1
00:00:01,611 --> 00:00:04,079
- Well, you, me,
and the cupcakes are ready,

2
00:00:04,081 --> 00:00:06,081
Now, we just need people.
[chuckles]

3
00:00:06,083 --> 00:00:07,616
Ooh, here we go!

4
00:00:07,618 --> 00:00:11,186
This one looks like
she might come in.

5
00:00:11,188 --> 00:00:13,288
- Yeah,
keep walking, ugly!

6
00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:15,857
- Ugly?
She's like a supermodel.

7
00:00:15,859 --> 00:00:17,626
- Did she come in
and buy something?

8
00:00:17,628 --> 00:00:19,961
- No.
- Then, she ugly.

9
00:00:19,963 --> 00:00:21,863
- Okay, yes,
business is slow,

10
00:00:21,865 --> 00:00:23,999
But we don't
have to drop to that level.

11
00:00:24,001 --> 00:00:27,769
Ooh, this guy
is definitely coming in.

12
00:00:27,771 --> 00:00:30,005
Keep walking, fatty!

13
00:00:30,007 --> 00:00:32,808
- And he ugly.

14
00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:34,576
[both gasp]

15
00:00:34,578 --> 00:00:35,944
Both: Welcome
to max's homemade cupcakes!

16
00:00:35,946 --> 00:00:39,414
- Hello.
How much are your cupcakes?

17
00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:40,649
- $4.

18
00:00:40,651 --> 00:00:43,919
- No.

19
00:00:43,921 --> 00:00:45,587
Both: Whore.

20
00:00:45,589 --> 00:00:47,689
Jinx, you owe me a coke!
[laugh]

21
00:00:47,691 --> 00:00:49,458
- We both called
an old lady a whore.

22
00:00:49,460 --> 00:00:51,493
- I know!
We are in complete sync.

23
00:00:51,495 --> 00:00:54,262
That is so good
for business.

24
00:00:54,264 --> 00:00:57,332
- I'll give you $3.

25
00:00:57,334 --> 00:00:59,267
- I'm sorry,
they're $4.

26
00:00:59,269 --> 00:01:03,071
- There's no one in here.
You'll take what you get.

27
00:01:03,073 --> 00:01:07,175
- I'm in love
with that whore.

28
00:01:07,177 --> 00:01:09,411
- ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

29
00:01:09,413 --> 00:01:11,012
[cash register bell dings]

30
00:01:11,014 --> 00:01:14,816
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪

31
00:01:24,193 --> 00:01:26,094
- Hello. I'm calling
from max's homemade cupcakes

32
00:01:26,096 --> 00:01:29,164
To acquaint you with our new
"mornings with max's" special.

33
00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:33,001
No, sir, that is not
what our special is.

34
00:01:33,003 --> 00:01:35,003
And I haven't even done that
with my boyfriend yet,

35
00:01:35,005 --> 00:01:36,705
So don't be rude.

36
00:01:36,707 --> 00:01:38,874
- Give me that phone.

37
00:01:38,876 --> 00:01:41,943
Ya fat, ya ugly,
ya fugly.

38
00:01:43,579 --> 00:01:45,947
- Max, we have got to get
more business going.

39
00:01:45,949 --> 00:01:47,516
The money sophie gave us
to open the shop

40
00:01:47,518 --> 00:01:49,484
Will only cover
next month's rent.

41
00:01:49,486 --> 00:01:51,486
- Wait, we already have
next month's rent?

42
00:01:51,488 --> 00:01:52,921
Why are we worried?
We're doing better

43
00:01:52,923 --> 00:01:55,257
Than everyone else
in america.

44
00:01:55,259 --> 00:01:59,227
- Well, well, well,
if it isn't prince charming.

45
00:01:59,229 --> 00:02:01,396
- But, earl,
is prince charming,

46
00:02:01,398 --> 00:02:05,000
Or is he just a diva
in purple?

47
00:02:05,002 --> 00:02:07,736
So psyched. Finally got
a personalized hello from earl.

48
00:02:07,738 --> 00:02:09,104
He called me
prince charming.

49
00:02:09,106 --> 00:02:11,406
I'm in, baby, I am in.
- [laughs]

50
00:02:11,408 --> 00:02:12,674
- I wouldn't get
too excited.

51
00:02:12,676 --> 00:02:15,010
He probably
just forgot your name.

52
00:02:15,012 --> 00:02:19,447
He calls every puerto rican guy
that comes in here "la bamba."

53
00:02:19,449 --> 00:02:21,449
[phone ringing]

54
00:02:21,451 --> 00:02:23,418
- Max's homemade cupcakes.

55
00:02:23,420 --> 00:02:26,354
- Yes, I'll hold.
- [laughs]

56
00:02:26,356 --> 00:02:30,125
Of course we do sugar-free
and gluten-free.

57
00:02:30,127 --> 00:02:32,460
I'll be right back,
I just gotta take this call.

