1
00:00:01,477 --> 00:00:03,678
Oh, I closed out
the cupcake register.
2
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:04,913
Here's our rent money.
3
00:00:04,915 --> 00:00:06,314
Gimme back
the envelope though,
4
00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:07,482
'cause it's also
my jewelry box.
5
00:00:07,484 --> 00:00:08,984
I closed out the register.
6
00:00:08,986 --> 00:00:10,752
I have our rent money.
7
00:00:10,754 --> 00:00:12,487
Max, do you know
what this means?
8
00:00:12,489 --> 00:00:14,856
Unless I was hit in the head
by a piece of farm equipment,
9
00:00:14,858 --> 00:00:16,992
It means we have extra money.
10
00:00:16,994 --> 00:00:18,827
I wanna do
the extra money dance,
11
00:00:18,829 --> 00:00:21,863
But we don't have one because
we've never had extra money!
12
00:00:21,865 --> 00:00:25,600
The only extra money dance
I know involves ping-pong balls
13
00:00:25,602 --> 00:00:28,170
And I'm really
out of practice.
14
00:00:28,172 --> 00:00:30,305
(peter bjorn and john)
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
15
00:00:30,307 --> 00:00:31,973
[cash register bell dings]
16
00:00:31,975 --> 00:00:36,878
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
17
00:00:38,281 --> 00:00:40,449
Earl, I brought you
your favorite.
18
00:00:40,451 --> 00:00:43,318
A half-black, half-chinese
belly dancer?
19
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,554
A coconut cupcake.
20
00:00:45,556 --> 00:00:47,322
Look at caroline
over there.
21
00:00:47,324 --> 00:00:49,091
She's flirting harder
with him
22
00:00:49,093 --> 00:00:51,393
Than I flirt
with heart disease.
23
00:00:51,395 --> 00:00:52,661
Stop, stop!
24
00:00:52,663 --> 00:00:54,129
I'm only on episode two
of season one.
25
00:00:54,131 --> 00:00:56,731
I will kill you!
26
00:00:56,733 --> 00:00:59,134
Then...
To be continued.
27
00:00:59,136 --> 00:01:01,970
Oh! It's gonna be continued.
28
00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:04,506
Well, then,
we will continue this
29
00:01:04,508 --> 00:01:07,275
When we continue this.
30
00:01:09,979 --> 00:01:11,546
If that's your game,
31
00:01:11,548 --> 00:01:14,049
You're gonna be living
with me forever, fran.
32
00:01:14,051 --> 00:01:15,884
He's been in my section
three nights in a row
33
00:01:15,886 --> 00:01:17,219
For the turkey club.
34
00:01:17,221 --> 00:01:19,054
I'm calling him
"the turkey club cutie".
35
00:01:19,056 --> 00:01:22,023
I'm calling
poison control.
36
00:01:22,025 --> 00:01:23,925
I think he's getting ready
to ask me out.
37
00:01:23,927 --> 00:01:25,393
He wanted to know
if I live around here
38
00:01:25,395 --> 00:01:26,995
And what time I get off.
39
00:01:26,997 --> 00:01:28,396
If a man's gonna wait
for you to get off,
40
00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:30,265
He's a keeper.
41
00:01:31,767 --> 00:01:34,102
So...
42
00:01:34,104 --> 00:01:35,237
See you next time.
43
00:01:35,239 --> 00:01:39,875
I will see you next time
as well.
44
00:01:39,877 --> 00:01:41,810
Bye.
45
00:01:47,216 --> 00:01:49,885
What's that?
I don't know.
How would I know?
46
00:01:49,887 --> 00:01:52,721
Because it came out
of your head.
47
00:01:52,723 --> 00:01:55,257
I don't have
hair extensions, max.
48
00:01:55,259 --> 00:01:56,892
[laughs]
okay, I'll throw it out.
49
00:01:56,894 --> 00:02:00,028
No! I'll keep it
for this story!
50
00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:01,596
What story?
51
00:02:01,598 --> 00:02:03,498
The story about how we found
52
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:06,868
A blonde hair extension
out of nowhere that night.
53
00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:09,804
It's hilarious!
54
00:02:09,806 --> 00:02:14,142
Well, it's already funnier
than most of your stories.
55
00:02:14,144 --> 00:02:17,379
Oh, look, there's another
hilarious story!
56
00:02:17,381 --> 00:02:21,383
Okay, max, I have
a confession to make.
57
00:02:21,385 --> 00:02:24,252
I have hair extensions.
58
00:02:24,254 --> 00:02:26,488
I also have a confession
to make.
59
00:02:26,490 --> 00:02:29,024
I murdered a man
in rhode island.
60
00:02:29,026 --> 00:02:32,027
I just have a few.
It gives me volume.
61
00:02:32,029 --> 00:02:34,663
Too bad it doesn't
give you depth.
62
00:02:34,665 --> 00:02:37,699
Now I have to go and try
and reattach these.
63
00:02:37,701 --> 00:02:39,868
These weaves
are supposed to last.
