1
00:00:01,411 --> 00:00:03,412
- Can I get another refill?
2
00:00:03,414 --> 00:00:05,213
- Yes.
Can I get an explanation
3
00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:08,250
Of why you're wearing overalls
when there are no goats around?
4
00:00:08,252 --> 00:00:11,486
[percussive beat]
5
00:00:11,488 --> 00:00:14,489
Oh, wait...
Now he's drumming.
6
00:00:14,491 --> 00:00:16,691
Overalls, free coffee refills,
and drumming.
7
00:00:16,693 --> 00:00:17,959
We can stop looking.
8
00:00:17,961 --> 00:00:20,062
We found the world's
most annoying hipster.
9
00:00:20,064 --> 00:00:22,964
- Max, this isn't a diner
where everything comes
10
00:00:22,966 --> 00:00:24,599
With attitude and ecoli.
11
00:00:24,601 --> 00:00:28,003
This is the cupcake shop.
You own this place.
12
00:00:28,005 --> 00:00:31,373
- Ugh, success really
cuts your balls off!
13
00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:36,144
[drumming continues]
14
00:00:36,146 --> 00:00:38,480
We get it.
Your tribe's in trouble.
15
00:00:38,482 --> 00:00:41,316
- [laughs]
hey, she's kidding.
16
00:00:41,318 --> 00:00:43,785
Just help yourself to a fresh
mocha almond refill.
17
00:00:43,787 --> 00:00:46,154
And by the way,
sick beats.
18
00:00:48,191 --> 00:00:49,891
- You threw him
a peace sign?
19
00:00:49,893 --> 00:00:52,461
What are you,
a japanese teenager?
20
00:00:52,463 --> 00:00:54,329
- It's a gesture
of goodwill.
21
00:00:54,331 --> 00:00:58,834
- Okay, but if I see you doing
an open heart, I will kill you.
22
00:00:58,836 --> 00:01:01,036
- ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
23
00:01:01,038 --> 00:01:02,537
[cash register bell dings]
24
00:01:02,539 --> 00:01:06,408
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
25
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:18,253
- Hey, there's andy.
26
00:01:18,255 --> 00:01:19,955
- I don't want him
to see me.
27
00:01:19,957 --> 00:01:24,059
Did you just openly wave
to my ex-boyfriend?
28
00:01:24,061 --> 00:01:25,527
- Yeah, I always wave
at him.
29
00:01:25,529 --> 00:01:26,728
He didn't die
just because
30
00:01:26,730 --> 00:01:29,364
You stopped letting him touch
your boobies.
31
00:01:29,366 --> 00:01:32,534
- Well, I don't wave
to the guy at the record shop
32
00:01:32,536 --> 00:01:33,802
That you had sex with.
33
00:01:33,804 --> 00:01:38,006
- I had sex with the guy
at the record shop?
34
00:01:38,008 --> 00:01:39,841
I should keep a diary.
35
00:01:39,843 --> 00:01:41,743
- Oh, god,
he's coming back.
36
00:01:41,745 --> 00:01:43,378
See what you started
with your wave?
37
00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:45,580
- I'm sorry.
My hand is friendly.
38
00:01:45,582 --> 00:01:48,049
Ask any guy in high school.
39
00:01:48,051 --> 00:01:50,452
- I was gonna try and sneak by,
40
00:01:50,454 --> 00:01:52,587
But that just seemed
so juvenile,
41
00:01:52,589 --> 00:01:54,990
So here, "do you guys
still like me?
42
00:01:54,992 --> 00:01:58,560
Check 'yes' or 'no.'"
43
00:01:58,562 --> 00:01:59,895
So how's she doing?
44
00:01:59,897 --> 00:02:02,164
- She's good.
- Really?
45
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:05,700
Oh, by the way, the guy
at the record store says hi.
46
00:02:05,702 --> 00:02:11,706
- Well, you tell him
I said, "who are you?"
47
00:02:11,708 --> 00:02:13,308
- And I also came in because
I wanted to make sure
48
00:02:13,310 --> 00:02:14,676
Everything's cool
with you and me, max.
49
00:02:14,678 --> 00:02:16,478
I mean, you haven't
texted me a pic
50
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,680
Of an unlikely animal friendship
in, like, 48 hours.
51
00:02:18,682 --> 00:02:20,682
- Don't worry, we're cool.
I just haven't been able
52
00:02:20,684 --> 00:02:22,217
To top the picture I sent
of the monkey
53
00:02:22,219 --> 00:02:24,452
Tickling a parrot.
54
00:02:24,454 --> 00:02:25,987
- I get it.
You have high standards.
55
00:02:25,989 --> 00:02:28,290
Whereas, me, I see a black dog
spooning a brown dog,
56
00:02:28,292 --> 00:02:30,025
And I pull the trigger.
57
00:02:30,027 --> 00:02:32,160
- Well, save that amateur crap
for your mom,
58
00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:34,296
Perhaps with an aunt
and uncle cc.
59
00:02:34,298 --> 00:02:36,064
- Ha, that is so me.
60
00:02:36,066 --> 00:02:37,832
Well, sir,
you have raised the bar.