58
00:02:32,462 --> 00:02:36,398
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, I understand,
but, like, how diabetic?

59
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,234
- I feel a little sick
to my stomach.

60
00:02:39,236 --> 00:02:41,970
- Why? You haven't even
eaten here yet.

61
00:02:41,972 --> 00:02:43,605
- No, I'm nervous.

62
00:02:43,607 --> 00:02:45,473
I came here to tell caroline
something kind of big.

63
00:02:45,475 --> 00:02:47,943
- What? You have
a secret family on long island?

64
00:02:47,945 --> 00:02:50,145
- No.
- You have hep-c? "d"?

65
00:02:50,147 --> 00:02:52,581
One of the new heps?
- No.

66
00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:54,115
I don't have
any of the heps.

67
00:02:54,117 --> 00:02:55,850
Wow. Now, telling her
I'm in love with her

68
00:02:55,852 --> 00:02:57,285
Is just going to
sound boring.

69
00:02:57,287 --> 00:02:59,754
- You're gonna tell her
you love her?

70
00:02:59,756 --> 00:03:01,323
Here in the diner?

71
00:03:01,325 --> 00:03:04,659
- Why,
was the dump closed?

72
00:03:04,661 --> 00:03:08,263
Hey, we need more coffee,
la bamba.

73
00:03:08,265 --> 00:03:11,066
- Andy, this isn't where
you tell someone "I love you."

74
00:03:11,068 --> 00:03:14,636
This is where you tell someone
their sex change looks passable.

75
00:03:14,638 --> 00:03:16,004
- What's the big deal?

76
00:03:16,006 --> 00:03:17,572
If I feel it,
why shouldn't I say it?

77
00:03:17,574 --> 00:03:19,207
I think
she'd be all over that.

78
00:03:19,209 --> 00:03:21,409
- Nope. If it didn't happen
to kate hudson

79
00:03:21,411 --> 00:03:22,744
In some stupid
romantic comedy,

80
00:03:22,746 --> 00:03:24,679
Then it won't work
for caroline.

81
00:03:24,681 --> 00:03:27,315
- Sorry, what? I left
and went into another theater

82
00:03:27,317 --> 00:03:29,317
In my mind
while you were talking.

83
00:03:29,319 --> 00:03:32,654
- I know, it's so creepy,
but she likes it.

84
00:03:32,656 --> 00:03:34,689
Really, if you could
arrange for it to rain,

85
00:03:34,691 --> 00:03:36,691
Or run after her
to the airport in the rain,

86
00:03:36,693 --> 00:03:38,927
But somehow end up on top
of the empire state building

87
00:03:38,929 --> 00:03:41,263
On valentine's day,
that'd be best.

88
00:03:41,265 --> 00:03:43,665
- Well, I just sold
three dozen cupcakes,

89
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:47,669
We just have to mark "no sugar"
on one of the boxes.

90
00:03:49,238 --> 00:03:51,373
So what did you want
to say to me?

91
00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:53,541
- No, nothing,
just came by to say hi.

92
00:03:53,543 --> 00:03:56,211
I gotta go download
a couple movies.

93
00:03:56,213 --> 00:03:59,281
- Hey, oleg.
Where's my food?

94
00:04:00,516 --> 00:04:01,883
- [rings bell]
cheeseburger with fries,

95
00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:04,419
Pick-up.

96
00:04:04,421 --> 00:04:06,121
- Han, you look so tall
in the window.

97
00:04:06,123 --> 00:04:09,724
Tell me the truth, are you
standing on another tiny person?

98
00:04:11,727 --> 00:04:14,195
- No.

99
00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:19,834
On the box.

100
00:04:19,836 --> 00:04:21,803
Oleg had to leave.

101
00:04:21,805 --> 00:04:23,672
Sophie came back
from her trip to poland,

102
00:04:23,674 --> 00:04:26,408
And he's worried, 'cause
she's very, very depressed.

103
00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:28,777
- Why, did she see you
in that hair net?

104
00:04:28,779 --> 00:04:30,912
- Come on, listen,
when sophie went to see

105
00:04:30,914 --> 00:04:32,580
Her new house,
there was no house.

106
00:04:32,582 --> 00:04:35,517
Her polish contractor
ripped off her money.

107
00:04:35,519 --> 00:04:39,087
- Poor sophie.
I feel terrible.

108
00:04:39,089 --> 00:04:40,989
I know what it feels like
to be ripped off.

109
00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:43,958
I once bought a fendi purse,
but when I looked inside,

110
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,628
It said "rendi."

111
00:04:46,630 --> 00:04:51,166
- What kind of god
would let that happen?

112
00:04:51,168 --> 00:04:54,569
- Max, I went to a party
with that.

113
00:04:54,571 --> 00:04:56,938
We should stop by after work,
see how she is,

114
00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:58,907
And bring her
some of her favorite cupcakes.

