1 00:00:01,144 --> 00:00:03,712 - This is it, max. The first private party 2 00:00:03,714 --> 00:00:07,416 We've booked in our cupcake shop. 3 00:00:07,418 --> 00:00:09,384 - What? You said it was a private party, 4 00:00:09,386 --> 00:00:12,320 And this is a party I keep near my privates. 5 00:00:12,322 --> 00:00:14,589 - Fine, but they can't smell it on your breath, 6 00:00:14,591 --> 00:00:15,724 So eat a mint after. 7 00:00:15,726 --> 00:00:17,726 - No need. It's peppermint schnapps, 8 00:00:17,728 --> 00:00:19,795 'cause I think ahead. 9 00:00:19,797 --> 00:00:22,564 - I think this calls for a "first party" dance. 10 00:00:22,566 --> 00:00:23,632 ♪ first par-tay 11 00:00:23,634 --> 00:00:25,634 ♪ who gonna have a first par-tay? ♪ 12 00:00:25,636 --> 00:00:27,302 ♪ we gon' have a first par-tay ♪ 13 00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:29,071 - That's the exact same dance you did 14 00:00:29,073 --> 00:00:32,674 When the humane society sent you free puppy address labels. 15 00:00:32,676 --> 00:00:34,676 - ♪ address labels 16 00:00:34,678 --> 00:00:36,144 ♪ who got doggies on an envelope? ♪ 17 00:00:36,146 --> 00:00:38,213 ♪ who got doggies on an envelope? ♪ 18 00:00:38,215 --> 00:00:40,215 - ♪ I need another sip of this ♪ 19 00:00:40,217 --> 00:00:42,517 ♪ wish I had something stronger ♪ 20 00:00:42,519 --> 00:00:44,553 - Max, I'm sorry. I can't help it. 21 00:00:44,555 --> 00:00:46,655 I'm just so excited my genius marketing ideas 22 00:00:46,657 --> 00:00:48,423 Are finally starting to pay off. 23 00:00:48,425 --> 00:00:51,726 [children screaming] quiet! Quiet! 24 00:00:51,728 --> 00:00:55,030 Quiet! Quiet! 25 00:00:55,032 --> 00:00:57,099 If you aren't listening, 26 00:00:57,101 --> 00:01:00,335 Cupcake max can't teach you how to decorate. 27 00:01:02,538 --> 00:01:04,606 [laughter] 28 00:01:04,608 --> 00:01:07,642 - [laughs] 29 00:01:07,644 --> 00:01:10,312 [children laugh] 30 00:01:12,482 --> 00:01:13,915 [children laugh] 31 00:01:13,917 --> 00:01:16,585 It's weird how sex is so great, 32 00:01:16,587 --> 00:01:19,821 And yet, it makes these. 33 00:01:19,823 --> 00:01:22,190 - ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 34 00:01:22,192 --> 00:01:23,658 [cash register bell dings] 35 00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:27,329 ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 36 00:01:38,174 --> 00:01:41,176 - Ho ho ho! 37 00:01:41,178 --> 00:01:43,478 Talking to you, max. 38 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:45,280 - I know. What's up, andy? 39 00:01:45,282 --> 00:01:47,816 - I brought some christmas candy from my shop for the diner. 40 00:01:47,818 --> 00:01:49,885 - Oh. 41 00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:55,157 Look, max, santa did come. 42 00:01:55,159 --> 00:01:57,926 - From just a kiss? 43 00:01:57,928 --> 00:02:00,996 - Well, you didn't see what she was doing with her hands. 44 00:02:00,998 --> 00:02:02,564 - I taught her that. 45 00:02:02,566 --> 00:02:05,333 That's my gift to you. Merry christmas. 46 00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:09,571 - Hey, is everything okay with your shop? 47 00:02:09,573 --> 00:02:11,339 'cause the landlord came into my store today 48 00:02:11,341 --> 00:02:12,774 And mentioned you guys hadn't paid your rent. 49 00:02:12,776 --> 00:02:14,809 If there's a problem, I'd be more than happy to help. 50 00:02:14,811 --> 00:02:16,044 - Well, the fact is, we just don't have-- 51 00:02:16,046 --> 00:02:18,380 - Don't have a clue why our online payments 52 00:02:18,382 --> 00:02:21,116 Just never go through. Technology, right? 53 00:02:21,118 --> 00:02:23,018 You used to be able to shake the mailman's hand. 54 00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,654 Now it's all holograms and lasers. 55 00:02:25,656 --> 00:02:28,723 - Grandma's right, those were the days. 56 00:02:28,725 --> 00:02:30,992 It was a more honest time. 57 00:02:30,994 --> 00:02:35,063 - Okay. Well, I gotta go. A kiss for caroline. 58 00:02:36,832 --> 00:02:39,267 - Oh, that was a new kind of kiss. 59 00:02:39,269 --> 00:02:40,702 I liked it. 60 00:02:40,704 --> 00:02:43,805 - Max taught me. 61 00:02:45,174 --> 00:02:47,542 - What's with the lies? Just tell him the truth. 62 00:02:47,544 --> 00:02:49,077 We can't pay our rent, life sucks, 63 00:02:49,079 --> 00:02:51,913 And you need wine before oral. 64 00:02:51,915 --> 00:02:53,615 - No need. 65 00:02:53,617 --> 00:02:55,383 We still have two other private parties 66 00:02:55,385 --> 00:02:57,252 Set up for this month: The quinceanera 67 00:02:57,254 --> 00:03:00,455 For that pregnant girl, and then her baby shower. 