a small glass of tequila?
182
00:07:59,058 --> 00:08:01,538
Like a shot of tequila?
183
00:08:01,594 --> 00:08:04,234
Yeah, a shot.
Just keeping it classy.
184
00:08:04,297 --> 00:08:05,401
Paging Mr. Herman.
185
00:08:05,465 --> 00:08:07,069
Oh, Mr. Pee-wee Herman!
186
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:08,203
(KATE SHRIEKS)
187
00:08:08,734 --> 00:08:10,805
Look at you. Hi!
188
00:08:10,903 --> 00:08:12,075
MAURA: Look at you.
KATE: Uh-uh, uh-uh.
189
00:08:12,138 --> 00:08:13,640
What's going on? Nothing.
190
00:08:13,773 --> 00:08:16,276
Wow, turn it around. This is soft.
(CHUCKLES)
191
00:08:16,375 --> 00:08:17,718
You look great. No.
192
00:08:17,777 --> 00:08:20,053
I look like a dead deer
bloated on the highway.
193
00:08:20,113 --> 00:08:23,094
No. You look like a pretty
deer who's still alive.
194
00:08:23,216 --> 00:08:24,820
Mmm. But also,
just recently hit.
195
00:08:24,917 --> 00:08:25,918
(SNORTING)
196
00:08:26,052 --> 00:08:28,658
Your hair is long!
It's so mermaid-y.
197
00:08:28,754 --> 00:08:32,292
Oh, I got a whole intricate sewn-in
system under there, but it's human.
198
00:08:32,391 --> 00:08:34,064
Okay, well, you have to be
careful when you get fake hair
199
00:08:34,127 --> 00:08:36,937
because some countries give their
young girls chicken hormones
200
00:08:37,063 --> 00:08:39,270
and make them grow it in
their basements. (SCOFFS)
201
00:08:39,332 --> 00:08:41,471
Do they get paid?
Because I would do that.
202
00:08:43,102 --> 00:08:45,912
Hey, honey. I'm sure
you're out having fun
203
00:08:46,072 --> 00:08:50,316
but I'm dying to see that
photo you were gonna send me.
204
00:08:50,943 --> 00:08:54,186
She's having such a great summer,
but I think she's getting homesick.
205
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,590
I'm sure she misses you.
I miss her.
206
00:08:56,649 --> 00:08:59,095
Like, in my body.
207
00:08:59,252 --> 00:09:00,856
Mmm. She'll be back soon.
208
00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:03,262
What's your deal?
Been doing anything fun?
209
00:09:03,356 --> 00:09:06,166
Yeah. Rescue dogs
have so many hidden skills.
210
00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:08,967
I've been teaching Polenta
how to smell diabetes.
211
00:09:09,929 --> 00:09:11,499
You've been divorced
for two years.
212
00:09:11,597 --> 00:09:14,771
You should at least be going to
Chili's with your work friends
213
00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:15,869
or some such basic shit,
214
00:09:15,968 --> 00:09:18,505
instead of spending the night on
Skype dates with Mom and Dad.
215
00:09:18,604 --> 00:09:20,515
I've been having a lot of fun.
216
00:09:20,606 --> 00:09:22,449
I've been teaching myself
how to make cheese.
217
00:09:23,809 --> 00:09:26,346
I'm fine. I'm really good.
I'm real good.
218
00:09:26,445 --> 00:09:29,187
What about you? Do you have
a job or a place to live?
219
00:09:29,282 --> 00:09:31,694
I got an idea that's gonna solve
everything. Haley's gonna flip.
220
00:09:31,784 --> 00:09:33,058
What's your idea?
221
00:09:33,152 --> 00:09:36,395
I think we should move down here and
live with Mom and Dad for a while.
222
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:40,126
(RADIO VOLUME INCREASES)
223
00:09:40,193 --> 00:09:42,901
(BOTH SINGING) Give a little
bit of heart and sou!
224
00:09:42,995 --> 00:09:45,532
Give a little hi!
Of love in grow.
225
00:09:45,631 --> 00:09:48,168
Give a little bit
of heart and soul...
226
00:09:48,234 --> 00:09:50,305
(BOTH MUMBLING LYRICS)
227
00:09:59,812 --> 00:10:02,156
Holy Moses with his balls out.
228
00:10:02,215 --> 00:10:04,388
Is that Kate Ellis
I'm looking at?
229
00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:05,484
Maybe.
230
00:10:05,551 --> 00:10:07,326
(LAUGHS) Hey, look at you.
231
00:10:08,921 --> 00:10:11,765
Come on, Dave Blackmon! I was
a senior, you were a junior.
232
00:10:11,857 --> 00:10:13,996
I lingered back so we could
be seniors together?
233
00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:16,573
You were my first non-hand
I ever did it with.
234
00:10:16,662 --> 00:10:19,939
Oh, my God. Yes.
I swallowed your earring.
235
00:10:20,032 --> 00:10:21,511
That was a true honor.
236
00:10:21,567 --> 00:10:22,944
Aw, thank you. Thank you.
237
00:10:23,436 --> 00:10:25,347
Wow. Somebody told me you died.
238
00:10:25,404 --> 00:10:27,714
That's crazy. That's the second
person that's said that to me.
239
00:10:27,773 --> 00:10:28,751
Hmm, you should check it out.
240
00:10:28,841 --> 00:10:30,684
You know, I'm a known
alcoholic in this area
241
00:10:30,743 --> 00:10:34,213
but I still talk about those Ellis
Island parties, baby. (VOCALIZES)
242
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,418
Such good times, right?
243
00:10:35,514 --> 00:10:37,858
Yeah. You scaling that
fireplace with them heels?
244
00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:39,692
Oh, man. That was
a beautiful sight, baby.
245
00:10:39,752 --> 00:10:42,892
And who's this fine-ass female?
246
00:10:43,189 --> 00:10:46,227
Hi, Dave. I'm Maura,
Kate's younger sister.
247
00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:49,569
I held your mullet back one time
when you were vomiting at our party
248
00:10:49,629 --> 00:10:52,235
so you wouldn't impale your
face on our cactus garden.
249
00:10:52,298 --> 00:10:55,302
(LAUGHING) No. Shit. Those
were fun times, though, huh?
250
00:10:55,401 --> 00:10:58,075
Yeah. You know, in a way.
251
00:10:58,137 --> 00:11:00,913
You sure bloomed
into a juicy peach, holy...
252
00:11:00,973 --> 00:11:01,951
Thank you, Dave.
253
00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:03,418
KATE: So is this
your liquor store?
254
00:11:03,476 --> 00:11:06,389
Oh, you know, I got some stock,
I got some handshake options.
255
00:11:06,479 --> 00:11:07,787
Because you heard
what happened, right?
256
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,292
My mobile townhouse
got ate by a sinkhole.
257
00:11:10,383 --> 00:11:11,987
No. Eaten by a sinkhole?
258
00:11:12,084 --> 00:11:14,121
Mmm-hmm.
That is a Florida heartbreak.
259
00:11:14,220 --> 00:11:17,064
Wow, the Ellis sisters, man. What
a sandwich that would be, huh?
260
00:11:17,123 --> 00:11:19,797
If I could tell my friends that
that went down-(LAUGHS) Oh, man.
261
00:11:19,892 --> 00:11:20,893
What do you think?
262
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:22,937
Who? Oh... (CHUCKLES)
263
00:11:23,062 --> 00:11:25,508
Just putting it out there. Listen,
life is about putting it out there.
264
00:11:25,598 --> 00:11:26,770
And then swatting it away.
Isn't it?
265
00:11:26,832 --> 00:11:29,244
Sometimes it stays out there.
Where you put it.
266
00:11:29,302 --> 00:11:30,645
And then sometimes it goes
right into the trash.
267
00:11:30,736 --> 00:11:32,272
So that's, like, a no.
I understand.
268
00:11:32,338 --> 00:11:33,578
I think we should go.
Great to see you, Dave.
269
00:11:33,639 --> 00:11:34,982
Just putting it out there.
Yeah, okay.
270
00:11:35,074 --> 00:11:36,644
KATE: Nice to see you, man.
I'm glad you're alive.
271
00:11:36,742 --> 00:11:38,983
Thank you.
You look, uh, weathered.
272
00:11:39,078 --> 00:11:40,853
You look like
underpass weathered.
273
00:11:40,946 --> 00:11:42,448
DAVE: Yeah. Thank you,
I guess. Yeah.
274
00:11:42,682 --> 00:11:46,653
So listen, is there, like, um, friends
and family discount at this place?
275
00:11:46,752 --> 00:11:49,130
Oh, yeah. Two finger discount.
276
00:11:49,922 --> 00:11:51,367
(KATE CHUCKLES) MAURA: Oh...
277
00:11:51,424 --> 00:11:54,337
That made my legs feel weird.
Just unbridled filth.
278
00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,540
MAURA: Gross! DAVE: Hey, you
know how it is. (LAUGHS)
279
00:11:56,595 --> 00:11:58,506
KATE: Bye, Dave! Whoo!
280
00:11:58,631 --> 00:12:00,941
The party just got back
to O-Town!
281
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,638
MAURA: (SHOUTING) Okay!
282
00:12:03,302 --> 00:12:05,612
It's cicada season,
so keep your mouth shut. Whoo!
283
00:12:06,272 --> 00:12:08,274
(KATE AND MAURA CHEERING)
284
00:12:09,475 --> 00:12:12,479
KATE: Are you ready
for this jelly, Whorelando?
285
00:12:12,545 --> 00:12:13,853
MAURA: (SHOUTING) Yeah!
286
00:12:16,148 --> 00:12:17,559
MAURA: Hey! (KATE CHEERING)
287
00:12:19,218 --> 00:12:20,959
(MAURA AND KATE CHEERING)
288
00:12:21,153 --> 00:12:22,723
KATE: Ellis sisters
in the house!
289
00:12:22,822 --> 00:12:23,823
Hey!
290
00:12:23,889 --> 00:12:25,368
Oh, sweaty man.
We have to flirt.
291
00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:27,233
Slow it down for a groove-by.
292
00:12:28,127 --> 00:12:29,197
Hey.
293
00:12:29,295 --> 00:12:31,536
What urp? Hey.
294
00:12:31,630 --> 00:12:32,973
Burying your wife?
295
00:12:33,032 --> 00:12:34,875
(CHUCKLES) Um...
KATE: Can I ask you something?
296
00:12:34,967 --> 00:12:36,640
My sister and I... Hey.
297
00:12:36,702 --> 00:12:40,707
Are busy professionals,
looking for an "yard artisan"
298
00:12:40,806 --> 00:12:42,217
to do some work on our bushes?
299
00:12:42,308 --> 00:12:44,720
You are working.
We will not bother you. Sorry.
300
00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:45,982
KATE: (WHISPERING)
Jump on my bush joke.
301
00:12:46,045 --> 00:12:48,651
I just made that up!
Put another Jenga on it.
302
00:12:50,015 --> 00:12:54,555
I bet working on other people's bushes
really makes you wanna whack your weeds.
303
00:12:54,653 --> 00:12:55,688
That was dirtier than I thought.
304
00:12:55,755 --> 00:12:57,166
I'm sorry. That got
dirty really fast.
305
00:12:57,223 --> 00:12:58,725
Don't apologize, I like that.
306
00:12:58,824 --> 00:13:00,826
I actually own this house.
307
00:13:00,926 --> 00:13:01,996
You live here with your wife?
308
00:13:02,094 --> 00:13:04,165
Your wife's a bitch
for not helping you.
309
00:13:04,263 --> 00:13:05,401
JAMES: Uh, I...
310
00:13:05,498 --> 00:13:07,444
I'm single, actually. Oh'
311
00:13:07,533 --> 00:13:09,069
Well, we're not
making fun of you.
312
00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:11,580
We're flirting with you,
because you're really sweaty.
313
00:13:12,071 --> 00:13:14,847
I'm a solid guy. I don't mind
being the butt of your jokes.
314
00:13:14,907 --> 00:13:18,354
Good. You will be the butt of our
jokes, because your butt is no joke.
315
00:13:18,411 --> 00:13:19,412
Okay.
316
00:13:19,512 --> 00:13:22,186
MAURA: I'm not laughing at that butt.
I'll laugh with your butt.
317
00:13:22,248 --> 00:13:24,285
I'm gonna laugh in that butt.
318
00:13:24,383 --> 00:13:25,418
I'm gonna laugh.
319
00:13:25,518 --> 00:13:27,794
(INHALES) I'm gonna...
I love to...
320
00:13:27,887 --> 00:13:29,093
My butt's funny, too,
321
00:13:29,188 --> 00:13:32,431
but your butt is really serious.
322
00:13:32,525 --> 00:13:35,529
Your butt is like
an hour-long drama.
323
00:13:35,594 --> 00:13:38,131
Your butt's as serious
as The Wire.
324
00:13:38,697 --> 00:13:41,143
MAURA: I mean, I can't wait
to watch your butt on DVD.
325
00:13:41,233 --> 00:13:43,577
I'm gonna binge-watch
your butt when I have the flu.
326
00:13:43,636 --> 00:13:45,411
Time to drive away. Great.
327
00:13:45,471 --> 00:13:46,814
Yeah, um, so...
328
00:13:46,906 --> 00:13:48,715
You ever buy Poppin' Fresh Dough?
Yeah.
329
00:13:48,808 --> 00:13:50,253
Remember the sound it makes?
JAMES: Yeah.
330
00:13:50,309 --> 00:13:51,379
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
331
00:13:55,815 --> 00:13:58,215
KATE: And that's how you do it.
MAURA: (CHUCKLES) Oh, my God.
332
00:14:05,925 --> 00:14:11,238
What the hell is a sold sign
doing on our front yard?
333
00:14:11,297 --> 00:14:12,901
MAURA: Sold?
334
00:14:12,965 --> 00:14:14,137
No!
335
00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:16,679
They talked about
putting it on the market.
336
00:14:16,769 --> 00:14:18,510
Did you know about this
and not tell me'?
337
00:14:18,604 --> 00:14:20,140
Why don't people tell me things?
338
00:14:20,239 --> 00:14:22,776
They spoke to me about it,
and we were considering it.
339
00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:26,346
They fucking sold our fucking
childhood fucking home.
340
00:14:26,445 --> 00:14:28,485
I can't believe they did this
without consulting me.
341
00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:31,687
This home should have
been passed on.
342
00:14:31,784 --> 00:14:34,321
I'll talk them out of it. It's okay.
It's not okay!
343
00:14:34,420 --> 00:14:37,629
Because my great idea
just got fucked in the a-hole!
344
00:14:37,756 --> 00:14:39,667
Welcome to my life!
345
00:14:40,693 --> 00:14:41,694
(GRUNTING)
346
00:14:41,794 --> 00:14:43,171
Damn it. Shit!
347
00:14:43,262 --> 00:14:46,505
(SCREAMING) Fuck! Shit, fuck!
348
00:14:46,599 --> 00:14:47,976
Balls!
349
00:15:00,779 --> 00:15:02,053
KATE: What the...
350
00:15:05,851 --> 00:15:08,058
Totally shady.
351
00:15:08,687 --> 00:15:11,566
Where are the curtains
with the fruit on them?
352
00:15:11,657 --> 00:15:13,796
She was gonna give
all this stuff away?
353
00:15:14,193 --> 00:15:16,139
I'm sorry,
I'm keeping this colander.
354
00:15:16,729 --> 00:15:18,003
KATE: Heartless.
355
00:15:18,063 --> 00:15:20,543
Where's the fucking
manatee lamp I made?
356
00:15:20,633 --> 00:15:21,737
(KATE WRETCHES)
357
00:15:22,001 --> 00:15:23,480
I'm sorry.
358
00:15:24,370 --> 00:15:26,646
This was not our doing.
359
00:15:30,142 --> 00:15:31,712
They were gonna give away
the foldy yardstick?
360
00:15:31,810 --> 00:15:33,016
Absolutely hell no.
361
00:15:33,312 --> 00:15:36,486
KATE: Where in the hell
are Mom's tiny, ceramic shoes?
362
00:15:37,816 --> 00:15:40,057
MAURA: This is just so not okay.
363
00:15:40,152 --> 00:15:43,190
So now some asshole family gets
to play in our sister tree?
364
00:15:43,255 --> 00:15:44,256
Fuck no.
365
00:15:44,356 --> 00:15:46,267
Where are our parents?
366
00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:50,601
KATE: This nursing home better not
smell urine-y, like a death-cafeteria.
367
00:15:50,696 --> 00:15:53,199
It's not a nursing home,
it's an adult community.
368
00:15:53,332 --> 00:15:54,868
Ifs called Village Du Soleil,
369
00:15:54,934 --> 00:15:56,572
which in French means
"in the sun."
370
00:15:56,669 --> 00:15:59,548
Old people aren't supposed
to be in the sun! So stupid.
371
00:15:59,605 --> 00:16:02,051
Yeah, Mom and Dad,
eat a pyramid of dicks.
372
00:16:02,107 --> 00:16:03,916
Sit on a bunch of pinecones.
373
00:16:04,009 --> 00:16:05,579
If I see Mom in one of those
one-chair beauty shops,
374
00:16:05,678 --> 00:16:07,680
I will full-out BJ
a hot curling iron.
375
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:12,251
Rowdy seniors and booze by a lake?
That's a recipe for disaster.
376
00:16:12,351 --> 00:16:14,092
If they have shower chairs
at this granny farm,
377
00:16:14,186 --> 00:16:16,029
I will slit my throat
and put it on YouTube.
378
00:16:17,856 --> 00:16:19,699
MAURA: You failed
to mention your plan.
379
00:16:19,758 --> 00:16:22,261
Why didn't you tell me
that you sold the house?
380
00:16:22,361 --> 00:16:24,363
Because we knew you'd try
to talk us out of it.
381
00:16:24,463 --> 00:16:25,635
I mean, you were pushy kids.
382
00:16:25,731 --> 00:16:27,711
You're selling your clocks,
by the way?
383
00:16:27,766 --> 00:16:29,268
What, are you secretly dying?
384
00:16:29,368 --> 00:16:31,780
No, I'm not dying.
I'm just sick of winding them.
385
00:16:31,870 --> 00:16:33,213
Hey, I want Pop-Pop's
grandfather clock.
386
00:16:33,372 --> 00:16:35,374
Where are you going to keep it?
In your purse?
387
00:16:35,474 --> 00:16:38,614
The things in that house
meant something to us.
388
00:16:38,978 --> 00:16:43,791
Each one of those objects is a puzzle
piece in the story of our lives.
389
00:16:43,882 --> 00:16:46,089
We just don't want
clutter anymore.
390
00:16:46,151 --> 00:16:47,721
Then what the fuck is this?
391
00:16:47,786 --> 00:16:49,959
MAURA: Clutter?
You don't want clutter?
392
00:16:50,055 --> 00:16:51,227
Clutter has a name.
393
00:16:51,890 --> 00:16:54,564
And it's Pogee,
the Christmas Tree Elf.
394
00:16:54,627 --> 00:16:57,733
You take him. We're gonna
get a tabletop tree.
395
00:16:57,896 --> 00:16:59,898
(GROANING AND SCREAMING)
396
00:17:00,566 --> 00:17:02,773
DEANNA: Honestly... MAURA:
We can't have Christmas here!
397
00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:04,610
It feels good to purge.
398
00:17:05,104 --> 00:17:09,075
And we downloaded
all our pictures!
399
00:17:09,141 --> 00:17:10,916
You threw away
our baby pictures?
400
00:17:10,976 --> 00:17:12,284
No!
401
00:17:12,344 --> 00:17:15,325
We sold them to the gay
man at the flea market
402
00:17:15,414 --> 00:17:17,451
who turns them into funny cards.
403
00:17:17,516 --> 00:17:21,362
And your father
put them on this.
404
00:17:22,254 --> 00:17:23,858
So I just stick this
up my vagina
405
00:17:23,956 --> 00:17:25,458
and then I can see the pictures?
406
00:17:25,524 --> 00:17:27,367
Oh, Katherine Anne. Stop. What'?
407
00:17:27,459 --> 00:17:30,372
She's being funny,
because this is so crazy.
408
00:17:30,462 --> 00:17:34,000
What I think we all need
to do is go to lunch.
409
00:17:34,099 --> 00:17:38,013
And then we can discuss if selling
the house is the best plan for us.
410
00:17:38,103 --> 00:17:40,549
"Us" is happy
with the decision. Mmm?
411
00:17:40,639 --> 00:17:42,346
DEANNA: You two go whoop it up.
412
00:17:42,441 --> 00:17:44,546
No, don't go whoop it up.
It's all spiffed out.
413
00:17:44,643 --> 00:17:47,783
It needs to stay that way
for the inspection on Monday.
414
00:17:47,846 --> 00:17:49,189
DEANNA: Honestly... MAURA: We
can't have Christmas here!
415
00:17:49,615 --> 00:17:53,722
I can't go to the bathroom at restaurants.
You know that.
416
00:17:53,819 --> 00:17:55,799
All right, all right.
I understand.
417
00:17:55,854 --> 00:17:57,891
If she's gonna poop at the house,
I wanna poop at the house.
418
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:00,971
Yeah... All rig ht, you can
both poop at the house.
419
00:18:01,026 --> 00:18:02,130
I like Arby's.
420
00:18:02,194 --> 00:18:05,073
You know, let's just all agree
that this is a bad idea.
421
00:18:05,164 --> 00:18:08,304
Listen to me. We're gonna take
you to dinner tomorrow night.
422
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:11,375
Not gonna spend one last
night together in the house?
423
00:18:11,470 --> 00:18:13,677
Okay, I think... Maura, cool it.
424
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:16,248
It's a done deal.
425
00:18:17,076 --> 00:18:18,350
Done.
426
00:18:20,846 --> 00:18:22,723
I got lured down here for this?
427
00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:25,659
I don't clean up after myself anymore.
I'm an adult.
428
00:18:26,485 --> 00:18:27,486
(SIGHS)
429
00:18:27,553 --> 00:18:29,760
This is gonna be deeply painful.
430
00:18:29,855 --> 00:18:30,925
(SIGHS)
431
00:18:46,171 --> 00:18:47,241
Oh, boy.
432
00:18:48,674 --> 00:18:50,711
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
433
00:19:27,546 --> 00:19:30,891
(SING-SONG) Holy shit.
434
00:19:30,949 --> 00:19:31,984
Gimme!
435
00:19:34,787 --> 00:19:36,061
Ooh, listen to this.
436
00:19:36,121 --> 00:19:38,123
(READING) "I got in a wreck
because I was admiring"
437
00:19:38,223 --> 00:19:39,793
"the shoulder hickey
that Brett gave me
438
00:19:39,892 --> 00:19:42,133
"and got t-boned
by a parked car.
439
00:19:42,227 --> 00:19:45,640
"Brett came over to comfort me
and I'm so obsessed with him."
440
00:19:45,731 --> 00:19:47,404
"His face smells like Sea Breeze"
441
00:19:47,466 --> 00:19:50,640
"and his hair is so long
that when I make outwith him"
442
00:19:50,736 --> 00:19:52,409
"I pretend it's a scarf."
443
00:19:52,471 --> 00:19:53,973
"P.S. I might be pregnant."
444
00:19:54,072 --> 00:19:56,678
That shit is juicy. Read yours.
445
00:19:56,775 --> 00:19:58,152
Okay.
446
00:19:59,244 --> 00:20:00,314
(SNIFFS)
447
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,523
(READING) "I changed the grit
on my rock tumbler today."
448
00:20:04,616 --> 00:20:06,926
"The amethyst
is really shaping up."
449
00:20:06,985 --> 00:20:09,693
"I'm gonna mount it
in a bolo tie for Dylan."
450
00:20:09,788 --> 00:20:13,292
"He got a new neck brace to
stretch his melting vertebrae."
451
00:20:15,294 --> 00:20:17,467
"He loved his birthday card."
452
00:20:17,529 --> 00:20:20,601
"Especially how I burnt
the edges of the scroll."
453
00:20:20,699 --> 00:20:23,942
"P.S. Crafting heals."
454
00:20:25,437 --> 00:20:26,472
Huh.
455
00:20:26,805 --> 00:20:32,050
KATE: (READING) "Last night at the party,
I danced so hard my bra was soaking wet."
456
00:20:32,144 --> 00:20:36,354
"Jeff and I were flirting, and then
he said, 'Let me show you something.'"
457
00:20:36,448 --> 00:20:39,725
"So we went to my room,
and guess what he showed me?"
458
00:20:39,818 --> 00:20:41,957
"A ween that is still
wearing its hat."
459
00:20:42,287 --> 00:20:43,493
Mmm. Your mm.
460
00:20:43,555 --> 00:20:46,161
Wow. How many times did you
have sex in this house?
461
00:20:46,225 --> 00:20:47,636
KATE: You should have
had sex here.
462
00:20:47,693 --> 00:20:50,037
Having sex in your childhood
bedroom is a rite of passage.
463
00:20:50,128 --> 00:20:54,474
You chose the party mom role
to protect yourself from fun.
464
00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:55,739
No! I was not afraid of fun.
465
00:20:55,834 --> 00:20:57,074
Here, check this out.
466
00:20:57,669 --> 00:20:59,148
(READING) "Happy birthday to me."
467
00:20:59,204 --> 00:21:01,741
"My party was amazing.
I got what I asked for."
468
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,650
"I am now a sponsor
of a child in Ecuador."
469
00:21:05,477 --> 00:21:09,391
"I was the designated driver because I
could tell no one else wanted to be."
470
00:21:09,848 --> 00:21:12,886
"My favorite birthday gift was
knowing everyone got home safe."
471
00:21:12,985 --> 00:21:15,829
KATE: (READING) "Last night was so
fun I can't even talk about it."
472
00:21:15,888 --> 00:21:19,165
"There are no, period,
words, period."
473
00:21:19,224 --> 00:21:21,033
Man, I couldn't even
talk about it!
474
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,040
(READING) "I took my deaf
friend to the Sheila E. Concert"
475
00:21:24,096 --> 00:21:26,042
"so she could really
feel the music."
476
00:21:26,098 --> 00:21:27,441
"She was so grateful."
477
00:21:27,532 --> 00:21:30,706
"I didn't smoke pot because I was afraid
there wasn't enough for everyone..."
478
00:21:30,769 --> 00:21:31,770
Oh, come on.
479
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,747
I miss those goddamn glory days.
480
00:21:33,839 --> 00:21:36,285
Well, clearly'
we had different experiences.
