1
00:00:02,278 --> 00:00:04,212
Care for a cupcake?
2
00:00:04,214 --> 00:00:06,281
Well, our new
outdoor seating area
3
00:00:06,283 --> 00:00:09,718
is about as popular
as Paula Deen at an NBA game.
4
00:00:11,788 --> 00:00:14,289
How much longer do we
have to be out here?
5
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:15,824
We are cold.
6
00:00:15,826 --> 00:00:18,527
So, so cold.
7
00:00:18,529 --> 00:00:20,362
I can see my breath.
8
00:00:20,364 --> 00:00:22,731
And my boys are up
by my rib cage.
9
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,369
I can smell his breath.
10
00:00:27,371 --> 00:00:30,806
And my boys are up by
where my boys used to be.
11
00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:35,877
And these customers
aren't helping.
12
00:00:35,879 --> 00:00:38,046
How could we have thought
a strong Han presence
13
00:00:38,048 --> 00:00:39,981
would make it more popular?
14
00:00:39,983 --> 00:00:41,616
Max, in hindsight,
15
00:00:41,618 --> 00:00:44,386
it feels like us not springing
for those heat lamps
16
00:00:44,388 --> 00:00:45,720
was a bad call.
17
00:00:45,722 --> 00:00:47,989
Uh, you think?
18
00:00:47,991 --> 00:00:51,793
Guys, I just peed
a little to keep warm.
19
00:00:54,664 --> 00:00:57,799
Well, I peed a little
20
00:00:57,801 --> 00:00:59,801
'cause I had no choice.
21
00:01:02,205 --> 00:01:04,206
Great, they're stuck
to the bench.
22
00:01:06,809 --> 00:01:09,010
Go get the windshield
scraper.
23
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:12,981
(Peter Bjorn and John)
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ¶
24
00:01:12,983 --> 00:01:14,649
[cash register bell dings]
25
00:01:14,651 --> 00:01:18,520
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Ooh Ooh ¶
26
00:01:23,559 --> 00:01:25,293
Reading Us Weekly, Earl?
27
00:01:25,295 --> 00:01:27,629
Ooh, "Stars.
They're just like us."
28
00:01:27,631 --> 00:01:29,631
Well, if they're just like us,
where's the picture
29
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:31,633
of them turning their
underwear inside out?
30
00:01:35,037 --> 00:01:38,340
Caroline left it
in the men's room.
31
00:01:38,342 --> 00:01:40,675
And as I said
that out loud,
32
00:01:40,677 --> 00:01:43,678
I realized that I must have
been in the ladies' room.
33
00:01:45,214 --> 00:01:47,215
I can't see, Max.
34
00:01:48,751 --> 00:01:51,186
Max, I've got
some exciting news!
35
00:01:51,188 --> 00:01:54,156
Eh, I vowed I'd never get
excited about anything again
36
00:01:54,158 --> 00:01:56,525
after that last
Indiana Jones.
37
00:01:56,527 --> 00:01:59,928
I found us two discount
heat lamps on Sherry's list.
38
00:01:59,930 --> 00:02:02,264
It's like Craigslist, but
without the high probability
39
00:02:02,266 --> 00:02:05,333
of being murdered by
a deranged medical student.
40
00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:07,135
And about those lamps?
41
00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:08,637
Uh, no.
42
00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,372
We can't worry about
our outdoor business.
43
00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:12,407
We barely have
an indoor business.
44
00:02:12,409 --> 00:02:14,743
And we never will,
with that attitude.
45
00:02:14,745 --> 00:02:16,745
I'm gonna ask you
one more time:
46
00:02:16,747 --> 00:02:18,947
please listen to those
Tony Robbins tapes
47
00:02:18,949 --> 00:02:21,750
we found in the garbage.
48
00:02:21,752 --> 00:02:23,251
Well, girls,
49
00:02:23,253 --> 00:02:25,253
tomorrow's the day
I've been looking forward to
50
00:02:25,255 --> 00:02:26,421
for three years.
51
00:02:26,423 --> 00:02:29,724
You're getting your
teeth cleaned?
52
00:02:29,726 --> 00:02:32,360
Sorry, that's what's we've
been looking forward to.
53
00:02:32,362 --> 00:02:34,296
I'm moving in
with Sophie.
54
00:02:34,298 --> 00:02:39,401
From now on, the booty call is
coming from inside the house.
55
00:02:39,403 --> 00:02:41,970
I couldn't help
but overhear.
56
00:02:41,972 --> 00:02:43,438
From way back there?
57
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:47,576
Your ears should give a pep talk
to the other parts of your body.