115
00:04:58,909 --> 00:05:02,143
- Or you could give her
that $20,000 she loaned you.

116
00:05:02,145 --> 00:05:04,879
- Loaned us? Sophie gave us
that money as a gift.

117
00:05:04,881 --> 00:05:07,382
- Not what I hear.
Pick-up!

118
00:05:07,384 --> 00:05:10,018
And we're out of spaghetti.
There's no sauce.

119
00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:11,720
- No, han,
there's plenty of sauce.

120
00:05:11,722 --> 00:05:14,622
- [whispering] I know,
but I can't reach the shelf.

121
00:05:19,428 --> 00:05:22,330
- Hey, are we sure that money
sophie gave us was a gift?

122
00:05:22,332 --> 00:05:25,200
- Yes. She gave it to us
to support our dream.

123
00:05:25,202 --> 00:05:27,202
I know when I had money,
I gave it out freely,

124
00:05:27,204 --> 00:05:29,304
And never expected
anything in return.

125
00:05:29,306 --> 00:05:32,073
Like when I gave my maid
that gorgeous rendi.

126
00:05:32,075 --> 00:05:35,310
- Well, I don't know about
people not expecting stuff back.

127
00:05:35,312 --> 00:05:36,878
One time,
a guy bought me a slushy,

128
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,414
And for the next three weeks,
he owned me.

129
00:05:39,416 --> 00:05:42,317
No, he really owned me.

130
00:05:42,319 --> 00:05:45,954
Eight days in, I almost
got traded to a trucker.

131
00:05:47,356 --> 00:05:48,990
- And I wouldn't
even mention her gift.

132
00:05:48,992 --> 00:05:51,025
It will only insult her,
and I promise,

133
00:05:51,027 --> 00:05:54,562
Nobody is expecting us
to give the money back.

134
00:05:54,564 --> 00:05:57,866
- Come in, girls.
Did you bring the check?

135
00:05:57,868 --> 00:06:01,569
- No, because it was a gift--
a big-ass gift,

136
00:06:01,571 --> 00:06:05,273
But we brought our love
and we brought cupcakes.

137
00:06:05,275 --> 00:06:07,409
- Well,
I doubt she'll eat them.

138
00:06:07,411 --> 00:06:10,779
She hasn't even touched
her <i>kapusniak,</i>

139
00:06:10,781 --> 00:06:12,714
Which is the dish
traditionally served

140
00:06:12,716 --> 00:06:16,217
To polish women who have been
wronged by their contractors.

141
00:06:16,219 --> 00:06:20,054
- Such a specific culture.

142
00:06:20,056 --> 00:06:21,790
- But that's not
the worst thing.

143
00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:24,159
She is so depressed,
no sex,

144
00:06:24,161 --> 00:06:25,827
Which is big problem
for me,

145
00:06:25,829 --> 00:06:29,964
Because I find
depressed women very hot.

146
00:06:29,966 --> 00:06:32,333
- A lot of guys do.

147
00:06:32,335 --> 00:06:35,470
Why do you think I haven't
paid for a drink in six years?

148
00:06:35,472 --> 00:06:37,906
- I'll go in
and tell her you're here.

149
00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:42,677
She's just lying there
on the bed, lifeless, hot...

150
00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:45,747
The big tease.

151
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,321
Sophie, the two girls
who you loaned the money to

152
00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:55,323
Are here to see you.

153
00:06:55,325 --> 00:06:57,258
- It was a gift.

154
00:06:57,260 --> 00:06:59,794
A generous, generous gift,
but still a gift.

155
00:06:59,796 --> 00:07:02,163
- Are we sure about that?
'cause I was slushy boy's bitch

156
00:07:02,165 --> 00:07:05,533
For three weeks,
and I did things.

157
00:07:05,535 --> 00:07:07,902
- Look,
max brought you cupcakes,

158
00:07:07,904 --> 00:07:11,072
Your favorite: Vanilla
with a bacon fat drizzle.

159
00:07:11,074 --> 00:07:15,210
- No, I can't eat
when I've been betrayed.

160
00:07:15,212 --> 00:07:18,079
What kind again?

161
00:07:18,081 --> 00:07:21,850
- Sophie, I am patient man,
but I am also horny man.

162
00:07:21,852 --> 00:07:24,352
Any idea when you will
snap out of this?

163
00:07:24,354 --> 00:07:28,156
- Oh, why don't you just unzip
and climb on top of me now

164
00:07:28,158 --> 00:07:29,891
And get it over with?

165
00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:31,826
- Oh, no.
- Well, we should be going.

166
00:07:31,828 --> 00:07:33,728
- No, girls, stay.

167
00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:37,365
If she's not even going to
put up a fight, what's the fun?

168
00:07:37,367 --> 00:07:39,400
- Are you sure?

169
00:07:39,402 --> 00:07:42,036
Bacon drizzle,
little bit of heaven.

