1
00:00:01,311 --> 00:00:03,745
Oleg, the people at Table Two
2
00:00:03,747 --> 00:00:05,380
want to know
what's in the veggie burger.
3
00:00:05,382 --> 00:00:06,715
No. They don't.
4
00:00:11,522 --> 00:00:13,055
Eh. That's fine.
5
00:00:13,057 --> 00:00:14,289
They wanted refills,
so I'm probably not
6
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,091
gonna go back there anyway.
7
00:00:16,093 --> 00:00:17,459
Where's Max?
8
00:00:17,461 --> 00:00:18,827
This plate has been
here so long,
9
00:00:18,829 --> 00:00:22,764
the salmon is turning into
Salmonella.
10
00:00:22,766 --> 00:00:27,402
She took a break
with the new dishwasher.
11
00:00:27,404 --> 00:00:29,704
Max, I thought you slipped out
the back.
12
00:00:29,706 --> 00:00:32,140
He did for a minute,
but I popped him back in.
13
00:00:37,648 --> 00:00:40,415
This just in,
work is so much more fun
14
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:43,251
when you're sleeping
with a co-worker.
15
00:00:43,253 --> 00:00:45,120
Max, that was good.
16
00:00:45,122 --> 00:00:47,789
It was five Hail Marys good.
17
00:00:47,791 --> 00:00:52,160
I think we made
these dishes dirtier.
18
00:00:52,162 --> 00:00:57,299
Max, he's cute, but how can you
even stay hard with that accent?
19
00:00:57,301 --> 00:01:01,670
"Come here, Max.
I wanna hump ya a wee bit".
20
00:01:04,241 --> 00:01:05,807
What can I say,
I always had a thing
21
00:01:05,809 --> 00:01:09,544
for the guy on the box
of Lucky Charms.
22
00:01:09,546 --> 00:01:11,646
(Peter Bjorn and John)
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ¶
23
00:01:11,648 --> 00:01:13,381
[cash register bell dings]
24
00:01:13,383 --> 00:01:16,852
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Ooh Ooh ¶
25
00:01:22,893 --> 00:01:25,560
Hey, everybody.
26
00:01:27,564 --> 00:01:31,199
Look, I got me a Fitbit.
27
00:01:31,201 --> 00:01:35,437
13, 14, 15...
28
00:01:35,439 --> 00:01:38,707
Only 200,000 more steps
before I get a bit more fit
29
00:01:38,709 --> 00:01:40,709
for my wedding.
30
00:01:40,711 --> 00:01:42,310
That's impressive.
31
00:01:42,312 --> 00:01:47,382
I couldn't even make it
through 12 steps.
32
00:01:47,384 --> 00:01:48,383
Hey, Max.
33
00:01:48,385 --> 00:01:50,552
How's my maid of honor?
34
00:01:50,554 --> 00:01:51,887
Hey, Caroline.
35
00:01:51,889 --> 00:01:56,858
How's my run-of-the-mill
wedding guest?
36
00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:59,661
I'm doing great.
Did that sound convincing?
37
00:01:59,663 --> 00:02:01,296
'Cause I've been practicing
it in the bathroom mirror
38
00:02:01,298 --> 00:02:03,431
for an hour every morning.
39
00:02:03,433 --> 00:02:05,233
I know, I've got to stop
sitting on the toilet
40
00:02:05,235 --> 00:02:07,602
while you do that.
41
00:02:07,604 --> 00:02:10,505
Max, let's talk
bridesmaid dresses.
42
00:02:10,507 --> 00:02:12,374
I don't care,
I'll wear anything.
43
00:02:12,376 --> 00:02:15,777
I wore a Greyhound Bus driver's
uniform to my prom.
44
00:02:15,779 --> 00:02:18,647
I was coming
straight from work.
45
00:02:18,649 --> 00:02:21,516
Well, I have decided to wear
46
00:02:21,518 --> 00:02:24,219
Grandma Kuchenski's
wedding gown.
47
00:02:24,221 --> 00:02:27,422
Yeah, all of the women
in my family wore it.
48
00:02:27,424 --> 00:02:29,491
Everyone except
aunts Svetti and Letti,
49
00:02:29,493 --> 00:02:34,329
'cause, well, they're attached
at the abdomen.
50
00:02:34,331 --> 00:02:35,564
There she is.