481
00:21:37,409 --> 00:21:40,356
Oh, here's a play-by-play
of a Jerry Lewis telethon.
482
00:21:40,412 --> 00:21:42,585
Here's a chart of all
the penises I ever saw.
483
00:21:42,681 --> 00:21:44,718
Oh, good. Here's a quote
from Helen Keller.
484
00:21:44,783 --> 00:21:47,627
Here's really incorrect information
about how to put a IUD in.
485
00:21:47,719 --> 00:21:49,027
Here's a list of my houseplants.
486
00:21:49,087 --> 00:21:50,862
Put it in my butt. Ew.
487
00:21:51,290 --> 00:21:53,463
I swear I was having fun.
488
00:21:53,558 --> 00:21:57,404
I guess I was just making sure
the house didn't get destroyed.
489
00:21:57,529 --> 00:22:00,772
It's a damn shame that you
never had your night here.
490
00:22:00,899 --> 00:22:02,776
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
THROUGH MUSIC BOX)
491
00:22:04,803 --> 00:22:05,873
We cannot have a party.
492
00:22:06,405 --> 00:22:08,442
A party? (SCOFFS)
493
00:22:08,540 --> 00:22:09,780
That's a great idea. No.
494
00:22:09,875 --> 00:22:12,287
You can't avoid putting
yourself out there forever!
495
00:22:12,377 --> 00:22:14,550
You're gonna dry up
like a granny apple doll.
496
00:22:14,613 --> 00:22:15,751
The house is sold.
497
00:22:16,648 --> 00:22:17,922
No, it's networking.
498
00:22:17,983 --> 00:22:19,656
Kate! Don't make that face.
499
00:22:20,085 --> 00:22:23,396
Do not work me like this! I hate
it when you make me the bummer.
500
00:22:24,890 --> 00:22:28,599
My life is super shitty right now.
I need to feel happy again.
501
00:22:29,394 --> 00:22:30,600
Ah... (GROANS)
502
00:22:30,662 --> 00:22:33,472
Fine. Let's just brush
our remaining teeth
503
00:22:33,565 --> 00:22:37,308
and call it a sad, hard day
for two dusty old twats.
504
00:22:37,402 --> 00:22:38,403
Because we're done.
505
00:22:38,904 --> 00:22:40,008
(SIGHS)
506
00:22:41,273 --> 00:22:42,684
(LULLABY PLAYING THROUGH NIGHTLIGHT)
507
00:22:46,078 --> 00:22:51,289
Also? P.S. It would be such an easy way for
you to pop your post-divorce flirt cherry.
508
00:22:51,350 --> 00:22:53,762
I would love
to see you let it rip.
509
00:22:53,819 --> 00:22:56,163
You're such a fun
as shit little sister.
510
00:22:56,254 --> 00:22:58,165
I really am so fun.
511
00:22:58,790 --> 00:23:01,361
I shouldn't keep that to myself.
No, you shouldn't!
512
00:23:07,532 --> 00:23:09,205
(MUFFLED) I think maybe
we should do it.
513
00:23:11,036 --> 00:23:12,014
Can't hear you.
514
00:23:12,104 --> 00:23:13,606
I said maybe
we should have a party.
515
00:23:13,672 --> 00:23:15,379
KATE: Say what
I wanna hear, girl!
516
00:23:15,474 --> 00:23:17,283
MAURA: (LAUGHS)
Oh, my God. I don't know!
517
00:23:17,342 --> 00:23:19,549
Okay, let's do it.
(SCREAMS) Let's have a party!
518
00:23:19,644 --> 00:23:21,681
(BOTH CHEERING)
519
00:23:23,048 --> 00:23:24,550
Oh, and you can invite
that cute neighbor guy
520
00:23:24,649 --> 00:23:26,356
and you can finally have sex
in your old, crappo bed!
521
00:23:26,451 --> 00:23:27,395
Yeah, but he's younger than me.
522
00:23:27,486 --> 00:23:29,295
Yeah, but he's taller than you,
and that's all that matters.
523
00:23:29,354 --> 00:23:31,800
Oh, my God. I need this
night to reset myself!
524
00:23:32,157 --> 00:23:34,467
(YELLING) We are having a party!
525
00:23:34,559 --> 00:23:36,539
(BOTH YELLING)
526
00:23:39,965 --> 00:23:41,376
(LAUGHS)
527
00:23:42,167 --> 00:23:43,373
(LAUGHS)
528
00:23:45,003 --> 00:23:46,243
(CLOCKS CHIMING)
529
00:23:54,813 --> 00:23:55,883
(MUMBLES) How'd you sleep?
530
00:23:55,981 --> 00:23:58,655
I dreamt I had no job
and no place to live.
531
00:23:58,717 --> 00:23:59,752
Oh, wait.
532
00:23:59,851 --> 00:24:02,058
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Got a picture from Haley.
533
00:24:02,721 --> 00:24:05,201
Well, Her friend has a fancy-ass
fireplace in her house.
534
00:24:05,257 --> 00:24:07,931
MAURA: No, it's one of those
Cosi Sandwich Shops.
535
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,040
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
Oh. Who the crap is that'?
536
00:24:13,498 --> 00:24:15,341
MAURA: Are those
the new owners?
537
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,538
KATE: Ew. Fuck my life.
MAURA: Gross!
538
00:24:16,601 --> 00:24:19,582
MRS. GEERNT: I want the front
yard to be open-concept.
539
00:24:19,671 --> 00:24:21,191
MR. GEERNT: That old tree
has gotta go.
540
00:24:21,406 --> 00:24:25,252
Oh, you just try to take down our
sister tree, you stupid stinkbug!
541
00:24:25,343 --> 00:24:27,118
KATE: I can smell that bitch's
hairspray from here.
542
00:24:27,212 --> 00:24:30,216
No, they can't fucking roll in
here like Jehovah's Witnesses!
543
00:24:30,282 --> 00:24:31,402
(MAURA STAMMERS) KATE: Rude.
544
00:24:33,285 --> 00:24:34,286
What?
545
00:24:35,353 --> 00:24:36,423
Can we help you? Yes.
546
00:24:36,521 --> 00:24:39,092
Our secretary didn't tell us
that we had an appointment.
547
00:24:39,191 --> 00:24:41,728
Oh, I'm Patrick Campbell.
This is Jane and Henry Geernt.
548
00:24:41,793 --> 00:24:44,296
They' re relocating from New
York City and buying this house.
549
00:24:44,396 --> 00:24:46,706
So, are you their interpreter?
550
00:24:46,765 --> 00:24:49,109
If so, please tell them
hello for us.
551
00:24:49,201 --> 00:24:51,943
They just want to see what these
blues look like on the sun porch.
552
00:24:52,070 --> 00:24:53,870
What do you mean? Sun porch?
PATRICK: Mmm-hmm.
553
00:24:53,972 --> 00:24:55,883
Are you even old enough
to get a mortgage?
554
00:24:55,941 --> 00:24:58,421
Oh, yes. But we're
buying it with cash.
555
00:24:58,477 --> 00:25:01,788
You're painting
the sun porch? No.
556
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,383
It's a little "country" for us.
557
00:25:04,950 --> 00:25:08,796
Can you let your parents know that if
things like this aren't fixed by Monday,
558
00:25:08,887 --> 00:25:11,390
we're gonna have a real issue
following through with the sale.
559
00:25:12,290 --> 00:25:14,099
(STAMMERS) Yeah.
That won't be okay.
560
00:25:14,159 --> 00:25:15,263
I got a question.
561
00:25:15,327 --> 00:25:18,604
What percentage of your ward
robe is dry clean only?
562
00:25:18,897 --> 00:25:19,841
Seventy-eight?
563
00:25:20,065 --> 00:25:22,306
You guys seem like
you wear a lot of linen.
564
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,676
What kind of hot moron
paints a sun porch?
565
00:25:24,769 --> 00:25:27,306
Why don't you just put a toilet in
the living room and call it a day?
566
00:25:27,405 --> 00:25:28,406
Crazy!
567
00:25:28,940 --> 00:25:29,980
Is that dress from Target?
568
00:25:30,075 --> 00:25:32,646
Um, no... 'Cause I've seen
one like it at Target.
569
00:25:32,744 --> 00:25:33,916
I've never been there before.
570
00:25:33,979 --> 00:25:35,686
You know there was
a murder here, right?
571
00:25:35,780 --> 00:25:37,521
No. What? I don't.
572
00:25:37,616 --> 00:25:38,993
Major cult stuff. Yeah.
573
00:25:39,084 --> 00:25:40,961
What, like a mass murder?
574
00:25:41,019 --> 00:25:43,124
Seven? Okay.
575
00:25:43,188 --> 00:25:44,360
Seven sets of twins.
576
00:25:44,456 --> 00:25:46,333
So, 14. I'm sorry. What?
577
00:25:46,424 --> 00:25:47,744
You know
your cousin's gay, right?
578
00:25:47,792 --> 00:25:49,352
That's not my cousin.
That's my husband.
579
00:25:49,427 --> 00:25:50,497
That's your husband?
580
00:25:50,595 --> 00:25:53,155
You're gonna have some surprising
shit go down in about 10 years.
581
00:25:53,765 --> 00:25:56,006
You ever feel like maybe
you peaked too soon?
582
00:25:56,101 --> 00:25:58,547
No, I don't.
'Cause ifs a long life.
583
00:25:58,637 --> 00:26:02,141
And I would hate to see you out
there blowing hobos at 40.
584
00:26:02,274 --> 00:26:03,218
Thank you.
585
00:26:03,308 --> 00:26:04,343
Blue?
586
00:26:04,442 --> 00:26:06,854
What would possess a person
to paint stained wood blue?
587
00:26:06,945 --> 00:26:08,686
What, were you raised
on a tugboat?
588
00:26:08,780 --> 00:26:12,193
I'll drop off the paint later.
Unless you'll be day-napping.
589
00:26:12,284 --> 00:26:14,958
We sleep with our eyes
open, like sharks.
590
00:26:18,990 --> 00:26:20,992
KATE: Bye! Nice to meet you!
591
00:26:21,059 --> 00:26:22,163
MAURA: Smell you later.
592
00:26:22,494 --> 00:26:24,371
KATE: What kind
of last name is Geernt?
593
00:26:24,462 --> 00:26:26,874
Geernt. Sounds like
a queef on a yoga ball.
594
00:26:26,965 --> 00:26:29,673
Yeah. More like the last sound you
hear before you shit your pants.
595
00:26:31,203 --> 00:26:32,682
(YELLS) Oh, my God. (GASPS) Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
596
00:26:32,737 --> 00:26:33,715
(BOTH LAUGH)
597
00:26:33,805 --> 00:26:36,308
MAURA: Okay. Let's start
working on those invites.
598
00:26:47,652 --> 00:26:49,893
Okay, let's see
who we got. Okay.
599
00:26:49,988 --> 00:26:51,661
KATE: Vicka Bastione.
MAURA: Yeah.
600
00:26:52,824 --> 00:26:55,737
No on Alex. He's always on.
It's annoying as fuck.
601
00:26:55,827 --> 00:26:58,398
I know. He breaks my heart.
He wants to be funny, though.
602
00:26:58,496 --> 00:27:00,339
Yeah, well, people in hell
want ice water, too.
603
00:27:00,999 --> 00:27:04,708
Dave. I did him because he
disgusted me in a sexy way.
604
00:27:05,103 --> 00:27:07,674
Short Hispanic guys always
acted like I was Xena.
605
00:27:08,173 --> 00:27:09,846
I bet he has, like,
50 DUls right now.
606
00:27:10,609 --> 00:27:13,351
KATE: Brinda is a hard no.
607
00:27:13,411 --> 00:27:15,584
That monster and her minions
are not coming.
608
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:16,750
Why is she a monster?
609
00:27:16,848 --> 00:27:18,350
KATE: She knows what she did.
610
00:27:18,416 --> 00:27:19,417
Okay. Rob and Liz!
611
00:27:19,517 --> 00:27:22,054
KATE: They used to have sex
in the weirdest places.
612
00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,200
MAURA: He took her from behind
in line at graduation.
613
00:27:24,422 --> 00:27:27,028
They could use a party.
They are terminally suburban.
614
00:27:27,425 --> 00:27:29,063
KATE: Kelly. That bitch is fun.
615
00:27:29,127 --> 00:27:30,299
Yeah. Kelly is fun!
616
00:27:30,395 --> 00:27:31,396
Kelly is fun.
617
00:27:32,397 --> 00:27:34,434
(CLICKING)
618
00:27:40,372 --> 00:27:42,545
So, we should go!
We have so much to do.
619
00:27:42,641 --> 00:27:44,621
You have to invite that cute
guy from down the street.
620
00:27:44,709 --> 00:27:47,883
Mmm. Maybe.
I don't know. We'll see.
621
00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:02,969
Have a great day, Fran.
622
00:28:04,229 --> 00:28:06,470
Oh, my God. It's Brinda.
623
00:28:06,564 --> 00:28:07,736
KATE: Ugh...
624
00:28:07,832 --> 00:28:10,278
Brinda always looks like she has
a fart coming out sideways.
625
00:28:10,335 --> 00:28:14,806
I feel bad that we didn't invite her. I
hate it when people aren't included.
626
00:28:14,906 --> 00:28:16,408
Oh, God. What if she asks
us to come to the party?
627
00:28:16,474 --> 00:28:18,112
I'm not gonna be able
to say no to her face.
628
00:28:18,176 --> 00:28:20,178
You know I can't reject people.
I have a dog with one eye.
629
00:28:20,278 --> 00:28:21,655
Here she comes. She's coming close.
She's right here.
630
00:28:21,746 --> 00:28:23,066
She's almost here.
She's here now.
631
00:28:23,515 --> 00:28:25,324
Hey, Brinda. What up'?
632
00:28:25,417 --> 00:28:27,363
Well, well, well.
633
00:28:27,452 --> 00:28:29,932
I thought I saw
the Ellis sisters.
634
00:28:29,988 --> 00:28:32,434
Hey, Brinda.
What have you been up to?
635
00:28:32,624 --> 00:28:34,797
Not party-wise,
just life in general.
636
00:28:35,527 --> 00:28:38,337
Not much. Just, you know,
building a career.
637
00:28:38,430 --> 00:28:43,311
Being successful and having a
really full and wonderful life.
638
00:28:43,435 --> 00:28:44,539
I'm very blessed.
639
00:28:44,636 --> 00:28:48,174
I'm sure you've seen around town, I'm
a pretty successful realtor now.
640
00:28:48,273 --> 00:28:50,844
I'm plastered
all over the bus stops.
641
00:28:50,942 --> 00:28:52,182
Congratulations. Thank you.
642
00:28:52,277 --> 00:28:54,382
I thought you were missing. I saw
your picture on the bus stop.
643
00:28:54,479 --> 00:28:55,759
I just assumed you were missing.
644
00:28:56,014 --> 00:28:58,324
And you? What are you up to'?
Nothing?
645
00:28:59,150 --> 00:29:04,896
We are on the way to a shelter
to give people this party food.
646
00:29:05,223 --> 00:29:07,203
Oh, is that why you're
dressed like the homeless?
647
00:29:07,525 --> 00:29:09,527
What are you buying?
Stool softener?
648
00:29:09,627 --> 00:29:11,800
No. Actually, um, Diet Coke.
649
00:29:11,963 --> 00:29:14,136
Got some Poise Pads
in there I see.
650
00:29:14,466 --> 00:29:17,003
Good. Little asshole cream. No.
651
00:29:17,135 --> 00:29:19,172
Don't you look great.
That's a snazzy belt.
652
00:29:19,237 --> 00:29:20,716
Oh, thank you!
653
00:29:20,805 --> 00:29:22,648
Yeah, congrats on
your wrestling championship.
654
00:29:23,708 --> 00:29:24,812
It's Ralph Lauren.
655
00:29:24,876 --> 00:29:26,651
Is that how you say it?
Uh, yeah.
656
00:29:26,911 --> 00:29:28,356
Do you get good Wi-Fi with that?
657
00:29:28,413 --> 00:29:30,324
So I see you're having a party.
658
00:29:30,382 --> 00:29:31,884
I mean, we're just
kind of picking...
659
00:29:31,983 --> 00:29:33,519
Yep. Having a party. Yeah.
660
00:29:33,585 --> 00:29:35,690
I heard you were having a party.
661
00:29:35,754 --> 00:29:37,734
From someone who got invited.
662
00:29:38,156 --> 00:29:41,000
You were on our list, but
you're very hard to track down.
663
00:29:41,059 --> 00:29:42,367
MAURA: Are you on email?
664
00:29:42,494 --> 00:29:44,906
Uh, it's B-dot-rinda...
665
00:29:44,996 --> 00:29:47,272
That's what I did wrong.
I forgot the dot.
666
00:29:47,399 --> 00:29:48,844
And we forgot to type it.
(STAMMERING)
667
00:29:48,900 --> 00:29:50,846
And also we didn't send it.
668
00:29:50,902 --> 00:29:52,381
(CHUCKLES) I must admit,
669
00:29:52,437 --> 00:29:54,542
when I heard you were having
an Ellis Island party
670
00:29:54,606 --> 00:29:57,052
I was like,
"What? What year is it?"
671
00:29:57,108 --> 00:29:59,247
It's pretty sad.
672
00:29:59,344 --> 00:30:03,019
It used to hurt me when you never
invited me to any of your parties,
673
00:30:03,081 --> 00:30:07,291
but I did a lot of thinking
and a little bit of prayer,
674
00:30:08,186 --> 00:30:10,359
and now I just feel
sort of bad for you two.
675
00:30:10,688 --> 00:30:12,895
You know, because it's
such a desperate event.
676
00:30:14,926 --> 00:30:17,031
(LAUGHS) Bye.
677
00:30:19,531 --> 00:30:21,135
You're a desperate event!
678
00:30:21,232 --> 00:30:22,302
I can still hear you!
679
00:30:22,901 --> 00:30:24,278
KATE: Good. Can you hear this?
680
00:30:24,369 --> 00:30:25,973
Suck a fucking bag of dicks!
681
00:30:26,070 --> 00:30:27,242
She can't hear that.
682
00:30:27,572 --> 00:30:29,882
KATE: Strutting around Big
Lots like it's Bloomingdale's
683
00:30:29,941 --> 00:30:31,284
in her bullshit shoes.
684
00:30:31,376 --> 00:30:34,118
Real estate bitch
acting like Suze Orman.
685
00:30:34,212 --> 00:30:36,158
You know what she has?
Crabs in her eyebrows.
686
00:30:36,648 --> 00:30:38,958
Tumbleweeds
rolling across her beav.
687
00:30:39,050 --> 00:30:41,963
I am done wasting words
on that ho.
688
00:30:42,053 --> 00:30:44,226
I'm sorry, Vicky.
Don't apologize for me.
689
00:30:45,223 --> 00:30:46,725
Is Vicky your real name?
690
00:30:47,926 --> 00:30:49,405
What's your Korean name?
691
00:30:53,164 --> 00:30:54,507
(WHISPERS) Hae-Won.
692
00:30:54,599 --> 00:30:57,239
Hae-Won. What a beautiful name.
What does that mean?
693
00:30:57,569 --> 00:30:59,105
Hae-Won mean "head".
694
00:30:59,304 --> 00:31:00,408
Oh.
695
00:31:01,573 --> 00:31:04,611
Has-Won?
Am I saying it correctly?
696
00:31:04,676 --> 00:31:05,814
Hae-Won.
697
00:31:05,910 --> 00:31:07,355
Oh, Hae-Won.
698
00:31:07,445 --> 00:31:09,686
No. Hae-Won.
699
00:31:09,781 --> 00:31:10,953
Hae-Won.
700
00:31:11,082 --> 00:31:14,086
Not Hae-Won. Hae-Won.
701
00:31:14,185 --> 00:31:16,597
Hae-Won. No. Hae-Won.
702
00:31:16,754 --> 00:31:18,358
Hae-Won. Hae-Won.
703
00:31:18,456 --> 00:31:20,959
Hae-Won. Hae-Won.
704
00:31:21,025 --> 00:31:23,335
I feel like
I'm saying it right. No?
705
00:31:23,428 --> 00:31:25,499
I'm too high. (DEEP VOICE) Hae-Hae-Won.
706
00:31:26,264 --> 00:31:27,299
Yes.
707
00:31:28,032 --> 00:31:29,511
It's not coming out right,
but I'll get it.
708
00:31:29,601 --> 00:31:32,343
Like, "I'm having fun at party."
709
00:31:32,437 --> 00:31:35,111
"Hey." Plus "one."
710
00:31:35,807 --> 00:31:38,515
Hey one.
711
00:31:38,610 --> 00:31:40,180
So you like parties.
HAE-WON: Yes.
712
00:31:40,278 --> 00:31:41,313
Hmm.
713
00:31:41,379 --> 00:31:44,223
Your name? Oh, my name is Maura.
714
00:31:44,349 --> 00:31:45,657
Maura.
715
00:31:45,817 --> 00:31:47,023
Watch me. Maura.
716
00:31:47,118 --> 00:31:48,529
(GROWLING) Maura.
717
00:31:48,620 --> 00:31:51,157
I don't open my mouth like that.
(CHUCKLES) Just, Maura.
718
00:31:51,222 --> 00:31:52,326
Maura.
719
00:31:52,457 --> 00:31:54,334
It's not Maura.
720
00:31:54,626 --> 00:31:57,163
You see the difference
in my mouth? Maura.
721
00:31:57,295 --> 00:31:58,365
(GROWLING) Maura.
722
00:31:58,463 --> 00:31:59,874
We have different mouths.
723
00:31:59,964 --> 00:32:01,375
It's okay.
724
00:32:04,302 --> 00:32:08,079
Why do they always have to give
them American names? It's so sad.
725
00:32:08,172 --> 00:32:11,381
I bet Nail Pimp Daddy over there
treats them like his whores.
726
00:32:11,509 --> 00:32:13,429
We need to get Lucy Liu to go under...
Lisa Ling.
727
00:32:13,511 --> 00:32:16,856
Lisa Ling to go undercover and
investigate these dirty-ass nail salons.
728
00:32:16,915 --> 00:32:20,488
But they are hiring and you
are licensed to do nails.
729
00:32:20,585 --> 00:32:23,566
I don't wanna work here. They
have a bass in their aquarium.
730
00:32:23,655 --> 00:32:26,363
It's beautiful here. Everything
smells like lavender.
731
00:32:26,424 --> 00:32:28,904
Plus, you could leach them a
lot, because you know your shit.
732
00:32:28,993 --> 00:32:30,063
I do know my shit.
733
00:32:30,161 --> 00:32:32,835
I could French manicure a chicken
while it was running away.
734
00:32:34,432 --> 00:32:36,832
Guess I could get something
better once we're settled, right?
735
00:32:36,935 --> 00:32:40,075
Exactly! And then just wait
until you get that better job
736
00:32:40,171 --> 00:32:41,673
before you quit this one.
737
00:32:42,507 --> 00:32:44,714
I'm open to new ways.
738
00:32:47,011 --> 00:32:47,955
Your sister?
739
00:32:48,046 --> 00:32:49,047
Yes, that's my sister.
740
00:32:49,380 --> 00:32:50,381
You're older.
741
00:32:51,082 --> 00:32:52,083
No. Yes.
742
00:32:53,418 --> 00:32:54,522
Why would you say that?
743
00:32:54,852 --> 00:32:55,853
Your face.
744
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:57,121
Oh.
745
00:32:57,288 --> 00:32:58,289
Older.
746
00:32:58,590 --> 00:32:59,591
No. Yes.
747
00:32:59,691 --> 00:33:00,692
Okay.
748
00:33:02,694 --> 00:33:04,799
(SIGHS) So, do you like
working here?
749
00:33:04,896 --> 00:33:06,102
I love it.
750
00:33:08,232 --> 00:33:09,734
Do you get proper lunch breaks?
751
00:33:09,801 --> 00:33:10,905
What is lunch?
752
00:33:11,769 --> 00:33:13,715
Oh, my God. That's terrible.
753
00:33:13,972 --> 00:33:15,076
Hey.
754
00:33:15,139 --> 00:33:17,278
Thank you so much for this.
This is a great place.
755
00:33:17,375 --> 00:33:18,495
NAIL SALON OWNER: Of course.
756
00:33:21,145 --> 00:33:23,147
So, uh, I see you're hiring.
757
00:33:25,750 --> 00:33:27,889
Oh, we are not hiring right now.
758
00:33:28,953 --> 00:33:31,160
You just got a big old sign.
759
00:33:31,489 --> 00:33:34,766
Hey, Hae-Won. Would you like
to come to a party tonight?
760
00:33:35,326 --> 00:33:37,465
You and your friends come, okay?
761
00:33:37,562 --> 00:33:38,666
To do nail?
762
00:33:38,763 --> 00:33:41,141
Oh, no. No, no, no. Party?
763
00:33:41,232 --> 00:33:42,643
You can bring whoever you want.
764
00:33:42,734 --> 00:33:44,145
Party, yes.
765
00:33:45,069 --> 00:33:47,413
Sojus. Jews.
766
00:33:47,472 --> 00:33:49,748
Soju there? Sure.
There'll be Jews there.
767
00:33:49,807 --> 00:33:52,981
Love jus. Koreans love jus.
768
00:33:53,077 --> 00:33:54,147
Koreans love Jews.
769
00:33:54,245 --> 00:33:56,020
I love jus. I love Jews, too.
770
00:33:56,114 --> 00:33:57,115
Jus.
771
00:33:57,181 --> 00:34:00,253
Adam is thinking of coming, and
Gabe is on the fence, so...
772
00:34:00,318 --> 00:34:01,422
Soju.
773
00:34:01,486 --> 00:34:03,625
I'm worried we aren't talking
about the same thing.
774
00:34:04,589 --> 00:34:06,466
Juice. Drinking juice.
HAE-WON: Jus.
775
00:34:06,524 --> 00:34:07,832
You stupid.
776
00:34:07,925 --> 00:34:10,633
There'll be juice there. There'll be
food there. There'll be Jews there.
777
00:34:10,695 --> 00:34:12,174
Okay. Yes. Great.
778
00:34:12,263 --> 00:34:15,267
Okay, listen. My daughter
and I are moving to Orlando
779
00:34:15,333 --> 00:34:17,540
and I really need a job.
780
00:34:17,702 --> 00:34:19,181
Oh, no.
