1
00:00:00,850 --> 00:00:01,670
Max.
2
00:00:01,790 --> 00:00:05,049
It's the woman at table 2's 50th birthday
and her husband wants us to sing to her.
3
00:00:05,283 --> 00:00:08,021
If I had a dollar every time a man
asked me to do something to his wife,
4
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,181
I'd be a millionaire.
5
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:14,248
I remember when
Happy Birthday first came up.
6
00:00:15,291 --> 00:00:16,756
I never thought it would catch on.
7
00:00:17,734 --> 00:00:18,800
Go!
8
00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:20,230
And smile.
9
00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:21,696
When you fake smile,
10
00:00:21,816 --> 00:00:23,641
everybody else fakes smile back.
11
00:00:26,208 --> 00:00:28,283
Nobody wants to hear that lame song.
12
00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:31,343
If we want to humiliate her in public, why
don't we go over there and pull her top down?
13
00:00:32,122 --> 00:00:34,519
Come on, let's just go sing
and make the best of it.
14
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:38,258
Ready?
15
00:00:38,378 --> 00:00:39,906
One, two, three...
16
00:00:40,026 --> 00:00:45,974
♪ Happy birthday to you...♪
17
00:00:46,267 --> 00:00:47,805
Whoa!
18
00:00:50,497 --> 00:00:51,962
I apologize.
19
00:00:52,082 --> 00:00:54,897
It's hard enough your husband took you
to a diner on your birthday
20
00:00:55,017 --> 00:00:56,690
and now you have to listen to white Mariah?
21
00:00:57,296 --> 00:00:58,101
No!
22
00:00:59,482 --> 00:01:01,251
Happy ***.
23
00:01:03,045 --> 00:01:08,886
♪ To yoooooooou ♪
24
00:01:13,665 --> 00:01:24,407
Synced by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:01:26,418 --> 00:01:28,396
I have announcement to make.
26
00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:31,283
I agree with what Max said before.
27
00:01:31,285 --> 00:01:32,984
What? That we should tie
a little bell around you,
28
00:01:32,986 --> 00:01:39,624
so we know when you're near?
29
00:01:39,626 --> 00:01:41,343
The diner needs a fresh, new way
30
00:01:41,345 --> 00:01:43,328
to celebrate the customer birthday.
31
00:01:43,330 --> 00:01:46,598
So I just went
and wrote a special song.
32
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,000
Han, I'd be happy to look
at what you've written so far.
33
00:01:49,002 --> 00:01:50,468
I took music theory in college.
34
00:01:50,470 --> 00:01:52,554
I once wrote
an entire original musical
35
00:01:52,556 --> 00:01:54,189
based on the French revolution.
36
00:01:54,191 --> 00:01:56,674
Um, sorry to step on your nerd turf,
37
00:01:56,676 --> 00:01:59,778
but Les Mis is already a musical
about the French revolution.
38
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:03,114
Yes, but mine was from
the point of view of the rich.
39
00:02:03,116 --> 00:02:05,233
What are you going
to rewrite next--
40
00:02:05,235 --> 00:02:08,987
the musical rent from the point
of view of the landlord?
41
00:02:09,905 --> 00:02:12,624
Han, this is
a lovely start, but--
42
00:02:12,626 --> 00:02:13,992
A lovely start?
43
00:02:13,994 --> 00:02:15,410
No, I mean, it's good.
44
00:02:15,412 --> 00:02:16,578
But not good enough.
45
00:02:16,580 --> 00:02:17,879
I know what you are saying.
46
00:02:17,881 --> 00:02:19,864
"You need to practice more, Han.
47
00:02:19,866 --> 00:02:21,967
"You never will be
as good as your sister, Han.
48
00:02:21,969 --> 00:02:23,701
"Whole family going on vacation
49
00:02:23,703 --> 00:02:25,720
without you
while you practice, Han."
50
00:02:25,722 --> 00:02:27,839
Back off, tiger mom!
51
00:02:30,676 --> 00:02:32,260
Hey, Caroline, is Max around?
52
00:02:32,262 --> 00:02:35,413
Um, she might be.
I'll go check.
53
00:02:35,415 --> 00:02:38,767
You'll never guess who
just came into the restaurant.
54
00:02:38,769 --> 00:02:40,068
You'll be very happy.
55
00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:42,821
Gary, the fat guy from teen mom?
56
00:02:42,823 --> 00:02:45,073
Someone you like,
someone you want to kiss,
57
00:02:45,075 --> 00:02:46,358
someone you're hot for.
58
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,110
Tyler, the skinny guy from teen mom?
59
00:02:50,396 --> 00:02:51,446
What's Johnny doing here?
60
00:02:51,448 --> 00:02:52,781
I told him not
to show his face unless--
61
00:02:52,783 --> 00:02:54,449
Unless he broke up
with his girlfriend.
62
00:02:54,451 --> 00:02:56,234
And now he's here, showing his face,
63
00:02:56,236 --> 00:02:58,286
- which means--
- You can't know that for sure.
64
00:02:58,288 --> 00:03:00,672
Fine. Tell me one other reason
he could possibly be in here.
65
00:03:00,674 --> 00:03:03,041
He needs Han to solve
a complex math problem?
