1
00:00:00,677 --> 00:00:03,278
[rock music]
2
00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:05,013
Girls,
I need your attention.
3
00:00:05,015 --> 00:00:08,383
You also need a booster seat
for most places.
4
00:00:08,385 --> 00:00:11,420
No, I came out
to tell you some big news.
5
00:00:11,422 --> 00:00:13,455
You also came out
when you wore that sweater
6
00:00:13,457 --> 00:00:15,357
to work today.
7
00:00:15,359 --> 00:00:18,960
John Mayer wore
this sweater in Details.
8
00:00:18,962 --> 00:00:21,863
Tonight, we are trying
family-style service.
9
00:00:21,865 --> 00:00:23,698
I thought family-style service
was what I had to do
10
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:26,401
with my uncle.
11
00:00:26,403 --> 00:00:29,604
Well, my family-style is
more "potluck"--
12
00:00:29,606 --> 00:00:34,409
heavy on the pot,
not so heavy on the luck.
13
00:00:34,411 --> 00:00:37,412
Why would a family come here?
14
00:00:37,414 --> 00:00:40,749
If I see a child in here,
I'm calling the police.
15
00:00:40,751 --> 00:00:44,152
It's like seeing a dog
locked in a hot car.
16
00:00:44,154 --> 00:00:47,022
Chicken cacciatore ,
family-style.
17
00:00:47,024 --> 00:00:49,458
Liver and onions,
family-style.
18
00:00:49,460 --> 00:00:52,594
Spaghetti and meatballs,
my family-style,
19
00:00:52,596 --> 00:00:55,163
which means the balls are
kinda small,
20
00:00:55,165 --> 00:00:59,634
but the noodles
are extra long.
21
00:00:59,636 --> 00:01:02,437
You bring out the food
in large bowls
22
00:01:02,439 --> 00:01:04,372
and the customers
serve themselves,
23
00:01:04,374 --> 00:01:08,143
as they've been doing
since I hired you two.
24
00:01:08,145 --> 00:01:09,778
Good idea, Han.
25
00:01:09,780 --> 00:01:11,780
The diner food
does belong in a big bowl--
26
00:01:11,782 --> 00:01:15,183
the toilet bowl.
27
00:01:15,185 --> 00:01:19,888
I don't know what
your uncle saw in you.
28
00:01:19,890 --> 00:01:22,224
(Peter Bjorn and John)
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ¶
29
00:01:22,226 --> 00:01:23,492
[cash register bell dings]
30
00:01:23,494 --> 00:01:28,663
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Ooh Ooh ¶
31
00:01:33,237 --> 00:01:34,903
Max, I just
found something
32
00:01:34,905 --> 00:01:36,705
very upsetting
on my phone.
33
00:01:36,707 --> 00:01:40,108
Another free U2 album?
34
00:01:40,110 --> 00:01:41,610
Worse.
35
00:01:41,612 --> 00:01:44,312
And worse than an e-vite
to a friend's improv show.
36
00:01:46,483 --> 00:01:48,583
It's an e-mail
from the managing director
37
00:01:48,585 --> 00:01:51,119
of all The High restaurants
saying he's seen our sales
38
00:01:51,121 --> 00:01:53,488
and is disappointed
with my performance.
39
00:01:53,490 --> 00:01:56,725
Duh-lete...
40
00:01:56,727 --> 00:01:58,059
like I do with all
41
00:01:58,061 --> 00:01:59,794
the "disappointed
in your performance" texts
42
00:01:59,796 --> 00:02:02,397
I get from guys after sex.
43
00:02:02,399 --> 00:02:05,333
Sorry, gents!
My boobs make a promise
44
00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:08,370
my bad back can't deliver.
45
00:02:08,372 --> 00:02:11,439
Those bad sales numbers
are not our fault.
46
00:02:11,441 --> 00:02:13,375
Our unit's out
at the airport.
47
00:02:13,377 --> 00:02:14,676
Well, I'm not taking
ownership of this
48
00:02:14,678 --> 00:02:16,578
because my unit is not
at the airport.
49
00:02:16,580 --> 00:02:19,447
It's in my bed table drawer.
50
00:02:19,449 --> 00:02:22,317
I'm the manager.
It's on me.
51
00:02:22,319 --> 00:02:25,620
As is this tartar stain.
It just refuses to come out.
52
00:02:25,622 --> 00:02:29,324
You'd think
it's parents were Baptist.
53
00:02:29,326 --> 00:02:30,725
[bell rings]
54
00:02:30,727 --> 00:02:32,561
Well, Manager,
I need to get out of there
55
00:02:32,563 --> 00:02:34,396
early tomorrow
to do Sophie's wedding cake,
56
00:02:34,398 --> 00:02:37,933
and also because
you're annoying as a boss.