58
00:02:47,578 --> 00:02:50,512
And, Oleg, if you need
any help with the move,
59
00:02:50,514 --> 00:02:52,514
might I offer
my services?
60
00:02:52,516 --> 00:02:55,917
My trainer Skylar says
I'm getting ripped.
61
00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,020
Yeah, ripped off
by Skylar.
62
00:02:59,022 --> 00:03:00,288
Thanks, Han.
63
00:03:00,290 --> 00:03:01,890
And as a bit of a payback,
64
00:03:01,892 --> 00:03:04,993
I'll wash my hands
back here tonight.
65
00:03:04,995 --> 00:03:08,230
See you later, neighbors.
66
00:03:08,232 --> 00:03:09,531
Oleg's moving in?
67
00:03:09,533 --> 00:03:11,566
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
68
00:03:11,568 --> 00:03:13,868
And I lost $2 billion.
69
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:17,038
What is the problem?
This is all good news.
70
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,074
Sophie an Oleg
are in love.
71
00:03:19,076 --> 00:03:20,075
Yeah!
72
00:03:20,077 --> 00:03:21,576
And they'll be in love
73
00:03:21,578 --> 00:03:23,545
on our stairs,
74
00:03:23,547 --> 00:03:25,547
in our hallway,
75
00:03:25,549 --> 00:03:28,550
and on every surface
of the laundry room.
76
00:03:28,552 --> 00:03:32,020
What do you know about love
anyway, Christian Single?
77
00:03:32,022 --> 00:03:35,790
I know Jesus
has a girl for me.
78
00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:36,958
He has to.
79
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,828
I'm $400 deep into
that damn website.
80
00:03:41,530 --> 00:03:43,732
Look, we just make a pact
81
00:03:43,734 --> 00:03:45,533
that no matter
what happens upstairs,
82
00:03:45,535 --> 00:03:47,802
or on the stairs
or in the laundry room,
83
00:03:47,804 --> 00:03:49,771
we don't invite it
into our apartment.
84
00:03:49,773 --> 00:03:51,539
Hey, everybody!
85
00:03:56,045 --> 00:03:57,679
Oh! Brr!
86
00:03:57,681 --> 00:04:01,082
It's raining cats
and goats out there.
87
00:04:01,084 --> 00:04:03,652
Don't you mean
"cats and dogs"?
88
00:04:03,654 --> 00:04:07,088
Oh, it's so nice to be corrected
as you walk in the door.
89
00:04:08,257 --> 00:04:09,591
Hey, baby.
90
00:04:09,593 --> 00:04:13,194
Can you believe in 24 hours
we'll be living in sin?
91
00:04:13,196 --> 00:04:14,362
Oh, don't worry.
92
00:04:14,364 --> 00:04:17,165
My parents don't know.
93
00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:20,468
I'm having a dinner party
tomorrow night to celebrate.
94
00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:23,438
And also because I have
15 pounds of beef
95
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:26,007
that's about to go bad.
96
00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:27,776
So, Max, Caroline,
are you in?
97
00:04:27,778 --> 00:04:29,110
Actually, Sophie,
we're busy--
98
00:04:29,112 --> 00:04:31,212
We'll be there.
99
00:04:31,214 --> 00:04:33,214
If there's beef involved,
I'm involved.
100
00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:37,218
What happened to the pact
we just made?
101
00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:38,553
I hate to tell you this--
102
00:04:38,555 --> 00:04:40,922
if it comes down
to you or beef,
103
00:04:40,924 --> 00:04:42,624
I'm always going beef.
104
00:04:48,864 --> 00:04:50,165
[baby cries]
105
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:52,167
[laughs]
106
00:04:53,369 --> 00:04:55,136
That was Sherry
from Sherry's list.
107
00:04:55,138 --> 00:04:56,738
She makes you
call her that.
108
00:04:56,740 --> 00:04:58,740
She said she's consider
charging us $150
109
00:04:58,742 --> 00:05:00,742
if we pick up the heat
lamps themselves.
110
00:05:00,744 --> 00:05:03,111
And I'm charging you with
three counts of interrupting
111
00:05:03,113 --> 00:05:05,046
this "Baby in a Faulty
High Chair" video.
112
00:05:05,048 --> 00:05:06,047
[thudding]
113
00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:07,549
[Oleg groans]
114
00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:09,551
[laughs]
Someone fell in real life!
115
00:05:12,154 --> 00:05:14,089
(Oleg)
You told me you had it.
116
00:05:14,091 --> 00:05:16,091
(Han)
I said I didn't have it.
117
00:05:16,093 --> 00:05:18,393
It's Oleg and Han
moving in.
