1
00:00:01,411 --> 00:00:04,446
Okay, chestnut,
it's time to play that game
2
00:00:04,448 --> 00:00:07,015
Where we take shots
while we pay our bills
3
00:00:07,017 --> 00:00:10,585
That max so cleverly named,
"that game where we take shots
4
00:00:10,587 --> 00:00:12,821
While we pay our bills."
5
00:00:12,823 --> 00:00:14,489
Hey, if you want me
to think of a better name,
6
00:00:14,491 --> 00:00:16,291
We should probably stop
taking shots
7
00:00:16,293 --> 00:00:18,026
While we pay our bills.
8
00:00:18,028 --> 00:00:20,796
If this bill says
first warning,
9
00:00:20,798 --> 00:00:22,964
We take a shot,
and chestnut gets a carrot.
10
00:00:22,966 --> 00:00:24,633
If it's a final notice,
11
00:00:24,635 --> 00:00:26,701
Chestnut gets two carrots,
and we take a double shot.
12
00:00:26,703 --> 00:00:28,770
And if it's gone
into collections,
13
00:00:28,772 --> 00:00:31,940
We shoot ourselves,
and chestnut gets three carrots.
14
00:00:31,942 --> 00:00:35,143
And also, I'm gonna take shots
whenever I want to.
15
00:00:35,145 --> 00:00:37,045
All right,
only a couple bills to go
16
00:00:37,047 --> 00:00:39,014
And $149 to pay them.
17
00:00:39,016 --> 00:00:41,049
That's an odd number.
Shots!
18
00:00:44,153 --> 00:00:46,955
Man, our electric bill
is $72.
19
00:00:46,957 --> 00:00:49,257
That's an even number.
Shots!
20
00:00:51,894 --> 00:00:53,962
Next up,
I have gas.
21
00:00:53,964 --> 00:00:57,232
Ah, thanks for the heads-up
this time.
22
00:00:57,234 --> 00:01:01,470
We have $77,
and the bill's only $76.84.
23
00:01:01,472 --> 00:01:04,306
Numbers!
Shots!
24
00:01:04,308 --> 00:01:06,475
This is the first time
we've ever broken even.
25
00:01:06,477 --> 00:01:08,243
Wait, what do we do
when we break even?
26
00:01:08,245 --> 00:01:10,979
Shots?
27
00:01:10,981 --> 00:01:13,081
(peter bjorn and john)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
28
00:01:13,083 --> 00:01:14,716
[cash register bell dings]
29
00:01:14,718 --> 00:01:18,453
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
30
00:01:24,894 --> 00:01:27,429
I'm so proud
we paid all our bills
31
00:01:27,431 --> 00:01:31,099
And with actual
american dollars this time.
32
00:01:31,101 --> 00:01:34,035
There might've been
a couple of pesos in the mix,
33
00:01:34,037 --> 00:01:38,140
That or the nickel
has a sweet new donkey.
34
00:01:38,142 --> 00:01:40,308
Look, girls,
I got the new iphone,
35
00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:43,178
And siri thinks
I'm hilarious.
36
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:46,214
I hear that phone
has a great camera for selfies
37
00:01:46,216 --> 00:01:50,318
Or, in your case,
elfies.
38
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,320
Smile, max.
39
00:01:52,322 --> 00:01:55,957
Nice.
#willdiealone.
40
00:01:58,060 --> 00:02:01,563
Oh, already got
a like.
41
00:02:01,565 --> 00:02:03,698
Hey, everybody.
42
00:02:06,969 --> 00:02:08,470
Big news.
43
00:02:08,472 --> 00:02:12,140
I finally met the man
of my dreams.
44
00:02:12,142 --> 00:02:15,310
Sophie, that's not news.
You've known me for years.
45
00:02:15,312 --> 00:02:17,946
Oh, earl,
another place,
46
00:02:17,948 --> 00:02:19,748
Another time,
another woman,
47
00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:21,483
Another man.
48
00:02:21,485 --> 00:02:24,452
Hey, girls, you better
wipe down my booth.
49
00:02:24,454 --> 00:02:27,088
My boyfriend's parking
his lincoln outside.
50
00:02:27,090 --> 00:02:29,724
Yeah, he dropped me off first
'cause he's a class act
51
00:02:29,726 --> 00:02:34,496
And 'cause he had
to put his pants back on.
52
00:02:34,498 --> 00:02:37,933
There she is.
There's my peanut.
53
00:02:37,935 --> 00:02:42,437
You hear that?
He calls me his peanut.
54
00:02:42,439 --> 00:02:44,339
Holy crap, she's looking
even prettier
55
00:02:44,341 --> 00:02:46,274
Than the last time
I saw her.
56
00:02:46,276 --> 00:02:47,642
What'd you do,
57
00:02:47,644 --> 00:02:49,244
Get some beauty creams
on the way from the car
58
00:02:49,246 --> 00:02:50,478
To the diner?
59
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,746
[laughs and gasps]
60
00:02:51,748 --> 00:02:54,449
Oh, maybe.
61
00:02:54,451 --> 00:02:57,419
Sophie, it's nice to see you
so giddy about something.
62
00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:59,421
Yeah, you're like me
sitting on that broken washer
63
00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:01,656
At the laundromat.
