1
00:00:00,676 --> 00:00:03,879
Welcome
to the williamsburg diner.
2
00:00:03,881 --> 00:00:05,180
My name's max,
'cause the hospital
3
00:00:05,182 --> 00:00:08,150
Wouldn't let my mother
name me "oops."
4
00:00:08,152 --> 00:00:10,485
Uh, I've been out of town
all summer.
5
00:00:10,487 --> 00:00:11,686
Anything new?
6
00:00:11,688 --> 00:00:13,488
Anything new?
Let's see.
7
00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:17,659
Well, facebook went public,
and edward snowden went private.
8
00:00:17,661 --> 00:00:19,327
Kim and kanye had a baby,
so now
9
00:00:19,329 --> 00:00:24,166
There's another kardashian
to not keep up with.
10
00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:26,168
Paula deen is out,
gay marriage is in,
11
00:00:26,170 --> 00:00:27,369
And a teacher in california
is out
12
00:00:27,371 --> 00:00:30,839
For letting her students
get it in.
13
00:00:30,841 --> 00:00:34,009
Justin bieber got a hit and run,
chris brown got a hit and run,
14
00:00:34,011 --> 00:00:36,678
Rihanna got hit
and still didn't run.
15
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,413
Oprah gave lindsay
$2 million,
16
00:00:38,415 --> 00:00:40,515
Cunnilingus gave michael douglas
throat cancer,
17
00:00:40,517 --> 00:00:42,084
And michael douglas
gave guys everywhere
18
00:00:42,086 --> 00:00:45,187
Another excuse
not to do that.
19
00:00:45,189 --> 00:00:47,089
Egypt went crazy,
amanda bynes went crazier,
20
00:00:47,091 --> 00:00:50,725
And the nsa checks our phones
like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
21
00:00:50,727 --> 00:00:52,694
Oh, and texas hates women,
florida hates blacks,
22
00:00:52,696 --> 00:00:54,229
And everybody hates everything
with the exception
23
00:00:54,231 --> 00:00:58,366
Of angelina jolie,
who is totally awesome.
24
00:00:58,368 --> 00:01:03,205
I meant on the menu.
Anything new on the menu?
25
00:01:03,207 --> 00:01:04,940
I have no idea.
Let me check.
26
00:01:04,942 --> 00:01:07,542
Hey, caroline, anything new
I should know about?
27
00:01:07,544 --> 00:01:10,879
The royal baby
smiled at the queen.
28
00:01:10,881 --> 00:01:12,948
I meant at the diner.
29
00:01:12,950 --> 00:01:14,382
Oh.
I think we're maybe
30
00:01:14,384 --> 00:01:17,452
Washing the forks now?
Let me check.
31
00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:23,091
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
32
00:01:23,093 --> 00:01:24,926
[cash register bell dings]
33
00:01:24,928 --> 00:01:28,130
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
34
00:01:28,132 --> 00:01:30,132
♪
35
00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:36,104
See, max,
one quick change,
36
00:01:36,106 --> 00:01:39,107
And we went from polyester and
pitiful to powerful and proud.
37
00:01:39,109 --> 00:01:41,576
Just like superman.
38
00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:43,145
Except that superman changed
in a phone booth,
39
00:01:43,147 --> 00:01:46,748
Not a stall that says,
"for a good time, call max."
40
00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:51,153
Well, if you have a problem
with it, why did you write it?
41
00:01:51,155 --> 00:01:53,321
'cause I didn't have
enough eyeliner to write,
42
00:01:53,323 --> 00:01:57,058
"for an interesting time,
call caroline."
43
00:01:58,461 --> 00:02:00,629
Look.
Look, earl, we're wearing
44
00:02:00,631 --> 00:02:02,097
Our "max's homemade cupcakes"
t-shirts again.
45
00:02:02,099 --> 00:02:03,331
See the logo?
46
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,100
Well, actually,
I try never
47
00:02:05,102 --> 00:02:09,171
To look you ladies
in the "chestal" area.
48
00:02:09,173 --> 00:02:12,107
It keeps things
on the up and up.
49
00:02:12,109 --> 00:02:15,110
Oh, earl, you are
one in a million, literally,
50
00:02:15,112 --> 00:02:21,283
'cause 999,999 men have only
looked me in that area.
51
00:02:21,285 --> 00:02:23,185
Well,
I got to go home.
52
00:02:23,187 --> 00:02:26,621
I'm binge-watching
dharma and greg on hulu.
53
00:02:26,623 --> 00:02:30,525
Oh, I missed so much
growing up in korea.
54
00:02:30,527 --> 00:02:33,862
What, like puberty?
55
00:02:33,864 --> 00:02:37,299
Max, in my country,
I'm average height.
