1
00:00:03,236 --> 00:00:05,615
Girls, prepare to be more obsolete
2
00:00:05,616 --> 00:00:07,184
than you already are.
3
00:00:07,185 --> 00:00:08,451
Which will be hard.
4
00:00:08,452 --> 00:00:11,354
You're one step above newspapers.
5
00:00:11,355 --> 00:00:13,523
Behold, the future!
6
00:00:13,524 --> 00:00:16,126
Oh, no. I'm still here in the future?
7
00:00:19,297 --> 00:00:22,699
Or, Han, your sister's here.
8
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:26,570
Hello, mola, Konichiwa.
9
00:00:26,571 --> 00:00:28,438
I guess now's a good time to admit
10
00:00:28,439 --> 00:00:30,373
that I ate a bunch of
shrooms and I'm seeing
11
00:00:30,374 --> 00:00:33,109
a robot in a bowtie.
12
00:00:33,110 --> 00:00:36,046
This is a room service
robot that delivers food.
13
00:00:36,047 --> 00:00:37,881
My aunt's Holiday Inn went belly-up.
14
00:00:37,882 --> 00:00:40,283
I got this and one night stand.
15
00:00:40,284 --> 00:00:41,585
That's the only one night stand
16
00:00:41,586 --> 00:00:44,387
you're ever gonna get.
17
00:00:44,388 --> 00:00:46,156
Must be a different kind of room service
18
00:00:46,157 --> 00:00:49,426
than they have at
Tuggington's Hourly Motel.
19
00:00:49,427 --> 00:00:51,094
Where the first tug is free.
20
00:00:53,931 --> 00:00:55,599
R2, thank God.
21
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,836
I thought I lost you when
we blew up the Death Star.
22
00:00:59,837 --> 00:01:02,272
Would you like a late check out?
23
00:01:02,273 --> 00:01:04,174
Sorry, toots. I checked out years ago.
24
00:01:04,175 --> 00:01:06,810
List diner specials.
25
00:01:06,811 --> 00:01:10,680
You have ordered four adult films.
26
00:01:10,681 --> 00:01:11,781
That's a lie.
27
00:01:11,782 --> 00:01:14,985
I've only ordered three.
28
00:01:14,986 --> 00:01:18,255
Shut down, robot.
29
00:01:18,256 --> 00:01:20,590
Hey! Hey!
30
00:01:20,591 --> 00:01:22,993
This is what happens when
you get a robot for free!
31
00:01:26,364 --> 00:01:27,931
R2, no!
32
00:01:27,932 --> 00:01:31,668
Yoda's our friend!
33
00:01:31,669 --> 00:01:33,603
Somebody help me!
34
00:01:33,604 --> 00:01:35,972
If that thing could show
cleavage and steal silver wear,
35
00:01:35,973 --> 00:01:38,475
I'd be out of a job.
36
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:48,020
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
37
00:01:55,029 --> 00:01:57,463
I can't wait for our date either, Bobby.
38
00:01:57,464 --> 00:01:59,599
Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
39
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,234
You hang up first.
40
00:02:01,235 --> 00:02:04,304
No, you hang up... Oh, he hung up.
41
00:02:04,305 --> 00:02:06,573
I'm liking this guy more and more.
42
00:02:06,574 --> 00:02:09,108
I know. Isn't Bobby the cutest?
43
00:02:09,109 --> 00:02:12,212
Not smoking Chinese
baby cute, but not bad.
44
00:02:12,213 --> 00:02:13,713
Max, I'm so excited.
45
00:02:13,714 --> 00:02:15,448
This is the first date I'll be going on
46
00:02:15,449 --> 00:02:18,985
since Julia Roberts could
still open a romantic comedy.
47
00:02:18,986 --> 00:02:21,009
I'm still pissed at them
for stealing my life story
48
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:22,322
for "Pretty Woman."
49
00:02:22,323 --> 00:02:25,291
Jason Alexander's
character was totally me.
50
00:02:25,292 --> 00:02:27,060
For our date, he's thinking of taking me
51
00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:29,229
on an afternoon picnic in the park.
52
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:33,399
The pretty one, where you crotch
punched that mime into a pond.
53
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,023
You know the fact
that Bobby's taking you
54
00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:36,769
on a day date is a bad sign, right?
55
00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:38,504
It probably means he's married.
56
00:02:38,505 --> 00:02:40,974
Or worse, afraid of the dark.
57
00:02:40,975 --> 00:02:43,676
Actually, the day date was my idea.
58
00:02:43,677 --> 00:02:45,678
You know we're not married, right?
59
00:02:45,679 --> 00:02:47,780
That's not why I call you my old lady.
