1
00:00:02,879 --> 00:00:05,781
Okay, everybody,
gather round.
2
00:00:05,783 --> 00:00:08,683
Who knew it was "bring
your girlfriend to work" day?
3
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:12,487
She is not my girlfriend.
4
00:00:12,489 --> 00:00:14,022
Judy is a CPR doll,
5
00:00:14,024 --> 00:00:17,459
and the hardest-working girl
in this diner.
6
00:00:17,461 --> 00:00:21,863
Oh, Han, you shouldn't bring
your sex doll out in public.
7
00:00:21,865 --> 00:00:25,834
This is not my girlfriend
or sex doll!
8
00:00:25,836 --> 00:00:27,502
Earl, come over.
9
00:00:27,504 --> 00:00:30,005
We're going to use Judy
to learn how to resuscitate.
10
00:00:30,007 --> 00:00:32,674
I have a "do not resuscitate"
clause,
11
00:00:32,676 --> 00:00:36,011
as in,
I do not resuscitate others.
12
00:00:36,013 --> 00:00:37,479
Oleg.
13
00:00:37,481 --> 00:00:38,713
What's up, Han?
14
00:00:38,715 --> 00:00:40,115
Oh, hey, Judy.
15
00:00:43,019 --> 00:00:44,486
How do you know Judy?
16
00:00:44,488 --> 00:00:48,690
With a torso like that,
she gets around.
17
00:00:48,692 --> 00:00:51,159
Okay, I will demonstrate.
18
00:00:51,161 --> 00:00:52,594
Oh, no!
19
00:00:52,596 --> 00:00:55,697
Judy's choking on something!
20
00:00:55,699 --> 00:00:58,433
Well, we know it's not you.
21
00:00:59,869 --> 00:01:02,304
First you have to tilt
the head back
22
00:01:02,306 --> 00:01:04,573
and clear the airway
and blow.
23
00:01:04,575 --> 00:01:05,907
[gasps]
24
00:01:05,909 --> 00:01:07,476
Oh, Max, I think
we're witnessing
25
00:01:07,478 --> 00:01:10,679
his first kiss.
26
00:01:10,681 --> 00:01:13,682
Fourth, thank you very much.
27
00:01:13,684 --> 00:01:16,585
Han, why are you wasting
your time kissing her?
28
00:01:16,587 --> 00:01:17,819
She doesn't have any arms.
29
00:01:17,821 --> 00:01:19,521
Just go for it.
30
00:01:23,092 --> 00:01:25,193
(Peter Bjorn and John)
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ¶
31
00:01:25,195 --> 00:01:26,862
[cash register bell dings]
32
00:01:26,864 --> 00:01:30,565
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Ooh Ooh ¶
33
00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:38,707
What's up, everybody?
Big day today.
34
00:01:38,709 --> 00:01:41,042
Not as big as Christmas,
but still marks the arrival
35
00:01:41,044 --> 00:01:44,546
of someone very blessed: me.
36
00:01:44,548 --> 00:01:45,547
Yeah, we get it.
37
00:01:45,549 --> 00:01:46,982
You talk about your birthday
38
00:01:46,984 --> 00:01:50,719
more than Kanye West
talks about Kanye West.
39
00:01:50,721 --> 00:01:53,722
Caroline, I thought
you would be crying.
40
00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,957
Tears on your birthday
have become as expected
41
00:01:55,959 --> 00:01:59,561
as an ex-Disney star going
to rehab.
42
00:01:59,563 --> 00:02:01,263
Why would I be sad?
43
00:02:01,265 --> 00:02:03,798
I have my health,
a business that's budding--
44
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:07,135
Boobs that aren't.
45
00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:09,037
I don't believe in birthdays.
46
00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:11,139
You're only as old as you feel.
47
00:02:11,141 --> 00:02:13,341
Which makes me
nothing years old.
48
00:02:15,278 --> 00:02:17,779
Speaking of nothing...
49
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:20,882
Caroline, are we still on
for Two Boots pizza tonight?
50
00:02:20,884 --> 00:02:23,752
I'm closing the diner early
in honor of your birthday,
51
00:02:23,754 --> 00:02:25,420
and just not because the city
52
00:02:25,422 --> 00:02:28,957
has demanded to look into
the black mold situation.
53
00:02:28,959 --> 00:02:30,792
Absolutely, Han.
