1
00:00:01,644 --> 00:00:03,245
So, to be clear,
2
00:00:03,247 --> 00:00:06,415
you want delivery
from this diner?
3
00:00:06,417 --> 00:00:07,916
Yes, I do know
what delivery means.
4
00:00:07,918 --> 00:00:10,485
Do you know what
E. coli means?
5
00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:12,821
Where do you live?
6
00:00:12,823 --> 00:00:14,056
If he eats from here,
7
00:00:14,058 --> 00:00:16,858
in his bathroom
in about an hour.
8
00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:19,027
Will you be needing napkins?
Utensils?
9
00:00:19,029 --> 00:00:20,629
The number for
Poison Control?
10
00:00:21,664 --> 00:00:22,898
Well, good luck.
11
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,566
The delivery boy
is on his way.
12
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,569
Oh, this is good.
13
00:00:28,771 --> 00:00:30,238
I need the exercise.
14
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,374
I feel like I'm getting
a little chubby!
15
00:00:32,376 --> 00:00:33,675
Oh, I know.
16
00:00:33,677 --> 00:00:35,010
I can see it
through those shorts.
17
00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:40,215
I was a delivery boy
in Vietnam.
18
00:00:40,217 --> 00:00:42,584
I mostly delivered
bad news, like,
19
00:00:42,586 --> 00:00:44,619
"That hooker was a dude."
20
00:00:48,124 --> 00:00:49,758
Here's that tuna salad--
and hurry.
21
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,260
Like that astronaut
who drove across the country
22
00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:54,796
in a diaper,
it's not gonna travel well.
23
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,100
See you later, haters.
24
00:00:58,102 --> 00:00:59,367
And remember,
25
00:00:59,369 --> 00:01:00,769
Earl's in charge when I'm gone.
26
00:01:00,771 --> 00:01:02,270
Earl's in charge?
27
00:01:02,272 --> 00:01:04,106
Okay.
I have a business degree.
28
00:01:04,108 --> 00:01:06,508
He had all three types
of diabetes.
29
00:01:07,710 --> 00:01:08,944
But I get it.
30
00:01:08,946 --> 00:01:11,713
I'll be gone for...20.
31
00:01:11,715 --> 00:01:12,948
[clears throat]
32
00:01:12,950 --> 00:01:14,216
Speaking of 4:20,
33
00:01:14,218 --> 00:01:16,618
Max, you wanna go
smoke some weed?
34
00:01:18,921 --> 00:01:21,656
The man in charge
just sparked up a doobie.
35
00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:25,927
But I get it.
36
00:01:25,929 --> 00:01:27,896
And I'm about to get it.
37
00:01:28,931 --> 00:01:30,165
[car horn honks]
38
00:01:30,167 --> 00:01:31,433
[crash, glass shattering]
39
00:01:31,435 --> 00:01:33,869
Oh, no.
Am I in charge forever?
40
00:01:39,175 --> 00:01:42,410
Who the hell parked a Rascal
in a bike lane?
41
00:01:43,446 --> 00:01:45,847
Uh...that's my bad.
42
00:01:45,849 --> 00:01:48,850
It almost destroyed
my helmet!
43
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,621
I know.
44
00:01:52,623 --> 00:01:54,055
I can see it
through those shorts.
45
00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,794
(Peter Bjorn and John)
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
46
00:01:59,796 --> 00:02:01,463
[cash register bell dings]
47
00:02:01,465 --> 00:02:06,668
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
48
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:13,775
And this
is the sprinkle station.
49
00:02:13,777 --> 00:02:15,977
Last stop
on the cupcake train.
50
00:02:15,979 --> 00:02:20,248
And this is the cash register,
where there'll be money someday.
51
00:02:21,817 --> 00:02:23,185
And this is Max,
52
00:02:23,187 --> 00:02:25,520
the other half
of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
53
00:02:25,522 --> 00:02:27,956
Your little movie
is about to be rated R
54
00:02:27,958 --> 00:02:30,792
for strong, brutal violence.
55
00:02:30,794 --> 00:02:32,160
Stop filming me.
56
00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:33,161
I'm not filming.
57
00:02:33,163 --> 00:02:34,896
I'm Periscoping.
58
00:02:34,898 --> 00:02:37,832
Isn't periscoping when
you do mouth stuff on a guy
59
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:39,768
while he keeps a lookout
for the cops?
60
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:48,210
Not all sex has to involve
the threat of an arrest, Max.
61
00:02:50,079 --> 00:02:52,047
Periscope is a social media app
62
00:02:52,049 --> 00:02:54,549
that streams live videos
to your followers.
63
00:02:54,551 --> 00:02:58,086
Tell everyone in Brooklyn
who loves food festivals
64
00:02:58,088 --> 00:03:00,388
that we'll be at the
Taste of Bushwick tomorrow.
