1
00:00:01,477 --> 00:00:03,178
It's payday!
2
00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:04,780
And I'm not talking
about the delicious
3
00:00:04,782 --> 00:00:07,049
little treat with nuts.
4
00:00:07,051 --> 00:00:10,786
Han, not cool to brag
about yourself.
5
00:00:10,788 --> 00:00:15,891
Here, Max, maybe you can use
the money to buy a new attitude.
6
00:00:15,893 --> 00:00:17,325
"New attitude"?
7
00:00:17,327 --> 00:00:21,797
Isn't that the name
of the boy band you're in?
8
00:00:21,799 --> 00:00:23,832
And Oleg, you'll notice
I docked your pay
9
00:00:23,834 --> 00:00:26,068
'cause you didn't even come
in yesterday.
10
00:00:26,070 --> 00:00:29,604
I told you,
I was working from home.
11
00:00:29,606 --> 00:00:32,641
There you go, Earl.
don't spend it all in one place.
12
00:00:32,643 --> 00:00:36,545
You think you pay me enough
to spend it in two places?
13
00:00:36,547 --> 00:00:41,917
Oh, my god, this is less than
it cost me to get here today.
14
00:00:41,919 --> 00:00:44,419
And I walked.
15
00:00:44,421 --> 00:00:45,454
I know.
16
00:00:45,456 --> 00:00:47,089
That's all I made?
17
00:00:47,091 --> 00:00:49,624
What is this,
"12 years a waitress"?
18
00:00:49,626 --> 00:00:54,563
With you it's more like
"12 beers a shift."
19
00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:59,501
So many words,
so little everything else.
20
00:00:59,503 --> 00:01:01,870
(peter bjorn and John)
¶ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ¶
21
00:01:01,872 --> 00:01:03,171
[cash register bell dings]
22
00:01:03,173 --> 00:01:06,675
¶ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ¶
23
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:16,918
[thud]
Man: Whoa!
24
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,253
[Caroline gasps]
Not the face!
25
00:01:18,255 --> 00:01:20,455
Not my beautiful face!
26
00:01:20,457 --> 00:01:21,790
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
27
00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:24,526
I warn you,
I was in the nutcracker suite.
28
00:01:24,528 --> 00:01:26,094
What's that mean?
- This!
29
00:01:26,096 --> 00:01:27,095
[Groans]
30
00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:30,165
don't worry Max,
I handled it.
31
00:01:30,167 --> 00:01:35,237
Yeah, I just handled it too.
That's my Booty call.
32
00:01:35,239 --> 00:01:37,672
Are you telling me
you know him?
33
00:01:37,674 --> 00:01:39,107
No, I don't know him.
34
00:01:39,109 --> 00:01:42,344
He just comes over for sex
on Tuesday nights.
35
00:01:42,346 --> 00:01:43,678
Do you need help up?
36
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,348
Not yet, I'm still crying
a little.
37
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:48,650
Okay, up you go.
38
00:01:48,652 --> 00:01:49,718
Walk it off.
39
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:50,719
[Groans]
40
00:01:50,721 --> 00:01:52,888
Yeah, I bet that hurts.
41
00:01:52,890 --> 00:01:56,424
Nice going Caroline.
You ruined the best part.
42
00:01:56,426 --> 00:01:59,794
Hi, I'm Caroline, the roommate
and prima ballerina.
43
00:01:59,796 --> 00:02:02,297
Sorry about your sugar plums.
44
00:02:02,299 --> 00:02:03,265
Sebastian.
45
00:02:03,267 --> 00:02:05,133
Ba-ba-ba!
No names! No names!
46
00:02:05,135 --> 00:02:07,169
Uh, Caroline,
you want a soda?
47
00:02:07,171 --> 00:02:10,472
We have soda?
48
00:02:10,474 --> 00:02:12,240
No, we don't have soda!
49
00:02:12,242 --> 00:02:14,209
Why are you asking him
his name?
50
00:02:14,211 --> 00:02:16,311
He doesn't wanna know my name
and I don't wanna know his.
51
00:02:16,313 --> 00:02:18,747
Hey, mind if I use
your bathroom?
52
00:02:18,749 --> 00:02:21,016
I need to check on the boys.
53
00:02:21,018 --> 00:02:23,018
See if they're girls.