57
00:02:37,935 --> 00:02:40,302
Hey, everybody!
58
00:02:42,339 --> 00:02:47,943
Me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me...
59
00:02:47,945 --> 00:02:51,546
I love being a bride.
You don't even have to pretend
60
00:02:51,548 --> 00:02:54,416
it's about anyone else.
61
00:02:54,418 --> 00:02:56,518
Kinda like me,
when I was rich.
62
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,654
Pretty much
every single day still.
63
00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:02,257
Good news, bad news.
The good news is
64
00:03:02,259 --> 00:03:08,096
the rash is
not spreading past my nuts.
65
00:03:08,098 --> 00:03:11,333
And that's the good news.
66
00:03:11,335 --> 00:03:13,602
Bad news--
the wedding donkey we booked
67
00:03:13,604 --> 00:03:17,138
for the church service died.
68
00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:19,307
I'll ask
the obvious question.
69
00:03:19,309 --> 00:03:23,345
Did it have anything
to do with the rash?
70
00:03:23,347 --> 00:03:25,013
I mean, what are we gonna do?
71
00:03:25,015 --> 00:03:26,648
It's not a traditional
Polish wedding
72
00:03:26,650 --> 00:03:30,285
without an ass walking
down the aisle.
73
00:03:30,287 --> 00:03:33,822
I think Oleg's
got that covered.
74
00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:37,292
Girls, we need an ass,
you have a horse--
75
00:03:37,294 --> 00:03:39,227
same family,
but not related,
76
00:03:39,229 --> 00:03:43,632
like the Jolie-Pitt kids.
77
00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:46,067
No way.
Chestnut is my baby.
78
00:03:46,069 --> 00:03:48,937
Well, the donkey was getting
a thousand bucks.
79
00:03:48,939 --> 00:03:50,872
Baby's gotta work.
80
00:03:50,874 --> 00:03:53,074
[rock music]
81
00:03:53,076 --> 00:03:55,076
Wow, business is slower
than the third season
82
00:03:55,078 --> 00:03:58,380
of House of Cards.
83
00:03:58,382 --> 00:04:00,115
You know what's doing
great business?
84
00:04:00,117 --> 00:04:03,918
It's my new Grindr profile.
85
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:08,890
Changed my screen name
to "Suction Junction".
86
00:04:08,892 --> 00:04:11,993
That damn Cinnabon next door
is taking all our business.
87
00:04:11,995 --> 00:04:14,062
What kind of low lives
would prefer those
88
00:04:14,064 --> 00:04:16,631
to these fine desserts?
89
00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:20,001
I found a secret pathway
to the Cinnabon kitchen!
90
00:04:20,003 --> 00:04:23,505
Move, bitch!
91
00:04:23,507 --> 00:04:26,408
Really? You too?
I just don't get.
92
00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:30,478
It's an acquired taste,
like crystal meth.
93
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:31,880
[cell phone chimes]
94
00:04:31,882 --> 00:04:33,048
Ugh.
95
00:04:33,050 --> 00:04:35,984
Great. My waiter's
gonna be late again.
96
00:04:35,986 --> 00:04:37,686
"Held up at the TSA line."
97
00:04:37,688 --> 00:04:39,688
That's what I get
for hiring an airport waiter
98
00:04:39,690 --> 00:04:41,956
named Mohammed Machdinajihad.
99
00:04:45,162 --> 00:04:46,728
Oh, look, Ronnie,
a new place.
100
00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:49,964
I see it, Bonnie,
I'm right next to you.
101
00:04:49,966 --> 00:04:52,133
Didn't this used to be
the bar we got wasted in
102
00:04:52,135 --> 00:04:53,501
before our flights?
103
00:04:53,503 --> 00:04:55,103
I can't remember.
I was wasted.
104
00:04:55,105 --> 00:04:56,538
[both laugh]
105
00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:57,839
Welcome to The High--
106
00:04:57,841 --> 00:05:00,709
the finest
in high quality desserts.
107
00:05:00,711 --> 00:05:03,078
We also have yogurts,
cappuccinos, lattes, coffee,
108
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,479
herb teas, or smart waters.
109
00:05:04,481 --> 00:05:07,515
And did I mention
we're a Boingo Hotspot?
110
00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,517
Take it down a notch.
111
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:11,119
You're selling it harder
than Anne Hathaway
112
00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:12,954
on The Tonight Show.
113
00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:15,457
Oh, hi, I'm not here to buy,
just to look.
114
00:05:15,459 --> 00:05:19,494
On a diet...since 1998.
