1
00:00:02,111 --> 00:00:05,881
Who or what did you do
to get this $20 tip?
2
00:00:05,883 --> 00:00:08,750
Because I wheeled a customer
home the other night,
3
00:00:08,752 --> 00:00:10,986
And all I got was a 5.
4
00:00:10,988 --> 00:00:14,489
And that was after we made out
and I gave him a bath.
5
00:00:14,491 --> 00:00:17,659
The lady at that table
asked me what was special here,
6
00:00:17,661 --> 00:00:22,264
And I said, "I used to be,"
and then I burst into tears.
7
00:00:22,266 --> 00:00:25,367
I pull that out
whenever I need a manicure.
8
00:00:25,369 --> 00:00:27,669
Well, it's that time
of year again.
9
00:00:27,671 --> 00:00:28,837
I'm so jealous.
10
00:00:28,839 --> 00:00:29,905
I can't believe you only get
11
00:00:29,907 --> 00:00:32,040
Your period once a year.
12
00:00:32,042 --> 00:00:34,409
It's tax season,
and my accountant said
13
00:00:34,411 --> 00:00:35,510
I'm getting a refund.
14
00:00:35,512 --> 00:00:37,612
He also complimented
these moccasins,
15
00:00:37,614 --> 00:00:40,549
Which are also controversial
around here.
16
00:00:40,551 --> 00:00:42,717
Well, they do have the word
"mock..."
17
00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:45,087
"ass..."
and "sin."
18
00:00:45,089 --> 00:00:47,122
This is why I never wear
overalls,
19
00:00:47,124 --> 00:00:48,423
'cause you two would be...
20
00:00:48,425 --> 00:00:49,458
Overall...
Disgusted?
21
00:00:49,460 --> 00:00:51,126
Precisely.
22
00:00:51,128 --> 00:00:53,562
Oh, earl, that reminds me.
23
00:00:53,564 --> 00:00:54,796
I forgot.
Here you go.
24
00:00:54,798 --> 00:00:56,064
I finished your taxes.
25
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:57,632
And for the future
you cannot claim
26
00:00:57,634 --> 00:01:00,569
Your weed dealer
as a dependent.
27
00:01:00,571 --> 00:01:04,106
I don't know why.
I'm very dependent on weed.
28
00:01:05,708 --> 00:01:08,543
Max, since I've been helping
everyone with their taxes,
29
00:01:08,545 --> 00:01:10,245
Mostly because the only
other time I get to use
30
00:01:10,247 --> 00:01:12,948
My financial degree is counting
how many q-tips we have left,
31
00:01:12,950 --> 00:01:14,416
Five--
32
00:01:14,418 --> 00:01:16,451
Three.
I dropped two in the toilet,
33
00:01:16,453 --> 00:01:19,588
And the cockroach is using them
as oars for his boat.
34
00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:21,623
Ha.
That'll be cute.
35
00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:23,992
Look, there are two things
I won't talk about--
36
00:01:23,994 --> 00:01:26,261
Taxes
or your flying dreams.
37
00:01:26,263 --> 00:01:28,563
Face it, caroline.
You're not going anywhere.
38
00:01:28,565 --> 00:01:30,966
Okay, well, we have
to talk about our taxes
39
00:01:30,968 --> 00:01:33,435
And what we're gonna claim,
and, no, you cannot claim
40
00:01:33,437 --> 00:01:35,137
I'm ruining your life.
41
00:01:35,139 --> 00:01:40,609
Why? I did that last year
and got $10 back.
42
00:01:40,611 --> 00:01:42,744
(peter bjorn and john)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
43
00:01:42,746 --> 00:01:44,579
[cash register bell dings]
44
00:01:44,581 --> 00:01:49,651
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
45
00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:56,558
2:00 a.M., closing time.
Let's go.
46
00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:02,664
It's only 12:30.
47
00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:05,267
Nice try, max.
Come on, let's leave early.
48
00:02:05,269 --> 00:02:07,969
I'm more exhausted
than my bra.
49
00:02:07,971 --> 00:02:10,338
Whoa, good,
you're still open.
50
00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:14,509
My fiancee wants a cupcake, and
she always gets what she wants.
51
00:02:14,511 --> 00:02:17,846
Hi.
52
00:02:17,848 --> 00:02:19,514
I mean, I really want
a house in the hamptons,
53
00:02:19,516 --> 00:02:21,783
But I'll take a cupcake.
54
00:02:21,785 --> 00:02:23,618
I'm nothing like that sounded.
55
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:24,886
Don't apologize.
56
00:02:24,888 --> 00:02:26,688
I'm everything
like that sounded.
57
00:02:26,690 --> 00:02:28,723
Oh, I'll be right back, babe.
58
00:02:28,725 --> 00:02:30,692
There's a homeless guy building
a shopping bag house
59
00:02:30,694 --> 00:02:32,494
Around the porsche.
