1
00:00:02,311 --> 00:00:06,014
- Oh, my god!
We have customers?
2
00:00:06,016 --> 00:00:08,083
What's going on?
3
00:00:08,085 --> 00:00:09,851
Why are there
so many hipsters here?
4
00:00:09,853 --> 00:00:11,386
Are we selling stupid hats
and telling them
5
00:00:11,388 --> 00:00:14,423
They're more talented
than they actually are?
6
00:00:14,425 --> 00:00:18,693
- No, that's already a store.
It's called "fedorable."
7
00:00:18,695 --> 00:00:21,763
You've been working so hard
to get us customers in,
8
00:00:21,765 --> 00:00:23,598
I wanted to contribute
by finding a way
9
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:24,900
To get in
the neighborhood hipsters.
10
00:00:24,902 --> 00:00:26,902
So...Here's our new flyer.
11
00:00:26,904 --> 00:00:28,570
- You made up a new flyer
12
00:00:28,572 --> 00:00:30,539
Without talking to me
about it first?
13
00:00:30,541 --> 00:00:33,608
- I renamed all the cupcakes
after people from the '90s!
14
00:00:33,610 --> 00:00:35,444
- "max's homemade cupcakes.
15
00:00:35,446 --> 00:00:37,846
We've got
all your flavor flavs."
16
00:00:37,848 --> 00:00:40,549
- Hipsters love '90s nostalgia
more than they love
17
00:00:40,551 --> 00:00:42,551
Pretending not
to love anything.
18
00:00:42,553 --> 00:00:45,754
- "come in and lick a beavis.
19
00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:48,023
Eat a butt-head."
20
00:00:48,025 --> 00:00:51,359
- The pistachio is now called
the dennis rodman
21
00:00:51,361 --> 00:00:53,795
Because it's such
a dumbass flavor.
22
00:00:53,797 --> 00:00:56,398
- Cute. Wait, what's going on
over there?
23
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,066
Why are all those cupcakes
smashed?
24
00:00:58,068 --> 00:01:00,569
- Those are
the nancy kerrigans.
25
00:01:00,571 --> 00:01:02,504
- I don't know
if it's in good taste
26
00:01:02,506 --> 00:01:04,272
To make fun
of her personal tragedy.
27
00:01:04,274 --> 00:01:07,442
- I sold eight of them.
- Screw her, you're a genius!
28
00:01:07,444 --> 00:01:09,377
Ooh, ooh,
can I name one?
29
00:01:09,379 --> 00:01:13,982
How 'bout we call the day-olds
the hugh hefners?
30
00:01:13,984 --> 00:01:16,485
- That's not '90s.
31
00:01:16,487 --> 00:01:19,721
- He's in his 90s,
and he's stale and hard.
32
00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:22,958
- ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
33
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,693
[cash register bell dings]
34
00:01:24,695 --> 00:01:28,630
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
35
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:34,970
- Can I get
a jonathan taylor thomas to go
36
00:01:34,972 --> 00:01:36,505
And two of the spice girls?
37
00:01:36,507 --> 00:01:39,474
Any one but "baby."
38
00:01:39,476 --> 00:01:41,076
- Sure.
39
00:01:41,078 --> 00:01:43,145
- Dude, you should come
to the '90s trivia contest
40
00:01:43,147 --> 00:01:45,013
Every Monday at the bar bar.
41
00:01:45,015 --> 00:01:47,415
You could win, like,
big money.
42
00:01:47,417 --> 00:01:49,918
- Yeah, and then I could pay
for the lobotomy I'd need
43
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,419
To forget
that I ever participated
44
00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:53,421
In a hipster contest
in a bar.
45
00:01:53,423 --> 00:01:57,559
- Cute hat.
You're very talented.
46
00:01:57,561 --> 00:02:02,464
I'm putting this flyer up
in the window.
47
00:02:02,466 --> 00:02:05,233
Oh, look,
there's a street performer
48
00:02:05,235 --> 00:02:07,102
Trying to get people to dance
with his marionette
49
00:02:07,104 --> 00:02:08,637
Outside our shop.
50
00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,639
- Uh-oh, not cool!
51
00:02:10,641 --> 00:02:12,774
No hipster wants to crump
with a puppet.
52
00:02:12,776 --> 00:02:16,111
See, he just
chased them away.
53
00:02:16,113 --> 00:02:18,446
- We'll just ask him to move,
but we have to be nice.
54
00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:21,149
- Nice? Nice...Oh, yeah,
that's the thing you are
55
00:02:21,151 --> 00:02:23,018
To the welfare lady
while your mom's in the bedroom
56
00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:26,688
Hiding the new tv.
