1
00:00:01,177 --> 00:00:03,678
Stealing han's dishes
2
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:06,048
So we don't have to clean
ours at home is genius.
3
00:00:06,050 --> 00:00:09,051
And a little sad.
4
00:00:09,053 --> 00:00:10,552
Are you kidding?
5
00:00:10,554 --> 00:00:11,820
This is the greatest thing
that's happened to me
6
00:00:11,822 --> 00:00:14,256
Since I got my period
this morning.
7
00:00:14,258 --> 00:00:17,359
Max, caroline,
you're stealing my dishes?
8
00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:20,762
Damn it, I didn't think
you could see up this high.
9
00:00:20,764 --> 00:00:24,166
And I didn't think
you could sink this low.
10
00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:26,201
Okay, stop, you're already
robbing me blind
11
00:00:26,203 --> 00:00:28,837
With your
"I'm a waitress" scam.
12
00:00:28,839 --> 00:00:31,673
Sorry, but things have gotten
kind of messy at home.
13
00:00:31,675 --> 00:00:33,208
Yesterday, I had to
take a shower
14
00:00:33,210 --> 00:00:35,610
To shower off
the shower I took.
15
00:00:35,612 --> 00:00:38,080
You two should get
a cleaning lady.
16
00:00:38,082 --> 00:00:40,449
I have a woman I pay
to clean my apartment.
17
00:00:40,451 --> 00:00:42,684
She is expensive,
but she may charge you less
18
00:00:42,686 --> 00:00:46,288
If you don't also
have sex on her.
19
00:00:52,562 --> 00:00:54,796
I'll look into it.
20
00:00:54,798 --> 00:00:57,899
My grandmother cleaned the house
free of charge.
21
00:00:57,901 --> 00:01:01,169
Of course she didn't have
a say in the matter.
22
00:01:02,972 --> 00:01:05,474
Let's just ask sophie.
She has a cleaning service.
23
00:01:05,476 --> 00:01:06,942
We have to do something.
24
00:01:06,944 --> 00:01:10,645
Yesterday, I saw a roach
walk out of our apartment.
25
00:01:10,647 --> 00:01:12,013
Look.
26
00:01:12,015 --> 00:01:13,548
I'm gonna tell you
what I told that guy
27
00:01:13,550 --> 00:01:17,219
Who asked me to use my butt
to smuggle opium.
28
00:01:17,221 --> 00:01:20,655
I'll do it!
29
00:01:20,657 --> 00:01:22,791
(peter bjorn and john)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
30
00:01:22,793 --> 00:01:24,459
[cash register bell dings]
31
00:01:24,461 --> 00:01:28,130
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
32
00:01:34,237 --> 00:01:36,004
Be ready, max.
33
00:01:36,006 --> 00:01:37,339
We have to leave as soon as
the cleaning lady gets here.
34
00:01:37,341 --> 00:01:39,141
It's housekeeper etiquette.
35
00:01:39,143 --> 00:01:41,343
In my old life, I go to spin
class and lunch with friends,
36
00:01:41,345 --> 00:01:43,178
But you and I
will just go outside
37
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:44,713
And watch the guy
who just got out of jail
38
00:01:44,715 --> 00:01:47,816
Do pull-ups on the light post.
39
00:01:47,818 --> 00:01:51,353
Calvin's out?
40
00:01:51,355 --> 00:01:53,054
I'm not gonna leave.
41
00:01:53,056 --> 00:01:55,724
I want to watch her
clean up my mess.
42
00:01:58,060 --> 00:02:01,062
Yeah, baby.
43
00:02:01,064 --> 00:02:03,965
I've waited my whole life
to have a servant.
44
00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:05,800
I thought you were gonna be it
for the first few weeks
45
00:02:05,802 --> 00:02:08,503
And then I realized
you can't do anything.
46
00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:09,971
[knock at door]
47
00:02:09,973 --> 00:02:11,439
And even though sophie
gave us a discount,
48
00:02:11,441 --> 00:02:14,342
The maid still has to call me
"your highness."
49
00:02:14,344 --> 00:02:17,779
Mostly because I'm pretty
"highness" right now.
50
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:22,250
Hi, girls.
51
00:02:22,252 --> 00:02:23,852
Here I am.
52
00:02:23,854 --> 00:02:25,487
Sophie from sophie's choice
cleaning service.
53
00:02:25,489 --> 00:02:28,290
Meet your cleaning lady
paulina.
54
00:02:28,292 --> 00:02:29,691
Paulina,
meet the girls.
55
00:02:29,693 --> 00:02:31,693
Mm.
56
00:02:31,695 --> 00:02:35,997
She'd shake hands,
but she only has one arm.
57
00:02:35,999 --> 00:02:37,766
Sophie, she can hear you.
58
00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:39,534
So what?
I know I'm missing arm.