54
00:02:30,794 --> 00:02:32,627
You can have one slice
with two toppings
55
00:02:32,629 --> 00:02:34,396
or two slices
with one topping,
56
00:02:34,398 --> 00:02:36,064
and my birthday cake
is a free flan
57
00:02:36,066 --> 00:02:38,900
'cause I flirted
with the dishwasher.
58
00:02:38,902 --> 00:02:40,936
Caroline, sweetheart,
if I was you,
59
00:02:40,938 --> 00:02:44,339
I would just put my head
through a plate glass window.
60
00:02:46,842 --> 00:02:48,310
Okay, everybody.
61
00:02:48,312 --> 00:02:51,012
I have two announcements,
both good news.
62
00:02:51,014 --> 00:02:53,949
First, the guy who found
the beak in his sandwich
63
00:02:53,951 --> 00:02:57,619
is not suing, and second,
64
00:02:57,621 --> 00:03:01,890
I'm gonna pop the question
to Sophie.
65
00:03:01,892 --> 00:03:04,226
Well, you've already popped
everything else.
66
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:08,263
What do you think?
67
00:03:08,265 --> 00:03:10,432
They say diamonds
are a girl's best friend.
68
00:03:10,434 --> 00:03:11,600
Oh, really?
69
00:03:11,602 --> 00:03:13,068
I thought a girl's best friend
70
00:03:13,070 --> 00:03:14,970
was someone
just a little fatter than her.
71
00:03:16,172 --> 00:03:17,772
It was my grandma's
from Russia.
72
00:03:17,774 --> 00:03:19,507
I had my cousin Svela
swallow it
73
00:03:19,509 --> 00:03:21,676
to bring it to America.
74
00:03:21,678 --> 00:03:25,280
She passed customs,
then she passed this.
75
00:03:27,617 --> 00:03:31,086
Five, six rinses later,
boom!
76
00:03:31,088 --> 00:03:32,621
Doody free.
77
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:39,294
Well, I guess that's better
than getting it at Kay.
78
00:03:39,296 --> 00:03:40,862
Is Sophie expecting it?
79
00:03:40,864 --> 00:03:41,896
Of course.
80
00:03:41,898 --> 00:03:43,265
She doesn't like surprises
81
00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:45,100
since her family barn
was torched
82
00:03:45,102 --> 00:03:48,103
by a mentally unstable
farmhand.
83
00:03:49,405 --> 00:03:51,973
Hi, I have a delivery
for Caroline Channing
84
00:03:51,975 --> 00:03:53,308
from Martin Channing.
85
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:54,809
Oh, it's a birthday gift
from my daddy
86
00:03:54,811 --> 00:03:55,944
all the way from prison.
87
00:03:55,946 --> 00:03:57,212
Last year, he made me
88
00:03:57,214 --> 00:04:00,048
a macaroni art
picture frame.
89
00:04:00,050 --> 00:04:02,484
I mean,
the man once rented Miami
90
00:04:02,486 --> 00:04:05,453
for a friend's bachelor party.
91
00:04:05,455 --> 00:04:09,324
Hey, that picture frame
fed us for two days.
92
00:04:09,326 --> 00:04:10,825
Yeah, well,
this thing is not pasta,
93
00:04:10,827 --> 00:04:13,028
and it's too big
to fit through the door.
94
00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:15,897
And so was I
three months ago.
95
00:04:15,899 --> 00:04:17,399
No, really.
96
00:04:17,401 --> 00:04:20,902
My seat on an airplane
used to be Row Three.
97
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,542
There it is
in the street.
98
00:04:27,544 --> 00:04:29,711
A condom full of hamburger meat?
99
00:04:29,713 --> 00:04:30,979
Oh, my God.
100
00:04:30,981 --> 00:04:33,014
Is that a Lamborghini?
101
00:04:33,016 --> 00:04:34,249
Wait.
102
00:04:34,251 --> 00:04:36,384
Is that my Lamborghini?
103
00:04:36,386 --> 00:04:41,022
Yeah, it's a Lamborghini
Aventador Roadster.
104
00:04:41,024 --> 00:04:42,490
Wow.
105
00:04:42,492 --> 00:04:45,994
Prison arts and crafts
has gotten pretty fancy.
106
00:04:45,996 --> 00:04:49,331
Well, it takes four years for
these cars to be custom-made.
107
00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:50,999
This one was ordered in 2011.
108
00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:52,767
That's right,
my father ordered this for me
109
00:04:52,769 --> 00:04:54,402
when he still had money.
110
00:04:54,404 --> 00:04:57,939
Correction: When he had
everyone else's money.