66
00:03:03,043 --> 00:03:04,876
Max!
67
00:03:04,878 --> 00:03:07,178
Max, it's pretty obvious
that he's in here
68
00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:08,880
because he broke up
with his girlfriend "Cassandra"
69
00:03:08,882 --> 00:03:10,415
I mean, what else could it be?
70
00:03:10,417 --> 00:03:11,683
When I had millions of dollars,
71
00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:13,601
I had no idea
why guys were coming to see me.
72
00:03:13,603 --> 00:03:15,420
"Do they want me,
or do they want my money?"
73
00:03:15,422 --> 00:03:16,921
But you have nothing!
74
00:03:16,923 --> 00:03:19,357
So basically that just leaves you.
75
00:03:19,359 --> 00:03:21,926
Way to puff me up
before I go through that door.
76
00:03:21,928 --> 00:03:23,478
This is so exciting.
77
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,597
Will you stop?
Don't be such a girl.
78
00:03:26,599 --> 00:03:28,900
Hair? Teeth? Anything?
79
00:03:28,902 --> 00:03:30,235
You're good.
80
00:03:30,237 --> 00:03:31,653
Wait.
81
00:03:34,407 --> 00:03:36,774
More.
82
00:03:37,776 --> 00:03:41,413
- Really?
- Trust me.
83
00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:50,305
Oh, uh, hey, Johnny.
When did you get here?
84
00:03:50,307 --> 00:03:51,506
Uh, just now.
85
00:03:51,508 --> 00:03:52,757
I, uh--I came here
86
00:03:52,759 --> 00:03:54,625
because I want to tell you something.
87
00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:57,128
Yes?
88
00:03:57,130 --> 00:04:00,482
Max, I think you and I
have something special.
89
00:04:00,484 --> 00:04:02,767
And I don't want to lose that.
90
00:04:02,769 --> 00:04:05,520
So I came down here to ask...
91
00:04:05,522 --> 00:04:07,572
Even though it didn't work out,
92
00:04:07,574 --> 00:04:08,857
can we still be friends?
93
00:04:08,859 --> 00:04:10,742
- Oh.
- What?
94
00:04:10,744 --> 00:04:13,328
You have got to be kidding!
95
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:14,529
Oh.
96
00:04:14,531 --> 00:04:15,980
What's going on over there, Caroline?
97
00:04:15,982 --> 00:04:17,999
My friend Johnny and I have no idea
98
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,367
what you're upset about.
99
00:04:19,369 --> 00:04:22,153
I was just reacting to the
news that we're out of pie.
100
00:04:22,155 --> 00:04:24,005
I really cannot believe it.
101
00:04:24,007 --> 00:04:26,374
I totally thought it would go
a different way.
102
00:04:26,376 --> 00:04:28,376
Caroline...
103
00:04:28,378 --> 00:04:31,096
Why don't you go over there
to the pie carrousel
104
00:04:31,098 --> 00:04:33,548
and mourn the loss of our pie?
105
00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:37,335
So, we're cool?
106
00:04:37,337 --> 00:04:39,137
Yeah, we're cool.
Why wouldn't we be?
107
00:04:39,139 --> 00:04:41,189
We never dated or anything like that.
108
00:04:41,191 --> 00:04:42,557
Of course we're friends.
109
00:04:42,559 --> 00:04:43,725
I am so relieved.
110
00:04:43,727 --> 00:04:45,777
So, uh, you gonna go back
111
00:04:45,779 --> 00:04:47,779
to busting my balls, like always?
112
00:04:47,781 --> 00:04:49,397
Yes.
113
00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:51,483
We're such good friends,
I might just...
114
00:04:51,485 --> 00:04:53,902
Bust them with my feet!
115
00:04:58,007 --> 00:04:59,374
Good morning.
116
00:04:59,376 --> 00:05:01,876
I'm trying to send out
a get-to-know-us email blast
117
00:05:01,878 --> 00:05:03,044
for the cupcake business.
118
00:05:03,046 --> 00:05:04,496
But your wi-fi is so slow.
119
00:05:04,498 --> 00:05:07,532
Don't tell me--
tell cathyhome17,
120
00:05:07,534 --> 00:05:09,217
whoever and wherever she is.
121
00:05:09,219 --> 00:05:10,335
Okay, well, I'm just going
122
00:05:10,337 --> 00:05:12,053
to run down to the coffee place
and send it.
123
00:05:12,055 --> 00:05:13,037
Do you approve?
124
00:05:13,039 --> 00:05:14,639
Nice job.
The font's pretty.
125
00:05:14,641 --> 00:05:16,724
You just gave me a compliment?
126
00:05:16,726 --> 00:05:18,092
I knew it--
you're depressed.
127
00:05:18,094 --> 00:05:19,644
You're so depressed
128
00:05:19,646 --> 00:05:20,929
about you and Johnny
just being friends,
129
00:05:20,931 --> 00:05:22,897
you don't even have the energy
to be you.
130
00:05:22,899 --> 00:05:24,399
What?
The font is pretty.
131
00:05:24,401 --> 00:05:26,818
Oh, honey, do you want a hug?
132
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:29,654
- I'm fine.
