1
00:00:01,644 --> 00:00:03,478
Max! Caroline!

2
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,080
Look, here comes han
carrying an ipad mini.

3
00:00:05,082 --> 00:00:07,883
Or is it an ipad
carrying a mini han?

4
00:00:09,318 --> 00:00:11,720
Han has a mini ipad?

5
00:00:11,722 --> 00:00:14,790
We can't even afford
a maxi pad.

6
00:00:16,759 --> 00:00:19,761
I am so upset.
I'm stuck in a lie.

7
00:00:19,763 --> 00:00:20,829
Well, it's better
than the time

8
00:00:20,831 --> 00:00:23,331
You got stuck in
that backpack.

9
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:26,001
Seriously, you guys.
I'm in trouble.

10
00:00:26,003 --> 00:00:27,335
I just opened this email,

11
00:00:27,337 --> 00:00:29,671
And my mother is coming
to visit.

12
00:00:29,673 --> 00:00:32,574
You have a mother?

13
00:00:32,576 --> 00:00:33,842
I thought you came to life

14
00:00:33,844 --> 00:00:38,447
After a kid in a toy store
made a wish.

15
00:00:38,449 --> 00:00:40,515
(peter bjorn and john)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

16
00:00:40,517 --> 00:00:42,017
[cash register bell dings]

17
00:00:42,019 --> 00:00:45,587
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪

18
00:00:48,191 --> 00:00:50,092
Han, your mother's coming

19
00:00:50,094 --> 00:00:51,193
All the way from korea
to see you.

20
00:00:51,195 --> 00:00:52,727
Isn't that great news?

21
00:00:52,729 --> 00:00:55,163
Is this the face
of great news?

22
00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:59,468
See, my mother thinks
I have a girlfriend.

23
00:00:59,470 --> 00:01:01,870
My father still thinks
I wasn't in the car

24
00:01:01,872 --> 00:01:04,973
When my friend hit
that grifter in the hamptons.

25
00:01:04,975 --> 00:01:07,609
She thinks I have
a girlfriend

26
00:01:07,611 --> 00:01:09,311
Because I might have
told her I did.

27
00:01:09,313 --> 00:01:11,947
Did you or didn't you?

28
00:01:11,949 --> 00:01:15,784
I-I might have.

29
00:01:15,786 --> 00:01:18,320
And I might have sent
my mother pictures of someone

30
00:01:18,322 --> 00:01:20,489
And told her that she was
the woman I'm dating.

31
00:01:20,491 --> 00:01:25,727
Han, you might have
catfished your mom?

32
00:01:25,729 --> 00:01:27,963
I might have.

33
00:01:29,232 --> 00:01:30,799
Catfishing--
right.

34
00:01:30,801 --> 00:01:32,400
That's when you pick up
a woman in a bar,

35
00:01:32,402 --> 00:01:33,735
And when you get her
in the light,

36
00:01:33,737 --> 00:01:37,005
You realize
she has whiskers.

37
00:01:37,007 --> 00:01:41,243
P.S.--
Doesn't bother me.

38
00:01:41,245 --> 00:01:43,612
No, catfishing is
when you pretend

39
00:01:43,614 --> 00:01:45,480
To be someone you're not
on the internet.

40
00:01:45,482 --> 00:01:47,249
You know, like everyone
on the internet.

41
00:01:49,352 --> 00:01:52,020
All my mother wants is for me
to be happily married

42
00:01:52,022 --> 00:01:53,522
Like my father and her.

43
00:01:53,524 --> 00:01:57,025
All my mother wants is
a cure for hep-c.

44
00:01:59,195 --> 00:02:00,996
Look, here she is.

45
00:02:00,998 --> 00:02:05,200
"korean beauty June kim,
aka sapphire"?

46
00:02:05,202 --> 00:02:07,936
Han, you chose a prostitute?

47
00:02:09,805 --> 00:02:12,707
She's not a prostitute.
She has a website.

48
00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:16,645
Yeah, and I know a guy
with business cards

49
00:02:16,647 --> 00:02:20,849
Whose "job" it is
to relax your rectum.

50
00:02:20,851 --> 00:02:22,884
It says she's an exotic dancer

51
00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:24,819
At this gentlemen's club
in manhattan.

52
00:02:24,821 --> 00:02:26,454
So just go there
and hire the hooker

53
00:02:26,456 --> 00:02:28,123
To pretend to be
your girlfriend.

54
00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:31,226
And there's a sentence
I never thought I'd say.

