1
00:00:00,576 --> 00:00:02,711
(rock music)
2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:04,946
Here's your grilled cheese.
3
00:00:04,948 --> 00:00:06,348
No crust.
4
00:00:06,350 --> 00:00:07,749
Cool.
5
00:00:07,751 --> 00:00:08,817
And can you just move
6
00:00:08,819 --> 00:00:12,087
your coloring materials, sir?
7
00:00:12,089 --> 00:00:13,488
Look.
8
00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:16,324
Pretty.
9
00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:19,027
I was born during
the Great Depression,
10
00:00:19,029 --> 00:00:21,396
and I never saw anything
as depressing
11
00:00:21,398 --> 00:00:25,867
as that grown-ass
white boy coloring
12
00:00:25,869 --> 00:00:29,304
in the damn coloring book.
13
00:00:29,306 --> 00:00:32,507
I was born during a
Def Leppard concert...
14
00:00:34,544 --> 00:00:38,280
And that is the most
depressing thing I've ever seen.
15
00:00:38,282 --> 00:00:39,548
I'm gonna go school him.
16
00:00:39,550 --> 00:00:41,950
Or, in his case,
pre-school him.
17
00:00:41,952 --> 00:00:43,418
Max, be gentle.
18
00:00:43,420 --> 00:00:47,255
I think he's in the middle
of his terrible 32s.
19
00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:50,592
Excuse me,
OshKosh B'gosh.
20
00:00:50,594 --> 00:00:53,595
I have a question about
your coloring book.
21
00:00:53,597 --> 00:00:55,130
Why?
22
00:00:55,132 --> 00:00:56,665
Oh, they're for adults.
23
00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:57,799
Super Zen.
24
00:00:57,801 --> 00:00:59,134
Super meditative.
25
00:00:59,136 --> 00:01:00,368
Helps with stress.
26
00:01:00,370 --> 00:01:02,337
You know what else
helps with stress?
27
00:01:02,339 --> 00:01:05,140
Sex.
28
00:01:05,142 --> 00:01:06,842
And even if someone
could get past
29
00:01:06,844 --> 00:01:09,411
those
boner-killing overalls...
30
00:01:09,413 --> 00:01:11,446
you ain't gonna have
any of that if you keep this up.
31
00:01:11,448 --> 00:01:13,348
Not to mention,
how stressful can your life
32
00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:16,718
really be if you are carefully
shading a unicorn's ass
33
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,088
at 3:00 p.m. on a Tuesday?
34
00:01:20,090 --> 00:01:22,390
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
35
00:01:22,392 --> 00:01:24,126
(cash register bell dings)
36
00:01:24,128 --> 00:01:28,630
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
37
00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:33,568
(bell dinging)
38
00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:35,871
OLEG: Pickup. Veggie wrap.
39
00:01:37,773 --> 00:01:41,710
Oh, my God,
he's having sex.
40
00:01:41,712 --> 00:01:46,148
SOPHIE: Oh, Caroline,
don't be such a prude.
41
00:01:46,150 --> 00:01:47,782
Oh, good,
it's Sophie.
42
00:01:47,784 --> 00:01:52,721
I was worried he was
at that bagel again.
43
00:01:52,723 --> 00:01:55,690
Who says that a pregnant woman
can't have sex
44
00:01:55,692 --> 00:01:59,361
on the kitchen floor
of a diner?
45
00:01:59,363 --> 00:02:02,697
The Health Department, Sophie.
46
00:02:02,699 --> 00:02:05,901
Oh boy,
sex makes me thirsty.
47
00:02:08,638 --> 00:02:11,840
She just blew
right past those cups.
48
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:16,178
Sophie, having sex
with you pregnant
49
00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:20,615
is even hotter than having sex
when you had the bird flu.
50
00:02:20,617 --> 00:02:23,451
Yeah, well, you know,
I'm just as sweaty,
51
00:02:23,453 --> 00:02:26,888
but I sneeze less.
52
00:02:26,890 --> 00:02:28,690
Sophie, you're really
not letting
53
00:02:28,692 --> 00:02:30,492
this pregnancy
slow you down.
54
00:02:30,494 --> 00:02:32,527
You've already had
more sex just today
55
00:02:32,529 --> 00:02:36,831
than Caroline's
had all year.
