1 00:00:01,411 --> 00:00:03,412 - Can I get another refill? 2 00:00:03,414 --> 00:00:05,213 - Yes. Can I get an explanation 3 00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:08,250 Of why you're wearing overalls when there are no goats around? 4 00:00:08,252 --> 00:00:11,486 [percussive beat] 5 00:00:11,488 --> 00:00:14,489 Oh, wait... Now he's drumming. 6 00:00:14,491 --> 00:00:16,691 Overalls, free coffee refills, and drumming. 7 00:00:16,693 --> 00:00:17,959 We can stop looking. 8 00:00:17,961 --> 00:00:20,062 We found the world's most annoying hipster. 9 00:00:20,064 --> 00:00:22,964 - Max, this isn't a diner where everything comes 10 00:00:22,966 --> 00:00:24,599 With attitude and ecoli. 11 00:00:24,601 --> 00:00:28,003 This is the cupcake shop. You own this place. 12 00:00:28,005 --> 00:00:31,373 - Ugh, success really cuts your balls off! 13 00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:36,144 [drumming continues] 14 00:00:36,146 --> 00:00:38,480 We get it. Your tribe's in trouble. 15 00:00:38,482 --> 00:00:41,316 - [laughs] hey, she's kidding. 16 00:00:41,318 --> 00:00:43,785 Just help yourself to a fresh mocha almond refill. 17 00:00:43,787 --> 00:00:46,154 And by the way, sick beats. 18 00:00:48,191 --> 00:00:49,891 - You threw him a peace sign? 19 00:00:49,893 --> 00:00:52,461 What are you, a japanese teenager? 20 00:00:52,463 --> 00:00:54,329 - It's a gesture of goodwill. 21 00:00:54,331 --> 00:00:58,834 - Okay, but if I see you doing an open heart, I will kill you. 22 00:00:58,836 --> 00:01:01,036 - ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 23 00:01:01,038 --> 00:01:02,537 [cash register bell dings] 24 00:01:02,539 --> 00:01:06,408 ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 25 00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:18,253 - Hey, there's andy. 26 00:01:18,255 --> 00:01:19,955 - I don't want him to see me. 27 00:01:19,957 --> 00:01:24,059 Did you just openly wave to my ex-boyfriend? 28 00:01:24,061 --> 00:01:25,527 - Yeah, I always wave at him. 29 00:01:25,529 --> 00:01:26,728 He didn't die just because 30 00:01:26,730 --> 00:01:29,364 You stopped letting him touch your boobies. 31 00:01:29,366 --> 00:01:32,534 - Well, I don't wave to the guy at the record shop 32 00:01:32,536 --> 00:01:33,802 That you had sex with. 33 00:01:33,804 --> 00:01:38,006 - I had sex with the guy at the record shop? 34 00:01:38,008 --> 00:01:39,841 I should keep a diary. 35 00:01:39,843 --> 00:01:41,743 - Oh, god, he's coming back. 36 00:01:41,745 --> 00:01:43,378 See what you started with your wave? 37 00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:45,580 - I'm sorry. My hand is friendly. 38 00:01:45,582 --> 00:01:48,049 Ask any guy in high school. 39 00:01:48,051 --> 00:01:50,452 - I was gonna try and sneak by, 40 00:01:50,454 --> 00:01:52,587 But that just seemed so juvenile, 41 00:01:52,589 --> 00:01:54,990 So here, "do you guys still like me? 42 00:01:54,992 --> 00:01:58,560 Check 'yes' or 'no.'" 43 00:01:58,562 --> 00:01:59,895 So how's she doing? 44 00:01:59,897 --> 00:02:02,164 - She's good. - Really? 45 00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:05,700 Oh, by the way, the guy at the record store says hi. 46 00:02:05,702 --> 00:02:11,706 - Well, you tell him I said, "who are you?" 47 00:02:11,708 --> 00:02:13,308 - And I also came in because I wanted to make sure 48 00:02:13,310 --> 00:02:14,676 Everything's cool with you and me, max. 49 00:02:14,678 --> 00:02:16,478 I mean, you haven't texted me a pic 50 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,680 Of an unlikely animal friendship in, like, 48 hours. 51 00:02:18,682 --> 00:02:20,682 - Don't worry, we're cool. I just haven't been able 52 00:02:20,684 --> 00:02:22,217 To top the picture I sent of the monkey 53 00:02:22,219 --> 00:02:24,452 Tickling a parrot. 54 00:02:24,454 --> 00:02:25,987 - I get it. You have high standards. 55 00:02:25,989 --> 00:02:28,290 Whereas, me, I see a black dog spooning a brown dog, 56 00:02:28,292 --> 00:02:30,025 And I pull the trigger. 57 00:02:30,027 --> 00:02:32,160 - Well, save that amateur crap for your mom, 58 00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:34,296 Perhaps with an aunt and uncle cc. 59 00:02:34,298 --> 00:02:36,064 - Ha, that is so me. 60 00:02:36,066 --> 00:02:37,832 Well, sir, you have raised the bar. 61 00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:41,937 I look forward to our next freaky/adorable animal pic. 62 00:02:41,939 --> 00:02:44,673 - Well, are you thinking what I'm thinking? 63 00:02:44,675 --> 00:02:49,177 Since we broke up, he got fat. 64 00:02:49,179 --> 00:02:51,513 - It's only been four days. 65 00:02:51,515 --> 00:02:54,282 - Wynonna judd gets fat in an hour. 66 00:02:54,284 --> 00:02:57,385 I'm too exhausted to even think about andy. 67 00:02:57,387 --> 00:02:59,688 Let's just change and get to the diner. 