1
00:00:00,757 --> 00:00:03,533
So it has been quite a journey,
2
00:00:03,534 --> 00:00:06,970
but through it all,
the key for me has been bravery
3
00:00:06,971 --> 00:00:08,638
and the deep-down knowledge
4
00:00:08,639 --> 00:00:11,307
that I am better than everyone else.
5
00:00:12,510 --> 00:00:14,844
Uh, I'm sorry, Jillian,
what was your question?
6
00:00:14,845 --> 00:00:18,214
I asked Max where she was born.
7
00:00:18,215 --> 00:00:21,084
The Peekaboo Lounge on I-90.
8
00:00:21,085 --> 00:00:22,719
My mom was on the pole
9
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,422
when I popped out and said, "Peekaboo."
10
00:00:25,423 --> 00:00:27,557
So your movie,
The Princess and the Ponzi,
11
00:00:27,558 --> 00:00:29,059
has Oscar buzz...
12
00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:31,394
for sound editing, but still.
13
00:00:31,395 --> 00:00:32,978
Who will you be wearing
to the premiere?
14
00:00:32,979 --> 00:00:34,898
Well, Jillian, the top is from
15
00:00:34,899 --> 00:00:37,567
the 7-Eleven lost and found,
16
00:00:37,568 --> 00:00:39,536
and the jeans I won in a knife fight,
17
00:00:39,537 --> 00:00:42,105
so I didn't get specifics.
18
00:00:42,106 --> 00:00:45,241
Stylist to the stars
Brad Goreski reached out.
19
00:00:45,242 --> 00:00:47,177
He's a fashion policeman,
20
00:00:47,178 --> 00:00:50,680
the only kind of policeman
Max hasn't been arrested by.
21
00:00:50,681 --> 00:00:53,216
Anyway, our dessert bar
is catering the premiere.
22
00:00:53,217 --> 00:00:55,318
We are really coming into our own.
23
00:00:55,319 --> 00:00:56,532
Girls...
24
00:00:56,533 --> 00:00:58,036
Oh, speaking of coming into your own,
25
00:00:58,037 --> 00:01:00,056
this is Han.
26
00:01:00,057 --> 00:01:02,092
Are you coming to work today?
27
00:01:02,093 --> 00:01:03,860
Or should I just
write down wrong orders
28
00:01:03,861 --> 00:01:05,328
for customers myself?
29
00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:06,984
Han, can't you see we're in the middle
30
00:01:06,985 --> 00:01:08,798
of a press interview for my movie?
31
00:01:08,799 --> 00:01:10,667
You can't just ignore me.
32
00:01:10,668 --> 00:01:13,937
I'm not the advice of your
court-appointed lawyer.
33
00:01:13,938 --> 00:01:16,206
Sounds like you guys are busy.
34
00:01:16,207 --> 00:01:19,042
The movie, running this bar,
and working for that man too.
35
00:01:19,043 --> 00:01:20,343
Man, right?
36
00:01:20,344 --> 00:01:22,245
With us blowing up as we are,
37
00:01:22,246 --> 00:01:24,214
Max and I are phasing out the diner
38
00:01:24,215 --> 00:01:27,617
and deodorant that's hot to the touch.
39
00:01:27,618 --> 00:01:32,088
It burns the stink away.
I'm not giving that up.
40
00:01:32,089 --> 00:01:35,258
Well, that was... five hours.
41
00:01:35,259 --> 00:01:38,962
(chuckles) Uh, see you at the premiere.
42
00:01:38,963 --> 00:01:41,164
Wait, we're phasing out the diner?
43
00:01:41,165 --> 00:01:43,733
I have really gotta stop
falling asleep immediately
44
00:01:43,734 --> 00:01:45,068
whenever you speak.
45
00:01:45,069 --> 00:01:46,332
Max, think about it. Why...
46
00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:48,238
(snores)
47
00:01:48,239 --> 00:01:50,573
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
48
00:01:50,574 --> 00:01:52,108
(cash register bell dings)
49
00:01:52,109 --> 00:01:58,109
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
50
00:01:58,816 --> 00:02:00,450
Han, we need to talk to you.
51
00:02:00,451 --> 00:02:03,820
Yeah, we're not happy about it either.
52
00:02:03,821 --> 00:02:05,288
Best-case scenario,
53
00:02:05,289 --> 00:02:06,990
we wouldn't have seen you at all today.
54
00:02:06,991 --> 00:02:08,858
Oh, good, a talk.
