1
00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:05,480
Earl, I told you to mop
the entrance.
2
00:00:05,482 --> 00:00:07,916
That floor is dirtier
than Bob Saget
3
00:00:07,918 --> 00:00:11,186
at a Comedy Central roast.
4
00:00:11,188 --> 00:00:12,921
[bell dings]
5
00:00:12,923 --> 00:00:15,657
You know what it sounds like
you need, cranky lady?
6
00:00:15,659 --> 00:00:19,094
A Midol and a Dove bar.
7
00:00:19,096 --> 00:00:20,929
You watch it, too, Oleg.
8
00:00:20,931 --> 00:00:23,298
Like Earl's hip,
you can be replaced.
9
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:30,105
Have you noticed since Max
and Caroline have been away,
10
00:00:30,107 --> 00:00:33,175
Han is getting a little big
for his bitches?
11
00:00:33,177 --> 00:00:36,211
Did I say bitches?
12
00:00:36,213 --> 00:00:39,247
'Cause I meant to.
13
00:00:39,249 --> 00:00:41,416
I will not be bossed around
by someone
14
00:00:41,418 --> 00:00:43,018
40 years younger than me.
15
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,986
He is not my second wife.
16
00:00:48,057 --> 00:00:52,360
I am calling diner security.
17
00:00:52,362 --> 00:00:54,296
[phone ringing]
18
00:00:54,298 --> 00:00:55,730
What's up, Earl?
19
00:00:55,732 --> 00:00:58,366
I mean,
besides your blood pressure.
20
00:00:58,368 --> 00:01:00,135
When are you coming back?
21
00:01:00,137 --> 00:01:02,037
We're coming back
tomorrow night.
22
00:01:02,039 --> 00:01:03,872
Caroline's about to sign
the movie contract,
23
00:01:03,874 --> 00:01:06,942
which means I don't have to
come home UPS Ground.
24
00:01:09,245 --> 00:01:10,579
Are you on the phone
with the diner?
25
00:01:10,581 --> 00:01:12,581
I feel like I can smell it.
26
00:01:12,583 --> 00:01:14,149
(Earl)
I don't think any of us
27
00:01:14,151 --> 00:01:15,817
are gonna make it
past tomorrow.
28
00:01:15,819 --> 00:01:18,453
Han's been walking around
like he owns the place.
29
00:01:18,455 --> 00:01:22,090
I do own the place!
30
00:01:22,092 --> 00:01:24,259
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
31
00:01:24,261 --> 00:01:25,827
[cash register bell dings]
32
00:01:25,829 --> 00:01:29,064
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
33
00:01:39,909 --> 00:01:45,780
Boy, Uber drivers do not
like to be tickled.
34
00:01:45,782 --> 00:01:49,184
And speaking of things
no one would see coming,
35
00:01:49,186 --> 00:01:52,287
I used the F-word
with Randy.
36
00:01:52,289 --> 00:01:53,655
Who wouldn't see that coming?
37
00:01:53,657 --> 00:01:56,925
You use the F-word
all the time...
38
00:01:56,927 --> 00:02:00,195
usually around children
or clergy.
39
00:02:00,197 --> 00:02:03,465
No, the F-word
as in "future."
40
00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:06,268
Max, you made plans
for the future?
41
00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:08,370
You won't even make
dinner plans with me.
42
00:02:08,372 --> 00:02:11,706
You always say, "Who knows if
we'll still be friends by then?"
43
00:02:11,708 --> 00:02:15,710
Well, you always ask me,
like, five hours ahead of time.
44
00:02:15,712 --> 00:02:19,014
Max, I'm gonna go ahead
and use the C-word.
45
00:02:19,016 --> 00:02:22,117
I'm calling you and Randy
a couple.
46
00:02:22,119 --> 00:02:23,885
I'm gonna say something,
47
00:02:23,887 --> 00:02:25,820
and I don't want it
to go to your head.
48
00:02:25,822 --> 00:02:28,623
You're right, bitch.
49
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,125
See, Max, it all worked out,
50
00:02:30,127 --> 00:02:32,827
right up until
what I'm about to say right now.
51
00:02:32,829 --> 00:02:35,830
We have to take the shuttle
to the airport tomorrow,
52
00:02:35,832 --> 00:02:39,201
'cause we're still poor
for another 27 business days.
