1
00:00:03,596 --> 00:00:07,134
♪

2
00:00:07,259 --> 00:00:09,944
Look, if you want to get all
lesbian with me, just go for it.

3
00:00:09,946 --> 00:00:11,795
You don't have to pretend
it's for the website.

4
00:00:11,797 --> 00:00:13,631
It is.

5
00:00:13,633 --> 00:00:16,083
And for the record, in 2009,
when Katy Perry

6
00:00:16,085 --> 00:00:19,419
"kissed a girl and liked it,"
I kissed one and didn't.

7
00:00:19,421 --> 00:00:21,421
Ready?

8
00:00:21,423 --> 00:00:23,473
One... two... and...

9
00:00:25,611 --> 00:00:27,261
- Perfect.
- Perfect?

10
00:00:27,263 --> 00:00:30,364
This photo does not say "Let us
do your child's birthday party."

11
00:00:30,366 --> 00:00:32,733
It says "We're an AC/DC tribute band,"

12
00:00:32,735 --> 00:00:34,768
and you can pay us in cocaine."

13
00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:35,903
Oleg,

14
00:00:35,905 --> 00:00:37,955
will you take a picture
of us for our website?

15
00:00:37,957 --> 00:00:39,540
You realize you just asked a man

16
00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:40,824
who only takes pictures of his penis?

17
00:00:40,826 --> 00:00:42,126
Yes.

18
00:00:42,128 --> 00:00:45,329
But it's always well-lit,
and perfectly in focus.

19
00:00:45,331 --> 00:00:47,164
You won't be disappointed.

20
00:00:47,166 --> 00:00:49,550
I take lots of website pictures.

21
00:00:49,552 --> 00:00:53,304
Yeah, but we're not wearing
just bras and chicken masks.

22
00:00:53,306 --> 00:00:57,057
We have time.

23
00:00:57,059 --> 00:01:00,794
Maybe we should rethink
the "coke whore" picture.

24
00:01:03,649 --> 00:01:08,654
♪

25
00:01:10,790 --> 00:01:12,522
Well, good night, ladies.

26
00:01:12,525 --> 00:01:14,742
Sleep tight, don't let
the bed bugs bite.

27
00:01:14,744 --> 00:01:16,577
And I remember a time in New York

28
00:01:16,579 --> 00:01:19,580
when that was more cute than accurate.

29
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- Good night, Earl.
- Good night.

30
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:22,666
Earl, I have come across

31
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a $6 inaccuracy in tonight's total.

32
00:01:24,587 --> 00:01:26,370
You must go over all checks again.

33
00:01:26,372 --> 00:01:28,172
Han, I'm just on my way home.

34
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But it is not yet 2:00 A.M.

35
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,158
I hate to play the heavy,

36
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,161
but you must sit down and
go over checks again.

37
00:01:34,163 --> 00:01:37,431
Han, I am 75 years old.

38
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I don't even have enough
time left to wipe twice.

39
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Well, well.

40
00:01:43,022 --> 00:01:44,671
Hello there.

41
00:01:44,673 --> 00:01:47,007
Such a gentleman.

42
00:01:47,009 --> 00:01:50,344
And what a well-behaved boy.

43
00:01:50,346 --> 00:01:52,112
Oh, there are the girls.

44
00:01:52,114 --> 00:01:53,130
Sophie, hello.

45
00:01:53,132 --> 00:01:54,348
You look pretty.

46
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:56,317
Oh, I know.

47
00:01:56,319 --> 00:01:58,619
Oh, sorry, the kitchen's closed.

48
00:01:58,621 --> 00:02:02,106
- What?
- Kitchen was closed...

49
00:02:02,108 --> 00:02:03,407
But can now be open again

50
00:02:03,409 --> 00:02:06,360
for such a beautiful woman.

51
00:02:06,362 --> 00:02:08,879
Hello. I am the chef.

52
00:02:08,881 --> 00:02:10,197
Oh, here we go.

53
00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:13,867
Ukraine's going to try to invade Poland.

54
00:02:13,869 --> 00:02:16,136
It's double d-day.

55
00:02:16,138 --> 00:02:19,173
Oleg, this is our neighbor, Sophie.

56
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I would like to have a
plate with sausage on it

57
00:02:22,428 --> 00:02:26,880
while I look over the menu.

58
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Yowza.

59
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You are like someone super-sized
<i>Victoria's secret</i> angel.

60
00:02:34,056 --> 00:02:37,875
I'd like to Gisele on your Bundchens.

61
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,698
You're going to act like a dog,

62
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I'll treat you like a dog.

63
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:52,289
Well, there goes his photography career.

64
00:02:52,291 --> 00:02:54,758
Do you still want the sausage?

65
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,928
Yes, of course.
Why should sausage suffer?

66
00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:00,514
You know how to handle yourself.

67
00:03:00,516 --> 00:03:01,799
- Impressive.
- Mm-hmm.