60
00:02:47,781 --> 00:02:49,244
It's cause you write thank you notes
61
00:02:49,245 --> 00:02:51,751
and use the word jeepers.
62
00:02:51,752 --> 00:02:54,153
Jeepers, Max!
63
00:02:54,154 --> 00:02:56,089
I just figured if I go out at night,
64
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:57,790
you'll have to run the dessert bar alone
65
00:02:57,791 --> 00:02:59,525
and you've never done that before.
66
00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:02,295
I've also never flossed my back teeth.
67
00:03:02,296 --> 00:03:04,964
And they're fine when it's not windy.
68
00:03:04,965 --> 00:03:06,699
I got this.
69
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,534
Hey, girls.
70
00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:11,137
I just thought I'd take a
walk and stretch my knees.
71
00:03:11,138 --> 00:03:14,173
Then I remembered I don't have any.
72
00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:18,278
Earl, I'm going on a
night date, like a person.
73
00:03:18,279 --> 00:03:21,814
Max will be running the dessert
bar and that'll be fine, right?
74
00:03:21,815 --> 00:03:25,518
Ooh, speaking of
disasters, that reminds me,
75
00:03:25,519 --> 00:03:27,654
I have to return "Risky
Business" to Blockbuster.
76
00:03:27,655 --> 00:03:29,489
When do they close?
77
00:03:29,490 --> 00:03:31,457
2009.
78
00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:34,527
So I still have time.
79
00:03:34,528 --> 00:03:36,729
Hey, guys, look. It's a groundhog.
80
00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:38,798
So it's gonna be an early spring.
81
00:03:38,799 --> 00:03:41,334
No. He saw his shadow this year.
82
00:03:41,335 --> 00:03:43,169
Know your facts.
83
00:03:43,170 --> 00:03:45,571
Earl, you're supposed
to be in the diner.
84
00:03:45,572 --> 00:03:48,207
I had to ask our shrimp
supplier to cover for you.
85
00:03:48,208 --> 00:03:50,910
I thought your mother
was our shrimp supplier.
86
00:03:50,911 --> 00:03:54,147
Han, I'm going on a
night date, like a person.
87
00:03:54,148 --> 00:03:57,417
Max'll be running the dessert
bar and that'll be fine, right?
88
00:03:57,418 --> 00:04:00,186
Sure, like when I had her
run the diner by herself.
89
00:04:00,187 --> 00:04:03,022
Which never happened
because I'm not a damn fool!
90
00:04:03,023 --> 00:04:04,357
Let's go, Earl.
91
00:04:04,358 --> 00:04:05,825
All right, fine.
92
00:04:05,826 --> 00:04:07,559
I left my knees there, anyway.
93
00:04:09,729 --> 00:04:12,598
Hey, I was, uh... I was
just in the neighborhood
94
00:04:12,599 --> 00:04:14,867
and thought I'd hop on
two subways and a Citi Bike
95
00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:15,902
and come say hi.
96
00:04:15,903 --> 00:04:17,437
A Citi Bike?
97
00:04:17,438 --> 00:04:20,340
Oh, this city gal is flattered.
98
00:04:20,341 --> 00:04:22,241
Jeepers.
99
00:04:22,242 --> 00:04:23,910
Isn't he the cutest?
100
00:04:23,911 --> 00:04:26,612
Oh, not dog running in his
sleep cute, but I'm all right.
101
00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:28,281
Bobby, I have some good news.
102
00:04:28,282 --> 00:04:29,985
I don't want you to
think I'm loose or fast
103
00:04:29,986 --> 00:04:33,219
or whatever the kids
say, but I am available
104
00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:35,355
for a night date, like a person.
105
00:04:35,356 --> 00:04:37,056
Hey, really? That's great.
106
00:04:37,057 --> 00:04:39,459
I usually save my day
dates for my grandma.
107
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:40,960
She likes a noon dinner.
108
00:04:40,961 --> 00:04:43,463
- I like a noon...
- No.
109
00:04:43,464 --> 00:04:44,727
Since we're going out at night,
110
00:04:44,728 --> 00:04:46,532
I can cancel all the romantic errands
111
00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:47,716
we were gonna run to the bank
112
00:04:47,717 --> 00:04:49,369
and my dry cleaners.
113
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:50,703
Now I can take you to a movie.
114
00:04:50,704 --> 00:04:52,327
There's this new
theater that has couches
115
00:04:52,328 --> 00:04:53,539
and waiter service.
116
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:55,641
Wow. We work in a restaurant
117
00:04:55,642 --> 00:04:57,877
and we don't have waiter service.