54
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:28,590
How do you not know the name
of the guy you're intimate with?
55
00:02:28,592 --> 00:02:30,692
"Intimate"?
56
00:02:30,694 --> 00:02:32,194
Max, there are certain things
you have to know
57
00:02:32,196 --> 00:02:35,931
about the guy you're engaging
in sexual congress with.
58
00:02:35,933 --> 00:02:39,334
Only you can make sex boring.
59
00:02:41,571 --> 00:02:43,104
Well, not too bad.
60
00:02:43,106 --> 00:02:45,774
One's okay and the other one
left on crutches.
61
00:02:45,776 --> 00:02:46,975
Later.
62
00:02:46,977 --> 00:02:48,376
Sebastian, wait.
63
00:02:48,378 --> 00:02:49,811
This is Max black.
64
00:02:49,813 --> 00:02:51,613
Max, this is Sebastian.
65
00:02:51,615 --> 00:02:53,181
Nice to meet you, Max.
66
00:02:53,183 --> 00:02:55,417
Yeah, nice to meet you too.
67
00:02:55,419 --> 00:02:58,320
And you can just call me
what you usually do.
68
00:02:58,322 --> 00:03:00,488
"Oh, god."
69
00:03:05,861 --> 00:03:07,429
Hey is that a new shirt,
Earl?
70
00:03:07,431 --> 00:03:12,801
Why, yes it is, Max.
I just got it in 1987.
71
00:03:12,803 --> 00:03:15,804
[Text message ding]
72
00:03:15,806 --> 00:03:17,572
Oh, great!
Look at this text.
73
00:03:17,574 --> 00:03:21,643
It's from the guy
whose sperm count you lowered.
74
00:03:21,645 --> 00:03:24,079
His name is Sebastian.
75
00:03:24,081 --> 00:03:26,248
Oh, he's inviting you
to come see him dj.
76
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,617
Oh, damn it! I told you
I didn't wanna know anything
77
00:03:28,619 --> 00:03:32,153
about him,
and now I know he's a dj.
78
00:03:32,155 --> 00:03:36,491
Which means he unemployed,
so points for that.
79
00:03:36,493 --> 00:03:38,627
So what are you gonna text
him back?
80
00:03:38,629 --> 00:03:39,894
Nothing!
81
00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:41,296
The only back-and-forth
I want from this guy
82
00:03:41,298 --> 00:03:44,566
is on his back
and for the fourth time.
83
00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:46,434
The best sex is secret sex.
84
00:03:46,436 --> 00:03:50,438
Then maybe don't talk
about it while I'm eating.
85
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,676
Well, I have a sexy secret.
86
00:03:54,678 --> 00:03:56,344
A crush on a girl.
87
00:03:56,346 --> 00:03:57,979
Oleg,
we all know it's me.
88
00:03:57,981 --> 00:04:01,883
That sweat-pant salute
never lies.
89
00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:04,052
Not you.
don't kid yourself.
90
00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:07,122
You couldn't handle
this beast in the sheets.
91
00:04:07,124 --> 00:04:10,358
I could totally handle you
in the sheets, Oleg.
92
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:13,161
What are you fighting for,
Caroline?
93
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:19,234
Hey, everybody!
94
00:04:19,236 --> 00:04:20,969
All right, weather report:
95
00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:25,540
I just came back from a date and
it's raining losers out there.
96
00:04:25,542 --> 00:04:29,210
There's my sexy, sexy,
secret crush.
97
00:04:29,212 --> 00:04:31,680
Who, Sophie?
Not so secret.
98
00:04:31,682 --> 00:04:36,284
You two have already done it in
every public space in Brooklyn.
99
00:04:36,286 --> 00:04:39,954
Yeah, and your apartment,
twice.
100
00:04:39,956 --> 00:04:42,924
What?
We didn't even wake you!
101
00:04:46,362 --> 00:04:48,663
Sophie, baby,
102
00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:50,665
I've been looking
for the perfect woman
103
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:55,003
and it turns out, what I want
is in my own back door.
104
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:57,205
Backyard.
105
00:04:57,207 --> 00:05:00,875
I think you're both right.
106
00:05:00,877 --> 00:05:02,911
I hear your truck pull up.
107
00:05:02,913 --> 00:05:08,049
But I'm not sure I wanna sign
for your package anymore.
