1
00:00:01,277 --> 00:00:03,412
Thank you, everyone,
for staying late
2
00:00:03,414 --> 00:00:05,480
to learn our new
iPad order system.
3
00:00:05,482 --> 00:00:09,518
We had no choice, you locked
the door from the outside.
4
00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:13,055
[chuckles]
Either way, we're learning.
5
00:00:13,057 --> 00:00:15,857
Han, why would we update
our order system
6
00:00:15,859 --> 00:00:17,759
when our uniforms
are from the 1970's
7
00:00:17,761 --> 00:00:20,829
and our paycheck
is from the 1800s?
8
00:00:20,831 --> 00:00:22,864
Let's get to the tutorial.
9
00:00:22,866 --> 00:00:24,900
Max, you and I
are going to role-play.
10
00:00:24,902 --> 00:00:26,868
All right, you can be
the little bitch,
11
00:00:26,870 --> 00:00:28,336
and I'll be me.
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00:00:28,338 --> 00:00:29,771
I don't need this lesson.
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00:00:29,773 --> 00:00:31,873
I'm very familiar
with the touch screen.
14
00:00:31,875 --> 00:00:35,744
Let's just say
I put the "goo" in Google.
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00:00:35,746 --> 00:00:37,779
I'm going to pretend
I'm a customer,
16
00:00:37,781 --> 00:00:39,781
and order a hamburger.
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00:00:39,783 --> 00:00:43,552
Hello, miss.
I'll have a hamburger.
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00:00:43,554 --> 00:00:47,789
Certainly, miss.
[chuckles]
19
00:00:47,791 --> 00:00:52,561
Would you like that
with or without Salmonella?
20
00:00:52,563 --> 00:00:56,231
Han, I got my first lesson
on the iPad from Steve Jobs,
21
00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:58,934
and now I'm getting it
from Han Jobs?
22
00:00:58,936 --> 00:01:02,437
Caroline, don't act like you
know more about gadgets than me.
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00:01:02,439 --> 00:01:05,707
Formerly rich doesn't beat
currently Asian.
24
00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:11,046
Now, come on, everyone
look at their iPads.
25
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What iPad?
I didn't see an iPad
26
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What? No.
27
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Did somebody say something
about an iPad?
28
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What the hell is an iPad?
29
00:01:20,624 --> 00:01:23,058
Where did they all go?
30
00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,961
I'm guessing eBay.
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I want them all back,
especially mine.
32
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I'm in a casual flirtation
with a woman in Australia.
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00:01:32,836 --> 00:01:36,671
She's part aboriginal,
but has a great personality.
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00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,645
(Peter Bjorn and John)
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ¶
35
00:01:43,647 --> 00:01:45,147
[cash register bell dings]
36
00:01:45,149 --> 00:01:50,352
¶ Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Ooh Ooh ¶
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Here you go, Earl.
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Max, what's wrong?
You seem happy.
39
00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:03,932
I'm just still on a high
from this $10,000 bank loan
40
00:02:03,934 --> 00:02:05,867
I got last week.
41
00:02:05,869 --> 00:02:10,872
And from an almost certainly
laced pot brownie I ate in 2004.
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00:02:10,874 --> 00:02:13,041
I can't believe you and Caroline
got a bank loan
43
00:02:13,043 --> 00:02:14,376
for your cupcake business,
44
00:02:14,378 --> 00:02:18,280
and not a single hostage
was involved.
45
00:02:18,282 --> 00:02:20,815
Max, you don't have
$10,000.
46
00:02:20,817 --> 00:02:22,884
You don't even have Netflix.
47
00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:25,987
This money is to pay a factory
to make our cupcake T-shirts,
48
00:02:25,989 --> 00:02:28,123
and I've whittled it
down to three.
49
00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:28,957
Hello.
50
00:02:28,959 --> 00:02:31,126
Speaking of whittled.
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00:02:31,128 --> 00:02:34,296
Someone used my printer,
and I'm guessing it's Caroline,
52
00:02:34,298 --> 00:02:35,897
'cause it's about business
53
00:02:35,899 --> 00:02:39,301
and not another one of Earl's
Angela Bassett collages.
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What can I say, man?
I'm a Bassett hound.
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00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:44,973
Oh, thanks, Han.
56
00:02:44,975 --> 00:02:46,508
These are the factories
I've been researching.
