1
00:00:02,145 --> 00:00:04,813
Fresh warm cupcakes!
2
00:00:04,815 --> 00:00:08,650
Enjoy this winter wonderland
with some hot, hot cocoa!
3
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:12,020
Why are we open and selling
to no one
4
00:00:12,022 --> 00:00:14,856
When we should be closed
and taking a floor nap?
5
00:00:14,858 --> 00:00:17,392
Yes, max,
it's a blizzard right now,
6
00:00:17,394 --> 00:00:19,227
But in an hour,
it could be 65!
7
00:00:19,229 --> 00:00:21,229
That's the beauty
of global warming.
8
00:00:21,231 --> 00:00:22,998
You, stop!
9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,734
I'll give you
a peppermint stick!
10
00:00:25,736 --> 00:00:28,270
That is a straw
with red stripes.
11
00:00:28,272 --> 00:00:31,106
Well, what sounds better, max,
a peppermint stick or...
12
00:00:31,108 --> 00:00:33,708
[low voice]
"a straw with red stripes"?
13
00:00:33,710 --> 00:00:37,345
First of all,
great impression of me.
14
00:00:37,347 --> 00:00:40,115
And second,
no one in their right mind
15
00:00:40,117 --> 00:00:42,117
Is stopping for cupcakes
right now.
16
00:00:45,555 --> 00:00:49,558
Oh, hi, girls!
Guess who wants a cupcake.
17
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,460
It's me.
18
00:00:51,462 --> 00:00:55,297
Here you go, sophie.
See, max, we have a customer.
19
00:00:55,299 --> 00:00:58,200
And just so you know,
I'm not gonna pay.
20
00:00:59,368 --> 00:01:02,037
Oh, I'm so glad
you stayed open,
21
00:01:02,039 --> 00:01:05,107
Even with all this snow
everywhere.
22
00:01:05,109 --> 00:01:07,476
You know, good for you.
23
00:01:07,478 --> 00:01:10,645
You two are really committed
to this little cupcake window,
24
00:01:10,647 --> 00:01:13,715
Even when it's stupid.
25
00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:18,720
That's it,
we're closing.
26
00:01:18,722 --> 00:01:20,522
These streets
need to be plowed
27
00:01:20,524 --> 00:01:22,891
More than that poor
married jonas brother.
28
00:01:22,893 --> 00:01:24,359
[beeping]
29
00:01:24,361 --> 00:01:26,161
No, wait.
[gasps] listen!
30
00:01:26,163 --> 00:01:27,562
It's the snowplow.
31
00:01:27,564 --> 00:01:29,131
Now, people will be able
to get to us.
32
00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:30,499
I told you, it is gonna be
33
00:01:30,501 --> 00:01:33,401
One of those magical
new york city nights.
34
00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:42,444
Do it again!
35
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,914
(peter bjorn and john)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
36
00:01:45,916 --> 00:01:47,682
[cash register bell dings]
37
00:01:47,684 --> 00:01:53,121
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
38
00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,327
Why are we here?
39
00:01:59,329 --> 00:02:01,930
It's still snowing,
and we have no customers.
40
00:02:01,932 --> 00:02:03,598
I had to put money
in the cash register
41
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,002
Just to steal it.
42
00:02:07,004 --> 00:02:09,571
We can't just leave.
Han's not here.
43
00:02:09,573 --> 00:02:10,939
Maybe the trains
aren't running,
44
00:02:10,941 --> 00:02:13,775
Or han got knocked out
by a snowflake.
45
00:02:13,777 --> 00:02:17,312
Well, you know the diner rule,
the one I just made up.
46
00:02:17,314 --> 00:02:18,847
If he's 30 minutes late,
47
00:02:18,849 --> 00:02:22,751
We grab whatever we can fit
in our pockets and leave.
48
00:02:22,753 --> 00:02:25,086
Of course,
if he's 31 minutes late
49
00:02:25,088 --> 00:02:29,124
And there's no one here,
we all get fired.
50
00:02:29,126 --> 00:02:31,793
But I say
we roll the dice.
51
00:02:31,795 --> 00:02:33,094
Whoo!
52
00:02:33,096 --> 00:02:34,763
Well, whatever happened,
53
00:02:34,765 --> 00:02:36,364
We can't run the diner
if han's not here.
54
00:02:36,366 --> 00:02:38,200
That's right,
who's gonna walk around here
55
00:02:38,202 --> 00:02:41,369
Guessing what a vagina
looks like?
56
00:02:41,371 --> 00:02:44,673
Uh, me?
57
00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,275
[bell dings]
pick up.
58
00:02:47,277 --> 00:02:48,643
I like this cold weather.
