1
00:00:00,810 --> 00:00:04,212
Okay, Max, here are the paint
chips for our new dessert bar.
2
00:00:04,214 --> 00:00:06,314
Don't eat them.
This isn't your childhood.
3
00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:07,616
These are all pink.
4
00:00:07,618 --> 00:00:09,751
You want the walls
of our bar to be all pink?
5
00:00:09,753 --> 00:00:11,386
It'll be the first time
someone drinks
6
00:00:11,388 --> 00:00:14,723
after they enter a vagina.
7
00:00:14,725 --> 00:00:18,326
Oh, hey--
no vagina in the dina.
8
00:00:18,328 --> 00:00:22,564
Or your apartment.
Ever.
9
00:00:22,566 --> 00:00:24,166
You know,
this isn't Hooters.
10
00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:28,136
The v-bomb isn't usually batted
around the workplace.
11
00:00:28,138 --> 00:00:30,038
Speaking of batting
things around,
12
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,675
our cat wants you
to come over again.
13
00:00:33,677 --> 00:00:34,910
Yesterday you said your cat
14
00:00:34,912 --> 00:00:39,081
was too cool to
hang out with me.
15
00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:40,482
So which is it?
16
00:00:40,484 --> 00:00:42,050
'Cause I am free tonight.
17
00:00:43,486 --> 00:00:45,787
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
18
00:00:45,789 --> 00:00:47,522
[cash register bell dings]
19
00:00:47,524 --> 00:00:53,728
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
20
00:00:53,730 --> 00:00:56,932
Hey, everybody!
21
00:01:00,870 --> 00:01:02,704
You know what today is?
22
00:01:02,706 --> 00:01:04,039
I hope it ain't the 15th,
23
00:01:04,041 --> 00:01:07,309
'cause that means
I missed dialysis.
24
00:01:07,311 --> 00:01:09,978
No, I'm 20 weeks preggers.
25
00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:13,582
And it's time for Oleg and I
to choose the godparents.
26
00:01:13,584 --> 00:01:15,917
You know, it's
an old Polish tradition.
27
00:01:15,919 --> 00:01:19,121
Like pierogies
and public hangings.
28
00:01:20,256 --> 00:01:21,623
Godparents?
29
00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:24,025
God didn't even give me
parents-parents.
30
00:01:24,027 --> 00:01:26,561
He just gave me some lady that
took me home from the hospital
31
00:01:26,563 --> 00:01:29,264
in a Blockbuster Video bag.
32
00:01:29,266 --> 00:01:30,499
It's a big decision.
33
00:01:30,501 --> 00:01:32,767
You have to pick a couple who
would raise the child
34
00:01:32,769 --> 00:01:34,536
with your beliefs
and values.
35
00:01:34,538 --> 00:01:36,505
And Hugh Hefner
and whoever he's banging
36
00:01:36,507 --> 00:01:38,940
already said no.
37
00:01:38,942 --> 00:01:41,243
Yeah, so I'm making a list.
38
00:01:41,245 --> 00:01:43,578
But Oleg doesn't
want anyone in prison.
39
00:01:43,580 --> 00:01:48,450
You know, so that knocks out
most of the women in my family.
40
00:01:48,452 --> 00:01:50,385
You know, you guys
could also have
41
00:01:50,387 --> 00:01:52,487
these conversations at home.
42
00:01:52,489 --> 00:01:55,891
But this counter is where
they made the baby.
43
00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:58,760
Hey, Earl.
44
00:01:58,762 --> 00:02:02,063
Oh, good, I need
somebody strong.
45
00:02:02,065 --> 00:02:06,034
Uh, would you carry
this over there,
46
00:02:06,036 --> 00:02:09,471
put some coffee in it,
47
00:02:09,473 --> 00:02:11,173
and bring it back to me?
48
00:02:14,577 --> 00:02:16,244
I'll hot this up
in a second.
49
00:02:16,246 --> 00:02:19,447
Just let me hot
this one up first.
50
00:02:23,486 --> 00:02:24,819
What're you doing here?
51
00:02:24,821 --> 00:02:26,388
I know you don't
like me to bother you
52
00:02:26,390 --> 00:02:28,924
during your free time,
53
00:02:28,926 --> 00:02:30,225
but I missed you.
54
00:02:30,227 --> 00:02:31,993
And I want to tell you
something in person.
55
00:02:31,995 --> 00:02:36,598
Well, whatever it is,
I probably have it too.
56
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,434
And I probably had it first.
57
00:02:39,436 --> 00:02:40,969
It's not that.
58
00:02:40,971 --> 00:02:43,038
But now I'm worried.
59
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,140
No, I met with this
law firm in Manhattan,
60
00:02:45,142 --> 00:02:46,708
and they want to
make me a partner.
61
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:48,143
They're making you a partner?
