1
00:00:01,511 --> 00:00:03,945
- Earl, time to play
"marry, sleep with, or kill:
2
00:00:03,947 --> 00:00:05,480
Diner edition."
3
00:00:05,482 --> 00:00:07,416
Ladies, booth one?
4
00:00:07,418 --> 00:00:10,986
- Sleep with, sleep with,
slept with.
5
00:00:10,988 --> 00:00:12,320
- Nice.
6
00:00:12,322 --> 00:00:14,990
- Okay, max,
the dude at table ten.
7
00:00:14,992 --> 00:00:18,126
- Is there a "throw food
in the cage and run" category?
8
00:00:18,128 --> 00:00:19,661
Hey, jump in.
9
00:00:19,663 --> 00:00:21,163
We're playing "marry,
sleep with, or kill:
10
00:00:21,165 --> 00:00:22,664
Diner edition."
11
00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:25,100
- No, if I slept with
anyone in this diner,
12
00:00:25,102 --> 00:00:27,903
I'd kill myself.
13
00:00:27,905 --> 00:00:29,304
Even in a fictional scenario,
14
00:00:29,306 --> 00:00:31,706
I cannot permit myself
to go there.
15
00:00:31,708 --> 00:00:33,942
- Girl, you'd take the fun
out of the punch bowl
16
00:00:33,944 --> 00:00:35,877
Full of cocaine.
17
00:00:35,879 --> 00:00:37,913
- Okay, fine.
18
00:00:37,915 --> 00:00:40,482
Sleep with earl,
marry you.
19
00:00:40,484 --> 00:00:42,084
- Not us!
Jeez.
20
00:00:42,086 --> 00:00:43,819
What are you, a freak?
21
00:00:43,821 --> 00:00:47,422
- I feel uncomfortable,
caroline.
22
00:00:47,424 --> 00:00:50,725
Like, I don't know
how to look at you anymore.
23
00:00:50,727 --> 00:00:54,162
- Now, I can only see you
in a creepy lady tux.
24
00:00:54,164 --> 00:00:56,064
- You said it
was just a game!
25
00:00:56,066 --> 00:01:00,936
- I'm not in love with you.
Back off!
26
00:01:00,938 --> 00:01:02,471
- It was just a joke, earl.
27
00:01:02,473 --> 00:01:04,372
- The things we say
in jest, darling.
28
00:01:04,374 --> 00:01:07,209
The things we say
in jest.
29
00:01:07,211 --> 00:01:09,478
- ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
30
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,146
[cash register bell dings]
31
00:01:11,148 --> 00:01:14,783
♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ♪
32
00:01:23,726 --> 00:01:26,161
- Oh, my god, look at the rsvp
list for our opening party.
33
00:01:26,163 --> 00:01:28,363
Max's homemade cupcakes
is at capacity.
34
00:01:28,365 --> 00:01:29,998
- Hey, we might
even be overbooked,
35
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,500
Because in my experience,
even when guys
36
00:01:31,502 --> 00:01:33,568
Say they're not going
to come, they do.
37
00:01:36,672 --> 00:01:38,373
- Caroline, booth two
has been waiting
38
00:01:38,375 --> 00:01:39,908
For service
for ten minutes!
39
00:01:39,910 --> 00:01:41,843
- And han knows
how frustrating that is,
40
00:01:41,845 --> 00:01:45,881
'cause he's been waiting
to be serviced for years.
41
00:01:45,883 --> 00:01:47,849
- Not that it's any
of your business, max,
42
00:01:47,851 --> 00:01:52,454
But I have a very active
sex life.
43
00:01:52,456 --> 00:01:55,724
- So then, han, will you be
bringing a date tomorrow night?
44
00:01:55,726 --> 00:01:59,161
- Ah, no.
45
00:01:59,163 --> 00:02:03,698
- You do understand that sex
involves two people, right?
46
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:07,869
And that one of those people
has to be you?
47
00:02:07,871 --> 00:02:09,237
- What is all this dirty talk?
48
00:02:09,239 --> 00:02:12,440
This is a diner,
not a dirty talking place.
49
00:02:12,442 --> 00:02:14,576
- Sorry, han, I know
we still work here at night.
50
00:02:14,578 --> 00:02:16,144
I'll go right over
to the booth.
51
00:02:16,146 --> 00:02:18,313
We were just talking
about our big opening party.
52
00:02:18,315 --> 00:02:21,650
- All you ever talk
about is your big opening.
53
00:02:21,652 --> 00:02:24,619
- Now who has
the potty mouth?
54
00:02:29,325 --> 00:02:31,092
- Max, I need
your guest list names.
55
00:02:31,094 --> 00:02:33,061
- Oh, okay, I'm still waiting
for them to confirm,
56
00:02:33,063 --> 00:02:34,429
So just put me down
for ten.
57
00:02:34,431 --> 00:02:36,464
- Okay, but I need
their names asap.
58
00:02:36,466 --> 00:02:37,699
I'm running
a tight door.
59
00:02:37,701 --> 00:02:38,733
I got a bouncer
from a local club
60
00:02:38,735 --> 00:02:40,202
To donate his time.
