1 00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,257 Hot food from a hot man. 2 00:00:05,346 --> 00:00:07,167 Max, a woman in my section wants to know 3 00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:09,218 if we do anything gluten-free. What do I tell her? 4 00:00:09,338 --> 00:00:12,466 Tell her she's not allergic to gluten, she's just masking an eating disorder. 5 00:00:14,805 --> 00:00:17,906 Look alive, people. Club sandwich, burger medium, 6 00:00:18,146 --> 00:00:20,513 and a shrimp salad for the gamblin' man. 7 00:00:20,515 --> 00:00:22,131 I asked for salt and pepper. 8 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,967 I wanted mayonnaise and mustard. 9 00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:28,104 You forgot my diet soda. 10 00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:30,106 Oh, I'm sorry, I'll be right back with-- 11 00:00:30,108 --> 00:00:32,019 Oh, what? 12 00:00:35,312 --> 00:00:37,697 Never doubt me. 13 00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:51,010 Here's my last check, Earl. 14 00:00:51,012 --> 00:00:55,131 Look here, Max. That lady just slipped me her number. 15 00:00:55,133 --> 00:00:58,051 Like I need another menopausal white woman 16 00:00:58,053 --> 00:01:00,937 scratchin' at my window like a cat in heat. 17 00:01:04,892 --> 00:01:06,159 God, I love money. 18 00:01:06,161 --> 00:01:10,263 I know, I'm so sorry it broke up with you. 19 00:01:10,265 --> 00:01:13,450 Look! This week's new iPad just came out. 20 00:01:13,452 --> 00:01:15,652 Spread the words. 21 00:01:15,654 --> 00:01:16,736 Word. 22 00:01:16,738 --> 00:01:19,739 Word! 23 00:01:19,741 --> 00:01:22,709 I saw that on The Wire. 24 00:01:22,711 --> 00:01:24,627 Max, three weeks in a row 25 00:01:24,629 --> 00:01:29,549 you have not yet accepted my request to be a Facebook friend. 26 00:01:29,551 --> 00:01:32,419 Max? I am talking to you. 27 00:01:32,421 --> 00:01:35,505 Oh, I didn't hear you, I have my earbuds in. 28 00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:38,658 What are these? 29 00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:41,728 Okay, you had to bust a move, and get "the truth" on my ass? 30 00:01:41,730 --> 00:01:43,480 Fine, let's go there. Han, 31 00:01:43,482 --> 00:01:45,515 I'm never gonna be your Facebook friend. 32 00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:50,487 Oof! Hard to hear. 33 00:01:50,489 --> 00:01:52,489 Well, I accepted you, Han. 34 00:01:52,491 --> 00:01:56,860 Yes, thank you. You make my heart sing. 35 00:01:56,862 --> 00:01:59,729 Oof. Hurt me still. 36 00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:06,870 That was like watching someone club a baby seal. 37 00:02:06,872 --> 00:02:08,922 Why wouldn't you just say yes to his friend request? 38 00:02:08,924 --> 00:02:11,374 Because I never check Facebook, why would I? 39 00:02:11,376 --> 00:02:14,210 So some girl I worked at a movie theater with in 2005 40 00:02:14,212 --> 00:02:18,014 can tell me it's raining and she's "totes bummed?" 41 00:02:18,016 --> 00:02:21,217 Caroline! Better check Facebook page. 42 00:02:21,219 --> 00:02:25,472 Maybe someone just post on your wall. 43 00:02:29,109 --> 00:02:33,897 "Han Lee has tagged you in 25 photos?" 44 00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:45,041 Want to borrow my seal club yet? 45 00:02:45,043 --> 00:02:49,662 Oh, that stings. I've lost like 300 Facebook friends 46 00:02:49,664 --> 00:02:51,664 since my father was arrested. 47 00:02:51,666 --> 00:02:52,665 Well, your father's probably 48 00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:54,217 made that many new friends in prison, 49 00:02:54,219 --> 00:02:57,420 so it all evens out. 50 00:02:57,422 --> 00:02:58,721 Okay, ready to go? 51 00:02:58,723 --> 00:03:00,006 Do we have to? 52 00:03:00,008 --> 00:03:03,810 It's so hot outside. When did heat get so hot? 53 00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:06,379 Stop fighting it, just give in to it. 54 00:03:06,381 --> 00:03:10,817 I don't know why I'm quoting a rapist. 55 00:03:10,819 --> 00:03:12,402 Can't we just stay a little bit longer? 