53
00:02:39,203 --> 00:02:43,838
Let's go out in style
and get a party bus.
54
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,307
After all these years,
we still have
55
00:02:45,309 --> 00:02:47,509
such different
concepts of style.
56
00:02:47,511 --> 00:02:49,044
Come on!
57
00:02:49,046 --> 00:02:50,145
With a stripper pole
58
00:02:50,147 --> 00:02:53,381
and a Crock-Pot
of cocktail weenies.
59
00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:55,817
I danced on a party bus
for a year,
60
00:02:55,819 --> 00:02:59,154
not for money.
61
00:02:59,156 --> 00:03:01,389
We are not taking a party bus.
62
00:03:01,391 --> 00:03:03,925
This isn't your super sweet 16.
63
00:03:03,927 --> 00:03:05,260
I didn't have a sweet 16.
64
00:03:05,262 --> 00:03:08,863
I was in plumbing school.
65
00:03:08,865 --> 00:03:10,899
Hey, everybody.
66
00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,500
I don't know what's going on,
67
00:03:12,502 --> 00:03:16,271
but people on the elevator
were looking at me funny.
68
00:03:16,273 --> 00:03:17,339
Sophie!
69
00:03:17,341 --> 00:03:18,740
What?
70
00:03:18,742 --> 00:03:21,376
Do I have spinach in my teeth?
71
00:03:21,378 --> 00:03:24,946
Uh, no spinach, but about
25 needles stuck in your face.
72
00:03:24,948 --> 00:03:28,250
Yeah, they're helping me
get pregnant.
73
00:03:28,252 --> 00:03:31,353
My healer Audra
sent me to Mao,
74
00:03:31,355 --> 00:03:33,555
the acupuncturist to the stars.
75
00:03:33,557 --> 00:03:37,359
Yep, he's poked more famous
people than John Mayer.
76
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:42,631
Sophie, you're not supposed
to leave with those needles,
77
00:03:42,633 --> 00:03:46,401
just like we're not supposed to
leave with these vases.
78
00:03:46,403 --> 00:03:48,903
Tell you what, I'm gonna do
what I used to do
79
00:03:48,905 --> 00:03:51,072
for my Aunt Becky
at the Elks Lodge.
80
00:03:51,074 --> 00:03:53,141
I'm gonna get some pricks
out of your face.
81
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:58,980
Max, do you think Randy
invited me to dinner
82
00:03:58,982 --> 00:04:02,050
to witness him asking you
to be bicoastal?
83
00:04:02,052 --> 00:04:04,052
'Cause I don't think
this mascara's waterproof,
84
00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:06,288
and I'm definitely gonna cry
85
00:04:06,290 --> 00:04:09,791
happy and a few jealous tears.
86
00:04:09,793 --> 00:04:11,960
I'm never been bicoastal.
87
00:04:11,962 --> 00:04:13,662
I was bisexual for a week,
88
00:04:13,664 --> 00:04:16,498
but that's mostly because
I was hitchhiking.
89
00:04:18,668 --> 00:04:20,302
There they are.
90
00:04:20,304 --> 00:04:22,671
Oh, this is the table
where we first met,
91
00:04:22,673 --> 00:04:24,806
and you thought I was
a cheap hooker.
92
00:04:24,808 --> 00:04:28,576
And you were only half right.
93
00:04:28,578 --> 00:04:32,847
Here they come,
more jealous than I expected.
94
00:04:32,849 --> 00:04:34,416
Let's celebrate.
95
00:04:34,418 --> 00:04:36,017
It's a big night
for both of you.
96
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:37,786
Caroline,
your movie deal closed,
97
00:04:37,788 --> 00:04:40,188
and Max, I found your sock.
98
00:04:40,190 --> 00:04:41,823
It was under my refrigerator.
99
00:04:41,825 --> 00:04:43,458
Oh, that makes sense.
100
00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:45,593
I was trying to fish
an M&M out from under there
101
00:04:45,595 --> 00:04:48,697
with a fishing hook I made
with a fork and my sock.
102
00:04:48,699 --> 00:04:50,365
I was so excited about
getting the M&M
103
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:52,634
that I abandoned the sock.