61
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:41,937
I look forward to our next
freaky/adorable animal pic.
62
00:02:41,939 --> 00:02:44,673
- Well, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
63
00:02:44,675 --> 00:02:49,177
Since we broke up,
he got fat.
64
00:02:49,179 --> 00:02:51,513
- It's only been
four days.
65
00:02:51,515 --> 00:02:54,282
- Wynonna judd gets fat
in an hour.
66
00:02:54,284 --> 00:02:57,385
I'm too exhausted
to even think about andy.
67
00:02:57,387 --> 00:02:59,688
Let's just change
and get to the diner.
68
00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:00,755
- Look, all we have to do
is make it
69
00:03:00,757 --> 00:03:01,990
Through eight more hours,
70
00:03:01,992 --> 00:03:05,227
And then we can get
a good night's sleep.
71
00:03:05,229 --> 00:03:08,396
- Max, you're taking
your pants off in public!
72
00:03:08,398 --> 00:03:10,232
- Oh, my god!
73
00:03:10,234 --> 00:03:13,868
I'm so tired,
I forgot where I was!
74
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:16,605
They're halfway down.
What do I do?
75
00:03:16,607 --> 00:03:20,308
I'm too tired
to make the call.
76
00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:26,815
- And I'll have the blt
with the french fries.
77
00:03:26,817 --> 00:03:31,553
Miss? I think our waitress
is asleep.
78
00:03:31,555 --> 00:03:33,121
- Yeah, she's tired.
We haven't slept a lot lately.
79
00:03:33,123 --> 00:03:34,623
When she wakes up,
she'll take your order.
80
00:03:34,625 --> 00:03:36,725
- But we're really hungry--
- leave her alone!
81
00:03:36,727 --> 00:03:40,028
So I come to your job
and wake you up?
82
00:03:40,030 --> 00:03:42,597
- Hi, can I take your order?
83
00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:45,200
- I can see how tired
you are, max.
84
00:03:45,202 --> 00:03:47,769
And if I could turn the clock
back to '75,
85
00:03:47,771 --> 00:03:51,273
I'd help you out
with a nice bump of cocaine.
86
00:03:51,275 --> 00:03:52,907
But I don't do that
anymore.
87
00:03:52,909 --> 00:03:55,443
- Earl, you quit coke
in 1975?
88
00:03:55,445 --> 00:03:59,080
- No, when I was 75,
last year.
89
00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:02,651
It just felt like time.
90
00:04:02,653 --> 00:04:06,621
Now all I can give you is
a nice bump of this.
91
00:04:06,623 --> 00:04:08,790
- Max, I need you
to explain something to me
92
00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,191
'cause I can't figure it out.
93
00:04:10,193 --> 00:04:14,329
- That's hard to believe,
since you're 90% head.
94
00:04:14,331 --> 00:04:15,964
- It's not a laughing matter,
max.
95
00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:19,301
I broke my mother's pelvis
coming out.
96
00:04:22,571 --> 00:04:26,274
- At least you finally
came out.
97
00:04:27,877 --> 00:04:30,412
- Oh, so you're awake enough
to ridicule the boss,
98
00:04:30,414 --> 00:04:32,280
But not awake enough
to wait on tables.
99
00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:35,850
- Exactly. See,
there's that big head working.
100
00:04:35,852 --> 00:04:37,285
And don't exaggerate.
101
00:04:37,287 --> 00:04:39,454
Caroline and I are doing
a great job.
102
00:04:39,456 --> 00:04:43,191
- Wake up.
- Hi, can I take your order?
103
00:04:43,193 --> 00:04:45,260
- All I know is
if I was doing my job
104
00:04:45,262 --> 00:04:47,929
As bad as you two tonight,
I'd take my own life.
105
00:04:47,931 --> 00:04:51,800
- That's not off the table.
106
00:04:51,802 --> 00:04:53,168
- Come on, han,
cut us a break.
107
00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:55,437
We're working two jobs,
we got two hours of sleep.
108
00:04:55,439 --> 00:04:57,605
We just want to get home
and climb into bed.
109
00:04:57,607 --> 00:05:01,409
- You're sleeping together?
110
00:05:01,411 --> 00:05:06,348
I mean, it's been a "will they
or won't they" since they met.
111
00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:10,118
- Hi, everybody.
Sophie's here!
112
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:15,056
And look at my new coat.
It's double-breasted.
113
00:05:15,058 --> 00:05:17,926
- Pretty nice, huh?
It was a gift from me.
114
00:05:17,928 --> 00:05:19,594
- It's the only thing
he ever gave me
115
00:05:19,596 --> 00:05:23,365
That didn't threaten
my reproductive health.
116
00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:25,200
- Think that fox
took its own life
117
00:05:25,202 --> 00:05:27,936
When it saw what kind of coat
it was gonna be on.
118
00:05:27,938 --> 00:05:29,671
- What is the occasion?
119
00:05:29,673 --> 00:05:33,942
- What is the occasion?
I'm hot and it's cold.
120
00:05:33,944 --> 00:05:37,078
And it's also the anniversary
of the first time
121
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,514
Oleg and I 70ed.