55
00:02:31,228 --> 00:02:33,962
I tried, but the bouncer told me
to wait in the alley

56
00:02:33,964 --> 00:02:37,465
For my mother
like all the other children.

57
00:02:41,137 --> 00:02:43,638
So I was hoping
you guys could go for me.

58
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,540
Han, we are not doing that.

59
00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:47,909
Strip clubs, lies--
that's not my scene.

60
00:02:47,911 --> 00:02:51,146
That's not your "scene"?

61
00:02:51,148 --> 00:02:53,348
You have a scene?

62
00:02:53,350 --> 00:02:54,983
What is your scene, caroline?

63
00:02:54,985 --> 00:02:56,651
I haven't seen your scene.

64
00:02:56,653 --> 00:02:58,720
In fact, you haven't seen
your scene in two years.

65
00:02:58,722 --> 00:03:01,223
Trust me,
this is your scene now.

66
00:03:02,825 --> 00:03:05,160
Oh, I understand.

67
00:03:05,162 --> 00:03:06,494
Just one question--

68
00:03:06,496 --> 00:03:08,163
Did I or did I
not let you have

69
00:03:08,165 --> 00:03:10,498
The cupcake window
rent-free?

70
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:13,668
Wow, han.
That's a cheap shot.

71
00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:16,638
Low, bitchy--
I respect that.

72
00:03:18,274 --> 00:03:19,441
We'll go to the strip club,

73
00:03:19,443 --> 00:03:20,609
But if it's nude, nude, nude,

74
00:03:20,611 --> 00:03:22,177
I am leaving, leaving, leaving.

75
00:03:24,513 --> 00:03:26,248
That's the first time
han's ever been able

76
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,583
To hold something over
someone's head.

77
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,391
Sapphire will be right
with you, ladies.

78
00:03:36,393 --> 00:03:37,692
Thank you, my good man.

79
00:03:37,694 --> 00:03:39,461
Give me a 20 from han.

80
00:03:39,463 --> 00:03:41,496
You gotta tip at these places
or they'll murder you.

81
00:03:43,065 --> 00:03:44,466
Thanks, doll.

82
00:03:44,468 --> 00:03:46,001
You'se twos can have
a seat on that couch.

83
00:03:47,203 --> 00:03:49,771
Oh, no.
No, thank you.

84
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,975
I'm not catching--

85
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:59,981
Not catching
"sypha-gonna-titus" today.

86
00:04:04,987 --> 00:04:07,455
Well, if a whore's bath is
appropriate anywhere,

87
00:04:07,457 --> 00:04:09,391
It's here.

88
00:04:09,393 --> 00:04:11,893
Max, please be professional
when she comes in.

89
00:04:11,895 --> 00:04:13,595
No sexual comments.

90
00:04:13,597 --> 00:04:15,597
Considering she's used to
walking in on dudes

91
00:04:15,599 --> 00:04:16,765
Who have their junk
in their hand

92
00:04:16,767 --> 00:04:19,768
Like a sad present,

93
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:22,904
I am sure I can manage
to not offend her.

94
00:04:22,906 --> 00:04:25,407
I'm just saying that despite
where we are, let's remember,

95
00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:27,375
She's a business woman like us.

96
00:04:31,414 --> 00:04:35,016
The chairman of the board
is here.

97
00:04:35,018 --> 00:04:37,085
Hi, ladies.
You ready for a good time?

98
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:39,421
Been waitin' my whole life.

99
00:04:39,423 --> 00:04:40,855
Hello.
It's a pleasure to meet you.

100
00:04:40,857 --> 00:04:42,190
I'm caroline channing,

101
00:04:42,192 --> 00:04:44,059
And this is my colleague,
max black.

102
00:04:47,930 --> 00:04:49,464
Yo, how's this gonna work?
I don't do two at a time.

103
00:04:49,466 --> 00:04:51,232
So who wants to watch,
who wants to ride?

104
00:04:52,468 --> 00:04:53,768
Oh, right.

105
00:04:53,770 --> 00:04:55,970
Neither of us
will be riding, per se.

106
00:04:55,972 --> 00:04:57,505
Hold your roll, girl.

107
00:04:57,507 --> 00:05:00,175
We're spending a lot
of han's money here.

108
00:05:00,177 --> 00:05:02,811
If I want a ride,
I'm getting a ride.

109
00:05:02,813 --> 00:05:04,779
Um, is it June or sapphire?