108
00:05:08,051 --> 00:05:09,951
I knew you were going
to say that.
109
00:05:09,953 --> 00:05:12,887
So as a reminder,
I've created a sizzle reel
110
00:05:12,889 --> 00:05:15,523
of our best sex.
111
00:05:15,525 --> 00:05:19,794
So it's an stdvd?
112
00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:21,863
It's the extended version.
113
00:05:21,865 --> 00:05:24,299
Uncut, as you know.
114
00:05:24,301 --> 00:05:29,471
That's it,
cancel my brownie!
115
00:05:29,473 --> 00:05:30,772
Sizzle reel?
116
00:05:30,774 --> 00:05:35,110
I'll watch it tonight
while I eat my fajitas.
117
00:05:35,112 --> 00:05:37,145
[Text message dings]
118
00:05:37,147 --> 00:05:39,347
Max, you just got another text
from Sebastian.
119
00:05:39,349 --> 00:05:41,216
Who?
120
00:05:41,218 --> 00:05:43,918
Please, can we go to the club
to see him dj, Max?
121
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,086
I wanna dance.
122
00:05:45,088 --> 00:05:46,287
The last time
I shook my Booty
123
00:05:46,289 --> 00:05:49,391
was when we ran out
of toilet paper.
124
00:05:53,195 --> 00:05:56,231
Max, thank you so much
for taking me dancing.
125
00:05:56,233 --> 00:05:58,233
Well, you signed that paper
that said if I did,
126
00:05:58,235 --> 00:06:00,668
you'd do the side work
for the next six months.
127
00:06:00,670 --> 00:06:02,237
Are you sure
this is the address
128
00:06:02,239 --> 00:06:04,172
of the club Sebastian
gave you?
129
00:06:04,174 --> 00:06:06,007
Who?
130
00:06:06,009 --> 00:06:07,409
Sebastian!
131
00:06:07,411 --> 00:06:10,545
This can't be the address.
It's a whole foods.
132
00:06:10,547 --> 00:06:11,679
I know what it is.
133
00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:14,382
I can smell the cage-free
body odor.
134
00:06:14,384 --> 00:06:17,385
Let's just go in, ask someone
if they know where the club is,
135
00:06:17,387 --> 00:06:20,688
and maybe rip a grape off
a stem--I'm starving.
136
00:06:23,526 --> 00:06:25,160
Whole foods, wow.
137
00:06:25,162 --> 00:06:28,530
Reminds me of when
I was a whole person.
138
00:06:28,532 --> 00:06:32,367
Max, we can start looking
for the club.
139
00:06:32,369 --> 00:06:34,436
All right, all right.
140
00:06:34,438 --> 00:06:38,640
I'm gonna lay down some beats
while you check out our beets.
141
00:06:38,642 --> 00:06:40,241
Organic!
142
00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:43,378
See?
143
00:06:43,380 --> 00:06:45,580
This is why I didn't want
to know anything!
144
00:06:45,582 --> 00:06:47,816
You ask a guy his name
and you find out
145
00:06:47,818 --> 00:06:51,186
he's dj'ing next
to radishes.
146
00:06:51,188 --> 00:06:54,322
And what kind of loser
comes here to dance?
147
00:06:54,324 --> 00:06:57,659
¶ ¶
148
00:06:57,661 --> 00:06:59,260
woot! Woot!
149
00:06:59,262 --> 00:07:01,095
Holla!
150
00:07:01,097 --> 00:07:04,165
And I don't mean
the kosher bread!
151
00:07:08,938 --> 00:07:11,539
Oh, no.
How did you find me here?
152
00:07:11,541 --> 00:07:15,176
Whole foods is my sexy secret.
153
00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:17,078
You know
what's not a secret?
154
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,181
The organic preparation h
in that basket.
155
00:07:20,183 --> 00:07:23,785
Whole foods is where I come
to get my groove on.
156
00:07:23,787 --> 00:07:27,489
Why?
Is Chuck E. Cheese closed?
157
00:07:27,491 --> 00:07:30,225
As much as I'd love to see
what else you're gonna buy
158
00:07:30,227 --> 00:07:32,961
to rub on your butt,
we're leaving
159
00:07:32,963 --> 00:07:34,429
before that dj sees me.