115
00:05:19,496 --> 00:05:20,929
Oh dear lord,
those look amazing.
116
00:05:20,931 --> 00:05:23,031
- Can I just smell a piece?
- Bonnie, don't.
117
00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:25,300
It'll get you going,
and then halfway to Paris,
118
00:05:25,302 --> 00:05:28,870
I'll find you in coach binging
on a bag of Sun Chips.
119
00:05:28,872 --> 00:05:30,872
That's my favorite thing
about the job.
120
00:05:30,874 --> 00:05:33,575
[both laughing]
121
00:05:33,577 --> 00:05:35,377
Oh, Paris reminds me.
122
00:05:35,379 --> 00:05:37,078
I bought two first class
tickets to Paris--
123
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,080
on three credit cards
that will escalate 20%
124
00:05:39,082 --> 00:05:40,749
over six years--anyway...
125
00:05:40,751 --> 00:05:42,250
I really need to return them.
126
00:05:42,252 --> 00:05:43,885
What's the window
on that with your airline?
127
00:05:43,887 --> 00:05:46,287
A month--about the same
amount of time I have
128
00:05:46,289 --> 00:05:49,524
until this fake smile
finally falls off my face.
129
00:05:49,526 --> 00:05:51,292
Lady, we're
flight attendants.
130
00:05:51,294 --> 00:05:52,794
If that smile
falls off your face,
131
00:05:52,796 --> 00:05:56,131
you're gonna have to
get a job at Southwest.
132
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:57,766
Why are you returning them?
You don't like Paris?
133
00:05:57,768 --> 00:06:00,335
J'adore Paris,
but long story short--
134
00:06:00,337 --> 00:06:02,203
Uh, I'll make it short
because she's incapable
135
00:06:02,205 --> 00:06:05,006
and will throw in lots more
of that fake French.
136
00:06:05,008 --> 00:06:06,641
Bought the tickets
so that I could get to the gate
137
00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:08,309
to see a guy I was banging.
138
00:06:08,311 --> 00:06:09,811
I hear ya.
139
00:06:09,813 --> 00:06:11,679
I once hid in the luggage
cart for 12 hours
140
00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:13,114
to do it
with this cute guy
141
00:06:13,116 --> 00:06:14,449
who works at Customs here.
142
00:06:14,451 --> 00:06:17,085
Oh, right. Rick.
What's he doing now?
143
00:06:17,087 --> 00:06:18,520
Me, every third Tuesday.
144
00:06:18,522 --> 00:06:20,688
[laughing]
145
00:06:20,690 --> 00:06:22,924
Ahh, don't leave me
hanging, ladies.
146
00:06:22,926 --> 00:06:24,559
Ah. If we hadn't
just read Lean In
147
00:06:24,561 --> 00:06:27,262
in our wine club--
I mean book club--
148
00:06:27,264 --> 00:06:29,164
We'd be real jealous
of you gals.
149
00:06:29,166 --> 00:06:31,466
We always had a dream
to open a shop at the airport.
150
00:06:31,468 --> 00:06:32,801
Well, whatever it is,
just don't open
151
00:06:32,803 --> 00:06:34,769
near a Cinnabon
because failure smells
152
00:06:34,771 --> 00:06:37,372
a hell of a lot
like cinnamon.
153
00:06:37,374 --> 00:06:38,706
(female voice)
Final boarding call
154
00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:40,842
for flight 24 to Paris.
Final boarding call.
155
00:06:40,844 --> 00:06:43,311
Final boarding call?
We better hurry.
156
00:06:43,313 --> 00:06:45,847
[both laughing]
157
00:06:49,286 --> 00:06:52,287
[instrumental music]
158
00:06:55,358 --> 00:06:57,992
Wow, everything looks
so much smaller in here
159
00:06:57,994 --> 00:06:59,727
than I remembered it.
160
00:06:59,729 --> 00:07:01,396
Like returning
to your old high school...
161
00:07:01,398 --> 00:07:04,732
or your old high school
boyfriend's penis.
162
00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:07,969
Not mine.
I went to an urban high school.
163
00:07:09,539 --> 00:07:11,239
What's that weird smell?
164
00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:13,608
Probably that milk.
It's been in here so long,
165
00:07:13,610 --> 00:07:17,078
its own photo was
on the carton.
166
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:23,151
No, it's over here.
Really pungent.
167
00:07:23,153 --> 00:07:24,919
Yes!
168
00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:35,597
Mm--
I might owe you two some rent.
169
00:07:35,599 --> 00:07:37,765
Unless you wanna settle
in weed.
170
00:07:37,767 --> 00:07:40,235
I always wanna
settle in weed.