61
00:02:40,204 --> 00:02:43,638
I told him it
was a charity event for eczema.
62
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,441
What? We'll make a big donation
when we're successful,
63
00:02:46,443 --> 00:02:47,809
But, for tomorrow,
every now and then,
64
00:02:47,811 --> 00:02:50,445
Scratch a little?
65
00:02:50,447 --> 00:02:53,648
- Hi, everybody!
I got great news.
66
00:02:53,650 --> 00:02:58,119
- What? You finally found
the thing we lost in there?
67
00:02:58,121 --> 00:03:02,891
- No. I knew we should've
tied a string on it.
68
00:03:02,893 --> 00:03:06,127
- No, look.
I got a fax from poland.
69
00:03:06,129 --> 00:03:08,663
My dream house is done!
Isn't it amazing?
70
00:03:08,665 --> 00:03:10,198
- It is amazing.
71
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,401
I haven't seen a fax
in, like, five years.
72
00:03:13,403 --> 00:03:15,337
- Sophie, it's so pretty!
73
00:03:15,339 --> 00:03:16,771
Look at all this sweet
gingerbread woodwork
74
00:03:16,773 --> 00:03:17,772
On the porch.
75
00:03:17,774 --> 00:03:19,107
- Oh, I'm so excited.
76
00:03:19,109 --> 00:03:21,009
I'm going to be
on air poland flight
77
00:03:21,011 --> 00:03:22,877
Right after big party.
78
00:03:22,879 --> 00:03:25,947
- You are going to poland?
That's news.
79
00:03:25,949 --> 00:03:27,282
And when were you
going to tell me?
80
00:03:27,284 --> 00:03:29,351
- Um, now, yeah.
81
00:03:29,353 --> 00:03:31,219
Um, I'm going to be gone
for a month.
82
00:03:31,221 --> 00:03:32,787
- Oh, okay.
83
00:03:32,789 --> 00:03:34,289
It will be good
to have some time away
84
00:03:34,291 --> 00:03:36,791
From the old ball and chain.
85
00:03:36,793 --> 00:03:39,361
- Yah, he's not talking
about me.
86
00:03:39,363 --> 00:03:43,131
We use a ball and chain
in our lovemaking.
87
00:03:43,133 --> 00:03:47,202
That's the thing
I can't find.
88
00:03:49,538 --> 00:03:51,239
Okay, yeah.
89
00:03:51,241 --> 00:03:53,074
Well, buh-bye.
90
00:03:53,076 --> 00:03:56,711
I'll see you tomorrow night
at my big going away party!
91
00:03:56,713 --> 00:03:59,281
- Sophie, the party's
for our cupcake business.
92
00:03:59,283 --> 00:04:03,418
- Oh, see, this is why
I don't like you so much.
93
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,691
- Guys, thanks again
for donating your time.
94
00:04:09,693 --> 00:04:11,459
It's fundraisers like this
that will help
95
00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:15,430
Put an end
to undescended testicles.
96
00:04:15,432 --> 00:04:16,898
- Hi!
97
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,633
I'd like to meet the owner
of this awesome
98
00:04:18,635 --> 00:04:20,302
And totally cool
cupcake shop?
99
00:04:20,304 --> 00:04:22,537
Oh, nevermind!
That's me.
100
00:04:22,539 --> 00:04:24,773
- Max, you got a blow-out!
101
00:04:24,775 --> 00:04:26,274
- Yeah, I'd figured
I finally see
102
00:04:26,276 --> 00:04:30,812
What all the fuss
about getting blown is.
103
00:04:30,814 --> 00:04:33,481
- Oh, hi, we're not
quite ready for guests yet.
104
00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:36,885
- Girl,
I'm your doorman, nevel.
105
00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:38,620
- Oh, I'm confused.
I thought my doorman was--
106
00:04:38,622 --> 00:04:41,122
- Straight, white, and boring?
He was.
107
00:04:41,124 --> 00:04:42,924
Then, boring came down
with the flu.
108
00:04:42,926 --> 00:04:46,795
Now, you've got gay, black,
and definitely not boring.
109
00:04:46,797 --> 00:04:48,096
So what's
the charity tonight?
110
00:04:48,098 --> 00:04:50,632
- Eczema.
- Undescended testicles.
111
00:04:50,634 --> 00:04:54,035
People with eczema
and undescended testicles.
112
00:04:54,037 --> 00:04:58,907
- Lord, child.
That is a cross to bear.
113
00:04:58,909 --> 00:05:00,208
Get me the door list,
and let's make
114
00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:03,178
Those poor, itchy boys
some money.
115
00:05:04,647 --> 00:05:06,514
- Another fake charity?
116
00:05:06,516 --> 00:05:09,818
You've got some balls,
even if they aren't descended.
117
00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:11,653
- Max, we so lucked out.
118
00:05:11,655 --> 00:05:13,154
Nothing says
"successful party"
119
00:05:13,156 --> 00:05:15,957
Like a bitchy, gay doorman!
120
00:05:15,959 --> 00:05:17,826
Give me your guest names.
I'll write them down.