68 00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:00,755 - Look, all we have to do is make it 69 00:03:00,757 --> 00:03:01,990 Through eight more hours, 70 00:03:01,992 --> 00:03:05,227 And then we can get a good night's sleep. 71 00:03:05,229 --> 00:03:08,396 - Max, you're taking your pants off in public! 72 00:03:08,398 --> 00:03:10,232 - Oh, my god! 73 00:03:10,234 --> 00:03:13,868 I'm so tired, I forgot where I was! 74 00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:16,605 They're halfway down. What do I do? 75 00:03:16,607 --> 00:03:20,308 I'm too tired to make the call. 76 00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:26,815 - And I'll have the blt with the french fries. 77 00:03:26,817 --> 00:03:31,553 Miss? I think our waitress is asleep. 78 00:03:31,555 --> 00:03:33,121 - Yeah, she's tired. We haven't slept a lot lately. 79 00:03:33,123 --> 00:03:34,623 When she wakes up, she'll take your order. 80 00:03:34,625 --> 00:03:36,725 - But we're really hungry-- - leave her alone! 81 00:03:36,727 --> 00:03:40,028 So I come to your job and wake you up? 82 00:03:40,030 --> 00:03:42,597 - Hi, can I take your order? 83 00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:45,200 - I can see how tired you are, max. 84 00:03:45,202 --> 00:03:47,769 And if I could turn the clock back to '75, 85 00:03:47,771 --> 00:03:51,273 I'd help you out with a nice bump of cocaine. 86 00:03:51,275 --> 00:03:52,907 But I don't do that anymore. 87 00:03:52,909 --> 00:03:55,443 - Earl, you quit coke in 1975? 88 00:03:55,445 --> 00:03:59,080 - No, when I was 75, last year. 89 00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:02,651 It just felt like time. 90 00:04:02,653 --> 00:04:06,621 Now all I can give you is a nice bump of this. 91 00:04:06,623 --> 00:04:08,790 - Max, I need you to explain something to me 92 00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,191 'cause I can't figure it out. 93 00:04:10,193 --> 00:04:14,329 - That's hard to believe, since you're 90% head. 94 00:04:14,331 --> 00:04:15,964 - It's not a laughing matter, max. 95 00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:19,301 I broke my mother's pelvis coming out. 96 00:04:22,571 --> 00:04:26,274 - At least you finally came out. 97 00:04:27,877 --> 00:04:30,412 - Oh, so you're awake enough to ridicule the boss, 98 00:04:30,414 --> 00:04:32,280 But not awake enough to wait on tables. 99 00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:35,850 - Exactly. See, there's that big head working. 100 00:04:35,852 --> 00:04:37,285 And don't exaggerate. 101 00:04:37,287 --> 00:04:39,454 Caroline and I are doing a great job. 102 00:04:39,456 --> 00:04:43,191 - Wake up. - Hi, can I take your order? 103 00:04:43,193 --> 00:04:45,260 - All I know is if I was doing my job 104 00:04:45,262 --> 00:04:47,929 As bad as you two tonight, I'd take my own life. 105 00:04:47,931 --> 00:04:51,800 - That's not off the table. 106 00:04:51,802 --> 00:04:53,168 - Come on, han, cut us a break. 107 00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:55,437 We're working two jobs, we got two hours of sleep. 108 00:04:55,439 --> 00:04:57,605 We just want to get home and climb into bed. 109 00:04:57,607 --> 00:05:01,409 - You're sleeping together? 110 00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:06,348 I mean, it's been a "will they or won't they" since they met. 111 00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:10,118 - Hi, everybody. Sophie's here! 112 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:15,056 And look at my new coat. It's double-breasted. 113 00:05:15,058 --> 00:05:17,926 - Pretty nice, huh? It was a gift from me. 114 00:05:17,928 --> 00:05:19,594 - It's the only thing he ever gave me 115 00:05:19,596 --> 00:05:23,365 That didn't threaten my reproductive health. 116 00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:25,200 - Think that fox took its own life 117 00:05:25,202 --> 00:05:27,936 When it saw what kind of coat it was gonna be on. 118 00:05:27,938 --> 00:05:29,671 - What is the occasion? 119 00:05:29,673 --> 00:05:33,942 - What is the occasion? I'm hot and it's cold. 120 00:05:33,944 --> 00:05:37,078 And it's also the anniversary of the first time 121 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,514 Oleg and I 70ed. 122 00:05:39,516 --> 00:05:46,121 - The way I do it, it's one more than 69. 123 00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:51,459 - Max, I just hung up from a very panicked phone call, 124 00:05:51,461 --> 00:05:53,294 And you'll never believe what happened. 125 00:05:53,296 --> 00:05:54,829 - The guy from the record store called to say 126 00:05:54,831 --> 00:05:57,532 I have super gonorrhea? 127 00:05:57,534 --> 00:06:01,302 - You actually think a guy that you don't even remember 128 00:06:01,304 --> 00:06:05,173 Called to tell me that you have super gonorrhea? 