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00:02:46,510 --> 00:02:48,810
We want our T-shirts
to be American made.
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00:02:48,812 --> 00:02:50,579
I have an American maid,
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00:02:50,581 --> 00:02:53,215
and all she's good at
is eating my granola bars.
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00:02:54,650 --> 00:02:57,018
Look, Max, I found one
right here in Brooklyn.
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00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:59,187
"American Ace.
The founder, Ace Hardwick,
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00:02:59,189 --> 00:03:01,590
is devoted to treating
his workers well,"
63
00:03:01,592 --> 00:03:04,392
and not in a creepy way
like that American Apparel guy.
64
00:03:04,394 --> 00:03:05,860
So you're saying
none of these workers
65
00:03:05,862 --> 00:03:08,129
have ever found
an Ace in their hole?
66
00:03:09,732 --> 00:03:12,601
Look, I've worked
in a lot of factories.
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00:03:12,603 --> 00:03:14,703
I know what goes on.
68
00:03:14,705 --> 00:03:16,071
I worked in a coat factory,
69
00:03:16,073 --> 00:03:19,541
which is why my lungs
are coated in asbestos.
70
00:03:19,543 --> 00:03:21,209
I worked
in an underwear factory,
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00:03:21,211 --> 00:03:24,946
where I was underpaid
for the fruits of my looms,
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00:03:24,948 --> 00:03:28,049
and worst factory of all,
The Cheesecake Factory.
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00:03:28,051 --> 00:03:30,051
Oh.
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00:03:30,053 --> 00:03:31,853
How about we do
a walk-through tomorrow
75
00:03:31,855 --> 00:03:33,421
to make sure
it's up to snuff?
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00:03:33,423 --> 00:03:34,723
Well, if they have snuff,
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00:03:34,725 --> 00:03:37,292
why are we waiting
till tomorrow?
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00:03:37,294 --> 00:03:41,096
Hey, everybody!
[laughs]
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00:03:41,098 --> 00:03:44,566
Oh, hey.
Hi, great news!
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00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:48,770
I just got carded
at Buffalo Wild Wings!
81
00:03:48,772 --> 00:03:52,907
Really?
I got carted out of there once.
82
00:03:52,909 --> 00:03:54,943
And more great news:
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00:03:54,945 --> 00:03:57,312
I'm starting
my own new business.
84
00:03:57,314 --> 00:04:00,982
So girls, you know
how you have that $10,000?
85
00:04:00,984 --> 00:04:03,885
Well, I don't want
to clean you out,
86
00:04:03,887 --> 00:04:07,055
but how do you feel
about tossing me $9,500?
87
00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:12,160
You two should invest.
Sophie's business is genius.
88
00:04:12,162 --> 00:04:15,263
You know how a bunch of ladies
got their down-there-hair
89
00:04:15,265 --> 00:04:17,666
permanently lasered off?
90
00:04:17,668 --> 00:04:21,002
Yeah, that's when your waxer
gives you a Michael Chiklis.
91
00:04:21,004 --> 00:04:22,137
Yeah.
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00:04:22,139 --> 00:04:24,773
Well, Sophie's offering
a product
93
00:04:24,775 --> 00:04:27,008
that puts grass
back on your field.
94
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:29,177
(Sophie)
Yeah.
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00:04:29,179 --> 00:04:33,281
That's not a business.
That's nobody's business.
96
00:04:33,283 --> 00:04:34,983
Yeah, I don't do
any of that stuff.
97
00:04:34,985 --> 00:04:38,486
I just throw a scrunchie
on mine and go.
98
00:04:38,488 --> 00:04:42,190
Hey, there's a need for this.
Sometimes, in the fog,
99
00:04:42,192 --> 00:04:46,361
my plane gets lost
without a landing strip.
100
00:04:46,363 --> 00:04:48,797
We're out.
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00:04:48,799 --> 00:04:51,199
Oh, don't decide yet, girls.
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00:04:51,201 --> 00:04:53,635
you haven't even heard
the cute, little name.
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00:04:53,637 --> 00:04:57,205
"Sophie Kuchenksi's
Vagina Wigs!"
104
00:04:58,808 --> 00:05:01,376
Yeah, we're really out.
105
00:05:01,378 --> 00:05:04,479
Oh.