64
00:03:01,658 --> 00:03:04,392
I'm nicky,
but my friends call me
65
00:03:04,394 --> 00:03:07,329
When they need money.
66
00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:08,663
[laughs]
67
00:03:08,665 --> 00:03:10,031
I'm caroline.
This is max.
68
00:03:10,033 --> 00:03:11,399
I'm gonna ask you
the same question
69
00:03:11,401 --> 00:03:13,034
I ask every guy
around your age.
70
00:03:13,036 --> 00:03:15,537
Are you my dad?
71
00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:16,938
Maybe one of you dolls
can get me
72
00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:19,374
A glass of water
to wash down my tums?
73
00:03:19,376 --> 00:03:22,444
Sexy
and he has an ulcer.
74
00:03:22,446 --> 00:03:25,380
Sure, I'll go get you
some menus and the wine list.
75
00:03:25,382 --> 00:03:26,715
Don't get excited.
76
00:03:26,717 --> 00:03:28,083
That's just a list
of everything
77
00:03:28,085 --> 00:03:30,719
Caroline's whined about
in the last year.
78
00:03:30,721 --> 00:03:35,123
What's up with robert de zero
over there?
79
00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:37,092
I used to have
a leather jacket like that.
80
00:03:37,094 --> 00:03:40,729
Then I realized, when you have
the right to bear arms,
81
00:03:40,731 --> 00:03:44,132
You bare them, baby.
82
00:03:44,134 --> 00:03:47,202
Omelet.
Pick up.
83
00:03:47,204 --> 00:03:49,704
I think
oleg just got jealous.
84
00:03:49,706 --> 00:03:51,273
I think oleg
just got underarm dandruff
85
00:03:51,275 --> 00:03:53,308
In these eggs.
86
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:55,710
Enjoy.
87
00:03:55,712 --> 00:03:57,279
Here are your menus,
88
00:03:57,281 --> 00:03:58,546
And we're out
of everything
89
00:03:58,548 --> 00:03:59,981
In the pictures
since 1974.
90
00:03:59,983 --> 00:04:02,017
So the little girl smiling
eating a waffle,
91
00:04:02,019 --> 00:04:06,688
She's a grandma now,
and she calls penn station home.
92
00:04:06,690 --> 00:04:09,157
Here you go, dolls,
for your trouble.
93
00:04:09,159 --> 00:04:13,228
100 bucks?
It's like free money.
94
00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:14,863
Can you imagine
what he would've given us
95
00:04:14,865 --> 00:04:17,399
If the glasses
were clean?
96
00:04:17,401 --> 00:04:19,567
All this money
and I didn't even do anything.
97
00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:24,072
I'm one mustache away
from being a kardashian.
98
00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:26,174
Yeah, nicky's
a big-shot bookie
99
00:04:26,176 --> 00:04:27,909
With a yorkie
and a membership
100
00:04:27,911 --> 00:04:30,312
To the vip lounge
at the race track.
101
00:04:30,314 --> 00:04:33,048
A yorkie
and a green leather jacket?
102
00:04:33,050 --> 00:04:35,483
Are you even real?
103
00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:36,885
I love horse racing.
104
00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:38,486
I used to go
to the track all the time,
105
00:04:38,488 --> 00:04:41,423
And not to brag,
but I do own a thoroughbred.
106
00:04:41,425 --> 00:04:42,924
Oh, yeah, she does.
107
00:04:42,926 --> 00:04:44,826
I see it eating
out of the garbage can
108
00:04:44,828 --> 00:04:47,195
From my window.
109
00:04:47,197 --> 00:04:49,264
Here, that's chestnut.
110
00:04:49,266 --> 00:04:51,733
That's a beauty,
but not as much a beauty
111
00:04:51,735 --> 00:04:53,702
As my peanut right here.
112
00:04:53,704 --> 00:04:56,004
Oh, he just compared me
to a horse,
113
00:04:56,006 --> 00:05:00,342
But I like it anyway.
114
00:05:00,344 --> 00:05:01,743
Why don't
you two dolls join us
115
00:05:01,745 --> 00:05:03,778
At the track's turf club
some afternoon?
116
00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:05,980
Oh, we're busy,
and it's all the way out in--
117
00:05:05,982 --> 00:05:07,248
Are you paying?
118
00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:08,483
Of course.
119
00:05:08,485 --> 00:05:09,751
Oh, then we're there.
120
00:05:09,753 --> 00:05:11,486
In fact,
can we go right now?
121
00:05:11,488 --> 00:05:13,822
Yeah, we're
not doing anything.
122
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:24,265
Max, look,
the turf club.
123
00:05:24,267 --> 00:05:25,600
Us way up here,
124
00:05:25,602 --> 00:05:27,001
The horses down there
on the track
125
00:05:27,003 --> 00:05:29,371
Being forced
into their starting gates.
126
00:05:29,373 --> 00:05:30,772
This is so exciting.
127
00:05:30,774 --> 00:05:33,608
[sings first call]
128
00:05:33,610 --> 00:05:35,543
Girl, we've been here
30 seconds,
129
00:05:35,545 --> 00:05:37,645
And you already blew
your bugle.
130
00:05:37,647 --> 00:05:39,881
Pace yourself.
131
00:05:39,883 --> 00:05:41,149
Max, caroline,
132
00:05:41,151 --> 00:05:43,952
Over here!
