1 00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:03,645 - Max! 2 00:00:03,647 --> 00:00:05,614 Look at all these customers from the brooklyn midnight ride. 3 00:00:05,616 --> 00:00:07,449 I smell diner success! 4 00:00:07,451 --> 00:00:12,087 - Really? 'cause I smell baked crotch. 5 00:00:12,089 --> 00:00:13,321 Can balls fart? 6 00:00:13,323 --> 00:00:17,059 Because I feel like I'm smelling that too. 7 00:00:17,061 --> 00:00:18,560 - Where is oleg with my orders? 8 00:00:18,562 --> 00:00:20,295 If my tables don't get food soon, they're gonna-- 9 00:00:20,297 --> 00:00:22,330 Oh, my god, they're raising their arms. 10 00:00:22,332 --> 00:00:24,266 Ugh! Well, we know it wasn't a charity ride 11 00:00:24,268 --> 00:00:25,834 To raise money for deodorant. 12 00:00:25,836 --> 00:00:28,403 [bell dinging] oleg, where are my burgers? 13 00:00:28,405 --> 00:00:31,640 - I'm a little in the weeds right now. 14 00:00:31,642 --> 00:00:34,009 - You mean you smoked a little weed right now? 15 00:00:34,011 --> 00:00:35,710 - It's medicinal. 16 00:00:35,712 --> 00:00:38,613 Helps with my chronic erection. 17 00:00:38,615 --> 00:00:40,982 - Can someone who's not in the grateful dead 18 00:00:40,984 --> 00:00:43,618 Tell me how we're gonna get food? 19 00:00:43,620 --> 00:00:45,754 - Follow me. 20 00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,389 You do plates, buns, coleslaw. 21 00:00:47,391 --> 00:00:48,590 I'll do burgers, fries, 22 00:00:48,592 --> 00:00:51,693 And any guy who has no future. 23 00:00:51,695 --> 00:00:54,162 - Can you imagine if we were born inside shells, 24 00:00:54,164 --> 00:00:58,200 And then even bigger animals cracked us open to eat? 25 00:00:58,202 --> 00:01:00,435 - Fries on the plates! 26 00:01:00,437 --> 00:01:03,105 - Is anybody writing this gold down? 27 00:01:03,107 --> 00:01:05,874 [slap] 28 00:01:05,876 --> 00:01:07,509 - All right, oleg. I want in. 29 00:01:07,511 --> 00:01:09,344 Where's the-- 30 00:01:09,346 --> 00:01:11,012 Or the-- 31 00:01:11,014 --> 00:01:15,951 Or the-- 32 00:01:15,953 --> 00:01:21,356 - Oh, my god, am I deaf? 33 00:01:21,358 --> 00:01:23,625 Wait, where is it? 34 00:01:23,627 --> 00:01:26,361 I put it somewhere. 35 00:01:32,902 --> 00:01:37,305 - Ooh, a french fry. 36 00:01:37,307 --> 00:01:39,674 - ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 37 00:01:39,676 --> 00:01:41,143 [cash register bell dings] 38 00:01:41,145 --> 00:01:45,213 ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 39 00:01:53,589 --> 00:01:54,890 - Hey. I don't know where you guys are 40 00:01:54,892 --> 00:01:56,558 In your bike training. Are we doping or desserting? 41 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,326 I can help you either way. 42 00:01:58,328 --> 00:01:59,594 - We're thinking about dessert. 43 00:01:59,596 --> 00:02:02,230 - Cool, how about a max's homemade cupcake? 44 00:02:02,232 --> 00:02:03,665 - Eh, I don't think so. 45 00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:04,766 How's that cherry pie? 46 00:02:04,768 --> 00:02:06,768 - Nice. The family of mice that lives in it 47 00:02:06,770 --> 00:02:10,438 Just renewed their lease. 48 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,641 So, a max's homemade cupcake? 49 00:02:12,643 --> 00:02:14,576 - You keep saying "max's homemade cupcakes" 50 00:02:14,578 --> 00:02:15,744 Like it's a thing. 51 00:02:15,746 --> 00:02:16,912 I've never heard of it. 52 00:02:16,914 --> 00:02:19,314 - I haven't either. And we know a lot. 53 00:02:19,316 --> 00:02:25,220 - And yet you put that headband on this morning. 54 00:02:25,222 --> 00:02:27,022 - So who's max? - Yeah, who's max? 55 00:02:27,024 --> 00:02:28,623 - Who's max? 56 00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:33,728 She's lance armstrong's left nut. 57 00:02:37,066 --> 00:02:40,235 What? - Nothing. 58 00:02:42,471 --> 00:02:43,572 Caroline, 59 00:02:43,574 --> 00:02:46,308 You know I'm not one to gossip, 60 00:02:46,310 --> 00:02:47,842 But just about 30 seconds ago, 61 00:02:47,844 --> 00:02:49,844 I saw max drop some major attitude 62 00:02:49,846 --> 00:02:52,280 And blow a chance with a possible cupcake customer. 63 00:02:52,282 --> 00:02:53,915 - That's your gossip? 64 00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:56,084 That max has an attitude? 65 00:02:56,086 --> 00:02:59,020 What are you gonna tell me next, that elton john is gay? 66 00:02:59,022 --> 00:03:01,690 - Anyways, I'm just saying about max, 67 00:03:01,692 --> 00:03:06,328 Bitch needs to take it down a notch. 68 00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:11,533 - Bitch needs to mind his own business. 69 00:03:11,535 --> 00:03:15,804 Max, did you blow a possible cupcake customer tonight? 70 00:03:15,806 --> 00:03:21,509 - You know I don't mix business with pleasure. 71 00:03:21,511 --> 00:03:23,478 - We have to keep pushing our cupcakes. 72 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,281 Every table, every time, "max's homemade cupcakes." 