1 00:00:01,511 --> 00:00:04,579 - Girls, I have made a big decision. 2 00:00:04,581 --> 00:00:07,849 - You're having a sex change? 3 00:00:07,851 --> 00:00:10,185 I totally support you, but be careful, han. 4 00:00:10,187 --> 00:00:13,088 Female to male is very tricky. 5 00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:17,826 - Well, you would know. 6 00:00:17,828 --> 00:00:19,594 - Me-ow! 7 00:00:19,596 --> 00:00:23,065 He must have already started on the hormones. 8 00:00:23,067 --> 00:00:25,067 - Now, here's my big decision. 9 00:00:25,069 --> 00:00:27,736 We're moving from those icky glass ketchup bottles 10 00:00:27,738 --> 00:00:30,238 To modern, new squeeze bottles. 11 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:34,743 - Wow, that is some fresh, outside-the-box thinking. 12 00:00:34,745 --> 00:00:38,613 - It's like being an intern at apple during the summer of '76. 13 00:00:38,615 --> 00:00:41,983 - That's right. Call me "han jobs." 14 00:00:46,856 --> 00:00:52,627 - Oh, I will only call you "han jobs." 15 00:00:52,629 --> 00:00:56,665 ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 16 00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:06,007 - I can't believe everybody else is gone, 17 00:01:06,009 --> 00:01:07,609 And we're stuck here doing this. 18 00:01:07,611 --> 00:01:09,978 Eew, this has a really toxic plastic smell. 19 00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:13,381 - Give me that. [snorts] 20 00:01:13,383 --> 00:01:16,451 - Max, are you huffing a ketchup bottle? 21 00:01:16,453 --> 00:01:18,453 - Mm-hmm. I'm hoping it kills the brain cells 22 00:01:18,455 --> 00:01:19,521 That'll remember I'm stuck 23 00:01:19,523 --> 00:01:21,490 Doing ketchups on a Friday night. 24 00:01:21,492 --> 00:01:23,058 [snorts] - max, give it to me! 25 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,727 Whether you believe it or not, you're above that. 26 00:01:25,729 --> 00:01:27,829 And you know what? We're above this. 27 00:01:27,831 --> 00:01:29,531 Forget this. Let's go out. 28 00:01:29,533 --> 00:01:32,834 I mean, I'm newly single, and you're not picky. 29 00:01:32,836 --> 00:01:35,670 - True. 30 00:01:35,672 --> 00:01:37,172 - I'm ready to let my hair down 31 00:01:37,174 --> 00:01:39,241 And have one of those crazy 32 00:01:39,243 --> 00:01:41,476 Yet fiscally responsible kind of nights. 33 00:01:41,478 --> 00:01:42,811 - You mean steal other girls' drinks 34 00:01:42,813 --> 00:01:44,646 When they go to the bathroom? 35 00:01:44,648 --> 00:01:45,680 - Seriously, what can you do in williamsburg 36 00:01:45,682 --> 00:01:47,582 If you have less than $20? 37 00:01:47,584 --> 00:01:51,586 - Hang out on the sidewalk and look good till you turn 35. 38 00:01:51,588 --> 00:01:54,823 Then turn to your friends and say, "I have to move home." 39 00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:56,691 Hey, you know what? 40 00:01:56,693 --> 00:01:58,927 The raveonettes are playing the lorimer lounge. 41 00:01:58,929 --> 00:02:01,530 We got a little tip money and lot of deez. 42 00:02:01,532 --> 00:02:04,533 So let's just watch the magic unfold. 43 00:02:04,535 --> 00:02:05,934 - I haven't seen the raveonettes live 44 00:02:05,936 --> 00:02:07,602 Since I saw them in denmark. 45 00:02:07,604 --> 00:02:10,705 - That is crazy because I first heard of them 46 00:02:10,707 --> 00:02:13,508 When I was dry-humping a guy named mark in his den, 47 00:02:13,510 --> 00:02:17,279 So...Twinsies! 48 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:24,920 - Wow, my life has really changed. 49 00:02:24,922 --> 00:02:26,588 The last time I was in an alley behind a club, 50 00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:30,192 I was in an suv with one of the olsen twins. 51 00:02:30,194 --> 00:02:32,561 I still don't know which one. 52 00:02:32,563 --> 00:02:34,729 - Hey, speaking of the olsen twins, 53 00:02:34,731 --> 00:02:37,365 I once woke up next to a garden gnome. 54 00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:39,434 - Well, so much for our plan. 55 00:02:39,436 --> 00:02:42,037 Yes, we've still got "doze," but no tickets. 56 00:02:42,039 --> 00:02:43,605 There's gotta be a way for us to get in. 57 00:02:43,607 --> 00:02:46,708 [cowbell clattering] 58 00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:48,543 - What up, ladies? 59 00:02:48,545 --> 00:02:52,414 - Hi. Moo. Whatever. 60 00:02:52,416 --> 00:02:53,615 - You need tickets? 61 00:02:53,617 --> 00:02:55,050 - Well, bessie, we might be interested. 62 00:02:55,052 --> 00:02:56,918 How much? 63 00:02:56,920 --> 00:03:00,589 - You can have 'em for free if the blonde one milks me. 64 00:03:00,591 --> 00:03:02,424 - How bad do you want those tickets, caroline? 