104
00:04:52,636 --> 00:04:54,436
Max, you know you don't
have to eat candy
105
00:04:54,438 --> 00:04:56,338
that fell on the floor anymore.
106
00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:59,941
I still will, but it's nice
to know I don't have to.
107
00:04:59,943 --> 00:05:02,444
Oh, my God, your whole life
is changing.
108
00:05:04,447 --> 00:05:06,014
We're just waiting
for someone else.
109
00:05:06,016 --> 00:05:07,549
Oh, no, did you invite
a guy for me?
110
00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:09,284
I wish I'd known,
111
00:05:09,286 --> 00:05:11,619
'cause I only shaved
up to the bottom of my dress.
112
00:05:14,223 --> 00:05:15,523
It's not a date for you.
113
00:05:15,525 --> 00:05:17,325
It's someone here
for me and Max.
114
00:05:17,327 --> 00:05:19,394
Wow, I don't usually
bring up threesomes
115
00:05:19,396 --> 00:05:21,763
till the one-month mark
when things start to go stale.
116
00:05:23,999 --> 00:05:28,169
Oh, definitely wasn't
picturing this guy.
117
00:05:28,171 --> 00:05:30,338
Hello, I'm Elliot Charles.
118
00:05:30,340 --> 00:05:34,709
Okay, two first names,
slightly more interesting.
119
00:05:34,711 --> 00:05:38,246
So doing the orgy math here,
there's four of us,
120
00:05:38,248 --> 00:05:41,449
and out of the four,
Max and I can't touch naked.
121
00:05:43,753 --> 00:05:46,354
Her rule, not mine.
122
00:05:46,356 --> 00:05:48,823
Oh, I'm not here
in a sexual capacity.
123
00:05:48,825 --> 00:05:50,592
I'm Randy's therapist.
124
00:05:50,594 --> 00:05:52,360
And I guess we should
get started.
125
00:05:52,362 --> 00:05:54,162
I do have a 9:00
in the valley.
126
00:05:54,164 --> 00:05:57,532
A 13-year-old girl is coming out
to her vegan parents
127
00:05:57,534 --> 00:05:59,567
as meat-curious.
128
00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:05,607
Um, what's happening?
129
00:06:05,609 --> 00:06:08,510
Look, Max...
Elliot?
130
00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:13,548
Look, Max,
my patient, Randy,
131
00:06:13,550 --> 00:06:16,551
is breaking up with you.
132
00:06:16,553 --> 00:06:18,286
(both)
What?
133
00:06:18,288 --> 00:06:21,689
Max, I know this sounds abrupt.
134
00:06:21,691 --> 00:06:23,558
Elliot?
135
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,427
Max, in my practice,
I developed
136
00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:27,562
the ripping-the-Band-Aid-off
technique.
137
00:06:27,564 --> 00:06:29,531
You'll read about it
in my book someday,
138
00:06:29,533 --> 00:06:30,899
if I ever finish it,
139
00:06:30,901 --> 00:06:33,868
but that's between
me and my therapist.
140
00:06:33,870 --> 00:06:35,537
He's not speaking to me
right now
141
00:06:35,539 --> 00:06:37,572
because of a couch spill.
142
00:06:37,574 --> 00:06:39,374
And I'd be mad as hell about it
143
00:06:39,376 --> 00:06:42,043
if I didn't completely
understand it!
144
00:06:44,413 --> 00:06:47,782
And now, again,
what's happening?
145
00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:50,452
Because it seems like
you're breaking up with me
146
00:06:50,454 --> 00:06:52,320
using a therapist.
147
00:06:52,322 --> 00:06:54,656
It does seem that way.
148
00:06:54,658 --> 00:06:56,724
Elliot?
149
00:06:56,726 --> 00:06:59,661
He is breaking up with you
using a therapist.
150
00:07:00,763 --> 00:07:04,299
Look, Randy?
151
00:07:04,301 --> 00:07:05,667
Caroline.
152
00:07:09,004 --> 00:07:13,408
Look, Elliot, you tell Randy
to be a grown-up
153
00:07:13,410 --> 00:07:17,312
and break up with her over text.
154
00:07:17,314 --> 00:07:20,482
At least send her
a "Bye, Felicia" bitmoji.
155
00:07:22,184 --> 00:07:24,786
- Let's go.
- Max, don't go like this.