64
00:02:39,870 --> 00:02:41,069
This is unbe-weave-able!
65
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,676
I found this
in the lettuce.
66
00:02:47,678 --> 00:02:49,077
Any sign of a nuva ring
in there?
67
00:02:49,079 --> 00:02:51,279
'cause I can't find mine.
68
00:02:51,281 --> 00:02:54,015
Caroline's losing her hair,
isn't she?
69
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:55,217
Is she sick?
70
00:02:55,219 --> 00:02:57,319
Does she have cancer,
the big "c"?
71
00:02:57,321 --> 00:03:00,088
No, little you.
72
00:03:00,090 --> 00:03:04,492
She doesn't have the big "c".
She barely has the double "as".
73
00:03:06,462 --> 00:03:08,863
Han found more
of your hair.
74
00:03:08,865 --> 00:03:10,465
He knows
about the extensions?
75
00:03:10,467 --> 00:03:12,968
No, he thinks you have cancer.
76
00:03:12,970 --> 00:03:16,171
Oh, good!
So no one knows.
77
00:03:16,173 --> 00:03:20,508
Hola, ladies!
Your night just got sexier.
78
00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:22,811
Luis, you punched out
hours ago.
79
00:03:22,813 --> 00:03:24,079
What are you doing here
so late?
80
00:03:24,081 --> 00:03:25,747
On your way homo?
81
00:03:25,749 --> 00:03:29,985
[laughing]
good one, hooker!
82
00:03:29,987 --> 00:03:31,319
No, I'm between clubs.
83
00:03:31,321 --> 00:03:33,154
Circus just became
a straight club,
84
00:03:33,156 --> 00:03:34,656
And satellite doesn't
become a gay club
85
00:03:34,658 --> 00:03:36,358
For a half hour.
86
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,961
So...I'm here to have a cocktail
with my bro oleg.
87
00:03:39,963 --> 00:03:42,530
Luis, we told you.
Oleg is straight.
88
00:03:42,532 --> 00:03:47,335
Oh, please!
So am I in alabama.
89
00:03:48,204 --> 00:03:49,938
Well, he left already.
90
00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:52,040
But I told him
I was gonna stop by.
91
00:03:52,042 --> 00:03:54,876
Typical man.
Fear of intimacy.
92
00:03:54,878 --> 00:03:57,245
Oh, carolina,
while I'm here...
93
00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:59,781
This is yours.
I found it during my shift.
94
00:03:59,783 --> 00:04:01,883
Ooh, tips from my tables?
95
00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:04,519
More like hair
from your head.
96
00:04:04,521 --> 00:04:06,354
I knew this was all
too good to be true.
97
00:04:06,356 --> 00:04:07,956
You have extensions.
98
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:11,493
No, I have cancer.
99
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:21,136
No, you have extensions.
Good try.
100
00:04:21,138 --> 00:04:23,204
Later!
101
00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:30,345
Hey.
Notice anything different?
102
00:04:30,347 --> 00:04:33,548
I took some of the extra money
and got new hair extensions.
103
00:04:33,550 --> 00:04:36,618
And I also got you a surprise.
I put it in your room.
104
00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:38,286
Go look!
105
00:04:38,288 --> 00:04:39,821
I'm not interested
unless it's a potbelly pig
106
00:04:39,823 --> 00:04:41,489
Or a potbelly pig
in a pilgrim costume,
107
00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:42,991
Or a pilgrim
in a potbelly pig costume,
108
00:04:42,993 --> 00:04:44,359
Or just pot.
109
00:04:45,628 --> 00:04:46,828
Hint, hint.
I put it on your bed.
110
00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:48,830
What do you think?
Do you love?
111
00:04:48,832 --> 00:04:51,900
Okay...
Why is all this crap on my bed?
112
00:04:51,902 --> 00:04:53,201
And what the hell is it?
113
00:04:53,203 --> 00:04:54,869
That's a bed skirt.
114
00:04:54,871 --> 00:04:59,207
My bed doesn't wear skirts.
It's a dude!
115
00:04:59,209 --> 00:05:02,977
I know, because it pokes me
in the back while I'm asleep.
116
00:05:02,979 --> 00:05:04,646
I got you new bedding,
117
00:05:04,648 --> 00:05:06,448
And me some cute
new flannel jammies.
118
00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:08,316
They have eiffel towers
on them.
119
00:05:08,318 --> 00:05:10,318
They were marked down because
everybody hates french people.
120
00:05:12,788 --> 00:05:14,723
These don't even have stains!
121
00:05:14,725 --> 00:05:17,459
How am I gonna know
which is the top now?
122
00:05:17,461 --> 00:05:19,327
Max, what's the problem?
123
00:05:19,329 --> 00:05:20,895
You've had
those old sheets forever.
124
00:05:20,897 --> 00:05:22,630
You don't even have
a spare set.
125
00:05:22,632 --> 00:05:24,833
A spare set of sheets?
126
00:05:24,835 --> 00:05:27,235
Who am I,
the queen of England?