62
00:02:48,145 --> 00:02:52,214
Well, then they're
gonna catch it too.
63
00:02:52,216 --> 00:02:53,415
So, Randy,
64
00:02:53,417 --> 00:02:55,483
you really are a lawyer?
65
00:02:55,485 --> 00:02:59,421
I thought you just played
lawyers in gay porn.
66
00:03:01,457 --> 00:03:02,524
Thanks.
67
00:03:02,526 --> 00:03:04,626
I will tell my trainer.
68
00:03:04,628 --> 00:03:07,329
He was in gay porn.
69
00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:08,964
Hey, Buzz Lightyear,
70
00:03:08,966 --> 00:03:13,001
I'm still waiting
for that coffee.
71
00:03:13,003 --> 00:03:14,903
All right, well,
I'll be in my booth
72
00:03:14,905 --> 00:03:17,205
working on
my godparent list.
73
00:03:17,207 --> 00:03:19,975
And whoever we pick should be
like one of those
74
00:03:19,977 --> 00:03:24,312
perfect families on TV like,
well, the Brady's,
75
00:03:24,314 --> 00:03:25,780
and the Huxtables...
76
00:03:25,782 --> 00:03:28,984
Or, you know what?
Scratch that last one.
77
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,487
Wow, if you're considering
moving to New York,
78
00:03:32,489 --> 00:03:33,955
it must be a pretty good job.
79
00:03:33,957 --> 00:03:36,258
Well, there's a couple
other reasons.
80
00:03:36,260 --> 00:03:37,559
The bagels.
81
00:03:37,561 --> 00:03:41,129
I have tickets to
Hamilton in seven years.
82
00:03:41,131 --> 00:03:43,698
And there's this girl here
I kind of like.
83
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:46,501
Who is she?
I'll kill her.
84
00:03:46,503 --> 00:03:50,005
So two of the partners want to
take me out tomorrow night
85
00:03:50,007 --> 00:03:53,108
to some fancy private dinner
at someplace called Beak.
86
00:03:53,110 --> 00:03:54,876
(gasps)
You're going to Beak?
87
00:03:54,878 --> 00:03:57,012
It's hidden away
in a private apartment,
88
00:03:57,014 --> 00:03:59,047
practically under
the Williamsburg Bridge,
89
00:03:59,049 --> 00:04:00,915
so you pretty much
have to walk.
90
00:04:00,917 --> 00:04:04,386
How awful
and chic is that?
91
00:04:04,388 --> 00:04:07,055
I read in Time Out that
that place is so exclusive,
92
00:04:07,057 --> 00:04:09,224
it's technically not
even a restaurant.
93
00:04:09,226 --> 00:04:10,592
Big deal.
94
00:04:10,594 --> 00:04:13,261
This diner gets called
"not a restaurant" all the time.
95
00:04:13,263 --> 00:04:15,030
Hey, did they tell you
to just bring Max,
96
00:04:15,032 --> 00:04:17,365
or was it more of
a "bring whoever"?
97
00:04:17,367 --> 00:04:20,302
-Um...
-I'll take that as a yes.
98
00:04:20,304 --> 00:04:22,804
I'd love to join you
at Beak tomorrow night.
99
00:04:22,806 --> 00:04:24,105
How could I say no to Beak?
100
00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:26,808
It's spring,
so that's peak Beak.
101
00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:28,109
(laughs)
102
00:04:28,111 --> 00:04:29,144
So you want to go?
103
00:04:29,146 --> 00:04:30,478
Want to be my date?
104
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,047
Nah, pass.
105
00:04:32,049 --> 00:04:34,416
Fancy restaurants are one of
the three things I don't do.
106
00:04:34,418 --> 00:04:36,885
You know the other two.
107
00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:40,722
Didn't we blow past
those week one?
108
00:04:40,724 --> 00:04:42,857
Max, are you crazy?
109
00:04:42,859 --> 00:04:46,027
Why, is one of my pupils
getting all small?
110
00:04:46,029 --> 00:04:47,929
It happens now.
I don't know why.
111
00:04:47,931 --> 00:04:49,564
What was that out there?
112
00:04:49,566 --> 00:04:51,132
"Nah, pass."
113
00:04:51,134 --> 00:04:53,501
Randy's not just asking you
to dinner-dinner.
114
00:04:53,503 --> 00:04:54,803
This isn't about food.
115
00:04:54,805 --> 00:04:56,438
It's about your
future together.
116
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,340
He's moving here for you.
117
00:04:58,342 --> 00:05:01,743
You just
"naw pass"-ed on Randy.
118
00:05:01,745 --> 00:05:04,179
Weird, I didn't love your
impression the first time,
119
00:05:04,181 --> 00:05:07,048
but I loved it the second.
120
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:09,150
Randy's moving here
for a job.
121
00:05:09,152 --> 00:05:11,886
This dinner isn't about
some law partners.