68 00:03:00,457 --> 00:03:02,357 Plus, the holidays are coming, 69 00:03:02,359 --> 00:03:04,459 So we should get our decorations up asap, 70 00:03:04,461 --> 00:03:06,094 Or santa won't know where to find us. 71 00:03:06,096 --> 00:03:07,629 - Oh, he'll know where to find us. 72 00:03:07,631 --> 00:03:08,797 We'll be the two evicted girls 73 00:03:08,799 --> 00:03:11,099 Eating fruitcake out of a dumpster. 74 00:03:11,101 --> 00:03:16,071 - Oh, look, here comes one of the reindeers now. 75 00:03:16,073 --> 00:03:19,608 - You look like a korean coat rack. 76 00:03:19,610 --> 00:03:23,144 - Everybody can stop looking. 77 00:03:23,146 --> 00:03:26,047 We found the grinch. 78 00:03:26,049 --> 00:03:29,351 No wonder it's so angry, it's working for minimum wage. 79 00:03:33,055 --> 00:03:35,657 - Oh, you're hanging the christmas decorations. 80 00:03:35,659 --> 00:03:37,292 I already put up the mistletoe. 81 00:03:37,294 --> 00:03:38,560 - Where? 82 00:03:38,562 --> 00:03:43,331 - Let's just say it's very well-hung. 83 00:03:46,068 --> 00:03:47,836 - Well, all my checks are in, 84 00:03:47,838 --> 00:03:50,572 So I have to run and make a cupcake delivery. 85 00:03:50,574 --> 00:03:52,207 Here, take this and put it in the till. 86 00:03:52,209 --> 00:03:53,675 I did a cupcake run last night too. 87 00:03:53,677 --> 00:03:56,378 - Wait, who orders cupcakes at 2:00 a.M.? 88 00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:58,313 - Um, my friends. 89 00:03:58,315 --> 00:03:59,648 - You don't have any friends. 90 00:03:59,650 --> 00:04:01,950 - I have so many friends. 91 00:04:01,952 --> 00:04:03,118 - Who are your friends? 92 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:04,653 - Some people I know. 93 00:04:04,655 --> 00:04:06,054 - Then how come I've never met them? 94 00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:08,223 - Well, they don't like you. 95 00:04:08,225 --> 00:04:09,658 - But they don't know me. 96 00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:12,127 - They don't like what they've heard about you. 97 00:04:12,129 --> 00:04:14,496 - But who would they have heard things from but you? 98 00:04:14,498 --> 00:04:16,665 - Maybe from my other group of friends. 99 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,134 They don't like you either. Later. 100 00:04:22,738 --> 00:04:24,539 - Max, you can turn around. 101 00:04:24,541 --> 00:04:26,975 That's right, I followed you. 102 00:04:29,345 --> 00:04:31,446 Sorry for following you. 103 00:04:31,448 --> 00:04:33,415 It's just, you have the hair and jacket of a woman. 104 00:04:33,417 --> 00:04:35,850 In a good way. [chuckles] 105 00:04:35,852 --> 00:04:37,819 - Did you actually think that was me? 106 00:04:37,821 --> 00:04:39,821 My beard is much thicker. 107 00:04:39,823 --> 00:04:41,056 - Well, where are we going? 108 00:04:41,058 --> 00:04:42,557 Why are we in this seedy building 109 00:04:42,559 --> 00:04:43,958 That smells like marijuana? 110 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,695 Oh, my god, is this where your mom lives? 111 00:04:46,697 --> 00:04:49,998 - You think my mom lives indoors? 112 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,933 Okay, look, for the last few nights, 113 00:04:51,935 --> 00:04:54,202 My dealer calls me after she sells pot to people, 114 00:04:54,204 --> 00:04:56,371 And then I sell those people the munchies they need. 115 00:04:56,373 --> 00:04:58,707 - Max, this is new york. That's illegal! 116 00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:01,276 - No, giant sodas are illegal. 117 00:05:01,278 --> 00:05:03,611 This is me selling cupcakes to make our rent. 118 00:05:03,613 --> 00:05:05,547 And besides, it's not a big deal. 119 00:05:05,549 --> 00:05:07,482 Pot's legal in washington, massachusetts, 120 00:05:07,484 --> 00:05:08,983 Colorado, and california. 121 00:05:08,985 --> 00:05:10,919 - Well, thank you for the stoner's summary 122 00:05:10,921 --> 00:05:12,620 Of the last election, but we don't live 123 00:05:12,622 --> 00:05:14,489 In any of those places, 124 00:05:14,491 --> 00:05:15,890 And I do not approve of pot at all. 125 00:05:15,892 --> 00:05:17,592 It makes people lazy and lethargic, 126 00:05:17,594 --> 00:05:19,627 And drains all one's ambitions. 127 00:05:19,629 --> 00:05:22,263 - God, you're fun. 128 00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,366 Look, on the other side of this door 129 00:05:24,368 --> 00:05:27,369 Is money to help us make the $600 more we need for rent. 130 00:05:27,371 --> 00:05:29,137 It's totally up to you. 131 00:05:29,139 --> 00:05:31,539 Should I knock, or not knock? 