68
00:03:01,801 --> 00:03:05,853
That was like a game of
"rock, paper, pervert."

69
00:03:05,855 --> 00:03:07,104
Sophie, thank you for coming in.

70
00:03:07,106 --> 00:03:08,922
Max and I wanted to talk
to you about taking you up

71
00:03:08,924 --> 00:03:10,974
on your offer to work for
your cleaning company.

72
00:03:10,976 --> 00:03:12,759
Yeah, she wants to do it for
money to pay for our website,

73
00:03:12,761 --> 00:03:14,478
and I want to do it

74
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:18,065
because I like rummaging through
strangers' medicine cabinets.

75
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,983
Have you cleaned houses before?

76
00:03:19,985 --> 00:03:22,820
Well, I had a house,
and it was very clean.

77
00:03:22,822 --> 00:03:25,155
But whatever the task,
you won't be sorry.

78
00:03:25,157 --> 00:03:26,773
Max and I are a great team,

79
00:03:26,775 --> 00:03:29,443
and when we set our mind to
something, we accomplish it.

80
00:03:29,445 --> 00:03:30,994
- And if you consider giving us...
- Oh, stop.

81
00:03:30,996 --> 00:03:33,997
This is not a dental school interview.

82
00:03:33,999 --> 00:03:36,383
Come on, this is scrubbing toilets.

83
00:03:36,385 --> 00:03:38,585
In or out?

84
00:03:38,587 --> 00:03:40,721
We're in. All the way.

85
00:03:40,723 --> 00:03:42,556
In my experience, when
someone has to tell you

86
00:03:42,558 --> 00:03:43,623
they're all the way in,

87
00:03:43,625 --> 00:03:45,142
you'd better hope their tongue works.

88
00:03:46,979 --> 00:03:49,446
So dirty.

89
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:52,349
We can start tomorrow.

90
00:03:52,351 --> 00:03:54,468
Just tell us where to
go, and we'll be there.

91
00:03:54,470 --> 00:03:55,819
Oh, okay.

92
00:03:55,821 --> 00:03:57,988
Well, uh, you walk out your door,

93
00:03:57,990 --> 00:04:00,407
you take right, you go upstairs,

94
00:04:00,409 --> 00:04:03,977
you open my door, and
you clean my apartment.

95
00:04:03,979 --> 00:04:05,863
Is audition.

96
00:04:05,865 --> 00:04:08,499
Can't I just take off my
shirt like in <i>fame?</i>

97
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:10,751
Excuse me.

98
00:04:10,753 --> 00:04:13,454
Here is your non-sexual appetizer.

99
00:04:13,456 --> 00:04:15,822
You and I will start small.

100
00:04:15,824 --> 00:04:17,007
You like?

101
00:04:17,009 --> 00:04:18,842
Yes.

102
00:04:18,844 --> 00:04:21,044
Good boy. Now go.

103
00:04:29,566 --> 00:04:31,339
Forced to clean Sophie's apartment?

104
00:04:31,341 --> 00:04:32,557
This is getting dicey.

105
00:04:32,559 --> 00:04:33,808
Next thing you know,
we're locked in a crate

106
00:04:33,810 --> 00:04:35,857
on our way to the far east.

107
00:04:35,865 --> 00:04:38,432
Max, we're going to spend
this money on our website.

108
00:04:38,434 --> 00:04:39,767
That's the future of our company.

109
00:04:39,769 --> 00:04:41,635
But the future is so far in the future,

110
00:04:41,637 --> 00:04:43,771
and I need this money
now for real stuff,

111
00:04:43,773 --> 00:04:45,606
like gummi bears and eye liner.

112
00:04:45,608 --> 00:04:48,242
How do you think you get to the future?

113
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:50,699
Uh, Marty McFly and a delorean?

114
00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:53,831
Besides, we don't need the website yet.

115
00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:56,083
We got the birthday cupcake
job tomorrow without it.

116
00:04:56,085 --> 00:04:58,285
And where do you think we got that job?

117
00:04:58,287 --> 00:05:00,788
I don't know, the job fairy?

118
00:05:00,790 --> 00:05:02,590
What? I don't pay attention
to the business stuff.

119
00:05:02,592 --> 00:05:04,658
I got the order at the
web design company

120
00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:07,494
when I overheard someone say it
was his son's fifth birthday.

121
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Gross. Using children
for your own profit.

122
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Way to go, China.

123
00:05:17,472 --> 00:05:18,806
Well, here we are.

124
00:05:18,808 --> 00:05:20,891
Why is this big news?

125
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Come in.

126
00:05:22,478 --> 00:05:25,396
So, if this all works out today,

127
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I have two possible jobs for you.

128
00:05:29,535 --> 00:05:30,784
Two? That's amazing.

129
00:05:30,786 --> 00:05:32,903
This is the only way
that I can make sure

130
00:05:32,905 --> 00:05:35,739
that you don't ruin my
company's good name.

131
00:05:35,741 --> 00:05:39,910
'Cause I work hard to
build "Sophie's choice."