59
00:02:48,645 --> 00:02:52,280
I get to wear
my chin-cheetah hat.
60
00:02:52,282 --> 00:02:55,283
Chin-cheetah?
That's not even a real animal.
61
00:02:55,285 --> 00:02:58,820
Yes, it is.
This was the last one.
62
00:03:00,623 --> 00:03:03,525
Who's that food for?
We don't have any customers.
63
00:03:03,527 --> 00:03:05,360
It's for me and deke.
64
00:03:05,362 --> 00:03:07,362
We're studying pastry school
stuff in the cupcake shop.
65
00:03:07,364 --> 00:03:09,898
We're also putting rocks
in snowballs and throwing them
66
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,901
At hipsters wearing those stupid
stuffed animal hats.
67
00:03:12,903 --> 00:03:15,203
Max, you think
school will be open?
68
00:03:15,205 --> 00:03:17,405
I was hoping it'd be closed, so
I'd have at least have one day
69
00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:19,040
Where I wouldn't have to deal
with the drama
70
00:03:19,042 --> 00:03:20,642
Between me and chef nicolas.
71
00:03:20,644 --> 00:03:24,412
Oh, is that the married man
you kissed?
72
00:03:24,414 --> 00:03:25,714
Who told you?
73
00:03:25,716 --> 00:03:29,217
You!
Like a hundred times.
74
00:03:29,219 --> 00:03:32,254
Ooh!
Let's play a snow day game.
75
00:03:32,256 --> 00:03:35,757
Like what, guess the code
to the safe in han's office?
76
00:03:35,759 --> 00:03:39,261
I know the first two numbers
are eight and nine.
77
00:03:39,263 --> 00:03:41,997
How about--
if you could have sex
78
00:03:41,999 --> 00:03:44,499
With anyone here,
who would it be?
79
00:03:44,501 --> 00:03:48,403
"could have"
or "forced to have"?
80
00:03:48,405 --> 00:03:50,672
Oleg, you go first.
81
00:03:50,674 --> 00:03:52,474
I pick caroline.
82
00:03:52,476 --> 00:03:56,177
Oh, thank you.
That's gross.
83
00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:01,750
No, caroline got mauled
by a bear in the snow.
84
00:04:01,752 --> 00:04:03,251
I did?
85
00:04:03,253 --> 00:04:06,421
No, it was me
in a bear costume.
86
00:04:06,423 --> 00:04:09,324
She never saw me coming.
87
00:04:09,326 --> 00:04:13,194
So my only two choices
are you or earl?
88
00:04:13,196 --> 00:04:16,431
No, earl passed away
in his sleep.
89
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,834
Of course,
you'll feel terrible
90
00:04:19,836 --> 00:04:23,738
When that happens
in a couple of weeks.
91
00:04:23,740 --> 00:04:26,241
Now, if you'd excuse me,
I'm going to go home
92
00:04:26,243 --> 00:04:28,043
And roll me a fatty.
93
00:04:28,045 --> 00:04:31,780
Her name is denise.
94
00:04:34,450 --> 00:04:36,384
Okay, so I pick you.
95
00:04:36,386 --> 00:04:38,520
Me?
96
00:04:38,522 --> 00:04:43,091
You pick me
out of all these two people?
97
00:04:43,093 --> 00:04:45,093
Luis, are you blushing?
98
00:04:45,095 --> 00:04:49,197
No!
I'm wearing blush.
99
00:04:49,199 --> 00:04:51,232
Don't worry, everyone!
100
00:04:51,234 --> 00:04:54,302
I survived!
101
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,442
Still don't know
where han is,
102
00:05:00,444 --> 00:05:04,045
But the new bond villain
just arrived.
103
00:05:04,047 --> 00:05:08,616
Now there's an even bigger
octopussy in town.
104
00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:11,553
I'm very sorry I'm late.
105
00:05:11,555 --> 00:05:13,154
I got stuck in a snow bank,
106
00:05:13,156 --> 00:05:15,724
And I had to pee myself out.
107
00:05:15,726 --> 00:05:18,393
Where's max? And I know
she's not trapped in the storm,
108
00:05:18,395 --> 00:05:22,397
'cause she's the one who
taught me how to pee my way out.
109
00:05:22,399 --> 00:05:25,066
Max, what is the french name
for this pastry
110
00:05:25,068 --> 00:05:28,036
That looks like
a bunch of glazed balls?
111
00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:30,305
A sha-sha-sha?
112
00:05:30,307 --> 00:05:31,806
No.
113
00:05:31,808 --> 00:05:34,342
A doh-doh-doh-doh-doh?
114
00:05:34,344 --> 00:05:37,712
Oh, so close.
It's a "pata-choo."