But it's a quality product,
106
00:05:04,481 --> 00:05:08,783
and it's real hair
imported from "Va-China."
107
00:05:08,785 --> 00:05:12,120
Yeah, never been
further out.
108
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And this is our main floor.
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00:05:17,494 --> 00:05:20,829
[gasps]
Wow, this is amazing!
110
00:05:20,831 --> 00:05:23,531
I feel like we're
in the Willy Wonka Factory.
111
00:05:23,533 --> 00:05:26,167
I know, right?
112
00:05:26,169 --> 00:05:29,371
The American Ace motto
is "work is fun."
113
00:05:29,373 --> 00:05:32,240
Max was expecting
a different kind of factory.
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00:05:32,242 --> 00:05:34,309
More torture,
less foosball.
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00:05:34,311 --> 00:05:38,747
I know, right?
Not at American Ace.
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00:05:38,749 --> 00:05:40,081
And what is your position here,
Peggy?
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00:05:40,083 --> 00:05:42,650
Are you the "I know, right?"
person?
118
00:05:42,652 --> 00:05:45,987
[laughs]
I know, right?
119
00:05:45,989 --> 00:05:50,024
No, I'm one of the owners.
Also, I dye T-shirts.
120
00:05:50,026 --> 00:05:52,427
See, every employee gets
a percentage of the company
121
00:05:52,429 --> 00:05:56,364
after six months, so the longer
you stay, the more it grows.
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00:05:56,366 --> 00:05:58,199
We've been at the diner
four years,
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00:05:58,201 --> 00:06:01,870
and the only thing we've seen
grow is Oleg's pants.
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I know, right?
125
00:06:06,709 --> 00:06:10,078
Well, Ace is expecting you.
Go ahead, go have fun!
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00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,679
[laughs]
127
00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:14,682
Hey, don't be fooled
by what's on the surface.
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00:06:14,684 --> 00:06:16,251
You look like
you have money,
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00:06:16,253 --> 00:06:18,119
but I know your underwear's
in shreds.
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00:06:18,121 --> 00:06:20,288
Not shreds, Max, shred.
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Just one, it goes
from front to back.
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Um, hi, should we just come in?
The door is open.
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Yep, always is.
134
00:06:29,266 --> 00:06:32,767
Doors create boundaries.
Boundaries are a bummer.
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00:06:32,769 --> 00:06:34,269
You know what else
is a bummer?
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00:06:34,271 --> 00:06:38,206
Tall guys
with small penises?
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00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:42,544
That you just missed the gelato
and designer coffee cart.
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00:06:42,546 --> 00:06:45,113
Espresso hazelnut praline?
139
00:06:45,115 --> 00:06:46,948
We're not here for gelato.
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00:06:46,950 --> 00:06:49,350
[chuckles]
We're not not here for gelato.
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00:06:50,386 --> 00:06:52,120
Awesome.
It's awesome to meet you.
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00:06:52,122 --> 00:06:53,488
I'm Ace Hardwick.
143
00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:57,258
Look, "Ace", we're not
about to give you $10,000
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00:06:57,260 --> 00:07:00,228
so you can take advantage
of a sad, underage girl worker
145
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:02,630
near the loading docks
'cause her boobs are crazy big
146
00:07:02,632 --> 00:07:04,999
and she needs a ride home.
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00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:07,435
That's a "for instance."
148
00:07:07,437 --> 00:07:08,837
I'm sorry?
149
00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:11,172
See, Ace, Max has
some trust issues
150
00:07:11,174 --> 00:07:13,775
when it comes to factories,
so, we're here today to--
151
00:07:13,777 --> 00:07:15,643
You're pretty much
eating cardboard there.
152
00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:17,645
You want me to get you
another?
153
00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:20,348
You should see her
with tuna cans.
154
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:23,318
Hey, I see the prosciutto cart.
155
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,787
Who wants imported ham?
156
00:07:25,789 --> 00:07:27,188
Me!
[laughs]
157
00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:31,125
Well, we're not not here
for prosciutto.
158
00:07:31,127 --> 00:07:32,360
Hey, you know what's cool?
159
00:07:32,362 --> 00:07:35,129
Short guys with big penises?
160
00:07:35,131 --> 00:07:38,433
[laughs]
You're fun.
161
00:07:38,435 --> 00:07:40,935
Your business
belongs here at American Ace.
