1
00:00:01,577 --> 00:00:04,379
[elevator dings]
2
00:00:04,381 --> 00:00:05,914
Good morning.
Name?
3
00:00:05,916 --> 00:00:08,383
Ha! Not until
I see my lawyer.
4
00:00:08,385 --> 00:00:10,519
And by the way,
I was with them last night.
5
00:00:10,521 --> 00:00:12,687
Max, it's just
for the spring semester.
6
00:00:12,689 --> 00:00:15,390
Sorry, she watches
a lot of lockup: Raw.
7
00:00:15,392 --> 00:00:18,026
Uh, actually, I'm here
to return checks.
8
00:00:18,028 --> 00:00:19,394
There is no spring semester.
9
00:00:19,396 --> 00:00:21,830
The pastry school
has been closed.
10
00:00:23,099 --> 00:00:24,332
What?
11
00:00:24,334 --> 00:00:26,435
Feel free to collect
any personal items
12
00:00:26,437 --> 00:00:28,270
You may have left
in the workspace.
13
00:00:28,272 --> 00:00:31,940
You get the weed,
I'll get the other weed.
14
00:00:31,942 --> 00:00:33,341
This is insane.
15
00:00:33,343 --> 00:00:35,444
How can school
be suddenly closed?
16
00:00:35,446 --> 00:00:38,046
Oh, good, john's here.
He'll know what happened.
17
00:00:38,048 --> 00:00:39,514
What makes you think he knows?
18
00:00:39,516 --> 00:00:42,451
He's a big queen, max.
19
00:00:42,453 --> 00:00:44,352
He'll know why school's
closed,
20
00:00:44,354 --> 00:00:47,355
And why lady gaga's
last album failed.
21
00:00:47,357 --> 00:00:50,459
(peter bjorn and john)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
22
00:00:50,461 --> 00:00:52,060
[cash register bell dings]
23
00:00:52,062 --> 00:00:55,464
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
24
00:00:59,402 --> 00:01:00,535
Where's chef nicolas?
25
00:01:00,537 --> 00:01:02,871
France.
26
00:01:02,873 --> 00:01:06,441
With his wife.
27
00:01:06,443 --> 00:01:07,609
Why is he in France?
28
00:01:07,611 --> 00:01:10,278
Hmm, turns out someone
in this room,
29
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,913
Maybe someone I'm looking at
right over there,
30
00:01:11,915 --> 00:01:14,983
Had an affair with him and
his wife found out all about it.
31
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:20,288
Deke!
32
00:01:20,290 --> 00:01:24,826
Shocking! I didn't even know
chef nicolas was gay!
33
00:01:24,828 --> 00:01:26,561
Oh, please.
34
00:01:26,563 --> 00:01:30,332
If he was gay,
I would've been all over that.
35
00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:33,668
Like a gorilla
on a breadstick.
36
00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:35,971
Lady, we all know
it wasn't deke.
37
00:01:35,973 --> 00:01:38,940
Okay, yes, yes, fine.
It was me.
38
00:01:38,942 --> 00:01:41,943
And my parents say
I'm loose as a goose.
39
00:01:41,945 --> 00:01:43,912
But it was not an affair.
40
00:01:43,914 --> 00:01:45,914
We made out once,
in six different places,
41
00:01:45,916 --> 00:01:49,651
On eight different occasions,
and then I ended it.
42
00:01:49,653 --> 00:01:52,320
You ended that,
and you ended this!
43
00:01:52,322 --> 00:01:55,490
All of this!
Forget my spatulas!
44
00:01:55,492 --> 00:01:58,360
Forget my whisk!
It's over!
45
00:01:58,362 --> 00:02:03,832
Brigadoon is over!
Thanks, caroline!
46
00:02:03,834 --> 00:02:05,467
You're acting like
I'm the only one
47
00:02:05,469 --> 00:02:07,736
Who ever closed
a pastry school down.
48
00:02:15,811 --> 00:02:17,779
Can't you just
go to deke's without me?
49
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:19,481
I'm too down in the dumps.
50
00:02:19,483 --> 00:02:22,317
Then what better place
to be than in a dumpster?
51
00:02:22,319 --> 00:02:24,619
And deke said to make sure
to bring you.
52
00:02:24,621 --> 00:02:26,888
And relax, it's not
a three-way situation.
53
00:02:26,890 --> 00:02:28,456
When we made
our three-way list,
54
00:02:28,458 --> 00:02:31,626
You were at the bottom
with taylor swift.
55
00:02:31,628 --> 00:02:34,796
Well,
at least I'm with taylor.
56
00:02:34,798 --> 00:02:36,464
On the three-way list,
who's above me?
57
00:02:36,466 --> 00:02:38,133
Vicki what's-her-name
58
00:02:38,135 --> 00:02:39,568
From real housewives
of orange county.
59
00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:41,469
Is that the one with
all the face work?