59
00:02:39,536 --> 00:02:41,670
It's not news.
60
00:02:41,672 --> 00:02:43,271
So she lost an arm.
61
00:02:43,273 --> 00:02:45,507
I lost my gold earring
down the garbage disposal
62
00:02:45,509 --> 00:02:47,776
But I was too afraid
to reach into it
63
00:02:47,778 --> 00:02:51,446
Because, well, yeah.
64
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,354
Don't worry.
65
00:02:59,356 --> 00:03:01,957
I have one arm but I clean
like I have three.
66
00:03:01,959 --> 00:03:05,560
I put on more makeup,
then I start.
67
00:03:05,562 --> 00:03:07,229
I'm sorry.
68
00:03:07,231 --> 00:03:08,630
I didn't realize when
I ordered a cleaning lady
69
00:03:08,632 --> 00:03:10,865
I had to specify
I wanted one with two arms.
70
00:03:10,867 --> 00:03:13,768
You can't afford two arms.
71
00:03:13,770 --> 00:03:15,570
You said you wanted
a good price.
72
00:03:15,572 --> 00:03:18,707
Half the arms,
half the price.
73
00:03:18,709 --> 00:03:20,742
Is that how she lost
the arm, sophie?
74
00:03:20,744 --> 00:03:23,278
You cut it off
so we could get a discount?
75
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,046
Oh, yeah, sure.
76
00:03:25,048 --> 00:03:29,651
Yeah, I sawed off her arm
so I could save you 10 bucks.
77
00:03:29,653 --> 00:03:31,386
I start in bedroom.
78
00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:33,321
Wait, before you do,
one question.
79
00:03:33,323 --> 00:03:35,890
How'd you lose it?
James franco situation?
80
00:03:35,892 --> 00:03:38,994
You had to cut it off
to get loose?
81
00:03:38,996 --> 00:03:41,129
You're not saying no.
82
00:03:41,131 --> 00:03:43,164
Oh, you know what,
let's not go there.
83
00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:46,101
You know, it happened,
it was in the past.
84
00:03:46,103 --> 00:03:48,570
I was trapped
under this big truck.
85
00:03:48,572 --> 00:03:49,838
We get it.
86
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,707
I drove over your arm.
87
00:03:55,678 --> 00:03:59,914
Hey, don't even bother looking
for my good jewelry in there
88
00:03:59,916 --> 00:04:03,151
Because I'm already
wearing all of it.
89
00:04:03,153 --> 00:04:07,722
Oh, I'm jealous I don't have arm
to wear cheap jewelry.
90
00:04:12,928 --> 00:04:14,763
Max, I feel bad for her.
91
00:04:14,765 --> 00:04:16,064
See?
This is why you leave.
92
00:04:16,066 --> 00:04:17,432
In case they show up
with too much makeup
93
00:04:17,434 --> 00:04:19,334
And not enough arms.
94
00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:20,869
Relax, she's tough.
95
00:04:20,871 --> 00:04:22,937
Reminds me of a young me.
96
00:04:22,939 --> 00:04:24,939
Which means I better go
hide my pills from her.
97
00:04:24,941 --> 00:04:26,941
Max, she scares me.
98
00:04:26,943 --> 00:04:30,011
Oh, come on, she's armless.
99
00:04:32,682 --> 00:04:34,282
[grunts]
everything okay?
100
00:04:34,284 --> 00:04:36,017
You need any help?
101
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:39,521
I didn't get this far in this
business by taking help.
102
00:04:42,091 --> 00:04:45,126
Help me! Can't you see
I got one arm?
103
00:04:45,128 --> 00:04:47,395
Not gonna be a problem.
104
00:04:47,397 --> 00:04:49,364
I would occasionally
help my maid--
105
00:04:49,366 --> 00:04:50,799
You're not interested.
106
00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:51,800
Lift!
107
00:04:51,802 --> 00:04:54,202
Lift, weak girl.
Lift.
108
00:04:54,204 --> 00:04:57,072
Max, come here. We need help
lifting your mattress.
109
00:04:57,074 --> 00:04:58,373
Can you give us a hand?
110
00:04:58,375 --> 00:04:59,641
No! Leave it alone!
Leave it alone!
111
00:04:59,643 --> 00:05:02,977
Don't lift up the mattress!
112
00:05:02,979 --> 00:05:05,814
Ah, porno.
113
00:05:05,816 --> 00:05:09,884
Your mind is as dirty
as your apartment!
114
00:05:09,886 --> 00:05:12,654
Yes, it's porn. So what?
What's the big deal?
115
00:05:12,656 --> 00:05:14,556
It's just the body
in its natural form,
116
00:05:14,558 --> 00:05:16,991
Spread-eagle on a motorcycle.
117
00:05:16,993 --> 00:05:19,627
Why is so much of it
from the '80s?