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00:07:40,937 --> 00:07:43,271
Come on, let's go
meet the family.
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00:07:43,273 --> 00:07:45,340
That guy kind of
creeps me out.
164
00:07:45,342 --> 00:07:49,410
On the plus side,
I finally get to meet my family.
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00:07:50,813 --> 00:07:53,214
I had this space designed
for open energy
166
00:07:53,216 --> 00:07:54,616
and open conversation.
167
00:07:54,618 --> 00:07:56,651
What's up, other owners?
168
00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,319
(all)
What's up, Ace?
169
00:07:58,321 --> 00:08:01,356
Our sales, by 400%!
170
00:08:01,358 --> 00:08:04,893
[all cheering]
171
00:08:04,895 --> 00:08:07,896
Max, this is it.
This is our factory.
172
00:08:07,898 --> 00:08:10,331
(Caroline)
The employees look
happy and successful.
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00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:14,736
So did the members
of 'N Sync.
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00:08:14,738 --> 00:08:18,506
but behind the curtain,
a veil of tears.
175
00:08:18,508 --> 00:08:20,909
Hey, Caroline,
here's the prosciutto cart.
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00:08:20,911 --> 00:08:23,344
[gasps]
Thanks, Ace!
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00:08:23,346 --> 00:08:24,812
Enjoy.
I'm just gonna get
178
00:08:24,814 --> 00:08:28,016
a quick five-minute
chair massage.
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00:08:28,018 --> 00:08:31,252
Come on, let's slip out
while Ace has got his head
180
00:08:31,254 --> 00:08:33,922
stuck in that chair's ass.
181
00:08:33,924 --> 00:08:35,924
Hey, what's up?
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00:08:35,926 --> 00:08:38,526
Welcome to American Ace.
I'm Rico.
183
00:08:38,528 --> 00:08:41,829
You're, like, really,
really, really pretty.
184
00:08:41,831 --> 00:08:44,399
Aw--oh!
185
00:08:44,401 --> 00:08:48,336
So anyways, I'm part owner,
and I clean the bathroom.
186
00:08:48,338 --> 00:08:52,774
Hmm, quick question:
do you have a light Cabernet?
187
00:08:52,776 --> 00:08:54,375
Quicker question:
188
00:08:54,377 --> 00:08:57,679
where's the secret room
with the toddler slaves?
189
00:08:57,681 --> 00:09:01,883
What's up? I'm Raul,
part owner and security guard.
190
00:09:01,885 --> 00:09:04,085
Hey, you two want to grab
a drink sometime?
191
00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:09,290
Fridays after work, we all hang
next door at Tortilla Flats.
192
00:09:09,292 --> 00:09:12,560
Tortilla Flat.
Wasn't that your stripper name?
193
00:09:12,562 --> 00:09:15,363
You're just jealous
'cause mine's taller
194
00:09:15,365 --> 00:09:18,533
and thinks I'm really,
really, really pretty.
195
00:09:18,535 --> 00:09:21,469
Good luck with that
tall guy scenario.
196
00:09:26,075 --> 00:09:28,409
Sorry we're late, but we were
busy with our other business,
197
00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:30,478
the one we care about.
198
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,449
How can I be mad with that
sincere, heartfelt apology?
199
00:09:35,985 --> 00:09:38,086
Who wants to see
our sample T-shirts?
200
00:09:38,088 --> 00:09:40,888
I want to see it, but I want
to see a lot of things.
201
00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:43,491
With these damn cataracts,
the best I can do
202
00:09:43,493 --> 00:09:48,730
is look towards it
and get a milky idea.
203
00:09:48,732 --> 00:09:50,498
Hey, girls!
204
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,233
I want to show you
some of my new styles
205
00:09:52,235 --> 00:09:55,503
for my "Everybody's Merkin
for the Weekend" collection.
206
00:09:55,505 --> 00:09:57,939
Sophie, what's a merkin?
207
00:09:57,941 --> 00:10:00,441
It's a vagina wig.
208
00:10:00,443 --> 00:10:03,578
Oh, that's dirty.
209
00:10:05,414 --> 00:10:07,949
And Han, I'm gonna need
your input,
210
00:10:07,951 --> 00:10:11,586
because I'm working
on an Asian line.