65
00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:02,824
Or you can follow me into
the bathroom while I change,
66
00:03:02,826 --> 00:03:04,960
and they can see
some bushwick right now.
67
00:03:08,164 --> 00:03:10,065
Max, this is great PR.
68
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:11,366
That's "public relations,"
69
00:03:11,368 --> 00:03:12,601
not "Puerto Rican."
70
00:03:14,437 --> 00:03:15,704
I know you were disappointed
71
00:03:15,706 --> 00:03:17,339
when I took you
to that PR seminar
72
00:03:17,341 --> 00:03:18,940
and there were no cock fights.
73
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,878
I liked the Internet
when the only thing you could do
74
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,113
was look at cat pictures
75
00:03:25,115 --> 00:03:28,283
and find out how old
John Stamos is.
76
00:03:28,285 --> 00:03:30,485
He turned 53 in August!
77
00:03:31,721 --> 00:03:32,954
You know what's sad?
78
00:03:32,956 --> 00:03:34,923
I'm too old to date him.
79
00:03:38,027 --> 00:03:40,295
If Periscope
is such great PR,
80
00:03:40,297 --> 00:03:42,230
how many viewers
did you just have?
81
00:03:42,232 --> 00:03:43,632
One.
82
00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:47,469
But maybe it was
a really important one.
83
00:03:47,471 --> 00:03:51,039
Really loving your Periscope
presence, Caroline!
84
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,776
Okay. It's a small build.
85
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,380
I still maintain that
Periscoping will be great
86
00:03:58,382 --> 00:03:59,648
for our business.
87
00:03:59,650 --> 00:04:02,083
For the record,
I was filming my business
88
00:04:02,085 --> 00:04:04,686
way before it was called
"Periscoping."
89
00:04:05,921 --> 00:04:07,656
Hi, everybody!
90
00:04:10,393 --> 00:04:12,227
Oleg, I picked up
your dry cleaning,
91
00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:13,662
and good news!
92
00:04:13,664 --> 00:04:16,131
They were able
to get the raspberry stains
93
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:17,732
out of your banana hammock!
94
00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:20,969
Oh, Lord.
95
00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:23,905
Now who's gonna
dry clean my mouth?
96
00:04:25,441 --> 00:04:27,842
So you picked up my dry cleaning
97
00:04:27,844 --> 00:04:29,911
instead of my cousin
from the airport?
98
00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:31,646
Your cousin's in town?
That's weird.
99
00:04:31,648 --> 00:04:34,582
I didn't get an alert
on my phone.
100
00:04:34,584 --> 00:04:36,951
Sophie,
how could you forget?
101
00:04:36,953 --> 00:04:39,421
This is why we started
doing sudoku.
102
00:04:39,423 --> 00:04:41,022
I thought you
started doing sudoku
103
00:04:41,024 --> 00:04:42,824
'cause she was hot
and willing.
104
00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:45,360
I got a lot on my mind.
105
00:04:45,362 --> 00:04:47,629
I'm trying to design
our future baby.
106
00:04:47,631 --> 00:04:49,364
See, girls,
I read this article
107
00:04:49,366 --> 00:04:53,268
that says you can spin sperm
to get rid of the bad stuff.
108
00:04:53,270 --> 00:04:55,670
So Oleg's not gonna
be the father?
109
00:04:57,139 --> 00:04:58,373
It's true.
110
00:04:58,375 --> 00:04:59,841
There's a new technology
111
00:04:59,843 --> 00:05:02,277
where you can select
the baby's genes.
112
00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:04,546
I miss selecting jeans.
113
00:05:04,548 --> 00:05:06,381
Now I just reach
into the $3 bin
114
00:05:06,383 --> 00:05:08,149
and hope for the best.
115
00:05:08,151 --> 00:05:11,219
Well, I'm gonna spin that jazz
116
00:05:11,221 --> 00:05:14,055
till I get a girl baby
with green eyes
117
00:05:14,057 --> 00:05:16,825
and Jennifer Aniston's
second nose
118
00:05:16,827 --> 00:05:20,395
and--and my butt!
119
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:24,232
Why can't we get pregnant
the natural way?
120
00:05:24,234 --> 00:05:26,668
Up against a fence.
121
00:05:26,670 --> 00:05:28,136
Hello.
122
00:05:28,138 --> 00:05:29,537
I'm Gortak.
123
00:05:29,539 --> 00:05:31,072
You look familiar.
124
00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:34,642
Didn't you rib a dragon
on "Game of Thrones"?
125
00:05:36,245 --> 00:05:37,245
Gortak!
126
00:05:37,247 --> 00:05:38,513
There's my little cousin.
127
00:05:38,515 --> 00:05:39,848
Hi!
128
00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:43,051
I think my iPhone case
is made out of gortak.