133
00:05:43,954 --> 00:05:45,687
Wow, I haven't seen
sophie this happy
134
00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,155
Since that girl
slipped on the ice
135
00:05:47,157 --> 00:05:49,324
In front
of our building.
136
00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:52,527
That girl was me, max,
137
00:05:52,529 --> 00:05:54,829
And I really hurt
my coccyx.
138
00:05:54,831 --> 00:05:58,466
You have a coccyx?
You want to go out sometime?
139
00:05:58,468 --> 00:05:59,968
Hey, girls.
140
00:05:59,970 --> 00:06:02,470
Come on, peanut.
Get a little closer to me.
141
00:06:02,472 --> 00:06:04,072
Closer.
Little closer.
142
00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:06,374
Closer.
Little closer.
143
00:06:06,376 --> 00:06:09,377
What can I say, girls?
I can't get close enough.
144
00:06:09,379 --> 00:06:13,047
Do you hear that?
He can't get close enough.
145
00:06:13,049 --> 00:06:14,816
Thank you so much
for inviting us.
146
00:06:14,818 --> 00:06:17,051
It feels great to be back
at the track again.
147
00:06:17,053 --> 00:06:18,620
Ah, horse racing is,
after all,
148
00:06:18,622 --> 00:06:19,988
The sport of kings.
149
00:06:19,990 --> 00:06:21,322
I'm more interested
in the sport
150
00:06:21,324 --> 00:06:23,658
Of king crab legs
right over there.
151
00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:25,927
So is this
an all-you-can-eat deal here,
152
00:06:25,929 --> 00:06:27,729
Or will a waiter
come drag me away?
153
00:06:27,731 --> 00:06:29,063
Knock yourself out.
154
00:06:29,065 --> 00:06:31,232
How much could a girl
like you possibly eat?
155
00:06:31,234 --> 00:06:33,234
You know how
a cobra can swallow
156
00:06:33,236 --> 00:06:37,305
An entire pig?
157
00:06:37,307 --> 00:06:38,773
It's like that.
158
00:06:38,775 --> 00:06:41,943
Hey, caroline,
you want two or three?
159
00:06:41,945 --> 00:06:43,511
So max tells me
you met
160
00:06:43,513 --> 00:06:46,448
At 24 hour fitness
24 hours ago.
161
00:06:46,450 --> 00:06:51,786
Yup, he spotted me
in a handstand.
162
00:06:51,788 --> 00:06:53,621
Nicky, who am I
gonna bet on?
163
00:06:53,623 --> 00:06:57,592
Who do you like,
besides me?
164
00:06:57,594 --> 00:06:58,827
Sophie,
go with mess in a dress.
165
00:06:58,829 --> 00:07:00,328
She had great
morning sprints,
166
00:07:00,330 --> 00:07:01,663
First-time blinkers,
167
00:07:01,665 --> 00:07:03,064
Jockey weighed in
a pound under,
168
00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:04,332
And at the preakness,
169
00:07:04,334 --> 00:07:05,900
She was second
in seven furlongs,
170
00:07:05,902 --> 00:07:07,535
And this race
is only six furlongs.
171
00:07:07,537 --> 00:07:09,904
Yeah, you're talking
for long.
172
00:07:09,906 --> 00:07:12,740
Yeah, I think
I'm gonna go with number three,
173
00:07:12,742 --> 00:07:14,042
My uncle hank.
174
00:07:14,044 --> 00:07:15,276
My uncle hank?
175
00:07:15,278 --> 00:07:17,011
He's out of jail?
176
00:07:17,013 --> 00:07:18,346
Yeah, we should
probably eat this
177
00:07:18,348 --> 00:07:20,181
And head out.
178
00:07:20,183 --> 00:07:21,516
Oh, see,
that's my horse.
179
00:07:21,518 --> 00:07:23,084
My horse, uncle hank.
180
00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:25,186
And look, see?
He just pooped.
181
00:07:25,188 --> 00:07:26,921
He's trying
to get away from it.
182
00:07:26,923 --> 00:07:29,290
I know about that.
That's how I am.
183
00:07:30,593 --> 00:07:33,294
Okay, got to make
the donuts, but first,
184
00:07:33,296 --> 00:07:34,896
Give me
that kisses, sister.
185
00:07:34,898 --> 00:07:38,099
Aw, so romantic.
186
00:07:38,101 --> 00:07:40,101
Max, maybe we should get in
on the action.
187
00:07:40,103 --> 00:07:43,471
Nah, that's a lot
of tongue for me.
188
00:07:43,473 --> 00:07:46,307
No, I meant place a bet.
189
00:07:46,309 --> 00:07:49,744
And, max,
I think I'm in a three-way.
190
00:07:49,746 --> 00:07:51,880
Well, you look exactly
the way I imagined
191
00:07:51,882 --> 00:07:55,116
You'd look
in a three-way--reading.
192
00:07:55,118 --> 00:07:58,253
Come on,
we have that free money,
193
00:07:58,255 --> 00:08:00,054
And you love to gamble.
194
00:08:00,056 --> 00:08:03,825
Yeah, but nothing stupid,
just, like, not using a condom.
195
00:08:03,827 --> 00:08:05,994
Oh, what the hell?