170
00:07:42,038 --> 00:07:44,205
- No, I don't want them.

171
00:07:44,207 --> 00:07:46,174
- Okay,
let's put the cupcakes here,

172
00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:48,009
In case
you change your mind.

173
00:07:48,011 --> 00:07:50,712
Is this a gun?
- Ooh!

174
00:07:50,714 --> 00:07:54,582
- Yes. I'm not going to
stab myself to death.

175
00:07:54,584 --> 00:07:57,752
Do you know how much
this outfit costs?

176
00:07:57,754 --> 00:07:59,687
- Sophie, you're going to
get through this.

177
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:02,490
And by the way,
you look amazing in black.

178
00:08:02,492 --> 00:08:05,927
- Oh, well, no more
bright colors for me now.

179
00:08:05,929 --> 00:08:08,062
I'm in mourning.

180
00:08:08,064 --> 00:08:12,033
See?
Black bra, black garters,

181
00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:14,302
And look,
black panties.

182
00:08:14,304 --> 00:08:18,072
- Um, you're not wearing
any panties.

183
00:08:18,074 --> 00:08:20,708
- I'm not?

184
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,143
Oh.

185
00:08:22,145 --> 00:08:25,547
I'm sorry about
that wild mess down there.

186
00:08:25,549 --> 00:08:29,651
- Sophie, I feel bad
you got ripped off.

187
00:08:29,653 --> 00:08:33,221
Here are all my tips
from tonight: $27.

188
00:08:33,223 --> 00:08:35,723
- For eight hours?

189
00:08:35,725 --> 00:08:38,793
Oh, now,
I'm depressed for you.

190
00:08:38,795 --> 00:08:41,396
You want to borrow my gun?

191
00:08:41,398 --> 00:08:44,065
- You know what? I think
you just need to eat something,

192
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:46,768
And pretty soon,
you'll be back to your old self:

193
00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:49,804
A woman who gives gifts
and expects nothing in return,

194
00:08:49,806 --> 00:08:52,307
'cause that's
what a gift is.

195
00:08:54,209 --> 00:08:56,878
- Sophie, is that
doing anything for you?

196
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,981
- Yeah, well,
I'm not hating it.

197
00:08:59,983 --> 00:09:03,284
- Here, this soup
smells amazing.

198
00:09:03,286 --> 00:09:05,553
- Oh, no. I don't have
the energy to eat.

199
00:09:05,555 --> 00:09:08,990
- Sophie, open your mouth
and put this in.

200
00:09:08,992 --> 00:09:13,061
- Oh, come on.
Now you're as bad as oleg.

201
00:09:13,063 --> 00:09:14,329
- There. Better?

202
00:09:14,331 --> 00:09:17,398
- That's cold.

203
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:21,302
- Sophie, just say the word,
and I will rob a bank for you.

204
00:09:21,304 --> 00:09:23,204
- Sophie, I understand
you're hurting,

205
00:09:23,206 --> 00:09:25,473
But we've already spent
most of the money on the shop,

206
00:09:25,475 --> 00:09:28,042
And business
just isn't good.

207
00:09:28,044 --> 00:09:31,245
- It's not the money.
Everybody thinks it's the money.

208
00:09:31,247 --> 00:09:32,847
It's more than that.

209
00:09:32,849 --> 00:09:35,984
My lake house was my dream,
and I lost my dream.

210
00:09:35,986 --> 00:09:37,385
- Oh, thank god!

211
00:09:37,387 --> 00:09:39,487
Well, I'm glad
that's cleared up.

212
00:09:39,489 --> 00:09:41,155
Not about the money.

213
00:09:41,157 --> 00:09:43,791
Max, come on, she's had a shock,
we should let her sleep.

214
00:09:43,793 --> 00:09:47,128
- You girls are so lucky.
You still have your dream.

215
00:09:47,130 --> 00:09:49,797
- Well, sophie, what if you
were part of our dream?

216
00:09:49,799 --> 00:09:51,232
- I'm sorry?
Whose dream?

217
00:09:51,234 --> 00:09:52,667
- Our dream.

218
00:09:52,669 --> 00:09:56,304
- Your dream?
Where's that cupcake?

219
00:09:56,306 --> 00:09:59,007
- Look, sophie's the only reason
we have a shop.

220
00:09:59,009 --> 00:10:00,308
We should make her,
like, a partner.

221
00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:02,710
- Mmm! Partner!

222
00:10:02,712 --> 00:10:04,846
- But you and I
are already partners.

223
00:10:04,848 --> 00:10:06,814
I feel like we're kind of
partnered out.

224
00:10:06,816 --> 00:10:08,516
- What about
a silent partner?

225
00:10:08,518 --> 00:10:12,020
- Mmm! Silent partner!
Yeah, I like that.