211
00:10:11,588 --> 00:10:13,955
Shouldn't Han grow
some hair on his
212
00:10:13,957 --> 00:10:16,324
before he starts
tossing out advice?
213
00:10:16,326 --> 00:10:19,127
Han, I need to know
if I got the texture right,
214
00:10:19,129 --> 00:10:22,930
so come over here.
215
00:10:22,932 --> 00:10:26,134
Oh, yeah.
216
00:10:26,136 --> 00:10:29,537
Yeah, that feels nice.
Ohh.
217
00:10:29,539 --> 00:10:31,039
Ohh.
218
00:10:31,041 --> 00:10:34,942
Yeah, nice and thick
between my fingers.
219
00:10:34,944 --> 00:10:37,045
Oh, yeah.
220
00:10:37,047 --> 00:10:40,782
Slower.
221
00:10:40,784 --> 00:10:45,186
Slower still.
222
00:10:45,188 --> 00:10:48,923
This is like watching
your gerbil hump a pencil.
223
00:10:51,994 --> 00:10:55,363
Not really sexual,
but still grosses you out.
224
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,833
Sophie,
I-I think you should stop.
225
00:10:58,835 --> 00:11:01,369
I haven't felt this sensation
since third grade
226
00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:03,604
when Madam Yi checked me
for head lice.
227
00:11:06,075 --> 00:11:08,976
Remind me to pick up a
"What's Happening To My Body?"
228
00:11:08,978 --> 00:11:11,045
book for Han tomorrow.
229
00:11:11,047 --> 00:11:13,548
Oh, girls,
I'll be over here,
230
00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:16,084
working on my
African/American line.
231
00:11:16,086 --> 00:11:21,355
Yeah, I can't decide whether
to call it a "vag-afro"
232
00:11:21,357 --> 00:11:27,061
or a "Pube-a Gooding, Jr."
233
00:11:29,431 --> 00:11:32,567
Max, look.
These shirts look amazing.
234
00:11:32,569 --> 00:11:34,902
Well, I guess I was wrong
about the factory.
235
00:11:34,904 --> 00:11:36,337
Like I was wrong about you
236
00:11:36,339 --> 00:11:39,674
making it
through that first winter.
237
00:11:39,676 --> 00:11:41,442
Look, there's a note
in here.
238
00:11:41,444 --> 00:11:44,412
Oh, it's probably from Rico.
He's obsessed with me.
239
00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:46,447
Yeah, it's not from him.
240
00:11:46,449 --> 00:11:48,549
It says, "Help us."
241
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:52,587
Underpaid workers are trapped
in that factory, I knew it!
242
00:11:52,589 --> 00:11:55,556
Once again, I was fooled
by ice cream.
243
00:11:55,558 --> 00:11:58,059
Yes, it's a note that says,
"Help us,"
244
00:11:58,061 --> 00:12:00,261
but if there's one thing
I learned in business school,
245
00:12:00,263 --> 00:12:03,631
it's if you don't see it,
it doesn't exist.
246
00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:07,301
Look, as much as we want to,
we can't just look away.
247
00:12:07,303 --> 00:12:09,537
We need to talk
to the workers.
248
00:12:09,539 --> 00:12:11,305
Call the guy, the one
who thinks you're pretty.
249
00:12:11,307 --> 00:12:12,707
I don't know who
you're talking about.
250
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:14,108
I only met a guy
who thought
251
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:16,644
I was really, really,
really pretty.
252
00:12:16,646 --> 00:12:19,247
We can meet them
at that Mexican place.
253
00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:21,449
Ooh, a Mexican place!
254
00:12:21,451 --> 00:12:24,585
I forgot about
the Latina market!
255
00:12:24,587 --> 00:12:28,489
Girls, when you're there,
find out if they'd be interested
256
00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:31,325
in some hair
south of the border.
257
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,597
Didn't know if you ladies wanted
beers or margaritas,
258
00:12:36,599 --> 00:12:38,332
so we got you Beer-garitas.
259
00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:42,103
It's five bucks,
but you're worth it.
260
00:12:42,105 --> 00:12:45,106
I love a girl
with a healthy appetite.
261
00:12:45,108 --> 00:12:46,507
Well, you're gonna be
getting down on one knee
262
00:12:46,509 --> 00:12:49,577
before the end
of the appetizers.