132
00:05:39,912 --> 00:05:41,912
Now, uh, one of you take bathroom

133
00:05:41,914 --> 00:05:43,247
and one of you take out here.

134
00:05:43,249 --> 00:05:44,415
Who does which?

135
00:05:44,417 --> 00:05:45,916
Bathroom. I'm going to go with bathroom.

136
00:05:45,918 --> 00:05:47,367
I love a challenge.

137
00:05:47,369 --> 00:05:50,587
If not perfect clean, no job.

138
00:05:50,589 --> 00:05:52,539
Begin.

139
00:05:52,541 --> 00:05:54,425
Watch out, ladies.

140
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I'm about to go ham on this b-room.

141
00:05:57,897 --> 00:06:00,547
What is this "ham"?

142
00:06:00,549 --> 00:06:02,516
Hard as a mother.

143
00:06:02,518 --> 00:06:07,054
Max, I love when you're dirty.

144
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:18,098
Oh. Very impressive.

145
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,367
You clean

146
00:06:20,369 --> 00:06:21,835
like bull.

147
00:06:21,837 --> 00:06:23,921
Roar of cleaning.

148
00:06:23,923 --> 00:06:25,456
No big deal.

149
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,624
I was lifting up couches when I was six

150
00:06:27,626 --> 00:06:31,128
to help my mom look for change
and her boyfriend's tooth.

151
00:06:31,130 --> 00:06:33,897
I'm almost finished in here!

152
00:06:33,899 --> 00:06:35,883
This one like to make big announcements

153
00:06:35,885 --> 00:06:39,770
- about nothing, yes?
- Yes.

154
00:06:39,772 --> 00:06:41,472
Hey, does that electric cigarette work?

155
00:06:41,474 --> 00:06:42,923
Yes, yeah.

156
00:06:42,925 --> 00:06:47,399
I smoked for seven years, and
then I quit when I was 12.

157
00:06:48,314 --> 00:06:50,447
Yeah, I didn't want
to die of lung cancer

158
00:06:50,449 --> 00:06:52,933
before I was teenager.

159
00:06:52,935 --> 00:06:54,451
Can I get a hit?

160
00:06:54,453 --> 00:06:56,453
Oh, yeah, please, try.

161
00:06:56,455 --> 00:07:00,157
I have many more in the drawers.

162
00:07:00,159 --> 00:07:02,659
I smoked the summer I shucked
oysters on a gay cruise.

163
00:07:02,661 --> 00:07:05,746
Ooh, glamorous.

164
00:07:05,748 --> 00:07:07,965
Almost done. Two-minute warning.

165
00:07:07,967 --> 00:07:10,467
Be prepared to be amazed.

166
00:07:10,469 --> 00:07:11,752
Max, you shouldn't smoke. You'll get...

167
00:07:11,754 --> 00:07:14,138
What, electrocuted?

168
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:15,472
This is silly.

169
00:07:15,474 --> 00:07:17,474
If I'm going to suck
on something this hard

170
00:07:17,476 --> 00:07:21,311
and get no pleasure out of it,
I should just date.

171
00:07:21,313 --> 00:07:24,431
I think you're going to be thrilled.

172
00:07:26,735 --> 00:07:30,470
Oh, she stinks.

173
00:07:30,472 --> 00:07:33,273
Spritz, spritz. She is sprayer.

174
00:07:33,275 --> 00:07:35,659
All mirror, no toilet.

175
00:07:35,661 --> 00:07:37,611
Well, you know, she's sort
of new to this kind of work.

176
00:07:37,613 --> 00:07:38,829
She was born rich,

177
00:07:38,831 --> 00:07:40,664
but her father stole a bunch
of money from people,

178
00:07:40,666 --> 00:07:43,417
and she was thrown out of her
townhouse and disgraced.

179
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:46,920
Yes, well, she clean like rich girl.

180
00:07:46,922 --> 00:07:49,173
"Hey, everybody, look,
look what I'm doing.

181
00:07:49,175 --> 00:07:51,925
Oh, spritz, spritz."

182
00:07:51,927 --> 00:07:53,994
Oh!

183
00:07:53,996 --> 00:07:55,596
See, you not born rich,

184
00:07:55,598 --> 00:07:58,999
and you... you're like "roar."

185
00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:00,517
- Right?
- Well.

186
00:08:00,519 --> 00:08:03,470
Cleaning's not her thing, but
she has other strengths.

187
00:08:03,472 --> 00:08:05,172
Mm, I don't see them.

188
00:08:05,174 --> 00:08:06,557
Mm.

189
00:08:06,559 --> 00:08:09,693
Uh, so do we not have the job?

190
00:08:09,695 --> 00:08:10,978
No, I give you job,

191
00:08:10,980 --> 00:08:13,513
because one bull equal two girls.

192
00:08:13,515 --> 00:08:16,349
But why you need her, I don't know.