56 00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:14,303 We don't have any A.C. at home. 57 00:03:14,305 --> 00:03:17,490 I have an A.C. you girls can use. 58 00:03:17,492 --> 00:03:19,275 You have an air conditioner that works? 59 00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:20,977 Oh, it works. 60 00:03:30,671 --> 00:03:34,007 That's like an A.C. that just had salami. 61 00:03:34,009 --> 00:03:37,961 There's more salami where that came from. 62 00:03:44,351 --> 00:03:46,052 And my feet hurt. 63 00:03:46,054 --> 00:03:47,554 Well, you gotta stop wearing those stilts, 64 00:03:47,556 --> 00:03:50,640 and get a pair of Skechers, like normal broke-ass waitresses. 65 00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:55,278 Skechers? How dare you. 66 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,313 Besides, I can't afford new shoes. 67 00:03:57,315 --> 00:03:59,115 These cost $900. 68 00:03:59,117 --> 00:04:02,352 Well, then that's not pain, that's karma. 69 00:04:02,354 --> 00:04:04,237 Look, I will help you out, okay? 70 00:04:04,239 --> 00:04:05,204 I know a place we can go 71 00:04:05,206 --> 00:04:07,240 that has designer things at good prices. 72 00:04:07,242 --> 00:04:09,358 Like a Barney's warehouse? 73 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,044 Kind of. 74 00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:17,817 The Goodwill? 75 00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:20,470 Welcome to my place! 76 00:04:22,038 --> 00:04:23,904 We're shopping at the Goodwill? 77 00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:25,923 You led me to believe we were real-shopping. 78 00:04:25,925 --> 00:04:27,391 I know. 79 00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:28,942 I couldn't wait to see your face when you saw this place. 80 00:04:28,944 --> 00:04:30,477 Do the face again. 81 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,197 I love it! 82 00:04:33,199 --> 00:04:34,898 Okay, what's that smell? 83 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,985 It's gonna be your smell from now on. 84 00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:40,571 Now, pay attention, I know where the good stuff is. 85 00:04:40,573 --> 00:04:41,839 I know where the good stuff is. 86 00:04:41,841 --> 00:04:44,074 Madison and 57th. 87 00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:46,160 Follow me. 88 00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:49,213 Clever bitches hide stuff they want to come back and buy, 89 00:04:49,215 --> 00:04:52,316 'cause sometimes they don't have $3 to buy it at the time. 90 00:04:52,318 --> 00:04:54,251 Who doesn't have $3? 91 00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:55,719 You. 92 00:04:55,721 --> 00:04:58,138 Last week I hid a dope vintage blazer 93 00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:01,225 in the back of a nightstand, and here it is! 94 00:05:01,227 --> 00:05:04,511 Six bucks, clever bitch. Bang, bang! 95 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:07,648 All right, well, we're here. I'm gonna make the best of it, 96 00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:11,902 but first I need a basket without a sno-cone in it. 97 00:05:11,904 --> 00:05:13,020 Hey, Trish. 98 00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:15,856 Not for day-to-day, but at the country club. 99 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:19,226 You're kidding, but you're right. 100 00:05:19,228 --> 00:05:22,246 Hey, when you find something, check the pockets for pills. 101 00:05:22,248 --> 00:05:24,448 At a thrift store downtown I found a purple one once, 102 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:28,118 and took it. Fell asleep for eight hours. 103 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,888 That was my vacation that year. 104 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,707 Yay, shoes! 105 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:36,677 Oh, I can't believe I just said, "yay," in Goodwill. 