1 00:00:01,778 --> 00:00:04,312 - Okay, everyone, time to divvy up 2 00:00:04,314 --> 00:00:06,081 What's in the lost and found box. 3 00:00:06,083 --> 00:00:07,215 - If my dignity's in there, 4 00:00:07,217 --> 00:00:09,618 Tell it I said, "what up?" 5 00:00:09,620 --> 00:00:12,254 - This is my favorite day of the month. 6 00:00:12,256 --> 00:00:15,157 Oh, god, I've fallen so far so fast. 7 00:00:15,159 --> 00:00:16,925 - You haven't fallen that far. 8 00:00:16,927 --> 00:00:18,593 - First item, a scrunchie. 9 00:00:18,595 --> 00:00:20,629 - I need that! Give me! 10 00:00:20,631 --> 00:00:23,398 I think I hit my bottom. 11 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,033 - Okay, next item. 12 00:00:25,035 --> 00:00:26,435 A pregnancy test. 13 00:00:26,437 --> 00:00:28,737 - That's empty. What? 14 00:00:28,739 --> 00:00:31,940 I had two free minutes, and you never know. 15 00:00:31,942 --> 00:00:34,109 - Can we move this along? 16 00:00:34,111 --> 00:00:37,379 I'm an old man, and I need to get to bed. 17 00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:39,881 - You are late to meet woman for hot date. 18 00:00:39,883 --> 00:00:42,250 - You know it. 19 00:00:42,252 --> 00:00:45,420 - A wallet and... 20 00:00:45,422 --> 00:00:48,323 No money. 21 00:00:48,325 --> 00:00:49,991 - What? If I was pregnant, 22 00:00:49,993 --> 00:00:54,596 I needed it for the baby. 23 00:00:54,598 --> 00:00:57,999 - And finally for the sixth month in a row... 24 00:00:58,001 --> 00:00:59,401 The wig. 25 00:00:59,403 --> 00:01:02,838 All: The wig! 26 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,639 - Han, it's your turn. 27 00:01:04,641 --> 00:01:06,108 We have all put it on except you. 28 00:01:06,110 --> 00:01:08,009 - If I had to take a picture in it, 29 00:01:08,011 --> 00:01:09,845 You have to take a picture in it. 30 00:01:09,847 --> 00:01:11,179 - Okay, fine. 31 00:01:11,181 --> 00:01:13,348 Man, I'm a fun boss. 32 00:01:21,724 --> 00:01:23,058 - Oh, sorry, sir. We're closed. 33 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:24,392 - I was just checking 34 00:01:24,394 --> 00:01:25,527 If I left my toupee here. 35 00:01:25,529 --> 00:01:28,296 - Take the picture quick. 36 00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:32,000 - ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 37 00:01:32,002 --> 00:01:33,802 [cash register bell dings] 38 00:01:33,804 --> 00:01:38,874 ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 39 00:01:46,716 --> 00:01:47,849 - I got it. Here it is. 40 00:01:47,851 --> 00:01:49,184 The new martha stewart living. 41 00:01:49,186 --> 00:01:50,785 I ran so fast, the librarian said, 42 00:01:50,787 --> 00:01:52,821 "stop running in the library," and I almost said, 43 00:01:52,823 --> 00:01:55,023 "this is different. I'm stealing." 44 00:01:55,025 --> 00:01:56,658 - Why are you still even looking 45 00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:58,493 Through martha stewart living every month? 46 00:01:58,495 --> 00:01:59,995 - 'cause we might be mentioned in it. 47 00:01:59,997 --> 00:02:01,429 Martha said she hadn't forgotten about us. 48 00:02:01,431 --> 00:02:02,731 - That's what my mother said, 49 00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:04,099 But I spent a whole day and night 50 00:02:04,101 --> 00:02:05,600 In that school parking lot. 51 00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:08,303 Silver lining-- I still know the whole rap part 52 00:02:08,305 --> 00:02:10,372 To tlc's waterfalls. 53 00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:12,440 - Well, I'm still holding out hope we're in this, 54 00:02:12,442 --> 00:02:14,876 Even though I've been hurt two months in a row. 55 00:02:14,878 --> 00:02:16,545 Oh, god, am I in an abusive relationship 56 00:02:16,547 --> 00:02:18,413 With a lifestyle guru? 57 00:02:18,415 --> 00:02:22,083 - Okay, let's get this over with. 58 00:02:22,085 --> 00:02:24,052 "how to make him love your salmon." 59 00:02:24,054 --> 00:02:25,453 "how to make him love your stretch marks." 60 00:02:25,455 --> 00:02:27,789 Hey, he just doesn't love you. 61 00:02:27,791 --> 00:02:29,958 Activia ad, activia ad, activia ad. 62 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,527 - We get it, jamie lee. You poop a lot. 63 00:02:32,529 --> 00:02:35,630 - "get your oven martha-clean," "max's something cupcakes" 64 00:02:35,632 --> 00:02:38,433 Scarf, scarf, scarf. - Wait, max's cupcakes? 65 00:02:38,435 --> 00:02:40,502 You just said, "max's something cupcakes." 66 00:02:40,504 --> 00:02:43,471 - I did? Wow, my ears are so not used 67 00:02:43,473 --> 00:02:45,307 To anything good coming out of my mouth. 