55
00:02:08,859 --> 00:02:12,428
Let me save you the trouble
and just start crying.
56
00:02:12,429 --> 00:02:15,398
Han, we are phasing
the diner out of our lives.
57
00:02:15,399 --> 00:02:16,966
I have a stylist now.
58
00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:18,835
This is our two weeks' notice,
59
00:02:18,836 --> 00:02:21,059
and we need this week off
to get ready for the premiere.
60
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,072
I mentioned I have a stylist, right?
61
00:02:23,073 --> 00:02:25,108
So you leave me high and dry?
62
00:02:25,109 --> 00:02:28,845
I'm always high and dry around you.
63
00:02:28,846 --> 00:02:30,513
Han, we got Bobby's sister, Denise,
64
00:02:30,514 --> 00:02:32,615
to cover for us,
and she's already late.
65
00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:34,417
It'll be like we never left.
66
00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:36,319
(mouths word)
67
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,421
Whoo, sorry I'm sweaty and late.
68
00:02:38,422 --> 00:02:41,124
I tried to parkour my way here.
69
00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:45,028
Then I met the business
end of a parking meter.
70
00:02:45,029 --> 00:02:48,431
Basically, I broke my vagina.
71
00:02:48,432 --> 00:02:52,235
Where can I get a big
Ziploc bag full of ice?
72
00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:54,971
Uh... here.
73
00:02:54,972 --> 00:02:57,807
I was keeping my kidney in it.
74
00:02:57,808 --> 00:02:59,475
(upbeat music)
75
00:03:01,694 --> 00:03:04,778
Now, Bobby, before stylist to the stars
76
00:03:04,779 --> 00:03:06,580
Brad Goreski gets here,
77
00:03:06,581 --> 00:03:07,988
we just need to do a little work
78
00:03:07,989 --> 00:03:09,950
to fix up your clothes,
your hair, your face.
79
00:03:09,951 --> 00:03:11,885
Also, your walk's not great.
80
00:03:12,787 --> 00:03:14,388
How's my run?
81
00:03:14,389 --> 00:03:16,590
'Cause I feel like doing it right now.
82
00:03:16,591 --> 00:03:18,325
If you want to play stylist,
help Denise.
83
00:03:18,326 --> 00:03:22,896
She tucks her sweater in...
to her socks.
84
00:03:22,897 --> 00:03:25,399
Oh, Denise isn't invited
to the premiere.
85
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,068
I can't run the risk of
being embarrassed by someone.
86
00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:29,903
I mean, Earl already
asked if he could bring
87
00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:33,340
his sleeping bag and his shopping cart.
88
00:03:33,341 --> 00:03:36,910
(groans) We get it, Earl, you're rich.
89
00:03:36,911 --> 00:03:38,345
(knocking on door)
90
00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:42,049
Uh, my dress is by Beddy Spready.
91
00:03:43,685 --> 00:03:45,052
It's a bedspread.
92
00:03:46,621 --> 00:03:50,223
(gasps) Oh, my God, Brad Goreski!
93
00:03:50,224 --> 00:03:51,925
Well, I can't prove it,
94
00:03:51,926 --> 00:03:55,228
because someone just
stole my wallet outside.
95
00:03:55,229 --> 00:03:57,331
All right, I gotta go get a suit
96
00:03:57,332 --> 00:03:58,799
after I get my...
97
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,902
eyelashes highlighted? Seriously?
98
00:04:01,903 --> 00:04:02,903
Love you.
99
00:04:02,904 --> 00:04:04,705
Both: Mm.
100
00:04:04,706 --> 00:04:06,907
Love you too.
101
00:04:06,908 --> 00:04:08,475
Good call on the eyelashes.
102
00:04:10,812 --> 00:04:13,013
MAX: (gasps) Ooh!
103
00:04:13,014 --> 00:04:14,715
First time there's been
104
00:04:14,716 --> 00:04:16,616
a better rack than
mine in the apartment.
105
00:04:16,617 --> 00:04:19,519
Okay, these are the choices.
106
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,655
They're on loan from the top designers,
107
00:04:21,656 --> 00:04:23,256
and if you hurt them,
108
00:04:23,257 --> 00:04:25,826
those bitches will hunt you down.
109
00:04:25,827 --> 00:04:28,195
Well, if Federal Marshal
Tommy Lee Jones
110
00:04:28,196 --> 00:04:31,531
couldn't find me, good luck.
111
00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:34,067
That's a brand-new Zac Posen.