160
00:07:34,431 --> 00:07:37,866
You mean
dj fresh-and-local?
161
00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:42,971
The music be bumpin'
and we buyin' pumpkins!
162
00:07:42,973 --> 00:07:46,708
Let's go. I can't believe
I wore these for this.
163
00:07:53,983 --> 00:07:55,183
Wake up.
164
00:07:55,185 --> 00:07:59,053
It's Tuesday, and the dj
didn't come.
165
00:08:00,089 --> 00:08:03,491
Maybe he just drank
too much.
166
00:08:03,493 --> 00:08:05,560
No! He didn't show at all.
167
00:08:05,562 --> 00:08:10,865
There's no dj fresh-and-local
in my ones and twos.
168
00:08:10,867 --> 00:08:12,300
Well, what did you expect?
169
00:08:12,302 --> 00:08:14,168
You ran out of there without
even saying "hi."
170
00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:16,471
We should've stayed
at the club.
171
00:08:16,473 --> 00:08:19,941
Stop calling it a club!
172
00:08:19,943 --> 00:08:22,810
He DJs at a supermarket,
173
00:08:22,812 --> 00:08:25,647
which is the lamest thing
I've ever seen,
174
00:08:25,649 --> 00:08:27,115
not counting the time
175
00:08:27,117 --> 00:08:28,783
you tried to bring back
the phrase
176
00:08:28,785 --> 00:08:31,019
"oh, no, you didn't."
177
00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:33,755
I'm surprised at you.
178
00:08:33,757 --> 00:08:35,924
What if I judged you
for some of your jobs?
179
00:08:35,926 --> 00:08:38,493
Uh, bar-back slash captain
of a shrimp boat
180
00:08:38,495 --> 00:08:42,163
in the Gulf of Mexico
isn't the bomb?
181
00:08:42,165 --> 00:08:44,732
What about when you worked
at the gap?
182
00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:47,936
Who told you about the gap?
183
00:08:47,938 --> 00:08:51,706
You, that time you were drunk,
folding a sweater,
184
00:08:51,708 --> 00:08:53,474
and you tried to help me
"spring into Summer"
185
00:08:53,476 --> 00:08:56,044
with cargo shorts.
186
00:08:56,046 --> 00:09:00,815
Fine! I fell into the gap.
I needed the money.
187
00:09:00,817 --> 00:09:03,251
Maybe Sebastian needs
the money, too.
188
00:09:03,253 --> 00:09:04,519
Who?
189
00:09:04,521 --> 00:09:07,188
[Knock at door]
190
00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:09,390
And if you ever tell anyone
about the gap,
191
00:09:09,392 --> 00:09:11,926
you will have a gap
between your neck
192
00:09:11,928 --> 00:09:13,995
and where your head
used to be.
193
00:09:13,997 --> 00:09:17,031
"Oh, no you didn't."
194
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:23,004
Hey, I wasn't sure
if it was too late to come by
195
00:09:23,006 --> 00:09:27,909
but the ouija board said,
"go ahead, the girls are up!"
196
00:09:29,445 --> 00:09:30,778
You use that?
197
00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:33,114
The only spirit I listen
to is 2-buck-Chuck,
198
00:09:33,116 --> 00:09:36,351
and he mostly tells me
to take my top off.
199
00:09:36,353 --> 00:09:39,153
Yeah, ouija helps me make
all my big decisions.
200
00:09:39,155 --> 00:09:44,592
Like coming to America,
adopting a Chinese orphan,
201
00:09:44,594 --> 00:09:48,262
and leaving a Chinese orphan
at the fire station.
202
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,432
Those boards are creepy.
203
00:09:51,434 --> 00:09:52,934
You never know what you're
inviting in.
204
00:09:52,936 --> 00:09:55,336
I mean, what if we open
a hellmouth?
205
00:09:55,338 --> 00:09:57,872
Aw, come on, girls,
look around.
206
00:09:57,874 --> 00:10:00,174
I mean, you already have.
207
00:10:01,877 --> 00:10:05,546
Okay, now shh.
Okay...
208
00:10:05,548 --> 00:10:07,782
Ouija,
209
00:10:07,784 --> 00:10:11,052
should I take Oleg back?
210
00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,226
Yes?
