1
00:00:01,779 --> 00:00:05,047
Max, did you pick up
the tip from table two?
2
00:00:05,049 --> 00:00:09,751
No, but I'm pretty sure
I picked up a staph infection.
3
00:00:09,753 --> 00:00:13,622
So they literally gave me
their two cents worth.
4
00:00:13,624 --> 00:00:14,890
This is so embarrassing,
5
00:00:14,892 --> 00:00:18,894
even Abe Lincoln
won't make eye contact.
6
00:00:18,896 --> 00:00:21,630
Girls, I need you
to do something for me.
7
00:00:21,632 --> 00:00:23,498
You know the rule:
nothing for you,
8
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:27,169
on you, near you,
or in us.
9
00:00:27,171 --> 00:00:29,805
I'm going to restroom.
Keep eye on the kitchen.
10
00:00:29,807 --> 00:00:32,407
I have a four-minute egg
and a five-minute date
11
00:00:32,409 --> 00:00:36,011
with the Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit Issue.
12
00:00:38,782 --> 00:00:40,649
Hey, do you see
what I see?
13
00:00:40,651 --> 00:00:41,683
A fire?
14
00:00:41,685 --> 00:00:44,686
No, a way out
of this job.
15
00:00:45,722 --> 00:00:49,191
Lord Jesus,
there's a fire.
16
00:00:49,193 --> 00:00:51,493
You two gonna do
anything about that?
17
00:00:51,495 --> 00:00:53,061
'Cause I'm not.
18
00:00:53,063 --> 00:00:57,132
I don't mess with fire
or Presbyterians.
19
00:00:57,134 --> 00:00:58,433
Fire, fire!
20
00:00:58,435 --> 00:00:59,901
I smell fire!
21
00:00:59,903 --> 00:01:02,003
Well, don't just stand there.
Do something!
22
00:01:02,005 --> 00:01:05,874
We are.
23
00:01:05,876 --> 00:01:07,909
S'mores!
24
00:01:07,911 --> 00:01:11,279
You'd think you want this place
to burn to the ground.
25
00:01:11,281 --> 00:01:13,648
You'd think that.
26
00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:15,250
Caroline,
do something.
27
00:01:15,252 --> 00:01:17,986
I'm on it.
Chocolate?
28
00:01:22,626 --> 00:01:24,126
(Caroline)
Han, not too close.
29
00:01:24,128 --> 00:01:26,428
You know you can never
get the smell of Korean barbecue
30
00:01:26,430 --> 00:01:28,196
out of your clothes.
31
00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,901
[shouting]
32
00:01:35,005 --> 00:01:36,638
[shouts weakly]
33
00:01:38,575 --> 00:01:39,941
Either
he put the fire out,
34
00:01:39,943 --> 00:01:42,677
or that little robot
just had an orgasm.
35
00:01:44,248 --> 00:01:46,615
(Peter Bjorn and John)
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ¶
36
00:01:46,617 --> 00:01:48,016
[cash register bell dings]
37
00:01:48,018 --> 00:01:51,953
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Ooh Ooh ¶
38
00:01:57,261 --> 00:01:59,461
Welcome to The High
dessert bar.
39
00:01:59,463 --> 00:02:02,397
I'm the hostess
slash quasi-manager.
40
00:02:02,399 --> 00:02:05,000
First day in,
got a huge promosh.
41
00:02:05,002 --> 00:02:06,201
I hate to brag,
42
00:02:06,203 --> 00:02:08,236
but the word "dazzling"
was used.
43
00:02:10,174 --> 00:02:12,841
Yeah, by you.
44
00:02:12,843 --> 00:02:16,311
Little to no power
has really gone to your head.
45
00:02:16,313 --> 00:02:17,479
It has.
46
00:02:17,481 --> 00:02:21,183
She's like
the Putin of pastry.
47
00:02:21,185 --> 00:02:22,517
But doesn't it
feel good
48
00:02:22,519 --> 00:02:24,619
to not just be working
at the diner?
49
00:02:24,621 --> 00:02:28,256
I haven't slipped
on one used baby diaper all day.
50
00:02:28,258 --> 00:02:31,059
Speaking of babies,
51
00:02:31,061 --> 00:02:33,094
look,
there's Han.
52
00:02:38,835 --> 00:02:40,302
That's, like,
the third time
53
00:02:40,304 --> 00:02:42,170
I caught him
spying on us.
54
00:02:42,172 --> 00:02:45,574
Why would he stalk
two of his worst employees?
55
00:02:45,576 --> 00:02:46,474
I know.
56
00:02:46,476 --> 00:02:47,976
It's like Where's Waldo?
57
00:02:47,978 --> 00:02:51,079
when you don't want
to find Waldo.