196
00:08:05,996 --> 00:08:07,729
Wait, wait,
nicky, nicky, here.
197
00:08:07,731 --> 00:08:10,164
Here's your money.
200 on mess in a dress.
198
00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:15,069
Oh, wait, I think
I have a mess in my dress.
199
00:08:15,071 --> 00:08:17,372
You got it, doll,
and I'm sending over
200
00:08:17,374 --> 00:08:19,207
Some of those
special popovers.
201
00:08:19,209 --> 00:08:22,577
Sophie, make sure
you get one.
202
00:08:22,579 --> 00:08:24,679
Oh, do you hear that?
203
00:08:24,681 --> 00:08:29,317
There's gonna be a ring
in one of those popovers.
204
00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:30,919
I didn't hear
any of that.
205
00:08:30,921 --> 00:08:33,021
Well, why else would
someone order popovers
206
00:08:33,023 --> 00:08:36,090
Unless they were gonna
hide a ring in it?
207
00:08:36,092 --> 00:08:39,727
I just ate the entire cast
of finding ne.
208
00:08:39,729 --> 00:08:41,262
I'm not saying I'm sick.
209
00:08:41,264 --> 00:08:44,165
I'm just saying
that clown fish wants out.
210
00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:46,834
Afternoon, ladies.
Enjoy the popovers.
211
00:08:46,836 --> 00:08:49,537
And are you finished
with that?
212
00:08:49,539 --> 00:08:52,040
Ah, let's just say
it's finished with me.
213
00:08:52,042 --> 00:08:53,441
(track announcer)
and they're off.
214
00:08:53,443 --> 00:08:54,709
This is so exciting.
215
00:08:54,711 --> 00:08:56,578
I know.
I wonder which one it's in.
216
00:08:56,580 --> 00:09:00,248
Oh.
Oh, not that one.
217
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:03,151
All right.
Whoops, not that one.
218
00:09:03,153 --> 00:09:04,686
Look, look,
there's our horse,
219
00:09:04,688 --> 00:09:06,020
Mess in a dress.
220
00:09:06,022 --> 00:09:07,355
She's in the lead.
221
00:09:07,357 --> 00:09:09,924
Oh, no,
not that one.
222
00:09:09,926 --> 00:09:11,159
Yes, yes, yes.
223
00:09:11,161 --> 00:09:12,794
No, no, no.
224
00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:14,028
(track announcer)
and the winner is
225
00:09:14,030 --> 00:09:15,296
Mess in a dress.
226
00:09:15,298 --> 00:09:16,531
[both shout]
227
00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:17,999
We won!
We won.
228
00:09:18,001 --> 00:09:20,168
Are we being winners
right now?
229
00:09:20,170 --> 00:09:21,836
I don't know
how to be that.
230
00:09:21,838 --> 00:09:24,305
Suddenly I don't know
what to do with my hands.
231
00:09:24,307 --> 00:09:25,673
Nothing.
232
00:09:25,675 --> 00:09:27,675
I mean, who in the hell
would order popovers
233
00:09:27,677 --> 00:09:30,878
And not hide
a diamond ring in it?
234
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,616
Here you go, dolls.
6 big ones.
235
00:09:36,385 --> 00:09:37,719
Max, this is
incredible.
236
00:09:37,721 --> 00:09:40,321
We had 200,
and now we have 600.
237
00:09:40,323 --> 00:09:41,556
Even more free money.
238
00:09:41,558 --> 00:09:44,225
[sings first call]
239
00:09:44,227 --> 00:09:46,194
And, waiter,
bring my peanut
240
00:09:46,196 --> 00:09:49,364
One of those
banana splits.
241
00:09:49,366 --> 00:09:51,132
You hear that?
242
00:09:51,134 --> 00:09:53,468
There's a diamond ring
in the bottom
243
00:09:53,470 --> 00:09:55,570
Of the banana split.
244
00:09:55,572 --> 00:09:57,905
And, leon,
for your trouble.
245
00:09:57,907 --> 00:09:59,407
Really? 100?
246
00:09:59,409 --> 00:10:02,410
Yup, I was a waitress
before I was rich.
247
00:10:02,412 --> 00:10:03,878
And also
after that fish,
248
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,414
I might need you
to carry me to the subway.
249
00:10:20,596 --> 00:10:22,430
Whoever that is
going through my pants,
250
00:10:22,432 --> 00:10:23,998
You should know
I have a gun.
251
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,900
Max, it's me,
caroline.
252
00:10:25,902 --> 00:10:29,504
Why do you think
I bought the gun?
253
00:10:29,506 --> 00:10:31,039
Okay, max,
you know how today
254
00:10:31,041 --> 00:10:34,342
We won 600 on our 200
after just that one horse race?
255
00:10:34,344 --> 00:10:36,044
Yeah, that was weird,
but not as weird
256
00:10:36,046 --> 00:10:37,845
As waking up to see you
standing in the dark
257
00:10:37,847 --> 00:10:39,714
Going to third base
with my pants.
258
00:10:39,716 --> 00:10:42,183
If I bet our winnings
with the three-to-one odds
259
00:10:42,185 --> 00:10:43,451
On this horse tomorrow,
260
00:10:43,453 --> 00:10:45,219
Do you know how much
I can make us?