211
00:10:18,228 --> 00:10:19,894
Oh, now, see,
that is creepy
212
00:10:19,896 --> 00:10:24,799
because I was shoving
it to "no".
213
00:10:24,801 --> 00:10:26,901
Do you want to get back
with him?
214
00:10:26,903 --> 00:10:28,903
Well, I'm torn.
215
00:10:28,905 --> 00:10:31,105
And also,
I don't know what to do.
216
00:10:32,574 --> 00:10:35,677
[Dance music plays]
217
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,814
Throw your hands in the air
like you just don't Kale.
218
00:10:39,816 --> 00:10:41,482
¶ ¶
219
00:10:41,484 --> 00:10:43,818
Max, I'm proud of you
for overlooking his job
220
00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:45,887
and giving this guy
a chance.
221
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,624
He's making a dj face.
I'm out.
222
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:53,895
Oh, my god, Dylan.
223
00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:55,697
No, we can't leave now.
224
00:10:55,699 --> 00:10:58,099
I just saw this girl,
and she is the last person
225
00:10:58,101 --> 00:10:59,400
I want to see.
226
00:10:59,402 --> 00:11:00,568
What is the problem?
227
00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:01,936
It's hilary waldare.
228
00:11:01,938 --> 00:11:02,970
We went to wharton together.
229
00:11:02,972 --> 00:11:04,305
So competitive with me.
230
00:11:04,307 --> 00:11:06,307
Loved it when I lost
all my money.
231
00:11:06,309 --> 00:11:07,575
She even threw a party
to celebrate
232
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:10,945
and then had the nerve
to invite me.
233
00:11:10,947 --> 00:11:13,181
Worst party ever,
by the way.
234
00:11:14,316 --> 00:11:16,551
Uh, worse than being
at a dance club
235
00:11:16,553 --> 00:11:18,619
that has a price club?
236
00:11:18,621 --> 00:11:22,090
Max black in the house of grain.
237
00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:26,027
And now he saw me.
238
00:11:26,029 --> 00:11:28,162
Well, I'm gonna go hide
before she sees me.
239
00:11:28,164 --> 00:11:31,365
I'll be in tom's shoes.
Nobody's ever over there.
240
00:11:34,503 --> 00:11:38,406
I'm bustin' out some free range
electronic dance music.
241
00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:39,340
That's right!
242
00:11:39,342 --> 00:11:41,576
I'm bringing it
in my own bag.
243
00:11:41,578 --> 00:11:44,545
¶ ¶
244
00:11:44,547 --> 00:11:45,847
uh, okay, we good?
245
00:11:45,849 --> 00:11:47,115
See you next Tuesday.
246
00:11:47,117 --> 00:11:49,317
Come on, stay.
What's your hurry?
247
00:11:49,319 --> 00:11:52,787
I can't watch any more people
dance-shop.
248
00:11:52,789 --> 00:11:53,921
Max, come on.
Get in front of me.
249
00:11:53,923 --> 00:11:55,356
See what you can do.
250
00:11:55,358 --> 00:11:59,127
Oh, you're behind me
this time--that's new.
251
00:11:59,129 --> 00:12:00,695
All right,
everybody,
252
00:12:00,697 --> 00:12:03,931
frisee, 'cause we got
a special guest dj
253
00:12:03,933 --> 00:12:05,199
in the hizzay
254
00:12:05,201 --> 00:12:08,336
who's so hot
it's radicchio.
255
00:12:09,838 --> 00:12:11,739
Go on.
256
00:12:11,741 --> 00:12:13,941
Bob, I'd like to bid $1.00.
257
00:12:13,943 --> 00:12:16,377
$1.00, Bob, $1.00.
258
00:12:16,379 --> 00:12:19,013
Have your pets
spayed or neutered.
259
00:12:19,015 --> 00:12:22,450
Speaking of neutered pets,
here comes han.
260
00:12:22,452 --> 00:12:25,453
Still counts
as a dj shout-out.
261
00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:27,488
Hey,
why wait till Tuesday?
262
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:30,258
Why don't I take a break
and we can go in the back.
263
00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:32,393
I just need to find someone
to cover me.
264
00:12:32,395 --> 00:12:35,496
Someone bogarted
all the nut butter.
265
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:39,500
How about half of someone?
266
00:12:49,344 --> 00:12:51,012
Can I help you, miss?