115
00:05:37,714 --> 00:05:41,049
French and chemistry
for pastry school?
116
00:05:41,051 --> 00:05:42,751
I thought class
was gonna be like,
117
00:05:42,753 --> 00:05:45,420
"which is better, cake or bread?
They're both great, duh.
118
00:05:45,422 --> 00:05:47,555
Here's your degree."
119
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:49,691
I have terrible news.
120
00:05:49,693 --> 00:05:52,427
Han's not dead, and he wants us
to do side work.
121
00:05:52,429 --> 00:05:53,862
Do you mind?
122
00:05:53,864 --> 00:05:58,032
Harry pothead and I
are trying to study.
123
00:05:58,034 --> 00:05:59,834
Oh, max,
I know how we'll pass.
124
00:05:59,836 --> 00:06:01,970
We can ask that girl next to us
in class for help.
125
00:06:01,972 --> 00:06:03,338
She speaks french.
126
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:05,440
You know, the one
with the bubble butt, judy?
127
00:06:05,442 --> 00:06:08,910
Oh, yeah!
Judy with the booty.
128
00:06:08,912 --> 00:06:10,278
You don't know her
that well.
129
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:13,415
Please, call her
"judith with the boodith."
130
00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:19,621
Max, can I interrupt
this episode of "ass chat"
131
00:06:19,623 --> 00:06:21,623
And talk to you outside
for a second?
132
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:23,925
Sure.
Hey, max.
133
00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:28,096
Her butt's so big, she walks
into the room doggie-style.
134
00:06:28,098 --> 00:06:30,665
[laughs]
135
00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:33,301
Like I said to my uncle
when he came into my bedroom
136
00:06:33,303 --> 00:06:37,405
In the middle of the night,
"this better be good."
137
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,475
Does it bother you
when deke talks
138
00:06:40,477 --> 00:06:42,644
About other girls with you
like you're a guy?
139
00:06:42,646 --> 00:06:44,012
Not as much
as it bothers me
140
00:06:44,014 --> 00:06:46,781
When you talk to me
like I'm a girl.
141
00:06:46,783 --> 00:06:48,716
Look, deke and I
are just bros.
142
00:06:48,718 --> 00:06:50,552
I don't want
to sleep with him.
143
00:06:50,554 --> 00:06:53,988
Not that there's anything wrong
with two bros sleeping together.
144
00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:57,692
I'm not bromophobic.
145
00:06:57,694 --> 00:06:59,727
It's just not what this is.
146
00:06:59,729 --> 00:07:02,297
So you're sure
there's nothing sexual
147
00:07:02,299 --> 00:07:03,698
Going on
between you and him?
148
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,934
Yes, I'm sure.
149
00:07:08,404 --> 00:07:10,138
No!
150
00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:13,041
Watch, I'm gonna take
a snow swim.
151
00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:14,742
Whoo!
152
00:07:14,744 --> 00:07:16,277
Whoo!
153
00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:20,281
[grunts]
not that cold.
154
00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:22,750
[shivers]
155
00:07:22,752 --> 00:07:24,719
You're right,
nothing sexual there
156
00:07:24,721 --> 00:07:28,223
Unless you like adult men
in underoos.
157
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:40,068
Well, there's nicolas.
I was not prepared for this.
158
00:07:40,070 --> 00:07:42,670
Really? 'cause we spent
the entire subway ride
159
00:07:42,672 --> 00:07:45,507
Preparing you for this.
160
00:07:45,509 --> 00:07:47,275
Okay, look,
should I brace myself
161
00:07:47,277 --> 00:07:48,643
For weirdness
between you two?
162
00:07:48,645 --> 00:07:50,812
And by that,
I mean should I hit this?
163
00:07:50,814 --> 00:07:53,348
No, I'm cool.
Cool as a cucumber.
164
00:07:53,350 --> 00:07:56,484
Ll cool j.
Never been cooler.
165
00:07:56,486 --> 00:07:59,387
Ugh! Why didn't I drink
before you said that?
166
00:07:59,389 --> 00:08:04,192
Oh, yeah.
I am gonna ice him out.
167
00:08:04,194 --> 00:08:06,661
Well, maybe lose
a couple of those cubes,
168
00:08:06,663 --> 00:08:08,530
Because he is your boss,
and the only reason
169
00:08:08,532 --> 00:08:10,932
I can afford to go here is
'cause you work in the office.
170
00:08:10,934 --> 00:08:12,433
Don't worry,
he'll never know.
171
00:08:12,435 --> 00:08:14,068
Pretend you're nicolas.
[clears throat]
172
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:17,005
[french accent]
hello, caroline.
173
00:08:17,007 --> 00:08:21,009
I am a man,
but I am pretty like a lady.