122
00:05:39,516 --> 00:05:46,121
- The way I do it,
it's one more than 69.
123
00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:51,459
- Max, I just hung up
from a very panicked phone call,
124
00:05:51,461 --> 00:05:53,294
And you'll never believe
what happened.
125
00:05:53,296 --> 00:05:54,829
- The guy from the record store
called to say
126
00:05:54,831 --> 00:05:57,532
I have super gonorrhea?
127
00:05:57,534 --> 00:06:01,302
- You actually think a guy
that you don't even remember
128
00:06:01,304 --> 00:06:05,173
Called to tell me
that you have super gonorrhea?
129
00:06:05,175 --> 00:06:08,476
- Yes, that's how tired I am.
130
00:06:08,478 --> 00:06:11,279
Are you gonna make me wait
forever? Do I have it or not?
131
00:06:11,281 --> 00:06:14,949
- It's not super gonorrhea,
but it is super-bad news.
132
00:06:14,951 --> 00:06:16,718
This woman just called
to confirm her order
133
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,620
For 1,000 cupcakes
for tomorrow.
134
00:06:18,622 --> 00:06:21,156
I've been so tired,
I completely forgot.
135
00:06:21,158 --> 00:06:24,726
- I'd rather have
super gonorrhea!
136
00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:27,796
Are you insane? We can't do
1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow.
137
00:06:27,798 --> 00:06:29,030
- We have to do it.
138
00:06:29,032 --> 00:06:30,999
It'll ruin our reputation
if we don't.
139
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:33,435
I know we're tired,
but if we stay up all night,
140
00:06:33,437 --> 00:06:36,371
We'll have $4,000
by tomorrow at 10:00 a.M.
141
00:06:36,373 --> 00:06:38,339
- They have to be done
by 10:00 a.M.?
142
00:06:38,341 --> 00:06:42,477
I'm so tired, remind me--
is a.M. The morning one?
143
00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:44,279
We can't do it.
It's impossible.
144
00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:46,181
- My brain's too foggy
to crunch the numbers,
145
00:06:46,183 --> 00:06:48,283
But I'm sure it's doable
if we leave right now.
146
00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:49,918
- We're in the middle
of waiting tables.
147
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:51,986
- Well, we'll just have to
come up with an excuse.
148
00:06:51,988 --> 00:06:55,023
- Give me your hand, bend over,
and pretend to be sick.
149
00:06:55,025 --> 00:06:57,459
It'll work. I've used this
to get out of eight jobs,
150
00:06:57,461 --> 00:07:01,496
Six final exams,
and one wedding.
151
00:07:01,498 --> 00:07:03,398
Han, we have an emergency.
Caroline's sick.
152
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,567
She's so sick,
she can't even stand up.
153
00:07:05,569 --> 00:07:07,202
We won't be able to stay
and finish our shift.
154
00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:08,670
We have to go right
to the emergency room.
155
00:07:08,672 --> 00:07:10,405
- [groans]
156
00:07:10,407 --> 00:07:12,040
- We don't know
what's wrong with her,
157
00:07:12,042 --> 00:07:13,074
But it's coming out
of both ends.
158
00:07:13,076 --> 00:07:14,776
It might be super gonorrhea.
Bye.
159
00:07:19,448 --> 00:07:21,950
- That's so unfortunate.
160
00:07:21,952 --> 00:07:26,654
And on the night they were
finally gonna do it.
161
00:07:34,029 --> 00:07:37,031
- Whoa, those are some
big-ass coffees!
162
00:07:37,033 --> 00:07:39,067
- Yep, 64-ouncers.
163
00:07:39,069 --> 00:07:41,336
They told me they're bigger
than the human stomach.
164
00:07:41,338 --> 00:07:43,238
And the coffee's
already working,
165
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,706
'cause I figured out
if it's midnight now,
166
00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:46,074
We have to be done
at 10:00 a.M.
167
00:07:46,076 --> 00:07:48,109
So if it's 40 minutes per batch
from beginning to end,
168
00:07:48,111 --> 00:07:50,311
Baking 4 dozen at a time,
that's 48 cupcakes
169
00:07:50,313 --> 00:07:51,946
Times 20 trips to the oven,
which equals nine hours,
170
00:07:51,948 --> 00:07:54,048
Which equals $4,000.
171
00:07:54,050 --> 00:07:58,586
- Give me that.
Let's see if I can do math too.
172
00:07:58,588 --> 00:07:59,954
Ask me something.
173
00:07:59,956 --> 00:08:01,789
- 16 times 12.
174
00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:04,359
I'm just going to enjoy
my coffee.
175
00:08:04,361 --> 00:08:05,860
- You enjoy,
I'll preheat the oven.
176
00:08:05,862 --> 00:08:08,062
What's the temp?
325.
177
00:08:08,064 --> 00:08:09,597
There, that's the coffee
talking.
178
00:08:09,599 --> 00:08:11,833
[cell phone chimes]
179
00:08:11,835 --> 00:08:13,801
[laughs]
180
00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:16,571
Andy just sent me a picture
of a deer nursing a turtle.