65 00:03:02,426 --> 00:03:03,725 - Ha, not that bad. 66 00:03:03,727 --> 00:03:04,759 Bye. Moo. Whatever. 67 00:03:04,761 --> 00:03:07,329 [cowbell clattering] 68 00:03:07,331 --> 00:03:08,597 Sorry, max, but I can't come back 69 00:03:08,599 --> 00:03:10,765 From pulling a strange man's teats. 70 00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:14,803 - You think that, and then you do it, and it's not so bad. 71 00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:18,640 - Wow, new york without money is like no magic. 72 00:03:18,642 --> 00:03:21,910 - There's magic all over the city with or without money. 73 00:03:21,912 --> 00:03:23,812 You just have to make your own. 74 00:03:23,814 --> 00:03:26,281 By drinking. 75 00:03:26,283 --> 00:03:27,849 - Oh. Purse beer. 76 00:03:27,851 --> 00:03:29,618 - Sorry there's no purse nachos. 77 00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:30,619 I ate them all. 78 00:03:30,621 --> 00:03:32,120 Best I can do is, uh, 79 00:03:32,122 --> 00:03:35,190 The cheese dust down near the birth control. 80 00:03:39,028 --> 00:03:40,962 - Okay, this is ratchet. 81 00:03:40,964 --> 00:03:43,832 We're just standing here like a couple of beckys. 82 00:03:43,834 --> 00:03:47,435 Where's your magic now? - Oh, you wanna see magic? 83 00:03:48,537 --> 00:03:50,672 Abracadabra. [thud] 84 00:03:50,674 --> 00:03:52,941 Let me in, dumbos. 85 00:03:52,943 --> 00:03:56,778 [kicking] abra-ca-damn-dabra! 86 00:04:00,383 --> 00:04:02,651 - You know, I don't know what that trash bin said to you, 87 00:04:02,653 --> 00:04:04,019 But you make a cute couple. 88 00:04:04,021 --> 00:04:05,820 I think it'd be a shame to break up 89 00:04:05,822 --> 00:04:07,856 Before you got to see what your kids would look like. 90 00:04:07,858 --> 00:04:09,858 - Well, it's been a rough couple of years for us, 91 00:04:09,860 --> 00:04:11,559 What with me considering grad school 92 00:04:11,561 --> 00:04:13,862 And him being a trash can, but what can I say? 93 00:04:13,864 --> 00:04:16,197 It's love. - I understand. 94 00:04:16,199 --> 00:04:18,066 Americans love their garbage. 95 00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,567 How else would you explain 96 00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:22,671 The real housewives of everything? 97 00:04:22,673 --> 00:04:27,709 - You're welcome for euro disney, by the way. 98 00:04:27,711 --> 00:04:29,577 - My name's graham. I'm with the band. 99 00:04:29,579 --> 00:04:31,079 - Max. I'm with the blonde. 100 00:04:31,081 --> 00:04:33,682 - You two can come and hang backstage if you like. 101 00:04:33,684 --> 00:04:36,985 Your boyfriend can stay outside and get trashed. 102 00:04:36,987 --> 00:04:40,255 - Hey, ratchet-ass becky, we're in. 103 00:04:46,429 --> 00:04:47,662 - Earl, I'm worried. 104 00:04:47,664 --> 00:04:48,997 I haven't seen max since she left 105 00:04:48,999 --> 00:04:50,832 With that guy last night. 106 00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,335 I've called her a million times. She picked up once, 107 00:04:53,337 --> 00:04:56,571 And she was either having sex or fighting a bear. 108 00:04:56,573 --> 00:04:59,874 - Don't you worry. Max can take care of herself. 109 00:04:59,876 --> 00:05:05,513 I once saw her push a truck out of her way with her mind. 110 00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:09,017 - Hey, everybody. 111 00:05:09,019 --> 00:05:12,087 Hey. Pardon. 112 00:05:12,089 --> 00:05:13,722 Pardon my appearance, 113 00:05:13,724 --> 00:05:15,890 But I was just in the park 114 00:05:15,892 --> 00:05:18,793 Running after the high school boys' track team. 115 00:05:18,795 --> 00:05:21,029 - I told her it was fine with me. 116 00:05:21,031 --> 00:05:23,798 I know she will never catch one of them. 117 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,700 - Oh, says you. 118 00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:29,304 I'm going to the prom with brandon. 119 00:05:29,306 --> 00:05:33,575 Yeah, if his--if his dad will lend him the car. 120 00:05:33,577 --> 00:05:36,378 - Sophie, I always love when you wear that outfit. 121 00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:39,814 It makes me wanna xana-do you. 122 00:05:39,816 --> 00:05:41,049 - 'sup? 123 00:05:41,051 --> 00:05:43,385 Pip-pip and cheerio. 124 00:05:43,387 --> 00:05:45,787 - Max, thank god. I was so worried. 125 00:05:45,789 --> 00:05:47,255 Wait, why do you look extra pretty? 126 00:05:47,257 --> 00:05:49,891 - Probably the new shades I didn't pay for. 127 00:05:49,893 --> 00:05:53,795 Or the hours of him going downton on my abbey. 