261
00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:47,088
Let's see.
2, carry the 1--
262
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:48,389
Get out.
263
00:10:48,391 --> 00:10:50,892
I have the racing form
right back here.
264
00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:53,061
Don't bring that over here.
That's been in your crack.
265
00:10:53,063 --> 00:10:54,429
See?
Right here.
266
00:10:54,431 --> 00:10:56,030
First race tomorrow--
there she blows.
267
00:10:56,032 --> 00:10:57,765
If she's blowing
that early in the morning,
268
00:10:57,767 --> 00:10:59,901
She deserves our money.
269
00:10:59,903 --> 00:11:01,469
I've done
all the research
270
00:11:01,471 --> 00:11:03,037
And checked it
with chestnut.
271
00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:05,139
It's a sure thing,
like the sun coming up tomorrow
272
00:11:05,141 --> 00:11:06,541
Or that somali pirate
273
00:11:06,543 --> 00:11:09,343
Never getting another
acting job again.
274
00:11:09,345 --> 00:11:11,879
You go out and get addicted
to horse racing
275
00:11:11,881 --> 00:11:13,314
After I worked so hard
276
00:11:13,316 --> 00:11:15,349
To put pills and weed
on the table?
277
00:11:15,351 --> 00:11:18,986
I am not addicted.
278
00:11:18,988 --> 00:11:20,521
Now, where's your cash?
279
00:11:20,523 --> 00:11:21,956
'cause it wasn't
in your piggy bank,
280
00:11:21,958 --> 00:11:24,025
Which someone--
not me--broke.
281
00:11:24,027 --> 00:11:25,393
You think
you don't have a problem?
282
00:11:25,395 --> 00:11:26,828
Then, fine, you can
have the money.
283
00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:28,362
You won't be sorry.
Where is it?
284
00:11:28,364 --> 00:11:29,630
In my bra.
285
00:11:29,632 --> 00:11:30,898
Where's your bra?
286
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:32,533
On my boobs.
287
00:11:32,535 --> 00:11:34,135
You sleep in your bra?
288
00:11:34,137 --> 00:11:35,403
Have to.
289
00:11:35,405 --> 00:11:36,804
Last time I let them
out at night,
290
00:11:36,806 --> 00:11:38,406
They didn't come home
till 4 a.M.
291
00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:40,975
And couldn't tell me
where they'd been.
292
00:11:40,977 --> 00:11:42,643
Max, just take it
out of there, please.
293
00:11:42,645 --> 00:11:44,579
Nope, I'll tell you
what I tell every guy
294
00:11:44,581 --> 00:11:46,247
Who wants
to get in there.
295
00:11:46,249 --> 00:11:50,318
It's 12 bucks for adults
and 10.50 for seniors.
296
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,086
Fine, I'm doing this
for both of us.
297
00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:56,057
Still think you don't
have a problem?
298
00:11:57,893 --> 00:11:59,193
Geez, where is it?
299
00:11:59,195 --> 00:12:01,262
Is there a map
or a tour guide?
300
00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:04,499
Coming up on your left.
You're about 20 minutes away.
301
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:07,635
It's quite a walk.
You might want to take the tram.
302
00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:08,970
Got it.
303
00:12:08,972 --> 00:12:10,505
Feel good
about yourself?
304
00:12:10,507 --> 00:12:12,740
I will after
that race tomorrow.
305
00:12:12,742 --> 00:12:14,575
And I promise
I'll never do that again.
306
00:12:14,577 --> 00:12:17,145
That's what
my uncle hank said.
307
00:12:17,147 --> 00:12:19,747
No, I meant I'll never
ask you for money again.
308
00:12:19,749 --> 00:12:21,783
That's what
uncle hank's wife said.
309
00:12:21,785 --> 00:12:23,017
No more gambling.
310
00:12:23,019 --> 00:12:24,619
Now I feel like
you read the transcript
311
00:12:24,621 --> 00:12:26,187
Of uncle hank's case.
312
00:12:26,189 --> 00:12:28,356
Oh, wait,
you forgot some.
313
00:12:28,358 --> 00:12:30,591
Just kidding, it's late,
and it felt kind of good.
314
00:12:36,365 --> 00:12:39,133
Max, I hope caroline
gets here soon,
315
00:12:39,135 --> 00:12:42,270
'cause if that girl
walks in one full hour late,
316
00:12:42,272 --> 00:12:44,539
I'll have to respect
the hell out of her.
317
00:12:44,541 --> 00:12:46,440
She's still
at the track,
318
00:12:46,442 --> 00:12:48,709
And I'm dying to know
how our horse did.
319
00:12:48,711 --> 00:12:50,011
So much suspense.
320
00:12:50,013 --> 00:12:52,313
I feel like I should be
peeing on a stick.
321
00:12:52,315 --> 00:12:54,482
You girls are still playing
the horses.
322
00:12:54,484 --> 00:12:55,783
Keep that in check.
323
00:12:55,785 --> 00:12:57,518
My gambling problem
got so bad
324
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,021
I couldn't even afford
my drug problem.
325
00:13:02,891 --> 00:13:04,425
You're back!
So how did we do?
326
00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:05,760
We did great.
327
00:13:05,762 --> 00:13:07,028
We won our bet
on there she blows.