129 00:06:05,175 --> 00:06:08,476 - Yes, that's how tired I am. 130 00:06:08,478 --> 00:06:11,279 Are you gonna make me wait forever? Do I have it or not? 131 00:06:11,281 --> 00:06:14,949 - It's not super gonorrhea, but it is super-bad news. 132 00:06:14,951 --> 00:06:16,718 This woman just called to confirm her order 133 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,620 For 1,000 cupcakes for tomorrow. 134 00:06:18,622 --> 00:06:21,156 I've been so tired, I completely forgot. 135 00:06:21,158 --> 00:06:24,726 - I'd rather have super gonorrhea! 136 00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:27,796 Are you insane? We can't do 1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow. 137 00:06:27,798 --> 00:06:29,030 - We have to do it. 138 00:06:29,032 --> 00:06:30,999 It'll ruin our reputation if we don't. 139 00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:33,435 I know we're tired, but if we stay up all night, 140 00:06:33,437 --> 00:06:36,371 We'll have $4,000 by tomorrow at 10:00 a.M. 141 00:06:36,373 --> 00:06:38,339 - They have to be done by 10:00 a.M.? 142 00:06:38,341 --> 00:06:42,477 I'm so tired, remind me-- is a.M. The morning one? 143 00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:44,279 We can't do it. It's impossible. 144 00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:46,181 - My brain's too foggy to crunch the numbers, 145 00:06:46,183 --> 00:06:48,283 But I'm sure it's doable if we leave right now. 146 00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:49,918 - We're in the middle of waiting tables. 147 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:51,986 - Well, we'll just have to come up with an excuse. 148 00:06:51,988 --> 00:06:55,023 - Give me your hand, bend over, and pretend to be sick. 149 00:06:55,025 --> 00:06:57,459 It'll work. I've used this to get out of eight jobs, 150 00:06:57,461 --> 00:07:01,496 Six final exams, and one wedding. 151 00:07:01,498 --> 00:07:03,398 Han, we have an emergency. Caroline's sick. 152 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,567 She's so sick, she can't even stand up. 153 00:07:05,569 --> 00:07:07,202 We won't be able to stay and finish our shift. 154 00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:08,670 We have to go right to the emergency room. 155 00:07:08,672 --> 00:07:10,405 - [groans] 156 00:07:10,407 --> 00:07:12,040 - We don't know what's wrong with her, 157 00:07:12,042 --> 00:07:13,074 But it's coming out of both ends. 158 00:07:13,076 --> 00:07:14,776 It might be super gonorrhea. Bye. 159 00:07:19,448 --> 00:07:21,950 - That's so unfortunate. 160 00:07:21,952 --> 00:07:26,654 And on the night they were finally gonna do it. 161 00:07:34,029 --> 00:07:37,031 - Whoa, those are some big-ass coffees! 162 00:07:37,033 --> 00:07:39,067 - Yep, 64-ouncers. 163 00:07:39,069 --> 00:07:41,336 They told me they're bigger than the human stomach. 164 00:07:41,338 --> 00:07:43,238 And the coffee's already working, 165 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,706 'cause I figured out if it's midnight now, 166 00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:46,074 We have to be done at 10:00 a.M. 167 00:07:46,076 --> 00:07:48,109 So if it's 40 minutes per batch from beginning to end, 168 00:07:48,111 --> 00:07:50,311 Baking 4 dozen at a time, that's 48 cupcakes 169 00:07:50,313 --> 00:07:51,946 Times 20 trips to the oven, which equals nine hours, 170 00:07:51,948 --> 00:07:54,048 Which equals $4,000. 171 00:07:54,050 --> 00:07:58,586 - Give me that. Let's see if I can do math too. 172 00:07:58,588 --> 00:07:59,954 Ask me something. 173 00:07:59,956 --> 00:08:01,789 - 16 times 12. 174 00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:04,359 I'm just going to enjoy my coffee. 175 00:08:04,361 --> 00:08:05,860 - You enjoy, I'll preheat the oven. 176 00:08:05,862 --> 00:08:08,062 What's the temp? 325. 177 00:08:08,064 --> 00:08:09,597 There, that's the coffee talking. 178 00:08:09,599 --> 00:08:11,833 [cell phone chimes] 179 00:08:11,835 --> 00:08:13,801 [laughs] 180 00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:16,571 Andy just sent me a picture of a deer nursing a turtle. 181 00:08:16,573 --> 00:08:18,606 This is why they tell teen turtles 182 00:08:18,608 --> 00:08:20,508 Never to post up on facebook. 183 00:08:20,510 --> 00:08:23,945 - Oh, I didn't realize you two were still texting. 184 00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:25,580 - Well, we're mostly just sending pictures 185 00:08:25,582 --> 00:08:27,348 Of unlikely animal friendships. 186 00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:29,517 See, there's a bear napping with a bunny. 187 00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:30,952 - And what's this? 188 00:08:30,954 --> 00:08:32,787 - It's a labradoodle high-fiving a koi fish. 189 00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:34,489 It's pretty self-explanatory. 