51
00:02:35,566 --> 00:02:40,202
The hot sauce
for my Huevos Mancheros.
52
00:02:43,774 --> 00:02:46,308
Hey, Sophie, baby,
I got you what you want.
53
00:02:46,310 --> 00:02:49,544
Oleg, no one wants Hepatitis.
54
00:02:51,348 --> 00:02:52,714
It's official.
55
00:02:52,716 --> 00:02:55,517
Our wedding's gonna be
in The Times.
56
00:02:55,519 --> 00:02:58,286
Oleg, how are you gonna be
in The Times?
57
00:02:58,288 --> 00:02:59,688
The Times tends to be picky
58
00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:02,757
and you tend to be more
"picky your nose."
59
00:03:02,759 --> 00:03:07,295
You know, my second wedding
made The Times.
60
00:03:07,297 --> 00:03:12,467
'Cause my first wife showed up
and shot me in the leg.
61
00:03:12,469 --> 00:03:14,236
[phone dings]
62
00:03:14,238 --> 00:03:16,671
That's Vlanka, my sister.
63
00:03:16,673 --> 00:03:19,007
She's my other bridesmaid.
64
00:03:19,009 --> 00:03:22,811
Yeah, we're not that close,
but I feel bad for her
65
00:03:22,813 --> 00:03:25,814
'cause she's one of those adults
with freckles.
66
00:03:29,453 --> 00:03:31,953
Max, you're going to be
in The Times!
67
00:03:31,955 --> 00:03:35,857
In The Times, wearing God knows
what Sophie will pick.
68
00:03:35,859 --> 00:03:40,462
I mean, she has a drawer full
of diamond tiaras for the gym.
69
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,267
Hello, what are you two
talking about?
70
00:03:45,269 --> 00:03:48,503
Deciding which tables to ignore?
71
00:03:48,505 --> 00:03:49,904
We're talking about
Sophie's taste.
72
00:03:49,906 --> 00:03:54,809
Oh, bitch, please.
Come on.
73
00:03:54,811 --> 00:04:00,448
My morning fiber cookie
has better taste than Sophie.
74
00:04:00,450 --> 00:04:02,817
Girls, Vlanka's out.
75
00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:05,587
She has an attitude
and freckles.
76
00:04:05,589 --> 00:04:09,357
Yeah. I mean,
that's too far.
77
00:04:09,359 --> 00:04:13,028
So, Caroline,
congratulations!
78
00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:15,797
You're my new bridesmaid!
79
00:04:22,406 --> 00:04:25,040
Okay, I found a bridesmaid's
dress that I like.
80
00:04:25,042 --> 00:04:26,675
But the only way we can afford
it is if I sell you
81
00:04:26,677 --> 00:04:29,844
to that Armenian guy
on Craigslist.
82
00:04:29,846 --> 00:04:31,012
No way.
83
00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:33,515
I get sick of hummus
after four bites.
84
00:04:33,517 --> 00:04:35,984
Max, we have to
take charge of this.
85
00:04:35,986 --> 00:04:37,752
Because whatever bridesmaid's
dress Sophie picks
86
00:04:37,754 --> 00:04:39,554
is like a Tyler Perry movie.
87
00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:42,857
I don't have to see it
to know it's gonna be awful.
88
00:04:45,929 --> 00:04:48,096
We'll find something
classy, and beautiful,
89
00:04:48,098 --> 00:04:50,398
and just shove it
down her throat.
90
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:54,736
Who's shoving what down whom?
91
00:04:54,738 --> 00:05:00,342
And if you don't
have a story, I do.
92
00:05:00,344 --> 00:05:02,844
John, Max and I got roped
into being bridesmaids.
93
00:05:02,846 --> 00:05:04,079
Stop.
94
00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:05,513
You had me at rope.
95
00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:08,450
You lost me
at bridesmaids.
96
00:05:08,452 --> 00:05:10,018
I'll be at the hostess stand,
looking at dresses
97
00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:11,953
and silently wishing
for an asteroid
98
00:05:11,955 --> 00:05:14,022
to wipe us off the planet.
99
00:05:14,024 --> 00:05:15,724
If wishes made things happen,
we'd been in the middle
100
00:05:15,726 --> 00:05:18,460
of a zombie apocalypse
right now.