118
00:05:18,395 --> 00:05:19,928
Get away from the door!
119
00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:21,429
Han will see your feet
under the door.
120
00:05:21,431 --> 00:05:23,431
They're right at
his eye level.
121
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,802
This is like a horror movie--
Saw III.
122
00:05:27,804 --> 00:05:29,371
Because when Han bent over,
123
00:05:29,373 --> 00:05:31,806
I saw 3 inches
of his crack.
124
00:05:32,975 --> 00:05:34,976
So you saw
his whole crack?
125
00:05:34,978 --> 00:05:36,578
[pounding on door]
126
00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:37,645
Step away!
127
00:05:37,647 --> 00:05:39,147
(Oleg)
Open the door, Max.
128
00:05:39,149 --> 00:05:40,448
I'm about to kill Han,
129
00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:42,117
and I know you're
gonna want to see that.
130
00:05:42,119 --> 00:05:44,018
Damn it!
He's right.
131
00:05:48,357 --> 00:05:50,792
Cute outfit, Han.
132
00:05:50,794 --> 00:05:52,560
Like one of those
male strippers
133
00:05:52,562 --> 00:05:54,562
from "No Thunder
From Down Under."
134
00:05:56,632 --> 00:05:58,099
This is so heavy.
135
00:05:58,101 --> 00:06:00,101
Oleg, what do you
have in here?
136
00:06:00,103 --> 00:06:01,870
Socks!
137
00:06:03,339 --> 00:06:04,706
Really, Han,
138
00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:07,475
It's like your arms are
only there for decoration.
139
00:06:09,345 --> 00:06:11,012
To be fair,
Oleg's socks
140
00:06:11,014 --> 00:06:14,249
probably have some pretty
heavy loads in them.
141
00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:17,919
Oleg, what is all your
junk doing out here?
142
00:06:17,921 --> 00:06:20,388
Do I actually smell
girls screaming?
143
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:24,092
I bring things up,
Sophie says "No,"
144
00:06:24,094 --> 00:06:25,927
I bring them
right back down.
145
00:06:25,929 --> 00:06:27,929
Is there no elevator
up in this bitch?
146
00:06:29,031 --> 00:06:31,966
Oleg, you forgot
your painting,
147
00:06:31,968 --> 00:06:34,469
and this one's
a definite "No."
148
00:06:34,471 --> 00:06:36,871
Sophie, I haven't
gotten a "Yes" yet,
149
00:06:36,873 --> 00:06:40,542
aside from the quickie we had
up against the bathroom sink.
150
00:06:40,544 --> 00:06:42,010
Not such a quickie.
151
00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:45,713
They locked me out and I had
to eat my lunch in the truck.
152
00:06:45,715 --> 00:06:49,050
Then what was the point
of me renting a moving truck?
153
00:06:49,052 --> 00:06:52,887
I mean, besides the rough sex
we had up against the sides?
154
00:06:52,889 --> 00:06:55,890
They locked me outside on the
side of the road for that one.
155
00:06:57,092 --> 00:06:59,894
Okay, well, we have
to go back in.
156
00:06:59,896 --> 00:07:02,230
See you tonight
at the beef-a-thon.
157
00:07:02,232 --> 00:07:04,399
No, Oleg.
158
00:07:04,401 --> 00:07:06,634
Maybe I'm being unfair.
159
00:07:06,636 --> 00:07:09,637
I mean, you have all
this stuff that you like,
160
00:07:09,639 --> 00:07:11,840
and they have
an apartment.
161
00:07:11,842 --> 00:07:13,808
Put it in there.
162
00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:15,577
Sophie!
163
00:07:15,579 --> 00:07:17,579
I'll see you at 8:00!
164
00:07:17,581 --> 00:07:19,581
So what do you say,
girls?
165
00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:20,915
Absolutely not--
166
00:07:20,917 --> 00:07:22,250
Yes.
167
00:07:22,252 --> 00:07:25,119
Max, there's a method
to my madness.
168
00:07:25,121 --> 00:07:27,355
Oleg, will you
excuse us a second?
169
00:07:27,357 --> 00:07:29,023
And maybe help Han
with that box.
170
00:07:29,025 --> 00:07:31,960
In those shorts, I can actually
see a hernia happening.
171
00:07:35,197 --> 00:07:37,632
I thought we weren't
getting involved!
172
00:07:37,634 --> 00:07:39,000
If we help Oleg out,
173
00:07:39,002 --> 00:07:40,301
he'll let us use
the moving truck
174
00:07:40,303 --> 00:07:41,336
to pick up
our heat lamps.