190 00:08:34,491 --> 00:08:37,625 - No, underneath that. This--"how's caroline?" 191 00:08:37,627 --> 00:08:40,128 I thought this was just an unlikely animal friendship. 192 00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:42,497 - It is, mostly, but every other text, 193 00:08:42,499 --> 00:08:44,699 I get the idea that maybe he's not over you. 194 00:08:44,701 --> 00:08:47,235 - He's the one who broke up with me. 195 00:08:47,237 --> 00:08:49,304 - Well, maybe he regrets it. 196 00:08:49,306 --> 00:08:51,806 Maybe you two are like chris brown and rihanna, 197 00:08:51,808 --> 00:08:54,342 Minus the punching and the duet. 198 00:08:54,344 --> 00:08:56,244 I'm kind of surprised. 199 00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:58,279 I thought you guys were good together. 200 00:08:58,281 --> 00:09:00,982 - Andy is great. And on the surface, 201 00:09:00,984 --> 00:09:02,750 He was there for me and very supportive. 202 00:09:02,752 --> 00:09:05,153 But then he kind of got fed up when it was so much about 203 00:09:05,155 --> 00:09:06,321 Me and my career. 204 00:09:06,323 --> 00:09:08,056 And when push came to shove, he felt like 205 00:09:08,058 --> 00:09:10,792 He had to pull away for his own well-being. 206 00:09:10,794 --> 00:09:14,195 Oh, my god, we are rihanna and chris brown! 207 00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,564 But I'm chris brown. 208 00:09:16,566 --> 00:09:21,369 - Speaking of chris brown, I'm gonna start to batter. 209 00:09:21,371 --> 00:09:22,904 How's that stove? 210 00:09:22,906 --> 00:09:25,740 - Warm, but it's really wobbly. 211 00:09:25,742 --> 00:09:28,009 - Yeah, it wobbles, it smokes, and one time it burned me. 212 00:09:28,011 --> 00:09:30,345 That's why I nicknamed it "mom." 213 00:09:30,347 --> 00:09:32,180 - What is this wood thing under the leg? 214 00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:33,982 - It's the shim. 215 00:09:33,984 --> 00:09:35,717 - I think it's making it worse. 216 00:09:35,719 --> 00:09:37,218 - Don't! That's holding the leg up! 217 00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:40,421 - Oh! Aah! 218 00:09:40,423 --> 00:09:44,192 - But I guess you figured that out now. 219 00:09:44,194 --> 00:09:46,594 You heard me say it was the shim! 220 00:09:46,596 --> 00:09:48,529 - I don't know what a shim is. 221 00:09:48,531 --> 00:09:51,032 I thought it was just one of those things you say. 222 00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:52,433 - What did you think it could be? 223 00:09:52,435 --> 00:09:54,102 - I thought it was a cool word blend. 224 00:09:54,104 --> 00:09:57,538 You know, like she/him for a transsexual--a shim. 225 00:09:57,540 --> 00:10:01,843 - You thought a tiny transsexual was holding up our stove? 226 00:10:01,845 --> 00:10:03,678 - Yes, max, I'm that tired. 227 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,914 I thought a tiny transsexual was holding up our stove. 228 00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:09,784 This is a disaster, and our oven at home's too small. 229 00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:12,053 What are we gonna do now? 230 00:10:12,055 --> 00:10:13,888 - Oh, good, you're still here. 231 00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:15,957 Don't anybody leave. Our night just got worse. 232 00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:19,360 - Don't come any closer, super gonorrhea! 233 00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:23,097 - I'm sorry to say we lied to get off our shift. 234 00:10:23,099 --> 00:10:25,199 But we have to bake 1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow, 235 00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:27,735 And our oven broke at the shop, and we need to use yours. 236 00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:30,038 - You lied to me, and now you want a favor? 237 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,407 - Yes. Han, we know it's a big favor, 238 00:10:32,409 --> 00:10:34,108 And it probably looks even bigger to you, 239 00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:37,378 But I'm sure you can see past our lie. 240 00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:39,080 And if you can't, you can get up on that chair, 241 00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:42,183 I could put you on our shoulders... 242 00:10:42,185 --> 00:10:45,386 Long story abnormally short, will you help us? 243 00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:48,923 - Well, those 12 short jokes really primed me. 244 00:10:48,925 --> 00:10:50,124 Fine, you can use the oven 245 00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:51,793 And any of the supplies you need. 246 00:10:51,795 --> 00:10:54,095 - Thank you. We really need to fill this order. 