132 00:05:31,541 --> 00:05:33,074 - What's good, max? 133 00:05:33,076 --> 00:05:34,809 - Hey, keefer. This is my friend caroline. 134 00:05:34,811 --> 00:05:36,077 - Pleasure, my goddess. 135 00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:39,347 Come on in. I just broke out some dank nugs. 136 00:05:39,349 --> 00:05:42,617 - Oh, thanks, but we actually just had some dank nugs. 137 00:05:42,619 --> 00:05:45,653 - First of all, that's your new nickname, 138 00:05:45,655 --> 00:05:47,489 And, keefer, I don't want to rush you, 139 00:05:47,491 --> 00:05:50,091 But me and dank nugs have to get home. 140 00:05:50,093 --> 00:05:52,727 - Okay, cool, I'll be right back with the cash. 141 00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:55,430 - Second-hand smoke, second-hand smoke. 142 00:05:55,432 --> 00:05:57,699 - Second-hand nerd, second-hand nerd. 143 00:05:57,701 --> 00:06:01,336 - Here you go, they were feeling kinda generous. 144 00:06:01,338 --> 00:06:02,337 Nice to meet you, nugs. 145 00:06:02,339 --> 00:06:04,472 - Nice meeting you too. 146 00:06:04,474 --> 00:06:06,441 - Peace. 147 00:06:06,443 --> 00:06:09,544 - There. A hundred bucks. 148 00:06:09,546 --> 00:06:11,846 - Oh, my god, max, that's a hundred-dollar bill! 149 00:06:11,848 --> 00:06:13,348 - How easy was that? 150 00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:15,216 And we didn't even have to open the shop. 151 00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:17,118 I mean, what is the problem with doing this? 152 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,853 - You're right, I overreacted. 153 00:06:18,855 --> 00:06:21,022 We're not selling pot. We're selling cupcakes. 154 00:06:21,024 --> 00:06:22,257 We didn't break any laws. 155 00:06:22,259 --> 00:06:23,591 There's nothing illegal about it. 156 00:06:23,593 --> 00:06:25,126 - Move! Move! Move! - [screams] 157 00:06:25,128 --> 00:06:26,127 - I didn't know! I didn't know! 158 00:06:26,129 --> 00:06:27,629 - Go! Go! Go! Keep going, now! 159 00:06:27,631 --> 00:06:30,131 - Police! - Go! Go, now! 160 00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:33,535 - Put the meth down! Put the meth down! 161 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:38,606 - 'sup? 162 00:06:38,608 --> 00:06:40,508 - Move! Go! Go! Get him out! Let's go! 163 00:06:40,510 --> 00:06:42,510 - Bring him out! Go! Go! Go! 164 00:06:42,512 --> 00:06:44,879 - I told you not to get involved with drugs! 165 00:06:44,881 --> 00:06:45,980 I told you! 166 00:06:45,982 --> 00:06:49,050 - Shut it, carol! Shut it! - Oh! 167 00:06:53,422 --> 00:06:55,490 - I can't believe that just happened. 168 00:06:55,492 --> 00:06:59,527 - I know, it's like, "let it go, carol." 169 00:06:59,529 --> 00:07:02,330 - We're done with drugs. I was right. 170 00:07:02,332 --> 00:07:05,400 - And now you know why my friends don't like you. 171 00:07:13,008 --> 00:07:14,175 - And remember, we do private parties, 172 00:07:14,177 --> 00:07:15,844 Wedding parties, birthday parties-- 173 00:07:15,846 --> 00:07:18,546 - All right, there's a dozen. What's the special occasion? 174 00:07:18,548 --> 00:07:20,615 - My cat died. 175 00:07:20,617 --> 00:07:25,286 - We also do funerals, divorces... 176 00:07:25,288 --> 00:07:27,722 And sad Friday nights alone. 177 00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:30,558 - [mouthing words] thank you. 178 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:32,393 - Okay, so that's 48 more dollars. 179 00:07:32,395 --> 00:07:36,064 Now, all we need is-- - for 72 more cats to die. 180 00:07:36,066 --> 00:07:38,199 - Max, there's no need to kill imaginary cats. 181 00:07:38,201 --> 00:07:39,868 Let's just send out positive energy, 182 00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:42,604 And the universe will provide. 183 00:07:42,606 --> 00:07:45,874 - Swing and a miss, universe. 184 00:07:45,876 --> 00:07:47,876 - Surprise! I was in the neighborhood 185 00:07:47,878 --> 00:07:49,511 And thought I'd stop by and say hello. 186 00:07:49,513 --> 00:07:52,247 - Under any other circumstance, I'd say, "never do that again," 187 00:07:52,249 --> 00:07:54,749 But today, I'm saying, "how many cupcakes do you want?" 188 00:07:54,751 --> 00:07:57,018 And I'm thinking of a number between 10 and 20. 189 00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,521 - I'm kind of trying to watch my waist. 190 00:07:59,523 --> 00:08:02,657 - Well, you're closer to it than most people. 191 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,095 I'm gonna start you with 12 cupcakes. 192 00:08:07,097 --> 00:08:09,397 - Full price, 'cause you're family. 