175
00:07:41,338 --> 00:07:42,871
I already said
"No" to those.
176
00:07:42,873 --> 00:07:44,572
But we just
talked about it!
177
00:07:44,574 --> 00:07:46,975
I wasn't listening!
178
00:07:46,977 --> 00:07:51,012
That baby fell face-down
into mashed potatoes.
179
00:07:51,014 --> 00:07:54,015
But you said "Yes"
to the dinner party,
180
00:07:54,017 --> 00:07:57,685
so if you get your meat,
I get my heat.
181
00:07:57,687 --> 00:08:01,523
Just because you rhyme
doesn't make it okay.
182
00:08:01,525 --> 00:08:04,158
And I'm pretty sure that's what
Rihanna said to Chris Brown.
183
00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:12,400
Where are we meeting this
chick with the heat lamps?
184
00:08:12,402 --> 00:08:14,435
I haven't gone this far
for something I didn't want
185
00:08:14,437 --> 00:08:17,672
since Planned Parenthood
moved to New Jersey.
186
00:08:17,674 --> 00:08:18,806
Hello!
187
00:08:18,808 --> 00:08:20,341
I'm getting
truck sick back here.
188
00:08:20,343 --> 00:08:23,945
You're a worse driver than
people assume I am.
189
00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:25,914
Come on! Come on!
190
00:08:25,916 --> 00:08:27,682
We're gonna be
late to dinner!
191
00:08:27,684 --> 00:08:29,984
Would any of you
be interested in playing
192
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:32,053
rock-paper-scissors
for a seat up front?
193
00:08:32,055 --> 00:08:33,388
(both)
No!
194
00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:36,824
Girls, can I ask you
a relationship question?
195
00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:38,226
(both)
No!
196
00:08:38,228 --> 00:08:40,895
And besides, what would we
know about relationships?
197
00:08:40,897 --> 00:08:42,230
That's like asking
Donald Trump
198
00:08:42,232 --> 00:08:44,899
for the name
of a good hairstylist.
199
00:08:44,901 --> 00:08:46,668
I mean, what's
the deal with her?
200
00:08:46,670 --> 00:08:48,169
She asks me to move in,
201
00:08:48,171 --> 00:08:50,305
and then won't even
let me have my painting?
202
00:08:50,307 --> 00:08:52,507
I mean, Sophie
already bought the cow.
203
00:08:52,509 --> 00:08:55,243
She might as well
let the cow's crap in.
204
00:08:55,245 --> 00:08:57,879
So you're saying
I'm right.
205
00:08:57,881 --> 00:08:59,647
No, no,
but I do think--
206
00:08:59,649 --> 00:09:00,982
No, you don't think,
207
00:09:00,984 --> 00:09:02,884
or your mouth wouldn't
be moving right now.
208
00:09:02,886 --> 00:09:05,253
I'm just saying,
209
00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:07,255
he has the right
to move some of his stuff
210
00:09:07,257 --> 00:09:10,124
into Sophie's apartment
and out of ours.
211
00:09:10,126 --> 00:09:11,893
Speaking of his stuff,
212
00:09:11,895 --> 00:09:13,628
there's something
in a box back here
213
00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:16,130
is humming, and--
oh, it stopped.
214
00:09:16,132 --> 00:09:17,465
[buzzing]
215
00:09:17,467 --> 00:09:19,233
Oh, it started again.
216
00:09:19,235 --> 00:09:22,770
That's my lifelike mouth
with authentic jaw action.
217
00:09:22,772 --> 00:09:24,439
Oleg,
watch the road!
218
00:09:24,441 --> 00:09:27,342
The last words I hear
can't be "lifelike mouth."
219
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,749
Everything looks
very nice, Sophie.
220
00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:36,417
Yeah, see,
221
00:09:36,419 --> 00:09:39,420
I'm not gonna talk until
the other guests arrive.
222
00:09:41,156 --> 00:09:44,692
I got to save my hostess
sparkle for the real guests.
223
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:47,795
Hey, baby.
224
00:09:47,797 --> 00:09:50,565
Where the hell
have you been?
225
00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:53,267
That was a pretty
loud sparkle.
226
00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:55,503
It's my fault
we're late, Sophie--
227
00:09:55,505 --> 00:09:57,238
It's okay.
Just sit down.
228
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,007
Don't you want
to know what I was--
229
00:09:59,009 --> 00:10:00,008
No, really.
230
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:01,275
I got a pot roast over here
231
00:10:01,277 --> 00:10:03,277
that's a hell of a lot
more interesting.
232
00:10:04,513 --> 00:10:06,547
Max, thank God
you're here.