60
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:44,272
You're gonna have
to be more specific.
61
00:02:45,841 --> 00:02:47,075
Welcome, welcome.
62
00:02:47,077 --> 00:02:49,644
Wipe your feet
on the way out.
63
00:02:51,647 --> 00:02:53,348
Deke,
I'm warning you right now,
64
00:02:53,350 --> 00:02:55,517
I am not in
a partying mood.
[chuckles]
65
00:02:55,519 --> 00:02:57,152
Ain't no party like
a caroline party,
66
00:02:57,154 --> 00:03:00,355
'cause a caroline party
don't start.
67
00:03:00,357 --> 00:03:01,556
I'm heavy with guilt,
68
00:03:01,558 --> 00:03:04,226
And that cheese omelet
we just split.
69
00:03:04,228 --> 00:03:06,494
We're not partying,
but I did snatch back
70
00:03:06,496 --> 00:03:08,763
The weed,
'cause I's perfect.
71
00:03:08,765 --> 00:03:10,665
Good.
I got it from earl
72
00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,200
And he says it knocks
you out so hard,
73
00:03:12,202 --> 00:03:13,668
He once used it
and faked death
74
00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:15,670
To cash in
a life insurance policy.
75
00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:16,905
Well, we might need
to do that too
76
00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:18,607
After what I did.
77
00:03:18,609 --> 00:03:20,609
Deke, I am so sorry
about all of this.
78
00:03:20,611 --> 00:03:21,943
I am filled with regret
79
00:03:21,945 --> 00:03:24,246
And those home fries
I just ate.
80
00:03:24,248 --> 00:03:26,781
[baby talk]
we all so sad pastry school
got all closed.
81
00:03:26,783 --> 00:03:28,850
We don't know what to do.
82
00:03:28,852 --> 00:03:30,619
I know what to do.
83
00:03:30,621 --> 00:03:33,955
Eat the pound cake
in my purse.
84
00:03:33,957 --> 00:03:37,459
Okay, so we all loved
the pastry school, right?
85
00:03:37,461 --> 00:03:40,195
Eh, it was all right.
No big deal.
86
00:03:40,197 --> 00:03:42,430
No big deal?
We had sex in like
87
00:03:42,432 --> 00:03:44,633
Every classroom
and both stairwells.
88
00:03:44,635 --> 00:03:48,737
And on caroline's desk,
but, eh, no big deal.
89
00:03:48,739 --> 00:03:50,605
"eh," kind of a big deal.
90
00:03:50,607 --> 00:03:53,441
Was it a Tuesday, on top of
the new york times?
91
00:03:53,443 --> 00:03:55,644
And did you eat
my cranberry clif bar after?
92
00:03:55,646 --> 00:03:59,147
'cause I made someone cry
about that.
93
00:03:59,149 --> 00:04:01,583
Okay, yes, it was fun.
94
00:04:01,585 --> 00:04:03,485
But it's over,
and that's life.
95
00:04:03,487 --> 00:04:06,955
Pastry school, no pastry school,
eh, no big deal.
96
00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:08,390
I'm gonna buy it.
97
00:04:08,392 --> 00:04:09,591
[mouth full]
what?
98
00:04:09,593 --> 00:04:10,825
Yes!
99
00:04:10,827 --> 00:04:13,662
Yes, I love
that frickin' place!
100
00:04:13,664 --> 00:04:17,499
We had sex on your desk
while eating your clif bar.
101
00:04:17,501 --> 00:04:19,200
It was awesome there!
102
00:04:25,107 --> 00:04:27,776
Deke, what are
you talking about?
103
00:04:27,778 --> 00:04:30,145
I'll ask my parents
to buy it as an investment.
104
00:04:30,147 --> 00:04:31,513
Caroline, you can run
the school.
105
00:04:31,515 --> 00:04:33,281
You're already killing it
in the office.
106
00:04:33,283 --> 00:04:35,483
And max and I can
be the badass students
107
00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,619
Who won't take guff
from no damn teachers.
108
00:04:37,621 --> 00:04:40,288
"how 'bout you stuff
the cannoli again, bitch?
109
00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:43,692
I own the damn place!"
110
00:04:43,694 --> 00:04:45,160
Wait, is this even possible?
111
00:04:45,162 --> 00:04:46,761
I mean, it'll cost millions.
112
00:04:46,763 --> 00:04:48,630
Who cares?
He's rich!
113
00:04:48,632 --> 00:04:50,532
Now I get the whole idea
of money.
114
00:04:50,534 --> 00:04:52,100
It's lovely!
115
00:04:52,102 --> 00:04:53,802
It's the greatest idea ever!
116
00:04:53,804 --> 00:04:55,637
I know!
117
00:04:55,639 --> 00:04:57,439
And since we're doing it
together, you'll both
118
00:04:57,441 --> 00:04:59,174
Have to come meet my parents.