73 00:03:26,283 --> 00:03:27,449 - I did. 74 00:03:27,451 --> 00:03:29,084 I said my name to that table more times 75 00:03:29,086 --> 00:03:31,486 Than my mother said it my entire life. 76 00:03:31,488 --> 00:03:33,154 - But you can't just say the name. 77 00:03:33,156 --> 00:03:34,556 You have to really sell it. [scoffs] 78 00:03:34,558 --> 00:03:36,057 You should see me out there. 79 00:03:36,059 --> 00:03:37,859 "hope you saved room for one of our delicious 80 00:03:37,861 --> 00:03:39,127 "max's homemade cupcakes. 81 00:03:39,129 --> 00:03:40,962 "they're moist, delicious, creamy--" 82 00:03:40,964 --> 00:03:42,397 - Stop. 83 00:03:42,399 --> 00:03:46,334 I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am not a whore. 84 00:03:46,336 --> 00:03:48,103 - Oh, you're a cupcake whore, 85 00:03:48,105 --> 00:03:51,606 And right now I'm your pimp, so... 86 00:03:51,608 --> 00:03:52,841 How many did you sell tonight? 87 00:03:52,843 --> 00:03:55,477 - Two. Don't hit me, daddy! 88 00:03:55,479 --> 00:03:57,012 [laughter] 89 00:03:57,014 --> 00:03:59,214 Okay, how many did you sell tonight? 90 00:03:59,216 --> 00:04:02,284 - I sold...Two. 91 00:04:02,286 --> 00:04:03,418 [sighs] 92 00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,120 Okay, we're bad whores. 93 00:04:05,122 --> 00:04:07,422 - No, we are tired whores. 94 00:04:07,424 --> 00:04:08,790 It's not the end of the world. 95 00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:11,126 We're just letting a few el caminos drive by 96 00:04:11,128 --> 00:04:14,963 Because our wrists are sore. 97 00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:16,131 - I love you for that. 98 00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:19,334 You just put everything into perspective. 99 00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:22,304 - So I says to caroline, "it's so bad for business." 100 00:04:22,306 --> 00:04:24,572 And right now they're in the kitchen having huge fight. 101 00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:29,811 I really worried that-- 102 00:04:29,813 --> 00:04:33,515 - Lady chatterbox says your business is in big trouble. 103 00:04:33,517 --> 00:04:38,553 - Please, everything seems big to han. 104 00:04:38,555 --> 00:04:40,955 - Ready to go, sophie? 105 00:04:40,957 --> 00:04:43,058 And girls, sorry to hear your business broke up 106 00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:46,628 And you aren't speaking. 107 00:04:48,464 --> 00:04:49,597 - We scared him. 108 00:04:49,599 --> 00:04:52,834 Now he's gonna run under the stove. 109 00:04:52,836 --> 00:04:55,070 - I'm gonna make some calls to help you. 110 00:04:55,072 --> 00:04:56,805 Get you some big party jobs. 111 00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:58,807 - That's so nice of you, sophie. 112 00:04:58,809 --> 00:05:00,208 We really appreciate it. 113 00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:02,610 - You girls can make some big money. 114 00:05:02,612 --> 00:05:06,548 As you know, duza day is coming up. 115 00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:10,785 - Um, no, I do not know. 116 00:05:10,787 --> 00:05:12,587 What the hell is duza day? 117 00:05:12,589 --> 00:05:17,325 - Oh, duza day is huge holiday in polish community. 118 00:05:17,327 --> 00:05:19,928 When a polish girl reaches six feet, 119 00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:23,031 You give her big party. 120 00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:27,102 I had mine when I was seven. 121 00:05:28,738 --> 00:05:31,906 - [laughs] 122 00:05:31,908 --> 00:05:33,108 - Is this private giggling 123 00:05:33,110 --> 00:05:34,909 Or can anyone join? 124 00:05:34,911 --> 00:05:36,945 - [laughs] 125 00:05:36,947 --> 00:05:39,748 - What are you watching? - My favorite show. 126 00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:41,282 - Abby & brittany, the show about those 127 00:05:41,284 --> 00:05:43,385 Cute conjoined twins with two heads, one torso? 128 00:05:43,387 --> 00:05:44,519 - Already watched it. 129 00:05:44,521 --> 00:05:46,988 They fought about a necklace. - [laughs] 130 00:05:46,990 --> 00:05:48,923 - Now I'm watching cupcake wars. 131 00:05:48,925 --> 00:05:50,825 - If our team wins cupcake wars, 132 00:05:50,827 --> 00:05:52,293 We're gonna use the $10,000 prize 133 00:05:52,295 --> 00:05:54,529 To finally open up our own storefront. 134 00:05:54,531 --> 00:05:57,132 - Wait, $10,000? What kind of show is this? 135 00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:58,833 - I thought google eliminated the need 136 00:05:58,835 --> 00:06:01,436 To ask questions out loud, but fine. 137 00:06:01,438 --> 00:06:02,704 It's a show on food network 138 00:06:02,706 --> 00:06:04,539 Where teams make cupcakes and compete for money. 