171
00:07:40,237 --> 00:07:43,137
In fact, I plan
to retire there.
172
00:07:43,139 --> 00:07:44,873
Marijuana's in the closet?
173
00:07:44,875 --> 00:07:47,842
This is more shocking than
Meredith Baxter-Birney.
174
00:07:49,746 --> 00:07:53,147
Look, I figured since you two
abandoned the cupcake shop,
175
00:07:53,149 --> 00:07:55,016
this space was available.
176
00:07:55,018 --> 00:07:56,951
Also, I stopped asking
permission for stuff
177
00:07:56,953 --> 00:07:59,053
when I turned 70.
178
00:07:59,055 --> 00:08:00,855
We did not abandon it.
179
00:08:00,857 --> 00:08:02,824
We just haven't paid attention
to it in 3 months,
180
00:08:02,826 --> 00:08:05,560
like me with any hair
above my mid-thigh.
181
00:08:05,562 --> 00:08:06,761
Tell me about it.
182
00:08:06,763 --> 00:08:08,263
When you bend over
in that skirt,
183
00:08:08,265 --> 00:08:10,365
it looks like you're
giving birth to Art Garfunkel.
184
00:08:14,671 --> 00:08:18,573
Me, me, me,
me, me, me, me!
185
00:08:18,575 --> 00:08:21,242
Oh, good.
Earl, you're here.
186
00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:26,614
Yes, I am.
Don't tell any of my ex-wives.
187
00:08:26,616 --> 00:08:28,716
Earl, would you
do me the honor
188
00:08:28,718 --> 00:08:31,419
and walk me down the aisle
tomorrow night?
189
00:08:31,421 --> 00:08:32,887
Sophie, sorry.
190
00:08:32,889 --> 00:08:34,222
I didn't know
your father was dead.
191
00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:37,692
Did he die upon meeting Oleg?
192
00:08:37,694 --> 00:08:39,260
Oh, he's not dead,
193
00:08:39,262 --> 00:08:43,164
but I'm not getting
upstaged by an iron lung.
194
00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:46,768
Well, Earl,
how could you say no
195
00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:49,170
to such a heartfelt request?
196
00:08:49,172 --> 00:08:50,905
I'd be honored, Sophie.
197
00:08:50,907 --> 00:08:52,307
Like the wedding saying goes,
198
00:08:52,309 --> 00:08:54,642
Something old,
something new,
199
00:08:54,644 --> 00:08:55,710
something borrowed,
200
00:08:55,712 --> 00:08:59,013
and someone black.
201
00:08:59,015 --> 00:09:00,915
Oh, Caroline, look.
202
00:09:00,917 --> 00:09:03,051
Here are the pink ribbons
for Chestnut.
203
00:09:03,053 --> 00:09:06,154
Chestnut has to be
covered in girly ribbons?
204
00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:08,089
I can't do that to my boy.
205
00:09:08,091 --> 00:09:09,524
I'll throw in another 50.
206
00:09:09,526 --> 00:09:11,626
I guess there's a reason
"horse" sounds
207
00:09:11,628 --> 00:09:14,128
so much like "whore."
208
00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:17,699
Now, we're all gonna leave
for the church at 6:00,
209
00:09:17,701 --> 00:09:19,934
but I told Earl 4:00,
210
00:09:19,936 --> 00:09:23,404
'cause, well...
You know.
211
00:09:29,546 --> 00:09:32,280
- ¶ Mm-hm hm hmm ¶
- What's happening over there?
212
00:09:32,282 --> 00:09:33,881
Max, you're humming!
213
00:09:33,883 --> 00:09:35,149
[scoffs]
What?
214
00:09:35,151 --> 00:09:37,051
[laughs]
Please...
215
00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:38,252
I am not a hummer.
216
00:09:38,254 --> 00:09:39,420
I mean,
I'll drive in them,
217
00:09:39,422 --> 00:09:43,424
I'll give them,
but I am not one.
218
00:09:43,426 --> 00:09:45,026
[continues humming]
219
00:09:45,028 --> 00:09:47,829
Oh, my God, I am humming!
What's wrong with me?
220
00:09:47,831 --> 00:09:50,264
What am I gonna do next,
smile?
221
00:09:52,535 --> 00:09:54,369
That's right!
Today's special promotion,
222
00:09:54,371 --> 00:09:56,938
in and out in five minutes
or your dessert is half off.
223
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:59,173
Eat it, Cinnabon.
224
00:09:59,175 --> 00:10:01,676
Pear tart and a coffee.
Come on, I'm on a clock here.
225
00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:04,345
Who had the damn pear tart
and a coffee?