781
00:34:22,674 --> 00:34:25,484
Okay, look. Just smile and shake
my hand like you gave me a job
782
00:34:25,543 --> 00:34:27,183
and I will text you
a picture of my boobs.
783
00:34:27,278 --> 00:34:28,951
Real good ones. High and happy.
784
00:34:29,380 --> 00:34:31,121
No? I misread your deal.
785
00:34:31,182 --> 00:34:32,388
Smile and shake my hand.
786
00:34:32,483 --> 00:34:34,656
(WHISPERING) or I will text
you a picture of my boobs,
787
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:36,198
and I know you don't
wanna see them.
788
00:34:36,287 --> 00:34:37,391
(CHUCKLES)
789
00:34:38,189 --> 00:34:40,396
Awesome! Thank you, Vicky.
790
00:34:40,491 --> 00:34:43,028
I will see you on Monday.
791
00:34:43,795 --> 00:34:45,502
Boom! I got a job.
792
00:34:45,563 --> 00:34:48,703
And look what I pulled out of your wallet.
"Success is desire in action."
793
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,677
Amazing! You're crushing it!
794
00:34:50,735 --> 00:34:51,805
Whoo!
795
00:34:52,136 --> 00:34:53,171
KATE: We need to cancel dinner
with Mom and Dad.
796
00:34:53,237 --> 00:34:56,184
What if we lie to Mom and Dad and
then they die in their sleep?
797
00:34:56,240 --> 00:34:58,311
Don't let them smell your guilt.
798
00:34:58,376 --> 00:34:59,377
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
799
00:35:00,078 --> 00:35:01,182
Girls.
800
00:35:01,245 --> 00:35:03,191
Hey, Mom, we are doing
so much work over there
801
00:35:03,247 --> 00:35:05,420
and doing nothing else,
and I am telling the truth.
802
00:35:06,250 --> 00:35:07,320
Well.
803
00:35:07,885 --> 00:35:12,027
I was just, urn, putting the
silverware in the drawers here.
804
00:35:12,090 --> 00:35:14,001
Hey, we can't
have dinner tonight.
805
00:35:14,058 --> 00:35:18,700
Yeah, because we're in such packing
mode we don't wanna stop our groove.
806
00:35:19,397 --> 00:35:20,671
Sounds good!
807
00:35:34,512 --> 00:35:35,513
Oh.
808
00:35:35,580 --> 00:35:37,560
No. We've...
809
00:35:37,615 --> 00:35:38,719
Okay!
810
00:35:38,783 --> 00:35:40,126
KATE: Bye. We're leaving!
811
00:35:40,618 --> 00:35:42,723
Did we just cock block
our parents'?
812
00:35:42,787 --> 00:35:44,391
They were fresh
off the sex griddle.
813
00:35:44,455 --> 00:35:46,457
There was so much
color in her face.
814
00:35:48,426 --> 00:35:51,703
Hey, see you tonight! You know, I'm
laying down a bread base. (CHUCKLES)
815
00:35:51,763 --> 00:35:53,868
So I wanna stop by Sam and
Gray's house, real quick.
816
00:35:53,931 --> 00:35:55,851
Oh, I haven't seen those homos
since high school!
817
00:35:55,900 --> 00:35:56,901
I know.
818
00:35:56,968 --> 00:35:59,574
They said that we could borrow those
cool chairs they had at their wedding.
819
00:35:59,637 --> 00:36:01,378
Gays know how to throw a party.
820
00:36:02,106 --> 00:36:05,451
Go to Costco,
get a pan of hot wings.
821
00:36:05,543 --> 00:36:07,716
Get some big, basic salamis.
822
00:36:07,779 --> 00:36:09,986
Or just make a fuckload
of potato salad.
823
00:36:10,481 --> 00:36:11,755
With Tostitos Scoops.
824
00:36:11,816 --> 00:36:13,659
It's like a spoon you can eat.
825
00:36:14,819 --> 00:36:19,131
Obviously, it's the gay men who
have the great party ideas.
826
00:36:19,223 --> 00:36:22,796
I wish being gay was a choice because I
always did like that shorts and boots look.
827
00:36:22,894 --> 00:36:23,895
Yeah, I don't know.
828
00:36:23,961 --> 00:36:25,907
For me, the deal breaker might
be the eating of the pussy.
829
00:36:25,997 --> 00:36:29,672
Oh, really? Because for me it would just be
the fucking unbearable amount of talking.
830
00:36:29,767 --> 00:36:30,802
BYE, guys!
831
00:36:32,436 --> 00:36:34,507
(EASY LISTENING MUSIC PLAYING)
832
00:36:38,609 --> 00:36:40,020
Hmm, what do you think, Brayla?
833
00:36:40,111 --> 00:36:42,250
That looks amazing on you.
834
00:36:42,313 --> 00:36:44,486
I never met a Brayla before.
835
00:36:44,615 --> 00:36:45,992
I know, like, three.
836
00:36:46,083 --> 00:36:48,654
Oh, so you're trending.
God bless.
837
00:36:48,753 --> 00:36:53,600
You know, it's a lot of under teat but
I think I'm getting away with it.
838
00:36:53,658 --> 00:36:55,365
Also it's, um, on backwards.
839
00:36:58,362 --> 00:37:00,137
You think? Yeah.
840
00:37:00,932 --> 00:37:01,967
How's it going in there?
841
00:37:02,533 --> 00:37:04,308
I don't get this dress.
842
00:37:04,368 --> 00:37:06,814
One of my apples
keeps rolling out of the bag.
843
00:37:07,672 --> 00:37:10,551
But I like the story
it tells with the fringe.
844
00:37:10,641 --> 00:37:12,143
You're gonna have to rock a
thong with this, though.
845
00:37:12,210 --> 00:37:15,191
Oh, no, I don't wear thongs.
I have a very fussy taint.
846
00:37:15,279 --> 00:37:17,623
You just have to build up a callus.
Right, Brayla?
847
00:37:18,115 --> 00:37:20,117
That looks amazing on you.
848
00:37:20,184 --> 00:37:22,960
I worry that she just wants the sale.
She's not telling us the truth.
849
00:37:23,020 --> 00:37:26,058
No. Brayla has no pleasure center
in her brain. (CELL PHONE RINGING)
850
00:37:26,724 --> 00:37:27,828
Oh, here we go.
851
00:37:27,892 --> 00:37:30,964
Haley! How-slash-where are you?
852
00:37:31,028 --> 00:37:32,507
HALEY: You can trust me.
853
00:37:32,563 --> 00:37:33,837
I am at a friend's house.
854
00:37:33,898 --> 00:37:35,673
So I go! Your text message
855
00:37:35,733 --> 00:37:39,340
about moving in with Gram and Gramps,
and you know I love Orlando.
856
00:37:39,403 --> 00:37:41,144
I'm super excited about this!
857
00:37:41,539 --> 00:37:43,678
Yeah, you know what? I was
real excited about it, too,
858
00:37:43,741 --> 00:37:46,984
and it turns out that Gram and
Gramps are selling their house.
859
00:37:47,044 --> 00:37:48,079
Oh...
860
00:37:48,246 --> 00:37:51,352
Okay, I like that it
has a strong message,
861
00:37:51,415 --> 00:37:53,520
but I am afraid that I'm gonna
zip my bush up in there.
862
00:37:53,584 --> 00:37:57,225
We can still make Orlando happen. I
promise, I will find another way.
863
00:37:58,856 --> 00:38:00,335
Don't be upset.
864
00:38:00,925 --> 00:38:02,427
Okay, give it to me.
865
00:38:02,526 --> 00:38:04,335
Hey, honey. It's Maura. Hey.
866
00:38:04,395 --> 00:38:06,705
Listen, your morn forgot to tell
you the most important part,
867
00:38:06,764 --> 00:38:11,213
which is that she got a job out
here at a very fancy nail salon.
868
00:38:11,269 --> 00:38:12,612
Really? MAURA: Yes.
869
00:38:12,737 --> 00:38:13,841
Try something on.
870
00:38:13,938 --> 00:38:18,717
So I think maybe you should come here
earlier next week, and surprise her.
871
00:38:19,377 --> 00:38:20,617
She really misses you.
872
00:38:20,711 --> 00:38:23,191
Aunt Maura, I don't know.
I don't know.
873
00:38:23,547 --> 00:38:26,084
Haley, I know I said that I was
going to help you for a while,
874
00:38:26,183 --> 00:38:28,390
but now you have to get
back with your mother.
875
00:38:28,452 --> 00:38:29,954
I hate keeping secrets.
876
00:38:30,221 --> 00:38:33,464
Especially from my sister.
It gives me guilt diarrhea.
877
00:38:33,591 --> 00:38:35,901
Okay. But what should I do
with Polenta?
878
00:38:37,728 --> 00:38:40,140
MAURA: The dog-sitters number
is on the counter.
879
00:38:40,264 --> 00:38:43,802
Use my credit card, and get
a flight, and come here.
880
00:38:43,901 --> 00:38:46,108
It's gonna work this time,
honey, I promise.
881
00:38:46,203 --> 00:38:47,648
Okay, if you think so.
882
00:38:48,639 --> 00:38:49,913
I love you. Love you, too.
883
00:38:49,974 --> 00:38:50,975
HALEY: Bye.
884
00:38:52,443 --> 00:38:54,548
Haley's good. It's all fine.
885
00:38:54,779 --> 00:38:56,725
Aw. That's awesome. Thanks.
886
00:38:56,781 --> 00:38:59,387
These dresses are made for
Chinese tomboys, by the way.
887
00:38:59,450 --> 00:39:00,656
I don't know about that one.
888
00:39:00,751 --> 00:39:02,662
Really, because
what about this part?
889
00:39:02,753 --> 00:39:04,323
(VOCALIZES)
890
00:39:04,956 --> 00:39:08,062
That's a Play-Doh Fun
Factory right there. Ooh.
891
00:39:08,159 --> 00:39:10,435
And the eye goes right to it.
Yeah, look at that.
892
00:39:10,494 --> 00:39:12,496
(VOCALIZES)
893
00:39:13,898 --> 00:39:18,108
That is flesh, and dudes like that. They
don't care what thing it's coming out of.
894
00:39:18,169 --> 00:39:19,273
MAURA: This dress
smells like pickles.
895
00:39:19,337 --> 00:39:20,338
Better work.
896
00:39:20,438 --> 00:39:21,940
It just feels like
it's maybe one or the other.
897
00:39:22,006 --> 00:39:23,917
I think it's what they call
"either/and."
898
00:39:23,975 --> 00:39:25,352
No, I don't. Well...
899
00:39:25,443 --> 00:39:27,252
Right, Brayla?
Brayla, where you from?
900
00:39:27,345 --> 00:39:29,621
That looks amazing on you.
BOTH: Mmm-hmm.
901
00:39:30,147 --> 00:39:32,457
We got to find another store,
they can't handle our heat here.
902
00:39:32,516 --> 00:39:36,931
God. We need, like, a little less "Forever
21" and a little more "Suddenly 42."
903
00:39:37,021 --> 00:39:39,467
Yeah. We are keeping it tight.
904
00:39:39,523 --> 00:39:41,799
It is tight. This is very tight.
905
00:39:41,859 --> 00:39:43,770
Here, give me a kiss.
906
00:39:43,828 --> 00:39:45,933
(KISSING)
907
00:39:48,499 --> 00:39:50,137
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
908
00:39:50,634 --> 00:39:52,978
MAURA: Wait. Where are we going?
KATE: One last errand.
909
00:39:57,375 --> 00:39:58,945
Get it, girl. What?
910
00:39:59,810 --> 00:40:03,223
Oh, my God. Damn it. I knew it!
You never offer to drive.
911
00:40:03,314 --> 00:40:06,727
Ask him. "Desire needs action," or
whatever the fuck that one said.
912
00:40:06,817 --> 00:40:09,559
I don't have my good bra on.
I have beef jerky breath.
913
00:40:10,021 --> 00:40:11,557
Okay. Okay.
914
00:40:12,556 --> 00:40:13,899
Hi. Hi.
915
00:40:15,226 --> 00:40:18,503
I'm, uh, Maura,
from yonder there.
916
00:40:18,562 --> 00:40:21,668
My sister and I
objectified you yesterday?
917
00:40:21,732 --> 00:40:23,143
I remember you.
918
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,146
I'm James. Hi, James.
919
00:40:25,903 --> 00:40:27,007
Do you go by Jimmy?
920
00:40:27,071 --> 00:40:29,415
Usually James, sometimes James.
921
00:40:29,507 --> 00:40:32,215
Well, just wanted to say hello.
And that's all I got, so.
922
00:40:33,244 --> 00:40:34,484
(HORN HONKING)
923
00:40:36,580 --> 00:40:37,991
(CHUCKLES) Uh...
924
00:40:38,682 --> 00:40:40,593
Would you borrow me
your bathroom?
925
00:40:41,919 --> 00:40:43,193
Number one only.
926
00:40:43,254 --> 00:40:45,734
Of course, come in. You can do
whatever you want in there, really.
927
00:40:45,823 --> 00:40:46,927
MAURA: Wow.
928
00:40:47,024 --> 00:40:50,267
I am actually just renovating it,
I'm gonna put it on the market.
929
00:40:50,361 --> 00:40:52,739
Wow. You're doing a really nice job.
Oh, thank you.
930
00:40:53,397 --> 00:40:56,207
It was my parents' house, but they
passed away within a year of each other.
931
00:40:56,267 --> 00:40:58,611
Oh, my God. That's horrible.
932
00:40:59,203 --> 00:41:01,342
Yeah. Yeah, it was really sad.
933
00:41:03,774 --> 00:41:04,844
Are you gonna be okay?
934
00:41:05,609 --> 00:41:07,953
I'm sorry. It's just that's,
like, my worst fear.
935
00:41:08,045 --> 00:41:11,185
(CHUCKLES) I'm sorry I told you. I'm
sorry you had to find out this way.
936
00:41:11,582 --> 00:41:12,959
My legs just went numb.
937
00:41:13,784 --> 00:41:15,058
I'll be okay.
938
00:41:15,119 --> 00:41:16,479
Uh' do you still
need the bathroom?
939
00:41:16,587 --> 00:41:17,747
I think I'm too sad to go now.
940
00:41:17,788 --> 00:41:18,892
Yeah, of course.
941
00:41:19,390 --> 00:41:20,698
Okay.
942
00:41:20,758 --> 00:41:22,237
(SIGHS) Hey, who's this guy?
943
00:41:22,293 --> 00:41:24,899
Oh, that's Mashed Potatoes.
944
00:41:24,962 --> 00:41:26,242
I'm pretty mad at him right now.
945
00:41:26,464 --> 00:41:27,909
Hey!
946
00:41:30,134 --> 00:41:33,308
Would you like to
flank me at a party
947
00:41:33,404 --> 00:41:35,384
that I'm attending at
my own house tonight?
948
00:41:35,439 --> 00:41:36,543
Him or me?
949
00:41:37,641 --> 00:41:38,881
Oh, you. Yeah, yeah.
950
00:41:39,577 --> 00:41:40,920
Ah, maybe. What time?
951
00:41:40,978 --> 00:41:43,254
8230. 8245. 9200.
952
00:41:43,314 --> 00:41:45,726
You know, it doesn't matter.
I'm pretty laid back.
953
00:41:45,783 --> 00:41:49,424
Okay, okay. Let me just, uh,
check my calendar real quick.
954
00:41:49,487 --> 00:41:51,091
You're lucky. I am free.
955
00:41:51,155 --> 00:41:53,115
(IN FAKE ITALIAN ACCENT)
Well, that's a good news!
956
00:41:54,291 --> 00:41:56,567
I'm not Italian. I don't know
why I said it like that.
957
00:41:56,627 --> 00:41:58,265
No, I like Italians.
958
00:41:59,063 --> 00:41:59,983
Okay. I'm half-Italian.
959
00:42:00,064 --> 00:42:01,236
No, I'm not. That was a lie.
960
00:42:01,632 --> 00:42:05,910
So, then I... There, yeah. Okay.
961
00:42:06,137 --> 00:42:07,912
You will come to the party
962
00:42:07,972 --> 00:42:10,646
and I cannot stop trailing off.
963
00:42:11,342 --> 00:42:12,514
All right. But I will now.
964
00:42:12,610 --> 00:42:18,083
I'm just gonna casually George
Jefferson my way out of here.
965
00:42:18,249 --> 00:42:19,421
To you.
966
00:42:19,483 --> 00:42:25,092
And just gonna ease on down the
road and re-run it to the car.
967
00:42:25,589 --> 00:42:27,091
Okay, goodbye. JAMES: Oh!
968
00:42:27,992 --> 00:42:29,528
(CHUCKLES)
969
00:42:33,931 --> 00:42:35,274
Bye!
970
00:42:35,332 --> 00:42:36,470
MAURA: Kate, let me in.
971
00:42:38,502 --> 00:42:39,606
Oh, hello.
972
00:42:39,770 --> 00:42:40,840
Hi. Why?
973
00:42:40,938 --> 00:42:42,781
We were measuring for a pergola.
974
00:42:42,940 --> 00:42:45,887
What, like Polish food? I'm sorry,
are you having a party here?
975
00:42:46,377 --> 00:42:47,481
Nope. Nope.
976
00:42:47,545 --> 00:42:49,991
If really looks like
you're having a party.
977
00:42:50,047 --> 00:42:52,288
Oh, Gosh. I hate to make
you feel like a dick,
978
00:42:52,383 --> 00:42:54,863
but this is actually for a wake.
979
00:42:54,952 --> 00:42:57,159
I am very sorry to hear that.
980
00:42:57,221 --> 00:43:01,033
Yeah. We always told our cousin,
"Don't play on the tracks."
981
00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:02,331
Dear God.
982
00:43:02,393 --> 00:43:03,804
I'm so sorry for your loss.
983
00:43:03,861 --> 00:43:05,738
Obviously,
our cousin was a dumbass.
984
00:43:06,730 --> 00:43:08,141
But we will miss her. Him.
985
00:43:08,199 --> 00:43:09,678
Herm. His name was Herm.
986
00:43:09,733 --> 00:43:11,872
KATE: They found his head,
like, a mile away.
987
00:43:11,969 --> 00:43:14,210
I think he's probably gonna
haunt the house forever.
988
00:43:14,305 --> 00:43:16,080
Headless and angry. Yeah.
989
00:43:17,074 --> 00:43:18,815
MR. GEERNT: I am not buying
that bull waste.
990
00:43:18,876 --> 00:43:20,378
KATE: That's a girl's belt.
991
00:43:20,477 --> 00:43:23,356
Rich people can just decide
to move somewhere.
992
00:43:23,414 --> 00:43:25,690
Choke on a roll of cash.
993
00:43:25,749 --> 00:43:26,750
So I've been thinking.
994
00:43:26,884 --> 00:43:27,885
Why?
995
00:43:27,985 --> 00:43:30,591
You've asserted yourself,
and you got a job,
996
00:43:30,721 --> 00:43:33,600
so maybe I could
give you a loan.
997
00:43:33,691 --> 00:43:35,329
To get a new place.
998
00:43:35,392 --> 00:43:37,673
When you say, "loan, “ do you
mean the kind you pay back",
999
00:43:37,728 --> 00:43:40,004
or, like, a "wink-wink" loan?
1000
00:43:40,064 --> 00:43:41,270
All loans are
supposed to be paid back.
1001
00:43:41,365 --> 00:43:42,708
Not in my experience.
1002
00:43:42,766 --> 00:43:44,606
But you can do that now
because you have a job.
1003
00:43:44,668 --> 00:43:46,705
(SING-SONG) I do.
1004
00:43:46,770 --> 00:43:50,240
That is an awesome offer.
All right!
1005
00:43:50,341 --> 00:43:51,547
Okay, wait.
1006
00:43:51,609 --> 00:43:54,783
I am going to ask you for something
in return for the money,
1007
00:43:54,878 --> 00:43:57,722
and I don't want you to think that
this loan is contingent on that,
1008
00:43:57,781 --> 00:43:59,624
but I will say that
if you don't do it,
1009
00:43:59,783 --> 00:44:01,694
I feel like I might
not give you the money.
1010
00:44:01,752 --> 00:44:02,924
Okay. Great. What?
1011
00:44:03,020 --> 00:44:04,624
(EXHALES)
1012
00:44:06,090 --> 00:44:08,764
It's a lot harder than I thought.
Just give me a minute.
1013
00:44:10,794 --> 00:44:12,865
Will you be
the party mom tonight?
1014
00:44:12,963 --> 00:44:15,102
So I can let my freak flag fly?
1015
00:44:16,133 --> 00:44:17,271
I would love to.
1016
00:44:17,401 --> 00:44:18,539
Yeah?
1017
00:44:20,104 --> 00:44:22,209
Because your face is
telling me something else.
1018
00:44:23,140 --> 00:44:24,642
That would bring me joy.
1019
00:44:25,542 --> 00:44:27,920
You know what? Forget it. It'll
just get screwed up. I'll do it.
1020
00:44:27,978 --> 00:44:29,321
You don't think I can
take care of people?
1021
00:44:29,413 --> 00:44:32,553
I am an actual mom! I got this!
1022
00:44:32,616 --> 00:44:34,596
Okay, but the party mom
can't drink.
1023
00:44:34,652 --> 00:44:36,825
What fresh fuckery is that?
1024
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,093
Does a mother drink
at her kid's birthday party?
1025
00:44:39,156 --> 00:44:40,658
Yeah, if there's a lifeguard.
1026
00:44:40,791 --> 00:44:42,270
No.
1027
00:44:42,326 --> 00:44:43,999
It's okay. I don't mind.
1028
00:44:44,094 --> 00:44:46,506
Forget it.
I'll be fine. It's okay.
1029
00:44:46,597 --> 00:44:47,735
(SIGHS)
1030
00:44:54,171 --> 00:44:57,345
Okay. I won't drink tonight.
You groin it up.
1031
00:44:57,441 --> 00:44:58,920
I'll be you. You be me.
1032
00:44:59,009 --> 00:45:01,853
Oh, my God. So many red flags! Okay.
Let's do this! (SHRIEKS)
1033
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:07,254
When you're flirting with Mr. Man,
don't weave your divorce tale.
1034
00:45:07,518 --> 00:45:10,522
Drunk people like to show off with fi re.
Shut it down.
1035
00:45:11,088 --> 00:45:14,934
Over-pronounce things, because he
is gonna be watching your mouth.
1036
00:45:15,859 --> 00:45:18,271
Remember, don't leave someone
when they're throwing up.
1037
00:45:18,329 --> 00:45:19,706
Sleep-barfing kills.
1038
00:45:20,164 --> 00:45:22,770
Once you're in the bedroom,
1039
00:45:22,833 --> 00:45:24,471
lock the door so
I can't burst in
1040
00:45:24,601 --> 00:45:26,205
and take
a commemorative picture.
1041
00:45:27,137 --> 00:45:28,445
(SQUEAKING)
1042
00:45:28,505 --> 00:45:31,281
Kate, can you clean
up this gel' please?
1043
00:45:31,342 --> 00:45:33,049
Yes! Stop asking me about it.
1044
00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:44,722
(CLOCK CHIMING)
1045
00:45:48,992 --> 00:45:52,371
It's that scary time when you're
afraid that no one will show up.
1046
00:45:52,863 --> 00:45:55,241
It's 8:32. People aren't gonna...
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1047
00:45:57,401 --> 00:46:00,314
Take it, girl.
This is your show.
1048
00:46:03,874 --> 00:46:04,852
Hey.
1049
00:46:04,908 --> 00:46:07,081
Hey! Hi! Hey!
1050
00:46:07,177 --> 00:46:09,384
It's Rob and Liz. And their son.
1051
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:10,515
KATE: Nope.
1052
00:46:10,581 --> 00:46:11,685
Not happening. No kids.
1053
00:46:11,749 --> 00:46:13,422
Yeah, he can just
watch TV downstairs.
1054
00:46:13,517 --> 00:46:15,190
No. Him got to go.
1055
00:46:15,252 --> 00:46:17,533
Yeah. Sorry, there's just too
many things he could ingest.
1056
00:46:18,689 --> 00:46:20,032
Um...
1057
00:46:20,524 --> 00:46:21,696
We'll be back.
1058
00:46:21,759 --> 00:46:24,365
Chase, we are gonna go see Nana.
1059
00:46:24,428 --> 00:46:26,032
Yeah. Yeah. Yay! (CHUCKLES)
1060
00:46:26,096 --> 00:46:27,370
ROB: You remember her, right?
1061
00:46:27,431 --> 00:46:29,570
Damn. Adults are on time, huh?
1062
00:46:29,666 --> 00:46:30,667
MAURA: Yeah.
1063
00:46:31,101 --> 00:46:33,047
Why is Alex
walking up our driveway?
1064
00:46:33,103 --> 00:46:36,448
I'm so sorry. I invited him, because I
feel bad for him. He's very lonely.
1065
00:46:36,540 --> 00:46:38,884
Knock, knock. Who's there?
1066
00:46:38,942 --> 00:46:41,183
Duane! Duane who?
1067
00:46:41,245 --> 00:46:42,553
Duane the bathtub.
1068
00:46:42,613 --> 00:46:45,617
I'm dwowning!
1069
00:46:46,784 --> 00:46:47,888
(ALL LAUGHING)
1070
00:46:47,951 --> 00:46:49,225
You still got it!
1071
00:46:49,286 --> 00:46:51,596
May I please have a beverage?
1072
00:46:51,688 --> 00:46:52,792
(CHUCKLES)
1073
00:46:53,056 --> 00:46:55,093
(EXCLAIMS) Sanctuary! Mmm.
1074
00:46:56,126 --> 00:46:57,969
Wow!
1075
00:46:58,095 --> 00:47:01,042
Welcome to Jurassic Park!
1076
00:47:01,098 --> 00:47:02,736
(IMITATES VELOCIRAPTOR)
1077
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,212
Christ, he is
immediately exhausting.
1078
00:47:05,269 --> 00:47:06,441
DAVE: Hello there.
1079
00:47:06,570 --> 00:47:07,708
Fun train pulling in!
1080
00:47:07,771 --> 00:47:10,115
(IMITATING TRAIN WHISTLE) Booze, booze!
Whoo-hoo!
1081
00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:11,878
(IMITATING TRAIN CHUGGING)
1082
00:47:12,109 --> 00:47:14,248
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
1083
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:20,792
And when my dad finally died,
he actually glowed.
1084
00:47:22,953 --> 00:47:24,557
Kelly! Ugh!