111
00:04:57,941 --> 00:05:02,143
All my father ever gave me
was that one iffy chromosome.
112
00:05:02,145 --> 00:05:03,845
Well, here you go.
113
00:05:03,847 --> 00:05:06,414
It's all yours.
114
00:05:06,416 --> 00:05:07,482
I'm gonna walk home.
115
00:05:07,484 --> 00:05:09,584
It's all about healthy choices.
116
00:05:11,620 --> 00:05:13,755
[both squealing]
117
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:15,690
I got a car!
118
00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:17,926
We got a car!
119
00:05:24,633 --> 00:05:30,338
Damn, someone painted
the Batmobile white.
120
00:05:30,340 --> 00:05:33,675
Can't we have anything?
121
00:05:35,978 --> 00:05:39,280
That's a $450,000 sports car.
122
00:05:39,282 --> 00:05:40,715
I know.
123
00:05:40,717 --> 00:05:42,550
Add a stackable washer/dryer
and a motor home,
124
00:05:42,552 --> 00:05:45,687
and it's like Caroline won
the Showcase Showdown.
125
00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:49,457
It goes from 0 to 100
in 2.9 seconds.
126
00:05:49,459 --> 00:05:50,825
And speaking of seconds,
127
00:05:50,827 --> 00:05:52,160
I'm getting seconds
at Two Boots,
128
00:05:52,162 --> 00:05:54,596
and that rich bitch is paying.
129
00:05:55,931 --> 00:05:57,866
Back off, Tokyo Drift.
130
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,705
This is our getaway car.
131
00:06:03,707 --> 00:06:06,941
And by that,
I mean get away from it.
132
00:06:06,943 --> 00:06:10,111
You know, a car like this
depreciates 50%
133
00:06:10,113 --> 00:06:12,414
the minute you drive it
off the lot.
134
00:06:12,416 --> 00:06:15,650
That's why I drive
my Toyota Yaris.
135
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,053
Ooh la la.
136
00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:22,657
[gasps]
Is P. Diddy here?
137
00:06:22,659 --> 00:06:25,994
Wait a minute.
Is it Ted Turner?
138
00:06:25,996 --> 00:06:27,562
No one cool owns it.
139
00:06:27,564 --> 00:06:29,230
It's Caroline's.
140
00:06:29,232 --> 00:06:30,965
Now, this is the kind of car
141
00:06:30,967 --> 00:06:34,469
that I would say yes
to anything in.
142
00:06:34,471 --> 00:06:39,007
Anything excepts tickets
to Menopause The Musical.
143
00:06:40,576 --> 00:06:43,244
Oh, hey, Caroline.
Nice car.
144
00:06:43,246 --> 00:06:45,113
I always liked you
more than Max.
145
00:06:45,115 --> 00:06:47,916
You know that, right,
girl?
146
00:06:47,918 --> 00:06:49,284
Really?
147
00:06:49,286 --> 00:06:50,952
'Cause yesterday,
I heard you yell to Max,
148
00:06:50,954 --> 00:06:53,922
[imitating Sophie]
"Is Caroline turning 47 or 48?
149
00:06:53,924 --> 00:06:57,759
'Cause she acts like she's 65."
150
00:06:57,761 --> 00:07:00,228
Yeah.
151
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:04,199
Yeah, I wanted to know what
to write in your birthday card.
152
00:07:04,201 --> 00:07:06,534
Well, everyone
away from the car.
153
00:07:06,536 --> 00:07:07,902
I just got off the phone
with my dad.
154
00:07:07,904 --> 00:07:09,704
The car is being seized
in the morning.
155
00:07:09,706 --> 00:07:12,106
Turns out they won't let me
keep my present.
156
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,441
It's just like
my eighth birthday
157
00:07:13,443 --> 00:07:16,945
when they made me return
Mccaulay Culkin.
158
00:07:21,584 --> 00:07:25,587
They bought you a boy?
159
00:07:25,589 --> 00:07:28,056
You were rich.
160
00:07:28,058 --> 00:07:31,593
Oh, boy, the car's right here,
and you can't even use it.
161
00:07:31,595 --> 00:07:34,963
That's like me having you two
for waitresses.
162
00:07:39,902 --> 00:07:42,103
Caroline, can I ask you
a favor?
163
00:07:42,105 --> 00:07:45,139
You're not using the car
to propose to Sophie.
164
00:07:45,141 --> 00:07:46,941
You heard how much
she liked it.