128 00:05:53,797 --> 00:05:55,830 - Hold up. No spoilers. 129 00:05:55,832 --> 00:05:58,933 I haven't started season three yet. 130 00:05:58,935 --> 00:06:01,002 - Earl, you watch that show? 131 00:06:01,004 --> 00:06:02,303 - Yes, I do. 132 00:06:02,305 --> 00:06:06,174 I enjoy any show where the help is white. 133 00:06:08,444 --> 00:06:10,245 - So you slept with that guy? 134 00:06:10,247 --> 00:06:12,580 - Oh, I really slept with that guy. 135 00:06:12,582 --> 00:06:14,315 - You go, girl. 136 00:06:14,317 --> 00:06:16,518 Don't stop till you get enough! 137 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,154 - I'm surprised you spent the night. 138 00:06:19,156 --> 00:06:20,755 Don't you usually leave before they realize 139 00:06:20,757 --> 00:06:23,758 There's nothing in their wallet? 140 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,028 - Last night you were complaining about no magic. 141 00:06:27,030 --> 00:06:28,963 Then I woke up this morning to a view of the park 142 00:06:28,965 --> 00:06:30,965 And hot cinnamon rolls. 143 00:06:30,967 --> 00:06:33,168 Now I'm back at the diner but full of cinnamon rolls. 144 00:06:33,170 --> 00:06:35,470 Boom. Magic. Suck it, david blaine. 145 00:06:35,472 --> 00:06:38,173 - Well, at least you had fun. The only fun I had last night 146 00:06:38,175 --> 00:06:40,175 Was when that cow dude passed out on his feet, 147 00:06:40,177 --> 00:06:42,277 And I tipped him over. 148 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,479 So are you gonna see him again? 149 00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:45,947 - Sunday. 150 00:06:45,949 --> 00:06:47,715 And I realize you haven't heard these words 151 00:06:47,717 --> 00:06:50,318 Since you lost your money, but you're invited. 152 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,887 - So you're asking me to be the third wheel 153 00:06:52,889 --> 00:06:55,690 On a two-night one-night stand? 154 00:06:55,692 --> 00:06:58,827 - So I guess a private plane and two tickets 155 00:06:58,829 --> 00:07:00,795 To the grammys in l.A. Won't do it for you either? 156 00:07:00,797 --> 00:07:03,198 'cause, bitch, we're invited! 157 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,799 - The grammys? That's so exciting. 158 00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:06,901 Oh, and my self-esteem could really use 159 00:07:06,903 --> 00:07:10,038 Being mistaken for taylor swift right now. 160 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,174 Which tells you how low my self-esteem is. 161 00:07:13,176 --> 00:07:16,177 - The guy is sending a private plane for me. 162 00:07:16,179 --> 00:07:17,512 A private plane! 163 00:07:17,514 --> 00:07:19,380 That's how good I am in bed. 164 00:07:19,382 --> 00:07:22,217 - We're going to the grammys! - What is all of the excitement? 165 00:07:22,219 --> 00:07:24,486 - Han, we need the weekend off. We're going to the grammys. 166 00:07:24,488 --> 00:07:27,222 - The grammys? On the real-real? 167 00:07:27,224 --> 00:07:28,857 Do you think you'll meet 2 chainz? 168 00:07:28,859 --> 00:07:31,226 That's my boi! 169 00:07:31,228 --> 00:07:33,895 - No, he can't be your boi, he's my boi. 170 00:07:33,897 --> 00:07:36,331 - 2 chainz is the man. He sings my anthem. 171 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:38,900 - We represent the lollipop guild? 172 00:07:38,902 --> 00:07:42,704 - I'm talking about his ode to big booty hos. 173 00:07:42,706 --> 00:07:44,739 Birthday song is my song. 174 00:07:44,741 --> 00:07:46,875 - No, birthday song is my song. 175 00:07:46,877 --> 00:07:48,877 Every morning in the shower I rap 176 00:07:48,879 --> 00:07:53,281 ♪ all I want for my birthday is a big booty ho ♪ 177 00:07:53,283 --> 00:07:56,885 - Wow, that actually makes you look whiter. 178 00:07:56,887 --> 00:07:59,120 - I'll give you the weekend off 179 00:07:59,122 --> 00:08:01,589 If you get him to sign my concert t-shirt. 180 00:08:01,591 --> 00:08:03,925 - Well, we're never gonna meet him, but done. 181 00:08:03,927 --> 00:08:08,630 - All my dreams are coming true! 182 00:08:08,632 --> 00:08:11,032 - This is so exciting. 183 00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:13,234 I am finally going a plane ride. 184 00:08:13,236 --> 00:08:15,436 - Max, you've never been on a plane? 185 00:08:15,438 --> 00:08:16,971 - I've never been on a plane. 186 00:08:16,973 --> 00:08:20,975 - Max, even snakes have been on a plane. 187 00:08:27,082 --> 00:08:29,584 - Good morning, madame. Welcome aboard. 