121
00:05:17,828 --> 00:05:19,661
- Okay, fine.
122
00:05:19,663 --> 00:05:23,498
Put down tommy, dylan,
robbie, johnny--
123
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:25,633
- Robbie and johnny?
124
00:05:25,635 --> 00:05:28,470
Wait, max, are these
all your ex-boyfriends?
125
00:05:28,472 --> 00:05:30,839
- Perhaps.
126
00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:32,674
- Max, the invited guests
127
00:05:32,676 --> 00:05:34,843
Were all supposed
to be business contacts.
128
00:05:34,845 --> 00:05:36,778
- See, this is why I didn't
tell you sooner.
129
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:38,346
You're a control freak.
130
00:05:38,348 --> 00:05:41,349
And for the record,
these guys have all had contact
131
00:05:41,351 --> 00:05:43,718
With my business.
132
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,687
- You're using
our launch party
133
00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,355
To get back
at ex-boyfriends?
134
00:05:47,357 --> 00:05:49,224
- Uh, yeah!
135
00:05:49,226 --> 00:05:50,859
That's what success
is for,
136
00:05:50,861 --> 00:05:53,395
To say "suck it"
to people who dumped you.
137
00:05:53,397 --> 00:05:55,497
"see my blown-out hair?
Suck it!
138
00:05:55,499 --> 00:05:57,632
"see my cool cupcake shop?
Suck it!
139
00:05:57,634 --> 00:06:01,770
See these in this blouse?
You wish you could suck it."
140
00:06:03,639 --> 00:06:06,608
And here, it is not just
boyfriends on my list.
141
00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:08,743
I also invited
the lady from staples
142
00:06:08,745 --> 00:06:10,178
Who gives me attitude.
143
00:06:10,180 --> 00:06:13,047
She can suck it too.
144
00:06:13,049 --> 00:06:14,949
- Fine, but how
is inviting johnny
145
00:06:14,951 --> 00:06:16,684
And his new wife
a victory?
146
00:06:16,686 --> 00:06:18,119
- Oh, like this.
147
00:06:18,121 --> 00:06:20,088
"hi, mrs. Johnny.
Nice to meet you.
148
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:21,689
You got him,
but I got these
149
00:06:21,691 --> 00:06:25,126
And all this,
so suck it."
150
00:06:25,128 --> 00:06:26,694
- I'm not so sure
this is healthy.
151
00:06:26,696 --> 00:06:28,396
- Are you kidding me?
152
00:06:28,398 --> 00:06:31,866
This is the healthiest thing
I've done in my life.
153
00:06:31,868 --> 00:06:33,435
I even thought
about inviting my mother
154
00:06:33,437 --> 00:06:35,103
To come and suck it,
but then she'd realize
155
00:06:35,105 --> 00:06:36,971
Maybe I didn't commit suicide
two years ago
156
00:06:36,973 --> 00:06:39,707
Like my note said.
157
00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:41,376
- I'm about ready
to open.
158
00:06:41,378 --> 00:06:43,578
Shouldn't we be putting up
some testicle banners,
159
00:06:43,580 --> 00:06:46,548
Or scrotum posters,
or something?
160
00:06:46,550 --> 00:06:49,117
Also, there's a cute blonde boy
out here asking for you
161
00:06:49,119 --> 00:06:50,351
That I'm about
to eat alive.
162
00:06:50,353 --> 00:06:51,719
[groans]
163
00:06:51,721 --> 00:06:53,688
- That's andy
with the free bar stuff.
164
00:06:53,690 --> 00:06:55,123
- Go, I'm gonna stay here
165
00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:56,925
And practice my "suck it" face
for a while.
166
00:06:56,927 --> 00:06:59,360
How's this?
167
00:06:59,362 --> 00:07:01,529
- That look
is so much more "suck it"
168
00:07:01,531 --> 00:07:02,630
With the straight hair.
169
00:07:02,632 --> 00:07:06,301
- [laughs]
I know, right?
170
00:07:06,303 --> 00:07:08,169
- There's my cute boyfriend.
- Hey.
171
00:07:08,171 --> 00:07:09,704
- How did everything go
at spike's liquor?
172
00:07:09,706 --> 00:07:11,306
- Well, I got
a little bit confused
173
00:07:11,308 --> 00:07:12,874
About what charity
we're pretending to help,
174
00:07:12,876 --> 00:07:14,709
So I told them
my sister's homeless
175
00:07:14,711 --> 00:07:17,378
And my balls
are up inside me.
176
00:07:17,380 --> 00:07:19,447
Now, we just gotta hope
spike's not the chatty type.
177
00:07:19,449 --> 00:07:21,483
- [laughs]
178
00:07:21,485 --> 00:07:22,717
- Oh! They just dropped.
179
00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:24,285
- [laughs]
180
00:07:24,287 --> 00:07:26,454
- Hey, andy, question.
181
00:07:26,456 --> 00:07:29,224
What does this face
say to you?
182
00:07:29,226 --> 00:07:31,359
- I don't know,
like, "I'm cool."
183
00:07:31,361 --> 00:07:33,528
- So close!
Guess again.