165
00:07:46,943 --> 00:07:49,644
And it's a little bit classier
than my original plan:
166
00:07:49,646 --> 00:07:52,814
dinner and a cock fight
in Yonkers.
167
00:07:52,816 --> 00:07:55,149
Not that I'm listening,
168
00:07:55,151 --> 00:07:59,687
but I'm not gonna get
proposed to at a gay bar.
169
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:03,958
Great, now my gay bar idea
is out also.
170
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,527
No, Oleg.
171
00:08:05,529 --> 00:08:07,562
I can't return the car
with scratches, dents,
172
00:08:07,564 --> 00:08:10,865
or chlamydia.
173
00:08:10,867 --> 00:08:12,567
But we can still drive it,
right?
174
00:08:12,569 --> 00:08:14,969
I mean, I've been on that cream
for like a month.
175
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,077
Max, what is the ninth rule
of the Lamborghini Club?
176
00:08:23,079 --> 00:08:25,647
No red drinks
in the car.
177
00:08:25,649 --> 00:08:27,582
Here's my number one rule:
178
00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:29,350
If you're going to make me
sleep in it,
179
00:08:29,352 --> 00:08:31,819
I am going to drink in it.
180
00:08:31,821 --> 00:08:33,221
Well, just be careful.
181
00:08:33,223 --> 00:08:34,689
I only have one Clorox wipe
182
00:08:34,691 --> 00:08:36,824
that has to last
till my next birthday,
183
00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:39,227
and it's already lost
a lot of its moisture.
184
00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:44,265
I don't see
why we have to just sit here.
185
00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:45,533
We can't drive it.
186
00:08:45,535 --> 00:08:47,268
My dad said
if anything happens to it,
187
00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:48,570
we'll be responsible.
188
00:08:48,572 --> 00:08:50,004
What could possibly happen
189
00:08:50,006 --> 00:08:53,675
on a weed run
to deep Tijuana?
190
00:08:53,677 --> 00:08:55,410
You know, I wish
this car never came,
191
00:08:55,412 --> 00:08:57,011
and I wish I never sat in it.
192
00:08:57,013 --> 00:08:58,780
It's the same reason
I don't go to Barneys.
193
00:08:58,782 --> 00:09:01,482
I don't like to be around things
I can't afford anymore.
194
00:09:01,484 --> 00:09:04,686
Same reason I don't go
to the 99 Cent Store.
195
00:09:04,688 --> 00:09:06,254
There's a Nerf tennis set
196
00:09:06,256 --> 00:09:08,523
half on the floor,
half in the bin,
197
00:09:08,525 --> 00:09:11,593
none of it going home with me.
198
00:09:11,595 --> 00:09:14,295
I was trying to be positive
about my birthday this year,
199
00:09:14,297 --> 00:09:16,998
but, Max, if things
hadn't happened with my father,
200
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,200
tonight would have been
a magical birthday for me.
201
00:09:19,202 --> 00:09:20,935
Hey, there was some magic.
202
00:09:20,937 --> 00:09:24,872
I personally made
five vodka Sprites disappear.
203
00:09:24,874 --> 00:09:26,975
Ta-da!
204
00:09:26,977 --> 00:09:29,644
I would've got in the car
and driven out to the Hamptons,
205
00:09:29,646 --> 00:09:31,512
and we'd sit on the beach
all night
206
00:09:31,514 --> 00:09:33,648
having lobster caught by
one of the townies
207
00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:36,851
and drink champagne
while taking duckface selfies
208
00:09:36,853 --> 00:09:38,553
till the sun came up.
209
00:09:41,156 --> 00:09:44,292
FYI, I'm the townie
in this scenario,
210
00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:46,361
and I hate all of you.
211
00:09:46,363 --> 00:09:49,664
Instead of doing any of that,
I'm having the worst birthday.
212
00:09:49,666 --> 00:09:51,299
I probably feel worse
than Demi Moore did
213
00:09:51,301 --> 00:09:54,502
when she turned 50.
214
00:09:54,504 --> 00:09:57,005
Yes, just go to sleep.
215
00:09:57,007 --> 00:09:59,407
You'll feel better tomorrow
when you wake up.
216
00:09:59,409 --> 00:10:01,075
I mean, if that guy
with the switchblade
217
00:10:01,077 --> 00:10:03,111
doesn't come back
like he promised he would.
218
00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:11,185
Caroline.
219
00:10:11,187 --> 00:10:12,420
Caroline, wake up.
220
00:10:12,422 --> 00:10:15,390
[water crashing]
221
00:10:15,392 --> 00:10:16,524
We're at the beach.