58
00:02:51,081 --> 00:02:54,149
Not seeing a hostess
up in here.
59
00:02:54,151 --> 00:02:56,351
She meant
quasi-manager.
60
00:02:56,353 --> 00:02:58,220
If Marty Scorsese
walks in here,
61
00:02:58,222 --> 00:02:59,754
do you want him
to seat himself?
62
00:02:59,756 --> 00:03:02,524
He'll be lost.
Lost.
63
00:03:02,526 --> 00:03:04,859
Sorry, Joe, I was just
over there giving Max--
64
00:03:04,861 --> 00:03:06,861
Honey, I'll download
an audiobook
65
00:03:06,863 --> 00:03:09,864
if I want
to hear a story.
66
00:03:09,866 --> 00:03:11,433
I want you
to meet someone.
67
00:03:11,435 --> 00:03:13,902
Me too, and I'm sure
I will when the time is right
68
00:03:13,904 --> 00:03:16,471
and I'm open to it.
69
00:03:16,473 --> 00:03:18,473
Kind of focusing on me
right now.
70
00:03:18,475 --> 00:03:20,342
Stop.
71
00:03:20,344 --> 00:03:22,844
Learn to read faces.
72
00:03:22,846 --> 00:03:24,246
I'm not talking
about you.
73
00:03:24,248 --> 00:03:26,481
I'm talking
about him.
74
00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:28,850
[with Irish accent]
Hello, pleasure
to meet you.
75
00:03:28,852 --> 00:03:29,951
I'm Nashit.
76
00:03:29,953 --> 00:03:31,519
Nashit's
an Indian name,
77
00:03:31,521 --> 00:03:33,688
and isn't that
an Irish accent I detect?
78
00:03:33,690 --> 00:03:35,290
Or have I just
lost consciousness
79
00:03:35,292 --> 00:03:37,626
from how white
your teeth are?
80
00:03:37,628 --> 00:03:38,727
Yes, it is.
81
00:03:38,729 --> 00:03:41,129
My father's Indian.
My mother's Irish.
82
00:03:41,131 --> 00:03:42,430
He's Irish.
He's Indian.
83
00:03:42,432 --> 00:03:43,965
He's East
meets West.
84
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:45,300
He's everything
85
00:03:45,302 --> 00:03:49,170
in a hot Irish coffee,
boy band package.
86
00:03:49,172 --> 00:03:51,106
I found him
on the street
87
00:03:51,108 --> 00:03:53,842
next to a dirty chair.
88
00:03:53,844 --> 00:03:57,212
Hi, I'm Caroline, the hostess
slash quasi-manager
89
00:03:57,214 --> 00:03:58,246
at The High.
90
00:03:58,248 --> 00:04:00,282
Are you high?
91
00:04:00,284 --> 00:04:02,584
'Cause that was
a lot of talking.
92
00:04:02,586 --> 00:04:05,320
Who is this,
and where can I get one?
93
00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:07,622
This is Nashit,
our new waiter.
94
00:04:07,624 --> 00:04:09,124
Oh, it's lovely
to meet you.
95
00:04:09,126 --> 00:04:10,358
[gasps]
96
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:14,195
Can you say
"magically delicious"?
97
00:04:14,197 --> 00:04:16,598
I really want Nashit
to work out.
98
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,734
I like it when
good-looking people succeed.
99
00:04:19,736 --> 00:04:22,537
Well, I guess
that's good news for me.
100
00:04:22,539 --> 00:04:24,372
Is it?
101
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:28,543
Hi, honey.
102
00:04:28,545 --> 00:04:30,178
(Joe)
Have you met
the new waiter?
103
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:33,315
I love him.
He's my favorite.
104
00:04:33,317 --> 00:04:37,185
If I did men,
he would've been done by now.
105
00:04:38,722 --> 00:04:41,856
Hmm, so you think
you're pretty.
106
00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:43,725
Well, I do too.
107
00:04:45,228 --> 00:04:46,728
Okay, Nashit,
pay attention.
108
00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:48,997
These are the tables.
This is the dessert bar.
109
00:04:48,999 --> 00:04:53,034
And these are
my boobs.
110
00:04:53,036 --> 00:04:55,503
Max, be professional.
111
00:04:55,505 --> 00:04:58,173
These are
my boobs, sir.
112
00:04:58,175 --> 00:05:00,408
Please, I have
to make him a waiter.
113
00:05:00,410 --> 00:05:02,510
Fine, you make him
a waiter,
114
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:04,879
and I'll just
make him later.
115
00:05:10,253 --> 00:05:13,755
Here you go.
This isn't yours, is it?
