1
00:00:02,545 --> 00:00:05,981
- What's up, peanut?
2
00:00:05,983 --> 00:00:08,216
- Max, I'm not paying you
to just stand there.
3
00:00:08,218 --> 00:00:09,985
- Well, you're not paying me
to eat as many french fries
4
00:00:09,987 --> 00:00:12,554
As I can before the plate
leaves the kitchen,
5
00:00:12,556 --> 00:00:14,856
But I do that too.
6
00:00:14,858 --> 00:00:17,059
- Go wait
on that pretty girl.
7
00:00:17,061 --> 00:00:20,162
Oh, wait.
Is she a boy?
8
00:00:20,164 --> 00:00:23,265
She looks a little
like a pretty boy.
9
00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:27,169
- She's probably looking at you
and thinking the same thing.
10
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:32,374
But are you attracted
to the girl she is
11
00:00:32,376 --> 00:00:34,009
Or the boy
she appears to be?
12
00:00:34,011 --> 00:00:36,078
You're confused,
aren't you, han?
13
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,680
- Yes, my mind
tells me one thing,
14
00:00:38,682 --> 00:00:42,050
But my body tells me
[deep voice] something else.
15
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,954
- Max, go on break.
I've got the booth.
16
00:00:45,956 --> 00:00:47,722
- Oh, no.
You can't wait on her.
17
00:00:47,724 --> 00:00:50,058
That's tina, a lesbian
who turns straight girls.
18
00:00:50,060 --> 00:00:53,261
I call her
"tina the turner."
19
00:00:53,263 --> 00:00:55,530
Practically
every heterosexual woman
20
00:00:55,532 --> 00:00:57,132
In williamsburg
has hooked up with her.
21
00:00:57,134 --> 00:00:59,401
- Max, everyone?
22
00:00:59,403 --> 00:01:03,805
- Not me.
Who do you think turned her?
23
00:01:03,807 --> 00:01:06,808
But you won't be able
to resist her charm. Trust me.
24
00:01:06,810 --> 00:01:10,112
- That's nonsense. I'm very
comfortable with my sexuality.
25
00:01:10,114 --> 00:01:12,881
I once texted "yes"
to mr. Chaz bono
26
00:01:12,883 --> 00:01:15,450
On dancing with the stars.
27
00:01:15,452 --> 00:01:17,152
- Okay, good luck.
28
00:01:17,154 --> 00:01:18,820
Just don't let me catch you guys
making out on the table.
29
00:01:18,822 --> 00:01:20,021
- [scoffs]
30
00:01:20,023 --> 00:01:23,859
- Or do.
It's a free country.
31
00:01:23,861 --> 00:01:25,227
- Hi, are you ready
to order?
32
00:01:25,229 --> 00:01:28,130
- Sure. I love your hair,
by the way.
33
00:01:28,132 --> 00:01:32,000
- Earl, caroline's about
to fall in love with a lesbian.
34
00:01:32,002 --> 00:01:36,505
- Well, color me
"I saw that one coming."
35
00:01:36,507 --> 00:01:38,073
- How'd it go?
36
00:01:38,075 --> 00:01:39,741
- Fine,
she complimented my hair,
37
00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:42,077
She ordered a soup,
I gave her my number.
38
00:01:42,079 --> 00:01:44,346
I gave her my number?
39
00:01:44,348 --> 00:01:46,314
- Okay,
hit the showers.
40
00:01:46,316 --> 00:01:48,150
That's what I get
for sending a straight woman
41
00:01:48,152 --> 00:01:50,652
To do an emotionally dead
woman's job.
42
00:01:52,388 --> 00:01:54,756
- ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
43
00:01:54,758 --> 00:01:56,191
[cash register bell dings]
44
00:01:56,193 --> 00:02:01,396
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
45
00:02:06,602 --> 00:02:08,136
- It was so nice
to wake up this morning
46
00:02:08,138 --> 00:02:10,438
Without the stress
of owning our cupcake business.
47
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,274
The only decision
I have to make today is:
48
00:02:12,276 --> 00:02:15,510
Do I change my underwear
or just turn these inside out?
49
00:02:15,512 --> 00:02:18,513
- Four years ago, I was hit
with a similar conundrum:
50
00:02:18,515 --> 00:02:21,950
"do I buy underwear
or do I buy beer?"
51
00:02:21,952 --> 00:02:25,453
I've been free-balling it
ever since.
52
00:02:25,455 --> 00:02:27,522
- Max, what are you doing?
What's happening over there?
53
00:02:27,524 --> 00:02:29,090
- Oh, you mean the arrow
from the shop?
54
00:02:29,092 --> 00:02:30,425
I put it on so you'd know
55
00:02:30,427 --> 00:02:33,028
Where the insults
were coming from.
56
00:02:33,030 --> 00:02:34,663
- I'm talking
about the cupcakes.
57
00:02:34,665 --> 00:02:36,031
Our cupcake shop is gone.
58
00:02:36,033 --> 00:02:37,766
Why are you still
making those things?
59
00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:39,601
- It's the only constant
in my life,
60
00:02:39,603 --> 00:02:42,137
And the routine distracts me
from the relentless darkness
61
00:02:42,139 --> 00:02:44,973
That lurks in every corner
of my thoughts.