101
00:05:20,697 --> 00:05:21,863
Hey, girls.
102
00:05:21,865 --> 00:05:23,565
My dress just arrived
from Poland
103
00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:25,834
and I'm bustin'
for you to see it.
104
00:05:25,836 --> 00:05:30,372
See it while I eat
one of your $14 puddings.
105
00:05:30,374 --> 00:05:32,407
Sophie, I've been looking
at color choices,
106
00:05:32,409 --> 00:05:35,076
and how would you feel
about us in a nude?
107
00:05:35,078 --> 00:05:40,882
Max could go nude but you don't
have the rack to pull it off.
108
00:05:40,884 --> 00:05:42,617
Does anyone have a knife?
109
00:05:47,023 --> 00:05:48,556
Max, why do you have
a switchblade
110
00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:50,158
to work in a dessert bar?
111
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:55,397
My mother always told me
to carry protection.
112
00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:58,466
Wait 'til you see
Grandma Kuchenski's dress.
113
00:05:58,468 --> 00:06:00,668
They don't make them
like they used to.
114
00:06:00,670 --> 00:06:05,006
You know, forced
gypsy labor is illegal now.
115
00:06:05,008 --> 00:06:10,178
Here we go.
116
00:06:10,180 --> 00:06:11,913
- Oh.
- Uh...
117
00:06:11,915 --> 00:06:15,917
Sophie, was your grandma
the Crypt Keeper?
118
00:06:18,889 --> 00:06:20,889
What's going on out here?
119
00:06:20,891 --> 00:06:23,158
What's all that white powder
in the air?
120
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,928
I'm trying to run a restaurant,
not an 80's disco.
121
00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:29,631
Oh, put a sock in it.
122
00:06:29,633 --> 00:06:32,634
I'm buying one of your freaking
overpriced puddings.
123
00:06:35,806 --> 00:06:40,008
I'd get mad but I'm mildly
attracted to you right now.
124
00:06:40,010 --> 00:06:43,545
Just mildly?
125
00:06:43,547 --> 00:06:47,549
I mean, now I'm getting mad.
126
00:06:47,551 --> 00:06:48,950
Sorry.
Wedding drama.
127
00:06:48,952 --> 00:06:50,819
Her dress just fell
completely to pieces...
128
00:06:50,821 --> 00:06:54,489
like I'm assuming
I'll do in the near future.
129
00:06:54,491 --> 00:06:55,824
Whatever you need anything
bridal,
130
00:06:55,826 --> 00:06:57,892
go to Rosenfeld's in Brooklyn.
131
00:06:57,894 --> 00:07:02,564
That's where I got my dress
when I was broke and straight.
132
00:07:02,566 --> 00:07:04,466
So you weren't always
into women?
133
00:07:04,468 --> 00:07:06,167
Of course I was.
134
00:07:06,169 --> 00:07:11,940
Except those three years
in Scientology.
135
00:07:11,942 --> 00:07:14,642
Well, it looks like
the three of us
136
00:07:14,644 --> 00:07:17,011
are going to go
dress shopping now.
137
00:07:17,013 --> 00:07:19,714
Yeah. And you know,
I got to go wash my hands
138
00:07:19,716 --> 00:07:22,884
'cause they're covered
in old lady DNA.
139
00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:28,823
Well, that's that.
140
00:07:28,825 --> 00:07:30,492
Shopping with Sophie
is like when I worked
141
00:07:30,494 --> 00:07:32,727
in a Thai massage parlor.
142
00:07:32,729 --> 00:07:35,163
We are going down.
143
00:07:39,569 --> 00:07:41,703
Not if we go before
Sophie
144
00:07:41,705 --> 00:07:44,973
and hide every ugly bridesmaid's
dress that Sophie would like.
145
00:07:44,975 --> 00:07:48,109
If she can't see them,
she can't make us wear them.
146
00:07:48,111 --> 00:07:49,677
How did you come up
with that so fast?
147
00:07:49,679 --> 00:07:51,779
It's the same plan
I used in 2010
148
00:07:51,781 --> 00:07:54,215
when I was a bridesmaid
for Chelsea Clinton.
149
00:07:54,217 --> 00:07:57,185
Bad dress and then her father
followed me into the coat room.
150
00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:03,091
Oh, wow.
151
00:08:03,093 --> 00:08:04,125
Look at this place.