267
00:12:51,014 --> 00:12:52,446
Max?
268
00:12:52,448 --> 00:12:54,115
What are you doing?
269
00:12:54,117 --> 00:12:57,285
I'm thirsty, broke, and they
cut me off at the free lemonade.
270
00:12:57,287 --> 00:12:58,586
What are you doing?
271
00:12:58,588 --> 00:13:00,221
Well, two dudes
were getting it on
272
00:13:00,223 --> 00:13:02,990
in the family restroom, so...
273
00:13:02,992 --> 00:13:04,692
Where's Sebastian?
274
00:13:04,694 --> 00:13:05,493
Who?
275
00:13:05,495 --> 00:13:07,595
Oh, milk.
Bottom shelf.
276
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,733
What's up?
277
00:13:15,871 --> 00:13:18,439
You're not doing it
in the dairy case!
278
00:13:18,441 --> 00:13:22,176
Uh, no I'm not,
'cause you won't go away.
279
00:13:22,178 --> 00:13:24,745
Do you have to ruin sex
everywhere?
280
00:13:24,747 --> 00:13:27,448
Well, Max,
if I wasn't lactose intolerant
281
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:30,418
before, I am now.
282
00:13:31,753 --> 00:13:35,356
Oh, my god,
Caroline Channing!
283
00:13:35,358 --> 00:13:37,925
Hi!
It's hilary waldare.
284
00:13:37,927 --> 00:13:40,761
Oh, my god! Hi!
- Hi!
285
00:13:40,763 --> 00:13:43,431
I haven't seen you
since your party.
286
00:13:43,433 --> 00:13:46,734
Someone said you left crying.
How are you?
287
00:13:46,736 --> 00:13:49,837
I'm great! I mean,
I'm shopping at whole foods,
288
00:13:49,839 --> 00:13:53,107
buying some organic fuel
that I'll probably take
289
00:13:53,109 --> 00:13:57,178
a couple sips of in spin class
and then throw away, so...
290
00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:59,780
Oh, good, 'cause I heard
you were still poor
291
00:13:59,782 --> 00:14:02,750
and that you were working
as a waitress.
292
00:14:02,752 --> 00:14:04,919
A waitress?
293
00:14:04,921 --> 00:14:06,787
That is insane.
294
00:14:06,789 --> 00:14:12,059
That is so insane it should be
in an ice tub in an asylum.
295
00:14:12,061 --> 00:14:14,996
I'm so glad you're great,
because when I saw you
296
00:14:14,998 --> 00:14:19,867
in those three-year-old
Louboutins, I got worried.
297
00:14:19,869 --> 00:14:22,503
Also, you have
an orange juice mustache.
298
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:30,878
Oh. Where's Max?
299
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,446
Milk.
300
00:14:33,382 --> 00:14:35,716
Max, listen--
- busy!
301
00:14:35,718 --> 00:14:37,718
Hilary's still here.
302
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,054
And she called me a waitress.
How dare her.
303
00:14:40,056 --> 00:14:42,423
She humiliated me,
and I didn't even get
304
00:14:42,425 --> 00:14:45,826
a party this time.
I'm going home.
305
00:14:45,828 --> 00:14:48,796
(Store manager)
Hilary waldare, report
to register three.
306
00:14:48,798 --> 00:14:50,831
Oh, my god!
Did he just say--
307
00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:53,334
(store manager)
Hilary waldare.
Register three.
308
00:14:53,336 --> 00:14:55,303
He did!
Oh, my god! Max!
309
00:14:55,305 --> 00:14:56,804
Busy!
310
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,207
What?
Do you wanna just join us?
311
00:15:00,209 --> 00:15:04,345
Hilary waldare works here,
as a cashier!
312
00:15:04,347 --> 00:15:05,746
So I win!
313
00:15:05,748 --> 00:15:07,982
Everyone knows on the job
humiliation chain,
314
00:15:07,984 --> 00:15:12,019
it goes:
Prostitute, hostess, waitress,
315
00:15:12,021 --> 00:15:15,890
cashier, Princess Jasmine in the
Disney electric light parade.
316
00:15:15,892 --> 00:15:17,525
What happened
to not looking down
317
00:15:17,527 --> 00:15:20,094
on other people
with crappy jobs?