193
00:08:16,351 --> 00:08:18,702
You can make much more
money on your own.

194
00:08:18,704 --> 00:08:20,854
Yeah, well, we're kind of a team.

195
00:08:20,856 --> 00:08:24,541
Listen, Max. Let me tell you something.

196
00:08:24,543 --> 00:08:28,378
She is like rock, tied to you, balloon.

197
00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:30,697
See, she hold you down.

198
00:08:30,699 --> 00:08:34,040
You cut her loose, and...

199
00:08:37,538 --> 00:08:39,890
Yeah, well, she's not weighing me down.

200
00:08:39,892 --> 00:08:43,043
I had lover who was rock.

201
00:08:43,045 --> 00:08:47,030
And I let him go, and...

202
00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:51,051
I'm finished, and I have
to say, that bathroom?

203
00:08:51,053 --> 00:08:52,269
Nailed it.

204
00:08:52,271 --> 00:08:53,720
Don't push it. She saw it.

205
00:08:53,722 --> 00:08:56,240
She barely looked at it.
I saw you in the mirror.

206
00:08:56,242 --> 00:08:57,825
Your eye never even looked down.

207
00:08:57,827 --> 00:09:01,528
Yes, that's because this
eye doesn't go down.

208
00:09:01,530 --> 00:09:03,396
See, I'm trying.

209
00:09:03,398 --> 00:09:07,251
Yeah, I have blind spot
from accident as child.

210
00:09:07,253 --> 00:09:09,203
When I was six years old,

211
00:09:09,205 --> 00:09:11,505
while working in Polish knock-off

212
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,757
of McDonalds in warsaw,

213
00:09:13,759 --> 00:09:16,927
I fell on hot McStick.

214
00:09:16,929 --> 00:09:19,746
How did you fall on a hot stick?

215
00:09:19,748 --> 00:09:23,600
Not a stick that is hot. A hot McStick.

216
00:09:23,602 --> 00:09:26,720
It's meat on a stick,
and it's very popular.

217
00:09:26,722 --> 00:09:29,473
They only have it, like,
two times a year.

218
00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:31,859
It's like Mcribs.

219
00:09:33,444 --> 00:09:36,363
Sophie, I'm so sorry, that's awful.

220
00:09:36,365 --> 00:09:38,949
Yeah, but I bet that McStick
thing is delicious.

221
00:09:38,951 --> 00:09:40,617
It is.

222
00:09:40,619 --> 00:09:41,785
Well, that must have been hard.

223
00:09:41,787 --> 00:09:43,453
I admire your courage.

224
00:09:43,455 --> 00:09:46,773
What are you, counsellor from UNICEF?

225
00:09:46,775 --> 00:09:50,627
You are acing this interview.

226
00:09:50,629 --> 00:09:53,113
Pffft...

227
00:10:04,066 --> 00:10:05,795
Do you know where we are?

228
00:10:05,797 --> 00:10:07,496
This whole building is models.

229
00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:09,064
Life is so funny.

230
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,499
When I lived in Manhattan,

231
00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:12,885
I used to come to model
parties here all the time.

232
00:10:12,887 --> 00:10:14,336
And now you clean up their poop.

233
00:10:14,338 --> 00:10:17,173
You're right. Life is funny.

234
00:10:17,175 --> 00:10:18,674
Here's the apartment upstairs tomorrow.

235
00:10:18,676 --> 00:10:21,393
- 10 J. Here it is.
- How do I look?

236
00:10:21,395 --> 00:10:23,729
Maybe he's the Abercrombie
model from the Christmas ad

237
00:10:23,731 --> 00:10:24,930
in the white sleigh

238
00:10:24,932 --> 00:10:28,550
with the open fleece
jacket and the eight-pack.

239
00:10:30,438 --> 00:10:32,488
I don't think it's him.

240
00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:33,439
Hi, I'm Big Bill.

241
00:10:33,441 --> 00:10:34,607
Come on in, girlies.

242
00:10:34,609 --> 00:10:37,193
How many packs did you say?

243
00:10:37,195 --> 00:10:40,029
Oh, what a lovely... oh!

244
00:10:40,031 --> 00:10:42,748
Oh, my God.

245
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,533
Look, Max, he's a figure skater.

246
00:10:44,535 --> 00:10:46,202
Go ahead, take it all in.

247
00:10:46,204 --> 00:10:47,753
How could you not?

248
00:10:47,755 --> 00:10:49,922
It's okay, I'm a model. I'm used to it.

249
00:10:49,924 --> 00:10:52,241
Hey, I know you. You're <i>the</i> Big Bill.

250
00:10:52,243 --> 00:10:53,843
You're the guy from the
gag greeting cards.

251
00:10:53,845 --> 00:10:56,428
Yep. I sold 2 million of
that particular card.

252
00:10:56,430 --> 00:10:57,763
On the front it says, "You're on,"

253
00:10:57,765 --> 00:10:59,014
when you open it up...

254
00:10:59,016 --> 00:11:00,466
- "Thin ice"!
- Right.