127
00:05:27,237 --> 00:05:29,738
You're so frustrating,
I'd pull my hair out...
128
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,307
But I'm not sure
which of it is mine.
129
00:05:32,309 --> 00:05:34,409
Look! Look!
Are you happy?
130
00:05:34,411 --> 00:05:36,578
Chestnut's upset.
He knows we're fighting.
131
00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:39,647
Good! He should know that if
he goes out for a bag of chips,
132
00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:41,015
He could come home to find
133
00:05:41,017 --> 00:05:43,284
You replaced his saddle
with a thong.
134
00:05:43,286 --> 00:05:45,019
I got you a present.
135
00:05:45,021 --> 00:05:47,255
Would you be this angry
at santa claus?
136
00:05:47,257 --> 00:05:49,824
Who's that?
137
00:05:49,826 --> 00:05:51,359
Max, please.
138
00:05:51,361 --> 00:05:53,828
Just for a change, try
sleeping on something nice.
139
00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:55,263
[scoffs]
fine!
140
00:05:55,265 --> 00:05:56,865
But if I wanted to sleep
on something nice,
141
00:05:56,867 --> 00:05:58,600
I would have hooked up
with that guy who moved home
142
00:05:58,602 --> 00:06:00,301
To take care
of his sick mother.
143
00:06:01,437 --> 00:06:03,671
Watch your back, chestnut.
144
00:06:03,673 --> 00:06:06,074
Watch your back.
145
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:13,715
Where are my old sheets,
bitch?
146
00:06:13,717 --> 00:06:15,517
Why?
147
00:06:15,519 --> 00:06:19,220
Why are you calling me a "bitch"
at night?
148
00:06:19,222 --> 00:06:22,791
I was sleeping
in my new jammies.
149
00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:24,793
Well, I can't sleep
without those sheets.
150
00:06:24,795 --> 00:06:27,095
So where are they?
I checked all your drawers.
151
00:06:27,097 --> 00:06:28,563
And by the way,
152
00:06:28,565 --> 00:06:32,300
Who hides their vibrator
in a starbucks cup?
153
00:06:32,302 --> 00:06:35,503
You already know the answer,
so I'm going back to sleep.
154
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,940
Whoa, whoa!
155
00:06:38,942 --> 00:06:41,409
Why!
156
00:06:41,411 --> 00:06:44,546
Why am I on the floor
in my new jammies?
157
00:06:44,548 --> 00:06:46,414
Where are they?
158
00:06:46,416 --> 00:06:48,950
I don't have them.
I gave them to the poor.
159
00:06:48,952 --> 00:06:51,152
You took them
from the poor!
160
00:06:51,154 --> 00:06:53,254
And the poor
wants them back.
161
00:06:53,256 --> 00:06:54,823
Well, it's too late.
162
00:06:54,825 --> 00:06:56,558
I put them in the salvation
army donation bin.
163
00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,462
Well, get up.
You're going to the army, bitch.
164
00:07:00,464 --> 00:07:02,897
[distant sirens]
165
00:07:02,899 --> 00:07:04,632
Whyyyy?
166
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:07,168
Why are we here
in the middle of the night?
167
00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:09,404
What are we doing?
168
00:07:09,406 --> 00:07:11,840
Here it is.
Come on, follow me.
169
00:07:11,842 --> 00:07:13,475
Max, is this
where you kill me?
170
00:07:13,477 --> 00:07:15,043
'cause I always knew
it was gonna happen,
171
00:07:15,045 --> 00:07:17,078
I just didn't know when.
172
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,080
This feels right though.
173
00:07:19,082 --> 00:07:20,648
I should kill you.
174
00:07:20,650 --> 00:07:23,084
Those sheets were
really special to me, okay?
175
00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:26,087
Oh, did you lose
your virginities on them?
176
00:07:26,089 --> 00:07:30,425
I don't have sex in beds.
That's where I eat.
177
00:07:30,427 --> 00:07:32,026
Caroline,
I have a confession.
178
00:07:32,028 --> 00:07:34,529
What is it?
You have hair extensions.
179
00:07:34,531 --> 00:07:38,399
Okay, I'll tell you,
but look away.
180
00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:41,169
It's the pillowcase.
I've had it since I was a kid.
181
00:07:43,906 --> 00:07:46,274
It's like soft and nubby
182
00:07:46,276 --> 00:07:48,576
And it had this edge
that I'd like...Rub,
183
00:07:48,578 --> 00:07:50,278
And it relaxed me
when things were crappy,
184
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,779
Which was all the time.
185
00:07:51,781 --> 00:07:53,581
I guess I still need
that pillowcase
186
00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:55,416
To sleep or whatever.
187
00:07:55,418 --> 00:07:57,418
Max, that's so sad.
188
00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:58,686
Of course it's sad!
189
00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:01,155
When has it ever been
a happy tale?
190
00:08:01,157 --> 00:08:03,258
All right,
I need to crawl in here.
191
00:08:03,260 --> 00:08:06,094
Max, you're just gonna crawl
into that dirty box?