156
00:07:24,788 --> 00:07:26,921
Elliot, don't let Max
go like this.
157
00:07:26,923 --> 00:07:28,656
Max, you're hurt.
158
00:07:28,658 --> 00:07:30,425
You're feeling abandoned.
159
00:07:30,427 --> 00:07:33,461
What would be really helpful
to you right now
160
00:07:33,463 --> 00:07:37,532
is my book, if I can just
get one chapter on paper.
161
00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:40,869
I think people would benefit
a lot from the book.
162
00:07:40,871 --> 00:07:42,203
Well, we're leaving.
163
00:07:42,205 --> 00:07:43,538
This is shocking,
164
00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:44,639
and it's really hard
to shock me
165
00:07:44,641 --> 00:07:45,940
since that time
I saw a mouse
166
00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:48,543
dry-humping a potato
on my couch.
167
00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:51,946
You know what?
168
00:07:51,948 --> 00:07:54,349
You can keep my sock.
169
00:07:54,351 --> 00:07:56,451
On second thought,
I need it.
170
00:07:56,453 --> 00:07:57,719
Max, wait.
171
00:07:57,721 --> 00:07:59,821
I am just gonna go,
because the last time
172
00:07:59,823 --> 00:08:03,224
I was this mad,
someone lost an eyebrow.
173
00:08:03,226 --> 00:08:06,661
And it took me a long time
174
00:08:06,663 --> 00:08:08,596
to grow it back.
175
00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:21,643
Thank you.
176
00:08:21,645 --> 00:08:23,144
Max, hurry!
177
00:08:23,146 --> 00:08:25,346
We have to leave now
to take Sophie to the healer
178
00:08:25,348 --> 00:08:27,582
and still be
at the airport by noon.
179
00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:31,152
I brushed your hair
when you were passed out.
180
00:08:31,154 --> 00:08:33,821
I can't move any faster.
181
00:08:33,823 --> 00:08:35,990
I think this escalator's broken.
182
00:08:37,993 --> 00:08:41,162
I tried to stop you
from drinking bottle number 32,
183
00:08:41,164 --> 00:08:44,232
which was sriracha.
184
00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:47,735
But you tied me to that chair
so well.
185
00:08:47,737 --> 00:08:50,071
Well, since drinking
that hot sauce,
186
00:08:50,073 --> 00:08:53,441
I've been tied
to a different chair.
187
00:08:53,443 --> 00:08:56,177
I have something
to make you feel better.
188
00:08:56,179 --> 00:08:57,579
I doubt it.
189
00:08:57,581 --> 00:08:59,581
Unless it's a diaper
full of ice.
190
00:09:02,451 --> 00:09:04,619
It's not that.
I'll meet you outside.
191
00:09:07,556 --> 00:09:12,093
Okay, okay, remember
that party bus
192
00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:16,097
I never wanted and you probably
don't want now?
193
00:09:16,099 --> 00:09:18,866
- Surprise!
- Good timing.
194
00:09:18,868 --> 00:09:20,702
I'm feeling suicidal,
and I've always wanted
195
00:09:20,704 --> 00:09:22,770
to be buried in something
like this.
196
00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:26,975
Aw, come on, Max, cheer up.
197
00:09:26,977 --> 00:09:30,411
You're getting two poles
for the price of one.
198
00:09:30,413 --> 00:09:32,080
This is the first time
a party bus
199
00:09:32,082 --> 00:09:35,083
hasn't fixed
every problem I have.
200
00:09:35,085 --> 00:09:36,584
Well, you haven't seen
201
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:39,554
my "Stars and Stripes Forever"
routine.
202
00:09:39,556 --> 00:09:42,624
[hums John Sousa's
"Stars and Stripes Forever"]
203
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,340
Um, Bert, is this rum
204
00:09:59,342 --> 00:10:02,644
supposed to have
a cigarette butt in it?
205
00:10:02,646 --> 00:10:04,646
If you gonna puke,
please aim for the floor.
206
00:10:04,648 --> 00:10:06,447
I can hose it down.
207
00:10:06,449 --> 00:10:09,684
Otherwise, I'm finding corn
in the pleather for months.
208
00:10:09,686 --> 00:10:13,788
Well, if I throw up today,
it's not 'cause I'm having fun.