56
00:02:37,301 --> 00:02:39,167
And in my mind,
I'm still rich,
57
00:02:39,169 --> 00:02:42,971
And my health care plan
isn't flintstones chewables.
58
00:02:42,973 --> 00:02:45,140
So who wants to go
in the back
59
00:02:45,142 --> 00:02:48,009
And see how amazing
our brand-new cupcake shop is?
60
00:02:48,011 --> 00:02:51,179
Bring down the enthusiasm,
rachael ray.
61
00:02:51,181 --> 00:02:52,714
Right,
we're not supposed to get
62
00:02:52,716 --> 00:02:54,549
All excited
about this opening tonight.
63
00:02:54,551 --> 00:02:57,219
Last time, we made a big deal,
and the shop didn't do so well.
64
00:02:57,221 --> 00:02:59,321
Ha!
That's like saying the people
65
00:02:59,323 --> 00:03:02,757
Near the nuclear explosion
didn't do so well.
66
00:03:05,161 --> 00:03:08,830
Girls,
I am so proud of you two,
67
00:03:08,832 --> 00:03:11,233
Getting back
up on that horse.
68
00:03:11,235 --> 00:03:13,868
After my first jazz record
didn't sell,
69
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:18,406
I turned to a life of drinks,
drugs, and loose women.
70
00:03:18,408 --> 00:03:21,743
Funny how sometimes
things just work out right.
71
00:03:26,182 --> 00:03:28,883
But how can you be opening
your cupcake window right now?
72
00:03:28,885 --> 00:03:31,086
It's 2:00 a.M.
Our hours are 2:00 to 4:00.
73
00:03:31,088 --> 00:03:32,721
We're targeting
the "post bars" demographic.
74
00:03:32,723 --> 00:03:34,422
Drunk williamsburg guys.
75
00:03:34,424 --> 00:03:36,191
That's my target
when I'm by myself
76
00:03:36,193 --> 00:03:38,727
And now my target
at the new shop.
77
00:03:38,729 --> 00:03:42,397
Funny how sometimes
things just work out right.
78
00:03:42,399 --> 00:03:45,100
We have no big expectations
about the opening tonight.
79
00:03:45,102 --> 00:03:46,234
It's a soft opening.
80
00:03:46,236 --> 00:03:47,402
What's the difference
81
00:03:47,404 --> 00:03:50,305
Between a soft one
and a hard one?
82
00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:55,443
You want me to show him?
83
00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:01,783
Thanks,
but we're cool.
84
00:04:01,785 --> 00:04:04,586
Seriously,
it won't take me a minute.
85
00:04:04,588 --> 00:04:06,388
It's fine, oleg.
86
00:04:06,390 --> 00:04:10,959
Just so you know,
I'm already there.
87
00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:14,396
Get ready, this room's had
an amazing transformation.
88
00:04:14,398 --> 00:04:16,264
Rachael ray?
I mean, it's fine, whatever.
89
00:04:16,266 --> 00:04:18,400
Han, before we go in,
close your eyes.
90
00:04:18,402 --> 00:04:19,401
I want you to get
the full effect.
91
00:04:19,403 --> 00:04:21,403
Yeah,
and I want to trip you.
92
00:04:21,405 --> 00:04:23,138
She's kidding.
No, she's not.
93
00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:24,572
Yeah, I'm not.
94
00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:25,974
Han, I promise,
I won't let her trip you.
95
00:04:25,976 --> 00:04:27,676
Now, close your eyes.
96
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:33,615
[whimpers]
97
00:04:33,617 --> 00:04:35,250
What?
Now, I thought
98
00:04:35,252 --> 00:04:37,152
She was going to hit me.
99
00:04:37,154 --> 00:04:40,588
She was not.
Yeah, I was.
100
00:04:40,590 --> 00:04:42,424
Okay, no more blind eye
bull crap.
101
00:04:42,426 --> 00:04:44,626
Just show me
the damn smelly back room.
102
00:04:44,628 --> 00:04:48,263
Let me turn off the lights
for a more dramatic impact.
103
00:04:48,265 --> 00:04:52,033
[screams]
104
00:04:53,269 --> 00:04:54,969
What?
I didn't do anything.
105
00:04:54,971 --> 00:04:58,006
It was me.
106
00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:03,411
He now knows what hard is.
107
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,654
I cannot believe
my eyes.
108
00:05:12,656 --> 00:05:15,790
I felt the same way
when I first saw you.
109
00:05:15,792 --> 00:05:18,660
Original tan, original tile,
original too.
110
00:05:18,662 --> 00:05:19,994
What do you think, oleg?
111
00:05:19,996 --> 00:05:21,963
Nice.
112
00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:24,632
"nice"?
All you got is "nice?"
113
00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:28,169
This place was like
great adventure for rats!