116
00:05:13,757 --> 00:05:16,691
No, because
they already have dessert.
117
00:05:16,693 --> 00:05:18,727
Damn it.
118
00:05:18,729 --> 00:05:21,162
You asked for water,
like, an hour ago, didn't you?
119
00:05:21,164 --> 00:05:22,497
I'm so sorry.
120
00:05:22,499 --> 00:05:25,200
Oh, don't you worry
those lips.
121
00:05:25,202 --> 00:05:30,004
And what's an hour when we have
our whole lives ahead of us?
122
00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:32,273
Max, I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
123
00:05:32,275 --> 00:05:33,775
I stink
as a waiter.
124
00:05:33,777 --> 00:05:35,477
This is desperate.
125
00:05:35,479 --> 00:05:38,947
Well, desperate times
call for us making out.
126
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,384
Hey, I have
a question for you.
127
00:05:42,386 --> 00:05:44,486
Your skin is
so creamy and white.
128
00:05:44,488 --> 00:05:46,221
You must have
a little Irish in you.
129
00:05:46,223 --> 00:05:50,325
I've had a lot
of little Irishes in me.
130
00:05:50,327 --> 00:05:52,193
That's meant
to be dirty, right?
131
00:05:52,195 --> 00:05:55,764
Well, I just mean that I think
you're quite beautiful.
132
00:05:55,766 --> 00:06:00,235
Oh, well, then I just mean
we're doing it.
133
00:06:00,237 --> 00:06:01,669
I did not think
there was somebody
134
00:06:01,671 --> 00:06:04,105
who had a prettier nose
or was worse than me
135
00:06:04,107 --> 00:06:06,074
waiting tables,
but here we are.
136
00:06:06,076 --> 00:06:09,010
Nashit, there's not a fork
in the mix out there.
137
00:06:09,012 --> 00:06:12,347
Now, get out there
and fork those women.
138
00:06:12,349 --> 00:06:13,481
Take it easy on him.
139
00:06:13,483 --> 00:06:15,016
I don't him to be
all forked out
140
00:06:15,018 --> 00:06:17,051
by the time
he gets to me.
141
00:06:17,053 --> 00:06:19,788
I'm gonna have so much sex
on my bed with Nashit
142
00:06:19,790 --> 00:06:22,123
that I'm gonna need
a new sheet.
143
00:06:22,125 --> 00:06:23,992
Aren't you
too old for him?
144
00:06:23,994 --> 00:06:27,996
Yeah, but that test
said mentally I'm 14,
145
00:06:27,998 --> 00:06:30,432
so we can
totally do it.
146
00:06:30,434 --> 00:06:32,434
Well, I'm off to Chinatown
to have someone
147
00:06:32,436 --> 00:06:34,335
put needles in me.
148
00:06:34,337 --> 00:06:36,371
Oh, my God.
I love your coat.
149
00:06:36,373 --> 00:06:37,572
You look gorgeous.
150
00:06:37,574 --> 00:06:39,674
I mean,
the way it flows.
151
00:06:39,676 --> 00:06:43,077
Okay, so I can see
you're a kiss-ass,
152
00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:44,112
so here's the thing.
153
00:06:44,114 --> 00:06:45,680
As my quasi-manager,
154
00:06:45,682 --> 00:06:48,650
or whatever nonsense
you're telling people,
155
00:06:48,652 --> 00:06:51,786
I need you to tell
Max and Nashit to cool it.
156
00:06:51,788 --> 00:06:53,922
There are no hookups
here at The High.
157
00:06:53,924 --> 00:06:55,990
Done, and we can stop
staying "quasi"
158
00:06:55,992 --> 00:06:57,959
if we're both on board
with the manager thing.
159
00:06:57,961 --> 00:07:00,295
We're not.
160
00:07:00,297 --> 00:07:01,830
The High is
about fine pastry,
161
00:07:01,832 --> 00:07:03,898
not someone's
sordid love life.
162
00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:06,334
And in an ironic twist,
I need you to kick
163
00:07:06,336 --> 00:07:08,169
my girlfriend's
hot ass out of here
164
00:07:08,171 --> 00:07:10,438
if she comes in.
165
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,040
Here's $100.
166
00:07:12,042 --> 00:07:13,208
That's $100.
167
00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:15,910
Consider her hot ass
out the door.
168
00:07:15,912 --> 00:07:17,479
We're in a fight.
169
00:07:17,481 --> 00:07:19,347
She got drunk,
stole my Black Card,
170
00:07:19,349 --> 00:07:22,317
and bought 90 people soup
at Barney Greengrass,
171
00:07:22,319 --> 00:07:25,286
and the soup isn't
even good there.