174
00:08:21,011 --> 00:08:23,177
Good morning,
how are you?
175
00:08:23,179 --> 00:08:24,412
Ooh, that was good.
176
00:08:24,414 --> 00:08:25,680
[elevator bell dings]
177
00:08:25,682 --> 00:08:27,115
(deke)
'sup, max?
178
00:08:27,117 --> 00:08:29,050
Look who I got to ride up with.
Hey, max.
179
00:08:29,052 --> 00:08:31,386
Hey, jude.
You ever heard that one before?
180
00:08:31,388 --> 00:08:34,689
Yeah.
Is that, like, a thing?
181
00:08:34,691 --> 00:08:37,191
Thanks for the ride up,
deke.
182
00:08:37,193 --> 00:08:39,794
Caroline.
[mouthing]
183
00:08:43,132 --> 00:08:46,367
I thought we were gonna have
to take the freight elevator.
184
00:08:46,369 --> 00:08:50,672
Really? I assumed you guys
would take the ass-calator.
185
00:08:53,042 --> 00:08:54,576
Oh, hello, caroline.
186
00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:56,110
Good morning,
how are you?
187
00:08:56,112 --> 00:08:57,612
Very well, thank you.
188
00:08:57,614 --> 00:09:00,114
Can't you see
I'm mad at you?
189
00:09:00,116 --> 00:09:02,617
Then why are you smiling?
190
00:09:02,619 --> 00:09:05,119
This is my fake face.
191
00:09:05,121 --> 00:09:07,722
Then what does
your real face look like?
192
00:09:07,724 --> 00:09:12,327
How dare you kiss me
when you're married?
193
00:09:12,329 --> 00:09:14,862
I prefer the fake one.
194
00:09:17,499 --> 00:09:18,733
Bonjour, class.
195
00:09:18,735 --> 00:09:20,868
(all)
bonjour, chef nicolas.
196
00:09:20,870 --> 00:09:25,306
Today, we will be concentrating
on the chemistry of baking
197
00:09:25,308 --> 00:09:27,041
For tomorrow's test.
198
00:09:27,043 --> 00:09:28,676
I don't know
about the damn test,
199
00:09:28,678 --> 00:09:32,547
But I would ace a pop quiz
on that ass.
200
00:09:32,549 --> 00:09:35,216
Oh, sorry.
I'll get that.
201
00:09:35,218 --> 00:09:36,584
Let judy pick it up.
202
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:39,253
It's a chance to see it
in motion.
203
00:09:39,255 --> 00:09:43,124
You think she got that thing at
a kim kardashian backyard sale?
204
00:09:46,228 --> 00:09:50,098
When you add water to the flour
to hydrate the two proteins,
205
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:52,834
Glutenin and gliadin,
those two proteins
206
00:09:52,836 --> 00:09:55,036
Are drawn to each other,
and they bond.
207
00:09:55,038 --> 00:09:57,905
Like I like to say,
they're hot for each other.
208
00:09:57,907 --> 00:10:01,743
Max, look, they were drawn
to each other, they bonded,
209
00:10:01,745 --> 00:10:04,679
And now, we've got
our own big butt.
210
00:10:04,681 --> 00:10:07,181
Dat ass, though!
211
00:10:07,183 --> 00:10:09,384
More like dat ass dough.
212
00:10:09,386 --> 00:10:12,186
[both laughing]
213
00:10:12,188 --> 00:10:13,721
You need to wet the dough
with water
214
00:10:13,723 --> 00:10:15,556
To keep it
moist and supple.
215
00:10:15,558 --> 00:10:18,893
Wet your bread, everyone,
wet your bread.
216
00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:21,229
Mine's pretty wet.
How's yours?
217
00:10:21,231 --> 00:10:24,265
Mine would be,
but it's on antidepressants.
218
00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:27,101
Work with your partner,
help each other out.
219
00:10:27,103 --> 00:10:28,469
Here, let me help, max.
220
00:10:28,471 --> 00:10:29,971
Yeah, mine's not
as smooth as yours.
221
00:10:29,973 --> 00:10:33,041
Mm, keep kneading it.
You need more water.
222
00:10:39,548 --> 00:10:41,082
It's better, right?
223
00:10:41,084 --> 00:10:44,352
Yeah, I think
wetting it helped.
224
00:10:51,326 --> 00:10:54,095
Caroline, something
is really wrong with me.
225
00:10:54,097 --> 00:10:55,963
Don't freak out.
I'm here for you.
226
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:58,032
Unless it's something
I can catch.
227
00:10:59,635 --> 00:11:01,736
Something weird happened.
228
00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:03,838
I think I might
have feelings for deke.
229
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,307
Oh, god, no!