62
00:02:44,975 --> 00:02:46,875
Besides, we still need
to sell these at the diner
63
00:02:46,877 --> 00:02:48,610
To make extra money.
64
00:02:48,612 --> 00:02:50,645
- Well, you can do it.
I'm not speaking to them.
65
00:02:50,647 --> 00:02:52,347
They totally led me on.
66
00:02:52,349 --> 00:02:54,049
Those cupcakes
were a tease.
67
00:02:54,051 --> 00:02:56,484
- Well, I want to pay rent
this month.
68
00:02:56,486 --> 00:02:58,853
And then again next month,
and so on and so on
69
00:02:58,855 --> 00:03:01,590
Until the exquisite release
of death.
70
00:03:01,592 --> 00:03:05,193
- Oh, rent. Here we go again.
Does that bitch ever stop?
71
00:03:05,195 --> 00:03:07,529
[sighs]
[phone ringing]
72
00:03:07,531 --> 00:03:08,964
If that's death,
it's for me.
73
00:03:08,966 --> 00:03:12,734
Tell him to honk
and I'll be right out.
74
00:03:12,736 --> 00:03:16,304
Morning, chestnut.
75
00:03:16,306 --> 00:03:19,708
Oh, what is it
about those big, beautiful eyes
76
00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:22,077
That makes everything
feel better.
77
00:03:22,079 --> 00:03:25,380
- I guess
I just have a warmth.
78
00:03:25,382 --> 00:03:27,949
Oh, you mean the horse.
79
00:03:27,951 --> 00:03:30,919
- Is this still good?
80
00:03:30,921 --> 00:03:33,321
It is not.
81
00:03:33,323 --> 00:03:35,457
Eh, like I have a choice.
82
00:03:35,459 --> 00:03:38,059
- Wow, that was
a blast from the past--
83
00:03:38,061 --> 00:03:39,995
My old temp agency.
84
00:03:39,997 --> 00:03:42,731
Flu's got their staff laid up.
They need bodies.
85
00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:44,966
Wanna do it? I bet
they'll let us temp together.
86
00:03:44,968 --> 00:03:48,169
- You think? You think
they'd let us temp together?
87
00:03:48,171 --> 00:03:50,071
[sighs] oh, god.
Last week,
88
00:03:50,073 --> 00:03:52,107
I owned a cupcake business,
now I'm temping.
89
00:03:52,109 --> 00:03:55,443
Why don't I just ask chestnut
to kick me in the head?
90
00:03:55,445 --> 00:03:59,247
- He won't do it.
I've asked him like seven times.
91
00:03:59,249 --> 00:04:02,317
Look, we've both casually
fantasized about our deaths
92
00:04:02,319 --> 00:04:04,052
Within ten minutes
of waking up,
93
00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:07,022
So maybe we should do something
to distract us.
94
00:04:07,024 --> 00:04:09,324
- And xeroxing
will make us feel whole?
95
00:04:09,326 --> 00:04:12,894
- Let me tell you
something.
96
00:04:12,896 --> 00:04:16,865
When you're photocopying
your ass on a xerox machine,
97
00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:20,001
You are never more alive.
98
00:04:20,003 --> 00:04:22,504
Hello, old friend.
99
00:04:22,506 --> 00:04:25,240
Here it is,
my temping blazer.
100
00:04:25,242 --> 00:04:28,743
Ahh, you can still smell
the "no way out."
101
00:04:28,745 --> 00:04:30,512
- Why is that in a bucket?
102
00:04:30,514 --> 00:04:33,381
- 'cause I don't want
to accidentally wear it.
103
00:04:33,383 --> 00:04:36,918
- Well, is there a pantsuit
in the oven I could wear?
104
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,554
- It doesn't matter
what you wear--you're a temp.
105
00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:42,524
They'll be impressed
if you don't poop your pants.
106
00:04:42,526 --> 00:04:46,861
And even if you do,
not a deal breaker.
107
00:04:46,863 --> 00:04:48,430
[knock at door]
108
00:04:48,432 --> 00:04:49,898
- All right, I'll go,
109
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:51,232
But if we're temping
to make our rent,
110
00:04:51,234 --> 00:04:53,134
That's the last batch
of those.
111
00:04:53,136 --> 00:04:56,738
I don't want to see, hear, or
think any more about cupcakes.
112
00:04:56,740 --> 00:04:58,640
- [laughs]
113
00:04:58,642 --> 00:05:02,277
Ding dong,
the cupcake's calling.
114
00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:04,446
[laughs]
115
00:05:04,448 --> 00:05:06,548
We found the cupcake costumes
from your store
116
00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:09,451
Out near the dumpster.
[laughs]
117
00:05:09,453 --> 00:05:10,819
- Are you guys drunk?
118
00:05:10,821 --> 00:05:12,620
- Yes!
[laughs]
119
00:05:12,622 --> 00:05:16,191
Yeah, we've been out clubbing
all night. [laughs]
120
00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:19,661
- [coughs] oh, I just swallowed
one of my balls.
121
00:05:19,663 --> 00:05:21,896
- Yeah. Yeah.
122
00:05:21,898 --> 00:05:25,400
Well, now, you know
how I feel. [laughs]
123
00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:28,370
- I threw those costumes away
on purpose.