118
00:04:57,878 --> 00:05:00,646
He has a bank and clean clothes?
119
00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:02,781
Caroline, don't screw this up.
120
00:05:06,085 --> 00:05:10,323
Paging Dr. Pringle, you're
needed in my stomach.
121
00:05:10,324 --> 00:05:12,959
Okay, pop quiz on
running the dessert bar.
122
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,994
What do you do if a customer chokes?
123
00:05:14,995 --> 00:05:17,897
Look, if I have to cut a
hole in someone's throat,
124
00:05:17,898 --> 00:05:19,999
I'll cut a hole in someone's throat.
125
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,269
Cutting a hole in people can't
be your answer for everything.
126
00:05:23,270 --> 00:05:25,438
Next one. What do you
do if there's a fire?
127
00:05:25,439 --> 00:05:29,609
Follow up question: did I
or did I not start said fire?
128
00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:31,477
Either way, I'm cutting
a hole in someone.
129
00:05:31,478 --> 00:05:33,646
Okay you failed this quiz now twice.
130
00:05:33,647 --> 00:05:36,115
Especially the essay portion.
131
00:05:36,116 --> 00:05:38,116
I'm calling Bobby and canceling.
132
00:05:40,586 --> 00:05:43,489
Oh. They're home.
133
00:05:43,490 --> 00:05:46,025
He means, hey, girls.
134
00:05:46,026 --> 00:05:48,461
How did you get a key to our apartment?
135
00:05:48,462 --> 00:05:50,430
They specifically say on them,
136
00:05:50,431 --> 00:05:53,299
"Do not copy for Oleg."
137
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:56,135
I find that when you go
in a Home Depot pantless,
138
00:05:56,136 --> 00:05:58,604
they'll do anything
to get you out quick.
139
00:05:58,605 --> 00:06:00,173
We come down here on our date nights
140
00:06:00,174 --> 00:06:02,308
to pretend we're two destitute girls
141
00:06:02,309 --> 00:06:04,510
who are sleeping together for warmth.
142
00:06:04,511 --> 00:06:06,779
Why do you guys come here?
143
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:10,950
Why don't you go to, like,
I don't know, Olive Garden?
144
00:06:10,951 --> 00:06:12,985
Yeah, this is date night.
145
00:06:12,986 --> 00:06:17,190
Not find an overweight
guy to film us night.
146
00:06:17,191 --> 00:06:19,392
Staying in is a tradition.
147
00:06:19,393 --> 00:06:22,495
You know, in Poland, you
really can't go outside
148
00:06:22,496 --> 00:06:25,231
because of all the wild dogs.
149
00:06:25,232 --> 00:06:26,866
And if it wasn't for the wolves,
150
00:06:26,867 --> 00:06:29,335
You wouldn't be able to walk anywhere.
151
00:06:29,336 --> 00:06:32,305
Of course, you still
need your vulture stick.
152
00:06:32,306 --> 00:06:34,707
Speaking of vultures
circling a dead body,
153
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:36,509
Caroline's got a date tonight.
154
00:06:38,579 --> 00:06:40,847
Oh, my God, Max. That's a good one.
155
00:06:40,848 --> 00:06:42,482
Say it again.
156
00:06:42,483 --> 00:06:43,749
No, it's not a joke.
157
00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:44,884
I'm really going on a date.
158
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,223
Stop it! Oh, my gosh, I'm gonna pee.
159
00:06:50,224 --> 00:06:52,658
I'm going to that new
movie theater with couches.
160
00:06:52,659 --> 00:06:55,027
It's like watching at home,
but there isn't a giant spring
161
00:06:55,028 --> 00:06:56,395
poking you in the butt.
162
00:06:56,396 --> 00:06:58,096
Play your cards right, there will be.
163
00:07:07,199 --> 00:07:08,767
Here you go. Two Liquor Doodles.
164
00:07:08,768 --> 00:07:10,436
And speaking of licking her doodle...
165
00:07:10,437 --> 00:07:13,605
No.
166
00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:15,753
What are you doing here?
I thought I left you
167
00:07:15,754 --> 00:07:16,475
at the apartment.
168
00:07:16,476 --> 00:07:18,349
Which is what my abductor said
169
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:21,052
when I ran into him at Baskin-Robbins.
170
00:07:21,053 --> 00:07:23,821
Wait, did he work there or
did you just want ice cream?
171
00:07:23,822 --> 00:07:25,856
Because if he worked
there, why would you go...
172
00:07:25,857 --> 00:07:28,793
Anyway, I'm having Bobby pick me up here
173
00:07:28,794 --> 00:07:30,962
so I can keep my hand
on the fire extinguisher
174
00:07:30,963 --> 00:07:35,199
until we get to our wherever
it is he's taking me.