- How could you be fine?
133
00:05:29,656 --> 00:05:31,022
The man was so into you,
134
00:05:31,024 --> 00:05:33,024
he painted a billboard
of the two of you kissing.
135
00:05:33,026 --> 00:05:34,559
And now he just wants to be friends?
136
00:05:34,561 --> 00:05:37,028
Please call in sick
to your babysitting job
137
00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:38,329
and take to the bed.
138
00:05:38,331 --> 00:05:39,697
Whenever I used to get depressed,
139
00:05:39,699 --> 00:05:40,748
I'd take to the bed.
140
00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:42,917
One time, I took to the bed
for a week.
141
00:05:42,919 --> 00:05:45,119
Listen, unlike you, Jane Austen,
142
00:05:45,121 --> 00:05:46,704
I will never take to the bed.
143
00:05:46,706 --> 00:05:49,240
Giving into feelings
is for rich people.
144
00:05:49,242 --> 00:05:50,792
Regular people just have to get up,
145
00:05:50,794 --> 00:05:54,712
get drunk, and go fulfill
their babysitting duties.
146
00:05:54,714 --> 00:05:56,914
Max, take to the bed.
147
00:05:56,916 --> 00:05:59,634
Look, this is my pattern, okay?
148
00:05:59,636 --> 00:06:01,019
I fall for the wrong guy,
149
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:03,021
I find out they're with a girl,
a bottle, or a needle,
150
00:06:03,023 --> 00:06:04,222
and I move on.
151
00:06:04,224 --> 00:06:06,641
And sometimes I use a bottle
to help me do it...
152
00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:09,644
Or a needle or a girl.
153
00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:12,780
But when I'm done, I'm done.
154
00:06:12,782 --> 00:06:13,982
That's it?
155
00:06:13,984 --> 00:06:15,033
You're just over it?
156
00:06:15,035 --> 00:06:16,484
Wow.
157
00:06:16,486 --> 00:06:19,120
I'm still sad because
Kyle Enright didn't invite me
158
00:06:19,122 --> 00:06:22,290
on his private jet to Mykonos
for his 12th birthday.
159
00:06:22,292 --> 00:06:24,292
Well, not me.
160
00:06:24,294 --> 00:06:27,045
Just flip a switch
and those feelings are gone.
161
00:06:27,047 --> 00:06:28,913
I only have two switches
in my life--
162
00:06:28,915 --> 00:06:30,715
one turns off my emotions,
163
00:06:30,717 --> 00:06:33,418
the other makes a car bounce.
164
00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:35,503
Okay, I better go.
165
00:06:35,505 --> 00:06:38,389
If you get there after 10:30,
you can't hear yourself think
166
00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:42,927
over the sounds of people
skyping to the Philippines.
167
00:06:44,013 --> 00:06:46,964
Max, are you sure you're all right?
168
00:06:46,966 --> 00:06:48,182
Max.
169
00:06:48,184 --> 00:06:51,269
Are you about to come
over here and soft-touch me?
170
00:06:51,271 --> 00:06:53,688
- I want to so bad.
- Leave!
171
00:06:53,690 --> 00:06:56,741
Go to the coffee place.
Soft-touch the barista.
172
00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:06,167
Excuse me, miss.
173
00:07:06,169 --> 00:07:07,418
You keep your door open like that,
174
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:09,787
this rat's probably
going to get inside.
175
00:07:09,789 --> 00:07:13,324
Don't worry. You should see
the size of my cat.
176
00:07:13,326 --> 00:07:14,542
What are you doing here?
177
00:07:14,544 --> 00:07:16,294
I knew you'd be home for another hour,
178
00:07:16,296 --> 00:07:17,645
so I brought you coffee.
179
00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:19,881
And I wanted to say...
180
00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:22,183
Thanks for understanding
the situation.
181
00:07:22,185 --> 00:07:23,501
Hey, you don't need to get all
182
00:07:23,503 --> 00:07:26,771
"Hallmark presents:
Johnny Soft Eyes" on me.
183
00:07:26,773 --> 00:07:29,107
Okay?
You're not my type, anyway.
184
00:07:29,109 --> 00:07:30,858
You're a bartender
who's close to liquor all night
185
00:07:30,860 --> 00:07:32,226
and your not an alcoholic.
186
00:07:32,228 --> 00:07:35,813
So clearly you don't know
how to seize an opportunity.
187
00:07:37,483 --> 00:07:39,784
Yes, I do.
188
00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:44,663
+
189
00:07:49,176 --> 00:07:50,860
This is where you join
in birthday song
190
00:07:50,862 --> 00:07:52,829
with your sweet-ass saxophone.
191
00:07:52,831 --> 00:07:55,348
Han, I like you, brother,
192
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,883
but I played with everyone
193
00:07:56,885 --> 00:08:00,470
from Marvin Gaye to the gay Marvins.
194
00:08:00,472 --> 00:08:03,473
They never made it--a little bit
ahead of their time.
195
00:08:03,475 --> 00:08:06,426
But if you don't mind
a professional opinion, man,
196
00:08:06,428 --> 00:08:09,596
you've got to put some heart
into this thing.