124
00:05:28,372 --> 00:05:30,505
Max and I are no longer
making cupcakes.
125
00:05:30,507 --> 00:05:33,975
- What'd you say?
126
00:05:33,977 --> 00:05:36,745
- Cupcakes are a waste
of time and money.
127
00:05:36,747 --> 00:05:40,014
- You take that back
right now!
128
00:05:40,016 --> 00:05:41,649
No, you don't--
129
00:05:41,651 --> 00:05:43,551
You're lucky
130
00:05:43,553 --> 00:05:46,721
That I have a giant cake
holding me back right now.
131
00:05:46,723 --> 00:05:49,357
[laughs]
132
00:05:53,329 --> 00:05:55,997
- Fifth floor,
end of dreams.
133
00:05:55,999 --> 00:05:58,099
Oh, yeah,
I worked here before.
134
00:05:58,101 --> 00:06:00,068
You know the toaster oven
in our kitchen?
135
00:06:00,070 --> 00:06:03,071
It came from here.
136
00:06:03,073 --> 00:06:06,641
Hi. Caroline channing,
reporting for my first day.
137
00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:08,410
I went ahead
and printed out my address,
138
00:06:08,412 --> 00:06:10,011
Social security number,
and other important information
139
00:06:10,013 --> 00:06:11,679
To make your life
easier.
140
00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:14,282
- Hey, I'm temp number two.
Where your bathroom at?
141
00:06:14,284 --> 00:06:16,651
- I'll get eli.
He's my boss.
142
00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:18,686
Sign these stating that
if you're injured on the job,
143
00:06:18,688 --> 00:06:20,155
It's not our fault.
144
00:06:20,157 --> 00:06:22,624
- How would we injure ourselves
in an office?
145
00:06:22,626 --> 00:06:26,161
- Let me just give you
a "for instance."
146
00:06:26,163 --> 00:06:28,296
Some girl, let's say
her name is sarah,
147
00:06:28,298 --> 00:06:29,664
Is walking
through the office
148
00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:31,933
With her number 2 pencil
facing up-ways.
149
00:06:31,935 --> 00:06:33,835
Well, she trips
over her shoes and falls,
150
00:06:33,837 --> 00:06:35,804
And that number 2 pencil
goes right through her eyeball
151
00:06:35,806 --> 00:06:37,705
And into her brain.
152
00:06:37,707 --> 00:06:39,774
And now she's gotta eat
applesauce through a straw
153
00:06:39,776 --> 00:06:41,509
The rest of her life.
154
00:06:41,511 --> 00:06:44,212
See, that's not our fault,
that's her fault,
155
00:06:44,214 --> 00:06:45,613
As per
the judge's decision
156
00:06:45,615 --> 00:06:47,348
In sarah drake
vs. Westship insurance.
157
00:06:47,350 --> 00:06:49,651
Sign those.
I'll get eli.
158
00:06:49,653 --> 00:06:52,320
- Thank you. I'm sorry,
I didn't get your name.
159
00:06:52,322 --> 00:06:55,890
- That's 'cause
I didn't give it to you.
160
00:06:55,892 --> 00:06:59,027
- What are you doing? You never
give anybody your real name.
161
00:06:59,029 --> 00:07:01,362
That way, when you make
your little data entry mistake,
162
00:07:01,364 --> 00:07:03,465
They can't
track the real you down.
163
00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:06,734
You didn't see me
at the enron trial, did you?
164
00:07:06,736 --> 00:07:09,804
And that light in your eyes?
Dim it down, way down.
165
00:07:09,806 --> 00:07:10,972
Show me.
166
00:07:13,042 --> 00:07:15,710
Wow. That's actually
really good. How'd you do that?
167
00:07:15,712 --> 00:07:18,546
- I thought about our future.
- Great!
168
00:07:18,548 --> 00:07:20,148
- Eli's in a meeting,
169
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:22,584
But you gotta watch
this sexual harassment video.
170
00:07:22,586 --> 00:07:24,552
- Watching a video
seems like a waste of time
171
00:07:24,554 --> 00:07:26,588
When we could be doing
something more productive.
172
00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:30,892
- A waste of time? Let me
just give you a "for instance."
173
00:07:30,894 --> 00:07:32,427
There's this
dominican guy,
174
00:07:32,429 --> 00:07:34,429
He's installing a new water jug
in the office,
175
00:07:34,431 --> 00:07:37,065
And he looks at one of
the female employees and says,
176
00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:40,568
"speaking of jugs,"
and then he reaches up
177
00:07:40,570 --> 00:07:42,904
And cups
the employee's breastesses
178
00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:46,508
Then starts twisting
on the nips and what have you.
179
00:07:46,510 --> 00:07:48,977
Now, how do you handle
a situation like that?
180
00:07:48,979 --> 00:07:51,980
- That's actually how
my longest relationship started.
181
00:07:51,982 --> 00:07:53,414
[chuckles]
182
00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:57,151
- [on tv] I'd love to give you
that promotion, beverly,
183
00:07:57,153 --> 00:07:59,654
But first, you'll have
to do something...For me.
184
00:07:59,656 --> 00:08:02,056
- Don't do it, beverly!
Don't do it!