188 00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:31,953 It's a lovely day for a flight, yes? 189 00:08:31,955 --> 00:08:34,455 I am agnes, and if there is anything that you need at all, 190 00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:36,624 You can just let me know. Hmm? 191 00:08:36,626 --> 00:08:38,693 - Cool. Cool. 192 00:08:41,130 --> 00:08:43,097 Please don't lag behind. 193 00:08:43,099 --> 00:08:45,934 I just got french bombed, and I have no idea what she said, 194 00:08:45,936 --> 00:08:47,602 But I think we should tip her. 195 00:08:47,604 --> 00:08:49,070 - Oh, my god. 196 00:08:49,072 --> 00:08:50,338 I can't believe... [kisses] 197 00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:52,574 I'm back on a private plane. 198 00:08:52,576 --> 00:08:56,578 Max, thank you so much for having sex with that stranger. 199 00:08:56,580 --> 00:08:58,012 - Aw, it was my pleasure. 200 00:08:58,014 --> 00:09:00,081 Literally. [both giggle] 201 00:09:00,083 --> 00:09:02,984 - Welcome aboard, I am agnes. 202 00:09:02,986 --> 00:09:04,118 I can take those for you. 203 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,920 Do you have luggage? 204 00:09:05,922 --> 00:09:07,956 Oh. 205 00:09:07,958 --> 00:09:11,759 - [introduction in french] 206 00:09:11,761 --> 00:09:13,161 - [speaks french] 207 00:09:13,163 --> 00:09:16,164 - Oh, thank you. I'm not angelina jolie. 208 00:09:16,166 --> 00:09:18,099 I get that a lot. 209 00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:19,968 - You speak french very well. 210 00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:26,040 [speaks french] 211 00:09:27,509 --> 00:09:33,581 - [speaks french] 212 00:09:36,885 --> 00:09:38,052 "le french fry." 213 00:09:38,054 --> 00:09:40,989 [both laugh] 214 00:09:40,991 --> 00:09:43,124 - [french-sounding gibberish] 215 00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:44,726 That's all I know. 216 00:09:44,728 --> 00:09:46,728 And every time you ice me out with her, 217 00:09:46,730 --> 00:09:48,129 That's what's coming your way. 218 00:09:48,131 --> 00:09:50,698 Okay, so how does this work? 219 00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,000 Do we need tickets? Where do I sit? 220 00:09:52,002 --> 00:09:53,067 Because I don't wanna embarrass myself 221 00:09:53,069 --> 00:09:54,736 In front of french stewart. 222 00:09:54,738 --> 00:09:56,037 - Max, there are no seat assignments. 223 00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:57,005 You can sit anywhere. 224 00:09:57,007 --> 00:10:00,008 - Oh, cool. Like a.A. 225 00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:02,143 - I love a g5. 226 00:10:02,145 --> 00:10:05,847 This reminds me so much of the plane we used to have. 227 00:10:05,849 --> 00:10:08,850 Wait, max, this plane looks very familiar. 228 00:10:08,852 --> 00:10:10,918 Max, this was my plane. 229 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,054 - Well, it's my plane now. 230 00:10:13,056 --> 00:10:15,857 - Wait, if this was my plane... - Which it isn't. 231 00:10:15,859 --> 00:10:18,192 - There'd be something I hid down here for an emergency. 232 00:10:18,194 --> 00:10:20,161 - Money? Gold? Kettle corn? 233 00:10:20,163 --> 00:10:22,096 - Yep. My chanel lip gloss. 234 00:10:22,098 --> 00:10:24,098 Abra-ca-damn-dabra. 235 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:25,600 - You were a billionaire, 236 00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:27,535 And for an emergency, you hid lip gloss? 237 00:10:27,537 --> 00:10:29,070 - Just in case something went wrong. 238 00:10:29,072 --> 00:10:31,172 I wanted to look good if I was going down. 239 00:10:31,174 --> 00:10:32,740 - You know they don't care what you look like 240 00:10:32,742 --> 00:10:34,842 As long as you go down. 241 00:10:34,844 --> 00:10:36,344 - What the hell is wrong with me? 242 00:10:36,346 --> 00:10:37,945 I'm glossing like a rich gal. 243 00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:40,181 This has gotta last me two years. 244 00:10:40,183 --> 00:10:42,016 - Would you like a towel? 245 00:10:42,018 --> 00:10:43,785 - How much? 246 00:10:43,787 --> 00:10:45,219 - Max, they're free. 247 00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:47,055 - Oh, like the doughnuts at a.A. 248 00:10:47,057 --> 00:10:48,690 Jeez, that's hot! 249 00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:50,692 You should warn a bitch. 250 00:10:50,694 --> 00:10:53,294 - So sorry. It's her first time on a plane. 251 00:10:53,296 --> 00:10:57,298 [speaks french] 252 00:10:57,300 --> 00:11:02,970 - [speaks french] 253 00:11:02,972 --> 00:11:04,972 - [french-sounding gibberish] 254 00:11:04,974 --> 00:11:07,075 Every time. 255 00:11:07,077 --> 00:11:09,143 - We only are waiting for one more passenger, 256 00:11:09,145 --> 00:11:10,545 And then we'll be departing. 