1085
00:47:24,621 --> 00:47:26,157
When did we all get so old?
1086
00:47:26,256 --> 00:47:28,099
I mean, at least the women
are making an effort,
1087
00:47:28,158 --> 00:47:29,660
but the men here?
1088
00:47:29,793 --> 00:47:32,330
Look like they're
being slowly poisoned.
1089
00:47:32,996 --> 00:47:36,443
I think it's about
how you feel, right?
1090
00:47:36,500 --> 00:47:38,173
Done. You know?
1091
00:47:39,269 --> 00:47:41,146
Best days behind us.
Right, guys'?
1092
00:47:41,238 --> 00:47:45,277
I don't know. You might live like
another eight or 10 years, Kelly.
1093
00:47:45,342 --> 00:47:47,151
You don't wanna be
looking at it like that.
1094
00:47:47,277 --> 00:47:48,915
Chase was like a 10-pound baby.
(MAURA SIGHS)
1095
00:47:48,979 --> 00:47:50,458
So when he came out of there,
1096
00:47:50,514 --> 00:47:53,290
I mean' it was decimated.
That's horrible. Ugh.
1097
00:47:53,350 --> 00:47:55,956
So I ended up having
a vaginal rejuvenation.
1098
00:47:56,019 --> 00:47:58,625
It's as tight as
a keyhole down there.
1099
00:47:58,689 --> 00:48:01,363
I could pick up quarters
with it, if I wanted to.
1100
00:48:01,959 --> 00:48:03,302
I haven't wanted to yet.
1101
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:05,033
I shouldn't be telling you this,
1102
00:48:05,128 --> 00:48:06,869
but Rob's penis
has a kink in it.
1103
00:48:06,964 --> 00:48:08,307
I can't think of
what it's called.
1104
00:48:08,365 --> 00:48:10,504
It's kind of, like, crimped?
1105
00:48:10,601 --> 00:48:12,638
I don't know. I can't even...
1106
00:48:12,703 --> 00:48:14,614
ROB: There they are. Yeah.
(LIZ CHUCKLES)
1107
00:48:14,872 --> 00:48:15,873
Hey.
1108
00:48:15,973 --> 00:48:17,384
She bragging about me?
1109
00:48:17,841 --> 00:48:19,115
(ALL CHUCKLING)
1110
00:48:19,176 --> 00:48:21,053
Put a bunch of videos
on YouTube yesterday.
1111
00:48:21,144 --> 00:48:25,149
I'm up to a hundred hits,
so, sensacién, as they say.
1112
00:48:25,215 --> 00:48:26,216
(CHUCKLING)
1113
00:48:26,316 --> 00:48:27,522
It's empty-
1114
00:48:29,052 --> 00:48:30,326
Boink!
1115
00:48:31,722 --> 00:48:35,465
He has a yeast infection in his
paws, between his paw pads,
1116
00:48:35,526 --> 00:48:39,338
and I have to get a wipe, and I have
to wipe out his paws every night.
1117
00:48:39,396 --> 00:48:40,516
Are you gonna get me a drink?
1118
00:48:40,564 --> 00:48:42,510
Can you give me
a chance to offer?
1119
00:48:42,566 --> 00:48:43,840
(SCOFFS)
1120
00:48:43,901 --> 00:48:46,814
One thousand euthanized a year
just in this county.
1121
00:48:46,870 --> 00:48:50,682
I woke up one day, and boom.
No more periods.
1122
00:48:51,675 --> 00:48:54,349
What the fuckenheimer?
Grown-up parties suck.
1123
00:48:54,411 --> 00:48:57,654
(SIGHS) How can one person
have two colonoscopy stories?
1124
00:48:57,714 --> 00:48:59,250
I'm gonna get
the dancing started.
1125
00:49:00,651 --> 00:49:01,721
Get in there, kid.
1126
00:49:01,818 --> 00:49:03,661
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hi.
1127
00:49:04,087 --> 00:49:05,691
Sure don't feel like your age.
Oh.
1128
00:49:06,990 --> 00:49:09,334
I hope that you have got your
phone in your front pocket.
1129
00:49:12,162 --> 00:49:13,163
(GROANS)
1130
00:49:13,263 --> 00:49:15,209
(MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH STEREO)
No.
1131
00:49:15,566 --> 00:49:16,567
MAURA: Whoo!
1132
00:49:16,934 --> 00:49:19,505
Come on. Here we go. Here we go!
1133
00:49:19,570 --> 00:49:21,413
Hey, you can't
start with Mony Mony!
1134
00:49:21,538 --> 00:49:22,949
That's like starting with anal.
Oh.
1135
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:24,041
All right.
1136
00:49:26,109 --> 00:49:27,179
Geernt!
1137
00:49:29,580 --> 00:49:31,924
Hi, there. Dropping off paint.
1138
00:49:32,449 --> 00:49:33,860
I'll put it by the pool.
1139
00:49:33,917 --> 00:49:34,918
So? Okay.
1140
00:49:36,954 --> 00:49:38,592
MR. GEERNT: My apologies.
I was worried
1141
00:49:38,689 --> 00:49:40,532
you were having a party,
but I see now,
1142
00:49:41,091 --> 00:49:43,037
you really are having a wake.
1143
00:49:48,865 --> 00:49:49,866
Hey.
1144
00:49:51,268 --> 00:49:53,145
This party is fucking lame.
Do you...
1145
00:49:53,236 --> 00:49:54,476
Drugs? I know a guy.
1146
00:49:54,605 --> 00:49:55,811
Call him.
1147
00:49:56,873 --> 00:49:58,113
HAE-WON: Hello!
HAE-WON'S HOTTIES: Hi!
1148
00:49:58,208 --> 00:50:00,085
Hae-Won!
1149
00:50:00,143 --> 00:50:01,247
No, Hae-Won.
1150
00:50:01,311 --> 00:50:03,791
Right, sorry. You made it.
I can't believe it. Look!
1151
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,121
What? Look at this
flock of hotties.
1152
00:50:06,216 --> 00:50:07,889
Wow. You look so happy.
1153
00:50:07,951 --> 00:50:11,262
You look so free and not oppressed at all.
We were worried about you.
1154
00:50:11,321 --> 00:50:13,665
Really? We were
worried about you.
1155
00:50:13,757 --> 00:50:16,397
Both your feet
looked like dried beef.
1156
00:50:16,927 --> 00:50:19,134
Ah, I knew you were
talking shit about us.
1157
00:50:19,229 --> 00:50:20,309
Who wants a drink? Come on.
1158
00:50:20,397 --> 00:50:21,603
HOTTIE 1: Let's go get drink!
HOTTIE 2: Let's party!
1159
00:50:22,099 --> 00:50:23,772
Thank you so much for having us.
1160
00:50:23,834 --> 00:50:25,472
What? You're leaving?
ROB: Great party.
1161
00:50:25,569 --> 00:50:26,980
Kate, they're leaving.
Hey! (STAMMERS)
1162
00:50:27,070 --> 00:50:28,105
Chase has night terrors.
1163
00:50:28,238 --> 00:50:29,308
KATE: Absolutely not.
1164
00:50:29,406 --> 00:50:31,283
Everybody,
huddle up for a second.
1165
00:50:31,341 --> 00:50:34,754
To anyone who's even
thinking about leaving,
1166
00:50:34,811 --> 00:50:36,119
you can forget it.
1167
00:50:36,179 --> 00:50:38,250
You need this as much as we do.
1168
00:50:38,315 --> 00:50:39,692
Just as much as we do.
1169
00:50:39,783 --> 00:50:41,922
If you think I strapped
all this shit on tonight
1170
00:50:42,085 --> 00:50:44,156
so you could be home
to watch Flip or Flop,
1171
00:50:44,254 --> 00:50:46,029
you are fucking dreaming.
1172
00:50:46,123 --> 00:50:47,500
You're dreaming.
1173
00:50:47,591 --> 00:50:49,935
Dan and Kim. You got four kids,
1174
00:50:49,993 --> 00:50:53,031
and from what I can thin slice from
your Christmas letters, they're wangs.
1175
00:50:53,130 --> 00:50:54,768
Thank you. Wait, what?
1176
00:50:55,499 --> 00:50:59,345
Kelly! Your profile pic is a
low-fat Mexican casserole.
1177
00:50:59,436 --> 00:51:01,006
Yeah, it is.
1178
00:51:02,606 --> 00:51:04,552
Rob' when was
the last time you danced
1179
00:51:04,675 --> 00:51:06,621
with the night air
hitting your nips?
1180
00:51:06,677 --> 00:51:08,953
Guns N' Roses.
Citrus Bowl, 1991.
1181
00:51:09,046 --> 00:51:10,548
(ALL MURMURING)
1182
00:51:11,048 --> 00:51:13,858
Don't you wanna feel
that carefree again?
1183
00:51:13,950 --> 00:51:16,294
Just, like, balls deep in joy?
1184
00:51:16,353 --> 00:51:18,890
ALL: Yes!
Yeah. Where'd them balls go?
1185
00:51:19,890 --> 00:51:21,494
What are you doing?
I'm being your hype man.
1186
00:51:21,558 --> 00:51:23,231
Great. It's not too late.
1187
00:51:23,527 --> 00:51:26,371
The young you
still lives inside you.
1188
00:51:26,463 --> 00:51:27,874
Just like shingles, y'all.
1189
00:51:27,964 --> 00:51:29,807
KATE: We used to party
in this house like animals
1190
00:51:29,866 --> 00:51:31,868
because we thought
we would never die.
1191
00:51:31,968 --> 00:51:34,346
I say, tonight,
we party like Vikings
1192
00:51:34,471 --> 00:51:36,883
because we know we
could die tomorrow!
1193
00:51:36,973 --> 00:51:38,509
Let's light a boat on fire!
1194
00:51:38,575 --> 00:51:39,576
(ALL CHEERING)
1195
00:51:39,676 --> 00:51:42,054
KATE: Tonight is my gift to you!
1196
00:51:42,145 --> 00:51:45,388
Drink up and run with scissors
tonight, because Mama got you.
1197
00:51:45,482 --> 00:51:47,018
Aw, Shit!
1198
00:51:47,250 --> 00:51:48,558
(ALL CHEERING) MAN: Yeah, Mama!
1199
00:51:48,652 --> 00:51:50,188
Now, go call your sitters!
1200
00:51:50,253 --> 00:51:51,732
But what should we call them?
1201
00:51:51,822 --> 00:51:52,857
(ALEX CHUCKLES)
1202
00:51:52,989 --> 00:51:53,990
(LAUGHS)
1203
00:51:54,057 --> 00:51:56,003
Alex is still funny, guys.
1204
00:51:56,093 --> 00:51:57,163
(ALL CHUCKLING)
1205
00:51:57,661 --> 00:51:59,163
Thanks. I'm pouring shots.
1206
00:51:59,262 --> 00:52:01,765
Now remind me that you
know how to do this. Whoo!
1207
00:52:01,865 --> 00:52:03,276
JERRY: I remember how to do it!
1208
00:52:03,366 --> 00:52:05,209
And let's dance our titties off!
1209
00:52:05,268 --> 00:52:06,576
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1210
00:52:06,670 --> 00:52:08,206
ALL: (CHANTING)
Shot, shot, shot!
1211
00:52:11,174 --> 00:52:12,619
(ALL CHEERING)
1212
00:52:12,709 --> 00:52:13,710
Next round, vodka!
1213
00:52:14,578 --> 00:52:15,579
Have you done it?
1214
00:52:20,383 --> 00:52:21,453
MAURA: Only people
with children.
1215
00:52:21,551 --> 00:52:22,911
People with kids.
People with kids.
1216
00:52:24,387 --> 00:52:25,457
(YELLING)
1217
00:52:29,793 --> 00:52:31,363
(MUSIC VOLUME INCREASES)
1218
00:52:47,377 --> 00:52:48,447
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1219
00:52:53,650 --> 00:52:54,628
Hey!
1220
00:52:54,718 --> 00:52:56,959
That's a really beautiful orchid.
Is that for me?
1221
00:52:57,053 --> 00:52:58,896
No, this is mine.
(MAURA CHUCKLES)
1222
00:52:59,389 --> 00:53:01,391
Maura.
Invite Doctor Bushwhack in.
1223
00:53:01,558 --> 00:53:03,504
Show him where to put
his things. I'll greet.
1224
00:53:03,593 --> 00:53:05,630
Uh, please come in,
and take off your...
1225
00:53:06,163 --> 00:53:07,301
Just come in.
1226
00:53:07,397 --> 00:53:08,467
JAMES: There you go.
1227
00:53:08,565 --> 00:53:09,976
Oh, thank you. No problem.
1228
00:53:10,066 --> 00:53:11,977
It's beautiful. Thank you.
1229
00:53:12,068 --> 00:53:13,741
Wow. It smells amazing.
1230
00:53:14,304 --> 00:53:15,339
Do orchids smell?
1231
00:53:16,273 --> 00:53:18,685
They can,
if you get fungus gnats.
1232
00:53:18,775 --> 00:53:21,517
And those are hard to get rid of.
It stinks up your whole house.
1233
00:53:21,611 --> 00:53:23,648
But this one looks good.
1234
00:53:23,747 --> 00:53:25,090
JAMES: Yeah,
this is pretty healthy.
1235
00:53:25,148 --> 00:53:26,991
(DOORBELL RINGS) Why don't
you greet your guests?
1236
00:53:27,083 --> 00:53:29,757
I'm gonna make myself a drink,
and face the wall.
1237
00:53:34,024 --> 00:53:36,971
KATE: Cover time. Twenty bucks
for the booze and food, please.
1238
00:53:37,027 --> 00:53:38,631
Kate. The lesbians are here.
1239
00:53:38,695 --> 00:53:40,003
Excellent.
1240
00:53:40,096 --> 00:53:42,633
Hey. Cool if I spin some tunes?
1241
00:53:42,699 --> 00:53:44,337
I'm afraid to tell you no.
1242
00:53:44,434 --> 00:53:45,811
Great. Great.
1243
00:53:45,869 --> 00:53:47,189
KATE: Let them through,
everybody!
1244
00:53:53,443 --> 00:53:56,447
Get ready for a Sarah
McLachlan/Tracy Chapman mash-up.
1245
00:53:57,447 --> 00:53:59,154
(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)
1246
00:53:59,216 --> 00:54:00,559
Oh, yeah!
1247
00:54:00,650 --> 00:54:02,288
Oh, shit.
1248
00:54:03,720 --> 00:54:05,131
(MUSIC STOPS)
1249
00:54:05,956 --> 00:54:07,731
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
1250
00:54:07,824 --> 00:54:09,633
(ALL CHEERING)
1251
00:54:16,199 --> 00:54:18,179
KATE: Can I talk to you
for a second? Yeah.
1252
00:54:18,235 --> 00:54:19,509
How's it going in there?
1253
00:54:19,569 --> 00:54:22,175
Well, I told him
about my fungus gnats.
1254
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,651
Let him do
the bulk of the talking.
1255
00:54:24,708 --> 00:54:26,881
Yeah, I'm just afraid
when it gets quiet.
1256
00:54:26,977 --> 00:54:28,979
Good things are
hidden in the quiet.
1257
00:54:29,813 --> 00:54:31,156
Who said that?
1258
00:54:31,214 --> 00:54:32,659
I did. I'm smart.
1259
00:54:32,749 --> 00:54:33,853
Okay.
1260
00:54:33,917 --> 00:54:35,517
You should put that
on one of your cards.
1261
00:54:43,526 --> 00:54:47,372
But it is expected of you. Your
absence has already been noted.
1262
00:54:47,430 --> 00:54:48,909
JOFFREY ON TV: The boy means nothing to me.
1263
00:54:49,032 --> 00:54:51,205
I can't stand
the wailing of women.
1264
00:54:51,268 --> 00:54:52,269
(BRINDA GRUNTS)
1265
00:54:52,369 --> 00:54:54,576
God, I could watch
Tyrion slap the smug
1266
00:54:54,704 --> 00:54:56,911
off that little fucker's
face a hundred times
1267
00:54:57,007 --> 00:54:58,748
and never get sick of it.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
1268
00:54:58,842 --> 00:55:01,914
Did you know that Jack Gleeson was
the little boy in Batman Begins?
1269
00:55:02,012 --> 00:55:04,788
Jean, when you use
the actors' real names,
1270
00:55:04,881 --> 00:55:07,088
you're not allowing yourself to
live inside the fantasy world
1271
00:55:07,183 --> 00:55:09,094
that they've so
lovingly crafted for us.
1272
00:55:09,519 --> 00:55:13,399
Oh, and just a reminder there's a no
phone policy on our G. O. T. Nights.
1273
00:55:13,456 --> 00:55:14,560
DENNY: I'm sorry.
1274
00:55:14,624 --> 00:55:18,128
Ian Mitchell keeps posting photos
of the Ellis Island party,
1275
00:55:18,228 --> 00:55:20,572
and it looks
like kinda damn fun.
1276
00:55:21,031 --> 00:55:23,102
I kinda wanna drop by.
1277
00:55:23,199 --> 00:55:24,542
They have cheese. (GASPS)
1278
00:55:26,036 --> 00:55:27,481
DENNY: Cheese.
1279
00:55:27,570 --> 00:55:29,243
All we have is wine.
1280
00:55:29,306 --> 00:55:31,081
And it's non-alcoholic.
1281
00:55:31,141 --> 00:55:33,382
JEAN: We don't have to take
off our shoes there.
1282
00:55:33,443 --> 00:55:35,946
And there aren't so many rules.
(EXHALES)
1283
00:55:36,413 --> 00:55:38,086
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1284
00:55:39,749 --> 00:55:40,784
I'll take another one...
1285
00:55:40,884 --> 00:55:41,954
JAMES: Hey. MAURA: Hey.
1286
00:55:44,054 --> 00:55:46,227
Man, I haven't been
to a party in a while.
1287
00:55:47,557 --> 00:55:50,902
I know. The last party I went to
was probably my wedding reception.
1288
00:55:56,099 --> 00:55:58,306
This wine... So did you
see your parents die?
1289
00:55:58,902 --> 00:56:00,939
(STAMMERING) No, I didn't,
1290
00:56:02,605 --> 00:56:03,982
but I know they did.
1291
00:56:04,240 --> 00:56:06,345
(CHUCKLES)
Well, that's good to know.
1292
00:56:06,443 --> 00:56:07,979
It's not good to know.
1293
00:56:09,079 --> 00:56:10,456
Hey, it's okay.
1294
00:56:10,513 --> 00:56:12,117
I mean, you can ask me anything.
1295
00:56:12,248 --> 00:56:13,818
What do you want
to know about me?
1296
00:56:16,419 --> 00:56:19,195
I have nachos that
are in the broiler.
1297
00:56:19,289 --> 00:56:20,825
I have to go get them.
1298
00:56:20,924 --> 00:56:23,029
Yeah, go. Do your thing.
I'll be here.
1299
00:56:23,126 --> 00:56:24,503
All right. All right.
1300
00:56:26,997 --> 00:56:27,998
What are you doing out here by yourself?
Where's your boyfriend'?
1301
00:56:29,165 --> 00:56:31,372
No, I don't think he's
right for me. It's a pass.
1302
00:56:31,468 --> 00:56:34,142
He's so direct' you know.
There's no surprises there.
1303
00:56:34,204 --> 00:56:35,404
There's not a lot to discover.
1304
00:56:35,438 --> 00:56:36,568
I mean, I like mystery.
1305
00:56:36,594 --> 00:56:39,639
And, you know, great sex is so distracting.
I mean, it's...
1306
00:56:39,676 --> 00:56:42,384
It's nice to be... Mmm-hmm...
1307
00:56:42,479 --> 00:56:45,892
so physically, emotionally
attracted to someone.
1308
00:56:45,982 --> 00:56:47,552
Uh-huh. Yeah.
1309
00:56:47,650 --> 00:56:48,993
But that's not what life is.
1310
00:56:49,052 --> 00:56:54,001
Life is about challenges and shadows
and corners and feeling weird.
1311
00:56:54,290 --> 00:56:56,531
You are so full of shit, that
I'm gonna buy you Pull-Ups.
1312
00:56:56,626 --> 00:56:57,969
I just think we're
gonna be very good friends.
1313
00:56:57,994 --> 00:56:59,874
I think you're being a little dramatic.
I'm not.
1314
00:57:00,330 --> 00:57:02,503
I asked him if he
saw his parents die.
1315
00:57:02,565 --> 00:57:04,169
Oh, Jesus.
1316
00:57:04,300 --> 00:57:06,371
Yeah. I don't like this feeling.
What feeling?
1317
00:57:06,469 --> 00:57:09,473
This high school feeling when
you're crushing on someone
1318
00:57:09,539 --> 00:57:11,815
and you're afraid that they're
not gonna like you back,
1319
00:57:11,875 --> 00:57:13,218
and then you're
gonna get heart cramps.
1320
00:57:13,309 --> 00:57:15,109
Hey, I think you're
getting ahead of yourself.
1321
00:57:16,179 --> 00:57:17,817
Someone else is
talking to him anyway.
1322
00:57:20,050 --> 00:57:21,495
Brinda?
1323
00:57:21,584 --> 00:57:23,928
Oh, hail naw!
1324
00:57:24,988 --> 00:57:27,764
Are you serious? Because I
am straight-up baffled.
1325
00:57:27,857 --> 00:57:28,892
I'm sorry?
1326
00:57:28,992 --> 00:57:32,599
I believe you called this party
a "sad and desperate event"?
1327
00:57:32,695 --> 00:57:35,437
Well, I just figured I'd pop
in and say hello to everyone.
1328
00:57:35,532 --> 00:57:37,170
I mean, we're all
adults now, right?
1329
00:57:37,233 --> 00:57:38,837
Nice try. On your bike, bitch.
1330
00:57:39,602 --> 00:57:41,741
Get your peanut butter
oui of my sister's chocolate.
1331
00:57:41,838 --> 00:57:42,839
Wow.
1332
00:57:42,906 --> 00:57:46,376
I respect your jumpsuit,
but not its contents. Hit it.
1333
00:57:46,443 --> 00:57:48,354
Well, this is ludicrous.
1334
00:57:48,845 --> 00:57:51,451
(IMITATES GULPING) Get out.
1335
00:57:51,548 --> 00:57:54,688
Fine. I have another function
to attend anyway.
1336
00:57:55,251 --> 00:57:58,027
Besides, I flushed
a tampon down your toilet.
1337
00:57:58,088 --> 00:58:00,068
You're pads all the way
and everyone knows it.
1338
00:58:00,123 --> 00:58:01,124
BRINDA: Nuh-uh.
1339
00:58:01,224 --> 00:58:03,295
Let's go. Let's get
out of this septic tank.
1340
00:58:03,393 --> 00:58:04,929
I kind of want to stay a little.
1341
00:58:05,061 --> 00:58:06,563
Yeah, me too.
1342
00:58:06,629 --> 00:58:07,767
For serious?
1343
00:58:07,864 --> 00:58:10,640
We never got to go before
because Kate hated you.
1344
00:58:10,733 --> 00:58:12,872
We suffered from
secondhand hate.
1345
00:58:13,870 --> 00:58:14,940
(HISSES)
1346
00:58:16,573 --> 00:58:17,779
Wow.
1347
00:58:20,376 --> 00:58:21,616
(GASPS) (DRIPPING)
1348
00:58:22,612 --> 00:58:24,652
Hi. You guys are welcome here.
You know that, right?
1349
00:58:24,714 --> 00:58:26,318
Do you wanna do some shots?
Yeah.
1350
00:58:26,416 --> 00:58:28,828
Hi, I'd like to
make a noise complaint.
1351
00:58:30,553 --> 00:58:33,090
Winter is coming, bitches.
1352
00:58:33,756 --> 00:58:35,497
MAURA: So, what's this order again?
JAMES: All right.
1353
00:58:35,592 --> 00:58:36,832
It goes salt.
1354
00:58:36,926 --> 00:58:38,234
Shot.
1355
00:58:38,895 --> 00:58:40,397
And then we suck on these?
1356
00:58:40,430 --> 00:58:41,807
No, you throw them at each other.
(CHUCKLES)
1357
00:58:41,898 --> 00:58:43,138
That's the way
you're supposed to.
1358
00:58:43,233 --> 00:58:44,273
KATE: Maura? That's what...
1359
00:58:44,334 --> 00:58:46,075
Some guy here to see you?
1360
00:58:46,136 --> 00:58:47,240
Excuse me.
1361
00:58:47,403 --> 00:58:48,473
All right. Go do it.
1362
00:58:48,972 --> 00:58:50,679
My dude's in the bedroom.
What dude?
1363
00:58:50,773 --> 00:58:51,808
Some kid we're buying weed from.
1364
00:58:51,908 --> 00:58:52,909
Ooh, okay.
1365
00:58:54,911 --> 00:58:55,946
Hi, there.
1366
00:58:59,415 --> 00:59:00,826
Holy mother.
1367
00:59:00,917 --> 00:59:03,864
That's right. This is my
best friend, my brah, right?
1368
00:59:03,953 --> 00:59:05,159
This is Pazuzu.
1369
00:59:05,255 --> 00:59:06,325
It sure is.
1370
00:59:06,422 --> 00:59:09,835
Pazuzu. Thank you so much
for bringing your arms here.
1371
00:59:09,926 --> 00:59:10,927
Your drugs here.
1372
00:59:11,761 --> 00:59:14,970
Uh, is your ink Samoan'?
I saw a documentary once...
1373
00:59:15,031 --> 00:59:16,101
I will handle this.
1374
00:59:16,199 --> 00:59:20,147
We are looking for...
To buy drugs.
1375
00:59:20,270 --> 00:59:21,374
(SNIFFS)
1376
00:59:21,771 --> 00:59:23,182
What'chu want?
1377
00:59:23,273 --> 00:59:26,720
I got ketamine,
meth, MDMA, Adderall,
1378
00:59:26,809 --> 00:59:31,349
Bromo-Dragonfly, heroin,
coke, crack, codeine, oxys,
1379
00:59:31,447 --> 00:59:32,687
(EXCLAIMS) percs, vikes,
1380
00:59:32,782 --> 00:59:35,353
PCP, LSD, Dilaudid, mescaline,
1381
00:59:35,451 --> 00:59:38,364
mushrooms, bath salts,
cortisone, Toradol.
1382
00:59:38,454 --> 00:59:41,196
I got molly. I got her sister Sandra.
I got big Frank.