193 00:08:09,399 --> 00:08:10,431 [phone ringing] 194 00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:12,400 Oh, my god! The phone ringing 195 00:08:12,402 --> 00:08:14,068 And a customer at the same time? 196 00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:15,537 See, max, it's all happening. 197 00:08:15,539 --> 00:08:17,138 Between the money we just got last night 198 00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:19,374 And that pregnant girl's quinceanera /baby shower, 199 00:08:19,376 --> 00:08:20,875 We're gonna make our rent. 200 00:08:20,877 --> 00:08:23,845 Max's homemade cupcakes. Oh, hola, estella. 201 00:08:23,847 --> 00:08:26,080 Si, the quinceanera /baby shower. 202 00:08:26,082 --> 00:08:28,149 Que? 203 00:08:28,151 --> 00:08:31,619 Oh, no. Deported? 204 00:08:31,621 --> 00:08:34,689 Oh, you can't afford it. [chuckles] 205 00:08:38,294 --> 00:08:39,994 My mal. 206 00:08:39,996 --> 00:08:43,498 Well, sorry, it didn't work out. Gracias for calling. 207 00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:45,133 - Well, that's disappointing, 208 00:08:45,135 --> 00:08:46,334 But we should have seen it coming. 209 00:08:46,336 --> 00:08:50,238 She couldn't afford condoms either. 210 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,272 It's cool. 211 00:08:51,274 --> 00:08:52,507 I'll just call keefer 212 00:08:52,509 --> 00:08:53,942 And try to do a couple more cupcake runs. 213 00:08:53,944 --> 00:08:56,678 - No, that's not cool, that's dangerous. 214 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,846 It'll all work out. You know what? 215 00:08:58,848 --> 00:09:00,381 I'm just gonna go over and ask andy 216 00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:02,817 If he'll float us some cash till the holiday rush kicks in. 217 00:09:02,819 --> 00:09:03,851 He did offer. 218 00:09:03,853 --> 00:09:05,887 We should put up some christmas lights, 219 00:09:05,889 --> 00:09:08,323 A menorah for chanukah, and for kwanzaa... 220 00:09:08,325 --> 00:09:12,193 While I'm gone, why don't you wikipedia kwanzaa? 221 00:09:12,195 --> 00:09:16,598 - Well... Here's the first eight. 222 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,066 And how many cupcakes would you like "to go"? 223 00:09:18,068 --> 00:09:20,435 I'm thinking of a number between 40 and 50. 224 00:09:20,437 --> 00:09:23,571 - How come you never push the food at the diner like this? 225 00:09:23,573 --> 00:09:27,108 - Oh, that's where I know you from. 226 00:09:28,877 --> 00:09:30,945 Start eating. 227 00:09:36,251 --> 00:09:39,687 - I didn't do it. It's so not hot. 228 00:09:39,689 --> 00:09:40,955 He's my boyfriend. I mean, 229 00:09:40,957 --> 00:09:42,724 It's not like borrowing money from family. 230 00:09:42,726 --> 00:09:45,093 You don't sleep with your family. 231 00:09:45,095 --> 00:09:48,429 - Not all families are the same, caroline. 232 00:09:48,431 --> 00:09:51,766 - Besides, we're fine. The universe will provide. 233 00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:53,735 - Well, the universe better provide in, 234 00:09:53,737 --> 00:09:55,269 Like, a second, 'cause look, there's the landlord. 235 00:09:55,271 --> 00:09:57,205 He just went into that moroccan place. 236 00:09:57,207 --> 00:09:58,206 - What are we gonna do? 237 00:09:58,208 --> 00:09:59,340 - Hide! - What? 238 00:09:59,342 --> 00:10:01,275 - Well, I should go. 239 00:10:01,277 --> 00:10:02,777 - It's too late for that! 240 00:10:02,779 --> 00:10:03,911 Lock the door, hit the lights, 241 00:10:03,913 --> 00:10:06,180 And crawl over here, and stay low! 242 00:10:06,182 --> 00:10:08,449 Stay down till we're out of sight. 243 00:10:08,451 --> 00:10:09,450 - Ow! 244 00:10:09,452 --> 00:10:12,820 Ow. Ow, it hurts! 245 00:10:12,822 --> 00:10:14,756 - Oh, please. Like this is the first time 246 00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:17,191 You've been on your knees in the bathroom. 247 00:10:17,193 --> 00:10:19,360 Caroline, you don't have to stay on the ground anymore. 248 00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:21,929 - I feel like this is where I belong now. 249 00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:24,832 [keys jangling] - yo, baker girls. 250 00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:26,167 - Max, he's in the shop. 251 00:10:26,169 --> 00:10:28,336 - Okay, go, out the window. - Really? 252 00:10:28,338 --> 00:10:30,071 - If he can't see us, he can't evict us. 253 00:10:30,073 --> 00:10:33,174 Go. 254 00:10:33,176 --> 00:10:35,810 - It's a little high. Are you sure? 255 00:10:35,812 --> 00:10:38,980 - You've heard "when god closes a door, he opens a window"? 256 00:10:38,982 --> 00:10:40,248 He's running from his landlord. 