247 00:10:54,097 --> 00:10:56,898 - I'll stay and help. I also had something to fill, 248 00:10:56,900 --> 00:11:00,535 But I'll just text sophie and tell her I'm working. 249 00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:02,270 - I'll help too. 250 00:11:02,272 --> 00:11:04,839 I can't bake, but I can sit and lift the spirits. 251 00:11:04,841 --> 00:11:08,276 As long as there are spirits. It's open bar, right, han? 252 00:11:08,278 --> 00:11:11,913 - Okay, I'm in too. Earl, make me a sea breeze, 253 00:11:11,915 --> 00:11:13,681 Easy on the breezy. 254 00:11:13,683 --> 00:11:15,817 - You know, because of my childhood, 255 00:11:15,819 --> 00:11:17,385 I won't be able to process the fact 256 00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:18,986 That you've all just done something nice for me, 257 00:11:18,988 --> 00:11:21,723 So if I run into you in ten years and start crying, 258 00:11:21,725 --> 00:11:24,892 This is what it's about. 259 00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,700 - 900 and counting. Comin' through. 260 00:11:32,702 --> 00:11:34,602 Where do you want them? - Put 'em over here, 261 00:11:34,604 --> 00:11:37,371 Next to the world's slowest helper. 262 00:11:37,373 --> 00:11:39,140 It took you longer to make that one cupcake 263 00:11:39,142 --> 00:11:42,143 Than it took james cameron to make avatar. 264 00:11:42,145 --> 00:11:45,513 - Well, I been doing this for two minutes, 265 00:11:45,515 --> 00:11:50,518 And I have to say... Not for me. 266 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,720 But you know what is for me? 267 00:11:52,722 --> 00:11:55,556 Another free cognac. 268 00:11:55,558 --> 00:11:57,425 Ready for another sea breeze, han? 269 00:11:57,427 --> 00:11:59,627 - Not before I get this right. 270 00:11:59,629 --> 00:12:02,730 And you don't want to see me on two sea breezes. 271 00:12:02,732 --> 00:12:06,601 - What happens, you become lindsay lo-han? 272 00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:10,238 Okay, let me show you how it's done. 273 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,540 There, you feel how that is, han? 274 00:12:12,542 --> 00:12:15,576 - Uh, yes. 275 00:12:15,578 --> 00:12:17,745 - Now just squeeze that bag. 276 00:12:17,747 --> 00:12:20,915 Good. Little harder. Good. Little harder. 277 00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:24,418 - Whoa! Oh... 278 00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:30,258 I'm humiliated. 279 00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:32,293 - It's okay, han, it happens to a lot of guys 280 00:12:32,295 --> 00:12:34,028 Their first time. 281 00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:36,931 - Get yourself a tissue and clean yourself off, 282 00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:39,467 Like everyone else. 283 00:12:39,469 --> 00:12:41,903 - Han, you're off the bag. I'm moving you to batter. 284 00:12:41,905 --> 00:12:43,805 It's not a demotion, it's just that you stink at this. 285 00:12:43,807 --> 00:12:45,039 I wanna give you something easier. 286 00:12:45,041 --> 00:12:48,242 - Max, you just got that all over your apron. 287 00:12:48,244 --> 00:12:50,378 I'll wipe it down. Mine's a mess too. 288 00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:51,913 - Ooh, pretty slick move. 289 00:12:51,915 --> 00:12:54,448 You wanna try for my bra next? 290 00:12:54,450 --> 00:12:56,717 - [dumb brute voice] yeah, baby, 291 00:12:56,719 --> 00:13:01,055 I'll take off your bra. 292 00:13:01,057 --> 00:13:03,925 - What the hell was that? 293 00:13:03,927 --> 00:13:06,060 - What? It's my guy voice. 294 00:13:06,062 --> 00:13:08,729 - That's your go-to guy voice? 295 00:13:08,731 --> 00:13:11,899 Is his identity being protected on dateline? 296 00:13:11,901 --> 00:13:14,502 - Well, what's your guy voice like? 297 00:13:14,504 --> 00:13:16,838 - I'm doing it right now. 298 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:20,341 [laughter] 299 00:13:20,343 --> 00:13:22,476 - I'm gonna take a quick pee break. 300 00:13:22,478 --> 00:13:26,013 I don't know, I think you might be making the drinks too strong. 301 00:13:26,015 --> 00:13:28,149 - We're not drunk, oleg, just punchy. 302 00:13:28,151 --> 00:13:31,052 - I'm just drunk. 303 00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:38,593 - It was so nice of everyone to stay that long. 304 00:13:38,595 --> 00:13:40,561 Everything's baked except for those. 305 00:13:40,563 --> 00:13:42,430 We've gonna make it, max. 306 00:13:42,432 --> 00:13:44,332 - [laughs] 307 00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:46,834 Andy sent me a cat and a dolphin kissing. 308 00:13:46,836 --> 00:13:48,903 I hope they go all the way. I'm dying to see their baby. 309 00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:52,073 A cat-dolphin? Yes! 310 00:13:52,075 --> 00:13:53,941 - I don't think that's healthy. 