68 00:02:45,309 --> 00:02:46,741 - There. There. Look. 69 00:02:46,743 --> 00:02:48,577 Both: "max's homemade cupcakes 70 00:02:48,579 --> 00:02:51,780 Is a williamsburg must-have." [screaming] 71 00:02:51,782 --> 00:02:53,481 - What's this? What's my face doing? 72 00:02:53,483 --> 00:02:55,984 - You're smiling, max. - No way! 73 00:02:55,986 --> 00:02:57,485 - Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 74 00:02:57,487 --> 00:02:59,321 It's a blurb. Everyone, we got a blurb 75 00:02:59,323 --> 00:03:00,789 In martha stewart living. 76 00:03:00,791 --> 00:03:02,324 - Can I get some more coffee? 77 00:03:02,326 --> 00:03:04,392 - Are you insane? 78 00:03:04,394 --> 00:03:06,661 - Hey, everyone. 79 00:03:06,663 --> 00:03:07,929 What's the excitement? 80 00:03:07,931 --> 00:03:10,198 Is it 'cause I'm here? 81 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,534 - Sophie, look, max's homemade cupcakes 82 00:03:12,536 --> 00:03:14,569 Got a blurb in martha stewart living. 83 00:03:14,571 --> 00:03:16,404 - Oh, that's funny, 84 00:03:16,406 --> 00:03:20,175 'cause I got a blurb in new york apartment life. 85 00:03:20,177 --> 00:03:24,312 Look. "sophie's choice cleaning service-- 86 00:03:24,314 --> 00:03:28,049 They clean like their life depends on it." 87 00:03:28,051 --> 00:03:31,419 - Well, that's not exactly the same. 88 00:03:31,421 --> 00:03:36,524 - No, 'cause, look, I got three plungers. 89 00:03:36,526 --> 00:03:39,194 Yeah, but I didn't want to brag. 90 00:03:39,196 --> 00:03:41,096 [cell phone dings] - that must be andy 91 00:03:41,098 --> 00:03:42,897 Wondering if I'm coming over to have sex tonight. 92 00:03:42,899 --> 00:03:45,533 Could my life get any better? 93 00:03:45,535 --> 00:03:48,036 Oh, my god. It could get better. 94 00:03:48,038 --> 00:03:50,105 There are, like, ten cupcake orders here. 95 00:03:50,107 --> 00:03:51,940 Birthday, baby shower, bris. 96 00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:53,708 Can we do a bris? 97 00:03:53,710 --> 00:03:55,610 - Sure. I'll just make a little rosette foreskin 98 00:03:55,612 --> 00:03:57,245 And write around the outside, 99 00:03:57,247 --> 00:04:01,683 "congratulations on not terrifying women in 20 years." 100 00:04:03,252 --> 00:04:04,486 - Hey, andy. 101 00:04:04,488 --> 00:04:05,654 - Hi, candy. 102 00:04:05,656 --> 00:04:07,389 - Did you see it? 103 00:04:07,391 --> 00:04:09,057 Did you see the new martha stewart living? 104 00:04:09,059 --> 00:04:10,859 - Oh, sorry, no. I still have to get 105 00:04:10,861 --> 00:04:13,161 Through my glamour and modern bride. 106 00:04:13,163 --> 00:04:16,331 And I had sisters, so I'm allowed to know those names. 107 00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:18,033 "a williamsburg must-have." nice. 108 00:04:18,035 --> 00:04:19,701 You know I feel the same way about you. 109 00:04:19,703 --> 00:04:21,903 - Aw, cute, but it really doesn't mean anything 110 00:04:21,905 --> 00:04:24,572 Unless it's in a blurb. 111 00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:26,207 I couldn't wait to show this to you. 112 00:04:26,209 --> 00:04:28,243 I'm so glad you were here late doing inventory. 113 00:04:28,245 --> 00:04:29,778 - Yeah, you know, it's the weirdest thing. 114 00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:31,479 The only thing I can't account for 115 00:04:31,481 --> 00:04:33,648 Is one missing elvis pez dispenser, max. 116 00:04:33,650 --> 00:04:37,385 - Um, I don't know what you're talking about, but... 117 00:04:37,387 --> 00:04:39,821 [as elvis] thank you. Thank you very much. 118 00:04:39,823 --> 00:04:41,623 - Can we please get back to the blurb? 119 00:04:41,625 --> 00:04:43,091 - Sorry. You're right. 120 00:04:43,093 --> 00:04:44,893 I should have made a bigger deal about it. 121 00:04:44,895 --> 00:04:46,127 It's just I've been a little freaked out. 122 00:04:46,129 --> 00:04:47,429 We had some big drama here today. 123 00:04:47,431 --> 00:04:49,297 - Drama in a candy store? 124 00:04:49,299 --> 00:04:51,366 Did the yogurt-covered craisins finally realize 125 00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:54,636 How stupid they are and commit mass suicide? 126 00:04:54,638 --> 00:04:56,371 - No, but seriously they pulled some bodies 127 00:04:56,373 --> 00:04:58,306 Out of the closed-down soup kitchen across the way tonight. 128 00:04:58,308 --> 00:05:02,277 - So now we're completely off the blurb? 129 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:04,379 - Some guys broke in. A bunch of people got shot. 130 00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:06,514 Apparently, it was a drug deal gone wrong. 131 00:05:06,516 --> 00:05:08,049 - Oh, my god. That's horrible. 