1
00:00:01,377 --> 00:00:04,179
Okay, Rock Paper Scissors.
2
00:00:04,181 --> 00:00:06,581
Loser has to ask the guy
in gym shorts at table 12
3
00:00:06,583 --> 00:00:09,551
to stop Sharon Stoneing us
his balls.
4
00:00:14,991 --> 00:00:17,492
By virtue of having
this conversation,
5
00:00:17,494 --> 00:00:19,428
aren't we both losers?
6
00:00:19,430 --> 00:00:22,364
Look who's back from Hollywood.
7
00:00:22,366 --> 00:00:25,267
If it isn't ScarJo and J-Lo.
8
00:00:25,269 --> 00:00:28,136
Said the guy from down low.
9
00:00:28,138 --> 00:00:29,971
Can I get an autograph?
10
00:00:29,973 --> 00:00:33,975
Oops, my bad--
still just waitresses.
11
00:00:33,977 --> 00:00:39,347
Han, don't be upset just because
I'm about to make $250,000
12
00:00:39,349 --> 00:00:40,982
and have a movie made
about me.
13
00:00:40,984 --> 00:00:43,452
Han already had
a movie made about him--
14
00:00:43,454 --> 00:00:45,720
"Paul Blart: Small Cop."
15
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:51,460
What's your movie called?
"Straight Outta A Job"?
16
00:00:52,862 --> 00:00:55,197
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
17
00:00:55,199 --> 00:00:56,598
[cash register bell dings]
18
00:00:56,600 --> 00:01:00,502
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
19
00:01:02,738 --> 00:01:04,973
Yeah, about that?
You can't fire us now.
20
00:01:04,975 --> 00:01:06,508
The money hasn't come in
just yet.
21
00:01:06,510 --> 00:01:09,377
After that, by all means,
please fire us
22
00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:10,979
and fire us hard.
23
00:01:10,981 --> 00:01:14,816
Yeah, how does firing us
on the 27th work for you?
24
00:01:14,818 --> 00:01:16,685
Don't think I won't do it.
25
00:01:16,687 --> 00:01:20,222
I've been wanting another Asian
in the mix for some time.
26
00:01:20,224 --> 00:01:23,158
Oh, and, Han, we're gonna need
the day off tomorrow.
27
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,594
You just took ten days off!
28
00:01:25,596 --> 00:01:27,529
No more vacation days.
29
00:01:27,531 --> 00:01:29,865
Freddie Prinze Jr. works
more than you two.
30
00:01:29,867 --> 00:01:33,568
Max and I are going to prison
to visit my dad.
31
00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:35,437
As part of his therapy,
he's written a musical,
32
00:01:35,439 --> 00:01:37,606
and he's performing it
with the other inmates.
33
00:01:37,608 --> 00:01:39,875
A musical in prison?
34
00:01:39,877 --> 00:01:42,410
I'd be shaking my damn head
right now
35
00:01:42,412 --> 00:01:45,180
if my neck still worked.
36
00:01:45,182 --> 00:01:49,084
And, again, you can fire us
on the 27th.
37
00:01:49,086 --> 00:01:50,519
We're in flux now.
38
00:01:50,521 --> 00:01:54,055
And as always, I'm the one
who gets fluxed.
39
00:01:56,025 --> 00:01:57,993
Aw, I missed Han.
40
00:01:57,995 --> 00:02:01,396
I've never heard you say that
without a crossbow in your hand.
41
00:02:01,398 --> 00:02:03,598
I can't wait
till we get that money.
42
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,900
Think of all the stuff
we could buy.
43
00:02:04,902 --> 00:02:07,569
[gasps]
American toothpaste.
44
00:02:07,571 --> 00:02:11,907
Some toilet paper so we can
stop using our bath mat.
45
00:02:11,909 --> 00:02:13,708
And since we're unfreezing
our credit card,
46
00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:15,277
maybe I'll get
a new dress too.
47
00:02:15,279 --> 00:02:18,046
The invite to this musical
said "cocktail attire."
48
00:02:18,048 --> 00:02:21,216
A prison musical
with cocktail attire?
49
00:02:21,218 --> 00:02:22,651
Ah, screw it.
50
00:02:22,653 --> 00:02:28,256
I'm gonna feel this tomorrow,
but mm, mm!
51
00:02:28,258 --> 00:02:30,258
Mm!
52
00:02:30,260 --> 00:02:32,093
Hey, everybody!
53
00:02:33,996 --> 00:02:36,064
Today's the day
Oleg and me find out
54
00:02:36,066 --> 00:02:39,901
what kind of sex
our baby's gonna have.
55
00:02:39,903 --> 00:02:42,704
I beg you to rephrase that.
56
00:02:42,706 --> 00:02:44,773
(Oleg)
Baby, I don't want to know
57
00:02:44,775 --> 00:02:46,541
if it's gonna be a boy
or a girl.
58
00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:48,009
I'd rather be surprised.