122
00:05:11,888 --> 00:05:14,055
It's about you
and him as partners.
123
00:05:14,057 --> 00:05:16,424
Do you hear words I don't?
124
00:05:16,426 --> 00:05:19,461
You're going to that dinner,
young lady, end of discussion.
125
00:05:19,463 --> 00:05:22,931
Oh, that was so mom-ish!
126
00:05:22,933 --> 00:05:25,600
I wouldn't know.
I've never met one.
127
00:05:30,406 --> 00:05:33,408
(knocking)
128
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:36,945
Oh, good, this is it.
129
00:05:36,947 --> 00:05:38,446
We knocked on another
apartment door,
130
00:05:38,448 --> 00:05:41,449
but the only thing they
were cooking was meth.
131
00:05:41,451 --> 00:05:43,752
We walked across
a bridge for this?
132
00:05:43,754 --> 00:05:48,556
This is basically my apartment,
except our wild birds are alive.
133
00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:50,325
Randy, you made it.
134
00:05:50,327 --> 00:05:53,962
And I mean, you made it
because you're eating at Beak.
135
00:05:53,964 --> 00:05:55,330
I mean, the wait list
here is longer
136
00:05:55,332 --> 00:05:58,266
than an episode
of HBO's Vinyl.
137
00:05:58,268 --> 00:06:00,568
Max, this is Marissa,
one of the partners.
138
00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:01,770
Marissa, this is Max.
139
00:06:01,772 --> 00:06:02,771
She's my girlfriend.
140
00:06:02,773 --> 00:06:04,072
Max?
Cute.
141
00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:05,373
Is that short for Maxine?
142
00:06:05,375 --> 00:06:08,943
Technically,
it's long for "meh."
143
00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:10,245
Sorry, I don't get it.
144
00:06:10,247 --> 00:06:12,080
Probably because
of the Klonopin I had to take
145
00:06:12,082 --> 00:06:15,116
when that homeless man tried
to talk to me on the way in.
146
00:06:15,118 --> 00:06:18,787
Uh, Max, this is Leila,
another partner at the firm,
147
00:06:18,789 --> 00:06:20,555
and her wife, Lei.
148
00:06:20,557 --> 00:06:24,025
She's not just my wife.
She's also a star on Instagram.
149
00:06:24,027 --> 00:06:27,829
See? I talk about
your accomplishments.
150
00:06:27,831 --> 00:06:31,466
I put wigs on statues
151
00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:34,669
and then photograph them
from behind.
152
00:06:36,572 --> 00:06:37,739
That's it?
153
00:06:37,741 --> 00:06:39,340
That's it.
154
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,610
LEILA: Max...
155
00:06:42,612 --> 00:06:44,145
are you a lawyer too?
156
00:06:44,147 --> 00:06:48,183
Uh, no, but I presided over
a food court or two in my day.
157
00:06:48,185 --> 00:06:50,151
Max and her partner, Caroline,
are in the process
158
00:06:50,153 --> 00:06:51,686
of opening a dessert bar.
159
00:06:51,688 --> 00:06:53,655
And I don't mean "partner"
in the romantic sense.
160
00:06:53,657 --> 00:06:55,957
I've got that
department covered.
161
00:06:55,959 --> 00:06:57,392
Well, welcome,
Randy and Max.
162
00:06:57,394 --> 00:06:59,093
You know, I've been
hoping to add another
163
00:06:59,095 --> 00:07:00,762
straight couple
to the law firm mix,
164
00:07:00,764 --> 00:07:04,666
but, you know, they're
so hard to find nowadays.
165
00:07:04,668 --> 00:07:06,034
Lei and I met on an
166
00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:09,037
Orange is the New Black
message board.
167
00:07:09,039 --> 00:07:12,373
It's kind of become
the lesbian Tinder.
168
00:07:12,375 --> 00:07:14,576
Uh, Randy,
wasn't there rumor of a third?
169
00:07:14,578 --> 00:07:17,779
Oh, I keep pitching that,
but he "likes me too much."
170
00:07:19,348 --> 00:07:21,783
Again,
don't quite get it.
171
00:07:21,785 --> 00:07:23,251
Little hazy.
172
00:07:23,253 --> 00:07:25,186
Well, I'll have to tell
the chef he's preparing
173
00:07:25,188 --> 00:07:26,855
oyster foam for six.
174
00:07:26,857 --> 00:07:29,057
I'm sorry, "oyster foam"?
175
00:07:29,059 --> 00:07:31,092
Foam from an oyster?
176
00:07:31,094 --> 00:07:34,529
That sounds delicious.
177
00:07:34,531 --> 00:07:39,067
I know your idea of fine dining
is a ham and cheese Hot Pocket,
178
00:07:39,069 --> 00:07:40,802
but I am really glad
you came.
179
00:07:40,804 --> 00:07:41,903
Oh, here's Lenin.