311 00:13:53,943 --> 00:13:55,576 - Well, if they're in love, 312 00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:57,278 It's really none of your business. 313 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:00,081 - Why are you texting him in the middle of the night? 314 00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:03,117 In fact, why is he still up? Is he talking about me? 315 00:14:03,119 --> 00:14:04,151 - You look upset. 316 00:14:04,153 --> 00:14:05,419 Do you want me to stop texting him? 317 00:14:05,421 --> 00:14:08,189 - No. It's fine. It's just I'm tired 318 00:14:08,191 --> 00:14:10,057 And we're almost finished, and I just wanna go home. 319 00:14:10,059 --> 00:14:12,326 - Got it. I'm so hot. 320 00:14:12,328 --> 00:14:14,695 Let me just get this hair off my neck. 321 00:14:14,697 --> 00:14:17,398 - Max, why are you wearing only one earring? 322 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,800 - What are you talking about? I'm wearing two. 323 00:14:19,802 --> 00:14:23,070 That's weird. Where is it? Is it in my hair? 324 00:14:23,072 --> 00:14:25,539 - No, no. - Did it fall down? 325 00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:26,674 - Yeah, check your boobs. 326 00:14:26,676 --> 00:14:29,443 That's where you found the remote. 327 00:14:29,445 --> 00:14:31,979 - It's not-- it's not anywhere on me. 328 00:14:31,981 --> 00:14:33,381 - Well, when's the last time you saw it? 329 00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:35,182 - I don't know, but it couldn't have gone far. 330 00:14:35,184 --> 00:14:37,485 I was in this area pretty much the whole night. 331 00:14:37,487 --> 00:14:41,756 - You mean over the batter? 332 00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:43,724 Both: No, no, no. Nothing, nothing, nothing! 333 00:14:43,726 --> 00:14:45,126 No, no, no, no, nothing, nothing, nothing! 334 00:14:45,128 --> 00:14:47,028 No, no, no, no, no! Nothing, nothing, no! 335 00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:49,096 - It's not here, which means 336 00:14:49,098 --> 00:14:51,399 It's in one of those already-baked cupcakes. 337 00:14:51,401 --> 00:14:54,869 Let's go. We have to start pulling these apart. 338 00:14:54,871 --> 00:14:57,004 - Really? Come on, don't be ridiculous. 339 00:14:57,006 --> 00:14:59,640 Look, worst-case scenario, one of the 1,000 cupcakes 340 00:14:59,642 --> 00:15:00,875 Has an earring in it. 341 00:15:00,877 --> 00:15:03,077 We'll tell them it's a surprise. 342 00:15:03,079 --> 00:15:06,113 - No, the worst-case scenario is someone bites into it, 343 00:15:06,115 --> 00:15:08,449 Rips their lip open, and sues us. 344 00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:10,818 - Let them sue us. We don't have any money. 345 00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:12,453 - And that's why we'll go to jail. 346 00:15:12,455 --> 00:15:13,955 Yep, I'll be locked up raw 347 00:15:13,957 --> 00:15:15,523 And forced to be someone's girlfriend. 348 00:15:15,525 --> 00:15:17,091 I mean, I'm a bad girlfriend out of prison. 349 00:15:17,093 --> 00:15:19,260 It's not gonna be any easier with big joan. 350 00:15:19,262 --> 00:15:22,797 - Calm down. If we go to prison, I'll be your girlfriend. 351 00:15:22,799 --> 00:15:24,298 Until someone hotter comes along, 352 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,067 'cause that's the way it goes in prison. 353 00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:27,535 - Start looking. 354 00:15:27,537 --> 00:15:30,471 - I am not going to smash 900 cupcakes. 355 00:15:30,473 --> 00:15:32,239 - Then we'll just have to start over. 356 00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:35,309 - Oh, no, I would rather hitch a ride west 357 00:15:35,311 --> 00:15:37,478 And become a sister-wife. 358 00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,882 This is crazy. Can't I just text them 359 00:15:41,884 --> 00:15:43,451 And tell them we can't do the job? 360 00:15:43,453 --> 00:15:46,187 - No, you can't text them. We need the money. 361 00:15:46,189 --> 00:15:47,822 And stop with all the texting. 362 00:15:47,824 --> 00:15:49,557 Maybe if you were thinking less about texting 363 00:15:49,559 --> 00:15:50,958 With my ex-boyfriend, 364 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,427 You wouldn't have lost your earring in the first place. 365 00:15:53,429 --> 00:15:54,795 - You should have just said it. 366 00:15:54,797 --> 00:15:57,264 You have a problem with me texting andy. 367 00:15:57,266 --> 00:15:59,667 - I do not have a problem with it! 368 00:15:59,669 --> 00:16:01,902 - Oh, good, 'cause he's my friend too. 369 00:16:01,904 --> 00:16:04,238 - You'd think your loyalty to your best friend 370 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,040 And business partner would be more important 371 00:16:06,042 --> 00:16:08,209 Than some stupid animal friendship! 