59
00:02:48,011 --> 00:02:51,246
You know, like when you get
a hooker in Tijuana.
60
00:02:51,248 --> 00:02:53,715
Boy, do I.
61
00:02:53,717 --> 00:02:55,517
Or girl, do I.
62
00:02:55,519 --> 00:02:59,254
Oh! We don't know,
and that's the fun.
63
00:02:59,256 --> 00:03:00,889
(Oleg)
We're gonna have a baker
64
00:03:00,891 --> 00:03:03,692
do one of those gender reveal
cakes for us.
65
00:03:03,694 --> 00:03:05,860
Can you guys recommend
a baker?
66
00:03:07,330 --> 00:03:09,231
Uh, excuse me?
67
00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:11,533
Yeah, excuse me?
68
00:03:11,535 --> 00:03:14,069
What the hell
is a gender reveal cake?
69
00:03:14,071 --> 00:03:17,739
Like, you bake it and then
you pull its pants down?
70
00:03:17,741 --> 00:03:19,341
Jeez, would it kill you
71
00:03:19,343 --> 00:03:22,877
to pick up a "Rachael Ray
Every Day" once in a while?
72
00:03:22,879 --> 00:03:26,548
We give the bakers a sealed
envelope with the sex.
73
00:03:26,550 --> 00:03:28,083
Yeah, and then the bakers--
74
00:03:28,085 --> 00:03:31,219
you know, if we can find
good ones--
75
00:03:31,221 --> 00:03:34,256
will make the icing
on the inside pink
76
00:03:34,258 --> 00:03:35,724
if it's a Svetlana...
77
00:03:35,726 --> 00:03:38,727
And blue if it's a Svetlenny.
78
00:03:38,729 --> 00:03:41,263
Well, it beats the way
they did it
79
00:03:41,265 --> 00:03:42,597
in my town in Poland.
80
00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:44,566
You were either a boy
81
00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:48,069
or you had to know how to climb
back up out of a well.
82
00:03:48,071 --> 00:03:50,005
Yeah.
83
00:03:50,007 --> 00:03:53,341
Um, you know
we're bakers, right?
84
00:03:53,343 --> 00:03:54,809
Hell, yeah.
85
00:03:54,811 --> 00:03:56,311
I'm baked right now.
86
00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:07,322
Well, I'm dressed for
my father's prison musical.
87
00:04:07,324 --> 00:04:08,323
[sighs]
88
00:04:08,325 --> 00:04:11,760
Say that three times
without crying.
89
00:04:11,762 --> 00:04:13,295
You look good.
90
00:04:13,297 --> 00:04:15,397
If those inmates weren't
hardened criminals before,
91
00:04:15,399 --> 00:04:17,932
they will be
once they see you in that.
92
00:04:17,934 --> 00:04:20,402
What's with all
the miniature liquor bottles
93
00:04:20,404 --> 00:04:21,803
you stole from the plane?
94
00:04:21,805 --> 00:04:25,240
Do I have to host
a tiny intervention?
95
00:04:25,242 --> 00:04:27,275
I did not steal these
from the plane.
96
00:04:27,277 --> 00:04:29,010
I stole them
from our hotel room,
97
00:04:29,012 --> 00:04:31,012
the maid cart, and a few
other people's hotel rooms
98
00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:32,380
when I posed as a maid.
99
00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:35,116
This is part
of my presentation
100
00:04:35,118 --> 00:04:38,119
for my idea on how to spend
the $250,000.
101
00:04:38,121 --> 00:04:40,655
Five years ago,
we were sitting on Chestnut
102
00:04:40,657 --> 00:04:41,923
with our iced coffees.
103
00:04:41,925 --> 00:04:44,693
I remember it
like it was five years ago.
104
00:04:44,695 --> 00:04:47,829
And we said that $250,000
105
00:04:47,831 --> 00:04:49,698
the exact amount
of money we're getting,
106
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,334
was what we needed to get
our cupcake business going.
107
00:04:52,336 --> 00:04:54,736
Chestnut was so excited,
he made a little poo.
108
00:04:54,738 --> 00:04:56,371
[Chestnut chuffs]
109
00:04:56,373 --> 00:04:57,539
Not so little.
110
00:04:57,541 --> 00:05:01,443
I remember it knocking
that cat unconscious.
111
00:05:01,445 --> 00:05:02,744
Five years later,
112
00:05:02,746 --> 00:05:04,846
cupcakes alone
aren't cutting it.
113
00:05:04,848 --> 00:05:06,448
Ouch.
But true.
114
00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:09,384
Sure, they're sweet,
delicious, and chic,
115
00:05:09,386 --> 00:05:13,254
but what if we add...
alcohol?
116
00:05:13,256 --> 00:05:17,359
Which is sweet, delicious,
and expensive?
117
00:05:18,794 --> 00:05:20,895
We keep the cupcake window,
118
00:05:20,897 --> 00:05:23,898
but we make it
into a bar too.
119
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:27,001
It's two great things
put together!