152
00:08:04,127 --> 00:08:05,994
It reminds me of that movie.
153
00:08:05,996 --> 00:08:10,131
- Bridesmaids?
- No, Nightmare on Elm Street.
154
00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:12,300
I don't know what you're worried
about, Caroline.
155
00:08:12,302 --> 00:08:14,168
I think they're
all quite lovely.
156
00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:15,537
Nash, please.
157
00:08:15,539 --> 00:08:19,274
You're a poor person
from Ireland.
158
00:08:19,276 --> 00:08:21,309
I'll ask your opinion when
I need to know where to go
159
00:08:21,311 --> 00:08:25,613
to get free leg braces.
160
00:08:25,615 --> 00:08:26,948
You were right, Max.
161
00:08:26,950 --> 00:08:30,151
She can be
a real "B" sometimes.
162
00:08:30,153 --> 00:08:32,787
I'm sorry, but I don't even know
why he's here.
163
00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:38,760
Bonin' O'Brien here...
164
00:08:38,762 --> 00:08:40,228
is gonna distract
the sales lady
165
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:43,298
while we hide the ugly dresses.
166
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:45,033
Hello, ladies.
167
00:08:45,035 --> 00:08:48,002
Same plan.
168
00:08:48,004 --> 00:08:49,704
Who's the lucky bride?
169
00:08:49,706 --> 00:08:54,342
Or should I say,
who's the lucky cradle robber?
170
00:08:54,344 --> 00:08:55,810
Don't mind me.
171
00:08:55,812 --> 00:08:57,612
It's just my crazy sense
of humor.
172
00:08:57,614 --> 00:08:59,581
Oh, the ladies here love it.
173
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:01,649
The call me "Crazy Carl."
174
00:09:01,651 --> 00:09:05,219
[raspy voice]
"Did you hear
what Crazy Carl said?"
175
00:09:05,221 --> 00:09:07,789
They just love it.
176
00:09:07,791 --> 00:09:09,123
I'm Caroline.
177
00:09:09,125 --> 00:09:11,326
This is Max
and he isn't the groom.
178
00:09:11,328 --> 00:09:12,694
No, no, no.
179
00:09:12,696 --> 00:09:15,630
He's single and gay.
Yes.
180
00:09:15,632 --> 00:09:18,633
So gay, he got kicked out
of One Direction.
181
00:09:23,139 --> 00:09:25,273
Why don't you two walk off
somewhere
182
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:28,142
and share poignant
coming-out stories.
183
00:09:28,144 --> 00:09:30,078
Go.
184
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:33,281
- But Max--
- Oh, you heard the women, go.
185
00:09:33,283 --> 00:09:34,716
Can do.
186
00:09:34,718 --> 00:09:37,218
Ladies, look around,
we'll be back...
187
00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:39,187
in about a month.
188
00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:40,855
Tahiti anyone?
189
00:09:40,857 --> 00:09:42,223
I'm just Crazy Carl.
190
00:09:42,225 --> 00:09:43,658
The ladies love it.
191
00:09:45,762 --> 00:09:47,829
Bridesmaid's dresses should be
called what they are.
192
00:09:47,831 --> 00:09:51,366
Really expensive donations
to Goodwill.
193
00:09:51,368 --> 00:09:52,834
Is this one bad?
194
00:09:52,836 --> 00:09:55,203
No. That's a Vera Wang.
195
00:09:55,205 --> 00:09:58,840
But this is a very wrong.
196
00:09:58,842 --> 00:10:00,942
Hide it.
197
00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:05,079
Ew. And it's evil twin.
198
00:10:05,081 --> 00:10:09,083
Oh, I didn't know hazmat suits
came with feathers.
199
00:10:11,788 --> 00:10:14,055
Oh my God.
200
00:10:14,057 --> 00:10:17,125
This the worst thing
I've ever seen.
201
00:10:17,127 --> 00:10:19,193
And I've seen a prostitute
change her tampon
202
00:10:19,195 --> 00:10:21,863
on the sidewalk.
203
00:10:21,865 --> 00:10:25,199
Who are you calling
a prostitute?
204
00:10:29,939 --> 00:10:32,407
This, we've got to hide.
205
00:10:32,409 --> 00:10:34,142
I can't get this dress off.