181
00:08:16,573 --> 00:08:18,606
This is why they tell
teen turtles
182
00:08:18,608 --> 00:08:20,508
Never to post up
on facebook.
183
00:08:20,510 --> 00:08:23,945
- Oh, I didn't realize
you two were still texting.
184
00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:25,580
- Well, we're mostly
just sending pictures
185
00:08:25,582 --> 00:08:27,348
Of unlikely
animal friendships.
186
00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:29,517
See, there's a bear napping
with a bunny.
187
00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:30,952
- And what's this?
188
00:08:30,954 --> 00:08:32,787
- It's a labradoodle
high-fiving a koi fish.
189
00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:34,489
It's pretty self-explanatory.
190
00:08:34,491 --> 00:08:37,625
- No, underneath that.
This--"how's caroline?"
191
00:08:37,627 --> 00:08:40,128
I thought this was just
an unlikely animal friendship.
192
00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:42,497
- It is, mostly,
but every other text,
193
00:08:42,499 --> 00:08:44,699
I get the idea that
maybe he's not over you.
194
00:08:44,701 --> 00:08:47,235
- He's the one
who broke up with me.
195
00:08:47,237 --> 00:08:49,304
- Well, maybe he regrets it.
196
00:08:49,306 --> 00:08:51,806
Maybe you two are like
chris brown and rihanna,
197
00:08:51,808 --> 00:08:54,342
Minus the punching
and the duet.
198
00:08:54,344 --> 00:08:56,244
I'm kind of surprised.
199
00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:58,279
I thought you guys were
good together.
200
00:08:58,281 --> 00:09:00,982
- Andy is great.
And on the surface,
201
00:09:00,984 --> 00:09:02,750
He was there for me
and very supportive.
202
00:09:02,752 --> 00:09:05,153
But then he kind of got fed up
when it was so much about
203
00:09:05,155 --> 00:09:06,321
Me and my career.
204
00:09:06,323 --> 00:09:08,056
And when push came to shove,
he felt like
205
00:09:08,058 --> 00:09:10,792
He had to pull away
for his own well-being.
206
00:09:10,794 --> 00:09:14,195
Oh, my god, we are
rihanna and chris brown!
207
00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,564
But I'm chris brown.
208
00:09:16,566 --> 00:09:21,369
- Speaking of chris brown,
I'm gonna start to batter.
209
00:09:21,371 --> 00:09:22,904
How's that stove?
210
00:09:22,906 --> 00:09:25,740
- Warm, but it's really
wobbly.
211
00:09:25,742 --> 00:09:28,009
- Yeah, it wobbles, it smokes,
and one time it burned me.
212
00:09:28,011 --> 00:09:30,345
That's why I nicknamed it
"mom."
213
00:09:30,347 --> 00:09:32,180
- What is this wood thing
under the leg?
214
00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:33,982
- It's the shim.
215
00:09:33,984 --> 00:09:35,717
- I think
it's making it worse.
216
00:09:35,719 --> 00:09:37,218
- Don't!
That's holding the leg up!
217
00:09:37,220 --> 00:09:40,421
- Oh! Aah!
218
00:09:40,423 --> 00:09:44,192
- But I guess
you figured that out now.
219
00:09:44,194 --> 00:09:46,594
You heard me say
it was the shim!
220
00:09:46,596 --> 00:09:48,529
- I don't know what a shim is.
221
00:09:48,531 --> 00:09:51,032
I thought it was just
one of those things you say.
222
00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:52,433
- What did you think
it could be?
223
00:09:52,435 --> 00:09:54,102
- I thought it was
a cool word blend.
224
00:09:54,104 --> 00:09:57,538
You know, like she/him
for a transsexual--a shim.
225
00:09:57,540 --> 00:10:01,843
- You thought a tiny transsexual
was holding up our stove?
226
00:10:01,845 --> 00:10:03,678
- Yes, max, I'm that tired.
227
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,914
I thought a tiny transsexual
was holding up our stove.
228
00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:09,784
This is a disaster, and our oven
at home's too small.
229
00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:12,053
What are we gonna do now?
230
00:10:12,055 --> 00:10:13,888
- Oh, good,
you're still here.
231
00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:15,957
Don't anybody leave.
Our night just got worse.
232
00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:19,360
- Don't come any closer,
super gonorrhea!
233
00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:23,097
- I'm sorry to say we lied
to get off our shift.
234
00:10:23,099 --> 00:10:25,199
But we have to bake
1,000 cupcakes by tomorrow,
235
00:10:25,201 --> 00:10:27,735
And our oven broke at the shop,
and we need to use yours.
236
00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:30,038
- You lied to me,
and now you want a favor?
237
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,407
- Yes. Han, we know
it's a big favor,
238
00:10:32,409 --> 00:10:34,108
And it probably looks
even bigger to you,
239
00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:37,378
But I'm sure you can
see past our lie.
240
00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:39,080
And if you can't,
you can get up on that chair,
241
00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:42,183
I could put you
on our shoulders...
242
00:10:42,185 --> 00:10:45,386
Long story abnormally short,
will you help us?
243
00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:48,923
- Well, those 12 short jokes
really primed me.