257 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,450 Go. 258 00:10:42,452 --> 00:10:45,319 - Okay, here goes. I love you, max. 259 00:10:48,457 --> 00:10:50,091 - What about me? What should I do? 260 00:10:50,093 --> 00:10:52,860 - Put the money for those cupcakes on the counter. 261 00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:58,700 - Who are you? 262 00:10:58,702 --> 00:11:02,670 - Uh... No hablo ingles? 263 00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:07,575 - All right, all right, good news. 264 00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:10,211 I just found $3 in my pocket. 265 00:11:10,213 --> 00:11:11,879 Oh, and a peanut m&m, 266 00:11:11,881 --> 00:11:14,048 So we don't have to spend money on dinner. 267 00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:16,050 - Caroline, why are you putting it off? 268 00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:17,452 You know what you have to do. 269 00:11:17,454 --> 00:11:19,721 Go over to the couch and put your hands in that crack. 270 00:11:19,723 --> 00:11:22,557 It's every poor girl's rite of passage. 271 00:11:24,293 --> 00:11:25,560 - Oh! 272 00:11:25,562 --> 00:11:26,561 - What? 273 00:11:26,563 --> 00:11:29,831 - I think something just licked me. 274 00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:32,667 I'll just check our purses. Here's yours. 275 00:11:32,669 --> 00:11:33,935 - Uh, no, no, no. I already checked that. 276 00:11:33,937 --> 00:11:35,069 There's nothing in mine... 277 00:11:35,071 --> 00:11:36,604 Except that baggie of pot 278 00:11:36,606 --> 00:11:39,140 That keefer gave me as a christmas present. 279 00:11:39,142 --> 00:11:40,942 - Max, this is not a christmas present. 280 00:11:40,944 --> 00:11:43,711 This is a giant, illegal, fat sack of weed. 281 00:11:43,713 --> 00:11:46,380 - Yeah, with a rudolph sticker, 282 00:11:46,382 --> 00:11:48,316 Which makes it a christmas present. 283 00:11:48,318 --> 00:11:51,219 See? His nose and his eyes are red. 284 00:11:51,221 --> 00:11:54,689 - I want this out of my sight. You gotta get rid of it. 285 00:11:54,691 --> 00:11:56,257 - [scoffs] well, it's gonna take me 286 00:11:56,259 --> 00:11:58,793 At least 45 minutes to smoke all that. 287 00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:00,294 - Max, I'm serious, 288 00:12:00,296 --> 00:12:02,563 I'm not comfortable with that fat sack of weed. 289 00:12:02,565 --> 00:12:05,233 - Stop saying "fat sack of weed." 290 00:12:05,235 --> 00:12:07,802 You're like someone's dad overusing the word "awesome." 291 00:12:07,804 --> 00:12:10,304 I'll just put it up here, 292 00:12:10,306 --> 00:12:14,675 Next to the half a vicodin I was saving for new year's. 293 00:12:14,677 --> 00:12:15,676 [screams] 294 00:12:15,678 --> 00:12:17,578 Oh, no! The pot! 295 00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:18,946 The pot is in the pot! 296 00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:21,482 It's in the butter I was using to make cupcakes. 297 00:12:21,484 --> 00:12:22,550 - Maybe this is the universe's way 298 00:12:22,552 --> 00:12:24,552 Of telling you to stop doing drugs. 299 00:12:24,554 --> 00:12:29,023 - Or is it telling us to sell them? 300 00:12:29,025 --> 00:12:30,024 - N-- 301 00:12:30,026 --> 00:12:32,927 Max, we are not that desperate. 302 00:12:32,929 --> 00:12:34,362 We're not making pot cupcakes. 303 00:12:34,364 --> 00:12:36,464 I'd rather just see what the holidays bring. 304 00:12:36,466 --> 00:12:38,833 - Well, this isn't bethlehem, it's brooklyn. 305 00:12:38,835 --> 00:12:40,601 There's no frankincense and myrrh, 306 00:12:40,603 --> 00:12:43,271 There's only frankenberry and "myrrh-ajuana." 307 00:12:52,281 --> 00:12:53,915 - These turned out great. Good idea, universe. 308 00:12:53,917 --> 00:12:56,984 I knew you smoked weed. 309 00:12:56,986 --> 00:12:59,387 - Oh, my god. I can't believe the smell. 310 00:12:59,389 --> 00:13:02,623 It's like a skunk skunked a skunk. 311 00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:04,792 - I know. It's like a port-a-potty 312 00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:06,928 On the last day of coachella. 313 00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:09,497 - Oh, no, chestnut's smelling this. 314 00:13:09,499 --> 00:13:11,699 I got my horse stoned. 315 00:13:11,701 --> 00:13:13,267 - Oh, relax. 316 00:13:13,269 --> 00:13:16,070 He's just trying to fit in at school. 