118
00:05:19,629 --> 00:05:21,529
I like mustaches, okay?
119
00:05:21,531 --> 00:05:24,165
And it's multitasking.
I'm looking for my father.
120
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:26,735
Stop looking.
Stop looking right now.
121
00:05:26,737 --> 00:05:28,470
Why are you suddenly
embarrassed?
122
00:05:28,472 --> 00:05:30,839
Porn hub is your homepage.
123
00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:34,576
Hey, is this a brochure
for pastry school?
124
00:05:34,578 --> 00:05:37,545
Why are you hiding
a pastry school brochure?
125
00:05:37,547 --> 00:05:41,816
Your face is
a pastry school brochure!
126
00:05:41,818 --> 00:05:44,986
Max, it's great you're
interested in pastry school.
127
00:05:44,988 --> 00:05:46,254
I don't know why
you're embarrassed.
128
00:05:46,256 --> 00:05:47,589
Your face is embarrassed!
129
00:05:47,591 --> 00:05:49,424
Come on, I really think
that this is
130
00:05:49,426 --> 00:05:50,759
Something we should
talk about.
131
00:05:50,761 --> 00:05:54,329
Your face is something
we should talk about!
132
00:05:54,331 --> 00:05:56,998
You made the scary one mad.
133
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,433
That was dumb move.
134
00:05:58,435 --> 00:06:01,403
Your face was a dumb move!
135
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:07,175
Max?
136
00:06:07,177 --> 00:06:08,910
Max, you never came home
after you stormed out,
137
00:06:08,912 --> 00:06:10,311
So I brought you
your uniform.
138
00:06:10,313 --> 00:06:13,181
Max?
139
00:06:13,183 --> 00:06:15,316
I live here now.
140
00:06:15,318 --> 00:06:17,752
My new roommates,
the broom and the mop,
141
00:06:17,754 --> 00:06:20,789
Don't sneak around
looking at my stuff.
142
00:06:20,791 --> 00:06:22,424
I got everything I need.
143
00:06:22,426 --> 00:06:24,859
Whiskey, toothbrush,
toothpaste.
144
00:06:24,861 --> 00:06:28,029
Well, maybe your
new broommate
145
00:06:28,031 --> 00:06:30,298
Will hold back your hair
when you drink too much.
146
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:33,835
Which, from the looks of it,
will be in about an hour.
147
00:06:33,837 --> 00:06:35,637
Max, we really need
to talk about this brochure.
148
00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:38,339
Look, just because I have
a pastry school brochure
149
00:06:38,341 --> 00:06:40,875
Doesn't mean I'm actually
gonna go to pastry school.
150
00:06:40,877 --> 00:06:42,610
Just like having
those porn magazines
151
00:06:42,612 --> 00:06:44,979
Doesn't mean I'm actually
gonna ride around on a tiger
152
00:06:44,981 --> 00:06:49,551
Performing unspeakable acts
with sailors, probably.
153
00:06:49,553 --> 00:06:51,953
Pastry school
is the same as porn.
154
00:06:51,955 --> 00:06:53,188
It's just a dumb fantasy.
155
00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:55,223
Pastry school is not
like porn.
156
00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:56,491
There is nothing
in this brochure
157
00:06:56,493 --> 00:07:00,361
About a girl-on-girl
croissant.
158
00:07:00,363 --> 00:07:02,797
That's good toothpaste.
159
00:07:02,799 --> 00:07:04,566
Please stop
brushing your teeth.
160
00:07:04,568 --> 00:07:06,468
We have a shift to do later.
161
00:07:06,470 --> 00:07:08,369
Okay, the manhattan
school of pastry--
162
00:07:08,371 --> 00:07:10,638
Your face is the manhattan
school of pastry.
163
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,307
You know it isn't.
164
00:07:12,309 --> 00:07:15,143
Max, you could
go here for real.
165
00:07:15,145 --> 00:07:18,646
Tuition is only $3,000 a year.
A lot, but doable.
166
00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:20,448
A lot but doable?
167
00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:24,219
Are we talking about pastry
school or fat guy at last call?
168
00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:33,294
Here we are, max.
Your dream starts now.
169
00:07:33,296 --> 00:07:36,130
What, the one where
I'm a black mermaid?
170
00:07:36,132 --> 00:07:37,832
Would you relax?
171
00:07:37,834 --> 00:07:40,635
We're just gonna look around
and get an application.
172
00:07:40,637 --> 00:07:43,638
See all that gorgeous equipment
you get to use if you went here?
173
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,173
Finally you'd have
a mixing bowl
174
00:07:45,175 --> 00:07:47,141
That's not
a hollowed-out watermelon.
175
00:07:47,143 --> 00:07:48,409
[knocks]
176
00:07:48,411 --> 00:07:49,577
Can you help me?