57
00:02:26,690 --> 00:02:30,659
[romantic accordion music]
58
00:02:30,661 --> 00:02:33,361
- Hi, how are you?
We own this cupcake--
59
00:02:33,363 --> 00:02:37,432
- Shh!
Not while he's dancing.
60
00:02:37,434 --> 00:02:43,672
♪
61
00:02:43,674 --> 00:02:46,942
- Oh, I'm sorry, would you
like me to wait?
62
00:02:48,811 --> 00:02:51,513
- Oh, this dude's
a serial killer.
63
00:02:51,515 --> 00:02:59,654
♪
64
00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:25,046
- Uh...Oh.
Uh...
65
00:03:25,048 --> 00:03:28,516
Do you want me to...
66
00:03:33,055 --> 00:03:36,057
- Yup, total serial killer.
67
00:03:36,059 --> 00:03:38,393
Just a matter of time
till we're hung on strings
68
00:03:38,395 --> 00:03:43,398
In his basement.
69
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:47,402
- And I probably just got
puppet herpes.
70
00:03:47,404 --> 00:03:50,905
- Well, I hope
you enjoyed your kiss
71
00:03:50,907 --> 00:03:53,575
With charming pierre.
72
00:03:53,577 --> 00:03:56,778
Now, if you wouldn't mind...
73
00:03:56,780 --> 00:04:00,115
- Oh, pierre's a prostitute?
74
00:04:03,152 --> 00:04:05,320
It's a little weird for him
to do it out in the open,
75
00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:08,023
But if he can't afford a car,
he can't afford a car.
76
00:04:08,025 --> 00:04:13,194
- Oh, you're one of those--
a woman without wonder.
77
00:04:13,196 --> 00:04:16,164
- Not true.
In fact, I'm wondering
78
00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:18,833
How you manage
to pay rent.
79
00:04:18,835 --> 00:04:20,268
- Okay, could you two
just move along?
80
00:04:20,270 --> 00:04:22,270
I have another show
in five minutes.
81
00:04:22,272 --> 00:04:24,172
- That was a show?
82
00:04:24,174 --> 00:04:26,741
Look, you can't do
your little skits here.
83
00:04:26,743 --> 00:04:28,410
- She doesn't mean
to be negative.
84
00:04:28,412 --> 00:04:30,211
- She's right. I was planning
to be all positive
85
00:04:30,213 --> 00:04:33,381
Till your doll
raped her leg.
86
00:04:33,383 --> 00:04:37,352
- Pierre is not a doll, okay?
He is a marionette.
87
00:04:37,354 --> 00:04:41,856
Hand-carved by me.
And I don't do "skits," okay?
88
00:04:41,858 --> 00:04:45,093
I received a national endowment
for my work.
89
00:04:45,095 --> 00:04:48,063
- What? The government
pays for stuff like this,
90
00:04:48,065 --> 00:04:51,132
And I can't get
my back tooth fixed?
91
00:04:51,134 --> 00:04:53,201
- Well, I, for one,
really appreciate
92
00:04:53,203 --> 00:04:54,736
The art of puppetry.
93
00:04:54,738 --> 00:04:59,007
- I can tell you do, and...
So can pierre.
94
00:04:59,009 --> 00:05:01,876
You know, he doesn't
just approach anybody.
95
00:05:01,878 --> 00:05:05,814
- I'm caroline. This is max.
And you are?
96
00:05:05,816 --> 00:05:09,150
- My stage name is
j. Petto.
97
00:05:09,152 --> 00:05:13,621
- Oh, so cute. Geppetto,
like pinocchio's father.
98
00:05:13,623 --> 00:05:16,891
- No, it's "j," period,
"petto."
99
00:05:16,893 --> 00:05:19,527
Disney owns the rights
to the name geppetto,
100
00:05:19,529 --> 00:05:23,898
So once again, the poor,
starving artist gets screwed!
101
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:28,069
- So sad.
Can you move?
102
00:05:28,071 --> 00:05:30,372
See, this is
our cupcake shop,
103
00:05:30,374 --> 00:05:31,873
And you're blocking
the entrance.
104
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:33,742
- Uh, this is
a public space,
105
00:05:33,744 --> 00:05:36,177
And I know my rights.
106
00:05:36,179 --> 00:05:38,046
Showtime!
107
00:05:38,048 --> 00:05:42,350
[humming same romantic tune]
108
00:05:42,352 --> 00:05:43,918
- I was trying
to be nice,
109
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,887
But you are the rudest puppeteer
I've ever met.