119
00:04:59,176 --> 00:05:00,675
Max, they've been asking
to meet my girlfriend anyway.
120
00:05:00,677 --> 00:05:02,610
Meet your parents?
121
00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:05,447
Eh, the pastry school
wasn't all that.
122
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:15,790
The elevator opens right
in your apartment?
123
00:05:15,792 --> 00:05:19,194
Nope, don't belong here.
Hold the doors, bub!
124
00:05:19,196 --> 00:05:22,664
We're okay.
Thank you, james.
125
00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:24,065
Max, just do the opposite
126
00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:26,201
Of everything
you would normally do.
127
00:05:26,203 --> 00:05:28,937
I already am.
I'm here!
128
00:05:31,340 --> 00:05:32,707
Deke, hello.
129
00:05:32,709 --> 00:05:35,677
Go, be warm.
130
00:05:35,679 --> 00:05:38,847
Hello, mrs. Bromberg.
I'm max.
131
00:05:38,849 --> 00:05:40,548
I'm the housekeeper.
132
00:05:43,352 --> 00:05:46,421
This is iris.
Been with us for years.
133
00:05:46,423 --> 00:05:48,022
Well,
it was a lovely hug.
134
00:05:48,024 --> 00:05:49,691
I'll tell your parents
that you've arrived.
135
00:05:49,693 --> 00:05:52,327
(deke)
[laughs]
so, what, max?
136
00:05:52,329 --> 00:05:55,296
You think any black woman you
see here could be my mother?
137
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:01,836
Well, any white man I see
anywhere could be my father.
138
00:06:01,838 --> 00:06:03,538
Let's go.
I already screwed up.
139
00:06:03,540 --> 00:06:07,108
No, you heard iris.
It was a lovely hug.
140
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:08,943
But then again,
she is being paid.
141
00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:10,678
Here, better wear my pearls.
142
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,247
Yeah, right!
143
00:06:12,249 --> 00:06:14,949
Me in those pearls is like
a monkey in baby clothes--
144
00:06:14,951 --> 00:06:16,418
Just plain wrong.
145
00:06:16,420 --> 00:06:17,952
Relax, max.
146
00:06:17,954 --> 00:06:20,221
What, are you crazy,
touching me?
147
00:06:20,223 --> 00:06:22,056
Your mother comes in here
right now, and she's like,
148
00:06:22,058 --> 00:06:27,228
"oh, there she is, the hooker
from the projects...
149
00:06:27,230 --> 00:06:29,397
Getting it on with our son
in the--"
150
00:06:29,399 --> 00:06:32,467
What, fancy-ass book room?
151
00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:37,439
Deke, you have
a warhol soup can?
152
00:06:37,441 --> 00:06:39,474
Uh, yeah, it used to be
in my bedroom.
153
00:06:39,476 --> 00:06:41,376
It got moved out here
after I scotch-taped
154
00:06:41,378 --> 00:06:43,611
A star wars poster over it.
155
00:06:43,613 --> 00:06:45,046
Okay, okay.
156
00:06:45,048 --> 00:06:47,782
See, now, here is something
we have in common.
157
00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:51,085
I used to drink that soup.
158
00:06:51,087 --> 00:06:52,754
I can talk about that.
159
00:06:52,756 --> 00:06:54,823
Perfect, yeah.
160
00:06:54,825 --> 00:06:56,891
Talk about that.
Yeah.
161
00:06:56,893 --> 00:06:59,828
Okay, see, when my mother
was on a bender,
162
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:02,263
I would bust open the can
on the kitchen counter
163
00:07:02,265 --> 00:07:04,766
'cause I could never find
the opener 'cause she'd use
164
00:07:04,768 --> 00:07:08,369
The sharp tip of it
to clean out her hash pipe.
165
00:07:10,105 --> 00:07:12,106
Give her the damn pearls.
Give me the damn pearls.
166
00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,408
It's just a little help--
167
00:07:13,410 --> 00:07:14,742
A signal to the rich people
168
00:07:14,744 --> 00:07:16,611
That says, "I'm one of you."
169
00:07:16,613 --> 00:07:18,680
Like seeing another hells angel
wearing a vest
170
00:07:18,682 --> 00:07:22,283
With a patch that says,
"suck it, pig."
171
00:07:22,285 --> 00:07:24,285
Well, deke better give me
a signal
172
00:07:24,287 --> 00:07:25,753
When his actual mom comes in,
173
00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:29,858
Because the way I'm going,
I'd hug oprah.
174
00:07:29,860 --> 00:07:32,393
Oprah doesn't like
to be hugged.
175
00:07:33,929 --> 00:07:35,997
A mistake I made
at her legends ball.
176
00:07:35,999 --> 00:07:38,366
One hug and 20 minutes later,
177
00:07:38,368 --> 00:07:43,037
My place setting was moved
next to la toya jackson.
178
00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:47,442
Oh.