114
00:05:28,171 --> 00:05:30,004
They were waiting in line
to bite us.
115
00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:32,474
Caroline, show them
your bite marks.
116
00:05:32,476 --> 00:05:34,809
I'd rather not.
Nice?
117
00:05:34,811 --> 00:05:39,681
It used to smell like the place
poop comes to die.
118
00:05:39,683 --> 00:05:42,684
Or death comes to poop.
119
00:05:42,686 --> 00:05:44,652
And look what we did!
We created
120
00:05:44,654 --> 00:05:48,356
The greatest, coolest, chic-est
cupcake shop, and I love it!
121
00:05:48,358 --> 00:05:51,159
But you know, no enthusiasm.
Just a soft opening.
122
00:05:51,161 --> 00:05:52,994
And, han,
this was all possible
123
00:05:52,996 --> 00:05:54,896
Because you gave us
the space rent-free.
124
00:05:54,898 --> 00:05:57,565
Rent-free?
Now, refresh my memory.
125
00:05:57,567 --> 00:06:00,201
When exactly did I say
"rent-free?"
126
00:06:00,203 --> 00:06:04,072
On the 27th, 4:15 p.M.,
you said,
127
00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:06,674
"I don't care about that dump,
you can have it for free.
128
00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:10,211
Burn it to the ground,
for all I care."
129
00:06:10,213 --> 00:06:15,183
I knew learning english would
come back to bite me in the ass.
130
00:06:15,185 --> 00:06:17,185
[knocking at the window]
131
00:06:17,187 --> 00:06:20,054
Someone's already knocking?
That's a really great sign, max.
132
00:06:20,056 --> 00:06:21,923
Time to open.
133
00:06:21,925 --> 00:06:24,592
[blows party horn]
134
00:06:26,529 --> 00:06:30,899
Look, girls, I'm blowing
this party horn for you.
135
00:06:30,901 --> 00:06:32,600
Thanks, sophie, but we didn't
want to make a big deal,
136
00:06:32,602 --> 00:06:34,269
It's a soft opening.
137
00:06:34,271 --> 00:06:37,539
Oh, I love a soft opening.
138
00:06:37,541 --> 00:06:39,274
[blows party horn]
139
00:06:39,276 --> 00:06:41,543
Hello, sophie.
140
00:06:41,545 --> 00:06:43,545
Oh, hello, oleg.
141
00:06:43,547 --> 00:06:45,713
Sorry, sophie, about this
uncomfortable meeting.
142
00:06:45,715 --> 00:06:47,382
If we had known
you were going to surprise us,
143
00:06:47,384 --> 00:06:49,384
We wouldn't have invited oleg.
Yeah, I was there
144
00:06:49,386 --> 00:06:52,754
When you two broke up and
I'm still suffering from ptsd.
145
00:06:52,756 --> 00:06:56,224
"post-traumatic sophie drama."
146
00:06:56,226 --> 00:06:58,226
There's no drama.
147
00:06:58,228 --> 00:07:02,564
And the award
for the best drama goes to...
148
00:07:02,566 --> 00:07:04,732
Not us.
Right, oleg?
149
00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:06,901
Yes, we're friends now.
150
00:07:06,903 --> 00:07:08,903
See, girls,
I cheated on her,
151
00:07:08,905 --> 00:07:11,406
So she smashed in
my car windows.
152
00:07:11,408 --> 00:07:13,141
And my apartment windows.
153
00:07:13,143 --> 00:07:15,810
And your stereo
and your flat screen.
154
00:07:15,812 --> 00:07:18,413
And my brother's flat screen
and his daughter's computer.
155
00:07:18,415 --> 00:07:20,281
[laughs]
156
00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:24,619
Yeah, she surprised me.
She wasn't supposed to be home.
157
00:07:24,621 --> 00:07:28,256
We got it out of our systems.
Good night, friend.
158
00:07:28,258 --> 00:07:30,158
Good night, friend.
159
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,494
And, oleg?
160
00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:41,669
[blows horn]
161
00:07:43,105 --> 00:07:44,439
Wow.
162
00:07:44,441 --> 00:07:48,510
That is one lucky horn.
163
00:07:50,279 --> 00:07:52,313
Honey, look.
Look, some customers.
164
00:07:52,315 --> 00:07:54,315
Hey, cool guys!
165
00:07:54,317 --> 00:07:59,454
Come over here and eat something
from the girls' soft opening!
166
00:07:59,456 --> 00:08:01,623
That is so not
the way I would've gone,
167
00:08:01,625 --> 00:08:03,291
But I'll take it.
168
00:08:03,293 --> 00:08:04,325
[cockney accent]
hello, hello.
169
00:08:04,327 --> 00:08:06,794
What have we got here?