129
00:05:44,353 --> 00:05:46,821
Hi, I'm Oleg's wife,
Sophie.
130
00:05:46,823 --> 00:05:50,458
And you're one tall drink
of yak's milk.
131
00:05:52,695 --> 00:05:54,095
You know it, baby.
132
00:05:54,097 --> 00:05:55,830
And he's taking that tall
right to the bank.
133
00:05:55,832 --> 00:05:58,032
Gortak just signed
to play pro basketball.
134
00:05:58,034 --> 00:05:59,834
- [gasps]
- No way!
135
00:05:59,836 --> 00:06:01,770
Basketball
is my favorite sport,
136
00:06:01,772 --> 00:06:04,539
next to bum wrestling!
137
00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:06,408
I'm in town for a game
against Brooklyn.
138
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:07,742
Brooklyn's my team.
139
00:06:07,744 --> 00:06:08,977
They stink.
140
00:06:10,012 --> 00:06:11,679
Yeah, well,
141
00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:13,882
I relate to anybody
who's not doing that great.
142
00:06:13,884 --> 00:06:15,116
Hey, I'm Max.
143
00:06:15,118 --> 00:06:16,718
I used to shoot around
in juvi.
144
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:20,288
We played arsonists
versus attempted murderers.
145
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:23,258
I did a lot
of ribbon dancing.
146
00:06:25,961 --> 00:06:28,930
Caroline's kind of
the Screech of the group.
147
00:06:30,566 --> 00:06:33,268
And here comes
Mr. Belding.
148
00:06:36,572 --> 00:06:38,406
Max, it's almost your shift.
149
00:06:38,408 --> 00:06:40,775
Why haven't you changed
into your uniform?
150
00:06:40,777 --> 00:06:42,310
It's almost spring.
151
00:06:42,312 --> 00:06:44,446
Why haven't you changed
into a butterfly?
152
00:06:46,048 --> 00:06:47,882
Han, this is
my cousin Gortak.
153
00:06:47,884 --> 00:06:49,117
Gortak, this is...
154
00:06:49,119 --> 00:06:50,385
[speaking Russian]
155
00:06:50,387 --> 00:06:51,619
Jackass boss.
156
00:06:51,621 --> 00:06:53,154
[speaking Russian]
157
00:06:53,156 --> 00:06:54,389
Virgin.
158
00:06:55,891 --> 00:06:57,492
[speaking Russian]
159
00:06:57,494 --> 00:06:59,727
"Little People, Big World."
160
00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:02,831
I didn't catch all of that,
161
00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:04,933
but I didn't love
what I caught.
162
00:07:04,935 --> 00:07:07,402
Oleg,
do you and your Sophie
163
00:07:07,404 --> 00:07:08,937
want to come to the game
tomorrow night?
164
00:07:08,939 --> 00:07:10,171
I have two tickets.
165
00:07:10,173 --> 00:07:11,439
Oh, perfect timing.
166
00:07:11,441 --> 00:07:12,674
As of yesterday,
I'm allowed
167
00:07:12,676 --> 00:07:16,177
to be within 50 feet
of cheerleaders.
168
00:07:16,179 --> 00:07:17,445
Yeah, no.
You know what?
169
00:07:17,447 --> 00:07:19,113
I'm sorry.
I'm out.
170
00:07:19,115 --> 00:07:22,317
You know, tonight I have to
genetically modify a person
171
00:07:22,319 --> 00:07:24,319
while I watch "The Good Wife."
172
00:07:25,754 --> 00:07:27,355
Take me, Oleg!
173
00:07:27,357 --> 00:07:30,525
Which is the only time
you will ever hear me say that.
174
00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:32,126
Good idea, Max.
175
00:07:32,128 --> 00:07:34,496
Sophie would be pissed
if I took a lady.
176
00:07:35,798 --> 00:07:37,599
But, Max,
what about our plans?
177
00:07:37,601 --> 00:07:39,567
I don't want to taste
Bushwick alone.
178
00:07:41,470 --> 00:07:44,172
Then don't have
more than three drinks...
179
00:07:47,810 --> 00:07:50,445
And don't get in the back
of anybody's Isuzu.
180
00:07:51,714 --> 00:07:56,351
♪
181
00:07:56,353 --> 00:07:57,986
You're pretty dressed up.
182
00:07:57,988 --> 00:07:59,821
You know a food festival
is just code
183
00:07:59,823 --> 00:08:02,223
for eating outside
next to garbage cans.
184
00:08:03,225 --> 00:08:05,527
Maybe I should come.
185
00:08:05,529 --> 00:08:08,630
Well, I say,
"Dress for the job you want."
186
00:08:08,632 --> 00:08:10,398
I would, but I don't know
what the people
187
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,334
who test out all the new
potato chip flavors wear.