56
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,867
You're not even in
maternity clothes.
57
00:02:38,869 --> 00:02:40,435
Yeah.
58
00:02:40,437 --> 00:02:45,373
Well, I don't need to wear one
of those frumpy potato sacks.
59
00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:48,577
Yeah, because
I'm a hot potato!
60
00:02:51,614 --> 00:02:54,616
Oh.
61
00:02:56,519 --> 00:02:58,220
Earl, what are you
looking at?
62
00:02:58,222 --> 00:03:01,423
I have no idea.
63
00:03:03,626 --> 00:03:05,060
RANDY: All right, Max...
64
00:03:05,062 --> 00:03:06,294
It's time to have that
65
00:03:06,296 --> 00:03:08,296
uncomfortable
conversation again.
66
00:03:08,298 --> 00:03:10,232
Okay, but I thought you said
it was a hard no
67
00:03:10,234 --> 00:03:13,702
on having sex in front of
the Today Shwindow?
68
00:03:13,704 --> 00:03:15,103
Oh, come on.
69
00:03:15,105 --> 00:03:16,605
My month here is almost up.
70
00:03:16,607 --> 00:03:19,841
I have to get back to L.A.,
and we need a plan.
71
00:03:19,843 --> 00:03:21,610
We have a plan.
72
00:03:21,612 --> 00:03:25,981
I use the NuvaRing I found at
the Burlington Coat Factory.
73
00:03:25,983 --> 00:03:30,085
They really are more
than great coats.
74
00:03:30,087 --> 00:03:31,553
Max, let's get real.
75
00:03:31,555 --> 00:03:33,355
Max doesn't like to
talk about reality
76
00:03:33,357 --> 00:03:34,889
unless it's reality TV.
77
00:03:34,891 --> 00:03:38,493
Like the Cops New Orleans
episode she was on.
78
00:03:38,495 --> 00:03:41,863
It's the only time Fox
has ever aired a nipple.
79
00:03:45,534 --> 00:03:48,737
Uh, who ordered
the Korean boy band?
80
00:03:51,707 --> 00:03:53,508
Uh, can I help you?
81
00:03:53,510 --> 00:03:54,976
Yeah, hi.
82
00:03:54,978 --> 00:03:56,344
I'm looking for Han Lee.
83
00:03:56,346 --> 00:03:58,213
'Bout yay big.
84
00:03:58,215 --> 00:04:02,384
'Bout yay stupid.
85
00:04:02,386 --> 00:04:03,818
You're looking for Han?
86
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:07,289
Just Han, or are you trying
to collect the whole set?
87
00:04:07,291 --> 00:04:11,092
You kind of look like this
Korean pop star named Bong.
88
00:04:11,094 --> 00:04:14,462
Well, my bong is from Korea.
89
00:04:14,464 --> 00:04:16,031
Uh, Han is not here.
90
00:04:16,033 --> 00:04:19,634
Well, if you see him, just tell
him Hwang came to say,
91
00:04:19,636 --> 00:04:22,937
if he doesn't call me back,
he's got three strikes
92
00:04:22,939 --> 00:04:25,540
and no balls.
93
00:04:25,542 --> 00:04:27,742
Oh, he knows that.
94
00:04:30,212 --> 00:04:31,413
Oh, my God,
do you think Han
95
00:04:31,415 --> 00:04:32,947
may be in some
sort of trouble?
96
00:04:32,949 --> 00:04:34,182
I'm really worried.
97
00:04:34,184 --> 00:04:35,383
(phone beeps)
98
00:04:35,385 --> 00:04:37,585
Oh, J. Crew sale!
99
00:04:37,587 --> 00:04:42,090
(rock music)
100
00:04:42,092 --> 00:04:45,193
So, after we pay the painters,
the electrician, the plumber,
101
00:04:45,195 --> 00:04:47,962
and, of course,
the bribes to the inspectors,
102
00:04:47,964 --> 00:04:50,365
we have just enough money left
for what I like to call
103
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:52,200
a little "cash cush."
104
00:04:52,202 --> 00:04:56,538
If that's cash we use for kush,
I'm excited about it.
105
00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:58,506
We can't spend that money,
so pretend it's not there,
106
00:04:58,508 --> 00:05:01,142
like you do
with recycling bins.