185
00:08:02,058 --> 00:08:04,859
Spoiler alert. I've watched this
in here before,
186
00:08:04,861 --> 00:08:07,095
And it does not end well
for beverly.
187
00:08:07,097 --> 00:08:08,763
- Well,
not to blame the victim,
188
00:08:08,765 --> 00:08:11,332
But who wears a black bra
to work?
189
00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:12,901
These shelves
would be so much better
190
00:08:12,903 --> 00:08:15,069
If they were alphabetized
and color-coordinated.
191
00:08:15,071 --> 00:08:17,939
- Forget that cabinet and look
at the top shelf on beverly.
192
00:08:17,941 --> 00:08:19,941
I'm a little jelly.
193
00:08:19,943 --> 00:08:21,543
- [on tv]
that's right, beverly.
194
00:08:21,545 --> 00:08:23,845
Now, bend down
and pick up that file.
195
00:08:23,847 --> 00:08:25,947
- Oh, doug,
you're up to your old tricks,
196
00:08:25,949 --> 00:08:28,616
And she falls for it
every time.
197
00:08:28,618 --> 00:08:30,585
- Let's pause here
and write down these rules
198
00:08:30,587 --> 00:08:32,420
We've learned
from beverly and doug.
199
00:08:32,422 --> 00:08:35,089
- Oh, I love
the smell in here.
200
00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:37,125
Reminds me of interning
on wall street,
201
00:08:37,127 --> 00:08:40,061
You know, minus the dignity
and the future.
202
00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,897
But why would the paper products
be near the toner cartridges?
203
00:08:42,899 --> 00:08:44,198
Whoever organized
this place
204
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,200
Must have been stupid
or lazy or both.
205
00:08:46,202 --> 00:08:48,269
- A-both.
206
00:08:48,271 --> 00:08:49,938
Forget
all that shelf stuff.
207
00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:51,906
You are not here
to improve office layout,
208
00:08:51,908 --> 00:08:53,908
You're here to keep quiet,
pretend like you're working,
209
00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:55,476
And steal
five to ten vitamin waters
210
00:08:55,478 --> 00:08:58,313
From the break room
at the end of each day.
211
00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:01,449
- Hey.
212
00:09:01,451 --> 00:09:05,386
Are you watching dirty videos
in here and didn't invite me?
213
00:09:05,388 --> 00:09:08,623
- They're making
harassment videos in 3-d now?
214
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:10,291
- I was looking
for the new temps,
215
00:09:10,293 --> 00:09:12,226
But I think I wandered
into a beauty pageant.
216
00:09:12,228 --> 00:09:14,896
Uh, the votes are in.
It's a tie.
217
00:09:14,898 --> 00:09:16,831
I'm eli green,
the office manager.
218
00:09:16,833 --> 00:09:17,899
You must be our new temps.
219
00:09:17,901 --> 00:09:19,167
- I'm caroline channing.
220
00:09:19,169 --> 00:09:22,003
- And I'm carmen...Sandiego.
221
00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:23,838
No relation.
222
00:09:27,376 --> 00:09:28,576
[cat meows]
- [laughs]
223
00:09:28,578 --> 00:09:30,311
Oh, my god,
this is great!
224
00:09:30,313 --> 00:09:32,213
The cat's
eating the dog's food.
225
00:09:32,215 --> 00:09:35,149
The dog's just like,
"wha-a-at?"
226
00:09:35,151 --> 00:09:39,320
Yo, psst. "cat eats dog food."
youtube it now.
227
00:09:39,322 --> 00:09:41,255
- Kinda busy with my work.
228
00:09:41,257 --> 00:09:43,091
- It's called "minimum wage"
229
00:09:43,093 --> 00:09:46,327
'cause you're supposed to do
the minimum.
230
00:09:46,329 --> 00:09:48,529
- Mmm. Coffee tastes
so much better
231
00:09:48,531 --> 00:09:50,665
When it's from today
and you haven't paid for it.
232
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,100
[cat meows]
233
00:09:52,102 --> 00:09:54,936
- [laughs]
the dog's just like, "wha-a-at?"
234
00:09:54,938 --> 00:09:56,537
Classic.
235
00:09:56,539 --> 00:09:59,507
- You like that video?
Look up "cat vs. Toddler."
236
00:09:59,509 --> 00:10:02,877
You're welcome.
237
00:10:02,879 --> 00:10:05,847
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is this a modeling agency?
238
00:10:05,849 --> 00:10:08,116
Did I get off
on the wrong floor?
239
00:10:08,118 --> 00:10:13,287
- I don't care where you get off
as long as it's not here.
240
00:10:13,289 --> 00:10:16,591
- Hi, eli. So any idea
when they'll decide
241
00:10:16,593 --> 00:10:18,793
Who's getting the junior
executive promotion, or--
242
00:10:18,795 --> 00:10:20,795
- Not yet, but I did
just mention your name
243
00:10:20,797 --> 00:10:22,563
To the big guys, ryan.
- I'm leon.
244
00:10:22,565 --> 00:10:25,066
- Hey, caroline.
245
00:10:25,068 --> 00:10:26,434
- Hi. Question:
I already finished
246
00:10:26,436 --> 00:10:27,969
The first quarter
claim reports...
247
00:10:27,971 --> 00:10:31,272
- Are you doping?
We need to stretch this out.