318
00:15:20,096 --> 00:15:21,696
Oh please, this is real.
319
00:15:21,698 --> 00:15:24,865
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have got $14
320
00:15:24,867 --> 00:15:26,667
burning a second hole
in my pocket,
321
00:15:26,669 --> 00:15:29,470
and I'm gonna spend it here
at register three.
322
00:15:30,505 --> 00:15:33,441
[Sebastian moans]
323
00:15:33,443 --> 00:15:34,909
Whoo!
324
00:15:34,911 --> 00:15:38,112
What, you couldn't wait for me?
325
00:15:48,824 --> 00:15:51,158
This goes out to Kelly
in prepared foods.
326
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,827
The Kelly with the cystic acne,
327
00:15:52,829 --> 00:15:56,330
not the Kelly
with the bald spot.
328
00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:59,533
Now, where my Adele-heads at?
329
00:16:02,371 --> 00:16:05,172
I'm glad you have no line,
'cause I have an exclusive
330
00:16:05,174 --> 00:16:06,440
private yoga class to get to--
331
00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:09,143
oh, hilary!
332
00:16:09,145 --> 00:16:10,444
Yes, Caroline.
333
00:16:10,446 --> 00:16:12,480
I am a cashier.
334
00:16:12,482 --> 00:16:14,248
I'm sorry, a what?
335
00:16:14,250 --> 00:16:16,083
I'm a cashier.
336
00:16:16,085 --> 00:16:19,020
Yeah, turns out things
aren't great.
337
00:16:19,022 --> 00:16:22,556
My husband left me
for my dad.
338
00:16:22,558 --> 00:16:25,359
And they didn't even cut me
in on the lifetime movie rights.
339
00:16:25,361 --> 00:16:30,264
It's on in January--
father is the bride.
340
00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:32,133
Let me just weigh your salad.
341
00:16:32,135 --> 00:16:35,069
Well, I'm sure you'll pull
yourself together like I did.
342
00:16:35,071 --> 00:16:38,639
'Cause I'm kind of killing it,
life-wise.
343
00:16:38,641 --> 00:16:42,276
That'll be $28.
344
00:16:42,278 --> 00:16:44,512
There's only $14 here.
345
00:16:44,514 --> 00:16:47,915
$28 for a salad?
346
00:16:47,917 --> 00:16:50,551
Well, that's dinosaur Kale.
347
00:16:50,553 --> 00:16:52,019
Oh! Mistake.
348
00:16:52,021 --> 00:16:53,821
Didn't want the dinosaur Kale.
349
00:16:53,823 --> 00:16:55,990
Never liked dinosaurs
and really don't like them
350
00:16:55,992 --> 00:16:57,491
in my Kale.
351
00:16:57,493 --> 00:16:59,527
Dinosaur Kale gone.
352
00:16:59,529 --> 00:17:02,596
You're just putting it
on the counter?
353
00:17:04,866 --> 00:17:06,300
Oh, I don't usually shop
for myself.
354
00:17:06,302 --> 00:17:09,603
Is that not how it's done?
355
00:17:09,605 --> 00:17:13,574
Caroline, do you not have
enough money?
356
00:17:14,709 --> 00:17:18,913
No, hilary,
I have enough money.
357
00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:23,084
I just don't know why
I have so many eggs.
358
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,256
Here. You're holding up
the line.
359
00:17:29,258 --> 00:17:30,825
You obviously don't have
enough money
360
00:17:30,827 --> 00:17:33,627
to pay for your salad.
361
00:17:33,629 --> 00:17:35,096
Sad.
362
00:17:35,098 --> 00:17:37,298
I don't know what
you're implying.
363
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:41,102
Oh! Here is my very successful
business partner.
364
00:17:41,104 --> 00:17:44,138
Sorry it took so long.
I couldn't find my pants.
365
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:47,908
I don't know how they made it
all the way to the loading dock.
366
00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:50,010
Face it Caroline,
you came here to humiliate me
367
00:17:50,012 --> 00:17:52,046
and you can't even afford
that egg.
368
00:17:52,048 --> 00:17:54,782
On your face.
369
00:17:54,784 --> 00:17:59,653
Miss, did you drop
this $20 bill?
370
00:17:59,655 --> 00:18:01,822
Yes! Yes I did!