170
00:08:06,796 --> 00:08:08,796
Welcome to max's
homemade cupcakes.
171
00:08:08,798 --> 00:08:11,633
In England we call 'em
"fairy cakes."
172
00:08:11,635 --> 00:08:14,869
Fairy cakes?
Damn it.
173
00:08:14,871 --> 00:08:18,273
Why are the hot ones
always gay?
174
00:08:19,642 --> 00:08:22,243
Oh, give us the whole lot.
175
00:08:23,679 --> 00:08:25,647
Oh, my god!
176
00:08:25,649 --> 00:08:28,016
A black american express card?
177
00:08:28,018 --> 00:08:32,420
I haven't held a black one
in my hands in years.
178
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:39,193
I would've guessed you hadn't
held a black one ever.
179
00:08:39,195 --> 00:08:42,730
Sorry, it's our first night.
Cash only.
180
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,668
Oh, wow.
He is really out of it.
181
00:08:46,670 --> 00:08:50,204
What is he on?
Besides me later?
182
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:53,708
Do not know,
but am jealous.
183
00:08:53,710 --> 00:08:55,176
[gasps]
184
00:08:55,178 --> 00:08:57,745
And now I'm really jealous.
185
00:08:57,747 --> 00:08:59,714
I'm sure he'll be fine.
186
00:08:59,716 --> 00:09:01,249
Oh, I'd say
he's more than fine.
187
00:09:01,251 --> 00:09:03,685
I'd say he's
my next boyfriend.
188
00:09:03,687 --> 00:09:06,220
Roland, mate, wake up.
189
00:09:06,222 --> 00:09:07,689
He's not breathing.
190
00:09:07,691 --> 00:09:09,357
I can't wake him, call 911!
191
00:09:09,359 --> 00:09:11,059
Call 911!
192
00:09:11,061 --> 00:09:14,028
Let's all just calm down.
193
00:09:14,030 --> 00:09:15,697
I have seen this happen a lot.
194
00:09:15,699 --> 00:09:19,567
One summer I had a part-time job
as a lifeguard at a crack house.
195
00:09:19,569 --> 00:09:21,202
He'll come to in a second.
196
00:09:21,204 --> 00:09:22,704
He's dead.
197
00:09:22,706 --> 00:09:24,939
Called that wrong.
198
00:09:30,713 --> 00:09:33,281
Max, the guy who died
in front of our shop last night
199
00:09:33,283 --> 00:09:34,616
Was a rock star.
200
00:09:34,618 --> 00:09:36,250
He used to date kate moss.
201
00:09:36,252 --> 00:09:38,386
No offense,
but dating kate moss
202
00:09:38,388 --> 00:09:40,955
Is like a law in England.
203
00:09:40,957 --> 00:09:43,391
Everyone has to do it
when they turn 21.
204
00:09:43,393 --> 00:09:47,562
His name was roland glass,
and he has two gold records.
205
00:09:47,564 --> 00:09:49,397
I can't believe
I've never heard of him.
206
00:09:49,399 --> 00:09:50,898
I can.
207
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:53,568
Your go-to jam
is the soundtrack from newsies.
208
00:09:53,570 --> 00:09:57,739
Yesterday a rock star,
and today he's gone.
209
00:09:57,741 --> 00:09:58,940
You never know.
210
00:09:58,942 --> 00:10:00,575
That's why
I ordered us breakfast
211
00:10:00,577 --> 00:10:02,276
From the fancy breakfast place
on the corner.
212
00:10:02,278 --> 00:10:05,613
You ordered
from magna cum latte?
213
00:10:05,615 --> 00:10:08,249
Every day when I pass by it,
I think two things:
214
00:10:08,251 --> 00:10:10,752
One, I wish I had a gun.
215
00:10:10,754 --> 00:10:14,422
And, two, someday I'm gonna
order breakfast to be delivered
216
00:10:14,424 --> 00:10:16,157
With one
of their fancy-ass croissants.
217
00:10:16,159 --> 00:10:18,292
Who knows, tonight
I could do too much heroin
218
00:10:18,294 --> 00:10:20,128
And die an unexpected death.
219
00:10:20,130 --> 00:10:23,431
But at least then I'd die
doing something my mother loved.
220
00:10:23,433 --> 00:10:25,266
You're right, max.
You only live once.
221
00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:26,968
Yolo.
222
00:10:26,970 --> 00:10:32,040
And you only live till
the next time you say "yolo."
223
00:10:34,443 --> 00:10:36,511
[cell phone chimes]
224
00:10:36,513 --> 00:10:38,446
Oh, no. More bad news.
225
00:10:38,448 --> 00:10:40,682
According to my google alert
for max's homemade cupcakes-
226
00:10:40,684 --> 00:10:42,617
You have a google alert
for our business?