184
00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:35,330
- Okay, like,
"I'm better than you."
185
00:07:35,332 --> 00:07:37,966
No, like, "I'm it,
and you can suck it."
186
00:07:37,968 --> 00:07:42,804
- Yes! Yes!
They can suck it!
187
00:07:42,806 --> 00:07:43,972
- Is that
what you're wearing tonight?
188
00:07:43,974 --> 00:07:46,040
- Yeah.
No?
189
00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:47,275
- A sweater?
190
00:07:47,277 --> 00:07:49,010
I always saw you
in a suit tonight.
191
00:07:49,012 --> 00:07:50,545
Run home real quick
and put on a suit.
192
00:07:50,547 --> 00:07:53,181
Hurry, people
are starting to come.
193
00:07:53,183 --> 00:07:55,617
- Uh, max is still
making the face.
194
00:07:55,619 --> 00:07:57,185
- I know.
I can't stop.
195
00:07:57,187 --> 00:08:00,889
I've waited my whole life
to make this face.
196
00:08:00,891 --> 00:08:03,224
[giggles]
197
00:08:03,226 --> 00:08:04,792
- Max, look.
198
00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:06,461
Our business is open.
199
00:08:06,463 --> 00:08:09,063
- Wait, wait, wait.
Not quite.
200
00:08:09,065 --> 00:08:13,167
- In five, four,
three, two.
201
00:08:13,169 --> 00:08:15,236
Both: Whoo!
202
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:19,274
- Name, please?
- Sophie kuchenski.
203
00:08:19,276 --> 00:08:22,677
Guest of honor.
[cheering]
204
00:08:22,679 --> 00:08:25,880
- How many in your party?
- See, I knew it was my party!
205
00:08:25,882 --> 00:08:27,515
[cheering and clapping]
206
00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:36,257
[lounge music]
207
00:08:36,259 --> 00:08:37,926
- Max, there's a line
all the way down the hall
208
00:08:37,928 --> 00:08:39,827
And I've given out,
like, a hundred business cards!
209
00:08:39,829 --> 00:08:44,065
You know what that means?
Being poor can suck it!
210
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:46,467
- Girl, the fire marshal
just dropped by,
211
00:08:46,469 --> 00:08:48,403
And told me
we can't let anymore people in
212
00:08:48,405 --> 00:08:50,204
Till some of these folks
go out.
213
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:53,041
- Nevel, none of my guests
are even here yet.
214
00:08:53,043 --> 00:08:54,876
It is very important
to let in any guy
215
00:08:54,878 --> 00:08:56,911
Who looks hot, but you know
would screw you over.
216
00:08:56,913 --> 00:08:59,847
- Is there any other type?
217
00:08:59,849 --> 00:09:03,084
- I'll go get
some more cupcakes.
218
00:09:03,086 --> 00:09:04,519
- Hey!
How's it going so far, babe?
219
00:09:04,521 --> 00:09:05,753
- Andy, what are you doing?
220
00:09:05,755 --> 00:09:07,288
I told you to come back
in a suit.
221
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:09,023
- Yeah, I know,
but I like what I'm wearing.
222
00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:11,292
- So you're telling me
you'll just go
223
00:09:11,294 --> 00:09:12,860
And do what you want,
no matter how much
224
00:09:12,862 --> 00:09:14,062
I try to control you?
225
00:09:14,064 --> 00:09:16,297
- Yeah.
226
00:09:16,299 --> 00:09:19,067
- That is so freaking hot.
227
00:09:19,069 --> 00:09:21,636
- Caroline!
228
00:09:21,638 --> 00:09:25,306
Caroline, I can't get in!
229
00:09:25,308 --> 00:09:30,211
Caroline! Less kissing,
more noticing me!
230
00:09:30,213 --> 00:09:32,814
See, I know her,
and my name's on the list.
231
00:09:32,816 --> 00:09:33,881
Han lee.
232
00:09:33,883 --> 00:09:35,883
- Honey,
if I was a fat girl,
233
00:09:35,885 --> 00:09:37,185
And your name was sara lee,
234
00:09:37,187 --> 00:09:39,554
You still
wouldn't be getting in.
235
00:09:39,556 --> 00:09:42,357
We are at capacity!
236
00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:44,525
- Hey, robbie.
On the list.
237
00:09:44,527 --> 00:09:48,730
- Go right on in, child.
238
00:09:48,732 --> 00:09:53,468
- Uh, hello?
239
00:09:53,470 --> 00:09:56,504
Do you need a dictionary
to define the word "capacity?"
240
00:09:56,506 --> 00:09:58,406
- I have clear orders:
241
00:09:58,408 --> 00:10:00,408
Only very hot men
who look like trouble.
242
00:10:00,410 --> 00:10:02,477
Mm-hmm.
243
00:10:07,383 --> 00:10:09,183
- Excuse me, you know
where I can find max?
244
00:10:09,185 --> 00:10:11,519
- Yes, she's in the back.
- Cool.
245
00:10:11,521 --> 00:10:13,821
- Robbie, it's me,
caroline.
246
00:10:13,823 --> 00:10:15,757
- Oh, sorry.