180
00:07:41,905 --> 00:07:44,038
Um, Randy, Max,
this is Lenin.
181
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,242
He's the chef.
And my lover.
182
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:56,150
We have sex too.
183
00:07:56,152 --> 00:07:58,286
Lei and I are "post sex."
184
00:07:58,288 --> 00:08:01,322
All intimacy,
no penetration.
185
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:08,229
I'll be serving a meal of
seven bird-themed courses,
186
00:08:08,231 --> 00:08:10,798
each one it's own unique
flight of fancy.
187
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:14,302
Not my words, a very giggly
Anderson Cooper.
188
00:08:14,304 --> 00:08:16,037
Now, before we begin,
do either of you
189
00:08:16,039 --> 00:08:17,572
have any food allergies?
190
00:08:17,574 --> 00:08:21,142
Just one: birds.
191
00:08:21,144 --> 00:08:23,511
I don't get her, either.
192
00:08:23,513 --> 00:08:25,813
Let's all sit.
193
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:26,814
Max.
194
00:08:28,617 --> 00:08:31,853
Why do you want me to
sit that far from the table?
195
00:08:31,855 --> 00:08:33,721
That's me being polite.
196
00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:39,060
You are in
for such a treat.
197
00:08:39,062 --> 00:08:41,329
Lenin is a real artist.
198
00:08:41,331 --> 00:08:43,798
He spends all day
making these teeny-tiny,
199
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,669
delicate little meals,
which is why I pay our rent.
200
00:08:50,639 --> 00:08:52,874
Our first course
is a French delicacy.
201
00:08:52,876 --> 00:08:56,277
The Ortolan Bunting bird,
roasted and eaten whole.
202
00:08:58,614 --> 00:09:02,283
Just grasp the bird by its head
and start eating at the feet.
203
00:09:02,285 --> 00:09:04,752
Enjoy.
Obviously.
204
00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:13,494
Can't wait to get that
bird foot in my mouth.
205
00:09:20,436 --> 00:09:22,604
How's the baby pigeon
and oyster foam, Max?
206
00:09:22,606 --> 00:09:24,005
Oh, delicious.
207
00:09:24,007 --> 00:09:27,208
It's amazing how full
babies can make you.
208
00:09:29,311 --> 00:09:30,812
RANDY: No, Lei,
way too many photos
209
00:09:30,814 --> 00:09:32,747
of me eating foam.
210
00:09:32,749 --> 00:09:34,549
Like a rabid dog.
211
00:09:34,551 --> 00:09:37,418
(knocking)
212
00:09:38,554 --> 00:09:40,288
Oh, good.
This is it.
213
00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:42,123
The guy who opened
the other apartment door
214
00:09:42,125 --> 00:09:44,292
wasn't wearing pants.
215
00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:45,827
Or underwear.
216
00:09:45,829 --> 00:09:48,129
Or was circumcised.
217
00:09:48,131 --> 00:09:49,564
Hi!
I'm here.
218
00:09:49,566 --> 00:09:50,932
What did I miss?
219
00:09:50,934 --> 00:09:54,435
The point of literally every
movie we see together.
220
00:09:54,437 --> 00:09:57,005
Marissa, this is Caroline,
Max's business partner.
221
00:09:57,007 --> 00:09:58,406
She texted she was coming.
222
00:09:58,408 --> 00:10:01,442
She's usually not covered
in this much sweat.
223
00:10:01,444 --> 00:10:03,411
Sorry, I had to run
across the bridge,
224
00:10:03,413 --> 00:10:05,980
'cause you need a credit card
for one of those city bikes.
225
00:10:05,982 --> 00:10:07,315
Um, if I had a credit card,
226
00:10:07,317 --> 00:10:10,284
why would I be riding
a damn bike?
227
00:10:10,286 --> 00:10:13,221
I'm at Beak.
I'm trendy again!
228
00:10:14,056 --> 00:10:15,490
Fifth course.
229
00:10:15,492 --> 00:10:18,426
Tiny poached noisy scrubbird
with fiddle ferns
230
00:10:18,428 --> 00:10:20,061
and fermented egg.
231
00:10:20,063 --> 00:10:23,264
Oh, that sounds so gross.
I bet it's great.
232
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,468
Max, eat.
233
00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:28,803
I sure will.
234
00:10:28,805 --> 00:10:30,371
When I used to watch
Tweety Bird,
235
00:10:30,373 --> 00:10:34,542
all I could think was,
"God, that looks delicious."
236
00:10:34,544 --> 00:10:36,644
You're doing great.
237
00:10:36,646 --> 00:10:38,479
Who wants some more wine?
238
00:10:38,481 --> 00:10:40,148
I'm guessing Max.
239
00:10:40,150 --> 00:10:41,683
I can't believe we're here,
240
00:10:41,685 --> 00:10:44,652
eating the finest--
what'd he say this was?