112
00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:35,936
He gave it to me as a favor,
113
00:04:35,937 --> 00:04:39,406
because we share a time
share and a love of Cher.
114
00:04:39,407 --> 00:04:41,475
Over share?
115
00:04:41,476 --> 00:04:42,976
You got anything over there
116
00:04:42,977 --> 00:04:44,511
I won't have to shave my pits for?
117
00:04:44,512 --> 00:04:46,880
Hmm, hold on.
118
00:04:46,881 --> 00:04:48,415
Let me sniff around
119
00:04:48,416 --> 00:04:51,017
for Shailene Woodley's
SAG Awards dress.
120
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,755
Oh, my God, I love it.
121
00:04:54,756 --> 00:04:56,089
Oh, good eye.
122
00:04:56,090 --> 00:04:59,659
That's a $10,000 dress.
123
00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:00,994
And that's why it looks so lost
124
00:05:00,995 --> 00:05:03,463
and afraid in this apartment.
125
00:05:04,298 --> 00:05:06,666
$10,000?
126
00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:09,703
I can own and operate
an Old Navy for that.
127
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:12,739
Oh, my God.
128
00:05:12,740 --> 00:05:14,641
Did someone call fashion 911?
129
00:05:14,642 --> 00:05:17,511
The fashion police are here!
130
00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:20,447
Well, this is embarrassing.
131
00:05:20,448 --> 00:05:23,750
Yes, I'm celebrity
stylist Brad Goreski.
132
00:05:23,751 --> 00:05:27,487
Oh, see, I thought you
were Melissa Rivers.
133
00:05:29,524 --> 00:05:33,160
Yeah, 'cause you guys
have very similar jaws.
134
00:05:35,029 --> 00:05:39,032
Hey, do you style babies?
135
00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:41,234
'Cause I want Barbara to be discovered
136
00:05:41,235 --> 00:05:43,370
at the movie premiere.
137
00:05:43,371 --> 00:05:46,239
The only baby I style is Kanye West.
138
00:05:48,209 --> 00:05:53,213
Wait, are you sure
you're not Melissa Rivers?
139
00:05:53,214 --> 00:05:56,083
(rock music)
140
00:05:56,084 --> 00:05:57,884
(gasps)
141
00:05:57,885 --> 00:06:00,887
Max, this is my reintroduction
into high society,
142
00:06:00,888 --> 00:06:03,156
and you had to bring ribs for the limo?
143
00:06:03,157 --> 00:06:04,791
(scoffs)
144
00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:07,127
Somebody obviously was
never in a Pitbull video.
145
00:06:07,128 --> 00:06:09,596
Doesn't look like we're
going anywhere in this traffic.
146
00:06:09,597 --> 00:06:10,964
I'll take a road rib.
147
00:06:10,965 --> 00:06:12,699
(gasps)
148
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,935
Max, if you get that red wine near me,
149
00:06:14,936 --> 00:06:16,937
I will start singing
songs from Funny Girl,
150
00:06:16,938 --> 00:06:18,572
and I will not stop.
151
00:06:18,573 --> 00:06:19,773
- (sighs)
- Can I some of that
152
00:06:19,774 --> 00:06:20,974
"deal with Caroline" juice?
153
00:06:20,975 --> 00:06:22,542
(gasps)
154
00:06:23,744 --> 00:06:25,779
(sighs)
155
00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:27,948
Max, that's your third sigh.
156
00:06:27,949 --> 00:06:30,283
Is my makeup not perfect?
157
00:06:30,284 --> 00:06:33,320
Do even my sighs have to be about you?
158
00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:35,655
Well, it is my night.
159
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,491
I was just thinking how
this whole movie thing
160
00:06:37,492 --> 00:06:39,860
started in L.A. with Randy.
161
00:06:39,861 --> 00:06:41,428
It's kind of sad he's not here,
162
00:06:41,429 --> 00:06:43,663
and also, your makeup
is a little clowny.
163
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,398
Oh, no.
164
00:06:45,399 --> 00:06:47,501
Yeah, well, Randy's the only person
165
00:06:47,502 --> 00:06:50,937
I've ever loved or let love me.
166
00:06:50,938 --> 00:06:52,973
How clowny?
167
00:06:52,974 --> 00:06:54,941
(knocking)
168
00:06:56,511 --> 00:06:58,345
What are you guys doing out there?
169
00:06:58,346 --> 00:07:00,981
We hopped out of our cab,
because of the traffic.
170
00:07:00,982 --> 00:07:03,517
Also, it was on fire.