263
00:12:49,579 --> 00:12:52,680
So let's just dive right in.
How's factory life treating you?
264
00:12:52,682 --> 00:12:54,515
Give us the skinny--
which is what I hope you said
265
00:12:54,517 --> 00:12:56,250
when you ordered
those Beer-garitas,
266
00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:58,986
'cause I cannot be poor
with a muffin top.
267
00:12:58,988 --> 00:13:00,822
You know, I don't want
to talk about work.
268
00:13:00,824 --> 00:13:03,624
Oh, are you saying you're not
allowed to talk about work?
269
00:13:03,626 --> 00:13:07,428
Your words, we all heard you,
Rico or Raul.
270
00:13:07,430 --> 00:13:09,263
Hey, tell me, what do you girls
like to do?
271
00:13:09,265 --> 00:13:12,166
Mm, I like to watch waiters
make guacamole at my table.
272
00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:13,434
When's that gonna happen?
273
00:13:13,436 --> 00:13:14,602
[sighs]
274
00:13:14,604 --> 00:13:17,538
So about work--
- Yeah, okay.
275
00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:20,741
Hey, let's go see what's
going on in Beer-garitaville.
276
00:13:23,478 --> 00:13:25,346
What are we gonna do?
I can't get any information
277
00:13:25,348 --> 00:13:27,014
out of Rico.
He's so preoccupied
278
00:13:27,016 --> 00:13:29,550
with how pretty, pretty,
pretty I am.
279
00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:31,719
Oh, hi, Peggy.
How are you?
280
00:13:31,721 --> 00:13:33,955
Would you like to join us
and talk about work?
281
00:13:33,957 --> 00:13:36,457
Why don't we talk
about you two skanks
282
00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:39,560
gettin' the hell outta here?
283
00:13:39,562 --> 00:13:43,564
And I thought we were
bad waitresses.
284
00:13:43,566 --> 00:13:47,034
This is Carmen.
She works at the factory too.
285
00:13:47,036 --> 00:13:50,071
We're BFFs, and she's
one of the owners, like me.
286
00:13:50,073 --> 00:13:55,243
Yeah, and she's a 100% owner
of Rico, so hands off.
287
00:13:55,245 --> 00:13:57,678
We seen you two
sittin' over here
288
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,714
like you're God's
friggin' gift.
289
00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:03,718
I know, right?
And not for nothing,
290
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:08,789
but Rico's pit bull
doesn't like other girls.
291
00:14:10,592 --> 00:14:12,827
I'm guessing
that's his pit bull.
292
00:14:16,999 --> 00:14:20,701
And you, hands off Raul.
293
00:14:20,703 --> 00:14:24,538
We have a love
that is deep and real,
294
00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:28,476
and when he finds out about it,
it's gonna be magic.
295
00:14:33,715 --> 00:14:38,853
Yup...
Exactly what I expected.
296
00:14:38,855 --> 00:14:40,788
Upstairs
is Willy Wonka's factory,
297
00:14:40,790 --> 00:14:43,791
and down here, they're
waterboarding Oompa Loompas.
298
00:14:46,295 --> 00:14:48,796
Yo, what's up?
We just comin' here to work
299
00:14:48,798 --> 00:14:51,766
in the dye room
right there as per usual.
300
00:14:51,768 --> 00:14:55,303
Yeah, no biggie.
What yous twos lookin' at?
301
00:14:58,707 --> 00:15:00,875
That was a really good accent.
302
00:15:00,877 --> 00:15:02,643
Thanks.
I played Rizzo in Grease.
303
00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:04,245
Should have been Sandy,
but I let
304
00:15:04,247 --> 00:15:06,213
the girl with the limp
have it.
305
00:15:06,215 --> 00:15:09,650
Come on, we have to put these on
and go into the dye room,
306
00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:12,720
'cause I'm guessing
that's where it all goes down.
307
00:15:12,722 --> 00:15:14,555
The dye room,
I'm not surprised.
308
00:15:14,557 --> 00:15:16,891
I always knew
we'd dye together.
309
00:15:18,427 --> 00:15:21,262
Okay, we'll just pretend
to be working here,
310
00:15:21,264 --> 00:15:23,764
like we do at the diner.
311
00:15:23,766 --> 00:15:25,833
Well, well,
look who it is,
312
00:15:25,835 --> 00:15:30,738
Stuck-Up and Stuck-Up Two:
The Legend Returns.