317 00:13:16,072 --> 00:13:18,206 - Do you think the neighbors can smell it? 318 00:13:18,208 --> 00:13:19,941 Do you think they're gonna call the cops? 319 00:13:19,943 --> 00:13:22,276 - Chill out! How can someone be this paranoid 320 00:13:22,278 --> 00:13:24,445 Before they're high? 321 00:13:24,447 --> 00:13:26,113 Here, taste this. 322 00:13:26,115 --> 00:13:27,481 - Max, I don't do pot. 323 00:13:27,483 --> 00:13:29,083 I tried it a couple times in college. 324 00:13:29,085 --> 00:13:30,885 It totally changed my personality. 325 00:13:30,887 --> 00:13:34,522 - Then please have some pot right now. 326 00:13:34,524 --> 00:13:36,390 Come on, it's business. 327 00:13:36,392 --> 00:13:38,092 I need you to taste it and tell me how it is, 328 00:13:38,094 --> 00:13:39,660 'cause I can't tell. At this point, 329 00:13:39,662 --> 00:13:42,029 Everything I put in my mouth tastes like pot. 330 00:13:44,499 --> 00:13:47,902 - Hey, it's pretty good. 331 00:13:47,904 --> 00:13:51,272 In fact, it's kind of delicious. 332 00:13:51,274 --> 00:13:53,374 We should charge 15 apiece for these. 333 00:13:53,376 --> 00:13:55,943 That's $540. That's our rent. 334 00:13:55,945 --> 00:13:57,545 - A few more bites of that cupcake, 335 00:13:57,547 --> 00:13:59,881 And that math would've taken two hours longer. 336 00:13:59,883 --> 00:14:01,315 [pounding at the door] 337 00:14:01,317 --> 00:14:03,184 - Oh, my god! It's the cops! 338 00:14:03,186 --> 00:14:05,119 It's probably that same s.W.A.T. Team! 339 00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:06,954 I told you not to get involved with drugs! 340 00:14:06,956 --> 00:14:08,956 I told you! 341 00:14:08,958 --> 00:14:12,493 - Shut it, caroline! Shut it! 342 00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:14,528 Relax, it's sophie. 343 00:14:14,530 --> 00:14:18,666 - Hi, girls. I got my period. 344 00:14:18,668 --> 00:14:20,801 Yeah, I got killer cramps. 345 00:14:20,803 --> 00:14:23,971 It's like I got a tractor in my uterus. 346 00:14:23,973 --> 00:14:25,940 - Sophie, we're sorry you're not feeling well. 347 00:14:25,942 --> 00:14:27,541 - Yeah, you know, it's times like these 348 00:14:27,543 --> 00:14:29,343 I think god's a bitch. 349 00:14:29,345 --> 00:14:31,312 Ugh! 350 00:14:31,314 --> 00:14:35,049 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 351 00:14:35,051 --> 00:14:38,185 What's that smell? 352 00:14:38,187 --> 00:14:39,520 - Nothing. It's nothing. 353 00:14:39,522 --> 00:14:41,989 - Maui wowie! 354 00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:46,360 Oh, you girls have been holding out on me! 355 00:14:46,362 --> 00:14:49,797 Oh! All right! Okay! 356 00:14:49,799 --> 00:14:52,967 This is what I'm talking about! 357 00:14:52,969 --> 00:14:55,937 Oh, my god, good-bye, killer cramps! 358 00:14:55,939 --> 00:14:58,105 Hello, pot party! 359 00:14:58,107 --> 00:15:01,676 I am picking up what you are laying down. 360 00:15:01,678 --> 00:15:03,744 Mmm! 361 00:15:05,147 --> 00:15:08,950 - I think we found our new product spokesperson. 362 00:15:08,952 --> 00:15:12,453 - [humming] 363 00:15:12,455 --> 00:15:13,621 - Here it is. 364 00:15:13,623 --> 00:15:15,122 I've been here once before with keefer. 365 00:15:15,124 --> 00:15:17,425 Judah's a really chill guy, kind of a tech genius. 366 00:15:17,427 --> 00:15:18,826 Think we can probably sell them all here. 367 00:15:18,828 --> 00:15:20,328 Are you okay? 368 00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:22,596 You haven't spoken the entire way over here, 369 00:15:22,598 --> 00:15:23,931 Which is either a side effect of the pot, 370 00:15:23,933 --> 00:15:26,033 Or my early christmas present. 371 00:15:26,035 --> 00:15:28,135 - No, I'm fine. I feel exactly the same. 372 00:15:28,137 --> 00:15:29,837 It hasn't changed me at all. 373 00:15:29,839 --> 00:15:31,305 - Ooh! Careful with the box, 374 00:15:31,307 --> 00:15:32,640 'cause you're smearing the cupcakes. 375 00:15:32,642 --> 00:15:35,476 - Oh, what does it matter? We're all gonna die. 376 00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:38,512 - Is this that other personality you were telling me about? 377 00:15:38,514 --> 00:15:40,581 - No, it's still me. Not that I matter. 378 00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:42,850 None of us do. We're all gonna die. 379 00:15:42,852 --> 00:15:45,119 - Oh, crap. 380 00:15:45,121 --> 00:15:46,387 - Hey, max! 381 00:15:46,389 --> 00:15:47,855 I was so happy that you called. 382 00:15:47,857 --> 00:15:50,358 - And we're so happy you're addicted to marijuana. 383 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,460 You know it always leads to heroin-- 384 00:15:52,462 --> 00:15:53,694 - Which leads to death. We get it. 385 00:15:53,696 --> 00:15:56,731 You're the one not-fun stoner. 386 00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,033 - Hey, guys, the chicks are here with the edibles. 