227
00:10:42,619 --> 00:10:45,687
I only have a google alert
for "oprah goes topless."
228
00:10:45,689 --> 00:10:47,689
I'm not saying
it's gonna happen,
229
00:10:47,691 --> 00:10:50,792
But I'm saying, if it does, I'm
gonna be the first one to know.
230
00:10:50,794 --> 00:10:54,996
Look, it's online that roland
glass died in front of our shop.
231
00:10:54,998 --> 00:10:58,700
And now my phone just died.
It's an epidemic.
232
00:10:58,702 --> 00:11:01,836
Oleg, what are you still doing
with the arrow from our shop?
233
00:11:01,838 --> 00:11:03,304
I thought you said
that was hung.
234
00:11:03,306 --> 00:11:06,474
No, I said I was hung.
235
00:11:06,476 --> 00:11:07,975
And I can't put it up now
236
00:11:07,977 --> 00:11:10,478
With that crowd of people
in front of your window.
237
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,315
There are people
in front of our window?
238
00:11:14,317 --> 00:11:17,485
Dude, is this
where my man roland died?
239
00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:19,353
Yeah, right over there.
240
00:11:19,355 --> 00:11:22,724
Then I'm gonna put this here
next to paddington bear.
241
00:11:22,726 --> 00:11:24,692
I caught this
at his last concert.
242
00:11:24,694 --> 00:11:28,162
And I also caught this.
243
00:11:28,164 --> 00:11:31,165
So, like, what, dude?
He just dropped to the ground?
244
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:34,168
Actually, he hit right here
first, smiled, then fell.
245
00:11:34,170 --> 00:11:37,705
He smiled? Dude.
246
00:11:37,707 --> 00:11:39,841
Max, can I
see you over here?
247
00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:42,343
Sorry for your loss.
And dope hat.
248
00:11:42,345 --> 00:11:45,012
Thanks.
I found it in a dumpster.
249
00:11:45,014 --> 00:11:46,380
Max, what are you doing?
250
00:11:46,382 --> 00:11:48,049
Don't tell them
he hit our counter.
251
00:11:48,051 --> 00:11:50,384
We need to distance ourselves
from the entire event.
252
00:11:50,386 --> 00:11:52,754
This spells disaster
for our new business.
253
00:11:52,756 --> 00:11:55,757
Dude, can I get
three dozen cupcakes?
254
00:11:55,759 --> 00:11:58,426
Or it spells success.
255
00:11:58,428 --> 00:12:01,696
I have beaucoup friends coming
here for the midnight vigil.
256
00:12:01,698 --> 00:12:03,931
How much are your cupcakes?
257
00:12:03,933 --> 00:12:05,032
$7.
258
00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:06,768
That's a lot.
259
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:10,838
Dude. Roland would've
wanted it that way.
260
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:21,549
♪ knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪
261
00:12:21,551 --> 00:12:24,585
And he hit right here
before he fell.
262
00:12:24,587 --> 00:12:29,223
And as he fell,
he looked up at me and smiled.
263
00:12:29,225 --> 00:12:32,627
Content. Peaceful.
264
00:12:32,629 --> 00:12:35,229
That'll be $7, cash only.
265
00:12:35,231 --> 00:12:37,298
Mira, can you break a 50?
266
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:38,599
Max!
267
00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:41,569
Yeah, what do you need?
268
00:12:41,571 --> 00:12:42,804
Change for a 50.
269
00:12:42,806 --> 00:12:47,809
Got it. I mean,
why, god, why?
270
00:12:47,811 --> 00:12:50,745
[singing along] ♪ knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪
271
00:12:50,747 --> 00:12:55,750
Ten, ten, ten, ten.
♪ heaven's door
272
00:12:55,752 --> 00:12:57,084
Max, we're almost
sold out in here.
273
00:12:57,086 --> 00:12:58,419
I need more cupcakes
from the kitchen.
274
00:12:58,421 --> 00:12:59,587
Got it.
I'll come right in.
275
00:12:59,589 --> 00:13:00,755
Earl?
276
00:13:00,757 --> 00:13:02,757
Yo!
277
00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:05,927
Same split as before.
30¢ on every dollar you sell.
278
00:13:05,929 --> 00:13:07,995
What a waste.
279
00:13:07,997 --> 00:13:11,766
You know how much money
we could make if we sold pot?
280
00:13:11,768 --> 00:13:15,236
Oh, you want in on that too?
Same split.
281
00:13:16,939 --> 00:13:18,973
Oh, man,
that hippie patchouli smell
282
00:13:18,975 --> 00:13:21,108
Is worse than the poop was.
283
00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:25,012
Han, shh. These people are
in mourning. Show some respect.
284
00:13:25,014 --> 00:13:26,948
Me?
Me show some respect?