233
00:10:06,549 --> 00:10:08,316
There was so much
awkward silence,
234
00:10:08,318 --> 00:10:11,352
I pretended I got a phone call
from a banana.
235
00:10:13,088 --> 00:10:14,989
I'm gonna take
a quick shower.
236
00:10:14,991 --> 00:10:17,859
Oh, Oleg,
Dinner is ready.
237
00:10:17,861 --> 00:10:21,262
You don't have time
to run down to the "Y" now.
238
00:10:21,264 --> 00:10:25,266
No, I meant I would
shower here.
239
00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:27,268
Here...
240
00:10:29,638 --> 00:10:32,006
In my bathroom?
241
00:10:32,008 --> 00:10:33,441
Uh...
242
00:10:33,443 --> 00:10:34,676
Yeah.
243
00:10:34,678 --> 00:10:36,778
I live here now.
244
00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:39,013
Oh, yeah.
245
00:10:39,015 --> 00:10:41,282
That's right.
246
00:10:41,284 --> 00:10:42,950
Imagine that.
247
00:10:44,787 --> 00:10:46,788
Hey, Oleg, why don't you
just come over here
248
00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:48,356
and sit next to Earl?
249
00:10:48,358 --> 00:10:51,759
Because he's old and I'm sure
his smeller is shot.
250
00:10:53,562 --> 00:10:57,732
Sophie, you really must write
a "how to entertain" book.
251
00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:00,668
Here we go:
252
00:11:00,670 --> 00:11:04,105
Grandma Chinkski's
pot roast.
253
00:11:04,107 --> 00:11:05,440
This looks amazing.
254
00:11:05,442 --> 00:11:07,542
I love a root vegetable
in the winter.
255
00:11:07,544 --> 00:11:11,546
Can it ever just be
about me?
256
00:11:15,617 --> 00:11:17,351
¶ Beef, beef, beef ¶
257
00:11:17,353 --> 00:11:19,921
¶ B-beef, b-beef, beef ¶
258
00:11:19,923 --> 00:11:21,923
What?
That's my beef song.
259
00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:24,559
[glass clinking]
260
00:11:24,561 --> 00:11:27,395
I'd like to make a toast
to Sophie.
261
00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:29,397
Oh, that's sweet.
262
00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:31,332
But not with that glass.
263
00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:33,668
That's Grandma Chinski's
crystal.
264
00:11:33,670 --> 00:11:36,804
Baby, I was in the middle
of a toast.
265
00:11:36,806 --> 00:11:38,806
Oh, I'm sorry, but...
266
00:11:38,808 --> 00:11:41,142
those are my
favorite thing!
267
00:11:41,144 --> 00:11:44,645
Grandma Chinski traded two
of my slow cousins for those.
268
00:11:48,217 --> 00:11:50,752
Well, you know,
it's funny.
269
00:11:50,754 --> 00:11:52,587
I have a favorite thing too.
270
00:11:52,589 --> 00:11:55,256
In fact, why don't I
just go and get it?
271
00:11:55,258 --> 00:11:57,158
[gasps]
I can't believe it.
272
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,160
I'm about to meet
Lon Anderson!
273
00:12:00,496 --> 00:12:03,164
Can someone help me
lift up my fork?
274
00:12:03,166 --> 00:12:06,200
My arms are still
sore from the move.
275
00:12:06,202 --> 00:12:07,401
Open up.
276
00:12:09,738 --> 00:12:11,372
Someone else
has to feed Han.
277
00:12:11,374 --> 00:12:14,108
He just licked
my pinky.
278
00:12:15,844 --> 00:12:17,478
Earl, what are you
doing over there?
279
00:12:19,848 --> 00:12:22,683
Just hanging out
with R&B sensation,
280
00:12:22,685 --> 00:12:26,020
Mary J.-juana.
281
00:12:26,022 --> 00:12:27,522
Oh, good.
282
00:12:27,524 --> 00:12:30,391
So you're in the right mind-set
to hand-feed a 30-year-old man.
283
00:12:32,227 --> 00:12:34,362
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
284
00:12:34,364 --> 00:12:37,265
I think that's Polish
for "No."
285
00:12:37,267 --> 00:12:39,433
Uh-huh.
Yes, Sophie.
286
00:12:39,435 --> 00:12:42,537
It's my painting.
Excuse me--our painting.
287
00:12:42,539 --> 00:12:45,873
And it's going up
on our wall.
288
00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:47,875
Is it me,
289
00:12:47,877 --> 00:12:50,578
or is this party
tense as hell?