257 00:11:10,547 --> 00:11:12,647 Champagne? 258 00:11:12,649 --> 00:11:14,115 - Merci beaucoup. 259 00:11:14,117 --> 00:11:16,117 - Ooh, the last time I had champagne 260 00:11:16,119 --> 00:11:20,121 Was at a filipino wedding I crashed at a doubletree. 261 00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:22,924 - Another passenger? I wonder who it could be. 262 00:11:22,926 --> 00:11:24,492 - Probably my mother. 263 00:11:24,494 --> 00:11:26,094 Every time something great is about to happen to me, 264 00:11:26,096 --> 00:11:27,895 She shows up and ruins it. 265 00:11:27,897 --> 00:11:30,498 - In 20 hours, we went from beer in an alley 266 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,100 To dom on a plane. 267 00:11:32,102 --> 00:11:33,267 That's pretty magical. 268 00:11:33,269 --> 00:11:37,071 - Yeah, this could not get any better. 269 00:11:37,073 --> 00:11:39,073 - Max, it did just get better. 270 00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:41,342 That's 2 chainz. I can't believe it. 271 00:11:41,344 --> 00:11:43,911 - Good morning. How y'all doing? 272 00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:46,314 - Cool. Cool. 273 00:11:46,316 --> 00:11:48,816 - All right. 274 00:11:48,818 --> 00:11:50,785 - Monsieur deux chainz, good morning. 275 00:11:50,787 --> 00:11:53,454 Coffee, water, champagne? 276 00:11:53,456 --> 00:11:56,290 - No, I'm really tired. I just wanna crash. 277 00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:57,925 Not the plane. 278 00:11:57,927 --> 00:12:00,495 Do you have any sleepy time tea? 279 00:12:00,497 --> 00:12:02,663 - "sleepy time tea"? 280 00:12:02,665 --> 00:12:04,298 That is so gangster! 281 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,000 [jet engines start] - oh, we're moving. 282 00:12:06,002 --> 00:12:10,138 Max, buckle your seat belt. We're about to take off. 283 00:12:10,140 --> 00:12:11,105 - I'm a little scared. 284 00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:13,875 What's it gonna feel like? 285 00:12:13,877 --> 00:12:16,511 Oh, that's it? That feels familiar. 286 00:12:16,513 --> 00:12:20,181 Guess I have a private plane in my nightstand. 287 00:12:23,318 --> 00:12:25,019 I can't believe this. 288 00:12:25,021 --> 00:12:28,122 I'm standing in a flying living room eating ham. 289 00:12:28,124 --> 00:12:30,391 - That's prosciutto from Italy. 290 00:12:30,393 --> 00:12:33,127 - It's ham from right over there. 291 00:12:33,129 --> 00:12:35,463 And I'm about to go ham on this ham. 292 00:12:35,465 --> 00:12:37,231 - It's been two hours. 293 00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:39,300 When is 2 chainz gonna wake up? I want a picture. 294 00:12:39,302 --> 00:12:41,235 - You want him to wake up for a picture? 295 00:12:41,237 --> 00:12:43,037 I'll handle that. 296 00:12:43,039 --> 00:12:45,206 [chair clatters] 297 00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:46,841 Anything? 298 00:12:46,843 --> 00:12:50,044 - Nothing. Do it again. 299 00:12:50,046 --> 00:12:53,214 [chair clatters] 300 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:57,251 - Wow, that sleepy time really knocks you out. 301 00:12:57,253 --> 00:12:58,753 He must have two-bagged it. 302 00:12:58,755 --> 00:13:01,022 - He's totally out. Let's just do it. 303 00:13:01,024 --> 00:13:02,990 - Wait, we're just gonna take his picture, 304 00:13:02,992 --> 00:13:04,559 Nothing else, right? - Yes. 305 00:13:04,561 --> 00:13:05,760 - Okay, 'cause I can see how these things 306 00:13:05,762 --> 00:13:07,195 Can get out of hand. 307 00:13:07,197 --> 00:13:09,063 - Okay, I'm first. - No, no, no, I'm first. 308 00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:11,232 It's my plane. - Well, actually it's my plane. 309 00:13:11,234 --> 00:13:13,267 - Was your plane. It's mine now. 310 00:13:13,269 --> 00:13:16,337 I had morning sex for it with a leg cramp. 311 00:13:19,741 --> 00:13:23,811 [whispers] wait, do another, do another. 312 00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:28,850 - Good one. 313 00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:31,385 - [gasps and shrieks] 314 00:13:31,387 --> 00:13:33,054 New facebook default. 315 00:13:33,056 --> 00:13:34,956 In fact, this is my new default pic for everything 316 00:13:34,958 --> 00:13:36,791 Including my tombstone. 317 00:13:36,793 --> 00:13:39,760 - Since you did boobs, I'm gonna put my booty in his face, 318 00:13:39,762 --> 00:13:43,331 'cause all he wants for his birthday is a big booty ho. 319 00:13:47,603 --> 00:13:49,070 - Closer. I can't get both of you. 320 00:13:49,072 --> 00:13:52,440 Get closer. 