244
00:10:48,925 --> 00:10:50,124
Fine, you can use the oven
245
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:51,793
And any of the supplies
you need.
246
00:10:51,795 --> 00:10:54,095
- Thank you. We really need
to fill this order.
247
00:10:54,097 --> 00:10:56,898
- I'll stay and help.
I also had something to fill,
248
00:10:56,900 --> 00:11:00,535
But I'll just text sophie
and tell her I'm working.
249
00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:02,270
- I'll help too.
250
00:11:02,272 --> 00:11:04,839
I can't bake, but I can sit
and lift the spirits.
251
00:11:04,841 --> 00:11:08,276
As long as there are spirits.
It's open bar, right, han?
252
00:11:08,278 --> 00:11:11,913
- Okay, I'm in too.
Earl, make me a sea breeze,
253
00:11:11,915 --> 00:11:13,681
Easy on the breezy.
254
00:11:13,683 --> 00:11:15,817
- You know,
because of my childhood,
255
00:11:15,819 --> 00:11:17,385
I won't be able
to process the fact
256
00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:18,986
That you've all just
done something nice for me,
257
00:11:18,988 --> 00:11:21,723
So if I run into you
in ten years and start crying,
258
00:11:21,725 --> 00:11:24,892
This is what it's about.
259
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,700
- 900 and counting.
Comin' through.
260
00:11:32,702 --> 00:11:34,602
Where do you want them?
- Put 'em over here,
261
00:11:34,604 --> 00:11:37,371
Next to the world's
slowest helper.
262
00:11:37,373 --> 00:11:39,140
It took you longer
to make that one cupcake
263
00:11:39,142 --> 00:11:42,143
Than it took james cameron
to make avatar.
264
00:11:42,145 --> 00:11:45,513
- Well, I been doing this
for two minutes,
265
00:11:45,515 --> 00:11:50,518
And I have to say...
Not for me.
266
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,720
But you know what is
for me?
267
00:11:52,722 --> 00:11:55,556
Another free cognac.
268
00:11:55,558 --> 00:11:57,425
Ready for another
sea breeze, han?
269
00:11:57,427 --> 00:11:59,627
- Not before I get this right.
270
00:11:59,629 --> 00:12:02,730
And you don't want to see me
on two sea breezes.
271
00:12:02,732 --> 00:12:06,601
- What happens,
you become lindsay lo-han?
272
00:12:06,603 --> 00:12:10,238
Okay, let me show you
how it's done.
273
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,540
There, you feel
how that is, han?
274
00:12:12,542 --> 00:12:15,576
- Uh, yes.
275
00:12:15,578 --> 00:12:17,745
- Now just squeeze that bag.
276
00:12:17,747 --> 00:12:20,915
Good. Little harder.
Good. Little harder.
277
00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:24,418
- Whoa! Oh...
278
00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:30,258
I'm humiliated.
279
00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:32,293
- It's okay, han, it happens
to a lot of guys
280
00:12:32,295 --> 00:12:34,028
Their first time.
281
00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:36,931
- Get yourself a tissue
and clean yourself off,
282
00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:39,467
Like everyone else.
283
00:12:39,469 --> 00:12:41,903
- Han, you're off the bag.
I'm moving you to batter.
284
00:12:41,905 --> 00:12:43,805
It's not a demotion, it's just
that you stink at this.
285
00:12:43,807 --> 00:12:45,039
I wanna give you
something easier.
286
00:12:45,041 --> 00:12:48,242
- Max, you just got that
all over your apron.
287
00:12:48,244 --> 00:12:50,378
I'll wipe it down.
Mine's a mess too.
288
00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:51,913
- Ooh, pretty slick move.
289
00:12:51,915 --> 00:12:54,448
You wanna try
for my bra next?
290
00:12:54,450 --> 00:12:56,717
- [dumb brute voice]
yeah, baby,
291
00:12:56,719 --> 00:13:01,055
I'll take off your bra.
292
00:13:01,057 --> 00:13:03,925
- What the hell was that?
293
00:13:03,927 --> 00:13:06,060
- What?
It's my guy voice.
294
00:13:06,062 --> 00:13:08,729
- That's your go-to
guy voice?
295
00:13:08,731 --> 00:13:11,899
Is his identity being
protected on dateline?
296
00:13:11,901 --> 00:13:14,502
- Well, what's your
guy voice like?
297
00:13:14,504 --> 00:13:16,838
- I'm doing it right now.
298
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:20,341
[laughter]
299
00:13:20,343 --> 00:13:22,476
- I'm gonna take
a quick pee break.
300
00:13:22,478 --> 00:13:26,013
I don't know, I think you might
be making the drinks too strong.
301
00:13:26,015 --> 00:13:28,149
- We're not drunk, oleg,
just punchy.
302
00:13:28,151 --> 00:13:31,052
- I'm just drunk.
303
00:13:34,790 --> 00:13:38,593
- It was so nice of everyone
to stay that long.
304
00:13:38,595 --> 00:13:40,561
Everything's baked
except for those.
305
00:13:40,563 --> 00:13:42,430
We've gonna make it,
max.
306
00:13:42,432 --> 00:13:44,332
- [laughs]
307
00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:46,834
Andy sent me
a cat and a dolphin kissing.