197
00:08:09,598 --> 00:08:12,098
But my mother always say
to run away from heart--
198
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,650
only the head can make music.
199
00:08:13,652 --> 00:08:16,653
Han, your mother sounds
like one cold--
200
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:18,772
Don't you talk about my mama!
201
00:08:21,659 --> 00:08:22,909
Hey, Earl.
What's up?
202
00:08:22,911 --> 00:08:24,077
I just got threatened
203
00:08:24,079 --> 00:08:26,729
by a man who gets carded
at Pixar movies.
204
00:08:26,731 --> 00:08:29,232
Max, great news--
205
00:08:29,234 --> 00:08:31,567
that email blast I sent out
this morning worked.
206
00:08:31,569 --> 00:08:33,753
I just got us a big cupcake job
207
00:08:33,755 --> 00:08:36,339
at some event place
called the gold space loft.
208
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,841
Last time I was
at the gold space loft,
209
00:08:37,843 --> 00:08:42,095
I went to a poetry slam,
and I wound up slamming a poet.
210
00:08:42,097 --> 00:08:44,547
They need 100 cupcakes
by tomorrow night.
211
00:08:44,549 --> 00:08:45,632
And because I'm a genius,
212
00:08:45,634 --> 00:08:47,183
and also because
it's such short notice--
213
00:08:47,185 --> 00:08:48,685
but mostly
because I'm a genius--
214
00:08:48,687 --> 00:08:50,553
I got them up to $500.
215
00:08:50,555 --> 00:08:52,421
It's a cool
group art show--
216
00:08:52,423 --> 00:08:55,809
very Williamsburg, very pot brownie.
217
00:08:55,811 --> 00:08:57,110
And Johnny has a piece in it.
218
00:08:57,112 --> 00:08:58,728
And since you flipped your switch,
219
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:00,196
I figured it'd be fine.
220
00:09:00,198 --> 00:09:03,566
No way. I can't make
100 cupcakes in a day.
221
00:09:03,568 --> 00:09:05,318
Max, I know it's a lot of work,
222
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,120
but I'll do whatever I can to help.
223
00:09:07,122 --> 00:09:09,539
This is a really big
opportunity for us.
224
00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:11,324
I kissed Johnny.
225
00:09:11,326 --> 00:09:12,625
What? When?
226
00:09:12,627 --> 00:09:15,078
He came by the apartment
right after you left.
227
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,379
I was only gone 20 minutes.
228
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:20,216
What'd you do--shine
a bat symbol on your vagina?
229
00:09:20,218 --> 00:09:23,786
Stop acting like
I wanted it to happen.
230
00:09:23,788 --> 00:09:26,172
I didn't want it to happen.
I'm lucky we just kissed.
231
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,007
My pants kept saying,
"Take me off!"
232
00:09:28,009 --> 00:09:30,793
And I'm like,
"No, pants."
233
00:09:30,795 --> 00:09:34,597
I'm telling you,
I almost couldn't help myself.
234
00:09:34,599 --> 00:09:36,599
I don't understand.
235
00:09:36,601 --> 00:09:38,017
I thought you said
you were done with him.
236
00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:39,352
What happened to your pattern?
237
00:09:39,354 --> 00:09:41,637
Telling people I have a
pattern is part of the pattern.
238
00:09:41,639 --> 00:09:43,273
Then I just go and do whatever I want.
239
00:09:43,275 --> 00:09:45,491
I knew it, it thought it,
I should have said it--
240
00:09:45,493 --> 00:09:47,243
girls cannot be friends with guys.
241
00:09:47,245 --> 00:09:48,644
Yeah, well, you also knew
he was coming in here
242
00:09:48,646 --> 00:09:50,580
to tell me he broke up
with his girlfriend.
243
00:09:50,582 --> 00:09:52,582
So you can suck it.
244
00:09:52,584 --> 00:09:54,417
Did he say he was going
to break up with her?
245
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:55,618
We didn't get into it.
246
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,587
We weren't really using
our mouths for talking.
247
00:09:57,589 --> 00:09:59,956
What do you think's going to happen?
248
00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:01,374
I don't know.
249
00:10:01,376 --> 00:10:03,176
All I know is it's not going
to happen at a public art show
250
00:10:03,178 --> 00:10:04,677
in front of him
and his beautiful, cool
251
00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:05,828
British girlfriend.
252
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:07,330
Max, you don't even have to see them.
253
00:10:07,332 --> 00:10:09,465
We'll get there early,
we'll drop off the cupcakes,
254
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:11,551
and be gone before any
of the artists even show up.
255
00:10:11,553 --> 00:10:13,186
Great.
I'm going home tonight
256
00:10:13,188 --> 00:10:15,004
after my ten-hour
waitress shift,
257
00:10:15,006 --> 00:10:17,056
to stay up all night
and bake 100 cupcakes
258
00:10:17,058 --> 00:10:19,108
for a guy I kissed
who has a girlfriend.
259
00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:20,360
Beep.
260
00:10:20,362 --> 00:10:23,563
Ooh, what's that?
My self-esteem just flatlined.
261
00:10:26,867 --> 00:10:27,951
Yeah, it's this way.
262
00:10:27,953 --> 00:10:31,237
I smell patchouli and pretension.