321 00:13:52,442 --> 00:13:55,710 - I never get tired of waking up like this. 322 00:13:55,712 --> 00:13:59,881 - Oh, mr. Chainz, I am so mortified. 323 00:13:59,883 --> 00:14:02,316 I didn't wanna bother you. I was just gonna be cool. 324 00:14:02,318 --> 00:14:03,918 - Oh, that ship sailed with the butt pic 325 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,153 And then crashed with "mr. Chainz." 326 00:14:06,155 --> 00:14:09,390 - I just wanted a picture because I am such a huge fan. 327 00:14:09,392 --> 00:14:11,158 And I wanted to wish you luck tonight at the grammys 328 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,294 Because your music means a lot to me. 329 00:14:13,296 --> 00:14:15,296 And I totally related when you said 330 00:14:15,298 --> 00:14:18,299 ♪ when I die bury me inside the gucci store ♪ 331 00:14:18,301 --> 00:14:19,600 - True. - ♪ when I die 332 00:14:19,602 --> 00:14:21,435 ♪ bury me inside the louis store ♪ 333 00:14:21,437 --> 00:14:23,304 - Unh. - ♪ all I want for my birthday 334 00:14:23,306 --> 00:14:25,406 Both: ♪ is a big booty ho 335 00:14:25,408 --> 00:14:29,510 ♪ all I want for my birthday is a big booty ho ♪ 336 00:14:29,512 --> 00:14:30,978 - Yeah. 337 00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:33,314 - Hey, what's the party, players? 338 00:14:33,316 --> 00:14:35,116 I heard "booty" and I heard "ho," 339 00:14:35,118 --> 00:14:36,751 So I had to do a pop-in. 340 00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:40,321 - Always some weird white guy coming to crash a party. 341 00:14:40,323 --> 00:14:41,756 - Chainz. 342 00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:43,824 - Stop. No way. 343 00:14:43,826 --> 00:14:46,360 I can't believe it's you flying this plane. 344 00:14:46,362 --> 00:14:48,429 - Caroline, it's been so long since I've seen you. 345 00:14:48,431 --> 00:14:50,331 Bring it in. - Oh, max, this is bill. 346 00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,166 The pilot. - The pilot? 347 00:14:52,168 --> 00:14:54,001 Why is he walking around? 348 00:14:54,003 --> 00:14:56,504 Brace for crash! Brace for crash! 349 00:14:56,506 --> 00:14:58,706 - It's okay, it's on autopilot. 350 00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:01,809 - Autopilot. That's how I live my life. 351 00:15:01,811 --> 00:15:03,277 - Pilot bill is an old pal. 352 00:15:03,279 --> 00:15:05,313 He used to fly my friends and I around in college. 353 00:15:05,315 --> 00:15:07,281 - Yeah, good times. 354 00:15:07,283 --> 00:15:08,950 - This is my friend, max, 355 00:15:08,952 --> 00:15:10,952 And it's her very first time on an airplane. 356 00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:12,453 - Hey, mine too. 357 00:15:12,455 --> 00:15:14,021 J.K. 358 00:15:14,023 --> 00:15:15,489 Listen, max, why don't you take a stroll down there 359 00:15:15,491 --> 00:15:16,624 And check out the cockpit? 360 00:15:16,626 --> 00:15:17,825 - The cockpit? 361 00:15:17,827 --> 00:15:19,293 If it's anything like the gay bar 362 00:15:19,295 --> 00:15:20,828 On 14th street, I'm not dressed right. 363 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:23,497 - [laughs] it is so good to see you. 364 00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:26,033 And, god, I'd forgotten how beautiful you are. 365 00:15:26,035 --> 00:15:27,902 - Oh, thank you, pilot bill. 366 00:15:27,904 --> 00:15:30,338 - You know, I never thought I had a chance with you before 367 00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:33,307 Because you had so much money and I was 20 years older, 368 00:15:33,309 --> 00:15:36,310 But now you're broke and I had a facelift, 369 00:15:36,312 --> 00:15:38,479 So we're kinda on the same level. 370 00:15:38,481 --> 00:15:40,514 - Oh, a facelift? 371 00:15:40,516 --> 00:15:42,383 That's why your face is so tight and pink? 372 00:15:42,385 --> 00:15:43,684 I thought maybe you were in a fire. 373 00:15:43,686 --> 00:15:45,486 But you look good. 374 00:15:45,488 --> 00:15:47,488 Sure, let's go out. - Great. 375 00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:48,656 I'm gonna grab a coffee. 376 00:15:48,658 --> 00:15:51,726 I'll be right back. 377 00:15:54,429 --> 00:15:57,999 - What you doing going out with a guy like that? 378 00:15:58,001 --> 00:16:00,267 - Well, here's the thing, 2. 379 00:16:00,269 --> 00:16:02,203 You don't tell the pilot flying the plane you're on 380 00:16:02,205 --> 00:16:03,771 That you don't wanna go out with him. 381 00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:05,339 - Got you. 382 00:16:05,341 --> 00:16:07,341 You just keep flirting with him until we land. 383 00:16:07,343 --> 00:16:10,745 I gotta make it to the grammys. 