139 00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:06,508 - And why are we not on it? 140 00:06:06,510 --> 00:06:07,642 - [chuckles] 141 00:06:07,644 --> 00:06:09,010 Look at that dumb-dumb! 142 00:06:09,012 --> 00:06:10,912 She just dropped the pastry bag. 143 00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:12,046 Hey, they're called hands, 144 00:06:12,048 --> 00:06:14,015 Learn how to use them, dumb-dumb! 145 00:06:14,017 --> 00:06:15,417 [snickers] 146 00:06:15,419 --> 00:06:17,285 And that is why we're not on it. 147 00:06:17,287 --> 00:06:19,521 - Not everyone's as judgmental as you. 148 00:06:19,523 --> 00:06:21,589 - Oh, everyone's as judgmental as me. 149 00:06:21,591 --> 00:06:23,224 And I don't need some snarky bitch 150 00:06:23,226 --> 00:06:24,993 Pointing at us on her tv going, 151 00:06:24,995 --> 00:06:26,094 "oh, look at that blonde dumb-dumb 152 00:06:26,096 --> 00:06:28,596 And her hot friend trying to do something." 153 00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:31,366 - Max, why don't you ever let yourself dream? 154 00:06:31,368 --> 00:06:32,834 - Because in my dreams, 155 00:06:32,836 --> 00:06:35,203 Spiders are always eating my eyes. 156 00:06:35,205 --> 00:06:37,071 - This might be the big push we need. 157 00:06:37,073 --> 00:06:38,706 We can go on cupcake wars, 158 00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:40,809 Or we can keep being cupcake whores. 159 00:06:40,811 --> 00:06:42,043 Think about it. 160 00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:43,511 We wouldn't have to go car-to-car anymore, 161 00:06:43,513 --> 00:06:45,480 We could actually open a brothel. 162 00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:47,081 - Wait, if brothel's on the table, 163 00:06:47,083 --> 00:06:49,083 Why don't we just forget about this cupcake thing? 164 00:06:49,085 --> 00:06:51,286 'cause that's a job I can do without pants. 165 00:06:51,288 --> 00:06:52,954 - Seriously. Let's at least go to 166 00:06:52,956 --> 00:06:54,088 The food network and apply. 167 00:06:54,090 --> 00:06:55,623 - That's not how it works. 168 00:06:55,625 --> 00:06:56,958 You fill out an application online, 169 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,126 Submit a two-minute home video, 170 00:06:58,128 --> 00:07:00,261 And then wait eight to ten days for a response. 171 00:07:00,263 --> 00:07:02,664 - Huh, caught you dreaming. 172 00:07:02,666 --> 00:07:06,367 - All right, so maybe I thought about it for, like, a second, 173 00:07:06,369 --> 00:07:07,635 When we first became a team. 174 00:07:07,637 --> 00:07:09,604 But then I remembered the world's a dead-end 175 00:07:09,606 --> 00:07:11,206 And nothing good happens ever to anyone. 176 00:07:11,208 --> 00:07:12,340 There's a gun in that drawer. 177 00:07:12,342 --> 00:07:14,576 Do you want to just kill ourselves? 178 00:07:14,578 --> 00:07:16,644 - Oh, max. 179 00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:19,347 You finally called us a team. 180 00:07:19,349 --> 00:07:21,015 We are so going on that show. 181 00:07:21,017 --> 00:07:23,718 - Seriously, I don't know how abby and brittany do it, 182 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:24,919 Because I'm uncomfortable with you 183 00:07:24,921 --> 00:07:27,589 Even sitting this close to me. 184 00:07:34,263 --> 00:07:35,964 - Well, if we're making an audition tape 185 00:07:35,966 --> 00:07:37,232 To be on a reality show called, 186 00:07:37,234 --> 00:07:38,900 "the world's most uncomfortable t-shirt," 187 00:07:38,902 --> 00:07:40,902 We have already won. 188 00:07:40,904 --> 00:07:44,005 - Yes, I could have gotten us a more expensive shirt 189 00:07:44,007 --> 00:07:45,940 At american apparel, but then we would 190 00:07:45,942 --> 00:07:48,076 Just look like people pretending to be poor. 191 00:07:48,078 --> 00:07:52,113 - And 13, and probably in the sex trade. 192 00:07:52,115 --> 00:07:53,481 I cannot believe you used your flat iron 193 00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:54,983 To put these letters on. 194 00:07:54,985 --> 00:07:57,619 - Well, I can't believe you once used it to make a panini, 195 00:07:57,621 --> 00:08:00,688 But--[scoffs] that's what happens now. 196 00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:02,924 - Where's the scissors? I gotta give this thing 197 00:08:02,926 --> 00:08:05,627 Some flave. - Max, what are you doing? 198 00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:09,531 - Crew necks are for squares and mormons. 199 00:08:09,533 --> 00:08:13,101 - Oh, cute! Should we do mine? 200 00:08:13,103 --> 00:08:14,669 - I don't know. 201 00:08:14,671 --> 00:08:19,007 If you have no car, why open the garage? 202 00:08:19,009 --> 00:08:21,476 [laughter] 203 00:08:21,478 --> 00:08:23,711 - So, I thought we'd shoot it over here 204 00:08:23,713 --> 00:08:26,948 In our adorable, scrappy, low-income kitchen. 205 00:08:26,950 --> 00:08:28,650 - Why are you talking like that? 206 00:08:28,652 --> 00:08:30,451 - Because that's our brand. 207 00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:32,020 I've watched a ton of cupcake wars, 208 00:08:32,022 --> 00:08:33,154 And it's a lot about branding. 