226
00:10:04,347 --> 00:10:06,447
Max, hurry!
Five minutes, in and out!
227
00:10:06,449 --> 00:10:07,949
Yeah, the one thing
you don't have to explain
228
00:10:07,951 --> 00:10:09,984
to me is "in and out."
229
00:10:09,986 --> 00:10:12,053
I need help!
I never said I was fast.
230
00:10:12,055 --> 00:10:13,554
All my high school
guidance counselors did,
231
00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:15,089
but I did not.
232
00:10:15,091 --> 00:10:16,424
I'll go get John
off break
233
00:10:16,426 --> 00:10:17,992
because my waiter
still isn't here.
234
00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:19,227
This whole Middle East
situation
235
00:10:19,229 --> 00:10:21,696
is just so inconvenient
for me.
236
00:10:24,067 --> 00:10:25,900
Okay, now we have
a real situation.
237
00:10:25,902 --> 00:10:27,635
You hit someone.
Damn it, Max.
238
00:10:27,637 --> 00:10:29,937
It's not about me.
It's Sophie.
239
00:10:29,939 --> 00:10:31,272
Her gown arrived
from Poland
240
00:10:31,274 --> 00:10:34,208
and it's stuck
in customs out here.
241
00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:35,777
(Sophie on phone)
My gown!
242
00:10:35,779 --> 00:10:37,345
My beautiful gown!
243
00:10:37,347 --> 00:10:40,715
[screaming]
Oh, my God! My gown!
244
00:10:40,717 --> 00:10:42,717
Wow.
She is really upset.
245
00:10:42,719 --> 00:10:44,052
Really upset,
246
00:10:44,054 --> 00:10:46,688
'cause this isn't
even on speaker.
247
00:10:48,091 --> 00:10:51,159
Yes, it's awful,
but look on the bright side.
248
00:10:51,161 --> 00:10:53,528
Our certain-to-be-hideous
bridesmaids dresses
249
00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:55,063
are stuck in customs too.
250
00:10:55,065 --> 00:10:57,331
No, those arrived.
251
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:59,434
Damn it!
First, it's the Middle East,
252
00:10:59,436 --> 00:11:00,568
now those dresses.
253
00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:02,970
I cannot catch a break.
254
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,907
Wow, this place is packed.
255
00:11:05,909 --> 00:11:07,642
Remember us?
Bonnie and Ronnie?
256
00:11:07,644 --> 00:11:09,577
We knew you when.
257
00:11:09,579 --> 00:11:10,778
Hey, wait, uh, Ronnie,
258
00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:12,980
didn't you say that
you boned a guy in customs?
259
00:11:12,982 --> 00:11:15,183
That was Bonnie.
I have standards...
260
00:11:15,185 --> 00:11:17,719
and he didn't like me.
261
00:11:17,721 --> 00:11:20,455
To be clear, I did have sex
with the customs guy,
262
00:11:20,457 --> 00:11:21,622
but not in customs.
263
00:11:21,624 --> 00:11:24,859
It was in one of
those family bathrooms.
264
00:11:24,861 --> 00:11:26,694
Look, is there any way
you could help us
265
00:11:26,696 --> 00:11:28,329
get a package out of customs?
266
00:11:28,331 --> 00:11:30,865
Wait...
What bra am I wearing?
267
00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:32,567
Oh, done!
268
00:11:32,569 --> 00:11:33,701
[both laugh]
269
00:11:33,703 --> 00:11:37,305
John, we're leaving.
You're in charge.
270
00:11:37,307 --> 00:11:39,073
Max!
We can't leave right now.
271
00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:41,008
The wedding's not till tonight
and we're in the middle
272
00:11:41,010 --> 00:11:43,144
of a store promotion
and we're losing.
273
00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:45,279
You know I'm
gonna kill you, right?
274
00:11:45,281 --> 00:11:46,914
I just have
to figure out how.
275
00:11:46,916 --> 00:11:48,349
Top contender
is hooking your necklace
276
00:11:48,351 --> 00:11:50,485
on the front gate
and pushing up.
277
00:11:50,487 --> 00:11:52,320
We'll stay
as late as possible.
278
00:11:52,322 --> 00:11:55,189
Just pick up Sophie's dress box
and hop on the subway.
279
00:11:55,191 --> 00:12:00,061
Easy peasy.
280
00:12:00,063 --> 00:12:01,395
(male announcer)
Watch the closing doors, please.
281
00:12:01,397 --> 00:12:03,030
[struggling]
Ugh--oho...
282
00:12:03,032 --> 00:12:05,833
Why is nothing easy peasy?