206
00:10:34,144 --> 00:10:35,710
Just tell it you work at Google
207
00:10:35,712 --> 00:10:37,779
and you're thinking
of settling down.
208
00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:40,014
Lift it up. Lift it up.
Dump it back there.
209
00:10:40,016 --> 00:10:41,816
Stop!
210
00:10:41,818 --> 00:10:45,453
You put
Butterscotch Betty down.
211
00:10:45,455 --> 00:10:48,256
Oh, we were just looking
for a price tag.
212
00:10:48,258 --> 00:10:50,358
I know what's going on here.
213
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,993
You're hiding the good dresses
214
00:10:51,995 --> 00:10:53,728
to make sure no one else
can get them
215
00:10:53,730 --> 00:10:56,030
at our annual half-off
sale tomorrow.
216
00:10:56,032 --> 00:10:57,465
Yeah, that's what we're doing.
217
00:10:57,467 --> 00:11:00,134
We're hiding the good dresses.
218
00:11:00,136 --> 00:11:03,738
In fact, I just caught another
Sneaky Sue.
219
00:11:03,740 --> 00:11:07,308
Oh, I'm Sophie.
220
00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:12,847
Oh, wow, wow, wow.
221
00:11:12,849 --> 00:11:16,851
Oh, look at the color.
222
00:11:16,853 --> 00:11:20,254
That's not color.
That's radiation.
223
00:11:20,256 --> 00:11:22,824
That dress is a one of a kind.
224
00:11:22,826 --> 00:11:23,925
Meaning there's only one?
225
00:11:23,927 --> 00:11:25,893
No, we have two.
226
00:11:25,895 --> 00:11:30,031
And I have two bridesmaids!
227
00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:33,034
I love it when life works out
perfect like this.
228
00:11:38,174 --> 00:11:40,642
[indistinct chatter]
229
00:11:40,643 --> 00:11:43,111
(Public address announcement)
Ladies, our half off sale will
begin in a minute.
230
00:11:43,113 --> 00:11:44,912
Look at this place.
231
00:11:44,914 --> 00:11:46,848
There are more desperate women
crammed in here
232
00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:50,752
than the splash zone
at a Kenny Chesney concert.
233
00:11:50,754 --> 00:11:53,488
I know. It's like Black Friday
at Walmart
234
00:11:53,490 --> 00:11:57,492
And like Black Friday, hopefully
someone will trample me.
235
00:11:57,494 --> 00:12:01,329
Cause thanks to these dresses,
my life is over.
236
00:12:01,331 --> 00:12:02,897
Max, did you hear me?
237
00:12:02,899 --> 00:12:04,866
My life is over.
238
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,334
You said that
when the Chinese food place
239
00:12:06,336 --> 00:12:08,202
forgot the duck sauce.
240
00:12:08,204 --> 00:12:11,272
Well, I'm sorry, but I had
a whole other scenario planned
241
00:12:11,274 --> 00:12:13,074
for my return to The Times.
242
00:12:13,076 --> 00:12:16,244
"Entrepreneur rises
from the ashes."
243
00:12:16,246 --> 00:12:17,779
Now, I'm just going to be
in The Times,
244
00:12:17,781 --> 00:12:20,815
looking like a stupid ash.
245
00:12:20,817 --> 00:12:22,183
Shoot, girl,
just push on through.
246
00:12:22,185 --> 00:12:24,819
I'm pushing, girl.
I am pushing.
247
00:12:24,821 --> 00:12:25,820
(both)
Excuse us.
248
00:12:25,822 --> 00:12:27,355
Excuse us.
249
00:12:27,357 --> 00:12:29,290
Excuse us.
250
00:12:29,292 --> 00:12:30,525
Just go, girl.
251
00:12:30,527 --> 00:12:31,526
I don't want anybody else
to get those
252
00:12:31,528 --> 00:12:34,829
two yellow dresses.
253
00:12:34,831 --> 00:12:36,898
Max, did you hear that?
254
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:42,036
Someone has worst taste
than Sophie.
255
00:12:42,038 --> 00:12:43,304
Now we just have to
hang back here
256
00:12:43,306 --> 00:12:45,006
and let them get
to those dresses first.
257
00:12:45,008 --> 00:12:47,275
Yay!
My life is good again.
258
00:12:47,277 --> 00:12:52,146
Max, Caroline, up here.