192
00:08:06,096 --> 00:08:08,596
We don't know where
that bin's been.
193
00:08:08,598 --> 00:08:12,467
By the way, "dirty box" was my
nickname in continuation school.
194
00:08:12,469 --> 00:08:14,168
I need help.
195
00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:15,870
Would you rather I step
on your back or your head?
196
00:08:15,872 --> 00:08:19,507
My head? Hardly.
Not at these prices.
197
00:08:19,509 --> 00:08:20,875
Come on, gimme ten fingers.
198
00:08:20,877 --> 00:08:22,310
I already did.
199
00:08:22,312 --> 00:08:23,645
Behind your back
while we were walking here.
200
00:08:23,647 --> 00:08:25,146
No, like this,
so I can step into it.
201
00:08:25,148 --> 00:08:26,548
You know,
like a finger basket.
202
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:27,949
Finger basket?
203
00:08:27,951 --> 00:08:30,952
Is that another nickname
of yours?
204
00:08:30,954 --> 00:08:33,621
No, but for one summer,
it could've been.
205
00:08:33,623 --> 00:08:36,224
Forget this, just let me
pull this stuff over.
206
00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:40,728
(both)
eww, eww, eww, eww, eww.
207
00:08:40,730 --> 00:08:42,163
Max, I feel like
we're not even acknowledging
208
00:08:42,165 --> 00:08:43,665
Our low points anymore.
209
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:45,733
Okay, max,
now be very careful.
210
00:08:45,735 --> 00:08:49,003
And on the count of...
211
00:08:49,005 --> 00:08:51,339
Wow! You could've been
a great gymnast,
212
00:08:51,341 --> 00:08:54,576
If you'd had money, coaches,
and a breast reduction.
213
00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:56,411
Are you okay?
214
00:08:57,146 --> 00:08:58,446
Max?
215
00:08:58,448 --> 00:09:00,582
Gonna need
some voice contact.
216
00:09:00,584 --> 00:09:03,151
(max)
I'm not in here alone.
217
00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:10,024
What do you mean
you're not alone?
218
00:09:10,026 --> 00:09:13,161
(max)
I'm not in here alone.
219
00:09:13,163 --> 00:09:15,630
Stay calm!
I will get you out of there.
220
00:09:15,632 --> 00:09:19,133
No, I won't.
221
00:09:19,135 --> 00:09:22,036
(max)
I'm looking for a lever
on the inside.
222
00:09:23,138 --> 00:09:27,008
Get outta my house!
223
00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:29,711
I just wanna check and see
if you're on my pillowcase.
224
00:09:29,713 --> 00:09:32,347
Max, no!
I need my sweet sheets!
225
00:09:32,349 --> 00:09:34,148
Let it go.
226
00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:35,917
If your sheets are under there,
they're no long sweet.
227
00:09:35,919 --> 00:09:37,418
Get outta my house!
228
00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:38,753
Close the door!
229
00:09:38,755 --> 00:09:40,555
Okay! Okay!
230
00:09:40,557 --> 00:09:44,025
God, sheez.
You'd think we'd slept together.
231
00:09:44,027 --> 00:09:45,860
What am I gonna do?
232
00:09:45,862 --> 00:09:47,595
I can't sleep
without those sheets.
233
00:09:47,597 --> 00:09:49,497
I'm so angry at you!
234
00:09:49,499 --> 00:09:52,767
I'd be even angrier if I hadn't
found this great bra.
235
00:09:56,105 --> 00:09:58,573
Why are you going to sophie's
if you're trying to sleep?
236
00:09:58,575 --> 00:10:00,708
She's the loudest person
we know.
237
00:10:00,710 --> 00:10:05,246
Even black people at the movies
tell sophie to be quiet.
238
00:10:05,248 --> 00:10:08,449
I am going to sophie's
to get a sleeping pill.
239
00:10:08,451 --> 00:10:10,585
Or as she likes to call them,
"night candy".
240
00:10:10,587 --> 00:10:12,520
You don't need a pill.
241
00:10:12,522 --> 00:10:14,255
Listen, I have
a great sleep technique
242
00:10:14,257 --> 00:10:15,890
That my sleep coach
taught me.
243
00:10:15,892 --> 00:10:17,625
I have slept with
my fair share of coaches,
244
00:10:17,627 --> 00:10:19,127
And if anything,
they kept me awake.
245
00:10:19,129 --> 00:10:21,195
Max, it's 3:00 a.M.
246
00:10:21,197 --> 00:10:23,297
Any normal person
is sleeping right now.
247
00:10:25,868 --> 00:10:27,435
Hi, girls.
248
00:10:27,437 --> 00:10:30,772
Just doing a puzzle
and listening to elvis.
249
00:10:30,774 --> 00:10:35,043
You two want a mai tai
before you get too ty-ty?
250
00:10:35,045 --> 00:10:37,979
No, thanks,
but speaking of ty-ty,
251
00:10:37,981 --> 00:10:40,248
I was hoping I could snag
one of your sleeping pills.