230
00:11:06,309 --> 00:11:10,178
I mean, that is interesting.
Let's talk about that.
231
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:11,879
I don't know what to do.
232
00:11:11,881 --> 00:11:13,381
We're bros, and I don't want
to ruin the friendship,
233
00:11:13,383 --> 00:11:14,682
Which is really unlike me.
234
00:11:14,684 --> 00:11:16,217
I always ruin friendships.
235
00:11:16,219 --> 00:11:18,853
I've been trying to ruin ours
since you moved in.
236
00:11:18,855 --> 00:11:21,189
Well, what changed
with deke?
237
00:11:21,191 --> 00:11:23,758
It was so weird--
he was wetting my bread,
238
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,195
And then my bread was wet,
if you know what I'm saying.
239
00:11:27,197 --> 00:11:31,666
Okay, thank you.
I'm finally off bread.
240
00:11:31,668 --> 00:11:33,267
Look, I understand.
241
00:11:33,269 --> 00:11:35,002
You can't always help
who you're attracted to.
242
00:11:35,004 --> 00:11:36,337
It's like with me
and nicolas--
243
00:11:36,339 --> 00:11:38,606
This is not the same
as you and frenchie.
244
00:11:38,608 --> 00:11:40,742
I wasn't attracted to deke
before today.
245
00:11:40,744 --> 00:11:42,410
The first time
you met nicolas,
246
00:11:42,412 --> 00:11:46,080
Your vagina fell on the floor
and tried to crawl up his leg.
247
00:11:46,082 --> 00:11:50,551
Yes, but I scooped it up
and snapped it back on
248
00:11:50,553 --> 00:11:53,788
Because I was not born
to have sex with a married man.
249
00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:56,023
If I was, I would have flirted
with matt lauer
250
00:11:56,025 --> 00:11:57,692
When he came over
for the christmas tree lighting
251
00:11:57,694 --> 00:11:59,160
At my house.
252
00:11:59,162 --> 00:12:02,663
Matt lauer--
that guy's got game.
253
00:12:02,665 --> 00:12:05,366
No hair, but game.
254
00:12:05,368 --> 00:12:08,836
Hey, everybody, good news!
255
00:12:11,140 --> 00:12:13,141
Oh, I passed
that kidney stone.
256
00:12:13,143 --> 00:12:16,110
Yeah, I think
the skiing loosened it.
257
00:12:16,112 --> 00:12:20,748
Oh, I felt like I was birthing
a baby through my eye hole.
258
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:24,152
Did you save the stone?
259
00:12:24,154 --> 00:12:27,622
'cause only three more, and you
can make me that necklace.
260
00:12:27,624 --> 00:12:29,157
Max, don't change
the subject.
261
00:12:29,159 --> 00:12:30,658
What are you gonna do
about deke?
262
00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:32,960
Oh, wait,
I love giving advice.
263
00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:35,396
I had my own advice column
in poland.
264
00:12:35,398 --> 00:12:39,634
It was called
"don't do that!"
265
00:12:39,636 --> 00:12:42,370
Sophie, have you ever
had sex with a friend?
266
00:12:42,372 --> 00:12:46,841
[gasps] oh, no.
Are you two gonna do it?
267
00:12:46,843 --> 00:12:49,076
No, that is not what--
268
00:12:49,078 --> 00:12:51,979
Oh, don't do that!
269
00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:54,182
No, it will ruin
your relationship
270
00:12:54,184 --> 00:12:56,117
And my opinion of max.
271
00:12:56,119 --> 00:12:58,586
What about your opinion
of me?
272
00:12:58,588 --> 00:13:02,390
Eh, it's already
pretty low.
273
00:13:04,927 --> 00:13:06,427
What am I gonna do
about deke?
274
00:13:06,429 --> 00:13:08,262
He's coming over
to study tonight.
275
00:13:08,264 --> 00:13:11,232
Oh, god, I sound like
such a girl from the '50s.
276
00:13:11,234 --> 00:13:14,969
Gonna go cry
into my princess phone.
277
00:13:14,971 --> 00:13:16,938
You should tell deke
how you feel,
278
00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:19,440
And tell him tonight, because I
think that judy girl likes him,
279
00:13:19,442 --> 00:13:21,075
And I think
he might like her too.
280
00:13:21,077 --> 00:13:23,511
Why do you say that?
I literally don't care at all,
281
00:13:23,513 --> 00:13:25,847
But I just want to know,
why would you say that?
282
00:13:25,849 --> 00:13:30,017
Max, he likes big butts,
and he cannot lie.
283
00:13:34,122 --> 00:13:36,624
"at what temperature
does sugar crystallize?
284
00:13:36,626 --> 00:13:38,759
Fahrenheit and celsius."
go, max.