175
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,802
No. You don't trust me.
176
00:07:37,803 --> 00:07:39,737
You think I'm gonna mess this place up.
177
00:07:39,738 --> 00:07:41,572
Ah, Caroline gone yet?
178
00:07:41,573 --> 00:07:46,143
'Cause I got us some high-grade pot...
179
00:07:46,144 --> 00:07:50,681
to turn into the
authorities immediately.
180
00:07:50,682 --> 00:07:54,385
Earl, you go AWOL more
often than Mischa Barton
181
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:55,920
on a movie set.
182
00:07:55,921 --> 00:07:58,356
What do I have to do to
keep you in that diner?
183
00:07:58,357 --> 00:08:01,325
Well a date with Halle
Berry would be nice.
184
00:08:01,326 --> 00:08:04,562
I also wouldn't hate minimum wage.
185
00:08:04,563 --> 00:08:06,697
How about a butterscotch pudding?
186
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:08,499
That works, too.
187
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,901
That pudding has saved me
thousands over the years.
188
00:08:10,902 --> 00:08:14,505
And who told him about minimum wage?
189
00:08:14,506 --> 00:08:17,942
Will you just go on your date already?
190
00:08:17,943 --> 00:08:20,711
- Ashley!
- Ashleigh!
191
00:08:22,381 --> 00:08:24,749
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
192
00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:27,885
Oh, my God. Sorority sisters?
193
00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:29,453
Max, you hate them.
194
00:08:29,454 --> 00:08:32,189
I mean, I was a sorority sister.
195
00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:34,125
You look so good!
196
00:08:34,126 --> 00:08:36,027
Shut up, I gained, like, two pounds.
197
00:08:36,028 --> 00:08:38,762
Oh, you shut up. You
look like you're dying.
198
00:08:40,464 --> 00:08:43,534
Just relax, I'll take care of them.
199
00:08:43,535 --> 00:08:45,198
And I don't mean
calling my friend Dmitri,
200
00:08:45,199 --> 00:08:47,571
who has his own dumpster.
201
00:08:47,572 --> 00:08:49,307
Oh, sorority sisters, huh?
202
00:08:49,308 --> 00:08:51,542
Epsilon Phis! And we
haven't seen each other
203
00:08:51,543 --> 00:08:52,743
in, like, three days.
204
00:08:52,744 --> 00:08:55,112
Uh, that's pretty obvious.
205
00:08:55,113 --> 00:08:58,115
Let me get you some menus.
206
00:08:58,116 --> 00:09:01,285
Eh? Nobody got hurt.
207
00:09:01,286 --> 00:09:04,421
I'd feel better if your eye
wasn't twitching like that.
208
00:09:06,590 --> 00:09:09,727
Wow, Caroline, you look beautiful.
209
00:09:09,728 --> 00:09:12,730
Speaking of beautiful, who
built this awesome place?
210
00:09:12,731 --> 00:09:15,099
This guy. I'm going
out with him tonight.
211
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,168
He's cute, too.
212
00:09:17,169 --> 00:09:20,471
Okay, I know you're talking
about me, but I get jealous.
213
00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,807
I'm gonna tell you what
I always told my mom:
214
00:09:22,808 --> 00:09:24,809
go out, get plastered
and you don't have to wait
215
00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:26,777
till the morning after to take the pill.
216
00:09:26,778 --> 00:09:29,747
That's just a name.
217
00:09:29,748 --> 00:09:31,481
It's okay, I took mine on the way over.
218
00:09:33,150 --> 00:09:36,386
Have fun Max. Do not have fun. Bye!
219
00:09:38,823 --> 00:09:43,361
I can handle a few sorority girls.
220
00:09:43,362 --> 00:09:45,862
Let me make sure I still
have Dmitri's number.
221
00:09:47,198 --> 00:09:48,966
Bunny!
222
00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:52,670
Ashley! Ashleigh!
223
00:09:52,671 --> 00:09:55,639
God, they're multiplying.
224
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,608
Oh, you look so good!
225
00:09:57,609 --> 00:09:59,977
- Oh, shut up.
- You shut up!
226
00:09:59,978 --> 00:10:03,179
You guys should really
listen to each other.
227
00:10:05,649 --> 00:10:08,319
Couches in movie theaters?
228
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:12,022
I feel like Kate Middleton right now.
229
00:10:12,023 --> 00:10:13,891
I'm glad you're easily impressed.
230
00:10:13,892 --> 00:10:16,994
For Valentine's Day, I'll take
you to the Super Target cafe.