222
00:10:16,526 --> 00:10:20,161
I drove us out
to the Hamptons.
223
00:10:20,163 --> 00:10:22,597
Happy birthday!
224
00:10:22,599 --> 00:10:27,101
We're in the Hamptons?
225
00:10:27,103 --> 00:10:30,705
[shouting]
We're in the Hamptons?
226
00:10:30,707 --> 00:10:32,740
How are we in the Hamptons?
227
00:10:32,742 --> 00:10:34,609
How long have I been sleeping?
228
00:10:34,611 --> 00:10:36,411
Three hours, give or take.
229
00:10:36,413 --> 00:10:39,113
You farted twice.
230
00:10:39,115 --> 00:10:41,015
How did I not wake up?
231
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:42,984
I know.
It was pretty bad.
232
00:10:45,421 --> 00:10:49,691
After that last one, I thought
we were going through Egg Town.
233
00:10:51,293 --> 00:10:52,760
Max, you did it again.
234
00:10:52,762 --> 00:10:54,529
You roofied me, didn't you?
235
00:10:54,531 --> 00:10:56,831
Of course I did.
236
00:10:56,833 --> 00:10:59,267
You were crying
and babbling about the Hamptons,
237
00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:01,669
so I had to put you down.
238
00:11:01,671 --> 00:11:03,871
You promised you wouldn't again.
239
00:11:03,873 --> 00:11:06,040
The last time,
I was out for two days.
240
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,476
Yeah, I really just needed
to get through Game of Thrones
241
00:11:08,478 --> 00:11:11,746
without someone
talking during the incest.
242
00:11:14,183 --> 00:11:16,284
What is wrong with you?
243
00:11:16,286 --> 00:11:19,220
Have you got a pen and paper?
244
00:11:19,222 --> 00:11:21,189
You knew I didn't want
to do this.
245
00:11:21,191 --> 00:11:24,625
You never want to do anything,
so I did it for you.
246
00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:27,995
You took a $450,000 car,
247
00:11:27,997 --> 00:11:31,499
a car we're not even
supposed to be touching,
248
00:11:31,501 --> 00:11:33,835
on a joyride to the Hamptons?
249
00:11:33,837 --> 00:11:37,305
You wanted to be here.
250
00:11:37,307 --> 00:11:38,372
You are here.
251
00:11:38,374 --> 00:11:39,540
Just enjoy it.
252
00:11:39,542 --> 00:11:42,477
I can't enjoy it.
253
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,313
Scotty to the bridge.
254
00:11:45,315 --> 00:11:46,581
This is Captain Kirk.
255
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:48,116
Scotty to the bridge.
256
00:11:51,186 --> 00:11:55,356
You drove over the dunes
and onto the beach?
257
00:11:55,358 --> 00:11:57,558
Not intentionally.
258
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,627
I tried to stop it,
but this car was like,
259
00:11:59,629 --> 00:12:01,362
"Mm, no, girl."
260
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,399
Oh, my God.
261
00:12:05,401 --> 00:12:07,802
Did it get any scratches?
262
00:12:07,804 --> 00:12:11,506
Max, get out of the car,
and help me look for scratches.
263
00:12:11,508 --> 00:12:15,910
You said you were more fun
in the Hamptons.
264
00:12:15,912 --> 00:12:18,079
Not true.
265
00:12:19,014 --> 00:12:23,151
Mr. Sulu,
fire all phasers.
266
00:12:23,153 --> 00:12:26,020
No scratches.
The Lamborghini is fine.
267
00:12:26,022 --> 00:12:29,223
But thanks to you,
I'm a Rent-A-Wreck.
268
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,362
Come on, we have to get
this car back.
269
00:12:34,364 --> 00:12:36,097
We will.
Jeez, relax.
270
00:12:36,099 --> 00:12:37,331
We still have time.
271
00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:39,667
Look, you said
you wanted to be here.
272
00:12:39,669 --> 00:12:41,369
You're here,
and we are not leaving
273
00:12:41,371 --> 00:12:42,703
till you do something beach-y,
274
00:12:42,705 --> 00:12:44,705
like walk in the water
275
00:12:44,707 --> 00:12:49,177
or find a half-eaten lady
from Jaws.
276
00:12:49,179 --> 00:12:51,546
No. No way.
Let's go.
277
00:12:51,548 --> 00:12:52,780
Just take off your shoes
or something.
278
00:12:52,782 --> 00:12:54,215
No.