Mm.
179
00:07:50,112 --> 00:07:51,646
Thanks, girl.
180
00:07:51,648 --> 00:07:53,982
You're max.
181
00:07:53,984 --> 00:07:56,117
I'm deke's mother, genet.
182
00:07:56,119 --> 00:07:58,319
Uh, mom, this is our friend,
caroline.
183
00:07:58,321 --> 00:07:59,821
Thank you for inviting us.
184
00:07:59,823 --> 00:08:01,489
Amazing art collection.
185
00:08:01,491 --> 00:08:03,057
Oh, thank you.
186
00:08:03,059 --> 00:08:06,261
I'm afraid my husband and I
are pop art junkies.
187
00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:10,532
I eat soup.
188
00:08:18,073 --> 00:08:20,408
Speaking of my husband...
189
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:23,478
David!
"I eat soup"?
190
00:08:24,914 --> 00:08:26,314
He was right behind me.
191
00:08:26,316 --> 00:08:27,849
Oh, sometimes I swear,
192
00:08:27,851 --> 00:08:29,984
I should just leave
a trail of bread crumbs.
193
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:33,755
[laughs loudly]
that's funny.
194
00:08:33,757 --> 00:08:36,658
Okay, hold on
a second there, folks.
195
00:08:36,660 --> 00:08:39,327
I'm just sending
some business emails.
196
00:08:39,329 --> 00:08:40,862
Actually, I'm not.
197
00:08:40,864 --> 00:08:42,730
[laughing]
I'm looking at celebrities
198
00:08:42,732 --> 00:08:46,901
Without their makeup,
and I gotta say,
199
00:08:46,903 --> 00:08:50,271
Hugh jackman?
Better without makeup.
200
00:08:50,273 --> 00:08:52,774
Mwah!
201
00:08:52,776 --> 00:08:53,908
I'll take that.
202
00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:56,010
All right.
203
00:08:56,012 --> 00:08:57,111
And what's in your mouth?
204
00:08:57,113 --> 00:08:59,847
Sour ball.
Give it to me, please.
205
00:08:59,849 --> 00:09:03,618
Genet, I'm a grown man.
I can have a sour ball.
206
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:06,220
You asked me to help you
stop eating candy.
207
00:09:06,222 --> 00:09:08,056
It's just one sour ball.
Spit it out.
208
00:09:08,058 --> 00:09:09,357
I can't.
Why not?
209
00:09:09,359 --> 00:09:13,061
It's a mini 3 musketeers.
210
00:09:13,063 --> 00:09:15,029
There he is!
211
00:09:15,031 --> 00:09:16,798
There's my son,
212
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,933
Until we get the results
of the paternity test back.
213
00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,034
I love him!
214
00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:21,970
Ugh, hey, come on.
215
00:09:21,972 --> 00:09:23,905
No tongue in front
of my girlfriend.
216
00:09:23,907 --> 00:09:24,973
Max, come over here.
217
00:09:24,975 --> 00:09:28,610
Fine, but no tongue
till after dessert.
218
00:09:28,612 --> 00:09:30,044
[laughs]
219
00:09:30,046 --> 00:09:31,879
"no tongue till
after dessert!"
220
00:09:31,881 --> 00:09:34,048
She's pretty and funny.
221
00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:35,717
Who's your bodyguard?
222
00:09:35,719 --> 00:09:38,252
Oh, um--[chuckles]
223
00:09:38,254 --> 00:09:39,654
This is my friend...
224
00:09:39,656 --> 00:09:42,957
Mm, help me out.
Totally blanked.
225
00:09:42,959 --> 00:09:45,093
[chuckles]
oh, she's a little nervous.
226
00:09:45,095 --> 00:09:46,995
Hello, mr. Bromberg.
I'm caroline.
227
00:09:46,997 --> 00:09:48,997
Drink before dinner, yes?
228
00:09:48,999 --> 00:09:50,498
Yes, but just one.
229
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,900
But not because I'm pregnant!
What?
230
00:09:56,171 --> 00:09:57,939
Sit, let's talk.
231
00:09:57,941 --> 00:10:00,074
Yes, let's sit down,
232
00:10:00,076 --> 00:10:05,013
Have a nice conversation,
get to know each other better.
233
00:10:05,015 --> 00:10:06,614
So, tell me about
pastry school.
234
00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:09,417
Yes, tell us about
pastry school.
235
00:10:09,419 --> 00:10:11,853
Well, we went to class
the other day and it was closed,
236
00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:15,123
And john, this big, gay
pastry chef, was freaking out.
237
00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:16,190
Max does a great impression
of him.
238
00:10:16,192 --> 00:10:18,092
No.
No, I don't.
239
00:10:18,094 --> 00:10:20,762
Yes, max, it's really funny
and totally charming.
240
00:10:20,764 --> 00:10:21,929
Oh, uh, okay.