371
00:18:01,824 --> 00:18:04,191
I dropped some money,
too.
372
00:18:04,193 --> 00:18:06,494
don't push it.
373
00:18:06,496 --> 00:18:07,728
Thank you, sir.
This is very kind of you
374
00:18:07,730 --> 00:18:09,964
and I really appreciate it.
375
00:18:09,966 --> 00:18:11,699
Anything for my favorite
waitress.
376
00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:13,000
[Gasps]
377
00:18:13,002 --> 00:18:17,371
Oh, I knew you were
a waitress.
378
00:18:17,373 --> 00:18:19,974
Your store
sucks!
379
00:18:19,976 --> 00:18:22,810
I just had sex
in your dairy department.
380
00:18:24,546 --> 00:18:25,746
Keep the change.
381
00:18:25,748 --> 00:18:28,182
And buy your dad-husband
a wedding gift.
382
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:39,093
Okay, one more time.
383
00:18:39,095 --> 00:18:42,096
Ouija,
should I be with Oleg?
384
00:18:44,866 --> 00:18:46,967
15 out of 15 yeses.
385
00:18:46,969 --> 00:18:50,237
That's still unclear.
386
00:18:50,239 --> 00:18:51,405
Sophie, this is silly.
387
00:18:51,407 --> 00:18:53,707
You know you two wanna
get back together.
388
00:18:53,709 --> 00:18:57,344
Caroline, we already have
the ouija board.
389
00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:59,713
We don't need another thing
around here that's flat
390
00:18:59,715 --> 00:19:03,551
and wrong all the time.
391
00:19:03,553 --> 00:19:08,622
Fine. Sophie, if it's not me,
after all I've offered you, go.
392
00:19:08,624 --> 00:19:13,360
Ask the spirits who the man
you are supposed to be with is.
393
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:18,132
Ouija, please spell out
the name of the man
394
00:19:18,134 --> 00:19:21,769
that I'm supposed to be with.
395
00:19:21,771 --> 00:19:24,838
Oh, look, it's moving.
396
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:30,377
"V," "a," "n,"--
397
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:34,148
this is what the world
was like before the Internet.
398
00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:38,219
"K," "o."
399
00:19:38,221 --> 00:19:39,687
"Vanko."
400
00:19:39,689 --> 00:19:42,156
Vanko?
Yeah, that sounds cute.
401
00:19:42,158 --> 00:19:44,291
Yeah, I like it--
I'm sorry, Oleg.
402
00:19:44,293 --> 00:19:46,026
The spirits have spoken.
403
00:19:46,028 --> 00:19:48,896
I'm supposed to be with someone
named vanko.
404
00:19:48,898 --> 00:19:51,031
And they know the best.
405
00:19:51,033 --> 00:19:53,801
So you're supposed to be with
someone named vanko?
406
00:19:53,803 --> 00:19:56,737
Mm-hmm.
407
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:07,948
"Vanko Oleg golishevsky"?
408
00:20:10,051 --> 00:20:12,686
I go by my middle name
'cause there were seven other
409
00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:16,624
vankos in my family.
410
00:20:16,626 --> 00:20:20,561
But I didn't even know that.
411
00:20:20,563 --> 00:20:24,198
Yeah, that means the ouija is--
412
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,867
oh, uh...
413
00:20:26,869 --> 00:20:30,104
Ohh...Yeah...
414
00:20:30,106 --> 00:20:32,973
Oh, no, no, vanko.
No!
415
00:20:32,975 --> 00:20:34,908
I--
no, I--
416
00:20:34,910 --> 00:20:37,411
we can--you and I can get back
together, okay?
417
00:20:37,413 --> 00:20:40,547
But I just can't be here
right now.
418
00:20:40,549 --> 00:20:43,250
No, I mean,
this is just too damn spooky!
419
00:20:43,252 --> 00:20:45,085
[Shrieks]
420
00:20:47,188 --> 00:20:48,789
I can't wait
to tell my brothers,
421
00:20:48,791 --> 00:20:51,125
vanko and vanko,
about this.
422
00:20:52,494 --> 00:20:54,595
Ah, ah, ah...
423
00:20:54,597 --> 00:20:58,499
Word on the street is
you've been talking some smack
424
00:20:58,501 --> 00:21:00,434
about cashiers.