1383
00:59:41,291 --> 00:59:43,168
I got birth control.
I got Plan B.
1384
00:59:43,226 --> 00:59:45,638
I got that morphine from China
they took off the market.
1385
00:59:45,695 --> 00:59:47,072
Shit to make your click hard.
1386
00:59:47,163 --> 00:59:49,404
Shit to make your dick soft.
Shit'll find your dick.
1387
00:59:49,499 --> 00:59:51,035
That shit there's from Kenya.
1388
00:59:51,134 --> 00:59:53,080
Supposed to be a scurvy cure
for silverback gorillas,
1389
00:59:53,169 --> 00:59:55,479
but for humans, it just makes
them violently masturbate.
1390
00:59:55,538 --> 00:59:56,812
Did I say crack? Because
I got more of that, too.
1391
00:59:56,873 --> 00:59:57,908
Mmm-hmm. You said crack already.
1392
00:59:58,007 --> 01:00:00,988
I got some Ibuprofen, aspirin. I got
Flintstone Gummies if you want.
1393
01:00:01,077 --> 01:00:02,147
You seem good at your job.
1394
01:00:02,178 --> 01:00:03,885
We don't need any of that.
No. No.
1395
01:00:03,980 --> 01:00:09,054
We're just gonna take some
low-level, late '80s dirt pot.
1396
01:00:09,152 --> 01:00:11,564
You know, the kind with seeds in
it that you separate on a Frisbee.
1397
01:00:11,654 --> 01:00:13,691
Something you smoke
at a Bangles concert.
1398
01:00:13,756 --> 01:00:16,676
I didn't drive my ass across town to
sell some moms some fucking dirt pot.
1399
01:00:17,860 --> 01:00:19,237
Y'all gonna buy some Cloud 10.
1400
01:00:19,329 --> 01:00:20,740
AVE: I'm sorry, man. They're
just new to the game.
1401
01:00:20,863 --> 01:00:22,240
Ladies, come on.
This is Cloud 10.
1402
01:00:22,498 --> 01:00:23,670
This is the shiz, a'ight?
1403
01:00:23,733 --> 01:00:28,910
This is, like, 70% molly, 20%
Adderall, and it's 10% fun!
1404
01:00:29,005 --> 01:00:30,006
What's that last 10%?
1405
01:00:32,542 --> 01:00:33,543
Snow leopard. Fun.
1406
01:00:33,610 --> 01:00:36,284
No, seriously. I'm a nurse.
So, just give me a name.
1407
01:00:36,713 --> 01:00:37,873
Mystic. I actually don't know.
1408
01:00:37,914 --> 01:00:39,086
You know what?
You seem like a pro,
1409
01:00:39,182 --> 01:00:41,423
so we'll just
take a little ohwheed
1410
01:00:41,517 --> 01:00:44,896
and just a skosh of Cloud 10.
1411
01:00:44,954 --> 01:00:46,126
MAURA: Are there
hazelnuts in that?
1412
01:00:46,222 --> 01:00:47,942
I'll take the stuff for the dick.
I got you.
1413
01:00:48,024 --> 01:00:50,424
KATE: I'll take this. PAZUZU:
Y'all mind if I hang out a bit?
1414
01:00:50,693 --> 01:00:51,797
Uh... Nah. Nah.
1415
01:00:52,362 --> 01:00:54,322
(STAMMERING) Please, please,
please don't. Nuh-uh.
1416
01:00:54,397 --> 01:00:56,240
Don't stay... Stay-Yep. Thanks.
1417
01:01:02,639 --> 01:01:05,950
Hey, you don't have any
Goldfish crackers up there?
1418
01:01:06,042 --> 01:01:07,783
Don't mean to be coy.
1419
01:01:07,877 --> 01:01:08,878
MAURA: Oh, hi, Alex.
1420
01:01:08,945 --> 01:01:10,947
I'm just hiding this stevia.
That shit's expensive.
1421
01:01:11,047 --> 01:01:12,458
Koi, goldfish.
1422
01:01:12,615 --> 01:01:14,754
(CHUCKLES) You.
1423
01:01:23,226 --> 01:01:28,300
You know, you're the type of badass
that I was susceptible to in my youth.
1424
01:01:35,171 --> 01:01:37,481
I used to make out with my
Stretch Armstrong doll,
1425
01:01:37,573 --> 01:01:41,521
so this is, like,
a full circle moment for me.
1426
01:01:41,611 --> 01:01:44,683
It's cool. I invented the Fleshlight.
I just do this shit on the side.
1427
01:01:46,449 --> 01:01:47,450
Right on.
1428
01:01:50,586 --> 01:01:51,587
Excuse me.
1429
01:01:55,858 --> 01:01:57,496
(POLICE SIREN BLARES)
1430
01:01:58,761 --> 01:02:00,206
Hey. Turn the music off!
1431
01:02:01,831 --> 01:02:03,504
Everybody duck!
1432
01:02:03,599 --> 01:02:04,669
(ALL MURMURING)
1433
01:02:04,767 --> 01:02:06,110
Quack, quack.
1434
01:02:11,607 --> 01:02:13,712
Hi. We donated already.
1435
01:02:13,810 --> 01:02:15,687
Hey. We received
a noise complaint?
1436
01:02:15,778 --> 01:02:18,384
Oh, Officer, we are so sorry.
We'll shut everything clown.
1437
01:02:18,481 --> 01:02:19,824
No, it's...
1438
01:02:19,882 --> 01:02:23,352
Wait a minute.
Your eyes are gorgeous.
1439
01:02:24,053 --> 01:02:27,626
You know you look exactly like
an Affleck brother, right?
1440
01:02:27,690 --> 01:02:30,534
I mean, it is like,
dead ringer times.
1441
01:02:30,626 --> 01:02:32,401
Any underage drinking going on?
1442
01:02:32,495 --> 01:02:34,236
Oh, no. No. No.
1443
01:02:34,330 --> 01:02:35,707
Everybody's double 21 in there.
1444
01:02:35,798 --> 01:02:36,902
Way over age.
1445
01:02:36,999 --> 01:02:38,478
We had a 60-year-old
buy our beer.
1446
01:02:38,568 --> 01:02:39,808
Well, you don't look
a day over 25.
1447
01:02:39,869 --> 01:02:41,007
MAURA: Thank you.
1448
01:02:42,405 --> 01:02:43,383
Thirty-five.
1449
01:02:43,473 --> 01:02:44,474
Oh!
1450
01:02:44,574 --> 01:02:46,815
Just do me a favor and act
your ages and keep it down?
1451
01:02:48,144 --> 01:02:49,214
We will keep it down.
1452
01:02:49,312 --> 01:02:52,384
We will keep it so down,
like, below sea level.
1453
01:02:52,482 --> 01:02:53,722
Nice teamwork. Yeah.
1454
01:02:53,816 --> 01:02:55,159
I miss flirting with cops.
1455
01:02:55,218 --> 01:02:57,095
(MAURA CHUCKLING)
He was so afraid of us.
1456
01:02:57,186 --> 01:03:00,224
(WHIS PE RS) Motherfucker,
titty-sucker, two-bailed bitch.
1457
01:03:00,857 --> 01:03:03,565
First PoPo of the night
thwarted by charm.
1458
01:03:03,659 --> 01:03:06,265
Ellis Island, proceed, y'all!
1459
01:03:06,429 --> 01:03:08,500
(ALL CHEERING)
1460
01:03:12,902 --> 01:03:14,848
Hey. I put in a request
for our special song
1461
01:03:14,937 --> 01:03:16,848
so we can do the Applebutt Jam.
1462
01:03:16,906 --> 01:03:19,910
I don't think we should do that tonight.
That's not that cool.
1463
01:03:20,009 --> 01:03:22,455
No! Tonight is my night,
and it is cool,
1464
01:03:22,578 --> 01:03:25,024
because we're doing it,
and we're cool.
1465
01:03:27,049 --> 01:03:29,029
(REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)
1466
01:03:32,355 --> 01:03:34,357
(ALL CHEERING)
1467
01:04:10,726 --> 01:04:12,228
It's good, right?
1468
01:04:18,234 --> 01:04:19,269
(LAUGHS)
1469
01:04:31,914 --> 01:04:33,086
Whoo!
1470
01:04:35,952 --> 01:04:37,625
(KELLY CRYING)
1471
01:04:37,687 --> 01:04:39,291
KATE: Come here, peanut.
1472
01:04:39,355 --> 01:04:42,598
Tell Mama what's freaking you
the fuck out about time.
1473
01:04:42,658 --> 01:04:43,898
I don't know. It's just like...
1474
01:04:44,494 --> 01:04:47,634
The other day,
I saw this old lady
1475
01:04:47,697 --> 01:04:49,768
looking at me through
a window on the street,
1476
01:04:49,832 --> 01:04:52,676
and I felt bad
for her, you know?
1477
01:04:52,768 --> 01:04:55,612
I waved at her,
and she waved back at me,
1478
01:04:55,671 --> 01:04:59,551
and then I realized
that was just my reflection.
1479
01:05:01,444 --> 01:05:05,483
It was just me and my
old beef jerky face.
1480
01:05:05,548 --> 01:05:06,856
(SOBBING)
1481
01:05:08,684 --> 01:05:11,221
Why does time do that to faces?
1482
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:12,628
Why?
1483
01:05:15,491 --> 01:05:16,799
Don't do that.
1484
01:05:18,327 --> 01:05:21,706
When the time is right, smoke
this with your gentleman friend.
1485
01:05:21,797 --> 01:05:25,040
I'm gonna make space cakes for the rest
of the gang like a goddamn June Cleaver
1486
01:05:25,167 --> 01:05:27,078
because I have a domestic side.
Mmm-hmm.
1487
01:05:48,257 --> 01:05:49,827
Look what fell into my cleavage.
1488
01:05:49,892 --> 01:05:52,031
Plinko! Jackpot!
(CHUCKLES) Let's go.
1489
01:05:55,364 --> 01:05:56,536
Ooh...
1490
01:05:59,569 --> 01:06:01,378
Do You play any sports?
1491
01:06:02,438 --> 01:06:04,042
Tennis, for a little while.
1492
01:06:05,074 --> 01:06:06,951
That's what I was gonna guess.
1493
01:06:11,747 --> 01:06:15,058
Okay, Dribbles. I got you, girl.
Hey.
1494
01:06:15,851 --> 01:06:17,762
(SIGHS) Let's go right in there.
1495
01:06:17,853 --> 01:06:21,027
Get you looking nice and clean
so you can throw up on it later.
1496
01:06:29,465 --> 01:06:32,742
You look like you naturally
have no body hair whatsoever.
1497
01:06:33,970 --> 01:06:35,608
Do you oil yourself up a lot?
1498
01:06:36,038 --> 01:06:37,949
When I need to get
through a narrow shaft.
1499
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:41,283
Danger. Walk away.
That's a black diamond slope.
1500
01:06:45,114 --> 01:06:46,457
Why ain't you partying?
1501
01:06:46,549 --> 01:06:50,292
Because I'm the designated mom tonight.
I'm keeping everybody safe.
1502
01:06:51,387 --> 01:06:53,128
Do you have kids?
1503
01:06:53,222 --> 01:06:54,565
I'm sure I do.
1504
01:06:56,425 --> 01:06:57,665
(MOUTHING) Shit.
1505
01:07:01,797 --> 01:07:03,401
AVE: Hey, Kate. You remember
when you scaled that
1506
01:07:03,499 --> 01:07:05,069
sucker right there
up to the last beam
1507
01:07:05,134 --> 01:07:07,307
and you hollered,
"I'm the bomb!"
1508
01:07:07,403 --> 01:07:09,076
Like it was yesterday, yo.
1509
01:07:09,138 --> 01:07:10,412
Well, come on, Kate.
What are you waiting for?
1510
01:07:10,473 --> 01:07:11,918
Come on, everybody. Kate, Kate!
1511
01:07:11,974 --> 01:07:14,079
ALL: (CHANTING)
Kate, Kate, Kate!
1512
01:07:14,910 --> 01:07:16,014
(WHISTLING)
1513
01:07:18,247 --> 01:07:21,751
When you're sober, it's kind of
like, "Why would anyone do this?"
1514
01:07:24,086 --> 01:07:26,088
ALL: (CHANTING)
Kate, Kate, Kate!
1515
01:07:27,790 --> 01:07:29,360
Come on, Kate. Come on!
1516
01:07:29,458 --> 01:07:31,665
KATE: This is scary as shart.
(ALL GASPING)
1517
01:07:31,761 --> 01:07:32,933
How did I not die doing this?
1518
01:07:32,995 --> 01:07:35,202
Don't try this.
This is not safe.
1519
01:07:35,297 --> 01:07:37,174
Somebody moved these bricks.
1520
01:07:37,266 --> 01:07:39,974
FEMALE GUEST: Hang tight, lady!
(ALL CHEERING)
1521
01:07:40,136 --> 01:07:43,049
KATE: This is for
the fucking birds. Shitters.
1522
01:07:43,139 --> 01:07:45,346
Oh, you guys.
You guys are gonna love this.
1523
01:07:45,441 --> 01:07:47,546
Don't move. Stay right there.
1524
01:07:47,643 --> 01:07:48,713
(LAUGHS)
1525
01:07:48,944 --> 01:07:50,218
All right. Ready? Ready?
1526
01:07:50,312 --> 01:07:52,314
Okay, guys,
can you guess who I am? Ready?
1527
01:07:53,115 --> 01:07:58,064
You wanna play rough? Okay. Say
hello to my little friend!
1528
01:07:58,154 --> 01:08:00,031
Cheech! No, Chong.
ALEX: No, no, no.
1529
01:08:00,122 --> 01:08:02,500
Say hello to my little friend!
1530
01:08:02,558 --> 01:08:03,559
(EXCLAIMS)
1531
01:08:04,794 --> 01:08:06,501
ROB: Tim Allen. No.
1532
01:08:08,531 --> 01:08:11,478
Say hello to my little friend.
Bullets? Nothing.
1533
01:08:12,802 --> 01:08:16,545
I love cocaine! Because I
have a scar on my face!
1534
01:08:16,639 --> 01:08:17,674
(CHUCKLES)
1535
01:08:18,140 --> 01:08:20,177
(SNIFFING AND SNORTING)
1536
01:08:20,509 --> 01:08:22,079
(LAUGHS)
1537
01:08:22,378 --> 01:08:24,380
(COUGHING HEAVILY)
1538
01:08:26,716 --> 01:08:29,219
It's stevia! (CHUCKLES) Psych!
1539
01:08:29,318 --> 01:08:30,729
It's stevia!
1540
01:08:31,387 --> 01:08:32,422
(BABBLES)
1541
01:08:32,521 --> 01:08:33,829
(CHUCKLES AND YELLS)
1542
01:08:34,223 --> 01:08:36,225
(COUGHING HEAVILY)
1543
01:08:36,892 --> 01:08:38,394
Hmm... (PANTS)
1544
01:08:38,494 --> 01:08:39,837
Come on. You can get this!
1545
01:08:48,237 --> 01:08:51,218
So, if I read this,
1546
01:08:51,674 --> 01:08:53,950
will I get, like, amazing
insight into who you are'?
1547
01:08:54,043 --> 01:08:55,852
I am afraid so. Okay.
1548
01:08:55,911 --> 01:08:58,949
Way behind the curtain.
Like, in the broom closet.
1549
01:08:59,048 --> 01:09:00,857
Well, I like broom closets.
Here we go.
1550
01:09:01,350 --> 01:09:03,261
(READING) "I tried tampons."
1551
01:09:03,352 --> 01:09:05,525
"No thanks' Tom Hanks."
(CHUCKLES)
1552
01:09:05,688 --> 01:09:08,032
"It felt like I fell
down hard on a popsicle."
1553
01:09:08,090 --> 01:09:09,262
Oh, man.
1554
01:09:09,358 --> 01:09:10,860
That's from last week.
1555
01:09:11,026 --> 01:09:12,096
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1556
01:09:12,695 --> 01:09:13,696
It's good stuff in here.
1557
01:09:13,863 --> 01:09:14,864
It's my gift to you.
1558
01:09:14,930 --> 01:09:16,932
I love it. I want more.
1559
01:09:17,032 --> 01:09:19,034
Now you tell me a secret.
1560
01:09:19,468 --> 01:09:20,469
Okay.
1561
01:09:21,704 --> 01:09:24,082
I lost a whole bunch
of weight recently.
1562
01:09:24,140 --> 01:09:26,552
Like, 70 pounds.
1563
01:09:26,609 --> 01:09:28,145
Wow. That's great.
Yeah, it's a lot.
1564
01:09:28,244 --> 01:09:30,053
All right,
tell me something else.
1565
01:09:30,312 --> 01:09:32,258
On, uh... (swans)
1566
01:09:34,416 --> 01:09:35,622
I got divorced.
1567
01:09:39,255 --> 01:09:42,065
So, you lost, like, 200 pounds.
1568
01:09:42,625 --> 01:09:44,298
(CHUCKLING)
1569
01:09:46,395 --> 01:09:47,430
(SNIFFS)
1570
01:09:48,731 --> 01:09:49,732
Let's...
1571
01:09:50,432 --> 01:09:51,570
You wanna try something?
1572
01:09:51,734 --> 01:09:52,804
Okay.
1573
01:09:52,902 --> 01:09:53,972
Um...
1574
01:09:55,337 --> 01:09:57,078
On the count of three...
Mmm-hmm.
1575
01:09:57,606 --> 01:10:01,019
Let's say what
we're both afraid of.
1576
01:10:04,180 --> 01:10:06,091
I mean,
unless you don't want to.
1577
01:10:06,148 --> 01:10:08,128
No, I'm not afraid to say it.
1578
01:10:09,585 --> 01:10:11,121
Okay? Okay, ready?
1579
01:10:11,253 --> 01:10:12,698
BOTH: One.
1580
01:10:12,788 --> 01:10:13,823
Two.
1581
01:10:13,923 --> 01:10:15,197
Three.
1582
01:10:16,859 --> 01:10:18,930
Alligators. Choking on a steak.
1583
01:10:20,863 --> 01:10:22,274
Not great. (CHUCKLES)
1584
01:10:25,868 --> 01:10:27,711
Let's really say
what we're afraid of.
1585
01:10:28,370 --> 01:10:29,872
Like, for real.
1586
01:10:30,673 --> 01:10:32,346
Okay, O Kay?
1587
01:10:34,643 --> 01:10:35,713
(CLEARS THROAT)
1588
01:10:36,345 --> 01:10:37,517
Ready?
1589
01:10:38,814 --> 01:10:41,624
BOTH: One, two, three.
1590
01:10:42,284 --> 01:10:44,286
I'm afraid that I'm boring... I'm
afraid that losing weight...
1591
01:10:44,386 --> 01:10:46,730
and I have too much baggage.
Won't fix everything.
1592
01:10:53,128 --> 01:10:57,634
Did you lose weight to
gain self-confidence?
1593
01:10:58,167 --> 01:10:59,305
No.
1594
01:11:00,169 --> 01:11:02,171
I think I lost the weight
1595
01:11:02,304 --> 01:11:06,878
so I could gain a better view
of my perfect penis.
1596
01:11:08,711 --> 01:11:10,315
I missed the little guy.
Not little.
1597
01:11:10,379 --> 01:11:11,722
(CHUCKLES)
1598
01:11:12,481 --> 01:11:14,483
Medium. I miss the medium guy.
1599
01:11:17,319 --> 01:11:20,061
You are so not boring,
by the way.
1600
01:11:20,155 --> 01:11:22,499
You've already
fixed so many things.
1601
01:11:25,261 --> 01:11:27,707
There used to be
so much stuff here.
1602
01:11:29,164 --> 01:11:31,667
This attic made
me feel very safe.
1603
01:11:33,736 --> 01:11:35,841
Well, a house
is just a building.
1604
01:11:36,572 --> 01:11:39,246
Home is a feeling.
1605
01:11:40,342 --> 01:11:42,015
That's beautiful. Thank you.
1606
01:11:42,077 --> 01:11:43,078
Who said that?
1607
01:11:43,178 --> 01:11:45,351
I did. Just now. (BOTH CHUCKLE)
1608
01:11:53,222 --> 01:11:54,257
(BLOWS)
1609
01:11:54,356 --> 01:11:55,528
Ugh. (COUGHS)
1610
01:11:55,758 --> 01:11:56,862
(LAUGHING)
1611
01:11:57,026 --> 01:11:58,699
Were you shotgunning me?
I am so sorry.
1612
01:11:58,761 --> 01:12:00,321
I misjudged the shotgun.
I was going to.
1613
01:12:00,362 --> 01:12:02,035
It's my fault.
I was showboating.
1614
01:12:02,131 --> 01:12:03,769
I am so sorry about that.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1615
01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,045
(m CUBAN ACCENT)
You talking to me?
1616
01:12:06,568 --> 01:12:08,138
Is you talking to me?
1617
01:12:08,570 --> 01:12:09,640
Uh, Robert Pacino.
1618
01:12:09,738 --> 01:12:10,910
Aah! No bullets!
1619
01:12:11,540 --> 01:12:15,920
(IN CUBAN ACCENT) Why don't you try sticking
your head up your ass? See if it fits?
1620
01:12:16,045 --> 01:12:17,991
What's the one... Grimace? No.
1621
01:12:18,547 --> 01:12:23,758
Why don't you try sticking your
head up your ass? (LAUGHS)
1622
01:12:23,819 --> 01:12:25,457
(QUICKLY) Why don't you try
sticking your head up your ass?
1623
01:12:25,554 --> 01:12:27,898
See if it fits! See if it fits!
1624
01:12:27,990 --> 01:12:29,936
(LAUGHS) Stevia!
1625
01:12:29,992 --> 01:12:32,131
Why don't you stick
your head up your ass?
1626
01:12:32,227 --> 01:12:34,002
See if n fits? (LAUGHING)
1627
01:12:34,463 --> 01:12:39,936
Why don't you try sticking your head
up your ass and see if it fits?
1628
01:12:40,569 --> 01:12:41,513
Pass.
1629
01:12:41,603 --> 01:12:44,003
Why don't you stick your head
up your ass and see if it fits?
1630
01:12:44,073 --> 01:12:45,245
Scarface!
1631
01:12:45,741 --> 01:12:47,516
Scarface. Scarface?
1632
01:12:47,776 --> 01:12:48,618
Yes!
1633
01:12:48,677 --> 01:12:51,521
That's who I was
the whole fucking time!
1634
01:12:51,613 --> 01:12:52,614
Awesome, man.
1635
01:12:52,681 --> 01:12:54,024
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
1636
01:12:54,116 --> 01:12:56,118
You got to want
it a little less.
1637
01:12:56,185 --> 01:12:58,096
I can feel my hair growing!
1638
01:12:59,121 --> 01:13:00,532
Alex, come on.
1639
01:13:00,622 --> 01:13:02,431
Do you hear that? It's Tipsy!
1640
01:13:02,524 --> 01:13:04,868
Oh, I love this song!
I got to dance. Here we go.
1641
01:13:05,027 --> 01:13:06,802
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) Oh. Oh!
1642
01:13:06,862 --> 01:13:07,966
(MAURA CHUCKLING)
Hey, you backing it up!
1643
01:13:08,364 --> 01:13:09,638
This is your theme now.
1644
01:13:09,698 --> 01:13:10,836
Who, me? Or, e'rybody?
1645
01:13:10,966 --> 01:13:12,036
Ah, e'rybody.
1646
01:13:12,134 --> 01:13:14,307
(SINGING) 'Cause e'rybody
got got to get tipsy.
1647
01:13:14,370 --> 01:13:16,316
What? (BREATHING HEAVILY)
1648
01:13:16,372 --> 01:13:17,373
JAMES: Yeah!
1649
01:13:17,473 --> 01:13:19,646
E'rybody in the club get tipsy.
1650
01:13:19,708 --> 01:13:22,314
Not just you.
Not just me. E'rybody.
1651
01:13:22,378 --> 01:13:25,325
E'rybody. E'ry day,
e'ry hour, e'ry minute.
1652
01:13:25,814 --> 01:13:26,849
Huh! (YELLS)
1653
01:13:26,949 --> 01:13:28,394
(CRASHES) (ALL YELLING)
1654
01:13:29,385 --> 01:13:30,455
JAMES: Oh, my God! (YELLS)
1655
01:13:30,519 --> 01:13:31,827
(ALL LAUGHING)
1656
01:13:31,887 --> 01:13:34,333
Oh, God. Wait, come here.
Come here.
1657
01:13:35,624 --> 01:13:37,331
Here we go. My dad's
gonna murder me!
1658
01:13:37,393 --> 01:13:40,533
Shh. Maura, look at me. I can fix this.
(CREAKING)
1659
01:13:40,629 --> 01:13:42,631
Oh, God. Go. Go, go, go.
1660
01:13:43,232 --> 01:13:44,472
JAMES: Whoa! MAURA: No, no, no!
1661
01:13:45,901 --> 01:13:47,574
JAMES: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1662
01:13:47,870 --> 01:13:49,076
(MAURA SCREAMS) JAMES: No!
1663
01:13:50,539 --> 01:13:52,075
(BOTH MOANING)
1664
01:13:52,875 --> 01:13:54,252
(BOTH SPITTING)
1665
01:13:54,576 --> 01:13:56,419
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1666
01:13:59,681 --> 01:14:00,751
(SIGHS)
1667
01:14:02,818 --> 01:14:04,195
I'm really
1668
01:14:05,187 --> 01:14:06,188
itchy.
1669
01:14:06,522 --> 01:14:07,557
It went up my nose.
1670
01:14:07,689 --> 01:14:09,396
It went up my butt.
(CHUCKLES) (COUGHING)
1671
01:14:09,491 --> 01:14:10,492
Are we gonna die?
1672
01:14:10,559 --> 01:14:12,937
No, this stuff's safe. This is
all from the '70s. (LAUGHS)
1673
01:14:13,996 --> 01:14:17,000
Wow! This is fucked up!
1674
01:14:17,266 --> 01:14:19,268
(SCREAMING)
1675
01:14:19,535 --> 01:14:21,344
(LAUGHS)
1676
01:14:23,038 --> 01:14:26,713
I wanna do that foam thing like
we saw at the Fart Mitzvah.
1677
01:14:26,775 --> 01:14:27,935
(HAE-WON'S HOTTIES CHUCKLING)
1678
01:14:28,110 --> 01:14:29,953
(LAUGHING) Ah!