241
00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:23,865
Uh, he's like 6'5"--
242
00:10:23,867 --> 00:10:24,866
Stand.
You gotta stand.
243
00:10:24,868 --> 00:10:26,834
Yeah, okay, okay, okay.
244
00:10:26,836 --> 00:10:29,937
And he had his arms up
in the air like this...
245
00:10:39,982 --> 00:10:43,451
Um, I think
his arms were down.
246
00:10:43,453 --> 00:10:48,056
No, they were totally
over his head.
247
00:10:48,058 --> 00:10:50,658
Yeah, she's right,
they were down.
248
00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:54,862
Way down,
like a crocodile.
249
00:10:54,864 --> 00:10:57,532
Or ceelo.
250
00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:00,968
What are you talking about?
251
00:11:00,970 --> 00:11:03,071
They were way up here.
252
00:11:03,073 --> 00:11:05,473
Way over his head, and--
253
00:11:05,475 --> 00:11:08,042
Oh, yea--they were down.
254
00:11:08,044 --> 00:11:09,010
Whoo!
You know what?
255
00:11:09,012 --> 00:11:10,845
I think he was sitting--
[laughs]
256
00:11:10,847 --> 00:11:13,881
And was really quiet.
257
00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:16,050
Excuse me, I have to use
the powder room.
258
00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:18,286
Max, would you come with me?
Try and stop me.
259
00:11:21,857 --> 00:11:22,890
[pressing button]
260
00:11:22,892 --> 00:11:25,026
Max, it's over here.
261
00:11:25,028 --> 00:11:28,496
We're not making
a break for it?
262
00:11:28,498 --> 00:11:31,065
Trapped.
Trapped like rats.
263
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,036
What is wrong with you?
264
00:11:35,038 --> 00:11:36,871
Why are you sweating
so much?
265
00:11:36,873 --> 00:11:39,440
I think we'd be better off
just wetting the whole dress.
266
00:11:41,009 --> 00:11:43,711
I know.
It must be the pearls.
267
00:11:43,713 --> 00:11:47,515
My white trash body is working
overtime to reject them.
268
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:50,418
Ooh, okay.
Raise your arms.
269
00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:53,020
Why bother?
They already hate me.
270
00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:54,255
Max, they do not hate you.
271
00:11:54,257 --> 00:11:55,590
Well, they will.
272
00:11:55,592 --> 00:11:57,892
This is tommy dolan
all over again.
273
00:11:57,894 --> 00:11:59,127
Who's tommy dolan?
274
00:11:59,129 --> 00:12:03,731
And fyi,
great upper arm workout.
275
00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,800
He's this rich kid
I liked in eighth grade.
276
00:12:05,802 --> 00:12:09,971
And by rich, I mean his family
could afford the acne medicine.
277
00:12:09,973 --> 00:12:13,207
He asked me out, but his parents
said no because I was poor.
278
00:12:13,209 --> 00:12:15,409
And, to be clear, that was
before I shot the ten bbs
279
00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:17,378
Into their front
picture window.
280
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:19,547
Max,
you're not in eighth grade.
281
00:12:19,549 --> 00:12:21,616
This is
a grown-up relationship.
282
00:12:21,618 --> 00:12:23,551
Tonight's not just about
a pastry school,
283
00:12:23,553 --> 00:12:25,586
It's about you and deke,
so get it together.
284
00:12:25,588 --> 00:12:28,623
You have a lot on the line,
and I have a neck cramp.
285
00:12:30,492 --> 00:12:31,993
[knock at door]
286
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:33,995
Ladies, it's genet.
287
00:12:33,997 --> 00:12:36,664
Trapped.
Trapped like more rats.
288
00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:43,404
Is everything all right
in here?
289
00:12:43,406 --> 00:12:44,939
I didn't take anything.
290
00:12:44,941 --> 00:12:46,808
I--
291
00:12:46,810 --> 00:12:50,311
Caroline, do you mind
if I speak to max, alone?
292
00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:53,447
Our neighbors
have just stopped by.
293
00:12:53,449 --> 00:12:55,783
They've opened
a bottle of champagne.
294
00:12:55,785 --> 00:12:58,152
It's french, wonderful.
Enjoy.
295
00:13:00,122 --> 00:13:03,357
Girl, you need to chill.
296
00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:07,628
Um...Uh, excuse me?
297
00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:10,031
[chuckles]
you have got us all wrong.
298
00:13:10,033 --> 00:13:12,867
You walk in here,
see this fabulous apartment
299
00:13:12,869 --> 00:13:16,204
And all of this "fabulosity,"
and you think--
300
00:13:16,206 --> 00:13:19,006
You think I'm some rich bitch.
301
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:25,046
I am.
302
00:13:25,048 --> 00:13:27,782
But I wasn't born that way.
Uh-uh.
303
00:13:27,784 --> 00:13:29,984
I am from queens, new york.