285
00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:28,349
What will you two do next,
286
00:13:28,351 --> 00:13:29,617
Sell cupcakes
at the diabetes wing
287
00:13:29,619 --> 00:13:31,953
At the children's hospital?
288
00:13:31,955 --> 00:13:34,155
How dare
you doubt my sincerity?
289
00:13:34,157 --> 00:13:35,957
I personally have shooed
a homeless man
290
00:13:35,959 --> 00:13:37,825
Away from peeing
on that shrine twice.
291
00:13:37,827 --> 00:13:40,294
I don't care what
I may or may not have said
292
00:13:40,296 --> 00:13:42,363
On the 27th at 4:15 p.M.
293
00:13:42,365 --> 00:13:44,966
Your business is booming,
and now I want rent.
294
00:13:44,968 --> 00:13:47,969
No way, han. That man
could've overdosed anywhere.
295
00:13:47,971 --> 00:13:51,138
But god made him overdose in
front of our window as a gift.
296
00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:54,475
And, yes, we are accepting that
gift because you only live once.
297
00:13:54,477 --> 00:13:56,878
Yolo.
298
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,346
This isn't "yolo,"
it's "hodo."
299
00:13:58,348 --> 00:14:00,314
He only died once.
300
00:14:00,316 --> 00:14:03,684
I'm surprised you aren't
selling "hodo" t-shirts.
301
00:14:03,686 --> 00:14:05,486
How dare you again?
302
00:14:05,488 --> 00:14:07,321
We are simply providing
some comfort food
303
00:14:07,323 --> 00:14:09,056
To people who need comfort.
304
00:14:09,058 --> 00:14:12,994
And, I might add, we are doing
it with the utmost respect.
305
00:14:12,996 --> 00:14:16,831
♪ knock, knock, knocking
on the apple store's door ♪
306
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:18,699
That's it,
your business is booming,
307
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:20,234
I want rent. 200.
308
00:14:20,236 --> 00:14:21,869
A year?
309
00:14:21,871 --> 00:14:25,039
A month, and it's a bargain
for my beautiful space.
310
00:14:25,041 --> 00:14:28,042
This space is only beautiful
because we made it beautiful.
311
00:14:28,044 --> 00:14:29,176
Yeah, show 'em
your bite marks!
312
00:14:29,178 --> 00:14:30,544
Max, I'd rather not.
313
00:14:30,546 --> 00:14:32,546
You will pay me
$200 a month,
314
00:14:32,548 --> 00:14:34,548
And there is nothing
you can do to change my mind!
315
00:14:34,550 --> 00:14:38,519
Show him your bite marks!
Fine!
316
00:14:38,521 --> 00:14:39,754
A rat bit her ass?
317
00:14:39,756 --> 00:14:41,689
Okay, 195.
318
00:14:41,691 --> 00:14:44,692
No rent, han. That wasn't
the deal you made us.
319
00:14:44,694 --> 00:14:47,028
This is not personal,
it's business.
320
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:49,530
I want a slice of grief pie!
321
00:14:49,532 --> 00:14:50,898
Show him your front bites!
322
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:55,236
No!
That's too personal.
323
00:14:55,238 --> 00:14:57,872
Sorry you had to do that.
So am I.
324
00:14:57,874 --> 00:15:01,142
It's healing nicely.
Don't lie to me.
325
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,713
I think it's nice of us to add
our flowers to the others.
326
00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:07,048
Shows respect.
327
00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:09,216
You're acting
like you didn't steal them.
328
00:15:09,218 --> 00:15:11,218
Max, it's the thought
that counts.
329
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:12,720
And I thought
it'd be cheaper
330
00:15:12,722 --> 00:15:14,455
To pull them out
of someone's garden.
331
00:15:14,457 --> 00:15:17,425
Wait, where's the shrine?
332
00:15:17,427 --> 00:15:22,063
Look, han moved it
over to the diner door.
333
00:15:22,065 --> 00:15:24,899
That insolent charlatan!
334
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:27,902
Whatever that means.
335
00:15:27,904 --> 00:15:33,641
(all)
♪ knock, knock,
knocking on heaven's door ♪
336
00:15:33,643 --> 00:15:35,910
Can you believe this, girls?
337
00:15:35,912 --> 00:15:38,245
He's cashing in
on a man's death.
338
00:15:38,247 --> 00:15:40,581
Without us.
339
00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:42,583
And in his honor,
tonight we are serving
340
00:15:42,585 --> 00:15:44,085
Chicken a la roland!
341
00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:46,754
At a mourner's discount
of just $8.95.
342
00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:50,925
Looks like jiminy cricket
turned to the dark side.
343
00:15:50,927 --> 00:15:54,395
(han)
I also have
rock star pudding.
344
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,300
Nope. No way, max.