132 00:05:08,051 --> 00:05:12,120 - I know. Why can't a drug deal ever go right? 133 00:05:12,122 --> 00:05:14,289 - Hey, they said it was a real bloodbath. 134 00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:18,026 - I want to see it! 135 00:05:18,028 --> 00:05:21,296 - Oh, okay, so I'm closing the magazine then? 136 00:05:21,298 --> 00:05:22,997 - Max, you can't go in there. 137 00:05:22,999 --> 00:05:25,233 It's a crime scene. There's police tape. 138 00:05:28,571 --> 00:05:30,305 Is she magic? 139 00:05:30,307 --> 00:05:32,040 - One of my mom's boyfriends 140 00:05:32,042 --> 00:05:33,375 Used to rob electronic stores. 141 00:05:33,377 --> 00:05:35,910 He took me once for my birthday. 142 00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:41,316 Hmm, there should be a light switch around here. 143 00:05:41,318 --> 00:05:44,319 - Oh, my god. - Oh, that's really gross. 144 00:05:44,321 --> 00:05:45,987 - That's the greatest thing I've ever seen! 145 00:05:45,989 --> 00:05:49,724 Take a picture of me over here. 146 00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:54,596 I finally have a reason to join instagram. 147 00:05:54,598 --> 00:05:56,898 People are gonna be like, "food, food, 148 00:05:56,900 --> 00:06:00,869 Cat, food, nails, nails, murder?" 149 00:06:00,871 --> 00:06:03,138 - Guys, I can't be in here. 150 00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:06,141 I get queasy if the meat juice touches my peas. 151 00:06:06,143 --> 00:06:07,976 - Is this your first blood splatter? 152 00:06:07,978 --> 00:06:10,979 Jeez, someone's a princess. 153 00:06:10,981 --> 00:06:13,314 - Man, they are never gonna be able to rent this place now. 154 00:06:13,316 --> 00:06:15,417 I'm gonna go over to my store and put blood on the walls 155 00:06:15,419 --> 00:06:18,319 So max will like it more. 156 00:06:18,321 --> 00:06:20,422 - Max, look around. 157 00:06:20,424 --> 00:06:21,856 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 158 00:06:21,858 --> 00:06:23,758 - Yup. The shooter stood here, 159 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:24,993 And, based on the blood splatter, 160 00:06:24,995 --> 00:06:26,861 He was short and walked with a limp. 161 00:06:26,863 --> 00:06:29,130 And his name was mad dog. 162 00:06:29,132 --> 00:06:31,166 'cause I want that to be his name. 163 00:06:31,168 --> 00:06:34,436 - No, max, you know how we've always wanted our own shop? 164 00:06:34,438 --> 00:06:35,804 This is it. 165 00:06:35,806 --> 00:06:38,106 This is max's homemade cupcakes. 166 00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:40,708 - Oh. Yeah, I see that. 167 00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:42,310 And we can put our red velvets over there 168 00:06:42,312 --> 00:06:45,513 By the random skull fragments. 169 00:06:45,515 --> 00:06:47,949 Besides, I thought our shop was gonna be in manhattan. 170 00:06:47,951 --> 00:06:49,184 - Manhattan's over. 171 00:06:49,186 --> 00:06:51,352 Williamsburg is the new hot area, 172 00:06:51,354 --> 00:06:54,656 And besides martha's blurb says we're a williamsburg must-have, 173 00:06:54,658 --> 00:06:56,524 So we must have this space. 174 00:06:56,526 --> 00:06:59,661 - No, we must have the money. 175 00:06:59,663 --> 00:07:02,730 I mean, this place has got to be, like, $4,000 a month. 176 00:07:02,732 --> 00:07:05,033 - Was. Was $4,000 a month. 177 00:07:05,035 --> 00:07:09,237 That was the pre-tragedy price. 178 00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:13,241 When people die, it's a buyer's market. 179 00:07:13,243 --> 00:07:15,510 You want to rent a room in that shining hotel now, 180 00:07:15,512 --> 00:07:17,512 It's, like, 50 bucks a night. 181 00:07:17,514 --> 00:07:19,948 - Well, obviously I wanna start a business 182 00:07:19,950 --> 00:07:22,250 In a place where there was a shooting spree. 183 00:07:22,252 --> 00:07:25,687 And, if we go with red, it's half painted. 184 00:07:25,689 --> 00:07:27,522 But where are we gonna get the money? 185 00:07:27,524 --> 00:07:29,858 - This blurb is our money in the bank. 186 00:07:29,860 --> 00:07:31,659 - Oh, yeah, that's another thing we don't have. 187 00:07:31,661 --> 00:07:32,927 A bank. 188 00:07:32,929 --> 00:07:34,929 - There are places set up by women 189 00:07:34,931 --> 00:07:37,532 Specifically to support other women's small businesses. 190 00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:40,735 I'm talking girl-on-girl financing. 191 00:07:40,737 --> 00:07:43,338 - That's hot. 192 00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:45,273 But I don't care how much money they offer us. 193 00:07:45,275 --> 00:07:47,842 I'm not braiding anyone's hair. 194 00:07:47,844 --> 00:07:49,210 But are we ready? 