304
00:13:29,986 --> 00:13:33,554
Yeah, that's right,
I'm just genet from the block.
305
00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:37,892
Wait, then how did you get
306
00:13:37,894 --> 00:13:40,361
Your own elevator
and fish wallpaper?
307
00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:44,232
Well, when david met me,
I was a dancer.
308
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,534
Oh, you mean like
on broadway?
309
00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:49,370
Yeah,
well, close to broadway.
310
00:13:51,673 --> 00:13:56,210
The point is that we fell
in love so completely
311
00:13:56,212 --> 00:14:00,481
That I even stopped taking
his money after the third visit.
312
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,054
Tell us, deke,
313
00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:11,192
Why a pastry school
of all things?
314
00:14:11,194 --> 00:14:12,426
Who cares?
We're just thrilled
315
00:14:12,428 --> 00:14:15,229
He's no longer
in the circus.
316
00:14:15,231 --> 00:14:16,230
Girls--
317
00:14:16,232 --> 00:14:18,165
I didn't take anything.
318
00:14:18,167 --> 00:14:20,234
Ha.
Amy and adam
319
00:14:20,236 --> 00:14:23,070
Have lived in the building
since deke was little.
320
00:14:23,072 --> 00:14:25,239
Mom,
don't tell max I'm little.
321
00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:26,607
I've convinced her I've got
322
00:14:26,609 --> 00:14:28,342
The biggest one
she'll ever have.
323
00:14:28,344 --> 00:14:31,045
Oh, deke!
[laughs]
324
00:14:31,047 --> 00:14:33,214
Naughty, dirty, funny.
325
00:14:33,216 --> 00:14:34,715
Andy and I love naughty comedy.
326
00:14:34,717 --> 00:14:37,218
We watch bill maher.
327
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:38,452
This pastry school would be
328
00:14:38,454 --> 00:14:40,121
A huge financial commitment,
david.
329
00:14:40,123 --> 00:14:41,289
Why don't you just go down
to union square
330
00:14:41,291 --> 00:14:43,524
And light a bag of money
on fire?
331
00:14:43,526 --> 00:14:46,627
Mr. Chase, I agree,
it's a huge undertaking.
332
00:14:46,629 --> 00:14:48,296
And if you'd like,
we can discuss a business plan.
333
00:14:48,298 --> 00:14:51,098
I did graduate top of my class
from wharton.
334
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:54,368
Wharton.
In philadelphia.
335
00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:57,138
The city of brotherly love.
336
00:14:57,140 --> 00:15:01,008
And let me tell you,
it certainly is.
337
00:15:03,245 --> 00:15:05,313
Our son, hunter,
went to wharton.
338
00:15:05,315 --> 00:15:06,981
He's about your age.
339
00:15:06,983 --> 00:15:08,983
I'll text and tell him
we've met you.
340
00:15:08,985 --> 00:15:10,985
What is your last name,
caroline?
341
00:15:10,987 --> 00:15:15,990
Um...
342
00:15:15,992 --> 00:15:18,726
[low]
channing.
343
00:15:18,728 --> 00:15:20,227
Caroline channing?
344
00:15:20,229 --> 00:15:21,762
Your father isn't
martin channing,
345
00:15:21,764 --> 00:15:23,831
The one in prison
for the ponzi scheme?
346
00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:27,601
Amazing fish!
I-I love this tilapia.
347
00:15:27,603 --> 00:15:30,771
It's almost a chicken-y fish.
348
00:15:30,773 --> 00:15:32,239
Deke, you never told us
about this.
349
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:36,410
What, that the fish
was chicken-y?
350
00:15:36,412 --> 00:15:39,013
You know that's why
I don't come home anymore.
351
00:15:40,282 --> 00:15:41,349
Why would I tell you?
352
00:15:41,351 --> 00:15:43,084
She didn't steal the money,
he did.
353
00:15:43,086 --> 00:15:44,752
Deke does have a point.
354
00:15:44,754 --> 00:15:48,022
It wasn't caroline,
and her father is serving time.
355
00:15:48,024 --> 00:15:51,625
Ah, speaking of serving,
there are like nine forks here.
356
00:15:51,627 --> 00:15:54,295
Where do I go next?
357
00:15:54,297 --> 00:15:57,098
It's easy for you to say, deke.
You didn't lose money.
358
00:15:57,100 --> 00:16:00,167
Amy and I had to move from the
penthouse to the fourth floor.
359
00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:01,836
The fourth floor, deke!
360
00:16:01,838 --> 00:16:05,039
That's three above
the doorman.
361
00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:07,108
Only five bedrooms, and I can
hear the "whoosh-whoosh"
362
00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:08,109
Of the damn elevator
all night long!
363
00:16:08,111 --> 00:16:10,878
Oh.
Shh, shh.
364
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,313
Genet, I cannot believe
you would invite
365
00:16:12,315 --> 00:16:14,181
A channing into your home.