247
00:10:15,759 --> 00:10:17,592
Did we have sex?
248
00:10:17,594 --> 00:10:18,860
- What? No!
249
00:10:18,862 --> 00:10:20,228
I'm max's roommate.
250
00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:22,897
- Oh, max had a roommate?
251
00:10:22,899 --> 00:10:24,632
I was pretty much wasted
the whole time.
252
00:10:24,634 --> 00:10:26,901
I remember,
like, nothing,
253
00:10:26,903 --> 00:10:30,405
But I'm in the program now,
so it's one day at a time.
254
00:10:30,407 --> 00:10:33,141
- Well, max is through there.
- [chuckles] cool.
255
00:10:33,143 --> 00:10:35,143
But we did have sex, right?
256
00:10:35,145 --> 00:10:37,011
- No!
We did not have sex.
257
00:10:37,013 --> 00:10:39,080
You offered,
but I wasn't into you.
258
00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:40,314
- [chuckles]
259
00:10:40,316 --> 00:10:44,152
Yeah, right.
260
00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:49,991
- Hey, max.
- Robbie!
261
00:10:49,993 --> 00:10:51,392
- Why are you
making that face?
262
00:10:51,394 --> 00:10:53,594
You have a toothache
or something?
263
00:10:53,596 --> 00:10:56,764
- No, it's--
I'm successful now
264
00:10:56,766 --> 00:10:58,199
And this is my shop.
265
00:10:58,201 --> 00:11:00,368
- Wow. Cool.
266
00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:02,970
So listen,
I'm an alcoholic now,
267
00:11:02,972 --> 00:11:05,206
And I did a lot of stuff
that wasn't cool,
268
00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:06,974
And I came here
because the program
269
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:10,044
Says that I have
to make almonds.
270
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:13,948
- "almonds"?
271
00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:16,818
You mean "amends"?
272
00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:20,488
- Cool. So, look,
I cheated on you
273
00:11:20,490 --> 00:11:23,291
Behind your back,
like, every day.
274
00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:26,294
- Well, um, we don't have
to go into all this now.
275
00:11:26,296 --> 00:11:27,829
It's kind of a big night
for me.
276
00:11:27,831 --> 00:11:30,298
- And I stole money
from you too,
277
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,501
Like, every time
we had sex.
278
00:11:33,503 --> 00:11:35,470
- But we had a lot
of sex.
279
00:11:35,472 --> 00:11:36,671
- [chuckles]
I know.
280
00:11:36,673 --> 00:11:39,907
Well, I stole a lot
of money.
281
00:11:39,909 --> 00:11:42,977
- Well, this just went
from "suck it" to "it sucks,"
282
00:11:42,979 --> 00:11:44,812
So lift up your shirt.
283
00:11:44,814 --> 00:11:48,082
I gotta get something
out of tonight.
284
00:11:48,084 --> 00:11:50,985
[inhales sharply
money well spent.
285
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,656
Just found out
I paid for more sex
286
00:11:55,658 --> 00:11:59,427
Than an arab businessman.
287
00:11:59,429 --> 00:12:00,828
Maybe this wasn't
the healthiest thing
288
00:12:00,830 --> 00:12:02,130
I could've done tonight.
289
00:12:02,132 --> 00:12:03,531
- So what do you
wanna do?
290
00:12:03,533 --> 00:12:06,734
Should I tell nevel
to keep johnny out?
291
00:12:06,736 --> 00:12:09,036
- Too late.
Way too late.
292
00:12:09,038 --> 00:12:10,404
- Max.
293
00:12:10,406 --> 00:12:12,707
- [weakly]
hi.
294
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:14,842
- You look even better
than I remember.
295
00:12:14,844 --> 00:12:17,411
- Well, I should.
I just got blown.
296
00:12:17,413 --> 00:12:19,080
[chuckles]
297
00:12:19,082 --> 00:12:22,083
- Suck it, suck it,
suck it, suck it.
298
00:12:22,085 --> 00:12:23,518
- Max, this place
is so awesome.
299
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,019
It's like
you're telling everybody
300
00:12:25,021 --> 00:12:26,988
Who ever doubted you
to suck it.
301
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:30,525
- No, we're not petty
like that.
302
00:12:30,527 --> 00:12:31,659
- Hey, it's a little loud
in here.
303
00:12:31,661 --> 00:12:33,461
You wanna talk
in the hall?
304
00:12:33,463 --> 00:12:36,964
- Uh, wait, let me take a look
around my big, successful shop.
305
00:12:36,966 --> 00:12:39,066
Yeah, I can go.
306
00:12:39,068 --> 00:12:40,301
- Keep your eye on max.
307
00:12:40,303 --> 00:12:41,669
That guy
in the brad pitt glasses
308
00:12:41,671 --> 00:12:45,072
Broke her heart,
and I don't trust him.
309
00:12:45,074 --> 00:12:46,407
- Max, you look insanely good.
310
00:12:46,409 --> 00:12:47,875
- Thanks.
311
00:12:47,877 --> 00:12:49,877
Now, maybe you could repeat that
to your wife,
312
00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:51,979
And where is she?