255
00:11:00,468 --> 00:11:02,852
Oh, I've got to go in
my bedroom and change.

256
00:11:02,854 --> 00:11:05,271
I'll be right back.

257
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:06,388
Wow, Big Bill!

258
00:11:06,390 --> 00:11:07,907
No, big bye-bye.

259
00:11:07,909 --> 00:11:09,191
We're not staying here.

260
00:11:09,193 --> 00:11:10,192
If that's what's on the wall,

261
00:11:10,194 --> 00:11:11,426
who knows what's on the floor.

262
00:11:11,428 --> 00:11:13,229
Or trapped underneath it.

263
00:11:13,231 --> 00:11:14,897
This is an uncomfortable
work environment.

264
00:11:14,899 --> 00:11:17,700
You were going to be on all
fours scrubbing a toilet.

265
00:11:17,702 --> 00:11:20,936
It was always going to be an
uncomfortable work environment.

266
00:11:20,938 --> 00:11:22,454
Okay, if we're staying,
that's three times

267
00:11:22,456 --> 00:11:25,040
the amount of man.
We should get double the money.

268
00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:26,158
I'm calling Sophie right now

269
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,459
and telling her we should get more.

270
00:11:27,461 --> 00:11:29,444
Um, I would not suggest
you complain to Sophie.

271
00:11:29,446 --> 00:11:30,496
It's not a good idea.

272
00:11:30,498 --> 00:11:32,631
Why? Do you know something I don't?

273
00:11:32,633 --> 00:11:34,283
She thinks you don't know how to clean,

274
00:11:34,285 --> 00:11:36,385
that you spritz, spritz.

275
00:11:36,387 --> 00:11:38,387
And what does she say about
your cleaning skills?

276
00:11:38,389 --> 00:11:40,422
I'm a bull and I roar.

277
00:11:40,424 --> 00:11:41,974
I knew she didn't like me.

278
00:11:41,976 --> 00:11:44,093
She only has eye for you.

279
00:11:44,095 --> 00:11:46,562
Who cares what she thinks.
Just clean better today.

280
00:11:46,564 --> 00:11:48,564
You do the living room.
I'll do the bathroom.

281
00:11:48,566 --> 00:11:50,983
No, I'll do the bathroom,
just to prove a point.

282
00:11:50,985 --> 00:11:52,518
I mean, reprove it.

283
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,519
This is just like when

284
00:11:53,521 --> 00:11:55,104
they made me take the S.A.T.S again,

285
00:11:55,106 --> 00:11:59,775
away from all the asian kids.

286
00:11:59,777 --> 00:12:02,244
Oh! Oh, my God!

287
00:12:03,863 --> 00:12:05,080
Why are you freaking out?

288
00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:06,448
You've already seen him naked.

289
00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:07,482
It's not him.

290
00:12:07,484 --> 00:12:10,194
Have you seen the size of this toilet?

291
00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:16,458
That is a big-ass toilet.

292
00:12:16,460 --> 00:12:19,295
Literally.

293
00:12:25,001 --> 00:12:26,552
Max, I'm finished.

294
00:12:26,554 --> 00:12:28,387
The floor is so clean
you could eat off it,

295
00:12:28,389 --> 00:12:30,122
and I'm sure he will.

296
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,608
Come on in, I want you to see it.

297
00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:34,109
No, no, no, no, no, no.

298
00:12:34,111 --> 00:12:36,562
Go down, go down, stop. Never mind!

299
00:12:36,564 --> 00:12:39,398
Don't need you to see it.
Everything's okay.

300
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,700
How's it going out there?

301
00:12:41,702 --> 00:12:45,020
Either your water just broke,
or you pee like a smurf.

302
00:12:45,022 --> 00:12:46,288
My shoes.

303
00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:49,908
No, you did not flush a
whole roll of paper towels.

304
00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:52,027
No, you did not just
use that tone with me

305
00:12:52,029 --> 00:12:53,245
when my good shoes are wet.

306
00:12:53,247 --> 00:12:54,246
Shut off the valve.

307
00:12:54,248 --> 00:12:55,297
The valve?

308
00:12:55,299 --> 00:12:57,583
Oh, God, what is wrong with you?

309
00:12:57,585 --> 00:13:00,085
How can you not know
where a toilet valve is?

310
00:13:00,087 --> 00:13:01,337
I was rich.

311
00:13:01,339 --> 00:13:02,888
But you have to admit, the mirror?

312
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:06,225
Nailed it.

313
00:13:14,851 --> 00:13:16,885
Wake up, you lazy bitch!

314
00:13:16,887 --> 00:13:18,070
- What?
- Fire!

315
00:13:18,072 --> 00:13:20,322
I'm fired? Why, because of the toilet?

316
00:13:20,324 --> 00:13:22,408
Look at the oven, the cupcakes.

317
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,777
I'm sorry. I fell asleep.