110
00:05:45,889 --> 00:05:47,555
And I'm including
shari lewis,
111
00:05:47,557 --> 00:05:49,691
Who told my father to shove it
on my fifth birthday!
112
00:05:49,693 --> 00:05:53,094
Let's go, max.
113
00:05:53,096 --> 00:05:56,898
- Hey...Doll man.
114
00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,800
You don't want to mess
with us.
115
00:05:58,802 --> 00:06:00,735
I make one call
to the cops,
116
00:06:00,737 --> 00:06:02,971
They do a background check,
and I'm pretty sure you'd go
117
00:06:02,973 --> 00:06:06,474
From "j. Petto"
to "j. Petto-phile."
118
00:06:09,311 --> 00:06:11,479
- Miss, I dropped
my david hasselhoff.
119
00:06:11,481 --> 00:06:15,150
- Well, it's not the first time
he's been on the floor.
120
00:06:15,152 --> 00:06:17,018
- Hey, you can't talk
to me like that.
121
00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:19,621
I studied puppetry in paris
at the palais--
122
00:06:19,623 --> 00:06:22,157
Aah!
123
00:06:22,159 --> 00:06:25,927
- Oh, my god,
he slipped on david hasselhoff!
124
00:06:25,929 --> 00:06:27,529
Are you okay?
- Yeah.
125
00:06:27,531 --> 00:06:28,963
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
126
00:06:28,965 --> 00:06:32,267
I'm just
a little embarrassed.
127
00:06:32,269 --> 00:06:35,503
Oh, no, no.
I landed on pierre!
128
00:06:35,505 --> 00:06:37,772
Pierre?
129
00:06:37,774 --> 00:06:39,474
- Here, have a seat.
130
00:06:39,476 --> 00:06:42,377
Would either of you like
a coffee or a free cupcake?
131
00:06:42,379 --> 00:06:45,780
- No, I'm just gonna
pack up and go. Thank you.
132
00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:48,349
- Come back anytime
for a free cupcake.
133
00:06:48,351 --> 00:06:50,452
- But no need
to bring your dolls.
134
00:06:50,454 --> 00:06:55,423
- They're not dolls!
I'm a man!
135
00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:03,731
- It's crazy how many hipsters
136
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:05,366
Came into our shop today
from our new flyers.
137
00:07:05,368 --> 00:07:06,768
We ran completely out of all
138
00:07:06,770 --> 00:07:10,071
The butterfinger buttafuocos,
the joeys,
139
00:07:10,073 --> 00:07:13,541
And even the mary jos, which
I did not think would sell.
140
00:07:13,543 --> 00:07:15,944
- I reworked
the smashed nancy kerrigans
141
00:07:15,946 --> 00:07:18,379
And called it
the mary jo.
142
00:07:18,381 --> 00:07:22,050
- Oh, girls,
I'm so happy for you.
143
00:07:22,052 --> 00:07:24,219
You know, I remember
when my business
144
00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:26,421
First started to take off.
145
00:07:26,423 --> 00:07:28,790
The first thing I did was
to buy the little village
146
00:07:28,792 --> 00:07:30,658
That I grew up in
147
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:34,762
And then burn it
to the ground!
148
00:07:34,764 --> 00:07:36,498
I was just so angry
149
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:39,634
They wouldn't let me be
a cheerleader.
150
00:07:39,636 --> 00:07:42,103
- No, baby, that was
the movie carrie.
151
00:07:42,105 --> 00:07:44,939
You fell asleep
watching it last night.
152
00:07:44,941 --> 00:07:49,110
- Oh. Yeah, I gotta stop
watching movies late at night.
153
00:07:49,112 --> 00:07:50,612
Once, for a whole year,
154
00:07:50,614 --> 00:07:53,948
I thought I framed
roger rabbit.
155
00:07:55,818 --> 00:07:58,253
[order bell dings]
156
00:08:00,322 --> 00:08:02,824
- I'm looking for the owners
of max's homemade cupcakes.
157
00:08:02,826 --> 00:08:05,226
- Oh, that's me.
Wow, word is really spreading.
158
00:08:05,228 --> 00:08:06,227
How can I help you?
159
00:08:06,229 --> 00:08:07,896
- You've been served.
160
00:08:07,898 --> 00:08:10,598
- Max, I just got served.
161
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:14,002
- Did he go after your bangs?
'cause that's where I'd start.
162
00:08:14,004 --> 00:08:15,537
- This is a lawsuit.