313
00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:53,314
- We never got married.
314
00:12:53,316 --> 00:12:56,484
- Max! Max!
I can't get in!
315
00:12:56,486 --> 00:12:59,487
- Wait, what do you mean
you didn't get married?
316
00:12:59,489 --> 00:13:03,724
- Johnny!
Hey, johnny, I'm back here!
317
00:13:03,726 --> 00:13:04,826
- I didn't know
if I was gonna tell you,
318
00:13:04,828 --> 00:13:06,093
But then I got your invite--
319
00:13:06,095 --> 00:13:10,398
- Max! Johnny!
I'm back here!
320
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:11,732
- Should we just
go say "hi"?
321
00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:13,434
- Uh, no,
not right now.
322
00:13:13,436 --> 00:13:16,871
- Max! Max!
I can't get in!
323
00:13:16,873 --> 00:13:19,907
- Max! Johnny!
324
00:13:19,909 --> 00:13:22,310
- Max, I've been thinking
about you a lot.
325
00:13:22,312 --> 00:13:24,912
- Stop. Before you
say anything else,
326
00:13:24,914 --> 00:13:27,281
I just have to say
327
00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:31,219
I need candy.
328
00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:33,454
[mumbling] all right,
what were you saying?
329
00:13:33,456 --> 00:13:37,258
- I called off the wedding
because she wasn't the one,
330
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:39,427
And you wanna know
how I know that?
331
00:13:39,429 --> 00:13:40,428
[banging on glass]
332
00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:43,464
- Max! Johnny!
333
00:13:43,466 --> 00:13:45,900
I can't get
into the party!
334
00:13:45,902 --> 00:13:47,235
- Come here.
335
00:13:47,237 --> 00:13:48,669
- Help me out!
336
00:13:48,671 --> 00:13:50,171
Seriously!
337
00:13:50,173 --> 00:13:53,341
That doorman
is a biatch!
338
00:13:56,578 --> 00:13:58,412
- Okay, so, uh--
339
00:13:58,414 --> 00:14:00,481
[gasps]
340
00:14:01,617 --> 00:14:02,984
Wait, what are we doing?
341
00:14:02,986 --> 00:14:04,285
- Making out
in a room full of candy.
342
00:14:04,287 --> 00:14:07,388
- Right.
343
00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:08,789
No, no, this can't happen.
344
00:14:08,791 --> 00:14:10,358
I was gonna give you
my "suck it" face.
345
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:15,563
- Okay, give it to me.
I deserve it.
346
00:14:15,565 --> 00:14:18,032
Your "suck it" face
is hot.
347
00:14:18,034 --> 00:14:20,034
- It's the hair.
348
00:14:20,036 --> 00:14:21,969
[moaning]
349
00:14:21,971 --> 00:14:24,906
Ow!
350
00:14:24,908 --> 00:14:27,108
- [sighs]
- [giggles]
351
00:14:35,951 --> 00:14:39,587
Greatest night
of my life!
352
00:14:50,999 --> 00:14:52,967
- [clears throat]
353
00:14:52,969 --> 00:14:55,870
Disclaimer:
This is not my t-shirt,
354
00:14:55,872 --> 00:14:59,206
Though I am
all about the girl power.
355
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,142
- Disclaimer:
It's not my t-shirt either.
356
00:15:01,144 --> 00:15:04,445
Some nerd left it in the dryer
at the laundromat.
357
00:15:04,447 --> 00:15:07,615
- It's mine.
358
00:15:07,617 --> 00:15:09,784
- Girl power!
359
00:15:09,786 --> 00:15:11,652
No way.
No way!
360
00:15:11,654 --> 00:15:13,621
Do I smell
chocolate chips?
361
00:15:13,623 --> 00:15:16,590
And is uncle andy
making pancakes?
362
00:15:16,592 --> 00:15:18,859
- You do,
and I am.
363
00:15:18,861 --> 00:15:21,262
- Dude, I don't know you,
but chocolate chip pancakes
364
00:15:21,264 --> 00:15:24,465
Are the balls.
365
00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:25,633
- How did you two sleep?
366
00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:27,702
- Did we sleep?
367
00:15:27,704 --> 00:15:30,438
- Great! So what's
gonna happen now?
368
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,706
I meant today,
at the shop,
369
00:15:31,708 --> 00:15:33,107
Our big first day
in business!
370
00:15:33,109 --> 00:15:34,642
You thought I was talking
about you two?
371
00:15:34,644 --> 00:15:36,110
Plbbt! I don't care
about you two.
372
00:15:36,112 --> 00:15:39,246
Plbbt! Nobody cares
about you two.
373
00:15:39,248 --> 00:15:41,882
- Well, first, we have
to clean the party mess up.
374
00:15:41,884 --> 00:15:43,084
- Andy and I
did it last night
375
00:15:43,086 --> 00:15:45,119
When you didn't come back.
376
00:15:45,121 --> 00:15:47,321
- Um, can someone here
mellow out
377
00:15:47,323 --> 00:15:50,424
And put some pancakes
in her pancake hole?