241
00:10:44,654 --> 00:10:46,154
Blue jay?
242
00:10:46,156 --> 00:10:47,889
Aren't you proud of me?
243
00:10:47,891 --> 00:10:49,490
I got through
the first four courses.
244
00:10:49,492 --> 00:10:52,627
That's more courses than
I finished in high school.
245
00:10:52,629 --> 00:10:55,763
Oh, look at this pretentious,
246
00:10:55,765 --> 00:10:58,433
deliberately relaxed
large napkin.
247
00:10:58,435 --> 00:11:01,736
Love it and hate it.
248
00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:03,071
What is that?
249
00:11:03,073 --> 00:11:04,939
This first four courses!
250
00:11:04,941 --> 00:11:06,607
I cheated,
like in high school!
251
00:11:06,609 --> 00:11:08,643
I couldn't eat it;
it's gross.
252
00:11:08,645 --> 00:11:11,979
No, gross is when you
hand the guy at Del Taco
253
00:11:11,981 --> 00:11:15,216
65 cents and tell him
to surprise you.
254
00:11:15,218 --> 00:11:17,285
You are judging me
for not eating most of my
255
00:11:17,287 --> 00:11:19,253
Saturday morning
cartoon lineup?
256
00:11:19,255 --> 00:11:21,622
You want to chomp down on
Foghorn Leghorn?
257
00:11:21,624 --> 00:11:25,493
When a great guy like Randy
is moving to New York for you,
258
00:11:25,495 --> 00:11:28,696
yes, you have to eat
your childhood favorites!
259
00:11:29,932 --> 00:11:31,899
Anyone like to come see
the de-spining
260
00:11:31,901 --> 00:11:33,634
of the tiny trumpeter bird?
261
00:11:33,636 --> 00:11:36,204
This could push me over
a million followers.
262
00:11:38,173 --> 00:11:40,108
I can't eat that, Caroline.
263
00:11:40,110 --> 00:11:41,542
And I have nowhere to put it
264
00:11:41,544 --> 00:11:43,711
My bra is at crazy capacity.
265
00:11:43,713 --> 00:11:47,181
The fire marshal almost
kicked out my left boob.
266
00:11:47,183 --> 00:11:48,549
Why can't you just try it?
267
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:51,652
You've had worse things
in your mouth.
268
00:11:52,888 --> 00:11:54,989
He's moving here
to be with you.
269
00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:56,591
He's moving here for a job.
270
00:11:56,593 --> 00:11:58,826
Look, whatever comes next,
just put it in your mouth
271
00:11:58,828 --> 00:12:00,161
and eat it.
272
00:12:00,163 --> 00:12:02,363
Well, I did not know
the bird was gonna be alive.
273
00:12:02,365 --> 00:12:05,566
Worst part?
Making eye contact.
274
00:12:07,035 --> 00:12:09,704
Creamed kimchi
and pelican tongue
275
00:12:09,706 --> 00:12:11,839
with Asian pear.
276
00:12:11,841 --> 00:12:13,608
LENIN: Enjoy.
277
00:12:13,610 --> 00:12:16,577
The least you can do
is swallow a little tongue.
278
00:12:16,579 --> 00:12:18,446
Tongue swallowing?
Foam?
279
00:12:18,448 --> 00:12:21,649
This isn't a restaurant;
it's a heroin overdose.
280
00:12:24,419 --> 00:12:25,419
I love you.
281
00:12:32,761 --> 00:12:34,495
Good for you, Max!
282
00:12:34,497 --> 00:12:36,764
This is real growth.
283
00:12:36,766 --> 00:12:40,701
Is it bad I feel like the
tongue is tasting me back?
284
00:12:47,876 --> 00:12:49,577
Max, you look sweaty.
285
00:12:49,579 --> 00:12:52,780
Like when you try
to do math.
286
00:12:53,849 --> 00:12:57,985
I think that tongue
is looking for an exit.
287
00:12:57,987 --> 00:13:00,855
Randy, we're really excited
for you to come work for us.
288
00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:02,223
How fast can you move
to New York?
289
00:13:02,225 --> 00:13:06,761
Not as fast as I have to
get to that bathroom.
290
00:13:06,763 --> 00:13:08,095
Excuse us,
291
00:13:08,097 --> 00:13:11,132
we have to go to the
little sparrow's room.
292
00:13:11,134 --> 00:13:12,934
Nope, it's cool,
false alarm.
293
00:13:12,936 --> 00:13:15,269
Nope, real alarm.
Very real alarm.
294
00:13:15,271 --> 00:13:17,605
-Should I come in with you?
-No!
295
00:13:17,607 --> 00:13:19,473
Even I don't want to
go in there!
296
00:13:19,475 --> 00:13:22,343
I doubt this door is
soundproof, so talk loud.