177
00:07:49,579 --> 00:07:50,612
She's holding me
against my will.
178
00:07:50,614 --> 00:07:52,313
[laughs]
she's kidding.
179
00:07:52,315 --> 00:07:54,082
If you keep this up,
young lady,
180
00:07:54,084 --> 00:07:55,984
You are not getting
ice cream after.
181
00:07:55,986 --> 00:07:58,086
Fine!
182
00:07:58,088 --> 00:07:59,988
Come on, here's the office.
183
00:07:59,990 --> 00:08:01,489
Whatever.
Are we almost done here?
184
00:08:01,491 --> 00:08:03,858
I got a court date later.
185
00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:04,859
Hi.
186
00:08:04,861 --> 00:08:05,894
Hi.
187
00:08:05,896 --> 00:08:08,196
Hi.
188
00:08:08,198 --> 00:08:10,331
Hi.
189
00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,901
I'm not sure we're
in the right place.
190
00:08:12,903 --> 00:08:15,603
Are any of us really?
191
00:08:15,605 --> 00:08:19,407
We'd like an application.
Could you help us?
192
00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:22,076
Oh, god, I hope so.
193
00:08:22,078 --> 00:08:24,112
I wasn't expecting something
this high-pressure
194
00:08:24,114 --> 00:08:26,548
My first day back.
195
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:30,852
Let's just say I've been under
observation at the nuthouse.
196
00:08:30,854 --> 00:08:33,121
Okay, application.
197
00:08:33,123 --> 00:08:34,923
It's for max, here.
198
00:08:34,925 --> 00:08:37,225
She was very impressed
by your brochure.
199
00:08:37,227 --> 00:08:40,194
Oh, pastry school.
Exciting, right?
200
00:08:40,196 --> 00:08:43,765
I was a chef here once.
And then I wasn't.
201
00:08:48,470 --> 00:08:51,239
Oh, look.
Found the application.
202
00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:54,309
Wow. Really didn't think I was
gonna be able to handle that.
203
00:08:54,311 --> 00:08:56,444
Bebe, if you--
204
00:08:56,446 --> 00:08:59,347
Oh. Bonjour. Good morning.
205
00:08:59,349 --> 00:09:02,550
Uh...
206
00:09:02,552 --> 00:09:05,787
Chef nicolas, these girls
are here for an application.
207
00:09:05,789 --> 00:09:07,488
Don't worry, I handled it.
208
00:09:07,490 --> 00:09:09,557
Almost didn't, then I did.
209
00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:11,492
Nice work, bebe.
210
00:09:11,494 --> 00:09:15,229
Oh, do I detect
a french accent? Oui?
211
00:09:15,231 --> 00:09:17,065
Oh, my god,
I can't watch.
212
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:20,468
French, indeed.
I'm chef nicolas saintcroix,
213
00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:22,804
Owner and head chef.
Bienvenue.
214
00:09:22,806 --> 00:09:23,972
Caroline channing.
215
00:09:23,974 --> 00:09:27,976
[french-sounding
gibberish]
216
00:09:27,978 --> 00:09:30,144
Is it over yet?
217
00:09:30,146 --> 00:09:31,646
This is max.
The application's for her.
218
00:09:31,648 --> 00:09:34,148
'sup, frenchie?
You eat snails?
219
00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:36,351
It looks like bebe
forgot the second page.
220
00:09:36,353 --> 00:09:39,253
Oh, boy, forgot the second page.
That's not good.
221
00:09:39,255 --> 00:09:42,056
I thought I handled it.
Didn't handle it.
222
00:09:42,058 --> 00:09:43,925
It's okay, bebe.
Breathe in.
223
00:09:43,927 --> 00:09:45,059
[inhales]
224
00:09:45,061 --> 00:09:46,060
Breathe out.
225
00:09:46,062 --> 00:09:47,395
[exhales]
226
00:09:47,397 --> 00:09:50,832
That's good stuff.
227
00:09:50,834 --> 00:09:52,834
She was quite brilliant.
228
00:09:52,836 --> 00:09:55,269
Then she wasn't.
229
00:09:55,271 --> 00:09:57,105
Here. Fill that out.
230
00:09:57,107 --> 00:09:59,207
And the next step
is the pastry exam.
231
00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:01,109
Applicants will have to
make a classic tart,
232
00:10:01,111 --> 00:10:03,044
Bring them in tomorrow
for me to taste,
233
00:10:03,046 --> 00:10:05,279
And we will go from there.
Sound good?
234
00:10:05,281 --> 00:10:08,182
Whatever.
Maybe I'll think about it.
235
00:10:08,184 --> 00:10:12,253
Okay, well, maybe you will.
Nice meeting you both.
236
00:10:14,857 --> 00:10:19,594
Hope to see you tomorrow, chef.
237
00:10:19,596 --> 00:10:22,630
He called me chef!