231
00:10:16,995 --> 00:10:19,463
Well I can't just sit
on that kinda news.
232
00:10:19,464 --> 00:10:21,065
Let me just call Max and tell her.
233
00:10:21,066 --> 00:10:24,535
Nope, straight to her
outgoing fart message.
234
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:27,338
Bon soir, everybody. My name is Marcel,
235
00:10:27,339 --> 00:10:29,407
and I will be the
curator for this evening's
236
00:10:29,408 --> 00:10:31,675
cinematic experience.
237
00:10:31,676 --> 00:10:34,044
The film, which Owen
Gleiberman has hailed,
238
00:10:34,045 --> 00:10:36,013
a Kubrickesque tour de force,
239
00:10:36,014 --> 00:10:37,848
will be screening in DCP...
240
00:10:37,849 --> 00:10:41,218
Uh, yes? A question
from a fellow cinephile?
241
00:10:41,219 --> 00:10:43,053
Do I have to order the seasoned fries
242
00:10:43,054 --> 00:10:47,925
separate from the regular ones
or can I just get them mixed?
243
00:10:47,926 --> 00:10:49,927
It's a dollar extra.
244
00:10:49,928 --> 00:10:53,564
I'll be taking orders
once the movie starts.
245
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:54,964
Whatever.
246
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:57,935
Hey, great question about the fries.
247
00:10:57,936 --> 00:11:00,871
I had a follow up about free refills.
248
00:11:00,872 --> 00:11:02,706
Everything okay?
249
00:11:02,707 --> 00:11:05,342
I was just, um, checking
this place on Yelp.
250
00:11:05,343 --> 00:11:07,378
And to see if the dessert
bar was on the news.
251
00:11:07,379 --> 00:11:08,912
Or engulfed in flames.
252
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,918
Shh.
253
00:11:13,919 --> 00:11:16,353
You saw the dancing hot dog.
254
00:11:16,354 --> 00:11:18,389
No cell phones.
255
00:11:18,390 --> 00:11:20,124
What are you guys doing here?
256
00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:23,694
Did I cover my bed in
"Dexter" tarp for nothing?
257
00:11:23,695 --> 00:11:24,929
We're on a date.
258
00:11:24,930 --> 00:11:27,798
Trying like crazy not to have sex.
259
00:11:27,799 --> 00:11:30,134
Usually, when the lights
go down in the movie,
260
00:11:30,135 --> 00:11:31,969
so do my pants.
261
00:11:31,970 --> 00:11:34,972
And then, so do I.
262
00:11:34,973 --> 00:11:38,776
And of course we would have
to see a super sexy poster
263
00:11:38,777 --> 00:11:42,279
of Steve Buscemi in the lobby.
264
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,582
Hi, I'm Bobby. Nice to meet you.
265
00:11:44,583 --> 00:11:47,952
Sorry, I'm no Steve Buscemi.
I had braces in high school.
266
00:11:47,953 --> 00:11:51,055
You guys brought Barbara
on your date with you?
267
00:11:51,056 --> 00:11:54,124
Of course not. She's
with the babysitter.
268
00:11:54,125 --> 00:11:57,661
We used the carriage
to sneak in our dinner.
269
00:11:57,662 --> 00:12:01,398
Hey, we're not gonna
pay movie chicken prices.
270
00:12:01,399 --> 00:12:03,433
Oleg, tear me off a leg.
271
00:12:09,673 --> 00:12:11,874
Good. Yeah.
272
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,680
Was that a siren?
273
00:12:16,681 --> 00:12:17,982
Oh, it's coming from the screen.
274
00:12:17,983 --> 00:12:19,650
The movie's called "Sirens."
275
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:21,685
I know, but I thought I
heard another one under it
276
00:12:21,686 --> 00:12:24,955
that sounded like it could
be heading for a dessert bar.
277
00:12:24,956 --> 00:12:26,624
Are you not having a good time?
278
00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:27,925
Do you not like movies?
279
00:12:27,926 --> 00:12:29,860
Please tell me you don't like plays.
280
00:12:29,861 --> 00:12:32,129
No, I'm having a great time.
281
00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:36,133
And please tell me you don't
consider musicals plays.
282
00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:38,435
Hey, I don't wanna check in on Max
283
00:12:38,436 --> 00:12:39,979
'cause she'll think I don't trust her.
284
00:12:39,980 --> 00:12:41,438
So can you check in on Max?
285
00:12:41,439 --> 00:12:44,208
Because I really don't trust her.
286
00:12:44,209 --> 00:12:47,177
Uh, I got chicken hands!