120
00:05:27,003 --> 00:05:28,503
Like you and me?
121
00:05:28,505 --> 00:05:30,505
I was gonna say
fat people and tripping,
122
00:05:30,507 --> 00:05:32,273
but yes!
123
00:05:32,275 --> 00:05:34,442
We keep the cupcake dream;
124
00:05:34,444 --> 00:05:37,512
we just add
overpriced alcohol to it.
125
00:05:37,514 --> 00:05:38,580
I love it!
126
00:05:38,582 --> 00:05:41,116
We can call it
Cupcakes & Cocktails.
127
00:05:41,118 --> 00:05:43,485
Or, if we want to be
less douchey,
128
00:05:43,487 --> 00:05:46,054
we call it Dessert Bar.
129
00:05:46,056 --> 00:05:48,623
That is a genius idea.
130
00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:50,625
Usually when you're drunk,
your best idea is,
131
00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:53,561
"Let's call Home Depot
and ask if they have caulk."
132
00:05:54,997 --> 00:05:56,798
So we're doing it?
133
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,166
We're opening up
a dessert bar?
134
00:05:58,168 --> 00:06:00,635
Oh, we're opening up
a dessert bar.
135
00:06:00,637 --> 00:06:01,970
Celebratory dance?
136
00:06:05,007 --> 00:06:06,808
Am I here yet?
137
00:06:06,810 --> 00:06:08,309
[sniffing]
138
00:06:08,311 --> 00:06:11,012
I know I'm either
at Max and Caroline's
139
00:06:11,014 --> 00:06:13,181
or a petting zoo.
140
00:06:13,183 --> 00:06:16,818
To be clear, that horse smell
is the couch.
141
00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:19,354
Oh, I just came back
from the doctor,
142
00:06:19,356 --> 00:06:22,524
and I have the sex of the baby,
but I don't want to see it.
143
00:06:22,526 --> 00:06:26,127
So please take it from me quick
so I don't sneak a peek.
144
00:06:28,397 --> 00:06:29,531
(Max)
Caroline,
145
00:06:29,533 --> 00:06:30,865
you hold on to this
146
00:06:30,867 --> 00:06:32,133
until it's time
to bake the cake.
147
00:06:32,135 --> 00:06:33,568
(Sophie)
Why are you giving it
to her?
148
00:06:33,570 --> 00:06:35,370
I mean, you really think
she can keep a secret
149
00:06:35,372 --> 00:06:39,040
with that big Jim Carrey mouth
flapping all the time?
150
00:06:40,509 --> 00:06:42,744
Well, you don't want me
to have it.
151
00:06:42,746 --> 00:06:44,045
If I know, I'll spoil it.
152
00:06:44,047 --> 00:06:45,447
I have no poker face.
153
00:06:45,449 --> 00:06:47,515
Neither did my mom,
which is how I became
154
00:06:47,517 --> 00:06:51,052
the legal property
of the Borgata Casino.
155
00:06:51,054 --> 00:06:53,221
Caroline, I'm warning you.
156
00:06:53,223 --> 00:06:55,356
Don't let it slip.
157
00:06:55,358 --> 00:06:59,294
Even if I beg you,
don't tell me.
158
00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:00,528
Okay.
159
00:07:00,530 --> 00:07:03,031
Even if I come downstairs
in the middle of the night
160
00:07:03,033 --> 00:07:05,567
and put a gun to your head,
161
00:07:05,569 --> 00:07:07,969
don't tell me.
162
00:07:07,971 --> 00:07:10,038
Okay, well,
if there's a gun involved,
163
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,105
I'm gonna tell you.
164
00:07:11,107 --> 00:07:12,607
See, Max?
165
00:07:12,609 --> 00:07:14,275
That's why I didn't want
to give it to her.
166
00:07:23,219 --> 00:07:26,287
Your dad wrote and directed
this thing too?
167
00:07:26,289 --> 00:07:29,157
Dang, he's like
the Ben Affleck of jail.
168
00:07:29,159 --> 00:07:31,125
Yikes, it says here
169
00:07:31,127 --> 00:07:32,994
that the guy who was playing
"sadistic guard"
170
00:07:32,996 --> 00:07:34,496
is out
for tonight's performance
171
00:07:34,498 --> 00:07:37,232
because someone took his eye out
with a plastic spork.
172
00:07:37,234 --> 00:07:39,801
Oh, my God.
That's terrible.
173
00:07:39,803 --> 00:07:42,904
We're seeing an understudy?
174
00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:45,640
Oh, look!
My dad's opening the show.