318
00:13:24,779 --> 00:13:26,829
I was just going to lay
down for five minutes.

319
00:13:26,831 --> 00:13:28,530
I asked you to do one thing

320
00:13:28,532 --> 00:13:30,199
while I went out to get more milk...

321
00:13:30,201 --> 00:13:33,035
Take the cupcakes out of the oven.

322
00:13:33,037 --> 00:13:36,038
"Happy Birthday, kids.
From Max's homemade cupcakes.

323
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,791
"You can learn more about us
and our blackened cupcakes

324
00:13:38,793 --> 00:13:41,076
on our expensive website."

325
00:13:41,078 --> 00:13:42,428
I'm sorry, Max.

326
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:45,214
I just really needed a little
siesta after all that cleaning.

327
00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:48,767
How are you so good at Spanish
and so bad at cleaning?

328
00:13:48,769 --> 00:13:51,920
What is that smell?

329
00:13:51,922 --> 00:13:53,722
I grabbed my purse and ran.

330
00:13:53,724 --> 00:13:55,774
Caroline burned cupcakes.

331
00:13:55,776 --> 00:13:58,310
Oh, so sad.

332
00:13:58,312 --> 00:14:01,263
Look at all those burnt cakes.

333
00:14:01,265 --> 00:14:02,815
What happened here?

334
00:14:02,817 --> 00:14:04,116
Just a little mishap.

335
00:14:04,118 --> 00:14:06,452
I was so tired from cleaning
that bathroom earlier,

336
00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:08,103
that I laid my head
down for five minutes

337
00:14:08,105 --> 00:14:10,939
- and ended up falling asleep.
- Aw...

338
00:14:10,941 --> 00:14:12,925
Such a shame.

339
00:14:12,927 --> 00:14:16,462
Oh, look Max.

340
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:19,081
These cupcakes, they're hard as rocks.

341
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,632
All you have to do

342
00:14:20,634 --> 00:14:24,480
is throw the rock away, and whee!

343
00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:36,070
I don't think Sophie likes me.

344
00:14:36,072 --> 00:14:37,789
What are you talking about?
She loves you.

345
00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:39,758
No. I don't think she has a blind spot.

346
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,694
I think she has a blonde spot... for me.

347
00:14:46,349 --> 00:14:47,799
Well, I think we've found the place

348
00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:51,386
where red bulls come to die.

349
00:14:51,388 --> 00:14:54,589
Man, why do I never get
invited to parties like this?

350
00:14:54,591 --> 00:14:56,758
Look. Do you know what that means?

351
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,977
Yeah, this building has
a real shirt shortage.

352
00:14:58,979 --> 00:15:00,612
Oh, my God, do you think

353
00:15:00,614 --> 00:15:02,280
this might be the Abercrombie
model's apartment?

354
00:15:02,282 --> 00:15:05,099
I doubt it's the Abercrombie
model's apartment.

355
00:15:05,101 --> 00:15:06,118
Here's a note.

356
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,486
It's addressed to "cleaning dood,"

357
00:15:07,488 --> 00:15:09,771
"dude" spelled "d-o-o-d."

358
00:15:09,773 --> 00:15:13,241
It definitely might be the
Abercrombie model's apartment.

359
00:15:13,243 --> 00:15:15,710
"Wake me when you get here
." He wants us to wake him.

360
00:15:15,712 --> 00:15:18,163
So, do you think he sleeps in the nude?

361
00:15:18,165 --> 00:15:20,832
Yeah, "nood", "n-o-o-d."

362
00:15:20,834 --> 00:15:22,584
Come on, let's go look.

363
00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:24,619
Oh, oh, oh, so what,
seeing this guy naked

364
00:15:24,621 --> 00:15:27,121
is no longer an "uncomfortable
work environment"?

365
00:15:27,123 --> 00:15:28,140
It's still uncomfortable,

366
00:15:28,142 --> 00:15:30,509
but in that exciting uncomfortable way.

367
00:15:34,096 --> 00:15:35,597
I think it is him.

368
00:15:35,599 --> 00:15:37,899
It's the guy who put the
"abs" in Abercrombie.

369
00:15:37,901 --> 00:15:40,602
And he's naked. The good naked.

370
00:15:40,604 --> 00:15:41,987
Should we lift the sheet?

371
00:15:41,989 --> 00:15:44,272
Why not? I already lifted it in my mind.

372
00:15:44,274 --> 00:15:45,357
Max, I got this.

373
00:15:45,359 --> 00:15:48,476
You start cleaning up
the mess out there.

374
00:15:48,478 --> 00:15:50,829
No, you start cleaning the
mess out there... I got this.

375
00:15:50,831 --> 00:15:52,164
The bedroom's attached to the bathroom,

376
00:15:52,166 --> 00:15:54,816
and I always do the bathrooms,
and he's my ideal type.

377
00:15:54,818 --> 00:15:56,818
And by "doing" the bathrooms
do you mean flooding them,

378
00:15:56,820 --> 00:15:58,486
and by "ideal type," do
you mean unconscious?