226
00:10:12,022 --> 00:10:15,356
Mmm! I'm getting
my appetite back,

227
00:10:15,358 --> 00:10:18,359
And also,
my sex drive.

228
00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:22,397
- Go or stay, girls.
Either way, I'm going in.

229
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:34,575
- I'm sorry I said sophie
could be part of the store.

230
00:10:34,577 --> 00:10:36,744
I just felt bad for her,
lying there,

231
00:10:36,746 --> 00:10:41,416
All in black, too sad
to even make her junk pretty.

232
00:10:41,418 --> 00:10:44,919
- It's fine. "silent partner" is
just a figurehead role anyway,

233
00:10:44,921 --> 00:10:47,388
And it's nice to know
you have such a big heart.

234
00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:48,690
- It's not my heart.

235
00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:51,826
What I saw down there
changed me.

236
00:10:51,828 --> 00:10:54,362
It looks like something
an animal built

237
00:10:54,364 --> 00:10:56,597
To live in
for the winter.

238
00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:06,574
- Wait, what is
sophie's chandelier doing here?

239
00:11:06,576 --> 00:11:09,077
Is this the polish version
of a home invasion?

240
00:11:09,079 --> 00:11:11,979
They break in
and leave something tacky?

241
00:11:11,981 --> 00:11:14,749
- Good morning, partners.

242
00:11:14,751 --> 00:11:18,886
I didn't know the dress code,
so I went business casual.

243
00:11:18,888 --> 00:11:24,125
Look, the chandelier that
I bought for my lake house.

244
00:11:24,127 --> 00:11:26,327
Oh, now our dreams
are together.

245
00:11:26,329 --> 00:11:29,897
- Sophie, it's not
the look we were going for.

246
00:11:29,899 --> 00:11:34,635
- Oh, I know.
Much better, right?

247
00:11:34,637 --> 00:11:36,604
- That is definitely
not our style.

248
00:11:36,606 --> 00:11:40,608
It looks like a tim burton movie
just spit up in here.

249
00:11:40,610 --> 00:11:42,276
- I think
it's kind of pretty.

250
00:11:42,278 --> 00:11:43,845
But what do I know?

251
00:11:43,847 --> 00:11:47,048
I once spent my last 50 bucks
on a frog pinata.

252
00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:49,250
Had to have it.

253
00:11:49,252 --> 00:11:51,085
[phone ringing]

254
00:11:51,087 --> 00:11:52,887
- Max's homemade cupcakes.

255
00:11:52,889 --> 00:11:55,456
Yes, we're
an upscale bakery, and--

256
00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:57,892
- Now, we sell hoagies.

257
00:11:57,894 --> 00:12:00,828
- Oh, no, no, no, sir,
we do not sell hoagies.

258
00:12:00,830 --> 00:12:02,630
- Yes, we do.

259
00:12:02,632 --> 00:12:06,467
- How many would you like?
Let me get a pen.

260
00:12:06,469 --> 00:12:07,535
[knocking at the door]

261
00:12:10,973 --> 00:12:12,340
- What's happening?

262
00:12:12,342 --> 00:12:15,009
Are we finally
gonna trash caroline?

263
00:12:15,011 --> 00:12:16,477
- No, I need your help.

264
00:12:16,479 --> 00:12:17,979
I watched four chick flicks
back-to-back,

265
00:12:17,981 --> 00:12:19,347
Then I made a list
of possible ways

266
00:12:19,349 --> 00:12:20,815
To tell caroline
I love her.

267
00:12:20,817 --> 00:12:24,685
I was gonna make more,
but I got my period.

268
00:12:24,687 --> 00:12:30,024
- Okay, run the choices
past me.

269
00:12:30,026 --> 00:12:31,993
Whichever one makes me
want to hurl the most,

270
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:33,861
That's your winner.

271
00:12:33,863 --> 00:12:35,963
- I could play a song for her
outside of her apartment,

272
00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:39,333
But keep in mind how hard it is
to find a boom box in 2012.

273
00:12:39,335 --> 00:12:41,502
- Yeah, plus, if you do that
outside our apartment,

274
00:12:41,504 --> 00:12:43,204
You'll be shot.

275
00:12:43,206 --> 00:12:45,406
By me.

276
00:12:45,408 --> 00:12:48,509
- Okay, what about
sharing cocoa and a hot dog

277
00:12:48,511 --> 00:12:50,211
On the ice rink
in central park?

278
00:12:50,213 --> 00:12:51,512
- Yup, that's it.

279
00:12:51,514 --> 00:12:52,980
Makes me
want to take my head off

280
00:12:52,982 --> 00:12:54,215
And throw it
into the street.

281
00:12:54,217 --> 00:12:56,584
- Cool.
Oh, and, max,

282
00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:58,152
I think I'm the only
straight guy on earth

283
00:12:58,154 --> 00:12:59,921
Who knows the difference
between dylan mcdermott

284
00:12:59,923 --> 00:13:03,291
And dermott mulroney,
and that, my friend, is love.