209
00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:15,757
I'm just happy
because, finally,
210
00:10:15,759 --> 00:10:19,127
there's ladies in the bus
not wearing penis helmets.
211
00:10:19,129 --> 00:10:22,263
Nope, they were all
out of penises,
212
00:10:22,265 --> 00:10:23,598
so I had to settle for balls.
213
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:25,199
Here, girls.
214
00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:27,435
Nope, I will day drink
on a bus,
215
00:10:27,437 --> 00:10:30,338
but I will not
put balls on my head.
216
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:34,142
And you wonder
why you're single.
217
00:10:34,144 --> 00:10:37,178
Ugh, there's that crazy
expensive sushi place
218
00:10:37,180 --> 00:10:38,946
where Randy and I ate.
219
00:10:38,948 --> 00:10:41,015
And there's the taco place
we had to eat at afterwards
220
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:42,817
'cause we were still hungry.
221
00:10:42,819 --> 00:10:46,054
Max, please, you have to
put Randy behind you.
222
00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:49,991
And there's the parking spot
where I put Randy behind me.
223
00:10:49,993 --> 00:10:51,793
Bert, did we sign up
for the Hollywood
224
00:10:51,795 --> 00:10:53,394
relationship death tour?
225
00:10:53,396 --> 00:10:57,565
If so, I'd like to hit
the Affleck-Garner house.
226
00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:01,035
And right up there
is where he lives.
227
00:11:01,037 --> 00:11:03,504
We'd make a right at that
super ripped homeless guy,
228
00:11:03,506 --> 00:11:06,474
and in two or three blocks,
we'd be at Randy's house.
229
00:11:06,476 --> 00:11:09,477
Oh, no, "we do this,"
and "we do that."
230
00:11:09,479 --> 00:11:10,645
She's "we"-ing.
231
00:11:10,647 --> 00:11:12,847
As long as nobody wees
on the seats,
232
00:11:12,849 --> 00:11:14,716
we'll be fine.
233
00:11:14,718 --> 00:11:16,751
Bert, turn off there,
up that street.
234
00:11:16,753 --> 00:11:18,486
No, wait, what are you doing?
235
00:11:18,488 --> 00:11:20,054
You're getting closure.
236
00:11:20,056 --> 00:11:22,523
I want him to face you
without that lame therapist.
237
00:11:22,525 --> 00:11:26,194
Just you and him
face-to-testicle.
238
00:11:26,196 --> 00:11:29,731
Ladies, just how stalker-y
are we getting here?
239
00:11:29,733 --> 00:11:32,333
Like a drive around
the cul-de-sac?
240
00:11:32,335 --> 00:11:36,270
Or a full-on Demi Moore outside
of Mila Kunis' yoga class?
241
00:11:36,272 --> 00:11:37,572
Ooh, there it is.
242
00:11:37,574 --> 00:11:39,073
Up there on the left.
243
00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:40,541
Yep, there it is.
244
00:11:40,543 --> 00:11:41,943
And there he is
letting the dog out.
245
00:11:41,945 --> 00:11:45,780
Oh, and he's only
wearing a towel.
246
00:11:45,782 --> 00:11:48,349
Ah, yeah.
247
00:11:48,351 --> 00:11:50,585
Now I get it, Max.
248
00:11:50,587 --> 00:11:52,286
Bert, go.
This was a bad idea.
249
00:11:52,288 --> 00:11:54,021
No, this is a great idea.
250
00:11:54,023 --> 00:11:55,890
I am not letting you
take this bad feeling
251
00:11:55,892 --> 00:11:57,258
back to New York.
252
00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:59,360
Bert, open the door.
I'm going out.
253
00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:05,967
Bert, close the door.
Let's roll.
254
00:12:05,969 --> 00:12:07,335
[knock at door]
255
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,741
I, uh, wanted to put
some clothes on,
256
00:12:13,743 --> 00:12:15,476
but Caroline wouldn't let me.
257
00:12:15,478 --> 00:12:18,246
Oh, that's the smartest thing
Caroline's done
258
00:12:18,248 --> 00:12:20,481
since I've met her.
259
00:12:20,483 --> 00:12:22,216
Max.
260
00:12:22,218 --> 00:12:24,652
(Max)
I'm not here.