372 00:16:08,211 --> 00:16:09,977 - [gasps] - I mean... 373 00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:11,612 I'm surprised I even have to tell you that, max. 374 00:16:11,614 --> 00:16:12,913 It's kind of girl code. 375 00:16:12,915 --> 00:16:16,784 - Oh, I am way to tired to hear "girl code." 376 00:16:16,786 --> 00:16:19,587 Shut it down. 377 00:16:19,589 --> 00:16:24,759 - Girl code, max. Girl code. 378 00:16:24,761 --> 00:16:29,930 - Shut up, caroline. Shut up! 379 00:16:29,932 --> 00:16:32,566 - I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response. 380 00:16:32,568 --> 00:16:35,002 - Yeah, that was the goal, bitch. 381 00:16:35,004 --> 00:16:37,071 - I don't have time for this. 382 00:16:37,073 --> 00:16:38,839 I have to find an earring that you lost 383 00:16:38,841 --> 00:16:41,075 In one of these thousand cupcakes, bitch! 384 00:16:41,077 --> 00:16:46,747 - The thousand cupcakes that you forgot to tell me about! 385 00:16:46,749 --> 00:16:49,083 - And the girl code means that when a girl 386 00:16:49,085 --> 00:16:50,518 Breaks up with someone, 387 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,086 You don't interfere with their boyfriend, 388 00:16:52,088 --> 00:16:54,588 Because she needs some distance 389 00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:56,390 - Well, why didn't you tell me that 390 00:16:56,392 --> 00:17:00,261 When I asked you 14 hours ago? 391 00:17:00,263 --> 00:17:03,831 - Hey, max. I got your text. 392 00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:05,766 I'm here to help. 393 00:17:05,768 --> 00:17:11,205 - Um, that was a pre-girl-code text. 394 00:17:11,207 --> 00:17:12,807 I thought we maybe needed a backup 395 00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:15,643 After earl passed up and I made han cry. 396 00:17:20,715 --> 00:17:24,485 - Andy, on the list of things I feel guilty about in life, 397 00:17:24,487 --> 00:17:26,120 Calling you to help in the middle of the night 398 00:17:26,122 --> 00:17:27,288 Is number two. 399 00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:28,355 It would be number one if I hadn't 400 00:17:28,357 --> 00:17:29,590 Pushed that girl down the stairs 401 00:17:29,592 --> 00:17:32,159 To get into the 98 degrees concert before her. 402 00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:35,563 - Well, it was 98 degrees. People had to die. 403 00:17:35,565 --> 00:17:37,565 [timer bell rings] 404 00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:39,200 Okay, let's stop all this joking and get down 405 00:17:39,202 --> 00:17:40,434 To why I really came here. 406 00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:42,336 Come on, caroline, love me. 407 00:17:42,338 --> 00:17:45,239 - Did you just say, "caroline, love me"? 408 00:17:45,241 --> 00:17:47,241 - No, I said, "caroline, glove me." 409 00:17:47,243 --> 00:17:48,509 [scoffs] what kind of loser would say, 410 00:17:48,511 --> 00:17:52,480 "love me"? Unless you do. 411 00:17:55,317 --> 00:17:56,750 So how you doing? 412 00:17:56,752 --> 00:18:00,354 - I'm okay. A little tired. 413 00:18:00,356 --> 00:18:02,756 - You know, I've been thinking about you a lot. 414 00:18:02,758 --> 00:18:05,226 Pretty much all the time since we broke up. 415 00:18:05,228 --> 00:18:07,828 Um, maybe I overreacted to your whole 416 00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:10,064 Obsession with work thing, you know? 417 00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:12,366 - Well, you are here at 4:00 a.M. 418 00:18:12,368 --> 00:18:15,202 'cause I needed help making 1,000 cupcakes in four hours. 419 00:18:15,204 --> 00:18:17,171 One might call that obsessive. 420 00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:21,408 - One might. Or pretty much everyone might. 421 00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:26,447 - And, andy, just know that even though it didn't work out, 422 00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:29,583 I do glove you. 423 00:18:29,585 --> 00:18:31,819 - I glove you too. 424 00:18:31,821 --> 00:18:34,321 - Now, get the cupcakes out before they burn. 425 00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:36,023 I don't have the energy to do this all again. 426 00:18:36,025 --> 00:18:39,593 - Ah, there's the girl I broke up with. 427 00:18:39,595 --> 00:18:41,495 - Everything's ready to go out there. 428 00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:42,997 I've had my hands in more boxes tonight 429 00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:46,066 Than a gynecologist at a free clinic. 430 00:18:46,068 --> 00:18:50,204 [laughter] 431 00:18:50,206 --> 00:18:52,006 - It's not that funny. 