209 00:08:33,156 --> 00:08:34,422 - And what are we? 210 00:08:34,424 --> 00:08:35,723 The girl who knows how to make cupcakes 211 00:08:35,725 --> 00:08:37,892 And the girl who doesn't? 212 00:08:37,894 --> 00:08:39,627 - Max, I'm not worried about that. 213 00:08:39,629 --> 00:08:41,496 You'll just tell me what to do, like you always do, 214 00:08:41,498 --> 00:08:44,332 And we'll be the two scrappy girls with so little 215 00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:45,667 You can't help but love them. 216 00:08:45,669 --> 00:08:47,869 - I hate them already. 217 00:08:47,871 --> 00:08:49,070 [knock at door] 218 00:08:49,072 --> 00:08:50,505 - Okay, that's oleg. 219 00:08:50,507 --> 00:08:52,440 You did tell him he's filming us for an audition 220 00:08:52,442 --> 00:08:53,975 And not making a porno, right? 221 00:08:53,977 --> 00:08:57,979 - Yeah, I made it very clear. 222 00:08:57,981 --> 00:09:01,015 - Why are your tops still on? 223 00:09:01,017 --> 00:09:02,650 And why isn't the plastic down? 224 00:09:02,652 --> 00:09:04,953 You're gonna get oil everywhere. 225 00:09:04,955 --> 00:09:06,387 - Oleg, max told you 226 00:09:06,389 --> 00:09:07,822 We're not gonna make that kind of movie. 227 00:09:07,824 --> 00:09:10,258 - I know, but so did every girl that I worked with 228 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:12,160 On "backdoor brides." 229 00:09:12,162 --> 00:09:14,729 And then again on "backdoor brides two." 230 00:09:14,731 --> 00:09:18,766 But five minutes later, it was "here comes the bride." 231 00:09:18,768 --> 00:09:20,501 - Oh, good. 232 00:09:20,503 --> 00:09:23,338 You still have your tops on. 233 00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:24,973 Yeah, they don't have to make 234 00:09:24,975 --> 00:09:26,774 Girl-on-girl porn film for money. 235 00:09:26,776 --> 00:09:28,409 I got you big duza day party. 236 00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:30,311 300 cupcakes! 237 00:09:30,313 --> 00:09:32,580 - Oh, my god! That's $1,200. 238 00:09:32,582 --> 00:09:35,650 - No, it's for free. 239 00:09:35,652 --> 00:09:37,251 You do it for connections, 240 00:09:37,253 --> 00:09:40,154 And for the hot and cold pierogi buffet. 241 00:09:40,156 --> 00:09:41,623 - Oh, sophie, I don't know if we should be taking 242 00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:42,924 Free work right now. 243 00:09:42,926 --> 00:09:44,325 We're doing this tv thing, and if we get it, 244 00:09:44,327 --> 00:09:46,094 We don't know what our schedule will be. 245 00:09:46,096 --> 00:09:48,763 - Oh, I didn't know I was talking 246 00:09:48,765 --> 00:09:51,332 To cagney and lacey. 247 00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:54,135 Yeah, well, suit yourself. 248 00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:55,703 - We're sorry, sophie. 249 00:09:55,705 --> 00:09:58,172 You have every right to be mad. 250 00:09:58,174 --> 00:10:00,375 Would a cupcake help? 251 00:10:00,377 --> 00:10:02,677 - Always. 252 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:06,381 - Well, I just texted the third girl not to come, 253 00:10:06,383 --> 00:10:09,784 So let's get this over with. 254 00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:11,853 - This is so exciting. We're gonna be great. 255 00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:13,988 We got this, girl. - Okay, stop. 256 00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:16,491 On every reality show, people say lame things 257 00:10:16,493 --> 00:10:17,725 That we can never say. 258 00:10:17,727 --> 00:10:19,894 No fist bumping. No high fives. 259 00:10:19,896 --> 00:10:22,230 You can't tell me to "bring it," "shut it down," 260 00:10:22,232 --> 00:10:24,232 Or "put our cupcake business on the map." 261 00:10:24,234 --> 00:10:26,868 You can't tell me to "go, girl," or "bring my 'a' game," 262 00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,503 And we don't "got this." cool? 263 00:10:28,505 --> 00:10:29,737 - Cool. 264 00:10:29,739 --> 00:10:33,908 But we do got this, right? - Yeah, we got this. 265 00:10:33,910 --> 00:10:35,677 - Okay, here we go, girls. 266 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:40,214 Arch your backs. Sorry, force of habit. 267 00:10:40,216 --> 00:10:41,349 Action. 268 00:10:41,351 --> 00:10:43,051 Hey, what's up? I'm max, 269 00:10:43,053 --> 00:10:44,752 And this is my partner, caroline. 270 00:10:44,754 --> 00:10:46,821 And we're max's homemade cupcakes. 271 00:10:46,823 --> 00:10:51,359 And by homemade, I mean, "ho!-Made. 272 00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:53,795 - [laughs] you go, girl! 273 00:10:57,232 --> 00:11:00,134 - We are an online bakery... - Well, we have a website. 274 00:11:00,136 --> 00:11:02,737 - And we're based right here in williamsburg, brooklyn. 275 00:11:02,739 --> 00:11:04,839 And this is where the magic happens. 