175
00:07:45,642 --> 00:07:48,776
[piano introduction plays]
176
00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:52,847
♪ Steel bars
177
00:07:52,849 --> 00:07:56,251
♪ Steel bars on my heart
178
00:07:56,253 --> 00:07:58,853
♪ Steels bars on my soul
179
00:07:58,855 --> 00:08:00,321
♪ And there's no parole
180
00:08:00,323 --> 00:08:03,758
♪ And it tears me apart
181
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:08,162
all: ♪ Steel bars
182
00:08:08,164 --> 00:08:11,833
♪ Steel bars on our balls
183
00:08:11,835 --> 00:08:14,068
♪ Steel bars on this jail
184
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:16,070
♪ And there ain't no bail
185
00:08:16,072 --> 00:08:20,208
♪ And nobody calls
186
00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:23,177
I call him twice a week.
187
00:08:23,179 --> 00:08:25,880
all: ♪ Steel bars
on our balls ♪
188
00:08:25,882 --> 00:08:29,017
♪ Steel bars on our balls
189
00:08:29,019 --> 00:08:31,886
♪ Steel bars
on our balls ♪
190
00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:33,154
♪ Steel bars
191
00:08:33,156 --> 00:08:36,958
♪ On our baaaaaalls
192
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:37,959
♪
193
00:08:37,961 --> 00:08:40,995
Oh, hell, yes!
194
00:08:43,299 --> 00:08:45,667
all: ♪ 25 to life
195
00:08:45,669 --> 00:08:49,337
♪ Lots of pain
and plenty of strife ♪
196
00:08:49,339 --> 00:08:53,741
♪ Loneliness,
it cuts like a knife ♪
197
00:08:53,743 --> 00:08:59,013
♪ 25 to liiiiiife
198
00:08:59,515 --> 00:09:02,717
[cheers and applause]
199
00:09:02,719 --> 00:09:05,853
Thank you.
Thank you so much. Wow.
200
00:09:05,855 --> 00:09:08,590
Well, we won't keep you prisoner
much longer.
201
00:09:08,592 --> 00:09:09,824
[laughter]
202
00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:11,960
So we're just gonna take
a brief intermission,
203
00:09:11,962 --> 00:09:14,629
and we'll be back
with the second half.
204
00:09:15,531 --> 00:09:18,700
Second half?
That was three hours!
205
00:09:20,002 --> 00:09:22,303
That was incredible, Dad!
206
00:09:22,305 --> 00:09:24,405
Especially
the escape attempt scene.
207
00:09:24,407 --> 00:09:27,141
Some of that violence looked
incredibly realistic.
208
00:09:27,143 --> 00:09:30,111
That was because it was real,
not part of the show.
209
00:09:30,113 --> 00:09:32,113
They beat that guy severely.
210
00:09:32,115 --> 00:09:34,749
♪ Steel bars
211
00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:36,818
♪ Da-dum,
something, something ♪
212
00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:39,187
Martin, I'm gonna add
two more crimes
213
00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:40,455
to your prison sentence:
214
00:09:40,457 --> 00:09:44,125
stealing my heart
and stealing the show.
215
00:09:44,127 --> 00:09:45,159
Can you sign my playbill?
216
00:09:45,161 --> 00:09:46,594
Caroline, get my playbill.
217
00:09:46,596 --> 00:09:48,863
Oh, here. Hold Sophie's
gender reveal envelope.
218
00:09:48,865 --> 00:09:50,765
Oh, and this envelope
I use as a wallet.
219
00:09:50,767 --> 00:09:53,835
And this other envelope
I use as a makeup bag.
220
00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:55,403
Oh, here it is.
221
00:09:55,405 --> 00:09:57,305
Great.
I'm gonna use my crayon.
222
00:09:57,307 --> 00:10:00,208
We can't have pens.
223
00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:01,676
Oh, here.
Sign mine too.
224
00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:03,478
I'll put it next
to that framed picture I have
225
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,247
of you and Donald Trump
when he was a liberal.
226
00:10:07,116 --> 00:10:08,449
Well, enough about me.
227
00:10:08,451 --> 00:10:09,917
Who's playing me
in your movie, hon?
228
00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:13,154
Not Brad Pitt.
It's too on the nose.
229
00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:14,789
Well, they haven't cast it yet,
230
00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:18,626
but they are giving me
$250,000 for my story.
231
00:10:18,628 --> 00:10:21,396
Honey,
this is your ticket.
232
00:10:21,398 --> 00:10:22,897
Now you can start
your own business.
233
00:10:22,899 --> 00:10:25,333
I have my own business
with Max.
234
00:10:25,335 --> 00:10:28,302
The cupcakes?
235
00:10:28,304 --> 00:10:31,105
I'll admit
business has been slow.
236
00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:32,407
But we're gonna use the money
237
00:10:32,409 --> 00:10:33,875
to take our business
to the next level.
238
00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:38,279
Max had the genius idea
of making it a dessert bar.
239
00:10:38,281 --> 00:10:39,714
We still sell our cupcakes,
240
00:10:39,716 --> 00:10:42,116
but we also serve
high-end cocktails.
241
00:10:42,118 --> 00:10:43,685
You can just say
the word "muddle"
242
00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:45,787
and charge $20.
243
00:10:45,789 --> 00:10:49,023
That is a fantastic idea,
ladies.