283
00:12:05,835 --> 00:12:11,038
¶ ¶
284
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:12,373
¶ ¶
285
00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:13,908
(male voice)
Watch the closing doors, please.
286
00:12:13,910 --> 00:12:15,510
I am watching the doors!
287
00:12:15,512 --> 00:12:17,745
It's hard not to.
They're about to eat my box.
288
00:12:17,747 --> 00:12:19,147
[laughing]
289
00:12:19,149 --> 00:12:20,915
[mocking laugh]
290
00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:22,216
Yeah, real funny, sir.
291
00:12:22,218 --> 00:12:24,485
A girl said, "Eat my box."
Grow up.
292
00:12:26,156 --> 00:12:29,891
[whimper] Jeez!
How could a dress be this big?
293
00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:32,927
This is just the veil.
294
00:12:32,929 --> 00:12:34,162
I have to get something
out of my bag.
295
00:12:34,164 --> 00:12:35,763
Hold this by yourself
for a second.
296
00:12:35,765 --> 00:12:39,100
[groans]
297
00:12:39,102 --> 00:12:41,502
I can't find it.
Here, take this.
298
00:12:41,504 --> 00:12:42,870
What is this?
299
00:12:42,872 --> 00:12:44,372
A hundred dollars in change.
300
00:12:44,374 --> 00:12:45,907
We need it for the wedding.
It's a Polish custom
301
00:12:45,909 --> 00:12:47,408
to throw change at the bride.
302
00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:49,911
Loose change?
Live animals?
303
00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:53,247
Is this a wedding
or a cock fight?
304
00:12:53,249 --> 00:12:54,615
Max, this is heavy!
305
00:12:54,617 --> 00:12:56,217
What do you have
to get out of your bag?
306
00:12:56,219 --> 00:12:58,753
- Something important.
- What is it?
307
00:12:58,755 --> 00:13:00,988
The rest of my Cinnabon.
308
00:13:00,990 --> 00:13:02,824
Max, that's our competition!
309
00:13:02,826 --> 00:13:04,992
The reason for our failure
is that piece of crap.
310
00:13:04,994 --> 00:13:06,494
I mean, I ca--
311
00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:09,697
Oh, my God,
this is delicious!
312
00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:13,401
No! Max,
he's got the money bag.
313
00:13:13,403 --> 00:13:15,736
[yelp]
[scattering coins]
314
00:13:15,738 --> 00:13:18,606
No--
No! No, no, no!
315
00:13:18,608 --> 00:13:21,242
That is
our Polish bride money!
316
00:13:21,244 --> 00:13:22,643
Back off!
317
00:13:22,645 --> 00:13:24,345
This is not the day
to the screw with me.
318
00:13:24,347 --> 00:13:25,680
I'm at the business bottom
319
00:13:25,682 --> 00:13:28,516
and I've had nothing
to lose since 2011.
320
00:13:28,518 --> 00:13:33,387
[screeching brakes]
[loud clunk]
321
00:13:33,389 --> 00:13:35,623
(male voice)
Queen's Plaza.
322
00:13:35,625 --> 00:13:39,594
Yup. That's what
would happen next.
323
00:13:39,596 --> 00:13:42,597
[rock music]
324
00:13:42,599 --> 00:13:47,468
¶ ¶
325
00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:49,303
What's the hold up
back there?
326
00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:51,639
People are placing bets
that I'm halfway to Reno
327
00:13:51,641 --> 00:13:54,508
with a hooker
and the wedding cash.
328
00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:56,344
Relax.
After that subway,
329
00:13:56,346 --> 00:13:59,113
Max and Caroline needed
some time to freshen up.
330
00:13:59,115 --> 00:14:01,115
They came smelling
like that diner cheese
331
00:14:01,117 --> 00:14:04,785
I tell you all is still good.
332
00:14:04,787 --> 00:14:07,822
Hey, everybody!
333
00:14:07,824 --> 00:14:10,758
We look just like Sophie!
I am so relieved.
334
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,428
I thought I'd be way overdressed
but I'm just under-boobed.
335
00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:15,763
Yeah, we were in a hurry
336
00:14:15,765 --> 00:14:17,765
or I would have loaned her
a cup of mine.
337
00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:20,101
All right.
338
00:14:20,103 --> 00:14:22,436
Oleg, stop looking
at us like that.
339
00:14:22,438 --> 00:14:26,274
It's okay.
I'm marrying you.
340
00:14:26,276 --> 00:14:29,043
You guys look
like the Four Tops.
341
00:14:29,045 --> 00:14:32,280
Well, two tops
and a bottom.
342
00:14:35,852 --> 00:14:37,785
Oleg, Sophie doesn't
want you to see her.