248
00:10:31,274 --> 00:10:33,041
- And since I had time,
I took the liberty
249
00:10:33,043 --> 00:10:34,876
Of reformatting
the expense template,
250
00:10:34,878 --> 00:10:36,711
So what would you like me
to do now, eli?
251
00:10:36,713 --> 00:10:39,947
- Say my name,
say my name.
252
00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:42,050
Hey, caroline,
you're not just hot,
253
00:10:42,052 --> 00:10:44,886
You're on fire over there.
You should be throwing your hat
254
00:10:44,888 --> 00:10:46,220
In the ring
for that executive job.
255
00:10:46,222 --> 00:10:47,722
- Really?
256
00:10:47,724 --> 00:10:51,793
- And this girl's just like,
"wha-a-at?"
257
00:10:54,563 --> 00:10:57,665
That temp place
is soul-sucking,
258
00:10:57,667 --> 00:11:00,635
And I didn't even know
I had a soul to suck.
259
00:11:00,637 --> 00:11:04,305
If that's a suicide note,
just add my name to the end.
260
00:11:04,307 --> 00:11:05,973
- Come on,
it's not that bad,
261
00:11:05,975 --> 00:11:08,676
And I got four free
fresh coffee drinks,
262
00:11:08,678 --> 00:11:11,012
And one had
a caramel drizzle.
263
00:11:11,014 --> 00:11:12,647
- Caramel drizzle?
264
00:11:12,649 --> 00:11:15,316
That's definitely my name
at my next temp job.
265
00:11:15,318 --> 00:11:17,351
- I don't know
if this is such a temp job.
266
00:11:17,353 --> 00:11:18,853
I'm filling out
this application
267
00:11:18,855 --> 00:11:20,722
To apply for that
junior executive position.
268
00:11:20,724 --> 00:11:22,557
- Oh, no, you're not.
269
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:24,092
We're only going back
one more time
270
00:11:24,094 --> 00:11:25,359
To get enough wite-out
271
00:11:25,361 --> 00:11:28,429
To do the kim kardashian
white manicure.
272
00:11:28,431 --> 00:11:31,566
- Max, you saw me there today.
I'm good at this,
273
00:11:31,568 --> 00:11:33,601
And it felt amazing
to be working somewhere
274
00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:36,037
Where my skills are valued
and supported.
275
00:11:36,039 --> 00:11:38,539
- Oh! Are you not feeling
supported here?
276
00:11:38,541 --> 00:11:42,944
I'm sorry,
I'm a boss, not a bra.
277
00:11:42,946 --> 00:11:45,079
Should I praise you more?
Really killing it
278
00:11:45,081 --> 00:11:48,349
With the leaning on the counter
doing nothing.
279
00:11:48,351 --> 00:11:52,453
Kudos, caroline.
Huzzah.
280
00:11:52,455 --> 00:11:54,122
- Hey,
where's my "huzzah"?
281
00:11:54,124 --> 00:11:56,023
I was standing around
doing nothing too.
282
00:11:56,025 --> 00:11:57,425
- And don't forget
about me.
283
00:11:57,427 --> 00:12:00,695
I was sitting around
doing nothing.
284
00:12:00,697 --> 00:12:03,297
- In korea, you all would be
left on the curb
285
00:12:03,299 --> 00:12:05,299
And taken away
with the garbage.
286
00:12:05,301 --> 00:12:09,270
- Is that how
you got to america, han?
287
00:12:09,272 --> 00:12:12,306
Earl, caroline's
being an idiot.
288
00:12:12,308 --> 00:12:16,711
- Oh, are we doing this
in front of her now?
289
00:12:16,713 --> 00:12:18,513
- Hey, would you still
apply for that job
290
00:12:18,515 --> 00:12:21,315
If I told you we sold out of
the cupcakes tonight?
291
00:12:21,317 --> 00:12:22,717
Last one.
292
00:12:22,719 --> 00:12:24,519
- Oh, so what,
they're good one day
293
00:12:24,521 --> 00:12:25,953
And you want me
to take them back?
294
00:12:25,955 --> 00:12:28,623
Who am I,
robert pattinson?
295
00:12:28,625 --> 00:12:31,692
- So you just cut lil' coconut
here out of your life?
296
00:12:31,694 --> 00:12:33,327
That's cold.
297
00:12:33,329 --> 00:12:36,063
- Max, this job
offers medical benefits.
298
00:12:36,065 --> 00:12:38,800
There are doctors
who don't have medical benefits.
299
00:12:38,802 --> 00:12:41,302
And financial security.
Maybe I want to wake up
300
00:12:41,304 --> 00:12:43,471
Every morning
not wanting to kill myself.
301
00:12:43,473 --> 00:12:46,407
- Well, that's weird,
but whatever.
302
00:12:49,878 --> 00:12:52,413
- I went to wharton.
303
00:12:52,415 --> 00:12:53,915
- Pay attention,
everyone.
304
00:12:53,917 --> 00:12:55,550
I know you're all
very busy working hard--
305
00:12:55,552 --> 00:12:57,418
[cat meows]
- [on computer] congratulations,
306
00:12:57,420 --> 00:12:59,620
You've just won a free ipad.
- What the--I don't know--
307
00:12:59,622 --> 00:13:02,156
[clears throat]
attention, everyone!