163
00:08:15,539 --> 00:08:18,239
It says, "max's homemade
cupcakes is being sued
164
00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:20,875
"for injuries sustained
in our shop by myron shales,
165
00:08:20,877 --> 00:08:22,944
A.K.A. 'j. Petto.'"
166
00:08:22,946 --> 00:08:24,779
Max, it's that puppet guy.
167
00:08:24,781 --> 00:08:26,614
- He's suing us?
168
00:08:26,616 --> 00:08:28,716
We should be suing him
for gross...
169
00:08:28,718 --> 00:08:30,618
I don't know
what the legal words are
170
00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:32,720
But just for being gross.
171
00:08:32,722 --> 00:08:34,222
- We can't afford
to be sued.
172
00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:36,057
We can't even afford the lawyer
on those bus ads
173
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:38,893
Who has a gavel in one hand
and a chicken in the other.
174
00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:42,597
- I hope everything
was satisfactory.
175
00:08:42,599 --> 00:08:44,699
Can I get you ladies
anything else...
176
00:08:44,701 --> 00:08:47,869
Like a strong work ethic?
177
00:08:47,871 --> 00:08:50,104
- Han, it's not funny.
We're being sued.
178
00:08:50,106 --> 00:08:51,906
- Okay, let me see those.
179
00:08:51,908 --> 00:08:53,308
I studied law in korea,
180
00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:55,276
But I never made it
through graduation.
181
00:08:55,278 --> 00:08:57,111
I realized
it wasn't my passion,
182
00:08:57,113 --> 00:08:59,948
And I pulled out.
183
00:09:01,884 --> 00:09:04,552
- Did they know it was in?
184
00:09:04,554 --> 00:09:08,389
- Let's see...Uh-huh...
Uh-huh.
185
00:09:08,391 --> 00:09:10,658
Yeah, you're being sued.
186
00:09:10,660 --> 00:09:14,829
- What law school did you go to,
cal state-the-obvious?
187
00:09:14,831 --> 00:09:18,666
- Did you graduate
magna come rarely?
188
00:09:18,668 --> 00:09:23,171
- I told you,
I pulled out.
189
00:09:23,173 --> 00:09:26,240
But don't worry,
accidents like this happen
190
00:09:26,242 --> 00:09:27,742
In stores all the time.
191
00:09:27,744 --> 00:09:30,178
That's why all businesses
have insurance.
192
00:09:30,180 --> 00:09:34,082
- Well, not all businesses.
193
00:09:34,084 --> 00:09:36,584
- How could you not
have insurance?
194
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:38,486
You need to get protection.
195
00:09:38,488 --> 00:09:42,357
And I'm not talking
about condoms.
196
00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:43,758
- We're not idiots, han.
197
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,159
We had
the insurance discussion.
198
00:09:45,161 --> 00:09:46,694
I was like,
"max, we need insurance."
199
00:09:46,696 --> 00:09:48,096
And she was like,
"do we have any money?"
200
00:09:48,098 --> 00:09:49,564
And I was like, "no."
and she was like,
201
00:09:49,566 --> 00:09:50,832
"what are the chances
something will happen?"
202
00:09:50,834 --> 00:09:52,200
And I was like,
"a million to one."
203
00:09:52,202 --> 00:09:53,835
And she was like,
"I like those odds.
204
00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:55,403
Let's go get gummi bears."
and I was like, "okay."
205
00:09:55,405 --> 00:09:56,738
But we'll talk about this
at another time."
206
00:09:56,740 --> 00:10:00,341
And here we are
talking about it now.
207
00:10:01,844 --> 00:10:03,745
Remember,
we have no choice.
208
00:10:03,747 --> 00:10:06,414
We have to get him
to drop this lawsuit.
209
00:10:06,416 --> 00:10:08,950
Okay, 3b, here. This is
the puppet guy's apartment.
210
00:10:08,952 --> 00:10:11,285
- You say puppet guy,
I say serial killer.
211
00:10:11,287 --> 00:10:13,621
You say apartment,
I say the brightest dot
212
00:10:13,623 --> 00:10:15,556
On the "megan's law" website.
213
00:10:15,558 --> 00:10:18,059
- Max, that is not charming.
Stay on message.
214
00:10:18,061 --> 00:10:21,562
We're charming, we're sorry...
- We're drunk. Well, I am.
215
00:10:21,564 --> 00:10:24,699
How else do you think I'm gonna
pull off charming?
216
00:10:24,701 --> 00:10:25,700
Let's just get in and out
of there.
217
00:10:25,702 --> 00:10:27,035
That puppet creeped me out.