343
00:14:37,787 --> 00:14:40,288
Jump on Chestnut
and start down the aisle.
344
00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:42,256
And Chestnut,
I'm sorry, baby.
345
00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:46,627
I know you never wanted
to do drag.
346
00:14:47,697 --> 00:14:49,597
And, Han, you're supposed
to take this
347
00:14:49,599 --> 00:14:52,533
in case something happens
in the aisle.
348
00:14:52,535 --> 00:14:56,103
This just went
from best man to worst job.
349
00:14:56,105 --> 00:14:59,106
[bombastic music]
350
00:14:59,108 --> 00:15:07,315
¶ ¶
351
00:15:10,687 --> 00:15:11,953
¶ Hey! ¶
352
00:15:15,058 --> 00:15:17,258
Hi.
353
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:18,893
What do you think, girls?
354
00:15:18,895 --> 00:15:22,697
Do I look like a virgin?
355
00:15:22,699 --> 00:15:24,432
[horns sound]
356
00:15:24,434 --> 00:15:27,868
I heard the tubas.
That's my cue! Go, girls. Go!
357
00:15:27,870 --> 00:15:30,871
[brassy folk music]
358
00:15:30,873 --> 00:15:38,879
¶ ¶
359
00:15:54,897 --> 00:16:02,903
¶ ¶
360
00:16:07,777 --> 00:16:09,377
Oh, God!
361
00:16:09,379 --> 00:16:11,012
Her dress
almost killed us
362
00:16:11,014 --> 00:16:12,613
and now it killed Earl.
363
00:16:14,984 --> 00:16:16,450
[gasps]
Thanks.
364
00:16:16,452 --> 00:16:18,652
I thought
I was a goner.
365
00:16:21,024 --> 00:16:23,090
[organ music]
366
00:16:23,092 --> 00:16:26,027
Time for the vows.
367
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:30,464
Bring the crowns!
368
00:16:30,466 --> 00:16:33,134
And crowned is married...
369
00:16:33,136 --> 00:16:37,838
[drawn out]
with honor.
370
00:16:39,709 --> 00:16:41,709
Ohhh...
371
00:16:41,711 --> 00:16:45,312
Raise the crowns
to their heads.
372
00:16:55,725 --> 00:16:57,458
Better go.
This is as good as
373
00:16:57,460 --> 00:17:00,628
it's gonna get
without a ladder.
374
00:17:02,098 --> 00:17:06,400
I, Sophie Kachinsky...
375
00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:15,409
take you, Oleg Golishevsky
376
00:17:15,411 --> 00:17:17,878
to love and to cherish,
377
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,548
to have and to hold,
378
00:17:20,550 --> 00:17:23,250
never to leave your side
379
00:17:23,252 --> 00:17:27,054
'til death comes to take me.
380
00:17:27,056 --> 00:17:31,158
I, Oleg Golishevsky,
381
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,694
take you,
Sophie Kachinsky,
382
00:17:33,696 --> 00:17:35,863
to love and to cherish,
383
00:17:35,865 --> 00:17:38,199
to have and to hold,
384
00:17:38,201 --> 00:17:39,700
never to leave your side
385
00:17:39,702 --> 00:17:42,903
'til death comes to take me.
386
00:17:45,441 --> 00:17:50,010
I pronounce you
husband and wife!
387
00:17:50,012 --> 00:17:52,079
[applause]
388
00:17:53,549 --> 00:17:56,584
Max,
now you throw the coins.
389
00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:59,954
[coins clunking faintly]
390
00:18:00,957 --> 00:18:02,490
Long story.
391
00:18:06,062 --> 00:18:07,761
Wow, girl,
your fingers work fast.
392
00:18:07,763 --> 00:18:09,864
[giggles]
Must be from years
393
00:18:09,866 --> 00:18:12,933
of opening those 501
button-fly jeans...
394
00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:14,835
Mine and others'.
395
00:18:14,837 --> 00:18:17,104
Max, I'm done waiting.
I need that piece
396
00:18:17,106 --> 00:18:18,539
of cake right now.
397
00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:20,107
We just had a close call
in the air.
398
00:18:20,109 --> 00:18:22,343
So close, we gave
the finger to the pilot
399
00:18:22,345 --> 00:18:24,879
in the plane next to us.
400
00:18:24,881 --> 00:18:26,347
We almost crashed,
and I didn't wanna
401
00:18:26,349 --> 00:18:27,748
go down screaming,
402
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:30,151
"I should have
opened a daycare center!"
403
00:18:30,153 --> 00:18:34,755
I usually go down screaming,
"You didn't buy me dinner!"