106 00:05:36,679 --> 00:05:39,329 Look, don't freak. Shoes can be funky, 107 00:05:39,331 --> 00:05:41,932 but I have a special spray at home that makes them like new. 108 00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:45,418 Did you get it from a wizard? 109 00:05:49,173 --> 00:05:52,309 Oh, my God. 110 00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:55,646 Oh, my God, these Brian Atwoods were mine. 111 00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:57,281 I donated these to charity, 112 00:05:57,283 --> 00:06:01,235 'cause I was photographed wearing them twice. 113 00:06:01,237 --> 00:06:04,271 Okay, they were $800 when I bought them, 114 00:06:04,273 --> 00:06:06,773 now they're $8? 115 00:06:06,775 --> 00:06:11,828 Like me. I'm $8. 116 00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,281 Oh, my God. 117 00:06:14,283 --> 00:06:16,633 I'm $8. 118 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:20,087 I've been reduced. 119 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:22,973 I'm sorry, it just all became so real to me. 120 00:06:22,975 --> 00:06:25,425 I mean, I can't believe it. 121 00:06:30,648 --> 00:06:34,451 Um, didn't you see me crying? 122 00:06:34,453 --> 00:06:38,021 Lots of people cry at Goodwill. 123 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,690 You go to France, you eat snails. 124 00:06:39,692 --> 00:06:42,392 You come here, you cry. 125 00:06:42,394 --> 00:06:45,195 That's odd, you didn't even react. 126 00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:47,247 You need to react when people cry. 127 00:06:47,249 --> 00:06:50,083 I did, I rolled my eyes. 128 00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:55,939 Look, eventually, you'll learn to do that on the inside. 129 00:06:55,941 --> 00:06:57,758 Okay, well, just FYI, 130 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,960 when I used to cry in front of my other girlfriends, 131 00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:02,462 they'd be like, "What you cryin' about, C-line? 132 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:03,847 "Look at you, girl, you're fierce, 133 00:07:03,849 --> 00:07:05,949 you got your glam on." 134 00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:09,569 Are your girlfriends black drag queens? 135 00:07:13,691 --> 00:07:16,143 Oh, awesome strokes tee. 136 00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:18,979 I went to this concert, but I couldn't afford the shirt. 137 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:21,514 Oh, we're done with me. 138 00:07:21,516 --> 00:07:23,200 I went to see them on this tour 139 00:07:23,202 --> 00:07:25,969 the summer after my junior year. It was a really warm night, 140 00:07:25,971 --> 00:07:28,655 and I snuck out of the house, and we all ma-- 141 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,324 Ahem. Whatever. 142 00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:31,575 And what? 143 00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:34,161 What, did something great happen the night you got the t? 144 00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:37,247 Look at me, does it look like something great ever happens? 145 00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:39,149 Hey, cute tee. 146 00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:40,317 Had my eye on it. 147 00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:42,202 I was just bringin' my girl back to see it. 148 00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:43,637 She was in the bathroom. 149 00:07:43,639 --> 00:07:45,839 I had to throw up. 150 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,174 So hand it over. 151 00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,425 You know the rule. 152 00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:52,763 Turn the back on the rack, you're under attack. 153 00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:56,149 That's not me, that's the law of the 'Will. 154 00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:04,107 Yeah, you better walk away. 155 00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:05,308 That was intense. 