432 00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:53,941 - Stay up another 27 hours, 433 00:18:53,943 --> 00:18:56,210 It'll be the funniest damn thing you ever heard. 434 00:18:56,212 --> 00:18:58,879 [both chuckle] 435 00:18:58,881 --> 00:19:00,481 - Well, that's the end of it. 436 00:19:00,483 --> 00:19:02,149 - Yeah, I think it is. 437 00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:04,618 Max, I'm talking about more than the cupcakes. 438 00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:07,888 - Yeah, I could tell by your bradley cooper tone. 439 00:19:07,890 --> 00:19:09,823 So what, it's not gonna work out between you two? 440 00:19:09,825 --> 00:19:12,493 - No. And I think we have to break up. 441 00:19:12,495 --> 00:19:13,894 - I thought you already broke up. 442 00:19:13,896 --> 00:19:15,796 - No, I'm talking about you and me. 443 00:19:15,798 --> 00:19:17,631 - You're dumping me? 444 00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:19,033 Wow, last guy who dumped me, 445 00:19:19,035 --> 00:19:21,569 I burned down his house and moved. 446 00:19:21,571 --> 00:19:23,571 Still wanna continue this conversation? 447 00:19:23,573 --> 00:19:24,939 - Max, it wouldn't work. 448 00:19:24,941 --> 00:19:26,807 I would always be asking you about caroline. 449 00:19:26,809 --> 00:19:28,475 - Look, I get it, it's weird. 450 00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:30,945 People don't usually stay friends with their friend's ex, 451 00:19:30,947 --> 00:19:35,182 But then, cats don't usually become friends with dolphins. 452 00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:38,319 But sometimes, for no apparent reason, it happens. 453 00:19:38,321 --> 00:19:40,187 - Yeah, I just wish I was as grown up 454 00:19:40,189 --> 00:19:42,056 As a cat or a dolphin. 455 00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:43,991 - I hear ya. 456 00:19:43,993 --> 00:19:45,659 So what's next, breakup text? 457 00:19:45,661 --> 00:19:47,895 - Nah, that's just gonna lead to makeup text, 458 00:19:47,897 --> 00:19:50,431 And then we're back in a vicious cycle. 459 00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:52,299 - All right, I'll just stop by your place, 460 00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:53,701 Pick up my cds, my t-shirts, 461 00:19:53,703 --> 00:19:55,102 And the 3 grand I left there. 462 00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:56,804 - Max, you've never been to my place. 463 00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:58,839 - See, this is why I'm breaking up with you-- 464 00:19:58,841 --> 00:20:00,841 You're a liar. 465 00:20:00,843 --> 00:20:03,143 See you in small claims court, bub. 466 00:20:06,114 --> 00:20:10,584 - Well, we did it, max. We made $4,000. 467 00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:12,620 And as far as andy and I go, 468 00:20:12,622 --> 00:20:13,988 I think we're in the right place, 469 00:20:13,990 --> 00:20:15,689 Because when he said he'd been thinking about me 470 00:20:15,691 --> 00:20:17,124 Since the breakup, 471 00:20:17,126 --> 00:20:19,360 I realized I'd only been thinking about the cupcakes. 472 00:20:19,362 --> 00:20:22,329 - Oh, please, god, shut up. 473 00:20:22,331 --> 00:20:24,531 - Thank you. I was dying to shut up. 474 00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:27,601 [cell phone chimes] - ooh. 475 00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:29,937 Look, it's a text from the place. 476 00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:32,640 They loved the cupcakes. 477 00:20:32,642 --> 00:20:34,608 Wait, why do I have my phone in your apron? 478 00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:37,378 - No, my phone was in my apron. 479 00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:39,613 Unless I handed you the wrong apron 480 00:20:39,615 --> 00:20:42,182 After I wiped them down. 481 00:20:42,184 --> 00:20:45,152 What? What? 482 00:20:45,154 --> 00:20:48,389 Oh...Your earring. 483 00:20:48,391 --> 00:20:50,324 I had it in there the whole time. 484 00:20:50,326 --> 00:20:52,293 - Oh, we're idiots! 485 00:20:52,295 --> 00:20:56,130 We're two very different kinds of idiots, but we're idiots. 486 00:20:56,132 --> 00:20:58,232 - And yet, somehow we work. 487 00:20:58,234 --> 00:21:00,267 We're the most unlikely animal friends. 488 00:21:00,269 --> 00:21:02,803 - I don't know about that, but a picture of me nursing you 489 00:21:02,805 --> 00:21:05,205 Would definitely go viral. 490 00:21:05,207 --> 00:21:08,108 Good night. - Good night. 491 00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:09,243 - Where you going? 492 00:21:09,245 --> 00:21:10,511 - I'm too tired to pull my bed down. 493 00:21:10,513 --> 00:21:12,379 I'm sleeping with you. - No, you're not. 494 00:21:12,381 --> 00:21:14,448 You have super gonorrhea.