387 00:15:59,035 --> 00:16:00,001 All: Edibles! - We're having a little bit 388 00:16:00,003 --> 00:16:01,268 Of a celebration. 389 00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:03,104 - Okay, so cupcakes. 390 00:16:03,106 --> 00:16:05,072 They're 15 apiece, good quality. 391 00:16:05,074 --> 00:16:07,341 - And guys, we have to sell all of them, or tomorrow, 392 00:16:07,343 --> 00:16:09,944 We'll be eating out of a dumpster. 393 00:16:09,946 --> 00:16:12,313 - Does anyone have any uppers? 394 00:16:12,315 --> 00:16:15,683 - I have to sit down. I mean, life. Ugh! 395 00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:17,985 I'm so tired of pretending it's all gonna be okay. 396 00:16:17,987 --> 00:16:19,720 It's not. 397 00:16:19,722 --> 00:16:21,455 You should get that mole checked out. 398 00:16:21,457 --> 00:16:24,859 I don't feel good about it. 399 00:16:24,861 --> 00:16:26,494 - Dude, this chick is freaking me out. 400 00:16:26,496 --> 00:16:29,130 - Just take it easy, dave. We'll just get some food in her. 401 00:16:29,132 --> 00:16:30,698 I got a buddy on the way with pizza. 402 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:32,166 - Guys, I'm sorry about her. 403 00:16:32,168 --> 00:16:34,068 It's like bringing your mother to a strip club. 404 00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:36,137 Not for me. That'd be like taking my mom to work. 405 00:16:36,139 --> 00:16:37,571 [laughs] 406 00:16:37,573 --> 00:16:39,640 - Strippers, how about their lives? 407 00:16:39,642 --> 00:16:41,042 They got no way out. 408 00:16:41,044 --> 00:16:42,643 - Can I talk to you, before you start performing 409 00:16:42,645 --> 00:16:45,813 An acoustic ballad about strippers with moles? 410 00:16:48,483 --> 00:16:51,285 - What's the point, max? 411 00:16:51,287 --> 00:16:53,921 Go, if you're gonna hit me, hit me. 412 00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:55,389 - What is happening with you? 413 00:16:55,391 --> 00:16:58,726 I didn't even know blonde people could be sad. 414 00:16:58,728 --> 00:17:00,194 - Max, I have to tell you something. 415 00:17:00,196 --> 00:17:02,496 [whispering] come here. It's a secret. Come here. 416 00:17:02,498 --> 00:17:05,666 We're not gonna make it. 417 00:17:05,668 --> 00:17:07,735 - But you're the one who's always telling me 418 00:17:07,737 --> 00:17:08,969 Everything's gonna be fine. 419 00:17:08,971 --> 00:17:11,872 - Yeah, I was lying. 420 00:17:11,874 --> 00:17:14,642 [knocking at the door] 421 00:17:14,644 --> 00:17:16,343 - Where's the weed, homeslizzy? 422 00:17:16,345 --> 00:17:18,446 - [chuckles] perfect timing, andy. 423 00:17:18,448 --> 00:17:21,348 These are the girls who are selling edibles. 424 00:17:21,350 --> 00:17:23,584 - No, that's my girlfriend, caroline. 425 00:17:23,586 --> 00:17:26,487 - That sucks for you, dude. 426 00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,525 - What are you doing here? 427 00:17:35,030 --> 00:17:38,599 - She is really getting the hang of that. 428 00:17:38,601 --> 00:17:41,368 And around 4:00 a.M., you finally called me 429 00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:44,371 From an ihop in greenpoint, and I came and picked you up. 430 00:17:44,373 --> 00:17:46,107 You were covered in syrup, yelling, 431 00:17:46,109 --> 00:17:49,176 "the mayans were right! The mayans were right!" 432 00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,780 - There's my little stoner. 433 00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:56,350 - Andy, I don't get stoned. It was just last night. 434 00:17:56,352 --> 00:17:57,785 - I know. You told me all about it 435 00:17:57,787 --> 00:17:59,353 When you called at 4:00 a.M. 436 00:17:59,355 --> 00:18:02,756 - Sorry, and I'm mortified to ask, 437 00:18:02,758 --> 00:18:04,658 But did you and I have phone sex? 438 00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:08,329 - That was you and me. 439 00:18:08,331 --> 00:18:11,198 Stoned caroline's got game. 440 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,601 - Hey, max told me about the rent. 441 00:18:13,603 --> 00:18:15,169 Why didn't you tell me you guys needed help? 442 00:18:15,171 --> 00:18:17,304 - I guess I just didn't want to have to admit 443 00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:19,640 To you or to myself that we're in real trouble. 