384 00:16:10,747 --> 00:16:13,781 - So, max, you've really never been on a plane before? 385 00:16:13,783 --> 00:16:15,383 - Well, technically it's my second time 386 00:16:15,385 --> 00:16:18,252 If you count rock-o-plane ride at the carnival. 387 00:16:18,254 --> 00:16:20,187 Guess I was rockin' that plane too hard, 388 00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:21,856 'cause halfway through the ride, 389 00:16:21,858 --> 00:16:24,392 My mini-747 fell off its gears, and I crashed to the ground. 390 00:16:24,394 --> 00:16:26,427 There would have been a lawsuit, 391 00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:27,895 But the carnie paid me off with a snow cone, 392 00:16:27,897 --> 00:16:30,865 And also no one cared about me as a child. 393 00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:32,767 - Well, go ahead, put your hands on the wheel. 394 00:16:32,769 --> 00:16:35,236 Give it a spin. - No, I'm good. 395 00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:37,705 Wow, we are really up there. 396 00:16:37,707 --> 00:16:39,306 I have never been this high. 397 00:16:39,308 --> 00:16:41,375 And trust me, I have been high. 398 00:16:41,377 --> 00:16:42,777 - Yeah, I hear that. 399 00:16:42,779 --> 00:16:46,447 No one liked to get high more than me. 400 00:16:46,449 --> 00:16:48,649 I did everything-- pills, weed, coke, 401 00:16:48,651 --> 00:16:52,553 And what's that called when you crumble the coke on your weed? 402 00:16:52,555 --> 00:16:56,123 Anyway, I loved to get high. 403 00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:57,725 But that's all way behind me now. 404 00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:59,427 I've been clean and sober 405 00:16:59,429 --> 00:17:01,762 Ever since that denzel flight movie came out. 406 00:17:01,764 --> 00:17:03,764 - It's still in the theaters. 407 00:17:03,766 --> 00:17:06,133 - Yep, saw it last week. 408 00:17:06,135 --> 00:17:08,569 - Maybe I will put my hands on the wheel. 409 00:17:08,571 --> 00:17:09,904 You know, just in case. 410 00:17:09,906 --> 00:17:12,173 [plane thumps and shakes] [alarm beeps] 411 00:17:12,175 --> 00:17:15,576 It's the carnival ride all over again! 412 00:17:15,578 --> 00:17:18,579 I broke the plane! I broke the plane! 413 00:17:18,581 --> 00:17:20,114 - Okay, everything's under control. 414 00:17:20,116 --> 00:17:22,116 Just sit down, sit down. Put your seat belt on. 415 00:17:22,118 --> 00:17:25,519 And, uh, caroline, here's my cellular. 416 00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:28,122 Of course, you can always still get me at my mom's, so-- 417 00:17:28,124 --> 00:17:29,924 [thud] - go save the plane! 418 00:17:29,926 --> 00:17:32,026 - Yeah. Yeah. 419 00:17:32,028 --> 00:17:33,627 - We'll be fine. 420 00:17:33,629 --> 00:17:35,362 I was not meant to die as the second banana 421 00:17:35,364 --> 00:17:37,631 In a cross-country booty call. 422 00:17:37,633 --> 00:17:42,336 - [speaks french frantically] 423 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,441 - What did she say? 424 00:17:47,443 --> 00:17:49,176 - I have no idea. 425 00:17:49,178 --> 00:17:52,613 I heard "love" and "why now?" so just in case. 426 00:17:52,615 --> 00:17:55,349 - I should tell you I took $10 out of the cupcake fund 427 00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:56,851 For a big mac and never told you. 428 00:17:56,853 --> 00:17:59,620 - I should tell you I took $100 out of the cupcake fund 429 00:17:59,622 --> 00:18:01,455 To keep my hair this naturally blonde. 430 00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:05,626 - Okay, everybody. We got a bit of a situation. 431 00:18:05,628 --> 00:18:08,662 Looks like my new girlfriend's friend broke the plane. 432 00:18:08,664 --> 00:18:11,499 No, I'm just kidding. We had some engine trouble. 433 00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:14,301 We're going to have to make an emergency landing in kansas. 434 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:16,837 Go, chiefs! 435 00:18:16,839 --> 00:18:18,339 - Hey, blondie. 436 00:18:18,341 --> 00:18:19,907 Why don't you keep us in the air? 437 00:18:19,909 --> 00:18:22,910 How about you go give the pilot a little love? 438 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:27,548 [hair dryer hums] - okay. 439 00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:28,849 Okay, thank you. 440 00:18:28,851 --> 00:18:29,984 Well, good news. 441 00:18:29,986 --> 00:18:31,185 We're not stranded here. 442 00:18:31,187 --> 00:18:32,686 I just got off the phone, 443 00:18:32,688 --> 00:18:35,489 And according to my new boyfriend, captain facelift, 444 00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:38,559 Your new boyfriend, the brit, is flying us home tomorrow 445 00:18:38,561 --> 00:18:40,661 On a commercial flight. Coach. 