110
00:05:04,781 --> 00:05:07,782
You can call me paul
if you pay me.

111
00:05:07,784 --> 00:05:11,152
June, we're not here
for a dance

112
00:05:11,154 --> 00:05:12,954
Or any of the other things
you do

113
00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:14,656
That I don't judge you for
because I'm very open-minded.

114
00:05:14,658 --> 00:05:17,525
I've been to amsterdam.

115
00:05:17,527 --> 00:05:19,994
I'm on camera
so I gotta dance for someone

116
00:05:19,996 --> 00:05:21,396
Or my bosses will fire me.

117
00:05:21,398 --> 00:05:22,897
And then it's back
to waiting tables.

118
00:05:22,899 --> 00:05:24,766
Told myself I'd never sink
that low again.

119
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,138
Yeah, we say that every day
when we get dressed for work.

120
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:32,407
Okay, sit.
Let's do this.

121
00:05:32,409 --> 00:05:35,410
It's fine. I think
I got all the stains.

122
00:05:37,646 --> 00:05:39,614
[gasps]

123
00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:55,864
It's official!
We've paid han back.

124
00:05:55,866 --> 00:05:58,500
Um, could you turn
the other lights on?

125
00:05:58,502 --> 00:06:00,168
She's allergic
to the truth.

126
00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:03,405
[thumping music]

127
00:06:03,407 --> 00:06:05,874
So, June, here's the thing.
We have this boss.

128
00:06:05,876 --> 00:06:08,843
Yeah, girl, work that.

129
00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:12,447
I'm being encouraging,
businesswoman to businesswoman.

130
00:06:12,449 --> 00:06:15,383
Anyway, his name is han lee,
and see,

131
00:06:15,385 --> 00:06:18,253
His mother is coming to visit.

132
00:06:18,255 --> 00:06:21,189
Oh, nice move there.

133
00:06:21,191 --> 00:06:22,891
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I wasn't encouraging.

134
00:06:22,893 --> 00:06:24,192
Just commenting.

135
00:06:24,194 --> 00:06:27,362
Oh, peek-a-boo,
there's your head.

136
00:06:27,364 --> 00:06:29,631
Anyway, he needs a girlfriend,

137
00:06:29,633 --> 00:06:31,199
So he sent his mother
pictures of you

138
00:06:31,201 --> 00:06:32,767
And said you were
his girlfriend.

139
00:06:32,769 --> 00:06:36,037
[laughs nervously]
I think it's her turn.

140
00:06:36,039 --> 00:06:38,039
Oh, uh--
the gist is,

141
00:06:38,041 --> 00:06:40,909
He's willing to pay you to
pretend to be his girlfriend.

142
00:06:40,911 --> 00:06:42,544
And I'm willing to pay you
to show me

143
00:06:42,546 --> 00:06:45,647
How to do that with my hips.

144
00:06:45,649 --> 00:06:47,549
Ooh, you would make
a great stripper.

145
00:06:47,551 --> 00:06:50,385
I know, I just have
a fear of success thing.

146
00:06:51,921 --> 00:06:53,988
Can we turn the music off?

147
00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:56,591
'cause I'm getting disoriented

148
00:06:56,593 --> 00:06:58,726
And, in all honesty,
a little turned on.

149
00:06:58,728 --> 00:07:01,729
And I cannot be
a latent bisexual

150
00:07:01,731 --> 00:07:03,898
With everything else
already on my plate.

151
00:07:04,934 --> 00:07:06,134
How much?

152
00:07:06,136 --> 00:07:07,902
Whatever your rate is for sex,

153
00:07:07,904 --> 00:07:09,070
But you won't even have
to have sex.

154
00:07:09,072 --> 00:07:10,238
At the most, just kissing.

155
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,306
Kissing is $500.

156
00:07:11,308 --> 00:07:12,941
I love you.

157
00:07:12,943 --> 00:07:15,643
Okay. I can give him the
"girlfriend experience" package.

158
00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:18,179
He has no girlfriend,
no experience, and no package,

159
00:07:18,181 --> 00:07:20,548
So that sounds perfect.

160
00:07:24,086 --> 00:07:26,087
Here, earl,
when my mother comes in,

161
00:07:26,089 --> 00:07:27,755
Pretend you are reading this.

162
00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:32,327
Ooh, the bible.

163
00:07:32,329 --> 00:07:36,164
You know, I remember
when this first came out.

164
00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:44,272
Didn't think
it would be a hit.