259
00:12:52,148 --> 00:12:54,849
What was that, like, a second?
260
00:12:54,851 --> 00:12:56,884
I saved you a space upfront.
261
00:12:56,886 --> 00:12:59,187
Come on.
262
00:12:59,189 --> 00:13:00,454
Well, it's over.
263
00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:02,156
As soon as they cut
that ribbon,
264
00:13:02,158 --> 00:13:04,125
Sophie's going to
Marshawn Lynch everyone who
265
00:13:04,127 --> 00:13:06,294
gets in the way
of us and those dresses.
266
00:13:06,296 --> 00:13:07,461
There's only one way out
of this.
267
00:13:07,463 --> 00:13:09,063
And you called it earlier.
268
00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:12,133
You have to let them
trample you.
269
00:13:12,135 --> 00:13:13,401
I'm serious.
270
00:13:13,403 --> 00:13:16,337
I'm not about to be trampled
on purpose.
271
00:13:16,339 --> 00:13:17,972
See if you still feel that way
272
00:13:17,974 --> 00:13:19,941
after I say
these next few words:
273
00:13:19,943 --> 00:13:22,476
"Pictured from left,
Caroline Channing."
274
00:13:22,478 --> 00:13:27,114
Try to fend off any heels
you see heading for my eyes.
275
00:13:27,116 --> 00:13:28,549
Attention, ladies.
276
00:13:28,551 --> 00:13:31,118
As you see,
I have the big scissors,
277
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,988
which can only
mean it's time...
278
00:13:33,990 --> 00:13:35,356
to trim some nose hairs!
279
00:13:35,358 --> 00:13:38,359
[laughter]
280
00:13:38,361 --> 00:13:42,029
That Carl is crazy.
281
00:13:42,031 --> 00:13:44,098
The annual bridal sale...
282
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:46,100
- is now...
- Max, hold my hand.
283
00:13:46,102 --> 00:13:47,101
Open!
284
00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:50,104
[all shouting]
285
00:13:52,542 --> 00:13:55,409
Ladies, ladies,
one at a time.
286
00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:58,212
Oh!
287
00:13:58,214 --> 00:14:00,615
Well, I may be limping down
the aisle,
288
00:14:00,617 --> 00:14:03,451
but at least I won't be limping
in something Swiffer might sell
289
00:14:03,453 --> 00:14:05,887
to dust off ceiling fans.
290
00:14:05,889 --> 00:14:08,089
[woman screaming]
291
00:14:08,091 --> 00:14:10,358
Oh, my God, girl!
here she comes!
292
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:14,462
Here she comes.
293
00:14:14,464 --> 00:14:16,030
My girl, Rhonda,
had that dress first.
294
00:14:16,032 --> 00:14:17,899
Oh, your girl
is gonna have to
295
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:20,067
pry it out of my cold,
dead hands.
296
00:14:20,069 --> 00:14:21,369
Hey, Max, Caroline!
297
00:14:21,371 --> 00:14:26,574
Try it on!
298
00:14:26,576 --> 00:14:29,243
Follow me
to the changing room.
299
00:14:40,990 --> 00:14:44,425
(Caroline)
I'm never coming out
in this dress, I'm scared.
300
00:14:44,427 --> 00:14:47,428
(Max)
So on the count of one, two...
301
00:14:51,668 --> 00:14:53,467
Maybe it's not that bad.
302
00:14:58,274 --> 00:15:02,076
(both)
It's bad.
303
00:15:02,078 --> 00:15:03,577
Okay.
So you're telling me,
304
00:15:03,579 --> 00:15:05,546
Versace got murdered,
305
00:15:05,548 --> 00:15:08,683
but no one's taken out
whoever made these?
306
00:15:08,685 --> 00:15:10,584
I know.
307
00:15:10,586 --> 00:15:12,420
I feel like Tweety Bird
is gonna sue us
308
00:15:12,422 --> 00:15:16,190
for copyright infringement.
309
00:15:16,192 --> 00:15:21,262
I feel like we should have giant
toilet paper rolls under here.
310
00:15:21,264 --> 00:15:22,596
Well, maybe
we'll like these better
311
00:15:22,598 --> 00:15:23,664
when we're out of
this bright light.
312
00:15:23,666 --> 00:15:27,501
Max, we are the bright light.