195 00:07:49,212 --> 00:07:51,179 - Okay, yes. 196 00:07:51,181 --> 00:07:53,548 This is a big leap of faith, but we're getting in 197 00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,250 Lots of orders now thanks to the blurb. 198 00:07:55,252 --> 00:07:57,519 And what's the worst thing that could happen? 199 00:07:57,521 --> 00:08:00,922 - Um, maybe these could be our brains. 200 00:08:00,924 --> 00:08:02,957 - No, not gonna happen. 201 00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:04,025 We're gonna kill it. 202 00:08:04,027 --> 00:08:05,827 No disrespect to any spirits 203 00:08:05,829 --> 00:08:08,429 Still trying to find their way into the light. 204 00:08:08,431 --> 00:08:09,764 I'll figure out a place, and we'll go 205 00:08:09,766 --> 00:08:11,432 First thing in the morning. 206 00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:13,301 Find something business-y to wear, less cleavage. 207 00:08:13,303 --> 00:08:16,237 - Oh, these are all business. 208 00:08:16,239 --> 00:08:18,773 - Great, I'm gonna go find andy. 209 00:08:18,775 --> 00:08:22,844 What is it about real estate that makes you wanna dry hump? 210 00:08:25,114 --> 00:08:26,614 Max, I'm so excited. 211 00:08:26,616 --> 00:08:28,082 We're getting our dream. 212 00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:29,951 - You look like you want a hug. 213 00:08:29,953 --> 00:08:33,021 - I do. 214 00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:41,362 Good night. 215 00:08:48,671 --> 00:08:50,305 - "max's homemade cupcakes," 216 00:08:50,307 --> 00:08:53,775 You're up. 217 00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:56,044 - Caroline, why didn't you pick up? 218 00:08:56,046 --> 00:08:57,645 They just called us early, and I don't know 219 00:08:57,647 --> 00:08:59,314 What to write on the paper. 220 00:08:59,316 --> 00:09:01,849 And I feel like an idiot, my boobs are suffocating, 221 00:09:01,851 --> 00:09:04,886 And the only "business" thing I could find was han's blazer. 222 00:09:04,888 --> 00:09:07,455 It's itchy, and there's a piece of paper in the pocket 223 00:09:07,457 --> 00:09:08,489 With his name on it. 224 00:09:08,491 --> 00:09:10,124 Why would he have that? 225 00:09:10,126 --> 00:09:13,161 - "max's homemade cupcakes," 226 00:09:13,163 --> 00:09:14,462 Time is money. 227 00:09:14,464 --> 00:09:16,164 - Um, here. 228 00:09:16,166 --> 00:09:18,633 But our appointment's not for another 20 minutes. 229 00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:21,302 - Have a seat. 230 00:09:21,304 --> 00:09:23,037 - Cool place. 231 00:09:23,039 --> 00:09:25,173 Women's small businesses. 232 00:09:25,175 --> 00:09:27,208 Sisters doing it for themselves. 233 00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:29,077 - [chuckling] well, I'm doing it 234 00:09:29,079 --> 00:09:31,579 For the medical benefits. 235 00:09:31,581 --> 00:09:33,781 Go. - Oh, now? 236 00:09:33,783 --> 00:09:36,050 Before she gets here? 237 00:09:36,052 --> 00:09:38,620 Um, well, I'm not really much of a business person. 238 00:09:38,622 --> 00:09:42,790 - Great way to start a business loan application. 239 00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:44,192 Go! 240 00:09:44,194 --> 00:09:48,963 You have a minute. 241 00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:53,901 - Okay, well, um, how much time do I have now? 242 00:09:53,903 --> 00:09:56,237 - Slightly less than a minute. 243 00:09:56,239 --> 00:09:59,741 - Okay, uh, my business partner 244 00:09:59,743 --> 00:10:01,643 Could explain this better than me, but I'll try. 245 00:10:01,645 --> 00:10:03,478 [clears throat] 246 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,680 [almost inaudible] we have a cupcake business. 247 00:10:05,682 --> 00:10:09,684 And we bake cupcakes in my roommate's bedroom. 248 00:10:09,686 --> 00:10:12,086 - I can't hear you. 249 00:10:12,088 --> 00:10:15,623 You want to write it down, draw it, shape it in clay? 250 00:10:15,625 --> 00:10:18,359 - I would have filled this out more, 251 00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:20,495 But that chick over there wouldn't let me cheat off her. 252 00:10:20,497 --> 00:10:22,697 She's not a girl's girl, know what I mean? 253 00:10:22,699 --> 00:10:25,566 - Very professional. 254 00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:27,902 Under past loan repayment, 255 00:10:27,904 --> 00:10:31,806 You put, "paid todd back all the beer money I owed." 256 00:10:31,808 --> 00:10:34,575 - To be fair, he was drunk all the time. 257 00:10:34,577 --> 00:10:35,943 I could have just said I did. 258 00:10:35,945 --> 00:10:37,278 Points for honesty. 259 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:41,049 - Let's get you a new loan application. 