165
00:07:44,274 --> 00:07:47,275
Earl, we're talking about
our lord, jesus christ!

166
00:07:49,612 --> 00:07:53,448
So, no sign of
mama-say-mama-sah-ma-mama-han?

167
00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:55,450
I don't know. I don't know
what she looks like.

168
00:07:58,387 --> 00:08:00,555
She's here.

169
00:08:00,557 --> 00:08:02,557
Ohm-ma!

170
00:08:02,559 --> 00:08:04,392
Han!

171
00:08:07,897 --> 00:08:09,898
I can't tell if
she's a smaller him

172
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,900
Or if he's a smaller her.

173
00:08:13,636 --> 00:08:16,604
[speaking korean]

174
00:08:18,574 --> 00:08:21,576
[speaking korean]

175
00:08:25,814 --> 00:08:28,082
You must be han's mother.

176
00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,584
I'm earl.

177
00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:34,222
I was just reading the bible,

178
00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:36,558
'cause when am I not?

179
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,560
Mother, this is caroline.

180
00:08:38,562 --> 00:08:42,997
[speaking korean]

181
00:08:42,999 --> 00:08:45,300
Hay-yo!

182
00:08:47,503 --> 00:08:49,671
Caroline, I didn't know
you spoke korean.

183
00:08:49,673 --> 00:08:52,407
I took it as an elective
after I mastered japanese.

184
00:08:52,409 --> 00:08:54,042
I had a hunch asia was gonna
take over the world.

185
00:08:54,044 --> 00:08:56,945
And congratulations,
right on track.

186
00:08:58,514 --> 00:09:02,016
Caroline, your korean
is very good.

187
00:09:02,018 --> 00:09:03,384
And this is max.

188
00:09:03,386 --> 00:09:05,320
Nice to meet you, mrs. Lee.

189
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,361
What does that face mean
in korean?

190
00:09:13,363 --> 00:09:16,297
It means zip up your top.

191
00:09:16,299 --> 00:09:19,033
Here, mother, sit.
You must be hungry.

192
00:09:19,035 --> 00:09:22,537
I'll get you a menu.

193
00:09:22,539 --> 00:09:24,739
That's weird.

194
00:09:24,741 --> 00:09:27,642
These usually bring joy
to the people.

195
00:09:29,044 --> 00:09:31,479
Han lee,
where is your girlfriend?

196
00:09:31,481 --> 00:09:33,147
You'll meet her
at dinner tomorrow.

197
00:09:33,149 --> 00:09:34,716
She wanted to be here,

198
00:09:34,718 --> 00:09:37,051
But with church and all her work
in brain surgery,

199
00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:40,555
She's very busy.

200
00:09:40,557 --> 00:09:42,223
And I thought it
was unrealistic

201
00:09:42,225 --> 00:09:45,927
When you had a girlfriend that
didn't need an air pump.

202
00:09:45,929 --> 00:09:48,396
Han, what are you
thinking?

203
00:09:48,398 --> 00:09:49,731
How are you ever going to
pull this off?

204
00:09:49,733 --> 00:09:52,266
With the help
of my two best friends?

205
00:09:52,268 --> 00:09:55,903
Oh, good.
Who are they?

206
00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:58,606
Please, have June come
to your apartment

207
00:09:58,608 --> 00:10:00,308
And we can brief her.

208
00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:02,744
Well, if it's with you,
it's gonna be brief.

209
00:10:02,746 --> 00:10:04,412
Remember, you owe me.

210
00:10:04,414 --> 00:10:07,415
No, han. At that club,
I saw a pregnant wall.

211
00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:10,385
So...

212
00:10:13,122 --> 00:10:15,023
I think we're even.

213
00:10:20,262 --> 00:10:23,431
If I'm here to meet June,
why am I blindfolded?

214
00:10:23,433 --> 00:10:24,866
So you can never find
your way back

215
00:10:24,868 --> 00:10:27,835
To our apartment again.

216
00:10:27,837 --> 00:10:30,138
But I have your address
on your work forms.

217
00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:33,274
No, you don't.

218
00:10:33,276 --> 00:10:35,443
Max, I think he can
take it off now.

219
00:10:35,445 --> 00:10:36,644
It's been an hour,

220
00:10:36,646 --> 00:10:38,780
And we spun him around
three times.

221
00:10:40,616 --> 00:10:44,318
Well, someone's been to
a flea market.

222
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,954
And it smells like pot
in here.