285
00:13:40,162 --> 00:13:41,329
Max.
286
00:13:41,331 --> 00:13:44,832
Why are you looking at me
like that?
287
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,534
This doesn't make
any sense!
288
00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:48,870
Well, your book
is upside down.
289
00:13:51,506 --> 00:13:54,475
Hey, hearing a lot
of chitchat in here.
290
00:13:54,477 --> 00:13:57,511
Just wanted to make sure
you two are studying.
291
00:13:57,513 --> 00:13:59,881
[whispering]
stop studying. Kiss him.
292
00:13:59,883 --> 00:14:01,549
[mouthing words]
293
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:04,886
All right, well,
I better be going.
294
00:14:04,888 --> 00:14:07,188
Just pretend I'm not here.
295
00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:10,024
I always do.
296
00:14:10,026 --> 00:14:13,895
Hey, um, this is weird,
but before we study,
297
00:14:13,897 --> 00:14:15,963
I kind of have something
to tell you.
298
00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:18,766
Weird, 'cause I kinda
have something to tell you.
299
00:14:18,768 --> 00:14:21,736
That is weird.
Maybe it's the same thing.
300
00:14:21,738 --> 00:14:23,871
Someone wants to have sex
with me.
301
00:14:23,873 --> 00:14:25,473
How did you know that?
302
00:14:25,475 --> 00:14:28,042
'cause judy with the booty
just texted me,
303
00:14:28,044 --> 00:14:32,213
"would you like to study tonight
and then have sex with me?"
304
00:14:32,215 --> 00:14:35,149
I think you've interpreted that
correctly.
305
00:14:35,151 --> 00:14:38,886
Wow, she's direct
and, I might add, slutty.
306
00:14:38,888 --> 00:14:42,089
I know, she's got balls
to go with that butt.
307
00:14:42,091 --> 00:14:43,791
So what were you
gonna tell me?
308
00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:48,729
Oh, I was going to tell you
what you just told me,
309
00:14:48,731 --> 00:14:52,733
That judy with the booty
wants to have sex with you.
310
00:14:52,735 --> 00:14:54,468
Glad she got up the guts
to tell you.
311
00:14:54,470 --> 00:14:55,736
So go for it.
312
00:14:55,738 --> 00:14:58,706
Wait, you want me
to go for it?
313
00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:00,708
Yeah, totally,
go for it.
314
00:15:00,710 --> 00:15:03,311
She seems kind of clean.
Go get it.
315
00:15:03,313 --> 00:15:04,879
But we're supposed to study.
316
00:15:04,881 --> 00:15:06,881
I wouldn't want to bail on you
just to go hit that.
317
00:15:06,883 --> 00:15:08,649
Hey, if you don't,
I will.
318
00:15:08,651 --> 00:15:10,551
You're really gonna
pass that ass up?
319
00:15:10,553 --> 00:15:12,253
Now get going,
'cause I have to memorize
320
00:15:12,255 --> 00:15:15,423
What temperature cho-cho-cho
turns into chan-chan-chan.
321
00:15:15,425 --> 00:15:17,091
So you're telling me to go?
322
00:15:17,093 --> 00:15:19,493
I'm saying, "ta-ta-ta."
[chuckles]
323
00:15:19,495 --> 00:15:22,263
Go get her bread wet.
Make it rise, bro.
324
00:15:22,265 --> 00:15:23,931
Okay, then, bro.
325
00:15:23,933 --> 00:15:27,001
I guess I will go,
but with that butt,
326
00:15:27,003 --> 00:15:30,104
If I come back a crack addict,
it's your fault.
327
00:15:33,775 --> 00:15:36,510
Where's he going?
Is this a condom run?
328
00:15:36,512 --> 00:15:38,546
Is he going
on a condom run?
329
00:15:38,548 --> 00:15:41,382
'cause if he is, can you
text him to pick up a diet coke?
330
00:15:41,384 --> 00:15:43,751
Can, not a bottle.
You know the deal.
331
00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:46,087
[scoffs] he's going
to have sex with judy.
332
00:15:46,089 --> 00:15:47,588
You were right,
he's into her.
333
00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:49,690
I'm so glad
I didn't say anything.
334
00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:51,592
That would have felt
terrible.
335
00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:52,893
How do you feel now?
336
00:15:52,895 --> 00:15:54,395
Terrible.
337
00:15:54,397 --> 00:15:56,297
But at least
I didn't embarrass myself.
338
00:15:56,299 --> 00:15:59,767
I was this close
to showing him my gnomes.
339
00:16:01,937 --> 00:16:04,338
Wow, you must
really like him
340
00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:05,473
If you were willing
to let him know
341
00:16:05,475 --> 00:16:07,108
That you're an insane person.