366
00:16:15,984 --> 00:16:18,886
Sir, if you say another
bad word about her,
367
00:16:18,888 --> 00:16:21,288
I'm gonna "whoosh-whoosh"
you off that chair.
368
00:16:22,657 --> 00:16:24,558
Max, these are our friends.
369
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:25,893
Yeah, well she is my friend,
370
00:16:25,895 --> 00:16:27,461
And she's had it pretty rough.
371
00:16:27,463 --> 00:16:29,563
And I'm not gonna sit here
and let them insult her.
372
00:16:29,565 --> 00:16:32,600
[mocking]
oh, you only have
five bedrooms?
373
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:36,270
Well, she sleeps in the wall.
374
00:16:43,311 --> 00:16:45,179
You rich people
are all the same.
375
00:16:45,181 --> 00:16:46,514
Max, take it down.
376
00:16:46,516 --> 00:16:49,483
You're gonna "whoosh"
you did later.
377
00:16:49,485 --> 00:16:51,519
No, deke.
I mean, look at this table.
378
00:16:51,521 --> 00:16:54,422
Seven forks and ten knives,
for what?
379
00:16:54,424 --> 00:16:56,357
You know what we have
at our apartment?
380
00:16:56,359 --> 00:17:00,995
Five chopsticks and a spork
from kentucky fried chicken,
381
00:17:00,997 --> 00:17:03,297
And we do fine.
382
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,601
We don't need to sit here
and gravel--
383
00:17:07,603 --> 00:17:10,905
Grovel.
Whatever...
384
00:17:10,907 --> 00:17:12,773
For your money
or their approval.
385
00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:15,276
All I can say is,
you rich people are lucky
386
00:17:15,278 --> 00:17:17,912
Those cops took my bb gun.
Let's go, caroline.
387
00:17:17,914 --> 00:17:19,613
No, this is my fault.
I'll go.
388
00:17:19,615 --> 00:17:22,116
No, you know what?
We'll all go.
389
00:17:22,118 --> 00:17:24,385
Deacon, sit down.
390
00:17:24,387 --> 00:17:26,420
You are not leaving
the table with them.
391
00:17:26,422 --> 00:17:27,721
I go where she goes.
392
00:17:27,723 --> 00:17:28,956
Except not in the bathroom,
393
00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:30,691
Because we like to leave
a little mystery.
394
00:17:33,728 --> 00:17:35,696
I mean, what is
the big deal, anyway?
395
00:17:35,698 --> 00:17:37,898
You have a problem with her
because of her father,
396
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:41,802
But no problem with his mom
being a stripper?
397
00:17:41,804 --> 00:17:43,737
What?
You were a stripper?
398
00:17:43,739 --> 00:17:46,474
Mom?
399
00:17:46,476 --> 00:17:48,542
Max!
400
00:17:48,544 --> 00:17:50,878
Oh, is that not
common knowledge?
401
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,250
I feel so bad.
402
00:17:56,252 --> 00:17:57,485
Don't.
I should have guessed.
403
00:17:57,487 --> 00:17:59,954
My mom's way too limber
at tennis.
404
00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:02,590
And it totally makes me
respect my dad more.
405
00:18:02,592 --> 00:18:04,959
A jew marrying
a black woman is impressive.
406
00:18:04,961 --> 00:18:07,561
Marrying a black stripper
is awesome.
407
00:18:07,563 --> 00:18:09,430
No, I feel bad about
your parents
408
00:18:09,432 --> 00:18:11,398
Cutting you off financially.
409
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,502
But you're okay
with outing my mom?
410
00:18:14,504 --> 00:18:17,238
Look, they gave me a choice,
my money or you.
411
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,007
It only took me two hours
to decide, and I picked you.
412
00:18:20,009 --> 00:18:21,976
I wish it took you two hours.
413
00:18:21,978 --> 00:18:23,344
You didn't even think it over.
414
00:18:23,346 --> 00:18:25,446
You were out of there
immediately.
415
00:18:25,448 --> 00:18:28,015
Deke, how are you gonna live
without money?
416
00:18:28,017 --> 00:18:29,583
Hey, I already live
in a dumpster.
417
00:18:29,585 --> 00:18:30,851
I'm used to roughing it.
418
00:18:30,853 --> 00:18:32,353
Who bought the dumpster?
419
00:18:32,355 --> 00:18:33,420
They did.
420
00:18:33,422 --> 00:18:35,489
Who bought the solar panels
on the roof?
421
00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:36,790
They did.
422
00:18:36,792 --> 00:18:38,425
But I bought that cool
skateboard poster.
423
00:18:38,427 --> 00:18:39,460
Deke--
424
00:18:39,462 --> 00:18:40,628
Okay, it was in
a box of honeycomb.
425
00:18:40,630 --> 00:18:42,429
And who bought the honeycomb?