171
00:07:03,518 --> 00:07:05,285
Well, we'd invite you guys in here,
172
00:07:05,286 --> 00:07:08,288
but the windows keep
going up on their own.
173
00:07:10,191 --> 00:07:14,995
♪
174
00:07:14,996 --> 00:07:16,329
(elevator bell dings)
175
00:07:18,633 --> 00:07:20,033
CAROLINE: (gasps)
176
00:07:20,034 --> 00:07:21,635
You don't think that limo driver's
177
00:07:21,636 --> 00:07:23,336
gonna eat the rest
of my coleslaw, do you?
178
00:07:23,337 --> 00:07:26,973
Shh, no one says
"coleslaw" on a red carpet.
179
00:07:26,974 --> 00:07:29,042
I think you hid it pretty
well in the cup holders.
180
00:07:29,043 --> 00:07:32,312
Oh, my God. Look at all this.
181
00:07:32,313 --> 00:07:34,181
Oh, good, Caroline Channing.
182
00:07:34,182 --> 00:07:36,216
Stay here. It's not your time yet.
183
00:07:36,217 --> 00:07:38,051
Oh, that's what the angels said to me
184
00:07:38,052 --> 00:07:40,053
when I drove that dump
truck into the East River.
185
00:07:40,054 --> 00:07:41,321
(elevator bell dings)
186
00:07:43,124 --> 00:07:45,559
(gasps) Oh, look,
it's the star of Happy Feet.
187
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,394
Antarctica's that way.
188
00:07:47,395 --> 00:07:48,895
No, it's that way.
189
00:07:48,896 --> 00:07:50,697
This is exciting.
190
00:07:50,698 --> 00:07:53,066
I haven't seen this much paparazzi
191
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:56,136
since I was dating Harriet Tubman.
192
00:07:56,137 --> 00:07:57,938
You guys must be the
Make-A-Wish couple.
193
00:07:57,939 --> 00:08:00,473
Actually, we're just friends.
194
00:08:00,474 --> 00:08:03,577
If I had a wish,
he'd be a giant doobie.
195
00:08:03,578 --> 00:08:05,078
Just keep it moving.
196
00:08:05,079 --> 00:08:06,746
It's the "Kevin Dillon and below" spot.
197
00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:09,883
(camera shutters clicking)
198
00:08:11,852 --> 00:08:14,621
HAN: They must all be
reloading their cameras.
199
00:08:14,622 --> 00:08:16,325
Are you trying to say
I shouldn't be seeing
200
00:08:16,326 --> 00:08:19,462
all these flashing lights right now?
201
00:08:20,561 --> 00:08:21,561
(elevator bell dings)
202
00:08:21,562 --> 00:08:23,930
Hey, everybody!
203
00:08:23,931 --> 00:08:27,300
Check out my red carpet dress.
204
00:08:27,301 --> 00:08:29,169
(giggles)
205
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,638
So, when I said "red carpet attire,"
206
00:08:31,639 --> 00:08:34,941
I meant something... wow.
207
00:08:34,942 --> 00:08:37,510
I vacuumed it myself before we left.
208
00:08:37,511 --> 00:08:39,846
It gave me hard wood.
209
00:08:39,847 --> 00:08:43,383
Well, the real star tonight is here.
210
00:08:43,384 --> 00:08:45,051
(gasps) Verne Troyer, where?
211
00:08:45,052 --> 00:08:48,054
No, Barbara.
212
00:08:48,055 --> 00:08:51,658
Come on, Barbara,
let's make you a star.
213
00:08:51,659 --> 00:08:56,062
Look, it's kielbasa, your favorite.
214
00:09:00,234 --> 00:09:03,536
Hey, everybody!
215
00:09:03,537 --> 00:09:06,005
It's baby Barbara.
216
00:09:11,112 --> 00:09:12,912
Here are some headshots.
217
00:09:12,913 --> 00:09:15,649
She's cute, she's versatile,
and like her mother,
218
00:09:15,650 --> 00:09:18,485
she can put all ten toes in her mouth.
219
00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:22,889
(elevator bell dings)
220
00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:24,958
There you are.
221
00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:26,893
Oh, let's hold off a minute.
222
00:09:26,894 --> 00:09:31,097
Old Hollywood rule:
never follow sausage.
223
00:09:31,098 --> 00:09:33,566
- Okay, who's next?
- Oh, I'll go.
224
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:36,503
Following sausage is kinda my thing.