404
00:18:34,757 --> 00:18:36,090
Bonnie, let's admit it.
405
00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:37,791
We're never gonna
go for our dream,
406
00:18:37,793 --> 00:18:40,594
just like we never went
to get those colonics.
407
00:18:40,596 --> 00:18:42,463
If we really wanted
our own business,
408
00:18:42,465 --> 00:18:45,799
we would have done it already,
like Max and Caroline did.
409
00:18:47,603 --> 00:18:49,069
You're right, we did.
410
00:18:49,071 --> 00:18:51,939
John,
cut these two the biggest piece
411
00:18:51,941 --> 00:18:54,575
of coconut
macadamia nut cake we have.
412
00:18:54,577 --> 00:18:57,811
Oh my god.
I think I just climaxed.
413
00:18:57,813 --> 00:18:59,880
Well, then pull
your panties on
414
00:18:59,882 --> 00:19:02,883
and slink the hell out
like you usually do.
415
00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:05,519
[both laugh]
416
00:19:05,521 --> 00:19:07,488
Caroline, I need to talk to you.
417
00:19:07,490 --> 00:19:08,722
What are you doing?
418
00:19:08,724 --> 00:19:11,859
Working!
I'm very sick.
419
00:19:11,861 --> 00:19:14,929
Bonnie and Ronnie out there just
reminded me of something.
420
00:19:14,931 --> 00:19:17,531
I mean, besides two aunts
drunk on vacation.
421
00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:21,969
We have our own business.
The High isn't our failure.
422
00:19:21,971 --> 00:19:24,038
We already have
our very own failure
423
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,407
called Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
424
00:19:26,409 --> 00:19:27,841
And if we stay here,
we're building
425
00:19:27,843 --> 00:19:30,544
someone else's dream,
not ours.
426
00:19:30,546 --> 00:19:31,679
Also, if we stay,
427
00:19:31,681 --> 00:19:35,082
your ass will be
the size of a house.
428
00:19:35,084 --> 00:19:38,686
I mean, when was the last time
you felt happy here?
429
00:19:38,688 --> 00:19:40,988
Like 30 seconds ago
when you said this place
430
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:42,957
wasn't our failure
and I remembered I was holding
431
00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:46,660
another one of these
in my other hand.
432
00:19:46,662 --> 00:19:48,128
Let's get out of this airport.
433
00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:51,432
We never have to see another
Nicholas Sparks novel again.
434
00:19:51,434 --> 00:19:52,833
First, we have to get rid
435
00:19:52,835 --> 00:19:54,969
of those two plane tickets
to Paris.
436
00:19:54,971 --> 00:19:58,205
Do we?
437
00:19:59,942 --> 00:20:01,875
I mean, if we're gonna fail
438
00:20:01,877 --> 00:20:04,411
we can still do that after
a week in Paris, right?
439
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:05,980
Right.
440
00:20:05,982 --> 00:20:08,582
I'm so stoked!
I've never been in first class.
441
00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:11,885
Except, Max,
this is coach.
442
00:20:11,887 --> 00:20:14,054
I got a refund on one ticket
and traded in the other
443
00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:17,157
to buy two coach tickets
and to pay for a cheap hotel.
444
00:20:17,159 --> 00:20:19,393
I'm so stoked.
I've never been in coach.
445
00:20:19,395 --> 00:20:21,061
[giggles]
And also so
446
00:20:21,063 --> 00:20:22,263
we have money to spend.
447
00:20:22,265 --> 00:20:25,065
We should be able
to do Paris for a week on $12.
448
00:20:25,067 --> 00:20:27,801
Of course, we can.
449
00:20:27,803 --> 00:20:30,971
What's the difference between
coach and first, anyway?
450
00:20:30,973 --> 00:20:32,606
The champagne.
451
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:34,508
We'll be back
with the good crackers,
452
00:20:34,510 --> 00:20:36,210
and I don't mean us.
453
00:20:36,212 --> 00:20:38,178
[both laugh]
454
00:20:40,516 --> 00:20:42,149
Well, partner,
after all we've been
455
00:20:42,151 --> 00:20:44,451
through this year,
whatever comes next,
456
00:20:44,453 --> 00:20:46,320
I kinda feel ready for it.
457
00:20:46,322 --> 00:20:49,156
(Bonnie)
Flight crew, prepare
for take-off.
458
00:20:49,158 --> 00:20:52,793
[humming]
459
00:20:52,795 --> 00:20:55,329
Hey, now you're humming.
460
00:20:55,331 --> 00:20:57,331
I am?
461
00:21:02,204 --> 00:21:04,905
Hey, can I trade this in
for a beer?