218
00:10:27,037 --> 00:10:30,672
I don't want to have
to see it again.
219
00:10:34,376 --> 00:10:36,978
Oh, I am not drunk enough
for this.
220
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:39,414
- I've never been
drunk enough for this.
221
00:10:39,416 --> 00:10:42,216
Is j. Petto home?
222
00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:50,391
- I'm kind of surprised.
223
00:10:50,393 --> 00:10:52,660
I did not think
he'd have a girlfriend.
224
00:10:52,662 --> 00:10:55,463
- Hello.
225
00:10:55,465 --> 00:10:59,133
Well, I hope you enjoyed
meeting yvette.
226
00:10:59,135 --> 00:11:01,069
She plays the lute,
you know.
227
00:11:01,071 --> 00:11:04,572
- Oh, yes,
she was very charming.
228
00:11:04,574 --> 00:11:07,642
- And small. She must make
your penis look huge.
229
00:11:07,644 --> 00:11:11,212
- I'm sorry?
230
00:11:11,214 --> 00:11:13,715
- Charming, max, charming.
231
00:11:13,717 --> 00:11:16,417
Hi, we just stopped by
to bring you some cupcakes.
232
00:11:16,419 --> 00:11:18,319
We feel so bad
about what happened.
233
00:11:18,321 --> 00:11:19,821
Can we come in
for a minute?
234
00:11:19,823 --> 00:11:22,657
- Um, well, I wasn't
expecting company,
235
00:11:22,659 --> 00:11:24,726
But come in.
236
00:11:24,728 --> 00:11:26,527
We're all just hangin' out.
237
00:11:26,529 --> 00:11:31,599
- Oh, oh, this isn't weird.
This isn't weird at all.
238
00:11:31,601 --> 00:11:35,203
It's like we're
in a dead body car wash.
239
00:11:35,205 --> 00:11:38,940
- I had a nightmare that I had
a nightmare like this once.
240
00:11:38,942 --> 00:11:41,843
- Just so you know,
241
00:11:41,845 --> 00:11:44,746
I'm not allowed to talk
about the lawsuit.
242
00:11:44,748 --> 00:11:46,214
- Well, I'm not
allowed to talk
243
00:11:46,216 --> 00:11:48,950
About how I really feel
right now.
244
00:11:48,952 --> 00:11:51,385
- Speaking of the lawsuit,
you seem well--
245
00:11:51,387 --> 00:11:53,221
You know, physically--
which is great,
246
00:11:53,223 --> 00:11:55,022
Because the suit said
you had a shattered arm
247
00:11:55,024 --> 00:11:56,691
And a broken hip.
248
00:11:56,693 --> 00:11:58,826
- Oh, yeah,
I'm not suing you
249
00:11:58,828 --> 00:12:00,995
For my shattered arm
and hip.
250
00:12:00,997 --> 00:12:04,265
It's--
it's for pierre's.
251
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:13,441
I crushed his little body
when I fell.
252
00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:15,877
He must have thrown himself
under my body
253
00:12:15,879 --> 00:12:19,680
To protect my fall.
254
00:12:19,682 --> 00:12:23,151
- Dexter, party of one.
255
00:12:23,153 --> 00:12:27,622
- I have to rotate his arm
and hold it every 15 minutes
256
00:12:27,624 --> 00:12:29,624
To get his full range
of motion back.
257
00:12:29,626 --> 00:12:33,628
That's what the sling's about.
I know he's not alive.
258
00:12:33,630 --> 00:12:37,732
- Do you?
259
00:12:37,734 --> 00:12:39,834
- We're very sorry
for his injury,
260
00:12:39,836 --> 00:12:41,302
But this is absurd.
261
00:12:41,304 --> 00:12:43,504
You can't sue us
because your puppet broke.
262
00:12:43,506 --> 00:12:46,407
- Yes, I can.
This puppet is my livelihood,
263
00:12:46,409 --> 00:12:48,042
And he's heavily insured.
264
00:12:48,044 --> 00:12:50,645
- Great, the puppet has
insurance, and we don't.
265
00:12:50,647 --> 00:12:52,246
- Max!
- What?
266
00:12:52,248 --> 00:12:53,815
You don't have insurance?
267
00:12:53,817 --> 00:12:56,117
You have a business
but no insurance?
268
00:12:56,119 --> 00:12:59,754
- Look, we can't go to court.
It would wreck us.
269
00:12:59,756 --> 00:13:01,322
Can we leave the lawyers
out of this
270
00:13:01,324 --> 00:13:03,090
And come up
with a more creative solution?