290
00:12:52,247 --> 00:12:55,650
I don't think Sophie and Oleg
are gonna make it.
291
00:12:57,052 --> 00:13:00,054
Uh-oh. Am I talking
out loud right now?
292
00:13:02,658 --> 00:13:06,194
I told you, I don't want
that thing in here.
293
00:13:06,196 --> 00:13:08,162
I don't understand.
It's just a painting.
294
00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:09,497
What's so bad about it?
295
00:13:11,366 --> 00:13:13,367
Oh, my God.
296
00:13:16,071 --> 00:13:17,238
Nice, huh?
297
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,406
I did it myself.
298
00:13:18,408 --> 00:13:20,341
It's a paint-by-numbers.
299
00:13:20,343 --> 00:13:23,077
You mean
it's a Putin-by-numbers.
300
00:13:23,079 --> 00:13:26,013
Why are his nipples
so big?
301
00:13:26,015 --> 00:13:28,082
They don't seem
that big to me.
302
00:13:29,751 --> 00:13:34,822
Oh, I am too high
for this.
303
00:13:34,824 --> 00:13:36,824
I'm not high enough.
304
00:13:38,594 --> 00:13:42,563
In my culture, big nipples
mean power and wealth.
305
00:13:42,565 --> 00:13:44,565
In our culture,
big nipples means,
306
00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:47,401
"Wears a t-shirt
in the pool."
307
00:13:47,403 --> 00:13:49,170
There.
308
00:13:49,172 --> 00:13:50,371
I like it.
309
00:13:52,441 --> 00:13:56,177
Adds a certain
something to the room.
310
00:13:56,179 --> 00:13:59,180
Every wall needs nipples.
311
00:13:59,182 --> 00:14:01,182
So a guy knows
where to look.
312
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,253
Thank you for telling me
to do this, Caroline.
313
00:14:07,189 --> 00:14:09,190
She did?
314
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,562
I'd get up and run,
but my legs are like taffy.
315
00:14:15,931 --> 00:14:17,365
Seriously,
316
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:19,834
you told him
to hang that thing up?
317
00:14:19,836 --> 00:14:22,837
In fairness,
I had not seen the painting
318
00:14:22,839 --> 00:14:24,639
when I suggested
something like that.
319
00:14:24,641 --> 00:14:26,641
I mean, I get it.
320
00:14:26,643 --> 00:14:28,976
It's gorgeous.
321
00:14:28,978 --> 00:14:32,179
But it doesn't
go with the décor.
322
00:14:32,181 --> 00:14:33,848
What?
323
00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:38,352
Is it throwing off this
gorgeous outdoor-indoor swing?
324
00:14:39,721 --> 00:14:41,222
I'll cut you with
the carving knife!
325
00:14:44,726 --> 00:14:46,727
Nobody is cutting anyone.
326
00:14:46,729 --> 00:14:48,496
Especially not me.
327
00:14:48,498 --> 00:14:50,831
Do you never learn?
328
00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:53,000
Just put some beef
in your napkin like I did,
329
00:14:53,002 --> 00:14:55,636
and let's get out
of here.
330
00:14:55,638 --> 00:14:56,871
Sophie, you asked me
to move in.
331
00:14:56,873 --> 00:15:00,641
Guess what?
I moved in.
332
00:15:00,643 --> 00:15:03,110
Yes, I asked you
to move in,
333
00:15:03,112 --> 00:15:06,113
but not with big
weird-nipple Putin.
334
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,650
Well, how big are
nipples supposed to be?
335
00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:11,385
'Cause--never mind.
336
00:15:12,721 --> 00:15:14,722
And what's your
problem anyway?
337
00:15:14,724 --> 00:15:17,258
I gave you a drawer.
338
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:18,926
This!
339
00:15:18,928 --> 00:15:20,928
This is my drawer.
340
00:15:22,497 --> 00:15:23,998
What good is this?
341
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,134
I can't even get one
of my ball gags in there.
342
00:15:28,503 --> 00:15:32,506
You asked for a drawer,
I gave you a drawer!
343
00:15:32,508 --> 00:15:35,743
And who needs
12 ball gags anyway?
344
00:15:35,745 --> 00:15:39,180
Oh, so now
you don't like ball gags?
345
00:15:39,182 --> 00:15:41,182
Who are you, lady?
346
00:15:42,684 --> 00:15:45,319
I'll tell you who I am--
347
00:15:45,321 --> 00:15:50,291
I'm the lady who's "Putin"
this is the trash!
348
00:15:53,462 --> 00:15:56,397
You trash that,
I'll trash this.
349
00:15:56,399 --> 00:15:57,565
Oh, no.