238
00:10:22,632 --> 00:10:25,199
Yay! Let's go get ice cream!
No!
239
00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:26,868
You should get started
on that tart.
240
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,036
It's due tomorrow.
241
00:10:28,038 --> 00:10:29,704
I got plenty of time.
242
00:10:29,706 --> 00:10:31,406
Besides,
pressure ups my game.
243
00:10:31,408 --> 00:10:33,274
I perform my best
when there's a gun to my head.
244
00:10:33,276 --> 00:10:34,976
Ask any of my ex-boyfriends.
245
00:10:34,978 --> 00:10:37,779
This is so not
how I prepare for tests.
246
00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:42,216
I studied three weeks
for a pap smear.
247
00:10:42,218 --> 00:10:45,053
Don't worry, I got this.
248
00:10:45,055 --> 00:10:49,223
A tart's just like a cookie
with some pudding on it, right?
249
00:10:54,830 --> 00:10:58,366
[coughs]
250
00:10:58,368 --> 00:11:01,402
Max, what is
going on in here?
251
00:11:01,404 --> 00:11:05,139
Turns out a tart's more than a
cookie with some pudding on it!
252
00:11:05,141 --> 00:11:09,544
You've been in here six hours.
You said you had this.
253
00:11:09,546 --> 00:11:11,312
I thought I had this!
Turns out I don't!
254
00:11:11,314 --> 00:11:13,181
I haven't even
finished a shell.
255
00:11:13,183 --> 00:11:15,583
I didn't know there was a shell.
Did you know there was a shell?
256
00:11:15,585 --> 00:11:17,919
Everybody knows
there's a shell!
257
00:11:17,921 --> 00:11:20,421
What the shell
is wrong with you?
258
00:11:20,423 --> 00:11:24,425
I'm a tart
who can't make a tart!
259
00:11:24,427 --> 00:11:26,828
You could've made
nine shells by now.
260
00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:29,030
I did.
They're all in here. Look.
261
00:11:29,032 --> 00:11:32,400
It's like shell-mageddon!
262
00:11:32,402 --> 00:11:34,168
Oh, screw it. This one's
gonna be there in a minute.
263
00:11:34,170 --> 00:11:35,770
Let's just get it over with.
264
00:11:35,772 --> 00:11:37,338
No, you can do this.
Here. Here.
265
00:11:37,340 --> 00:11:38,906
This still looks
ready to go.
266
00:11:38,908 --> 00:11:42,276
Look at me. Look at me.
I'm a waste of two arms.
267
00:11:46,348 --> 00:11:47,849
I can't make a tart!
268
00:11:47,851 --> 00:11:51,753
How's the tart coming?
269
00:11:51,755 --> 00:11:54,055
Han, you're not safe.
Leave.
270
00:11:54,057 --> 00:11:55,957
You haven't even
finished the shell?
271
00:11:55,959 --> 00:11:57,792
That's the easiest part!
272
00:11:57,794 --> 00:12:02,296
Han, this is your face.
273
00:12:02,298 --> 00:12:04,165
Well, I should get going.
274
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:08,202
I didn't know she could
take bitch to the next level.
275
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,975
I am so screwed!
276
00:12:13,977 --> 00:12:17,111
I finally found a situation
my boobs can't get me out of!
277
00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:21,516
Hey, max. Now, I have all
the faith in the world in you.
278
00:12:21,518 --> 00:12:23,718
But here's a tart
from stop 'n shop
279
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,286
In case you wanted
to hand this one in.
280
00:12:25,288 --> 00:12:27,955
No, earl.
Max is not a cheater.
281
00:12:27,957 --> 00:12:29,891
Both: Since when?
282
00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:32,860
She is going to make
her own tart.
283
00:12:32,862 --> 00:12:36,030
You, out.
284
00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:37,732
I am never gonna
make this shell.
285
00:12:37,734 --> 00:12:40,034
I can't even get it
in the pan right.
286
00:12:40,036 --> 00:12:41,536
Max, that looks right.
287
00:12:41,538 --> 00:12:42,804
Oh, my god!
288
00:12:42,806 --> 00:12:44,872
I got it in the pan right!
I can do this!
289
00:12:44,874 --> 00:12:47,074
You did it! I knew it!
I helped you. We're besties.
290
00:12:47,076 --> 00:12:49,811
You're not safe. Leave.
291
00:12:56,785 --> 00:12:59,554
I'm telling you, max,
I've tasted a lot of tarts,
292
00:12:59,556 --> 00:13:01,155
And yours is delicious.
293
00:13:01,157 --> 00:13:03,758
You are not the first man
to tell me that.
294
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,962
The first man
to tell me that is in jail.
295
00:13:07,964 --> 00:13:09,063
Here he comes.
296
00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:11,165
Look at him.
Here he comes.