188
00:08:13,336 --> 00:08:14,569
[knock on door]
189
00:08:14,571 --> 00:08:16,037
Cheeseburger Pringles?
190
00:08:16,039 --> 00:08:17,772
Yes.
191
00:08:18,807 --> 00:08:21,009
Hey, girls!
192
00:08:21,011 --> 00:08:23,211
Look at my baby board!
193
00:08:23,213 --> 00:08:24,712
Yeah.
194
00:08:24,714 --> 00:08:26,381
I feel like we're finally
getting close
195
00:08:26,383 --> 00:08:28,216
to something I can work with.
196
00:08:28,218 --> 00:08:29,751
You know,
it really started to flow
197
00:08:29,753 --> 00:08:32,554
once I threw away
the Anne Hathaway forehead.
198
00:08:35,591 --> 00:08:38,092
That is the scariest thing
I've ever seen.
199
00:08:38,094 --> 00:08:39,661
Oh, well, good thing
you didn't see it
200
00:08:39,663 --> 00:08:41,763
with the Hathaway forehead.
201
00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:46,501
I love baby number two,
but I don't know.
202
00:08:46,503 --> 00:08:49,037
Oleg still wants
to be surprised.
203
00:08:49,039 --> 00:08:50,872
Why don't you give us all
a nice surprise
204
00:08:50,874 --> 00:08:52,874
and brush his teeth
while he's sleeping?
205
00:08:52,876 --> 00:08:54,676
[laughing]
206
00:08:54,678 --> 00:08:55,910
Right?
207
00:08:55,912 --> 00:08:57,178
Yes.
208
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,913
Oh, right.
Here.
209
00:08:58,915 --> 00:09:01,516
Max, Oleg can't go
to the game.
210
00:09:01,518 --> 00:09:04,886
Our baby appointment
got changed to tomorrow,
211
00:09:04,888 --> 00:09:07,088
and we got to get working
on the baby body.
212
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,524
Oh, you know what?
213
00:09:09,526 --> 00:09:11,125
That reminds me.
214
00:09:11,127 --> 00:09:13,962
Max, do you have
a picture of your boobs?
215
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,431
Oh, you know what?
216
00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:18,433
I'll get it from Oleg.
217
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:23,237
I can't believe
I have two tickets!
218
00:09:23,239 --> 00:09:24,472
Ooh, I'm gonna call Earl.
219
00:09:24,474 --> 00:09:26,708
It'd be fun to go with a friend.
220
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:30,478
Would it hurt you to ask me
to go to the game?
221
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,046
You know I'm not gonna say yes.
222
00:09:32,048 --> 00:09:33,281
Do you want to go to the game?
223
00:09:33,283 --> 00:09:34,682
Yes!
224
00:09:36,418 --> 00:09:38,086
Wow, that surprised me too.
225
00:09:38,088 --> 00:09:41,489
These are VIP tickets
from an actual player.
226
00:09:41,491 --> 00:09:42,991
This could be better
than Bushwick.
227
00:09:42,993 --> 00:09:44,993
I mean, lots of celebrities
go to those games.
228
00:09:44,995 --> 00:09:46,260
[gasps]
229
00:09:46,262 --> 00:09:47,562
Ooh!
Where are the fliers?
230
00:09:47,564 --> 00:09:49,163
I bet we could get
a lot of business there.
231
00:09:49,165 --> 00:09:50,431
No!
232
00:09:50,433 --> 00:09:51,833
We are not doing business!
233
00:09:51,835 --> 00:09:53,301
Tonight
is supposed to be fun.
234
00:09:53,303 --> 00:09:56,571
Well, I find business fun,
but okay.
235
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:01,342
One day, you will
appreciate my ambition.
236
00:10:01,344 --> 00:10:03,311
And one day,
I will try lettuce,
237
00:10:03,313 --> 00:10:04,646
but not tonight.
238
00:10:05,781 --> 00:10:07,015
No fliers.
239
00:10:07,017 --> 00:10:08,282
No fliers.
240
00:10:08,284 --> 00:10:09,784
No fliers.
241
00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:11,986
I just think
this is a missed opportunity.
242
00:10:11,988 --> 00:10:13,421
"Missed Opportunity"
243
00:10:13,423 --> 00:10:15,823
was my stripper name
at the Salty Dog.
244
00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:19,661
Look, I don't want
to work tonight.
245
00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:22,063
Which also happened
to be my catchphrase.
246
00:10:25,534 --> 00:10:28,536
[crowd roaring]
247
00:10:28,538 --> 00:10:31,539
[upbeat music]
248
00:10:31,541 --> 00:10:33,041
♪
249
00:10:33,043 --> 00:10:35,276
These can't be
VIP seats.
250
00:10:35,278 --> 00:10:37,679
I haven't been this winded
since I climbed
251
00:10:37,681 --> 00:10:40,548
the social ladder
at theater camp.