156 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:08,328 Ah, just another Wednesday at the 'Will. 157 00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:12,532 You said to look in things, right? 158 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:15,085 Max, look. On my first try! 159 00:08:15,087 --> 00:08:18,422 Ooh, slick. Whoever hid those is gonna be pissed. 160 00:08:18,424 --> 00:08:20,407 Quality check. 161 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,028 Fabric sturdy, no mysterious crotch stains, 162 00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:27,514 nice work, Nancy Drew. 163 00:08:27,516 --> 00:08:29,216 And look, they're designer. 164 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:32,302 Summer 2009. $350. 165 00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,805 And for me today... 166 00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:37,724 $5. That's a reduction I like. 167 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:40,560 $5! Oh! 168 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:44,698 $5, $5, $5, $5... 169 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:46,850 $5, $5... 170 00:08:46,852 --> 00:08:48,985 Hi, Maria. 171 00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,370 How are you, Max? 172 00:08:50,372 --> 00:08:51,655 I'm good, how's your mom doin'? 173 00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:54,741 Good. She really appreciated the cupcakes you made her. 174 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,627 Hi, Maria, I'm Caroline, Max's friend. 175 00:08:57,629 --> 00:09:00,163 Any way we can get the price down a bit for these? 176 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:03,049 I think $8 is steep, considering their condition. 177 00:09:03,051 --> 00:09:05,419 I happen to know the heel has been replaced. 178 00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:09,222 I cannot believe you're trying to shoe her down. 179 00:09:09,224 --> 00:09:11,174 I can do $6. 180 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,959 Deal. 181 00:09:12,961 --> 00:09:14,177 Oh, you happy? 182 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,980 You haggled a charity. 183 00:09:16,982 --> 00:09:19,850 You're turning Goodwill into bad will. 184 00:09:21,903 --> 00:09:24,154 My t-shirt's gone. 185 00:09:24,156 --> 00:09:25,472 It's not here. 186 00:09:25,474 --> 00:09:28,909 I bet it was that Puerto Rican girl, 187 00:09:28,911 --> 00:09:30,861 who was-- who was eyeing it. 188 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:32,412 Maria, can we call security? 189 00:09:32,414 --> 00:09:34,814 I'm sure one of the cameras must have captured the theft. 190 00:09:34,816 --> 00:09:38,168 Cameras? What do you think this is, Target? 191 00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:40,653 It's gone, Caroline. 192 00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:41,805 She must have stolen it 193 00:09:41,807 --> 00:09:44,257 while I was watching you do your stupid $5 dance. 194 00:09:44,259 --> 00:09:49,429 I didn't turn my back on the rack, why am I under attack? 195 00:09:49,431 --> 00:09:52,499 See, this is why I shop alone, this is why I eat alone, 196 00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:55,852 this is why I'm leaving alone. 197 00:09:55,854 --> 00:09:57,888 Maria, I'll pay for these. 198 00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:00,607 You don't have to box them, you can just use tissue paper. 199 00:10:00,609 --> 00:10:03,193 Even as I'm saying this, I know it's not gonna happen. 200 00:10:10,206 --> 00:10:11,560 Chestnut... 201 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,423 Hot as a mother, right? 202 00:10:19,057 --> 00:10:20,557 Better, right? 203 00:10:23,095 --> 00:10:24,178 ♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪ 204 00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:25,212 ♪ so hot! ♪ 205 00:10:25,214 --> 00:10:27,064 ♪ so take off all your clothes ♪ 206 00:10:27,066 --> 00:10:29,333 ♪ I am gettin' so hot ♪ 207 00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:33,320 ♪ I'm gonna take my clothes off ♪ 208 00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:34,905 You might want to keep your voice down. 209 00:10:34,907 --> 00:10:38,075 This building has three registered sex offenders. 