297
00:13:22,345 --> 00:13:24,145
Just start with
your normal volume,
298
00:13:24,147 --> 00:13:27,448
and then dial it
down a notch.
299
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:29,116
Oh, Marissa!
300
00:13:29,118 --> 00:13:35,790
You have to tell me where you
found these fabulous glasses.
301
00:13:35,792 --> 00:13:37,758
Restoration Hardware?
302
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,928
Crate and Barrel?
303
00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:42,663
CAROLINE: Restoration Hardware
Modern?
304
00:13:42,665 --> 00:13:43,831
West Elm?
CB2?
305
00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:45,600
CB3?
Is there one of those yet?
306
00:13:45,602 --> 00:13:46,901
-(vomiting)
-You know what?
307
00:13:46,903 --> 00:13:48,069
Let's get some music going!
308
00:13:48,071 --> 00:13:49,637
Like some really loud dubstep,
309
00:13:49,639 --> 00:13:51,072
'cause I'm running
out of breath.
310
00:13:51,074 --> 00:13:53,007
Oh, there's no music
allowed here.
311
00:13:53,009 --> 00:13:57,178
It would get in the way of
hearing the symphony of taste.
312
00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:58,279
Not my words.
313
00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:00,848
Okay,
they were my words.
314
00:14:00,850 --> 00:14:02,183
I think I'd like
to make a toast.
315
00:14:02,185 --> 00:14:03,784
Oh, no, please don't
make a toast.
316
00:14:03,786 --> 00:14:06,988
I've begun not to like you.
317
00:14:12,427 --> 00:14:13,561
Seriously, Lenin.
318
00:14:13,563 --> 00:14:15,096
Not even a little
light piano?
319
00:14:15,098 --> 00:14:17,798
You don't need to reinvent
the freaking wheel here.
320
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,200
Hey, Caroline, please.
Just sit.
321
00:14:19,202 --> 00:14:21,068
You know what, I see if
I have another Klonopin.
322
00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:23,871
-I'm fine.
-It's not for you.
323
00:14:23,873 --> 00:14:25,539
Caroline.
324
00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:26,841
Should I go in there?
325
00:14:26,843 --> 00:14:28,476
'Cause I am not hearing
the standard
326
00:14:28,478 --> 00:14:30,978
tinkle and a hand wash.
327
00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:32,546
No, don't move.
Stay there.
328
00:14:32,548 --> 00:14:35,416
That noise is just the pipes
backing up a little.
329
00:14:35,418 --> 00:14:36,417
Well, a lot.
330
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:42,590
CAROLINE: Oh, Lord!
331
00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:43,624
They're young.
332
00:14:43,626 --> 00:14:45,826
(chuckles)
333
00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:49,630
My camera needs
to be in there.
334
00:14:49,632 --> 00:14:51,165
Enough with the camera!
335
00:14:51,167 --> 00:14:53,434
I'm alive!
336
00:14:53,436 --> 00:14:55,603
(knocking)
337
00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:57,772
Max.
338
00:14:57,774 --> 00:14:59,473
Where are you going?
339
00:14:59,475 --> 00:15:02,009
Anywhere but here!
340
00:15:02,011 --> 00:15:03,344
RANDY: Max, seriously!
341
00:15:03,346 --> 00:15:04,946
(knocking)
What's going on in there?
342
00:15:04,948 --> 00:15:06,580
CAROLINE:
Everything's okay in here!
343
00:15:06,582 --> 00:15:09,250
We'll be out in a minute.
344
00:15:09,252 --> 00:15:12,453
RANDY: If you're not gonna
let me in, at least--
345
00:15:16,158 --> 00:15:17,325
Max!
346
00:15:17,327 --> 00:15:19,093
Wait up!
347
00:15:19,095 --> 00:15:21,662
You don't have to be
embarrassed in front of me.
348
00:15:21,664 --> 00:15:23,864
I've seen worse.
349
00:15:23,866 --> 00:15:25,933
Okay, no I haven't.
350
00:15:25,935 --> 00:15:27,134
Just go away!
351
00:15:27,136 --> 00:15:28,903
I can't take
that sad look.
352
00:15:28,905 --> 00:15:30,304
It's the same look
you gave Chestnut
353
00:15:30,306 --> 00:15:32,640
that time he crapped
on the couch.
354
00:15:32,642 --> 00:15:35,343
I'm fine alone;
you didn't have to leave.
355
00:15:35,345 --> 00:15:36,477
No, I did.
356
00:15:36,479 --> 00:15:38,713
They couldn't possibly
think one person
357
00:15:38,715 --> 00:15:40,848
was responsible for all that.
358
00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:42,416
Plus, I don't want
to leave you.
359
00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:43,517
You're sick.
360
00:15:43,519 --> 00:15:45,519
I think it's beyond sick.