271
00:13:03,092 --> 00:13:04,592
I mean,
you're clearly creative.
272
00:13:04,594 --> 00:13:07,328
Look, you even made
a skeleton king.
273
00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,063
- That's not
a skeleton king.
274
00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:12,166
That's pazuzu,
prince of darkness.
275
00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:14,669
- Let me just
put this out there
276
00:13:14,671 --> 00:13:16,671
Because we should really
move things along,
277
00:13:16,673 --> 00:13:19,140
And also, I'm afraid.
278
00:13:19,142 --> 00:13:21,309
How much is it gonna take
to make this go away?
279
00:13:21,311 --> 00:13:22,810
Do you want to take
a second to consult
280
00:13:22,812 --> 00:13:23,978
With one of your roommates?
281
00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:26,447
I think I saw
a lawyer doll.
282
00:13:26,449 --> 00:13:30,017
- He is not a lawyer.
He is a maitre d'.
283
00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:33,421
And a damn good one!
284
00:13:33,423 --> 00:13:35,623
You women
just don't get it.
285
00:13:35,625 --> 00:13:38,526
This is why I broke up
with my toronto-based girlfriend
286
00:13:38,528 --> 00:13:40,428
Over skype.
287
00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:43,130
Right?
288
00:13:43,132 --> 00:13:46,133
$1,000 by Monday.
289
00:13:46,135 --> 00:13:47,869
But if she makes
another comment
290
00:13:47,871 --> 00:13:52,039
About my intricate, hand-carved
marionettes being dolls...
291
00:13:52,041 --> 00:13:56,210
[whistles]
it goes up.
292
00:13:56,212 --> 00:13:59,080
- Fine, $1,000
and no strings.
293
00:13:59,082 --> 00:14:03,818
- Except for the ones on all--
- max, don't say it!
294
00:14:06,255 --> 00:14:08,256
- Valley of the dolls, return
to the valley of the dolls,
295
00:14:08,258 --> 00:14:09,790
Chucky, bride of chucky,
hello dolly, dollywood,
296
00:14:09,792 --> 00:14:15,129
And the dalai lama!
297
00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:17,031
Those are the things
I was holding in.
298
00:14:17,033 --> 00:14:22,603
Oh, wait--
doll and oates!
299
00:14:22,605 --> 00:14:26,440
- Now what? How are we gonna get
1,000 extra dollars by Monday?
300
00:14:26,442 --> 00:14:28,442
Wait, max, we can go
to that bar
301
00:14:28,444 --> 00:14:30,144
And exploit
your special gifts.
302
00:14:30,146 --> 00:14:33,581
- If I have to strip,
I have to strip.
303
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:36,884
- Not that kind of bar,
the hipster trivia bar.
304
00:14:36,886 --> 00:14:38,386
- Can't I just strip?
305
00:14:38,388 --> 00:14:40,488
At least I'd still have
my dignity.
306
00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,228
- It's all here. $1,000.
307
00:14:47,230 --> 00:14:49,997
So that's it.
No more lawsuit.
308
00:14:49,999 --> 00:14:51,499
- Actually, that's not it.
309
00:14:51,501 --> 00:14:53,668
As it turns out,
we're gonna need 500 more.
310
00:14:53,670 --> 00:14:56,570
- For what? Did your dues
for the serial killer's union
311
00:14:56,572 --> 00:15:00,241
And the pedophile guild come up
at the same time this year?
312
00:15:00,243 --> 00:15:03,511
- Pierre's in crisis!
313
00:15:03,513 --> 00:15:07,248
But his psychiatrist could
tell you more about that.
314
00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,583
- If there's a psychiatrist
in this apartment
315
00:15:09,585 --> 00:15:13,654
Who hasn't locked him up,
I don't trust his opinion.
316
00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:17,425
- [in old man voice]
I'm dr. Pangloss.
317
00:15:17,427 --> 00:15:21,729
Pierre broke more than his hip
in your cupcake shop.
318
00:15:21,731 --> 00:15:25,333
He broke his spirit.
319
00:15:25,335 --> 00:15:28,736
He lost his dream!
320
00:15:28,738 --> 00:15:32,907
He no longer wants
to perform.
321
00:15:36,211 --> 00:15:37,778
- This is
where he cuts us in half
322
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:39,613
And sews my top
to your bottom.
323
00:15:39,615 --> 00:15:42,350
On the plus side,
we'd look amazing.
324
00:15:42,352 --> 00:15:43,918
- [normal voice]
yeah, well, you heard it.