350
00:15:57,567 --> 00:15:58,899
Oh, you think
you're gonna break
351
00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:00,601
one of Grandma Chinski's
glasses?
352
00:16:00,603 --> 00:16:03,871
No, if anyone's gonna break one,
it's gonna be me!
353
00:16:03,873 --> 00:16:05,539
[glass shatters]
354
00:16:05,541 --> 00:16:08,943
This reminds me of the first
half of my second marriage,
355
00:16:08,945 --> 00:16:11,012
and the second half
of my third marriage.
356
00:16:12,948 --> 00:16:15,349
Sophie, I'm done.
357
00:16:15,351 --> 00:16:17,351
And as you said to me
on our first date,
358
00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,920
"I don't know how much more
of this I can take."
359
00:16:23,425 --> 00:16:26,394
Fun party.
360
00:16:26,396 --> 00:16:28,062
Not awkward at all.
361
00:16:28,064 --> 00:16:29,463
I should get going though.
362
00:16:29,465 --> 00:16:31,632
Got to be up early for--
what's a thing?
363
00:16:31,634 --> 00:16:32,867
Church?
364
00:16:36,605 --> 00:16:38,639
¶ Beef, beef, beef ¶
365
00:16:38,641 --> 00:16:41,609
¶ B-beef, beef, beef, beef ¶
366
00:16:49,017 --> 00:16:51,652
Sorry about that
dinner party last night.
367
00:16:51,654 --> 00:16:55,423
It kind of got away
from me a little bit.
368
00:16:55,425 --> 00:16:58,559
But I really appreciate
you getting up early
369
00:16:58,561 --> 00:17:01,395
and helping me move
Oleg's stuff back.
370
00:17:01,397 --> 00:17:03,664
I just actually feel like
this is a little bit my fault--
371
00:17:03,666 --> 00:17:05,332
Seriously!
372
00:17:05,334 --> 00:17:08,669
Can it ever just be
about me?
373
00:17:08,671 --> 00:17:10,671
Hey, um,
374
00:17:10,673 --> 00:17:12,807
where are we taking
his stuff anyway?
375
00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:15,009
I don't think Goodwill
will take a love seat
376
00:17:15,011 --> 00:17:18,913
that's actually
covered in love.
377
00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:20,915
Well, I was thinking,
378
00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:23,217
you know,
since Oleg and I
379
00:17:23,219 --> 00:17:25,853
really did have
something special,
380
00:17:25,855 --> 00:17:27,855
I was thinking I would
just take his stuff
381
00:17:27,857 --> 00:17:30,224
and dump it
down by the river.
382
00:17:30,226 --> 00:17:32,226
Okay,
I'm just gonna say it--
383
00:17:32,228 --> 00:17:33,961
Sophie, would it kill you
384
00:17:33,963 --> 00:17:36,664
to just let Oleg
hang the damn painting?
385
00:17:36,666 --> 00:17:38,666
[tires screeching]
386
00:17:38,668 --> 00:17:41,669
[horns honking]
387
00:17:43,738 --> 00:17:45,406
So what,
you just park the truck
388
00:17:45,408 --> 00:17:47,508
in the middle of
the Van Wyck Expressway?
389
00:17:47,510 --> 00:17:49,443
Do you never learn?
390
00:17:49,445 --> 00:17:52,513
I almost ate Rent-A-Truck
floor mat.
391
00:17:52,515 --> 00:17:56,383
Caroline,
you get this straight--
392
00:17:56,385 --> 00:17:58,385
Oleg was wrong.
393
00:17:58,387 --> 00:18:01,789
And those nipples
were way too big.
394
00:18:02,858 --> 00:18:05,659
This is awkward.
395
00:18:05,661 --> 00:18:08,362
You're in the truck?
396
00:18:08,364 --> 00:18:11,365
No, you're in
my apartment.
397
00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:13,367
[tires screeching, thud]
398
00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:17,771
I think something
hit us.
399
00:18:21,910 --> 00:18:23,844
You guys just need
some couples therapy.
400
00:18:23,846 --> 00:18:24,879
I'll mediate it,
401
00:18:24,881 --> 00:18:26,213
since I've had
therapy myself.
402
00:18:26,215 --> 00:18:29,783
Not as a couple,
but hopefully someday.
403
00:18:29,785 --> 00:18:32,953
I'm just sitting here waiting
for the tow truck to come.
404
00:18:32,955 --> 00:18:35,189
How's your neck, Max?
405
00:18:35,191 --> 00:18:36,524
Not so bad.