252
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:43,885
Oh, sure, I can hook you up.
I never use them.
253
00:10:43,887 --> 00:10:45,787
I only need three hours
of sleep at night
254
00:10:45,789 --> 00:10:48,556
And six during the day.
Come on.
255
00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,060
Sophie...
256
00:10:52,062 --> 00:10:54,295
Notice anything new?
257
00:10:54,297 --> 00:10:55,863
Oh! Yeah!
258
00:10:55,865 --> 00:10:57,665
You planted more hair
on your head.
259
00:10:57,667 --> 00:10:59,300
I heard.
260
00:11:00,669 --> 00:11:03,137
Max! You told her?
261
00:11:03,139 --> 00:11:04,972
No, it was on cnn.
262
00:11:04,974 --> 00:11:06,407
They led with syria,
263
00:11:06,409 --> 00:11:09,177
And then did a solid five
on your hair.
264
00:11:09,179 --> 00:11:11,579
Here we go--
pills and spices!
265
00:11:11,581 --> 00:11:13,481
You have a spice rack
full of pills?
266
00:11:13,483 --> 00:11:16,417
You gotta cook me dinner
sometime.
267
00:11:16,419 --> 00:11:18,319
Let's see.
268
00:11:18,321 --> 00:11:22,356
Fish oil, penicillin,
amoxicillin...
269
00:11:22,358 --> 00:11:25,326
Skittles.
270
00:11:25,328 --> 00:11:28,329
Oh, and this is
my german pill
271
00:11:28,331 --> 00:11:32,433
In case they release the bombs
or I'm ever abandoned in space.
272
00:11:33,836 --> 00:11:36,838
Here you go, max.
Nighty-night.
273
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,606
Oh, you know what?
274
00:11:38,608 --> 00:11:40,842
What the hell!
I'm gonna have one two.
275
00:11:40,844 --> 00:11:43,778
It's a slumber party!
276
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,614
Uh-oh.
277
00:11:46,616 --> 00:11:50,151
Oh, now you got another
rack full of pills.
278
00:11:51,353 --> 00:11:53,755
Oh, you know what?
279
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:59,360
Don't wait for me, max.
This might be a while.
280
00:11:59,362 --> 00:12:01,796
Max, do you really need
to take that?
281
00:12:01,798 --> 00:12:04,165
People do weird things
on sleeping pills.
282
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:05,833
My friend
candice travelstead
283
00:12:05,835 --> 00:12:08,436
Buttered a wallet
and tried to eat it.
284
00:12:08,438 --> 00:12:11,205
Don't worry,
I don't have a wallet.
285
00:12:11,207 --> 00:12:12,774
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute.
286
00:12:12,776 --> 00:12:14,509
Is that the sleeping pill,
287
00:12:14,511 --> 00:12:18,379
Or is that my emergency
space pill that kills you?
288
00:12:18,381 --> 00:12:20,481
Either way,
I'll get some shut-eye.
289
00:12:20,483 --> 00:12:22,049
Max, no!
290
00:12:22,051 --> 00:12:23,818
You are not gonna die
and leave me here alone.
291
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:25,052
I still don't know how to
go east on the "l" train
292
00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:26,420
Without a chaperone.
293
00:12:28,056 --> 00:12:29,957
Max, it's 3:30 a.M.,
294
00:12:29,959 --> 00:12:33,127
And sleep coach caroline here
will have you asleep by 3:45
295
00:12:33,129 --> 00:12:34,996
The latest.
296
00:12:34,998 --> 00:12:37,064
You're supposed to be taking
a hot bath.
297
00:12:37,066 --> 00:12:38,866
I was, but when I put
the stopper in,
298
00:12:38,868 --> 00:12:40,568
Something pushed it
back out again.
299
00:12:40,570 --> 00:12:42,003
Where's that pill?
300
00:12:42,005 --> 00:12:43,638
I've got it on my person,
301
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,740
And if this doesn't work
I'll give it to you.
302
00:12:45,742 --> 00:12:47,241
Oh, I'll go elbow-deep
for that pill.
303
00:12:47,243 --> 00:12:48,743
And don't think I won't.
304
00:12:48,745 --> 00:12:51,078
Max, meet your new sheets.
305
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,047
New sheets, meet--
306
00:12:53,049 --> 00:12:55,183
Don't make me meet the sheets.
I'm not a mental patient.
307
00:12:55,185 --> 00:12:58,386
If I was, I'd be living
in a much nicer place.
308
00:12:58,388 --> 00:13:00,488
And all my pillowcases
would have edges.
309
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,824
Wow, even your pillowcase
had an edge.
310
00:13:02,826 --> 00:13:04,492
What was it like anyway?
311
00:13:04,494 --> 00:13:06,594
It was kinda like
the end of your new pjs,
312
00:13:06,596 --> 00:13:09,764
But not the queerest thing
I've ever seen.
313
00:13:09,766 --> 00:13:13,434
A candle?
What are we, witches?