223
00:10:46,956 --> 00:10:49,557
So I smoked up
a little before work.

224
00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:52,460
I got to.
My boss is a real butt munch.

225
00:10:52,462 --> 00:10:53,628
[intercom buzzes]

226
00:10:53,630 --> 00:10:55,630
Okay,
our call girl is here.

227
00:10:55,632 --> 00:10:58,399
Another sentence
I never thought I'd say.

228
00:10:58,401 --> 00:11:01,569
I look like I've had
a call girl before, right?

229
00:11:01,571 --> 00:11:06,140
Han, you don't look like
you've called a girl before.

230
00:11:06,142 --> 00:11:07,508
I need to calm down.

231
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:09,977
Do you have
any chamomile tea?

232
00:11:09,979 --> 00:11:12,313
No, because I'm not
a divorced woman

233
00:11:12,315 --> 00:11:15,149
On a balcony in the fall.

234
00:11:15,151 --> 00:11:17,351
But I do have something
that will help you relax.

235
00:11:17,353 --> 00:11:20,021
Ooh, you mean--

236
00:11:20,023 --> 00:11:21,823
Yes, I'm gonna lull you
to sleep

237
00:11:21,825 --> 00:11:25,326
With a tiny,
invisible whistle.

238
00:11:29,431 --> 00:11:31,532
So, June, are you working
your way through

239
00:11:31,534 --> 00:11:32,867
Graduate school or something?

240
00:11:32,869 --> 00:11:35,503
No, I like getting paid
for sex.

241
00:11:35,505 --> 00:11:37,505
I mean, what's a handy
every now and then

242
00:11:37,507 --> 00:11:38,940
If it pays the mortgage on

243
00:11:38,942 --> 00:11:41,542
My park view terrace apartment,
right?

244
00:11:41,544 --> 00:11:44,245
Life is so funny sometimes.

245
00:11:44,247 --> 00:11:45,880
Just when you think

246
00:11:45,882 --> 00:11:48,182
You're better than someone,
you're not.

247
00:11:55,290 --> 00:11:57,558
Here we are, all relaxed.

248
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:58,793
And that was wild,

249
00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:01,162
Like getting
your hamster stoned.

250
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,732
Okay, June,
this has all the details

251
00:12:04,734 --> 00:12:06,901
That han sent
his mom about you.

252
00:12:06,903 --> 00:12:09,203
You told your mom
I'm a harvard-educated

253
00:12:09,205 --> 00:12:12,640
Christian doctor and also
a renowned classical pianist?

254
00:12:12,642 --> 00:12:15,877
Yes, we met at church
and are crazy in love,

255
00:12:15,879 --> 00:12:17,612
But we're waiting
till marriage.

256
00:12:17,614 --> 00:12:20,381
Oh, well,
the virgin experience is 1,000.

257
00:12:20,383 --> 00:12:23,050
Will you take 800?

258
00:12:23,052 --> 00:12:24,418
Max!

259
00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:25,787
What?

260
00:12:25,789 --> 00:12:27,121
I was unconscious
when I lost mine.

261
00:12:27,123 --> 00:12:29,423
And I want to see
what it's like.

262
00:12:29,425 --> 00:12:30,424
[knock on door]

263
00:12:30,426 --> 00:12:31,959
Oh, I hope that's pizza.

264
00:12:31,961 --> 00:12:33,394
'cause I could go to
third base

265
00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:35,563
On some crazy bread
right now.

266
00:12:35,565 --> 00:12:38,332
No!
It's sophie.

267
00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:40,067
I asked her to bring down
some crosses

268
00:12:40,069 --> 00:12:41,736
For June to wear
when she meets your mom.

269
00:12:41,738 --> 00:12:43,471
What? Sophie knows I hired
a prostitute

270
00:12:43,473 --> 00:12:45,239
To be my girlfriend?

271
00:12:45,241 --> 00:12:46,440
No, I didn't tell her anything.

272
00:12:46,442 --> 00:12:47,608
But this will be
a good test to see

273
00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:49,143
If you two pass as a couple.

274
00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:51,712
Hey, what's han doing
with that hooker?

275
00:12:53,282 --> 00:12:54,916
Sophie, this is June.

276
00:12:54,918 --> 00:12:56,517
We hired her to pretend
to be han's girlfriend

277
00:12:56,519 --> 00:12:57,518
While his mom's in town.