328
00:13:07,030 --> 00:13:08,563
Yes!
How much did we get?
329
00:13:08,565 --> 00:13:12,066
Are we talking
"add avocado" money?
330
00:13:12,068 --> 00:13:16,137
Well, we did do great,
and then we did not great.
331
00:13:16,139 --> 00:13:19,740
And then we did bad,
and then we did real bad.
332
00:13:19,742 --> 00:13:22,276
And then we did terrible.
333
00:13:22,278 --> 00:13:23,744
Long story short,
I'm out of tums,
334
00:13:23,746 --> 00:13:26,080
And we owe nicky $3,000.
335
00:13:26,082 --> 00:13:28,950
You--you owe nicky.
336
00:13:28,952 --> 00:13:30,585
When I got addicted
to pizza pringles,
337
00:13:30,587 --> 00:13:32,753
I didn't make it
your problem.
338
00:13:32,755 --> 00:13:36,924
Your breath made it
all our problems.
339
00:13:36,926 --> 00:13:39,427
Max, nicky's not,
like, dangerous, is he?
340
00:13:39,429 --> 00:13:41,429
I bet he's not,
but even if he is,
341
00:13:41,431 --> 00:13:42,663
Don't worry.
342
00:13:42,665 --> 00:13:44,232
You can survive
in the trunk of lincoln
343
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,234
For five,
six days easy.
344
00:13:46,236 --> 00:13:48,102
Max, I know I can make
all of this money back
345
00:13:48,104 --> 00:13:49,503
If I just win
one more race.
346
00:13:49,505 --> 00:13:51,005
I just need
a sure thing.
347
00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:53,474
There is no such thing
as a sure thing,
348
00:13:53,476 --> 00:13:56,677
Except my mother never
picking me up from school.
349
00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:58,412
Look, there are
two horses tomorrow
350
00:13:58,414 --> 00:14:00,114
That look really good,
351
00:14:00,116 --> 00:14:03,251
Buck that
and little house on the gary.
352
00:14:03,253 --> 00:14:05,653
Little house on the gary--
that's my friend eddie's horse.
353
00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:07,054
We don't have time
to pretend
354
00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:09,023
You have a friend
named eddie right now.
355
00:14:09,025 --> 00:14:10,591
I do.
Eddie jones.
356
00:14:10,593 --> 00:14:12,660
He's a famous jockey.
We met at the tailor.
357
00:14:12,662 --> 00:14:13,895
We got to talking
358
00:14:13,897 --> 00:14:15,997
As we were both
having our jeans hemmed.
359
00:14:15,999 --> 00:14:19,267
Where'd you buy them,
jc puny?
360
00:14:19,269 --> 00:14:20,601
Han, please,
you have to help me.
361
00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:22,069
You have to talk
to your friend eddie
362
00:14:22,071 --> 00:14:23,604
And get me the scoop
on the race tomorrow.
363
00:14:23,606 --> 00:14:25,673
Okay, I'll help
on one condition:
364
00:14:25,675 --> 00:14:27,441
No more short jokes
from max.
365
00:14:27,443 --> 00:14:29,010
She can do that.
366
00:14:29,012 --> 00:14:30,378
You can do that, right, max?
Don't answer.
367
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:31,679
So no more
short jokes starting right--
368
00:14:31,681 --> 00:14:33,114
Okay, wait,
but first,
369
00:14:33,116 --> 00:14:35,249
Didn't I see you
on a baby food jar?
370
00:14:35,251 --> 00:14:36,951
A mouse set a trap
for you.
371
00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:39,020
And don't you have
to bring a ring to mordor?
372
00:14:43,392 --> 00:14:45,026
Okay, let's do this.
373
00:14:47,562 --> 00:14:49,563
Eddie said
he'd meet us down here.
374
00:14:49,565 --> 00:14:51,299
Han, I really
appreciate this.
375
00:14:51,301 --> 00:14:53,200
You're doing me
such a big, big favor.
376
00:14:53,202 --> 00:14:55,202
Yeah, and we're surprised
you can do anything big.
377
00:14:55,204 --> 00:14:56,904
Okay, that's it.
378
00:14:56,906 --> 00:14:58,139
Han, wait.
379
00:14:58,141 --> 00:14:59,640
I don't need it!
380
00:14:59,642 --> 00:15:01,542
Max, see what you did?
381
00:15:01,544 --> 00:15:02,843
What?
I was on autopilot.
382
00:15:02,845 --> 00:15:05,713
What did I say?
383
00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:07,982
Han, please,
max won't say anything.
384
00:15:07,984 --> 00:15:09,617
Good, 'cause I've had it
up to here.
385
00:15:09,619 --> 00:15:11,886
You don't have it
up to there.
386
00:15:11,888 --> 00:15:13,821
Don't need it!
387
00:15:13,823 --> 00:15:15,356
Max!
388
00:15:15,358 --> 00:15:16,991
Please, you have to
stop with the short jokes.
389
00:15:16,993 --> 00:15:18,225
This is my life.
390
00:15:18,227 --> 00:15:20,361
But that's my life.
391
00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:21,963
Keep it up,
and I'm gonna be at the bottom
392
00:15:21,965 --> 00:15:23,331
Of the east river
393
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:24,899
With that hipster
artisan cheese truck
394
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,334
You pushed off
the brooklyn bridge.