252
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,116
These seats are great!
253
00:10:42,118 --> 00:10:43,685
I usually sit
in the parking lot
254
00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:46,354
around a trash fire,
singing doo-wop.
255
00:10:46,356 --> 00:10:50,825
It's just, I've never sat
in the last row before.
256
00:10:50,827 --> 00:10:52,960
My father made sure
I was always in the front.
257
00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:54,562
Broadway,
fashion week,
258
00:10:54,564 --> 00:10:56,831
his criminal trial.
259
00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:58,499
My father got me
front-row seats
260
00:10:58,501 --> 00:11:01,502
to the "Inability to Love"
awards.
261
00:11:01,504 --> 00:11:03,705
I'll try and let this go,
but I'm just saying,
262
00:11:03,707 --> 00:11:05,406
we could have gone
to the Taste of Bushwick,
263
00:11:05,408 --> 00:11:07,241
and we'd still
be closer to the court.
264
00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:11,479
Oh, I love the taste
of Bushwick.
265
00:11:11,481 --> 00:11:13,815
I don't care for it much.
266
00:11:15,350 --> 00:11:17,752
Hi, I'm June,
and this is Dianne.
267
00:11:17,754 --> 00:11:21,189
We're sort of the "mayors"
of section Y.
268
00:11:21,191 --> 00:11:22,423
Been to every game.
269
00:11:22,425 --> 00:11:24,759
I'm Max.
This is Caroline.
270
00:11:24,761 --> 00:11:26,561
You guys want a finger?
271
00:11:26,563 --> 00:11:28,896
Oh, we're just friends.
272
00:11:30,365 --> 00:11:31,599
Do you want a finger?
273
00:11:31,601 --> 00:11:33,034
Sure.
274
00:11:33,036 --> 00:11:34,368
We'll take one
if you got an extra.
275
00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:35,603
And how 'bout
that hot dog?
276
00:11:35,605 --> 00:11:36,838
You still working on that?
277
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:41,909
Max, you don't know
where that finger has been.
278
00:11:41,911 --> 00:11:43,911
What do you mean?
279
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:47,081
It's been in a box
in my car.
280
00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,050
Yeah, Caroline.
281
00:11:49,052 --> 00:11:52,386
This finger's been in her box
out in the car.
282
00:11:52,388 --> 00:11:54,622
What part of that
don't you get?
283
00:11:54,624 --> 00:11:56,224
Careful.
284
00:11:56,226 --> 00:11:59,160
That beer cost more than
I spent on underwear last year.
285
00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:02,930
I don't like it up here.
286
00:12:04,299 --> 00:12:05,566
I don't even like beer.
287
00:12:05,568 --> 00:12:06,968
It's so bloaty.
288
00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:09,637
Come on.
It's not that bad.
289
00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:11,072
Oh, really?
290
00:12:11,074 --> 00:12:14,108
Then why is that guy
shaving?
291
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:17,111
Well, obviously, he's got
a very important job interview
292
00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:19,614
as conductor
of the crazy train.
293
00:12:19,616 --> 00:12:22,483
Max, our seats
are in a shanty town.
294
00:12:22,485 --> 00:12:24,118
I think somebody tried
to sell me a hubcap
295
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,720
on the way up the stairs.
296
00:12:25,722 --> 00:12:28,222
Ooh! How much?
297
00:12:28,224 --> 00:12:29,824
Can I borrow
those binoculars,
298
00:12:29,826 --> 00:12:32,326
so I can look at something
that's not this?
299
00:12:32,328 --> 00:12:34,128
[buzzer blares]
300
00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:35,396
Max!
Oh, my God!
301
00:12:35,398 --> 00:12:37,598
Look at all the VIPs
down there.
302
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,801
Well, someone's "VI-peeing"
right over there.
303
00:12:40,836 --> 00:12:42,136
Max, I want
to be down there.
304
00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:43,805
Oh, I know what you need.
305
00:12:43,807 --> 00:12:45,506
Wanna finger?
306
00:12:45,508 --> 00:12:46,774
Look!
307
00:12:46,776 --> 00:12:49,010
A rich couple
fighting courtside!
308
00:12:49,012 --> 00:12:50,845
Oh, he's storming off!
309
00:12:50,847 --> 00:12:52,446
She's storming off!
310
00:12:52,448 --> 00:12:53,848
You should do
play-by-play
311
00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:56,417
on the "I Don't Care"
network.
312
00:12:56,419 --> 00:12:57,819
Come on!
Let's go steal their seats.
313
00:12:57,821 --> 00:12:58,920
What?
314
00:12:58,922 --> 00:13:00,154
I like where I am.
315
00:13:00,156 --> 00:13:01,422
My ears already popped.
316
00:13:01,424 --> 00:13:02,790
We're settled here.
317
00:13:02,792 --> 00:13:04,358
That's the difference
between us, Max.