210 00:10:38,077 --> 00:10:40,494 ♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪ 211 00:10:40,496 --> 00:10:44,014 ♪ so leave all that strokes tee shirt drama behind ♪ 212 00:10:44,016 --> 00:10:45,716 Come on, it's our night off. 213 00:10:45,718 --> 00:10:48,452 Let's go get drunk in air conditioning. 214 00:10:48,454 --> 00:10:50,220 We won't even have to pay for drinks. 215 00:10:50,222 --> 00:10:53,907 These "shotes" is gonna pay for our drinks. 216 00:10:53,909 --> 00:10:57,961 You are literally a $5 whore right now. 217 00:10:57,963 --> 00:10:59,246 Come on. 218 00:10:59,248 --> 00:11:01,048 ♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪ 219 00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:02,266 ♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪ 220 00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:06,353 Hey, Johnny. 221 00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:07,438 I thought I told you 222 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,356 to keep your dumb, tragic ass out of here. 223 00:11:09,358 --> 00:11:11,892 The only thing that isn't tragic about me is my ass. 224 00:11:11,894 --> 00:11:14,478 And who's the blonde, bony skank? 225 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,929 Oh, dude, she's not in on this. 226 00:11:15,931 --> 00:11:17,264 Oh, I'm so sorry, miss. 227 00:11:17,266 --> 00:11:20,484 Hey, I'm Johnny, I'm Max's friend. 228 00:11:20,486 --> 00:11:23,454 I'm Caroline. I'm freaked out. 229 00:11:23,456 --> 00:11:24,771 This is something we do. 230 00:11:24,773 --> 00:11:28,442 - To remind us of our families. - Mm-hmm. 231 00:11:28,444 --> 00:11:30,711 Excuse me for a second. These guys tip more 232 00:11:30,713 --> 00:11:33,447 if I high-five 'em when we talk about chicks. 233 00:11:33,449 --> 00:11:34,614 Vagina! 234 00:11:34,616 --> 00:11:36,500 Yeah! 235 00:11:36,502 --> 00:11:40,254 Wow. Girl, your bartender friend is cute. 236 00:11:40,256 --> 00:11:43,557 Look at those arms. Nice guns. 237 00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:45,476 He's not just a bartender, this dude is legit. 238 00:11:45,478 --> 00:11:47,928 He's a street artist, goes by "Jpeg." 239 00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:49,480 Hmm. Well, right now 240 00:11:49,482 --> 00:11:51,965 he's cutting up limes and cleaning glasses. 241 00:11:51,967 --> 00:11:53,484 Well, you're an heiress 242 00:11:53,486 --> 00:11:56,019 who's slinging burnt hash and stale toast. 243 00:11:56,021 --> 00:11:57,037 Touche. 244 00:11:57,039 --> 00:11:59,139 Douch-ay. 245 00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:01,742 These are from the gentleman with a sweet note, 246 00:12:01,744 --> 00:12:04,995 "Nice ass, nice rack." 247 00:12:09,317 --> 00:12:10,667 Whoo! 248 00:12:10,669 --> 00:12:12,503 Hoo. 249 00:12:15,323 --> 00:12:16,924 If that's your tequila noise, 250 00:12:16,926 --> 00:12:20,344 God knows what your orgasm sounds like. 251 00:12:20,346 --> 00:12:24,798 Same face, no sound. 252 00:12:28,603 --> 00:12:30,187 Oh, my God. 253 00:12:30,189 --> 00:12:32,773 I can't believe it, it's the girl from the 'Will. 254 00:12:32,775 --> 00:12:36,143 I got your back, gir-r-r. 255 00:12:38,646 --> 00:12:39,679 What is she doin'? 256 00:12:39,681 --> 00:12:41,315 She thinks Goodwill has made her tough. 257 00:12:41,317 --> 00:12:43,683 Um, hi. How are you? 258 00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:44,868 I just wanted to talk to you 259 00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:46,570 about that shirt at the Goodwill. 260 00:12:46,572 --> 00:12:50,357 See, my friend really wanted it, and, well, your friend has it. 261 00:12:50,359 --> 00:12:53,127 What are you sayin', bitch? 262 00:12:53,129 --> 00:12:55,695 Okay, I think we might have got off on the wrong foot. 263 00:12:55,697 --> 00:12:57,714 Do you want to feel my foot, bitch? 