314
00:13:13,436 --> 00:13:17,939
Now, imagine yourself
in a relaxed, beautiful place.
315
00:13:17,941 --> 00:13:21,342
Breathe in and out.
316
00:13:21,344 --> 00:13:23,611
In and out.
317
00:13:23,613 --> 00:13:26,347
Look, if there's one thing
old finger basket know how to do
318
00:13:26,349 --> 00:13:28,482
It's in and out.
319
00:13:28,484 --> 00:13:29,750
Gimme the pill.
320
00:13:29,752 --> 00:13:30,952
I'm not finished yet.
321
00:13:30,954 --> 00:13:32,753
But just so you know,
322
00:13:32,755 --> 00:13:34,589
That pill has changed colors
three times in the last hour.
323
00:13:34,591 --> 00:13:38,092
So it's either deadly,
or an everlasting gobstopper.
324
00:13:38,094 --> 00:13:40,661
I am so mad at you.
You took my one thing.
325
00:13:40,663 --> 00:13:43,097
That pillowcase was
my one special thing.
326
00:13:43,099 --> 00:13:45,099
In my whole life of people
taking things away from me,
327
00:13:45,101 --> 00:13:46,801
That was the one thing
no one took,
328
00:13:46,803 --> 00:13:48,369
And now I'm never
gonna sleep again.
329
00:13:48,371 --> 00:13:50,037
And I love sleeping.
330
00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:52,707
Dreaming is the closest thing
I have to cable tv.
331
00:13:52,709 --> 00:13:54,876
Enough, max!
332
00:13:54,878 --> 00:13:57,511
I've been very patient with
this weird attachment you have
333
00:13:57,513 --> 00:13:59,780
To this little piece of sheet.
334
00:13:59,782 --> 00:14:03,217
You're a piece of sheet.
335
00:14:03,219 --> 00:14:06,120
Listen, if I learned anything
when I lost everything,
336
00:14:06,122 --> 00:14:07,788
It's that, "a,"
there's no wiggle room
337
00:14:07,790 --> 00:14:09,724
When it comes to cottage cheese
expiration dates,
338
00:14:09,726 --> 00:14:13,461
And "b," you can't get
attached to material things.
339
00:14:13,463 --> 00:14:16,130
Oh! Okay, extensions.
340
00:14:16,132 --> 00:14:17,598
What does that mean?
341
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,467
It means that
your material things
342
00:14:19,469 --> 00:14:21,569
Are literally attached
to your head.
343
00:14:21,571 --> 00:14:22,937
Not the same thing at all.
344
00:14:22,939 --> 00:14:24,438
Your dependency
on that pillowcase
345
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,873
Is all in your head,
you don't need it.
346
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:27,842
Oh. You don't need this.
347
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,879
You owe me $14.
348
00:14:31,881 --> 00:14:32,980
Ah.
349
00:14:32,982 --> 00:14:34,649
Run a tab.
350
00:14:34,651 --> 00:14:36,284
I'm not about to sit here
and take this abuse
351
00:14:36,286 --> 00:14:37,919
Because you have
an unhealthy attachment
352
00:14:37,921 --> 00:14:39,287
To a pillowcase.
353
00:14:39,289 --> 00:14:40,922
Good night, malibu barbie.
354
00:14:40,924 --> 00:14:42,723
I hope you're not trying
to insult me,
355
00:14:42,725 --> 00:14:44,492
Because she's gorgeous!
356
00:14:44,494 --> 00:14:46,093
And for the record,
357
00:14:46,095 --> 00:14:47,995
I do not have an unhealthy
attachment to my hair.
358
00:14:47,997 --> 00:14:49,096
Oh, really.
359
00:14:49,098 --> 00:14:51,132
[caroline gasps]
360
00:14:51,134 --> 00:14:54,001
You're a monster!
361
00:14:54,003 --> 00:14:55,536
[door slams]
362
00:14:55,538 --> 00:14:58,572
[sighs]
I'm sorry, I can't sleep.
363
00:14:58,574 --> 00:15:00,241
I'll be fine.
Just give me the pill.
364
00:15:00,243 --> 00:15:01,342
(caroline)
no! It's all in your head!
365
00:15:01,344 --> 00:15:03,744
Go to sleep!
366
00:15:03,746 --> 00:15:05,713
I tied the doorknob to my bed
with a rope
367
00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:07,682
And locked
all the bedroom windows.
368
00:15:07,684 --> 00:15:09,884
Are you trying to hurt me
or turn me on?
369
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,592
Brace yourself, earl.
370
00:15:18,594 --> 00:15:20,394
When max gets here, she will
not be in a good mood.
371
00:15:20,396 --> 00:15:22,830
Caroline, if I wanted to work
around people in a good mood,
372
00:15:22,832 --> 00:15:26,200
I'd go work at google.
373
00:15:26,202 --> 00:15:28,269
She hasn't slept
since yesterday
374
00:15:28,271 --> 00:15:30,671
And is furious because I won't
give her a sleeping pill.
375
00:15:30,673 --> 00:15:32,206
Smart move.