318
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,626
I don't settle...
319
00:13:05,628 --> 00:13:07,161
until I'm, like, 42,
320
00:13:07,163 --> 00:13:09,297
and then I might have to
marry someone shorter than me.
321
00:13:09,299 --> 00:13:11,699
I, on the other hand,
love settling.
322
00:13:11,701 --> 00:13:15,469
My first words were,
"Eh, it's fine."
323
00:13:15,471 --> 00:13:16,704
Look, all we have to do
324
00:13:16,706 --> 00:13:18,306
is make a few smart,
strategic moves,
325
00:13:18,308 --> 00:13:19,640
and a better
opportunity awaits.
326
00:13:19,642 --> 00:13:20,875
Please?
327
00:13:20,877 --> 00:13:22,877
All right.
Sorry, ladies.
328
00:13:22,879 --> 00:13:24,478
She wants me
to go down with her.
329
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,981
Just tell her
you got a headache.
330
00:13:26,983 --> 00:13:31,385
♪
331
00:13:31,387 --> 00:13:32,987
[shoes squeaking]
332
00:13:32,989 --> 00:13:36,991
Okay, just act like we belong
in the VIP section.
333
00:13:36,993 --> 00:13:39,360
[loudly]
I can't believe the limo driver
334
00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:40,795
took that wrong turn,
335
00:13:40,797 --> 00:13:42,230
and that's why we're
late to the game,
336
00:13:42,232 --> 00:13:45,233
and thus, our seats.
337
00:13:45,235 --> 00:13:46,500
You forgot to mention
338
00:13:46,502 --> 00:13:49,337
that we took
thus bus here.
339
00:13:49,339 --> 00:13:51,339
The point is,
we made it.
340
00:13:51,341 --> 00:13:53,040
I am back where I belong.
341
00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:55,710
Can you just smell
the money down here?
342
00:13:55,712 --> 00:13:57,745
I think that's Gortak's
ball sweat.
343
00:14:00,682 --> 00:14:02,049
Hello, ladies
344
00:14:02,051 --> 00:14:04,485
who magically appeared
in the second quarter.
345
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,154
Can I see
your tickets?
346
00:14:08,357 --> 00:14:10,224
Oh!
347
00:14:10,226 --> 00:14:11,826
What?
348
00:14:11,828 --> 00:14:14,829
These are my tickets
to most places.
349
00:14:14,831 --> 00:14:16,430
Our tickets?
Of course.
350
00:14:16,432 --> 00:14:17,732
Let me just find them
in here.
351
00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,600
[buzzer blares]
352
00:14:19,602 --> 00:14:20,868
Here they are!
353
00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:22,436
Oh, sorry
about the popcorn.
354
00:14:22,438 --> 00:14:23,704
I'm used to it.
355
00:14:23,706 --> 00:14:26,073
You rich people
are pigs.
356
00:14:31,046 --> 00:14:35,750
Max, I haven't been called
a rich pig in five years!
357
00:14:37,219 --> 00:14:39,387
[buzzer blares]
358
00:14:39,389 --> 00:14:41,722
This is pretty cool!
359
00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:43,457
I told that
Chinese lady up top
360
00:14:43,459 --> 00:14:45,226
with the backpack
full of loose carrots
361
00:14:45,228 --> 00:14:48,296
I'd be back,
but I don't think so.
362
00:14:48,298 --> 00:14:49,563
Oh, my God.
363
00:14:49,565 --> 00:14:51,198
I should totally
Periscope this
364
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,767
so people think
we're big shots.
365
00:14:52,769 --> 00:14:55,236
We are so close,
366
00:14:55,238 --> 00:14:58,406
I could get my nose
broken by a ball!
367
00:14:58,408 --> 00:15:02,176
And I could meet the doctor
who fixes your broken nose!
368
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,380
Everything is working out!
369
00:15:06,382 --> 00:15:08,282
Oh, my God.
370
00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:11,285
We are in the same row
as Jay-Z and Beyoncé!
371
00:15:11,287 --> 00:15:12,553
[gasps]
372
00:15:12,555 --> 00:15:14,255
And they brought
Blue Ivy!
373
00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:17,992
I can't believe I'm seeing
our royal family!
374
00:15:17,994 --> 00:15:21,495
I can't believe I'm touching
the court with my feet!
375
00:15:21,497 --> 00:15:24,265
Maybe I should just drag
my butt across it like a dog.
376
00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:25,499
Is that too far?
377
00:15:25,501 --> 00:15:26,834
[gasps]
Oh, my God!
378
00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:29,470
Beyoncé just made
eye contact with me!
379
00:15:29,472 --> 00:15:31,572
She sees me every time
she looks to the left,
380
00:15:31,574 --> 00:15:33,074
to the left.