444 00:18:19,642 --> 00:18:23,043 Plus, being a charity instead of a girlfriend is so not hot. 445 00:18:23,045 --> 00:18:26,213 - Uh, there is nothing you can do that is not hot. 446 00:18:26,215 --> 00:18:27,815 - Oh, then whatever you do, do not look at the video 447 00:18:27,817 --> 00:18:30,284 Max has of me, rolling around in the ihop parking lot, 448 00:18:30,286 --> 00:18:32,720 Covered in syrup. - [laughs] 449 00:18:32,722 --> 00:18:34,722 I want you to have this. 450 00:18:34,724 --> 00:18:37,758 Cash it, don't cash it. Do whatever you want, 451 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,027 But just know that my success doesn't mean anything 452 00:18:40,029 --> 00:18:42,496 If I can't share it with you. 453 00:18:42,498 --> 00:18:44,198 - Thank you. 454 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,635 Andy, that is so amazing, and I really appreciate it, 455 00:18:47,637 --> 00:18:49,236 But I can't take it. 456 00:18:49,238 --> 00:18:50,905 - Well, it's a win-win. 457 00:18:50,907 --> 00:18:53,340 At least it got your hand in my pants. 458 00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:56,443 And remember, if you ever need it, it's there. 459 00:18:56,445 --> 00:18:58,879 I'm talking about my penis. - [laughs] 460 00:19:04,319 --> 00:19:07,988 Andy offered to pay our rent, but I said no. 461 00:19:07,990 --> 00:19:11,659 - That is the whitest thing I've ever heard. 462 00:19:11,661 --> 00:19:13,460 - It was really sweet of him, 463 00:19:13,462 --> 00:19:16,297 But I didn't want to take money from a man I'm sleeping with. 464 00:19:16,299 --> 00:19:18,165 - Wait, are you telling me there are women 465 00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:22,203 Who don't take money from men they're sleeping with? 466 00:19:22,205 --> 00:19:23,971 - What's gonna happen, max? 467 00:19:23,973 --> 00:19:25,673 - I don't know. 468 00:19:25,675 --> 00:19:29,276 But we do have christmas decorations, 469 00:19:29,278 --> 00:19:30,611 So let's put them up. 470 00:19:30,613 --> 00:19:31,679 - Wait a minute. 471 00:19:31,681 --> 00:19:33,147 You're the one pushing christmas? 472 00:19:33,149 --> 00:19:34,815 Who are you, me? 473 00:19:34,817 --> 00:19:37,685 - No, I still have my dignity. 474 00:19:37,687 --> 00:19:43,624 Speaking of christmas, here are the 2 1/2 wise men. 475 00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:46,393 What's up? - Caroline called me last night. 476 00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:48,429 Told me that you two couldn't pay your rent, 477 00:19:48,431 --> 00:19:50,164 That you were losing the shop. 478 00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:54,768 That girl can talk. 479 00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:57,438 - She called me too, and said you didn't have your rent, 480 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,107 And also that, for sure, the rising waters of the ocean 481 00:20:00,109 --> 00:20:04,912 Will swallow us and kill us all. 482 00:20:04,914 --> 00:20:08,148 So we put together what we had, and...Here. 483 00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:09,817 - Consider it an early christmas gift 484 00:20:09,819 --> 00:20:11,018 From all three of us... 485 00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:13,787 Even though I gave 350, earl gave 100, 486 00:20:13,789 --> 00:20:16,757 And he gave 50. 487 00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:19,293 - Thank you, but we can't take it. 488 00:20:19,295 --> 00:20:23,464 - Yes, you can. We're family. 489 00:20:23,466 --> 00:20:25,532 - 500 whole dollars? 490 00:20:25,534 --> 00:20:27,434 [sobbing] thank you, guys. 491 00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:30,437 [christmas time is here by vince guaraldi] 492 00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:35,109 - And we have something special for you. 493 00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:40,447 - What makes it special? 494 00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:44,551 - The love she puts into 'em, man. 495 00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:52,893 You can smell the love all around her. 496 00:20:52,895 --> 00:20:54,962 Mmm. 497 00:20:56,164 --> 00:20:58,999 - You know, max, I think we're gonna make it. 498 00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:01,201 - I like not-stoned caroline. 499 00:21:01,203 --> 00:21:02,703 We're gonna keep you off the drugs. 500 00:21:02,705 --> 00:21:04,605 - You mean because I'm more positive? 501 00:21:04,607 --> 00:21:06,373 - No, 'cause we may have to sell your urine 502 00:21:06,375 --> 00:21:09,376 For next month's rent, and I'm gonna need that pee clean. 503 00:21:09,378 --> 00:21:14,448 [laughter] 504 00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:18,052 - Mmm, so good. - [laughs] 505 00:21:18,054 --> 00:21:20,120 [cash register bell dings]