244
00:10:49,025 --> 00:10:50,391
Wow, it's so great.
245
00:10:50,393 --> 00:10:51,492
Honey, do me a favor.
246
00:10:51,494 --> 00:10:53,027
Could you get me
some water?
247
00:10:53,029 --> 00:10:54,929
I want to stay hydrated
for tomorrow's matinee.
248
00:10:54,931 --> 00:10:57,765
There's talk of Robert Durst
transferring in just to see it,
249
00:10:57,767 --> 00:10:59,834
and I don't want
to jinx it, you know.
250
00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:04,305
Oh.
[chuckles]
251
00:11:04,307 --> 00:11:06,741
Wanted to ditch the square, huh?
252
00:11:06,743 --> 00:11:08,576
I get it.
253
00:11:08,578 --> 00:11:10,278
Is this finally happening?
254
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,481
Celebration make-out sesh?
255
00:11:13,483 --> 00:11:17,719
Uh, yeah, we got to keep
our hands in plain view.
256
00:11:17,721 --> 00:11:20,321
This whole cupcake business
is not for Caroline.
257
00:11:20,323 --> 00:11:22,156
Well, she's not the baker;
I am.
258
00:11:22,158 --> 00:11:23,558
She's the idea person.
259
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,860
Yeah, but you had
the dessert bar idea, right?
260
00:11:25,862 --> 00:11:28,463
And you just said
it was a terrific idea.
261
00:11:28,465 --> 00:11:31,132
Well, as you saw...
[chuckles]
262
00:11:31,134 --> 00:11:32,967
I'm a really good actor.
263
00:11:34,136 --> 00:11:36,070
Can I itch my nose?
264
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,174
Look, my baby was brought up
around Wall Street.
265
00:11:40,176 --> 00:11:41,809
She's Wharton bred.
266
00:11:41,811 --> 00:11:45,646
She could never be happy doing
this whole baking business,
267
00:11:45,648 --> 00:11:47,448
and this is her big chance
to get out.
268
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:49,150
But wouldn't she have
told me?
269
00:11:49,152 --> 00:11:52,386
She tells me every single
feeling she's having.
270
00:11:52,388 --> 00:11:55,156
And some of it,
I even listen to.
271
00:11:55,158 --> 00:11:57,058
What if I just ask her?
272
00:11:57,060 --> 00:11:58,292
She'll only deny it.
273
00:11:58,294 --> 00:11:59,527
She doesn't want
to hurt your feelings.
274
00:11:59,529 --> 00:12:01,028
That's why I'm doing it.
275
00:12:01,030 --> 00:12:03,431
But she said she was happy
about the dessert bar.
276
00:12:03,433 --> 00:12:04,966
We danced about it.
277
00:12:04,968 --> 00:12:06,768
Max, listen to me.
278
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:09,203
I'm her father,
and I know her.
279
00:12:09,205 --> 00:12:10,972
And this is her big chance.
280
00:12:10,974 --> 00:12:12,974
You just got to let her go.
281
00:12:12,976 --> 00:12:14,442
I do?
282
00:12:14,444 --> 00:12:16,244
Yeah, and you got
to be firm about it,
283
00:12:16,246 --> 00:12:17,645
or she's not going
to get the message.
284
00:12:17,647 --> 00:12:19,180
Like in "Poltergeist,"
285
00:12:19,182 --> 00:12:21,716
where they have to be
really stern with Carol Anne
286
00:12:21,718 --> 00:12:24,619
or else she'll stay
with the ghosts?
287
00:12:24,621 --> 00:12:27,388
And I'm the ghosts?
288
00:12:30,926 --> 00:12:32,860
Ooch!
289
00:12:34,396 --> 00:12:35,663
Max, what is going on with you?
290
00:12:35,665 --> 00:12:36,898
Are you all right?
291
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,366
I'm fine.
292
00:12:38,368 --> 00:12:40,268
I'm just making
Sophie's gender cake.
293
00:12:40,270 --> 00:12:43,171
If you don't want to be here,
go back to Wall Street.
294
00:12:43,173 --> 00:12:44,672
What?
295
00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:46,474
What is going on with you?
296
00:12:46,476 --> 00:12:48,876
You've been pouty ever since
we left the prison.
297
00:12:48,878 --> 00:12:50,444
I'm not gonna
take you there anymore
298
00:12:50,446 --> 00:12:53,080
if you're sad to leave.
299
00:12:53,082 --> 00:12:54,215
You know what?
300
00:12:54,217 --> 00:12:56,818
While I'm doing all the work,
301
00:12:56,820 --> 00:13:00,154
why don't you go get me
the gender envelope?
302
00:13:00,156 --> 00:13:03,691
Okay, Moody Giuliani.
303
00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:10,498
Do not tell me
you lost the envelope
304
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,567
with the gender
of Sophie's baby in there.
305
00:13:12,569 --> 00:13:14,335
I didn't lose it.