260 00:10:41,051 --> 00:10:42,483 - Just got your message. 261 00:10:42,485 --> 00:10:44,419 The one time I don't come early. 262 00:10:44,421 --> 00:10:49,057 Speaking of that, I just had the most amazing orgasm. 263 00:10:49,059 --> 00:10:50,658 I mean, we've been having really great sex, 264 00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:54,062 But this morning, I could not get enough of his-- 265 00:10:54,064 --> 00:10:57,865 Projected growth ratio investment analysis. 266 00:10:57,867 --> 00:10:59,200 Hello, caroline channing. 267 00:10:59,202 --> 00:11:00,568 Wharton class of '09. 268 00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:03,104 That's our business proposal. 269 00:11:03,106 --> 00:11:04,439 And I would be a little embarrassed 270 00:11:04,441 --> 00:11:05,940 About what just happened if I didn't know 271 00:11:05,942 --> 00:11:07,442 That we're all just girls here. 272 00:11:07,444 --> 00:11:09,410 - Can we move this along? 273 00:11:09,412 --> 00:11:12,547 I got a busted toilet and a pregnant dog at home. 274 00:11:14,917 --> 00:11:17,085 - Why didn't you tell me she was under there? 275 00:11:17,087 --> 00:11:19,287 - Oh, sorry, I wasn't expecting a monologue 276 00:11:19,289 --> 00:11:21,422 From confessions of a call girl. 277 00:11:21,424 --> 00:11:24,292 - I'm afraid we're gonna have to deny the loan. 278 00:11:24,294 --> 00:11:27,195 - Why? Because she had a good orgasm? 279 00:11:27,197 --> 00:11:30,364 Isn't that what the '70s was about for you gals? 280 00:11:30,366 --> 00:11:32,633 - You have no business history. 281 00:11:32,635 --> 00:11:34,368 And that's a requirement for us. 282 00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:36,871 - Well, I think we're done here. 283 00:11:36,873 --> 00:11:39,240 - Yeah. I just said that. 284 00:11:39,242 --> 00:11:40,608 - I thought you guys were 285 00:11:40,610 --> 00:11:42,910 About supporting small women's business. 286 00:11:42,912 --> 00:11:45,680 And this small woman's "bidness" needs support 287 00:11:45,682 --> 00:11:47,915 After the pounding it took today. 288 00:11:47,917 --> 00:11:50,051 - Max. 289 00:11:54,156 --> 00:11:56,624 - Okay, there's a bank in new hampshire 290 00:11:56,626 --> 00:11:58,960 That doesn't check anything. 291 00:11:58,962 --> 00:12:01,729 And before someone else grabs our cupcake space, 292 00:12:01,731 --> 00:12:03,331 I say we get on a bus and go up there. 293 00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:05,032 They won't give out their exact address, 294 00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:07,001 But I know they're in a mini mall with a white castle. 295 00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:08,369 - Better idea. 296 00:12:08,371 --> 00:12:10,905 I went to craigslist, 297 00:12:10,907 --> 00:12:13,508 Clicked on "etc" and found 298 00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:15,943 All kinds of opportunities to make some cash. 299 00:12:15,945 --> 00:12:18,579 - I'm fighting the instinct to weep, but keep going. 300 00:12:18,581 --> 00:12:21,115 - At first I thought I might call pit pig. 301 00:12:21,117 --> 00:12:22,517 He just wants his armpits smelled, 302 00:12:22,519 --> 00:12:23,851 But that's, like, 1,000 sniffs. 303 00:12:23,853 --> 00:12:25,820 Big commitment. 304 00:12:25,822 --> 00:12:28,990 Or there's the weirdo looking for pretty amputees, 305 00:12:28,992 --> 00:12:30,424 But that feels like a bigger commitment. 306 00:12:30,426 --> 00:12:32,827 So, check it. 307 00:12:32,829 --> 00:12:34,028 "egg donors needed. 308 00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:35,396 Ten to twenty grand." 309 00:12:35,398 --> 00:12:37,832 - No way, I could never sell my eggs. 310 00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:39,066 I mean, wouldn't you hate to think 311 00:12:39,068 --> 00:12:40,434 You had a kid out there and not know it? 312 00:12:40,436 --> 00:12:43,871 - I probably do. 313 00:12:43,873 --> 00:12:47,575 In 2006, I invented the four loko and robitussin smoothie. 314 00:12:47,577 --> 00:12:49,343 It's pretty much a blackout year. 315 00:12:49,345 --> 00:12:52,013 Seriously, for the right price I'd sell 'em all. 316 00:12:52,015 --> 00:12:53,381 - Really? 317 00:12:53,383 --> 00:12:55,516 I mean, I know you've always been tough. 318 00:12:55,518 --> 00:12:56,717 To hear you tell it, you were part 319 00:12:56,719 --> 00:12:58,419 Of an underground baby fight club. 320 00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:00,421 But don't you wanna be a mom some day? 321 00:13:00,423 --> 00:13:02,323 - In the history of the world, 322 00:13:02,325 --> 00:13:04,392 Give me one example of a really good mother. 