287
00:12:47,178 --> 00:12:49,947
Why don't you ask your
boyfriend to do it?
288
00:12:49,948 --> 00:12:52,383
First, we haven't discussed labels yet.
289
00:12:52,384 --> 00:12:55,452
And second, I don't want him
to think I'm not having fun.
290
00:12:55,453 --> 00:12:58,188
I'm having so much fun.
291
00:12:58,189 --> 00:13:01,725
I would go to a musical
if it was important to you
292
00:13:01,726 --> 00:13:03,226
I'll do it.
293
00:13:04,895 --> 00:13:06,830
Texting? Out.
294
00:13:06,831 --> 00:13:09,233
And don't come back until
you gain some respect
295
00:13:09,234 --> 00:13:11,168
for the art form.
296
00:13:11,169 --> 00:13:15,372
Who ordered the chili dog
with the nachos on top?
297
00:13:15,373 --> 00:13:20,311
Well it probably all for the best.
298
00:13:20,312 --> 00:13:21,979
Since you're leaving anyways,
299
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:23,981
you can check in on Max in person.
300
00:13:23,982 --> 00:13:25,516
I guess.
301
00:13:25,517 --> 00:13:28,451
Since we're about to
chicken up your bed.
302
00:13:38,909 --> 00:13:40,776
Epsilon Phi until we die!
303
00:13:40,777 --> 00:13:42,811
Epsilon Phi until we die!
304
00:13:42,812 --> 00:13:44,970
Ah, heard you the first
time. I'm working on it.
305
00:13:52,422 --> 00:13:54,189
Aw, come on, Ashley!
306
00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:57,159
That's something I'd
expect from Ashleigh.
307
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,228
Can you do something?
308
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:01,297
Uh, uhh.
309
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:05,167
Hey you, uh, they're trying to
let a poor girl in the sorority.
310
00:14:05,168 --> 00:14:08,170
Who? Is she ugly?
311
00:14:08,171 --> 00:14:10,506
There you go. See? She's as annoying
312
00:14:10,507 --> 00:14:13,642
as she was five minutes ago.
313
00:14:13,643 --> 00:14:14,910
Now what do you people want?
314
00:14:14,911 --> 00:14:17,012
Um, more shots.
315
00:14:17,013 --> 00:14:21,417
Also, Ashleigh threw
up in Ashley's purse.
316
00:14:21,418 --> 00:14:24,954
Ah, back from the liquor store.
317
00:14:24,955 --> 00:14:26,989
Sorry I took so long.
318
00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:31,994
I didn't realize I
was at a Pottery Barn.
319
00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:34,330
Well, while I've got you confused,
320
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:35,554
How about you get back to work
321
00:14:35,555 --> 00:14:36,966
and bring out these drinks for me?
322
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:38,634
I am not confused. I realized
323
00:14:38,635 --> 00:14:43,339
I'm a waitress at this TGIFridays.
324
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:44,873
Congratulate us!
325
00:14:44,874 --> 00:14:47,910
We've just gone two
hours without having sex.
326
00:14:47,911 --> 00:14:52,314
Which breaks our old record
by pretty close to two hours.
327
00:14:52,315 --> 00:14:54,183
You know, Caroline asked
us to check up on you
328
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,318
because she was worried.
329
00:14:56,319 --> 00:14:58,554
We're not supposed to tell you that.
330
00:14:58,555 --> 00:15:00,689
But I had to leave a
half a roasted chicken
331
00:15:00,690 --> 00:15:02,491
in the movie theater.
332
00:15:02,492 --> 00:15:05,060
So I am!
333
00:15:05,061 --> 00:15:07,196
Does she have any idea what
I've been through tonight
334
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:08,764
with these sorority girls?
335
00:15:08,765 --> 00:15:10,598
For all she knows, I'm sober.
336
00:15:13,002 --> 00:15:14,603
Sorority girls, huh?
337
00:15:14,604 --> 00:15:16,905
I was in a sorority once.
338
00:15:16,906 --> 00:15:18,272
Until they found me.
339
00:15:20,576 --> 00:15:22,011
What's going on? We've been waiting
340
00:15:22,012 --> 00:15:24,413
for our next round of
drinks for, like, ever.
341
00:15:24,414 --> 00:15:27,249
Wow, Max.
342
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:29,852
Are you really gonna let
the cast of "Pitch Perfect"
343
00:15:29,853 --> 00:15:32,755
talk to you like that?
344
00:15:32,756 --> 00:15:34,657
People in charge don't
punch sorority girls.
345
00:15:34,658 --> 00:15:37,059
People in charge don't
punch sorority girls.
346
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:38,894
And can we get separate checks?