378
00:15:50,426 --> 00:15:51,826
- No, caroline,
I get it.
379
00:15:51,828 --> 00:15:54,128
It's been a rocky ride
for max and me.
380
00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:55,830
See, when we met,
I had a girlfriend.
381
00:15:55,832 --> 00:15:57,164
- Which he never told her
about, and--
382
00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:59,100
- And keep eating.
383
00:15:59,102 --> 00:16:00,568
- And because of that,
max and I
384
00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:01,969
Never really
got together,
385
00:16:01,971 --> 00:16:03,371
And then that girl and I
broke up,
386
00:16:03,373 --> 00:16:05,373
And by the time
I saw max again, I was--
387
00:16:05,375 --> 00:16:07,475
- Engaged to be married?
388
00:16:07,477 --> 00:16:09,510
- Yeah, yeah,
I was gonna get married.
389
00:16:09,512 --> 00:16:11,278
- Wait, to that
same girlfriend?
390
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,782
- Different one.
Different one.
391
00:16:14,784 --> 00:16:16,317
- Yeah, but that
didn't work out either,
392
00:16:16,319 --> 00:16:17,518
And I've had a couple
girlfriends since--
393
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,721
- [mumbling]
oh! Only a couple!
394
00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:23,057
- Yeah, none of them
seemed to work out.
395
00:16:23,059 --> 00:16:25,126
None of them are max.
396
00:16:27,462 --> 00:16:29,030
Hey, save me a pancake.
397
00:16:29,032 --> 00:16:33,901
It looks like caroline
has plans to eat them all.
398
00:16:33,903 --> 00:16:35,903
- Well, max, as far
as the "suck it" plan goes,
399
00:16:35,905 --> 00:16:39,974
It looks like somebody
sucked something.
400
00:16:43,278 --> 00:16:46,180
- Pancakes, pancake hole.
401
00:16:46,182 --> 00:16:47,214
He's a good guy.
402
00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:48,783
- Yeah, he seems cool.
403
00:16:48,785 --> 00:16:51,385
Kinda falls in love a lot,
but hey...
404
00:16:51,387 --> 00:16:53,020
- And I did not tell him
to say that.
405
00:16:53,022 --> 00:16:55,389
He never does what I say.
It's hot.
406
00:16:55,391 --> 00:16:57,958
- "but hey" what?
407
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,360
- Oh, we're continuing?
408
00:16:59,362 --> 00:17:00,528
Um, I don't know.
409
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:02,630
Maybe I'm partial,
but max,
410
00:17:02,632 --> 00:17:03,898
You're an "a."
411
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:04,932
He kind of seems
like a "b."
412
00:17:04,934 --> 00:17:06,801
- Minus.
413
00:17:06,803 --> 00:17:08,469
- First of all,
look at me.
414
00:17:08,471 --> 00:17:12,206
- I am clearly a "d,"
415
00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:15,042
And I don't think
he falls in love a lot.
416
00:17:15,044 --> 00:17:18,212
- Man, I love, love,
love pancakes.
417
00:17:18,214 --> 00:17:21,649
If I could,
I would marry a pancake.
418
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,393
- What time is it?
419
00:17:32,395 --> 00:17:35,529
- 10:20.
420
00:17:35,531 --> 00:17:37,198
Well, it's the first day open.
421
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,966
All those people are probably
tired from the party.
422
00:17:38,968 --> 00:17:40,401
- Yeah.
423
00:17:40,403 --> 00:17:42,069
Oh, and look!
We forgot to light it up.
424
00:17:42,071 --> 00:17:43,070
People don't know
we're open.
425
00:17:43,072 --> 00:17:45,206
- [laughs]
426
00:17:45,208 --> 00:17:49,143
- In five, four,
three, two.
427
00:17:49,145 --> 00:17:52,079
Both: Whoo!
428
00:17:52,081 --> 00:17:56,050
- Go to work.
- [sighs]
429
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:03,991
First day!
- Yep.
430
00:18:03,993 --> 00:18:06,660
No one's here.
431
00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:08,462
- Remember: All we have to sell
is 70 cupcakes a day
432
00:18:08,464 --> 00:18:09,830
To keep on track.
433
00:18:09,832 --> 00:18:11,899
- 70 cupcakes?
That's not so hard.
434
00:18:14,536 --> 00:18:18,038
- Maybe we should
do the light again.
435
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:22,042
- In five, four,
three, two.
436
00:18:22,044 --> 00:18:24,845
Both: Whoo!
437
00:18:27,449 --> 00:18:29,517
- What time is it now?
438
00:18:32,687 --> 00:18:35,856
- Tomorrow, we only need
to sell 140 cupcakes.
439
00:18:35,858 --> 00:18:38,993
- 140 cupcakes!
That's not so hard.
440
00:18:38,995 --> 00:18:40,828
How many
did we sell today?
441
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,963
- Four.
442
00:18:42,965 --> 00:18:45,199
And all were
to johnny.
443
00:18:45,201 --> 00:18:47,067
- I think I've made
a terrible mistake.
444
00:18:47,069 --> 00:18:48,569
- It's only
been three days.