279
00:12:54,217 --> 00:12:55,883
Just take off your shoes
and feel the sand.
280
00:12:55,885 --> 00:12:57,118
Max! Max, stop.
281
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,920
I haven't had a proper pedicure
282
00:12:58,922 --> 00:13:01,189
since Justin Timberlake
released a single.
283
00:13:01,191 --> 00:13:03,858
There.
Now move your foot around.
284
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:05,193
No.
285
00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:07,128
No. No! No.
286
00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:08,563
Oh. Oh, yeah.
287
00:13:08,565 --> 00:13:11,199
That feels nice.
288
00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:13,134
The cold sand between my toes.
289
00:13:13,136 --> 00:13:14,535
But, Max, don't look.
290
00:13:14,537 --> 00:13:16,571
That middle nail's
a horror show.
291
00:13:16,573 --> 00:13:17,872
Too late.
292
00:13:17,874 --> 00:13:22,109
I thought it was a pistachio
for a second.
293
00:13:22,111 --> 00:13:24,745
Max, how much do you love
the beach?
294
00:13:24,747 --> 00:13:26,948
I don't know.
I've never been to one.
295
00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:28,816
You've never been to a beach?
296
00:13:28,818 --> 00:13:30,418
No. What's the point?
297
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:32,286
I don't own a metal detector.
298
00:13:35,457 --> 00:13:37,291
Well, time's up.
299
00:13:37,293 --> 00:13:38,926
But we just sat down.
300
00:13:38,928 --> 00:13:40,494
I know, but if we leave
right now,
301
00:13:40,496 --> 00:13:42,463
we'll still have enough time to
blow through
302
00:13:42,465 --> 00:13:43,965
a McDonald's drive-through
303
00:13:43,967 --> 00:13:47,068
like something from
Back to the Future.
304
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:49,070
Well, I'm gonna write
our names in the sand
305
00:13:49,072 --> 00:13:50,671
'cause it was
a really nice thing
306
00:13:50,673 --> 00:13:52,240
for you to drug me, kidnap me,
307
00:13:52,242 --> 00:13:55,076
and steal my car
to get me out here.
308
00:13:55,078 --> 00:13:58,546
Hey, we're friends.
309
00:13:58,548 --> 00:14:00,815
All right, I'll just
turn this baby around.
310
00:14:00,817 --> 00:14:04,852
[engine revving]
311
00:14:04,854 --> 00:14:05,920
Uh-oh.
312
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,591
What's "uh-oh"?
313
00:14:10,593 --> 00:14:13,427
What is "uh-oh"?
314
00:14:13,429 --> 00:14:15,763
Are we stuck in the sand?
315
00:14:15,765 --> 00:14:20,668
You have correctly identified
the meaning of "uh-oh."
316
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:22,536
I love that we don't need
full sentences
317
00:14:22,538 --> 00:14:25,072
to communicate anymore.
318
00:14:32,214 --> 00:14:33,447
Try it again.
319
00:14:33,449 --> 00:14:36,050
[engine revving]
320
00:14:36,052 --> 00:14:37,051
Nope.
321
00:14:37,053 --> 00:14:38,452
I've had less trouble
322
00:14:38,454 --> 00:14:40,388
getting out of
athlete's apartments.
323
00:14:40,390 --> 00:14:42,356
Well, you're gonna have to
get out and push.
324
00:14:42,358 --> 00:14:44,058
Why do I have to push?
325
00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:47,028
Because you're the one
who drugged me, kidnapped me,
326
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:48,262
and stole my car.
327
00:14:48,264 --> 00:14:50,031
Exactly.
328
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:52,600
I've already done
the lion's share of the work.
329
00:14:52,602 --> 00:14:54,602
And it's our car.
330
00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:56,103
Fine, I'll do it.
[engine stops]
331
00:14:58,707 --> 00:15:01,108
Door's up, Lieutenant Uhura.
332
00:15:01,110 --> 00:15:04,845
It stopped being funny
when we got stuck.
333
00:15:04,847 --> 00:15:06,547
God, don't worry.
334
00:15:06,549 --> 00:15:08,316
I got a 600-pound woman
335
00:15:08,318 --> 00:15:10,151
out of a booth at the diner
with my bare hands.
336
00:15:10,153 --> 00:15:11,686
I'm fearless.
337
00:15:11,688 --> 00:15:15,990
Toss her in neutral
like I did with that lady.
338
00:15:15,992 --> 00:15:18,292
Sand and heels.
Not a good combo.
339
00:15:18,294 --> 00:15:21,028
Not a good combo.