347
00:15:38,895 --> 00:15:40,963
Or do they?
348
00:15:40,964 --> 00:15:42,665
Separate checks?
349
00:15:42,666 --> 00:15:44,967
Do I look like a mathologist to you?
350
00:15:44,968 --> 00:15:46,602
Is that a problem? 'Cause I'd hate to
351
00:15:46,603 --> 00:15:48,704
have to say something on Yelp.
352
00:15:48,705 --> 00:15:53,042
Yelp? Caroline checks that
more than she Googles herself.
353
00:15:53,043 --> 00:15:54,610
Uh, not a problem at all.
354
00:15:54,611 --> 00:15:57,179
Drinks and separate checks...
355
00:15:57,180 --> 00:15:59,348
whatever that is... coming right up!
356
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:01,517
Thanks! You're the cutest.
357
00:16:01,518 --> 00:16:05,487
No, you are.
358
00:16:05,488 --> 00:16:07,322
Looks like someone's in the weeds
359
00:16:07,323 --> 00:16:09,658
and not just smoking it for a change.
360
00:16:09,659 --> 00:16:12,961
Don't just kneel there,
bring these drinks out.
361
00:16:12,962 --> 00:16:14,930
I have to learn all
of math in ten minutes.
362
00:16:14,931 --> 00:16:16,565
All right, I'll stay.
363
00:16:16,566 --> 00:16:18,407
But only because I want
you to see how it feels
364
00:16:18,408 --> 00:16:19,471
when the shoe is on the...
365
00:16:19,472 --> 00:16:20,869
Serve the damn drinks!
366
00:16:20,870 --> 00:16:23,939
She gets it.
367
00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:26,741
How long you been working
at this Fridays, sonny?
368
00:16:32,748 --> 00:16:34,450
Uh, is everything all right?
369
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,752
You've been to the bathroom nine times.
370
00:16:36,753 --> 00:16:38,120
Are you a drug addict?
371
00:16:38,121 --> 00:16:39,488
"Candy Crush" junkie?
372
00:16:39,489 --> 00:16:41,757
We can deal with it together.
373
00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:46,161
I'm sorry, Bobby, but you
know how turtles can sense
374
00:16:46,162 --> 00:16:49,198
if their turtle best
friend is stuck upside down
375
00:16:49,199 --> 00:16:53,402
on its shell, its turtle
legs all wiggling in the air?
376
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:55,604
So it is drugs.
377
00:16:55,605 --> 00:16:57,372
Good. "Candy Crush" is tough.
378
00:16:57,373 --> 00:16:58,774
We went through that with my mom.
379
00:16:58,775 --> 00:17:00,943
It's a killer. We almost lost our house.
380
00:17:00,944 --> 00:17:03,312
No, Max and I are the turtles.
381
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,814
And I can feel she's trapped
on her back at the dessert bar.
382
00:17:05,815 --> 00:17:08,550
All right, look, I
don't know Max that well.
383
00:17:08,551 --> 00:17:10,352
But I've gotten to know you a little bit
384
00:17:10,353 --> 00:17:12,354
and you have a really good,
385
00:17:12,355 --> 00:17:15,657
really beautiful head on your shoulders.
386
00:17:15,658 --> 00:17:19,261
You trusted Max. You should
trust your own instincts.
387
00:17:19,262 --> 00:17:23,132
You're right. I do
have a nice shaped head.
388
00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:24,900
And I'm gonna stop
worrying that she might
389
00:17:24,901 --> 00:17:26,902
- burn the bar down.
- Good. What?
390
00:17:26,903 --> 00:17:28,804
Seriously? I put a ton
of work into that place.
391
00:17:30,707 --> 00:17:32,741
You know what? This movie sucks.
392
00:17:32,742 --> 00:17:34,843
Let's get out of here
and go get some dessert.
393
00:17:34,844 --> 00:17:37,479
I know a great place.
394
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,314
That is so sweet.
395
00:17:39,315 --> 00:17:41,617
And I was so worried
you'd think I was crazy.
396
00:17:41,618 --> 00:17:43,719
Oh, you're bananas.
397
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,053
But I like bananas.
398
00:17:45,054 --> 00:17:46,722
Not the fruit. The
texture grosses me out.
399
00:17:46,723 --> 00:17:49,992
But you.
400
00:17:49,993 --> 00:17:51,994
I could kiss you for that.
401
00:17:51,995 --> 00:17:53,228
You know, you actually could.
402
00:17:53,229 --> 00:17:54,795
You're right, I can.
403
00:18:02,171 --> 00:18:03,551
Yeah, we should get out of here.