297
00:13:11,167 --> 00:13:13,434
Afternoon, ladies.
298
00:13:13,436 --> 00:13:15,937
Bien fondue,
eiffel tower.
299
00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:17,905
Okay.
300
00:13:17,907 --> 00:13:21,008
Thank you for coming.
Shall we begin the tasting?
301
00:13:21,010 --> 00:13:22,643
This is exciting, huh?
302
00:13:22,645 --> 00:13:26,480
Uh...
303
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:28,282
Keep it in your pants.
304
00:13:28,284 --> 00:13:30,151
And now for the tart.
305
00:13:30,153 --> 00:13:31,586
It's max's first ever.
306
00:13:31,588 --> 00:13:33,087
I ate a slice earlier
and it was like
307
00:13:33,089 --> 00:13:36,691
[french accent]
having a little piece of heaven.
308
00:13:36,693 --> 00:13:39,260
Don't do anything
you're doing.
309
00:13:39,262 --> 00:13:42,597
It's flaxy, creamy...
310
00:13:42,599 --> 00:13:46,434
For a first attempt,
I am very impressed.
311
00:13:46,436 --> 00:13:47,969
Don't be. I made a tart.
312
00:13:47,971 --> 00:13:49,670
It's not like I cured herpes
313
00:13:49,672 --> 00:13:53,507
Or invented a reverse microwave
to instantly chill sodas.
314
00:13:53,509 --> 00:13:55,409
Okay, max.
315
00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:57,778
I will talk it over
with my faculty
316
00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:59,614
And we will let you know.
317
00:13:59,616 --> 00:14:03,451
I'll let you know.
318
00:14:03,453 --> 00:14:05,953
Nailed that.
319
00:14:09,725 --> 00:14:11,459
(han)
max!
320
00:14:11,461 --> 00:14:14,128
Stop stealing my things!
You got a cleaning lady!
321
00:14:14,130 --> 00:14:16,530
Relax.
I am returning what I took.
322
00:14:16,532 --> 00:14:18,432
Here's your plates.
323
00:14:18,434 --> 00:14:22,637
Oh, and here's your atm card.
I lifted it from your wallet.
324
00:14:22,639 --> 00:14:25,373
Oh, and here's your wallet.
325
00:14:25,375 --> 00:14:27,575
There was $40 in here.
326
00:14:27,577 --> 00:14:29,477
There sure was.
327
00:14:29,479 --> 00:14:34,115
At least give me back
my gift card from sephora.
328
00:14:35,651 --> 00:14:37,652
Caroline, han wants
his sephora gift card back.
329
00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:42,056
Oh, that's not happening.
It's already on my face.
330
00:14:42,058 --> 00:14:43,891
Max, look, it's from
the pastry school.
331
00:14:43,893 --> 00:14:45,593
Whoo-hoo!
My acceptance letter!
332
00:14:45,595 --> 00:14:49,830
Lot of people talking about
my chili in that bathroom.
333
00:14:49,832 --> 00:14:53,367
Oleg, come here.
Han, earl, stay.
334
00:14:53,369 --> 00:14:55,636
You guys are about
to owe me big.
335
00:14:55,638 --> 00:14:58,506
I am gonna let you witness
something extremely rare.
336
00:14:58,508 --> 00:15:03,311
More rare than a sighting of
bigfoot or a ufo or han's penis.
337
00:15:03,313 --> 00:15:06,514
You held me here
so I could hear that?
338
00:15:06,516 --> 00:15:09,183
Behold, the rarest
sight of them all.
339
00:15:09,185 --> 00:15:11,919
You are about to see something
good actually happen to me.
340
00:15:11,921 --> 00:15:13,821
Listen to this.
341
00:15:13,823 --> 00:15:16,223
"dear ms. Black,
after careful consideration
342
00:15:16,225 --> 00:15:17,258
"of our large pool
of applicants,
343
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:20,828
We regret to inform you..."
344
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:23,464
Oh, I guess I didn't get in.
345
00:15:27,769 --> 00:15:29,704
Looking back, we probably
should have insisted
346
00:15:29,706 --> 00:15:33,040
She read that to herself,
honestly.
347
00:15:33,042 --> 00:15:35,876
I know why she didn't get in.
Her name.
348
00:15:35,878 --> 00:15:40,081
They saw the word "black"
and stopped reading.
349
00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:42,750
That's why I didn't
get into law school.
350
00:15:42,752 --> 00:15:46,253
I also didn't apply.
351
00:15:46,255 --> 00:15:48,789
This is terrible.
I'm gonna go see if she's okay.
352
00:15:48,791 --> 00:15:51,592
Who does that french frog
think he is?
353
00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:54,195
He thinks he can have the time
of his life tasting my tart
354
00:15:54,197 --> 00:15:56,163
And then never see me again?