323 00:13:04,394 --> 00:13:06,260 - You're putting me on the spot. 324 00:13:06,262 --> 00:13:08,296 All I can think of is hilary duff. 325 00:13:08,298 --> 00:13:10,731 - Look, you're complicating this 326 00:13:10,733 --> 00:13:12,667 With these things you call emotions. 327 00:13:12,669 --> 00:13:14,101 Like it or not... 328 00:13:14,103 --> 00:13:16,070 [bawks like a chicken] 329 00:13:16,072 --> 00:13:18,272 I'm an egg farm. 330 00:13:18,274 --> 00:13:21,075 Because we don't know one single person outside of new hampshire 331 00:13:21,077 --> 00:13:22,610 Who can lend us that kind of money. 332 00:13:22,612 --> 00:13:26,747 - Yoo-hoo, girls, look out the window. 333 00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:32,520 Up here! It's me! 334 00:13:32,522 --> 00:13:36,457 Oleg and I would like two cupcakes please. 335 00:13:36,459 --> 00:13:39,260 - I feel weird asking sophie for money. 336 00:13:39,262 --> 00:13:40,928 And how do we even know she has any? 337 00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:42,930 - Well, she's building her dream house in poland 338 00:13:42,932 --> 00:13:44,799 Between a former death camp and a new w. 339 00:13:44,801 --> 00:13:46,734 She's gotta be loaded. 340 00:13:46,736 --> 00:13:48,836 And sophie's the kind of woman who understands our dreams. 341 00:13:48,838 --> 00:13:51,906 - Come in. 342 00:13:56,411 --> 00:13:58,346 - That's exactly what I thought would be 343 00:13:58,348 --> 00:13:59,747 On the other side of that door. 344 00:13:59,749 --> 00:14:02,717 - Oleg, sweetie, we have company. 345 00:14:02,719 --> 00:14:05,152 I brought you an ass pillow. 346 00:14:05,154 --> 00:14:09,257 - Nice to see you like this outside of work, girls, no? 347 00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:13,427 Both: No. 348 00:14:13,429 --> 00:14:18,266 - Girls, did you see my big hanging thing? 349 00:14:18,268 --> 00:14:21,035 - Yeah, we kinda just saw it. 350 00:14:21,037 --> 00:14:25,773 - No, I'm talking about my new ch-andelier for my lake house. 351 00:14:25,775 --> 00:14:29,343 - Yeah, I can totally see you drinking ch-ardonnay under it. 352 00:14:29,345 --> 00:14:32,046 - Oh, max, you are so funny. 353 00:14:32,048 --> 00:14:33,915 - She's a real ch-aracter. 354 00:14:33,917 --> 00:14:36,484 - Yeah, that's not a word. 355 00:14:36,486 --> 00:14:38,653 - Okay, well, we just wanted to bring you 356 00:14:38,655 --> 00:14:41,022 Some more cupcakes for free, per usual, 357 00:14:41,024 --> 00:14:44,025 And perhaps talk about a possible business venture. 358 00:14:44,027 --> 00:14:46,193 - Oh, sorry, girls. 359 00:14:46,195 --> 00:14:48,429 I have two rules in life: 360 00:14:48,431 --> 00:14:52,099 Never drink from the same well as a gypsy 361 00:14:52,101 --> 00:14:55,569 And never lend money to friends. 362 00:14:55,571 --> 00:14:57,672 And, max, you are my friend. 363 00:14:57,674 --> 00:15:00,541 - Okay, well, we were just checking, but thanks anyway. 364 00:15:00,543 --> 00:15:01,842 - But, sophie, just hear us out. 365 00:15:01,844 --> 00:15:03,511 It's a wonderful opportunity, 366 00:15:03,513 --> 00:15:04,946 And we'll of course pay you back with interest. 367 00:15:04,948 --> 00:15:06,914 - Okay, buh-bye. 368 00:15:06,916 --> 00:15:11,752 - Let's go. We tried it. Now it's--[clucks]--time. 369 00:15:11,754 --> 00:15:14,422 - You are not harvesting your body for money. 370 00:15:14,424 --> 00:15:16,090 - What's the big deal? 371 00:15:16,092 --> 00:15:19,460 I sold two kidneys for a down payment on my house. 372 00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:21,963 - Not true. You need at least one to live. 373 00:15:21,965 --> 00:15:26,334 - Oh, well, they weren't mine. 374 00:15:26,336 --> 00:15:28,970 - Well, you know what we have to do. 375 00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:31,172 Let's get the bawk out of here. 376 00:15:39,281 --> 00:15:40,481 - And you're sure you're okay 377 00:15:40,483 --> 00:15:41,649 With selling your eggs, right? 378 00:15:41,651 --> 00:15:42,817 - Totally. What do I care? 379 00:15:42,819 --> 00:15:44,318 I've got a million of 'em. 380 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,087 I'm happy to lose a few. More room for beer. 381 00:15:46,089 --> 00:15:47,555 - Lose some eggs, more room for beer. 382 00:15:47,557 --> 00:15:49,490 It's crazy that's not their slogan. 383 00:15:49,492 --> 00:15:51,258 So what'd they ask you on the application? 384 00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:53,060 - You know, income, hobbies, 385 00:15:53,062 --> 00:15:54,562 "did you ever have sex in africa?" 