276 00:11:04,841 --> 00:11:07,608 This is our kitchen-slash- living room-slash-my bedroom-- 277 00:11:07,610 --> 00:11:09,777 - Slash my wrists, 'cause I'm trying to bake all night 278 00:11:09,779 --> 00:11:12,246 While she's sleeping over there. 279 00:11:12,248 --> 00:11:14,348 - And here is our purple stove. 280 00:11:14,350 --> 00:11:15,616 Just because you're poor, 281 00:11:15,618 --> 00:11:17,585 That doesn't mean you can't have style. 282 00:11:17,587 --> 00:11:19,954 - Or a horse that just came in unannounced. 283 00:11:19,956 --> 00:11:21,789 - Oh, this is chestnut. 284 00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,324 - He's our test audience. 285 00:11:23,326 --> 00:11:24,625 - But we don't feed him chocolate. 286 00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:26,327 - 'cause that would kill him. 287 00:11:26,329 --> 00:11:30,131 - [mouth full] they have a horse! 288 00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:34,669 - So pick us because we're hard workers, we love the show, 289 00:11:34,671 --> 00:11:38,239 And we're females getting their own, on their own. 290 00:11:38,241 --> 00:11:40,308 And cut! That was so great. 291 00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:42,310 - Chestnut walking in out of nowhere, 292 00:11:42,312 --> 00:11:43,845 We could not have planned that. 293 00:11:43,847 --> 00:11:45,179 - Oh, but I did. 294 00:11:45,181 --> 00:11:46,781 That's our gimmick. Try to beat that. 295 00:11:46,783 --> 00:11:48,249 Two girls with a horse. 296 00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:52,320 - And how is this not a porn film? 297 00:11:55,124 --> 00:11:56,791 - ♪ I knew it, we got it 298 00:11:56,793 --> 00:11:58,926 ♪ I knew it, I saw it! 299 00:11:58,928 --> 00:12:00,995 Is this how you imagined it when you were laughing 300 00:12:00,997 --> 00:12:02,930 At all the dumb-dumbs on cupcake wars? 301 00:12:02,932 --> 00:12:05,233 - I cannot believe I am auditioning 302 00:12:05,235 --> 00:12:06,334 To be on cupcake wars. 303 00:12:06,336 --> 00:12:08,102 I am on the show I watch! 304 00:12:08,104 --> 00:12:09,604 Life is totally awesome. 305 00:12:09,606 --> 00:12:12,140 - Good morning. I'm the cupcake wars 306 00:12:12,142 --> 00:12:14,075 Talent coordinating producer, janis. 307 00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:16,911 - You are awesome. Your show's awesome. 308 00:12:16,913 --> 00:12:19,280 Who would I talk to about getting a mug to take home? 309 00:12:19,282 --> 00:12:21,916 - Not a gift shop. 310 00:12:21,918 --> 00:12:24,552 - Janis, hi, I'm caroline, and this is my partner, max. 311 00:12:24,554 --> 00:12:26,487 - Loved your tape. Great characters. 312 00:12:26,489 --> 00:12:27,889 - We are? - We are. 313 00:12:27,891 --> 00:12:29,690 - Look, we're about to start with the team intros. 314 00:12:29,692 --> 00:12:31,492 The other team is up first and then you. 315 00:12:31,494 --> 00:12:33,227 And remember to b.Y.O.B. 316 00:12:33,229 --> 00:12:35,163 - Oh, if I had known I was allowed to bring a bottle in, 317 00:12:35,165 --> 00:12:36,430 I wouldn't have chugged it in the bathroom. 318 00:12:36,432 --> 00:12:38,499 - Max, that's not what she meant. 319 00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:40,434 The food network is very pg. 320 00:12:40,436 --> 00:12:41,702 Janis, b.Y.O.B.? 321 00:12:41,704 --> 00:12:43,004 - "bring your own brand." 322 00:12:43,006 --> 00:12:44,438 Just like you did on your home tape. 323 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,008 You're edgy with big boobs. You're the "try hard." 324 00:12:47,010 --> 00:12:48,376 - I'm sorry, I'm the what? 325 00:12:48,378 --> 00:12:49,944 - That's your brand. 326 00:12:49,946 --> 00:12:51,145 The muscle and the hustle. 327 00:12:51,147 --> 00:12:55,483 The double-d's and the ditz. 328 00:12:55,485 --> 00:12:57,752 - I went to wharton. I'm not a ditz. 329 00:12:57,754 --> 00:13:00,621 - Well you ain't the double-d's. 330 00:13:00,623 --> 00:13:04,792 Can you believe she openly commented on m'goods? 331 00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:06,294 - All right, we're ready for team one. 332 00:13:06,296 --> 00:13:08,830 Step up. 333 00:13:08,832 --> 00:13:11,032 You have 30 seconds. 334 00:13:11,034 --> 00:13:13,835 - Okay, cute aprons. But what's their brand? 335 00:13:13,837 --> 00:13:16,337 - In five, four, three, two... 336 00:13:16,339 --> 00:13:18,539 - Hi, I'm felicia. - And I'm blanche, 337 00:13:18,541 --> 00:13:20,875 And we're representing the crescent city. 338 00:13:20,877 --> 00:13:23,811 Both: We're talking about new orleans, y'all! 339 00:13:23,813 --> 00:13:26,814 - Cute accents, but no one has a scrappier story than us. 340 00:13:26,816 --> 00:13:29,984 - Back in 2005, when hurricane katrina hit... 341 00:13:29,986 --> 00:13:31,752 - Say what? 342 00:13:31,754 --> 00:13:32,987 - And the levee broke 343 00:13:32,989 --> 00:13:34,422 And flooded our whole neighborhood. 