This is our shrine.
345
00:15:59,302 --> 00:16:01,002
Grab a handful of bears.
346
00:16:01,004 --> 00:16:03,938
We're moving
the dead guy shrine back?
347
00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:06,107
Wait, let me just
light a candle for my dignity.
348
00:16:06,109 --> 00:16:07,775
It died here too.
349
00:16:07,777 --> 00:16:11,112
Max, do you want
to be successful or not?
350
00:16:11,114 --> 00:16:13,647
Because if you do,
grab one of these poems
351
00:16:13,649 --> 00:16:16,317
That doesn't follow
any of the rules of poetry,
352
00:16:16,319 --> 00:16:19,453
And move it back
to the cupcake window.
353
00:16:19,455 --> 00:16:22,123
Because this is our death.
354
00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:24,658
I think maybe
you're being a little harsh.
355
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:27,795
"rock out in heaven.
Love, kevin."
356
00:16:27,797 --> 00:16:29,530
That's gold.
357
00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:34,001
Oops, knocked over a candle.
Ooh, small fire.
358
00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:36,137
Fire on my shoe.
359
00:16:36,139 --> 00:16:40,141
If I don't get this out, it's
gonna be my memorial service.
360
00:16:40,143 --> 00:16:41,675
Look, look.
361
00:16:41,677 --> 00:16:44,812
Those girls are disrupting
the shrine of a dead man!
362
00:16:44,814 --> 00:16:48,549
Look, look, a roach got out
of the diner! Quick, step on it!
363
00:16:48,551 --> 00:16:50,985
Look, hippies, look!
Put down those bongs and look.
364
00:16:50,987 --> 00:16:53,154
They're moving the place
where a man died
365
00:16:53,156 --> 00:16:54,555
For their own financial gain!
366
00:16:54,557 --> 00:16:57,525
Hey,
that's so not cool, man.
367
00:16:57,527 --> 00:16:59,060
Yeah, come on.
Yeah, boo!
368
00:16:59,062 --> 00:17:03,064
He's the not cool one.
Yeah, look at him!
369
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:08,002
Roland glass
died a horrible death
370
00:17:08,004 --> 00:17:09,703
In front
of our adorable cupcake window.
371
00:17:09,705 --> 00:17:11,238
See?
"horrible, adorable"?
372
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,075
That rhyme just came
right off the top of my head.
373
00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:15,342
Hey! Hi.
374
00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:17,845
Hi. He knows!
375
00:17:17,847 --> 00:17:19,513
I told him to stop
peeing on the shrine
376
00:17:19,515 --> 00:17:21,082
When it was still over there!
377
00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:22,083
Isn't that right?
378
00:17:22,085 --> 00:17:23,717
Yep. That's the bitch.
379
00:17:23,719 --> 00:17:26,020
Yes! Yes!
I'm the bitch!
380
00:17:26,022 --> 00:17:29,557
So not cool, dude.
Let's get him out of here.
381
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:32,193
[all shouting]
382
00:17:32,195 --> 00:17:33,194
(han)
no! Stop!
383
00:17:33,196 --> 00:17:34,595
That's my wallet!
384
00:17:34,597 --> 00:17:37,765
Ooh, stop!
That's not my wallet.
385
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,200
Stop!
386
00:17:39,202 --> 00:17:40,267
Stop!
387
00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:44,105
Cast of rock of ages, stop!
388
00:17:44,107 --> 00:17:45,773
Put him down.
He's cool.
389
00:17:45,775 --> 00:17:49,543
Even with those clothes
and that head.
390
00:17:49,545 --> 00:17:52,580
I mean, really. Are we
that desperate for success?
391
00:17:52,582 --> 00:17:55,149
We'd let han be torn apart?
392
00:17:56,418 --> 00:17:57,885
I'm thinking.
393
00:17:57,887 --> 00:17:58,919
Caroline-
394
00:17:58,921 --> 00:18:03,357
Max, I'm thinking.
395
00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:10,798
Well, no one's knock, knock,
knocking on our door now.
396
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,099
It's more dead out there
397
00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:14,135
Than when there was
a dead guy out there.
398
00:18:14,137 --> 00:18:16,804
I'm having second thoughts
about how we behaved today.
399
00:18:16,806 --> 00:18:19,440
I mean, how could we
have let han live?
400
00:18:19,442 --> 00:18:21,909
Hello.
401
00:18:21,911 --> 00:18:25,746
I brought you some rock star
pudding to say thank you.
402
00:18:25,748 --> 00:18:28,415
Oh, rock star pudding.
What's in it, pills?
403
00:18:28,417 --> 00:18:32,153
Broken dreams?
Tear-stained panties?
404
00:18:32,155 --> 00:18:34,121
Caroline?