445
00:18:48,571 --> 00:18:49,703
Business will pick up.
446
00:18:49,705 --> 00:18:51,272
- No, with johnny.
447
00:18:51,274 --> 00:18:53,674
It's different now
that he's available.
448
00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:56,010
Maybe I'm the kind of person
who only wants something
449
00:18:56,012 --> 00:18:57,344
They can't have,
and then when they get it,
450
00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:59,180
They don't want it anymore.
451
00:18:59,182 --> 00:19:02,683
- Okay, but do you feel that way
about the cupcake shop too?
452
00:19:02,685 --> 00:19:04,952
- No, I love
our cupcake shop.
453
00:19:04,954 --> 00:19:06,287
Wow, that's the first time
I've ever said
454
00:19:06,289 --> 00:19:08,455
I loved anything
out loud,
455
00:19:08,457 --> 00:19:12,393
Except for robitussin.
456
00:19:12,395 --> 00:19:13,627
- It's johnny.
457
00:19:13,629 --> 00:19:15,429
- Well, I know
what I have to do.
458
00:19:15,431 --> 00:19:17,631
- Max, you can't change
your mind about him now.
459
00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:20,100
He's our only customer!
460
00:19:20,102 --> 00:19:22,937
By the way,
I've always loved him.
461
00:19:22,939 --> 00:19:24,772
- Hey, guys.
462
00:19:24,774 --> 00:19:26,607
- Um, could we talk
in the kitchen?
463
00:19:26,609 --> 00:19:27,908
- Yeah.
464
00:19:27,910 --> 00:19:29,910
- Wait, before you go,
I just wanna say
465
00:19:29,912 --> 00:19:31,412
That no matter
what goes down in life,
466
00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:33,480
We are always open
to your business.
467
00:19:37,285 --> 00:19:39,887
- We're either
gonna have crazy kitchen sex
468
00:19:39,889 --> 00:19:41,622
Or I'm getting expelled.
469
00:19:41,624 --> 00:19:43,090
- We're not having
kitchen sex.
470
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:45,726
It's way too dirty
in here
471
00:19:45,728 --> 00:19:48,896
From other people
having kitchen sex.
472
00:19:48,898 --> 00:19:51,298
- So I'm getting expelled?
473
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:53,701
- It's weird, right?
Between us?
474
00:19:53,703 --> 00:19:55,236
- Yeah, I don't know
what it is.
475
00:19:55,238 --> 00:19:59,240
Maybe it's an absence
of a lot of candy...
476
00:19:59,242 --> 00:20:00,241
- [chuckles]
477
00:20:00,243 --> 00:20:02,042
- But it's not the same.
478
00:20:02,044 --> 00:20:04,111
- Max! Johnny!
I thought I heard you.
479
00:20:06,381 --> 00:20:07,648
Max!
[banging on door]
480
00:20:07,650 --> 00:20:09,049
I can't get out!
481
00:20:09,051 --> 00:20:10,551
- Maybe we're only
at our best
482
00:20:10,553 --> 00:20:12,820
When you have
another girlfriend.
483
00:20:12,822 --> 00:20:14,488
Maybe give me a call
when you get that going
484
00:20:14,490 --> 00:20:15,723
In, like, ten minutes.
485
00:20:15,725 --> 00:20:17,258
- [laughs]
486
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:19,393
Or I could just call you
on my actual wedding day.
487
00:20:19,395 --> 00:20:20,561
- Oh, cool!
488
00:20:20,563 --> 00:20:22,029
Yeah, just call me
30 minutes
489
00:20:22,031 --> 00:20:24,031
Before the service,
and I'll be there.
490
00:20:24,033 --> 00:20:26,634
Or better yet, call me at, like,
your 50th wedding anniversary.
491
00:20:26,636 --> 00:20:29,236
- Yeah,
now that's hot.
492
00:20:29,238 --> 00:20:30,638
- Max!
[banging on door]
493
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:35,309
Johnny!
I'm cold!
494
00:20:35,311 --> 00:20:38,279
- Kiss good-bye?
495
00:20:38,281 --> 00:20:43,217
- Seriously, guys,
I can't feel my toes!
496
00:20:43,219 --> 00:20:47,621
- See, it's hot again
'cause we broke up!
497
00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:49,723
I'll see you at my 50th,
498
00:20:49,725 --> 00:20:52,226
If not before.
499
00:20:52,228 --> 00:20:54,295
[banging on door]
500
00:20:56,831 --> 00:20:58,632
- First the party,
now this.
501
00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:02,469
When I have a party,
you won't be on the list.
502
00:21:02,471 --> 00:21:04,038
- You're right.
I deserve that.
503
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,806
- No, I was doing
a power move.
504
00:21:05,808 --> 00:21:09,610
Please, I'm begging you
to come.
505
00:21:09,612 --> 00:21:10,778
- We'll see.
506
00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:12,046
I might be a little too busy
507
00:21:12,048 --> 00:21:14,548
With my big, successful
cupcake shop,
508
00:21:14,550 --> 00:21:19,286
So suck it.
509
00:21:19,288 --> 00:21:20,754
[cash register bell dings]