344 00:13:34,424 --> 00:13:35,556 - Say what? 345 00:13:35,558 --> 00:13:38,292 - Our community was devastated, and we thought, 346 00:13:38,294 --> 00:13:40,328 "hell yes, katrina hit us hard." 347 00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:42,563 - "but hell no! We're not giving up." 348 00:13:42,565 --> 00:13:45,766 We needed to find a way to keep on keepin' on. 349 00:13:45,768 --> 00:13:49,503 - Katrina? Their brand is katrina? 350 00:13:49,505 --> 00:13:52,240 - Even m'goods can't upstage that. 351 00:13:52,242 --> 00:13:54,408 - We want to win cupcake wars 352 00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:56,577 So we can finally open a storefront 353 00:13:56,579 --> 00:13:57,845 In our little neighborhood. 354 00:13:57,847 --> 00:13:59,413 Make our business official. 355 00:13:59,415 --> 00:14:02,416 - Yeah, and find a way to put money back into our community. 356 00:14:02,418 --> 00:14:03,951 That's what we're all about at... 357 00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:05,953 Both: Neighbor cakes! 358 00:14:05,955 --> 00:14:08,256 Both: Boom! [laughter] 359 00:14:08,258 --> 00:14:09,423 - Great, great. 360 00:14:09,425 --> 00:14:11,192 Max's homemade cupcakes, you're up. 361 00:14:11,194 --> 00:14:13,361 - Why did we name the company after me? 362 00:14:13,363 --> 00:14:14,495 "neighbor cakes" versus 363 00:14:14,497 --> 00:14:17,298 "max's narcissistic cupcakes"? 364 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,400 - We're fine. Don't freak out. 365 00:14:19,402 --> 00:14:20,935 Just do our thing, like we did at home. 366 00:14:20,937 --> 00:14:22,169 No need to panic. 367 00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:26,641 - In five, four, three, two... 368 00:14:26,643 --> 00:14:27,842 - Yo, what's up? 369 00:14:27,844 --> 00:14:29,677 I'm max, of max's homemade cupcakes. 370 00:14:29,679 --> 00:14:31,779 - They're "ho-made." ha! Get it? 371 00:14:31,781 --> 00:14:34,715 'cause she's a ho! 372 00:14:34,717 --> 00:14:36,117 She's got the boobs, 373 00:14:36,119 --> 00:14:38,185 And I've got the brains, right, max? 374 00:14:38,187 --> 00:14:40,421 - Uh, kind of. 375 00:14:40,423 --> 00:14:42,590 We bake at home in our apartment, which is-- 376 00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:45,426 - Is a disaster area. Really, it's a mess. 377 00:14:45,428 --> 00:14:46,961 And we don't have our rent. 378 00:14:46,963 --> 00:14:50,097 The rent is high. ♪ not gonna lie 379 00:14:50,099 --> 00:14:52,833 ♪ we hung out to dry, neither has a guy ♪ 380 00:14:52,835 --> 00:14:56,771 Yo, what up, cupcake wars? Right, max? 381 00:14:56,773 --> 00:14:57,972 - [clears throat] 382 00:14:57,974 --> 00:14:59,106 I don't even know what's happening. 383 00:14:59,108 --> 00:15:02,043 - We bake because I lost all my money 384 00:15:02,045 --> 00:15:05,012 And her mom drinks. 385 00:15:05,014 --> 00:15:10,484 Oh, I'm caroline... And, cut. 386 00:15:10,486 --> 00:15:14,822 - Okay. Well, okay. 387 00:15:14,824 --> 00:15:17,024 - Did I just freestyle rap? 388 00:15:17,026 --> 00:15:19,193 - Yes. 389 00:15:19,195 --> 00:15:21,395 And you also called our apartment a disaster 390 00:15:21,397 --> 00:15:24,999 In front of two ladies whose apartments washed away. 391 00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:28,269 - Hi. Everything okay over here? 392 00:15:28,271 --> 00:15:30,104 - Yep. Ditz and double-d's, on track. 393 00:15:30,106 --> 00:15:31,372 B.Y.O.B. 394 00:15:31,374 --> 00:15:32,807 - Great. Can we all gather 395 00:15:32,809 --> 00:15:35,209 To reveal the secret ingredients? 396 00:15:35,211 --> 00:15:37,011 - What's it gonna be? - It could be anything. 397 00:15:37,013 --> 00:15:39,714 I once saw a st. Patrick's day theme where a team made 398 00:15:39,716 --> 00:15:41,182 A beer and lucky charms cupcake. 399 00:15:41,184 --> 00:15:42,950 - That's right up your alley. I hope it's that. 400 00:15:42,952 --> 00:15:44,218 - Today's theme is... 401 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:47,154 Soul food. Both: Whoo! 402 00:15:47,156 --> 00:15:48,255 - Ooh, we got this, sister! 403 00:15:48,257 --> 00:15:51,592 - Sister, this is gotten. - Whoo-hoo! 404 00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:52,860 - Some of the ingredients include 405 00:15:52,862 --> 00:15:56,330 Okra, molasses, collard greens, sweet potato, 406 00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:58,699 Buttermilk, chicken, and ham hock. 407 00:15:58,701 --> 00:15:59,934 - Ham hock? 408 00:15:59,936 --> 00:16:02,937 Isn't that a character in the hobbit? 409 00:16:02,939 --> 00:16:05,573 - In three, two... 410 00:16:05,575 --> 00:16:07,541 - Here we go, girl! 411 00:16:07,543 --> 00:16:10,277 - Sister, we are screwed. 412 00:16:16,918 --> 00:16:18,052 - We can do our sweet potato mash cupcake. 413 00:16:18,054 --> 00:16:20,654 - Ooh, with peanut molasses drizzle. 414 00:16:20,656 --> 00:16:23,224 - Gumbo cupcake! Gumbo cupcake! 