404
00:18:12,748 --> 00:18:16,151
Hello? It's taking longer than
it took me to almost graduate.
405
00:18:16,152 --> 00:18:18,086
Just hang onto your hair extensions.
406
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:20,755
They're obvious?
407
00:18:23,559 --> 00:18:25,360
My turtle sense was right.
408
00:18:25,361 --> 00:18:29,665
Max is on her back and
she's not under a boy turtle.
409
00:18:29,666 --> 00:18:31,834
Maybe she's all right.
I don't smell fire
410
00:18:31,835 --> 00:18:34,570
and everyone's shoulders
are still in their sockets.
411
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,338
Why are separate checks taking so long?
412
00:18:36,339 --> 00:18:38,073
Can we please get our change?
413
00:18:38,074 --> 00:18:40,008
Um, you put the apps
on Bunny's bill, right?
414
00:18:40,009 --> 00:18:41,977
'Cause she ate the most, as per ush.
415
00:18:41,978 --> 00:18:43,846
Stop telling people I eat!
416
00:18:43,847 --> 00:18:45,681
Stop telling people my LSAT scores.
417
00:18:45,682 --> 00:18:47,950
Stop talking! Now I have to start over.
418
00:18:47,951 --> 00:18:51,086
I have a lot of numbers in
my head and they're all angry.
419
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:53,055
I have to help her. Separate checks?
420
00:18:53,056 --> 00:18:56,692
Max calls 13 "ten three."
421
00:18:56,693 --> 00:18:59,194
Caroline, wait. Let her try
and handle this on her own.
422
00:18:59,195 --> 00:19:01,338
Otherwise, we'll never be
able to go on a second date.
423
00:19:01,339 --> 00:19:02,965
But she really nee...
424
00:19:02,966 --> 00:19:05,767
There's gonna be a second date?
425
00:19:05,768 --> 00:19:08,437
Okay, listen up, everybody!
426
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,405
Calm down!
427
00:19:10,406 --> 00:19:13,141
Here's what we're gonna do
instead of separate checks:
428
00:19:13,142 --> 00:19:14,977
I'm not good at math, but I have been
429
00:19:14,978 --> 00:19:18,046
a negotiations expert
for ten three years.
430
00:19:18,047 --> 00:19:20,983
Ashley, you're gonna get $6
from Bunny's PayPal account
431
00:19:20,984 --> 00:19:22,484
and she's gonna do your nails.
432
00:19:22,485 --> 00:19:24,519
Bunny, you're gonna Venmo Amber $20
433
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,503
And she's gonna let you
borrow her gay friend Dave
434
00:19:26,504 --> 00:19:28,857
for your sister's wed. Everybody good?
435
00:19:28,858 --> 00:19:32,728
You've got ten three minutes to decide.
436
00:19:32,729 --> 00:19:33,629
We're good.
437
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:37,966
Okay, problem solved.
438
00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:39,534
Max, that was amazing.
439
00:19:39,535 --> 00:19:41,270
I knew you could do that on your own.
440
00:19:41,271 --> 00:19:43,238
No you didn't, you were spying on me.
441
00:19:43,239 --> 00:19:46,341
Her turtle sense went off.
442
00:19:46,342 --> 00:19:49,678
Is it strange that I'm a little
sad that you don't need me?
443
00:19:49,679 --> 00:19:53,982
I didn't say I don't need
you, but you are a little sad.
444
00:19:53,983 --> 00:19:58,153
Earl, it was a pleasure
waiting tables at your side.
445
00:19:58,154 --> 00:20:03,525
You and I have a chemistry
you can't make in a lab.
446
00:20:03,526 --> 00:20:07,862
You have a real strange
way of talking to dudes.
447
00:20:10,532 --> 00:20:12,134
Uh, hi.
448
00:20:12,135 --> 00:20:13,878
Did you guys know there
are two naked people
449
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,604
eating chicken off each other in there?
450
00:20:15,605 --> 00:20:19,541
What? I haven't
chicken-proofed those sinks.
451
00:20:19,542 --> 00:20:22,877
All right, I'm closing my
eyes and then I'm coming in.
452
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,549
Isn't he brave?
453
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:31,253
So did he bravely go where
no man has gone before?
454
00:20:31,254 --> 00:20:33,422
Under your sweater?
455
00:20:33,423 --> 00:20:35,857
No, but we were smooching in the movie.
456
00:20:35,858 --> 00:20:37,225
Shut up!
457
00:20:37,226 --> 00:20:38,627
- No, you shut up.
- No, really,
458
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,168
shut your damn mouth, I'm exhausted.
459
00:20:46,417 --> 00:20:54,017
Subtitle sync and corrections by
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