263
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,538
Why are you walking so slow?
264
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:34,540
Because I'm carrying
our cupcake future,
265
00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:36,326
and I don't want half
of our future's frosting
266
00:10:36,328 --> 00:10:37,460
to be on top of the box.
267
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:39,913
Relax.
We still have time.
268
00:10:39,915 --> 00:10:41,147
Oh, hello.
269
00:10:41,149 --> 00:10:42,665
Welcome to space blast art attack.
270
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,801
The gallery won't be open
for, like, an hour.
271
00:10:44,803 --> 00:10:46,469
Actually, we're here
delivering the cupcakes.
272
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,037
We're looking for someone
named Traivor.
273
00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:49,923
And I'm looking for Traivor's mom,
274
00:10:49,925 --> 00:10:52,759
to ask her why
she named a person Traivor.
275
00:10:52,761 --> 00:10:54,227
Traive!
276
00:10:54,229 --> 00:10:55,929
You girls can set up inside.
277
00:10:55,931 --> 00:10:58,765
He's the one
with the super-tall hat.
278
00:10:58,767 --> 00:11:00,817
I love galleries.
279
00:11:00,819 --> 00:11:02,819
My father and I had an art foundation.
280
00:11:02,821 --> 00:11:05,188
We taught blind kids
how to do ceramics.
281
00:11:05,190 --> 00:11:08,107
Why didn't you just buy them eyes?
282
00:11:08,109 --> 00:11:09,776
Let's put them here.
283
00:11:09,778 --> 00:11:11,894
This art show is ridiculous--
284
00:11:11,896 --> 00:11:13,496
someone named Traivor,
285
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,615
a dreamcatcher
with buzzwords stuck in it.
286
00:11:16,617 --> 00:11:18,418
And you.
287
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,903
Why would he hang that picture of us
288
00:11:20,905 --> 00:11:22,255
if he still has a girlfriend?
289
00:11:22,257 --> 00:11:23,957
Maybe he went home
and broke up with her
290
00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:25,174
after he kissed you.
291
00:11:25,176 --> 00:11:26,459
The writing is literally on the wall.
292
00:11:26,461 --> 00:11:28,795
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not falling for you again.
293
00:11:28,797 --> 00:11:30,129
Let's just get our money and go.
294
00:11:30,131 --> 00:11:32,181
Oh, uh...
295
00:11:32,183 --> 00:11:34,550
Grown lady dressed like a doll,
296
00:11:34,552 --> 00:11:36,386
we can't find tall hat,
297
00:11:36,388 --> 00:11:38,304
and we need to get paid
for the cupcakes and leave.
298
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:39,806
Leave?
What are you talking about.
299
00:11:39,808 --> 00:11:42,809
- You're serving the cupcakes.
- Pardon?
300
00:11:42,811 --> 00:11:45,761
Well, why do you think we're
paying you $500 for cupcakes?
301
00:11:45,763 --> 00:11:48,931
Because my friend's a genius.
302
00:11:48,933 --> 00:11:51,100
This is new information.
303
00:11:51,102 --> 00:11:53,453
We need to talk to someone.
Traive!
304
00:11:53,455 --> 00:11:56,039
Oh, no. Traive is busy
installing his ice penis.
305
00:11:56,041 --> 00:11:59,158
I could get someone else
on the show committee to help.
306
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,410
Cashandra!
307
00:12:00,412 --> 00:12:02,912
What's his girlfriend doing here?
308
00:12:02,914 --> 00:12:04,297
- Oh, God!
309
00:12:04,299 --> 00:12:06,416
What if soft eyes wussed out
and told her what happened?
310
00:12:06,418 --> 00:12:08,751
- Does she look mad?
- No, she looks amazing.
311
00:12:08,753 --> 00:12:10,003
Max, hello.
312
00:12:10,005 --> 00:12:11,554
We met that one time on the street.
313
00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:13,089
Cashandra, Johnny's girlfriend.
314
00:12:13,091 --> 00:12:15,058
Oh, hi, hi.
I'm Johnny's friend.
315
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:16,559
We're just friends.
316
00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:18,678
Hi, "Cassandra."
I'm Caroline.
317
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:19,846
I was with Max on the street.
318
00:12:19,848 --> 00:12:21,064
And all day yesterday.
319
00:12:21,066 --> 00:12:23,566
We were together every minute.
320
00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:25,101
It's Cash-andra, actually.
321
00:12:25,103 --> 00:12:26,402
But everyone calls me Cash.
322
00:12:26,404 --> 00:12:28,137
And you're Max's
business partner, right?
323
00:12:28,139 --> 00:12:31,240
Yeah, but she makes her own decisions.
324
00:12:31,242 --> 00:12:33,910
Right. Well, let's just
get to it, shall we?
325
00:12:33,912 --> 00:12:35,611
I'm a bleeder.
326
00:12:35,613 --> 00:12:37,580
It's brilliant it all worked out
327
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,982
- with the cupcakes.
- Excuse me?
328
00:12:39,984 --> 00:12:41,617
Well, I told Traive
to hire you for the show.
329
00:12:41,619 --> 00:12:44,420
Johnny cannot stop talking
about your cupcakes, Max.