172
00:07:25,288 --> 00:07:28,723
Do not take this as a no,
because I want the money,
173
00:07:28,725 --> 00:07:30,625
but why can't you
just tell her yourself?
174
00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:31,926
I can't
tell her myself.
175
00:07:31,928 --> 00:07:34,262
She's younger than me,
and everyone knows
176
00:07:34,264 --> 00:07:36,865
the mommy thing
just isn't sexy.
177
00:07:39,803 --> 00:07:42,770
Make sure she eats something
and gets home safe.
178
00:07:44,341 --> 00:07:46,474
Caroline, I have
a question for you.
179
00:07:46,476 --> 00:07:48,543
What do I do with the notes
the women give me?
180
00:07:48,545 --> 00:07:50,245
You've gotten notes?
181
00:07:50,247 --> 00:07:51,246
Just a few.
182
00:07:51,248 --> 00:07:53,481
[gasps]
183
00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:56,384
How could women
be this desperate?
184
00:07:56,386 --> 00:07:58,586
Max, this one's
from you.
185
00:07:58,588 --> 00:08:00,989
They're mostly
all from me,
186
00:08:00,991 --> 00:08:02,457
except the business card.
187
00:08:02,459 --> 00:08:03,725
I don't need
no damn card
188
00:08:03,727 --> 00:08:05,927
to let him know
I'm all business.
189
00:08:05,929 --> 00:08:08,830
Max, Joe just told me there are
no hookups at The High,
190
00:08:08,832 --> 00:08:11,833
and judging from this
very detailed picture you drew,
191
00:08:11,835 --> 00:08:13,501
that's exactly
what you're planning.
192
00:08:13,503 --> 00:08:16,504
Oh, I was planning more.
I just ran out of paper.
193
00:08:16,506 --> 00:08:17,939
We can't lose
these jobs.
194
00:08:17,941 --> 00:08:20,808
I have two $100 bills,
and I'm this close
195
00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:23,311
to pulling the trigger
on an Amazon Prime account.
196
00:08:23,313 --> 00:08:24,679
Amazon Prime?
197
00:08:24,681 --> 00:08:26,848
You have been driven mad
with power.
198
00:08:31,254 --> 00:08:33,321
Fresh, flakey pastry.
199
00:08:33,323 --> 00:08:34,656
And speaking of flakes,
200
00:08:34,658 --> 00:08:37,358
there's Joe's
flakey girlfriend.
201
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:41,262
Can someone help me
get my chair off my coat?
202
00:08:41,264 --> 00:08:42,764
How did she
get in here?
203
00:08:42,766 --> 00:08:45,934
Probably floated in
on a cloud of Valium.
204
00:08:45,936 --> 00:08:49,037
It's go time,
as in she's got to go.
205
00:08:49,039 --> 00:08:51,673
You have a better chance
moving an actual train wreck,
206
00:08:51,675 --> 00:08:53,308
but good luck.
207
00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:56,778
- Allie, hi, you--
- Shh.
208
00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:59,814
[whispering]
Allie, hi.
209
00:08:59,816 --> 00:09:01,816
- You need--
- Sorry.
210
00:09:01,818 --> 00:09:03,918
But I am hungover,
and I have a headache.
211
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,688
Could I get a latte
with a side of weed?
212
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:08,656
No, because
this isn't Amsterdam
213
00:09:08,658 --> 00:09:10,758
or Bill Maher's house.
214
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,126
Now, you need
to leave.
215
00:09:12,128 --> 00:09:13,695
You know Joe
doesn't want you in here.
216
00:09:13,697 --> 00:09:14,729
Well, I'm
not leaving.
217
00:09:14,731 --> 00:09:16,030
My legs won't move
218
00:09:16,032 --> 00:09:18,566
because my muscle relaxers
just kicked in.
219
00:09:18,568 --> 00:09:20,602
John, can you
do me a favor?
220
00:09:20,604 --> 00:09:21,903
Walk Allie outside,
221
00:09:21,905 --> 00:09:23,605
and by that,
I mean pick her up
222
00:09:23,607 --> 00:09:25,273
and carry her outside.
223
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:27,275
I went
to pastry school.
224
00:09:27,277 --> 00:09:30,979
I'm not Shrek.
225
00:09:30,981 --> 00:09:33,748
Of course not.
You're much more Fiona.
226
00:09:33,750 --> 00:09:35,249
Girl, that's good.
227
00:09:35,251 --> 00:09:37,885
I was gonna say the donkey,
'cause I have a fine ass.
228
00:09:40,857 --> 00:09:43,691
(Allie)
Okay, fine.
229
00:09:43,693 --> 00:09:47,962
Driver, two stops.
Barney's and fro-yo.