415 00:16:23,226 --> 00:16:25,359 - What are we gonna do? 416 00:16:25,361 --> 00:16:26,794 - I don't know. 417 00:16:26,796 --> 00:16:29,630 - What are you looking at? - The camera. 418 00:16:29,632 --> 00:16:31,899 Both: ♪ new orleans, new orleans ♪ 419 00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:34,235 ♪ we got this, gumbo cupcakes ♪ 420 00:16:34,237 --> 00:16:35,936 - Good luck, caroline. 421 00:16:35,938 --> 00:16:37,571 - Stop it, max. What's wrong with you? 422 00:16:37,573 --> 00:16:40,274 - It's happening. We're the dumb-dumbs! 423 00:16:40,276 --> 00:16:41,976 - We are not the dumb-dumbs. 424 00:16:41,978 --> 00:16:44,612 I went to wharton. 425 00:16:44,614 --> 00:16:46,547 All we have to do is pick three ingredients. 426 00:16:46,549 --> 00:16:49,383 - And we're ready to pop them in the oven! 427 00:16:49,385 --> 00:16:51,752 - How can they already be going in the oven? 428 00:16:51,754 --> 00:16:53,888 - Oh, that gives me an idea! - What? 429 00:16:53,890 --> 00:16:55,923 - Put me in the oven! 430 00:16:55,925 --> 00:16:57,258 - Okay, okay. We just have to start. 431 00:16:57,260 --> 00:16:58,392 It'll come to us. 432 00:16:58,394 --> 00:16:59,960 Bring it all. - Ugh. 433 00:16:59,962 --> 00:17:01,529 Just my luck to get soul food 434 00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:03,297 When I don't even have a soul. 435 00:17:03,299 --> 00:17:05,366 Both: ♪ new orleans, new orleans ♪ 436 00:17:05,368 --> 00:17:07,301 ♪ we got this, gumbo cupcakes ♪ 437 00:17:07,303 --> 00:17:09,970 - That is not catching on! 438 00:17:09,972 --> 00:17:11,806 - So, what are you thinking, max? 439 00:17:11,808 --> 00:17:13,941 - ♪ new orleans, new orleans ♪ 440 00:17:13,943 --> 00:17:15,509 I was wrong, it is catching on. 441 00:17:15,511 --> 00:17:16,811 - Stop thinking that. 442 00:17:16,813 --> 00:17:18,145 Start thinking about the ingredients, 443 00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:19,313 While I do the baking. 444 00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:20,481 I've seen you do it a million times. 445 00:17:20,483 --> 00:17:21,749 We just need milk, right, max? 446 00:17:21,751 --> 00:17:24,852 - We got this. ♪ gumbo cupcakes 447 00:17:24,854 --> 00:17:26,053 - Here's the milk. 448 00:17:26,055 --> 00:17:29,890 So, I'll just pour this milk into this mixer. 449 00:17:29,892 --> 00:17:32,159 It looks like I'm baking, right, max? 450 00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:33,561 - Whoa! Watch what you're doing! 451 00:17:33,563 --> 00:17:35,229 - It's flooding! It's flooding! 452 00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:37,031 - Oh, great, you said "flooding." 453 00:17:37,033 --> 00:17:38,799 What's next, "fema?" "superdome?" 454 00:17:38,801 --> 00:17:40,000 - This is a disaster. 455 00:17:40,002 --> 00:17:42,002 - We are the worst team ever. 456 00:17:42,004 --> 00:17:44,038 -We are not. What are you doing? 457 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,006 - Putting shrimp in my pocket to take home. 458 00:17:46,008 --> 00:17:47,274 We gotta get something out of this. 459 00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:49,343 - Just start tasting this stuff 460 00:17:49,345 --> 00:17:52,580 So we can figure out what we're making. 461 00:17:52,582 --> 00:17:55,015 - That tastes like a foot! 462 00:17:55,017 --> 00:17:57,585 - And now I'm using some flour. 463 00:17:57,587 --> 00:17:59,420 We use flour when we bake. 464 00:17:59,422 --> 00:18:01,589 Right, max? 465 00:18:01,591 --> 00:18:02,857 - Oh, that is hot. 466 00:18:02,859 --> 00:18:04,892 Ooh, that's too hot. 467 00:18:04,894 --> 00:18:07,428 That is hot as the devil's ass! 468 00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:10,297 Oh, my mouth is on fire. Where's that foot thing? 469 00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:12,333 Ahh, oh, ahh. 470 00:18:12,335 --> 00:18:14,935 - Move over, I'll help you. What is this? 471 00:18:14,937 --> 00:18:16,103 It's vanilla. 472 00:18:16,105 --> 00:18:17,771 It's sweet, max! It's sweet. 473 00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:19,540 Now we just have to pick something else. 474 00:18:19,542 --> 00:18:21,509 There, ham. 475 00:18:21,511 --> 00:18:22,776 We're making a vanilla ham cupcake. 476 00:18:22,778 --> 00:18:24,812 That's it! Vanilla ham! 477 00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:26,313 - You're a vanilla ham! 478 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,349 - Good, insult me! 479 00:18:28,351 --> 00:18:30,217 Yes, you're coming out of it, max, here we go. 480 00:18:30,219 --> 00:18:31,485 - We're not going anywhere. 481 00:18:31,487 --> 00:18:32,887 I'm on my show and I'm losing. 