325
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,187
Pierre's ready
to give up his art,
326
00:15:46,189 --> 00:15:48,456
And he needs
a little more money.
327
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:51,092
- Forget it, puppet nuts.
We don't have $500.
328
00:15:51,094 --> 00:15:53,127
We don't have 500 anything.
329
00:15:53,129 --> 00:15:55,429
- Well, think about it.
[tea kettle whistling]
330
00:15:55,431 --> 00:15:58,032
That's my tea kettle.
Yvette!
331
00:15:58,034 --> 00:15:59,700
Uhh! I'll do it.
332
00:15:59,702 --> 00:16:03,104
- I'm not so sure the hostility
is quite working,
333
00:16:03,106 --> 00:16:04,705
So why don't you
go wait in the hall?
334
00:16:04,707 --> 00:16:06,540
And I'll try to talk
some sense into him alone.
335
00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:08,376
- You are the only person
in the world
336
00:16:08,378 --> 00:16:10,144
Who would insist
on being alone with this man,
337
00:16:10,146 --> 00:16:12,213
But okay.
338
00:16:12,215 --> 00:16:15,282
- Please just listen.
We are broke.
339
00:16:15,284 --> 00:16:17,385
To get any more money,
we'd have to strip.
340
00:16:17,387 --> 00:16:20,654
- Well, gigi and lana
started off as strippers,
341
00:16:20,656 --> 00:16:25,326
And now they're
in the folies bergere, so...
342
00:16:25,328 --> 00:16:27,661
- You know, even
for a middle-aged puppeteer,
343
00:16:27,663 --> 00:16:28,729
You're a freak.
344
00:16:28,731 --> 00:16:32,500
- See you in court!
345
00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:35,036
- Nothing.
He's gonna sue us,
346
00:16:35,038 --> 00:16:36,971
And we have no other tricks
up our sleeve.
347
00:16:36,973 --> 00:16:40,908
- Well, maybe not my sleeve,
but how about my coat?
348
00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:44,145
- Pierre?
- Right there.
349
00:16:53,488 --> 00:16:56,157
- I'm sorry,
we're not open today.
350
00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:59,560
- I know you took him.
Give me back pierre!
351
00:16:59,562 --> 00:17:01,328
- We're not open.
352
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:03,130
We've had
a terrible tragedy.
353
00:17:03,132 --> 00:17:05,266
Well, not us,
but a new friend of ours
354
00:17:05,268 --> 00:17:08,936
Had a gruesome accident,
and we are just devastated.
355
00:17:08,938 --> 00:17:11,439
- You wouldn't be
that cruel.
356
00:17:11,441 --> 00:17:13,808
- Relax, I could never be
that cruel.
357
00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:14,809
But max could.
358
00:17:14,811 --> 00:17:18,412
- Well, well, well.
359
00:17:20,282 --> 00:17:24,585
Look who it is, pierre,
your lover, j. Petto!
360
00:17:24,587 --> 00:17:28,155
- He's not gay.
361
00:17:28,157 --> 00:17:30,091
He had a girlfriend
named lulu.
362
00:17:30,093 --> 00:17:32,927
She was a--she was a courtesan
in the court of a french king.
363
00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:34,962
They broke up
over a brief flirtation she had
364
00:17:34,964 --> 00:17:37,031
With yvette.
365
00:17:37,033 --> 00:17:40,267
And I know
they're not alive!
366
00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:44,472
- Now, what do you say we stick
to the original no-strings deal?
367
00:17:44,474 --> 00:17:46,140
'cause if you don't,
max will show you
368
00:17:46,142 --> 00:17:49,677
What "no strings"
really means.
369
00:17:49,679 --> 00:17:51,779
- Do it! Go!
Bring it!
370
00:17:51,781 --> 00:17:56,016
I can always re-string him.
I'm a master of my craft.
371
00:17:56,018 --> 00:17:58,552
- Yes, we thought
you'd say that.
372
00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:00,554
So you leave us no choice.
Max...
373
00:18:00,556 --> 00:18:02,723
- What? I--
374
00:18:02,725 --> 00:18:04,525
I'm not changing my mind.
375
00:18:04,527 --> 00:18:08,629
And I'm coming back
with the police.
376
00:18:08,631 --> 00:18:11,899
- Oh, I wouldn't get
the cops involved...
377
00:18:11,901 --> 00:18:13,734
Now that your boy here
is in a...
378
00:18:13,736 --> 00:18:18,372
Compromising situation!
379
00:18:32,387 --> 00:18:35,990
- How dare you!
380
00:18:35,992 --> 00:18:41,595
- And she does not like
the feel of a condom!