107
00:05:01,144 --> 00:05:02,043
(crashing)
108
00:05:02,045 --> 00:05:03,278
Oh, no!
109
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,748
The rats are using our tarp
as their Superdome again!
110
00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:09,517
I'll get the rat mallet!
111
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:13,688
HAN: No, don't get
the rat mallet!
112
00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:15,957
It's a talking one,
get the gun.
113
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:20,962
Well, if it isn't
Crouching Loser, Hidden Virgin.
114
00:05:23,599 --> 00:05:27,102
Girls, I'm in a bit
of hot water.
115
00:05:27,104 --> 00:05:30,772
What happened, you fell into
a tea cup again?
116
00:05:30,774 --> 00:05:34,075
No, I'm in deep trouble!
117
00:05:34,077 --> 00:05:37,278
You've never been
in deep anything.
118
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,547
Well, wait, is that why those
scary-looking guys
119
00:05:39,549 --> 00:05:41,282
came into the diner
looking for you
120
00:05:41,284 --> 00:05:42,751
and made some threats?
121
00:05:42,753 --> 00:05:46,354
I remember something about
a strike and no balls.
122
00:05:46,356 --> 00:05:48,723
Something about no balls?
123
00:05:48,725 --> 00:05:50,792
You monsters didn't get
the precise wording
124
00:05:50,794 --> 00:05:53,628
on a threat to my life?
125
00:05:53,630 --> 00:05:56,297
I was a little
distracted, Han.
126
00:05:56,299 --> 00:05:59,401
J. Crew claimed to have
a 50% off sale,
127
00:05:59,403 --> 00:06:03,638
but then I clicked on the link,
and it was an "up to" 50% sale.
128
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,007
Mostly on men's suiting.
129
00:06:06,009 --> 00:06:08,743
Oh, do send me the link
so I can select the suit
130
00:06:08,745 --> 00:06:12,614
I'll be buried in!
131
00:06:12,616 --> 00:06:16,017
Because you two can't
take a damn message!
132
00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:18,253
All right, Han,
what is going on?
133
00:06:18,255 --> 00:06:19,487
Are you really in trouble?
134
00:06:19,489 --> 00:06:20,422
(car backfiring)
135
00:06:20,424 --> 00:06:22,290
(screams)
136
00:06:22,292 --> 00:06:23,224
Hey!
137
00:06:23,226 --> 00:06:25,393
What was that?
138
00:06:25,395 --> 00:06:28,596
Help me, strong,
big man!
139
00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:30,165
That wasn't gunshots, Han,
140
00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:32,367
it was just a car
backfiring.
141
00:06:32,369 --> 00:06:34,002
What's going on?
142
00:06:34,004 --> 00:06:37,305
Well, there's no
easy way to say it.
143
00:06:37,307 --> 00:06:42,677
I have a pretty substantial
gambling problem.
144
00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:46,915
But Han, that's
almost interesting.
145
00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:51,019
Yeah,
and I'm almost history!
146
00:06:51,021 --> 00:06:52,687
In case you
weren't following,
147
00:06:52,689 --> 00:06:54,689
I'm in a lot of debt!
148
00:06:54,691 --> 00:06:56,090
♪
149
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,397
Han, my man,
I'm here for you.
150
00:07:02,399 --> 00:07:03,631
Tell us what it is.
151
00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:06,835
Poker, ponies, football?
152
00:07:06,837 --> 00:07:08,803
It's...
153
00:07:08,805 --> 00:07:13,374
ladies tennis.
154
00:07:13,376 --> 00:07:15,877
Ladies tennis?
155
00:07:15,879 --> 00:07:18,746
I didn't even know
you played tennis.
156
00:07:18,748 --> 00:07:20,582
Yeah, well,
it's a vicious sport.
157
00:07:20,584 --> 00:07:24,285
And I lost most of my money on
those Williams sisters.
158
00:07:24,287 --> 00:07:27,489
Never trust a big butt
and a smile.
159
00:07:29,692 --> 00:07:31,025
You're telling me!
160
00:07:31,027 --> 00:07:34,262
I thought the bad one
was the good one.
161
00:07:34,264 --> 00:07:35,897
How much do you owe
these people?