313
00:15:27,503 --> 00:15:32,974
Ladies, you forgot
the matching hats.
314
00:15:32,976 --> 00:15:35,743
There's more?
315
00:15:35,745 --> 00:15:39,513
Oh, if anyone finds a Xanax,
it's mine.
316
00:15:39,515 --> 00:15:42,383
It was knocked out of my hand
by two women duking it out
317
00:15:42,385 --> 00:15:46,454
over a chintz mermaid dress.
318
00:15:46,456 --> 00:15:47,722
Oh, now it looks good.
319
00:15:54,764 --> 00:15:58,766
There's Xanax on the loose
and I'm just standing here?
320
00:15:58,768 --> 00:16:02,269
At least if I was high, I'd have
an excuse to be wearing this.
321
00:16:02,271 --> 00:16:04,438
Here pilly, pilly.
322
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,509
Here pilly, pilly, pilly.
323
00:16:08,511 --> 00:16:11,278
Girl, for real,
you look like straight up crap
324
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,614
in that dress.
325
00:16:13,616 --> 00:16:15,383
For real.
326
00:16:15,385 --> 00:16:17,084
You white girls can't pull
that color off.
327
00:16:17,086 --> 00:16:19,020
That's a waste of poppin'
lemon yellow.
328
00:16:19,022 --> 00:16:20,354
I know.
329
00:16:20,356 --> 00:16:22,490
I am way too white
for this.
330
00:16:22,492 --> 00:16:25,459
She's also too white to say
"turnt up" all the time,
331
00:16:25,461 --> 00:16:28,062
but that hasn't stopped her.
332
00:16:28,064 --> 00:16:30,531
This dress was not my choice.
333
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:31,799
I hate everything about it.
334
00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:33,034
This is a disaster.
335
00:16:33,036 --> 00:16:34,802
This is "Dressageddon."
336
00:16:34,804 --> 00:16:37,805
Yeah, but in a good way.
337
00:16:37,807 --> 00:16:41,075
You two don't want
to wear the dresses.
338
00:16:41,077 --> 00:16:43,077
You don't have to.
339
00:16:43,079 --> 00:16:44,745
But I thought you wanted us
to match
340
00:16:44,747 --> 00:16:48,816
the balloons
and the ducks.
341
00:16:48,818 --> 00:16:51,285
Max, she said we don't have to
wear the dress.
342
00:16:51,287 --> 00:16:52,453
Don't question her!
343
00:16:52,455 --> 00:16:54,055
That's like questioning
a prison guard
344
00:16:54,057 --> 00:16:57,792
when he says
you're free to go.
345
00:16:57,794 --> 00:16:59,827
Sophie, are you sure
you don't care?
346
00:16:59,829 --> 00:17:03,130
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
347
00:17:03,132 --> 00:17:05,800
Yeah, they're all yours,
Destiny's Child.
348
00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:20,815
This is ten pounds
of ugly junk.
349
00:17:20,817 --> 00:17:24,251
Reminds me of this bartender,
Pete, I used to date.
350
00:17:24,253 --> 00:17:28,122
Come to think of it,
that made me gag, too.
351
00:17:28,124 --> 00:17:29,557
Okay. Done.
352
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:32,159
[woman crying]
353
00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:35,129
Listen, crying
in a women's dressing room?
354
00:17:35,131 --> 00:17:39,800
Whoever it is, girl,
big butts are in.
355
00:17:39,802 --> 00:17:42,803
[crying continues]
356
00:17:42,805 --> 00:17:44,705
That's Sophie's cry.
357
00:17:44,707 --> 00:17:46,407
I know, 'cause
I hear it through the vent
358
00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:50,511
when she watches Nashville.
359
00:17:50,513 --> 00:17:53,147
Sophie?
360
00:17:53,149 --> 00:17:55,883
(Sophie)
No.
361
00:17:55,885 --> 00:17:58,719
Are you okay?
362
00:17:58,721 --> 00:18:02,756
(Sophie)
It's not me,
but I'm okay.
363
00:18:02,758 --> 00:18:06,427
[sobbing continues]
364
00:18:06,429 --> 00:18:08,896
Sophie, why are
you crying?
365
00:18:08,898 --> 00:18:12,700
When I heard what you said
about the dresses...