264 00:12:57,716 --> 00:13:00,867 Well, I guess we know what your favorite word is. 265 00:13:01,553 --> 00:13:03,036 Ow! 266 00:13:03,038 --> 00:13:06,807 Those are not extensions, bitch! 267 00:13:06,809 --> 00:13:07,991 Oh! 268 00:13:07,993 --> 00:13:09,426 I should break this up, I should break this up. 269 00:13:09,428 --> 00:13:11,712 No, no, no, give her like four seconds to learn her lesson. 270 00:13:11,714 --> 00:13:12,813 Oh, okay, ow! All right. All right! 271 00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:15,532 - Okay, okay, okay. - Ow! Oh, oh. 272 00:13:15,534 --> 00:13:16,817 Okay, come on, come on. 273 00:13:16,819 --> 00:13:18,235 - Oh! - It's okay. 274 00:13:21,072 --> 00:13:23,941 Those are not extensions, bitch! 275 00:13:25,327 --> 00:13:27,611 Are you still laughing, 'cause it wasn't funny. 276 00:13:27,613 --> 00:13:30,364 It was so funny. It was like looney tunes funny. 277 00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:32,833 It was like Bugs Bunny getting shot in the face funny. 278 00:13:32,835 --> 00:13:34,034 Only in your version, 279 00:13:34,036 --> 00:13:37,621 Bugs Bunny tries to have a dialogue with the shotgun. 280 00:13:37,623 --> 00:13:39,289 I was trying 281 00:13:39,291 --> 00:13:40,591 to get your t-shirt back. 282 00:13:40,593 --> 00:13:41,792 I wanted you to have it, 283 00:13:41,794 --> 00:13:43,877 because you lit up at the 'Will when you saw it. 284 00:13:43,879 --> 00:13:45,745 I do not light up, okay? 285 00:13:45,747 --> 00:13:48,081 There's no light inside me. 286 00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:49,633 What you're seeing is probably radiation 287 00:13:49,635 --> 00:13:51,718 from the summer I collected uranium tubes 288 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,087 by the train tracks. That was good money. 289 00:13:54,089 --> 00:13:55,922 Thanks for looking out for me, Caroline. 290 00:13:55,924 --> 00:13:57,191 You're welcome, Max. 291 00:13:57,193 --> 00:13:59,359 It's a t-shirt, it's gone. 292 00:13:59,361 --> 00:14:00,861 I don't get attached to things. 293 00:14:00,863 --> 00:14:03,263 Ow. My nail practically got torn off back there 294 00:14:03,265 --> 00:14:05,732 by "Cat Von D-Minus." 295 00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:07,384 I'm gonna have to sleep with it elevated. 296 00:14:07,386 --> 00:14:08,785 Is there a nail place around here? 297 00:14:08,787 --> 00:14:10,204 Well, this is New York, 298 00:14:10,206 --> 00:14:12,406 so there's probably gonna be one right... 299 00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:14,608 here. Love when that happens. 300 00:14:14,610 --> 00:14:17,144 Look, a two-for-one girlfriend special. Genius. 301 00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:20,163 Go with me tomorrow before work, it'll be cheaper if we both go. 302 00:14:20,165 --> 00:14:21,548 I really need one. 303 00:14:21,550 --> 00:14:23,283 Plus, you need one, too. 304 00:14:23,285 --> 00:14:26,420 Well, I can't. I have my own day of luxury already booked. 305 00:14:26,422 --> 00:14:29,556 I'm doing a laundry, and then the tasting menu at Wendy's. 306 00:14:29,558 --> 00:14:33,126 Come on. You and me, nails, and air conditioning. 307 00:14:33,128 --> 00:14:34,344 It'll be fun. 308 00:14:34,346 --> 00:14:35,512 You're doin' it, gir-r-rl. 309 00:14:35,514 --> 00:14:38,065 Me and my friends used to love getting manicures. 310 00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:41,602 'Cause they're black drag queens? 311 00:14:41,604 --> 00:14:43,470 ♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪ 312 00:14:43,472 --> 00:14:46,056 ♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪ 313 00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:05,659 Oh. 314 00:15:05,661 --> 00:15:07,215 Hey, dude. 315 00:15:12,050 --> 00:15:13,649 It's about that time? 316 00:15:16,138 --> 00:15:18,972 Let me get the pooper scooper. 