162
00:07:35,899 --> 00:07:38,199
Well, with the initial debt
and the interest,
163
00:07:38,201 --> 00:07:39,934
I'm told it's
in the neighborhood
164
00:07:39,936 --> 00:07:42,971
of a black market kidney.
165
00:07:42,973 --> 00:07:44,873
Those are pretty pricey.
166
00:07:44,875 --> 00:07:48,376
I know,
I have two of them.
167
00:07:48,378 --> 00:07:52,313
Han, that's fascinating,
yet disturbing.
168
00:07:52,315 --> 00:07:56,451
Like when you use a black light
at a Red Roof Inn.
169
00:07:56,453 --> 00:07:58,219
You're like an enigma.
170
00:07:58,221 --> 00:08:01,756
Enigma, please.
171
00:08:01,758 --> 00:08:05,193
(rock music)
172
00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:07,862
Han, how dangerous
can Hwang be?
173
00:08:07,864 --> 00:08:09,898
His office is in
a karaoke bar.
174
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,132
The only thing
he's gonna murder
175
00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:13,935
is the Hall and Oates
catalogue.
176
00:08:13,937 --> 00:08:16,337
Han, you have to
face this bully.
177
00:08:16,339 --> 00:08:19,574
And this is coming from
your biggest bully.
178
00:08:19,576 --> 00:08:23,745
Now come on, do what I say,
or I'll beat you up.
179
00:08:23,747 --> 00:08:25,146
Here we go.
180
00:08:25,148 --> 00:08:28,716
Oh, I just remembered--
I need to get my sweater.
181
00:08:28,718 --> 00:08:30,218
From my home.
182
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:33,221
In Korea.
183
00:08:34,957 --> 00:08:37,559
♪ Hey I just met you
184
00:08:37,561 --> 00:08:39,494
♪ And this is crazy
185
00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:41,062
♪ So here's my number
186
00:08:41,064 --> 00:08:43,064
♪ Oh, so call me maybe
187
00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:45,667
♪ And all the other girls
188
00:08:45,669 --> 00:08:47,535
♪ Try to chase me
189
00:08:47,537 --> 00:08:49,270
♪ But here's my number
190
00:08:49,272 --> 00:08:50,772
♪ So call me maybe
191
00:08:50,774 --> 00:08:51,973
Boom.
192
00:08:51,975 --> 00:08:53,708
(hooting)
193
00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:55,977
(applause)
194
00:08:55,979 --> 00:08:57,111
He looks busy.
195
00:08:57,113 --> 00:09:00,214
Let's revisit this
in September.
196
00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:02,951
HWANG: Oh, I see
we have company.
197
00:09:02,953 --> 00:09:06,521
Come in, sit down,
give me my money.
198
00:09:06,523 --> 00:09:07,789
Look, Mr. Hwang.
199
00:09:07,791 --> 00:09:11,192
We understand Han has a weakness
for pleated white skirts
200
00:09:11,194 --> 00:09:12,760
and over-developed thighs.
201
00:09:12,762 --> 00:09:14,395
Slow down,
let me handle this.
202
00:09:14,397 --> 00:09:17,065
I have experience
with hardened criminals.
203
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:21,436
First off,
killer Carly Rae Jeps.
204
00:09:21,438 --> 00:09:25,540
Um, do you mind if a sister
does, like, five shots?
205
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:27,008
Look, Mr. Hwang.
206
00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:30,111
Call me by my first name:
Hwang.
207
00:09:30,113 --> 00:09:33,881
Your names is Hwang Hwang?
208
00:09:33,883 --> 00:09:36,618
Oh, you think that's funny?
209
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:37,919
So did Kim.
210
00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:42,357
Kim, show them
your mangled genitals.
211
00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:46,194
We're all set,
mangled genitals-wise.
212
00:09:46,196 --> 00:09:50,531
Speak for yourself, I'd take a
peek at them mangled gennies.
213
00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:53,701
Uh, perhaps we could put an
installment plan in place
214
00:09:53,703 --> 00:09:54,936
for the money Han owes you?
215
00:09:54,938 --> 00:09:56,437
How much is it, exactly?
216
00:09:56,439 --> 00:09:58,106
$30,000.
217
00:09:58,108 --> 00:10:02,010
BOTH: On ladies tennis?
218
00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:04,212
I'm sure we can
figure this out.