366
00:18:12,702 --> 00:18:15,469
It's just--
367
00:18:15,471 --> 00:18:18,539
It's almost, kind of like,
368
00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:21,842
you think I have bad taste
or something.
369
00:18:21,844 --> 00:18:27,214
No.
370
00:18:27,216 --> 00:18:31,185
Caroline thinks
you have great taste.
371
00:18:31,187 --> 00:18:34,421
She does?
372
00:18:34,423 --> 00:18:37,691
Well, then she should say so.
373
00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:40,828
Now.
374
00:18:43,499 --> 00:18:47,668
Well, Sophie, I think you have
your own unique style.
375
00:18:47,670 --> 00:18:50,671
And I think...
376
00:18:50,673 --> 00:18:55,676
that I didn't hear
the words "great" or "taste."
377
00:18:55,678 --> 00:18:57,711
Sophie, what do you even care
what I think?
378
00:18:57,713 --> 00:18:59,213
Just say it!
379
00:18:59,215 --> 00:19:03,517
Sophie, I think
you have great taste.
380
00:19:05,488 --> 00:19:07,488
You do?
381
00:19:07,490 --> 00:19:12,493
[Sophie laughs]
382
00:19:12,495 --> 00:19:15,829
Then, what are we doing
sitting here?
383
00:19:15,831 --> 00:19:18,766
Let's go and get those
dresses back!
384
00:19:18,768 --> 00:19:20,668
Come on.
Help me!
385
00:19:25,508 --> 00:19:28,442
Those other girls
already took them.
386
00:19:28,444 --> 00:19:29,910
What?
387
00:19:35,518 --> 00:19:37,518
Well, at least we don't have to
wear those ugly,
388
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,354
yellow bridesmaid dresses
at the wedding.
389
00:19:40,356 --> 00:19:41,889
Yup.
Now, you only have to wear
390
00:19:41,891 --> 00:19:44,225
ugly, yellow dresses here,
every night.
391
00:19:44,227 --> 00:19:46,560
This is the best thing
that's happened to me
392
00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:48,996
since I realized that weird mole
on my arm was just a Grape-Nut
393
00:19:48,998 --> 00:19:51,565
and not cancer.
394
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:52,833
Girls, great news.
395
00:19:52,835 --> 00:19:54,468
You stuffed Han
in the microwave
396
00:19:54,470 --> 00:19:56,370
and you're ready
to hit power?
397
00:19:56,372 --> 00:19:57,805
Come on. We've tried.
398
00:19:57,807 --> 00:20:00,274
You know he doesn't fit.
399
00:20:00,276 --> 00:20:01,909
The one thing he's too big for.
400
00:20:01,911 --> 00:20:05,980
No, I got Ilia Jorbich to be
our wedding photographer.
401
00:20:05,982 --> 00:20:08,882
He's the best photographer
at The Warsaw Times.
402
00:20:08,884 --> 00:20:12,486
Well, he's the only one
who still has both arms.
403
00:20:12,488 --> 00:20:15,789
Wait, it's the Warsaw Times?
404
00:20:15,791 --> 00:20:16,890
All this time,
I've been thinking
405
00:20:16,892 --> 00:20:18,759
it was The New York Times.
406
00:20:18,761 --> 00:20:20,561
New York Times?
407
00:20:20,563 --> 00:20:21,962
This is much more exclusive.
408
00:20:21,964 --> 00:20:23,797
You can only get it
in two places.
409
00:20:23,799 --> 00:20:27,868
Poland and the deli in
New Jersey that sells missiles.
410
00:20:27,870 --> 00:20:29,436
This is amazing.
411
00:20:29,438 --> 00:20:31,338
My comeback in
The New York Times
412
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:32,706
has been preserved.
413
00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,942
Max, I'm gonna go ahead
and smile.
414
00:20:34,944 --> 00:20:36,677
My life is good again.
415
00:20:36,679 --> 00:20:38,712
Don't smile yet,
'cause Sophie told me
416
00:20:38,714 --> 00:20:41,048
that because you said
she had such good taste,
417
00:20:41,050 --> 00:20:44,051
she's designing our dresses
herself.
418
00:20:44,053 --> 00:20:46,053
What was that,
like a second?
419
00:20:46,055 --> 00:20:48,789
Yup. You just went
from the best of times
420
00:20:48,791 --> 00:20:50,791
to The Warsaw Times.