306
00:13:14,337 --> 00:13:15,636
I just don't have it,
307
00:13:15,638 --> 00:13:18,539
and I don't know
where it is.
308
00:13:18,541 --> 00:13:20,708
Oh, we probably left it
at the prison
309
00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:22,443
when you made me
get out the playbill.
310
00:13:22,445 --> 00:13:24,679
Oh, so this is my fault.
311
00:13:24,681 --> 00:13:27,448
The one thing you had to do,
you didn't do.
312
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:29,483
Like a waitress
at a vegan restaurant,
313
00:13:29,485 --> 00:13:32,854
you're bringing
almost nothing to the table.
314
00:13:32,856 --> 00:13:37,058
The $250,000
I'm bringing to the table,
315
00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:38,192
that's nothing?
316
00:13:38,194 --> 00:13:40,361
Oh, so that's your money.
317
00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:41,796
There it is.
318
00:13:41,798 --> 00:13:43,431
So why don't you take
your money
319
00:13:43,433 --> 00:13:44,899
and go back to Wall Street?
320
00:13:44,901 --> 00:13:46,200
I'll be fine.
321
00:13:46,202 --> 00:13:48,569
Who came up with combining
desserts and alcohol?
322
00:13:48,571 --> 00:13:51,372
I mean, obviously,
you've been holding me back.
323
00:13:51,374 --> 00:13:54,275
I've been holding you back?
324
00:13:54,277 --> 00:13:57,945
You forgot to wear pants
to a business meeting.
325
00:13:57,947 --> 00:13:59,714
How dare you?
326
00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:01,315
I did wear pants.
327
00:14:01,317 --> 00:14:03,317
I just left them
in the bathroom.
328
00:14:03,319 --> 00:14:05,019
[gasps]
329
00:14:05,021 --> 00:14:07,822
Okay, well...
330
00:14:09,491 --> 00:14:12,960
Well, this is
a historic event.
331
00:14:12,962 --> 00:14:15,329
We've sold cupcakes
for five years,
332
00:14:15,331 --> 00:14:17,999
and this is the first time
you've touched batter.
333
00:14:19,534 --> 00:14:20,768
It's a historic event
334
00:14:20,770 --> 00:14:23,771
because you finally had
a business idea
335
00:14:23,773 --> 00:14:26,240
that didn't have
the word "fart" in it.
336
00:14:26,242 --> 00:14:27,575
[gasps]
337
00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:31,312
If my hair gets involved,
we are done.
338
00:14:31,314 --> 00:14:32,747
- Good.
- [shrieks]
339
00:14:32,749 --> 00:14:34,548
Girls, I'm going to--
340
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:42,657
What have you done?
341
00:14:42,659 --> 00:14:46,527
I have an egg allergy!
342
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,736
♪ 25 to li--
343
00:14:55,738 --> 00:14:58,372
Hey, what a nice surprise.
344
00:14:58,374 --> 00:15:00,141
You know what else
is a surprise?
345
00:15:00,143 --> 00:15:03,077
That the makeup lights
in a prison are so flattering.
346
00:15:06,648 --> 00:15:08,883
I don't remember him
being in the show.
347
00:15:08,885 --> 00:15:10,217
Yeah, he's not.
348
00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:13,187
He's just a felon
who likes false eyelashes.
349
00:15:13,189 --> 00:15:14,422
So what are you doing here?
350
00:15:14,424 --> 00:15:16,390
I think I left
an important envelope here.
351
00:15:16,392 --> 00:15:17,591
I tried calling, but they said
352
00:15:17,593 --> 00:15:19,293
your phone privileges
were taken away.
353
00:15:19,295 --> 00:15:20,528
Yeah, well, I had a fight
354
00:15:20,530 --> 00:15:21,963
with the prison theater critic.
355
00:15:21,965 --> 00:15:23,731
That's the headline
you go with, Eddie?
356
00:15:23,733 --> 00:15:26,167
"Shanks for Nothing"?
357
00:15:26,169 --> 00:15:27,768
He sure is a big man
on his blog,
358
00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:29,971
but he can't look me
in the eye.
359
00:15:29,973 --> 00:15:34,809
Well, I would have gone
with "It's A Prison Riot."
360
00:15:34,811 --> 00:15:36,877
I think I left
an envelope here,
361
00:15:36,879 --> 00:15:39,513
and I think it ruined
me and Max's friendship
362
00:15:39,515 --> 00:15:41,115
and our partnership.
363
00:15:41,117 --> 00:15:43,050
All right, well,
here you go.
364
00:15:43,052 --> 00:15:44,185
Here's your envelope,
365
00:15:44,187 --> 00:15:46,687
and here's your makeup bag.
366
00:15:47,856 --> 00:15:49,056
Hey, um...
367
00:15:49,058 --> 00:15:51,392
I'm real sorry to hear
about you and Max.
368
00:15:51,394 --> 00:15:52,693
Yeah.