60
00:02:32,496 --> 00:02:35,764
Too bad. That homeless guy
almost had a front porsche.
61
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,334
He hates this neighborhood.
62
00:02:39,336 --> 00:02:41,069
So you've been held up
at gunpoint one or two times?
63
00:02:41,071 --> 00:02:43,305
It's like,
grow a pair, right?
64
00:02:43,307 --> 00:02:44,739
So what are you eating?
65
00:02:44,741 --> 00:02:46,408
Um, chocolate.
66
00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:49,644
But, wait, now I'm thinking
red velvet.
67
00:02:49,646 --> 00:02:52,013
Tim put my ring in one
when he proposed.
68
00:02:52,015 --> 00:02:54,015
Oh, he proposed with one
of our cupcakes?
69
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:55,317
That's so sweet.
70
00:02:55,319 --> 00:02:56,585
Yeah, it was.
71
00:02:56,587 --> 00:02:57,719
I mean, it was
like a whole thing
72
00:02:57,721 --> 00:02:58,820
Because I swallowed it,
73
00:02:58,822 --> 00:02:59,854
But, once it passed,
74
00:02:59,856 --> 00:03:02,057
Really so pretty.
75
00:03:02,059 --> 00:03:04,593
I gave him a 20 to move
to that mini cooper
76
00:03:04,595 --> 00:03:05,994
Instead of our car.
77
00:03:05,996 --> 00:03:09,064
Remind me to start calling han
"mini cooper."
78
00:03:09,066 --> 00:03:11,600
Babe, I've been thinking.
79
00:03:11,602 --> 00:03:13,501
Uh-oh.
That's never good.
80
00:03:13,503 --> 00:03:15,670
No, it's great, babe.
Listen.
81
00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:17,505
So, since you proposed to me
82
00:03:17,507 --> 00:03:18,673
With one of their cupcakes,
83
00:03:18,675 --> 00:03:20,075
I was thinking
that these girls
84
00:03:20,077 --> 00:03:21,710
Should do our wedding cake.
85
00:03:21,712 --> 00:03:23,612
But, babe, we already ordered
a wedding cake.
86
00:03:23,614 --> 00:03:26,081
$1,300.
Remember, babe?
87
00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:27,682
I know, but, babe.
88
00:03:27,684 --> 00:03:31,353
They said babe less
in the movie babe.
89
00:03:31,355 --> 00:03:33,255
So do you guys
do wedding cakes?
90
00:03:33,257 --> 00:03:34,456
No.
Yes.
91
00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:36,691
I don't.
She does.
92
00:03:36,693 --> 00:03:37,626
She's the baker,
and, yes,
93
00:03:37,628 --> 00:03:38,927
We do tons
of wedding cakes.
94
00:03:38,929 --> 00:03:40,262
Gay weddings,
straight weddings.
95
00:03:40,264 --> 00:03:42,264
Bed wettings.
96
00:03:42,266 --> 00:03:44,032
Claire, you do
whatever you want,
97
00:03:44,034 --> 00:03:45,533
But I'm gonna wait
in the car.
98
00:03:45,535 --> 00:03:48,637
I just can't do the cake stuff
again, babe.
99
00:03:48,639 --> 00:03:50,372
He doesn't want
to do the cake stuff.
100
00:03:50,374 --> 00:03:52,641
Well, I don't want
to do the butt stuff.
101
00:03:52,643 --> 00:03:53,808
You know what I mean?
102
00:03:53,810 --> 00:03:56,044
No.
Yes.
103
00:03:56,046 --> 00:03:57,712
Why don't you come in
and we can talk about it?
104
00:03:57,714 --> 00:03:59,047
Enter through the diner.
105
00:03:59,049 --> 00:04:00,782
Okay.
See you guys in a sec.
106
00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:03,118
What is wrong with you?
107
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:06,054
I told you I didn't want any
more white girls in the shop.
108
00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:09,591
And since when do we do
wedding cakes?
109
00:04:09,593 --> 00:04:11,926
Since that guy said $1,300.
110
00:04:11,928 --> 00:04:14,262
You can do this, max.
You went to pastry school.
111
00:04:14,264 --> 00:04:16,464
I also went to high school,
112
00:04:16,466 --> 00:04:20,335
But I can't tell you
which president rock hudson was.
113
00:04:20,337 --> 00:04:21,670
I don't do wedding cakes.
114
00:04:21,672 --> 00:04:23,238
Okay, I know this may not be
115
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,440
The best time for you to make
your first wedding cake
116
00:04:25,442 --> 00:04:26,741
Because of your recent breakup.
117
00:04:26,743 --> 00:04:28,810
Oh, it's not about deke.
118
00:04:28,812 --> 00:04:32,347
If you remember, I'm the one
who sent his 'fro out the door.
119
00:04:32,349 --> 00:04:34,282
Weddings are just stupid.
120
00:04:34,284 --> 00:04:36,651
This whole idea
of celebrating love?