446 00:18:40,663 --> 00:18:43,898 - What? 447 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:47,334 I don't do coach. 448 00:18:47,336 --> 00:18:50,037 And I am pretty positive 2 chainz would have taken us 449 00:18:50,039 --> 00:18:52,873 On that other plane they sent if you hadn't rapped for 30 minutes 450 00:18:52,875 --> 00:18:55,409 In that corn field after we landed. 451 00:18:55,411 --> 00:18:56,544 - I don't care what you say. 452 00:18:56,546 --> 00:18:59,280 I burned that corn field up. 453 00:18:59,282 --> 00:19:00,714 Here, let's eat something. 454 00:19:00,716 --> 00:19:01,849 They delivered the food. 455 00:19:01,851 --> 00:19:04,018 Slim jims, cheez-its, pizza pringles, 456 00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:06,020 And two ham and cheese sandwiches. 457 00:19:06,022 --> 00:19:08,756 - Ham? Where's the prosciutto? 458 00:19:08,758 --> 00:19:10,224 - There is none. 459 00:19:10,226 --> 00:19:12,426 - Mais pourquoi? 460 00:19:12,428 --> 00:19:15,763 - Because we're at a motel in kansas. 461 00:19:15,765 --> 00:19:17,698 And the lady at the front desk called me a snob 462 00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:19,633 For ordering the pizza pringles. 463 00:19:19,635 --> 00:19:22,636 - I can't believe I'm not at the grammys, 464 00:19:22,638 --> 00:19:26,240 And I'm stuck here eating a lousy vending machine sandwich. 465 00:19:26,242 --> 00:19:29,710 - Well, it's better than doing those ketchups in the diner. 466 00:19:29,712 --> 00:19:32,713 And crash-landing in a corn field with a rap star 467 00:19:32,715 --> 00:19:35,716 With our heads still attached-- that's pretty magical, right? 468 00:19:35,718 --> 00:19:38,219 - Yeah, and 2 chainz did say 469 00:19:38,221 --> 00:19:41,789 He enjoyed meeting us and that we're two fine, big booty hos. 470 00:19:41,791 --> 00:19:44,225 Both: That's pretty magical. 471 00:19:44,227 --> 00:19:46,427 - Han's gonna be so jealous when he finds out 472 00:19:46,429 --> 00:19:48,128 I met our boy. 473 00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:51,098 Oh, my god, we forgot to get han's t-shirt signed. 474 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:55,002 - Or did we? 475 00:19:55,004 --> 00:19:57,738 When you don't have enough money to fix your own mistakes, 476 00:19:57,740 --> 00:20:00,741 You've gotta make your own magic. 477 00:20:00,743 --> 00:20:03,644 - Max, it's 2 chainz with a "z" not an "s." 478 00:20:03,646 --> 00:20:06,847 - Damn! The one time I know how to spell something, 479 00:20:06,849 --> 00:20:10,251 And it comes back to bite me in the ass. 480 00:20:10,253 --> 00:20:11,585 - Ooh, it's starting. 481 00:20:11,587 --> 00:20:15,656 Ready to go to the grammys? 482 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,828 - Don't get any ham on the dress. 483 00:20:20,830 --> 00:20:22,830 We have to return these to get our money back. 484 00:20:22,832 --> 00:20:25,633 - You think beyonce's saying that right now? 485 00:20:25,635 --> 00:20:27,701 Hey, if we can make our own magic, 486 00:20:27,703 --> 00:20:29,703 We can make our own grammys. Announcer: The grammys... 487 00:20:29,705 --> 00:20:31,672 - [joan rivers impression] max black, who are you wearing? 488 00:20:31,674 --> 00:20:34,842 Who are you wearing? - My roommate's rent. 489 00:20:34,844 --> 00:20:38,545 [both laugh] 490 00:20:38,547 --> 00:20:40,814 You're right, this is pretty magical. 491 00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:42,716 But wait, I think it can get better. 492 00:20:42,718 --> 00:20:44,184 Announcer: Beyonce, faith hill, kelly clarkson, 493 00:20:44,186 --> 00:20:46,353 Carrie underwood, mumford & sons, keith urban, 494 00:20:46,355 --> 00:20:47,788 The black keys, jack white, 495 00:20:47,790 --> 00:20:49,189 And look who's opening up the night-- 496 00:20:49,191 --> 00:20:50,557 Taylor swift. [bed vibrates] 497 00:20:50,559 --> 00:20:51,558 - [laughs] 498 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,695 See? 499 00:20:54,697 --> 00:20:56,964 Way more magical. 500 00:20:56,966 --> 00:20:59,667 - You know, this kind of feels like the private plane. 501 00:20:59,669 --> 00:21:03,737 - Yeah, the one I have in my nightstand. 502 00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:06,640 [cash register bell dings]