308
00:13:46,836 --> 00:13:48,903
I hope they go all the way.
I'm dying to see their baby.
309
00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:52,073
A cat-dolphin? Yes!
310
00:13:52,075 --> 00:13:53,941
- I don't think
that's healthy.
311
00:13:53,943 --> 00:13:55,576
- Well, if they're in love,
312
00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:57,278
It's really
none of your business.
313
00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:00,081
- Why are you texting him
in the middle of the night?
314
00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:03,117
In fact, why is he still up?
Is he talking about me?
315
00:14:03,119 --> 00:14:04,151
- You look upset.
316
00:14:04,153 --> 00:14:05,419
Do you want me
to stop texting him?
317
00:14:05,421 --> 00:14:08,189
- No. It's fine.
It's just I'm tired
318
00:14:08,191 --> 00:14:10,057
And we're almost finished,
and I just wanna go home.
319
00:14:10,059 --> 00:14:12,326
- Got it.
I'm so hot.
320
00:14:12,328 --> 00:14:14,695
Let me just get
this hair off my neck.
321
00:14:14,697 --> 00:14:17,398
- Max, why are you wearing
only one earring?
322
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,800
- What are you talking about?
I'm wearing two.
323
00:14:19,802 --> 00:14:23,070
That's weird. Where is it?
Is it in my hair?
324
00:14:23,072 --> 00:14:25,539
- No, no.
- Did it fall down?
325
00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:26,674
- Yeah, check your boobs.
326
00:14:26,676 --> 00:14:29,443
That's where you found
the remote.
327
00:14:29,445 --> 00:14:31,979
- It's not--
it's not anywhere on me.
328
00:14:31,981 --> 00:14:33,381
- Well, when's the last time
you saw it?
329
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:35,182
- I don't know,
but it couldn't have gone far.
330
00:14:35,184 --> 00:14:37,485
I was in this area
pretty much the whole night.
331
00:14:37,487 --> 00:14:41,756
- You mean over the batter?
332
00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:43,724
Both: No, no, no.
Nothing, nothing, nothing!
333
00:14:43,726 --> 00:14:45,126
No, no, no, no, nothing,
nothing, nothing!
334
00:14:45,128 --> 00:14:47,028
No, no, no, no, no!
Nothing, nothing, no!
335
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:49,096
- It's not here,
which means
336
00:14:49,098 --> 00:14:51,399
It's in one of those
already-baked cupcakes.
337
00:14:51,401 --> 00:14:54,869
Let's go. We have to start
pulling these apart.
338
00:14:54,871 --> 00:14:57,004
- Really? Come on,
don't be ridiculous.
339
00:14:57,006 --> 00:14:59,640
Look, worst-case scenario,
one of the 1,000 cupcakes
340
00:14:59,642 --> 00:15:00,875
Has an earring in it.
341
00:15:00,877 --> 00:15:03,077
We'll tell them
it's a surprise.
342
00:15:03,079 --> 00:15:06,113
- No, the worst-case scenario
is someone bites into it,
343
00:15:06,115 --> 00:15:08,449
Rips their lip open,
and sues us.
344
00:15:08,451 --> 00:15:10,818
- Let them sue us.
We don't have any money.
345
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:12,453
- And that's why
we'll go to jail.
346
00:15:12,455 --> 00:15:13,955
Yep, I'll be locked up raw
347
00:15:13,957 --> 00:15:15,523
And forced to be
someone's girlfriend.
348
00:15:15,525 --> 00:15:17,091
I mean, I'm a bad girlfriend
out of prison.
349
00:15:17,093 --> 00:15:19,260
It's not gonna be any easier
with big joan.
350
00:15:19,262 --> 00:15:22,797
- Calm down. If we go to prison,
I'll be your girlfriend.
351
00:15:22,799 --> 00:15:24,298
Until someone hotter
comes along,
352
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,067
'cause that's the way it goes
in prison.
353
00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:27,535
- Start looking.
354
00:15:27,537 --> 00:15:30,471
- I am not going to smash
900 cupcakes.
355
00:15:30,473 --> 00:15:32,239
- Then we'll just have
to start over.
356
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:35,309
- Oh, no, I would rather
hitch a ride west
357
00:15:35,311 --> 00:15:37,478
And become a sister-wife.
358
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,882
This is crazy.
Can't I just text them
359
00:15:41,884 --> 00:15:43,451
And tell them
we can't do the job?
360
00:15:43,453 --> 00:15:46,187
- No, you can't text them.
We need the money.
361
00:15:46,189 --> 00:15:47,822
And stop with all
the texting.
362
00:15:47,824 --> 00:15:49,557
Maybe if you were thinking less
about texting
363
00:15:49,559 --> 00:15:50,958
With my ex-boyfriend,
364
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,427
You wouldn't have lost
your earring in the first place.
365
00:15:53,429 --> 00:15:54,795
- You should have
just said it.
366
00:15:54,797 --> 00:15:57,264
You have a problem
with me texting andy.
367
00:15:57,266 --> 00:15:59,667
- I do not have a problem
with it!