121
00:04:36,653 --> 00:04:39,854
I mean, love works out less
than chris christie.
122
00:04:39,856 --> 00:04:41,856
Right through here.
123
00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:43,792
There you go, miss.
124
00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:45,660
Thanks.
125
00:04:45,662 --> 00:04:47,162
Did you want
something else?
126
00:04:47,164 --> 00:04:49,998
I'll take
whatever I can get.
127
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,801
Okay, we're done.
128
00:04:52,803 --> 00:04:55,036
You're lucky.
This morning, a cannoli shell
129
00:04:55,038 --> 00:04:57,972
Pressed sexual harassment
charges against him.
130
00:04:57,974 --> 00:05:00,875
Oh, my god, you guys.
131
00:05:00,877 --> 00:05:01,943
Your shop is so adorbs.
132
00:05:01,945 --> 00:05:03,111
I'm claire, by the way.
133
00:05:03,113 --> 00:05:04,612
I owned a store
on bedford ave.
134
00:05:04,614 --> 00:05:07,148
A dress shop
called "get the frock out."
135
00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:09,617
Oh, I remember
that place.
136
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,052
Wasn't it right next
to the hair salon,
137
00:05:11,054 --> 00:05:12,854
"unbeweavable?"
138
00:05:12,856 --> 00:05:15,557
Yeah, yeah,
between "unbeweavable"
139
00:05:15,559 --> 00:05:16,725
And the kosher smoothie place
140
00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:18,727
Called "the wandering juice."
141
00:05:18,729 --> 00:05:22,864
I love
their menorah-nge juice.
142
00:05:22,866 --> 00:05:25,734
Yeah, you know, it was always
my dream to have a dress shop.
143
00:05:25,736 --> 00:05:27,869
But then after a year
hardly anyone was coming in,
144
00:05:27,871 --> 00:05:30,805
And I was like, maybe I
should get the frock out.
145
00:05:30,807 --> 00:05:33,174
So I bailed.
I totally get it.
146
00:05:33,176 --> 00:05:34,709
Our first shop failed,
but we got up,
147
00:05:34,711 --> 00:05:36,177
Dusted ourselves off--
148
00:05:36,179 --> 00:05:38,213
Well, max went
on a four-day bender,
149
00:05:38,215 --> 00:05:39,848
But I found her
and dusted her off,
150
00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:41,549
Then we started again.
151
00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:42,884
Yeah, good thing
you downloaded
152
00:05:42,886 --> 00:05:45,086
The "find your drunk
roommate" app.
153
00:05:45,088 --> 00:05:47,922
Oh, so you guys kept going,
even though you failed?
154
00:05:47,924 --> 00:05:50,091
Why?
Don't you have boyfriends?
155
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:54,028
[chuckles] so when are you two
getting married?
156
00:05:54,030 --> 00:05:55,397
Oh, in three days.
157
00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:57,699
Three days?
You're so calm.
158
00:05:57,701 --> 00:06:00,435
Yeah, well, I was in the plane
that crashed in the hudson,
159
00:06:00,437 --> 00:06:04,339
So after that everything's
just kind of been "meh."
160
00:06:04,341 --> 00:06:07,509
So do you know what kind
of cake you want?
161
00:06:07,511 --> 00:06:09,611
Absolutely.
Something traditional,
162
00:06:09,613 --> 00:06:12,013
Something very old school,
you know, very romantic,
163
00:06:12,015 --> 00:06:13,615
But, wait,
now I'm thinking
164
00:06:13,617 --> 00:06:15,550
You guys are so cool,
165
00:06:15,552 --> 00:06:17,719
What if we did something with a
weird hipster williamsburg vibe?
166
00:06:17,721 --> 00:06:19,621
So you want
an obnoxious cake
167
00:06:19,623 --> 00:06:21,523
On a trust fund
wearing an ironic t-shirt
168
00:06:21,525 --> 00:06:24,459
With hpv?
169
00:06:24,461 --> 00:06:27,362
But, wait, now I'm thinking
pastels for spring.
170
00:06:27,364 --> 00:06:29,130
Oh, but, wait,
now I'm thinking,
171
00:06:29,132 --> 00:06:31,299
Colors.
I love clowns.
172
00:06:31,301 --> 00:06:36,571
Wow, she changes her mind more
than I change my underwear.
173
00:06:36,573 --> 00:06:38,840
So twice?
174
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,481
Sophie,
on your tax form here,
175
00:06:46,483 --> 00:06:50,752
You listed your occupation
as "sophie."
176
00:06:50,754 --> 00:06:54,389
Yeah, it's a full-time job,
baby.
177
00:06:54,391 --> 00:06:59,394
And who claims
$5,000 worth of mascara?
178
00:06:59,396 --> 00:07:02,964
It's a business deduction
for my cleaning business.
179
00:07:02,966 --> 00:07:05,900
I give it out to all
the underage girls from poland
180
00:07:05,902 --> 00:07:07,435
As treats.