381
00:18:41,597 --> 00:18:44,565
- You two are sick!
382
00:18:44,567 --> 00:18:47,468
- Hey, we don't judge.
383
00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:49,803
We think whatever
two consenting dolls,
384
00:18:49,805 --> 00:18:53,807
Or maybe three
consenting dolls do--
385
00:18:53,809 --> 00:18:56,043
And it's gonna be bad
386
00:18:56,045 --> 00:19:01,782
'cause he's a grower,
not a shower.
387
00:19:04,085 --> 00:19:07,354
- And once a few of these pics
are posted online,
388
00:19:07,356 --> 00:19:10,324
There goes your children's
party business.
389
00:19:10,326 --> 00:19:13,827
Now, call it quits,
and you can delete these pics.
390
00:19:13,829 --> 00:19:16,530
- Fine. Yes. Okay, you win.
You win. You win.
391
00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:19,233
- Oh, we're not falling
for your word again.
392
00:19:19,235 --> 00:19:21,402
If you want
your doll back--
393
00:19:21,404 --> 00:19:25,206
- For the last time,
he is not a doll!
394
00:19:25,208 --> 00:19:27,007
- Bring us
a notarized letter saying
395
00:19:27,009 --> 00:19:28,609
You release
max's homemade cupcakes
396
00:19:28,611 --> 00:19:30,411
Of all further legal action,
397
00:19:30,413 --> 00:19:32,780
And we'll give you back pierre,
perfectly intact.
398
00:19:32,782 --> 00:19:35,749
- Minus his virginity,
of course.
399
00:19:35,751 --> 00:19:40,287
But don't worry,
you'll still have yours.
400
00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:43,357
- Okay, I'll be back
as soon as I can.
401
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:47,061
Ugh, 30 years in
the cutthroat world of puppets,
402
00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:53,033
And I'm undone
by two crazy cupcake bitches!
403
00:19:56,204 --> 00:19:59,273
- Did you hear that?
30 years?
404
00:19:59,275 --> 00:20:02,643
30 years of following his dream,
and he's still broke?
405
00:20:02,645 --> 00:20:04,111
Is that gonna be us, max?
406
00:20:04,113 --> 00:20:06,447
Is our dream just as stupid
as puppets?
407
00:20:06,449 --> 00:20:08,882
Sorry, pierre,
I forgot you were here.
408
00:20:08,884 --> 00:20:10,551
- He's sound asleep.
409
00:20:10,553 --> 00:20:12,987
Three-ways really
take it out of you.
410
00:20:12,989 --> 00:20:14,588
Here, dress her.
She has to get a cab.
411
00:20:14,590 --> 00:20:17,324
She'd rather sleep
in her own bed.
412
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:22,329
And do you know why we're
not gonna turn into him?
413
00:20:22,331 --> 00:20:24,598
Because 30 years ago,
when j. Petto said,
414
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,100
"I'm gonna be
a puppeteer,"
415
00:20:26,102 --> 00:20:27,801
He didn't have a best friend
to tell him,
416
00:20:27,803 --> 00:20:30,437
"you shouldn't do that.
It's a stupid idea."
417
00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:32,139
And unlike him,
you have me to tell you
418
00:20:32,141 --> 00:20:33,674
When it's a stupid idea.
419
00:20:33,676 --> 00:20:35,509
And I have you to tell me
not to mace myself,
420
00:20:35,511 --> 00:20:38,746
No matter how bad
I want to know how it feels.
421
00:20:38,748 --> 00:20:41,248
- So the cupcake shop
isn't a stupid idea?
422
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:43,484
- No. And it's actually starting
to take off.
423
00:20:43,486 --> 00:20:46,420
'cause no one embraces
a stupid idea like a hipster.
424
00:20:46,422 --> 00:20:48,856
- But, max,
we do need insurance.
425
00:20:48,858 --> 00:20:51,058
- But do we have the money?
- No.
426
00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:52,660
- What are the chances
someone else is gonna fall?
427
00:20:52,662 --> 00:20:53,861
- A million to one.
428
00:20:53,863 --> 00:20:56,196
- I like those odds.
429
00:20:56,198 --> 00:20:58,232
- You know, this is
a really cute dress.
430
00:20:58,234 --> 00:20:59,600
- [scoffs]
forget the dress.
431
00:20:59,602 --> 00:21:01,769
Look at his cute pants.
432
00:21:01,771 --> 00:21:04,672
We really should give them
to han.
433
00:21:07,208 --> 00:21:09,176
[cash register bell dings]