330
00:12:44,422 --> 00:12:46,255
"Max's cupcakes are so moist."
331
00:12:46,257 --> 00:12:47,924
"Max's cupcakes are delicious."
332
00:12:47,926 --> 00:12:49,675
He loves your cupcakes.
333
00:12:49,677 --> 00:12:51,327
Yeah, yeah.
334
00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:52,328
But just like in a casual way.
335
00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:55,181
I mean, he barely even touched them.
336
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:57,967
So, um, I'm a bit busy
getting ready for the show.
337
00:12:57,969 --> 00:13:00,053
Why don't you put your little
cupcakes on these trays,
338
00:13:00,055 --> 00:13:02,438
and when people start coming in,
circulate, right?
339
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,424
Circulate, girls, circulate.
340
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:08,644
Well, that wasn't uncomfortable.
341
00:13:08,646 --> 00:13:10,813
Come on, let's bolt
before Johnny gets here,
342
00:13:10,815 --> 00:13:12,615
while I at least have
a shred of my dignity.
343
00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:14,534
We can't just bail out
of our first big job.
344
00:13:14,536 --> 00:13:16,369
If we do,
people will think we're flakes.
345
00:13:16,371 --> 00:13:18,704
And that'll spread faster
through Williamsburg
346
00:13:18,706 --> 00:13:20,206
than knit hats and herpes.
347
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:22,625
Hey, you ladies know
where the wine goes?
348
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:23,743
- Oh--
- Right here.
349
00:13:23,745 --> 00:13:26,079
Yeah.
350
00:13:26,278 --> 00:13:26,278
+
351
00:13:33,168 --> 00:13:35,169
No! Just, uh, not the wine.
The wine's mine.
352
00:13:35,171 --> 00:13:37,271
Just serving cupcakes.
353
00:13:37,273 --> 00:13:40,007
I've been listening in on Cashandra
354
00:13:40,009 --> 00:13:41,359
and her girlfriends' conversations,
355
00:13:41,361 --> 00:13:42,810
and I don't think she knows
anything happened
356
00:13:42,812 --> 00:13:43,894
between you two.
357
00:13:43,896 --> 00:13:45,512
I also learned she's a dancer,
358
00:13:45,514 --> 00:13:46,680
her lip gloss is from Kiehl's,
359
00:13:46,682 --> 00:13:48,866
and she's school chums with Adele.
360
00:13:48,868 --> 00:13:50,351
Not the Adele.
361
00:13:50,353 --> 00:13:53,537
Damn it!
Could she be any cooler?
362
00:13:53,539 --> 00:13:55,072
I want her to be my girlfriend.
363
00:13:55,074 --> 00:13:57,325
I wouldn't break up with her for me.
364
00:13:57,327 --> 00:13:59,543
Hi. I'm here.
365
00:13:59,545 --> 00:14:02,330
Great. I was hoping
tonight would get weirder.
366
00:14:02,332 --> 00:14:04,649
I had no idea.
367
00:14:04,651 --> 00:14:05,966
She did it to surprise me.
368
00:14:05,968 --> 00:14:07,534
And she did--
I'm surprised.
369
00:14:07,536 --> 00:14:09,470
I am so sorry.
370
00:14:09,472 --> 00:14:11,806
You have a girlfriend.
Why are you kissing Max?
371
00:14:11,808 --> 00:14:13,040
You told her?
372
00:14:13,042 --> 00:14:14,392
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
373
00:14:14,394 --> 00:14:15,926
Would the more subtle way
be to paint a picture
374
00:14:15,928 --> 00:14:19,313
and hang it on the wall
for all to see?
375
00:14:19,315 --> 00:14:20,681
Are you insane?
376
00:14:20,683 --> 00:14:22,683
Could we have a moment, please?
377
00:14:22,685 --> 00:14:23,734
Fine.
378
00:14:23,736 --> 00:14:26,103
I'll be over there near the ice penis.
379
00:14:28,056 --> 00:14:30,441
Look, I am so sorry.
380
00:14:30,443 --> 00:14:32,777
If I had known Cash was going
to ask you to do all of this,
381
00:14:32,779 --> 00:14:34,061
I would have told you.
382
00:14:34,063 --> 00:14:35,896
And why would you choose to hang that?
383
00:14:35,898 --> 00:14:37,782
'Cause it's my favorite piece.
384
00:14:37,784 --> 00:14:40,000
Is there any way
she could know what happened?
385
00:14:40,002 --> 00:14:42,253
No.
386
00:14:42,255 --> 00:14:44,338
- Oh, my God. Your lips.
- Split up.
387
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:46,740
I can smell the sex
from across the room.
388
00:14:48,677 --> 00:14:52,129
No-whoa-whoa!
I need all those.
389
00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:54,098
So what?
Is she still your girlfriend?
390
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:55,466
Max, it's complicated.
391
00:14:55,468 --> 00:14:58,018
What, are we on Facebook?
392
00:14:58,020 --> 00:15:00,921
It is complicated.
393
00:15:00,923 --> 00:15:02,256
Cash and I have been together
two years,
394
00:15:02,258 --> 00:15:03,441
- and when--
- Two years?