181
00:07:07,437 --> 00:07:09,671
Just because you're
scrubbing toilets
182
00:07:09,673 --> 00:07:12,907
Doesn't mean
your eyes can't pop.
183
00:07:12,909 --> 00:07:15,610
Do you have any legitimate
anything that we can use
184
00:07:15,612 --> 00:07:17,412
For anything?
185
00:07:17,414 --> 00:07:19,447
Here's a big receipt.
186
00:07:19,449 --> 00:07:22,917
$2,500 for stolichnaya.
187
00:07:22,919 --> 00:07:25,153
You can't write off liquor.
188
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:29,157
No, irina stolichnaya.
189
00:07:29,159 --> 00:07:31,259
Yeah, she waxes
my eyebrows.
190
00:07:31,261 --> 00:07:34,996
And my downstairs eyebrows.
191
00:07:36,699 --> 00:07:38,933
Okay, well, there's no line
on this form
192
00:07:38,935 --> 00:07:43,004
For downstairs eyebrows,
so I'm just gonna list it
193
00:07:43,006 --> 00:07:46,274
As home office.
194
00:07:46,276 --> 00:07:50,678
Yeah, well,
I do work out of it.
195
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,480
Caroline,
where's max?
196
00:07:52,482 --> 00:07:54,616
As much as I enjoy
a two-hour break
197
00:07:54,618 --> 00:07:56,951
From being called
a tiny woman,
198
00:07:56,953 --> 00:08:00,822
She's supposed
to be working.
199
00:08:00,824 --> 00:08:01,890
Max, how's the cake going?
200
00:08:01,892 --> 00:08:05,193
That bride's a mess.
201
00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:08,963
She changed her mind
while she was changing her mind.
202
00:08:10,499 --> 00:08:12,700
Not the good stuff
on the top shelf!
203
00:08:12,702 --> 00:08:16,638
Oh, you can't reach it
anyway, mini cooper.
204
00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:22,744
Joke's on her.
I have a collapsible ladder.
205
00:08:22,746 --> 00:08:24,846
[cell phone rings]
206
00:08:24,848 --> 00:08:28,550
Oh, hi, claire.
Max is working on it right now.
207
00:08:28,552 --> 00:08:30,318
Oh, you've been thinking?
208
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:34,289
Caroline, can I get anything
for a panty liner?
209
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:39,928
I'm on the phone
with claire.
210
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:42,196
You mean un-claire?
211
00:08:42,198 --> 00:08:44,766
She wants to make
a couple changes.
212
00:08:44,768 --> 00:08:47,035
What should I tell her?
Tell her I hate her.
213
00:08:47,037 --> 00:08:49,237
No, you know what,
I'll tell her.
214
00:08:49,239 --> 00:08:51,539
I love to tell people things.
Give me the phone.
215
00:08:51,541 --> 00:08:54,542
Max, I beg you.
$1,300.
216
00:08:54,544 --> 00:08:55,843
Oh, my god.
She is so crazy.
217
00:08:55,845 --> 00:08:57,078
I should just make a giant cake
218
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,947
And have a psychiatrist
pop out of it.
219
00:08:58,949 --> 00:09:00,415
Give me the phone.
220
00:09:00,417 --> 00:09:03,117
Hey, claire, babe.
What's happening, babe?
221
00:09:03,119 --> 00:09:05,086
(claire)
max, I've been thinking,
222
00:09:05,088 --> 00:09:07,055
And I know I said I didn't want
the fondant frosting,
223
00:09:07,057 --> 00:09:08,690
But now I just saw a photo
of another wedding cake
224
00:09:08,692 --> 00:09:10,959
That was so gorge.
225
00:09:10,961 --> 00:09:14,062
And I started thinking...
226
00:09:14,064 --> 00:09:15,964
Uh-huh. Sure.
No problem.
227
00:09:15,966 --> 00:09:17,098
(claire)
so then we can do the fondant?
228
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:19,867
Yes, definitely fondant.
229
00:09:19,869 --> 00:09:21,736
(claire)
perfect. Bye. Love you.
230
00:09:21,738 --> 00:09:24,906
Love you too.
231
00:09:24,908 --> 00:09:26,908
Max, I know you worked hard,
232
00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:29,010
And you're probably upset
about having to change it.
233
00:09:31,046 --> 00:09:34,048
[hums wedding March]
234
00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:42,056
♪
235
00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:49,564
I'm sensing
a lot of hostility
236
00:09:49,566 --> 00:09:51,933
That has nothing to do
with that couple
237
00:09:51,935 --> 00:09:53,668
And may be more about you
238
00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:56,104
And a certain groom
that didn't happen.
239
00:09:56,106 --> 00:09:58,172
What, you can't light
a couple's head on fire
240
00:09:58,174 --> 00:10:01,676
Without it being
about your ex-boyfriend?
241
00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:03,478
Max, I know
you're sad about it.