381
00:15:33,076 --> 00:15:34,475
I should get them
one of our fliers.
382
00:15:34,477 --> 00:15:38,145
Luckily, I always keep
an emergency flier.
383
00:15:38,147 --> 00:15:39,413
That and a key
to my old house,
384
00:15:39,415 --> 00:15:42,183
in case this all
turns out to be a dream.
385
00:15:42,185 --> 00:15:44,518
That's my dream too.
386
00:15:45,954 --> 00:15:47,755
Ooh!
Here comes the nanny.
387
00:15:47,757 --> 00:15:50,191
[gasps]
Fran Drescher's here?
388
00:15:52,294 --> 00:15:54,762
No, Blue Ivy's nanny.
389
00:15:54,764 --> 00:15:56,263
I'll get her our flier.
390
00:15:56,265 --> 00:15:59,100
Excuse me, miss,
in the drop-crotch sweatpants!
391
00:15:59,102 --> 00:16:00,334
(Max)
Go, go, go! Ten seconds!
392
00:16:00,336 --> 00:16:01,602
Wait! Miss, wait!
393
00:16:01,604 --> 00:16:02,937
Can you take this?
394
00:16:02,939 --> 00:16:04,305
- Max, she took the--
- Go, go, go!
395
00:16:04,307 --> 00:16:05,773
- Oh!
- Ooh!
396
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,443
[whistle blasts]
397
00:16:09,445 --> 00:16:11,278
[buzzer blares]
398
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,114
Max, what did you do?
399
00:16:13,116 --> 00:16:16,117
I took you to a basketball game
like an idiot!
400
00:16:17,953 --> 00:16:19,620
And now I'm about to run.
401
00:16:19,622 --> 00:16:22,590
♪
402
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:26,660
♪
403
00:16:26,662 --> 00:16:28,329
What is our end game
here, Max?
404
00:16:28,331 --> 00:16:29,997
Are we hiding?
Are we fleeing?
405
00:16:29,999 --> 00:16:32,366
I just want to know what
we're ugly-walking toward.
406
00:16:32,368 --> 00:16:34,568
Do I look like a person
with an end game?
407
00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:36,904
Also, ya ended the game.
408
00:16:36,906 --> 00:16:39,673
Angry mob aside,
the good news is
409
00:16:39,675 --> 00:16:42,176
I did manage to get that flier
to Blue Ivy's people.
410
00:16:42,178 --> 00:16:44,845
The bad news is you created
the biggest disaster in sports
411
00:16:44,847 --> 00:16:47,715
since Magic Johnson's talk show.
412
00:16:47,717 --> 00:16:49,050
[indistinct radio chatter]
413
00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:50,584
Someone's coming.
414
00:16:50,586 --> 00:16:52,253
Well, you said you wanted
more followers.
415
00:16:52,255 --> 00:16:53,487
Now you have them
in real life!
416
00:16:54,990 --> 00:16:56,223
[Max gasps]
417
00:16:56,225 --> 00:16:59,093
Oh, my God.
418
00:16:59,095 --> 00:17:03,097
This is where the 17th best team
in the league gets naked!
419
00:17:03,099 --> 00:17:06,500
And also where it ends
for ol' Max and Caroline.
420
00:17:06,502 --> 00:17:07,902
What?
It's not like the players
421
00:17:07,904 --> 00:17:09,737
come right into the locker room
after the game.
422
00:17:09,739 --> 00:17:11,505
Oh, my God.
423
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,908
The players come right into
the locker room after the game!
424
00:17:13,910 --> 00:17:15,910
Of course we'd be in here.
425
00:17:15,912 --> 00:17:17,445
This is so us.
426
00:17:17,447 --> 00:17:19,113
You know what else is so us?
427
00:17:19,115 --> 00:17:21,916
Me stealing
one of these jerseys.
428
00:17:21,918 --> 00:17:23,918
Let's do the interview
in the locker rooms.
429
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,619
Crap!
They're coming in here.
430
00:17:25,621 --> 00:17:27,621
We can't be
the face of this, Max.
431
00:17:27,623 --> 00:17:29,890
We'll be the most hated
business in Brooklyn.
432
00:17:29,892 --> 00:17:31,892
And I'm including
the new breakfast restaurant
433
00:17:31,894 --> 00:17:33,794
with the valet stroller parking.
434
00:17:36,865 --> 00:17:38,399
[Max gasps]
435
00:17:38,401 --> 00:17:40,468
This is where the 17th
best team in the league
436
00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:41,735
goes number one!
437
00:17:41,737 --> 00:17:43,137
And from the looks of it,
438
00:17:43,139 --> 00:17:45,606
their aim isn't good
in here, either.
439
00:17:45,608 --> 00:17:47,141
Those girls were crazy, man.
440
00:17:47,143 --> 00:17:48,576
They cost us the game.