395
00:15:03,443 --> 00:15:04,809
Jeez, I'm a home wrecker.
396
00:15:04,811 --> 00:15:08,229
Adele will probably write
a song about me.
397
00:15:09,531 --> 00:15:10,648
You're not a homewrecker.
398
00:15:10,650 --> 00:15:12,266
- I am.
- Johnny!
399
00:15:12,268 --> 00:15:14,402
You've got some folks.
400
00:15:14,404 --> 00:15:16,937
Circulate, Max, circulate.
401
00:15:18,940 --> 00:15:20,458
That's it.
This is over.
402
00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:23,461
That--us on the wall--
never happens again.
403
00:15:23,463 --> 00:15:25,079
I lied.
I can't be your friend.
404
00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:27,214
I was trying to be cool,
but I'm not cool.
405
00:15:27,216 --> 00:15:29,166
I don't know Adele.
406
00:15:30,836 --> 00:15:32,420
What just happened over there?
Did he tell you
407
00:15:32,422 --> 00:15:33,787
he's breaking up with his girlfriend?
408
00:15:33,789 --> 00:15:36,006
No.
What's wrong with you?
409
00:15:36,008 --> 00:15:37,975
You haven't been right about anything?
410
00:15:37,977 --> 00:15:41,395
I told him we are done,
and that's over, okay?
411
00:15:41,397 --> 00:15:43,981
They've been together two years.
412
00:15:43,983 --> 00:15:46,650
And I know one thing about me--
I may pick the wrong guys,
413
00:15:46,652 --> 00:15:48,469
but when I hear
another woman is involved,
414
00:15:48,471 --> 00:15:49,520
I am done.
415
00:15:49,522 --> 00:15:52,773
This is truly the end of my pattern.
416
00:15:52,775 --> 00:15:54,575
We have to go--
I kissed Johnny again.
417
00:15:54,577 --> 00:15:55,993
What?
Max, you said
418
00:15:55,995 --> 00:15:57,278
you were going to the bathroom.
419
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,829
I did.
And so did he.
420
00:15:58,831 --> 00:16:00,164
It's a unisex bathroom--
421
00:16:00,166 --> 00:16:02,950
emphasis on the sex.
422
00:16:02,952 --> 00:16:04,084
We have to go.
423
00:16:04,086 --> 00:16:05,836
I'm a little drunk and out of control.
424
00:16:05,838 --> 00:16:07,955
Traive said we won't get paid
425
00:16:07,957 --> 00:16:09,590
until every single one
of the cupcakes is gone.
426
00:16:09,592 --> 00:16:11,158
- So we're stuck here.
- Fine.
427
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,960
I shall go circulate.
428
00:16:12,962 --> 00:16:14,495
No. You cannot be trusted.
429
00:16:14,497 --> 00:16:18,098
Next thing I know, you'll be
doing him behind the ice penis.
430
00:16:19,384 --> 00:16:21,385
I'm telling you, I am done.
431
00:16:21,387 --> 00:16:23,337
You told me that five minutes ago.
432
00:16:23,339 --> 00:16:25,022
Well, you told me he was breaking up
433
00:16:25,024 --> 00:16:26,507
with his girlfriend three times.
434
00:16:26,509 --> 00:16:29,176
So I guess we learned tonight
that you know nothing about him,
435
00:16:29,178 --> 00:16:30,811
and I know nothing about me.
436
00:16:30,813 --> 00:16:32,279
Cheers!
437
00:16:32,281 --> 00:16:34,648
Wait for me.
438
00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:36,016
Hello, girls.
439
00:16:36,018 --> 00:16:37,684
Traivor told me
you were looking to get paid.
440
00:16:37,686 --> 00:16:39,520
But just to be clear,
you can't actually be paid
441
00:16:39,522 --> 00:16:40,821
until all the cupcakes are gone.
442
00:16:40,823 --> 00:16:42,156
And do me a favor, love,
443
00:16:42,158 --> 00:16:43,791
put a chocolate aside for Johnny.
444
00:16:43,793 --> 00:16:45,025
He loves chocolate.
445
00:16:45,027 --> 00:16:46,627
He'll eat a vanilla if it's available,
446
00:16:46,629 --> 00:16:48,879
but he always goes back to chocolate.
447
00:16:53,535 --> 00:16:55,719
I don't think he's going
to break up with her.
448
00:16:55,721 --> 00:16:57,871
Really?
449
00:16:57,873 --> 00:17:03,394
You have the accuracy rate
of a magic 8 ball.
450
00:17:05,381 --> 00:17:08,599
Look at her.
She's so pretty.
451
00:17:08,601 --> 00:17:11,235
And bitchy.
And...
452
00:17:11,237 --> 00:17:14,321
More pretty than bitchy.
453
00:17:14,323 --> 00:17:16,890
Oh, God.
She just zipped his hoodie
454
00:17:16,892 --> 00:17:19,660
and fixed his hair--
that's a couple.
455
00:17:19,662 --> 00:17:20,945
What they have is real.
456
00:17:20,947 --> 00:17:23,564
They are a couple--
Johnny and Cash.
457
00:17:23,566 --> 00:17:27,334
Oh-ho, crap!
Johnny Cash!