368
00:15:59,669 --> 00:16:01,902
- Oh, good,
'cause he's my friend too.
369
00:16:01,904 --> 00:16:04,238
- You'd think your loyalty
to your best friend
370
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,040
And business partner
would be more important
371
00:16:06,042 --> 00:16:08,209
Than some stupid
animal friendship!
372
00:16:08,211 --> 00:16:09,977
- [gasps]
- I mean...
373
00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:11,612
I'm surprised I even have
to tell you that, max.
374
00:16:11,614 --> 00:16:12,913
It's kind of girl code.
375
00:16:12,915 --> 00:16:16,784
- Oh, I am way to tired
to hear "girl code."
376
00:16:16,786 --> 00:16:19,587
Shut it down.
377
00:16:19,589 --> 00:16:24,759
- Girl code, max.
Girl code.
378
00:16:24,761 --> 00:16:29,930
- Shut up, caroline.
Shut up!
379
00:16:29,932 --> 00:16:32,566
- I'm not even gonna
dignify that with a response.
380
00:16:32,568 --> 00:16:35,002
- Yeah, that was
the goal, bitch.
381
00:16:35,004 --> 00:16:37,071
- I don't have time
for this.
382
00:16:37,073 --> 00:16:38,839
I have to find an earring
that you lost
383
00:16:38,841 --> 00:16:41,075
In one of these
thousand cupcakes, bitch!
384
00:16:41,077 --> 00:16:46,747
- The thousand cupcakes that
you forgot to tell me about!
385
00:16:46,749 --> 00:16:49,083
- And the girl code
means that when a girl
386
00:16:49,085 --> 00:16:50,518
Breaks up with someone,
387
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,086
You don't interfere
with their boyfriend,
388
00:16:52,088 --> 00:16:54,588
Because she needs
some distance
389
00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:56,390
- Well, why didn't you
tell me that
390
00:16:56,392 --> 00:17:00,261
When I asked you
14 hours ago?
391
00:17:00,263 --> 00:17:03,831
- Hey, max.
I got your text.
392
00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:05,766
I'm here to help.
393
00:17:05,768 --> 00:17:11,205
- Um, that was
a pre-girl-code text.
394
00:17:11,207 --> 00:17:12,807
I thought we maybe
needed a backup
395
00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:15,643
After earl passed up
and I made han cry.
396
00:17:20,715 --> 00:17:24,485
- Andy, on the list of things
I feel guilty about in life,
397
00:17:24,487 --> 00:17:26,120
Calling you to help
in the middle of the night
398
00:17:26,122 --> 00:17:27,288
Is number two.
399
00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:28,355
It would be number one
if I hadn't
400
00:17:28,357 --> 00:17:29,590
Pushed that girl
down the stairs
401
00:17:29,592 --> 00:17:32,159
To get into the 98 degrees
concert before her.
402
00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:35,563
- Well, it was 98 degrees.
People had to die.
403
00:17:35,565 --> 00:17:37,565
[timer bell rings]
404
00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:39,200
Okay, let's stop
all this joking and get down
405
00:17:39,202 --> 00:17:40,434
To why I really came here.
406
00:17:40,436 --> 00:17:42,336
Come on, caroline,
love me.
407
00:17:42,338 --> 00:17:45,239
- Did you just say,
"caroline, love me"?
408
00:17:45,241 --> 00:17:47,241
- No, I said,
"caroline, glove me."
409
00:17:47,243 --> 00:17:48,509
[scoffs]
what kind of loser would say,
410
00:17:48,511 --> 00:17:52,480
"love me"?
Unless you do.
411
00:17:55,317 --> 00:17:56,750
So how you doing?
412
00:17:56,752 --> 00:18:00,354
- I'm okay.
A little tired.
413
00:18:00,356 --> 00:18:02,756
- You know, I've been
thinking about you a lot.
414
00:18:02,758 --> 00:18:05,226
Pretty much all the time
since we broke up.
415
00:18:05,228 --> 00:18:07,828
Um, maybe I overreacted
to your whole
416
00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:10,064
Obsession with work thing,
you know?
417
00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:12,366
- Well, you are here
at 4:00 a.M.
418
00:18:12,368 --> 00:18:15,202
'cause I needed help making
1,000 cupcakes in four hours.
419
00:18:15,204 --> 00:18:17,171
One might call that
obsessive.
420
00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:21,408
- One might.
Or pretty much everyone might.
421
00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:26,447
- And, andy, just know that
even though it didn't work out,
422
00:18:26,449 --> 00:18:29,583
I do glove you.
423
00:18:29,585 --> 00:18:31,819
- I glove you too.
424
00:18:31,821 --> 00:18:34,321
- Now, get the cupcakes out
before they burn.
425
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:36,023
I don't have the energy
to do this all again.
426
00:18:36,025 --> 00:18:39,593
- Ah, there's the girl
I broke up with.
427
00:18:39,595 --> 00:18:41,495
- Everything's ready to go
out there.
428
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:42,997
I've had my hands
in more boxes tonight
429
00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:46,066
Than a gynecologist
at a free clinic.
430
00:18:46,068 --> 00:18:50,204
[laughter]
431
00:18:50,206 --> 00:18:52,006
- It's not that funny.