1679
01:14:32,181 --> 01:14:33,455
(LAUGHS)
1680
01:14:33,715 --> 01:14:34,955
Ooh!
1681
01:14:35,084 --> 01:14:38,088
I need to talk to you outside.
Now. Oh. Oh.
1682
01:14:38,187 --> 01:14:41,896
Well, let's do this. My earrings
are coming off, bohatch!
1683
01:14:41,957 --> 01:14:44,528
Why? You gonna hit me
with your long-ass earlobes?
1684
01:14:44,593 --> 01:14:45,913
BRINDA: Oh.
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
1685
01:14:46,095 --> 01:14:48,769
I have been waiting
a long time for this.
1686
01:14:51,200 --> 01:14:54,306
Hey!
1687
01:14:55,237 --> 01:14:56,614
Let me in!
1688
01:15:00,809 --> 01:15:02,482
This is bullshit!
1689
01:15:02,644 --> 01:15:04,317
(ALL CHEERING)
1690
01:15:04,947 --> 01:15:06,085
(VOCALIZES)
1691
01:15:06,248 --> 01:15:07,921
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1692
01:15:08,484 --> 01:15:10,259
MAURA: Hey.
How's everything going?
1693
01:15:10,319 --> 01:15:12,925
KATE: I'm crushing it.
How's the man-harvest going?
1694
01:15:12,988 --> 01:15:14,331
James is so hot.
1695
01:15:14,423 --> 01:15:17,461
My high school heart cramp
has turned into a heart-on.
1696
01:15:17,559 --> 01:15:20,597
I have a heart-on for him.
I have a raging heart-on.
1697
01:15:20,729 --> 01:15:22,606
I don't get it. Explain it more.
I have a...
1698
01:15:22,731 --> 01:15:24,677
KATE: Who the hell did that'?
MAURA: I did.
1699
01:15:25,400 --> 01:15:27,505
You are so badass!
1700
01:15:27,603 --> 01:15:28,946
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1701
01:15:29,004 --> 01:15:30,449
BOTH: Fuck the Geernts!
1702
01:15:30,506 --> 01:15:31,917
Okay, I'm gonna
dive back in. Bye!
1703
01:15:31,974 --> 01:15:33,453
BRINDA: Fucking party.
1704
01:15:33,509 --> 01:15:35,079
(SLOSHING)
1705
01:15:40,516 --> 01:15:41,859
Jackpot.
1706
01:15:47,656 --> 01:15:49,693
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
1707
01:15:59,034 --> 01:16:01,275
Foam party!
1708
01:16:01,336 --> 01:16:03,816
Strip it down, town!
1709
01:16:04,206 --> 01:16:06,846
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, shit. It's my parents!
1710
01:16:06,942 --> 01:16:09,821
Shut the fuck up!
It's her parents!
1711
01:16:09,878 --> 01:16:14,452
Everyone, I'm gonna sneeze,
shut the fuck up!
1712
01:16:14,516 --> 01:16:15,517
(IMITATES SNEEZE)
1713
01:16:15,617 --> 01:16:16,687
(HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)
1714
01:16:17,686 --> 01:16:18,824
(CLEARS THROAT)
1715
01:16:18,887 --> 01:16:19,888
Hello?
1716
01:16:19,988 --> 01:16:23,026
You're home! We're coming over.
1717
01:16:23,125 --> 01:16:25,071
Oh, no, don't come over.
1718
01:16:25,160 --> 01:16:28,573
We're just in our pj's
watching Risky Business.
1719
01:16:28,664 --> 01:16:34,137
Maura told us the wonderful news about
you and Haley moving to Orlando!
1720
01:16:34,836 --> 01:16:36,543
And Wu got a job!
1721
01:16:36,638 --> 01:16:38,379
Not hers to tell, but okay.
1722
01:16:38,473 --> 01:16:41,044
You: Dad and t got an idea.
1723
01:16:41,143 --> 01:16:43,054
And we're only medium drunk.
1724
01:16:43,145 --> 01:16:44,886
Could you headline
news it for me?
1725
01:16:44,980 --> 01:16:46,152
Yes.
1726
01:16:46,415 --> 01:16:50,864
We are gonna give you 50% of the
money from the sale of the house
1727
01:16:50,919 --> 01:16:54,696
and then we're gonna use the
other 50% to pay off the condo.
1728
01:16:54,756 --> 01:16:56,429
And we're leaving
Maura the stocks.
1729
01:16:56,692 --> 01:16:59,400
DEANNA: We though! That
you could use the money
1730
01:16:59,528 --> 01:17:02,202
to buy a little house
for you and Haley.
1731
01:17:02,264 --> 01:17:04,210
Would I have to
pay the money back?
1732
01:17:04,333 --> 01:17:06,210
Or would it be more
of a "wink-wink" loan?
1733
01:17:06,268 --> 01:17:07,508
We're giving it to you.
1734
01:17:07,569 --> 01:17:08,604
For free.
1735
01:17:08,737 --> 01:17:09,738
DEANNA: As a love gift.
1736
01:17:09,838 --> 01:17:12,444
That solves a lot of things.
1737
01:17:13,442 --> 01:17:15,718
Okay, I got to go now.
Thanks so much.
1738
01:17:15,777 --> 01:17:16,847
DEANNA: Okle dokle.
1739
01:17:16,945 --> 01:17:18,947
Wash and dry any
tea cups you use,
1740
01:17:19,081 --> 01:17:21,083
and we're very
happy for you, honey.
1741
01:17:21,183 --> 01:17:22,389
Okay, thanks, bye!
1742
01:17:22,451 --> 01:17:23,452
(CHUCKLES)
1743
01:17:23,952 --> 01:17:25,693
Holy shit.
1744
01:17:28,257 --> 01:17:30,294
(GUESTS CHEERING)
1745
01:17:34,129 --> 01:17:36,075
Holy shit.
1746
01:17:36,131 --> 01:17:38,236
ALL: (CHANTING) Rob, Rob, Rob!
1747
01:17:40,068 --> 01:17:42,912
I'm the bomb!
1748
01:17:43,705 --> 01:17:46,242
I'm the bomb! I'm the bomb!
1749
01:17:52,481 --> 01:17:53,653
Okay. Guys?
1750
01:17:53,749 --> 01:17:55,751
I'm actually gonna
need everyone to just
1751
01:17:55,817 --> 01:17:59,287
start cleaning up the area
where they're standing.
1752
01:18:07,729 --> 01:18:09,436
Everybody, gamer round, okay?
1753
01:18:09,498 --> 01:18:11,000
I just smoked some
21st century pot.
1754
01:18:11,099 --> 01:18:12,669
(CHEERING)
1755
01:18:12,968 --> 01:18:14,914
So I need to say my mind.
Make it quick.
1756
01:18:14,970 --> 01:18:16,779
Release your boobs!
1757
01:18:16,838 --> 01:18:18,511
No, my boobs are
sleeping right now.
1758
01:18:18,607 --> 01:18:20,678
Six more weeks of winter!
1759
01:18:20,809 --> 01:18:24,951
I wanna thank my sister, Kate,
for holding down the fort
1760
01:18:25,013 --> 01:18:27,926
and helping me have
the best night of my life.
1761
01:18:27,983 --> 01:18:29,291
(ALL CHEERING) Wrapping it up.
1762
01:18:29,351 --> 01:18:30,921
In the spirit of my sister,
1763
01:18:30,986 --> 01:18:35,298
I encourage all of you to make
your mark on this house tonight.
1764
01:18:35,357 --> 01:18:36,665
No, do not make your mark.
1765
01:18:36,758 --> 01:18:37,998
(ALL CHEERING)
1766
01:18:38,093 --> 01:18:39,128
Where's my handyman?
1767
01:18:39,194 --> 01:18:41,299
Hey. I like that
you know who you are.
1768
01:18:41,430 --> 01:18:43,467
And that you ask
for what you want.
1769
01:18:43,532 --> 01:18:45,603
And I think you're really cute.
Thank you.
1770
01:18:45,667 --> 01:18:47,874
But, whatever, dude. A lo! Of
people are cute, so relax.
1771
01:18:48,003 --> 01:18:49,107
Okay. (CHUCKLING)
1772
01:18:49,171 --> 01:18:51,208
MAURA: Anyway,
seriously, you guys.
1773
01:18:51,306 --> 01:18:54,981
Remember who you really are
and be that you!
1774
01:18:55,043 --> 01:18:56,283
(CHEERING)
1775
01:18:56,345 --> 01:18:57,983
Be that what?
ALL: (CHANTING) You!
1776
01:18:58,046 --> 01:18:59,855
What that you?
ALL: (CHANTING) Be!
1777
01:18:59,948 --> 01:19:01,359
Be what you?
1778
01:19:01,450 --> 01:19:02,520
ALL: (HESITANTLY) That!
1779
01:19:02,617 --> 01:19:03,652
MALE GUEST: You!
1780
01:19:03,719 --> 01:19:05,759
(SCREAMING) It's "that,"
it's fucking "be that you!"
1781
01:19:05,821 --> 01:19:07,129
Be that you! Be that you!
Be that you!
1782
01:19:07,222 --> 01:19:08,542
DAVE: All right,
don't yell at me.
1783
01:19:08,623 --> 01:19:10,159
I just did it three times!
Don't yell at me!
1784
01:19:10,225 --> 01:19:11,329
Who's yelling?
1785
01:19:11,393 --> 01:19:12,736
One more time. Be what you?
1786
01:19:12,894 --> 01:19:14,202
ALL: (CHANTING) That!
1787
01:19:14,296 --> 01:19:15,900
You got it! I'm out.
1788
01:19:17,833 --> 01:19:20,507
Thank you.
Good night. We are closed.
1789
01:19:20,569 --> 01:19:22,640
Take the party outside!
1790
01:19:23,138 --> 01:19:25,015
(CHEERING)
1791
01:19:25,540 --> 01:19:26,518
KATE: No, that way.
1792
01:19:26,575 --> 01:19:27,747
Guys, that way!
1793
01:19:28,076 --> 01:19:29,248
(CLATTERING)
1794
01:19:34,416 --> 01:19:35,656
I liked your speech.
1795
01:19:35,751 --> 01:19:36,991
I'm meeting you in the bedroom.
1796
01:19:37,652 --> 01:19:39,859
I'm going in there to fix the drywall.
(CHUCKLES)
1797
01:19:39,921 --> 01:19:42,333
(MUFFLED) Okay. Okay.
1798
01:19:43,392 --> 01:19:45,394
(CHUCKLES) Excuse me, please.
(MUFFLED) Excuse me.
1799
01:19:47,662 --> 01:19:50,438
Alex, take your dick out of
the paint, right this minute!
1800
01:19:50,532 --> 01:19:53,035
No! I'm gonna draw suh-in!
1801
01:19:54,069 --> 01:19:56,071
I'm like a little
Pablo Dickasso!
1802
01:19:56,171 --> 01:19:57,616
(SLOSHING)
1803
01:19:58,373 --> 01:20:00,080
(GRUNTING) Hey, man.
I got you. Shit!
1804
01:20:00,175 --> 01:20:01,620
(LAUGHING)
1805
01:20:01,710 --> 01:20:02,848
(GLASS SHATTERS)
1806
01:20:03,378 --> 01:20:06,416
Yes, my neighbors are having a loud
party, and I'd like to complain.
1807
01:20:06,882 --> 01:20:08,520
I need you to shut it down.
1808
01:20:08,617 --> 01:20:09,960
(POLICE SIREN BLARING)
1809
01:20:10,118 --> 01:20:11,188
KATE: Oh, man.
1810
01:20:11,253 --> 01:20:13,130
Who called the cops?
1811
01:20:14,122 --> 01:20:16,227
Having a pretty big party, huh?
1812
01:20:16,291 --> 01:20:18,703
Oh, is 500 people too much?
1813
01:20:18,760 --> 01:20:20,137
MAURA: POPO! POPO!
1814
01:20:20,395 --> 01:20:22,466
Oh, somebody call a stripper?
1815
01:20:22,564 --> 01:20:24,942
You gonna take your clothes off for us?
You can't come in here.
1816
01:20:25,066 --> 01:20:27,307
Without the judge signing the thing.
I got this.
1817
01:20:27,402 --> 01:20:28,642
This is where I live.
1818
01:20:28,737 --> 01:20:30,045
This is our house. Yep.
1819
01:20:30,105 --> 01:20:31,914
This where we live, okay?
1820
01:20:31,973 --> 01:20:34,146
And this is our property
for the next 24 hours.
1821
01:20:34,242 --> 01:20:36,813
A lot of sex is gonna happen.
A lot of sexy times.
1822
01:20:36,912 --> 01:20:38,118
You can't stop that.
1823
01:20:38,213 --> 01:20:40,284
Last time I checked,
sex wasn't against the law,
1824
01:20:40,382 --> 01:20:42,142
as much as you would
love that, wouldn't you?
1825
01:20:42,250 --> 01:20:44,059
Maura, please behave. Why
don't you step off, blue?
1826
01:20:44,119 --> 01:20:46,258
Don't you know I'm loco? Shit!
1827
01:20:46,321 --> 01:20:47,493
KATE: Now we know that.
1828
01:20:47,589 --> 01:20:48,590
MAURA: Officer Donuts.
1829
01:20:49,391 --> 01:20:50,267
Why don't you go
back into your squad car
1830
01:20:50,392 --> 01:20:51,962
and go save
a kitten from a tree,
1831
01:20:52,060 --> 01:20:53,903
because these
pussies are doing fine.
1832
01:20:54,162 --> 01:20:56,301
All right? Clean the donuts
out of your ears
1833
01:20:56,398 --> 01:20:58,139
and hear the words that are
coming out of my mouth.
1834
01:20:58,233 --> 01:21:02,147
I will protect my all's property from
all y'all and that's including moi.
1835
01:21:02,404 --> 01:21:03,348
That means "me."
1836
01:21:03,472 --> 01:21:05,179
It means "me." I don't...
It doesn't mean you.
1837
01:21:05,273 --> 01:21:07,685
I don't need to protect anything from her.
That's my sister.
1838
01:21:07,809 --> 01:21:10,085
Right. From the same
mister, who's our dad.
1839
01:21:10,312 --> 01:21:12,986
So, wrap your mind
around that, Cap'n Crunch.
1840
01:21:13,081 --> 01:21:14,116
Capeach?
1841
01:21:14,182 --> 01:21:16,287
I know something about you.
You're a nice person, right?
1842
01:21:16,351 --> 01:21:20,493
And you look like a Ken doll, hopefully
with the genitals. Fingers crossed.
1843
01:21:20,589 --> 01:21:23,468
You've picked a very great profession.
And I salute you.
1844
01:21:23,592 --> 01:21:25,538
But you know what?
This is how I'll salute you.
1845
01:21:25,627 --> 01:21:27,504
Like this. I'm sorry.
1846
01:21:27,596 --> 01:21:28,802
KATE: Wait, that didn't
happen, nobody saw that.
1847
01:21:28,930 --> 01:21:30,170
MAURA: I got this.
1848
01:21:30,265 --> 01:21:31,767
What are you writing down?
Nothing. It's my pad.
1849
01:21:31,833 --> 01:21:33,176
MAURA: Here, I have something
you should write down.
1850
01:21:33,268 --> 01:21:34,542
E-A-T.
1851
01:21:35,770 --> 01:21:36,714
S-H-I-T.
1852
01:21:36,805 --> 01:21:41,049
Okay, my sister is clearly riding
the ditch at this late hour.
1853
01:21:41,142 --> 01:21:42,621
Can you shut this shit down?
1854
01:21:42,677 --> 01:21:44,179
(STAMMERS) Was that Maura Ellis?
1855
01:21:44,279 --> 01:21:45,280
Yeah.
1856
01:21:45,347 --> 01:21:46,451
(CHUCKLES)
1857
01:21:46,615 --> 01:21:48,117
She went to the sophomore formal
1858
01:21:48,216 --> 01:21:49,695
with my cousin
who has spina bifida.
1859
01:21:49,784 --> 01:21:51,457
Of course she did!
1860
01:21:51,520 --> 01:21:54,364
She is a lovely person.
He still talks about it.
1861
01:21:54,489 --> 01:21:56,196
Yeah. (CHUCKLES) You know what?
1862
01:21:57,626 --> 01:21:58,832
You guys enjoy your party.
1863
01:21:58,960 --> 01:22:00,564
No. No, no.
1864
01:22:00,662 --> 01:22:01,800
No. No! Wait!
1865
01:22:01,863 --> 01:22:05,572
There's a drunk, blind guy
swinging a gun around!
1866
01:22:05,667 --> 01:22:07,169
(CHUCKLES) No way. Enjoy!
1867
01:22:07,235 --> 01:22:09,010
Fuck! (SIGHS)
1868
01:22:14,910 --> 01:22:15,888
MAURA: Hey.
1869
01:22:15,977 --> 01:22:17,513
How's it going in here?
1870
01:22:17,579 --> 01:22:19,024
Good, I think.
1871
01:22:19,080 --> 01:22:20,650
Yeah, I think you're all set.
1872
01:22:20,715 --> 01:22:23,161
I'm gonna have to come back
tomorrow and finish this,
1873
01:22:23,218 --> 01:22:27,360
because I am drunk and stoned.
1874
01:22:27,422 --> 01:22:29,333
Well, I'm totally sober, so.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
1875
01:22:29,391 --> 01:22:30,563
I did a really bad job.
1876
01:22:30,659 --> 01:22:32,570
You're very tall.
How tall are you?
1877
01:22:33,094 --> 01:22:36,871
About 6'3". With the
ladder, about 7'6".
1878
01:22:37,165 --> 01:22:38,872
(CHUCKLES) So, I'm just gonna...
1879
01:22:39,434 --> 01:22:41,675
Thanks so much for
cleaning this all up.
1880
01:22:42,604 --> 01:22:43,674
Oh, yeah.
1881
01:22:45,407 --> 01:22:48,411
Do you wanna keep
working off the clock?
1882
01:22:48,777 --> 01:22:50,779
Yeah. Because my bed is broken.
1883
01:22:50,879 --> 01:22:51,880
Do you want me to fix it?
1884
01:22:51,947 --> 01:22:53,017
Yeah. Lock the door.
1885
01:22:55,116 --> 01:22:58,586
People, I'm in charge here,
and I say it's over.
1886
01:22:58,687 --> 01:23:01,861
Okay? We had a great time.
Let's wrap it up.
1887
01:23:01,923 --> 01:23:02,958
ALL: (IN UNISON) No!
1888
01:23:03,925 --> 01:23:06,303
Why? What?
1889
01:23:09,097 --> 01:23:10,770
This is such a brilliant idea!
1890
01:23:10,865 --> 01:23:11,866
Free slicking.
1891
01:23:14,135 --> 01:23:16,945
I wish we had some lubricant.
1892
01:23:18,873 --> 01:23:20,079
What perfume is on you?
1893
01:23:20,141 --> 01:23:21,586
You like that? Yeah, I do.
1894
01:23:21,643 --> 01:23:26,092
It's Risky by Jennifer Love Hewitt.
You can only get it at Kohl's.
1895
01:23:26,147 --> 01:23:29,594
I'm wearing
Erection by Calvin Klein.
1896
01:23:29,651 --> 01:23:33,428
I cannot!
1897
01:23:35,557 --> 01:23:39,596
What did I ever do to you
to make you abhor me so?
1898
01:23:39,661 --> 01:23:41,072
Are you seriously asking?
1899
01:23:41,162 --> 01:23:42,470
You probably don't remember.
1900
01:23:42,597 --> 01:23:43,905
Oh, I remember.
1901
01:23:43,965 --> 01:23:46,639
We were about to have the
best Ellis Island party ever
1902
01:23:46,735 --> 01:23:49,739
because my cousin met John Stamos
at Disney and he was coming.
1903
01:23:49,804 --> 01:23:52,410
But you narced to your cop dad.
1904
01:23:52,474 --> 01:23:54,476
I narced because he made me!
1905
01:23:54,576 --> 01:23:56,317
How? How did he even know?
1906
01:23:56,411 --> 01:23:59,620
Because when I found out that I
wasn't invited to your party
1907
01:23:59,681 --> 01:24:04,027
it hurt me so very deep'
that I threw up really hard.
1908
01:24:04,152 --> 01:24:06,189
Why didn't you invite me?
1909
01:24:08,523 --> 01:24:10,264
(SQUEALS) Why?
1910
01:24:10,925 --> 01:24:13,303
I was kind and clean!
1911
01:24:13,361 --> 01:24:14,601
And I got mostly B's!
1912
01:24:14,696 --> 01:24:15,936
I know, I cheated off you.
1913
01:24:15,997 --> 01:24:18,807
And then you decided
that I was a "no."
1914
01:24:18,867 --> 01:24:21,871
And then everybody decided
that I was a "no"!
1915
01:24:21,970 --> 01:24:25,440
And then guess who decided
that I was a "no"?
1916
01:24:25,540 --> 01:24:26,848
The Bachelor?
1917
01:24:27,108 --> 01:24:28,143
Me.
1918
01:24:28,977 --> 01:24:33,790
So, I have decided that
tonight I deserve to be here.
1919
01:24:34,883 --> 01:24:37,625
Tonight, I am a "yes."
1920
01:24:38,653 --> 01:24:41,463
I am a "hell yes"!
1921
01:24:41,523 --> 01:24:43,969
I am a "yeah."
1922
01:24:44,025 --> 01:24:46,005
I am a "hell yeah."
1923
01:24:46,061 --> 01:24:48,063
I am a "fuck to the yeah"!
1924
01:24:48,163 --> 01:24:50,905
Wordsmith.
I am a "yippie-ki-yay yes"!
1925
01:24:51,900 --> 01:24:53,470
And you know what
the saddest part is?
1926
01:24:53,535 --> 01:24:54,536
Your vagina?
1927
01:24:54,669 --> 01:24:55,670
No.
1928
01:24:55,737 --> 01:24:57,307
The saddest part
1929
01:24:58,173 --> 01:25:01,017
is that you and I used to
have a blast in grade school.
1930
01:25:01,076 --> 01:25:03,556
And we would probably
still be friends
1931
01:25:03,645 --> 01:25:06,592
if you weren't such
a selfish hothead.
1932
01:25:06,715 --> 01:25:10,424
I am not a selfish hothead!
1933
01:25:11,086 --> 01:25:12,861
Put that phone down!
Give me that. No!
1934
01:25:12,921 --> 01:25:14,025
Give me that phone!
Give me that!
1935
01:25:14,155 --> 01:25:15,259
No! Don't touch my phone.
1936
01:25:15,724 --> 01:25:17,362
(YELLING) Maura! Maura!
1937
01:25:19,160 --> 01:25:20,537
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1938
01:25:22,664 --> 01:25:24,371
Hi, honey.
1939
01:25:24,432 --> 01:25:26,036
HALEY: Hi, Mom, I'm here.
1940
01:25:26,101 --> 01:25:27,375
I'm at Gram and Gramps'.
1941
01:25:27,435 --> 01:25:30,541
You're here? In Orlando? Yeah.
1942
01:25:30,605 --> 01:25:32,710
Oh, great. Okay.
1943
01:25:32,774 --> 01:25:34,879
They told me that they're
gonna help us get a house.
1944
01:25:34,943 --> 01:25:37,219
Do you want me to come down
there and we can talk about it?
1945
01:25:37,278 --> 01:25:40,885
Uh, we're all pretty
wiped from packing.
1946
01:25:40,949 --> 01:25:42,519
You know, I would say maybe
just get some rest and...
1947
01:25:42,584 --> 01:25:44,359
So come over in the morning.
1948
01:25:44,452 --> 01:25:46,898
Wait. You want me to come
there in the morning?
1949
01:25:46,955 --> 01:25:49,060
You have been begging me for
weeks to tell you where I am,
1950
01:25:49,124 --> 01:25:50,728
and now that I'm here
you're gonna blow me off?
1951
01:25:50,792 --> 01:25:51,930
No, I'm not blowing you off!
1952
01:25:52,026 --> 01:25:54,700
I'm so excited! We're getting a house,
and you're gonna have your own room.
1953
01:25:54,763 --> 01:25:56,868
I got a baloney dick!
1954
01:25:56,931 --> 01:25:58,911
Who has a baloney dick? Nobody.
1955
01:26:00,368 --> 01:26:02,041
HALEY: Are you at
a party right now?
1956
01:26:02,971 --> 01:26:05,611
Earlier. We had
a packing cookout.
1957
01:26:05,707 --> 01:26:07,983
Cookout with your cock oui.
1958
01:26:08,409 --> 01:26:09,615
(WHISPERS) I'm on the phone!
1959
01:26:09,711 --> 01:26:11,713
You say that
you want a fresh start
1960
01:26:11,780 --> 01:26:14,556
and everyone
is trying to help us out,
1961
01:26:14,616 --> 01:26:16,562
and this is how you thank them?
1962
01:26:16,651 --> 01:26:19,154
It's not what you think. No,
it's exactly what I think.
1963
01:26:19,287 --> 01:26:21,392
I start trusting you again
and then you turn around
1964
01:26:21,456 --> 01:26:24,217
and you start acting like one of the Rea!
Housewives of Orange County.
1965
01:26:24,259 --> 01:26:26,637
Can you just give me a chance
to make it right?
1966
01:26:26,728 --> 01:26:29,174
No! I don't wanna live
with my loser mom who parties.
1967
01:26:30,799 --> 01:26:33,639
You know what? Tonight, I'm actually
the only person who's not partying.
1968
01:26:34,803 --> 01:26:36,282
Yeah, right.
1969
01:26:36,971 --> 01:26:37,972
(RETCHES)
1970
01:26:43,178 --> 01:26:44,748
Fuck it.
1971
01:26:48,850 --> 01:26:51,023
ALL: Kale! Kate! Kate!
1972
01:26:54,355 --> 01:26:55,663
(ALL CHEERING)
1973
01:26:58,259 --> 01:27:00,034
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1974
01:27:17,011 --> 01:27:19,992
Hey. Lollapazuzu,
I'm partying now.
1975
01:27:20,048 --> 01:27:21,288
You ready for me?
1976
01:27:21,349 --> 01:27:22,794
I've been ready.
1977
01:27:22,884 --> 01:27:25,023
My safe word is "Keep going."
1978
01:27:25,119 --> 01:27:27,224
I don't need one. You will.
1979
01:27:29,290 --> 01:27:30,633
I don't have insurance.