261
00:12:24,654 --> 00:12:27,822
Max, I can see your balls
behind that pillow.
262
00:12:27,824 --> 00:12:30,057
I can see your balls
behind that--
263
00:12:30,059 --> 00:12:32,126
Sophie!
Come on.
264
00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:33,661
This is sad.
265
00:12:33,663 --> 00:12:35,963
Oh, well not from where
I'm sitting.
266
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,934
Max, I'm sorry about the way
I handled things.
267
00:12:39,936 --> 00:12:41,736
I just don't know how
to break things off.
268
00:12:41,738 --> 00:12:42,937
It's why I was the lawyer
269
00:12:42,939 --> 00:12:46,340
on the last three
Adam Sandler movies.
270
00:12:46,342 --> 00:12:47,675
Why?
271
00:12:47,677 --> 00:12:49,510
I just need to know why.
272
00:12:49,512 --> 00:12:51,846
Because I'm too young?
I'm too old?
273
00:12:51,848 --> 00:12:54,315
Is there someone else?
You're married? You're gay?
274
00:12:54,317 --> 00:12:57,251
With a body like that,
gay is definitely on the table.
275
00:13:00,622 --> 00:13:02,256
You want the truth?
276
00:13:02,258 --> 00:13:04,258
I like you too much.
277
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:05,760
That's why I didn't
break it off sooner.
278
00:13:05,762 --> 00:13:07,628
I didn't want it to end.
279
00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:09,664
That's why you're
breaking up with me?
280
00:13:09,666 --> 00:13:12,767
Because you like me too much?
281
00:13:12,769 --> 00:13:15,203
At least have another family
in Mexico.
282
00:13:15,205 --> 00:13:17,438
Max, I've done
the long-distance thing.
283
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,807
It's just putting off
the inevitable.
284
00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:22,443
You have a life there.
I have a life here.
285
00:13:22,445 --> 00:13:24,612
It doesn't work.
286
00:13:24,614 --> 00:13:27,615
Please don't hate me.
287
00:13:27,617 --> 00:13:29,450
Be easier if I could.
288
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,020
Yep, here they come.
289
00:13:34,823 --> 00:13:36,390
Pardon me?
290
00:13:36,392 --> 00:13:40,061
Are we still firing
your housekeeper today?
291
00:13:40,063 --> 00:13:42,663
Oh, nice hat.
292
00:13:42,665 --> 00:13:44,832
Confirms that theory
that women in LA
293
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,367
are the ones with balls.
294
00:13:53,508 --> 00:13:54,876
This is it, girls.
295
00:13:54,878 --> 00:13:59,480
This is where my healer
does all her magic.
296
00:13:59,482 --> 00:14:01,549
Yeah, you know, she must
sweat a lot doing it,
297
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:05,987
'cause it smells like it looks
in here, right?
298
00:14:05,989 --> 00:14:08,089
What do you think's
in those jars?
299
00:14:08,091 --> 00:14:12,593
Every fart that's ever
been held in at yoga?
300
00:14:12,595 --> 00:14:13,995
Are you okay, Max?
301
00:14:13,997 --> 00:14:15,329
I guess.
302
00:14:15,331 --> 00:14:16,831
I just wish you told me closure
303
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:18,332
feels like someone just
slammed my nuts
304
00:14:18,334 --> 00:14:21,602
in the trunk of a Pontiac.
305
00:14:21,604 --> 00:14:24,005
Sophie, we have to be
at the airport in an hour.
306
00:14:24,007 --> 00:14:27,375
Yes, but Audra is my last chance
at getting pregnant.
307
00:14:27,377 --> 00:14:29,410
She'll be ready
when she's ready.
308
00:14:29,412 --> 00:14:31,045
I mean, look around.
309
00:14:31,047 --> 00:14:32,780
She's a professional.
310
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,651
[humming]
311
00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:40,221
Have you seen an orange cat?
312
00:14:40,223 --> 00:14:44,025
A little depressed,
Sagittarius?
313
00:14:44,027 --> 00:14:46,961
Wait, Garfield lives here?
314
00:14:46,963 --> 00:14:48,930
Audra, this is
Max and Caroline.
315
00:14:48,932 --> 00:14:51,766
You know,
I rarely say this to a lady,
316
00:14:51,768 --> 00:14:56,237
but--oh, put a baby in me.