405
00:18:34,123 --> 00:18:36,090
I'm not as easy as max.
406
00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:39,160
Said every girl
in my seventh grade class.
407
00:18:39,162 --> 00:18:41,328
Look, I was wrong.
408
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:42,663
No, han, I was.
409
00:18:42,665 --> 00:18:44,265
We should pay rent.
410
00:18:44,267 --> 00:18:46,100
I wasn't talking
about the rent.
411
00:18:46,102 --> 00:18:49,937
Rent? [muffled]
who said anything about rent?
412
00:18:49,939 --> 00:18:51,138
I was wrong when I said
413
00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:53,107
It wasn't personal,
it was business.
414
00:18:53,109 --> 00:18:55,176
After max stopped me
from being torn
415
00:18:55,178 --> 00:18:57,611
Limb from limb
by the smelly hippies,
416
00:18:57,613 --> 00:19:01,182
I realized, with us,
it is mostly personal.
417
00:19:01,184 --> 00:19:03,017
And a little business.
418
00:19:03,019 --> 00:19:04,318
A little business?
419
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,453
What other kind
could you have?
420
00:19:06,455 --> 00:19:08,622
Max, let's not
be hard on han.
421
00:19:08,624 --> 00:19:10,457
He's giving us
this space rent-free.
422
00:19:10,459 --> 00:19:13,360
No one said "rent-free."
423
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:15,796
I came up with a number
I think is fair.
424
00:19:15,798 --> 00:19:19,133
$250,000.
Yeah, sounds fair.
425
00:19:19,135 --> 00:19:22,469
I remembered that was
your original cupcake shop goal.
426
00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:26,173
So when you hit that amount,
we can talk rent.
427
00:19:26,175 --> 00:19:29,176
Han, that is so sweet.
428
00:19:29,178 --> 00:19:31,312
And I'm not gonna ruin it
by bringing up the fact
429
00:19:31,314 --> 00:19:33,681
That she just said
"hard on han."
430
00:19:33,683 --> 00:19:36,684
Really, han,
it's so, so generous.
431
00:19:36,686 --> 00:19:39,019
But I don't know
if we're comfortable with it.
432
00:19:39,021 --> 00:19:41,222
What if we offered you
a small piece of the business?
433
00:19:41,224 --> 00:19:45,092
I'll wait for the rent.
You two are good friends.
434
00:19:48,163 --> 00:19:49,330
A woman finally
offers han a piece,
435
00:19:49,332 --> 00:19:52,132
And he turns it down.
436
00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:56,337
Max. Google alert.
437
00:19:56,339 --> 00:19:58,339
Oprah's topless?
438
00:19:58,341 --> 00:20:01,242
Max, let that go.
That's never gonna happen.
439
00:20:01,244 --> 00:20:03,510
Not with that attitude.
440
00:20:03,512 --> 00:20:06,347
No, the autopsy
says roland glass
441
00:20:06,349 --> 00:20:07,848
Choked
on a max's homemade cupcake.
442
00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:09,516
This is a disaster.
443
00:20:09,518 --> 00:20:13,387
Hey, where's your enthusiasm
now, miss rachael ray?
444
00:20:13,389 --> 00:20:15,522
This place is the balls!
445
00:20:15,524 --> 00:20:17,358
And it's just
a matter of time
446
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,260
Till those sicko hipsters
are lining up
447
00:20:19,262 --> 00:20:21,695
For "one of those cupcakes
that killed that dude."
448
00:20:21,697 --> 00:20:25,933
Open the window!
We're back, baby!
449
00:20:25,935 --> 00:20:28,369
But we can't count
on a guy dying every week.
450
00:20:28,371 --> 00:20:30,070
I mean, I have
a positive attitude,
451
00:20:30,072 --> 00:20:31,272
But that's too pollyanna.
452
00:20:31,274 --> 00:20:32,873
We don't have to.
453
00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:34,375
That's what's so great
about this window.
454
00:20:34,377 --> 00:20:35,943
Who knows what'll happen?
455
00:20:35,945 --> 00:20:37,711
Right, and we won't
have to chase business down
456
00:20:37,713 --> 00:20:39,613
Because we'll be
right here on the street
457
00:20:39,615 --> 00:20:41,248
Waiting for it
to come to us.
458
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:45,386
Max, I feel so good
about the possibilities.
459
00:20:45,388 --> 00:20:47,288
One night it could be
a black american express card,
460
00:20:47,290 --> 00:20:49,623
And the--
461
00:20:52,761 --> 00:20:55,129
Max, is it...
462
00:20:57,565 --> 00:21:00,768
Other nights,
it's a friendly little visit
463
00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:01,769
From our homeless guy.
464
00:21:01,771 --> 00:21:03,837
[screams]
465
00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:07,174
[cash register bell dings]