376
00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:34,308
Sleeping pills mess you up.
377
00:15:34,310 --> 00:15:35,843
I took one once,
378
00:15:35,845 --> 00:15:37,645
Woke up a day later
on the roller coaster ride
379
00:15:37,647 --> 00:15:39,880
In coney island.
380
00:15:39,882 --> 00:15:41,682
I love roller coasters.
381
00:15:41,684 --> 00:15:44,752
Me too,
when I'm in a seat.
382
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,488
Oh, hello!
383
00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:49,156
How are you two tonight?
384
00:15:49,158 --> 00:15:50,624
Oh, no. She's nice.
385
00:15:50,626 --> 00:15:51,792
She must've gotten
a pill somewhere.
386
00:15:51,794 --> 00:15:54,528
No. No pills.
Just had some clarity.
387
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:55,730
Follow me, please.
388
00:15:55,732 --> 00:15:57,098
Oh, okay.
389
00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:59,934
Did you smoke or snort
this clarity?
390
00:15:59,936 --> 00:16:03,104
Now, since you were nice enough
to get me new sheets,
391
00:16:03,106 --> 00:16:04,472
I got you something
in return.
392
00:16:04,474 --> 00:16:05,639
Here.
393
00:16:05,641 --> 00:16:07,441
Oh, is this like an apology,
394
00:16:07,443 --> 00:16:09,043
Thank you
kind of thing?
395
00:16:09,045 --> 00:16:10,478
Now watch.
396
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,147
This is how one graciously
accepts a gift.
397
00:16:13,149 --> 00:16:17,218
What the hell is this?
398
00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:19,120
A wig?
399
00:16:19,122 --> 00:16:23,791
Either that or you scalped
a lesbian from the '80s.
400
00:16:23,793 --> 00:16:25,559
Yep, I grabbed her bolo tie
401
00:16:25,561 --> 00:16:27,995
And climbed up
on her shoulder pads.
402
00:16:27,997 --> 00:16:29,830
You took away
my security thing--
403
00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:31,499
The pillowcase--
404
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,968
So now I'm taking away your
security thing--your hair.
405
00:16:33,970 --> 00:16:35,436
You can wear that
on your head tonight
406
00:16:35,438 --> 00:16:37,405
And then tell me again
how this is all in my head.
407
00:16:37,407 --> 00:16:39,507
Did you have to get
the ugliest one they had?
408
00:16:39,509 --> 00:16:42,943
What do you want
for 37 cents?
409
00:16:42,945 --> 00:16:45,946
Fine! I'll put this roadkill
on my head
410
00:16:45,948 --> 00:16:48,783
Just to prove to you that I am
so much more than my hair.
411
00:16:48,785 --> 00:16:52,853
I am my attitude, my spirit,
my brain, my bravery.
412
00:16:52,855 --> 00:16:54,855
Put it on.
Max, I'm scared.
413
00:16:54,857 --> 00:16:57,525
Go.
The bangs go in the back.
414
00:16:57,527 --> 00:17:00,728
That's my kinda woman.
415
00:17:00,730 --> 00:17:03,464
Cobb salad, pick-up!
[bell dings]
416
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:10,104
Uh...Hey, sophie.
417
00:17:10,106 --> 00:17:15,409
Are you here
for the mafia widow discount?
418
00:17:15,411 --> 00:17:17,778
Earl, I'm incognito.
419
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:20,848
I'm making a drug drop
for max.
420
00:17:20,850 --> 00:17:24,785
Hey, max!
I got your drugs!
421
00:17:24,787 --> 00:17:26,620
Thanks.
422
00:17:26,622 --> 00:17:28,355
And I love that
you have an outfit
423
00:17:28,357 --> 00:17:30,191
For everything
I ask you to do.
424
00:17:30,193 --> 00:17:33,360
Where's the blonde narc,
max?
425
00:17:37,799 --> 00:17:39,600
[laughing]
426
00:17:39,602 --> 00:17:42,403
Oh, my god!
427
00:17:42,405 --> 00:17:46,373
Did caroline join
a bowling team?
428
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:48,876
Max! No!
429
00:17:48,878 --> 00:17:50,244
Aw, crap!
430
00:17:50,246 --> 00:17:53,681
Rod stewart
just busted us.
431
00:17:53,683 --> 00:17:57,118
Let her have some fun.
What's the big deal, square?
432
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,653
The big deal is that max
thinks she needs these pills
433
00:17:59,655 --> 00:18:01,789
Because I threw away
her blankie.
434
00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:04,125
It was a pillowcase,
and I need it to sleep.
435
00:18:04,127 --> 00:18:06,026
She has to rub it.
436
00:18:06,028 --> 00:18:08,229
In poland,
437
00:18:08,231 --> 00:18:09,997
I had this little thing
that I liked to tickle
438
00:18:09,999 --> 00:18:11,732
Before I went to sleep.
439
00:18:11,734 --> 00:18:15,202
But my aunt threw it away.