Not a good combo.
340
00:15:21,030 --> 00:15:23,497
Oh, all right.
341
00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:25,733
All right.
342
00:15:25,735 --> 00:15:26,734
I'm gonna floor it.
343
00:15:26,736 --> 00:15:28,002
[engine revs]
344
00:15:28,004 --> 00:15:29,036
On the count of three.
345
00:15:29,038 --> 00:15:30,838
One, two...
346
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,908
[engine revving]
347
00:15:40,382 --> 00:15:43,317
I got excited.
I went early.
348
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,921
If I had a dime
for every time I heard that,
349
00:15:46,923 --> 00:15:48,823
I could buy this car.
350
00:15:48,825 --> 00:15:50,725
All right, let's try again.
351
00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:52,493
One, two...
352
00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:55,629
[engine revving]
353
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:07,074
[coughs]
354
00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:09,677
Okay, that was on purpose.
355
00:16:09,679 --> 00:16:12,513
A little bit.
356
00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:13,981
I can't believe it.
357
00:16:13,983 --> 00:16:15,683
I can't believe
that I can't believe it,
358
00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:17,952
but I really can't believe it.
359
00:16:17,954 --> 00:16:19,620
We are in very big trouble,
360
00:16:19,622 --> 00:16:22,923
and we're not even in
the good Hamptons.
361
00:16:22,925 --> 00:16:25,626
I was trying to do
something nice.
362
00:16:25,628 --> 00:16:28,763
First time, last time.
363
00:16:28,765 --> 00:16:30,631
You know what you are?
364
00:16:30,633 --> 00:16:32,266
You are reckless.
365
00:16:32,268 --> 00:16:34,135
You know, all this time,
366
00:16:34,137 --> 00:16:37,104
I thought you were
a ride or die kind of bitch.
367
00:16:37,106 --> 00:16:42,843
I am a ride or die
kind of bitch.
368
00:16:42,845 --> 00:16:44,745
What's a ride or die
kind of bitch?
369
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:50,618
Are you Googling
"ride or die kind of bitch"?
370
00:16:50,620 --> 00:16:54,388
I would be,
but I only have two bars.
371
00:16:54,390 --> 00:16:55,389
[sighs]
372
00:16:55,391 --> 00:16:58,092
Look, we have two options:
373
00:16:58,094 --> 00:17:02,029
Get the car out of the sand,
or let the tide take us.
374
00:17:02,031 --> 00:17:03,931
Put a pin in
that tide thing,
375
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:06,567
'cause I like the sound of it.
376
00:17:06,569 --> 00:17:08,803
We barely have enough time to
get this car back to the city,
377
00:17:08,805 --> 00:17:11,238
or we owe $450,000.
378
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:15,776
And I only have $3,
and 2 of it's in nickels.
379
00:17:15,778 --> 00:17:17,278
Now get in the car.
380
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,046
You're hoarding nickels,
381
00:17:19,048 --> 00:17:23,317
and I'm walking out of
the 99 Cent Store empty-handed?
382
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:25,986
Now I'm mad.
383
00:17:25,988 --> 00:17:27,788
Get ready.
384
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:29,223
What are you doing?
385
00:17:29,225 --> 00:17:30,991
I'm pushing us out of here.
386
00:17:30,993 --> 00:17:32,960
[engine turns over, revs]
387
00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:37,298
Because I'm a ride or die
kind of bitch!
388
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,767
I think.
389
00:17:39,769 --> 00:17:41,068
[grunts]
390
00:17:41,070 --> 00:17:42,069
Now hit it!
391
00:17:42,071 --> 00:17:45,139
[engine revving]
392
00:17:51,646 --> 00:17:54,615
What'd you do?
Fart us out of the ditch?
393
00:17:56,651 --> 00:17:58,519
Seriously, Caroline,
step on it.
394
00:17:58,521 --> 00:18:00,020
No, Max.
395
00:18:00,022 --> 00:18:01,922
We can't risk
getting into an accident.
396
00:18:01,924 --> 00:18:05,159
What if it's not fatal?
397
00:18:05,161 --> 00:18:08,395
Driving a Lamborghini slow
is like going to Red Lobster
398
00:18:08,397 --> 00:18:11,065
and not getting
the Cheddar Bay biscuits.
399
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:13,367
Come on, we got to enjoy
this car while we can.
400
00:18:13,369 --> 00:18:15,002
Hit the gas.
- All right.
401
00:18:15,004 --> 00:18:17,438
I'll take it up to the top
of my age dating window.