1980
01:27:30,692 --> 01:27:31,796
(ALL CHEERING)
1981
01:27:47,075 --> 01:27:48,577
(ALL CHEERING)
1982
01:27:56,484 --> 01:27:58,191
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
1983
01:28:03,992 --> 01:28:06,905
You have such
a good, solid, man face.
1984
01:28:07,028 --> 01:28:08,837
I'm gonna do stuff to you right now.
YOU are?
1985
01:28:08,897 --> 01:28:09,898
Yes. Okay.
1986
01:28:09,998 --> 01:28:11,033
Put your pants off. I'm sorry.
1987
01:28:11,099 --> 01:28:12,544
I meant to say that
a little smoother
1988
01:28:12,600 --> 01:28:14,341
but I'm very, very drunk,
plus stoned. Let's go.
1989
01:28:14,402 --> 01:28:16,382
Just open up your parts.
Put your pants off.
1990
01:28:16,437 --> 01:28:18,041
No, no, no. I'm putting
them off right now.
1991
01:28:18,106 --> 01:28:19,449
Yep, here we go. Yeah!
1992
01:28:19,707 --> 01:28:21,118
(SCREAMING)
1993
01:28:22,043 --> 01:28:23,545
(ALL CHEERING)
1994
01:28:25,013 --> 01:28:26,083
You have kids?
1995
01:28:26,180 --> 01:28:30,060
Two girls in Korea.
Oh, I miss them bad.
1996
01:28:30,451 --> 01:28:31,896
So far.
1997
01:28:31,953 --> 01:28:35,696
I put their hairs in my bra.
1998
01:28:35,757 --> 01:28:39,364
I miss how my daughter smells
when she has wet hair.
1999
01:28:40,561 --> 01:28:42,131
She die'? No.
2000
01:28:43,064 --> 01:28:46,568
I haven't been able to find
her, like, all summer.
2001
01:28:46,868 --> 01:28:48,370
That is fucked up.
2002
01:28:48,469 --> 01:28:50,608
Don't judge me. Your kids
are in another country.
2003
01:28:50,705 --> 01:28:52,207
That's fucked up.
2004
01:28:52,941 --> 01:28:56,889
I work my butt to save my kids
2005
01:28:57,545 --> 01:28:59,320
so they can come live with me.
2006
01:28:59,747 --> 01:29:01,954
I used to be
pediatric radiologist.
2007
01:29:02,383 --> 01:29:03,384
What?
2008
01:29:03,451 --> 01:29:05,931
What do you do for your kid?
2009
01:29:06,321 --> 01:29:07,322
Hmm?
2010
01:29:14,562 --> 01:29:15,802
(SNIFFS)
2011
01:29:18,566 --> 01:29:19,567
You wanna hug?
2012
01:29:22,904 --> 01:29:24,941
Yeah, give this
messy bitch a hug.
2013
01:29:25,640 --> 01:29:26,880
Katie, what's the matter, baby?
2014
01:29:27,408 --> 01:29:30,514
Aw, look at you. Don't cry.
It's gonna make me cry.
2015
01:29:30,611 --> 01:29:33,785
People are really working
their shit out at this thing.
2016
01:29:33,848 --> 01:29:35,691
This is like Korean drama.
2017
01:29:36,584 --> 01:29:38,257
Heads up! Whoo!
2018
01:29:54,936 --> 01:29:56,347
You're out of booze.
2019
01:29:57,038 --> 01:29:58,984
(SIGHS) I'm on it.
2020
01:29:59,974 --> 01:30:01,851
Party mom to the rescue.
2021
01:30:01,943 --> 01:30:03,820
Okay, we're gonna
get started in one second.
2022
01:30:03,878 --> 01:30:04,948
Okay. (LAUGHS)
2023
01:30:05,713 --> 01:30:06,714
Hello.
2024
01:30:07,281 --> 01:30:09,352
(LAUGHING)
Hey, you're number one.
2025
01:30:09,450 --> 01:30:10,986
Okay, let's take it up a notch.
2026
01:30:11,052 --> 01:30:13,862
Okay, you know what time it is?
No.
2027
01:30:13,955 --> 01:30:16,060
It's candle play time.
Uh-oh! (LAUGHS)
2028
01:30:17,658 --> 01:30:20,867
I should warn you
that this did not go well
2029
01:30:20,962 --> 01:30:23,067
when I was having sex
with Frankenstein. (LAUGHING)
2030
01:30:24,132 --> 01:30:25,133
Fire bad.
2031
01:30:25,199 --> 01:30:26,303
Oh. Ah. Yeah, I'm ready.
2032
01:30:26,667 --> 01:30:27,702
Oh! (LAUGHING)
2033
01:30:27,802 --> 01:30:30,681
I didn't think...
That's wild. That's wild.
2034
01:30:30,738 --> 01:30:32,809
Oh, God. I didn't think I was
gonna like it, but I like it.
2035
01:30:32,907 --> 01:30:34,250
How does this
sucker not stay lit?
2036
01:30:34,342 --> 01:30:36,151
Okay. Hold the sex phone.
2037
01:30:36,644 --> 01:30:38,385
All right. Just getting into it.
2038
01:30:38,479 --> 01:30:40,083
Oh, look who we have here.
2039
01:30:40,181 --> 01:30:41,683
Garfield! (LAUGHS)
2040
01:30:41,816 --> 01:30:43,261
Garfield always comes through.
Yeah, he's...
2041
01:30:43,317 --> 01:30:45,037
He's gonna help us out.
(SCREAMING) Oh, God!
2042
01:30:46,587 --> 01:30:47,588
Oh, God!
2043
01:30:48,156 --> 01:30:49,157
Shit. Fuck!
2044
01:30:49,590 --> 01:30:51,160
Oh! No! Shit!
2045
01:30:51,993 --> 01:30:53,267
(GASPS)
2046
01:30:53,361 --> 01:30:54,897
(SCREAMS)
2047
01:30:54,996 --> 01:30:56,339
My God!
2048
01:30:56,397 --> 01:30:58,001
(SCREAMING)
2049
01:31:00,101 --> 01:31:01,171
Oh, fuck!
2050
01:31:01,202 --> 01:31:03,045
Did you fall on something sharp?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
2051
01:31:03,104 --> 01:31:07,075
Okay, did it go up inside of
you by way of your rectum?
2052
01:31:07,175 --> 01:31:08,552
Yeah, I think so.
2053
01:31:08,609 --> 01:31:13,354
It feels like a small trophy or...
(GRUNTS) A collectible.
2054
01:31:13,614 --> 01:31:16,220
James, I am a nurse. Okay?
2055
01:31:16,684 --> 01:31:19,096
I can get whatever
is up there out.
2056
01:31:19,187 --> 01:31:20,564
No, I don't want you to look.
2057
01:31:21,122 --> 01:31:24,433
It's not Maura, the woman that you
were kissing who's gonna look.
2058
01:31:24,525 --> 01:31:26,300
It's a nurse who just got here.
Okay.
2059
01:31:26,394 --> 01:31:29,068
Hello, sir. Nice to meet
you for the first time.
2060
01:31:29,130 --> 01:31:30,803
(SCREAMING) Okay. All right.
Okay.
2061
01:31:30,898 --> 01:31:33,936
I'm just gonna roll you over
so I can examine your rectum.
2062
01:31:34,035 --> 01:31:35,742
Okay. Stop. Stop saying rectum.
2063
01:31:36,237 --> 01:31:38,808
I'm gonna get it out, whatever it is.
Mmm-hmm. Okay.
2064
01:31:38,906 --> 01:31:41,266
So I'm just gonna twist it, and
pull it out slowly. Mmm-hmm.
2065
01:31:41,309 --> 01:31:42,549
Just breathe.
2066
01:31:42,977 --> 01:31:44,149
(WINDING)
2067
01:31:44,245 --> 01:31:45,918
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
2068
01:31:47,415 --> 01:31:48,894
It's a music box.
2069
01:31:50,084 --> 01:31:51,154
Yep.
2070
01:31:51,719 --> 01:31:53,756
It's my ballerina music box.
Mmm-hmm.
2071
01:31:54,722 --> 01:31:57,999
And she's in high-fifth position,
which is why she went in so easily.
2072
01:31:58,092 --> 01:31:59,093
Okay.
2073
01:31:59,660 --> 01:32:02,766
Is it past the tutu?
2074
01:32:05,066 --> 01:32:06,136
Yeah. Mmm.
2075
01:32:06,234 --> 01:32:07,975
That's why it's catching.
2076
01:32:08,069 --> 01:32:10,481
So, okay, James,
I'm gonna try something here.
2077
01:32:10,571 --> 01:32:12,141
No. Nah' I'm good. It's okay.
2078
01:32:12,240 --> 01:32:13,480
I know, I know.
Just give me a second.
2079
01:32:13,574 --> 01:32:14,609
Okay, hold on! (SCREAMS)
2080
01:32:14,675 --> 01:32:17,952
That's turning inside me!
Just let it wind down.
2081
01:32:18,012 --> 01:32:19,753
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(EXHALES)
2082
01:32:30,091 --> 01:32:31,502
I think it's almost done.
2083
01:32:31,592 --> 01:32:34,436
It's Swiss-made,
so it may take a while.
2084
01:32:35,863 --> 01:32:38,343
How long is this fucking song?
2085
01:32:38,432 --> 01:32:40,309
It really is a beautiful melody.
2086
01:32:40,635 --> 01:32:43,275
Beethoven. What a...
What a genius.
2087
01:32:44,038 --> 01:32:45,039
Mmm-hmm.
2088
01:32:46,541 --> 01:32:48,782
And we're do... Nope.
2089
01:32:49,443 --> 01:32:50,945
It went around again. Yeah.
2090
01:32:51,012 --> 01:32:52,855
Okay, you know what'?
I'm gonna hop up.
2091
01:32:52,947 --> 01:32:54,787
Okay. You got it? Yeah,
I got it-Yeah, no, no.
2092
01:32:55,483 --> 01:32:57,554
It didn't happen. It never happened.
(SCREAMING)
2093
01:32:57,652 --> 01:32:59,222
James, seriously.
2094
01:32:59,320 --> 01:33:01,357
Be gentle.
Be very, very careful.
2095
01:33:01,489 --> 01:33:04,060
I'm gonna borrow this. Let's not
make this the headline of the night.
2096
01:33:04,158 --> 01:33:05,535
We are gonna laugh
about this someday.
2097
01:33:05,626 --> 01:33:08,630
You know, that is not the worst
rectal accident I've ever seen.
2098
01:33:08,696 --> 01:33:09,970
Thanks for that.
2099
01:33:10,031 --> 01:33:12,511
Thanks for cleaning up
the fucking gel, Kate!
2100
01:33:12,567 --> 01:33:14,410
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
2101
01:33:14,502 --> 01:33:16,072
Holy shit.
2102
01:33:16,170 --> 01:33:17,979
Help me wash it off. Yeah?
2103
01:33:18,973 --> 01:33:19,974
Kate?
2104
01:33:20,708 --> 01:33:21,914
Has anyone seen my sister?
2105
01:33:22,009 --> 01:33:24,421
She's sober and she needs to
drive us to the hospital.
2106
01:33:24,512 --> 01:33:27,254
(ROARS) I think
I got the gangrene.
2107
01:33:27,348 --> 01:33:29,521
I might have
fucked a copy machine!
2108
01:33:29,650 --> 01:33:30,924
Good Lord.
2109
01:33:31,018 --> 01:33:32,088
Are you okay?
2110
01:33:32,186 --> 01:33:34,496
I swallowed my wedding ring!
2111
01:33:37,325 --> 01:33:38,531
Where's my purse?
2112
01:33:38,593 --> 01:33:39,697
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
2113
01:33:43,864 --> 01:33:45,002
Hmm?
2114
01:33:48,669 --> 01:33:53,084
HALEY: Hey, Aunt Maura. I just landed in
Orlando! Thanks for our conversation.
2115
01:33:53,174 --> 01:33:56,280
I 'm glad you talked me into
coming down-I do trust you.
2116
01:33:56,377 --> 01:33:58,084
I set the alarm at your condo,
2117
01:33:58,179 --> 01:34:00,785
and I gave my keys to your
pet-sitter, like you told me.
2118
01:34:00,881 --> 01:34:04,351
And I sent you a picture o? Me and Polenta.
She misses you.
2119
01:34:09,857 --> 01:34:11,427
Oh, hell no.
2120
01:34:11,525 --> 01:34:13,937
Where is my purse?
Have you seen it anywhere?
2121
01:34:14,028 --> 01:34:15,029
It was just here.
2122
01:34:15,863 --> 01:34:16,933
(masses) (SCREAMS)
2123
01:34:19,066 --> 01:34:20,136
Oh, shit.
2124
01:34:20,234 --> 01:34:22,043
More stevia!
2125
01:34:22,103 --> 01:34:23,776
Cloud Nine didn't
have this glitch in it.
2126
01:34:25,039 --> 01:34:26,382
Hey! Calm down.
2127
01:34:27,608 --> 01:34:28,609
Oh, steamroller!
2128
01:34:29,243 --> 01:34:30,722
Steamroller!
2129
01:34:31,746 --> 01:34:33,384
Santa, help me!
2130
01:34:33,781 --> 01:34:35,226
(SHOUTING)
2131
01:34:40,955 --> 01:34:42,400
(GRUNTING)
2132
01:34:42,456 --> 01:34:44,402
Okay, good night.
2133
01:34:44,458 --> 01:34:45,459
Good night, sweet prince.
2134
01:34:51,432 --> 01:34:52,433
James!
2135
01:34:53,901 --> 01:34:54,902
James.
2136
01:34:56,470 --> 01:34:57,972
James, let me
get you to a hospital.
2137
01:34:58,072 --> 01:34:59,016
No, I'm all right.
The thing is...
2138
01:34:59,106 --> 01:35:01,546
Maura, thank you for your help,
but I know what's best for me.
2139
01:35:01,575 --> 01:35:02,849
And right now...
2140
01:35:02,943 --> 01:35:05,822
I think I need to be
alone with my asshole.
2141
01:35:05,913 --> 01:35:07,415
Okay. Good night, Maura.
2142
01:35:08,783 --> 01:35:11,992
ALEX: I need more stevia!
2143
01:35:12,086 --> 01:35:13,156
Where's Kate?
2144
01:35:13,254 --> 01:35:15,165
Oh, she went to go get booze.
2145
01:35:15,256 --> 01:35:16,496
She was pretty drunk.
2146
01:35:16,590 --> 01:35:19,298
ALEX: Say hello to my little friend!
Of course she was.
2147
01:35:21,962 --> 01:35:25,171
(LAUGHS) Let's get
this party started!
2148
01:35:26,100 --> 01:35:27,140
HAE-WON: He's on Cloud 10!
2149
01:35:27,601 --> 01:35:28,602
(GROANS)
2150
01:35:29,937 --> 01:35:30,938
I'm Alex.
2151
01:35:31,105 --> 01:35:34,018
We are going to dance floor
to dance out the rat poison.
2152
01:35:34,108 --> 01:35:35,280
What the fuck?
2153
01:35:39,947 --> 01:35:42,107
Hey. I'm sorry. Hold on one second.
Hold on one second.
2154
01:35:42,483 --> 01:35:43,860
Oh-my God! Mom?
2155
01:35:43,951 --> 01:35:45,123
Yeah, I'll be right there.
2156
01:35:45,186 --> 01:35:46,187
I'm kidding!
2157
01:35:46,287 --> 01:35:47,459
(ALL LAUGHING)
2158
01:35:48,956 --> 01:35:52,631
But thanks for finally laughing,
you fucking assholes! (LAUGHS)
2159
01:35:57,865 --> 01:35:59,139
Oh, I'm gonna kill her!
2160
01:35:59,967 --> 01:36:03,039
Where's my sister?
2161
01:36:05,373 --> 01:36:06,374
Kate!
2162
01:36:06,474 --> 01:36:07,544
Girl fight!
2163
01:36:07,641 --> 01:36:08,881
Maura!
2164
01:36:08,976 --> 01:36:10,216
Kate! Maura!
2165
01:36:10,311 --> 01:36:11,381
Girl fight!
2166
01:36:11,479 --> 01:36:12,514
Where's my sister?
2167
01:36:14,382 --> 01:36:15,486
KELLY: Girl fight!
2168
01:36:26,527 --> 01:36:27,665
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
2169
01:36:28,229 --> 01:36:29,230
Go, go, go!
2170
01:36:35,269 --> 01:36:36,270
(SCREAMS)
2171
01:36:40,775 --> 01:36:42,277
(ALL CHEERING)
2172
01:36:45,880 --> 01:36:47,860
We did it, you guys.
2173
01:36:47,915 --> 01:36:49,690
We stopped time!
2174
01:36:51,085 --> 01:36:52,587
(ALL CHEERING)
2175
01:36:52,686 --> 01:36:54,597
It's snowing!
2176
01:36:55,423 --> 01:36:57,232
Yes! Yes!
2177
01:37:02,530 --> 01:37:04,203
DAVE: Oh, my God. You guys.
2178
01:37:04,365 --> 01:37:05,366
Sinkhole!
2179
01:37:06,901 --> 01:37:08,437
(ALL SCREAMING)
2180
01:37:16,110 --> 01:37:17,783
MALE GUEST: On, shit! (GASPS)
2181
01:37:18,212 --> 01:37:19,213
Look at this!
2182
01:37:19,380 --> 01:37:20,723
Oh, my God.
2183
01:37:20,881 --> 01:37:23,293
Oh, my God!
2184
01:37:23,451 --> 01:37:25,260
There's a sinkhole.
There's a sinkhole.
2185
01:37:25,419 --> 01:37:26,659
Look at this.
2186
01:37:26,754 --> 01:37:28,427
You told me you were gonna
take care of things
2187
01:37:28,489 --> 01:37:30,127
and you let
everything go to shit.
2188
01:37:30,224 --> 01:37:31,396
Where did you go?
2189
01:37:31,759 --> 01:37:33,796
You were supposed to stay sober.
I was supposed to get laid!
2190
01:37:33,961 --> 01:37:38,740
Oh, I'm so sorry that you couldn't get laid
for the five millionth time in your life.
2191
01:37:38,833 --> 01:37:42,076
Oh, I get! I get my fucking
dick when I want to.
2192
01:37:42,169 --> 01:37:43,773
Don't you ever
pull that shit with me!
2193
01:37:43,904 --> 01:37:45,281
I know you get tons of dick!
2194
01:37:45,406 --> 01:37:47,943
Just not tonight and not recently.
Mmm-hmm.
2195
01:37:48,309 --> 01:37:49,913
Where's my daughter, Maura?
2196
01:37:50,411 --> 01:37:51,822
Do you know?
2197
01:37:53,280 --> 01:37:54,281
No.
2198
01:37:54,482 --> 01:37:55,927
Look me in the eyes.
2199
01:37:58,819 --> 01:38:00,594
I don't know where she is.
2200
01:38:00,654 --> 01:38:03,328
You've always been
a fucking terrible liar.
2201
01:38:03,491 --> 01:38:05,528
Where is my daughter, Maura?
2202
01:38:05,626 --> 01:38:07,537
She has been staying
with me in Atlanta.
2203
01:38:07,628 --> 01:38:08,663
Since when?
2204
01:38:09,630 --> 01:38:10,631
June.
2205
01:38:11,799 --> 01:38:12,869
June.
2206
01:38:13,934 --> 01:38:17,381
You watched me worry
about her like an idiot,
2207
01:38:17,471 --> 01:38:21,009
fucking texting her every day, and
freaking out about her every day.
2208
01:38:21,108 --> 01:38:22,788
And she was living
with you the whole time?
2209
01:38:22,843 --> 01:38:24,516
Okay, but the thing is,
she didn't want you to know.
2210
01:38:24,612 --> 01:38:27,354
You're my sister! You should
have told me she was safe!
2211
01:38:27,448 --> 01:38:31,157
She is. She was!
The thing is, Haley needs...
2212
01:38:31,218 --> 01:38:34,062
Don't tell me what my
daughter needs, Okay?
2213
01:38:34,154 --> 01:38:37,294
Why don't you drive yourself to fucking
Petco and find a fucking husband?
2214
01:38:37,725 --> 01:38:41,969
Or go breastfeed a squirrel,
you sad excuse for a woman.
2215
01:38:43,230 --> 01:38:44,038
Oh.
2216
01:38:44,064 --> 01:38:45,065
MALE GUEST 2: Oh, shit!
2217
01:38:45,165 --> 01:38:46,405
(ALL GASPING)
2218
01:38:46,667 --> 01:38:48,169
(GRUNTING)
2219
01:38:50,571 --> 01:38:53,484
This reminds me of that movie
we watched on our anniversary.
2220
01:38:55,409 --> 01:38:57,355
Ow! Ow!
2221
01:38:57,411 --> 01:38:58,515
My hip. My hip!
2222
01:38:58,579 --> 01:38:59,717
Are you okay? Yeah.
2223
01:38:59,813 --> 01:39:01,019
Can you move it? Yeah.
2224
01:39:01,081 --> 01:39:02,754
Good, because
I'm gonna kill you!
2225
01:39:03,384 --> 01:39:05,830
I really hope
Maura cracks her in half.
2226
01:39:05,886 --> 01:39:07,365
Come on, Maura! (HAWKING)
2227
01:39:07,421 --> 01:39:08,491
Don't you spit on me.
2228
01:39:08,656 --> 01:39:10,216
Why are you hitting yourself'?
Not cool!
2229
01:39:10,257 --> 01:39:14,103
Wait a second. I'm posting this shit
straight on PoolsideBitchFights.com.
2230
01:39:15,663 --> 01:39:16,733
BRINDA: Kick her in the tits!
2231
01:39:16,830 --> 01:39:18,832
KATE: Haley is my kid,
not yours!
2232
01:39:20,167 --> 01:39:21,168
God damn it!
2233
01:39:21,335 --> 01:39:22,712
What have you done to our house?
2234
01:39:22,770 --> 01:39:25,341
Stop that mud wrestling now!
2235
01:39:25,506 --> 01:39:26,866
HALEY: Mom, leave
Aunt Maura alone.
2236
01:39:26,907 --> 01:39:28,387
I was doing just fine
living with her.
2237
01:39:28,442 --> 01:39:29,716
I mean, ask Gram and Gramps.
2238
01:39:29,777 --> 01:39:32,383
You guys knew all along that
she was living with Maura?
2239
01:39:32,446 --> 01:39:34,790
You lying mofos!
2240
01:39:34,949 --> 01:39:36,257
I'm gonna kill you.
2241
01:39:36,350 --> 01:39:38,557
Stop it. Stop it! We are fed up.
2242
01:39:38,619 --> 01:39:40,428
We have no energy
for this goddamn shit.
2243
01:39:40,521 --> 01:39:42,228
Smell that armpit. DEANNA: Stop!
2244
01:39:42,289 --> 01:39:44,729
Our whole house looks like Pompeii,
and you two are wrestling?
2245
01:39:44,792 --> 01:39:45,793
I'll tell you what.
2246
01:39:45,960 --> 01:39:49,032
Since we're all finally
telling the goddamn truth,
2247
01:39:49,096 --> 01:39:50,302
here's our truth.
2248
01:39:50,464 --> 01:39:53,274
And we mean this from the
bottom of our hearts.
2249
01:39:53,367 --> 01:39:56,746
We are so tired
of the both of you.
2250
01:39:56,804 --> 01:39:59,785
We're so tired. We really are.
2251
01:39:59,873 --> 01:40:01,580
You know, everybody
always said to us...
2252
01:40:01,642 --> 01:40:05,715
"Enjoy your kids while they're
young because it goes so fast."
2253
01:40:05,779 --> 01:40:08,259
I don't know what the fuck
they were talking about,
2254
01:40:08,315 --> 01:40:10,795
because it seems like
we'll never be done.
2255
01:40:10,884 --> 01:40:13,728
We keep trying
to pass you the baton.
2256
01:40:13,787 --> 01:40:15,425
You won't take it.
2257
01:40:15,489 --> 01:40:16,593
Take it!
2258
01:40:16,657 --> 01:40:19,661
Just take the fucking baton!
2259
01:40:20,728 --> 01:40:22,901
I agree. We all think you
should take the baton, Kate.
2260
01:40:23,664 --> 01:40:25,769
Maura, cut the shit.
We're talking to you, too.
2261
01:40:25,833 --> 01:40:27,608
Me? Yeah, you.
2262
01:40:27,668 --> 01:40:29,238
BUCKY: Go and live your life
2263
01:40:29,303 --> 01:40:32,750
and stop following us around
like we're gonna die any minute.
2264
01:40:32,806 --> 01:40:34,342
Yeah, we probably have more sex
2265
01:40:34,441 --> 01:40:35,749
than the both of you. Yeah.
2266
01:40:35,843 --> 01:40:37,914
We know! Yeah. We interrupted
one of your day-bangs.
2267
01:40:37,978 --> 01:40:39,252
Oh, my God!
2268
01:40:39,413 --> 01:40:40,585
You know,
if it takes a village...
2269
01:40:40,748 --> 01:40:43,194
I want a different village,
because this one sucks!
2270
01:40:43,350 --> 01:40:45,660
Why can't you guys
just be... (SCREAMING)
2271
01:40:46,520 --> 01:40:47,521
(ALL GASPING)
2272
01:40:49,523 --> 01:40:50,934
Haley! DEANNA: Haley!
2273
01:40:50,991 --> 01:40:52,265
MAURA: Oh, God. DAVE: Oh, shit!
2274
01:40:52,326 --> 01:40:54,135
BRINDA: Oh, sweet Jesus!
MAURA: Haley!
2275
01:40:54,194 --> 01:40:55,298
KATE: Haley? HALEY: Mom!
2276
01:40:55,362 --> 01:40:56,636
DEANNA: Bucky, do something!
BUCKY: Haley!
2277
01:40:56,697 --> 01:40:57,698
Haley!
2278
01:40:57,798 --> 01:40:59,436
(ALL GASPING)
2279
01:40:59,500 --> 01:41:01,036
DAVE: Oh, shit! Kate!
2280
01:41:02,269 --> 01:41:03,805
PAZUZU: This party
is unbelievable.
2281
01:41:03,871 --> 01:41:06,875
I am not going in to work tomorrow.
TSA can kiss my ass.
2282
01:41:07,708 --> 01:41:11,349
Kate, I've been through this shit
before when my condo sankholed.
2283
01:41:11,445 --> 01:41:13,049
I'm gonna talk you through it.