313
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:35,343
Max, we gotta go.
My life can't end wearing grey.
314
00:15:35,345 --> 00:15:37,111
What up, ladies?
315
00:15:37,113 --> 00:15:39,347
Last night, you're hanging
with the homies,
316
00:15:39,349 --> 00:15:42,950
and today, boom, you just happen
to be working here.
317
00:15:42,952 --> 00:15:45,686
That's friggin' convenient.
318
00:15:45,688 --> 00:15:47,021
I know, right?
319
00:15:47,023 --> 00:15:49,690
Very friggin' convenient.
320
00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:51,826
I know, right?
321
00:15:51,828 --> 00:15:54,528
We just have to show them
who's boss.
322
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:55,596
You know, like we do
with the mouse
323
00:15:55,598 --> 00:15:57,365
who lives in our toaster.
324
00:15:57,367 --> 00:16:01,869
So, what, we're gonna scream
and then spray Windex at them?
325
00:16:01,871 --> 00:16:04,772
Yo!
See this scar?
326
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:07,708
Knife fight
with five Catholic schoolgirls
327
00:16:07,710 --> 00:16:10,211
over a slushie.
So unless you want
328
00:16:10,213 --> 00:16:13,047
some of what I gave Virginia,
Stephanie, Laquetia, Latoya,
329
00:16:13,049 --> 00:16:17,018
and the one in the wheelchair,
I'd stay clear.
330
00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:19,553
This is just
a misunderstanding.
331
00:16:19,555 --> 00:16:21,389
Rico's not interested in me.
332
00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:23,791
Well, he seemed
pretty into you last night.
333
00:16:23,793 --> 00:16:26,827
Huh, yeah, but that's
before she talked.
334
00:16:26,829 --> 00:16:31,799
Come on, we are not interested
in your men at all.
335
00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:34,235
Not at all.
I mean, come on.
336
00:16:34,237 --> 00:16:36,470
What's that mean?
337
00:16:36,472 --> 00:16:38,873
You're saying
something's wrong with them?
338
00:16:38,875 --> 00:16:42,076
No, she's not saying that
It's just--
339
00:16:42,078 --> 00:16:45,880
It's just what?
340
00:16:45,882 --> 00:16:48,816
We're lovers.
341
00:16:52,354 --> 00:16:54,855
You two are lovers?
'Cause you don't seem--
342
00:16:54,857 --> 00:16:57,825
We don't seem what?
Gay?
343
00:16:57,827 --> 00:17:00,861
No.
Hot enough.
344
00:17:00,863 --> 00:17:03,764
[scoffs]
Well--
345
00:17:03,766 --> 00:17:05,599
Not hot at all.
346
00:17:05,601 --> 00:17:08,536
I know, right?
347
00:17:08,538 --> 00:17:11,005
Look busy,
keep your eyes open.
348
00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:13,007
I think we're in the belly
of the beast.
349
00:17:13,009 --> 00:17:15,843
You talkin' about me?
350
00:17:15,845 --> 00:17:18,079
(both)
No.
351
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:25,853
(Caroline)
Max, what do you think's
behind that locked door?
352
00:17:25,855 --> 00:17:29,090
I knew it!
Toddler slaves.
353
00:17:29,092 --> 00:17:33,360
Those kids are in horrible
danger of becoming...me.
354
00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:35,496
Come on,
let's go over there.
355
00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:41,302
What the--
you hit me!
356
00:17:41,304 --> 00:17:43,537
Sorry, so sorry.
Accident!
357
00:17:43,539 --> 00:17:45,973
You throw like a girl.
358
00:17:45,975 --> 00:17:48,909
See, I knew it,
you two aren't gay.
359
00:17:48,911 --> 00:17:51,245
Yous are after our guys!
360
00:17:51,247 --> 00:17:52,947
No, I'm not!
Rico just thought I was
361
00:17:52,949 --> 00:17:53,981
really, really,
really pretty.
362
00:17:55,884 --> 00:17:59,820
Oh, hell no!
Leave my lover alone!
363
00:17:59,822 --> 00:18:02,756
Oh!
364
00:18:02,758 --> 00:18:04,291
It's on!
365
00:18:04,293 --> 00:18:05,960
(Caroline)
- [whimpers] No! No!