219
00:10:04,214 --> 00:10:08,383
Yeah, I have a free pass
to any AMC Theatre.
220
00:10:12,588 --> 00:10:16,557
I should warn you, though,
it does exclude the IMAX.
221
00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,192
Keep it, Han.
222
00:10:18,194 --> 00:10:20,695
I've decided to give you a
little time to pay me back.
223
00:10:20,697 --> 00:10:22,730
MAX: That is so cool of you.
224
00:10:22,732 --> 00:10:23,765
How much time?
225
00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:25,833
Uh, one song.
226
00:10:25,835 --> 00:10:27,568
Right now.
227
00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:28,436
And Han?
228
00:10:28,438 --> 00:10:30,538
You better make it
a toe-tapper.
229
00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:32,440
'Cause when you're done,
230
00:10:32,442 --> 00:10:36,210
you'll have one less toe
to tap.
231
00:10:36,212 --> 00:10:39,247
You're not really gonna
take off his toes.
232
00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:43,685
Kim, show him
your missing toes.
233
00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:45,586
Come on, Han,
it's show time.
234
00:10:45,588 --> 00:10:47,588
I mean, "toe time."
235
00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,960
Oh, my God, this is like
when they make people sing
236
00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:56,631
on American Idol after
they've been voted off.
237
00:10:56,633 --> 00:11:00,768
Hwang, what are you gonna do
with another toe?
238
00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:02,537
I mean, you think
you need another one,
239
00:11:02,539 --> 00:11:04,639
and then they just
sit on the shelf.
240
00:11:04,641 --> 00:11:07,608
If I don't take his toes,
then I'm known as the guy
241
00:11:07,610 --> 00:11:12,146
who says he's gonna take toes
and then doesn't take toes.
242
00:11:12,148 --> 00:11:14,949
Uh, can I peruse
a song book?
243
00:11:14,951 --> 00:11:19,020
It might take a while,
I'm very picky.
244
00:11:19,022 --> 00:11:22,056
ABBA...
245
00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:25,626
AC/DC...
246
00:11:25,628 --> 00:11:28,963
Adele...
247
00:11:28,965 --> 00:11:32,166
I already
picked you a song.
248
00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:35,203
"Last Dance" by Donna Summer.
249
00:11:35,205 --> 00:11:37,472
HWANG: 'Cause when
that toe is gone,
250
00:11:37,474 --> 00:11:39,574
it'll be the last time
you dance.
251
00:11:39,576 --> 00:11:40,842
Sing.
252
00:11:40,844 --> 00:11:42,744
(Donna Summer's
"Last Dance" playing)
253
00:11:42,746 --> 00:11:47,148
♪ Oh
254
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:49,484
♪
255
00:11:49,486 --> 00:11:53,755
♪ Oh
256
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:57,158
♪
257
00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:01,295
♪ Last dance
258
00:12:01,297 --> 00:12:06,467
♪ Last chance for love
259
00:12:06,469 --> 00:12:10,471
♪
260
00:12:10,473 --> 00:12:14,142
♪ Yes it's my last chance
261
00:12:14,144 --> 00:12:16,878
♪ For romance
262
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,947
♪ Tonight
263
00:12:19,949 --> 00:12:24,886
♪
264
00:12:24,888 --> 00:12:27,588
♪ I need you
265
00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:30,725
♪ By me
266
00:12:30,727 --> 00:12:32,894
♪ Beside me
267
00:12:32,896 --> 00:12:34,328
♪ To guide me
268
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:35,797
What are we gonna do?
269
00:12:35,799 --> 00:12:37,131
You heard Han.
270
00:12:37,133 --> 00:12:41,602
He needs us by him,
beside him, to guide him!
271
00:12:41,604 --> 00:12:43,137
Should we go
and get the cops?
272
00:12:43,139 --> 00:12:44,572
No, by the time
they get back,
273
00:12:44,574 --> 00:12:48,242
Han will have one less toe,
if Hwang even stops there.
274
00:12:48,244 --> 00:12:49,610
What if he takes
his whole foot?
275
00:12:49,612 --> 00:12:53,514
Han needs all the height
he can get.
276
00:12:53,516 --> 00:12:56,250
Didn't you say something about
us having a money cushion?
277
00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:57,919
We can't use the cushion.