308
00:13:02,158 --> 00:13:04,792
While doing work
and nothing but work,
309
00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:07,161
I may have downloaded
a virus that meows,
310
00:13:07,163 --> 00:13:10,097
So be on the lookout.
311
00:13:10,099 --> 00:13:11,833
Carry on, eli.
312
00:13:11,835 --> 00:13:14,569
- Thank you, carmen.
313
00:13:14,571 --> 00:13:16,571
Happy to say,
tenth floor
314
00:13:16,573 --> 00:13:18,072
Has finally picked
our new junior exec,
315
00:13:18,074 --> 00:13:19,674
And that person
is sitting right here.
316
00:13:19,676 --> 00:13:21,475
- Yes!
- No, caroline.
317
00:13:21,477 --> 00:13:23,077
- Yes!
- No!
318
00:13:23,079 --> 00:13:24,078
- Champagne on me!
319
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,113
- Yes!
320
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,987
- Here, I got us a fresh bottle,
'cause I'm the boss.
321
00:13:32,989 --> 00:13:34,822
Miss black,
would you pop that cork for me?
322
00:13:34,824 --> 00:13:37,091
- I'd be happy to,
miss channing, you bitch.
323
00:13:37,093 --> 00:13:39,627
Ooh!
- [laughs]
324
00:13:39,629 --> 00:13:42,797
Okay.
325
00:13:42,799 --> 00:13:45,533
Okay, okay, now
I'm gonna make a proper toast.
326
00:13:45,535 --> 00:13:47,134
- I don't know how.
327
00:13:47,136 --> 00:13:49,103
Their toaster oven's
in our kitchen.
328
00:13:49,105 --> 00:13:51,839
- To max--I promise
not to sexually harass you
329
00:13:51,841 --> 00:13:54,442
No matter how much I'm
required to as your superior.
330
00:13:54,444 --> 00:13:57,178
- To caroline--
I cannot promise the same thing,
331
00:13:57,180 --> 00:14:00,681
'cause sister, you fine.
- [laughs]
332
00:14:00,683 --> 00:14:04,185
- Oh, crap! I spilled champagne
on my good bucket blazer.
333
00:14:04,187 --> 00:14:08,356
- [low voice] yes, right there
on your breasts, beverly.
334
00:14:08,358 --> 00:14:10,691
I'm doing doug from
the sexual harassment video.
335
00:14:10,693 --> 00:14:13,361
- The doug?
Love your harassment work!
336
00:14:13,363 --> 00:14:16,931
Especially that sad h.R. Scene
where you get fired and cry
337
00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:20,034
But still manage
to touch yourself a little.
338
00:14:20,036 --> 00:14:22,236
- [low voice]
wow, beverly,
339
00:14:22,238 --> 00:14:24,605
Your breasts are so big,
I might need the whole box.
340
00:14:24,607 --> 00:14:26,607
[laughs]
341
00:14:26,609 --> 00:14:29,644
- That's enough. You're making
this rag feel even dirtier.
342
00:14:29,646 --> 00:14:31,245
Hey, hand me that.
- What?
343
00:14:31,247 --> 00:14:33,381
My new westship company poncho?
- Yep.
344
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:35,983
Now it's my booze bib.
345
00:14:35,985 --> 00:14:37,885
Oh, I love this.
346
00:14:37,887 --> 00:14:40,655
Somehow it's small enough
to fit in your purse,
347
00:14:40,657 --> 00:14:42,223
But large enough
to sleep under
348
00:14:42,225 --> 00:14:43,925
During an "occupy
wall street"-type situation.
349
00:14:43,927 --> 00:14:45,826
- [laughs]
350
00:14:45,828 --> 00:14:48,162
Max, I'm pouring you
more champagne
351
00:14:48,164 --> 00:14:49,430
Because
I have something
352
00:14:49,432 --> 00:14:51,399
Really exciting
I want to tell you.
353
00:14:51,401 --> 00:14:54,602
I talked to eli
about hiring you full-time.
354
00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:57,672
You are now a junior executive's
executive assistant!
355
00:14:57,674 --> 00:15:02,209
- I will knock you
to the ground!
356
00:15:02,211 --> 00:15:05,813
- Max, think about it.
It comes with health care.
357
00:15:05,815 --> 00:15:08,182
You wouldn't have to decide
between birth control pills
358
00:15:08,184 --> 00:15:10,551
And morning-after pills.
359
00:15:10,553 --> 00:15:14,555
- Are you trying to take away
a woman's right to choose?
360
00:15:14,557 --> 00:15:17,925
- Come on,
it could be so fun.
361
00:15:17,927 --> 00:15:20,027
Coming to work together,
getting free coffee--
362
00:15:20,029 --> 00:15:22,330
The good kind,
the blended kind--
363
00:15:22,332 --> 00:15:24,999
Not to mention
xeroxing our asses
364
00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:26,667
And feeling more alive
than ever.
365
00:15:26,669 --> 00:15:28,536
Watch, I'll show you
what a fun boss I can be.
366
00:15:28,538 --> 00:15:31,539
Let's xerox our asses.
367
00:15:31,541 --> 00:15:34,408
- Well, how could I say no
to copying my butt?