317 00:15:21,143 --> 00:15:25,028 All right. Let's do this. 318 00:15:29,133 --> 00:15:32,819 - Hey. - Hey. 319 00:15:32,821 --> 00:15:35,238 Let me ask you something. How is it that you, 320 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,824 a horse, and Caroline are both living with me, 321 00:15:37,826 --> 00:15:39,660 and you're less of a problem for me? 322 00:15:39,662 --> 00:15:41,695 I mean, you tell me, you've known her longer. 323 00:15:41,697 --> 00:15:44,047 She picks a fight with a tatted-out white chick 324 00:15:44,049 --> 00:15:47,167 from the Bronx? What is up with that? 325 00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:50,036 I don't know, man, I'm just used to it. 326 00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:52,856 That's what you'd sound like, if you talked. 327 00:15:52,858 --> 00:15:54,825 I agree with you, by the way. 328 00:15:54,827 --> 00:15:57,394 Everything you say is right, Max. 329 00:15:57,396 --> 00:15:59,896 Thank you, Chestnut. 330 00:15:59,898 --> 00:16:01,898 You should kill her. 331 00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:04,134 Chestnut! I can't do that. 332 00:16:04,136 --> 00:16:07,688 It'll be easy. We could kill her and eat her. 333 00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:09,673 Chestnut! 334 00:16:11,243 --> 00:16:14,077 All right, buddy, here's your spot. 335 00:16:14,079 --> 00:16:16,747 Come on, do your business. 336 00:16:16,749 --> 00:16:18,248 Come on, Ches. 337 00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,233 Buh-buh-buh buh-buh. 338 00:16:20,235 --> 00:16:22,285 Buh-buh-buh buh-boo. Come on. 339 00:16:22,287 --> 00:16:24,254 Come on! 340 00:16:24,256 --> 00:16:26,757 Come on, Chestnut, I got a lot of crap to do today. 341 00:16:27,576 --> 00:16:29,343 And so do you. 342 00:16:29,345 --> 00:16:32,212 Jeez, don't be shy, buddy... 343 00:16:39,159 --> 00:16:42,544 I hope you're happy. I look like a Cambodian stripper. 344 00:16:45,616 --> 00:16:49,435 Um, they prefer to be called "ping pong ball artists." 345 00:16:49,437 --> 00:16:53,572 These cost $70.43. 346 00:16:53,574 --> 00:16:57,692 She forced me to get tips, and then tip her for the tips. 347 00:16:57,694 --> 00:16:59,661 See, and all because you never showed up, 348 00:16:59,663 --> 00:17:01,330 I didn't get the two-for-one discount, 349 00:17:01,332 --> 00:17:03,499 because I was waiting alone, for you. 350 00:17:03,501 --> 00:17:06,919 Max, I have really tried to be girlfriends with you, 351 00:17:06,921 --> 00:17:09,087 but you obviously have some issues. 352 00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:10,839 Follow me to the walk-in. 353 00:17:10,841 --> 00:17:14,059 Good, let's get it out. 354 00:17:21,351 --> 00:17:24,269 Here. 355 00:17:26,473 --> 00:17:28,474 I thought we were gonna talk. 356 00:17:28,476 --> 00:17:31,777 No, we just didn't have any chocolate cream in the case. 357 00:17:31,779 --> 00:17:33,579 Why didn't you show up? 358 00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:35,330 You told me you were gonna be there. 359 00:17:35,332 --> 00:17:37,166 Well, I had a lot of crap to do. 360 00:17:37,168 --> 00:17:39,234 Well, you gave me the impression you were going. 361 00:17:39,236 --> 00:17:42,204 I gave you the impression? I don't do impressions. 362 00:17:42,206 --> 00:17:44,490 Well, wait, that's not true, I do one, my mom. 363 00:17:44,492 --> 00:17:46,074 But to do that. I need a Christmas tree, 364 00:17:46,076 --> 00:17:49,127 a gallon of vodka, and a lit cigarette. 365 00:17:49,129 --> 00:17:52,247 So are we gonna be girlfriends or not? 366 00:17:52,249 --> 00:17:55,300 Look, I'm gonna give this to you straight up. 367 00:17:55,302 --> 00:17:58,253 I am never gonna be the type of girlfriend you're used to. 368 00:17:58,255 --> 00:18:01,557 I am not your gir-r-r, or your gir-r-rl, 369 00:18:01,559 --> 00:18:02,891 and I am definitely not 370 00:18:02,893 --> 00:18:05,310 someone's two-for-one girlfriend crap at a nail store. 371 00:18:05,312 --> 00:18:08,564 In fact, think of me as a dude. 372 00:18:08,566 --> 00:18:10,549 So-o-o, are we good? 373 00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:12,985 Yeah. We good. 374 00:18:12,987 --> 00:18:14,786 I get it. You're not a girl's girl. 375 00:18:14,788 --> 00:18:16,738 Okay, good. 376 00:18:18,558 --> 00:18:21,293 I can be a girl's girl. 377 00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:26,715 Oh, Caroline, 378 00:18:26,717 --> 00:18:30,552 please do not take advantage of me with your horse. 