342
00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:09,677
Well, I'm about to be
more screwed than judy,
343
00:16:09,679 --> 00:16:11,312
Because I didn't study
at all.
344
00:16:11,314 --> 00:16:13,214
I know french.
I can help you.
345
00:16:13,216 --> 00:16:16,951
You can help me with the keys
you have to nicolas' office.
346
00:16:16,953 --> 00:16:19,387
We are breaking in
and stealing the test!
347
00:16:19,389 --> 00:16:22,823
Why are you covering his ears?
He knows you steal.
348
00:16:22,825 --> 00:16:24,925
You took him
from someone's yard.
349
00:16:30,465 --> 00:16:31,565
I can't believe we're sneaking
into his office
350
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:32,566
To steal your test.
351
00:16:32,568 --> 00:16:34,001
This is cheating.
352
00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:35,369
Oh, don't worry,
I hear my teacher's
353
00:16:35,371 --> 00:16:37,905
Kind of into cheating.
354
00:16:39,341 --> 00:16:42,276
Can't argue with that.
355
00:16:43,645 --> 00:16:45,579
Max, please hurry.
Find the test,
356
00:16:45,581 --> 00:16:47,548
And let's get out of here
because we shouldn't be in here
357
00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:50,918
And it smells like him
and I like it.
358
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,788
Okay, one of these papers
has to be it.
359
00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:56,657
Oh, no, everything's written
in secret code!
360
00:16:56,659 --> 00:16:59,060
Max, that's french.
361
00:17:00,796 --> 00:17:03,064
How is it possible he's
even better-looking in photos
362
00:17:03,066 --> 00:17:04,732
Than in real life?
363
00:17:04,734 --> 00:17:06,934
Max, hurry up.
I can't be around his stuff.
364
00:17:06,936 --> 00:17:10,838
My vagina's trying
to get out of my pants again.
365
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,607
Well, get her out here!
366
00:17:13,609 --> 00:17:15,076
Maybe she can help me
look for the test,
367
00:17:15,078 --> 00:17:16,444
'cause you're useless.
368
00:17:16,446 --> 00:17:17,611
[footsteps approaching]
369
00:17:17,613 --> 00:17:19,080
Oh, no, it's nicolas.
370
00:17:19,082 --> 00:17:21,949
I can smell him in the hall,
and I like it.
371
00:17:21,951 --> 00:17:23,417
Max, let's get out of here.
372
00:17:23,419 --> 00:17:24,952
Okay, well, you have to stay
and distract him,
373
00:17:24,954 --> 00:17:26,620
So I can sneak out.
374
00:17:26,622 --> 00:17:28,255
Just pretend you're not mad
and you came in to see him.
375
00:17:28,257 --> 00:17:29,690
I can't just turn it on
like that.
376
00:17:29,692 --> 00:17:31,859
What am I, an actress
at a cocktail party?
377
00:17:31,861 --> 00:17:33,861
You have to, it's
the only logical explanation
378
00:17:33,863 --> 00:17:37,098
You have for being in here.
379
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,499
Caroline.
380
00:17:38,501 --> 00:17:40,367
I've missed you.
I'm in your office.
381
00:17:40,369 --> 00:17:42,103
That's the only logical
explanation I have
382
00:17:42,105 --> 00:17:44,004
For being in here.
383
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,343
Oh! Ow.
384
00:17:49,345 --> 00:17:51,112
Oh, sorry.
Did I hurt you?
385
00:17:51,114 --> 00:17:52,947
Oh, no, I'm sitting
on something.
386
00:17:52,949 --> 00:17:55,683
Oh, sorry. Oh, those are
the exams for today.
387
00:17:55,685 --> 00:17:58,219
Oh, well, let me just
give us some room
388
00:17:58,221 --> 00:18:00,654
While I push these exams
on the floor.
389
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:05,960
Now, kiss me again,
but this time, lay on top of me,
390
00:18:05,962 --> 00:18:08,129
So your legs are out of the way.
Now, go!
391
00:18:16,404 --> 00:18:18,072
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
392
00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:21,408
You know this can't happen.
You're married.
393
00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:22,643
Now, if you'll excuse me,
394
00:18:22,645 --> 00:18:25,713
I have to go
snap something back on.
395
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:33,053
Well, here are
the test answers,
396
00:18:33,055 --> 00:18:34,121
But I don't know
what the questions are
397
00:18:34,123 --> 00:18:35,589
Because I only got
half the test,
398
00:18:35,591 --> 00:18:38,292
And I'm only half sure
those are the answers.
399
00:18:38,294 --> 00:18:40,427
Whoa, dude,
how did you get this?