386 00:15:54,564 --> 00:15:57,098 [scoffs] I wish. 387 00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,899 The closest I ever got was a dude once 388 00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:02,003 Put his hand up my skirt in an ethiopian restaurant. 389 00:16:02,005 --> 00:16:03,938 - You know, now that we're here, 390 00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:06,307 I think it's kind of wonderful that places like this exist 391 00:16:06,309 --> 00:16:08,843 To help women who can't have babies have babies. 392 00:16:08,845 --> 00:16:13,514 - Hey, you think they take points off for syphilis? 393 00:16:13,516 --> 00:16:16,117 - Max, I think it's really noble 394 00:16:16,119 --> 00:16:17,785 What you're doing to get our dream. 395 00:16:17,787 --> 00:16:19,453 This is a very special day. 396 00:16:19,455 --> 00:16:22,056 - How do you spell "chlamydia"? 397 00:16:22,058 --> 00:16:24,392 - Well, no "k"s, 398 00:16:24,394 --> 00:16:27,128 And I personally wouldn't heart the "I." 399 00:16:27,130 --> 00:16:28,863 - Oh, thanks. 400 00:16:28,865 --> 00:16:31,732 And do I gotta put here if my brother touched a kid? 401 00:16:31,734 --> 00:16:33,534 - Max black. 402 00:16:33,536 --> 00:16:35,069 Thank you for your interest, 403 00:16:35,071 --> 00:16:36,504 But I'm afraid we're gonna have to pass. 404 00:16:36,506 --> 00:16:38,839 - Why? I didn't have sex in africa. 405 00:16:38,841 --> 00:16:41,609 - Yes, I know, that was your one plus, 406 00:16:41,611 --> 00:16:43,277 But under "family history," 407 00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:45,780 You put "drinking" and "secrets." 408 00:16:45,782 --> 00:16:48,015 - I was being honest. 409 00:16:48,017 --> 00:16:51,452 - Yeah, maybe too honest, because under "education" 410 00:16:51,454 --> 00:16:53,387 You wrote, "jeopardy reruns," 411 00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:55,923 And we're really looking for college graduates. 412 00:16:55,925 --> 00:16:59,860 - Jeez, I'll take "elitist" for 500, alex. 413 00:16:59,862 --> 00:17:01,896 - Sorry, we're looking for girls 414 00:17:01,898 --> 00:17:03,764 That come from ivy league schools 415 00:17:03,766 --> 00:17:06,067 And have impressive family backgrounds. 416 00:17:06,069 --> 00:17:08,135 - Maybe her eggs didn't go to wharton 417 00:17:08,137 --> 00:17:10,271 And graduate at the top of their class like I did, 418 00:17:10,273 --> 00:17:11,972 But just look at her. 419 00:17:11,974 --> 00:17:14,975 Who wouldn't want a baby with such strength, beauty, 420 00:17:14,977 --> 00:17:18,245 And a rack so great it could breast-feed itself? 421 00:17:18,247 --> 00:17:20,314 - You went to wharton? 422 00:17:20,316 --> 00:17:24,985 We pay $20,000 for ivy league eggs. 423 00:17:24,987 --> 00:17:28,622 - [clucks] 424 00:17:28,624 --> 00:17:30,724 Wow, we're taking blood already? 425 00:17:30,726 --> 00:17:34,128 I guess going to wharton does put you on the fast track. 426 00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:36,330 - Just part of the process to become a donor. 427 00:17:36,332 --> 00:17:38,232 I'm gonna go get some vials, and I'll be right back. 428 00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:41,102 - It's so cool of you to do this. 429 00:17:41,104 --> 00:17:42,369 It says a lot about you. 430 00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:43,838 You know what says a lot about me? 431 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,372 The fact that I know she tied you off wrong. 432 00:17:45,374 --> 00:17:47,541 - I'm happy to do it. 433 00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:51,178 It's a small price to pay to make our dream come true. 434 00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,280 - I'm doin' this to pay down some debt. 435 00:17:53,282 --> 00:17:56,016 I'm real deep 'cause of powerball. 436 00:17:56,018 --> 00:17:58,119 - Whoa, dude, how did you get through? 437 00:17:58,121 --> 00:18:02,323 - I went to harvard. I'm like crazy-good at math. 438 00:18:02,325 --> 00:18:04,725 - Max, she's making me nervous. Close the curtain. 439 00:18:04,727 --> 00:18:06,494 And frankly, I'm a little resentful. 440 00:18:06,496 --> 00:18:08,262 I didn't get into harvard. 441 00:18:08,264 --> 00:18:10,030 - Are you sure you're okay with this? 442 00:18:10,032 --> 00:18:11,899 'cause you seem a little jumpy. - No, I'm fine. 443 00:18:11,901 --> 00:18:13,434 They're just taking a little blood. 444 00:18:13,436 --> 00:18:14,835 Or from the looks of it, 445 00:18:14,837 --> 00:18:16,437 They're taking all of it. 446 00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:18,672 There better be a nice juice and a cookie after this. 447 00:18:18,674 --> 00:18:22,343 - Please relax. It's only eight vials. 