285
00:13:05,394 --> 00:13:07,829
- Oh, what's
that funky-ass smell?

286
00:13:07,831 --> 00:13:11,365
Do they finally sell
pepperoni febreze?

287
00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,935
- Max, this already
isn't working.

288
00:13:13,937 --> 00:13:16,470
The stinky salami,
the gaudy chandelier?

289
00:13:16,472 --> 00:13:19,440
It's like a haunted quiznos
in here.

290
00:13:19,442 --> 00:13:22,577
- Hey, I'm sending oleg
to queens

291
00:13:22,579 --> 00:13:25,479
To pick up
a flat of fresca. Yeah.

292
00:13:25,481 --> 00:13:26,981
There's nothing better
with a hoagie

293
00:13:26,983 --> 00:13:29,050
Than an ice-cold fresca.

294
00:13:29,052 --> 00:13:31,619
- That's what I wanted!

295
00:13:31,621 --> 00:13:33,554
- Look...

296
00:13:33,556 --> 00:13:36,991
They'll go great
with the pickled eggs!

297
00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:42,296
- This just went from my dream
to a nightmare.

298
00:13:42,298 --> 00:13:45,066
- Oh, my god, caroline!
It is you!

299
00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:47,935
- Stacy, no way! I haven't
seen you since graduation.

300
00:13:47,937 --> 00:13:49,604
We went to wharton together.

301
00:13:49,606 --> 00:13:51,706
- This girl is a genius.

302
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:53,541
- [chuckles]
- always top of the class.

303
00:13:53,543 --> 00:13:55,142
So what are you
doing here?

304
00:13:55,144 --> 00:13:57,945
Buying a cupcake on your way
to running the world?

305
00:13:57,947 --> 00:13:59,881
- No, I own this shop.

306
00:13:59,883 --> 00:14:03,618
- Oh. You own
this little cupcake shop?

307
00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:06,787
- And many other
bigger shops.

308
00:14:06,789 --> 00:14:08,990
This is our
new williamsburg location.

309
00:14:08,992 --> 00:14:11,158
And yes, I know,
the chandelier is all wrong.

310
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,860
I told the designer,
none of our

311
00:14:12,862 --> 00:14:15,730
Pacific northwest locations
will have the chandeliers.

312
00:14:15,732 --> 00:14:19,400
- Of course, you'd own
a cupcake empire at 25.

313
00:14:19,402 --> 00:14:22,203
- Oh, and this is max.
- Hi.

314
00:14:22,205 --> 00:14:25,873
- I just transferred
from our boise location.

315
00:14:27,476 --> 00:14:29,677
- What's that horrible smell?

316
00:14:29,679 --> 00:14:32,413
- It's something called
a "hoagie."

317
00:14:32,415 --> 00:14:35,216
The workers like them.
Right, max?

318
00:14:35,218 --> 00:14:40,021
- <i>Si, gracias</i>
<i>por la</i> hoagie.

319
00:14:40,023 --> 00:14:41,322
- Well, I have to go.

320
00:14:41,324 --> 00:14:43,391
I'm consulting upstairs
at bbd&l.

321
00:14:43,393 --> 00:14:45,293
- Oh, upstairs. [chuckles]
- yeah.

322
00:14:45,295 --> 00:14:47,128
Always knew
you'd land on your feet.

323
00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:50,932
Let's go for drinks,
and you're paying, mogul.

324
00:14:53,001 --> 00:14:55,803
- I hope
she likes water.

325
00:14:55,805 --> 00:14:58,873
- Now what am I going to do?
Stacy's in the building.

326
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:01,709
- Well, you could move to narnia
and run that branch,

327
00:15:01,711 --> 00:15:04,812
You pathological liar.

328
00:15:04,814 --> 00:15:07,615
- Max, this is not
how I want people to see me,

329
00:15:07,617 --> 00:15:09,984
Or smell me,
quite frankly.

330
00:15:09,986 --> 00:15:12,320
We have to get rid
of the salami, the chandelier,

331
00:15:12,322 --> 00:15:14,655
And the sophie.
This is our dream, not hers.

332
00:15:14,657 --> 00:15:16,557
- Okay, fine,
I'll tell her.

333
00:15:16,559 --> 00:15:19,860
Hey, sophie,
can we talk to you?

334
00:15:19,862 --> 00:15:21,529
- Good news, girls.

335
00:15:21,531 --> 00:15:24,732
Now we sell scratchers.

336
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:27,601
But I have
even a better idea.

337
00:15:27,603 --> 00:15:31,405
You two should dress up
as big cupcakes

338
00:15:31,407 --> 00:15:33,774
And pass out free samples.

339
00:15:36,078 --> 00:15:39,380
- Sophie, max has something
she wants to say to you.

340
00:15:39,382 --> 00:15:40,948
- Wait.