368
00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:35,509
The only thing better
than one of my butts
369
00:15:35,511 --> 00:15:37,578
Is two of my butts.
370
00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:40,848
- I'll go first.
- Too late!
371
00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:43,718
Do you want legal size paper
or three-hole punch?
372
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,755
Three-hole punch? That's how
my longest relationship ended.
373
00:15:47,757 --> 00:15:51,392
Ready, you corporate sell-out.
Fry me.
374
00:15:54,863 --> 00:15:56,998
Hey,
why is it still flashing?
375
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,134
- Whoops! I put in 100 copies
instead of one.
376
00:16:00,136 --> 00:16:03,471
- Don't worry about it, we'll
use them as christmas cards.
377
00:16:03,473 --> 00:16:06,607
- See? That's why
I need an assistant.
378
00:16:06,609 --> 00:16:09,677
- Thanks, but I'm not gonna take
this stupid corporate job.
379
00:16:09,679 --> 00:16:12,813
I'm gonna stick with cupcakes,
even though you just quit.
380
00:16:12,815 --> 00:16:15,449
- I didn't quit
the cupcake business.
381
00:16:15,451 --> 00:16:17,318
If you remember,
it quit us.
382
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,686
At least
this job makes sense.
383
00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:21,022
You get a regular paycheck,
benefits.
384
00:16:21,024 --> 00:16:22,823
You don't spend
two whole years of your life
385
00:16:22,825 --> 00:16:24,225
Giving it everything,
386
00:16:24,227 --> 00:16:25,826
And then walk away
feeling like a failure.
387
00:16:25,828 --> 00:16:27,561
Get off that now.
I'm worried
388
00:16:27,563 --> 00:16:28,896
You're giving yourself
butt cancer.
389
00:16:28,898 --> 00:16:33,067
- Wait,
you think you're a failure?
390
00:16:33,069 --> 00:16:34,835
'cause I think
we did amazing.
391
00:16:34,837 --> 00:16:38,139
- The shop closed, max.
Our dream blew up in our face.
392
00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:40,408
- Lots of things
blow up in your face.
393
00:16:40,410 --> 00:16:44,011
It's part
of being a woman.
394
00:16:46,014 --> 00:16:50,518
You just...
Towel off and keep going.
395
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,086
You're really
going to do this?
396
00:16:52,088 --> 00:16:54,088
This was just supposed to be
a temporary distraction
397
00:16:54,090 --> 00:16:55,790
Till we got back
to the cupcake thing.
398
00:16:55,792 --> 00:16:58,259
- No, max.
Cupcakes were the temp job.
399
00:16:58,261 --> 00:17:00,227
- No, cupcakes
were our dream.
400
00:17:00,229 --> 00:17:01,729
- Well, I was wrong.
401
00:17:01,731 --> 00:17:05,332
Maybe it's better
not to have a dream.
402
00:17:06,968 --> 00:17:08,469
- Good morning, everyone.
403
00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:10,271
Eli, they said
you wanted to see me in here?
404
00:17:10,273 --> 00:17:12,940
Ms. Channing, my name
is michelle yi, I'm with h.R.
405
00:17:12,942 --> 00:17:15,843
- Aw! Is this
my official welcome?
406
00:17:15,845 --> 00:17:17,945
[british accent]
oh, hello. [laughs]
407
00:17:17,947 --> 00:17:19,413
Well, here, I brought
408
00:17:19,415 --> 00:17:21,148
Some first-day bagels
and plain cream cheese.
409
00:17:21,150 --> 00:17:24,118
Sometimes chives can be
a little breathy, am I right?
410
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,821
- Is this the woman
who sexually harassed you?
411
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,791
- Yup, that's her.
412
00:17:30,793 --> 00:17:34,962
- [laughs] oh, good one!
Really funny.
413
00:17:34,964 --> 00:17:36,330
Me harassing you?
414
00:17:36,332 --> 00:17:38,499
Come on,
you're not even my type.
415
00:17:38,501 --> 00:17:40,634
- Caroline,
this isn't a joke.
416
00:17:40,636 --> 00:17:43,137
Trust me, I've been through
four of these.
417
00:17:43,139 --> 00:17:44,872
- Wait,
what's going on?
418
00:17:44,874 --> 00:17:47,441
- Ms. Channing, please
don't address carmen directly.
419
00:17:47,443 --> 00:17:49,310
- Max.
- "max"?
420
00:17:49,312 --> 00:17:51,779
Is that a pet name
she has for you, carmen?
421
00:17:51,781 --> 00:17:57,618
- Yes. She also calls me
"caramel drizzle."
422
00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,720
- Can you tell me
what exactly happened
423
00:17:59,722 --> 00:18:01,355
With ms. Channing
last night?
424
00:18:01,357 --> 00:18:03,958
- She fondled my breasts.
425
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,193
- Ms. Yi,
it's not how it sounds.
426
00:18:06,195 --> 00:18:08,929
We were drinking, and I was
pretending to be a man.
427
00:18:08,931 --> 00:18:10,798
- "drinking."
"pretending to be a man."
428
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,067
- Don't write that down.
Don't write that down.
429
00:18:13,069 --> 00:18:14,802
- And carmen,
when ms. Channing touched you,
430
00:18:14,804 --> 00:18:16,203
How did that make you feel?