225
00:09:36,504 --> 00:09:39,639
(camera shutters clicking)
226
00:09:47,682 --> 00:09:51,351
Doesn't matter what you do
if you're rocking the cleavage.
227
00:09:53,688 --> 00:09:55,288
Thanks for lending him clothes.
228
00:09:55,289 --> 00:09:56,990
I told him to get something cool,
229
00:09:56,991 --> 00:09:59,526
so he bought a short-sleeved suit.
230
00:09:59,527 --> 00:10:03,163
Yeah, it's part of the
Steven Seagal summer collection.
231
00:10:03,164 --> 00:10:05,832
Hey, are we ready?
232
00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:07,500
Yeah.
233
00:10:07,501 --> 00:10:10,003
You look so handsome.
234
00:10:10,004 --> 00:10:11,604
Let me just fix that hair.
235
00:10:11,605 --> 00:10:14,774
It's still doing that
thing that I hate.
236
00:10:14,775 --> 00:10:17,544
Actually, it might just be
the shape of your head.
237
00:10:17,545 --> 00:10:19,145
Walk a little in front of me.
238
00:10:19,146 --> 00:10:20,714
I want to share this moment with you,
239
00:10:20,715 --> 00:10:23,283
but I want to do it alone.
240
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,521
- Okay.
- Okay.
241
00:10:28,522 --> 00:10:30,223
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Bobby.
242
00:10:30,224 --> 00:10:31,891
- No, Bobby... Bobby, wait!
- I'm going, I'm going.
243
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,993
I'm moving as fast as
my big misshapen head'll go.
244
00:10:33,994 --> 00:10:35,737
- (screaming)
- Caroline, you're unraveling!
245
00:10:35,738 --> 00:10:37,197
CAROLINE: Bobby, come back!
246
00:10:37,198 --> 00:10:38,431
Oh, Bobby, no, I'm serious!
247
00:10:38,432 --> 00:10:40,767
(camera shutters clicking)
248
00:10:40,768 --> 00:10:43,503
Aah! I can't believe this is happening!
249
00:10:43,504 --> 00:10:46,639
And Bobby's hair is still sticking up!
250
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,875
Oh, my God, this is worse than
251
00:10:48,876 --> 00:10:51,644
Eric Stonestreet's nip slip.
252
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:57,183
- Max...
- (gasps)
253
00:10:59,019 --> 00:11:00,286
Randy.
254
00:11:00,287 --> 00:11:02,055
Max.
255
00:11:02,056 --> 00:11:05,759
I'd... love to stay and talk,
256
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,661
but I just remembered
I have to run away.
257
00:11:14,034 --> 00:11:16,603
Brad, a little help?
258
00:11:16,604 --> 00:11:18,104
You're on your own.
259
00:11:18,105 --> 00:11:19,472
(elevator bell dings)
260
00:11:26,161 --> 00:11:28,162
Stupid showing up at movies,
261
00:11:28,163 --> 00:11:32,666
like, "Oh, surprise, Max, I'm here."
262
00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:34,301
(sighs)
263
00:11:37,205 --> 00:11:39,873
(groans) Sorry, we're closed.
264
00:11:39,874 --> 00:11:41,308
You ran out of there so fast,
265
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:44,645
you trampled that strange exotic bird.
266
00:11:44,646 --> 00:11:47,681
That was Tilda Swinton,
and I apologized.
267
00:11:49,050 --> 00:11:50,617
How did you know I was here?
268
00:11:50,618 --> 00:11:53,220
I followed you.
269
00:11:53,221 --> 00:11:55,889
You could've just poked me on Facebook.
270
00:11:56,624 --> 00:11:59,226
Rather poke you in person.
271
00:12:00,695 --> 00:12:03,597
So... you gonna give me a drink?
272
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,516
Are you gonna give me
a reason you're here?
273
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,701
Are you gonna give me a
reason you're so beautiful?
274
00:12:07,702 --> 00:12:09,436
Are you gonna give me a reason...
275
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,904
okay, fine, I'll give you a drink.
276
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,242
(groans)
277
00:12:15,243 --> 00:12:16,410
I just got over you.
278
00:12:16,411 --> 00:12:18,178
What do you want from me?
279
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,216
I want to be with you.
280
00:12:22,217 --> 00:12:25,352
(derisive laughter)
281
00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:29,122
Oh, please!
282
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,059
You think you can just
come in here in your suit
283
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:35,796
and be like,
"Uh, I wanna be with you, Max."
284
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,297
You say you love me,
285
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,966
you say you can't live without me,
286
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:41,068
and then you go and live without me.