448 00:18:22,345 --> 00:18:25,045 - They gotta take a lot to make sure they don't get a kid 449 00:18:25,047 --> 00:18:28,749 With, like, another kid growing out of it. 450 00:18:28,751 --> 00:18:30,384 - Max, this all just got very real. 451 00:18:30,386 --> 00:18:32,786 Hold my hand. - You know I don't hold hands. 452 00:18:32,788 --> 00:18:35,956 - Oh, you lesbians are so high maintenance. 453 00:18:35,958 --> 00:18:37,691 - Please? 454 00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:39,093 You don't think I'm gonna give away 455 00:18:39,095 --> 00:18:40,594 My best egg, right? 456 00:18:40,596 --> 00:18:42,429 I'm not gonna give away the concert pianist 457 00:18:42,431 --> 00:18:44,098 And get stuck with the guy who breaks into homes 458 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,699 And smells women's underwear? 459 00:18:45,701 --> 00:18:48,402 - Well, either way, you got a kid with a passion. 460 00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:49,904 But you don't have to do this. 461 00:18:49,906 --> 00:18:51,972 - No, I can do this. It's for our dream. 462 00:18:51,974 --> 00:18:53,207 - But you don't have to do this. 463 00:18:53,209 --> 00:18:54,408 - I can do this. Put it in. 464 00:18:54,410 --> 00:18:55,676 - It's already in. 465 00:18:55,678 --> 00:18:57,411 - I can't do this. 466 00:18:57,413 --> 00:19:00,414 I'm not trashy, I'm not some farm animal. 467 00:19:00,416 --> 00:19:02,483 Oh! Oh, my god! 468 00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,788 Oh, my god. 469 00:19:07,790 --> 00:19:10,391 I am so, so sorry! 470 00:19:10,393 --> 00:19:12,059 - You know what would be cute here? 471 00:19:12,061 --> 00:19:14,028 A cupcake store. 472 00:19:20,235 --> 00:19:22,770 - Hi, max. Oh, it's chilly outside. 473 00:19:22,772 --> 00:19:26,473 Nipples everywhere. 474 00:19:26,475 --> 00:19:28,209 - Have a seat. I'll be right over. 475 00:19:28,211 --> 00:19:32,046 - Oh, that's okay. I texted my order in on the way. 476 00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:35,916 - I got your text. Did you get my erotic haiku? 477 00:19:35,918 --> 00:19:37,651 - I did. 478 00:19:37,653 --> 00:19:40,054 Did you get the picture I sent of me and the dustbuster? 479 00:19:40,056 --> 00:19:43,557 - No, I didn't. 480 00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:47,795 - Oh, no, grandpa yorgish! 481 00:19:47,797 --> 00:19:50,097 - Look. 482 00:19:50,099 --> 00:19:51,565 Earl framed our blurb. 483 00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:56,136 - He did? That is so sweet. - What? 484 00:19:56,138 --> 00:19:59,974 - I always saw it as bigger on the wall in our shop. 485 00:19:59,976 --> 00:20:02,776 - Look, the shop is an amazing idea, 486 00:20:02,778 --> 00:20:04,178 And, if it's not that space right now, 487 00:20:04,180 --> 00:20:05,446 It'll be another. 488 00:20:05,448 --> 00:20:06,814 I mean, there have to be mass murders 489 00:20:06,816 --> 00:20:08,415 All over brooklyn, right? 490 00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,085 - If we're lucky. 491 00:20:11,087 --> 00:20:12,920 - And, even if it didn't work out, 492 00:20:12,922 --> 00:20:14,655 It's still the closest I've ever come 493 00:20:14,657 --> 00:20:16,824 To something great, and that's cool. 494 00:20:16,826 --> 00:20:20,494 And someday we'll find someone crazy enough to lend us money. 495 00:20:20,496 --> 00:20:22,830 I say that because, if you can convince me to believe a dream, 496 00:20:22,832 --> 00:20:23,897 You can get anyone. 497 00:20:23,899 --> 00:20:25,899 - Pickup. [rings bell] 498 00:20:25,901 --> 00:20:29,103 - Here you go, sophie. That's $11.25. 499 00:20:29,105 --> 00:20:32,473 - Oh, you take a check, right? 500 00:20:32,475 --> 00:20:34,441 - This is for $20,000. 501 00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:37,845 - Oh, is it? I thought it was for $20. 502 00:20:37,847 --> 00:20:41,148 Oh, well. Keep it. 503 00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:43,617 Maybe you could use it for your dream, 504 00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:46,553 Or to get your legs waxed, or something. 505 00:20:46,555 --> 00:20:49,223 - Sophie, are you serious? - Yes. 506 00:20:49,225 --> 00:20:51,859 - Sophie, this is really, really amazing. 507 00:20:51,861 --> 00:20:54,762 - Oh, come on. I don't need a parade. 508 00:20:54,764 --> 00:20:56,864 Just keep the cupcakes coming. 509 00:21:00,268 --> 00:21:01,969 - Max, do you know what this means? 510 00:21:01,971 --> 00:21:04,838 We are going to be a williamsburg must-have. 511 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,007 - We're getting our dream. 512 00:21:07,009 --> 00:21:09,043 - I feel like you want a hug. 513 00:21:09,045 --> 00:21:11,712 - I do.