230
00:09:53,436 --> 00:09:55,737
(Max)
Earl, we're late again.
Did you keep us alive?
231
00:09:55,739 --> 00:09:59,340
Max, I can barely
keep myself alive.
232
00:09:59,342 --> 00:10:01,776
This morning,
I had to jump-start my heart
233
00:10:01,778 --> 00:10:03,711
by putting my finger
in the socket
234
00:10:03,713 --> 00:10:05,780
Tom and Jerry style.
235
00:10:07,317 --> 00:10:08,850
Oh, hello.
236
00:10:08,852 --> 00:10:10,785
So what did
you girls do today?
237
00:10:10,787 --> 00:10:14,422
I haven't seen you
since right here last night.
238
00:10:14,424 --> 00:10:15,923
Oh, really, Han?
239
00:10:15,925 --> 00:10:18,326
'Cause I swear
I saw you lurking around
240
00:10:18,328 --> 00:10:19,560
outside The High.
241
00:10:19,562 --> 00:10:20,762
It was either you,
242
00:10:20,764 --> 00:10:24,866
or Pikachu
is visiting New York.
243
00:10:24,868 --> 00:10:26,734
That one
barely grazed me,
244
00:10:26,736 --> 00:10:27,769
because I'm Korean,
245
00:10:27,771 --> 00:10:30,104
and Pikachu
is Japanese.
246
00:10:30,106 --> 00:10:33,975
You don't know anything
about Pokemon.
247
00:10:35,145 --> 00:10:37,745
Han, you may not
be Japanese,
248
00:10:37,747 --> 00:10:39,480
but in the future,
you're definitely
249
00:10:39,482 --> 00:10:42,684
gonna be poked
by a mon.
250
00:10:42,686 --> 00:10:44,385
And it was you.
251
00:10:44,387 --> 00:10:45,753
No, it was not.
252
00:10:45,755 --> 00:10:47,055
- Yeah, it was.
- Wasn't.
253
00:10:47,057 --> 00:10:48,256
- Was.
- Wasn't.
254
00:10:48,258 --> 00:10:50,892
- Wasn't.
- Was--wasn't.
255
00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:53,461
English is
my second language.
256
00:10:53,463 --> 00:10:54,929
Admit it,
you're jealous
257
00:10:54,931 --> 00:10:57,365
we're spending time
with another restaurant.
258
00:10:57,367 --> 00:10:58,900
I am not jealous.
259
00:10:58,902 --> 00:11:00,034
- Are so.
- Am not.
260
00:11:00,036 --> 00:11:01,469
- Am not.
- Are so--not.
261
00:11:01,471 --> 00:11:03,071
Oh, my God!
262
00:11:05,942 --> 00:11:08,042
Caroline, what the hell
are you doing?
263
00:11:08,044 --> 00:11:10,011
I'm smelling
a $100 bill.
264
00:11:10,013 --> 00:11:11,713
It's from
my other restaurant.
265
00:11:11,715 --> 00:11:13,514
It buys me
nice things.
266
00:11:13,516 --> 00:11:15,249
Jealous?
267
00:11:15,251 --> 00:11:18,352
I took you in
when you had no one.
268
00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:22,523
Hi, can you
help me?
269
00:11:22,525 --> 00:11:24,225
I'm looking for Max.
270
00:11:24,227 --> 00:11:29,097
Why, hello.
Is it too late to be gay?
271
00:11:29,099 --> 00:11:30,732
Nashit?
272
00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:32,867
Oh, my God,
he even looks good here
273
00:11:32,869 --> 00:11:35,203
in morgue light.
274
00:11:35,205 --> 00:11:36,904
We are
so doing it.
275
00:11:36,906 --> 00:11:39,240
Caroline, you left
your phone on the table
276
00:11:39,242 --> 00:11:40,641
at the restaurant.
277
00:11:40,643 --> 00:11:42,977
I confess,
I used it as an excuse
278
00:11:42,979 --> 00:11:44,512
to come
and see Max.
279
00:11:44,514 --> 00:11:46,881
This isn't mine.
It's Joe's girlfriend's.
280
00:11:46,883 --> 00:11:48,349
I don't have
an iPhone 6.
281
00:11:48,351 --> 00:11:50,318
I have an iPhone sick.
282
00:11:52,455 --> 00:11:57,158
D-O-I-N-G it!
283
00:11:58,628 --> 00:12:00,595
Max, why
is Nashit here?
284
00:12:00,597 --> 00:12:04,699
Because God owes me.
285
00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:07,068
You can't seriously
be into him.
286
00:12:07,070 --> 00:12:08,970
He looks like
someone in a boy band.
287
00:12:08,972 --> 00:12:12,907
Yeah, and he's going
one direction...