441
00:17:48,578 --> 00:17:51,078
We were almost the 16th
best team in the league.
442
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,481
How did they get
into the VIP section?
443
00:17:53,483 --> 00:17:56,083
I was wondering the same thing
about Tim Allen.
444
00:17:56,085 --> 00:17:58,986
Yo, man, take a look
at this thing on my back.
445
00:17:58,988 --> 00:18:00,988
Does it look like cancer?
446
00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,790
It just seemed like
more than a mole, you know?
447
00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:06,327
Actually, it looks like
a precancerous basal cell.
448
00:18:06,329 --> 00:18:09,463
We should get a better look
in the light in the bathroom.
449
00:18:09,465 --> 00:18:11,098
Here!
Over here.
450
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,333
Get in the ice bathtub.
451
00:18:12,335 --> 00:18:13,334
It's big enough for two.
452
00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:14,902
"Big enough for two."
453
00:18:14,904 --> 00:18:16,504
That's what Chili's said
about their new
454
00:18:16,506 --> 00:18:19,507
coconut mozzarella sticks,
but--swing and a miss.
455
00:18:21,109 --> 00:18:23,677
You went to Chili's
and didn't tell me?
456
00:18:23,679 --> 00:18:26,313
I was afraid you'd try
to get us a better table.
457
00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:29,917
Oh, yeah.
458
00:18:29,919 --> 00:18:31,986
I'd definitely get
that thing checked out.
459
00:18:31,988 --> 00:18:34,488
Yo, I got to ice
this knee.
460
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,929
[both screaming]
461
00:18:46,268 --> 00:18:48,702
[both panting]
462
00:18:48,704 --> 00:18:51,872
Of course they'd
pour the ice on us!
463
00:18:51,874 --> 00:18:53,841
And of course
this would happen here,
464
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:57,878
'cause it's the 17th worst thing
that's ever happened to me!
465
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:02,316
♪
466
00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:03,951
[both coughing]
467
00:19:03,953 --> 00:19:05,352
Oh, you two sick?
468
00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:07,288
Stay away from me.
I can't get sick.
469
00:19:07,290 --> 00:19:09,557
When you're 78,
it takes about 2 days
470
00:19:09,559 --> 00:19:13,694
to go from sniffles
to being eaten by your cat.
471
00:19:13,696 --> 00:19:15,696
We'll be fine...
472
00:19:15,698 --> 00:19:19,099
if half a Tylenol can cure
full-body hypothermia.
473
00:19:20,502 --> 00:19:22,703
Max, I feel like
you're still mad at me
474
00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:24,672
for wanting more for us
than bad seats
475
00:19:24,674 --> 00:19:26,407
and a struggling business.
476
00:19:26,409 --> 00:19:27,908
Of course I'm mad!
477
00:19:27,910 --> 00:19:29,410
I haven't been this cold
478
00:19:29,412 --> 00:19:31,478
since that winter I was on
"Deadliest Catch."
479
00:19:32,847 --> 00:19:34,582
Well...
480
00:19:34,584 --> 00:19:38,352
I've got a waste can
of baby faces I'm not gonna use.
481
00:19:38,354 --> 00:19:40,421
Yeah.
482
00:19:40,423 --> 00:19:43,924
Turns out, we're not
gonna design our baby anymore.
483
00:19:43,926 --> 00:19:46,360
But what about wanting it
to have a delicate chin?
484
00:19:46,362 --> 00:19:48,395
And a thigh gap?
485
00:19:49,764 --> 00:19:52,433
You know, girls,
I realized
486
00:19:52,435 --> 00:19:55,069
I just want to have
a healthy, happy baby.
487
00:19:56,538 --> 00:19:58,005
You know, it's like
my Aunt Ruffa said
488
00:19:58,007 --> 00:20:01,275
after she lost her tongue,
you know...
489
00:20:01,277 --> 00:20:07,281
"Dou det what dou det,
and dou don't det updet."
490
00:20:09,618 --> 00:20:12,052
You know, which roughly
translates to,
491
00:20:12,054 --> 00:20:16,790
"You get what you get,
and you don't get upset."
492
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,761
That's a really mature decision.
493
00:20:20,763 --> 00:20:23,564
The doctor wanted 60 grand.
494
00:20:23,566 --> 00:20:27,568
Yeah,
that affected our decision too.
495
00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:29,470
Well, maybe letting things
happen naturally
496
00:20:29,472 --> 00:20:30,738
is the way to go.
497
00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:32,706
Because sometimes
when you force things,
498
00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:35,309
you put $130 million worth
of basketball players
499
00:20:35,311 --> 00:20:36,910
on the disabled list.
500
00:20:36,912 --> 00:20:41,882
♪
501
00:20:44,552 --> 00:20:47,554
[upbeat music]
502
00:20:47,556 --> 00:20:55,529
♪