366
00:18:05,962 --> 00:18:07,995
It's--no, no, no, no, no!
It's not on.
367
00:18:07,997 --> 00:18:09,830
This is silly.
We're not after anyone.
368
00:18:09,832 --> 00:18:12,299
we're here to help
some of those work--
369
00:18:12,301 --> 00:18:15,402
Oh, yeah.
Now, it's on!
370
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:19,006
Oh!
I warn you!
371
00:18:19,008 --> 00:18:21,008
[both whimpering]
372
00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:23,811
Oh, hell no!
373
00:18:27,015 --> 00:18:28,916
Back off, bitch!
374
00:18:28,918 --> 00:18:32,019
Who you calling bitch,
bitch?
375
00:18:36,525 --> 00:18:39,927
Honey?
You're getting carried away.
376
00:18:39,929 --> 00:18:42,096
[whimpers]
377
00:18:42,098 --> 00:18:43,697
Now you're really getting
carried away.
378
00:18:43,699 --> 00:18:45,466
Oh, no!
Don't put me in the dryer!
379
00:18:45,468 --> 00:18:47,701
I used to be rich,
I'm dry clean only!
380
00:18:47,703 --> 00:18:49,170
[strains]
381
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,342
(both)
Oh! Oh!
382
00:18:59,548 --> 00:19:03,083
That was a big
friggin' mistake!
383
00:19:06,888 --> 00:19:08,989
Respect.
384
00:19:08,991 --> 00:19:10,457
You two are a lot tougher
385
00:19:10,459 --> 00:19:12,359
than those girls
from Saint Bridget's.
386
00:19:14,129 --> 00:19:17,164
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's happening?
387
00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:21,001
We're busting you.
We know what's happening here.
388
00:19:21,003 --> 00:19:24,004
What, profit sharing
and healthcare?
389
00:19:24,006 --> 00:19:28,509
We found a note in our box
with "help us" scrawled on it.
390
00:19:28,511 --> 00:19:29,910
How do you explain that?
391
00:19:30,845 --> 00:19:31,912
Did you read the back?
392
00:19:31,914 --> 00:19:33,847
Heh heh heh.
393
00:19:33,849 --> 00:19:36,250
"Help us..
394
00:19:36,252 --> 00:19:38,886
"help you...
395
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:42,423
to your full potential
at American Ace."
396
00:19:42,425 --> 00:19:45,259
We put one
in every box we ship.
397
00:19:45,261 --> 00:19:46,727
I have got to start reading
398
00:19:46,729 --> 00:19:48,796
more than the first sentence
of stuff.
399
00:19:53,001 --> 00:19:55,236
I'm sorry,
this is all my fault.
400
00:19:55,238 --> 00:19:56,870
I guess I just wanted
to believe
401
00:19:56,872 --> 00:20:00,608
some kids were having
a worse childhood than I was.
402
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:03,877
Max, don't feel bad.
You thought someone needed help,
403
00:20:03,879 --> 00:20:05,879
and you cared, and that
makes you a good person,
404
00:20:05,881 --> 00:20:07,214
and I'm proud of you.
405
00:20:07,216 --> 00:20:10,851
I said I was sorry.
You don't have to be mean.
406
00:20:10,853 --> 00:20:15,089
Hey, everybody!
407
00:20:15,091 --> 00:20:17,191
I just got my first shipment
of wigs.
408
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:23,030
Sophie, why are you
walking like that?
409
00:20:23,032 --> 00:20:25,966
Well, I'm not just
the president,
410
00:20:25,968 --> 00:20:28,302
I'm also a client.
411
00:20:34,142 --> 00:20:36,110
Sophie, I think you dropped
something,
412
00:20:36,112 --> 00:20:40,114
unless we have those
giant Persian roaches again.
413
00:20:40,116 --> 00:20:44,184
Even a milky version of that
was too much.
414
00:20:51,993 --> 00:20:54,762
You know, Max, maybe someday,
someone like you will come
415
00:20:54,764 --> 00:20:57,765
into this Salmonella factory
and rescue us.
416
00:20:57,767 --> 00:20:59,400
What are you writing
on those checks?
417
00:20:59,402 --> 00:21:01,468
"Help us."
418
00:21:01,470 --> 00:21:05,205
We work here.
The "help us" is implied.