482 00:18:32,889 --> 00:18:35,356 - Forget we're on the show. 483 00:18:35,358 --> 00:18:37,825 Pretend we're in the diner, and oleg is stoned, 484 00:18:37,827 --> 00:18:39,126 And we have all these ingredients 485 00:18:39,128 --> 00:18:40,394 And we just got slammed with people 486 00:18:40,396 --> 00:18:42,496 Who all want cupcakes. What do you tell me to do? 487 00:18:42,498 --> 00:18:43,664 - Well, first, I tell you to leave 488 00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:47,134 So I can get stoned with oleg. 489 00:18:47,136 --> 00:18:48,769 Okay, if I was stoned, 490 00:18:48,771 --> 00:18:51,372 What would I know about soul food? 491 00:18:51,374 --> 00:18:52,806 Ludacris! 492 00:18:52,808 --> 00:18:54,041 Is always talking about 493 00:18:54,043 --> 00:18:56,277 How much he loves waffles with chicken. 494 00:18:56,279 --> 00:18:57,545 Chicken and waffle cupcake! 495 00:18:57,547 --> 00:18:59,079 - Yes! Chicken and waffles! 496 00:18:59,081 --> 00:19:00,347 You better watch it, girls. 497 00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:01,582 Here comes chicken and waffles 498 00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:03,417 From big boobs and try hard. 499 00:19:03,419 --> 00:19:04,718 - As ludacris would say, 500 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,388 Move, bitch, get out the way. 501 00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:08,856 Let's go, girl. We gotta bring it. 502 00:19:08,858 --> 00:19:11,525 We gotta shut this down. We are bringing our "a" game. 503 00:19:11,527 --> 00:19:13,294 It's time to put our cupcake business on the map. 504 00:19:13,296 --> 00:19:14,795 We got this. Oh, my god. 505 00:19:14,797 --> 00:19:18,098 I said them all. - [laughs] 506 00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,534 - Empty the mixer. We still have time. 507 00:19:20,536 --> 00:19:21,702 [whirring] 508 00:19:21,704 --> 00:19:25,639 - Oh! 509 00:19:25,641 --> 00:19:27,608 - [laughs] 510 00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:30,911 Look at the blonde dumb-dumb. 511 00:19:34,916 --> 00:19:38,852 - Congratulations, max! 512 00:19:38,854 --> 00:19:40,754 - Sophie, we didn't get it. 513 00:19:40,756 --> 00:19:44,592 - Oh, congratulations, caroline! 514 00:19:44,594 --> 00:19:46,460 - Sophie, I told you, we didn't get picked. 515 00:19:46,462 --> 00:19:47,828 - What am I supposed to do, 516 00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:50,130 Walk around with a purse full of confetti? 517 00:19:50,132 --> 00:19:52,299 - I'm so sorry, ladies. 518 00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:53,601 But you know what they say, 519 00:19:53,603 --> 00:19:56,904 When god closes a door, you work here. 520 00:19:56,906 --> 00:19:58,572 - It just wasn't our day. 521 00:19:58,574 --> 00:19:59,940 We got flustered at first, 522 00:19:59,942 --> 00:20:01,675 But we did end up making a great cupcake. 523 00:20:01,677 --> 00:20:02,810 - Oh, say it. 524 00:20:02,812 --> 00:20:05,446 We got hit by hurricane katrina. 525 00:20:05,448 --> 00:20:06,647 - True. Hard to believe, 526 00:20:06,649 --> 00:20:08,148 But the other team had a better brand. 527 00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:10,017 - Oh, please. 528 00:20:10,019 --> 00:20:13,520 Blaming it on a disaster from years ago. 529 00:20:13,522 --> 00:20:15,322 - Well, sophie, you weren't there, so I don't think you-- 530 00:20:15,324 --> 00:20:19,126 - Oh, I don't want to hear it! - [sputters] 531 00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:23,030 - I mean, you had huge opportunity with duza day. 532 00:20:23,032 --> 00:20:24,765 But you passed on the real job 533 00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:27,701 Waiting for your big break on the tv show, 534 00:20:27,703 --> 00:20:31,572 Just like everyone else in america. 535 00:20:31,574 --> 00:20:33,440 So you tried to take a shortcut to success 536 00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:37,511 And you end up with a mouth full of confetti. 537 00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:39,780 - Sophie's right. 538 00:20:39,782 --> 00:20:42,116 We went on television with the ridiculous expectation 539 00:20:42,118 --> 00:20:43,784 That we'd make it overnight. 540 00:20:43,786 --> 00:20:44,985 But that's not who we are. 541 00:20:44,987 --> 00:20:46,587 We're gonna have to do it the hard way. 542 00:20:46,589 --> 00:20:50,658 Slow and steady. The tortoise and the whore. 543 00:20:52,594 --> 00:20:54,194 - Well, what can I say, "caramel?" 544 00:20:54,196 --> 00:20:57,898 By the way, that's your whore name. 545 00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,267 Looks like it's back to selling cakes 546 00:21:00,269 --> 00:21:02,136 One car at a time. 547 00:21:02,138 --> 00:21:03,904 I'll just put these "ludacris specials" 548 00:21:03,906 --> 00:21:05,239 In the display case. 549 00:21:05,241 --> 00:21:07,241 - You do that, "cinnamon." 550 00:21:07,243 --> 00:21:09,510 - Oh, no, I actually have a whore name, 551 00:21:09,512 --> 00:21:12,846 And that's not it. 552 00:21:12,848 --> 00:21:13,981 - What is it? 553 00:21:13,983 --> 00:21:18,452 - Max. Duh. 554 00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:22,056 [cash register bell dings]