278
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,589
[laughs]

279
00:13:01,591 --> 00:13:04,659
Oh, wait,
so his mom

280
00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:06,327
Is supposed
to believe that

281
00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:08,696
Their parts match up somehow

282
00:13:08,698 --> 00:13:11,299
And that's
a fun thing for her?

283
00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:14,135
[laughs]

284
00:13:14,137 --> 00:13:16,704
Oh. L-o-l.

285
00:13:16,706 --> 00:13:18,439
Oh, this is
one of those things

286
00:13:18,441 --> 00:13:22,176
That you think
about later and you laugh.

287
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,346
Look, look,
caroline, look.

288
00:13:25,348 --> 00:13:28,616
I brought you your crosses.

289
00:13:28,618 --> 00:13:30,785
Sophie,
do you have anything smaller?

290
00:13:30,787 --> 00:13:33,688
It's a date,
not an exorcism.

291
00:13:33,690 --> 00:13:35,790
Oh, well, you gotta say that.

292
00:13:35,792 --> 00:13:38,626
All right,
I'll be right back.

293
00:13:38,628 --> 00:13:40,528
[laughs]

294
00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:44,765
You see, I'm thinking about it
later and I'm l-o-l'ing.

295
00:13:46,735 --> 00:13:49,637
Well, I gotta go.
I got this.

296
00:13:49,639 --> 00:13:51,005
But that's a lot of material.

297
00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:52,473
You don't want to stay
and cram it?

298
00:13:52,475 --> 00:13:54,475
How much for that?

299
00:13:54,477 --> 00:13:56,477
No, it's cool.
I can fake it.

300
00:13:56,479 --> 00:13:58,145
You're sure you can fake it?

301
00:13:58,147 --> 00:13:59,847
Can I fake it?

302
00:13:59,849 --> 00:14:03,084
[moaning]
oh, god. Oh, god.

303
00:14:03,086 --> 00:14:07,421
Oh, god!
Oh, god! Oh, god!

304
00:14:07,423 --> 00:14:09,790
She's sure.

305
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:18,399
[playing piano]

306
00:14:18,401 --> 00:14:21,702
♪

307
00:14:21,704 --> 00:14:24,705
I wonder why han
and his girlfriend are late?

308
00:14:24,707 --> 00:14:26,107
Maybe something came up

309
00:14:26,109 --> 00:14:27,875
And she had to take care
of it.

310
00:14:27,877 --> 00:14:31,178
That's actually probably
exactly what happened.

311
00:14:31,180 --> 00:14:33,781
I hope my hair looks all right.

312
00:14:33,783 --> 00:14:37,118
I'm wearing it the other way.

313
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,921
It looks pretty.

314
00:14:39,923 --> 00:14:40,955
Yes.
Very pretty.

315
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:47,929
I am just so excited
that my han

316
00:14:47,931 --> 00:14:50,031
Finally found
the perfect girlfriend.

317
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:54,035
Oh, you know, his June is
a brilliant brain surgeon.

318
00:14:54,037 --> 00:14:58,005
Well, she certainly knows
a lot about head.

319
00:15:00,208 --> 00:15:02,877
And she also goes to church
every Sunday.

320
00:15:02,879 --> 00:15:07,882
Yep, that girl is always
on her knees.

321
00:15:07,884 --> 00:15:09,550
Oh.

322
00:15:09,552 --> 00:15:13,154
And she is
a classical pianist.

323
00:15:13,156 --> 00:15:16,757
She is making this
too easy.

324
00:15:16,759 --> 00:15:18,926
Oh, there they are.

325
00:15:18,928 --> 00:15:21,095
Han! Han!

326
00:15:21,097 --> 00:15:24,899
And girlfriend of han.

327
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:27,234
Mother, may I present June?

328
00:15:27,236 --> 00:15:29,670
June, this is my mother,
su-min lee.

329
00:15:29,672 --> 00:15:33,507
Please, call me su-min lee.

330
00:15:33,509 --> 00:15:38,813
Which means,
so mean to me.

331
00:15:40,282 --> 00:15:42,416
It's a pleasure to meet you.

332
00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:45,753
I've heard such
a great deal about you.

333
00:15:45,755 --> 00:15:49,023
Oh, and han has told me
how you two met.

334
00:15:49,025 --> 00:15:51,359
What a beautiful story.

335
00:15:51,361 --> 00:15:52,793
Oh, yes.

336
00:15:52,795 --> 00:15:56,430
That was beautiful
when we met at...

337
00:15:56,432 --> 00:15:58,132
Upstairs on the roof--

338
00:15:58,134 --> 00:15:59,867
Church!
We met in church.