2284
01:41:13,213 --> 01:41:15,284
Your first instinct is gonna be
2285
01:41:15,349 --> 01:41:17,488
just to go to sleep and deal
with it in the morning,
2286
01:41:17,551 --> 01:41:18,552
but don't do that
2287
01:41:18,652 --> 01:41:19,653
I got a ladder. Kate!
2288
01:41:19,787 --> 01:41:20,993
Is it cold?
KATE: Yes, it's fucking cold!
2289
01:41:21,055 --> 01:41:22,193
Hush! It looks cold.
2290
01:41:22,356 --> 01:41:24,996
Everyone's distracted
by the emergency right now.
2291
01:41:25,059 --> 01:41:27,665
I wanna be balls deep in joy.
2292
01:41:27,728 --> 01:41:29,366
Then be in it.
2293
01:41:29,463 --> 01:41:30,567
Back into me.
2294
01:41:31,231 --> 01:41:33,177
Backing into you.
2295
01:41:33,233 --> 01:41:37,648
(IMITATING TRUCK BEEPING)
2296
01:41:37,705 --> 01:41:39,548
I'm in. Lock it up.
2297
01:41:39,640 --> 01:41:41,381
Okay, I got you.
BUCKY: We got the ladder.
2298
01:41:41,542 --> 01:41:42,748
Kate! Come on up the ladder.
2299
01:41:42,910 --> 01:41:44,412
We can do this
together, all right?
2300
01:41:44,511 --> 01:41:46,422
Everyone say
a non-denominational
2301
01:41:46,513 --> 01:41:49,084
silent prayer
to themselves, please.
2302
01:41:49,249 --> 01:41:50,853
Haley, don't be scared.
Here we go.
2303
01:41:50,918 --> 01:41:52,420
That's really high.
MAURA: Come on, you can do it!
2304
01:41:52,586 --> 01:41:55,032
HALEY: It's too steep. I'm gonna fall.
KATE: It's the only way out.
2305
01:41:55,089 --> 01:41:56,932
Look, there's Gramps. Oh,
you're not gonna slip, honey.
2306
01:41:57,024 --> 01:41:58,064
Come on. I can't, I can't.
2307
01:41:58,092 --> 01:42:01,073
We need to get in there and help them.
I need all your carabiners!
2308
01:42:01,161 --> 01:42:02,265
I'm all over it.
2309
01:42:02,429 --> 01:42:04,067
KATE: Hales' this could
keep sinking.
2310
01:42:04,164 --> 01:42:05,444
Do you want me
to climb with you?
2311
01:42:05,499 --> 01:42:06,500
What?
2312
01:42:06,567 --> 01:42:09,207
I'll climb with you, okay? I'm gonna
climb right here, next to you.
2313
01:42:10,838 --> 01:42:11,873
(SIGHS)
2314
01:42:11,939 --> 01:42:13,850
MAURA: Kate, you can do it!
2315
01:42:13,907 --> 01:42:17,047
Mommy used to do this at parties,
because she was a fucking idiot.
2316
01:42:17,111 --> 01:42:19,057
Come on. Come on. Come on, now.
2317
01:42:19,113 --> 01:42:20,091
DAVE: Everybody!
2318
01:42:20,180 --> 01:42:21,784
Don't look down. You got it.
ALL: Kate! Kate! Kate!
2319
01:42:21,882 --> 01:42:23,725
Okay. Come on.
2320
01:42:23,784 --> 01:42:24,922
There we go.
2321
01:42:25,085 --> 01:42:26,393
ROB: Yep. Yep. Come on, girl.
2322
01:42:26,453 --> 01:42:27,625
You got it. Haley. Come on!
2323
01:42:27,788 --> 01:42:28,868
MAURA: You're almost there.
2324
01:42:28,922 --> 01:42:30,196
Come on. I got it! Mom?
2325
01:42:30,257 --> 01:42:31,292
I'm the mom! Come on.
2326
01:42:32,226 --> 01:42:33,796
(ALL CHEERING)
2327
01:42:36,029 --> 01:42:37,201
DAVE: All right!
2328
01:42:42,469 --> 01:42:46,212
Now, everybody get the hell out of
here, before I call your children!
2329
01:42:51,111 --> 01:42:53,216
You jumped into a sinkhole
2330
01:42:53,380 --> 01:42:55,758
and climbed
a rock wall to save me.
2331
01:42:55,816 --> 01:42:58,956
Yeah, it's called Mom strength.
I basically She-Hulked.
2332
01:42:59,319 --> 01:43:00,627
You're my kid.
2333
01:43:00,788 --> 01:43:02,665
It's the only job
I'll never quit.
2334
01:43:04,458 --> 01:43:05,459
(SNIFFS)
2335
01:43:06,493 --> 01:43:07,938
Did you smell my head?
2336
01:43:07,995 --> 01:43:09,167
Yeah, smells good.
2337
01:43:09,329 --> 01:43:10,637
You're such a weirdo.
2338
01:43:10,798 --> 01:43:12,158
Remember, I can
throw a car at you.
2339
01:43:15,936 --> 01:43:17,142
(DEANNA MUTTERING)
2340
01:43:21,508 --> 01:43:23,510
DEANNA: Maybe it'll look
better in the daylight?
2341
01:43:28,015 --> 01:43:30,017
Why is it blue?
2342
01:43:30,751 --> 01:43:32,753
Well, we are totally fucked.
2343
01:43:32,820 --> 01:43:34,299
Oh, my God, Mom,
don't say "fucked."
2344
01:43:34,354 --> 01:43:36,356
It sounds so wrong
coming out of your mouth.
2345
01:43:36,824 --> 01:43:39,464
Oh, too fucking bad.
2346
01:43:39,526 --> 01:43:41,130
I'm pissed.
2347
01:43:41,195 --> 01:43:43,505
And I'll say
whatever I wanna say
2348
01:43:43,597 --> 01:43:46,942
because I am cuntingly
disappointed in you!
2349
01:43:47,000 --> 01:43:48,035
Wow. BUCKY: All right.
2350
01:43:48,168 --> 01:43:51,843
That's not even a word. Don't you
dare sass me like your sister.
2351
01:43:51,939 --> 01:43:53,509
BUCKY: We are going home
2352
01:43:53,607 --> 01:43:57,145
and your asses are getting up at 6:00 a-m.
To clean up.
2353
01:43:57,344 --> 01:43:59,620
And put some underwear on! What?
2354
01:43:59,680 --> 01:44:02,627
What are you doing?
I mean, it's just shameful!
2355
01:44:02,683 --> 01:44:03,684
God, you guys need to chill out.
2356
01:44:03,784 --> 01:44:05,127
Oh, God!
2357
01:44:06,353 --> 01:44:07,889
Oh, God!
2358
01:44:07,988 --> 01:44:09,661
KATE: Calm down, Mom!
2359
01:44:09,723 --> 01:44:10,895
DEANNA: Fuck Off!
2360
01:44:22,336 --> 01:44:27,410
MAURA: (READING) Dear diary, tonight we
had a party that fumed into a foam orgy.
2361
01:44:27,507 --> 01:44:31,387
I made out with a sweet, hot,
funny guy who really liked me
2362
01:44:31,478 --> 01:44:34,584
until he fell down
butthole-first on a ballerina.
2363
01:44:35,215 --> 01:44:36,216
(SIGHS)
2364
01:44:36,316 --> 01:44:37,317
What a night.
2365
01:44:38,652 --> 01:44:39,995
Asses up!
2366
01:44:40,354 --> 01:44:41,492
DEANNA: Now!
2367
01:45:08,081 --> 01:45:09,287
(GASPS) on, God!
2368
01:45:09,383 --> 01:45:10,384
Who's that?
2369
01:45:11,885 --> 01:45:13,796
Whoa! What happened here?
2370
01:45:13,887 --> 01:45:14,888
Oh.
2371
01:45:15,289 --> 01:45:16,768
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Ellis.
2372
01:45:16,924 --> 01:45:18,301
You look great.
2373
01:45:21,295 --> 01:45:23,707
You find my hearing aid?
2374
01:45:25,098 --> 01:45:26,406
Where did you leave it?
2375
01:45:26,566 --> 01:45:28,204
She can't hear you.
2376
01:45:28,268 --> 01:45:30,475
She had to take them out because
the beeping was freaking me out
2377
01:45:30,570 --> 01:45:31,742
when I was on drugs.
2378
01:45:37,444 --> 01:45:38,479
What?
2379
01:45:38,645 --> 01:45:39,885
Nobody's lips are moving.
2380
01:45:40,047 --> 01:45:42,459
Okay. I'm pretty sure I
swallowed all my credit cards,
2381
01:45:42,549 --> 01:45:44,290
so I'm gonna go deal with that.
2382
01:45:44,451 --> 01:45:46,124
Come on, my love.
2383
01:45:46,219 --> 01:45:47,960
Happy Birthday!
2384
01:45:54,328 --> 01:45:57,901
When the girls were little, I used to
wash their hair with this sprayer.
2385
01:45:58,065 --> 01:46:01,478
I could put this one
in the condo, if you like.
2386
01:46:01,635 --> 01:46:02,636
No.
2387
01:46:04,271 --> 01:46:05,614
I'll remember it.
2388
01:46:14,748 --> 01:46:16,022
Scratch my back?
2389
01:46:23,423 --> 01:46:24,823
BUCKY: There'?
DEANNA: Mmm-hmm. Mmm.
2390
01:46:25,258 --> 01:46:27,295
BUCKY: Mmm-hmm'? (SIGHS)
2391
01:46:30,998 --> 01:46:32,033
MAURA: Listen, Dad...
2392
01:46:32,132 --> 01:46:35,170
I'll buy the house as is and
Kate and Haley can stay here.
2393
01:46:35,268 --> 01:46:36,269
No, you won't.
2394
01:46:36,336 --> 01:46:38,646
Let me fix things.
You've done enough.
2395
01:46:38,705 --> 01:46:40,343
Don't you have a plane to catch?
2396
01:46:40,440 --> 01:46:43,614
BUCKY: When are you gonna learn
that your help isn't always wanted?
2397
01:46:45,679 --> 01:46:47,386
KATE: I can't offer
as much as Maura can,
2398
01:46:48,048 --> 01:46:49,652
but I do have some money.
2399
01:46:49,816 --> 01:46:53,628
Can I please live in your
house, temporarily, with Haley,
2400
01:46:54,154 --> 01:46:55,963
and fix it up?
2401
01:46:56,356 --> 01:46:58,131
Don't have to answer right away...
No.
2402
01:46:58,492 --> 01:47:00,369
Please, just go home.
2403
01:47:01,328 --> 01:47:03,069
I have no more home.
2404
01:47:09,569 --> 01:47:12,311
Oh, pulling out the
granddaughter card.
2405
01:47:13,040 --> 01:47:14,348
God damn it.
2406
01:47:15,675 --> 01:47:18,656
All right, I'll give you
two weeks to fix it up
2407
01:47:18,712 --> 01:47:20,885
and then I'm torching
it for insurance.
2408
01:47:21,348 --> 01:47:22,588
Okay.
2409
01:47:22,916 --> 01:47:24,987
That's everything I have.
2410
01:47:26,486 --> 01:47:28,523
Can you fix the damage for that?
2411
01:47:28,588 --> 01:47:29,589
No.
2412
01:47:30,724 --> 01:47:33,500
But I'll help you do it. (SIGHS)
2413
01:47:35,195 --> 01:47:37,106
ls Maura still in town?
2414
01:47:37,864 --> 01:47:38,865
No.
2415
01:48:03,757 --> 01:48:05,634
I thought you flew to Atlanta.
2416
01:48:06,093 --> 01:48:07,094
Uh...
2417
01:48:07,928 --> 01:48:10,408
I didn't wanna leave town
until I said I was sorry.
2418
01:48:17,237 --> 01:48:18,807
And I think I melted
my driver's license
2419
01:48:18,905 --> 01:48:20,225
in the microwave,
the other night.
2420
01:48:22,642 --> 01:48:23,814
I'm sorry, Kate.
2421
01:48:23,977 --> 01:48:26,753
I'm sorry that I didn't tell
you that Haley was with me.
2422
01:48:27,481 --> 01:48:29,256
Will you forgive me for that?
2423
01:48:30,984 --> 01:48:32,622
I'm gonna milk it for a while.
2424
01:48:32,786 --> 01:48:33,924
Okay.
2425
01:48:35,755 --> 01:48:37,132
I made you something.
2426
01:48:37,290 --> 01:48:39,668
I was gonna send it to you,
but I didn't have any stamps
2427
01:48:39,759 --> 01:48:41,432
because they don't
make them anymore.
2428
01:48:46,099 --> 01:48:48,978
"Sisters are always there
for each other."
2429
01:48:50,470 --> 01:48:53,314
"But some sisters
think they're hot shit,"
2430
01:48:53,406 --> 01:48:55,249
"and do super-intrusive,
fucked-up things,"
2431
01:48:55,308 --> 01:48:58,846
"like secretly harbor the other one's
child so they can feel superior."
2432
01:48:58,945 --> 01:49:00,447
Quotes are usually short.
2433
01:49:00,614 --> 01:49:03,322
So are dicks, but sometimes
you hit the jackpot.
2434
01:49:03,783 --> 01:49:04,955
Keep reading.
2435
01:49:07,287 --> 01:49:11,292
"And some sisters live their lives
in chaos, like a goddamn tornado,"
2436
01:49:11,358 --> 01:49:13,804
"so the other sister has to
clean it up all the time."
2437
01:49:14,461 --> 01:49:17,135
"So, they're both wrong.
The end."
2438
01:49:18,532 --> 01:49:20,034
When I was party mom,
2439
01:49:20,200 --> 01:49:23,977
I realized that always having to
take care of everyone's shit sucks.
2440
01:49:24,304 --> 01:49:26,113
And I'm sure you realized
2441
01:49:26,173 --> 01:49:29,552
that it's not all fun being
selfish and leaving a mess.
2442
01:49:29,643 --> 01:49:31,884
It's pretty fucking fun.
2443
01:49:35,549 --> 01:49:38,792
We need to say goodbye to this
house and who we were here.
2444
01:49:43,490 --> 01:49:47,404
You know, James told me
that a house is a building
2445
01:49:47,494 --> 01:49:50,202
but home is a feeling.
2446
01:49:50,297 --> 01:49:52,243
He's smart. You need
to lock that guy down.
2447
01:49:52,332 --> 01:49:53,640
(SIGHS) I blew it with him.
2448
01:49:53,700 --> 01:49:55,338
No, he's still asking about you.
2449
01:49:55,502 --> 01:49:56,913
He is? Yeah.
2450
01:49:57,003 --> 01:49:58,311
He is the greatest
2451
01:49:58,471 --> 01:49:59,711
James just needs some...
2452
01:49:59,806 --> 01:50:01,581
No! Stop deciding
what other people need.
2453
01:50:01,675 --> 01:50:04,178
You need help. Let him help you.
2454
01:50:06,346 --> 01:50:09,020
I got to go scrub "I heart
balls" off the fridge.
2455
01:50:09,182 --> 01:50:10,525
I'm sorry I wrote that.
2456
01:50:11,051 --> 01:50:12,394
Wait! Mmm.
2457
01:50:14,020 --> 01:50:16,022
What do I do when I see him?
2458
01:50:16,189 --> 01:50:18,499
See, I'm asking
for help already.
2459
01:50:19,192 --> 01:50:21,035
Find a way to
make him come to you.
2460
01:50:21,828 --> 01:50:23,603
But go big-
2461
01:50:23,697 --> 01:50:25,540
Make it clear that you need him.
2462
01:50:35,909 --> 01:50:37,217
MAURA: Help!
2463
01:50:38,912 --> 01:50:40,516
Help!
2464
01:50:52,525 --> 01:50:54,527
Help.
2465
01:50:56,896 --> 01:50:58,739
I know you used
to be a lifeguard.
2466
01:50:59,532 --> 01:51:01,034
I need it.
2467
01:51:04,638 --> 01:51:06,083
Save me, please!
2468
01:51:19,052 --> 01:51:20,463
Oh, my God.
2469
01:51:20,553 --> 01:51:21,827
I'm drowning.
2470
01:51:21,921 --> 01:51:23,093
Don't die.
2471
01:51:23,423 --> 01:51:24,731
Come here.
2472
01:51:33,833 --> 01:51:36,279
Water feels good
on my ballerina hole.
2473
01:51:37,437 --> 01:51:38,973
(SIGHS)
2474
01:51:39,072 --> 01:51:41,450
What about your dick burns'?
Ooh.
2475
01:51:41,508 --> 01:51:43,647
Nice to meet you, Dick Burns.
2476
01:51:53,353 --> 01:51:54,832
(TRUCK BEEPING)
2477
01:51:58,758 --> 01:51:59,930
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2478
01:52:19,646 --> 01:52:22,126
How in the hell
did you pull this off?
2479
01:52:22,182 --> 01:52:26,028
Well, I usually give 30% and I
went for the full 100 this time.
2480
01:52:27,620 --> 01:52:29,497
You might need one more coat.
2481
01:52:31,124 --> 01:52:32,660
What?
2482
01:52:33,993 --> 01:52:35,063
There we go.
2483
01:52:35,829 --> 01:52:37,502
Thanks for doing this.
Oh, well...
2484
01:52:38,298 --> 01:52:40,005
Thank you for bringing me Dave.
2485
01:52:40,367 --> 01:52:42,643
He's really quite
the tender love maker.
2486
01:52:43,370 --> 01:52:44,747
Big Dave.
2487
01:52:47,407 --> 01:52:48,647
(LAUGHS)
2488
01:52:48,975 --> 01:52:50,648
Very big Dave. All right.
2489
01:52:50,877 --> 01:52:52,220
Big, big, big, big, big boy.-
2490
01:52:52,312 --> 01:52:53,757
Okay. I think Dave
is just what you needed.
2491
01:52:53,980 --> 01:52:54,981
Yeah.
2492
01:52:57,484 --> 01:52:59,430
Whoo! I can barely walk.
2493
01:52:59,819 --> 01:53:00,991
So, this is awesome.
2494
01:53:01,654 --> 01:53:02,689
Come on, girlfriend.
2495
01:53:02,756 --> 01:53:03,757
Dave has chlamydia.
2496
01:53:05,392 --> 01:53:06,666
Right, friendship.
2497
01:53:16,836 --> 01:53:19,749
Mom, this guy wants to know if
he can get 10% off his manicure
2498
01:53:19,839 --> 01:53:21,341
because he only
has nine fingers.
2499
01:53:21,408 --> 01:53:23,354
Hang up. It's your
grandpa pranking us.
2500
01:53:23,843 --> 01:53:25,447
Nice try, Gramps.
2501
01:53:25,545 --> 01:53:27,923
Gross! Get a room!
2502
01:53:28,014 --> 01:53:29,186
Ah, you know you love it.
2503
01:53:29,449 --> 01:53:30,291
(CHUCKLES) KATE: It's 10:00!
2504
01:53:30,450 --> 01:53:31,793
Champagne time.
2505
01:53:31,885 --> 01:53:33,057
JAMES: I'm gonna
do this every week.
2506
01:53:33,119 --> 01:53:35,395
Hae-Won, you're incredible.
Thank you, Jack.
2507
01:53:35,455 --> 01:53:36,456
High five! No.
2508
01:53:36,523 --> 01:53:38,901
Sorry. All right,
everybody, gather up.
2509
01:53:39,058 --> 01:53:42,562
On behalf of my co-owner
Hae-Won and myself.
2510
01:53:42,629 --> 01:53:44,199
Yay! Thank you, Alex,
2511
01:53:44,264 --> 01:53:45,766
for investing in our dreams.
2512
01:53:45,932 --> 01:53:47,775
Just here to do my part.
(CHUCKLES)
2513
01:53:47,867 --> 01:53:48,947
Whoa! Hair part! (LAUGHING)
2514
01:53:49,035 --> 01:53:50,070
Oh, God. Here we go.
2515
01:53:50,303 --> 01:53:51,941
Yoinks! (CHUCKLES)
2516
01:53:52,038 --> 01:53:53,598
There is a lid for every pot.
(CHUCKLES)
2517
01:53:53,640 --> 01:53:54,983
I'm gonna punch him
right in the dick.
2518
01:53:55,074 --> 01:53:56,382
Let's do this! (SQUEALS)
2519
01:53:57,877 --> 01:53:59,083
MAURA: Merry Christmas.
2520
01:53:59,145 --> 01:54:00,818
Haley, you ready?
HALEY: I'm coming!
2521
01:54:00,914 --> 01:54:02,985
Hello! Hi.
2522
01:54:05,618 --> 01:54:08,599
Merry Christmas, my two angel.
2523
01:54:08,655 --> 01:54:10,896
And welcome to your new home! (CHUCKLES)
2524
01:54:10,957 --> 01:54:12,061
(KIDS LAUGH)
2525
01:54:12,125 --> 01:54:14,298
Come on, let's go pick a room!
2526
01:54:14,994 --> 01:54:15,995
Really?
2527
01:54:16,095 --> 01:54:18,166
No, wheelie. (LAUGHS)
2528
01:54:18,898 --> 01:54:22,903
If this doesn't smell like our
Christmas, I will flip a table.
2529
01:54:23,336 --> 01:54:24,644
DEANNA: Hi!
2530
01:54:24,838 --> 01:54:26,181
Oh, hi!
2531
01:54:26,272 --> 01:54:28,081
BUCKY: All right, hi!
DEANNA: Oh, come here.
2532
01:54:28,174 --> 01:54:30,620
DEANNA: Look at you. JAMES:
No, look at you. Look at you.
2533
01:54:31,678 --> 01:54:32,952
DEANNA: Cookies!
2534
01:54:33,580 --> 01:54:36,618
Oh, how beautiful! Look at these!
JAMES: They're store-bought.
2535
01:54:36,683 --> 01:54:38,026
Good to see you. Good to see you.
Good to see you.
2536
01:54:38,184 --> 01:54:39,629
Did you make these? No.
2537
01:54:39,686 --> 01:54:41,461
No, I bought them
at a gas station.
2538
01:54:42,455 --> 01:54:44,594
Still feels like our Christmas.
2539
01:54:44,657 --> 01:54:45,931
Yeah.
2540
01:54:45,992 --> 01:54:47,801
Because we're the home.
2541
01:54:50,463 --> 01:54:51,464
Yeah.
2542
01:54:52,599 --> 01:54:53,600
Come here, bootch.
2543
01:55:01,708 --> 01:55:04,450
Okay. Let me lead,
I'm the big sister.
2544
01:55:07,680 --> 01:55:09,557
(MUSIC PLAYING)
2545
01:55:51,524 --> 01:55:53,731
What kind of... Fuck. (LAUGHS)
2546
01:55:54,327 --> 01:55:56,500
Sorry. Bloopers! MAN: Yeah.
2547
01:55:56,596 --> 01:55:59,770
Whoo! Hey, I put in a special
request for our Applebutt...
2548
01:55:59,866 --> 01:56:02,073
Hey, I Fuck me, sorry.
Fuck, sorry.
2549
01:56:02,168 --> 01:56:03,238
Can I try it again?
Ellis I... Sure.
2550
01:56:03,336 --> 01:56:04,940
MAN: Let's try again. Sorry.
2551
01:56:05,038 --> 01:56:06,415
Oh, you probably don't remember.
2552
01:56:06,506 --> 01:56:08,747
Oh, I remember.
2553
01:56:08,841 --> 01:56:10,718
Oh, I remember.
I don't remember.
2554
01:56:11,711 --> 01:56:14,419
My safe word is "Dow Jones
Industrial Average."
2555
01:56:14,514 --> 01:56:16,721
My safe word is
"geopolitical disaster."
2556
01:56:16,783 --> 01:56:19,059
My safe word is
"pseudoparathyroidism."
2557
01:56:19,118 --> 01:56:22,224
(SINGING) That girl is poison
2558
01:56:22,288 --> 01:56:23,460
(CHUCKLES)
2559
01:56:23,556 --> 01:56:25,695
She's dangerous
2560
01:56:25,758 --> 01:56:26,862
(LAUGHS)
2561
01:56:26,926 --> 01:56:30,806
I am done wasting words on
that cum-guzzling road whore.
2562
01:56:30,897 --> 01:56:31,898
Wow.
2563
01:56:32,765 --> 01:56:34,540
(MUSIC PLAYING)
2564
01:56:40,239 --> 01:56:41,411
Huh? Huh?
2565
01:56:42,775 --> 01:56:45,381
Sorry. (CHUCKLES)
2566
01:56:45,445 --> 01:56:46,719
I can't believe that
you haven't farted
2567
01:56:46,813 --> 01:56:48,554
this whole time. (LAUGHING)
2568
01:56:48,615 --> 01:56:51,118
Good job. Now I put it
in your head, sorry.
2569
01:56:51,217 --> 01:56:52,287
No, they've been silent.
2570
01:56:52,385 --> 01:56:54,092
MAN: Okay, here we go.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2571
01:56:54,253 --> 01:56:57,132
Has-Won.
Am I saying it correctly?
2572
01:56:57,223 --> 01:56:58,395
Hae-Won.
2573
01:56:58,458 --> 01:57:00,438
I'm just gonna
throw it away. Hae-Won.
2574
01:57:00,493 --> 01:57:01,471
No.
2575
01:57:01,561 --> 01:57:02,562
(LAUGHS)
2576
01:57:04,330 --> 01:57:05,502
Hae...
2577
01:57:06,332 --> 01:57:07,470
(CHUCKLES)
2578
01:57:07,567 --> 01:57:08,944
Wait, I've got it.
2579
01:57:09,002 --> 01:57:10,572
Hae-Won.
2580
01:57:12,305 --> 01:57:13,511
(CHUCKLING)
2581
01:57:14,507 --> 01:57:16,953
Hae-Won.
2582
01:57:20,346 --> 01:57:21,848
Sorry.
2583
01:57:23,116 --> 01:57:24,117
I'm sorry.
2584
01:57:24,183 --> 01:57:25,184
(CLEARS THROAT)
2585
01:57:27,186 --> 01:57:29,962
(CLICKS TONGUE) Let me just see
if I'm pronouncing it correctly.
2586
01:57:31,624 --> 01:57:32,625
Sorry.
2587
01:57:32,992 --> 01:57:34,528
Hae-Won.
2588
01:57:36,996 --> 01:57:38,873
(CREW MEMBERS LAUGHING)
2589
01:57:39,699 --> 01:57:41,337
MAN: And cut.