287
00:12:42,103 --> 00:12:45,405
You, sir, are unreliable.
288
00:12:45,406 --> 00:12:46,940
Max, I miss you.
289
00:12:46,941 --> 00:12:48,593
Every time I see Cheeto dust
290
00:12:48,594 --> 00:12:50,817
or a girl wearing flip-flops
in an expensive restaurant,
291
00:12:50,818 --> 00:12:52,446
I tear up.
292
00:12:52,447 --> 00:12:53,422
Oh, really?
293
00:12:53,423 --> 00:12:56,416
I thought you said long-distance
relationships didn't work.
294
00:12:56,417 --> 00:12:58,719
Not gonna be long distance anymore.
295
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,187
What about your firm in L.A.?
296
00:13:00,188 --> 00:13:02,789
We just opened offices in New York.
297
00:13:02,790 --> 00:13:04,291
Where are they?
298
00:13:05,927 --> 00:13:08,595
Two blocks from my new
apartment I just got.
299
00:13:08,596 --> 00:13:10,297
Well, where's your dog?
300
00:13:10,298 --> 00:13:13,300
Doesn't he have season
tickets to the Lakers?
301
00:13:13,301 --> 00:13:15,335
He and Jack Nicholson got in a fight.
302
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,271
Well, what about
all that stuff you said
303
00:13:17,272 --> 00:13:19,540
about us being in
different places in our lives?
304
00:13:19,541 --> 00:13:22,809
I want to be in your place.
305
00:13:22,810 --> 00:13:24,033
What about that thing you said
306
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:27,514
about the way I eat noodles?
307
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,282
I'm working on that.
308
00:13:30,752 --> 00:13:33,887
Max, I've been crazy about you
since the moment I met you.
309
00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:35,422
I don't want to live without you.
310
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:38,759
- Oh, really?
- Really.
311
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:40,661
Prove it.
312
00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:51,471
Max George Black...
313
00:13:54,142 --> 00:13:55,909
I love you.
314
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,348
Will you marry me?
315
00:14:03,151 --> 00:14:04,651
(laughs) Wait, what?
316
00:14:06,154 --> 00:14:08,322
Caroline can really put you to sleep
317
00:14:08,323 --> 00:14:11,358
on and off the screen, huh?
318
00:14:11,359 --> 00:14:13,894
Here.
319
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:17,164
Oh, she doesn't even like her desserts.
320
00:14:17,165 --> 00:14:20,233
Well, at least you got a nap
out of it, right, Barbara?
321
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:24,805
You were the one who was
drooling pretty hard in there.
322
00:14:24,806 --> 00:14:27,708
You know what?
After seeing that snoozer,
323
00:14:27,709 --> 00:14:31,178
I don't want Barbara to
have any part of Hollywood.
324
00:14:31,179 --> 00:14:32,679
Yeah.
325
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,216
You know, she can be
something important,
326
00:14:36,217 --> 00:14:38,051
like a realtor.
327
00:14:38,052 --> 00:14:41,088
(mouths words)
328
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,522
BOBBY: All right,
329
00:14:42,523 --> 00:14:44,091
I stitched it up with a rubber band
330
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:47,027
and a fisherman's knot right there.
331
00:14:47,028 --> 00:14:51,498
Yeah, Steven Seagal has
a dress just like that.
332
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:55,202
Bobby, how am I gonna pay
for this dress I ruined?
333
00:14:55,203 --> 00:14:56,970
Do you have $10,000?
334
00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:58,505
I can give you $4
335
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:00,440
and make you another fisherman's knot.
336
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,042
I just really want you to know
337
00:15:02,043 --> 00:15:04,111
that I am sorry for the
way I've been acting.
338
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:04,940
Look, I know.
339
00:15:04,941 --> 00:15:06,809
You have been
really nervous about today,
340
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:09,411
and it brought out what
I hope is the worst in you.
341
00:15:09,412 --> 00:15:11,880
I'll just say yes.
342
00:15:11,881 --> 00:15:15,306
Anyway, none of that
superficial stuff matters.
343
00:15:15,307 --> 00:15:18,843
What matters is that I love you,
344
00:15:18,844 --> 00:15:21,880
and I owe $10,000 for this dress.
345
00:15:21,881 --> 00:15:24,549
Just a heads-up. I see London, I see...
346
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:26,217
Your whole left butt cheek is out.
347
00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:27,986
(gasps)
348
00:15:27,987 --> 00:15:31,623
I may have a solution
to your $10,000 problem.