361
00:15:45,521 --> 00:15:48,089
I lost bone mass in there.
362
00:15:48,091 --> 00:15:51,092
My shoes are too big now.
363
00:15:51,094 --> 00:15:52,660
I'm so embarrassed!
364
00:15:52,662 --> 00:15:53,828
Hey, it happens.
365
00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:55,129
You got a stomach ache.
366
00:15:55,131 --> 00:15:56,998
You're just not
used to rich food.
367
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,233
I'm not used to
rich anything.
368
00:15:59,235 --> 00:16:01,202
And if this is Randy's world--
369
00:16:01,204 --> 00:16:04,105
uh, bird bones
and pretentious people--
370
00:16:04,107 --> 00:16:08,709
then maybe my body is
telling me I can't take it.
371
00:16:08,711 --> 00:16:12,747
Max, if I got used to buying
earrings at the AMPM,
372
00:16:12,749 --> 00:16:15,716
you can get used to fancy food
and pretentious people.
373
00:16:15,718 --> 00:16:16,717
You don't get it!
374
00:16:16,719 --> 00:16:18,953
He is moving here for me.
375
00:16:18,955 --> 00:16:21,489
Oh, do you think so?
376
00:16:21,491 --> 00:16:22,623
I wish your best friend
377
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,692
had been telling you that
for two days.
378
00:16:24,694 --> 00:16:26,193
He's moving his whole life.
379
00:16:26,195 --> 00:16:27,828
I don't know how
to do that.
380
00:16:27,830 --> 00:16:30,898
I didn't even know how to react
when he moved my chair for me.
381
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,366
You were right,
it's not about the food;
382
00:16:32,368 --> 00:16:34,568
it's about our future,
and I just vomited
383
00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:37,805
all over our future.
384
00:16:37,807 --> 00:16:39,907
What?
385
00:16:39,909 --> 00:16:42,810
I hate to say this,
but you need a mint.
386
00:16:42,812 --> 00:16:45,713
Sorry, I love you,
but you need a mint.
387
00:16:45,715 --> 00:16:48,349
I need to disappear.
388
00:16:48,351 --> 00:16:51,285
What do you think
of the name Sheila Newman?
389
00:16:52,287 --> 00:16:53,287
Max!
390
00:16:53,289 --> 00:16:54,221
Randy.
391
00:16:54,223 --> 00:16:57,792
Great, just in time
to see me jump.
392
00:16:57,794 --> 00:16:59,026
What happened?
Where'd you go?
393
00:16:59,028 --> 00:17:00,728
Oh, I jumped on
that bike so fast,
394
00:17:00,730 --> 00:17:03,297
my man parts are no
longer talking to me.
395
00:17:03,299 --> 00:17:06,100
She didn't want to be
sick in front of you.
396
00:17:06,102 --> 00:17:08,202
You got sick?
397
00:17:08,204 --> 00:17:10,104
Okay, fine,
we all heard it.
398
00:17:10,106 --> 00:17:12,673
But why did you leave
without saying something?
399
00:17:12,675 --> 00:17:14,275
Because words were
the only thing
400
00:17:14,277 --> 00:17:17,611
not coming out
of my mouth.
401
00:17:17,613 --> 00:17:20,114
Max?
402
00:17:20,116 --> 00:17:21,816
You're not gonna
look at me?
403
00:17:21,818 --> 00:17:22,883
I can't.
404
00:17:22,885 --> 00:17:24,819
Wait, here.
405
00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:26,821
Now she can.
406
00:17:26,823 --> 00:17:27,988
You better get back there.
407
00:17:27,990 --> 00:17:29,590
I don't want you
to lose that job.
408
00:17:29,592 --> 00:17:31,125
I don't want that job.
409
00:17:31,127 --> 00:17:32,760
I don't know how many more
pills Marissa took,
410
00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:35,930
but she passed out
in a pot of clam steam.
411
00:17:35,932 --> 00:17:37,965
I missed clam steam?
412
00:17:37,967 --> 00:17:40,134
I've been reading about
his clam steam.
413
00:17:40,136 --> 00:17:42,870
Please stop saying
"clam steam."
414
00:17:42,872 --> 00:17:45,106
I can actually
smell the words.
415
00:17:45,108 --> 00:17:46,307
Okay, Max.
416
00:17:46,309 --> 00:17:47,975
You are starting
to turn green again,
417
00:17:47,977 --> 00:17:50,978
so why don't you hop on,
and I will ride you home
418
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,813
on my bicycle
like a real man.
419
00:17:52,815 --> 00:17:54,215
I don't know, Randy.
420
00:17:54,217 --> 00:17:56,383
A lot of stuff came up
for me at that dinner.
421
00:17:56,385 --> 00:17:57,551
And I'm not just
talking about
422
00:17:57,553 --> 00:18:01,088
every single thing
I ate this year.