341
00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:44,118
Girls, I have something
to say first.

342
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,487
[sighs]

343
00:15:46,489 --> 00:15:51,492
Two days ago, I was
on the verge of suicide.

344
00:15:51,494 --> 00:15:55,162
Yeah, seriously,
I hadn't eaten all afternoon.

345
00:15:55,164 --> 00:15:58,833
But your generosity
with your dream

346
00:15:58,835 --> 00:16:03,270
Has given me a reason
to get up and get a wax.

347
00:16:03,272 --> 00:16:05,106
Yeah.

348
00:16:05,108 --> 00:16:09,810
Oh. Max, there was something
you wanted to say?

349
00:16:09,812 --> 00:16:13,848
- I was going to say--

350
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:21,122
[laughs]
you look delicious.

351
00:16:21,124 --> 00:16:24,392
- I look like
honey boo boo's mom at the prom.

352
00:16:33,402 --> 00:16:34,702
- This is so humiliating.

353
00:16:34,704 --> 00:16:36,137
[scoffs] now I know
how tyra felt

354
00:16:36,139 --> 00:16:38,739
When she went undercover
as that fat person.

355
00:16:38,741 --> 00:16:40,908
Please tell me
this is our bottom.

356
00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:43,344
- Well, it's your bottom.
I went to happy hour once

357
00:16:43,346 --> 00:16:45,279
And woke up naked
in the penguin habitat

358
00:16:45,281 --> 00:16:47,515
At the bronx zoo.

359
00:16:47,517 --> 00:16:52,019
And I did things.

360
00:16:52,021 --> 00:16:53,487
- Hey, girls.

361
00:16:53,489 --> 00:16:56,323
What are you two doing
just standing there?

362
00:16:56,325 --> 00:16:59,660
God gave cupcakes legs
for a reason.

363
00:16:59,662 --> 00:17:01,896
You need
to hit the streets,

364
00:17:01,898 --> 00:17:06,233
Shake your cake maker,
and show people your goods.

365
00:17:06,235 --> 00:17:08,569
- Hey, don't look at me,
it's vanilla.

366
00:17:08,571 --> 00:17:10,371
I was looking forward
to going up

367
00:17:10,373 --> 00:17:11,872
To complete strangers
on the street

368
00:17:11,874 --> 00:17:15,142
And saying "eat me,"
but she won't leave.

369
00:17:15,144 --> 00:17:18,446
- Well, if you're not going to
go out and get the customers,

370
00:17:18,448 --> 00:17:20,581
Then I'll have to bring
the customers to you.

371
00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:23,651
I gotta do everything
around here.

372
00:17:25,387 --> 00:17:27,721
- Seriously, I can't believe
we're just standing here

373
00:17:27,723 --> 00:17:29,690
When we could be chasing
fat people down the street,

374
00:17:29,692 --> 00:17:33,260
Yelling, "you ate my brother!"

375
00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:34,895
- Look at you two.

376
00:17:34,897 --> 00:17:37,064
What I wouldn't give
for a giant glass of milk.

377
00:17:37,066 --> 00:17:38,365
- [laughs]
- look at you, though.

378
00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:39,600
You look so cute.

379
00:17:39,602 --> 00:17:40,968
- No, don't look at me.

380
00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:42,903
I'm totally embarrassed
in this thing.

381
00:17:42,905 --> 00:17:45,606
- Yes, she's cute
and embarrassed,

382
00:17:45,608 --> 00:17:49,577
In a larger-than-life,
colorful, public setting.

383
00:17:49,579 --> 00:17:51,645
- Ah, right.

384
00:17:51,647 --> 00:17:53,948
So, caroline, listen,
I wanted to--

385
00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:57,451
- Look, girls,
some young professionals.

386
00:17:57,453 --> 00:17:59,386
- Oh, my god!
She's bringing stacy.

387
00:17:59,388 --> 00:18:01,455
She can't see me in this.
I was her valedictorian.

388
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:03,891
Take this.

389
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:10,764
Oh! Ugh!
- Oh! Wait.

390
00:18:10,766 --> 00:18:12,833
- Help me up, max!
Help me up!

391
00:18:12,835 --> 00:18:17,338
- Oh, great.
Now you're like my mom.

392
00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:19,306
Here, give me
your left hand.

393
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:22,309
[groans] okay,
give me your right hand.

394
00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:25,946
Get up! Get up!
Five second rule.

395
00:18:27,983 --> 00:18:31,285
[grunts]

396
00:18:34,623 --> 00:18:36,557
- Ugh! [sighs]

397
00:18:36,559 --> 00:18:39,393
- What are you two
crazy cakes doing?

398
00:18:39,395 --> 00:18:41,962
You lost your customers.
They ran away.

399
00:18:41,964 --> 00:18:43,797
- Oh, thank god.

400
00:18:43,799 --> 00:18:45,399
- Oh, I don't get it.