242
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,146
I heard you crying last night.
243
00:10:05,148 --> 00:10:06,981
That was you crying.
244
00:10:06,983 --> 00:10:11,219
Well, someone was crying.
245
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,293
- [gasps]
oh, my god.
246
00:10:19,295 --> 00:10:21,195
Max.
It's beautiful.
247
00:10:21,197 --> 00:10:23,131
You did an amazing job.
248
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:25,833
That's quite
a cake cake cake.
249
00:10:25,835 --> 00:10:29,637
Calm down. I made a cake.
I didn't fold a fitted sheet.
250
00:10:29,639 --> 00:10:32,006
Ooh, and I like
the new bride and groom.
251
00:10:32,008 --> 00:10:33,941
By the way, I fished the other
ones out of the garbage
252
00:10:33,943 --> 00:10:36,844
In case we ever get
a burn victim wedding.
253
00:10:36,846 --> 00:10:38,646
Okay, I got the extra icing.
Let's go.
254
00:10:38,648 --> 00:10:40,381
Now grab it with two hands
255
00:10:40,383 --> 00:10:41,949
And lift with your knees.
256
00:10:41,951 --> 00:10:43,518
Oh, is that how you think
it should go?
257
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:44,952
'cause I was gonna grab it
with my head
258
00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:47,555
And lift it with my face.
259
00:10:47,557 --> 00:10:50,992
(both)
got it. Got it. Got it.
260
00:10:50,994 --> 00:10:52,560
Ooh.
Oh, wait.
261
00:10:52,562 --> 00:10:55,163
Got it. Got it.
Got it.
262
00:10:55,165 --> 00:10:57,832
Got it.
Got it. Got it.
263
00:10:57,834 --> 00:10:59,133
Grease puddle.
Got it.
264
00:10:59,135 --> 00:11:00,168
Got it. Got it.
265
00:11:00,170 --> 00:11:02,870
Roach.
Got it.
266
00:11:02,872 --> 00:11:05,840
(male subway announcer)
bedford avenue.
267
00:11:05,842 --> 00:11:08,142
(both)
got it. Got it. Got it.
268
00:11:08,144 --> 00:11:10,545
Got it. Got it.
269
00:11:10,547 --> 00:11:12,346
(announcer)
watch the doors.
270
00:11:12,348 --> 00:11:13,915
Max, this is so heavy.
271
00:11:13,917 --> 00:11:15,349
I know.
We're two grown women
272
00:11:15,351 --> 00:11:17,318
Who can't afford a taxi.
273
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,688
Oh, there's a seat over there.
We can put this down.
274
00:11:20,690 --> 00:11:22,890
Got it. Got it.
Got it.
275
00:11:22,892 --> 00:11:26,527
Oh! Oh!
276
00:11:26,529 --> 00:11:27,995
I blame science.
277
00:11:27,997 --> 00:11:29,063
People shouldn't be living
278
00:11:29,065 --> 00:11:30,331
This long.
279
00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:32,166
Max, I need a break.
280
00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:34,168
Me too.
Maybe just like two weeks apart.
281
00:11:34,170 --> 00:11:36,070
Like, no phone calls,
nothing.
282
00:11:36,072 --> 00:11:37,905
I mean the cake.
283
00:11:37,907 --> 00:11:39,040
And you love me.
284
00:11:39,042 --> 00:11:41,242
Other side.
Less crowded.
285
00:11:41,244 --> 00:11:44,112
Oh, this guy can't see.
Just our luck.
286
00:11:44,114 --> 00:11:46,080
To the left, sir.
287
00:11:46,082 --> 00:11:49,984
[both screaming]
other left!
288
00:11:52,454 --> 00:11:55,089
Oh, what,
is everybody blind now?
289
00:11:55,091 --> 00:11:57,258
[hip-hop music]
who are you even dancing for?
290
00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:59,193
Everyone's blind.
291
00:11:59,195 --> 00:12:01,963
(both)
got it. Got it.
292
00:12:01,965 --> 00:12:03,131
Losing it.
Losing it.
293
00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:05,433
Holding it.
Holding it. Losing it.
294
00:12:05,435 --> 00:12:07,635
Second wind.
Got it. Got it.
295
00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:08,903
(announcer)
first avenue. First avenue.
296
00:12:08,905 --> 00:12:09,904
First avenue station.
297
00:12:09,906 --> 00:12:12,640
There, there.
Put it down.
298
00:12:12,642 --> 00:12:14,709
[both sigh, relieved]
299
00:12:14,711 --> 00:12:19,313
Max, I think we got it.
[brakes shrieking]
300
00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:25,653
Don't got it.
301
00:12:31,426 --> 00:12:35,096
(both)
got it. Got it. Got it. Got it.
302
00:12:35,098 --> 00:12:36,464
[sighing]
303
00:12:36,466 --> 00:12:39,167
Got it.
304
00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:42,003
This cake looks perfect.
You would never know.