349
00:15:31,624 --> 00:15:33,224
I am not going in on
350
00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:35,193
that Little Caesar's
franchise with you.
351
00:15:35,194 --> 00:15:38,696
We'd be making more than pizza,
I'll tell you that.
352
00:15:38,697 --> 00:15:40,765
Look, I'm flush with cash now
353
00:15:40,766 --> 00:15:43,334
that they've stopped
making Dr. Who figurines.
354
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:46,070
How about if I pay for the dress,
355
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:49,441
you and Max can pay me back
by working at the diner?
356
00:15:49,442 --> 00:15:50,909
(gasps)
357
00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:52,744
Han, yes.
358
00:15:52,745 --> 00:15:55,547
Thank you for not making
me beg for my job back.
359
00:15:55,548 --> 00:15:57,015
You would've begged?
360
00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:01,019
Oh! Oh! Oh!
361
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:02,687
Oh!
362
00:16:05,791 --> 00:16:09,027
Well, I should walk off this boner.
363
00:16:11,764 --> 00:16:15,033
Wait, I mean, go get Earl out of here.
364
00:16:15,034 --> 00:16:16,701
He's pitching his idea for
365
00:16:16,702 --> 00:16:18,736
The Black Lincoln to Scorsese,
366
00:16:18,737 --> 00:16:22,240
and by Scorsese, I mean a plant.
367
00:16:22,241 --> 00:16:26,811
Yo, think about it, Marty.
368
00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:30,915
Bobby, I felt bad about
not inviting Denise,
369
00:16:30,916 --> 00:16:32,784
so I texted her during the movie.
370
00:16:32,785 --> 00:16:34,219
Hopefully, she'll be smart enough
371
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:35,687
to change out of her diner uniform,
372
00:16:35,688 --> 00:16:38,222
and there she is, and, no, she wasn't.
373
00:16:40,226 --> 00:16:41,726
It's not usually this red.
374
00:16:41,727 --> 00:16:44,596
I burned it on the grill.
375
00:16:44,597 --> 00:16:47,432
So the worst part
of the night's not over.
376
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:49,968
Oh, my God.
377
00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:52,170
It's retro, it's now,
378
00:16:52,171 --> 00:16:55,773
it's a little tomato-saucy,
but it works.
379
00:16:55,774 --> 00:16:59,611
I spilled spaghetti
and meatballs on myself.
380
00:16:59,612 --> 00:17:01,279
You have a girlfriend?
381
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,081
No.
382
00:17:03,082 --> 00:17:05,984
Don't worry, we can find a third.
383
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,153
(phone chimes)
384
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,822
It's from Max. It says,
385
00:17:10,823 --> 00:17:13,057
"Meet me at the dessert bar.
It's an emergency."
386
00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:15,994
She never says
something's an emergency.
387
00:17:15,995 --> 00:17:18,463
She came to work with
a knife in her head.
388
00:17:18,464 --> 00:17:20,565
♪
389
00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:26,594
Max, where did you go?
390
00:17:26,595 --> 00:17:29,263
You missed everything.
And as hard as I tried,
391
00:17:29,264 --> 00:17:31,465
they wouldn't give me
a second swag bag.
392
00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:35,169
And I will not share the
Kate Hudson yoga pants.
393
00:17:35,170 --> 00:17:38,406
You can have them, 'cause I have this!
394
00:17:38,407 --> 00:17:40,141
CAROLINE: (gasps)
395
00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:48,082
You stole an engagement ring?
396
00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:50,551
Can I come out now? It smells in there.
397
00:17:50,552 --> 00:17:52,286
Oh, my God, Randy.
398
00:17:52,287 --> 00:17:53,952
Are you upset that Max is engaged?
399
00:17:53,953 --> 00:17:55,323
Oh, wait!
400
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:58,426
(screaming)
401
00:18:00,128 --> 00:18:02,096
Now I know why you wanted
to tell her without me.
402
00:18:02,097 --> 00:18:03,931
- Back to the smelly room.
- No!
403
00:18:05,634 --> 00:18:06,834
Aw.
404
00:18:08,971 --> 00:18:10,571
Oh, my God!
405
00:18:10,572 --> 00:18:12,640
This night that was totally about me
406
00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:16,043
is totally about you,
and I'm not even jealous!
407
00:18:17,546 --> 00:18:20,982
Oh, my God. Are you moving to L.A.?
408
00:18:20,983 --> 00:18:23,651
Different kind of tears coming.