406
00:18:36,526 --> 00:18:38,993
The second car that hit us
kind of knocked
407
00:18:38,995 --> 00:18:42,663
what the first car knocked
out of place back in place.
408
00:18:42,665 --> 00:18:43,831
I'll start.
409
00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:46,200
This woman is a fraud
and a liar.
410
00:18:46,202 --> 00:18:47,968
(Caroline)
Okay, well,
411
00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:50,471
we need a little more Oprah,
a little less Jerry Springer.
412
00:18:50,473 --> 00:18:52,573
Hey, don't dis Springer.
413
00:18:52,575 --> 00:18:54,909
They have great snacks
in the green room.
414
00:18:54,911 --> 00:18:56,710
You were on Jerry Springer?
415
00:18:56,712 --> 00:18:58,846
Yeah, I was on
"I hate my roommate
416
00:18:58,848 --> 00:19:01,715
and I don't know
how to tell her."
417
00:19:01,717 --> 00:19:04,018
Oleg and I are not gonna
talk this thing out.
418
00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:06,020
If you want
to waste your time,
419
00:19:06,022 --> 00:19:07,955
go teach in an inner city
high school.
420
00:19:07,957 --> 00:19:10,891
You know what?
Even better--
421
00:19:10,893 --> 00:19:12,693
I'll do the talking
for Oleg.
422
00:19:12,695 --> 00:19:14,762
Oh, then, Max--
you be me, okay, Max?
423
00:19:14,764 --> 00:19:16,096
Oh--I don't know if--
424
00:19:16,098 --> 00:19:18,098
Do you want the rest
of the beef, or not?
425
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:21,101
This guy is a bum,
and the painting has to go.
426
00:19:21,103 --> 00:19:22,736
It's stupid.
427
00:19:22,738 --> 00:19:24,238
Really, really good, Max,
428
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,273
but next time just arch your
back a little, and, yeah.
429
00:19:26,275 --> 00:19:28,108
Yeah.
430
00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:30,044
Okay, you be me.
431
00:19:30,046 --> 00:19:34,782
No, I don't feel like getting a
threatening erection right now.
432
00:19:34,784 --> 00:19:37,651
But I will say, anytime
people move in together,
433
00:19:37,653 --> 00:19:39,186
it's a compromise.
434
00:19:39,188 --> 00:19:40,654
Look at Max--
435
00:19:40,656 --> 00:19:43,324
when I needed a place to stay,
she let me have my horse.
436
00:19:43,326 --> 00:19:46,660
Let me just say--and I
brought this up on Springer--
437
00:19:46,662 --> 00:19:50,731
I only let you in
because of the horse.
438
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:53,033
And I finally stopped
putting up a fight
439
00:19:53,035 --> 00:19:54,835
and let Max
walk around naked.
440
00:19:54,837 --> 00:19:56,003
When did that happen?
441
00:19:56,005 --> 00:19:58,239
Tomorrow.
442
00:19:58,241 --> 00:19:59,607
Oh, Oleg,
443
00:19:59,609 --> 00:20:02,610
I wouldn't want you to give up
walking around naked.
444
00:20:02,612 --> 00:20:06,013
I mean, as long as you don't
sit down on anything white.
445
00:20:06,015 --> 00:20:07,681
Makes sense.
446
00:20:07,683 --> 00:20:11,051
Nobody likes a chocolate
starfish on an ottoman.
447
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:16,423
Point, Sophie.
448
00:20:16,425 --> 00:20:19,793
Ha!
I'm winning, everybody!
449
00:20:19,795 --> 00:20:21,428
Well, it's therapy.
450
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:23,264
There are no
winners and losers.
451
00:20:23,266 --> 00:20:26,800
Sounds like something
a loser would say.
452
00:20:26,802 --> 00:20:29,370
You know, Oleg,
453
00:20:29,372 --> 00:20:32,873
this isn't about that
silly little painting.
454
00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:35,809
It's just, uh,
455
00:20:35,811 --> 00:20:39,847
a lot of change
in a short amount of time...
456
00:20:43,418 --> 00:20:45,653
(whispers)
I'm so scared.
457
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:48,956
Sophie,
458
00:20:48,958 --> 00:20:52,393
I don't care about my stuff,
as long as I have you.
459
00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:58,232
What did we just do?
460
00:20:58,234 --> 00:21:00,901
We had them apart, and now we
just put them back together.
461
00:21:00,903 --> 00:21:02,102
You did that.
462
00:21:02,104 --> 00:21:03,771
You don't know
when to butt out.
463
00:21:03,773 --> 00:21:05,239
Jerry's words.
464
00:21:06,908 --> 00:21:08,909
[cash register bell dings]