305
00:12:42,005 --> 00:12:43,905
That's why I'm fond
of the fondant.
306
00:12:43,907 --> 00:12:46,440
Covers everything.
We'll be long gone by the time
307
00:12:46,442 --> 00:12:48,242
They realize
it's half cake-half styrofoam
308
00:12:48,244 --> 00:12:51,846
From the radio shack garbage.
309
00:12:51,848 --> 00:12:54,415
Hi. I'm the wedding planner/
my own funeral planner
310
00:12:54,417 --> 00:12:56,617
'cause it ain't going great.
311
00:12:56,619 --> 00:12:58,119
You the cake girls?
312
00:12:58,121 --> 00:12:59,754
You think
just 'cause we're two girls
313
00:12:59,756 --> 00:13:02,156
With a giant cake
we're the cake girls?
314
00:13:02,158 --> 00:13:03,591
You think 'cause I'm
fake smiling I won't throw you
315
00:13:03,593 --> 00:13:05,493
Down a flight of stairs?
316
00:13:05,495 --> 00:13:08,963
You do that?
Do you have a card?
317
00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:11,199
Sorry. We had a rough morning
getting this here.
318
00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:13,968
You?
She changed the menu again.
319
00:13:13,970 --> 00:13:16,137
I spent the whole morning making
17 turkeys look
320
00:13:16,139 --> 00:13:18,940
Like 17 hams
for that crazy bitch.
321
00:13:18,942 --> 00:13:21,142
Oh, come on,
that's a little har--
322
00:13:21,144 --> 00:13:22,610
[muttering]
323
00:13:22,612 --> 00:13:25,213
What?
She won't come out of her room?
324
00:13:25,215 --> 00:13:26,781
The bride has cold feet.
325
00:13:26,783 --> 00:13:29,150
That crazy bitch.
326
00:13:29,152 --> 00:13:30,218
Here's a crazy idea.
327
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:32,353
How about the check
for the cake?
328
00:13:32,355 --> 00:13:34,155
[chuckles]
329
00:13:34,157 --> 00:13:35,456
All right, I'm gonna tell
you two what I told
330
00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:37,158
The make-your-own-popsicle guy.
331
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,861
Nobody gets paid
until the bride
332
00:13:39,863 --> 00:13:41,529
Walks down the aisle.
333
00:13:41,531 --> 00:13:43,364
Nobody.
334
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:49,170
There's gonna be popsicles?
335
00:13:49,172 --> 00:13:51,372
She's not that crazy.
336
00:13:51,374 --> 00:13:52,640
So what are we gonna do now?
337
00:13:52,642 --> 00:13:54,542
Let's go.
Max, we can't go.
338
00:13:54,544 --> 00:13:57,178
We need this money.
We also need a shower curtain
339
00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:59,180
That doesn't give us rashes.
340
00:13:59,182 --> 00:14:02,516
But, wait, we really need
this cake money.
341
00:14:02,518 --> 00:14:05,386
We also really need a toilet
that flushes everything
342
00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:07,855
The first time.
343
00:14:07,857 --> 00:14:11,058
While you were doing the cake,
I was doing our taxes.
344
00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:14,395
And we owe uncle sam $1,500.
345
00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:19,267
Man, why does every uncle
I know try to screw me?
346
00:14:20,369 --> 00:14:22,270
So what are we gonna do?
347
00:14:22,272 --> 00:14:24,272
You heard that woman--
nobody gets paid
348
00:14:24,274 --> 00:14:25,439
Until the bride
walks down the aisle.
349
00:14:25,441 --> 00:14:26,574
Nobody.
350
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,780
Knock-knock.
There's the gorgeous bride.
351
00:14:32,782 --> 00:14:34,582
Your dress is beautiful.
352
00:14:34,584 --> 00:14:37,218
It's a beautiful dress
to get married in right now
353
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:38,452
In the next room.
354
00:14:38,454 --> 00:14:41,122
No, I hate it.
I'm taking it off.
355
00:14:41,124 --> 00:14:42,290
I'm not wearing this dress
356
00:14:42,292 --> 00:14:43,691
Or that one
or that one
357
00:14:43,693 --> 00:14:46,894
Because I'm thinking
marriage is stupid.
358
00:14:46,896 --> 00:14:48,930
So stupid.
359
00:14:48,932 --> 00:14:52,300
Stupid beautiful,
and everyone should do it.
360
00:14:52,302 --> 00:14:53,801
Nope.
It's not for me.
361
00:14:53,803 --> 00:14:58,639
Like underwear.
362
00:14:58,641 --> 00:15:00,775
Oh, you'll feel fine
363
00:15:00,777 --> 00:15:02,476
As soon as you get back
in this dress.
364
00:15:02,478 --> 00:15:03,978
Or that dress
or that dress.
365
00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:05,446
Okay, I feel like you guys
366
00:15:05,448 --> 00:15:06,614
Are forcing me into this dress.