379 00:18:30,554 --> 00:18:31,637 What? 380 00:18:31,639 --> 00:18:33,639 My trash pick up company charged me extra, 381 00:18:33,641 --> 00:18:36,791 because my dumpster is full of all your horse droppings. 382 00:18:36,793 --> 00:18:39,628 How would that be possible? 383 00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,064 I see your good friend, Max, walking your horse every morning 384 00:18:42,066 --> 00:18:45,934 and dropping droppings in my dumpster. 385 00:18:45,936 --> 00:18:47,586 Hi. 386 00:18:47,588 --> 00:18:49,137 Hello. 387 00:18:49,139 --> 00:18:51,406 Did you walk my horse today? 388 00:18:51,408 --> 00:18:53,692 Yeah, and every other morning. 389 00:18:53,694 --> 00:18:55,944 That's so sweet. I wish I had known. 390 00:18:55,946 --> 00:18:58,247 Well, what was I gonna do, post it on your Facebook wall? 391 00:18:58,249 --> 00:19:01,984 "Ha, walked a horse again today. Totes gross." 392 00:19:01,986 --> 00:19:04,169 Besides, who did you think was doing it? 393 00:19:04,171 --> 00:19:05,971 I've always just had things done for me, 394 00:19:05,973 --> 00:19:08,373 I've never really thought about the people doing them. 395 00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:10,292 Yeah, and I've never had things done for me, 396 00:19:10,294 --> 00:19:11,877 so I just do them. 397 00:19:11,879 --> 00:19:13,679 Like now, how I'm making the coffee, 398 00:19:13,681 --> 00:19:16,164 and you're just standing here watching me. 399 00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:18,517 Still, I wish you would have told me, 400 00:19:18,519 --> 00:19:19,718 so I could say thank you. 401 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,503 Well, it's not really my style. 402 00:19:21,505 --> 00:19:24,056 You are one complicated dude. 403 00:19:24,058 --> 00:19:27,509 Pick up, borscht. 404 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,865 - Unbelievable. - What? 405 00:19:36,286 --> 00:19:38,287 Hey. How you guys doin'? 406 00:19:38,289 --> 00:19:40,289 Cute strokes tee. 407 00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:43,024 Probably look better on me, considering it's mine. 408 00:19:43,026 --> 00:19:47,879 You snooze, you lose, puta. 409 00:19:47,881 --> 00:19:50,532 Nice language! 410 00:19:50,534 --> 00:19:55,253 You kiss your obviously closeted boyfriend with that mouth? 411 00:19:55,255 --> 00:19:58,173 You know what? I wouldn't even want it now. 412 00:19:58,175 --> 00:19:59,257 Now that it's been on you, 413 00:19:59,259 --> 00:20:01,176 might as well have been a Kenny G shirt. 414 00:20:03,814 --> 00:20:06,932 And now I walk. 415 00:20:06,934 --> 00:20:08,717 You can't just let her win. 416 00:20:08,719 --> 00:20:10,402 Oh, forget it, it's over. 417 00:20:10,404 --> 00:20:12,971 Borscht! Pick up, pick up. 418 00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:20,612 Hi, I'll be right with you. 419 00:20:20,614 --> 00:20:22,280 Oh! 420 00:20:22,282 --> 00:20:23,832 - Idiota! - Oh. 421 00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:27,285 Esta camiseta me costo cuatro dolares! 422 00:20:27,287 --> 00:20:28,737 Te voy a cortar. 423 00:20:28,739 --> 00:20:33,074 Lo siento. Todo es mi culpa. 424 00:20:33,076 --> 00:20:35,711 I'm still a little clumsy, it's my first week. 425 00:20:35,713 --> 00:20:38,296 I'll bring you some soda water, but seriously, 426 00:20:38,298 --> 00:20:42,100 your boyfriend will come out before that borscht stain does. 427 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:48,857 That was awesome. 428 00:20:48,859 --> 00:20:50,859 Yeah. I kinda just do stuff. 429 00:20:50,861 --> 00:20:55,430 Like I just did, while you were standing there watching me. 430 00:20:55,432 --> 00:20:58,450 Thanks, gir-r-rlfriend. 431 00:20:58,452 --> 00:20:59,484 Oh. 432 00:20:59,486 --> 00:21:00,619 What, is she coming for me? 433 00:21:00,621 --> 00:21:02,404 Run.