400
00:18:40,429 --> 00:18:43,597
I turned caroline
into a whore.
401
00:18:43,599 --> 00:18:45,332
Can you figure out
any of this?
402
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:48,569
I don't have any idea
what these questions could be.
403
00:18:48,571 --> 00:18:50,271
Ugh!
I didn't study either.
404
00:18:50,273 --> 00:18:53,007
Judy and I got to talking,
and it got pretty involved.
405
00:18:53,009 --> 00:18:56,076
Well, now we're screwed.
I mean, you already got screwed.
406
00:18:56,078 --> 00:18:58,078
Congrats.
Proud of you, bro.
407
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:01,015
Max, we're gonna flunk
this test.
408
00:19:01,017 --> 00:19:02,316
Better go
to the men's room
409
00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:05,419
And write all the answers
on my penis.
410
00:19:05,421 --> 00:19:07,621
Don't worry,
they'll fit.
411
00:19:10,058 --> 00:19:13,594
I hope you're happy, I've now
kissed a married man twice.
412
00:19:13,596 --> 00:19:16,030
Oh, and here, I grabbed this
from nicolas' office.
413
00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:17,932
That's not the test.
It's a phone bill.
414
00:19:17,934 --> 00:19:20,935
I know, I wanted you to see
he doesn't call his wife much.
415
00:19:20,937 --> 00:19:22,236
[alarm sounding]
416
00:19:22,238 --> 00:19:25,406
Fire!
Everyone get out!
417
00:19:25,408 --> 00:19:28,742
Move your big ass!
We're gonna burn! Scoot.
418
00:19:28,744 --> 00:19:30,177
[alarm sounding]
419
00:19:30,179 --> 00:19:31,912
Oh, my god, max!
420
00:19:31,914 --> 00:19:35,115
I hope nicolas is okay!
421
00:19:35,117 --> 00:19:39,119
Don't worry about me,
I'm right behind you!
422
00:19:39,121 --> 00:19:42,223
Caroline, I want you to be safe.
Come with me.
423
00:19:42,225 --> 00:19:45,626
You're married.
I'll just stay here and burn.
424
00:19:45,628 --> 00:19:48,295
Caroline, don't be crazy.
425
00:19:48,297 --> 00:19:51,498
This is all your fault.
[mouthing]
426
00:19:54,035 --> 00:19:55,869
Don't worry about me,
I'm right behind you!
427
00:19:55,871 --> 00:19:59,240
Max, wait.
428
00:19:59,242 --> 00:20:01,742
It's just a false alarm.
I pulled it.
429
00:20:01,744 --> 00:20:03,444
So classy.
430
00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:05,079
You weren't gonna pass
that test,
431
00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:07,648
And I need you
in that class with me.
432
00:20:07,650 --> 00:20:09,416
You did this for me?
433
00:20:09,418 --> 00:20:11,719
Yeah, and for me too,
I wasn't gonna pass either.
434
00:20:11,721 --> 00:20:15,489
But, look, when you were talking
about me and judy just now,
435
00:20:15,491 --> 00:20:17,057
You seemed kind of weird,
and--
436
00:20:17,059 --> 00:20:19,827
Oh, hey, I just had
a weird moment yesterday
437
00:20:19,829 --> 00:20:22,563
When you were getting my dough
wet and I kinda got turned on,
438
00:20:22,565 --> 00:20:26,166
Sort of thought I liked you.
Yeah, gross, right?
439
00:20:26,168 --> 00:20:29,069
Oh, right, yeah.
Totally gross.
440
00:20:29,071 --> 00:20:31,171
Anyway, dude,
we're just bros.
441
00:20:31,173 --> 00:20:34,742
Okay, bro,
but just so you know,
442
00:20:34,744 --> 00:20:37,278
Nothing happened
between me and judy last night.
443
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,013
That's lame--
if you like a girl,
444
00:20:39,015 --> 00:20:41,115
You should just grab her
and kiss her.
445
00:20:41,117 --> 00:20:42,483
Okay.
446
00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,022
Was that weird?
447
00:20:48,024 --> 00:20:50,090
Yeah.
And I liked it.
448
00:20:52,093 --> 00:20:53,927
Max, come on!
Oh.
449
00:20:53,929 --> 00:20:55,829
Sorry to interrupt,
450
00:20:55,831 --> 00:20:57,665
But we're supposed to evacuate
the building.
451
00:20:57,667 --> 00:21:00,167
There's no fire.
Deke pulled the alarm.
452
00:21:00,169 --> 00:21:02,836
I wanted to kiss her.
453
00:21:02,838 --> 00:21:05,839
Yeah.
Turns out he's into dudes.
454
00:21:07,909 --> 00:21:09,977
[cash register bell dings]