339
00:15:59,869 --> 00:16:01,769
Upstairs on the roof
of church.

340
00:16:01,771 --> 00:16:03,604
We wanted to be closer
to god.

341
00:16:03,606 --> 00:16:05,840
We are both so holy!

342
00:16:07,275 --> 00:16:11,946
Is it hot in here?
Or is it just the situation?

343
00:16:11,948 --> 00:16:14,015
Oh, look, the appetizers
mrs. Lee

344
00:16:14,017 --> 00:16:15,383
Is paying for are here.

345
00:16:15,385 --> 00:16:18,786
Before we start
on the appetizers,

346
00:16:18,788 --> 00:16:20,955
June, please pray.

347
00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:22,390
I don't
know any prayers.

348
00:16:22,392 --> 00:16:23,791
No, no, I'll do it, mother.

349
00:16:23,793 --> 00:16:27,862
But first please,
can I get a moscow mule?

350
00:16:28,997 --> 00:16:32,733
Go, June.
Please, pray.

351
00:16:32,735 --> 00:16:35,336
Oh, god.

352
00:16:35,338 --> 00:16:38,706
[moans]
oh, god. Oh, god.

353
00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:42,877
(all)
oh, god! Oh, god! Oh, god!

354
00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:45,780
And amen!

355
00:16:51,086 --> 00:16:52,319
Oh, okay.

356
00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:55,156
I-I don't know that one.

357
00:16:55,158 --> 00:16:58,092
Hey.
I am starving.

358
00:17:02,497 --> 00:17:07,068
That's quality.

359
00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:11,038
Such a good appetite.
You ate the whole thing.

360
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,240
Didn't even chew.

361
00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:16,744
♪

362
00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:20,347
[applause]

363
00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:22,383
June, the piano is free.

364
00:17:22,385 --> 00:17:24,185
Oh, you must play something
for us.

365
00:17:24,187 --> 00:17:25,920
No, she can't play.

366
00:17:25,922 --> 00:17:27,021
Yeah, but you told me
that she was--

367
00:17:27,023 --> 00:17:28,289
I mean, now.

368
00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:30,024
I mean, she can't play
the piano now.

369
00:17:30,026 --> 00:17:31,525
Look, look, mrs. Lee.

370
00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:32,860
The chrysler building.

371
00:17:32,862 --> 00:17:35,229
It has the word "christ"
in it.

372
00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:37,465
Hey, han, you dropped
your knife.

373
00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:38,732
You better calm down.
You're gonna blow it.

374
00:17:38,734 --> 00:17:40,201
You can't afford to blow it.

375
00:17:40,203 --> 00:17:42,703
You can't even afford
to kiss it.

376
00:17:42,705 --> 00:17:43,804
I'm getting tense
all over again.

377
00:17:43,806 --> 00:17:47,575
Help a brother out.

378
00:17:47,577 --> 00:17:49,910
What, you think I just carry
that stuff around with me

379
00:17:49,912 --> 00:17:51,712
In my purse
in an altoids container

380
00:17:51,714 --> 00:17:55,382
With a lisa frank
unicorn sticker on it?

381
00:17:57,552 --> 00:17:59,453
Max, what is going to happen?

382
00:17:59,455 --> 00:18:01,455
I've got a more pressing
question--

383
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:02,990
How does someone with
a mouth so small

384
00:18:02,992 --> 00:18:05,126
Get a joint so wet?

385
00:18:05,128 --> 00:18:06,560
When June cannot play
the piano,

386
00:18:06,562 --> 00:18:08,596
Mother will discover
my lie.

387
00:18:08,598 --> 00:18:11,065
It will be a big, big
disappointment.

388
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:13,567
I am the star of my family.

389
00:18:13,569 --> 00:18:15,069
So, if your family were
the jacksons,

390
00:18:15,071 --> 00:18:16,437
You'd be michael?

391
00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:18,572
'cause I see you more
as a tito.

392
00:18:18,574 --> 00:18:21,642
Actually, petite-o.

393
00:18:21,644 --> 00:18:23,144
Han's mom is right behind me.

394
00:18:23,146 --> 00:18:24,311
She saw you
two come in here.

395
00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:25,779
I tried to stop her,

396
00:18:25,781 --> 00:18:27,748
But she has strength,
and it is all core.

397
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:29,416
Han, hide.

398
00:18:29,418 --> 00:18:30,851
I'm sweating through
the price tag.