431
00:18:16,205 --> 00:18:18,105
- Dirty.
432
00:18:18,107 --> 00:18:20,374
Dirty and underpaid.
433
00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:22,143
- She felt dirty?
434
00:18:22,145 --> 00:18:23,944
Come on, ms. Yi,
you don't know her.
435
00:18:23,946 --> 00:18:27,815
She's the dirty girl.
She is a dirty, dirty girl.
436
00:18:27,817 --> 00:18:29,917
- And does that
turn you on?
437
00:18:29,919 --> 00:18:33,554
- No! It's almost impossible
to turn me on.
438
00:18:33,556 --> 00:18:36,757
- Oh, good.
Now I don't feel so bad.
439
00:18:36,759 --> 00:18:39,059
- Trust me,
she's making this stuff up.
440
00:18:39,061 --> 00:18:40,594
- I'm sorry, ms. Channing.
441
00:18:40,596 --> 00:18:42,963
We're gonna have to terminate
your employment.
442
00:18:42,965 --> 00:18:47,067
- This is outrageous!
Nothing she said ever happened.
443
00:18:47,069 --> 00:18:50,771
- Then how do you
explain this?
444
00:18:50,773 --> 00:18:53,007
- That is a copy
from a xerox machine
445
00:18:53,009 --> 00:18:54,942
Badly in need of toner,
which is just one
446
00:18:54,944 --> 00:18:57,211
Of the many oversights
that would not have continued
447
00:18:57,213 --> 00:19:00,848
Had I been made
an executive here. Good day.
448
00:19:02,918 --> 00:19:05,853
- I don't know
what she's talking about.
449
00:19:05,855 --> 00:19:07,388
That butt
couldn't be any toner.
450
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:09,657
Write that down,
write that down.
451
00:19:09,659 --> 00:19:12,526
- Can I get a peek
at that?
452
00:19:18,934 --> 00:19:20,701
- How are you tonight,
caroline?
453
00:19:20,703 --> 00:19:22,937
- Angry, frustrated,
humiliated.
454
00:19:22,939 --> 00:19:26,307
- Just another Tuesday
at the diner.
455
00:19:26,309 --> 00:19:29,176
- Hello, carmen.
Or is it "caramel drizzle?"
456
00:19:29,178 --> 00:19:31,212
Just so you know,
457
00:19:31,214 --> 00:19:34,048
That stunt will go
on my professional work record.
458
00:19:34,050 --> 00:19:35,449
- Oh, please.
This diner's
459
00:19:35,451 --> 00:19:37,851
On your professional
work record.
460
00:19:37,853 --> 00:19:40,888
And your record's clean.
Eli expunged it
461
00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:44,291
Because I gave him
a couple of my ass xeroxes.
462
00:19:44,293 --> 00:19:46,293
He's laminating them
and using them as place mats.
463
00:19:46,295 --> 00:19:47,995
My idea.
464
00:19:47,997 --> 00:19:50,864
- For what, max?
Why'd you get me fired?
465
00:19:50,866 --> 00:19:52,866
- Why'd I get you fired?
466
00:19:52,868 --> 00:19:57,071
Well, let me give you
a "for instance."
467
00:19:57,073 --> 00:20:00,007
I once knew this girl
who was so used to not failing
468
00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:01,542
That the first time
she did,
469
00:20:01,544 --> 00:20:03,711
She got so scared,
she forgot who she was
470
00:20:03,713 --> 00:20:05,179
And tried to be
somebody else,
471
00:20:05,181 --> 00:20:07,982
And then she touched
my breastesses.
472
00:20:07,984 --> 00:20:09,917
Look, it's cool
if you don't
473
00:20:09,919 --> 00:20:11,485
Want to join in
on the cupcake dream,
474
00:20:11,487 --> 00:20:13,520
But at least wait
till you find another.
475
00:20:13,522 --> 00:20:15,589
Don't hop on the first one
that comes along.
476
00:20:15,591 --> 00:20:18,158
It's a dream,
not a man.
477
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,427
- See?
You are a dirty girl.
478
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:23,597
- I'm a dirty, dirty girl.
[both laugh]
479
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:27,601
- Hey, cupcake quitters.
480
00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:30,537
Look, do you see
what you've driven me to?
481
00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:32,940
Supermarket cakes.
482
00:20:32,942 --> 00:20:36,076
- Sophie, you don't need
to eat those.
483
00:20:36,078 --> 00:20:37,578
You can have one of ours.
484
00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:41,181
Max's homemade cupcakes
is back in business.
485
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:47,087
- It would be cruel
to kid me.
486
00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:50,224
- Nope. We're doing it
differently this time.
487
00:20:50,226 --> 00:20:52,026
- We are? How?
488
00:20:52,028 --> 00:20:53,560
- I have no idea.
489
00:20:53,562 --> 00:20:55,429
But for starters,
490
00:20:55,431 --> 00:20:58,132
You're my new junior executive
executive's assistant.
491
00:20:58,134 --> 00:21:02,770
- I will knock you
to the ground.
492
00:21:02,772 --> 00:21:06,840
- Mmm. Ohh. Yeah.
493
00:21:06,842 --> 00:21:09,543
Well, mama happy now.
494
00:21:12,514 --> 00:21:13,714
[cash register bell dings]