317
00:14:56,239 --> 00:14:58,906
Absolutely.
318
00:14:58,908 --> 00:15:00,308
Hmm?
319
00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:03,911
You think--you don't--okay.
320
00:15:03,913 --> 00:15:06,881
Go ahead.
321
00:15:06,883 --> 00:15:09,951
I'm sorry, I'm just conferring
with my spirit guides.
322
00:15:09,953 --> 00:15:13,354
Well, if you all talk at once,
I can't understand you.
323
00:15:15,424 --> 00:15:19,760
Got it.
324
00:15:19,762 --> 00:15:22,263
They're telling me
that someone here
325
00:15:22,265 --> 00:15:24,432
just had their heart broken.
326
00:15:24,434 --> 00:15:26,467
It's you.
327
00:15:26,469 --> 00:15:28,235
Oh, my God, Max.
328
00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:30,938
Come closer to me.
Come over here.
329
00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:32,974
Oh, gosh, thanks a lot.
330
00:15:32,976 --> 00:15:34,976
You're bogarting my witch.
331
00:15:36,945 --> 00:15:39,113
These spirits don't lie.
332
00:15:39,115 --> 00:15:40,348
Mm-mm.
333
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,283
A little too honest sometimes.
334
00:15:42,285 --> 00:15:45,286
I mean, I didn't ask them
if they like my bangs,
335
00:15:45,288 --> 00:15:47,688
but they sure told me.
336
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:51,125
It was a whole thing.
337
00:15:51,127 --> 00:15:52,159
You don't need to help me.
338
00:15:52,161 --> 00:15:53,928
I'll get over the Randy thing.
339
00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:55,262
I've been through worse things,
340
00:15:55,264 --> 00:15:56,597
like this right now.
341
00:15:56,599 --> 00:15:58,032
No.
342
00:15:58,034 --> 00:16:00,101
They're insisting
that I help you.
343
00:16:00,103 --> 00:16:02,336
Grab me a jar.
344
00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:04,672
That's where we
store the pain...
345
00:16:04,674 --> 00:16:06,607
and lentils, once you're healed.
346
00:16:14,216 --> 00:16:16,017
Great.
347
00:16:16,019 --> 00:16:18,853
No guy, but now I have a
middle-aged lesbian lover.
348
00:16:21,123 --> 00:16:24,191
[chanting, humming]
349
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:32,099
[chanting, humming]
350
00:16:34,469 --> 00:16:36,203
All right, it's out.
351
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:45,479
I thought I was gonna have to
move to a bigger jar.
352
00:16:45,481 --> 00:16:49,016
You must've really
liked this guy.
353
00:16:49,018 --> 00:16:50,584
He was okay.
354
00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:53,020
Well, he's crushed.
355
00:16:53,022 --> 00:16:55,589
He really liked you too.
356
00:16:55,591 --> 00:16:57,324
Never thought a jar
could make me feel better
357
00:16:57,326 --> 00:16:59,760
that wasn't filled
with peanut brittle.
358
00:16:59,762 --> 00:17:03,998
Oh, please, spirits,
put a baby in me!
359
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,702
All right, here we go.
360
00:17:08,704 --> 00:17:10,905
Quiet, everybody.
361
00:17:10,907 --> 00:17:12,206
Let me just close the door.
362
00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:14,708
Okay.
363
00:17:14,710 --> 00:17:17,078
Oh, wait.
364
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:21,215
There's still some other
unrest here.
365
00:17:21,217 --> 00:17:24,218
[chanting, humming]
366
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:27,288
Oh, no,
that's way too big.
367
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:35,296
It's something else.
368
00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:42,036
Oh, really?
369
00:17:42,038 --> 00:17:44,438
Oh, you're telling--
370
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,441
Sure, sure.
371
00:17:47,443 --> 00:17:50,644
Okay. Hold on.
372
00:17:50,646 --> 00:17:53,447
I can't put a baby in you.
373
00:17:53,449 --> 00:17:55,282
(both)
Sorry, Sophie.
374
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:57,551
You can't?
375
00:17:57,553 --> 00:18:01,755
You made me put needles
in my eyes.
376
00:18:01,757 --> 00:18:04,291
Put me on with them.