379
00:15:58,488 --> 00:16:00,321
Shh! We can talk about this out here.

380
00:16:00,323 --> 00:16:01,790
You're going to wake him.

381
00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:03,108
That's what we're supposed to do.

382
00:16:03,110 --> 00:16:07,262
But as usual, you don't
want to do the job.

383
00:16:07,264 --> 00:16:10,048
What's wrong with you?
You're acting weird.

384
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:11,516
Well, why should I have to
do all the heavy lifting

385
00:16:11,518 --> 00:16:14,302
while you just get to nap
and see free model penis?

386
00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:16,521
All the heavy lifting?
Where'd you get that from?

387
00:16:16,523 --> 00:16:17,689
No one.

388
00:16:17,691 --> 00:16:18,690
Sophie.

389
00:16:18,692 --> 00:16:20,725
I knew she didn't like me.

390
00:16:20,727 --> 00:16:22,110
It's not that she doesn't like you,

391
00:16:22,112 --> 00:16:23,028
she just doesn't think you're...

392
00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:24,529
What? Doing anything?

393
00:16:24,531 --> 00:16:25,847
She thinks I'm not pulling my weight?

394
00:16:25,849 --> 00:16:26,865
She thinks I'm dead weight?

395
00:16:26,867 --> 00:16:30,318
Not dead weight, more like... a rock...

396
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,287
To my balloon.

397
00:16:32,289 --> 00:16:35,657
What is that, some kind of Polish haiku?

398
00:16:35,659 --> 00:16:37,125
What does that even mean?

399
00:16:37,127 --> 00:16:42,030
She thinks if I cut the rock
loose, I'll go... fuuuuu!

400
00:16:42,032 --> 00:16:43,548
Wait, so you're siding with

401
00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:45,366
a woman you met a week ago over me?

402
00:16:45,368 --> 00:16:47,502
I'm not siding with anyone.
I'm just saying...

403
00:16:47,504 --> 00:16:50,138
I know what this is.
This is "Pick on the rich girl."

404
00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:52,257
It's a poverty smackdown.

405
00:16:52,259 --> 00:16:54,476
I heard you two talking while
I was in her bathroom,

406
00:16:54,478 --> 00:16:56,795
spritz spritzing.

407
00:16:56,797 --> 00:16:59,264
You think you do everything?
Fine, do everything.

408
00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,516
You can "balloon" all over this place,

409
00:17:01,518 --> 00:17:04,986
'cause the "rock" is leaving.

410
00:17:08,242 --> 00:17:11,225
Who is it?

411
00:17:11,227 --> 00:17:13,612
You're the rock! I'm the balloon!

412
00:17:13,614 --> 00:17:16,064
Without me lifting you out
of your negative rockness,

413
00:17:16,066 --> 00:17:17,699
you wouldn't even have
a cupcake business.

414
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:19,734
I'm the reason we even
have cupcake jobs.

415
00:17:19,736 --> 00:17:20,919
Oh, oh, you're the reason?

416
00:17:20,921 --> 00:17:23,788
Who stayed up all last night
baking 24 more cupcakes

417
00:17:23,790 --> 00:17:25,090
while you were sleeping?

418
00:17:25,092 --> 00:17:27,626
You did. And who delivered
the cupcakes this morning

419
00:17:27,628 --> 00:17:30,762
while you were sleeping?
I did. Me. The balloon.

420
00:17:30,764 --> 00:17:33,848
I floated over there and got
paid for the job that I got us

421
00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:36,134
from the website that
I'm trying to pay for.

422
00:17:36,136 --> 00:17:37,585
And now, I'm going to
float down this hall

423
00:17:37,587 --> 00:17:40,522
and wake the hot model up
'cause, contrary to what you

424
00:17:40,524 --> 00:17:42,256
and your poverty gal-pal might think,

425
00:17:42,258 --> 00:17:43,892
I always do the job I'm hired for.

426
00:17:43,894 --> 00:17:45,810
Oh, no! I am going to wake him up.

427
00:17:45,812 --> 00:17:48,480
Free model penis is my
reward for doing everything

428
00:17:48,482 --> 00:17:51,733
and being tied to a rock like you.

429
00:17:51,735 --> 00:17:53,351
Oh, see? I can't get away,
because you're the rock

430
00:17:53,353 --> 00:17:56,855
and you're heavier than my balloon.

431
00:17:56,857 --> 00:17:59,824
Hey, stop!

432
00:17:59,826 --> 00:18:01,493
This is cleaning job,

433
00:18:01,495 --> 00:18:05,030
not gorgeous ladies of wrestling.

434
00:18:05,032 --> 00:18:06,447
Good thing I stopped by to check on you.

435
00:18:06,449 --> 00:18:08,783
- What is all this?
- You explain it.

436
00:18:08,785 --> 00:18:10,635
I'm going to go wake the hot model up.