458
00:17:29,254 --> 00:17:30,904
They're an institution.
459
00:17:30,906 --> 00:17:32,790
I never had a chance.
460
00:17:32,792 --> 00:17:34,708
Forget the money--
let's just go.
461
00:17:34,710 --> 00:17:35,909
Mm-mmm.
462
00:17:35,911 --> 00:17:38,345
We are staying till
these cupcakes are gone.
463
00:17:38,347 --> 00:17:41,215
I am not leaving
with no dignity and no money.
464
00:17:41,217 --> 00:17:43,384
Fine, I'll circulate
a couple more times.
465
00:17:43,386 --> 00:17:45,019
Wait a minute.
466
00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:47,254
They said they had to be gone,
467
00:17:47,256 --> 00:17:50,808
but they didn't say
who had to make them gone.
468
00:17:50,810 --> 00:17:54,645
We eat them and go!
469
00:17:54,647 --> 00:17:56,780
You're doing it!
I rescued you from the gutter.
470
00:17:56,782 --> 00:18:00,868
Uh, well, that's
not entirely accura--
471
00:18:07,659 --> 00:18:10,895
Mm-hmm!
472
00:18:14,549 --> 00:18:17,084
Mmm, mmm.
473
00:18:27,979 --> 00:18:29,396
Max, wake up.
474
00:18:29,398 --> 00:18:30,481
It's 3:00.
475
00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:31,649
We forgot to set the alarm.
476
00:18:34,470 --> 00:18:35,686
Oh, I never thought waking up in bed
477
00:18:35,688 --> 00:18:38,739
with another woman
with...Frosting on my boobs,
478
00:18:38,741 --> 00:18:41,492
would be this depressing.
479
00:18:41,494 --> 00:18:43,644
How are you feeling
about it all today?
480
00:18:43,646 --> 00:18:44,745
Do you want to talk?
481
00:18:44,747 --> 00:18:48,415
- No.
- Good.
482
00:18:59,794 --> 00:19:02,012
Where's your purse?
483
00:19:02,014 --> 00:19:03,597
I'm going to take some
of the money we made last night
484
00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:04,965
and get coffee.
And yes--
485
00:19:04,967 --> 00:19:06,667
I am walking down the street
like this,
486
00:19:06,669 --> 00:19:10,771
because after last night,
I am impenetrable to shame.
487
00:19:10,773 --> 00:19:12,773
Wait, we don't have any money.
488
00:19:12,775 --> 00:19:14,174
- Yes, we do.
- No, we don't.
489
00:19:14,176 --> 00:19:15,309
We did, but we don't.
490
00:19:15,311 --> 00:19:18,028
I bought something with it.
491
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,531
I bought this.
492
00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:23,734
You carried that home?
Where was I?
493
00:19:23,736 --> 00:19:24,851
Three blocks ahead of me,
494
00:19:24,853 --> 00:19:28,739
telling strangers about your pattern.
495
00:19:28,741 --> 00:19:30,207
I saw you and Johnny
just hanging there,
496
00:19:30,209 --> 00:19:32,042
and I knew what I had to do.
497
00:19:32,044 --> 00:19:34,044
So what, am I supposed
to hang that up?
498
00:19:34,046 --> 00:19:36,163
No. You're supposed
to destroy it.
499
00:19:36,165 --> 00:19:39,366
You need to get over him,
so you're going to kick this,
500
00:19:39,368 --> 00:19:41,168
and then you're going
to kick him once and for all.
501
00:19:41,170 --> 00:19:42,586
You want to break your pattern?
502
00:19:42,588 --> 00:19:44,371
Start by breaking the painting.
503
00:19:44,373 --> 00:19:46,557
That is a complete waste of money.
504
00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:48,759
I may have been wrong about
everything else about Johnny,
505
00:19:48,761 --> 00:19:51,595
but I'm right about this.
Come on.
506
00:19:51,597 --> 00:19:53,897
Kick it.
507
00:19:55,567 --> 00:19:57,151
I can't.
508
00:19:57,153 --> 00:19:58,852
- Give me your foot.
- What?
509
00:19:58,854 --> 00:20:00,487
Lift up your leg.
510
00:20:03,241 --> 00:20:05,609
Yay! You did it.
511
00:20:05,611 --> 00:20:07,244
Good for you!
512
00:20:07,246 --> 00:20:10,414
You broke a painting
and maybe your pattern.
513
00:20:11,366 --> 00:20:13,367
I really liked him.
514
00:20:13,369 --> 00:20:15,502
I know.
515
00:20:15,504 --> 00:20:17,788
Well?
516
00:20:17,790 --> 00:20:20,791
I slept through my day job,
so what the heck?
517
00:20:20,793 --> 00:20:23,177
I think I will take to the bed
or whatever.
518
00:20:23,179 --> 00:20:26,130
Just for like 20 minutes.
519
00:20:26,132 --> 00:20:27,598
I'll set my alarm and then I'll get up
520
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,216
and get ready for work.
521
00:20:29,218 --> 00:20:32,770
Max, please,
I feel like we need a hug.
522
00:20:32,772 --> 00:20:35,522
We just slept together!
You women are so needy.
523
00:21:08,323 --> 00:21:13,001
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