355
00:15:56,165 --> 00:15:58,366
He won't let me
into his school?
356
00:15:58,368 --> 00:16:00,267
Well, I won't take no
for an answer.
357
00:16:00,269 --> 00:16:02,036
I am going down there right now
358
00:16:02,038 --> 00:16:03,471
And giving him
a piece of my mind.
359
00:16:03,473 --> 00:16:07,208
I am storming out.
360
00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:08,709
And I am storming back in.
361
00:16:08,711 --> 00:16:11,012
It is dark outside.
That school's not open.
362
00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:17,351
Hey, you.
363
00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,220
Tart tease, we need a word.
364
00:16:19,222 --> 00:16:20,721
Oh, boy.
365
00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:21,722
What?
366
00:16:21,724 --> 00:16:23,624
You love my pastries
367
00:16:23,626 --> 00:16:25,860
And then regret to inform me I'm
not good enough for your school?
368
00:16:25,862 --> 00:16:28,996
Well, I regret to inform you
that I am good enough
369
00:16:28,998 --> 00:16:30,664
And I want to know why
you won't let me in here.
370
00:16:30,666 --> 00:16:34,635
Okay, uh, your voice
is an anxiety trigger for me.
371
00:16:34,637 --> 00:16:37,338
I'm going to have to remove
myself from the situation
372
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:41,042
And go sit in the hallway.
373
00:16:41,044 --> 00:16:43,978
Can you come with me? You have
a very calming presence.
374
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:47,348
Thank you. So few people
think that about me.
375
00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:48,983
But I should stay with max.
376
00:16:48,985 --> 00:16:50,885
No, I got this handled.
You can have her.
377
00:16:50,887 --> 00:16:54,889
This is the last time
you give me to someone.
378
00:16:54,891 --> 00:16:57,992
Max, your tart
was excellent.
379
00:16:57,994 --> 00:16:59,727
The problem was
your attitude.
380
00:16:59,729 --> 00:17:03,497
You showed no passion
of wanting to be in this school.
381
00:17:03,499 --> 00:17:05,666
And that is why
you didn't get in.
382
00:17:05,668 --> 00:17:07,835
It seemed like
you didn't want it.
383
00:17:07,837 --> 00:17:10,738
No, no, no,
that's just my attitude.
384
00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:12,173
I act like
I don't want anything
385
00:17:12,175 --> 00:17:14,141
Because I never got
anything I wanted.
386
00:17:14,143 --> 00:17:15,843
But I do want to go
to this school
387
00:17:15,845 --> 00:17:17,645
More than I've ever
wanted anything.
388
00:17:17,647 --> 00:17:19,780
It's my fantasy and my dream,
389
00:17:19,782 --> 00:17:23,651
And please stop making me use
these horrible, horrible words!
390
00:17:23,653 --> 00:17:26,020
Just let me in, okay?
391
00:17:26,022 --> 00:17:28,689
Okay.
392
00:17:34,196 --> 00:17:36,530
Wait, for real?
393
00:17:36,532 --> 00:17:38,265
Yes.
394
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,334
I needed to see if your passion
was as good as your pastry
395
00:17:40,336 --> 00:17:43,003
And you just showed me it was.
396
00:17:43,005 --> 00:17:45,372
I'm thrilled to have you
on board, chef.
397
00:17:45,374 --> 00:17:47,608
Thanks, chef.
398
00:17:49,544 --> 00:17:52,113
Bebe is having a panic attack
and needs to hold her lemon.
399
00:17:52,115 --> 00:17:54,181
Has anyone seen her lemon?
400
00:17:54,183 --> 00:17:57,351
Caroline, he let me in.
I'm going to pastry school.
401
00:17:57,353 --> 00:17:59,286
Everybody has to
call me "chef" now!
402
00:17:59,288 --> 00:18:01,122
You did it, chef!
403
00:18:01,124 --> 00:18:03,090
You're going to the pastry
school from the brochure!
404
00:18:03,092 --> 00:18:07,795
Aren't you glad
I looked at your porn?
405
00:18:07,797 --> 00:18:12,700
We're roommates. Both single.
Quelle surprise.
406
00:18:12,702 --> 00:18:15,636
So max, once you fill out these,
407
00:18:15,638 --> 00:18:18,539
You will be
officially enrolled.
408
00:18:18,541 --> 00:18:19,974
And of course we will need
your tuition check.
409
00:18:19,976 --> 00:18:22,243
Yup. $3,000.
It's a lot for us.
410
00:18:22,245 --> 00:18:24,879
But if we make some cutbacks,
1/2-ply toilet paper.
411
00:18:24,881 --> 00:18:28,716
Who am I kidding?
No toilet paper, diner napkins.
412
00:18:28,718 --> 00:18:32,052
No, tuition is 24,000.
413
00:18:32,054 --> 00:18:35,222
But the brochure
said $3,000 a year.