399
00:18:30,853 --> 00:18:32,086
And I have to return this.

400
00:18:32,088 --> 00:18:33,154
If I'm going down,

401
00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:34,655
I'm going down high.

402
00:18:34,657 --> 00:18:36,457
It's 500 for kissing.

403
00:18:36,459 --> 00:18:39,426
You can't afford
to go down.

404
00:18:39,428 --> 00:18:42,196
What is going on
between you and my han?

405
00:18:42,198 --> 00:18:44,632
You two have been
whispering all night.

406
00:18:44,634 --> 00:18:45,933
Poor June.

407
00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:47,368
Poor June?

408
00:18:47,370 --> 00:18:49,670
Poor June lives in
a doorman building.

409
00:18:49,672 --> 00:18:50,971
Mrs. Lee, I think
you might have gotten

410
00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:52,439
The wrong impression
of max.

411
00:18:52,441 --> 00:18:54,608
No, she is after my son

412
00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:56,510
For his big
successful diner.

413
00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:59,213
Oh, you have another son?

414
00:19:00,448 --> 00:19:02,783
I am on to you.

415
00:19:02,785 --> 00:19:05,886
You are just a money-grubbing,

416
00:19:05,888 --> 00:19:09,957
Big-booby,
dirty nasty girl.

417
00:19:09,959 --> 00:19:13,027
Well, I wish I could say
you were wrong.

418
00:19:13,029 --> 00:19:14,728
Mother, stop!

419
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:16,697
You cannot talk
to max like that.

420
00:19:16,699 --> 00:19:18,866
She is a good girl,
and a friend, and--

421
00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:20,968
Wha?

422
00:19:20,970 --> 00:19:22,469
Okay, yes, you caught me.

423
00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:24,171
I smoke weed.

424
00:19:24,173 --> 00:19:25,506
Yes, I'm living
the fast life

425
00:19:25,508 --> 00:19:27,308
In new york city
just as you feared.

426
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:29,577
(both)
wha?

427
00:19:29,579 --> 00:19:31,212
But I only toke up

428
00:19:31,214 --> 00:19:33,080
When I am under
a lot of pressure.

429
00:19:33,082 --> 00:19:35,316
See, mother,

430
00:19:35,318 --> 00:19:37,685
I don't have a girlfriend.

431
00:19:37,687 --> 00:19:40,020
June is a prostitute
I paid to pretend,

432
00:19:40,022 --> 00:19:43,324
So you would think we were
happy as you and father.

433
00:19:43,326 --> 00:19:45,593
Give me that.

434
00:19:46,861 --> 00:19:49,296
(all)
wha?

435
00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:54,735
I too am under
a lot of pressure, son.

436
00:19:54,737 --> 00:19:58,839
The truth is your father
and I are no longer together.

437
00:19:58,841 --> 00:19:59,840
He had an affair

438
00:19:59,842 --> 00:20:01,342
With another woman

439
00:20:01,344 --> 00:20:03,944
Who has big fake ones
like her.

440
00:20:03,946 --> 00:20:06,180
Max's breasts are real,
mrs. Lee.

441
00:20:06,182 --> 00:20:07,214
Mm.

442
00:20:07,216 --> 00:20:10,718
God bless.

443
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:12,419
Mine are too,
in case you were wondering.

444
00:20:12,421 --> 00:20:16,023
I wasn't.

445
00:20:16,025 --> 00:20:19,760
Son,
are you disappointed in me?

446
00:20:19,762 --> 00:20:22,630
Mother,
are you disappointed in me?

447
00:20:22,632 --> 00:20:24,131
No, han.

448
00:20:24,133 --> 00:20:27,534
You are the star of
our family and my heart.

449
00:20:27,536 --> 00:20:28,936
I love you.

450
00:20:28,938 --> 00:20:30,037
Aw, me too.

451
00:20:30,039 --> 00:20:32,806
Okay, that's enough.

452
00:20:32,808 --> 00:20:36,043
And another problem
solved by weed.

453
00:20:36,045 --> 00:20:38,345
Hey, han's mom.
It's puff-puff-pass.

454
00:20:42,217 --> 00:20:45,219
[playing piano]

455
00:20:45,221 --> 00:20:52,493
♪

456
00:20:52,495 --> 00:20:54,795
Am I super high
or is that whore

457
00:20:54,797 --> 00:20:56,964
Playing the piano?

458
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:03,070
[cash register bell dings]

459
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,160
[bell dings]