395
00:15:26,336 --> 00:15:29,070
You're right.
No more short jokes.
396
00:15:32,841 --> 00:15:35,343
Maybe I should wait
outside.
397
00:15:35,345 --> 00:15:36,677
So, han,
where's eddie?
398
00:15:36,679 --> 00:15:38,179
I think we should
talk to him
399
00:15:38,181 --> 00:15:40,815
As quickly as possible
before max passes out.
400
00:15:40,817 --> 00:15:43,718
I don't see him.
I'm sure he'll be here shortly.
401
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,320
And I just bit
the inside of my mouth.
402
00:15:46,322 --> 00:15:47,888
Hey, it's han!
403
00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:50,992
I haven't seen you
since we took our little trip.
404
00:15:50,994 --> 00:15:52,593
No, man, I saw you
after my small business
405
00:15:52,595 --> 00:15:55,596
Owners softball game.
406
00:15:55,598 --> 00:15:58,366
Hey, I got new car,
a mini cooper.
407
00:15:58,368 --> 00:16:00,701
This is hell.
I'm in hell.
408
00:16:00,703 --> 00:16:02,503
Hey, is there anything
you can tell me
409
00:16:02,505 --> 00:16:03,771
About today's race?
410
00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:05,072
Is there a sure thing?
411
00:16:05,074 --> 00:16:06,907
Oh, you get yourself
a bad bet?
412
00:16:06,909 --> 00:16:09,276
Bad bet and beyond.
413
00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:10,511
Well, let me give you
a little tip.
414
00:16:10,513 --> 00:16:12,213
I'll be outside.
415
00:16:17,452 --> 00:16:18,586
(track announcer)
and coming down
416
00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:19,954
The home stretch,
little house on the gary
417
00:16:19,956 --> 00:16:21,288
Has the lead.
418
00:16:21,290 --> 00:16:22,623
Come on,
little house on the gary!
419
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,091
Run! Run like caroline
after sundown
420
00:16:24,093 --> 00:16:26,660
In an ethnic neighborhood.
421
00:16:26,662 --> 00:16:30,831
The hoof, the hoof,
the hoof is on fire!
422
00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:32,666
He's winning.
He's winning.
423
00:16:32,668 --> 00:16:33,934
He's winning!
424
00:16:33,936 --> 00:16:35,870
Oh, no,
what's happening?
425
00:16:35,872 --> 00:16:37,204
He's falling behind.
426
00:16:37,206 --> 00:16:39,740
Oh, lord.
Oh, my sweet, sweet lord.
427
00:16:39,742 --> 00:16:41,942
He's losing.
He's losing.
428
00:16:41,944 --> 00:16:44,845
He's losing.
Han, what is happening?
429
00:16:44,847 --> 00:16:48,082
Well, maybe
I'll take off.
430
00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:50,184
Your friend said
it was a sure thing.
431
00:16:50,186 --> 00:16:51,419
There is no sure thing
432
00:16:51,421 --> 00:16:54,055
Except another
taylor swift breakup song.
433
00:16:54,057 --> 00:16:55,689
(announcer)
and little house on the gary
434
00:16:55,691 --> 00:17:00,261
Falls to pieces
as falls to pieces wins.
435
00:17:00,263 --> 00:17:02,363
So what do we win
if our horse finishes last
436
00:17:02,365 --> 00:17:06,434
And wanders around the track
with a giant erection?
437
00:17:06,436 --> 00:17:08,769
All that
and we lost?
438
00:17:08,771 --> 00:17:11,872
Thanks for lunch.
439
00:17:11,874 --> 00:17:15,609
Han, you're so small
your house is a tic tac box.
440
00:17:15,611 --> 00:17:17,678
You're so small
you ride in your car cupholder.
441
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:18,946
You're so small
your parents
442
00:17:18,948 --> 00:17:21,348
Are a ladybug
and a tater tot.
443
00:17:21,350 --> 00:17:24,018
I could see that,
actually.
444
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:25,920
I don't need it!
445
00:17:28,690 --> 00:17:30,157
You see, caroline?
446
00:17:30,159 --> 00:17:32,493
This is why
I quit gambling,
447
00:17:32,495 --> 00:17:36,197
This and the escalator
was always broken.
448
00:17:36,199 --> 00:17:38,699
All right,
let's just calm down.
449
00:17:38,701 --> 00:17:41,035
This is the turf club,
not goodfellas,
450
00:17:41,037 --> 00:17:42,736
Though that was placed
on real-life events
451
00:17:42,738 --> 00:17:44,972
And took place
not that far from here.
452
00:17:44,974 --> 00:17:46,974
Right, and maybe
he won't be so hard on us.
453
00:17:46,976 --> 00:17:48,576
Nicky is sophie's boyfriend.
454
00:17:48,578 --> 00:17:50,978
Well, I just broke up
with nicky.
455
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,346
Why?
456
00:17:52,348 --> 00:17:53,914
I just saw him
beat the crap
457
00:17:53,916 --> 00:17:58,252
Out of some guy
that owed him money.
458
00:17:58,254 --> 00:17:59,787
Oh, no,
here he comes.
459
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:06,494
There you are, dolls.
460
00:18:06,496 --> 00:18:09,263
My leg is next.