414
00:18:35,224 --> 00:18:37,925
You misread it.
It's $3,000 a unit.
415
00:18:37,927 --> 00:18:41,228
There is eight units per year.
24,000.
416
00:18:41,230 --> 00:18:46,233
It costs $24,000?
We can't pay that.
417
00:18:46,235 --> 00:18:48,836
Oh, my god, now I'm never
gonna be able to come here
418
00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:50,471
And I just admitted
I wanted to!
419
00:18:50,473 --> 00:18:53,073
I take back everything I ever
said about wanting anything.
420
00:18:53,075 --> 00:18:54,542
Max, you can't just storm out.
421
00:18:54,544 --> 00:18:58,812
Your face can't
just storm out!
422
00:18:58,814 --> 00:19:02,149
Look, I will do anything for
that girl to go to this school.
423
00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:04,518
In exchange for tuition,
I could work in the office.
424
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,587
Bebe clearly needs someone
to help take the pressure off
425
00:19:06,589 --> 00:19:08,155
And who better than
a mentally stable
426
00:19:08,157 --> 00:19:09,890
Wharton graduate
like myself?
427
00:19:09,892 --> 00:19:11,592
But I'll do anything.
428
00:19:11,594 --> 00:19:13,527
I'll even wash
your floors, okay?
429
00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:14,895
Although I'm sure there's
something better than that.
430
00:19:14,897 --> 00:19:16,897
But if you need me
to wash the floors,
431
00:19:16,899 --> 00:19:18,332
I will wash the floors.
432
00:19:18,334 --> 00:19:20,267
Really would prefer
to do anything else,
433
00:19:20,269 --> 00:19:22,436
But I'll do it,
'cause I'll do anything
434
00:19:22,438 --> 00:19:23,437
To get her into this school.
435
00:19:23,439 --> 00:19:25,673
Please no floors.
436
00:19:25,675 --> 00:19:29,343
Okay, I will talk
it over with my staff
437
00:19:29,345 --> 00:19:30,344
And I will let you know.
438
00:19:30,346 --> 00:19:31,412
Oh, no, no.
439
00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:32,947
I've seen what happens
440
00:19:32,949 --> 00:19:34,782
When you give people
the "I'll let you know."
441
00:19:34,784 --> 00:19:36,684
I'm not going anywhere until
you let me know to my face.
442
00:19:36,686 --> 00:19:39,787
With your face.
Your beautiful, beautiful face.
443
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:51,398
Max, we're not poor enough?
444
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:55,402
You're starting a hobo
trash fire in our apartment?
445
00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:58,772
Yup. I'm burning my porn
and pastry school brochure.
446
00:19:58,774 --> 00:20:01,208
You know, all my fantasies.
447
00:20:01,210 --> 00:20:03,043
If I learned anything in life
448
00:20:03,045 --> 00:20:06,447
It's that nothing's
more flammable than my dreams.
449
00:20:06,449 --> 00:20:08,082
Are those my
slipper socks in there?
450
00:20:08,084 --> 00:20:10,451
Yeah, those needed to die too.
451
00:20:10,453 --> 00:20:12,386
Well, while you were
in our living room
452
00:20:12,388 --> 00:20:15,990
Hosting a burning man
festival,
453
00:20:15,992 --> 00:20:18,092
I was at the pastry school
getting us
454
00:20:18,094 --> 00:20:20,261
A work-study arrangement.
455
00:20:20,263 --> 00:20:22,263
And...
456
00:20:22,265 --> 00:20:25,299
You're going
to pastry school.
457
00:20:25,301 --> 00:20:26,400
No way!
458
00:20:26,402 --> 00:20:28,836
Here you go.
Your school uniform.
459
00:20:28,838 --> 00:20:30,838
This is where my name's
gonna go!
460
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:34,675
My chef name,
conchita bonfire.
461
00:20:34,677 --> 00:20:36,810
Thank you for this.
462
00:20:36,812 --> 00:20:38,245
And for everything.
463
00:20:38,247 --> 00:20:39,947
You don't have to thank me.
464
00:20:39,949 --> 00:20:41,115
'cause with your new skills
I'm gonna use you
465
00:20:41,117 --> 00:20:44,451
Like kim uses kanye.
466
00:20:44,453 --> 00:20:48,088
Or kanye uses kim. I'm not sure
which of them is winning.
467
00:20:48,090 --> 00:20:51,091
What kind of work-study
arrangement did you make for me?
468
00:20:51,093 --> 00:20:53,360
It's more of a work-study
arrangement for us.
469
00:20:53,362 --> 00:20:55,596
I'll be working in the office
helping out bebe,
470
00:20:55,598 --> 00:20:57,097
So I'm working,
you're studying.
471
00:20:57,099 --> 00:21:00,834
You're working
at my school? Mom!