278
00:12:57,921 --> 00:13:00,855
We need it for the dessert bar
in case we have a slow start.
279
00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:04,425
Like we have had with every
business we've started before.
280
00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:07,728
You sure?
'Cause...
281
00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:10,731
♪ Don't leave
282
00:13:10,733 --> 00:13:13,801
♪ Scold me
283
00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:16,137
♪ 'Cause when I'm bad
284
00:13:16,139 --> 00:13:20,641
♪ I'm so so bad
285
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:27,715
Leaning towards helping.
286
00:13:27,717 --> 00:13:31,719
Han is annoying, nerdy,
bad at sports,
287
00:13:31,721 --> 00:13:34,488
but he gave us a cushion when
we didn't have anything.
288
00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:37,692
Max, I want to help Han,
but I also don't want us
289
00:13:37,694 --> 00:13:38,960
to wind up with nothing.
290
00:13:38,962 --> 00:13:40,695
Again.
291
00:13:40,697 --> 00:13:43,364
Let me see him
one more time.
292
00:13:43,366 --> 00:13:46,834
♪ So let's dance
293
00:13:46,836 --> 00:13:48,436
♪ Let's dance
294
00:13:48,438 --> 00:13:50,171
HAN: ♪ Let's dance
295
00:13:50,173 --> 00:13:51,706
♪ The last dance
296
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:53,040
Can I start over?
297
00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:56,978
I had a bubble in my throat.
298
00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:59,213
(rock music)
299
00:13:59,215 --> 00:14:01,148
Chestnut,
we have big news.
300
00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:03,718
And something called mochi.
301
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:04,919
RANDY: In here.
302
00:14:04,921 --> 00:14:06,921
I let myself in.
303
00:14:06,923 --> 00:14:08,990
Chestnut can talk?
304
00:14:08,992 --> 00:14:11,192
Thank you, God!
305
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,963
What's up,
good looking?
306
00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:17,265
CAROLINE: I still can't believe
307
00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:19,133
you're dating someone
who looks like that,
308
00:14:19,135 --> 00:14:21,402
and can read.
309
00:14:21,404 --> 00:14:25,072
Randy, you will
not believe what we did.
310
00:14:25,074 --> 00:14:26,774
We saved Han's life.
311
00:14:26,776 --> 00:14:29,610
Well, not his life,
so much as his toe,
312
00:14:29,612 --> 00:14:33,547
but still an amazing
gesture on our part.
313
00:14:33,549 --> 00:14:34,382
Well...
314
00:14:34,384 --> 00:14:37,818
long story
about a short guy,
315
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:42,156
we bought the diner.
316
00:14:42,158 --> 00:14:43,491
I had to get
something out of it.
317
00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:45,927
I mean,
I'm not Mother Teresa.
318
00:14:45,929 --> 00:14:47,828
You bought the diner?
319
00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:50,231
The diner that doesn't
show up on Google Maps
320
00:14:50,233 --> 00:14:51,732
for legal reasons?
321
00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:53,367
That diner?
322
00:14:53,369 --> 00:14:55,069
Why would you do that?
323
00:14:55,071 --> 00:14:56,871
Well, not bought, exactly.
324
00:14:56,873 --> 00:14:59,707
We got Han out of debt in
exchange for part ownership.
325
00:14:59,709 --> 00:15:02,910
It's like, we spend five years
trying to get out of hell,
326
00:15:02,912 --> 00:15:06,080
and then...
we bought hell!
327
00:15:06,082 --> 00:15:07,214
Crazy, right?
328
00:15:07,216 --> 00:15:09,617
Yeah, no, real crazy.
329
00:15:09,619 --> 00:15:11,986
When I think of impulse buys,
I think of Altoids
330
00:15:11,988 --> 00:15:14,121
or a flashlight keychain.
331
00:15:14,123 --> 00:15:17,325
Well, I guess
congratulations.
332
00:15:17,327 --> 00:15:18,859
Wait, what is that look
on your face?
333
00:15:18,861 --> 00:15:20,761
I've never seen it before.
334
00:15:20,763 --> 00:15:22,730
Are you mad?
335
00:15:22,732 --> 00:15:24,231
Just surprised
you didn't think
336
00:15:24,233 --> 00:15:26,067
to talk to me
about it first.