409
00:18:23,652 --> 00:18:25,886
Nope, I'm moving here.
410
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:28,155
Should've done it a long time ago.
411
00:18:28,156 --> 00:18:29,857
I'm keeping my name, by the way.
412
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,892
It'd be weird for people
to call me Randy.
413
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:33,260
(chuckles)
414
00:18:33,261 --> 00:18:35,563
See? How can I live without this?
415
00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:37,865
See, Caroline? You got your wish.
416
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:39,467
We're both with someone.
417
00:18:39,468 --> 00:18:41,068
Looks like I got my wish.
418
00:18:41,069 --> 00:18:44,171
- We're not gonna die together.
- (laughs)
419
00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:46,574
You are more than
welcome to die with us.
420
00:18:46,575 --> 00:18:48,242
So I hear you have a boyfriend.
421
00:18:48,243 --> 00:18:49,844
Yeah, he'll be right in.
422
00:18:49,845 --> 00:18:52,380
He's getting Max's
coleslaw out of the limo.
423
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,415
The driver said he didn't eat it,
424
00:18:54,416 --> 00:18:56,317
but his face is covered in mayonnaise.
425
00:18:57,853 --> 00:18:59,720
Bobby, this is Randy...
426
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:02,623
- Max's fiancé.
- What?
427
00:19:02,624 --> 00:19:05,092
Um, I'll break up with him
if you don't talk American.
428
00:19:05,093 --> 00:19:06,527
CAROLINE: (scoffs)
429
00:19:08,597 --> 00:19:11,198
- You look familiar.
- So do you.
430
00:19:11,199 --> 00:19:13,934
Both: Aww.
431
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,703
You're that lawyer that
432
00:19:15,704 --> 00:19:19,507
screwed my mother and sister
out of that reality show.
433
00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:23,978
- Yeah, it was called...
- Move Out, You're 40.
434
00:19:23,979 --> 00:19:27,715
Yeah, we had to fire them
'cause they're insane.
435
00:19:27,716 --> 00:19:28,849
I'm sorry, are you calling
436
00:19:28,850 --> 00:19:30,284
my mother and sister insane?
437
00:19:30,285 --> 00:19:34,121
Oh, not just me.
The state of New Jersey.
438
00:19:34,122 --> 00:19:36,305
Oh, it's so cute. They know each other.
439
00:19:36,306 --> 00:19:37,591
(giggles)
440
00:19:37,592 --> 00:19:40,061
Let's take this outside.
There's ladies here.
441
00:19:40,062 --> 00:19:42,530
(scoffs) Well, one.
442
00:19:42,531 --> 00:19:44,231
That's a good idea.
443
00:19:44,232 --> 00:19:45,599
First one you've ever had.
444
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,469
Okay, that's it.
445
00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:49,737
His mother put a curse on me.
446
00:19:49,738 --> 00:19:50,842
Yeah, and you haven't found
447
00:19:50,843 --> 00:19:52,455
a good parking space since, have you?
448
00:19:52,456 --> 00:19:54,791
Bobby, don't ruin your suit.
We can't afford it.
449
00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:57,627
Oh, my God, this is terrible.
450
00:19:57,628 --> 00:19:59,962
- Can I see the ring again?
- (giggles)
451
00:19:59,963 --> 00:20:03,666
Um, I licked it, and it's not candy.
452
00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:05,034
(chuckles)
453
00:20:05,035 --> 00:20:08,137
(crashing, grunting, yelling)
454
00:20:11,508 --> 00:20:13,375
(gasps) Aww, they must've made up.
455
00:20:13,376 --> 00:20:14,710
They're hugging.
456
00:20:14,711 --> 00:20:18,848
(grunting, yelling)
457
00:20:18,849 --> 00:20:21,283
This is not good.
458
00:20:21,284 --> 00:20:23,018
And more not good,
459
00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:25,262
we still have to work at the
diner to pay off my dress.
460
00:20:25,263 --> 00:20:28,457
Did Bobby's mother
put a curse on us too?
461
00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:31,527
(grunting, yelling)
462
00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:35,531
Is it weird I think
that's a little hot?
463
00:20:36,967 --> 00:20:38,267
Let me see the ring again.
464
00:20:38,268 --> 00:20:41,203
(upbeat rock music)
465
00:20:41,204 --> 00:20:42,671
♪
466
00:20:42,672 --> 00:20:43,752
(cash register dings)
467
00:20:43,753 --> 00:20:45,968
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.