440
00:18:15,204 --> 00:18:16,403
What was it?
441
00:18:16,405 --> 00:18:20,407
It was my cousin nora.
442
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:23,210
Give me the pills.
443
00:18:23,212 --> 00:18:25,346
Nope. And, max,
you were wrong. See?
444
00:18:25,348 --> 00:18:26,680
I'm not attached to my hair.
445
00:18:26,682 --> 00:18:28,749
In fact,
I am loving my new look.
446
00:18:28,751 --> 00:18:31,519
Am I a single mom
trying to keep it simple?
447
00:18:31,521 --> 00:18:34,255
Am I an assistant d.A.
In over my head?
448
00:18:34,257 --> 00:18:37,892
Or am I charlize theron
in the jon bon jovi story?
449
00:18:40,595 --> 00:18:45,866
Maybe, and I'm fine with it.
'cause I am not my hair.
450
00:18:45,868 --> 00:18:47,835
Oh, my god, turkey club cutie!
Hide me!
451
00:18:51,239 --> 00:18:53,908
On your knees in a bad wig.
452
00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:56,310
Listen, girl,
I've been there.
453
00:18:56,312 --> 00:18:58,145
No, I just don't
wanna be seen.
454
00:18:58,147 --> 00:18:59,480
Caroline, caroline,
I love you,
455
00:18:59,482 --> 00:19:01,115
But I can't hear anymore.
456
00:19:01,117 --> 00:19:03,184
That hair was hard enough
to look at in the '70s.
457
00:19:06,821 --> 00:19:08,856
Fine! You were right,
I was wrong.
458
00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:11,292
Now help me get this off.
He can't see me like this.
459
00:19:11,294 --> 00:19:12,860
That's right,
gimme the pills.
460
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,361
Max, no.
You don't need them.
461
00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:15,663
We don't know
where they've been.
462
00:19:15,665 --> 00:19:17,198
[sighs]
fine!
463
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,866
I'm going home
to try to sleep.
464
00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:21,101
Since this is all your fault,
you can finish my shift.
465
00:19:21,103 --> 00:19:22,836
You're on your own,
466
00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:25,339
Lady who lived across
the street from al bundy.
467
00:19:30,312 --> 00:19:33,280
I gotta say, I'm pretty
impressed I can do this.
468
00:19:33,282 --> 00:19:35,015
It's not so hard.
469
00:19:35,017 --> 00:19:36,517
I don't know what chanice
is always bitching about.
470
00:19:36,519 --> 00:19:39,186
I guess that's who she is.
471
00:19:39,188 --> 00:19:41,822
I can't believe
I still haven't slept.
472
00:19:41,824 --> 00:19:43,791
I'm gonna be awake forever.
473
00:19:43,793 --> 00:19:47,194
It's gonna be like that movie
awakenings, but not at all.
474
00:19:47,196 --> 00:19:51,098
Max, you can rub me.
475
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,302
Wow, that wig changed you.
476
00:19:55,304 --> 00:19:56,570
No, here.
477
00:19:56,572 --> 00:19:58,038
Rub the edge on the bottom
of my jammie top
478
00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,707
Like it's your pillowcase.
479
00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:01,575
No. If I rub the bottom
of your jammies,
480
00:20:01,577 --> 00:20:04,245
That would be my bottom.
481
00:20:04,247 --> 00:20:06,080
Turkey club cutie
didn't ask me out,
482
00:20:06,082 --> 00:20:08,716
Probably because my hair
was so messed up from the wig.
483
00:20:08,718 --> 00:20:10,150
Don't be so hard
on yourself.
484
00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:13,254
It could've been
your personality too.
485
00:20:13,256 --> 00:20:16,023
You really think he only
liked you for your hair?
486
00:20:16,025 --> 00:20:18,192
I only like me for my hair.
487
00:20:18,194 --> 00:20:19,827
Told you.
You're attached to it.
488
00:20:19,829 --> 00:20:21,161
So attached to it!
489
00:20:21,163 --> 00:20:23,697
Twirling it, tossing it,
flipping it.
490
00:20:23,699 --> 00:20:26,867
Feeling it on my neck,
on my shoulders, on my back.
491
00:20:26,869 --> 00:20:28,235
Caroline channing
without the option
492
00:20:28,237 --> 00:20:31,538
Of a sleek updo
is not caroline channing.
493
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:33,173
And I'm sorry.
494
00:20:33,175 --> 00:20:34,441
I'm sorry I judged you
495
00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:35,743
For having an attachment
to something
496
00:20:35,745 --> 00:20:37,344
When I'm no better.
497
00:20:37,346 --> 00:20:40,080
And I'm sorry I got rid
of your sweet sheets.
498
00:20:40,082 --> 00:20:42,049
Max.
499
00:20:42,051 --> 00:20:44,251
Max?
500
00:20:45,387 --> 00:20:46,920
Night, max.
501
00:20:54,162 --> 00:20:57,564
Whyyyy?
502
00:20:57,566 --> 00:21:00,634
Why can't I ever
have anything nice?