337
00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:30,905
What, every time I buy a diner,
I have to tell you?
338
00:15:30,907 --> 00:15:33,741
I go back to L.A.
in three days.
339
00:15:33,743 --> 00:15:35,309
You couldn't make
a plan for that,
340
00:15:35,311 --> 00:15:37,778
but you bought the diner?
341
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:39,814
That's a commitment.
342
00:15:39,816 --> 00:15:41,816
Now it's done.
343
00:15:44,286 --> 00:15:47,688
I should go tell Chestnut
what we did.
344
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:50,891
'Cause he is gonna laugh.
345
00:15:53,795 --> 00:15:56,797
I know what'll
make this all okay.
346
00:15:56,799 --> 00:15:59,066
Some jug snugs?
347
00:15:59,068 --> 00:16:02,036
Yours, not mine.
348
00:16:02,038 --> 00:16:03,771
Nothing?
349
00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:05,139
Well, if we're not
gonna do it,
350
00:16:05,141 --> 00:16:06,207
at least put on a shirt.
351
00:16:06,209 --> 00:16:08,609
I am human.
352
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:10,478
You really think you're
gonna have time for us?
353
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,647
Starting a new business
and owning the diner?
354
00:16:13,649 --> 00:16:14,715
Yes!
355
00:16:14,717 --> 00:16:16,550
I had four jobs
in sixth grade,
356
00:16:16,552 --> 00:16:20,054
and I still had time to follow
Smash Mouth around the country.
357
00:16:20,056 --> 00:16:24,492
Not the band, a meth head
my mom really liked.
358
00:16:24,494 --> 00:16:28,162
Chestnut had a big reaction to
the news, as well.
359
00:16:28,164 --> 00:16:30,131
Where's the poop shovel?
360
00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:31,465
(rock music)
361
00:16:35,003 --> 00:16:37,138
Hey, boss ladies,
congratulations!
362
00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:39,740
I heard that you own
the diner now.
363
00:16:39,742 --> 00:16:42,943
Which is why I am
doing double doobies.
364
00:16:44,846 --> 00:16:46,680
Part!
Part owners!
365
00:16:46,682 --> 00:16:47,782
I'm still the boss.
366
00:16:47,784 --> 00:16:48,783
Put that away!
367
00:16:48,785 --> 00:16:51,786
Doobie continued.
368
00:16:51,788 --> 00:16:55,356
Who's the boss,
Tiny Danza?
369
00:16:55,358 --> 00:16:58,325
Well, I will be again,
as soon as I scrape up
370
00:16:58,327 --> 00:17:00,027
the money to pay you back.
371
00:17:00,029 --> 00:17:01,462
But don't worry,
from now on,
372
00:17:01,464 --> 00:17:04,865
I'm not gambling on anything
but lunch at Chipotle.
373
00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:10,371
Hey, everybody!
374
00:17:10,373 --> 00:17:13,274
Sophie's back
and better than ever!
375
00:17:13,276 --> 00:17:16,877
Like racism in America.
376
00:17:16,879 --> 00:17:19,313
I heard that.
377
00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:21,549
Wow, Sophie,
that is some dress.
378
00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:25,486
And there must be one
very cold leopard out there.
379
00:17:25,488 --> 00:17:28,823
Oh, I like your style, baby.
380
00:17:28,825 --> 00:17:30,491
SOPHIE: I realized
381
00:17:30,493 --> 00:17:35,062
I don't need to wear those
basic bitch maternity clothes.
382
00:17:35,064 --> 00:17:39,433
I can be maternal without
losing that little whisper
383
00:17:39,435 --> 00:17:42,436
that says, "I'm doable."
384
00:17:44,473 --> 00:17:46,107
Yes, you are.
385
00:17:46,109 --> 00:17:49,410
She also made a maternity item
for the bedroom.
386
00:17:49,412 --> 00:17:52,813
It's called "The Pregligé."
387
00:17:52,815 --> 00:17:53,981
Hey, Oleg.
388
00:17:53,983 --> 00:17:57,184
Meet me in the bathroom.
389
00:18:01,556 --> 00:18:03,324
Hey, Earl,
I'm heading out.
390
00:18:03,326 --> 00:18:05,626
I guess we'll never get to do
that Lethal Weapon reboot
391
00:18:05,628 --> 00:18:07,528
we talked about.