426
00:18:42,431 --> 00:18:45,099
They did.
Max, it'll be fun.
427
00:18:45,101 --> 00:18:48,169
Oh, come on.
How hard could it be?
428
00:18:48,171 --> 00:18:50,371
Look, I get up tomorrow,
I get a job here,
429
00:18:50,373 --> 00:18:52,840
Zippity-boo,
get another job there.
430
00:18:52,842 --> 00:18:55,543
Now I got 20,000,
then zippity-pow,
431
00:18:55,545 --> 00:18:57,778
Make another 20,000,
zippity-zang.
432
00:18:57,780 --> 00:19:00,314
Then I'm lousy
with honeycomb.
433
00:19:00,316 --> 00:19:03,050
Now, cheechity-chong,
where did I put earl's weed?
434
00:19:09,791 --> 00:19:11,625
What's the emergency?
Are you all right?
435
00:19:11,627 --> 00:19:14,495
I'm fine, but deke's insane!
436
00:19:14,497 --> 00:19:17,565
He thinks he can make it
as a poor person.
437
00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:19,333
You never know, I did.
438
00:19:19,335 --> 00:19:21,902
Sure, the first--
what's today, Monday?
439
00:19:21,904 --> 00:19:24,405
Sure, the first thousand days
were hard, but--
440
00:19:24,407 --> 00:19:26,340
Deke is nothing like you!
441
00:19:26,342 --> 00:19:29,877
You are resilient and smart
and creative and driven.
442
00:19:29,879 --> 00:19:32,379
No one could do what you did.
You're amazing.
443
00:19:32,381 --> 00:19:34,982
Max, that's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
444
00:19:34,984 --> 00:19:36,550
Oh, don't get all wet.
445
00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:40,020
You're still at the bottom
of the three-way list.
446
00:19:40,022 --> 00:19:43,557
My point is, I can't let deke
give up his money.
447
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:45,359
It's his decision.
448
00:19:45,361 --> 00:19:47,595
And it's the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.
449
00:19:47,597 --> 00:19:50,097
It's crap!
450
00:19:50,099 --> 00:19:53,601
I care about deke more than
I have ever cared about anyone,
451
00:19:53,603 --> 00:19:55,402
So I have to give him back.
452
00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:56,737
I just called his mother.
453
00:19:56,739 --> 00:19:59,740
At 2:00 a.M.,
and she picked up the phone?
454
00:19:59,742 --> 00:20:01,542
Oh, right, I forgot.
She was a stripper.
455
00:20:01,544 --> 00:20:04,678
She's used to picking things up
at night.
456
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,380
And she said
they'd take deke back,
457
00:20:06,382 --> 00:20:08,249
But he has to come to them.
458
00:20:08,251 --> 00:20:09,516
That's great.
459
00:20:09,518 --> 00:20:10,851
So, come on.
460
00:20:10,853 --> 00:20:13,120
You and I are pushing
him home...
461
00:20:13,122 --> 00:20:15,256
In the dumpster.
462
00:20:15,258 --> 00:20:17,625
Pushing it to
the upper east side?
463
00:20:17,627 --> 00:20:18,959
Yes!
464
00:20:18,961 --> 00:20:20,194
He's totally knocked out
on earl's weed.
465
00:20:20,196 --> 00:20:21,595
He will not feel a thing.
466
00:20:21,597 --> 00:20:22,930
Come on, help me push
right now
467
00:20:22,932 --> 00:20:24,598
Before
I realize what I'm losing
468
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,634
And change my mind.
Go!
469
00:20:26,636 --> 00:20:28,269
You take that side,
I'll take this,
470
00:20:28,271 --> 00:20:29,770
And we won't stop till
we're there
471
00:20:29,772 --> 00:20:31,872
Or one of us falls off
the brooklyn bridge.
472
00:20:31,874 --> 00:20:33,974
We can never get it there, max.
473
00:20:33,976 --> 00:20:35,476
Then we'll get it
as far as we can,
474
00:20:35,478 --> 00:20:37,211
And then at least
when deke wakes up
475
00:20:37,213 --> 00:20:39,580
He won't be stuck here with me
in the morning,
476
00:20:39,582 --> 00:20:42,049
And he can have a life.
477
00:20:42,051 --> 00:20:43,651
I was wrong earlier.
478
00:20:43,653 --> 00:20:46,854
This is the most romantic thing
I've ever seen.
479
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,057
Yeah, don't cut yourself
on the dumpster
480
00:20:50,059 --> 00:20:52,493
Or you'll get lockjaw.
Push.
481
00:20:52,495 --> 00:20:54,728
[grunts]
oh, max.
482
00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:57,398
Even better upper arm
workout!
483
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,901
See,
only you would say that.
484
00:21:00,903 --> 00:21:05,806
[distant siren wailing]
[dog barking]
485
00:21:07,409 --> 00:21:09,476
[cash register bell dings]