423
00:18:01,090 --> 00:18:04,525
I mean, maybe I'm
not right for you.
424
00:18:04,527 --> 00:18:05,993
Hey.
425
00:18:05,995 --> 00:18:08,129
Don't be so hard on yourself
about tonight.
426
00:18:08,131 --> 00:18:09,430
I mean, look at me.
427
00:18:09,432 --> 00:18:12,666
I'm not brave enough
to eat in that diner.
428
00:18:12,668 --> 00:18:14,468
Come here, you.
429
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:19,173
Maybe wait another
60 seconds.
430
00:18:19,175 --> 00:18:21,308
I think we are different.
431
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:23,110
But we kind of go together.
432
00:18:23,112 --> 00:18:27,581
Like peppered baby bird
bladder and pesto.
433
00:18:27,583 --> 00:18:28,616
Oh, no.
434
00:18:28,618 --> 00:18:30,251
Oh, my God.
435
00:18:30,253 --> 00:18:33,454
That's gonna do it!
436
00:18:36,958 --> 00:18:41,395
Wrong night to be
driving a convertible.
437
00:18:41,397 --> 00:18:44,598
Oh, wait--
no, no, no, no, no, no.
438
00:18:47,636 --> 00:18:50,638
(both laugh)
439
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,609
So how's your first
diner burger?
440
00:18:55,611 --> 00:18:57,244
It's not bad.
441
00:18:57,246 --> 00:18:58,679
I'm getting
a little something.
442
00:18:58,681 --> 00:19:00,047
Um...mesquite?
443
00:19:00,049 --> 00:19:03,450
Yeah, they die in the fan
and then fall on the grill.
444
00:19:05,387 --> 00:19:09,089
I'll take mosquito burger
over pelican any day.
445
00:19:09,091 --> 00:19:10,591
Interesting, Randy.
446
00:19:10,593 --> 00:19:13,727
You get two waitresses
paying attention to you
447
00:19:13,729 --> 00:19:15,930
and most people get none.
448
00:19:15,932 --> 00:19:17,798
Like that one over there,
449
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,134
over there,
and that gentleman over there
450
00:19:20,136 --> 00:19:22,369
who's just giving up
and leaving.
451
00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:24,672
Fine, Han, we will
go over to the counter
452
00:19:24,674 --> 00:19:25,739
and continue to talk.
453
00:19:28,944 --> 00:19:31,378
I know I say a lot
of stuff about you,
454
00:19:31,380 --> 00:19:33,047
especially to your face,
455
00:19:33,049 --> 00:19:34,748
but thank you for your
help last night.
456
00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:37,184
I know you would have done
the same thing for me.
457
00:19:37,186 --> 00:19:38,586
But if I ever get that sick,
458
00:19:38,588 --> 00:19:40,988
you have my permission
to kill me.
459
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:43,557
I mean, when you went into that
toilet, looking for my earring,
460
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:46,760
I knew I had found
my post-sex partner.
461
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:50,397
SOPHIE: You did that for her?
462
00:19:50,399 --> 00:19:51,632
Wow!
463
00:19:51,634 --> 00:19:54,201
And all this time,
we've been looking for
464
00:19:54,203 --> 00:19:56,670
the perfect couple
to be godparents,
465
00:19:56,672 --> 00:19:59,873
and they're right
under our noses.
466
00:20:01,109 --> 00:20:03,510
Girl-on-girl godparents.
467
00:20:03,512 --> 00:20:04,812
I like it.
468
00:20:04,814 --> 00:20:08,115
You two girls are gonna
be great with the baby.
469
00:20:08,117 --> 00:20:09,550
SOPHIE: I mean, Caroline,
470
00:20:09,552 --> 00:20:12,953
you were elbow-deep
in Max's upchuck.
471
00:20:12,955 --> 00:20:15,389
I mean, I wouldn't even
do that for my own father
472
00:20:15,391 --> 00:20:18,259
when he swallowed
all those bees.
473
00:20:18,261 --> 00:20:21,662
Wow, Sophie,
this is such a huge compliment.
474
00:20:21,664 --> 00:20:24,632
Tucked away in a terrible
personal memory.
475
00:20:24,634 --> 00:20:28,335
Well, if something would
ever happen to us,
476
00:20:28,337 --> 00:20:30,804
let Max do
the breast feeding.
477
00:20:30,806 --> 00:20:34,208
'Cause, yeah, I don't want
the kid to starve.
478
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,277
This is exciting!
479
00:20:36,279 --> 00:20:39,046
Randy,
I'm gonna be a godfather.
480
00:20:39,048 --> 00:20:40,614
And equally as exciting,
481
00:20:40,616 --> 00:20:42,783
I'm gonna be climbing out
of that bathroom window
482
00:20:42,785 --> 00:20:45,786
in about two minutes.
483
00:20:47,022 --> 00:20:49,156
(cash register dings)