402
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,006
40.
403
00:18:19,008 --> 00:18:20,941
And I'll take it
to the top of mine.
404
00:18:20,943 --> 00:18:22,209
80!
- [engine revving]
405
00:18:22,211 --> 00:18:23,444
Let go. Have some fun.
406
00:18:23,446 --> 00:18:24,745
No, don't push on my leg!
407
00:18:24,747 --> 00:18:26,847
Don't push on my--
[screaming]
408
00:18:26,849 --> 00:18:28,082
[laughing]
409
00:18:28,084 --> 00:18:29,950
Yes! Yes!
410
00:18:29,952 --> 00:18:32,286
Best birthday ever!
411
00:18:32,288 --> 00:18:34,121
Should we Thelma and Louise it?
412
00:18:34,123 --> 00:18:36,257
You mean drive over a cliff?
413
00:18:36,259 --> 00:18:39,260
No, I mean wear sunglasses
and hold hands.
414
00:18:39,262 --> 00:18:40,528
They drive over a cliff?
415
00:18:40,530 --> 00:18:42,029
I never saw the end.
416
00:18:52,474 --> 00:18:54,208
There they are.
417
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:56,510
Did you girls get the car back
in time this morning?
418
00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:58,879
Yep, just in time,
thanks to Caroline.
419
00:18:58,881 --> 00:19:00,714
She was ignoring
speed limit signs
420
00:19:00,716 --> 00:19:04,051
like she does homeless people.
421
00:19:04,053 --> 00:19:05,553
A state trooper called
my driving
422
00:19:05,555 --> 00:19:08,155
criminally negligent.
423
00:19:08,157 --> 00:19:10,324
I was so proud.
424
00:19:10,326 --> 00:19:11,825
I might've even
gotten emotional,
425
00:19:11,827 --> 00:19:13,460
but I had to talk our way
out of the ticket,
426
00:19:13,462 --> 00:19:15,496
and I like to be professional
when my shirt's off.
427
00:19:15,498 --> 00:19:17,231
[chuckles]
428
00:19:17,233 --> 00:19:19,066
You didn't get a ticket?
429
00:19:19,068 --> 00:19:23,070
Yesterday, I got arrested for
just walking into Whole Foods.
430
00:19:23,072 --> 00:19:25,873
I can't believe
I still have sand in my hair.
431
00:19:25,875 --> 00:19:27,908
If the only place you still
have sand is in your hair,
432
00:19:27,910 --> 00:19:29,376
you're lucky.
433
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:32,546
I'm about to make a pearl
down there.
434
00:19:34,516 --> 00:19:37,251
Oh, hey, there,
destitute Barbie.
435
00:19:38,820 --> 00:19:41,088
Sorry you lost the dream car.
436
00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:43,757
Anyway, I'll be in my booth.
437
00:19:43,759 --> 00:19:49,096
Sophie, beautiful baby,
438
00:19:49,098 --> 00:19:51,432
I've narrowed down
the site of my proposal
439
00:19:51,434 --> 00:19:52,933
to three options:
440
00:19:52,935 --> 00:19:55,169
A, the place we met;
441
00:19:55,171 --> 00:19:59,206
B, the place we've had sex
most often;
442
00:19:59,208 --> 00:20:03,110
or C, the place we've had sex
most recently.
443
00:20:03,112 --> 00:20:07,381
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
444
00:20:07,383 --> 00:20:11,485
All three of those places
are this booth!
445
00:20:13,555 --> 00:20:15,856
That's right.
446
00:20:15,858 --> 00:20:17,691
Sophie Kachinsky...
447
00:20:17,693 --> 00:20:19,927
He's proposing at the diner?
448
00:20:19,929 --> 00:20:23,330
What's he gonna do?
Put an onion ring on it?
449
00:20:25,467 --> 00:20:27,735
[inhales sharply]
450
00:20:27,737 --> 00:20:30,104
Oh...
451
00:20:30,106 --> 00:20:33,007
I love that.
452
00:20:38,146 --> 00:20:41,282
You know, I was planning on
saying no
453
00:20:41,284 --> 00:20:45,386
and making you beg
for a few hours...
454
00:20:45,388 --> 00:20:47,788
I just love you too much.
455
00:20:52,394 --> 00:20:57,431
Aw, that's so
not as gross as normal.
456
00:21:04,906 --> 00:21:06,940
Now it is.
457
00:21:09,844 --> 00:21:11,145
[cash register bell dings]