461
00:18:09,265 --> 00:18:11,298
Tough break.
462
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,234
I'm gonna take
my 3 grand and go.
463
00:18:13,236 --> 00:18:14,635
Peanut just broke up
with me,
464
00:18:14,637 --> 00:18:16,337
So I'm gonna go home
and get in bed
465
00:18:16,339 --> 00:18:19,907
With my dog
and my wife.
466
00:18:19,909 --> 00:18:22,276
I have to come clean.
We don't have your money.
467
00:18:22,278 --> 00:18:23,644
I got out of control.
468
00:18:23,646 --> 00:18:26,347
Doll, relax.
I'm a reasonable man.
469
00:18:26,349 --> 00:18:28,082
We can work out
something.
470
00:18:28,084 --> 00:18:29,617
Oh, good.
471
00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:31,018
Hope he shoots me first.
472
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:34,155
I'd rather be dead
than hear you beg.
473
00:18:34,157 --> 00:18:37,124
Still got
that thoroughbred?
474
00:18:37,126 --> 00:18:41,162
I'll come by tomorrow
to get it.
475
00:18:41,164 --> 00:18:42,863
He can't take my horse.
476
00:18:42,865 --> 00:18:44,131
What am I gonna do?
477
00:18:44,133 --> 00:18:45,466
You can always
move to new york
478
00:18:45,468 --> 00:18:46,700
And change
your name to max.
479
00:18:46,702 --> 00:18:48,302
Wait, I already
did that.
480
00:18:48,304 --> 00:18:50,604
What is wrong
with me?
481
00:18:50,606 --> 00:18:51,972
I should have known better.
482
00:18:51,974 --> 00:18:53,274
My father has problems
with money.
483
00:18:53,276 --> 00:18:54,775
It's in my dna.
484
00:18:54,777 --> 00:18:56,710
And now all because
of a stupid bet,
485
00:18:56,712 --> 00:18:58,445
I'm gonna lose
chestnut.
486
00:18:58,447 --> 00:18:59,980
If it makes you
feel any better,
487
00:18:59,982 --> 00:19:02,116
My mom once lost me
in a bet.
488
00:19:02,118 --> 00:19:03,417
Still can't believe
she thought
489
00:19:03,419 --> 00:19:06,387
Robert redford
was in tootsie.
490
00:19:06,389 --> 00:19:07,855
We can't lose
chestnut.
491
00:19:07,857 --> 00:19:10,524
Damn it, damn it,
damn it, people.
492
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:11,759
Make me come
out of retirement
493
00:19:11,761 --> 00:19:13,627
Just save
your gambling asses.
494
00:19:13,629 --> 00:19:17,064
Now, all I need
is 100 bucks.
495
00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:20,367
Hey, caroline, how fast
can you have a baby?
496
00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:22,403
Hey.
Hi, leon.
497
00:19:22,405 --> 00:19:24,305
Remember us, the ones
who tipped you 100 bucks?
498
00:19:24,307 --> 00:19:25,773
Oh, of course,
it's hard to find
499
00:19:25,775 --> 00:19:27,441
That kind of generosity
in this place.
500
00:19:27,443 --> 00:19:30,110
It gives you hope again.
501
00:19:30,112 --> 00:19:33,280
Yeah, we're gonna
need that back.
502
00:19:33,282 --> 00:19:35,316
Well, actually,
I need all my money.
503
00:19:35,318 --> 00:19:36,784
I support my mother.
504
00:19:36,786 --> 00:19:40,120
Yeah,
maybe not today.
505
00:19:43,992 --> 00:19:45,793
Max, I can't
believe it.
506
00:19:45,795 --> 00:19:48,729
I screwed me and
the horse I rode in on.
507
00:19:48,731 --> 00:19:52,900
Why don't you film that
and get your money back?
508
00:19:52,902 --> 00:19:55,970
[gasps]
caroline, look.
509
00:19:55,972 --> 00:19:58,505
Earl, you did it.
You saved chestnut.
510
00:19:58,507 --> 00:20:00,641
Yeah, well,
we brown studs
511
00:20:00,643 --> 00:20:03,143
Have to stick together.
512
00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:06,013
And I'll take that.
513
00:20:06,015 --> 00:20:08,515
And since I don't
trust myself,
514
00:20:08,517 --> 00:20:11,752
I'm donating this 200
to my favorite charity,
515
00:20:11,754 --> 00:20:13,988
So here.
516
00:20:13,990 --> 00:20:17,424
Now, no more betting,
517
00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:20,027
'cause the only sure thing
in life is death.
518
00:20:20,029 --> 00:20:22,396
Have a nice day.
519
00:20:30,171 --> 00:20:31,839
One for you,
and one for me.
520
00:20:31,841 --> 00:20:33,841
200, we're back
to our free money,
521
00:20:33,843 --> 00:20:35,109
And this time,
it's going right
522
00:20:35,111 --> 00:20:36,777
In the savings account.
523
00:20:36,779 --> 00:20:39,146
Well, it's not earning
much interest in there.
524
00:20:39,148 --> 00:20:40,648
Here.
525
00:20:40,650 --> 00:20:41,949
We're keeping this
in a bank
526
00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:43,951
With two major branches.
527
00:20:47,188 --> 00:20:48,522
[cash register dings]