437
00:18:10,637 --> 00:18:12,754
He left a note. Just doing my job.

438
00:18:12,756 --> 00:18:14,055
As usual.

439
00:18:18,094 --> 00:18:20,312
So, you think I'm holding Max back?

440
00:18:20,314 --> 00:18:22,314
What kind of question is this?

441
00:18:22,316 --> 00:18:24,182
Yes.

442
00:18:24,184 --> 00:18:27,135
Well, you're wrong. We're a great team.

443
00:18:27,137 --> 00:18:28,853
And, yes, there are some
things she's better at.

444
00:18:28,855 --> 00:18:31,139
But there are other areas where I excel.

445
00:18:31,141 --> 00:18:33,274
Well, I don't see them.

446
00:18:33,276 --> 00:18:35,356
That's probably because of your eye.

447
00:18:37,947 --> 00:18:39,147
Did you wake him up?

448
00:18:39,149 --> 00:18:42,017
Uh, no. I think he might be dead.

449
00:18:46,922 --> 00:18:49,541
Oh, no, not the hot one!

450
00:18:49,543 --> 00:18:51,676
Aw, he's my favorite.

451
00:18:51,678 --> 00:18:53,494
This is all I need on yelp.

452
00:18:53,496 --> 00:18:55,880
We should call 911.

453
00:18:55,882 --> 00:18:57,349
No, I got it.

454
00:18:57,351 --> 00:18:59,968
What are you going to do?

455
00:18:59,970 --> 00:19:02,187
I'm going to give him mouth-to-mouth.

456
00:19:11,013 --> 00:19:15,283
I didn't know there was
so much tongue involved.

457
00:19:15,285 --> 00:19:17,351
This is not working.

458
00:19:17,353 --> 00:19:19,187
But, you know what?
I know he's still alive,

459
00:19:19,189 --> 00:19:23,625
because his manhood is
knocking on my lady door.

460
00:19:32,329 --> 00:19:34,953
He must have taken too many
of those pills on the table.

461
00:19:34,955 --> 00:19:36,504
Pills? I got this.

462
00:19:36,506 --> 00:19:38,206
Max, go get some hydrogen peroxide.

463
00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:41,509
- Sophie, step aside, now.
- Oh, all right.

464
00:19:41,511 --> 00:19:42,877
You sure you know what you're doing?

465
00:19:42,879 --> 00:19:45,046
My friend Candace travelstead
od'd like three times

466
00:19:45,048 --> 00:19:49,250
in college, and I
brought her back twice.

467
00:19:49,252 --> 00:19:50,351
There you go.

468
00:19:50,353 --> 00:19:51,936
Bring him up.

469
00:19:51,938 --> 00:19:56,024
Max, you hold his head back,
open his mouth.

470
00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:01,595
Back up.

471
00:20:09,371 --> 00:20:12,161
I'm starting to see your worth.

472
00:20:17,713 --> 00:20:20,832
What? You're being subway creepy.

473
00:20:20,834 --> 00:20:22,583
I have to say, when you were punching

474
00:20:22,585 --> 00:20:24,085
that almost-dead guy in the stomach,

475
00:20:24,087 --> 00:20:26,254
that was a serious balloon move.

476
00:20:26,256 --> 00:20:28,389
The truth is, we're both balloons.

477
00:20:28,391 --> 00:20:31,959
Yeah, but mine is, like,
way cooler than yours.

478
00:20:31,961 --> 00:20:34,312
It's like one of those silver
ones that never goes out of air.

479
00:20:34,314 --> 00:20:36,130
They don't make those anymore.
They're toxic.

480
00:20:36,255 --> 00:20:38,599
Exactly.

481
00:20:38,601 --> 00:20:41,319
Max, you know you won't let
me come into the kitchen

482
00:20:41,321 --> 00:20:42,803
and help you bake, right?

483
00:20:42,805 --> 00:20:44,739
And you know that I
know that without you,

484
00:20:44,741 --> 00:20:47,492
the job fairy would
never show up, right?

485
00:20:47,494 --> 00:20:50,161
But if you ever need me to
help you bake, I could.

486
00:20:50,163 --> 00:20:51,145
No, it's cool.

487
00:20:51,147 --> 00:20:52,830
You do your thing, I'll do mine.

488
00:20:52,832 --> 00:20:54,032
Hey, get your phone.

489
00:20:54,034 --> 00:20:55,950
We should capture this
near-death victory moment

490
00:20:55,952 --> 00:20:57,168
as our website picture.

491
00:20:57,170 --> 00:20:58,419
Totally.

492
00:20:58,421 --> 00:21:02,367
On the count of three, think...
"We made $200."

493
00:21:03,510 --> 00:21:04,709
One... two...

494
00:21:04,711 --> 00:21:06,127
Hold up.

495
00:21:06,129 --> 00:21:07,929
Sir, if you want to go
home with that hand,

496
00:21:07,931 --> 00:21:10,331
get it off my ass.

497
00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:12,366
Okay, three.