369
00:15:52,695 --> 00:15:54,662
Unless maybe
it's a good thing
370
00:15:54,664 --> 00:15:56,030
and it's happening
for the best
371
00:15:56,032 --> 00:15:57,531
and you get to go back
to Wall Street
372
00:15:57,533 --> 00:15:59,066
and reclaim your life.
373
00:15:59,068 --> 00:16:00,434
Wall Street?
374
00:16:00,436 --> 00:16:02,670
Why does every single person
keep telling me
375
00:16:02,672 --> 00:16:04,305
to go back to Wall Street?
376
00:16:04,307 --> 00:16:06,307
Max, you--
377
00:16:06,309 --> 00:16:09,143
all right,
it's just Max and you.
378
00:16:09,145 --> 00:16:11,112
Here. Let me do that.
379
00:16:11,114 --> 00:16:12,646
Okay.
380
00:16:12,648 --> 00:16:14,081
Listen, honey.
381
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:16,417
You only have to work
on Wall Street, okay?
382
00:16:16,419 --> 00:16:18,019
You can live
on the Upper East Side
383
00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:19,553
and eventually move
to Westchester
384
00:16:19,555 --> 00:16:21,622
if you want a tennis court.
385
00:16:21,624 --> 00:16:24,058
Daddy, did you and Max
talk about this?
386
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:27,561
Kitten, I know you
better than anybody,
387
00:16:27,563 --> 00:16:29,330
and I know
that you do not belong
388
00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:31,499
in a cupcake shop
in Brooklyn.
389
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,067
You could still be friends
with Max.
390
00:16:33,069 --> 00:16:35,302
She like tennis?
391
00:16:35,304 --> 00:16:37,304
How do you know
where I belong?
392
00:16:37,306 --> 00:16:38,973
Go like this.
393
00:16:40,108 --> 00:16:41,842
[chuckles]
394
00:16:41,844 --> 00:16:46,213
I'm not the same spoiled
little rich girl that I was.
395
00:16:46,215 --> 00:16:48,349
Well, now you can be.
396
00:16:48,351 --> 00:16:49,517
These last five years
397
00:16:49,519 --> 00:16:51,085
have made me
a different person.
398
00:16:51,087 --> 00:16:52,453
For example, when I walk
399
00:16:52,455 --> 00:16:54,422
into a combination
Taco Bell-Dunkin' Donuts,
400
00:16:54,424 --> 00:16:55,589
you know what they say?
401
00:16:55,591 --> 00:16:57,358
"Hi, Caroline."
402
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,160
Son of a bitch.
403
00:16:59,162 --> 00:17:01,529
See, Daddy,
I'm Taco Bell,
404
00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:03,064
and Max is Dunkin' Donuts.
405
00:17:03,066 --> 00:17:05,699
On the surface, it seems like
we shouldn't be together,
406
00:17:05,701 --> 00:17:08,536
but we make an amazing team.
407
00:17:08,538 --> 00:17:10,471
And we have a dream together.
408
00:17:10,473 --> 00:17:14,008
It's not just hers;
it's mine too.
409
00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:17,912
Well, that's the hardest thing
I've had to take in all day.
410
00:17:17,914 --> 00:17:21,015
And for lunch, they served us
something called "brown."
411
00:17:21,017 --> 00:17:23,851
See, Daddy,
this is where I belong.
412
00:17:23,853 --> 00:17:27,354
Well, not here, even though
I will miss the lighting,
413
00:17:27,356 --> 00:17:29,056
but with Max.
414
00:17:29,058 --> 00:17:31,225
Well...
415
00:17:31,227 --> 00:17:33,561
I guess I can support that.
416
00:17:33,563 --> 00:17:35,096
Look, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
417
00:17:35,098 --> 00:17:36,230
You know, I worry, okay?
418
00:17:36,232 --> 00:17:37,431
That's what parents do,
419
00:17:37,433 --> 00:17:38,833
and there's lots of time
to worry
420
00:17:38,835 --> 00:17:40,167
when you're in prison,
421
00:17:40,169 --> 00:17:43,270
which is why I focused
all my energies
422
00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:48,209
on creating groundbreaking
musical theater.
423
00:17:48,211 --> 00:17:49,410
[upbeat music]
424
00:17:49,412 --> 00:17:52,680
♪
425
00:17:52,682 --> 00:17:54,181
Are you sure
you didn't tell your dad
426
00:17:54,183 --> 00:17:56,784
that I told you that he told me
to tell you that?
427
00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:59,620
'Cause snitches get stitches.
428
00:17:59,622 --> 00:18:01,622
My dad wouldn't hurt a fly.
429
00:18:01,624 --> 00:18:04,758
He'd just steal $1 billion
from it.
430
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,727
Not bad for my first cake,
right?
431
00:18:06,729 --> 00:18:08,295
Well, if you don't count
all the ones
432
00:18:08,297 --> 00:18:09,930
I threw in the garbage.
433
00:18:09,932 --> 00:18:12,600
I did count them.
There were seven.
434
00:18:12,602 --> 00:18:15,069
Two of them were fizzing.