432
00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:53,941
- Stay up another 27 hours,
433
00:18:53,943 --> 00:18:56,210
It'll be the funniest damn thing
you ever heard.
434
00:18:56,212 --> 00:18:58,879
[both chuckle]
435
00:18:58,881 --> 00:19:00,481
- Well, that's the end of it.
436
00:19:00,483 --> 00:19:02,149
- Yeah, I think it is.
437
00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:04,618
Max, I'm talking about more
than the cupcakes.
438
00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:07,888
- Yeah, I could tell
by your bradley cooper tone.
439
00:19:07,890 --> 00:19:09,823
So what, it's not gonna work out
between you two?
440
00:19:09,825 --> 00:19:12,493
- No. And I think
we have to break up.
441
00:19:12,495 --> 00:19:13,894
- I thought you already
broke up.
442
00:19:13,896 --> 00:19:15,796
- No, I'm talking about
you and me.
443
00:19:15,798 --> 00:19:17,631
- You're dumping me?
444
00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:19,033
Wow, last guy
who dumped me,
445
00:19:19,035 --> 00:19:21,569
I burned down his house
and moved.
446
00:19:21,571 --> 00:19:23,571
Still wanna continue
this conversation?
447
00:19:23,573 --> 00:19:24,939
- Max, it wouldn't work.
448
00:19:24,941 --> 00:19:26,807
I would always be asking you
about caroline.
449
00:19:26,809 --> 00:19:28,475
- Look, I get it,
it's weird.
450
00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:30,945
People don't usually stay
friends with their friend's ex,
451
00:19:30,947 --> 00:19:35,182
But then, cats don't usually
become friends with dolphins.
452
00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:38,319
But sometimes, for no
apparent reason, it happens.
453
00:19:38,321 --> 00:19:40,187
- Yeah, I just wish
I was as grown up
454
00:19:40,189 --> 00:19:42,056
As a cat or a dolphin.
455
00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:43,991
- I hear ya.
456
00:19:43,993 --> 00:19:45,659
So what's next,
breakup text?
457
00:19:45,661 --> 00:19:47,895
- Nah, that's just gonna lead
to makeup text,
458
00:19:47,897 --> 00:19:50,431
And then we're back
in a vicious cycle.
459
00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:52,299
- All right, I'll just
stop by your place,
460
00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:53,701
Pick up my cds,
my t-shirts,
461
00:19:53,703 --> 00:19:55,102
And the 3 grand
I left there.
462
00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:56,804
- Max, you've never been
to my place.
463
00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:58,839
- See, this is why
I'm breaking up with you--
464
00:19:58,841 --> 00:20:00,841
You're a liar.
465
00:20:00,843 --> 00:20:03,143
See you
in small claims court, bub.
466
00:20:06,114 --> 00:20:10,584
- Well, we did it, max.
We made $4,000.
467
00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:12,620
And as far as andy
and I go,
468
00:20:12,622 --> 00:20:13,988
I think we're
in the right place,
469
00:20:13,990 --> 00:20:15,689
Because when he said
he'd been thinking about me
470
00:20:15,691 --> 00:20:17,124
Since the breakup,
471
00:20:17,126 --> 00:20:19,360
I realized I'd only been
thinking about the cupcakes.
472
00:20:19,362 --> 00:20:22,329
- Oh, please, god,
shut up.
473
00:20:22,331 --> 00:20:24,531
- Thank you.
I was dying to shut up.
474
00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:27,601
[cell phone chimes]
- ooh.
475
00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:29,937
Look, it's a text
from the place.
476
00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:32,640
They loved the cupcakes.
477
00:20:32,642 --> 00:20:34,608
Wait, why do I have my phone
in your apron?
478
00:20:34,610 --> 00:20:37,378
- No, my phone
was in my apron.
479
00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:39,613
Unless I handed you
the wrong apron
480
00:20:39,615 --> 00:20:42,182
After I wiped them down.
481
00:20:42,184 --> 00:20:45,152
What? What?
482
00:20:45,154 --> 00:20:48,389
Oh...Your earring.
483
00:20:48,391 --> 00:20:50,324
I had it in there
the whole time.
484
00:20:50,326 --> 00:20:52,293
- Oh, we're idiots!
485
00:20:52,295 --> 00:20:56,130
We're two very different kinds
of idiots, but we're idiots.
486
00:20:56,132 --> 00:20:58,232
- And yet, somehow we work.
487
00:20:58,234 --> 00:21:00,267
We're the most unlikely
animal friends.
488
00:21:00,269 --> 00:21:02,803
- I don't know about that,
but a picture of me nursing you
489
00:21:02,805 --> 00:21:05,205
Would definitely go viral.
490
00:21:05,207 --> 00:21:08,108
Good night.
- Good night.
491
00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:09,243
- Where you going?
492
00:21:09,245 --> 00:21:10,511
- I'm too tired
to pull my bed down.
493
00:21:10,513 --> 00:21:12,379
I'm sleeping with you.
- No, you're not.
494
00:21:12,381 --> 00:21:14,448
You have super gonorrhea.