377
00:18:04,293 --> 00:18:06,560
Hey, I'm on your side.
378
00:18:06,562 --> 00:18:09,196
Her bangs are ridiculous.
379
00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:17,638
Hey, Earl, we're back.
380
00:18:19,941 --> 00:18:21,275
Hi, girls.
381
00:18:21,277 --> 00:18:23,477
Let me be the first to say
welcome back,
382
00:18:23,479 --> 00:18:26,580
and also,
my deepest sympathies.
383
00:18:26,582 --> 00:18:27,948
How are you, Max?
384
00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:29,150
I just flew in from LA,
385
00:18:29,152 --> 00:18:31,652
and boy, are my arms tired
386
00:18:31,654 --> 00:18:34,321
from hitting the person
next to me.
387
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:36,157
They would not stop fidgeting.
388
00:18:36,159 --> 00:18:40,094
I had to pee,
and you wouldn't let me out.
389
00:18:40,096 --> 00:18:42,296
Max, Caroline, you're back!
390
00:18:42,298 --> 00:18:45,199
I mean...
hello, how are you?
391
00:18:46,535 --> 00:18:49,136
Han, did you miss us?
392
00:18:49,138 --> 00:18:54,842
Oh, please, I miss you like
America misses RadioShack.
393
00:18:54,844 --> 00:18:58,345
Surprisingly, it left a hole.
394
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:01,048
I saw you leave a hole once...
395
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:02,416
on Groundhog Day.
396
00:19:04,653 --> 00:19:07,054
Max, Caroline,
where's Sophie?
397
00:19:07,056 --> 00:19:08,155
I missed her so much.
398
00:19:08,157 --> 00:19:09,890
You know what they say:
399
00:19:09,892 --> 00:19:14,195
absence makes me have to
masturbate almost constantly.
400
00:19:14,197 --> 00:19:16,864
So what did the healer say?
401
00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:19,166
We'll let her tell you.
402
00:19:19,168 --> 00:19:22,403
Hey, everybody!
403
00:19:22,405 --> 00:19:25,206
I'm back from California.
404
00:19:25,208 --> 00:19:27,174
[with Californian accent]
I hope I didn't, like,
405
00:19:27,176 --> 00:19:31,078
totally pick up an accent,
dude.
406
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,048
Oh, I was worried
Jeremy Renner
407
00:19:34,050 --> 00:19:37,318
would make you the last thing
he'd ever be in.
408
00:19:39,487 --> 00:19:43,924
And I was worried you'd say
something exactly like that.
409
00:19:43,926 --> 00:19:46,827
Well, I'll be in my booth.
410
00:19:46,829 --> 00:19:50,331
So what did the healer say?
411
00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:53,367
How soon can we
get a baby in you?
412
00:19:53,369 --> 00:19:58,906
Oh, well, the truth is, Oleg,
413
00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:01,108
the healer said that she
wouldn't be able
414
00:20:01,110 --> 00:20:03,877
to help me get pregnant.
415
00:20:03,879 --> 00:20:07,248
Oh, Sophie.
Why not?
416
00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:10,351
Well, the reason
417
00:20:10,353 --> 00:20:13,954
that I can't get pregnant is...
418
00:20:15,690 --> 00:20:17,791
I'm already pregnant!
419
00:20:20,629 --> 00:20:22,463
Yeah!
420
00:20:22,465 --> 00:20:23,964
I'm gonna be a father?
421
00:20:23,966 --> 00:20:26,300
Yes, I'm three months along.
422
00:20:26,302 --> 00:20:28,269
Yeah, no, that's the last time
423
00:20:28,271 --> 00:20:32,439
I'll buy a pregnancy test
off a boat.
424
00:20:32,441 --> 00:20:34,475
Well, let's bust out
the very cheap,
425
00:20:34,477 --> 00:20:36,443
non-alcoholic champagne.
426
00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:38,279
Non-alcoholic?
427
00:20:38,281 --> 00:20:40,447
Yeah, Sophie can't drink
when she's pregnant.
428
00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:41,749
Oh, all right.
429
00:20:41,751 --> 00:20:43,751
Well, then,
the five martinis
430
00:20:43,753 --> 00:20:46,820
that I had on the plane
were my last.
431
00:20:49,758 --> 00:20:51,158
[cash register dings]