435
00:18:15,071 --> 00:18:17,204
But thanks for trying.
436
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,774
Max, Caroline, come on!
437
00:18:20,776 --> 00:18:22,843
How long
is this gonna take?
438
00:18:22,845 --> 00:18:26,680
I didn't wait this long
for the polio vaccine.
439
00:18:26,682 --> 00:18:28,983
There's a polio vaccine?
440
00:18:28,985 --> 00:18:31,619
Well, you might have to wait
a little longer
441
00:18:31,621 --> 00:18:33,154
to find out the sex
of the baby,
442
00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:35,990
because Max and I have
a new business announcement too.
443
00:18:35,992 --> 00:18:38,192
Is it about me firing you?
444
00:18:38,194 --> 00:18:40,027
Because I already reserved
a karaoke machine
445
00:18:40,029 --> 00:18:41,762
for your Good Riddance party.
446
00:18:41,764 --> 00:18:44,832
I'm not saying cancel it,
but you can't fire us
447
00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:47,768
till we have our new
business idea up and running.
448
00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:49,537
And I'm talking dibs
on the "Thong Song."
449
00:18:49,539 --> 00:18:51,672
All right,
so here's our big news.
450
00:18:51,674 --> 00:18:53,374
We should have gone
to Rosebud's Bakery
451
00:18:53,376 --> 00:18:54,808
for the cake.
452
00:18:54,810 --> 00:18:56,377
You know, 'cause when
you order one there,
453
00:18:56,379 --> 00:18:58,913
they don't say, "Hey,
guess what happened to me!"
454
00:19:00,215 --> 00:19:01,982
Pretty tacky, Caroline.
455
00:19:01,984 --> 00:19:03,717
Says the guy in a tank top
456
00:19:03,719 --> 00:19:07,121
from the Steven Seagal
for Target collection.
457
00:19:07,123 --> 00:19:08,856
Now the wind's
out of my sails.
458
00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:11,592
No, it's not!
We're opening a dessert bar!
459
00:19:11,594 --> 00:19:13,260
All right, give me the knife.
460
00:19:13,262 --> 00:19:14,662
To cut the cake?
461
00:19:14,664 --> 00:19:16,630
No.
462
00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:19,633
Well, then I'm not gonna
give it to you.
463
00:19:19,635 --> 00:19:22,169
Like I said at this diner
a million times,
464
00:19:22,171 --> 00:19:23,804
give it to me, Caroline.
465
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,775
Okay, baby,
you do the honors.
466
00:19:27,777 --> 00:19:30,477
Why do we need to know
the gender anyway?
467
00:19:30,479 --> 00:19:33,013
They all switch 'em now.
468
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:37,585
All right, one, two, three.
469
00:19:37,587 --> 00:19:39,753
Boy or girl?
470
00:19:39,755 --> 00:19:42,423
It's white.
What does that mean?
471
00:19:42,425 --> 00:19:45,125
Well, it means it has a chance
472
00:19:45,127 --> 00:19:48,729
of getting nominated
for Academy Awards.
473
00:19:50,765 --> 00:19:52,233
Oh, no!
474
00:19:52,235 --> 00:19:54,068
I was so busy putting out
that oven mitt fire,
475
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:55,803
I forgot to put
the color in it.
476
00:19:55,805 --> 00:19:57,238
But I could just tell
everybody.
477
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,573
No, 'cause if
I hear it from you,
478
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:02,576
I'll already be mad
at the baby.
479
00:20:02,578 --> 00:20:03,811
You know what, Sophie?
480
00:20:03,813 --> 00:20:05,279
Maybe it's a sign
481
00:20:05,281 --> 00:20:07,781
that we shouldn't know
what the baby's gonna be.
482
00:20:07,783 --> 00:20:09,250
You're right.
483
00:20:09,252 --> 00:20:10,918
Keep the cake, girls.
484
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:12,119
We're not gonna pay.
485
00:20:15,657 --> 00:20:18,158
Well, do you guys want
to try it?
486
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,126
No, thanks.
487
00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:20,995
I've got a lady
coming over.
488
00:20:20,997 --> 00:20:24,231
We're gonna try to figure out
how Netflix works
489
00:20:24,233 --> 00:20:25,366
and chill.
490
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,104
I also have
a lady coming over.
491
00:20:30,106 --> 00:20:33,574
Yes, it's a lesbian masseuse
for my ferret,
492
00:20:33,576 --> 00:20:35,376
but it counts.
493
00:20:36,578 --> 00:20:37,845
I guess you're the only one
494
00:20:37,847 --> 00:20:39,847
who's gonna taste
my first cake.
495
00:20:39,849 --> 00:20:43,684
I also have a lady coming over,
question mark.
496
00:20:43,686 --> 00:20:45,986
Come on. One bite.
497
00:20:48,089 --> 00:20:49,657
Wow.
498
00:20:49,659 --> 00:20:51,992
Could you dial 911, please?