401
00:18:45,401 --> 00:18:48,068
You won't push the hoagies
or the pickled eggs.

402
00:18:48,070 --> 00:18:51,639
You must really
have a fear of success.

403
00:18:53,441 --> 00:18:55,476
- Well, at least
we missed stacy.

404
00:18:55,478 --> 00:18:58,112
- Well, you know
what else you missed? Andy.

405
00:18:58,114 --> 00:19:00,147
He was about to tell you
he loves you.

406
00:19:00,149 --> 00:19:01,615
- What?

407
00:19:01,617 --> 00:19:03,951
- Just now, in the hall,
and at the ice rink.

408
00:19:03,953 --> 00:19:05,920
He's been trying
to tell you all week.

409
00:19:05,922 --> 00:19:08,055
- But I've been
too preoccupied with work,

410
00:19:08,057 --> 00:19:12,126
Like sandra bullock
in   <i>the proposal.</i>

411
00:19:12,128 --> 00:19:14,795
So he was gonna tell me
at the ice rink?

412
00:19:14,797 --> 00:19:16,363
The one in central park?

413
00:19:16,365 --> 00:19:19,967
- Yes, while having cocoa
and splitting a hot dog.

414
00:19:19,969 --> 00:19:21,535
- Oh, my god!

415
00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:24,071
That's, like,
my dream "I love you" scenario.

416
00:19:24,073 --> 00:19:26,540
Why didn't you
tell me sooner?

417
00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:28,609
- Because when it comes
to other people's

418
00:19:28,611 --> 00:19:31,879
Creepy love stuff, that's
when I'm a silent partner,

419
00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:35,182
And you need to stop
with this creepy rom-com stuff.

420
00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:36,784
Life isn't like a movie.

421
00:19:36,786 --> 00:19:39,420
Sometimes you're not
a success right away,

422
00:19:39,422 --> 00:19:42,089
Sometimes you have to just
eat it and be a cupcake,

423
00:19:42,091 --> 00:19:44,391
And sometimes you have to
take your "I love you"

424
00:19:44,393 --> 00:19:46,360
Whichever way it comes.

425
00:19:46,362 --> 00:19:48,395
- You are so right.

426
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:50,297
I don't have to wait
for the moment to be perfect,

427
00:19:50,299 --> 00:19:51,565
Like it was
for reese witherspoon

428
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:54,768
In <i>sweet home alabama.</i>

429
00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:56,904
My life's
not a romantic comedy.

430
00:19:56,906 --> 00:19:58,639
I can do it my own way.

431
00:19:58,641 --> 00:20:02,276
Like julia roberts in
<i>my best friend's wedding.</i>

432
00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:11,418
Andy, it's me!

433
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:12,786
- I'll be right out.

434
00:20:12,788 --> 00:20:14,321
- No, this can't wait
any longer.

435
00:20:14,323 --> 00:20:16,423
I don't need
a big romantic comedy moment.

436
00:20:16,425 --> 00:20:17,691
- No--
- [grunts]

437
00:20:17,693 --> 00:20:19,093
Oh!
- Oh.

438
00:20:19,095 --> 00:20:20,694
- Oh, sorry.
I thought it was the office!

439
00:20:20,696 --> 00:20:22,529
- Not the office.

440
00:20:22,531 --> 00:20:24,798
- [struggling]
I'm stuck.

441
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,368
Oh, I want to go,
but I can't.

442
00:20:27,370 --> 00:20:29,970
- And I'll never
be able to go again.

443
00:20:29,972 --> 00:20:33,540
Well, I'm on the toilet
and you're in a cupcake.

444
00:20:33,542 --> 00:20:36,810
Can't get creepier than this,
so, caroline,

445
00:20:36,812 --> 00:20:39,313
I love you.

446
00:20:39,315 --> 00:20:42,316
- I love you too.

447
00:20:43,551 --> 00:20:46,020
Oh, please,
push me out.

448
00:20:49,824 --> 00:20:52,159
- How'd it go?
Was it romantic?

449
00:20:52,161 --> 00:20:55,095
- He told me he loved me
on the toilet.

450
00:20:55,097 --> 00:20:57,798
- Oh, man!
That's my dream scenario!

451
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,067
- [laughs]
- hey.

452
00:21:00,069 --> 00:21:02,436
I'm only gonna do this
for an hour,

453
00:21:02,438 --> 00:21:04,371
To show you
how it's done,

454
00:21:04,373 --> 00:21:06,440
And then I'm out.

455
00:21:06,442 --> 00:21:08,709
This is your dream,
not mine.

456
00:21:08,711 --> 00:21:11,679
Cupcakes!
Free cupcakes!

457
00:21:11,681 --> 00:21:14,048
Come on, get 'em!

458
00:21:14,050 --> 00:21:18,185
Get 'em while they're hot!

459
00:21:18,187 --> 00:21:20,387
[cash register bell dings]