367
00:15:06,616 --> 00:15:08,382
[scoffs]
that's ridiculous.
368
00:15:08,384 --> 00:15:10,117
Forcing you
into a dress for money?
369
00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:12,453
Now where's
that freaking veil?
370
00:15:12,455 --> 00:15:13,921
Nope, not that one.
371
00:15:13,923 --> 00:15:15,222
This was just a backup veil.
372
00:15:15,224 --> 00:15:16,257
You can't even see my face.
373
00:15:16,259 --> 00:15:17,458
It was in case I got herpes.
374
00:15:17,460 --> 00:15:18,492
You know how it is.
375
00:15:18,494 --> 00:15:21,429
Yeah.
No.
376
00:15:21,431 --> 00:15:23,297
Anyways, I'm thinking...
377
00:15:23,299 --> 00:15:25,299
What, like seven different
things all resulting
378
00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:27,268
In us not getting paid?
379
00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:28,469
Listen, I'm thinking
380
00:15:28,471 --> 00:15:29,670
That maybe I bailed
381
00:15:29,672 --> 00:15:30,805
Out of my shop too soon.
382
00:15:30,807 --> 00:15:32,840
I mean, I left
after only a year.
383
00:15:32,842 --> 00:15:34,241
Why?
'cause I was just scared?
384
00:15:34,243 --> 00:15:36,077
Well, everybody's afraid
of failure.
385
00:15:36,079 --> 00:15:37,645
No, not failure.
386
00:15:37,647 --> 00:15:39,914
There was a gang shooting
in front of my dress shop.
387
00:15:39,916 --> 00:15:42,350
I had to bury two mannequins.
388
00:15:42,352 --> 00:15:45,419
For future reference, just draw
a teardrop on your face,
389
00:15:45,421 --> 00:15:48,823
And they'll move it
to banana republic.
390
00:15:48,825 --> 00:15:51,826
Well, I mean, it wasn't easy
for you guys, right?
391
00:15:51,828 --> 00:15:53,427
But you hung in there,
and now you have
392
00:15:53,429 --> 00:15:55,129
This big, successful
cake business.
393
00:15:55,131 --> 00:15:56,430
We lied.
It's terrible.
394
00:15:56,432 --> 00:15:57,465
We're losers.
Get married.
395
00:15:57,467 --> 00:15:59,433
Claire, the only thing harder
396
00:15:59,435 --> 00:16:01,802
Than building a business
is finding love.
397
00:16:01,804 --> 00:16:04,338
Look at her.
She just lost someone she loves,
398
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:05,706
And quite frankly
she doesn't think
399
00:16:05,708 --> 00:16:07,341
It's ever gonna happen
for her again.
400
00:16:07,343 --> 00:16:08,943
I mean, none of us do.
401
00:16:08,945 --> 00:16:11,479
Not even han?
402
00:16:11,481 --> 00:16:13,681
No, he's the one
who brought it up.
403
00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:19,520
Claire, who knows you
better than us?
404
00:16:19,522 --> 00:16:21,722
You're getting married.
405
00:16:21,724 --> 00:16:24,191
You're right.
I should get married.
406
00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:25,860
(both)
yay.
407
00:16:25,862 --> 00:16:28,462
But not to tim.
What?
408
00:16:28,464 --> 00:16:29,997
You guys will tell him
for me, right?
409
00:16:29,999 --> 00:16:31,332
Tell him I'm no good.
Tell him I'm sorry.
410
00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:32,466
You know what,
tell him whatever you want.
411
00:16:32,468 --> 00:16:35,302
You guys decide.
I'm easy.
412
00:16:36,838 --> 00:16:41,842
You know what she's not?
Easy.
413
00:16:41,844 --> 00:16:43,477
(caroline)
you heard that woman.
414
00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:44,345
Nobody gets paid
until the bride
415
00:16:44,347 --> 00:16:46,580
Walks down the aisle.
416
00:16:49,851 --> 00:16:53,687
Now, remember, don't lift
this veil
417
00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:55,489
Until the party planner
hands me that check.
418
00:16:55,491 --> 00:16:57,558
Why don't you have
to wear the dress?
419
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,527
You're practically a virgin.
420
00:16:59,529 --> 00:17:02,663
Max, somebody has to walk down
the aisle, and I can't do it.
421
00:17:02,665 --> 00:17:04,432
Marriage means something to me,
and I only plan
422
00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:06,200
To walk down that aisle once.
423
00:17:06,202 --> 00:17:08,702
You also said that
about the yeast infection aisle
424
00:17:08,704 --> 00:17:11,872
At cvs, but there you were
last Saturday
425
00:17:11,874 --> 00:17:15,176
Pretending to buy
children's cough syrup.
426
00:17:15,178 --> 00:17:17,645
Let's go.
427
00:17:29,458 --> 00:17:33,594
Go. The bride never talks
to the cake lady.
428
00:17:33,596 --> 00:17:35,763
People are like,
"who's that?"