288
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:18,179
Down there.
289
00:12:18,181 --> 00:12:20,014
But if you sleep
with him,
290
00:12:20,016 --> 00:12:22,316
then Nashit
is gonna hit the fan.
291
00:12:22,318 --> 00:12:24,452
How do you know
you even like him?
292
00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:28,389
You know what I like?
That we're doing it.
293
00:12:29,692 --> 00:12:31,325
Hey, everybody!
294
00:12:33,163 --> 00:12:34,529
I just got hit
by a cab,
295
00:12:34,531 --> 00:12:39,734
and, boy, am I in the mood
for crab legs.
296
00:12:39,736 --> 00:12:41,702
The thing
about you, baby--
297
00:12:41,704 --> 00:12:44,672
you bounce back
from a good pounding
298
00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:47,441
every single night.
299
00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:53,915
Wait a minute.
300
00:12:53,917 --> 00:12:57,051
That's my booth.
301
00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,187
Oh, it's lovely
to meet you.
302
00:13:00,423 --> 00:13:03,724
What?
303
00:13:03,726 --> 00:13:07,061
What the hell
kind of accent is that?
304
00:13:07,063 --> 00:13:09,230
I'm from Ireland.
305
00:13:09,232 --> 00:13:10,431
What?
306
00:13:12,468 --> 00:13:13,968
Max, you are
not doing it.
307
00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:14,969
- Are.
- Not.
308
00:13:14,971 --> 00:13:16,204
- Are.
- Not.
309
00:13:16,206 --> 00:13:19,207
- Not.
- Please, I went to Wharton.
310
00:13:19,209 --> 00:13:21,676
Look, we should go
to your place when we do it
311
00:13:21,678 --> 00:13:24,545
so that Caroline won't be there
while we're doing it.
312
00:13:24,547 --> 00:13:28,816
Lovely, but I just came
to America two days ago.
313
00:13:28,818 --> 00:13:30,451
I have no place to go.
314
00:13:30,453 --> 00:13:32,920
In fact, I've been sleeping
on that dirty chair
315
00:13:32,922 --> 00:13:36,390
Joe spoke of.
316
00:13:36,392 --> 00:13:40,361
What?
317
00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:43,030
Is he singing?
318
00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:45,833
Oh, my God.
319
00:13:45,835 --> 00:13:48,469
He's gorgeous
and homeless?
320
00:13:48,471 --> 00:13:50,838
That's your
dream guy.
321
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:53,140
We are so doing it!
322
00:13:59,082 --> 00:14:01,082
Ugh, this is
impossible.
323
00:14:01,084 --> 00:14:05,319
I feel like I'm putting
an Oscar dress on Precious.
324
00:14:08,725 --> 00:14:10,925
I'm making up
the couch for Nashit.
325
00:14:10,927 --> 00:14:12,526
That is so nice of you.
326
00:14:12,528 --> 00:14:14,695
He's gonna need a place
to crash after we have sex.
327
00:14:14,697 --> 00:14:16,364
No, that's
off the table.
328
00:14:16,366 --> 00:14:18,532
I can't believe
you invited him to stay here.
329
00:14:18,534 --> 00:14:20,234
And I can't believe
you refused
330
00:14:20,236 --> 00:14:24,739
to sleep at Starbucks tonight
to give us some privacy.
331
00:14:24,741 --> 00:14:28,476
I mean, you like
Nora Jones.
332
00:14:28,478 --> 00:14:31,479
[whistling]
333
00:14:32,682 --> 00:14:35,216
Max likey.
334
00:14:35,218 --> 00:14:38,519
- Max, listen.
- No, you listen.
335
00:14:38,521 --> 00:14:43,925
I can't afford candy,
so he has got to be it.
336
00:14:43,927 --> 00:14:45,493
Thanks for the shower.
337
00:14:45,495 --> 00:14:48,963
Oh, no, his muscles
point to his penis.
338
00:14:53,002 --> 00:14:55,336
[knock at door]
339
00:14:55,338 --> 00:14:57,038
Max, stop
with the banging.
340
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:02,009
I'm not letting you out
while you're still in heat.
341
00:15:02,011 --> 00:15:03,311
(Max)
It's not me.
342
00:15:03,313 --> 00:15:06,781
I'm making a list
of ways to kill you!
343
00:15:08,551 --> 00:15:10,918
I feel like
I'm being a bother,
344
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:15,022
and I think I'm sleeping
on a bong.
345
00:15:15,024 --> 00:15:16,157
[knock at door]
346
00:15:16,159 --> 00:15:17,425
(Joe)
Open up.
347
00:15:17,427 --> 00:15:19,193
I know what's going on
in there.