392
00:18:07,530 --> 00:18:12,299
That's all right, I'm doing
a Rush Hour reboot with Han.
393
00:18:12,301 --> 00:18:14,034
What're you doing
with that luggage?
394
00:18:14,036 --> 00:18:16,437
Did I get you kicked out
of another hotel?
395
00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:18,506
No, I changed my ticket.
396
00:18:18,508 --> 00:18:20,841
Going back to L.A. today.
397
00:18:20,843 --> 00:18:22,409
But that's today.
398
00:18:22,411 --> 00:18:25,746
And that is a ticket
to Los Angeles.
399
00:18:25,748 --> 00:18:29,783
Use it whenever you want
and I'll be there.
400
00:18:29,785 --> 00:18:31,085
This is empty.
401
00:18:31,087 --> 00:18:34,755
Yeah, everything's
done online now.
402
00:18:34,757 --> 00:18:37,424
I just did that
for effect.
403
00:18:37,426 --> 00:18:39,326
You'll get an email.
404
00:18:39,328 --> 00:18:42,663
Good luck with your dessert bar
and the diner.
405
00:18:42,665 --> 00:18:44,465
I'm gonna see you.
406
00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,467
Yeah.
407
00:18:53,875 --> 00:18:56,277
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
408
00:18:56,279 --> 00:18:58,512
Why are you being
so good-bye-y?
409
00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:01,448
I'm gonna visit as soon as
things get settled here.
410
00:19:01,450 --> 00:19:02,950
And we'll talk every day.
411
00:19:02,952 --> 00:19:05,786
I'm even better at phone sex
than I am at real sex.
412
00:19:05,788 --> 00:19:07,321
I find that
hard to believe.
413
00:19:07,323 --> 00:19:10,824
It's the only thing on
my resumé that's not a lie.
414
00:19:10,826 --> 00:19:14,662
I'll figure it out.
We'll make a plan.
415
00:19:14,664 --> 00:19:16,230
I know you think that.
416
00:19:16,232 --> 00:19:18,399
But I think I was right
the first time.
417
00:19:18,401 --> 00:19:21,302
Long-distance relationships
don't work.
418
00:19:21,304 --> 00:19:23,971
And I think the real
distance between us
419
00:19:23,973 --> 00:19:26,207
is where we are
in our lives.
420
00:19:26,209 --> 00:19:27,174
What distance?
421
00:19:27,176 --> 00:19:30,377
I'm three inches away
from you.
422
00:19:31,913 --> 00:19:34,715
You better get back
to your diner.
423
00:19:34,717 --> 00:19:36,917
I love you, Max.
424
00:19:38,753 --> 00:19:40,955
I love you, too.
425
00:19:45,794 --> 00:19:48,996
Okay, that felt
really good-bye-y.
426
00:19:56,805 --> 00:19:58,005
I'm okay, Earl.
427
00:19:58,007 --> 00:20:01,208
This is for me.
428
00:20:02,644 --> 00:20:06,113
I know this is really hard,
but you don't know where
429
00:20:06,115 --> 00:20:07,481
this all is gonna end up.
430
00:20:07,483 --> 00:20:10,884
Like you, when you ride
the subway on ecstasy.
431
00:20:12,988 --> 00:20:14,622
Are you okay?
432
00:20:14,624 --> 00:20:17,157
I am the opposite of okay.
433
00:20:19,027 --> 00:20:23,063
You know, as the boss,
I could let you take a break.
434
00:20:23,065 --> 00:20:24,798
I mean, ten minutes, tops.
435
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,300
If I give you more
than ten minutes,
436
00:20:26,302 --> 00:20:28,102
then I'll be known
as the girl who says
437
00:20:28,104 --> 00:20:29,370
she's gonna give
ten minutes,
438
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:32,706
then doesn't give
ten minutes.
439
00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,408
I need to talk
to the owner.
440
00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:35,576
BOTH: That's me!
441
00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:39,780
Oh, that was really painful.
442
00:20:39,782 --> 00:20:42,983
And probably worse
than losing a toe.
443
00:20:42,985 --> 00:20:46,920
(rock music)
444
00:20:46,922 --> 00:20:49,089
(cash register bell dings)