429
00:17:35,765 --> 00:17:37,598
If you think they're like,
"who's that?" now,
430
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:41,202
Wait a few minutes
till that veil gets lifted.
431
00:17:41,204 --> 00:17:44,972
[bridal chorus playing]
432
00:17:44,974 --> 00:17:53,147
♪
433
00:18:02,591 --> 00:18:06,727
Can't believe it. She's actually
walking down that aisle.
434
00:18:06,729 --> 00:18:08,829
Yup, that's totally her
walking down the aisle.
435
00:18:08,831 --> 00:18:11,699
So the check,
you can hand it to me now.
436
00:18:13,568 --> 00:18:14,735
You look stunning, babe.
437
00:18:14,737 --> 00:18:17,505
[clicks tongue]
438
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,517
Come on, come on, come on.
I'll just take
439
00:18:29,519 --> 00:18:32,353
Whatever check's on top.
440
00:18:32,355 --> 00:18:34,688
Babe, wait.
441
00:18:34,690 --> 00:18:37,625
Now I'm thinking
I do want to get married.
442
00:18:37,627 --> 00:18:42,096
Babe, if you're there,
who is...
443
00:18:45,267 --> 00:18:47,835
'sup?
444
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,372
[sam hart's
mario kart love song]
445
00:18:51,374 --> 00:18:52,673
♪ you'll be my princess,
and I'll be your toad ♪
446
00:18:52,675 --> 00:18:53,841
♪ I'll follow behind you
447
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,709
Babe, I know I said
448
00:18:55,711 --> 00:18:56,844
I didn't want any kids,
449
00:18:56,846 --> 00:18:59,813
But now I'm thinking four.
450
00:18:59,815 --> 00:19:02,716
Babe, you should have said that
before the vasectomy.
451
00:19:02,718 --> 00:19:04,718
You can always reverse it.
452
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,855
Again.
453
00:19:07,857 --> 00:19:10,191
So you're the father, huh?
454
00:19:10,193 --> 00:19:13,160
And you stuck around.
455
00:19:13,162 --> 00:19:15,362
That's an interesting way
to play it.
456
00:19:15,364 --> 00:19:17,698
Okay, I got the check.
We can leave.
457
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:19,833
Not now. I'm doing
the father-daughter dance.
458
00:19:19,835 --> 00:19:22,002
May I cut in?
459
00:19:22,004 --> 00:19:24,305
Oh, no, with her.
460
00:19:24,307 --> 00:19:25,706
If you're trying
to hook up with me,
461
00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:26,740
You're a little late.
462
00:19:26,742 --> 00:19:29,677
That dad just slipped me
his room key.
463
00:19:29,679 --> 00:19:32,580
You really do make
a lovely bride.
464
00:19:32,582 --> 00:19:34,748
Oh, thanks.
You know I have one
465
00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:37,051
Of those ham turkeys
in my underwear, right?
466
00:19:37,053 --> 00:19:40,387
Oh, I thought you were
just happy to see me.
467
00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:42,590
[laughter]
468
00:19:42,592 --> 00:19:44,191
This is nice.
469
00:19:44,193 --> 00:19:46,594
And that cake
really is beautiful.
470
00:19:46,596 --> 00:19:48,028
Thanks.
471
00:19:48,030 --> 00:19:50,598
Wish I could have showed it
to...
472
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:51,765
Deke.
473
00:19:51,767 --> 00:19:53,701
Yeah.
474
00:19:53,703 --> 00:19:55,102
So are you really okay?
475
00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:56,737
I know you loved him.
476
00:19:56,739 --> 00:19:58,672
I did, which is the worst
477
00:19:58,674 --> 00:20:00,774
Because it made me feel
almost like a person.
478
00:20:01,776 --> 00:20:04,411
Max, caroline, hi.
479
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:06,580
I just wanted to say
thank you for everything.
480
00:20:06,582 --> 00:20:08,782
And I was watching you guys
dance together,
481
00:20:08,784 --> 00:20:12,686
And now I'm thinking
I might be into girls.
482
00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:14,521
Can I call you?
483
00:20:14,523 --> 00:20:16,290
Yes.
No.
484
00:20:16,292 --> 00:20:18,759
Great.
485
00:20:18,761 --> 00:20:22,796
What do you mean the bottom
of the cake says radio shack?
486
00:20:22,798 --> 00:20:25,366
That's our cue.
487
00:20:25,368 --> 00:20:28,435
Wait, wait, I haven't thrown
the bouquet yet.
488
00:20:28,437 --> 00:20:29,737
Hey, single ladies.
489
00:20:29,739 --> 00:20:31,071
Here we go.
490
00:20:31,073 --> 00:20:34,808
One, two,
491
00:20:34,810 --> 00:20:37,711
Three.
492
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,748
Hey, cake girls.
493
00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:41,949
Styrofoam?
494
00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:44,118
It's gluten-free.