348
00:15:19,195 --> 00:15:20,361
(Caroline)
Oh, my God.
349
00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:21,963
That's Joe.
350
00:15:21,965 --> 00:15:24,165
She must've found out
about you and Max hooking up.
351
00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:25,333
(Nashit)
Oh, no.
352
00:15:25,335 --> 00:15:27,234
Max, Joe is here.
353
00:15:27,236 --> 00:15:28,502
You need to do
that thing you do
354
00:15:28,504 --> 00:15:29,804
to scare people
out of the hallway.
355
00:15:29,806 --> 00:15:31,272
What do we think,
guard dog
356
00:15:31,274 --> 00:15:32,940
or little old lady
with poor eyesight
357
00:15:32,942 --> 00:15:34,175
and loaded gun?
358
00:15:34,177 --> 00:15:36,944
[Max imitating dog barking]
359
00:15:36,946 --> 00:15:38,212
Fine, I'm going.
360
00:15:38,214 --> 00:15:40,514
This is why
I never leave Manhattan.
361
00:15:40,516 --> 00:15:42,783
Hey, you need to get
in the girls' apartment?
362
00:15:42,785 --> 00:15:44,418
I have a key.
363
00:15:44,420 --> 00:15:46,487
Find it here
in my big bag.
364
00:15:46,489 --> 00:15:48,656
I know it's
in here somewhere.
365
00:15:48,658 --> 00:15:51,292
Well, I got
the lip balm.
366
00:15:51,294 --> 00:15:54,562
I got--Oh, look,
I got the Holy Bible.
367
00:15:54,564 --> 00:15:55,763
I got--
368
00:15:56,833 --> 00:16:00,935
Oh, look.
Oh, the DirecTV remote.
369
00:16:00,937 --> 00:16:03,938
Oh, my God,
I'm losing estrogen.
370
00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:06,207
Max, you and Nashit
go hide in your room,
371
00:16:06,209 --> 00:16:08,542
but no sex.
372
00:16:08,544 --> 00:16:09,877
You heard her,
no sex,
373
00:16:09,879 --> 00:16:11,946
so everything but,
and I mean everything,
374
00:16:11,948 --> 00:16:13,347
and I mean but.
375
00:16:14,851 --> 00:16:16,384
Oh, here it is.
It's right--
376
00:16:16,386 --> 00:16:20,321
It was right under the cold cuts
the whole time.
377
00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:24,158
(Joe)
Caroline.
378
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,027
Hey.
Hi, Joe.
379
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:30,698
Oh!
380
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:32,199
Yeah.
381
00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:34,201
Ha!
382
00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:38,939
Yeah, the shorter hair
makes sense now.
383
00:16:38,941 --> 00:16:40,441
(Sophie)
Yeah.
384
00:16:40,443 --> 00:16:43,477
Good for you,
Caroline.
385
00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:46,881
I hope you like
long, boring stories.
386
00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:51,285
Okay, where's Allie?
I know she's here.
387
00:16:51,287 --> 00:16:53,521
I put a spy app
on her phone,
388
00:16:53,523 --> 00:16:57,558
and I'm not proud of it,
but I'm a jealous woman.
389
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,528
Oh, her phone.
I have it.
390
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:03,130
She left it at The High
when I threw her ass out today
391
00:17:03,132 --> 00:17:04,799
per your instructions.
392
00:17:04,801 --> 00:17:06,333
I don't know
how I thought this thing
393
00:17:06,335 --> 00:17:08,069
was gonna work out
to begin with.
394
00:17:08,071 --> 00:17:09,403
We met at Coachella.
395
00:17:09,405 --> 00:17:13,007
We were both on Molly,
this intensely hot
396
00:17:13,009 --> 00:17:16,911
Filipino girl.
397
00:17:16,913 --> 00:17:19,080
- Shh, shh.
- I'm hearing sexual sounds.
398
00:17:19,082 --> 00:17:24,452
And hints of secret shame
coming from the bedroom.
399
00:17:24,454 --> 00:17:26,854
- Allie is here.
- No, no one's here.
400
00:17:26,856 --> 00:17:28,689
That's just
our white noise machine.
401
00:17:28,691 --> 00:17:30,958
I'm shocked.
You're not even her type.
402
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,694
Your lips are like
two flair-pen marks.
403
00:17:36,466 --> 00:17:39,066
[Nashit laughs]
404
00:17:39,068 --> 00:17:42,703
That's hot.
405
00:17:42,705 --> 00:17:45,339
Please
don't fire Nashit!
406
00:17:45,341 --> 00:17:48,242
The Dr. Seuss hats
were my idea.
407
00:17:48,244 --> 00:17:52,780
We were playing
Hop on Pop.
408
00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:54,949
I was Pop.
409
00:17:54,951 --> 00:17:57,118
I didn't even know
there was a boy in there.
410
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,186
I only saw you.
411
00:17:59,188 --> 00:18:02,857
Okay, since there are
no hookups at The High,
412
00:18:02,859 --> 00:18:06,127
if you don't stop sleeping
with him immediately,
413
00:18:06,129 --> 00:18:07,394
my new manager...
414
00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:08,662
[clicks tongue]
415
00:18:08,664 --> 00:18:10,831
Caroline here
is gonna have to kick
416
00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:12,933
his beautiful butt
to the curb.
417
00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:17,638
But I was
mid-doing-it!
418
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:21,308
Honey, there's
a real funky smell in here.
419
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:22,910
I got to get out
of here.
420
00:18:22,912 --> 00:18:27,014
PS, this is where
you live?
421
00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:28,983
Take another $100.
422
00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:36,590
Earl, hi.
423
00:18:36,592 --> 00:18:38,259
What kind of mood
is Max in?
424
00:18:38,261 --> 00:18:39,760
Pretty good.
425
00:18:39,762 --> 00:18:42,496
On the Max scale,
she's below slightly drunk
426
00:18:42,498 --> 00:18:45,933
but above punching
a customer out.
427
00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:47,001
Oh, good.
428
00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:48,469
I was worried
she'd be mad at me
429
00:18:48,471 --> 00:18:50,104
'cause I had to get rid
of her boy toy.
430
00:18:50,106 --> 00:18:52,606
Caroline, I'd put
my hearing aids back in
431
00:18:52,608 --> 00:18:55,142
if I wanted
to hear a story.
432
00:18:56,579 --> 00:18:58,579
Guess what I have
for you in my purse.
433
00:18:58,581 --> 00:19:00,614
The tampon
I asked for last week?
434
00:19:00,616 --> 00:19:02,917
No, and again,
so sorry about that.
435
00:19:02,919 --> 00:19:05,920
Really dropped
that ball.
436
00:19:05,922 --> 00:19:07,321
Gummy worms.
437
00:19:07,323 --> 00:19:09,023
Yes, I took away
your man candy,
438
00:19:09,025 --> 00:19:11,725
but I got you these,
the hot ones that you like
439
00:19:11,727 --> 00:19:14,261
from the good candy store
with the sneeze guards.
440
00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:15,262
[gasps]
441
00:19:15,264 --> 00:19:16,530
Fancy.
442
00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:17,765
And don't worry
about Nashit.
443
00:19:17,767 --> 00:19:20,134
I got him
another job.
444
00:19:20,136 --> 00:19:21,835
Hot worm!
445
00:19:21,837 --> 00:19:25,873
Clean glasses
coming through.
446
00:19:25,875 --> 00:19:27,007
Nice rack.
447
00:19:27,009 --> 00:19:31,245
Now I know why guys
like saying that to me.
448
00:19:31,247 --> 00:19:32,546
There he is!
449
00:19:32,548 --> 00:19:34,448
There's
the new employee.
450
00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:36,817
(Caroline)
Han, I can't believe
you would hire someone
451
00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:38,652
just 'cause Max
asked you to.
452
00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:40,921
This has nothing
to do with Max or you.
453
00:19:40,923 --> 00:19:42,623
The boy here
said something to me
454
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:44,491
that you two
couldn't understand.
455
00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:45,726
What's that, sir?
456
00:19:45,728 --> 00:19:46,894
That I was
a hard worker?
457
00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:48,729
That's it!
Yes!
458
00:19:48,731 --> 00:19:50,130
Manna from heaven.
459
00:19:50,132 --> 00:19:53,300
I actually have
an employee who works.
460
00:19:53,302 --> 00:19:54,702
Jealous?
461
00:19:55,972 --> 00:19:57,738
Now, this job,
I can do.
462
00:19:57,740 --> 00:19:59,840
You know, growing up,
I had five brothers and sisters,
463
00:19:59,842 --> 00:20:01,709
and since I was
the least attractive,
464
00:20:01,711 --> 00:20:03,811
I had to clean
all the dishes.
465
00:20:03,813 --> 00:20:05,846
Meet you
in the dish room, Nashit.
466
00:20:05,848 --> 00:20:07,348
Max, what
are you doing?
467
00:20:07,350 --> 00:20:09,216
There may not be
hookups at The High,
468
00:20:09,218 --> 00:20:12,553
but there are hookups
here at our lowest low,
469
00:20:12,555 --> 00:20:14,154
and we are doing it.
470
00:20:17,126 --> 00:20:19,793
Caroline likey.